The Lore Keepers / 4.20 Alone Time

In an episode inspired by Season 4, Episode 20 of Everybody Loves Raymond, “Alone Time,” Alex demands some privacy from Mike and Adam.

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Episode Transcript

Adam (00:00):
Good morning students and faculty of Lynbrook University.
As you know, each week you'rerequired to watch an episode
of Everybody Loves Raymond.
This week's episode is seasonfour, episode 20, Alone Time.
Debra wants to be alone for a while.
Ray Wonders why.
we recommend watching the showas soon as possible to prepare
for what you're about to hear.

(00:20):
Also, the blood drive wrapsup today at 3:00 PM so please
drop by and do your part.
We just need a few morepints to fill the dunk tank.
Guys, come on
down.

Mike (00:45):
Got
any sevens.

Alex (00:51):
Go fish.

Mike (00:52):
How about twelves?

Alex (00:53):
Yeah, here you go.

Mike (00:54):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much.

Alex (00:56):
Uh, got any?
The fuck is this number?
Is this a six or a nine?

Mike (01:03):
That's it.
That's a four.

Alex (01:05):
Oh, do you got any fours?

Mike (01:07):
Yeah.
Here you go.

Alex (01:08):
Ah, sweet.

Mike (01:10):
Alex, I just gotta acknowledge it.
You've put your entire collegetuition on the line here, uh,

Alex (01:17):
as I do.

Mike (01:18):
And so far you've made one singular pair of fours.
Mike,

Alex (01:23):
I'm a risk taker.

Mike (01:24):
I don't think you're very good at this game.

Alex (01:26):
It's like Uno, you have to get rid of all your cards, right?

Mike (01:29):
Yeah, no, that's, that's the right idea.
Yeah.

Alex (01:31):
Yeah.

Mike (01:32):
You have so many, you have so many cards.

Alex (01:33):
And how many do you have left?

Mike (01:35):
Six.

Alex (01:36):
Okay.
Hey, that's six chances for glory, baby.

Mike (01:40):
Mm-hmm.

Alex (01:41):
All right.
It's your turn now, right?

Mike (01:42):
Yeah.
Do you have any sixes?

Alex (01:44):
Okay.
Um, hang on.
I have 38 cards.
Five of them are either sixes or nines.

Mike (01:53):
I'll take them all.

Alex (01:54):
Okay.
Oh yeah.

Mike (01:55):
Perfect.
I win,

Alex (01:56):
ah, what?
Yeah, that's not,

Mike (01:57):
yeah.
No, I only had sixes and nines left.
Yeah.
This is great.
I will take that.
Uh, thank you for the years scholarship.
I appreciate this.
This is, uh, this might bea learning lesson for you.

Alex (02:06):
Well, jokes on you 'cause I haven't learned anything.

Adam (02:11):
This is Mike's ring tone.

Mike (02:13):
Oh, hey,

Adam (02:15):
uh, hey Mike.
Can you come outside first?
I, I left my, uh, key card in my otherpants and I need you to come in and
let me into the building, please.
To the dorm.

Mike (02:25):
Yeah, no problem.
You got it.

Adam (02:26):
Thank you.

Mike (02:27):
So hold on, I'm just gonna shovel all this into the backpack.
Alright, I'll be right back.
Adam's outside.

Alex (02:34):
Okay.

Mike (02:35):
Yeah.

Alex (02:36):
And while he's gone, maybe I have that chance to do that embarrassing thing
I like to do when no one else is around.

Mike (02:43):
What was that?

Alex (02:44):
Here we go.

Mike (02:45):
Huh?
What's that?

Alex (02:45):
You didn't leave yet?

Mike (02:47):
No, I'm walking to the door.
I'm not

Alex (02:48):
No, you made a lot of money.
Don't worry about it.
I'm not doing anything.
And now that he's gone.
Me, I amm able to Mike go away.
I'm conniving.

Mike (02:57):
Yeah, but you're doing it very loudly.
I just, yeah,

Adam (03:01):
they're really giving me a hard time.
You gotta come down here quick.

Alex (03:03):
And now that he's distracted, I can continue to talk about the con.

Mike (03:07):
Alex, I can still,

Alex (03:07):
no, you can't hear me.

Mike (03:09):
Alright.
Alright.
Uh, Alex, just hang on forthe embarrassing thing.
We'll be up in second.

Alex (03:13):
I'm not gonna connive and I'm not gonna do anything embarrassing.

Mike (03:16):
Alright.
All right.
Alright.
I'm gonna reach towards the doorknob

Alex (03:19):
and now that he's gone I can do some,

Mike (03:21):
I'm still here.
Still right here.

Alex (03:23):
Will you leave?

Mike (03:24):
Alright.
Goodbye.

Alex (03:26):
Jesus.
God.
God.

Adam (03:30):
And now that he's gone, thank you for coming to get me.
They, we ended up really bondingme and the security guards.
It was, yeah.
You, we bonded mainly over, um,you and what a fool you are.
But, uh,

Mike (03:42):
yeah,

Adam (03:42):
yeah.

Mike (03:43):
No, that's, that's to how adult friendships work.
I, I, my understanding is Yeah.

Adam (03:47):
Is
there,
sorry.
Is there a reason we'relingering outside of the door?
Like just grab the knob and, and open it?

Mike (03:53):
I'm very scared.

Adam (03:56):
Why

Mike (03:57):
of, because as soon as I open this, I know you're gonna want
to go see the embarrassing thingthat Alex is doing in your room.
And I don't think that I'm ready for this.
Hello?

Alex (04:08):
And now that they can't hear me, I could Oh, sorry.
I butt dialed you,

Mike (04:12):
Alex.

Alex (04:12):
Sorry,

Mike (04:13):
Alex.
Alex,

Alex (04:13):
ignore that.
Don't worry about that.

Adam (04:15):
All right.
Mike just opened the door.
All right.
We're I, I really, I want to go inside.
I'm tired.
I've had a long day.
Just,

Mike (04:21):
I'm not sure what we're gonna, what we're gonna see in there.
Yeah, I'm, I'm kind of kinda curious.

Adam (04:25):
Yeah.
I don't really care.
I mean, he can't be doinganything that weird.

Alex (04:30):
Okay.

Adam (04:31):
Uh, uh, Hey, Hey, Alex.
What are you, what are you do?
Why is the, we're, did, didthe furniture move in here with

Alex (04:40):
nothing.
Oh.
Oh.
Hey guys.

Adam (04:42):
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What were you doing in there?
It sounded like you were pretty busy.

Alex (04:48):
Normal stuff.
Normal things.
Sex with a woman.
She left.
Oh.
Jumped out the window.
Uh, how are you?

Mike (04:53):
I, she did.
We could have said hi.
I mean,

Adam (04:57):
no, I think it's better.
I'm, I'm with Alex on this one.
Any like opportunity for a woman to leavethe room without interacting with you?
Mike is probably a,probably the best move.

Mike (05:09):
My mom says I'm very handsome.
I don't know why youguys keep saying that.

Adam (05:13):
And yet when did she say that, Mike?
On her way out the window.

Mike (05:17):
Yeah.
When she's
eloping with Rudy.

Adam (05:20):
Oh, they got back together.

Mike (05:22):
Yeah.
Unfortunately.

Alex (05:22):
Let's keep talking about this.

Mike (05:24):
Yeah, I think moved on.

Alex (05:25):
I'm happy that we, we moved on.

Mike (05:26):
I think there's moved a more pressing thing here.
I feel like I heard a U-Haulbeing, we were only gone for
about like a minute and a half.
Alex, how did

Alex (05:34):
Oh, yeah.
Adam, did you hear that?
Mike stole all my money.
Let's talk about that instead.

Adam (05:38):
Mike,
come on.

Mike (05:39):
I didn't, I didn't steal it.
I won it.
But that's not as important here as, as.
Okay.
Alex, are you gonna tell uswhat's going on in our dorm?
We share a space.
We, we, we gotta know what's happening.

Adam (05:51):
Yeah, the coffee table has definitely moved.
Alex,

Alex (05:54):
oh, sorry.
Here, there we go.

Adam (05:55):
Thank you.

Alex (05:55):
I,

Mike (05:56):
that's better.

Alex (05:57):
I, I think you guys are outta line here.
I, I need my own space to do mytotally, uh, normal things that
I do when you guys are not here

Adam (06:08):
having sex with a woman, et cetera.

Alex (06:09):
Yeah.
E every time you're here, I, I feel likeI can't, uh, fully unleash the beast.
Um, no.
And just, yeah.
I, I need, uh, I need,I need my own space.

Adam (06:21):
I so wanna ask what that means, but I'm, you're right, Alex.
You're right.
You do need your own space and it,I. I think what we would ask is just,
you know, the common area, respectthe common area in particular,
the placement of the furniture.
I can't, I don't know if you cantell, I'm really bothered by that
because I, oh, actually I spenta lot of time with the Fab Five.

(06:44):
They came in here, we did a whole thing.

Alex (06:45):
I was there.
It was awesome.

Adam (06:47):
Antoni taught me how to make spaghetti.
Tan bought me this shirt.
Of course it's tan.
So just, you know, like, yes,I hear what you're saying.
We'll respect, uh, yourneed for alone time.
And what do you need?
Do you want us to go out forthe afternoon or something?

Alex (07:06):
If you wouldn't mind, give mind.
Uh, I, I just need to catch my breathand then I'll, uh, finish up, uh, hanging
out on the couch and doing nothing.
I just need some quiet time.

Adam (07:16):
So what do you think, two hours, three hours, four hours, five hours?

Alex (07:22):
Yeah.
Like, yeah, seven hours is

Adam (07:24):
good.
Seven hours.

Mike (07:26):
I was, I was thinking 20.
Minutes, but Okay.
We can,

Alex (07:29):
all right, let's
meet in the middle.
Six and a half hours.
I think that's reasonable.

Adam (07:32):
All right.

Mike (07:32):
All right.

Adam (07:33):
Um, I'm just gonna grab a couple of things from my room and,

Alex (07:37):
uh, my, I'll get them.
What do you need?

Adam (07:40):
Uh, you know, just like my, uh, laptop charger.

Alex (07:44):
Laptop, yeah.
I got your laptop.
Here you go.
There we go.

Adam (07:46):
Well I do need the charger?
I, I have the lap.
Just I, the charger.

Alex (07:49):
Of course.
The charger.

Adam (07:50):
This is your laptop.
So I just need the charger.

Alex (07:52):
No, I'm just, lemme clean yours off real quick.
There you go.
There's your laptop.

Mike (07:56):
I'm just gonna
need my
water bottle from over there.

Alex (07:58):
Your wa of course.
Your water bottle thatstill has water in it.
Definitely.
Here you go.
Uh, just maybe don't drink it.
Um, is that all?

Adam (08:06):
Uh, I need some.
Uh, okay.
Look, this is a little embarrassing.
Um, there was free chili on campustoday, and so I, I kind of need
some like, uh, flushable wipes.

Alex (08:19):
Wipes.
Okay.
It's in the closet.
Uh, can you guys look theother way for a second?

Adam (08:25):
Sure.
Hey, look, uh, this isthis roach new Mike?
Has he been here before?
Yeah, I think, no, no.

Alex (08:32):
Yeah, that's kevin.

Mike (08:32):
That's Ted.

Alex (08:32):
He's cool.
Oh.

Mike (08:33):
Oh, it's, that's, that's Kevin?

Alex (08:35):
Yeah.
Ted has a friend.
Uh, no.
They, they're, they're cool.

Mike (08:38):
Could you go get Ted?

Alex (08:40):
Ted?
There he is.

Mike (08:45):
Thanks Ted

Adam (08:45):
Skitter sound effect.

Alex (08:47):
All right.
Go away Ted.
Dude, we'll see you next month.

Adam (08:50):
And you gave him the rent, right?

Alex (08:53):
Uh, yeah.
Ted's our landlord.

Adam (08:55):
Yeah.

Alex (08:57):
I forget sometimes 'cause we're so close.

Adam (08:58):
So, so wipes.

Alex (09:00):
Yeah.
Right here.
Here you go.

Adam (09:02):
Okay.
Oof.

Alex (09:02):
There's like three left.
Perfect.

Adam (09:03):
Wasn't this a new pa?
Oh.
Oh, okay.
I mean, three should be enough.

Alex (09:08):
Hey Mike, why don't you buy Adam some dinner with, uh, your money now
that, 'cause you have all that money now.

Mike (09:14):
Oh, that's right.
I probably could do that.
Um, could I, could I borrow some money?

Alex (09:19):
He just took
my
life savings.

Mike (09:21):
Yeah.
Well, I put it all in the Knicks.
Okay.
Like,

Alex (09:24):
okay, fine.
Whatever.

Adam (09:25):
When?

Alex (09:25):
here.
Here's 10 bucks.

Mike (09:27):
Thank you.
FanDuel.
FanDuel.
You can bet anywhere, anytime

Adam (09:31):
with cash?

Mike (09:34):
Yeah.

Adam (09:34):
Alright, I think I've got everything I need.
My laptop charger andsome flushable wipes.
Mike, you've got yourwater bottle and $10.
I think we should be, we should be set.

Mike (09:45):
I mean, I would also love to, I'd love if we could grab
the grand piano from the corner.

Alex (09:48):
Okay.
Bye.

Adam (09:50):
Oh, it's a beautiful day, isn't it, Mike?

Mike (09:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, sunny 60.
Sunny 60.
It's not, uh, it's, it's great.
Not cloud in the sky.
Yeah.

Adam (09:57):
Is that what you're calling the decade of your life that
you're in, your sunny sixties?

Mike (10:03):
You'll never know how old I am.

Adam (10:05):
Some idea.
Um, what do you wanna do?
Do you wanna go?
Uh, I heard that.

Mike (10:12):
I wanna find out what Alex is doing in the room, if I'm being honest with you.
Yeah,

Adam (10:17):
Mike, I, I don't think we, that's kind of personal, isn't it?
He's, he's asking forprivacy and we should

Mike (10:23):
No, you're right.

Adam (10:24):
Give him privacy.
I, I, for one respect that I think this

Mike (10:26):
is just like, we've done so many crazy things together.
Like, I mean, not for nothing,but like when Alex takes a
shit, he leaves the door open.
Like he, I don't know what privacyhe could need that like, he
hasn't already surrendered to us

Adam (10:44):
surrendered, interesting choice of words.
I feel like, um, I am gonna justleave him to it and you know, he
may Shit with the door open, Mike.

Mike (10:57):
Yeah.

Adam (10:57):
He's not making you look, you don't have to watch.

Mike (11:02):
He makes so much noise.

Adam (11:05):
Well, you know, headphones.

Mike (11:09):
I, I gotta put on headphones with you.
I feel like it's a performance, if I'mbeing honest with, and I'm, I'm sorry.
I'm getting off topic.
You're right, you're right.
Alex is, Alex is our friend.
He wants alone time.
He, I am sure he put asock on the door, I'm sure.
Yeah, I'm sure it's sure it's fine.

Adam (11:24):
Okay.
What do you wanna do with thenext six and a half hours?
I heard that the Spring Carnival mm-hmm.
Is, has, you know, kicked off on campus.

Mike (11:34):
Oh, okay.

Adam (11:34):
Um, do you wanna go wait in the line for that?

Mike (11:37):
Uhhuh?

Adam (11:37):
I hear that they've got a bit of a freak show.

Mike (11:41):
Ooh,

Adam (11:41):
at our college Spring Carnival.
It's not like games and rides and stuff.
It's like nightmare alley.
Like, um, there's a freak show.
Uh, do you know what a geek is?

Mike (11:53):
Do you mean like a guy that's into Star Wars?

Adam (11:56):
No, I mean, like, somebody who's addled with methamphetamines,
who bites the head off a chicken.
That's a real thing thatused to be at the circus.

Mike (12:06):
What the f what?

Adam (12:07):
Do you wanna go look at that?

Mike (12:09):
What do you

Adam (12:09):
They've got it.

Mike (12:10):
They've got it?

Adam (12:11):
That's pretty much all they've got is the geek.
And then I think, I think there'ssomething to do with the donkey, but
We'll, we'll have to go check it out.

Mike (12:22):
Does the guy bite the head off the donkey?

Adam (12:24):
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe that's like act twoafter the intermission.

Mike (12:28):
That's, that's insane.

Adam (12:30):
Let's go!

Mike (12:31):
Yeah, Alex would enjoy it too.
I'm gonna go grab, gonna go grab.

Adam (12:34):
Okay, well, uh, uh, Mike, but it hasn't been six and a half hours yet.
Mike Sprints back to the dorm room and,uh, he got, gets into the vestibule.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on buddy.
Hold on.

Mike (12:45):
Hey, bud.
Hey.
Well,

Adam (12:47):
you gotta swipe in.
You got your card?
You gotta swipe in.
Yeah.
Did you remember your card right here?

Mike (12:52):
Yeah, I got, I got, I got the card.

Alex (12:53):
Hey, is this guy trying to, to break through?

Adam (12:56):
Yeah, he's trying to force his way in, denise.
Let me see the card, son.

Mike (13:00):
Yeah, right here.
It's my student ID.

Alex (13:01):
Remember the vestibules for the best of you'll,.

Mike (13:05):
What does that mean?

Adam (13:06):
That's what it says on the sign.

Mike (13:08):
Yeah, I see the sign.
I'm confused by the meaning.

Adam (13:10):
A classic motivational poster.
It's an albatross with a black borderaround it, and underneath it says the
vestibules for the best of you'll..

Alex (13:19):
I don't like the cut of this guy's.
jib,.
Jim,

Mike (13:21):
uh, you don't need to.
My dorm's that way.

Adam (13:23):
Did you cut your hair?

Mike (13:25):
Yeah,

Alex (13:26):
it looks good.

Mike (13:27):
Thank you.
Denise,

Adam (13:27):
did you get the face tattoos lasered off

Mike (13:30):
What?

Adam (13:31):
The face tattoos right here that say fuck uh, Pelosi.
Did you get those lasered off?

Mike (13:38):
That was, uh, that was, I

Adam (13:41):
Usually it's good when you have a face tattoo with words to get some
symmetry in the number of lettersthat are on either side of your face.
I don't know why you thought you shouldlike, break off Pelosi on the left side.
Like FUCK space.
P-E-L-O-S.
I like that's I if you're taking notes,I'm glad you got 'em lasered off.

(14:02):
'cause frankly your face tattoo sucked.
And are, you're dyingyour hair now obviously.
'cause you're full gray in this.

Mike (14:09):
I'm start.
Yeah.

Adam (14:10):
Are you in your, hey, one man of a certain age to another?
Are you in your sunny sixties?

Mike (14:16):
You don't.
You're, that is personal informationthat you don't get to know.
And also also

Adam (14:22):
birthday on the card, which is of course August..

Mike (14:26):
Nope.
Gimme that.
Gimme that.

Adam (14:29):
He forced his way through.
Denise, stop him.

Alex (14:31):
Hey, we got August.
That piece of lore has been unlocked.

Mike (14:35):
No, no.
You'll never know.
I'm not a Leo.

Alex (14:37):
We are the lore keepers.
Give us the information.

Adam (14:40):
Yeah.
As Mike Sprints out of the vestibule, um,Denise and Jim turn towards each other
and they raise the hoods of their cloaks.

Alex (14:49):
Jim, let me ask you something.

Adam (14:51):
Yeah.

Alex (14:51):
We see that guy every day.

Adam (14:53):
Mm-hmm.

Alex (14:53):
Are we ever gonna stop doing this to him?

Adam (14:56):
Not until we find out what his goddamn birth year is.

Alex (14:59):
Damn right.
We're not.

Adam (15:00):
We Denise, let's hold our palms together.
And repeat the sacred oath.
Yes, do it.
Denise, hold up your palm to the camera.
Do it.
Thank you.
We are the lore keepers.
We will establish specificsthat we will remember.

Alex (15:22):
Remember,

Adam (15:23):
for every episode

Alex (15:24):
for everybody.
Everybody.
Every episode.
Yes.

Adam (15:27):
Of the podcast.

Alex (15:32):
Podcast.

Adam (15:32):
Break!.
Go Team.

Mike (15:34):
Uh, we see that the spell has been cast.
Sparks fly from the, from the hands of thelore keepers as various images In these
sparks, we see various images of, uh, ofMike being chased by the French people
with the guillotines, the impracticalJokers falling off the Tower of Babel.
We see, we see a transformer lookingthing flying through the Raycreational

(15:58):
vehicle, uh, as they, uh, take theirbig book and start chugging out.

Alex (16:04):
There's no way they're improvisers.
This is way too well planned out.

Adam (16:11):
It's so tightly written.

Alex (16:12):
It all makes too much sense.
If you ask me, something's awry.

Mike (16:17):
All right?
So all I, I mean, I
I can't just burst in there.
I, I all.
I remember this is the spy gear thatthey gave away in the McDonald's
Happy Meal toys, advertising,spy Kids three game over.
I knew it was gonna be useful.

Adam (16:30):
We cut to Mike, um, who is currently in his sunny sixties
at McDonald's when Spy Kids threecame out about 15 years ago.
Uh, so we've got a45-year-old man at McDonald's.
Okay, uh, next.

Mike (16:43):
You don't know that

Adam (16:44):
next.

Mike (16:45):
Hi, how you doing?

Adam (16:47):
Welcome to McDonald's.

Mike (16:49):
Oh, thank you.
Uh, could I do a, uh, sixpiece, uh, McNugget Happy Meal?

Adam (16:55):
Can I see your id?

Mike (16:57):
Why?
Why do you need my id?
I.

Adam (16:59):
It is just, we've had a, you know, gotta make sure you're
not on some kinda list, you know,we've done it through the system.

Mike (17:04):
I'm not a list.
I'm not on a list.

Adam (17:06):
Look,

Mike (17:06):
even, even if I, and even if I was on a list, why do you,
you don't, it's not illegal

Adam (17:10):
sweetheart.

Mike (17:11):
Get to get a happy meal,

Adam (17:12):
sweetheart.
We get middle aged men coming inhere all the time, ordering happy
Meals with the illest of intentions.

Mike (17:18):
What Ill intentions could you have with the Happy Meal?
It's a box with a smiley face on it.

Adam (17:23):
I don't know, but I gotta, Gimme your ID, sir.

Alex (17:28):
Is there a problem?
We are gonna need.

Adam (17:30):
Denise, can you please take care of this guy
?Alex: Happily.
We're just going to needyour identification.

Mike (17:35):
No, gimme the Gimme the gimme.
The spy gear.
Mike reaches behind the counter,grabs the toy and books it.

Alex (17:42):
He's got the artifact.

Adam (17:44):
Denise emerges from a portal back in the vestibule of the dorm.
Did the time travel work?
Denise, did you findout his full birth date?

Alex (17:51):
Not yet, but he has only grown older.
The further back we go, something's amiss.

Mike (17:58):
So Mike puts on the Spy Gear approaches, does a little dog crawl
on elbows approaching the door.

Alex (18:04):
So Mike, Mike manages to use his little spy glass.
And, uh, he peeks in when he sees, uh,like a pullout chalkboard and like plans
all over the floor and scribblings onthe walls, ceilings and the couch even.
Uh, and there's just, and Alex issitting right in the middle and he's
talking to himself and he's like, okay,my 30 year plan is nearly complete.

(18:27):
Soon I will finally be able toobtain Michael's McDonald Spy Glass
Toy from the Spy Kids three movie.
It's all been about this.

Mike (18:37):
No,

Alex (18:37):
this is all I've ever wanted.

Mike (18:39):
No, he can't, he can't get, no, this can't be it.
He can't be,

Alex (18:43):
I know he thinks I, I believe he has lost it, but I know he still has it.
That bulge in his pantsis definitely not a penis.

Adam (18:52):
The camera pans from Alex, focusing on Alex very slowly to Mike
crouching on the floor, and we zoomin very, very close on his face.
And in the reflection of his eyes, wesee Alex continuing to write his plan.
Single bead of sweat runsdown Mike's forehead.

Alex (19:09):
Yes.

Mike (19:09):
You can't do this to me.
I, this is mine.
This is mine.
I bought it.
I took it.
This is mine.
You can't be one of them.

Alex (19:17):
If all goes well, I will have the spyglass in the, by the
season four finale, and then mytrue goals can be accomplished.

Mike (19:27):
I gotta tell Adam.
I gotta tell Adam.
I gotta tell how Mike, Mike gets up.
He starts running, he tripsfalls flat on his face.

Alex (19:34):
Oh, okay.
Now where did that DVD ofhigh school musical go?
I still have six hours left.
Might as well enjoy myself.

Adam (19:47):
So do you guys, um, is this the first time you guys have been to
this or have you seen this before?

Mike (19:52):
We see this every year.

Alex (19:54):
Yeah,

Mike (19:54):
every year.

Adam (19:57):
Is it good?

Alex (19:57):
It's all I think about

Adam (19:57):
does he change it up?
Like is it, is it good or isit just kind like you come
just to have something to do?
Like

Alex (20:03):
we see it every year.

Mike (20:05):
Every year.

Alex (20:05):
Every year.

Mike (20:06):
Sometimes.
Sometimes it's not chicken.
It's a hen.

Alex (20:10):
Yeah.
And sometimes

Adam (20:11):
I don't know if I like that.
That feels, doesn't thatfeel misogynistic to you?

Mike (20:16):
No.

Alex (20:16):
What does a masseuse have to do with this?

Adam (20:19):
What?
What do you guys like about this?
What?
What draws you to it?

Mike (20:24):
The symbolism.

Adam (20:25):
The symbolism.

Alex (20:26):
Mostly the cocaine.

Mike (20:28):
And the cocaine.
You can't forget the cocaine.

Adam (20:30):
Do you do cocaine before you come here C, or do you
do it like once you sit down?
'cause I gotta say.
Either you have a very high tolerance oryou guys, you know, haven't hit it yet.
Haven't had, haven't bumped that bump yet.

Alex (20:46):
I'll take this one.
We come here every year.

Adam (20:49):
I, I heard that.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Mike (20:52):
Every year.. You guys in, in the very distance, you start
to hear Mike huffing and puffingas he's sprinting across the lawn.

Adam (20:59):
Do you guys hear that huffing and puffing?.
I think that's my friend.
Oh, there he, Hey Mike, over here

Mike (21:04):
we see this guy
every.
Fucking.
Year.

Alex (21:10):
Every year.

Mike (21:11):
Every year.

Adam (21:11):
Yeah.
No, I, I know you guys see him every year.
Um, we established earlier that I washolding a spot in line for my friend.
We, I was holding a spot.
Don't get mad at me.

Mike (21:20):
Hey, what the hell?

Alex (21:21):
Hey, we're here every year.
What's with this new guy?

Mike (21:24):
No cutsies

Adam (21:26):
has How many, hold on.
Show of hands.
Who has been here every year?

Mike (21:31):
Everybody.

Alex (21:31):
Every year.

Adam (21:32):
All hands.
up,

Mike (21:32):
all hands.

Adam (21:34):
How, how have I missed this?
How have I not?
I thought this was the firsttime they were doing Oh, okay.

Mike (21:40):
They have posters in the student union.

Adam (21:44):
Are are you guys students?

Alex (21:46):
Every year.

Mike (21:47):
Every year.

Alex (21:48):
Every year.

Adam (21:51):
All right.
Well, all right.
Well, luckily it's almost timefor the show, Mike, you got
here just in time, apparently.
Um, this is something that peoplesee every year, so it must be good.
What, what's up?

Mike (22:03):
I gathered.
First of all, running is awful.
Need that, need that on the record,

Alex (22:09):
dude.
Cardio is so important.
You have to run every day,

Mike (22:15):
every day,

Alex (22:16):
every day

Mike (22:16):
gets the blood going

Alex (22:18):
every day.

Mike (22:19):
The hen does.
That's why it gushes so much

Alex (22:21):
every day,

Mike (22:24):
every day.

Adam (22:25):
I didn't catch your names.
Sorry.
Hold on, Mike.

Mike (22:29):
I got, I got important intel.

Adam (22:32):
I'm a, I'm Adam.
This is Mike.
Uh, what, what are your names?

Alex (22:37):
Eclipse.

Mike (22:40):
Moonbeam.

Adam (22:42):
Wow.
Those are beautiful names.
Do you mind if we sit nextto you during the show?

Alex (22:48):
We change our seats every minute.

Mike (22:51):
Every every minute.

Adam (22:53):
Is that not disruptive?

Alex (22:55):
Incredibly.
I'm Eclipse because I blockthe view for everyone else.

Adam (23:01):
Oh, so it's a nickname.

Mike (23:02):
I'm moonbeam because I'm always shining on the eclipse.

Alex (23:07):
That's me.

Adam (23:08):
That's kind of, is that like romantic or is that like

Alex (23:12):
No, it's horrible.

Adam (23:13):
Are you guys,

Alex (23:13):
we both hate it,

Adam (23:15):
brothers?.

Alex (23:16):
We come here every year,

Mike (23:19):
every year, every, all.

Adam (23:23):
I'm gonna turn towards my friend.
I'll talk to you guys in there.

Alex (23:26):
Every year.
Every year,

Mike (23:28):
every year.
We see that as Adam turns away,Moonbeam and Eclipse don't blink.
They just keep staring at him,uh, for the entire conversation.

Adam (23:39):
So what, what did you go back to get again?
I don't remember.

Mike (23:42):
He wants my spy glass.

Adam (23:45):
What?

Mike (23:46):
The spy glass?

Adam (23:47):
The spy glass,

Mike (23:49):
the promotional spy glass that they gave away in the McDonald's
Happy Meals until promote Spy Kidsthree game over, that spy glass.

Adam (23:56):
He wants it.
You mean the thing thatyou got arrested for?

Mike (24:00):
Yeah.
Well, the charges were dropped, but yeah.

Adam (24:02):
Okay.
Well, you pled no contest.
That's different from the chargesbeing dropped, but o okay.
Um,

Mike (24:07):
I didn't serve time.

Adam (24:10):
I know, you got a suspended sentence.
We're on the same page.

Mike (24:14):
The point is,

Adam (24:14):
I don't want Eclipse and Moonbeam to think that, you know, you haven't

Mike (24:18):
every, year

Adam (24:18):
they deserve to know

Mike (24:20):
every year, every year.
Has he served time?

Adam (24:24):
He has not served time.
However, he is a convicted felon.

Mike (24:29):
That's hot.

Alex (24:30):
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.

Adam (24:31):
It does add a little bit of, you know, a little frisson
to his persona, doesn't it?

Alex (24:37):
Little bit of flavor.

Mike (24:38):
A little bit of flavor.

Adam (24:42):
What about the spyglass mike?

Mike (24:44):
Oh, Alex wants to steal it from me, and I'm not okay with this.
When I came, when I, there was likewritings on the wall, like a crazy person.
He's trying, writing all about,I was trying to steal a spyglass.

Adam (24:54):
Okay.
Did you, what are you, whatdo you want me to do about it?
I'm gonna center myself in this.
How does this affect me?

Mike (25:04):
I, if Alex gets the spy glass, I, it's,

Adam (25:07):
what do you use it for?
I've never seen you with the spyglass.
What are you using it for?

Mike (25:12):
Spying.

Adam (25:12):
Wait, is this what you do when you're, when you have your alone
time, you take the spyglass with you?
I do notice that the, um, the, youknow, uh, plaque that you hang the
spyglass on, that's in the living room,the gilded plaque is usually empty.
Big dust outline of the spyglass on it.
When you say you're goingfor your alone time,

Mike (25:33):
don't worry about it.
That, that's not your business.
It's my business.
It's my spy glass, and I need youto help me protect it from Alex.
'cause if Alex gets it,it's, it's all over.

Adam (25:41):
The Geek show is starting in one minute.
Please have your tickets ready.

Mike (25:48):
I have never been more excited.

Alex (25:52):
Yes, you have.
Remember last year?
And the year before that.
And the year before that.
Yeah, and the year before that.
And the year before that.
And the year before that.

Adam (26:04):
So Mike, I would love to help you, but let's, let's watch the show first.
I think it's about an hour.
And then, uh,

Mike (26:11):
how can it take an hour to bite off the head of a chicken?

Alex (26:15):
Hey, I'm Johnny Tinymouth.Watch me bite off the head of this chicken.

Mike (26:19):
Oh my God.
We see him just very slowlynibbling at the chicken.
This man is a master of his craft.

Alex (26:29):
Gets better every year.

Mike (26:31):
Every year.

Alex (26:32):
Every year.

Mike (26:32):
Every year.

Alex (26:33):
Every year.

Adam (26:33):
Can you guys, can you guys sit down just for a second?
Like,

Alex (26:37):
sorry, I have to move.

Mike (26:38):
Time to move.

Adam (26:40):
Okay.
All right.

Alex (26:42):
They just go to the other side of you.
We had to buy 20 seats eachso we can move to them all

Adam (26:46):
Oh, that's how you do it.
Okay.

Mike (26:48):
Yeah.

Adam (26:49):
I kind of thought it would be more abrupt.
Like he would like actuallylike, you know, rip it.
I didn't realize it wasgonna be like a. Process.

Mike (26:58):
Yeah.

Adam (26:59):
Wait, wait.
Is that the man versus food guy?
That's the man versus food guy.

Mike (27:06):
Oh my God.
It's, it's

Adam (27:06):
from the travel channel.

Mike (27:08):
It's man versus,

Adam (27:10):
I believe his name is Adam, like mine.
Um, and then he got in trouble becausehe, um, he, and this is true, cyber
bullied people about their weight online.
Um,

Alex (27:25):
I beat my food.
You didn't beat your food.

Adam (27:29):
That was direct quote.
Oh my god.
Wait.
Oh no.
He's hitting the wall.
I see it.
He's hitting the wall.
He is not gonna be ableto finish this chicken.
No, he keeps, come on.
We gotta cheer him on guys.
Come on.

Mike (27:41):
We gotta cheer on the man versus food guy.

Adam (27:43):
Man.
Versus food man versus food

Alex (27:46):
man versus food

Mike (27:48):
man versus versus food.

Adam (27:52):
Open up, security.

Alex (27:54):
Oh.

Adam (27:55):
Hi.
Uh,

Alex (27:56):
Hi security.
What can I do for you today?

Adam (27:59):
I don't know if you recognize me.
It's Jim from downstairs.
I was just wondering if I couldhave a, it's just a, you know,
standard candle inspection.
I'm just going from room toroom, checking for candles.
You know, you guys aren't allowedto have candles in the dorms.
Um, this is Mike Lee's room, right?

Alex (28:16):
Technically it's a shared, uh, domicile.

Adam (28:18):
Right?
But this is Mike Lee's suite

Alex (28:21):
and mine.

Adam (28:22):
Yes.
But Mike Lee's

Alex (28:24):
and Adam's.
Yeah.

Adam (28:27):
I'm gonna need to take a look inside of Mike Lee's room.

Alex (28:30):
Hold on.
Why?

Adam (28:32):
I got an anonymous tip that he has a candle.
In fact, I heard he's goteight of them and he's planning
something big in December.

Alex (28:41):
Alex turns around.
There's like, there's a, there's a circleof candles on the floor, all lit around
like a paper drawing of the spyglass.
Okay.
Uh.
I, you know, I, that doesn't ring a bell.
I, Mike is a big problem.
I know, but what if instead I tellyou where his candle supplier is?

Adam (29:03):
Look, let me level with you.
This candles thing is a ruse.
Does he have a copy of hisbirth certificate here?

Alex (29:13):
Oh, buddy.
I've been climbing upthat tree my whole life.
It's the second greatest mission of mylife to, to get Mike's birthday behind.
Well, another thing involvingMike, that's not important.

Adam (29:26):
Oh, so you, you
also are looking for the lore.

Alex (29:29):
I've done a lot of research on this topic.
Look, here's 10 binders.
Of everything I haveon the, on the subject.
I don't know his date, but Iknow it's between now and the
time uh, Jeezy C was born.

Adam (29:43):
Jesus Christ?.

Alex (29:44):
Yes.

Adam (29:45):
Okay.
Um,
that actually is good informa, wehadn't ruled out AD, I mean, BC

Alex (29:51):
I, I know, I know, but I, I,

Adam (29:53):
and yeah.
I call it bc. I don'thave the woke mind virus.
No before common era for me.
It's before Christ.
I'm extremely religious.

Alex (30:03):
Jesus.
Okay.

Adam (30:04):
That's right.

Alex (30:05):
Mm-hmm.

Adam (30:06):
My man.

Alex (30:07):
Look, you're clearly a recurring character who's gonna
be coming back now and then.
So
why don't we wrap this up

Adam (30:16):
and don't forget, my, my, uh, partner Denise is
also going to be recurring.

Alex (30:21):
Hey everyone loves me, I'm Denise.

Adam (30:23):
Uh, yeah, she's back there.

Alex (30:25):
I got it.
Uh, look, I I will, Mike, I willtell you this, Mike always keeps any
documentation that identifies whenhe was born on him at all times.
So you gotta, you gotta outwit him.
He, you're not gonnafind anything in here.

Adam (30:43):
Alright.
Thanks for the binders.

Alex (30:44):
No problem.

Adam (30:46):
That's a huge help.
And if you see Mike, just let him know.
We're coming for him.

Alex (30:54):
You want, you want him to be aware that he's being hunted for
this piece of information about him.

Adam (31:00):
If he gets nervous, he'll slip up.
That's what we're counting on.
We gotta crack him under pressure.

Alex (31:06):
Okay.
Yeah, I'll tell him.

Adam (31:08):
All right, thanks.
And I smell those candles.
Don't worry.
You're fine.

Alex (31:15):
Oh, good.
Good thing I used the scentedcandles to hide the smell of cocaine.

Adam (31:22):
Closing the door is a great way to end the scene.
Hey Alex, it's us.
We're back.
It's been, uh,

Alex (31:30):
Hey guys.
Come on.
Yeah.

Mike (31:31):
As Alex opens the door, we see Mike and Adam standing there just
caked head to toe in chicken blood.

Alex (31:38):
Well, it seems like you guys had a normal day.

Adam (31:42):
Oh, we saw a show.

Alex (31:44):
Uh, welcome back.
Thanks for giving me the day to myself.
I really, I feel very, very refreshednow and I have a clear mind.

Adam (31:51):
That's a normal thing to say.
Yeah, that's great.

Alex (31:53):
Mm-hmm.

Mike (31:54):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Adam (31:55):
Oh my god.
This place is spotless.
The coffee table is right on its mark.
That's great.

Mike (31:59):
Yeah.
Grand piano is still there.

Adam (32:00):
Grand piano is still there.

Alex (32:01):
I felt so relaxed.
I even took some extra time toclean up everything for you guys.
You will find all yourclothes in the laundry.
Um, you just have to figureout how to turn that on.

Mike (32:15):
You sure You got everything you wanted

Alex (32:17):
everything.

Mike (32:17):
You got everything outta your system.

Alex (32:18):
No, Mike, trust me.
I am.

Adam (32:20):
Mike, are you hitting on him?

Alex (32:21):
exactly where I need to be.

Mike (32:22):
You sure you don't wanna certain piece of.

Adam (32:27):
Mike, stop

Mike (32:27):
technology.

Alex (32:28):
Mike.
I don't care how many Cyborgattachments You, you, you attach to it.
I'm not touching ya junk.

Mike (32:36):
It's not junk.

Adam (32:37):
It's junk.

Mike (32:38):
No, it's not.

Adam (32:38):
Medically.

Mike (32:39):
No.
This

Adam (32:40):
cut back to Mike at the doctor.

Alex (32:42):
It's junk.

Mike (32:45):
Oh, come on.

Alex (32:47):
Cut back.

Mike (32:49):
It's a collector's item.

Adam (32:50):
I mean, in the sense that no one Yeah.

Alex (32:52):
But if no one wants it

Adam (32:53):
in the sense that no one's ever had it, it is a collector's item.

Mike (32:56):
No, I I, there are, there are about 3,200 of these around,

Alex (33:00):
there's like 4 billion guys in the world.
There's more than 3,200 penises.

Mike (33:05):
Yeah.
But not all of them have the spy glass.

Alex (33:08):
Oh, uh, are we talking about different things?

Mike (33:10):
I think we might be talking about different things.
Okay.
Nevermind.

Adam (33:12):
Listen, Alex, this is ridiculous.
But Mike was saying before the geekshow that he, um, thinks that you
want his spy glass or something.

Alex (33:24):
I don't even, what is that?

Mike (33:25):
There's no way.
No, you're lying to me.
You are lying to me right now.
You know what I saw, saw?

Adam (33:29):
He said you had some like, plan to steal it from him, or,

Alex (33:33):
I just had a nice chilled day.
And I'm Mike.
I am, I'm flattered that you thinkeverything in my life has been
revolving around stealing theonly thing that brings you joy.
Uh, but I'm your best friend.
You know?

Mike (33:44):
Mm-hmm.

Alex (33:45):
Like, I, I can't believe you would even down suggest this.

Mike (33:48):
No,

Adam (33:48):
Mike.

Mike (33:49):
No.
I'm, I'm
calm.

Adam (33:50):
Mike,

Alex (33:50):
how about we just forget this,

Adam (33:52):
Mike.
Let go of the countertop.
Let go of the countertop.

Mike (33:56):
Oh,

Adam (33:57):
it's cracking.
That's pure granite.

Alex (34:00):
Mike.
Look

Adam (34:02):
by the way, the, the kitchen in here.
The kitchen in here isbeautiful, by the way.

Mike (34:06):
I can't believe they fit it all in a college dorm.
It's really nice.

Adam (34:09):
Kitchen island, um, wine fridge.

Alex (34:12):
Look, guys, uh, it, it's been a long day.
Maybe, uh, we just, uh,move on, do our recording.
I think, uh, Mike's been a littledelirious, but I think, uh, just
some good old fashioned Raymond'sgonna get him back into his, uh, his
everyday, you know, huckleberry self.

Mike (34:32):
Yeah, we can record.
Yeah, we can do that.
If that's fine, that's fine.
Great.
I got everything right here.

Adam (34:37):
Stop

Mike (34:37):
you.
You clearly don't want the, youclearly don't want the fricking thing.
You don't know what?

Adam (34:40):
For God's sake, let go of the fucking counter.

Mike (34:44):
Nope.
I I'm fine.
Counter can take it.

Adam (34:47):
Mike , Antoni will kill me if you ruin the counters.

Mike (34:52):
I did.
No, I wouldn't ruin the,

Adam (34:53):
I already got blood all over my tan shirt.

Mike (34:56):
I wouldn't ruin the counters just like Adam, when Alex
wouldn't steal my fricking thing.

Adam (35:00):
Mike, uh, lifts up the kitchen island.

Alex (35:03):
I am an innocent boy.
I've done literally nothing for this.

Mike (35:07):
You are a liar,

Adam (35:08):
Mike, stop.

Alex (35:08):
Mike, stop hulking
out.
It's not a good look for you.

Adam (35:11):
I mean, you are turning green, so that's accurate, but
you're not getting any bigger.

Mike (35:16):
Mike throws the counter through the, through the window.

Adam (35:20):
Mike, don't break the window.
That's how all of Alex's dates get out ofhere so they don't have to talk to you.
Now we have to call maintenance

Alex (35:28):
Adam.
Like, you know how it is, Mike Mike'sjust like this sometimes and we have to,
you know, put up with his shenanigansand now he has shenan'ed again.

Adam (35:36):
Alright, let's just get it all out in the open.
Alex, are you trying tosteal Mike's spyglass?

Alex (35:43):
Of course not.
I don't even know what he's talking about.

Mike (35:45):
Open the book.

Alex (35:46):
What book?

Mike (35:47):
The book you were writing in earlier today.
Open it,

Alex (35:50):
but, oh, you mean this book?
These are drawings.

Adam (35:55):
That's his sketchbook.

Alex (35:56):
That's my sketchbook for my intro to drawing Adam class.
Unrelated to you, by the way,the teacher's named Adam.

Adam (36:04):
Oh yeah.
I mean, it's a common name.
Um, did you know that the man versusfood guy got in trouble for cyber
bullying people about - anyway.

Alex (36:11):
Really?

Adam (36:12):
No.
Look.
Mike, this has nothing todo with your spy glass.
Look, he's got drawings ofShark Boy and Lava Girl.
He's got drawings of Danny Trejo in here.
He's got like, it has nothingto do with your spy kids three.

Mike (36:24):
I don't know.
I think

Alex (36:25):
what what you maybe, you saw was
this picture, which does have a spy glassin it just 'cause it's Velma from Scooby
Doo, like looking for clues, you know?
Um, that might be what you saw.
Also.
You're clearly delusional.
Like you can't have possiblylooked in here without me knowing.

Adam (36:40):
Alex, that drawing of Velma's a little misogynistic.

Mike (36:44):
Um, she's wearing a shirt that says A woman shouldn't vote.

Adam (36:48):
Yeah.
Alex, your portrayal of Velmais, is accurate and respectful
to the, the established cartoon.

Alex (36:55):
Call me Mindy Kaling.

Adam (36:58):
Mindy.
Velma, As you've depictedher is misogynistic.

Mike (37:03):
She's raving anti-woman.

Adam (37:07):
Yeah.

Alex (37:07):
Well, Mike, look I, did you get it all out?
Are you feeling better?

Adam (37:12):
Mike, I mean, it's clear that you,

Mike (37:13):
I think, I think I did.

Adam (37:14):
You were, you were mistaken.

Mike (37:16):
I, I, yeah, I am.

Adam (37:17):
What do you need to do, Mike?
I think you owe Alex something, don't you?

Alex (37:21):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Mike (37:24):
Fine.
Alex, here's the money that I wonfrom you, but then go fish earlier.

Adam (37:29):
Oh, sweet.
Alex

Alex (37:30):
apology accepted.

Adam (37:31):
I was just trying to get him to say he's sorry, but that's good.

Alex (37:33):
Adam, shut up.

Mike (37:34):
No, I cheat.
I cheated.
I cheated on the, I cheated in the game.
I had pocket.

Alex (37:38):
Oh, I cheated too.
I just cheated badly.

Mike (37:39):
Oh, you were really bad at cheating then.

Alex (37:41):
Regardless, we're cool now, right?

Adam (37:46):
I, I feel almost no tension between you two.
I think it's clear that Mike,you know, made a mistake, is
crazy, however you wanna say it.

Alex (37:58):
I forgive him.
I love him.
He is my, he is my buddy.

Adam (38:01):
I'm pretty sure.
We met these people inline at The Geek Show.
Alex, I'm pretty sure they gave him abump of cocaine while we were watching
them, so I think that's, he's probablyin some sort of drug induced delirium.

Mike (38:12):
We should.
We should make this a new tradition.
We should do this every year.

Alex (38:16):
What?

Adam (38:16):
Oh, we should, do you mean The Geek Show?

Mike (38:18):
The Geek Show.
We should go to the Geek Show.
Every year.

Adam (38:21):
Every year.

Mike (38:22):
Every year.

Alex (38:23):
Every year.

Adam (38:24):
Who's that at the window?

Mike (38:26):
The window's gone.
There's a, it's a big graniteshaped hole where the window was

Adam (38:30):
granite shaped hole.

Alex (38:33):
Here, let's go into our newly, uh, ventilated kitchen and record our podcast.

Adam (38:40):
Okay.

Mike (38:40):
Uh, that might fuck up the audio.
All right.
Let's try that away.

Adam (38:43):
Oh Mike, you don't need to worry about that.
Status quo.

Alex (38:48):
As Mike and Adam turn around.
Alex goes, yes.
All according to plan.
He now knows that I want to stealhis spy glass, which is, which is
exactly what I was planning to do.

Mike (38:59):
What?

Alex (39:00):
I was just thinking of a funny joke.

Mike (39:02):
No, you were saying something about, you were like reading.

Alex (39:04):
No, the, the joke is funny.

Mike (39:06):
Is it?

Alex (39:07):
I was thinking of a funny joke.
Yes.

Mike (39:08):
Oh, like what?

Alex (39:09):
Uh, you can't hear it.

Mike (39:11):
Oh, okay.

Alex (39:12):
Because it's not, it's no longer acceptable in today's climate.

Mike (39:15):
Oh, okay.
Sorry about that.
Is that about how women shouldn't vote?

Alex (39:20):
Let's go record.

Mike (39:21):
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Let me, I'll just finishsetting up this podcast.
Yeah, we're good.

Adam (39:24):
We, we, um,

Alex (39:25):
excellent.
It's all, it's according to plan.

Adam (39:28):
We go to an overhead shot as if it's, um, you know, from the corner of
the room and we pull back and it becomestextured like a security camera feed.
And we see these security guards, uh,down in the vestibule watching it, rubbing
their hands together, doing kind of theexact same thing that Alex was doing.

(39:50):
Yes.
Everything's going accordingto plan, isn't it, Denise?.

Alex (39:52):
We will know when Mike Lee was born.
Soon.
This is important to us.

Mike (39:59):
What are you guys doing in here?
I was just doing my rounds.
You're not supposed to be in.
Here right now.
What, what, what's going on?

Adam (40:04):
Denise, hold your hand up to the camera.
We are the lore keepers.

Alex (40:08):
We are the floor beepers.

Mike (40:09):
What?
What the fuck?

Adam (40:10):
Floor beepers.

Alex (40:13):
I, I forgot it.

Adam (40:14):
Alright guys.
Everything is fine.
Back to normal and to end.
We, we love each other and so Ithink we're in a great head space
to talk about, um, this episode ofEverybody Loves Raymond that we watch.
What do you say happily?
I think so too.
Alright, welcome back to the Barone Zone.
We're talking about seasonfour, episode 20 alone.
Time of everybody loves Raymond.

(40:36):
Debra wants to be alone for a while.
Ray Wonders why It's me,Adam with Alex and Mike.
Cut.
That's me.
What'd you guys think of thisepisode on the overall basis?
I didn't love it.

Mike (40:47):
Yeah.
Honestly, I was not a fan.
I thought this was oneof the weaker episodes.

Adam (40:51):
Mm-hmm.
I think I am inclined to agree with you.
I think the um.
The portrayal of Debra.
I, I think that first scene of, um, soDebra Ray walks in on Debra bleaching
her mustache, her peach funds.
Yeah.
Her hair on her upper lip gives

Alex (41:09):
the most, like guy who has clearly never lived with
a woman lines I've ever heard.

Adam (41:14):
I find it hard to believe he's never like, unless she is constantly in there.
Right.
Maintaining it.
Like,

Alex (41:22):
is this what, like, and like this is just my ignorance showing,
is this what women go through?
Uh, like to hide, like things like this.
Because I don't think so.
I think Ray just may be justlike not paying attention ever.
Yeah.
Um, oblivious of the finer details.
Yeah.
Well, I

Mike (41:39):
dunno, because Deborah seems very upset that, that he found out about it.
So maybe.
I don't know.
Maybe she did activelytry to hide it from him.

Alex (41:47):
That's true.
But also I think it's justifiedbased on how he responded.
But because boy, that was, that was rude.
Even it went off onher like, yeah, my God.
It like,

Mike (41:57):
so this, this is a, this is a weird episode, man.
Like, for a lot of different reasons,but one of them is certainly that
like, I don't know, it, it, it's,this is a weird character choice for
Ray to just be absolutely shockedthat his wife, like, I don't know,
isn't naturally hairless flawless.

(42:17):
Not even flawless or hairless,whatever you wanna say.
Wait, women

Alex (42:21):
aren't bald below the chin or above the nose.

Mike (42:24):
Women.
Yeah, exactly.
It's, it's a weird, it's a weird choice.
It's also, they really, clearly,the writers thought it was hilarious
because they really leaned into it.
This was like the joke, like eight timesduring, well, they had a, they had a

Alex (42:37):
million like quips for it.

Adam (42:39):
Yeah.
I think, yeah.
The, the ray, like dropping onejoke about it after another, you
know, you're going to put a womanon the train tracks, ha ha ha.
Twirling the mustache.
I feel like, um, in context, like I getthat, you know, that's a, you've got a
fun scene where you can write a bunchof little jokes, but in context of the

(43:02):
episode of the world, of the charactersreally makes Ray seem like a dick.
He barges in on his wife in thebathroom and then just hammers her.
It, it crosses from good naturedteasing because he clearly cares about
it and it disturbs him to a degree.
Yeah.
That it's like he goesin, he also goes and

Mike (43:23):
immediately tells.
His family about it.
Yeah.
It's like, it's like, yeah, okay.
He's teasing.
Yeah, he's taking it too far.
And then he goes and just uses it asan excuse to talk to his parents and
wrap like, what the hell is going

Adam (43:37):
on?
He starts out, so Deborahdemands alone time, uh, because
Ray is always up in her grill.
Um, this is clearly something she'sbeen thinking about though, 'cause like,
and is justified in asking for This'sgot the three small children and the

Alex (43:53):
one large child.
This seems like the smoking gunthat allowed her to finally have
enough leverage to be like, look,you need to give me some space.
Like literally just an afternoon alone.
Uh, like, you know, so I don'thave the kids, so I don't have
you, and I could just like.
Chill, you know?
Yeah.
Cry.
And then, you know, in classicRay fashion, he fucks that up.

(44:16):
He fucks up not being athis house for like an hour.

Adam (44:19):
Yeah.
He can't handle it.
Uh, he, I, I kind ofthought, so he goes over to.
Takes the kids over to Marie andFrank's to, uh, what does he say?
Watch a video.
Watch A DVD, something like that.
Yeah.
Something to that effect.
Like,

Alex (44:34):
like,

Adam (44:35):
you know, just,

Alex (44:35):
and

Adam (44:35):
that part's fine.

Alex (44:36):
Like, you know, yeah, that's fine.
I just hang out at Grandma andGrandpa's and watch a video.
I love that shit.

Adam (44:40):
I guess I'm reacting to the specificity of, no, not watch tv.
They wanna watch a video.
They, they, that's true.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's just weird.
Not a bad point.
It's not a

Alex (44:50):
good point.
But it's also just, I mean,like, that, that's, that's like,
that's like some 2020 speak.
That is 2020 YouTube newsahead of this watch videos.
Yeah, get that good content.

Adam (45:02):
All right.
The kids wanna comeover and watch a TikTok.
Is that alright?
They wanna watch, uh, family guywith the, uh, what's it called?
Fucking Subway.
What is it?
Subway surfers.
Subway surfers.
That is a

Alex (45:12):
reference that is only funny to us, but if you wanna know why
that's funny, you can buy the Baronus.
Now I have to

Adam (45:20):
include that in the ness.
What is wrong?
I don't think it was that interesting.
Too bad.
We talked a little bit beforethe recording that Mike likes.
His main exposure to family guyhas been in split attention.
Tiktoks or Instagram reels.

Mike (45:36):
Yeah.
Listen, I just, I, it'slike it's, the show is fine.
It has a couple funny quips,but it's not like interesting
enough to keep my attention.
But I like watching the little guyget the jet pack with the colors
and go up, up above the subways.

Adam (45:50):
Brian, his name is Brian.
He's a dog.
That's

Mike (45:52):
the dog.
That's the dog, yeah.
Who by the way, is an asshole.
I just gotta say it.
There's very little redeem and qualityabout, I don't think anybody in this show.

Adam (46:00):
I don't think the characters in Family Guy are meant to
have like full emotional arcs.
I think they're vehicles for pop cultureand you know, crude jokes like, like us.
Yeah, like us.
Welcome back to the Family Guy Zone.
Uh, my point was, uh, he brings the kidsover to Marie and Frank's and then tells

(46:23):
them that Deborah just wants some timealone and that's why they're over there.
They react poorly, of course.
Marie says, I Marie says amarriage is about closeness.
Frank has this soliloquy wherehe is like, that's right.
It is about closeness, about howmuch closeness you can take, about
how close you can get to killingher before you kill yourself.
I don't know if it's just, I thinksuicide jokes are funnier in.

(46:48):
Everybody loves Raymond context.
Mm-hmm.
Because remember Marie's,uh, she makes lasagna for the
vow renewal and then races.
He has hor d'oeuvres and she's like,I, well, why didn't I just kill myself?
That hit really good.
That line hit a little bit for me.
I mean, I know it's wife humor.
Yeah.
Let

Alex (47:05):
me, let me ask you.
No, it's funny, it's very funny.
Let me ask you guys, and this is kind ofa general overhaul of like later season
four, which I've started to, to feela little bit with long running shows.
Um, have you guys been feelingany of the effects of like
Flynn with these characters yet?

Mike (47:26):
A little bit, so this is, this is interesting, right?
Like when we were first watchingthis show, season one was okay.
Season two started to when wereally started to enjoy it, I think.
Yeah.
Or season two, season three, we werewatching we're, I remember thinking
to myself, Raymond gets a bad rap.
He's not that bad.
He's just a lazy, flawed husband andpeople really use him as this moniker

(47:50):
for wife humor in treating, you know,the sitcom trope of treating your,
your hot wife's shitty and so on.
And I didn't think it was deserved.
I'm starting to change my mindabout that in season four.
I, I we're really feelingit in season four.
Subtle

Adam (48:03):
admission there.
That, uh, Patricia Heaton is onMike's, uh, uh, you know, hall pass.
Hall pass.
From who?
From God.

Mike (48:18):
Listen, I'd like to have the Liz ready and then, you know, just in
case, just in case that's gonna be your

Adam (48:24):
vows, that when you eventually get married again, is you're gonna
read your hall pass at your wedding.
Uh, I,

Mike (48:30):
I, I love, I love you baby.
You illegally agree to not getmad at me if I bang Patricia
Heaton, Patricia Heaton, JenniferAniston, Meryl Streep, et cetera.

Adam (48:44):
I wanna hear interesting choices.
Do two more just 'cause I'm tryingto get where your tastes lie.
'cause that, at first I thought, oh, he'sjust doing women from sitcoms from the
nineties and then Meryl Streep in there.

Mike (48:58):
Two more.
Oh, oh, um, two more?

Adam (49:01):
Yeah.

Mike (49:02):
Alright.
And don't do

Adam (49:03):
joke ones.
Be honest.

Mike (49:05):
No, I'm being real.
Diane Keaton,

Adam (49:10):
Susan.
Susan, Susan, Susan Boyle.
That's my last one.
Okay.
Come on.
All right.
What?
Anyway, were you, Jay Lenomaking Susan Boyle jokes.

Mike (49:22):
What's the joke?
She's a beautiful woman.

Adam (49:24):
Okay.
Sorry.
No, you know what?
That's on me

Alex (49:26):
regardless.
Um, season four, I, I bring thisup because I think in the last 10
episodes, I think at least everyother episode, I've thought, wow.
I feel like I've seen this episode beforeand not in the sense that I've watched
the series before, which I have a longtime ago, as mentioned on this podcast.
But like, I feel just like we'rehitting, starting to go through the

(49:46):
same beats and I feel like Frank's jokesare becoming a little more intense.
I feel like Marie's hovering nessis becoming a little more hovering.
Uh, honestly, the only character that'sstill feeling fresh to me is Robert.
Yeah.
You know, I actually agree with that.
Yeah.
Because he's the only one who changes.
It's

Adam (50:06):
a fine line between like consistent characterization and
then going into like self parody.
But I think we're seeing less of thelike, you know, the Frank with the
baseball, uh, Frank, the writer Marie,with the piano, like the kind of like
everything slows down, laugh trackdies out, and we have like an emotional

(50:27):
moment between the characters where welearn something about them and their
relationships and we are getting a lotmore of just, Frank hates his wife.
Marie also hates Frank and,uh, Debra's Shrill and Ray's an
idiot, which Ray is an idiot.
I. But nobody's

Mike (50:46):
doubting.

Adam (50:46):
It does kind of feel like, and, and maybe it, it will vary by
episode as we get into this middlestretch of where, you know, certain
characters are just on autopilot.
Mm-hmm.
And other characters developmore depth, or other episodes
might have more depth for people.
I know we've got Italy coming up, whichis, you know, that's gonna be fun.

(51:06):
Yeah.
Considered the

Alex (51:07):
masterpiece.
So, at least with, from my, from mymemory, I remember really liking five,
six, and seven, uh, those seasons ofthis show when I first watched it.
Sorry for your season four lovers.
I'm just, uh,

Adam (51:22):
well, we're coming off a good run and now I, yeah, I,
I'm picking up a little bit.
Yeah.
Like, I'm, I'm just

Alex (51:27):
starting to feel.
Like, we're not burn out.
Yeah.
Which is stupid to say about a sitcom.
I know.
Sure.
Because the whole idea is thatyou get the, a different flavor
of the same thing every week.
Mm-hmm.
And I will say, I, I can see it now.
The comment will be, um,like, oh, the show was never
meant to be watched this way.
And it was like, yeah, definitely not.

(51:49):
But like, this is howpeople watch shows now.
They watch mm-hmm.
One episode a week and then theytalk with their friends on a podcast
for a half hour, and then that's it.
That's how people watch TV now.

Adam (52:01):
Yeah.
After

Alex (52:01):
editing, half hour after editing, we've been here for eight

Adam (52:05):
hours.
Okay.
So, uh, yeah, I, I hear what you'resaying, Alex, but, um, the reason I
bring up that Marie Frank line, um, is,so Ray brings the kids over to Marie.
Frank's tells 'em thatDeborah wants 'em alone time.
They push back.
Ray defends her at first, and I waslike, Ray is doing a good job here,

(52:26):
telling them it's none of theirbusiness and they should back off and
then tells them about the mustache andsells her out and lets them get to him.
And that's what leadsto Ray going over there.
Yeah.
He said

Alex (52:38):
Deborah has a mustache, like, like she was cheating on him.
Debra has a mustache

Mike (52:44):
and I will say Deborah has a mustache.
Frank, to Frank's credit, his point oflike Ray, she could have a full bushy
beard who wouldn't take eight hours.
I was, first of all, I chuckled.
Second of all, yeah, that's misogynistic.
Third of all, I was also like,that's a, that's a good point, Ray.
He really is a dumb ass here.
It's, yeah.
I don't know.

(53:04):
I like that line.

Alex (53:05):
Yeah, but I mean, Debra wanting alone time, I mean from
her perspective, perspective isclearly not just about the, the like.
The personal hygiene thingsshe's gotta, gotta do.
Yeah.
Like, like, you know, it's about

Adam (53:17):
boundaries, self

Alex (53:18):
care.
It's just about her having some timeto herself, which is reasonable.

Adam (53:23):
And I do think it's consistent with the Baronus as characters
that, um, they wouldn't understandwhy people would want boundaries.
I mean, that's kind of theirwhole thing is that Yeah, sure.
They just come over whenever they want.
Um, so I think it's good to get there,like, you know, have them be the
inciting incident for Ray to then goover peep through the window at Deborah.

(53:46):
Um, and she's just sitting on the couchcrying, which, just having a cry, which
Mike, I've seen you do that except thebox of tissues is empty By the time that,
that I, I walk in on you usually it's sad'cause the tissue box ran, box ran out.

Mike (54:03):
It's just life is so short and so are the tissues.

Alex (54:07):
There you go.
What, um, like Okay.
I like obviously racebuying on Deborah is shitty,

Mike (54:15):
right?
That's so, okay.
There's a lot that he does.
This is, I mean, not to spoil thebarometer, but it's a low score
for he ain't doing great today.
It's not, there's very littlethat he does good, uh, all the
way through and yeah, invading theprivacy obviously is bad though.
I will say the mailman scene, it killsme that, uh, we don't know the, the

(54:38):
Mailman's name because I, the mailman was

Adam (54:40):
uncredited.
Yes, it's a shame.
I

Mike (54:43):
know he didn't have a line, but the look, he gave Ray that look was fantastic.

Adam (54:48):
Fantastic.
As act ast, acting fantastic as.
Fantastic acting.
You got there?
Yes.
Fantastic ass.
Ray goes back over, uh, to theBaronus and Robert's there and, uh,
Robert tells him to go back overthere and ask him what's wrong.
Uh, Robert's physical therapy thathe does by himself, of course,

(55:11):
um, in the kitchen where he's likestretching out his upper thigh.
Um, his claim that he could open a jarof pickles with his ass and then the
button on the scene of him taking thejar of pickles out of the refrigerator,
going to open it and then looking at itand like raising an eyebrow, like, Hmm.

(55:33):
That is the funniestmoment in the episode.
I, my idea easily top execution.
Yeah.
Beautiful.

Alex (55:41):
What is the, uh, because like, I'm not even the pickles to be honest.
I get it.
Curiosity, you know?
Oh,

Mike (55:49):
what do you mean?
Oh, okay.

Alex (55:51):
Well, I, I'd want to, if I, if I made that claim, I'd be
like, well, now can I do that?

Adam (55:57):
I have the opportunity.
You've got the motive, themeans and the opportunity.
Yes.
And he's

Alex (56:02):
got

Adam (56:02):
two butt holes now.
Better grit.
One isn't upper thigh.
Um, what is the, um, most challengingthing that you've opened with your ass?
Mike, I'll go to you first.

Mike (56:19):
I don't know if I've opened anything with my ass.
Not with that attitude.
I guess doors to

Adam (56:27):
like, do you mean like opportunities?

Mike (56:29):
Yeah, no, like I believe my ass has, has done wonders
for my career, but I that's,

Alex (56:34):
mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Alex?
Yeah.
I mean, I, I do see like an interviewmeaning like, we're sorry, uh, Mike,
we're just not looking for that.
Will you please leave?
And he's like, okay.
And then he turns around and heis like, well, hold on a minute.

Adam (56:50):
Whoa.
We thought we'd like to watch you leave,but we'd love to watch you walk away.

Alex (56:56):
Uh, listen, you know, I like, I'd be more than happy to sit here for the
next hour to go into detail about thissubject, but I, I'm planning on starting
a whole new podcast about that subject

Adam (57:11):
ass podcast.
Podcast.
There's gotta be A-P-D-C-S-S-T.

Alex (57:17):
Come on.
If not, we're

Adam (57:18):
claiming it.

Mike (57:20):
Uh, yeah, there's definitely a pod s

Adam (57:21):
or just, I'm saying podcast, but with two S's.

Mike (57:25):
No, I got, I got what you're putting down.
I'm trying to think of away to make it cleaner.

Adam (57:29):
Cleaner.
You want the s to be cleaner?

Mike (57:33):
No, I like it.
Stinky Mike.
That's awesome.

Adam (57:42):
Ray goes back over to the house, tries to awkwardly help with the laundry.
Um, Ray thinks that, uh, he's kindof thinking through it with Ro with
Robert and says, I don't get it.
Deborah's been acting normal, but thenmaybe the whole normal thing in act, and
really she's crying because she hates Ray.
So Ray goes back over there and,uh, awkwardly tries to win her over,

(58:05):
tries to help with the laundry.
Um, proves to her thathe's been mouthwashing.
How are you?
Um, and then says, sorry, I've,I've been kind of jerky the
last couple of years, which.
You know, is uh, that, that,

Alex (58:22):
that makes up for it.

Adam (58:23):
Yeah, that's in, that is a, he's now a 10.
That's one of the more direct apologieswe've heard Ray make in 95 episodes.
So you gotta give him credit for that.

Mike (58:33):
Oh,

Adam (58:33):
good God.
Has it been

Mike (58:34):
95 episodes?
Yep.

Adam (58:36):
Geez.
But you don't have to give him creditfor his kind of condescending attitude,
uh, when he is like, I know why you cry.
Uh, and then, you know, Debra gets pissedoff justifiably when, uh, he find she
finds out that he was watching her.

Mike (58:52):
I, I also gotta say, this is a weird.
Episode period because it, it bouncesbetween two different kind of like
thesis statements, which is one is like,oh, sometimes people need alone time.
And it does a whole bit on that.
And then it turns to men don't cry, whichis also a very strange, but they do dance.

(59:15):
Yeah, they do dance.
Um, yeah.
It, it, it's a, so neither of those inand of themselves are bad premises for
an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.
I felt it was weird tocombine them into one episode.
It didn't feel very concise to me.

Adam (59:31):
Or consistent.

Mike (59:32):
Yeah.
That's a better way better word for it.
It did

Alex (59:34):
feel kinda like it just, they had two episodes that were too short.
Yeah.
It feels like Debra kind of getsover the whole You were spying on
me thing too quickly so they couldaddress the you don't cry thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And both aspects of the episodeI found not super satisfying.

Adam (59:56):
I agree.
Um, Debra tells Ray that she'scrying because she likes it.
It's a release, it's cathartic.
She puts on the theme from Ice Castles.
Do you wanna know aboutthe theme from Ice Castle?
What's Ice Castles?
You hear it in the, in the episode,but the theme for my, so Ice Castles.

(01:00:16):
It is a 1978 American romantic drama film,uh, directed by Donald r and starring
Lynn Holly Johnson and Robbie Benson.
It's the story of Lexi Winston, a youngfigure skater and her rise and fall
from Superstardom tragedy strikes.
When following a freak accident, Lexiloses her sight, leaving her to hide

(01:00:37):
away in the privacy of her own despair.
This is the first timeI'm reading this, sorry.
Leaving her to hide away.
In the privacy of her own despair,she eventually perseveres and
begins competing in figure skatingagain through the Eyes of Love.
Theme from Ice Castles is anAcademy Award and Golden Globe
Award nominated ballad performed byAmerican Singer Melissa Manchester.

(01:01:00):
From the soundtrack of the film,

Alex (01:01:02):
I feel like I just saw the whole thing.

Adam (01:01:04):
You basically did.
Um.
When you hide away in theprivacy of your own despair
and cry, what do you listen to?
Okay.
I actually have an answer.
Good.

Alex (01:01:15):
I listen to, or rather I watch videos, um, about of family

Adam (01:01:23):
guy on top and subway surfer on the planet.
No,

Alex (01:01:26):
I watch, I watch videos of fathers, uh, talking about their kids and then
they start to tear up because of how proudthey're, and that always makes me cry.

Adam (01:01:38):
Aw, that's adorable.
Mike.

Alex (01:01:41):
Um, it's porn.
Mike likes porn.

Mike (01:01:44):
Yeah, I was gonna say he wants what?
He can't have.
I just, I just, yeah.
Just makes me, yeah.
That, uh.
What?
She's just stuck in the washer.
It really is too sexy.
She'll never get out.
She'll

Alex (01:01:56):
never get out.
And now the mechanic stuck too.

Mike (01:02:02):
It's just, it's just taking everybody, it's a monster.

Adam (01:02:06):
And that's a release for you.

Alex (01:02:08):
Yeah,

Mike (01:02:09):
you could say that.

Alex (01:02:11):
And then she goes to get the blood extra spare blanket from under the bed.
And up there she's stuck again.

Mike (01:02:16):
Just there's no place in the world that's right for her.
She just gotta find her own spot.
It's, it's horrible.

Alex (01:02:23):
There's a lesson for all you people out there.
Never become a stepsister.
You will get stuck everywhere.
Anyway.
Mike, what were you saying?

Mike (01:02:34):
I think I was pretty clear.
Adam, what makes you cry?

Adam (01:02:37):
Um.
Honestly, uh, dog stuff.
So that movie, A Dog's Purposethat Got me, that is a sad movie.
Yeah.
Anything with like, and look, I'ma nerd to the Sarah McLaughlin
commercial, however, there wasdefinitely a time where it got me.

(01:03:00):
I just, pets being, um, either likenaturally progressing through the
stages of life and then dying orbeing mistreated are definitely
the things that make me cry.
And it's not cathartic because thenI feel bad and I have to go hug my
pets, which is cathartic actually.
So it, it kind of works.

Mike (01:03:21):
It loops.
Loops back around.
Yeah.

Adam (01:03:23):
Yeah.
Now you, Mike, you were telling me aboutthat video where Sarah McLaughlin is in
the dog pound and she gets stuck, right?
Yeah.
She

Mike (01:03:30):
gets stuck.
She gets stuck

Adam (01:03:33):
and then

Alex (01:03:34):
the, and then they start filming and like the sad, then
the song plays the panties.
She's stuck the

Adam (01:03:40):
names.

Alex (01:03:41):
Um, but I, I, I do sympathize with what Deborah says
here because it is very funny.
Uh, it's very funny because,because like I, I do agree that like
sometimes a good cry really helps.
Like I find if I have a bad headacheand I'm feeling very emotional,
literally just making myself cryfor like five minutes makes me

(01:04:02):
feel like a bajillion times better.
Um, and that I'm goodfor like, however long.
So like, I, I think it's fine.
I wouldn't have chosenknowing this family.
I would not have selectedthe living room to cry in.
True.
Go to a, an go to the bedroom.
An eternal room.

Adam (01:04:22):
Yes.
Or a room without windows.
Uh oh.
I thought Ray's line of, um.
So Deborah says, you know, it's,haven't you ever gotten the blues?
It's, you know, it's good, it'scathartic and Ray's like, so all
of a sudden you're this old bluessinging guy with a mustache.
That was a funny, uh,no, that was a, that I,

Mike (01:04:41):
I actually really appreciated that line.
I think that's the one

Adam (01:04:44):
line where I was like,

Mike (01:04:46):
this is, that's a funny use of the mustache stuff.
Nice

Adam (01:04:48):
callback.
That's a funny use of the mustache stuff.
Uh, Debra.
So we've got the scene of Debratrying to make Ray cry by having
him remember the night Ali was born.
And Ray laughs out loud in her face,um, which I kind of got, because
if you're trying to manufactureit, it becomes ridiculous.
It's tough.
Yeah.

Alex (01:05:08):
Yeah.
And it's, it's, it's very hard tolike do like a make yourself cry in
front of other people, like, you know?
Yeah.
If, if you gotta cry like uncontrollably,you know, that's, that's that.
But like, if you're gonna sitdown and be like, all right, I'm
gonna cry, you do that shit alone.
Hence why Debra did that alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I do appreciate thatRay tried to do it alone.

(01:05:31):
It was, it was a nice, that waslike, one thing I kind of did like
about him this episode is thathe, he did give it a try, kind of,

Adam (01:05:38):
uh, yeah.
Um, the wrap up of that scene beforewe get to the hot clothes where he does
give it a try is, uh, Ray Mock sobbing.
When Deborah tries to get him tocry about Shamsky, number one,
his parents gave the dog away.
Um, they storm into the bathroom.
Deborah is pissed.
Uh.

(01:06:00):
Ray suggests that Marie take the kids.
Debra can be alone.
Ray goes golfing.
Ha ha ha.
But then Debra makes him do thelaundry, get the kids, and take
them shoe shopping, and then shegets the mustache twirl callback
as she's giving him these commands.
He, he, he, that felt, um,still feels like sitcom.

(01:06:22):
Greg got off easy.
Yeah.
But it felt like a sitcomy resolutionto this of I was gonna say, actually
you're gonna do the chores husband.
Like, I don't like the what comparedto the last episode that we had, um, I
think where Deborah and Robert Oh yeah.
Debra and Robert, like, win that episodebecause Ray kind of like his, he gets

(01:06:44):
his comeuppance when he has to go tothe polka night with the old people.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Th this resolution really seemsto reduce Deborah to, you know.
My wife, I need to, I need you to dothe Cho, I'm gonna make you do the
chores so I can cry to sappy music.
Like, that's feels very reductive,uh, of the Deborah that we know.

(01:07:09):
So I wasn't super happy withthat, although I did appreciate
the mustache callback and Iguess in a sense she did win.
I just, I, yeah, I don't know.

Mike (01:07:18):
It was, it was, this was a weird way to finish the episode.
I'm with you.

Adam (01:07:21):
Yeah, it felt a little, um, retro in its sensibilities.
Yeah.
Um, but the hot clothes Rayputs on the theme from Ice
Castles, so we do get to hear it.
Um, I'm not a fan personally.
Full take, there's like a type oflike schmaltzy eighties, or I guess
this was the late seventies ballad,like, you know, the wind beneath

(01:07:42):
my wings or something like that.
That has never really resonated with me.
I think it's because I'm too, likeyoung and like gen, my, my sensibilities
are very gen alpha, you know?
I like meme music.
You know that about me.
Mm-hmm.
Right?

Mike (01:07:59):
Yeah.
You know, you famously, I know your numberone song on Spotify was, um, was the
Fortnite parody of American Boy, right?
Mm-hmm.

Adam (01:08:10):
And I know what that is.
Yeah.

Alex (01:08:13):
Yeah.
I didn't know that was real.
I was gonna like, make a joke about like,American boy, where were you dropping?
Boy,

Mike (01:08:21):
how am I the old one?

Adam (01:08:26):
How old, by the way?
Are you?
Uh, we what?
Quick zoom out back to the,uh, back to the security desk.
They lean in.

Mike (01:08:37):
So in the hot clothes, I really liked it when, damn.

Adam (01:08:42):
Yeah.
Go on.

Mike (01:08:43):
I really, I really, I don't know.
I thought it was funny how hejust kind of gave up and just
started dance at those fun.
Yeah.
He changes

Adam (01:08:48):
it to Lady Marly.
Do you want, I mean, hey,sometimes, how much information
do you want about Lady Marm?

Alex (01:08:53):
You need to get it out, and if that's crying or dancing.
Dancing can be very cathartic as well.

Adam (01:08:59):
Yeah.
It's just like a physical,uh, expression of emotion.
And Ray, for all his faults, can dance.
He can, he can, he can busto move If he to take time,

Alex (01:09:12):
he can dance if he wants to,

Adam (01:09:13):
he can leave his friends behind.
Lady Marmalade is a song written by BobCrewe and Kenny Nolan made popular by the
American Funk Rock Group, LaBelle in 1974.
That's the version Ray is listening to.
You may be familiar with the2001 version by singers Christine
Aguilera, Maya Pink and Rapper.
Lil Kim recorded for the Moulin Rougesoundtrack, which was a number one

(01:09:35):
hit on the billboard, hot 100 for fiveweeks, and is considered a gay anthem.
So, I know this was before that,but in retrospect, good for, Ray.
Put this in the column of Ray being openin terms of exploring his sexuality.
Mm-hmm.
Not afraid to bust a move to a gay anthem.
I think this song became thegay anthem because of Ray.

(01:09:57):
I do think this is the reason they,I bet Baz Luhrman was watching this.
Of course, loved everybody, loves Raymond.

Alex (01:10:05):
And he was like, that guy's gay
time to write a song about it.

Adam (01:10:12):
He wrote a song about

Alex (01:10:13):
it.

Adam (01:10:14):
Well, the song was written.
Uh, he wrote the movie around this scene,and then the executives told him he had to
change the setting from Lynbrook to Paris.
Yeah, it was too sexy.
We had to change it.
Uh, I think this is a missedopportunity to have the mailman
pop up at the window again.

Mike (01:10:35):
That would've been funny.
I didn't even think of

Alex (01:10:38):
that, but that would've been a funny button.
Yeah, they could have only gotten him,they only got him for one day where he is.
Yeah.
They, they

Adam (01:10:43):
didn't wanna pay him enough.
Like he might have to have a lineat that point and then, you know,

Mike (01:10:48):
they might have to credit him.
Yeah.

Adam (01:10:49):
Yeah.
Um, it did kind of just, it was just like,we're gonna do 30 seconds of Ray dancing
to this song and then it's not reallygonna have like a comedic ending to it.
Um, but I thought all thingsconsidered a good ending.
Alright, any otherthoughts on this episode?
I'm

Alex (01:11:04):
hopeful going into the season four finale, which is not next time.
I know, but we'll, inthere we're again, four

Adam (01:11:10):
more.

Alex (01:11:10):
This

Mike (01:11:11):
was a mid episode, but, uh, that's okay.

Adam (01:11:14):
Yeah,

Mike (01:11:14):
you're gonna have some stickers sometime.

Adam (01:11:16):
Let's then evaluate, not the episode itself, but raise
performance on our patented barometer.
It's our scale from one to 10 onwhich we rate that man on, um, his
performance as a husband, son, brother,father, dancer, uh, spy with 10 being

(01:11:37):
the great dads of sitcom history, yourDanny Tanners and Uncle Phils, and
one being the badman of television.
Don Draper, Walter Whiteman, whoactively harm their families.
Alex, where were I comingin for you this week?
Mm,

Alex (01:11:52):
bad.
Bad.
Not good, bad.
Speak on that.
Um.
I'm trying to think of anything.
Good.
Ray did, I liked his dance moves.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, I like that he actually did try to cry to kind
of try and understand Debra.
That gives him like a pointin my book, you know, if we're
starting from zero, we're goinglike, you know, that's a point.

(01:12:14):
Um, I didn't like Ray airing out Debra'sdirty laundry in front of everyone.
I didn't like him spying on her when shespecifically asked for some alone time.
Yeah.
I, I, I, I, I think two is a good score.
A fair score.
Wow.
That's low for you.
I can't think of anything really good thathe did in this episode except for dance

Adam (01:12:39):
and sometimes that's all you need to get to 10, I guess.
Yeah.
Not in this case.
I mean, they'd give him out all thetime on Dancing With the Star if
you were gonna rate him as a dancer.
Purely, I. What would you give him?
Like an eight.
He did a good job.
Nice.
He was a good dancer.
I would agree with

Alex (01:12:56):
that.

Adam (01:12:56):
But it's two for his behavior as a human being.
Um, Mike, where's Ray coming in for you?

Mike (01:13:03):
Similarly low.
I don't know if I'd give him a two.
Uh, but yeah, there's not a lotof good He does and in fact is
actively bad most of this episode.
Uh, first of all, he's a dickabout the mustache thing.
At first I thought maybe is thislike, meant to be like cute kind of
teasing of the wife kind of thing.
But it, it, it didn'tseem to be good natured.
So I don't wanna give him the benefitof the doubt too much on that one.

(01:13:25):
Um, and then he airs his business tohis, uh, the, her business to the family.
That's a big no no.
He goes and invades her privacy.
He then is like, oh God, is this about me?
There's a lot he does that I'm justnot a big fan of, uh, not his best.
Showing a two feels.
So like a two to me feels like, like.

(01:13:48):
Like if he, if he, when he tapedover his, uh, wedding vows with the
Super Bowl, that was two behavior.
He doesn't, he's just kindof an ass in this one.
He's not, he just didn't doanything that destructive.
I guess I gotta give him a three'cause like it's worse than a four,
but I don't know True how muchirreparable damage has been done.

Adam (01:14:11):
You're right about that.
It is worse than a four.

Mike (01:14:14):
Yeah.
Thank you.

Adam (01:14:15):
Verified.
How about you Adam?

Mike (01:14:17):
What are your thoughts?

Adam (01:14:17):
Um, I'm with you.
I'm in the same ballpark.
I want to give Ray credit for dancingfor initially defending Deborah
from his, you know, her right tohave alone time, uh, to his parents.
I wanna knock him for, uh, spying on her,uh, going over there, making fun of her.

(01:14:39):
The line specifically that.
Your mustache will distractme from the cellulite.
Um, which felt like, yeah,now you're broaching new
territory and you're teasing.
Mm-hmm.
And it feels like you're, if giventhe runway, you would keep going into
different aspects of Deborah thatyou want to, you know, make fun of.
Um, I want to knock him for, oh, uh, wedidn't talk about this, but the scene

(01:15:06):
where Deborah is peeling potatoes in thesink, and Ray comes into the kitchen and
says, my mom wants her big spoon back.
Um, a lie.
So lying.
But also, that's not the big spoon, right?
Because we, the big spoonfactors into a bigger arc later.
That is, no, frankly, I'vegot bigger spoons than that.

(01:15:27):
That's a small spoon.
Big, big spoon.

Mike (01:15:29):
It's a fi, it's a reasonably sized spoon.
Uh,

Adam (01:15:32):
no one would describe it big.
Maybe spoons were smaller in theearly two thousands at the turn
of the millennium, but, uh, no.
So I'm gonna knock him for that lie.
I am gonna knock him for mock sobbing.
Uh, laughing in Deborah's face, beingcondescending about, I know why you cry.
And for, um, just all of it.

(01:15:56):
I don't know.
I did like the line.
I, I, I agree with the mailman.
I, we didn't call this out, but,uh, Robert in the kitchen is like, I
didn't tell you to go spy on her Ray.
I already got thatlecture from the mailman.
Good joke.
And I agree with that.
So I'm gonna give him Yeah,but there really isn't much
you can give him credit for.

(01:16:16):
I'm just gonna go two I he sucked in this.
Alright, Mike, we'vegot two, two and three.
What do we got?

Mike (01:16:24):
That is a 2.3?
Three.
Three.
Three.
Three repeating.
So round off to 2.3.

Adam (01:16:29):
Alright, 2.3.
Now that.
Feels accurate?

Mike (01:16:33):
Yeah, I think so.

Adam (01:16:34):
All right.
Mm-hmm.
Any other final thoughts on this episode?
I have one more thing, which is Ray,in the very, at the very start of
the episode, comes down the stairssinging a song with the lyrics.
Me and Mrs. Brown, oh,oh me and Mrs. Brown.
Now, I think this is aparody of me and Mrs.

(01:16:57):
Jones, a song originally recorded in 1972by Billy Paul, which has been covered a
lot by like, hall and Oats and others.
But, uh, I could not find, andI looked at it for a long time.
I looked for this for a long time, whyRay would replace it with Mrs. Brown
and like, uh, I'm befuddled by this.

(01:17:21):
But it gets him to, youknow, he sings that song.
Sniffs himself, and that's whatprompts him to run into the bathroom.
Just strange behavior.
Wouldn't even call it funny,just weird if funny if you
couldn't find any connections.
So I wanted to call that out strange,because I know that, you know,
usually when there is a song on theshow, I provide trivia about it.

(01:17:45):
This is not a recognizable songin the English speaking world.
So I have to caveat that.
Uh, any final thoughts from youtwo before we, uh, wrap things up?

Mike (01:17:56):
No, let's wrap it.

Adam (01:17:58):
Alright.
Speaking of rap, you know, rap canelicit a lot of emotions in people.
Like some people find it very inspiring.
Um, you know, the musicof, uh, you know, poetry.
It's kind of the first wrap, right?

Mike (01:18:15):
It sure is.
Yeah.

Adam (01:18:16):
So I think, uh, we should kind of embrace that spirit and try to
inspire the listeners as they moveinto their week here with, you know,
some warm thoughts and inspirational,maybe even spiritual thoughts that,
uh, you guys wanna share with them.
And you know, what we'll do here isjust like ab this thing and we'll do

(01:18:41):
one for Mike and we'll do one for Alex,and then whichever one kind of like
resonates more we'll like, use that one.
And don't worry, we'll cut all this out.
We'll use that one question question.
And you know, it's no judgmentas to like, which is better.
It's just, you know, I have allthe data about, you know, we
track the shit outta these peoplewhen they listen to this show.
They have no, I we're leavingcookies all over their shit.

(01:19:04):
So like, you know, I'lljust a it compare it to.
You know, the behavioral profiles of thelisteners and um, you know, what does a
group Yeah, no, that is, and this is real.
I looked at it today.
What does a group that on Spotify is100% male between the ages of 28 and 35?

(01:19:28):
What does that group like?

Mike (01:19:30):
We're only one demographic.

Adam (01:19:34):
I'm sorry, it's not a hundred percent male.
It's 87% male, 13% unidentified.
So,

Mike (01:19:41):
so not even woman, just, just,

Adam (01:19:43):
just, just, just men who haven't selected their
gender from the dropdown it's

Mike (01:19:49):
men prefer not to say
that's good.
So whatever they

Adam (01:20:00):
like, I think that's what we'll go with.
But let's just don't let thatinfluence what you guys say.
Just say whatever youknow, comes to the heart.
Okay.
Ready?
So, Alex, let's, uh, put the spotlighton you today and, um, you know,
what do you wanna leave the listenerwith as they head into their busy
and, uh, you know, stressful lives?

(01:20:20):
Mm-hmm.

Alex (01:20:21):
Well, let me just raise a glass ray.
Uh, I don't mean to be one, to spy on,uh, the opinions of our viewers, uh,
especially ones that could be kids.
Uh, but uh, I want them all to know,I think you should just believe

(01:20:41):
in your spell self, even though,uh, I might, you know, spy kids.
Here's a glass.

Mike (01:20:51):
You're a rat bastard.
Alex, what are you talkingabout, Mike Bastard?
I don't know.
I don't like that.
I don't like that shit.
Mike, what are you

Adam (01:20:56):
talking about?
I don't like it.
I have no idea.
He was just saying he was just raisinga glass to the next generation of, I was
just saying something nice taunting me.
You know that the 28 year olds in ourdemographics, not the 30 5-year-old.
Yeah.
The

Alex (01:21:08):
kids that you know, like to spy kids.
Adam's not even gonna includethis part in the podcast.
Anyway.

Adam (01:21:15):
No, I, I thought that was very inspiring, Alex, I think.
Mm-hmm.
I didn't like it.
Go ahead, Mike.
The kids really do need to spy,you know, the future, you know?
Yes.
In the world.

Alex (01:21:25):
Spy and Kids three.
Yeah.
Game over, Mike.
Go game over

Adam (01:21:31):
Mike.
Sorry.
We got that clean.
Think.
You're so clever.
We got that clean.

Mike (01:21:34):
You think you're so fucking clever.
No idea what we're talking about.
Get you Mike.
I'm gonna get you

Adam (01:21:38):
Let go of the counter.
We're already down one.
I need another, these counters.

Mike (01:21:45):
I'll throw another.

Adam (01:21:47):
To cook.
Let him cook.
Anton's coming over later.
He is gonna teach me how to make pene.

Mike (01:21:53):
So that's pretty, that's pretty straightforward.
You just boiled waterand put it in the pasta.

Adam (01:21:58):
It's more about the experience of people like Oh, okay.
You know, helping me through, uh,the kind of makeover experience.
Okay.
Have you watched the show?
Did you see my episode?

Mike (01:22:09):
Nope.
Okay.
So for my, uh, my,
so for my bit, for my, for mylittle words of wisdom, I liked
what you said about poetry.
So I actually looked at my favorite poem.
I decided, I'm just gonnaread it out to you guys.
Uh, it's, it's by William Shakespeare.
I don't know if you've heard of him.

(01:22:30):
Mm-hmm.
It's sonnet 18 and a very fancyname, but it goes like this.
Shall I compare these to a summer's daythat were more lovely and more temperate?
Rough winds do shake the darlingbuds of May and Summer's lead
have all too short a date.
You remind me of the Baronus,

(01:22:50):
which
you remind me of the Baronus zones,which with a onetime payment of anything
you like, you can gain lifetime accessto a bonus episode of the Barone
Boys content every single month.
Link.
Link is in the description.

Alex (01:23:11):
Shakespeare wrote that, huh?

Mike (01:23:12):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's really, I don't know.
It was really nice.
I like, I like this one.
It's, it's a classic, but you know,maybe, maybe it's basic, but I really like

Adam (01:23:20):
it.
There is a lot less the and ha and stuffin the second stanza of that I noticed.

Mike (01:23:27):
Yeah.
He was innovative.

Adam (01:23:28):
Yeah.
He really was like, you can seethe moment where we turned from old
English to modern English there,he, he, you know, crested that wave.

Mike (01:23:38):
He really did.
Adam, are you Adam?
Are you crying?
It's just Adam, are you crying?
So beautiful.
Oh, wait, no, I don't, I don't.
No, hold on.
It's just so Be beautiful.
No, don't, don't do this.
Don't do this.
'cause if you cry, I'm gonna thinkabout all the time that I've seen
people get stuck and I'm gonna cryand said this is gonna, this is

(01:24:00):
gonna turn the whole big thing.

Alex (01:24:03):
I'm gonna start dancing.

Adam (01:24:04):
I

Mike (01:24:04):
can't sit.
No.

Adam (01:24:08):
Oh, that is making me feel better.
Alex, I can't fit.
Um, she's free.
I can't

Mike (01:24:15):
fit.
She's free.

Adam (01:24:18):
Wow.
I think Alex, yeah,

Alex (01:24:27):
no, just give it to Mike.

Adam (01:24:28):
I think he deserves it.
Just this time.
I think it makes the most sense.
To give it to Mike.
Just give it to Mike.
Mike.
Um.
So Mike, I think we're gonnago with yours and Alex.
Oh, thank you.
I, I am pretty sure next time,you know, we've been doing this,
um, segment for a while now.
I'm pretty sure you'regetting the hang of it.

(01:24:50):
Mm-hmm.
Um, I think we've used yours a couple oftimes, so just like, go back and listen to
those and just emulate that for next time.
I mean, and speak from the heart, butlike, keep that in mind, you know.
And hey,
if you need like to, I know this is hardto hear, so if you need like to cry about
it, like, you know, feel, feel free.

(01:25:12):
Like we'll give you some space.
You can do it.
You can do it.

Alex (01:25:15):
I will cry.
Tears of victory.
When I achieve my goals,

Adam (01:25:19):
that's a normal thing to say.
Yeah, I guess so.
That's a normal thing for people to saywhen they're upset, I guess so, yeah.
Well, that is great, Mike.
That's great to that, that's justbeautiful and, and so moving and
I'm just, I think our listenersare really gonna appreciate that
little touch of verse in their week.

(01:25:40):
And I think there's only one lastthing left to touch upon, which is
of course, our classic sign off.
We, uh, we'll, we invite you all tojoin us back here for season four,
episode 21 of Everybody Loves Raymond,whatever that's called next time.
But for now, there's only one lastthing to say as our goes sign off.
Everybody

Alex (01:26:01):
loves Raymond

Adam (01:26:03):
and we love you.