Satan Unzips / 4.19 Marie and Frank's New Friends

In an episode inspired by Season 4, Episode 19 of Everybody Loves Raymond, “Marie and Frank’s New Friends,” a new friend disrupts the Barone Boys’ dynamic.

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Episode Transcript

Alex (00:00):
Good morning students and faculty of Lynbrook University.
Shut up.
As you know, each week you'rerequired to watch an episode of
Everybody Loves Raymond Watch.
Raymond.
Shut up.
This week's episode isseason four, episode 19.
Marie and Frank's new friends, Frank andMarie, make friends with a couple that

(00:22):
have similar personalities to their own.
Oh, I'll be friends.
You don't need friends.
Uh, we recommend watching the showas soon as possible to prepare
for what you're about to hear.
Also, to the student who posted thattoday was bring your grandpa to Workday.
Excellent.
April Fools joke.
Hold to go home.
I want you to die.

Adam (01:02):
Uh, I think they're in this one.
Come, come on.

Alex (01:04):
Um, Hey.
Hey.
We're not doing anythingweird in the corner.
Come on, Mike.
Let's stand up and walk away from that.
What are you guys doing in thecorner of this empty classroom?

Mike (01:14):
No, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
I am going to stand up andplease do not worry about the
bong shaped bulge in my pants.

Adam (01:21):
Mike, your zipper.
Mike.
If I worried about every bulge in yourpants, I would not get anything done

Mike (01:26):
weirdly.
That's flattering.

Adam (01:30):
Yeah.
Anyway.
Uh, are you guys decent?
I'll open the door all the way.
If you're decent, it's okay.
Yeah, you

Alex (01:36):
can come

Adam (01:37):
in.
I don't mind.
I'm good.
Okay.
Mike, are you sure You don'twanna, like, maybe sit back down?
Why?
Maybe just sit back down.
Why?
I don't know.
As far as bulges go, it's very aggressive.

Alex (01:47):
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm just gonna tie mysweatshirt around your waist.
Oh, okay.

Adam (01:51):
Mike.
And I think it would help if youdidn't put your one leg up on the
desk, like in a mountaineering pose.
I'm, I know.
I'm just stretching.
This is, this is normal.
You are stretching all ofthe fabric of your clothes.
You're super tight pants.
You're frankly busting out, Mike.

Mike (02:07):
Ah, thank you.
I even,

Adam (02:08):
I've been, I did not mean it as a compliment.
Alex, why don't you juststand in front of Mike.
That might be the way to do it.
Okay,

Alex (02:15):
guys, there's an issue here.
Uh oh.
Mike, is that a bong in your pocket?

Mike (02:20):
Uh, used to be.
Now it's a lot of broken glass.
Oh, okay.
I thought you were just happy to see it.
No, it was, it was, youknow, it was stretching.
It broke.
Yeah.
Okay.
So

Adam (02:29):
just to clarify, before I, I do have somebody with me, I should say.
I'm, I'm about to introduceyou guys to somebody.

Mike (02:35):
Okay.
Oh, I should, I should take the glass.
Mike, empty the glass outta your pants.
Yeah.
So just to, just to be clear,

Adam (02:40):
Mike was, I guess, hiding.
I don't know why you A, were smokingyour bong in here, in this classroom,
and b, why when I arrived you feltthe need to hide it down your pants.
We

Alex (02:51):
thought you were a teacher and then we got embarrassed.

Mike (02:54):
Yeah.
Sorry, that, let me justdrop my dress real quick.
Uh, so, uh, as I, I gotta remove, um,

Adam (03:00):
you have to remove.

Mike (03:02):
Yep.

Adam (03:03):
I'm just gonna, I'm actually gonna close the door again and like, we'll just
pretend this never hap we'll just pretend.
Restart.
This never happened.
Yeah.
We'll just start, we'llstart, start this part over.
That's, forget, forget everythingyou've heard through the, through
the door being a jar and just.
First impression.
Here we go.
3, 2, 1. Knock knock.
Hello, are my friends in here?

Mike (03:24):
Oh yes.
Hi.
We're here being normal.
Mike, zip your pants Adam.
I'm sorry.
I disappointed you.
You mean a lot to me as a friend andI really don't wanna make you mad.
You

Adam (03:33):
know what, actually, I'm sorry, Mike.
Well drop it.
Just be normal.
Okay.
Okay.
Normal.
Okay, we're gonna try one more time.
Okay.
Okay.
Closing the door.
And I'm so sorry about this.
Normally they're great guys.
I promise.
Okay.
Knock, knock.
Hello.
Are my friends in here?
Yes.
I'm so sorry.
Okay, good.
This is normal.

(03:53):
This is normal.
Oh, Mike.
Okay.
Hey guys.
Hey Adam.
Hey Mike.
Alex.
Hey person.
I dunno.
I would like to introduce you to Joe.
Hey, I met him out onthe quad this afternoon.
Really cool guy.
We did a little hackysack and what can I say?

(04:13):
We hit it off and.
I thought maybe he would wanna comeand, you know, join the, join the Barone

Alex (04:21):
boys a little

Adam (04:21):
bit.
Like, you know, maybejust hang out, join the,

Alex (04:23):
we, we, we just met this man.
He said one word.

Adam (04:26):
I thought maybe he could guest, you know, not on the podcast,
but in us, you know what I mean?

Mike (04:34):
You, you're, I smoked weed once and you're already replacing me.

Adam (04:38):
I'm not.
My god dammit, Mike,calm down, smoking weed.
That's cool.

Mike (04:43):
Oh, he, he gets it.

Adam (04:44):
Anyway, Joe, this is Alex.
Uh, you might recognize him.
I don't know.
You, you said you were from outof state, but, uh, he was the
mayor of Lynbrook until recently.
Yeah, whatever.
And this is Mike.
Uh, Mike.
Mike Lee.
Mike Lee, Mike l

Mike (04:59):
Hey, I'm Mike.
Nice to meet you.

Adam (05:02):
He's not normally crying this openly.
Normally it's kind of muffledand like he puts his like lower
half of his face in his shirt.
You know what I mean?
No.
Crying's cool.

Alex (05:12):
Oh, that's

Adam (05:12):
cool.

Alex (05:12):
Yeah, it's, it's, it's cool for, for guys to cry.
I get it.
Oh,

Adam (05:16):
nice.
I respect, yeah, Joe's reallyin touch with his emotions.
I feel like.
Uh, 'cause we were talkingabout some pretty deep stuff
out on the quad, mid sack.
Yeah.
Like what?
Well, I mean, Joe, do you mind ifI share it with, with the guys?
Nah, Mike's cool.
He can handle it.
Oh, that must be new for you to hear.
All right.
Thanks.
I'm right here.
Well, Alex, Alex obviously, Imean, you know, he's just being

(05:37):
sensitive to like, Mike's fragile,uh, obviously fragile state.
No, I just think he's cool.
Do you guys remember this?
Never comes up with us.
Do you remember the miracle on the Hudsonwhen Sully landed the plane on the Hudson?
I don't think we've evertalked about this once.

Mike (05:56):
I haven't thought about it in a bit.
Yeah.
Why?
Joe was Sully's copilot.
Yeah, whatever.
Joe is the co You were the co-pilot.
Didn't the co-pilot throw Sully underthe bus immediately in the movie
and like try to get him arrested?
That's the movie, Mike.
Oh, that's the movie.
Okay.
Yeah.
You know, so did that not happen?

Adam (06:13):
I don't know.
I don't know.
I've only seen the movie.

Mike (06:16):
Joe, did you try to arrest Sully?

Adam (06:18):
I don't know.
I've only seen the movie.
Cool.
See, he's a cool guy, guy's.
Awesome.
He's lived, he's gotcool life experiences.
We were going to go, youknow, get something to eat
down at the student union.
Well, I'm pretty hungry.
Okay.
I thought maybe you guys would wannajoin us, spend some time with Joe.

(06:38):
Yeah.
And, and just, you know, hang out.
Yeah, whatever.
I don't have any classes today.
Do you guys have classes today?

Alex (06:45):
None that I need to go to.
Yeah.
No, I'm good.
I,

Mike (06:47):
yeah, I, I got some blood running down my, my, my legs, but I
can, I can, I can handle that later.
That's fine.
That's fine.

Adam (06:56):
Okay.
Um, we'll, we'll go And, um,Joe, by the way, doesn't have
class because Joe, tell him.
I mean, congratulations by the way.

Alex (07:07):
Hmm.
Yeah, it's whatever.
Uh, my dad's got some money, so I just,uh, I just get the degree at the end.
He bought it.
He bought it.

Mike (07:18):
He bought, you just bought

Alex (07:19):
the

Mike (07:19):
de.

Alex (07:19):
How much did that

Mike (07:19):
set

Alex (07:19):
you back?
Like, I don't know,

Adam (07:22):
five, five a five mill?
Yeah.
You know, when you, when you haveas much money as Joe does, you just
kind of, everything's in mills.
It's easiest.

Alex (07:31):
Oh yeah.
It's my dad's.
It's not really mine.
Joe, what was the, what wasyour degree in that you bought?
Neuroscience.

Mike (07:37):
Oh.
Oh, that's a, that's like a real one.
That's that's pretty, that's pretty big.
Wow.
That's, he was telling me that

Adam (07:43):
he's already, you know, like got a job at a hospital.
He is done two brain surgeriesalready and they went fine.
Two.
Yeah,

Alex (07:51):
it was pretty funny.
Damn.

Adam (07:52):
Well, 'cause Joe, you were telling me that the surgery was actually.
Moving one brain between like movingbrains between people doing a swap.

Alex (08:03):
Yeah.
I dunno why it's so hard.
You just pick it up andput it somewhere else.
I do the same thing with likethe mouse at my computer.

Adam (08:09):
I believe they, they're calling it Freaky Friday
surgery and it's kind of sweet.
I mean, it's sweeping Lynbrook.
It was a mother daughter.
Yeah.
My mom doctor is a bitch and mm-hmm.
I don't see how I'm.
Ever gonna be able tounderstand her perspective.

Alex (08:25):
And my daughter never respects me, let me tell you.
Yeah.
And also she doesn't subscribeto my typical accent either.
She just totally ignores me.

Adam (08:33):
Her accent, that accent is fake.
Okay.
Yeah, this seems hard.

Alex (08:37):
Yeah, it's totally legit.
I grew up with the joy, so shawl.
Okay, joy show.
Sorry.
I'm okay.
Are I'm normal.
My daughter doesn't respect me,

Adam (08:52):
so she wants us to get this stupid freaky Friday surgery and, you know.
No, I got,

Mike (08:58):
I, I got you.
I need to mention, have you guys, I,I, legally, I have to ask, have you
guys tried like therapy or talking out

Adam (09:06):
and out?
No, no.
I refuse.
We're gonna do this instead.

Mike (09:09):
Okay, cool.
Joe, get the chainsaw.

Alex (09:15):
That's the sound I make when I find the chainsaw.

Mike (09:17):
Nice job Joe.

Adam (09:18):
We see Mike, Adam, Alex, and Joe walking across campus.
Alex and Adam are kind of, you know,keeping normal pace, but Joe is kinda
walking a little bit faster to keepup with Mike, who kind of scurries.

Mike (09:35):
Mike is booking it, trail blood behind, uh, as he goes.
So Joe, you, you, you, it's rare I'm ableto get someone that keeps up with me.
Oh

Alex (09:43):
yeah.
You, you must be pretty hungry, man.

Mike (09:45):
I'm, I'm starving.
Very hungry.

Alex (09:47):
Ah, mm-hmm.
I, yeah, I, I mean, I could eat too.
What do you like to eat, man?
Oh,

Mike (09:51):
I eat, I eat everything.
I eat waffles.
I eat burgers.
I eat, uh, I, I eat sriracha salt.
It's just sometimes juststraight from the bottle.
That's great.
That's,

Alex (09:58):
that sounds like everything.
Hey, are you guys talkingabout sriracha up there?
That sounds cool.
Can I, let's, uh, let's talka little bit more about that.
Let's talk about that together.
Joe, what's

Mike (10:08):
your favorite kind of hot sauce?
Is it sriracha or is it Frank's?
What, what, what'syour, what's your go-to?

Alex (10:11):
Uh, you know, all kind of hot sauce is fine, but Sriracha's
gotta be the go-to for me.
They got good sriracha here.
It's fine.
When we go

Mike (10:19):
to go to down to, down to the Olympic diner, they
got, they got prime sriracha.
Oh yeah.
On campus.
It's fine.
It's just, it's just normal.
Ooh, we should, we shouldlike compare, you know?
We should, oh, you know what?
That's great.
We should do like a hot ones, butit's just taste testing sriracha.

Alex (10:34):
That's badass,

Mike (10:35):
man.
That's badass.
Yeah.

Alex (10:36):
You got some good ideas, man.

Mike (10:38):
Oh, you know, I have never heard that before.
No one has ever said that to me once.

Adam (10:44):
We see a montage, yakity sacks underneath of Mike proposing to various
women over the course of his life and allof them saying, this is a bad idea, Mike.
Alex, what do you thinkthey're talking about up there?
They're really booking it.
I thought, kind of thought, you know,we would all stay together as a group

(11:04):
and like, you know, hang out, but I,

Alex (11:06):
I don't know, Adam, you just bring this guy around and then
like, uh, like you, you seem toreally like care what he thinks.
Not that I care what he thinks.
He's just a regular guy.
I don't really, I don't need his approval.

Adam (11:18):
Alex, I want it.
I mean, I, I want all of usto equally have his approval.
I want a new person to come into the group and kind of liven
another man and kind of livenup the dynamics a little bit.
You know,

Alex (11:34):
it really has been feeling like we need another white guy around here.

Adam (11:37):
I know, that's what I've been saying.
Um, 'cause frankly, you know, we justpaid off the mortgage on the dorm
room and nobody came to the party.
Yeah.
We threw away our student

Alex (11:49):
loans in the garbage fire.
Yeah.
We set our student loans on

Adam (11:52):
fire and, um, that kept us warm for several days because we did do it
all paper and it was a lot of loans.
Oh yeah.
Well, we took out ones that we didn'treally need, um, boat, which I don't
think they should offer, frankly.

Alex (12:08):
Yeah.
So you actually have a boat, huh?

Mike (12:10):
Yeah, we got a boat.
Yeah.
It's, it's ours now.
We burnt all the money on it.
Oh, that's cool, man.
Have you ever been on it?
Oh, yeah.
No.
Several times.
Several times.
One time, um, I I, one time they used itto get my body from the bottom of a leak.

Adam (12:25):
Mike, are you trying to remember details about our past adventures?
Do you need my help up there?

Alex (12:31):
No, I'm good actually.
I'm good.
Oh, he, he's got it.
He's, he's a very engaging storyteller.
It's called Robbo Botone,

Adam (12:38):
remember?

Mike (12:39):
Oh my God.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So anyway, yeah, it's called, uh, from

Adam (12:43):
season two.

Mike (12:44):
It's called the sub Barone mean, uh, sub sub Barone Marine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's, it's great.
God.
Do you ever get a break from this guy?
No.
You never really do.
How many women have you rejected

Alex (12:55):
your proposals

Mike (12:56):
over

Alex (12:56):
your life?
I've only rejected women.
They don't reject me.

Adam (13:00):
I see a montage with the ade sacks underneath women throwing diamond rings at
Joe, and he hacky sacks 'em back at them.
Ugh,

Alex (13:10):
gross.

Adam (13:12):
No.
Cut back to the present.
Yeah.
Uh,

Alex (13:16):
we see a shot of, I'm not gay, I'm just very picky and I'm also bisexual.

Adam (13:22):
Cool.
Oh

Alex (13:23):
shit,

Adam (13:23):
dude.
Anyway, we see in the presenta shot, um, over, um, here's
another season two callback.
So Lynbrook University, the camp iskind of abuts Jonah Hill, which is the
highest point in Lynbrook, if you recall.
Uh, no relation.
And, uh, we see Alex and AdamCrest the top of the hill and

(13:47):
uh, it's a very wide shot.
And we see Mike and Joe like kindawalking down the hill, walking in
the distance down to Lynbrook proper.
They're going to the diner.
Wait, I thought we weregoing to the student union.
I guess they're going off ahead.
Oh man.
I wanted Joe to be my friend.
I, this is, I mean, I'm sure it'sfine, but this is a little frustrating.

(14:09):
So I wanted to introduce Joe to the group,but kind of make it seem like I am, you
know, the leader of the Barone boys.
And like, like, I kind of wantedit to seem like I'm the, the alpha

Alex (14:23):
Adam, like in all realism, like I was the mayor and Mike is like,
Mike's the Scooby duo of our group.
You know, he's the mascot.
Well, he

Adam (14:32):
does eat those snacks.

Alex (14:33):
Like people come for him.
Even though we give the content.
Alex people come Alex

Adam (14:38):
for him.
Nobody comes for Mike.
Come on.

Alex (14:42):
That's funny.
I'm gonna laugh some more.

Mike (14:46):
That, that hurt my feelings.
The camera moves back towards the nowessentially sprinting, uh, Mike and
Joe, uh, you, they, they are walkingat a normal pace, but you see in the
background, it's just a blur of motion.
They're moving as they fast Yes.
As they're going towardsthe, towards the diner.
Yeah.
Man, I, I just, we've, they've been onso many adventures, but sometimes it

(15:09):
just feels like they don't respect me.
It's, it's insane.

Alex (15:11):
Oh, that's, that's radical man.
Yeah.
Who wouldn't respect you?
Uh, most women.
Yeah.
You know, sometimes people don't knowwhat they want until it's too late.
Yeah.
Have you ever dealt with deals with Satan?

Mike (15:24):
Uh, only twice.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
'cause I'm in.
Yeah.
It, this is, this is a whole thing.
I'm currently dealing with the fact that Iactually had forgotten about this part of
my, uh, of my story until very recently.
Oh yeah.
But, you know, I made a,made a deal with Satan.
He's living in my skull untilI have sex with a woman.

Alex (15:40):
Oh, hey man.
Uh, okay, well actually maybewe could help each other out.
'cause Sorry.
Real

Adam (15:45):
quick.
We zoom in hard and fast on Mike'sIris and we see Satan in there.
He's paid off themortgage on Mike's skull.
He is burning it.
Okay.
Zoom out.

Alex (15:54):
He, he, he's in like a little chair, just like watching a little tv.
Seeing Mike's, uh, what Mike sees,

Mike (16:00):
he un fastens his belt unzips as he, as he sits down.
Yeah.

Adam (16:05):
Unzips by the way, Satan unzips huge dick.
Okay.
Zoom outta Mike's iris and we're back.
Yeah.

Alex (16:12):
Yeah.
I got beef with Satantoo, just a little bit.
Oh yeah.
You know, how do you thinkmy dad got all his money?
Oh, he made a deal with Satan.
Of course.
Oh shit.

Mike (16:22):
What did your dad, what does your dad do?

Alex (16:25):
Uh, he has money.
Dude, that fucking

Adam (16:29):
rules cut to Wall Street, man.
Walking very fast throughdowntown Manhattan.
Uh, lower Manhattan.

Mike (16:39):
We gotta, we got short doing big

Adam (16:39):
business, big suit, et cetera.

Mike (16:42):
Move.
We gotta, we gotta move the shares.
We gotta move them overto the other mutual fund.
We gotta come on to it.
I'm Mr. Joe, and you better do what I say.
Let's go.
Come on, come on.

Adam (16:49):
Oh, Mr. Joe.
Yes, Mr. Joe.
I can't keep up.
You gotta move.
He's fast-paced.
Investment, banking, lifestyle.
Too much for me.

Mike (16:56):
Then you gotta get your shit together.
We go from bell to bell.
You wanna be ringing out that bell.
You wanna be making money?
You gotta be moving here.

Alex (17:03):
There's so much money to make my fingers hurt from counting it all.
Cut 'em off.
Let's go.
Okay.
That was a, that was a mistake.
Yeah, that just kind of, thatjust kind of does what he does.

Adam (17:19):
Hey, fellas, can I get you, can I get you two top?
What are you, are youexpecting anyone else?
You want a booth?
What do you want?

Mike (17:25):
Oh, we, I guess we lost Adam and Alex.
Um, I didn't notice.
Yeah.
Give us a two top and give useight bottles of sriracha each.

Adam (17:35):
Oh my god.
Spicy.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll go to the back and, uh,I'll bring you guys some waters too.
I'll be right back.
Okay.

Alex (17:43):
Mike, I love the way you handled that.
I like you, Joe.
You respect me.
Well, you know, Mike, it's hard to,uh, it's hard to find, uh, respectable
people in this world and Yeah.
You know, there's some kindof it factor that you have.
Oh, yeah.
Um, anyway, your, your issue withSatan, I think I can help you out.
Oh, yeah.
Because I also have to getoutta my deal with Satan.

(18:06):
Oh.
If he had a clause, there'sthis thing I like to do.
You could call it a convention of sorts.
Satan come.
Uh, kind of, uh, it's a Brony convention.
Oh, didn't those end like a decade ago?
The ones you know about.
Yeah.
There are more BronyCon.

(18:26):
Well, regardless, camera pulls

Adam (18:28):
back slightly.
We see that.
Um, Joe has a, it doesn't looklike it from the front, but he
is got a ponytail in the backthat looks is, is dyed rainbow.
We continue slowly pulling out as thewaitress brings them the sriracha look.
Here you go, fellas.

Alex (18:45):
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
I'm not gonna, I'm notgonna mince words with you.
I think, I think you're thecoolest person I've ever met.
I've gotta get out of this contract withSatan, so we, I cannot get out of it until
I bring someone to the Brony convention.

Mike (19:00):
Oh God, you can't.
No, but

Alex (19:02):
there's gotta be so many hot girls there.
We'll get you laid.
Are there,

Mike (19:07):
I feel like the bronys are isn't the first word in Brony, bro.
Isn't, isn't this about

Alex (19:12):
being, dude, don't that like ponies.
Don't worry about the,the logistics of it, man.
Like I said, I get 82,uh, proposals a week.
I'll just slide one your way.
I get, okay.
That's also waitress.
I see the ring in your pocket.
The answer is no.

Adam (19:28):
I'm just happy to see you.
Mm-hmm.
There's no ring in my pocket.
Oh, so wait, Joe, I thought it was clever.

Mike (19:36):
What do you get out of this deal?
It was, what do you get out this deal?
Oh

Adam (19:41):
my god.
You know, you are pretty cute.

Mike (19:44):
Oh,

Adam (19:45):
thank

Mike (19:46):
you.
Have I seen you

Adam (19:46):
in here before?

Mike (19:47):
Uh, probably, probably most of the time I'm doing something
ridiculous and embarrassing,but yeah, that, that checks out.

Adam (19:55):
You are the guy who montage yakity sacks, uh, you know, fill in the blank.

Mike (20:00):
I feel like that fill in the blank is pretty important there.
Heavy lifting.
I feel like

Alex (20:04):
it's more fun to let the audience imagine what that was.

Mike (20:08):
Do you?
I feel Okay.
All right.
I'll, I'll, uh,

Adam (20:10):
Mike,

Mike (20:11):
please

Adam (20:11):
fill

Mike (20:12):
in the blank.
We see a montage of Mike of themany times Mike has walked into
the establishment, uh, crying.
After being rejected.
Almost every single one of the proposalsactually happened Inside the diner,
uh, we see him getting splashed in theface with sriracha, with milkshakes,
with pie, with some with, with a bucketof snakes, with, uh, all, with, with

(20:35):
various different fluids throughout.
Uh, as, as peop as thewomen have rejected him,

Alex (20:40):
regardless.
Oh.
Um, I assume your dealwith Satan has an or else.
What is your, or else Igo to hell for eternity.
Isn't that, isn't that the deal?
Not my deal.
Oh, my deal.
Well, my wish to Satan.
Was to become the coolest, mostunattainable, awesome dude in the planet.

(21:04):
And if I cannot fulfill this one thing, Iwill go back to the way I was before then.
I was a lot like you, Mike.
What's what?
What is that?
I thought you said I was cool.
Yeah, super cool.
Only to other super cool people like

Mike (21:20):
myself.
I'm gonna be honest, thathurts my feelings a little bit.
It kind of makes it sound likeI'm just, I'm just a loser
that attracts other losers.
Hey,

Alex (21:29):
you calling me a loser?
I'm the coolest guy in the world.

Adam (21:31):
Hey, you calling me a loser because I'm, I get off at six.
I'd like to get off at 6 0 5.
That's a sex thing, dude.
Do

Mike (21:42):
it.
What?
What?
What's the problem?
That's the sex.
Oh.
Oh, the deal.
Oh, we could have, okay.
Yeah, yeah, we could.
Yeah.
Yes, yes, yes maam.
Bring it with us.
Yeah.
Do you
want.
To marry me,

Adam (21:59):
Mike.
Brilliant.
We see a, um, a brass bandstanding off to the side, ready
to launch into yakity sacks.
They've been followingMike around all day.
The conductor,

Alex (22:14):
like taps, like

Adam (22:15):
the, the stand, like places.
Everyone straightens their bow ties,
you know?
Oh,

Mike (22:25):
oh

Adam (22:25):
yeah.
Oh, I think I would liketo marry you, stranger.

Mike (22:29):
Yeah, let's marry.
I, I'm, let's marry.
Yeah,

Adam (22:31):
let's marry.

Mike (22:33):
I'm Mike.
What's your name?

Adam (22:35):
My name?
Yeah.
Your name.
My name's Jo.
I mean Stella.
My name's Stella.
It's not Joanne.
That's my mom's name.

Mike (22:47):
Well, Stella.
Let's, let's marry, let'smarry, let's marry tonight.
6:05 PM

Adam (22:52):
Oh my God.
6:05 PM tonight.
I've gotta go get everything.
I gotta get flowers.
I gotta get a dress.

Mike (22:59):
Wait, hold on.
Here's how we're gonna do this, Joe.
Yeah.
Where's the New York Serone Con?
It's downstairs.
We're doing it here.
We're going to the BronyCon.
We're getting married at the BronyCon.
We're gonna deal with my Satanic Pact.
And your Satanic pack.
One big fell swoop.
We're gonna take it out.

(23:20):
Um, ALS also, could I get ato go box for your sriracha?
Yeah, please.
That'd be great.

Adam (23:26):
Alex and Adam walk into the abandoned diner.
Oh, where'd they go?
I thought I saw them go in here.
Um, geez.
Normally there's, you know,where's the staff and everything?

Alex (23:41):
Hello.
I am looking for my ma I

Adam (23:44):
mean, daughter.
Oh, hello, ma'am.
Uh, we're looking for our friends.
Uh, do you, does yourdaughter work here or My,

Alex (23:55):
yes.
My daughter works here.
She works here, uh, forever.
Even.
Uh, what?
Like, not, not since yesterday.
She works here forever.
Not since yesterday.
Yes.
She's

Adam (24:11):
my daughter, not my mom.
That's true.
Okay.
Um, cool.
Okay, look, I think there's alight on back there in the kitchen.
Should the three of us like, oh, that's

Alex (24:20):
right.
The secret conventions today.
I mean, I wonder what that is.
Why don't we go investigate?
What's your name?
Oh, I'm Stella.
I mean, Joanne.
Joanne.
I'm Jo Mom.
I'm mom.
Oh, okay.
I'm Joan, by the way.

Adam (24:37):
I just wanna say, being a mom, obviously you're a hero.
We really respect Alexand I really respect you.
We're feminists.
Yeah.
Um, we, we respect women.
We can't speak for the, like, on theother hand, men that we're looking for.
Yeah.
I mean, I would, we'llkeep you away from him.
We'll intercept, but I think the threeof us, we should just creep over there.
I mean, big hands up.

(24:59):
Yeah.
You wanna be a podcast?
Do you wanna be on a podcast later today?
I think, Alex, if we can't, ifJoe's a lost cause and Mike's
gone too, we may as well replace.
I,

Alex (25:08):
I'm too old and brittle.

Adam (25:11):
Oh, come on.
You're younger than us.
Are you?
Oh,

Alex (25:13):
you're so kind.
You're

Adam (25:15):
certainly younger than Mike.
Oh, that's probably true based on nothing.
But knowing that he's not a feminist.
Let's go down there.
Okay, let's do big creep.
Okay.
Big creep in Little Italy.
The back, the brass band frombefore luckily has a guy on
xylophone, so he's doing littletoe sounds for us as we, okay.

(25:38):
Okay.
Oh my God, these stairs go down forever.
They just keep going.
Can you guys see the bottom of that?
I can, yeah.
It's usually not this dark.
Okay.
Well I think let's justtake the stairs one by one.
We will go down them in the normal way.
And

Mike (25:56):
the sound, uh, the sound starts emanating from the bottom.
A very low echo of,
wait.
No, that's not, that sounds patriotic.
Do you

Alex (26:07):
guys hear that?
America,

Adam (26:10):
do you think, uh, that's his name is down there.
The fucking, uh, Susa.
You think John Philip Susa is down there?
I don't know who that is.
He does the mar the marches.
I mean old.
I know what that is.
Yes.
You know, because I'm old.
Yeah, I know what that is.
Yeah.
And I'm an old soul.
I You really are.
Adam.
I'm If I wasn't married, Joanne.

(26:31):
Anyway, let's go down one by one.
I'm gonna hold onto the banister.
I think it looks stable andshould have no problems.
I'm lowering my hand onto it.
What's that?
Alex, did you say something?
No.
Okay.
No, I didn't say anything.
I'm gonna grab the banisterand it's gonna be fine.
Okay.

(26:54):
Ugh.
I land in a ball pit.
I land in a ball Pit Katruns out of the ball pit.
Oh, Adam, you missed the slide.
Oh, shit.
I mean, ow Adam.
Alex,

Mike (27:12):
Mike.
Hey

Adam (27:13):
Mike.
Is that you

Mike (27:14):
and Joe?
And who is that?
Oh, hi guys.
It's, it's, I'm actually reallyglad you were able to make it here.
Um, hi.
So this right here.
This is Stella.
Hi, Stella is my bride.
Ma, what are you doing

Adam (27:27):
down here,

Mike (27:28):
ma? I,

Alex (27:29):
mom, I mean, daughter.
She's,

Adam (27:31):
yeah.
Mom, what are you doing?
Yeah, are you wearing adress, a wedding dress?
An off-white wedding dress?
That's right.
I'm marrying this guy.
What's your name again?
Oh no.
You

Alex (27:41):
can't marry me off to this guy.
No.
What do you marry you off?
Uh uh.
Nevermind.
I mean, you can't marry this guy.

Adam (27:50):
Hold on.
We need to call our lawyerreally quickly and our doctor.
Hey Joe.
Ma,

Alex (27:55):
come over here.
Come over here.
Let's go.
Uh, Mike, I have no idea what's happening.
This is not

Mike (28:00):
you.
You told me you freaky Friday.
Two people.
Are these the people you freaky Friday?
No, not.
Oh,

Adam (28:07):
doc.
In a freaky Friday situation, doc.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
If one of us gets marriedto somebody else, yes.
Who is actually married to that person?
Is it the person whose brain is inthe body or is it the body person?
Like from legal?

Mike (28:23):
I, I'm a doctor, not a lawyer.
Okay.
I wanna make that clear.
Do you have a lawyer

Adam (28:28):
that we can talk to?

Mike (28:29):
Yeah, let me, let me, let me, uh, call him.
Lemme call him.
Hey, Joe.
Hey.
If in that freaky Friday situationthat we did, if a lady gets married,
does that mean that one of 'em ismarried or is it, which one is it?
Or is it both of them?
It, both of

Adam (28:47):
the marriage.
That's not the question, doc.
The question is, it might be, it

Mike (28:50):
might be both.
Are you sure?

Adam (28:51):
Is the person who gets married, the person whose brain it
is, or the person whose body it is?
Is it, it could be

Mike (28:58):
both of

Adam (28:59):
you.
If I, it could also be neither if I,Joanne in Stella's Joan's body, married.
It's Joe's body, this guy.
That

Mike (29:07):
guy

Adam (29:08):
who is married to the guy.
Is it Joann or is it Stella?

Mike (29:12):
What do you think, Joe?
Uh, which one gets me out of Satan?
Uh, actually, let me turnthe truth of that contract.
Actually.
You just need people toenter into the broan.
You don't need them to get married.
Oh,

Alex (29:25):
yeah.
Oh hell yeah.
Then

Mike (29:27):
do I care?
Yeah, we, we don't, we don't reallygive that much of a shit anyway.
Um, I feel like I'm gonna go with,

Adam (29:36):
oh shit, we're still on the phone.

Mike (29:37):
Oh yeah.
No, we didn't, you didn't hang up.
I didn't hang up on you.
Did you make up?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I,

Adam (29:41):
I started playing Candy Crush.
Sorry, what's up?

Mike (29:44):
Oh yeah.
Did you get an answer?
This is, this is the old lady.
Uh, I, uh,

Adam (29:48):
no, this is Stella.

Mike (29:50):
Yeah, Stella.
Hi.
I'm gonna say.
Whichever one is not problematic.
That's what we're gonna go with.
We're

Adam (29:58):
both adults.

Mike (30:00):
Yeah, no, I know that.
I know that.
But I'm gonna say that the person makingthe choice is the one that gets married.
'cause that feels like theless least questionable.

Adam (30:09):
So this guy, yeah, and we haven't talked about a reverse.
Oh, okay.
So I don't, I don't know.
Yeah, because that's not,we'll, to talk about that as a

Mike (30:18):
what?
That's not in your, your healthinsurance covers the one way switch.
Why does the health insurance

Adam (30:22):
cover the Freaky Friday, but not the reverse?
Freaky Friday?

Mike (30:25):
It covers a one way switch.
You guys made it, you're done.
You have to pay for the anotherone on your, how much is it?
About $400,000?

Adam (30:32):
Shit.

Mike (30:32):
Yeah.

Adam (30:33):
If only we knew a really rich guy who could help us with that.
Because honestly, doc me, Joanne.
I just want a nice boy for mydaughter, Stella, to marry.
I don't wanna get married.
This guy's a fucking looser.
Oh my God.
You should see the front of his pants.
They're covered in blood andglass keeps falling out of him.

(30:54):
He drank sriracha straight from the bottleand he didn't even, he didn't swallow it
as it was going down, so it just pooled.
It was disgusting.

Mike (31:04):
Does he have a, does he need a PCP and does he have insurance?
Because I mean, I hate,I, I need some money here.
Primary.
I think

Adam (31:12):
PCP would mellow him out, but I don't know.
He no, definitely does not have insurance.

Mike (31:17):
Like a doctor thing.
Primary care.
I

Adam (31:19):
think what he was telling me on the way down to, from the big
staircase, he was saying he's Oh

Mike (31:24):
yeah, that thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've been there.
He's,

Adam (31:26):
he was telling me that he's Canadian, but he's the one guy
who has to pay, so I don't thinkhe has any kind of coverage.

Mike (31:35):
Ah, fuck.
He's that guy.
Yeah.
You, you don't.
Hmm.
You don't want anything like that.
You, you, you've, uh,

Adam (31:41):
so you're saying maybe I should, you know, I mean, with
Stella's approval, marry up, youknow, somebody with a little,

Mike (31:51):
I cannot money give you enough.
I could not emphasize this enough.
I don't really give thatmuch of a fuck who you marry.
All I care about is that ifyou get sick, you come to me.
I make you good.

Adam (32:02):
Thanks, doc.
So you, we will, I think I, I wish youwould've told us about the insurance not
covering the reverse, but I think we will.
It was in the, it was in the contract.
It was in the fine print.
Oh.
But nobody reads that.
You get the clipboard in thewaiting room with all the forms.
Nobody's reading through all the forms.
Just looking aware.
Our lawyer

Alex (32:19):
says they are.
Yeah, he is.

Adam (32:23):
Wait

Alex (32:23):
a second.
Oh, that's my, that's my other lawyer.
Yeah.
Hi.
I'm his other lawyer.
The other Joe left.
Is that Dershowitz?

Adam (32:29):
Yeah.

Alex (32:29):
Hello.

Adam (32:38):
Hello.
Alright, everybody's waitingfor me to start the wedding.
I gotta go.
Okay, listen.
Yeah.
How soon can you get here?
'cause I think I need somebodyto give me slash Stella away.
And you know her dad is not in thepicture and you've been with us

(32:59):
for this whole journey and it wouldreally mean a lot I think to Skel.
I can go.
Hello?
Hey.
Hey, Stella Dershowitz.
I'm not sending out.
Don't worry.
You know what, actually Stellaturn, please send Dershowitz.

Alex (33:12):
I'm gonna go.
Hello?

Adam (33:13):
Oh my God.
Ditz is here.
I gotta go duck.

Alex (33:18):
I'm already here.

Adam (33:20):
I can't believe you.

Alex (33:23):
Uh, of course I came.
This is so

Adam (33:25):
beautiful and you're wearing the most beautiful tux.

Alex (33:29):
I was dressed in it for another reason.

Adam (33:31):
Wow.
I think we, everyone, I think wecan get started with the ceremony.

Mike (33:38):
Oh, okay.
Good.

Adam (33:39):
Ma? Yes.
Son, daughter.
What do you think of?
Wait, I have an idea.
What if we have these guys, the hot oneand the short one do a freaky Friday,
and that way I marry the hot one.

(33:59):
In the short one's body.
He's got money.
I saw his, he opened his walletto pay for the sriracha upstairs.
Why not just marry the hot one?
Good point.
Good point.
I think I was trying to giveDoc more work 'cause he got
dia, but yes, no, you're right.
What do we need this guy for?
Okay, let me, let megently broach it to him.

(34:23):
By the way, this is happening on aconvention floor surrounded by men
in justice, justice horses, ponieswith various varying degrees of
realism from extremely to not at all.

Mike (34:41):
I'll treat you two.
Rainbow Bash for an apple Jack.
Yeah.
I like cereal.
Ah, like, yeah, yeah.
Good.

Adam (34:48):
How, how, how are you doing in the back, Kevin of horse?
I mean,

Mike (34:54):
I'm doing great.
I'm, I'm doing great.
I've always wanted to be a horse's butt.
This is, this is my life.

Adam (34:59):
I'm sorry about.
I do have the colonoscopy tomorrow,so I have to clean it out.
I'm sorry it

Mike (35:05):
smells so bad.
But you know what, this lifts me in mydream of a, of a rainbow dash cosplay.

Adam (35:12):
It does come out that way, doesn't it?
Rainbow?
I mean,

Mike (35:15):
yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, you need a doctor.

Adam (35:19):
No.
Yeah.
Well, I have a great one.
He also does Freaky Fridays, so.
Oh, no.
Shit.
I've heard of that guy.
Have you ever wanted to be front of horse?
'cause we could swap,

Mike (35:28):
I could also just get in the front.
No,

Alex (35:32):
no.

Mike (35:33):
Oh, okay.

Alex (35:33):
We're spending too much time on these people.

Adam (35:36):
Oh, there's a

Alex (35:36):
wedding going on.
Oh.

Adam (35:38):
Oh, shit.
Oh, you can't see.
I have a drawn

Alex (35:39):
line somewhere.
I hate these two.

Adam (35:44):
Hey, Joe, right?
Yeah.
What I'm, I'm having cold feet.
I'm having doubts aboutmarrying Mike over here.

Mike (35:54):
Mike is in the corner fixing his bow tie.

Adam (35:56):
Actually, let me just, she goes over and takes the engagement
ring, uh, or the, the rings from Mikeand, uh, I'm just gonna, I'm just
gonna hold onto these for a second.
Oh,

Mike (36:09):
okay.
Okay.

Adam (36:11):
Brass band comes down the top of the stairs.
Joe,
will you marry me instead of Mike, please?
I can't do it.
And you're so good looking.

Alex (36:24):
You know, I gotta be honest with you, lady, uh, Stella, normally
it'd be a hard no, but, and helooks over to Mike, who's like
picking some lint out of his ear.

Mike (36:37):
He also, Mike also very clearly has another bong shaped bulge pants.

Alex (36:43):
Like that is the coolest man ever, a bong shaped penis.
And if you.
If you're too good for him, that meansyou are the greatest woman in the galaxy.
I would be a fool to say no.

Adam (37:00):
Oh my God.
Okay.
Can you tell Mike, because I don'treally wanna interact with I'm gonna

Alex (37:06):
stop you there.
I don't

Adam (37:07):
wanna get so close.
I Why do we have to tell him?
Oh, good point.
Yeah, let's just go.
Okay.
Alright.
Uh, Alex, I, I'm getting at the, I, thebrass band needs me to tap in to play the
organ, so I'm just gonna go over here.
Okay.

Alex (37:22):
I'll just take my, my usual place where I should be at Mike's
wedding, and I stand right next to Mike.
Best man.
I'm already planning your bachelorparty and your divorce party.

Mike (37:34):
This is you.
I, this is why I always,I can always trust you.
You are my best man.
I, I can always trust youto do all the planning.
This is Mike.
I

Alex (37:43):
like, what's this girl's name?
Stella, I think Mike, you andStella are gonna be happy for
as long as I can possibly.
She just left What?
She's gone What?
Yeah, she's, she's looking out the window.
There she goes.
Joe turns around andgives him like a thumb.
Gives you like a thumbs up.

Mike (38:00):
Wait.
Stella.
Stella.
Stella
like screams out the windowas the bong shatter ditz.

Adam (38:11):
Knees Mike in the dick and shatters the bong in his pants.

Mike (38:14):
Oh God, not again.

Adam (38:16):
That's impressive.
Mike, that's a new record for you.
All right, guys,

Mike (38:20):
I never, I've never smoking weed again.

Adam (38:21):
Yakity Saxon Sea.
Let's do it.
Who's

Alex (38:25):
paying this orchestra?
Sorry,

Adam (38:28):
we cut back to Wall Street where we see Joe, Mr. Joe writing a check

Mike (38:34):
to signing this.
There's about four checks all around him,all for the different members of the band.
There's like clarinet, one alto, saxone and so on, and he is just signing
all of up just like, we gotta move.
We gotta move, we gottamove, we gotta move.
Call it, trade it, trade it,trade it, lose it, dump it.
Come on.

Adam (38:49):
And we, okay, we gotta connect those.
Somehow we flash back.
Why is he doing this?
So Mr. Joe.
Um, I'm happy to give youall the money in the world.
Okay.
No, I'm, that's basic Sat, I'm Joe stuff.

Mike (39:04):
That's, that's my, my son Joe.

Adam (39:06):
No, no, no.
You father, older man.
Oh me.
Wait, sorry.
Did you guys do a freaky No, no, no.
We didn't do a freaky,we were just confused.
Okay.
We just came here together.
I'm Mr. Joe.
He's Joe.
That's so great that you guys

Alex (39:15):
do things together.
Um, yeah.
Um, yeah, Joe's, the,Joe's also the family name.
I'm Jojo and I'm on a bizarre adventure.
Oh

Adam (39:23):
wow.
Great.
Your last album, by the way.
Fantastic.
Loved it.
Uh, you are the queen of r andb as far as I'm concerned now.
So, Mr. Joe, the deal thatI'm going to offer you Yeah.
All the money in the world.
Okay.
Yep.
Got it.

Mike (39:39):
I, I'm, this is pretty standard boilerplate

Adam (39:41):
state Satan stuff.
We already have the paperwork.
You just gotta sign it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do need you to dosomething for me though.

Mike (39:48):
Yeah, no problem.

Adam (39:49):
So there's this guy I. Yep.
I set him up a while back.
He died and went to hell and thenI sent him back as long as he,
he's been a virgin his entire life.
Sent him back as long as he,you know, lost his virginity
within the calendar year.
Okay.
Pretty basic stuff.
I mean, it's only not everyday, but, um, here's the thing.
This guy ate all my fucking sriracha whilehe was in hell and oh, what a douche.

(40:14):
I kinda wanna make it alittle difficult on him.
Um, I give you all the money in the world.
Yeah.
Set aside 10% higher brass bandto follow him around all day.
Okay, cool.
Okay.
Alright, cool.
So, like, you wanna get coffee sometime?
I would love to get coffee.
Uh, do you know, get coffee.
You're at Goldman Sachs right?

(40:34):
Yeah.
Okay.
There's a place right around the corner.
It's, uh, it's not Starbucks.
Okay.
But it's in the bathroom of the Starbucks.
And this is a reference to season two.
A bunch of the, a bunch of my friendswho are doing like flat earth stuff.
Oh, sorry.
There's this podcast.
Okay.
We got back

Mike (40:55):
to the, to the mike crying outside the window.

Adam (41:01):
I can't believe.
Oh, Mike, it's okay.
It's okay.
Mike.
It's, you know, 47 proposalsdenied is not that many.

Mike (41:11):
I'm only two away

Adam (41:12):
from

Mike (41:13):
50.
Yeah.

Adam (41:14):
But you know, this is crazy.
You've called Guinness beforeand what did they tell you?
What did Guinness tell you?
Was the record for most proposals denied?

Mike (41:21):
They told me on the record none, because that's so sad and pathetic that
they would never bother recording it.
Off the record, off the record.
52. Yeah, so, so I'm not, yeah.
Getting pretty fucking close here, bud.

Adam (41:36):
I know, but look, it only takes one, and I know you've
been divorced several times.
I have, but it only takes one.

Mike (41:44):
Somehow nobody has accepted my proposal, and yet
I've gone through many divorces.

Adam (41:49):
I think.
I feel like there's gotta besomething with the last name
change that's screwing you up.
But yeah, Mike, I think whatwe've learned from this experience
is that we shouldn't try to addnew friends to our friend group.

Mike (42:04):
We got the trio.
I'm with you.

Adam (42:06):
The Barone boys are a closed system, I feel like.
And look, maybe Mike, at the end of theday, Alex and I are your soulmates, Adam.
Does that make you happy, Adam?
Yeah.
Does that calm you down?
I'm sorry.
No, no.
I'm not gonna have sex with you.

Alex (42:26):
No,
Alex.
Mike, buy me a drink.
And then we'll talk.
Is that all it takes?
I didn't say it would happen, but Iwas saying we could talk about it.
Okay.
It's not gonna happen.
Oh.
But I would love to watchyou try to convince me

Adam (42:49):
and Mike, I don't think the slides are working.
I, I think PowerPoint is not an effectiveway to, you know, seal this deal.
I think you're gonna have to rely on, youknow, mutual attraction and personality.
So good luck.

Mike (43:02):
I'm fucked.

Adam (43:05):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, look, I mean, tonight is the,it's the first Tuesday of the month, the
polka night happening down in the gym.
Oh.
I say we record the podcast.
You've got, you know, your suit from thewedding, which has only a little bit of
do blood on the crotch, by the way, tan.
Really?

(43:26):
Who are you, Obama?

Mike (43:27):
Yeah.
He, he rocked it.

Alex (43:30):
He's fine.
He rocked it.

Mike (43:32):
Yes.
Yeah.

Alex (43:33):
He bar rocked it.
You could say it was the biggestcontroversy of his presidency.
What are you talking about?

Mike (43:36):
Yeah.
I gotta, no, I gotta, I gotta own it.
I gotta be the guy.

Adam (43:39):
You didn't have to buy it.
You could have rented it.
Tan, tuxedo.
When are you gonna wear that again?

Mike (43:45):
I'm a, I'm a classy guy.
I don't rent suits.

Adam (43:51):
Sure.
Is that another bong inyour pants, by the way?
No, I'm just

Mike (43:56):
happy to

Adam (43:56):
see.
Oh, finally.
Okay.
Alright.
Let's record the podcast.
We'll take you to polka night.
It'll be fine.
You'll be okay.
Mike, you've had worse.

Mike (44:06):
Okay.
Yeah.

Adam (44:07):
I mean,

Mike (44:08):
you've died.
It's weirdly, weirdly bizarrely.
I fully agree with you.

Adam (44:13):
I mean.
Remember season two?

Mike (44:16):
Season two of what?
Yeah.
Welcome back to the Barone.
We

Alex (44:19):
played.
We played all of season three, two.

Adam (44:22):
Even the band that has been following Mike around wouldn't play
yakity sax through all of season two.
Uh, welcome back to the Barone Zone.
We're talking aboutseason four, episode 19.
Marie and Frank's new friends, Frank andMarie, make friends with a couple that
have similar personalities to their ownas the IMDB synopsis, and I feel like

(44:45):
that is missing the point of the episode,which is mainly about Marie and Frank's
new friends being obsessed with Raymond.

Mike (44:52):
That is actually a common theme that I've noticed in these Synopsis.
Synopsis.
Yeah.
Uh, is, is that like they get the gist.
But the crux of the episode endsup being something very different.

Adam (45:05):
We've had a couple of re uh, misses recently where it's like,
yes, that does happen in the episode,but I wouldn't say that that is the
one sentence summary of what someoneneeds to know about the episode.
Um, but at any rate, what didyou guys think of this one?
I mean, clear premise, right?
And welcome back to the Stipes, whowe haven't seen since season three,

(45:26):
episode seven, uh, moving out.
Um, the, their names, which Ihave written down, their names
are David Bird and Anna Berger.
And they're back.
This will be the lastepisode that they appear in.
So they die.
Who knows?
Off screen.
They, they, or Ray fucking blowsit at the poka night, I think is

(45:49):
more likely, potentially, yes.
Burns

Mike (45:51):
that bridge.
I like to think they met, they followed,they went the way of, who was the first
friend that Ray had in episode one?
Leo.
Leo.
Yes.
He went the way of Leo.
They went the way of Leo and I.
They got Leo.

Adam (46:03):
I feel like they got Leo, our consensus theory on what happened to Leo
involved cement shoes and the east river.
Um, yeah, they, that could happen.
You think that's happening to the stipes?
Well, he was talking about making bets.

Mike (46:19):
Yeah.

Adam (46:19):
So

Mike (46:20):
he, I was gonna say he's in with the mob who we know
frequent the senior nights, so.
Mm-hmm.
Big time.
So what'd you think of the episode?
Uh, honestly I thought it wasa pretty mid-tier episode.
Like there were some funny moments.
There were moments that I enjoyed.
Um, but overall I thought itwas not as strong as certainly
maybe we were just spoiled.
'cause we were talking about thislast episode, the run of episodes

(46:41):
up to this one was phenomenal.
I think we had like six or sevenclassic Raymond episodes in a row.
Oh yeah.
Robert getting gored by the bowl.
Hacky do.
Debra makes something good.
There's definitely one morethat I'm blanking on in there.
Yeah.
That, that

Adam (46:55):
run of Roberts four 15 Roberts Rodeo for 16.
The 10th anniversary for 17.
Hacky do for 18.
Debra makes something good.
Is a, was a really strong run.
Yeah.
And you know, this episode Ithought was fine but Right.
Uh, it was not at the level of those ones.
I would say

Mike (47:16):
I would, I would generally agree.
I thought it was decent.
I didn't think it was great.

Alex (47:21):
Alex?
Yeah, I'm, I'm not too far off.
I, I gauge my enjoyment of eachepisode of everybody Loves Raymond
on, um, how sleepy I get watching it.
I got, I got kind ofsleepy watching this one.
It doesn't like, I, I felt, I feltlike I, like after like everyone

(47:42):
came in, I feel like I knew where itwas going and I was a little wrong.
Uh, I was hoping this would be a rareepisode where Ray and Deborah like
really worked together the whole episode.
I was thinking the episode was gonna go.
Um, like they teamed up to get ridof Frank and Marie, and then they
come back and it's like, oh crap.

(48:02):
Now there's two of each of them.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh, they had to try something else.
Uh, and then Ray gets kind ofturned to the dark side, and
then it becomes more about justDeborah and Ray, uh, arguing again.
So honestly, it felt like, eventhough it's like a new coat of
paint, it's just, it felt so, beenthere, done that for this show.

Mike (48:21):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Alex (48:22):
Uh, like I really feel like we learned nothing new
about any of the characters here.

Adam (48:26):
And knowing that the, knowing that the stripes are not coming back, it's
like, this felt like a real, they're dead.
They're dead.
It took the benefit ofliving in the future.
Oh.
But I think the writers werelike, this is it for thees.
We're never bringing them back.
Snipe the stripes as soon as theyput the last period on the page.

Mike (48:45):
I also gotta be real.
This whole episode isa plot hole, isn't it?
Because don't, aren't Ray, aren't,uh, Frank and Marie friends
with like Lee and Stan, we hearthem thrown out all the time.
That is true.
They aren't like

Alex (48:57):
couple friends though.
They're like, Frank's friends.

Mike (48:59):
This, this episode premise didn't make a ton of sense to me.
'cause we've seen.
Frank and Marie have friends before.
Uh, yeah, we got the, we got therace here, guy Garvin, uh, Garvin.
That's it.
But there, there werereferences to other people.
I really, Stan called Lee and Stanwere de were a couple friends.

Adam (49:19):
Um, I really

Mike (49:19):
thought it was Lee's married to Stan or something.

Adam (49:21):
We know Frank's friends at the lodge are kind of just like, you know, they're
not the type of friends that you wouldinvite over to your mortgage burning.
Right.
They honestly don't like him that much.
Yeah.
So I think maybe they have Leeand Stan, but they're not like,
they don't have enough people tothrow a party about, which I think
is what teased Debra off to it.

(49:42):
So I don't, I don't think it'sthat they have no social life.
I think it's that their world has gottenso much smaller since Ray and Deborah
have moved across the street from them.

Mike (49:54):
Right.
Right.

Adam (49:54):
Let's talk about the episode though.
Let's go through, it's so the cold open.
This, this felt like a.Bottled, uh, cold open.
Like just something thatthey plugged in here.
Um, Ray returns from Chicagoand the kids ask if he bought
them, brought them anything.
Um, it actually kind of feltlike standup bit like, oh yeah.

(50:15):
I, I brought my, uh, kids stuff back fromChica from, uh, traveling on the road.
Apricot shampoo, uh,conditioner, a shoehorn.

Alex (50:25):
Like That's hilarious.
I feel like they filmed this like,like, like six months before this
episode and saved it for a rainy day.
Yeah,

Adam (50:32):
that's what it feels like.
That's, is that it's just slotted in here.
Um, yeah.
For Michael, which is fine.
Apricot shampoo, Jeffrey Conditioner, uh,both from the enchanted aisle of Marriott,
uh, for Allie, a shoehorn for Deborah.
Some fine candies, uh, whichI think are Andy's MITs.
Um, we get the line, they're partof the hotel's turn down service.

(50:53):
And Deborah's like tonight, you'regonna get my turn down service.
Um.
Uh, you know, fun, good old sex joke.
Um, and then he, I

Mike (51:01):
actually, I think I, I liked the, at least start of this where
Ray is like, uh, what do you think?
You're cheating on me.
She means nothing.
And then I, I liked that.
That was, yeah, that's a fun playfulness.

Adam (51:12):
Yeah.

Mike (51:13):
Yeah.
I like, that was cute.
I liked parts of this scene a lot.
Not the, not the strongest gold openever, but I thought it was a solid one.

Adam (51:19):
I, I think it's a good premise too, of just like, oh, your kids
expect you to bring stuff back.
What would, you know, you can seekind of the game of this scene.
Yeah.
Right.

Alex (51:29):
This is the scene where I feel like if you asked AI to write
ev everybody loves Raymond scene.
Oh yeah.
For give you this, you're not wrong.
Yeah.

Adam (51:36):
It would give you ray screws up somehow and then, uh, doesn't
get to have sex with Deborah.
No sex without, for our boy.
Yeah.
Although we should talk about, andthis is two scenes from now, um, but
the, I'm gonna have sex with Ray dance,which I don't know, what do you think?
I think, I think he got it.

(51:58):
Kind of like, uh, nothing

Alex (51:58):
turns on Debra Moore than Marie not being there.
That's true.
Yes, true.

Adam (52:04):
What do you think, Mike, as a, you know, look, you're looking,
if somebody did that to you,

Mike (52:15):
oh, it's going down.

Adam (52:16):
It's, you think that's a positive signal?
Oh,

Mike (52:18):
immediately the two, the shake

Adam (52:21):
weight kind of motion.
Yeah, the two, uh, it up the stairs,fist over the shoulders, not making
stairs, not making it up, up the

Mike (52:27):
stairs, not making it to bed.
Well, I mean, you don right there, don't

Adam (52:29):
normally make it up the stairs, you know?
No, I

Mike (52:32):
don't.
But this is for different reasons.
Yeah.

Adam (52:35):
Um, Alex, if you were to indicate to Ray that you wanted to have sex
with him, what would your dance be?
Look, man, all I'm

Alex (52:45):
gonna say is you can get a lot more with a lot less.
What, what would your dance be?
What would your signal be?
I think it would just have to bejust like a raised eyebrow with him.
Oh yeah.
I think that's true.
He's ready to go.
I think he, he's ready to go.

Adam (53:01):
Mike, is your casual lean that you're doing right now with
your hands behind your head?
Is that your I wannahave sex with Ray dance.

Mike (53:09):
Yeah.
No interlocking fingers behind it.
Uh, then man spreading.
Yes, wherever I am and then just going.
That's it.

Adam (53:16):
Beautiful.
Yeah.
Try it wherever you are, listener.
Mine would be Warrior three,um, which is this, but, um,
yeah, good, good sex, dance.
And then Ray's dance, uh, whichis all in the hips, I feel like.
Very attractive.

Mike (53:35):
Yeah, that's that one.
That one felt like a mating dance.
Oh yeah.
Gonna try new things.
That was, that

Adam (53:39):
was primal.
Um, but let's back up real quickto the party at Marie and Frank's
house, which is just attended bythe family, uh, it's Marie and
Frank's mortgage burning ceremonybecause their house is now paid off.
Lynbrook Mortgage.
Thanks for the calendars.
Let's have a real party.
Marie, go get our marriage license.
Um, that's classic.

(54:00):
Frank Byrne right there.
Yeah.
Marie hits him back.
Yeah.
No, I think my

Mike (54:02):
wife humor.
Hey, take what you can get.

Adam (54:04):
Marie hits him back with, uh, now that we own the place,
we'll do some redecorating.
Get rid of the old stuff.
Frank, get out.
Um, you know, felt very banter.
Um.
Deborah expresses surprise thatMarie didn't invite anyone.
And Marie basically says, we gaveup our social life when you and
Ray moved in across the street.
We go to the next scene.

(54:26):
Uh, Ray comes downstairs,uh, in their living room.
Did Frank give, was it Jeffrey or Michael?
One of the twins, some winebecause as he was putting him to
bed, he was like, I love you man.
Um, which is I,
um, and then Debra is, isconcerned about Marie and Frank.

(54:47):
Uh.
Insofar as if they had morefriends, we'd have less them,
uh, which is appealing to Ray.
Um, and then Maurice and Frank Stormin drop off Leftovers, Frank drop off
pants to watch the highlight highlightsof the sports game that he just watched.
Um, Debra pitches themon making new friends.

(55:08):
Uh, Marie has the line I'd love toentertain, but what am I supposed to do
with this gesturing to Frank, um, raiseline, tell him you lost a bet and you
have to feed and clean him for a year.
Pretty funny, I guess.

Mike (55:21):
Is it, is it just, and sure, it's, it's a fine enough scene.
Is it just me or is it, I don't know.
I thought this bit was going to blow up inDeborah's face when Marie realized that,
oh, shoot, she's trying to get rid of us.
That's where I really thoughtthis episode was gonna become.
Yeah.
It doesn't

Adam (55:38):
seem like Marie ever does realize that

Alex (55:41):
there was a lot of recipes here.
For a more interesting story.
Yes.
And I don't think this, theepisode took the bait at any point.

Adam (55:51):
It's an interesting direction that they did go of marine franker
into it, but then when Ray gets addedto the mix, it becomes explosive.
They love Ray.
Uh, so we see Ray playing video games up.
PlayStation two did that, is thatwhat that looked like to you guys?
I think it

Alex (56:08):
was a PS one, PlayStation one.
This is the nineties, right?

Adam (56:11):
I think this is 2000.

Alex (56:12):
Yeah.
We're we're then it was then itcould have been, I guess the PS two.
My guess is it's December of 2000based on PS two was total 2002.
But I might be wrong

Adam (56:21):
there.
I'll tell you definitivelythat this aired on
March 20th, 2000.
Oh, so they must have.
A multi-year registration ontheir car because their car,
the registration on their car inthe garage scene is 1229 2001.

(56:46):
So they must have gotten that registrationrenewed for two years on 12 29 19 99.
Isn't that interesting, is it?
No, it's something, yeah.
You don't think date math is compelling?

Mike (57:03):
Not particularly when it comes to registration.
I don't even remember who thelast time I got my car registered.

Adam (57:09):
Well, Mike, to call it a car.
It's two scooters.
Don't dare.
It's two scooters taped together.
Yeah, that's my And limeis pissed at you, right?
Like the lime guys are followingyou around like trying to get
'em back and you're kind of doinga wacky races kind of thing.

Alex (57:26):
They're all just like, put it in the coconut.
Come on.
They can't handle my cool ass tricks.

Adam (57:31):
I love how the lime guys call the truck that they drive
around to collect the lime scootersin, call the van the coconut.
'cause they put the lime in.
You put the lime in the coconut.
What Alex

Mike (57:42):
said, shake it all up.

Adam (57:44):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, they've ordered ChineseRay says this is like a date.
It's great.
Um, Marine Frank come overwith the stripes and Harry is
a huge fan of Ray's column.
Uh, but

Alex (57:58):
this is already an established character trait of this character.
Yeah, that's true.
He likes Ray.
Yeah.

Mike (58:03):
Here's where we introduce the main primary conflict of the
episode, right, which is that Marieand Frank come over unannounced
interrupt, and Deborah wants them out.
And Ray entertains them a little bit.
I gotta be honest, you know we'reall here at the Barone zone.
We are largely Deborah Apologists.
We think Deborah, we support

Adam (58:22):
Deborah.
Yeah,

Mike (58:23):
we support Deborah.
Hi.
Eventually Deborah is in the right.
In this particular moment, I don'tthink she's very fair because
I think Ray has been put in animpossible to win a social situation.
And I think like, 'causewhat is he supposed to do?
They're over here now.
The time to do it is after they leave oryou entertain them for a little bit and

(58:45):
then after they leave, you go to yourmom and say, mom, you can't be doing this
shit you like, that's the time to do it.
Mm-hmm.
You can't just say Get out immediately.
That's deeply rude.
So I, I don't know if Deb, Ithink Ray eventually is not okay.
They were over till midnight.
That's fucked up.
Yeah.
That's

Adam (59:04):
too much.
But I think in,

Mike (59:05):
I think in the moment when Ray sits down and says hi to them
and Deborah's like, get 'em out.
Get 'em out.
I think that that's a little unfair

Adam (59:14):
in any situation other than they barge over unannounced while they're
about to have good old sex on the couch.
Mm-hmm.
I think you're mostly right.
Um, I am on Deborah's side of,you should cut it as short as
possible while not being rude.

(59:36):
Um, but I do agree that Ray is in anunwinnable situation, uh, because he
either has to be rude to the stripes,um, or, you know, fuck up with Debra.
So it's, it's difficult for him.
And I think the strategy of asking Marieto facilitate them leaving, but then

(59:59):
caving to the slightest bit of guiltfrom her, uh, you know, for anyone.
But Ray, I feel like thatwould've worked, but yeah.
Yeah,

Alex (01:00:08):
yeah.
Yeah.
I, I feel like the only, like the, thetipping point of where Ray started to fuck
up was when he caved to Marie right here.
Yeah, I think so.
Um, I think before this, uh,he didn't do anything wrong.
Yeah, not really.
And then just at this point, thatwas his first fuckup and then, uh, he

(01:00:29):
couldn't really come back from that.

Adam (01:00:31):
I'll say the one thing he did wrong before this was, you know,
made a scene about the deviled eggs.
Let Robert have the deviled eggs.

Mike (01:00:41):
Oh yeah.
And devil and Robert almost choked.
That was kind of funny.
Yeah,

Adam (01:00:44):
he, he almost made Robert choke.
I'm on Robert's side in that.
Robert should get all thedeviled eggs he wants.
That man's been through hell.
He got gored by, got Gordin the As in case you

Mike (01:00:55):
guys forgot.
Upper thigh.

Adam (01:00:59):
Upper thigh hole.
Um, yeah, no, that, that is wherethe floodgates open and then yeah,
uh, they stay over all night.
Um, I like Marie's guilt in this scene.
I'm sorry people like you so much.
I'm sorry that I'm proud of you.
I'm sorry that I raised you tobe such a nice boy like class.
This is, I feel like very directthe characterization of Marie as

(01:01:24):
doing these passive aggressiveguilt trips, like mm-hmm.
It's a very pure distillation of that,where there isn't exactly, you know,
the Marie's meatballs, like switchingthe ingredients, like conniving, kind of
passive aggressive ag aggression, but it'svery direct, very out there on the table.
Like, you know, I'm laying aguilt trip on you kind of thing.

(01:01:48):
They all gather around Ray.
He met a Evander Holy field the other day.
Mike, you wanna tell usabout a Evander Holyfield?
He's a boxer.
I know that he's a boxer.
And that's the extent of your own.
That's all I got.
I'm

Mike (01:01:58):
not, I don't go deep on boxing.

Adam (01:01:59):
Wow.
That's a terrific story.
Debra says, uh, but race start.
We see race, you know, the flip.
This is where he switch flips andhe starts to love the attention.
Tells a story about the All Star game.
He goes up behind who he thinks isFrank, and he gooses Joe Garagiola.
Now Mike, is this a, a manwho sells garages or no?

(01:02:23):
Who is this?

Mike (01:02:25):
Joe Garagiola is a former, uh, catcher, I believe for, but he was
like a really old timing catcher.
He played back when they were theNew York Giants, like, uh, before
they moved out to San Francisco.
Oh, baseball, uh, baseballwe're talking about.
Yeah.
Uh, he played for a couple other teams.
He was not, he's not rememberedfor his, uh, time playing baseball.

(01:02:49):
He only played for nine years, which isnot, you know, it's not bad, but it's not.
Legendary.

Adam (01:02:54):
He's remembered for selling garages.
No, he's

Mike (01:02:56):
remembered for being an announcer.
I believe at one point he was the host,he was a panelist on the Today Show.
Uh, really?
He kinda, he kinda had like a,it seems like he had like a kind
of a Michael Strahan career.
Michael Strahan, except Michael Strahanis a Hall of Fame, uh, football player.
And this guy is not a Hallof Fame baseball player.

Adam (01:03:17):
And he never, capital like Joe's Gar garage, eola, like selling garage
door openers and there's a lot hecould have done with that last name.
Joe's

Alex (01:03:26):
Granola.

Mike (01:03:28):
Yeah.
I don't think this has legsas, as many legs as you guys
are saying this, as many legs.

Adam (01:03:32):
I don't think it has as many legs com combat Nature Valley in England.
Did they pronounce his name?
Joe Garla.

Mike (01:03:41):
I think that if you went over to England and asked them
to name any baseball player,they would say, get the fuck out.
They would say, get

Adam (01:03:50):
the fuck out.

Mike (01:03:51):
They would say, get the fuck outta my country.
That's

Adam (01:03:52):
basically cricket.
They should like it.

Mike (01:03:55):
Yeah.
Well that's what I, that's what I think.
Who's your favorite cricket player?
So genuinely this year, theWorld Cup of Cricket happened
on Long Island and I What?
Yeah, no, it, the World Cup ofCricket happened on Long Island.
That's

Adam (01:04:09):
so unfortunate for them.

Mike (01:04:11):
Yeah.
I was following it and I, there wasa guy who played for the, for the
United States team and became the MVP.
Like he brought the UnitedStates team way farther than
they were supposed to, and he.
He is not a professional cricket player.
He's just a random engineer thatwow, as, as a side gig, became an

(01:04:33):
international superstar due to hisperformance in the World Cup of Cricket.
And I'm blanking on his name.
Can't remember name.
I'll look it up.
Name, but I don't have itoff the top of my head.

Adam (01:04:42):
His name Joe Garla.
Joe Garla.
He's back.
Frank eats their Chinese foodand Marie goes to make some tea.
Ray starts telling another story.
You know, who liked, uh,who used to like Tea?
Joe DiMaggio?
Mr. Coffee.
Mike, what does that mean?

Mike (01:05:01):
It's a great question.

Adam (01:05:02):
Okay.
And you know, who liked coffee?
Mr. T. Hilarious stuff.
Uh, we go to Ray andDeborah in the bathroom.
She's trying to, this is a different day.
She's trying to leave before theparents and the stripes come over.
To avoid a repeat.
Uh, last time Ray regaledthem until midnight.
Sorry, that, that cricketplayer was called Av.

(01:05:23):
Uh, Netra.
Volker.
Okay.
Sorry.
Great.
So not Joe Garla?
No.
All right.
You'd probably love it.
You could do a revivalof your one man show.
My Fair Raymond.
Look, I get that.
The

Mike (01:05:35):
guys, that these people don't have much going on in their lives.
Meaning the strikes, the, uh,the, the strikes, Marie and
Frank Stripes, whatever, but the

Adam (01:05:46):
triangle shirt, waist factory.
What are you talking

Mike (01:05:49):
about?
Shush.
But shush.
Shush.
But Ray's stories aren'tthat entertaining.
I just gotta say it.
It's very name droppy.
It's almost exclusively,it's very name dropping.
Yeah.
Look who I was hangingthat with and I got it.
Like that gets

Adam (01:06:04):
boring after a while.
Yeah.
It's pretty much just, I ran intothis person, or I had a weird
conversation with this person.
Like it's the kind of.
Thing that it's just like if, um, if youdon't ever hear about interactions with,
like, this is pre podcast time, whenyou would hear anecdotes all the time.

(01:06:28):
This is just, and pre-social media.
This is just like, oh wow,this person in interacted with
somebody whose name I've heard.
It doesn't necessarilyhave to be a good story.
It's just exciting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This was before like, Mike, youwere talking before we started
recording about you've been DMingwith the Smartless guys or something.

(01:06:48):
You've been like having, you'vebeen sex sexting with Arnette.

Mike (01:06:52):
Yeah.
No, I, I was, yeah, that's right.
I, I sent a, I sent adick pic to Will Anette.
Yeah.
And he responded with,please lose this number.
I'm contacting the authorities.
Yeah.
I, I took a screenshotof it, printed it out.
It's, it's framed.
It's pretty cool.
Because you, you showed

Adam (01:07:06):
him your Reese's Pieces, right?

Mike (01:07:08):
Correct.
Cool.
Damn.
I was gonna do a Reese'sbit beat me to it.
My dick was in re's pieces.

Adam (01:07:15):
Because your dick comes wrapped in an orange wrapper, right?
Yeah.
And it's flat and round.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cool.
And it's got a, it's crimped.
Yeah.
Doctors

Mike (01:07:24):
are very, very, uh,

Adam (01:07:26):
concern.
Well, doctors hate concerned.
Hey, this the one weird trick thatyou're using to get that right?

Mike (01:07:32):
Yeah.
I take a hammer.
Oh, oh

Alex (01:07:35):
God.

Mike (01:07:35):
You got, you got my peanut butter to on your

Alex (01:07:37):
dick, to the

Mike (01:07:38):
Yeah, I think I, I mean, it takes some crafting.
It's kind of all around.
The doctors get so madwhen I tell them about it.

Adam (01:07:45):
You taking that woodworking class was the worst thing that
ever happened to humanity.
Yeah.

Alex (01:07:49):
That wood ain't working buddy.

Adam (01:07:53):
Good.
Um, now Robert's babysitting, heteases Raymond about the stripes.
You know, they were my friend's firstand then they all go downstairs, uh,
and the stripes and Marie and Frankare already there with their son Seth.
So Seth is played by Dom Marrais an actor and standup comedian.
He appeared on Seinfeld, the Kingof Queens and done a, did a bunch

(01:08:15):
of voiceover work, uh, like HeyArnold and Rocko's Modern Life.
Seth is also a sports writer.
He claims, uh, you know, in internetchat rooms and he calls into radio.
Yeah, he's a sports writer

Alex (01:08:28):
in the

Adam (01:08:28):
same way that we are podcasters.
Hey.
Correct.
I liked his, his thing.
You've probably heard of me,Seth from Massapequa like.
That's such a small, sad character trait.
Yeah.
Of like thinking that Yeah, that people

Mike (01:08:45):
listen and care.
Harry, I would listen tosports talk radio all the time.
Only you couldn't name one of them.
Well, I can name exactly one of them.
There was this crazy guy whenI was growing up called Jerome.
I would call him withthe most batshit takes.
And Steve Summers, every time youwould get a call from Jerome would
play the Twilight theme song,or no, not the Twilight theme.
The Twilight theme song, TwilightZone theme, uh, theme song.

(01:09:07):
And then there would be a voiceoverbasically being like in a world, like
basically calling him with fucking kook.
And it was always funny.
So I remember Jerome because weall roasted the fuck out of him.

Adam (01:09:16):
I bet he was in on it.
I hope he was.
No, he had to be.
Yeah.
He

Mike (01:09:20):
had, otherwise he would've stopped calling for his time
that Steve Summers did that.
Uh, but yeah,

Adam (01:09:24):
well he has to turn his radio down, you know, so there's no feedback.
So maybe he never heard.
That's possible too.
Yeah.
I dunno.
Um, Jerome, if you'rehere, give us a call.
Oh, he's certainly dead by now, right?
I mean, did he sound like a childwhen he was, you know, you said you
were listening to this as a kid.
They

Mike (01:09:44):
were adults when I was a kid That are, are still alive today.
How old do you think?
I, I'm

Adam (01:09:50):
Because you were telling us before about how when the war, the war of the
worlds thing happened, you drove yourcar off the Brooklyn Bridge, right?

Mike (01:09:58):
Yeah.
So there were people in the water withme that I still may meet with today.
We bonded.
You have a reunion?
Yeah.

Adam (01:10:07):
Uh, wow.
That's beautiful.
Harry says, you're better than Lika.
Who's that?

Mike (01:10:14):
Mike Lika is a very famous sports writer.
Thanks.
He wrote for, he was apersonality in the ESPN.
He wrote a lot of kids' books actually.
About sports.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He wrote 'em, yeah, hewrote some fiction stories.
Some just kind of going overthe history of the games.
It was.
I, I've read some Mike Luka,he's ever do like famous a

Adam (01:10:32):
murder at the baseball diamond kind of thing.
I think that would be fun.
No, he

Mike (01:10:35):
would do a, this is the story of the Mighty, mighty Wolves and their quest
for the playoffs and that kind of thing.

Adam (01:10:41):
That was

Mike (01:10:42):
dumb

Adam (01:10:42):
as shit.

Mike (01:10:43):
It was a good book.
Fuck you Adam.
I like my idea better.
I it, I'm sure that there's a SherlockHolmes book about that somewhere.
Sherlock, it would be Cricket British.
Yeah.
This is The Flaw with Sherlock Holmes.
And you know who

Adam (01:10:59):
I did read that one?
The Murder at the CricketGrounds, and you know who did it?
Joe Gara.

Mike (01:11:05):
Yeah.
Joe Garagiola.

Adam (01:11:08):
Gar Gar.
Huge.
Um, Seth, I love your baseball stuff,except you could be a little more
objective about the Mets and Mike.
That's what we've beentrying to say to you.
No, um, I've

Mike (01:11:20):
never said anything wrong about the Mets ever.
Yeah.
See, this is what we're talking about.

Adam (01:11:25):
Ray gets defensive like Mike, um, but he wins them over by dropping
some, you know, like wisdom about,like you gotta, if you pull your
punches, you're the one who's gettinghit, um, which Harry loves, which is

Mike (01:11:38):
such, he loves it, but it's just such like cookie cutter
fortune cookie writing advice.
It's bullshit.
This is my problem with every singletime we get any small dose of Ray riding
as a sports writer, which he's supposedto be great, but none of it is good.
He went up to fucking, who was theguy in, in season one, who was the
quarterback that he went up to?

(01:11:59):
Uh, I'm blanking on his name.
Terry Bradshaw.
Um, that's it.
He went up to Terry Bradshaw and waslike, I want to tell the real story
what it was like outside of the games.
It's like, yeah, that'sthe point of a book.
What are you talking about?
I was, I, I don't, like, I have neverread the column of Ray Baron, but I'm
certain I'm certain shirts, I'm certainthat it's terrible pooping shirts.

Adam (01:12:22):
Uh, Ray wins 'em over.
Um, so then Robert limps down the stairs.
He's like, oh, hi Harry.
And Harry.
It's, this is the coldest thing I've ever,you know, it's like witnessing a murder.
Hey, Rodney, and then turns back to Ray.
That's cold as this manlived above your garage.
I can't even remember hisfucking name, cold as hell.

(01:12:46):
Um, but I do like that he continues tocall him Rodney throughout the scene.
That's pretty funny.

Alex (01:12:51):
At least he's consistent.

Adam (01:12:53):
I liked also Robert's starting to tell the bull story in a lull
in the conversation, but Ritacuts him off to take a picture
with Raymond and, uh, Robert.
Purposefully good camera work crop him.
That's such a, that's fun.
We see the view from Robert's camera.
Great idea from the crew.
Um, purposefully crops him out.

(01:13:15):
Yeah.
Very funny.
Uh, then we go to Deborah already in thegarage 'cause she wasn't in the picture.
Like, where's Deborah?
Oh, she went to thegarage car registration.
1229, uh, 2001.
Deborah is going to leave without Ray.
Um, I'm going to eat.
I'd ask you to come along.
I thought this was funny.
I'd ask you to come along by, seeyou have a girlfriend and three

(01:13:37):
boyfriends and another girlfriend.

Mike (01:13:39):
This conversation Yeah.
Is.
It is bad.
What Ray's doing.
I wanna make that clear.
I'm anti Ray.
I man, this is a toughsituation to navigate.
I know that Ray could be trying hard orhe could, Debra has a point, but I can
understand why Ray would hesitate to belike, all right, it's either make my wife

(01:14:02):
happy or be, and uh, it's either if Imake my wife happy I'm being an asshole.

Adam (01:14:08):
You know, I don't think so.
I think he has a legitimate outhere and he is too focused on
getting the attention to use it.
He's valuing his own ego over whatDeborah clearly wants, which is to
spend time just the two of them.
Yeah.
So I would say this is unlike thefirst scene, which was thrust upon him.

(01:14:28):
I would say this is.
Totally Raymond's fault.
Yeah.
I think he's not, I'm

Mike (01:14:33):
not saying he

Adam (01:14:34):
did good.
I'm rocking a hard place here.

Mike (01:14:36):
He, he's certainly not.
Well, they also barged in, theydidn't ask him, Hey, can we come over?
Right.
That's true.
They seem to

Adam (01:14:41):
have come over while they were upstairs.
So no.
Ethan, welcome.
Come in.
No knocking on the door.
Yeah.

Alex (01:14:46):
Robert might have just told them to sit down.
Oh yeah, that's true.
Who knows?
Who knows?
That would

Mike (01:14:51):
be a good prank.

Alex (01:14:53):
A hilarious prank.
I mean, honestly, if Robertassumed they were going out
and they came over, he would'veprobably been like, yeah, sit down.
This is my chance to get them to like me.
Mm-hmm.

Mike (01:15:02):
And then Ray ended up staying.
So eventually in this bickeringand argument, Marie comes out
and again, guilts them in.
I just like.

Adam (01:15:11):
Marie sucks.
I thought there might be in this secondconversation some like, you know, we
don't really have anything to talk aboutso that's why we keep bringing you up.
Like I some justification, but I feel

Mike (01:15:25):
like there's just more guilt tripping.

Alex (01:15:27):
Yeah.
Again, they could've leanedfurther into this or something.
Nope.
Marie is just

Adam (01:15:34):
using it, using Ray purely because she gets satisfaction out of, you know,
the sort of pride of, wow, look at mysuccessful son Debra turning on the
windshield wipers was funny to me mm-hmm.
During this scene.
Um, and then Deborah let's Ray go backin, uh, which I feel is, uh, not great.

(01:15:58):
Uh, Robert is trying to tell his bowlstory and them, I thought them actively
leaning over, looking for Ray to comeback from the garage was very funny.
It was, it was

Mike (01:16:09):
funny.
Yeah.

Adam (01:16:10):
But as soon as they come back in, they get up to go to
leave for the big senior jamboreeat the VFW free eye tests tonight.
Um, the VFW, if you're from not thiscountry, is the veterans of foreign wars.
And usually have a meeting hallin a town where they can all
get together and reminisce.

(01:16:31):
Mm-hmm.
And do jamborees.

Mike (01:16:34):
It's just a gathering space.
Yeah.

Adam (01:16:35):
So it's just a community center.
Yeah.
Talk about the war.
Talk about the war.
Not ones that were not the Civil Waror the revolution or the war of 1812,
but ones that happened elsewhere.
Vietnam, uh, Korea, others?
World War I. World War ii.

Mike (01:16:54):
Oh.
Do you want more help?
I imagine Afghanistan and Iraq would also,would also, uh, fall into this category.

Adam (01:16:59):
Yes.
Yes, certainly.
Uh, free eye tests tonight, Deborah.
I can do it.
This is what, what could you do?
Go to Iraq?
No, you were rejected.

Mike (01:17:10):
Yeah.
Half, five feet.

Adam (01:17:12):
Well, it didn't help that you, and this was your first run
in with the hammer flattened them.

Mike (01:17:18):
That's correct.
I, I didn't wanna get drafted.

Adam (01:17:21):
Well, there wasn't a draft.
This was, you went to the recruitingcenter and you were like, and

Mike (01:17:25):
I told them, you ain't gonna get me fuckers.
And I took out a a, a Yeah,you did it in front of them.
And I flattened their feet.

Adam (01:17:32):
And this is why you have trouble getting upstairs.
Yeah.
Worth it.
So that you didn't haveto serve your country.
I didn't have to serve Yay Mike.
Now this is where the episode,I feel like has a satisfying
conclusion for me that Deborah.
Suggests that Ray go withthem to the VFW Hall.

Mike (01:17:53):
She gets back to there.
That I love

Adam (01:17:55):
for her and then her and Robert being the kind of winners of this
episode and being like Chinese, youknow it, like, I think that's a good

Alex (01:18:04):
ending.
I, I like that.
If they're not gonna resolve theconflict, at least make Ray lose.
Yes.

Adam (01:18:11):
Because we don't often see, even in episodes where Ray is.
You know, in the wrong, we don't oftensee one where Ray is definitively
the loser of the situation.
Yeah.
Dance the night away at the Lynbrook.
VFW polka night, first Tuesday every monthis what that banner says in the hot close.
So they called it the senior jamboree,but it's really the polka night.

(01:18:35):
So I feel like they, you know, I meanthey took some of these, I don't know
how they feel about, uh, you know, theirgolden years, but we don't need to get
into the psychology of the stripes.
We're never gonna see them again.

Mike (01:18:47):
Mm-hmm.

Adam (01:18:47):
They died.
They

Mike (01:18:48):
died at this jamboree.

Adam (01:18:51):
You know, I heard that the stripes there was a glove involved, like it
was honestly, pretty sure OJ did it.

Mike (01:19:03):
That's fucked up.
Ojs dead.
He can't defend himself.
We don't speak, we don't speakill of the dead on this podcast.
Well, I got

Adam (01:19:09):
Dershowitz's number from the wedding.
Yeah.
And, and he can defend it, youknow, once a client, this is
what your stepfather told me.
Once a client, always a client.

Mike (01:19:20):
Fucked up.
Fucked up.

Adam (01:19:22):
Okay.
So that's the episode,uh, you know, mixed bag.
I feel like it's a, a fine one from a,a comedy perspective, but, uh, maybe
not, not stellar, not in the echelon offour 15 through four 18, but speaking
of rating things and things beingstellar, let's turn our attention to,

(01:19:44):
oh, any final thoughts on the episode?

Alex (01:19:46):
Nah, it was fine.
Cool.
I don't think there wasanything deeper about it.
I have said everything I need to say.

Adam (01:19:52):
Uh, let's turn our attention to our classic rating scale.
That's our barometer on which werate race performance as a husband,
son, brother, father, entertainer.
Um, you know, uh, uh, uh, uh, um,what do you call, what is that called?
Ur.
Rack.
I was

Mike (01:20:12):
not getting, I was never getting that word.
Never in a million years.

Adam (01:20:15):
So as a rack and tour, um, with 10 being the great dads of sitcom history,
your Danny Tanners, your uncle Phils,your Carl Winslow's, and ones being the
bad men of television, men who activelyharm their families, like Walter White,
Don Draper, Alex, where is our boyRaymond coming in for you on this episode?

(01:20:36):
Not great.

Alex (01:20:37):
Uh, but also, uh, I'm pretty neutral on this boy.
Uh, at least in the beginning.
I think again, until he, uh, like, uh,starts hamming up the, uh, the company.
I think he was fine.
He was on Deborah's side, and Ijust feel like, especially near
the end when he was like, you gottagive the people what they want.

(01:21:00):
Like, he, like, he, helost to his own ego.
Um, so.
In my own, how I kind offeel about the ranking.
If I, if like a five is like neutral.
No harm given, no harm taken.
Uh, I, I think a four is fair in this one.
He fucked up, but itwasn't colossal fuckups.

Mike (01:21:22):
That makes sense.
Mike, I'm I, to be clear, I fullyagree with Alex's analysis that
this clearly became an ego thing.
I'm a little more sympathetic at.
Through the discussion, we kind of to,we kind of, you kind of realized it,
but it, that, that's partially justbecause I hate conflict and social
awkwardness and things like that.
So I'm sympathetic to Raymond tryingto avoid that, but it clearly evolved

(01:21:46):
into something that it wasn't.
So he, and even if it.
Who was scared of conflictor didn't like conflict?
You gotta man up andstep up in the moment.
I don't know if I would, but I knowthat that's the proper thing to do.
Uh, so I'm going to not be quite asharsh, but it's definitely below a five.
I'll give him a four and a half.

Adam (01:22:05):
Okay.
I'm gonna swing lower than that.
Um, I think from the very firstanecdote is a after Evander
Holyfield, the switch flips and rays.
Yeah.
In soaking this up for himself, selfishly,clearly it's causing de like distress.

(01:22:27):
Like she, and maybe, you know.
If it's only the two nights that wesee, maybe it's not gonna become a
long-term issue that warrants a lotof distress, but the pattern is clear
of, Ray wants this attention, like shesays, you know, you, we weren't getting

(01:22:47):
enough attention from your parents.
You needed another pair.
Like I think we've seen this before ofRay just being like a total like sponge
for attention and praise and validation.
It makes sense consideringwho his parents are.
However, um.
I feel like he knows what he's doingand I feel like at no point is he

(01:23:11):
in the right, in this really to me.
So I'm gonna go a little bit lower.
I'm gonna say 2.5.
Wow, that's way lower.
And I know he's notcausing long-term damage.
Here's not the checkbook, it'snot, you know, one of those.
But it's, the pattern of behavior isso blatant of just like, no, sorry

(01:23:33):
Deborah, I'm gonna stay here and stayup until midnight with the stipes,
uh, telling them how great I am.
Like.
I don't think he deserves muchmore than that, in my opinion.
Mike, what's the average of 2.5?
4.5 and four.
That brings us out to about 3.67.
Okay.
Let's call it 3.7.

Mike (01:23:53):
Okay.
That, that's, he's bad, but hewasn't as bad as he was last
week, so I'm, I'm okay with this.
Yeah, I think that's fair.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

Adam (01:23:59):
Okay.
Pretty bad.
But we'll see how Ray does nexttime in season four, episode 20,
whatever that's called, four 20.
Um, yes.
What is it, Mike, areyou excited for four 20?
You're gonna so excited becauseyou were saying that you wanna
blaze all through the podcast.
You were gonna be highs of kite.

Mike (01:24:18):
I do.
I really, really do.
And I've been prepping my body forit the entire time by, uh, I have
an IV of bong, flu, bong bong water.
Bong bong water comingright into my veins.
Not THC.

Adam (01:24:31):
Nope.
Not just, just used.
Just used bong.
Cool.
And any glass.
Get in there or.
So much.
Hey.
Yeah, I saw that you were likemessing with your forearm there
and it was crinkling 'causeof all the glass in there.
Yep, yep, yep.
They're calling you thehuman mosaic, aren't they?

Mike (01:24:53):
Yeah, I'm, well, my plan is to, after I'm, I'm fucking up this
body, I'll get my buddy Joe to giveme freaky Friday and then I won't
have to deal with that anymore.
Give me freaky Friday.

Adam (01:25:03):
I think there's, uh, you know, normally we just end the episode here,
but I think what I'd like to do thisweek, um, if this is okay with you guys,
is let's just leave the listener withsome kind of like positive thought for
the end of, of the, of the show and likelet them take something into their weeks.
Um, and I think guys what we'lldo is we'll just like A to B this,

(01:25:26):
we'll like compare Mike and Alex andthen whichever one is like better
'cause you know, we can't do both.
The show is already too long as it is.
So we're gonna have tocut one of yours and Alex.
We used yours last week.
Well, no.
Yeah, week.
Great.
I think we used yours, so I think,well, let's just hear out Mike's and
you know, whichever one is better.

(01:25:46):
I think I we're, it's basically50 50, so it's not like any
like, favoritism or anything.
So Alex, why don't you just, you know,speak from the heart, like whatever, you
don't have to have anything prepared, butjust like, you know, whatever you think.
Well,

Alex (01:26:00):
it's very, it's very, and like, you know, it's, it's funny, he, he's ham it
up 'cause he doesn't, you know, he, hesays he, you know, he wants me to announce
it, but Adam told me that, uh, this week,'cause he felt bad for Mike 'cause I won
last week and the last few weeks won that,uh, he's gonna, like, if Mike's words
of wisdom gets picked this week, Adamis going to personally, uh, donate $500

(01:26:26):
to, uh, the charity of Mike's choice.
Oh, I can't wait.
And, uh, I, I just have tosay I'm so proud of him and
who am I to step in the way?
I'm just gonna let Mike, uh, like take thewin on this one so Adam can be the hero.
Wow.

Adam (01:26:44):
Yes.
And we did say that, so, okay.
All right.
We got that clean.
And I mean, we're not going to, we'reprobably not gonna use yours, Alex,
just because you didn't really do one.
So I guess, I don't know, Iguess, Mike, go, go ahead.
I'll get my checkbook out andlike, you know, we can do it.
Okay.
So, Mike, what is your, uh,words of wisdom for this week?

Mike (01:27:06):
Uh, well, you know, I actually come across this poem that I love.
It's, uh, I wanna, Iwanna just get it out.
It's, uh, Mike's by someone.
It's by a poet by the name of CherylSarkisian, and, uh, it goes like this.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, pronounce that

Adam (01:27:22):
last name again.

Mike (01:27:24):
Shel Ian?
Yeah, that's it.
Okay.
I thought I said that.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Adam (01:27:28):
That sounds familiar to me, but No, you said like
shark, shark, Sharky, saints.

Mike (01:27:33):
Sharky.
No, Ian.
Ian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, so charcuterie sar ian.
There's no S there.
Um, okay.
I'm sorry for messing this up.
This is a very beautiful poem.
No, we'll cut around it.
It's, it's fine.
Okay.
Okay.
Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me.
Say, I don't really thinkyou're strong enough.

(01:27:55):
No.
Do you believe in life Left or love?
I didn't.
Sorry.
Until I discovered the Baroni Zonus

Adam (01:28:07):
Oh,

Mike (01:28:08):
say more.
And the Baronus Zonus, sorry.
Is this still part of the poem?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's, yeah.
Very famous.
There's a more famous version, butthis is the first draft, which I think
really gets the raw emotion there.
So I kind of wanna, wannago back there anyway.
Okay.
Do you believe in Life After Love?
I didn't until I found the Baronus Sonusfor just one payment of anything you want.

(01:28:30):
You get lifetime access to anextra episode with the Barone
Boys every single month.
Join the Baronus Sonus atthe link in the description.

Adam (01:28:42):
She said that in the poem.

Mike (01:28:44):
Yeah.
And then it's, and then it goes on tosay, I can feel something inside me.
Say, I don't really thinkyou're strong enough.
Now, back to the chorus.
Uh, it's, yeah, back to back tothe, that's all the chorus actually.
It's really, it's quite, it's quite good.
Yeah.

Adam (01:28:54):
Mm-hmm.
That does sound good.
Okay.
You know, 'cause it's a poem,

Mike (01:29:00):
because it's a poem.

Adam (01:29:03):
Fuck.
Alex, can I, can I borrow $500?
I don't have any

Alex (01:29:10):
money.
What are you saying, Adam?

Adam (01:29:12):
Can I borrow five?
I, I gotta say

Alex (01:29:14):
louder.
I can't hear

Adam (01:29:16):
you.
I think we'll use Mike's this week.

Mike (01:29:19):
Oh, fantastic.
However great.

Adam (01:29:22):
Alex, I really, I That's so amazing.
I can't donate, I can'tsell any more blood.
I need Thank

Alex (01:29:27):
you, Adam, for donating $2,000 to the charity

Mike (01:29:33):
of Mike's Choice.
My choice.
I would like to support theYoung White Boys Association.
Oh gosh.
That would be, that wouldbe, uh, that's my choice.
I think that that's a great organizationto help, uh, this group of people.
That would be fantastic.

Adam (01:29:47):
Great.
Do you wanna explain what

Mike (01:29:48):
they do?
Uh, yes.
They, they say they realize that whitemen have a too hard in this country, and
they put foundation to elevating them.
It's great.

Alex (01:29:57):
And Adam's donating $10 million to them.
Okay.
Come on.
Yeah.
I, what a great guy.

Mike (01:30:02):
What

Alex (01:30:03):
a fantastic man.
I can't believe it.
How amazing.

Adam (01:30:06):
Uh, this is, this is gonna clear me out.
This is gonna ruin me.
I'm gonna be barrel,I'm gonna wear barrel.
You know what I mean?
Barrel suspenders.

Alex (01:30:14):
You don't have $40 billion.
Alex,

Adam (01:30:17):
please.
I can't edit out any, the last thingthat you say is what I have to leave in.
It's the way the editing works.

Alex (01:30:30):
What's $800 trillion to you?
Much,

Adam (01:30:32):
please.
That's more money thanexists in the world.
Uh, lets just say somethinglike, like low, like $10 please.
I'm gonna have to like, I I'malmost completely outta bone marrow.
My kidneys.
Adam, you're

Mike (01:30:46):
donating the entirety of your body to this organization.
Wow.
That's gotta be worth, that's insane.
Something.
It's,

Adam (01:30:53):
I, well, luckily it doesn't, the thing I said before about the
editing doesn't work with Mike,so we're still on $800 trillion.
Oh, sorry.
Okay.
Gotcha.
Alex, just say like,10 bucks or something.
Or like my sperm or something like, I.

Mike (01:31:06):
Why would the White Boys Association want your sperm?
That's what I call sper White M for white

Adam (01:31:10):
boys.

Alex (01:31:15):
Well, thank you Adam for your generous donation.
Appreciate Alex.
You've completely fucked me.
Appreciated.

Adam (01:31:21):
I'm ruined.

Alex (01:31:24):
I'm Barrel.
Alright, well we appreciate,uh, he's heartless.
One quadrillion dollars and abarrel donated to No, my Barrel.
The Young White Boys Association.
I have.
And I think that's it forthe Barone Boys this week.
Yeah, I think so.
I think that might be onefor one of us forever.

Mike (01:31:43):
I'm ruined.
Thanks so much for listening everybody.
Guys,

Adam (01:31:46):
I'm sorry about this zip.
I, I have to sell my clothes.
I don't even have abarrel to cover my dick.

Mike (01:31:54):
Uh, a Adam, you should probably see the doctor about that.
I don't think you're, I. Dick issupposed to be shaped like that.
Yeah.
It should be more bong shaped.
Yeah, it should be bong shaped.
Or like a Reese's PCs, oneof the two Reese's PCs,

Alex (01:32:06):
Reese's PCs,

Adam (01:32:09):
Reese's Penis, obviously.
But what were you gonna say, Mike?
Just sign.
Just sign us off Reese's penis.
Yeah, I was gonna saythank you all so much

Mike (01:32:15):
for listening.
Again, the bro Zonus in the description.
Until next week, there'sonly one last thing to do.
What's our classic sign off?
Everybody loves Raymond.
We love We love you.

Adam (01:32:28):
I gotta trademark Reuss penis real quick.
I think that's gonna save me guys.
I really think I sell t-shirtsto say Reina penis Sprite.
Orange.
Oh God.
Alright, I gotta go.