Tight Black Shirt, Very Bald / 4.12 What's With Robert?

In an episode inspired by Season 4, Episode 12 of Everybody Loves Raymond, “What’s With Robert?”, Alex and Adam help Mike live his truth.

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Episode Transcript

Adam (00:00):
Good morning, students and faculty of Lynbrook University.
As you know, each week you arerequired to watch an episode
of Everybody Loves Raymond.
This week's episode is season four,episode twelve, What's With Robert?
Uh, Marie begins to think that Robertis gay when he breaks up with Amy again.
We recommend watching the show assoon as possible in order to prepare

(00:21):
for what you're about to hear.
Also, uh, since our wives goteverything at our respective divorces.
The other deans and I will be headingto IKEA today to get furniture
for our new shared apartment.
If any students would like tojoin us, the van leaves at 3
and the meatballs are on us.

(00:59):
Ooh, that was awesome.
Thank you so much, Alex, forcoming to the sports bar with me.
That was like a great experience.
I can't believe the Mets won.
That was just awesome.
For my first game thatI've ever watched on TV, it

Alex (01:15):
was exhilarating.
It was awesome.
Yeah.
Mike really got me intothese, uh, These MET people,

Adam (01:22):
um, Yeah.
Salt of the Earth, and I do mean

Alex (01:25):
salt.
Yes.
Uh, delicious.
Yum, yum, salt.
Uh, you know, normally I'm justinterested in the other sort of MET.
As in, the gala.
But, uh, you know.

Adam (01:37):
Did you get the invitation, by the way, this year?
I know you were really anglingfor an invitation to the MET gala.
You had your outfit picked out already,

Alex (01:44):
even

Adam (01:44):
though you hadn't been invited.
Did you get to wear

Alex (01:46):
it?
I know.
I, I did get invited, but Iactually sold it for Mets tickets.
Wow.
Because I am all aboutthem baseball players now.
How do you feel about

Adam (01:56):
the Metropolitan Museum of Art?

Alex (01:59):
It's fine.
It's not really my main priority anymore.
Uh, you know, Mike's really onto somethingwith base, this, this baseball thing.
It's fun and engaging and I likecheering with the boys in the bar.
That was camaraderie

Adam (02:11):
was amazing.
I've never felt, I felt like,

Alex (02:14):
uh,

Adam (02:15):
let's say it at the same time.
Yeah.
I've never felt like such a part of

Alex (02:20):
part of the part of the brothers.
Yes.
Yeah, me too.
It was exactly.

Adam (02:26):
Uh, like that.
It was awesome.
And can you believe that place?
I mean, penny wings.
I've heard of quarters for wings,uh, but I ate a hundred wings.
Yeah.
That, that math checks out.
You were charged a dollar.
Did you catch what animal it was from?
Cause I just started, I went,you know, cause they have the

(02:46):
bobbing where you put your head inthe sauce and you fish them out.
Well

Alex (02:50):
they have, it could be anything because on the menu.
Instead of an asterisksuper small next to wings.
It's a question mark wings.
Yes wings Uh, i'm enviousof mike though because

Mike (03:03):
guys what a great game, right?

Alex (03:05):
Oh Mike, yeah, we were just talking about it.
Where were you?

Mike (03:08):
Yeah, a lot of fun a lot of fun I was just settling on the tab.
Uh, someone ate like 400 of thosepenny wings I, I had to, I had to
fight the bill a little bit on thatone, but you know, it was all right.
Yeah, no, you

Alex (03:20):
must be so excited.
Like this is like the biggest win ever.
Right?

Mike (03:25):
Yeah, well, yeah, it was pretty good.
You know, Diaz actually got together,locked it down, played the trumpet.
Good, good, good time all around.
It

Alex (03:32):
was

Adam (03:32):
absolutely awesome.
Played the trumpet.
Wait, Mike, now that I thinkabout it and maybe I had sauce
in my eyes, but I don't know if Iremember seeing you at Oh Hamlin's.

Mike (03:45):
Oh yeah, you sure?
I was, I was there.

Adam (03:47):
Wait, what's this wristband you've got on this, like, paper wristband?
Is this from, is this from Duke's,the jazz bar down on Catalpa?

Mike (03:56):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the one.
Yeah, Duke's.
Yeah, you know, they got some prettygood, uh, pretty good time there.
Dude,

Adam (04:01):
and they show, they show the Mets game there?

Mike (04:05):
No, um, I mean, yeah, they, you know, uh, Duke is Duke's a fan.
He, he's got, they gotit on the background.
It's a pretty good time.

Alex (04:11):
Adam, come on.
This is Mike we're talking about.
He would never miss

Adam (04:15):
a Mets game.
That would be crazy.

Mike (04:16):
How about that

Adam (04:19):
score though, Mike?
I mean, what a, what aseries of numbers, right?
I mean, have you ever seen thatspecific combination before?

Mike (04:26):
Uh, 6 2 3 double play?
Yeah, I mean, I've seen that before.
That happens.
Right, and I know whatthat It's not common.
I know

Adam (04:31):
what that means.
I guess I was thinking of like the,like, 2 1 or whatever it would be.
Oh, oh, the actual score.
Yeah, the score.

Mike (04:39):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, the score was 5 3.
That's not That's not thatuncommon, that happens.
Yeah, you know.

Adam (04:46):
Alex, wasn't, wasn't the score four to seven?
Uh,

Alex (04:52):
I think so, Adam.

Mike (04:54):
Yeah.
All right, well listen, uh,Duke's, Duke's taking me to go
check out the new saxophone, soI'm gonna, I'm gonna head out.
I'll, uh, talk to you guys later, okay?

Alex (05:02):
Okay, bye Mike!

Adam (05:04):
That was weird, Adam.
So Duke who owns the jazz bar istaking Mike to like guitar center
or something to look at a saxophone.
Is he like grooming Mike tolike join the, the jazz band?
I'm so

Alex (05:19):
jealous.
I mean, what's going on here?
That's weird.

Adam (05:23):
Oh, because you were going to take Duke to the Met Gala, I forgot.

Alex (05:27):
It was a dream of mine, but it ain't happening, I guess.
But yeah,

Adam (05:29):
that is weird.
He got the score wrong.
I feel like Mike is always rattlingoff numbers at us, like, and I
assume that they're accurate scoresabout the Mets, and not just like
he has some sort of condition.
Well, I mean,

Alex (05:42):
come on, Adam.
He might have just, uh,said the wrong things.
I mean What do you thinkis the alternative here?
Why would Mike be lying about,you know, watching the Mets game?
Dude's all about the Mets.
He's Mets crazy.

Adam (05:56):
But now that I think about it, he did go out and buy that
new bedspread, the pinstripe one.
You don't think that Mike is.
Not a Mets fan anymore.

Alex (06:09):
Adam, what are you implying?
It's 2024,

Adam (06:14):
you can just say it.
I saw Mike go up to the Bronx,I think he's a Yankees fan.
I think Mike is secretly a Yankeesfan and has been this whole time.
Oh my,

Alex (06:23):
Adam!
How could you say I mean, nothing wrongwith liking the Yankees, you know?

Adam (06:30):
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
No, absolutely not.
I mean, I think that's great.
Swing both ways, as in swing righty

Alex (06:36):
and lefty.
Yeah, that's fine.
I think, like, if you

Adam (06:37):
love the game, that's what's important, you know?

Alex (06:40):
Full support for anyone who likes the Yankees.
For sure.
But, when you know a guy Hiswhole life for like in the Mets,

Adam (06:49):
it's a little, it's,

Alex (06:51):
it's kind of a little surprise.
It's bold for you to say thatwithout really any substantial proof.
Let me say like, yes, sure.
Mike missed something up today and like.
Sure, like, even if he did watchthe Yankees game, it's like,
you know, you could spend yourwhole life being a big Mets fan.

(07:11):
Doesn't mean you're not gonnawatch a Yankees game every
once in a while, you know?

Adam (07:16):
Yeah, I mean, and

Alex (07:17):
I'm not gonna, like, I've checked the Yankees score once or twice.
Yeah, and

Adam (07:20):
maybe, you know, it was on in the background somewhere, and
he just, he just checked it out.
You know, he noticed it, and thenhe went back to watching the Mets.
You don't think like he's into it, right?
Well, I guess there's onlyone way to find out, right?
We kind of have to Drill him?

(07:41):
After a fashion show.
I I was gonna say We could follow him.
And, and see where he's going.
I, I have a feeling that he's not reallygoing saxophone shopping with Duke.
What, do you think he'sgoing to Yankee Stadium.
Do something else?
Yeah, I think he'sgoing to Yankee Stadium.

Alex (08:00):
Adam, that, first of all, that's very pretty.
That's pretty, that's pretty,like, you know It's pretty, like,
not forward thinking of you.
Oh, yeah, no, you're right.
Yankees fans do more thango to Yankee Stadium.

Adam (08:12):
I guess so, yeah.
Like, a Yankee

Alex (08:13):
fan can do other things, you know?
They're normal people,just like Mets fans.

Adam (08:17):
I guess, uh, you know, but, hey, I call it like I see it, you know?
Every Yankees fan that I knowhas gone to Yankee Stadium.
You're a real umpire.
That's where they go every Sunday night.
What?

Alex (08:30):
You said you call it like

Adam (08:31):
you see it.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I am taking the class.
I'm taking the class just because,just in case the college thing
doesn't work out, I did get recruitedfor the baseball team as an umpire.
I'm a walk on.
Okay, well I do know the umpire upthere at Yankee Stadium, though,
and he told me that he saw a whiteloser up there in the stands watching

(08:52):
the bat the batting practice.
Well, that could only be Mike.
Probably in, it's, it can only be Mike.
Why don't we go up there?
Cause I know they're having night

Alex (09:03):
practice

Adam (09:03):
tonight.

Alex (09:04):
Here's the thing though.
Like, you know, we, we've kind of like,you know, we've been around with Mike his
whole life about him being a Mets fan.
You know, if he has been aYankees fan this whole time,
he's not just going to tell us.
We need to make sure that he understandsthat we support him as a Yankees fan.
Uh, maybe we can like, you know, Getsome like Yankee attire and just be

(09:25):
like, Hey, yeah, we're not really intothe Yankees, but you know, yeah, like,
you know, it was just Yankee month.
Um, yeah, Yankee pride, get some stuff.
Yeah.
We get some stuff

Adam (09:36):
on sale.
Support him.
I saw some flags for sale.
We could put those uplike some, some stickers.
We could do that.
Um, yeah.
You know, what if we got him likea copy of, uh, like the, um, that.
Everyone's Hero, that animatedmovie with the talking bat.

(09:56):
Remember

Alex (09:57):
that?
Goddamn, I love that movie.
What a, what a triumphant win forYankees fans was that, that movie.
That's

Adam (10:03):
representation, you know.
You gotta be able to see yourself in it.
In the media that you consume.

Alex (10:11):
Forgot about that movie, but yeah, no.
The Yankees fans really felt underrepresented in media before then, so.

Adam (10:17):
So we, uh, we see a montage of Mike exiting the dorm building
and we are not far behind him.
We're kind of sneaking aroundbushes and shrubberies as we
follow Mike across campus.

Mike (10:32):
Hey Duke, I mean, listen, I know that you, you know, You, you're,
you're not too confident, but Ithink the altos are pretty good.
The alto sax is pretty good.
I don't need, you need a whole new setup.

Adam (10:43):
Mike.
We'll talk about this when weget here, when we get there.
Let's just enjoy the night air.
Yeah, there you go.
Take a deep breath in.
You want some of my clove cigarette?

Mike (10:55):
If you could, yeah.
I only, I'm glad.
I only, I only smoke clove nowadays.

Adam (11:02):
Yeah, all right, man.

Mike (11:05):
Yeah.

Adam (11:06):
That's groovy.

Mike (11:08):
Dude, that can't be good.
It's not.

Adam (11:11):
It's terrible for you.

Mike (11:12):
Yeah.

Adam (11:13):
I have one eighth of a lung.

Mike (11:17):
Yeah?

Adam (11:18):
And I can still blow that horn.

Mike (11:21):
Oh, I'm aware.

Adam (11:22):
You remember Bill Clinton on Arsenio?

Mike (11:25):
I've heard of him.

Adam (11:26):
He was blow sinkin I was backstage playin the, playin the sax for him.

Mike (11:33):
Honestly, he was, if you're, if you're, if you look back on it,
his sax wasn't that impressive.
I don't know if I would brag about that.

Adam (11:40):
You know what's impressive, though, is I made it sound realistic
by playing in an amateurishway, even though I'm a seasoned
professional, with Lindbergh, New York.

Mike (11:50):
Yeah, there is actually a jazz club in Lindbergh, New York.
I know,

Adam (11:54):
it's mine.
It's called Duke and it's on Catalpa.

Mike (11:56):
Yeah, it's, well, there's the other one too that just recently opened up.

Adam (12:00):
And what's that called, Mike?

Mike (12:03):
Uh, it's on Atlanta Avenue, this is a, this is a, uh, man.
Okay, good,

Adam (12:08):
I'm taking notes, I gotta, uh, somebody might drop a clove
cigarette in a puddle of gasolineat this place, uh, but just know
that I had nothing to do with it.

Mike (12:17):
Oh yeah, it was, that's, that's a new one called Ooh La La.

Adam (12:22):
French bastards.

Mike (12:23):
Yeah, I know, they got like That's in the Baguette District.
It's in the Baguette Districtand they got the L's.
One of the L's is one of the things of atrumpet, one of the keys of the trumpet.
The other L is the baguette.

Adam (12:36):
One of the keys of the trumpet.
Couldn't it just be the trumpet?
No.
Trumpets kind of L's.
This is, this is what the French don'tget about jazz and they never have.
Is.
Trumpet is a perfectly good L.Listen, Mike, the reason I wanted
you to come with me tonight toGuitar Center, you know, I know the
manager, he'll let us in after hours.

(12:56):
It's very late.
I want to make that clear.
It's 2 a. m. I already didlast call over at Duke's.

Mike (13:02):
Yeah, well, you can't, you can't smoke a clove before two.
You taught me that thefirst night I met you.

Adam (13:09):
Uh, remember the first night I met you?

Mike (13:12):
Yeah.

Adam (13:13):
That was an incredible night.

Mike (13:15):
Ah,
2 0 1. I guess I'll just head home.
Hey, you, you're theowner of the club, right?

Adam (13:27):
Mm, yeah.
Sorry, I was just wiping up the bar.
How can I help you?
You know, it is, we diddo last call already, so

Mike (13:34):
Yeah, no, that's fine, that's fine.
I just wanted to say hi.
Dude.
I'm sorry, I just, I noticedthat sign over your bar.
It's, it's like, it's, it's,it is an It's Miller time.
Bar, uh, sign.
No, it's in it's Miller

Adam (13:50):
Time bar, we did get it wrapped.

Mike (13:52):
Yeah, but you crossed out the word Miller and wrote clove and
above it and wrote after 2am it's,and so it says it's after 2am it's
clove time because of the graffiti.

Adam (14:04):
I'm glad that you can see that, I know it's kind of low light in here,
I was worried it wouldn't play, but

Mike (14:09):
that's good.
Yeah, I was, you seem very investedin making sure people understand that
sign, yet you don't have Do you think

Adam (14:16):
the little spotlights on the bottom that sort of illuminate the bar from
below, like the face of the bar, do youthink that helps or is it distracting?

Mike (14:25):
It's dramatic.

Adam (14:26):
Okay, good.

Mike (14:27):
Dramatic, I'll give you that.

Adam (14:28):
That's good, I was going for that.
I

Mike (14:29):
don't know if I can see the, the You know, the beer lists, but you know.

Adam (14:33):
Well, we only have the one beer, so it's fine.

Mike (14:36):
What's your one beer?

Adam (14:37):
It is fermented cloves.

Mike (14:39):
You got cloves beer, you got cloves beer and cloves cigarettes.

Adam (14:46):
What is your question for me?
Sorry, I really have to, I gotta go.
I'm, I'm going to GuitarCenter after this.
And I'm gonna go checkout some saxophones.
Dude,

Mike (14:55):
they sell saxophones at Guitar Center?
Yeah.
Let's go.

Adam (15:00):
Sure.
Hey, what's your name?

Mike (15:02):
I'm Mike.

Adam (15:03):
I'm Duke.
Nice to

Mike (15:05):
meet you,

Adam (15:05):
Duke.
Nice to meet you.
Oh yeah, that was today, wasn't it?

Mike (15:08):
Yeah, yeah, that really, it's a new friendship, us, the two of us.

Adam (15:13):
Yeah, but you know, you just, you meet somebody and you just
know, you get a feeling, you know.
I noticed you, you noticed me.
Admittedly, I will say, you're prettycut, which uh, is very impressive to me.

Mike (15:28):
Yeah, I exclusively go to jazz school.
with my shirt off.
So I'm glad that you noticed itspecifically for that reason.

Adam (15:36):
Oh, you're not I thought you were wearing a translucent
shirt because you were so glisten

Mike (15:41):
y. No.
No, I just have a lot of baby oil.

Adam (15:45):
And where did you get that?

Mike (15:47):
They were auctioning it off for real

Adam (15:49):
cheap.
Did somebody maybe like,say, hold this for me?
Recently?

Mike (15:53):
No, they were auctioning it off for real cheap.
I'm gonna go away for a while.
Like an aggressive amountof it, for real cheap.
I didn't know why, but theyreally wanted to get rid of this.
I

Adam (16:01):
wanted to invite you to a party later, but I think it's been called off.
So we'll just go to guitar.
Yeah.
Here we are.
It's the little guitar centerthat they have on campus here.
I'm so glad this is an opencampus that old jazz guys can
just wander on late at night.

Mike (16:21):
Yeah, we, uh, as Mike and Duke walk into, uh, the Guitar Center, even
though it's 2:00 AM there are still alot of, um, specifically white frat guys.
All of them are playing WonderWall at different times.
and, uh, all offbeat, all off.

Alex (16:39):
Save.
Man.

Adam (16:40):
It's gonna, you gotta be the baby.

Mike (16:42):
God, this sucks.

Adam (16:44):
Yeah.
This is just a hazard of comingin here, but nobody's got
Sopranos like these guys do.

Mike (16:50):
Yeah, no kidding.

Adam (16:51):
Hi, welcome to Guitar Center.
Can I help you?
Hey, uh, the, the crow flies at midnight.
Oh, that's cool.
What do you want?
I'm sorry, let me pull my sunglasses down.
You might not have caught my wink there.
The crow flies at midnight.

Alex (17:09):
Oh, but it's two in the morning, so what does the crew do now?

Adam (17:13):
Is Larry here?
Yeah, he's in the back.
Okay, can you bring Larry out here?
I have to tell him something.
Okay.

Alex (17:21):
He walks back, and he comes back with a different hat.

Adam (17:24):
What's going on?
I'm Larry.
The crow flies at midnight, Big Wink.
Oh, damn, that's crazy.

Alex (17:31):
Come, come back with

Adam (17:32):
me.
Let's, let's go.
Okay, I thought for a secondyou didn't recognize the code.
The password, but, okay.
They walk through thesewing guitar center.
There's the room with allthe acoustic guitars, right?
And Larry pulls one of them slightlyforward off of the, the hanging, uh,
The thing that it's hanging on, andthat activates a secret door that

(17:56):
opens, uh, into a secret jazz club.
With a bunch of, uh, saxophones on thewall, it's smoky, people are jammin

Alex (18:08):
So what can I interest you two fine gentlemen with today?

Adam (18:12):
This is my friend Mike, and he's in the market for a saxophone.

Mike (18:17):
Oh, I don't, I don't know if I can Fuckin sax like the big guys.
I'm just, I'm just hereto be with a friend.

Alex (18:23):
Well, if you're looking for a sax, we've got all, all the different kinds.
Yeah.
What are you thinking of?
How strong are you?
Can you handle like a tenor or a bass?

Mike (18:34):
I can They make you strike me more as a soprano

Alex (18:38):
sax guy.

Mike (18:40):
I don't, I I really thought it was just tenor and alto.
Alright.
Yeah.
No, they have,

Alex (18:44):
they have base saxophones.
They're fucking gigantic.
Are they?
You look it up.

Mike (18:48):
Oh shit.
Alright.
I'll take a base ax.
Yeah, look up.
It's right there, Mike.
Oh my god.
That is massive.

Alex (18:52):
Yeah.
Those aren't the ceiling pipes.
That is one base saxophone,

Mike (18:59):
Oh, uh, I, okay.
I mean, I'm pretty, go on Mike.
Give

Adam (19:02):
it a try.
Give the bass a try.
Get up on the ladder there.
Give it a try.

Mike (19:07):
Mike climbs up, uh, to the, to the bass.
Uh

Adam (19:11):
Hold on, everybody stop.
My friend Mike is gonna blowhis first saxophone note.
Blow your load.
This is about 40, guys.
Goatee's fedoras all turn to look at Mike.

Mike (19:25):
Mike takes a big breath, leans in, puts his lips on the
saxophone, and out the other endof the saxophone comes a perfect
saxophone cover of Wonderwall by Oasis.
Oh, that's pretty bad.

Adam (19:42):
Come on.
Did you say that's pretty bad, Larry?
That was beautiful.

Alex (19:47):
I'm just sick of this song, man.

Adam (19:49):
I know, it must be hard for you.

Alex (19:51):
It is.
I'm sad.

Adam (19:54):
Larry!
But that was pretty well done.
That was very well done, Mike.
Come on down.
Come on down, Mike.
Here

Mike (20:03):
we go.

Adam (20:03):
I think, uh, gentlemen, and it is only gentlemen, we can all
agree that Mike has a gift, can't we?
I mean, this guy's got it.
Yeah, he's, he's got something.

Mike (20:15):
I, I, yeah, I. Yeah.
I feel like, oh, there are three,three people are very excited for me.
Everyone

Adam (20:23):
else went back to playing, you know, most of Jazz's mouth.
So they can't really callit out, but they smiled.

Mike (20:31):
Oh, did they?
Oh yeah.
Okay.
Um, all right.
Well, I mean, listen, I, I just, okay.
I'll I'll take, I'll take the bass sax.
I'll take it.
Oh, you don't have

Adam (20:43):
to take it, Mike.
I just, I wanted to, I don'twant to pressure you here.
You know, that is a lot ofmoney and you do look poor.
So I didn't want to.
Do you have financing, Larry?
Can he put like a down payment?

Mike (20:55):
I do have about one paycheck's worth of work as various, uh, roles
of the Limbrook, uh, local government.
I still have to cash, so I can put that.

Alex (21:06):
No way.
One paycheck's worth is justhow much a bass saxophone costs.

Mike (21:12):
Oh, really?

Alex (21:13):
Yeah.

Mike (21:14):
I'll take it.

Adam (21:15):
Good.
Give me.
Gotta be honest Mike, I feel like you gotswindled there But the important thing is
that you've got music in your life now.
What do you say you and me Getout of here and go to my studio

Mike (21:32):
I would, I would love that.
Let's let's do it.
All right.
Are you going to, are yougoing to whiplash me Duke?
Is this, is this thestart of something bad?

Adam (21:40):
No, I'm not going to whiplash you.
I mean, I'm look, I don't suffer fools,but I'm not going to whiplash you.

Mike (21:48):
It's just, just because I noticed you did comment on how cut I
am and I appreciate it, but you werealso super jacked and also very bald.

Alex (21:55):
Tight black shirt, very bald,

Mike (21:57):
yep.
Yeah, you

Alex (21:59):
do have a JK Simmons vibe to you.
Larry, thank you.

Mike (22:02):
Yeah, thank you Larry.
Thank you for backing me up on this one.

Adam (22:05):
Mike, let's go to the studio.
I'm not gonna JK Simmonsyou, it's gonna be fine.
Big wink.
Crow flies

Alex (22:12):
up in there.
So, so, as, as they walk out of the club.
Guitar solo.
The Guitar Center, excuse me.
We pan to a bush where Adam and Alex arehiding, watching, uh, watching them go by.
Who

Adam (22:25):
the hell is that?

Alex (22:26):
I don't know, but he's got real Derek Jeter vibes to him.
He does kind of look like JarekDe Jarek De He does kind of look
like Jarek Deeter, doesn't he?
Wow, Adam, that's how I knowyou are so not into the Yankees.
I gotta be honest.
Uh,

Adam (22:44):
I'm a little Yankee phobic, I'll be honest.
I know, and we're working on it, trust me.
No, I, I do want to apologizefor that slur I used earlier.
So not acceptable in today's climate.
No, no, I was doing some veryEarly 2000s type of, like, Yankees
phobia is very not acceptable.
Well,

Alex (23:04):
look, did you see that giant case Mike was carrying?
Yeah, what was that?
Was that like a It's gottabe like baseball bats.

Adam (23:10):
It did look like it

Alex (23:11):
was the size of 400 baseball bats.
Yeah, and like various Yankee equipment.
You think he's going up to,

Adam (23:17):
maybe the Yankees asked him to bring all their baseball bats up to the Bronx
to Yankee Stadium for nighttime practice.
Oh my god.
No way.

Alex (23:25):
Adam, I didn't think you were You think Mike is on

Adam (23:28):
the Yankees?
Yes.

Alex (23:30):
No way.
Dude, there's one thingthing to, I think he batts

Adam (23:32):
for that team.

Alex (23:33):
It's one way to, to batt for the Yankees.
It's another thing to bat for the Yankees.
Like, that's pretty cra.
We gotta keep follow, keep following him.

Adam (23:41):
Keep.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Uh, we cut to a basement in Queenswhere, um, Mike is repeatedly playing.
Yes.

Mike (23:50):
The repeating, playing Wonder Wall over and over again.
No, no, no, no.
Over again.

Adam (23:56):
Not my tempo.
Listen, look, watch the baton.
Okay.
Watch the fucking baton, go.

Mike (24:03):
No, fuck!
Oh, what the hell did I do over there?
Did you just throw a baton at me?

Adam (24:10):
Yeah, next time it's gonna be a fucking cymbal.
Let's listen to the rhythmthat I am laying down here.

Mike (24:18):
It's tough because like, in the saxophone cover, the sax is
the guitar and the voice, and theyboth come in before the drums.
So how do I listen to your tempo?
I feel like I should bethe one setting the tempo.
Watch

Adam (24:32):
the baton.
One, two, three, four.
You know?

Mike (24:36):
Not

Adam (24:37):
my tempo.
Okay, I'm gonna throw anentire kick drum at you.
Get ready, here it comes.

Mike (24:41):
Don't do it!

Adam (24:43):
Remember, I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to motivate you.

Mike (24:47):
It feels like you're hurting me.

Adam (24:49):
Okay, next time, I'm gonna shove this violin bow up your ass if you don't.
And I know it's not, you know,it's kind of, uh, weird to have
a violin in a jazz band, sure.
Granted.
But if you don't, if you fuck up again,I am gonna shove this up your ass.
Alright,

Mike (25:14):
I, okay, look, I just, it feels like this is, you, you told me I was going
to be a great saxophone player, a greatjazz musician, this is starting to feel
like this is a metaphor for the sufferingthat we do unnecessarily in order to,
in the pursuit of our, uh, inane art.
And I, I feel like I don't wantto be a part of it anymore.
I just want to kind of jam on some tunes.

Adam (25:34):
You have the talent.
But I need to break you down.
To build you up again.
So that you can harness that power.

Mike (25:42):
I'm already built.
Why do you have to build me,break me down to build me back?

Adam (25:48):
You are pretty built.
Why don't you try on that, uh, toosmall black t shirt that I got you?

Mike (25:56):
Yeah?

Adam (25:56):
Yeah.

Mike (25:57):
I mean, oh, wow, this is really too small.
This is cutting offcirculation to my forearms.
This is

Adam (26:06):
Okay, now hold

Mike (26:07):
still.
Hey, no, don't you dare.
Don't, no, don't.
Aw, come

Adam (26:11):
on.
Nice and shiny.
Right up top.
Let me put a little, this is,uh, I call it bald butter.
It's my own recipe.
There

Mike (26:20):
you go.
I have some baby oil here.
Uh,

Adam (26:24):
I, I spent a lot of time getting all of the baby oil off of my property before
federal agents came by earlier this week.
We don't need to.
What?
Nothing, nothing.
Don't worry about it.

Mike (26:35):
Dude, are you a felon?
I'm starting to feellike you're a bad guy.

Adam (26:40):
I'm not a bad guy.
Look, you get invited to oneparty and suddenly everyone
has, everyone's up your ass.
Like this violin bow is gonna be.

Mike (26:49):
What happened at the party?
Actually the baby

Adam (26:51):
oil might come in useful for that.

Mike (26:54):
Oh good god.
We cut back to outside.
We flash forward, I'm sorry, weflash forward about An hour or
two to outside with Adam and Alex.

Adam (27:05):
What do you think's going on in there?

Alex (27:07):
I see like a lot of banging, like maybe they're doing batting practice?

Adam (27:11):
Yeah, you think they're doing indoor batting practice in this basement?
Yeah,

Alex (27:14):
having like catch, game

Adam (27:16):
of catch?
I keep I keep Sewing pinstripes?
I hear things like ricochetingin there, it's gotta be that.

Mike (27:21):
Mike walks out the door.
As you guys notice, you see someblood dripping off of his fingertips.
And also his face, and he'sstill wearing the tourniquet
shirt and the, uh, he's bald now.

Alex (27:35):
Is that Jarek Dieter?
He's not wearing a helmetor a Yankees hat, so.
Oh wait, that's Mike.
He looks terrible.
We should go confront him.
He looks

Adam (27:44):
like Howie Mandel was in a horrible accident.

Alex (27:47):
Yeah, or if Mr. Clean

Adam (27:48):
was in an extremely horrible accident.
He does look even worse thanMr. Clean does now, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, should we go confront him?
Yeah, we gotta go tellhim that we support him.
Ah, what a lovely night to gowalking through Forest Hill Oh!
Today was gonna be Wait a second.
Mike, is that you?

(28:10):
Oh, I'm sorry, hey!
What are you doing walkingaround this neighborhood at 4am?
Oh, you know, stuff.

Alex (28:18):
Mike, we have to tell you, we know.
We know.

Adam (28:23):
And we support you.
We support you.
We love you just as much as we ever did.
But let's hold off onthe hugging for a while.
Let me just pat your shoulder here.
Wow, that is very throbbing.
Are you okay?
Adam doesn't support your lifestyle.
I do!
It's just I don't want to talk about it.
We don't have to talk about this stuff.
I want to hear about it.

Mike (28:45):
I, I really, I, I didn't think you guys would be okay with this.
I know that you, you know,really, you support this?
There's a reason I neverbrought you to Yeah, of course.

Adam (28:53):
Mike, you're our

Alex (28:53):
friend.
And you know, I could alwaysjust, uh, I, you know, even if
we're not on the same team, we'llstill talk, you know, normally.

Adam (29:04):
It's just Hey, we got you something.
It's a VHS copy of Everyone's Hero.

Mike (29:13):
Okay, I thought we were on the same page, now I'm not so sure.

Adam (29:17):
I know, it's surprising that we would support you this much, but we
just really think it's important foryou to, you know, see yourself on tape.
Yeah,

Alex (29:25):
so,

Adam (29:26):
being represented.
And I don't mean whatyou did with Hulk Hogan.
I mean, like, in a positive way.

Mike (29:31):
What did I do with Hulk Hogan?
You

Adam (29:34):
know, the video that went around on TMZ, the whole thing.

Mike (29:36):
Oh, yeah, I had kind of scrubbed that from my memory.
Um.
So, thanks for bringingthat up again, actually.
This is already a really rough night.

Adam (29:44):
Oh, am I bringing you back there?
Are you going back to that place?
A

Mike (29:47):
little bit, a little bit.
We do a hard,

Adam (29:50):
fast zoom in on Mike's iris and we go back to a mall in Minnesota in 2003.
I have a order for, uh, Mike A. Isthere a brother here named Mike A?
Yeah,

Mike (30:09):
yeah, that's me.
Hi,

Adam (30:11):
come up here.
This is your pasta.
Um, thank you for coming to Hulk Hogan'sa real restaurant that did exist.
Uh, I'm Hulk Hogan.
Uh, you can call me Terry.
Uh, as long as I'm behindthe counter, I can be Terry.

Mike (30:27):
Can I call you brother?

Adam (30:30):
Of course, brother.
You can call me brother, brother.

Mike (30:32):
Brother.
Like hugs.
Ah,

Adam (30:36):
this is, this is really nice.
Hey, you wanna be in a video with me?
Yeah, sure.
Hulk Hogan picks up young Mike A. Andwho, by the way, is canonically 28.
Years old at least.
No, 40.
You would be 40 because yougraduated college in, uh, 1986.

Mike (30:59):
They still talk with the list.

Adam (31:02):
Yeah.
Mike came out of the dentistat the mall and now he, and
he immediately ordered pasta.
Mike, uh, is picked up by Hulk Hogan.
Who throws him straight acrossthe mall and Mike, this is,
this is the mall of America.
So Mike makes contact with theroller coaster that's in there.

(31:24):
30 people died.
And then we do a quickzoom back out of his iris.

Mike (31:29):
He never treated, he never treated me like a brother.
I, okay, so, oh, okay, I'm sorry, Ihad a flashback there for a second.
What do you think is happening here?

Adam (31:45):
Mike, you're a Yankees fan.

Mike (31:48):
I'm a what?
No, hold on.

Adam (31:49):
No, we're gonna And I promise I won't call you what I did the last
time I talked about Yankees fans.
I've learned my lesson.

Mike (31:56):
What exactly did you call me?
The last time, I want you to say itin excruciating, hit every consonant
of what you called me the last timewe were talking about Yankees fans.

Adam (32:06):
We cut to
We cut to, uh, later the three ofus are sitting down and watching
everybody's, everyone's heroon the couch in the dorm room.

Mike (32:19):
You know, I gotta be honest.
Underrated film, but again, I, I needto emphasize we are not, I'm not,
like, look, I'm not a Yankees fan.

Alex (32:27):
Underrated like it's a 4 out of 10 instead of a 10.
Yeah,

Adam (32:32):
correct.

Alex (32:33):
Yeah.
Are there other

Adam (32:34):
movies about the Yankees, Mike?
I mean, you would know as a super fan.

Alex (32:38):
I know there's all, I know there's all those, like, you know, act, like
those people, you know, trying to stopYankees fans from appearing in You
know, any non, like, you know, just any,like, normal, like, regular material.
I know,

Adam (32:51):
like, all the sports almanacs are getting banned in libraries across
the country, but I just want you toknow that that's not gonna happen here.
We're gonna support you.

Alex (33:01):
And like, even someone like you, who may have started as a Mets fan
and then transitioned to a Yankeesfan, Uh, we validate and support
your, you know, it can't be easy.

Mike (33:14):
I need to say, again, the first of all, even with the recent pushes
by the, by George Steinbrenner tomake Yankees movies more mainstream.
Uh, I, I, there really aren't a lot,you know, like, I mean, Major League
follows the, follows the ClevelandIndians before the name got changed.

(33:34):
Which

Adam (33:35):
you're really mad about, right?

Mike (33:36):
Yeah, of course.
Rookie of the Year follows the, the,the guy plays for the Chicago Cubs.
Oh,

Adam (33:41):
is that the child with the, what's the one with the kid who has the arm?
Yeah, that's Rookie of the Year.
Rookie of the

Mike (33:46):
Year.
He plays for the Cubs.

Adam (33:48):
What's the natural?
Is the natural baseball?

Mike (33:51):
Natural is baseball, but I'm I don't think he plays for the I
thought he played for the Rays.
I don't think he played Or atthat point, the Devil Rays.
I don't think he

Adam (33:59):
Is the Babe Ruth movie called Babe, or Babe Ruth, or the Babe Ruth story?
This is John Goodman.

Mike (34:07):
The, uh, the Babe is about a pig.
Um,

Adam (34:11):
Yeah,

Mike (34:13):
I don't think there is a Babe Ruth movie.
If there is, I'm not aware of it.
But that's, that's, that'sneither here nor there.
There is,

Adam (34:18):
it's called The Babe and it stars John.
I'm

Mike (34:20):
not a Yankees fan.
I'm not a Yankees

Adam (34:23):
fan.

Mike (34:23):
Okay?
Not a Yankees fan.
Yankees are always the bad guys.
Oh my.
I'm Superman's

Adam (34:28):
Like, it's okay.
You don't need thisinternalized Yankee phobia.
Like, we, we accept you.
And, and we're not gonnaDude, it's totally fine.
You know, out you to everyone.
Like, you come out at your own pace.
But like, we just want This isa safe space for you to live
authentically as yourself.

Mike (34:48):
I realized that with my very tight shirt, my very bald head, and
it's kind of swollen now because ofthe abuse that I took earlier today.
I realize I look like Brett Gardner,but I promise you that is not what I'm
going for in any sense of the word.
I'm really not.
I'm still a Mets fan through and through.
I'm, I'm, I freaking, Mike picksup a bat and starts banging it

(35:08):
on the ceiling for emphasis.
Every single word.
I swear I'm a Mets fan.

Alex (35:14):
Adam, he's, he's worried.
You're not going to accept him.
I know.
Come here, Mike.
Mike, Mike, it's okay.
Remember what happened with Adamand the Red Sox a few years back?
Like he gets it.

Adam (35:26):
Yeah.
When I left my, uh, I had a load ofwhites and I put a red t shirt in it.
I give Mike a big hug, but thecompression of his shirt is such that
he, he pops, and, uh, his, he starts,like, spurting blood from his, um, eyes
and ears, um, and he kind of deflatesuntil he looks like regular Mike again.

Mike (35:52):
I don't know what it is.
But every episode of this showwe end up doing something really
gross and I just I just want tobe a Mets fan I don't know man.

Adam (36:02):
Okay, Mike.

Mike (36:04):
Maybe I am maybe I am a Yankees You know, I I never really considered
it before but every time I play SonicI only ever get 27 rings As much
as I hate to admit it, Aaron Judgeis a really good baseball player.
Juan Soto is a generational talent.
They have a lot of funplayers on their team.
It's, it's crazy.
Every year, I just wish I had more moneyto spend on obnoxiously good players that

(36:28):
are, that are going into the Hall of Fame.
And you know what?
I even did steroids.
Just like Roger Clemens.

Adam (36:35):
Oh, that's why you were so swole, and cut, and built.
Yeah.
Ah.
Oh, is that what these are?
I thought these were just like, you know,the dick pills that you usually take.

Mike (36:48):
No, those are over there.

Adam (36:50):
Oh, okay.
And

Mike (36:51):
you see those come less.

Adam (36:54):
Yeah.

Mike (36:55):
Yeah, that was my problem.
It was too much.

Adam (37:01):
I think you're due for one.
So just, there you go.
Um, let me get you a glass of, youonly drink hot milk with these, right?

Mike (37:08):
I actually just take them dry.

Adam (37:10):
Well, I mean, that's the goal, right?

Mike (37:13):
Yeah, there you go, babe.
Uh, listen, okay.

Adam (37:16):
What?
Did you call me babe?

Mike (37:19):
I did.
And I'm like He is a Yankees fan.
Shut up.
He roofed you.
I'm not.

Alex (37:23):
Okay?
Shut up.
No.
It's, it's canon.
Oh, no, Mike.
Oh, wow.

Adam (37:29):
No.
Mike, that's a big step.
I mean, I don't feel that way about you.
Like, I I Mike.
Mike.
You know, I like the Mets, I saw the Metswalking down the street and I ran into a
wall, so it's, it just can't be, but likeI support you and I think that's great.

Mike (37:46):
You saw the Mets walking down the street?

Adam (37:49):
Yeah.

Mike (37:50):
Who was it?
It

Adam (37:52):
was Keith Hernandez.

Mike (37:53):
Oh yeah?
Name two others.

Adam (37:54):
Well, okay, so it was Keith Hernandez, it was Mr.
Met, and it was Jan Met, his wife.
So that Mrs. Met does

Mike (38:01):
not have a first name.
Excuse you.
Yeah,

Adam (38:04):
you and I have had this conversation before
Her name is Jan met and she'san event planner Google.
Oh, that's exactly what it what it is.

Mike (38:17):
I apologize Okay.
Well, first of all Not a Mets fan.
I'm getting abused by a crazy musician.
Not a Mets fan.
No, wait, I know, not Yankees.
Okay, well, he

Adam (38:25):
admitted.

Mike (38:26):
Not a Yankees fan.
Well, it's confirmed.
Okay, well, Mike, just,

Adam (38:30):
just get to the top of that Freudian slide and slip away.
Just let it all go.
Be honest.

Mike (38:36):
Let's make this clear.
I am not a Yankees fan, I am aMets fan, I am just being abused
by a musician that wants me to bea great, uh, all time great guy.
Okay?
Oh,

Alex (38:46):
so like a normal

Mike (38:47):
Wednesday?
Yeah, normal Wednesday.
Normal Wednesday.
Uh, probably illegal, butthat's, that's the reality that
I'm dealing with here, okay?
Picked a base.
Why do

Adam (38:55):
you smell like clove cigarettes?

Mike (38:58):
Because he says that all the great smoked cloves and it looks really cool.

Adam (39:02):
Well, that is true.

Mike (39:04):
Yeah.

Adam (39:04):
Both of those things.

Mike (39:06):
Charlie Parker, smoked Clove.

Adam (39:08):
Louis Armstrong, duke Ellington, felonious Monk, uh, Wayne Shorter.
Mm-hmm . Uh, bill Evans.
Mm-hmm . Loved to clove.
All, all smoke cloves,Cannonball Adderley.
Mm hmm jelly roll morton.

Mike (39:24):
Yeah.
Yeah, I would put jelly roll as oneof the greats kingfish smoke cloves

Adam (39:29):
kingfish Yes

Mike (39:30):
both the The

Adam (39:33):
baby king,

Mike (39:34):
king of the fish and the musician, kingfish, both of them smoke clothes.
Absolutely.

Adam (39:40):
I did see Kingfish, the one that we know playing at Dukes, and then I tried
to go up to him, but he just jumped intothe, a glass of water and disappeared.

Mike (39:49):
Yeah, no, he's a bit of an asshole, but Ma,

Adam (39:50):
was he good?
That guy knows how to play the xlo.

Mike (39:54):
Anyway, I,

Adam (39:55):
anyway, you're a Yankees fan.
I'm still

Mike (39:59):
a Mets fan still.
I still have 86 and 69 tattooedon my, on, on my two nipples.
I got bad news for you, Mike.

Adam (40:09):
Have you looked at your nipples in the mirror lately?

Mike (40:15):
No, what?

Adam (40:17):
They're both 69.

Mike (40:19):
Oh, thank God.
Oh, for a second.
I was so concerned.
I thought I was going to have, youknow, one of those instances where
I take my shirt off and I, insteadof the two nipples, I have twenty
seven random, uh, twenty seven U'stattooed up and down my, my ribcage.
I was so deeply worried about that.

Adam (40:39):
Twenty seven U's?

Mike (40:41):
Well, the Yankees won the World Series twenty seven times,
so I thought it was gonna be like,you know, Going back to 2009, 2000,

Adam (40:48):
1998, 1997,

Mike (40:51):
what?

Adam (40:52):
Yeah, that's on your back.
I just don't know what that means.
How did this get here?
Uh, I assume you went into atattoo parlor and said I'm a huge
Yankees fan, give me 27 years.
There's room for more.

Mike (41:07):
I don't know if there is.
If that's what

Adam (41:08):
you're concerned about.
I

Mike (41:09):
don't know if there is.

Adam (41:11):
I do like how they kind of like, it starts as like neat rows and then
it sort of like goes down into like apoint and then, you know, I assume it's
gonna like go down through the crack.

Mike (41:24):
Yeah, when they, that's, that's the goal.
That's the, I mean, no, I can't.
That's the goal.
Oh, that's great.

Adam (41:29):
No, I support that.
I gotta

Mike (41:30):
get out of here.
I gotta get out of here.
I gotta.

Adam (41:32):
No, Mike, you can't.
You've gotta stay.

Mike (41:35):
Mike sprints out of the room, throws the door open, and just starts
tearing down the walls as he goes by.
No, it's not true!
Tearing

Adam (41:42):
down the walls?
Yeah, he's taking chunks ofdrywall out of the dorm hallway.
Steroids.

Mike (41:48):
Mike,

Adam (41:48):
come back!

Mike (41:49):
Steroids.
The steroids are, uh, put themuscle right back into his arm.
He's leaving a trailof baby oil as he goes.

Alex (41:59):
Goddamn.

Adam (42:00):
Wow.
There he goes.
There he goes, the biggestYankees fan I ever knew.
No!
Yeah.
So Can we go to sleep and thenmaybe in the morning, I don't
know, record the podcast?
It is like 6 in the morning.
We watched all of Everyone'sHero, the director's cut.

Alex (42:22):
So yeah, timeline wise, it's about, yeah, 6 9, and uh, we'll reconvene.
Alright.
Coffee?
Ah, extra sugar.

Adam (42:32):
Okay, here you go.
Just say when.
Guys!
Hold on, Mike.

Alex (42:41):
Oh, okay.
Oh, that one's out of sugar here.
Oh, thanks.
Take this one.

Adam (42:48):
This one's running low.
Should I sub in sweet and low, or?
When?
Do you want a spoon?
Can I have some cream?
Oh, cream.
Okay, yeah.

Mike (42:57):
I have things to say, okay.

Adam (42:59):
Mike, please.
Mike, excuse us.

Alex (43:01):
Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee.

Adam (43:03):
Read the mug, Mike.
Yeah.
Okay.
I know it's hard to with everythingoverflowing, but read the mug.
Yeah.
Okay, that's good.

Alex (43:14):
Here's your spoon.
Are

Mike (43:14):
you guys gonna take care of the puddle, or?

Alex (43:17):
Don't talk to me until after I've had my coffee.
Do you want a coffee?

Mike (43:21):
No, I'm good.
Um,

Alex (43:22):
we're outta sugar
. Mike: Is there any cream left?
I'll just have like straightstraight if you got it.

Adam (43:29):
Oh, uh, no sir. There might be a little no.
I mean, if you can get it off the floor.

Mike (43:35):
No, that's okay.
I, um,

Adam (43:37):
what's up?

Mike (43:38):
I did a night of reflection if given up the saxophone.
I went to Yankee Stadium to do a nightof meditation to see where my heart lied.
I was visited by the ghost ofGeorge Steinbrenner, Mickey Mantle,
Lou Gehrig, and George Costanza.

Alex (43:56):
Goddammit, and you weren't

Mike (43:57):
recording?
I wasn't recording.
They

Adam (43:59):
gave you your own phone so that you could record on the go.

Mike (44:04):
It felt like a bad time.
Anyway.
Okay.
They all picked up baseball bats andstarted beating me over the head.
I think I'm back with the Mets.
Because afterwards, I went to CityField, Keith Hernandez was there,
and he gave me a line of cocaine.
So, we're So no

Adam (44:25):
coffee.
No coffee.

Mike (44:27):
No coffee.

Adam (44:28):
Well, the good news is all those bruises on your head kind of
match your hairline perfectly, soit's like you never got that haircut.

Mike (44:35):
Yep.
Famously, famously short to the skull.

Adam (44:38):
So You're a Yankees fan, and we accept you, and that's great.
Mike, we're all set up here.
I think the equipment should be fine.
It's, uh, a little wet from the coffeeand the milk and etc, but what do you
say we start recording the podcast?
Hmm?
Yeah, enough of your bullshit.

Mike (44:57):
I mean, I feel like I have I had a spiritual awakening, but
yeah, sure, we can, we can go.

Adam (45:02):
I know it's it's exciting when you sort of realize about yourself that
you're a Yankees fan and you come outand that's great and I support that.
But we can't really like make theshow about that because that might
alienate like the Midwest and stuff.
You know, most of ourlisteners are in Iowa, Mike.

Mike (45:19):
Is that true?

Adam (45:20):
Yes.
Welcome back to the Barone Zone.
It's time to talk about season four,episode 12, What's With Robert?
Marie begins to think that Robert isgay when he breaks up with Amy again.
A touchy subject, fellows.
Uh, when the 90s collectivelytakes on, um, anything other than

(45:44):
straight white male problems.
Um, what did we thinkof this episode overall?
So.
Immediately,

Alex (45:53):
my thoughts are, overall, I was expecting it to be worse
and more offensive than it was.
It was not perfect.
It was not nearly as bad as Iwas getting ready for when I
saw where the episode was going.
I think there were some momentsthat were actually pretty

(46:14):
progressive, especially for the time.
So I think that's good.
There's not too much I can clarifyon, because I, myself, I'm not
particularly, you know, uh, experiencedor knowledgeable on the field.

Mike (46:30):
That is the single most awkward way you could have
possibly fucking phrased that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Alex.
I just, I know that we typicallylet everybody go off on their own
little monologues here, but just,I am not particularly experienced
in the gay is the worst way thatyou could have ever used me.

Alex (46:46):
It's, it's, I mean, I'm sorry.
I've, I'm so sorry, but like,you know what I'm saying?
Like, I'm, I do, you're straight.
You don't know.
Yeah.
I'm not a, I'm not a,I'm not a gay person.
I'm not in the LGBT community,although I am an ally.
Yeah.
Uh, but you know, glad you insisted.

Mike (47:01):
Glad you, glad you mentioned that.
That's what the A is for.

Alex (47:03):
No, I, I am, I'm saying that because I want you to know there's no ill will in
the stupid shit that I accidentally say.
Yeah.
Hi, Adam, you came back at the best time.
I

Adam (47:12):
wasn't even gone.
I, I was here the whole time.

Mike (47:15):
Um, so besides, besides that, uh, that, that, that amazing, uh,
listen, I feel like before we discussthis episode, we need to, um, I'm
sure blow everybody's minds here.
We here at the Brodezone are indeed three.
White straight men with a podcast.

(47:36):
I know that's revolutionary.
I know that that you know, it's hardI'm breaking but it is our reality.
And yeah, we're still gonna talkabout this episode anyway, so

Alex (47:48):
Yeah, maybe you just cut maybe just cut what I said and just you

Adam (47:50):
know

Alex (47:56):
Did you say

Mike (47:58):
I believe Alex,

Alex (48:01):
I, I just, I mentioned that I was not particularly experienced in gay.
Well,

Adam (48:07):
and that's okay.

Mike (48:08):
That is, that is okay.
Yes, it is.
It's fine.
We accept that.
The A stands for ally.
Um, and so.
In

Adam (48:14):
Alex?
No.
Ally.
Lesbian.
Experienced?
X for no.
X as in, yeah.
X as in, uh, family feud.

Mike (48:25):
Yeah.
Um, but yeah, I thought that,so I will, I will agree.
I thought that overall this episodewent in a direction that I, first of
all, I didn't read the descriptionbecause why would I be prepared for
an episode that I'm going to watch?
Um, and so I was also kind of like,oh geez, when they, when they started
going down this path, I really thoughtthough that as awkward as it was, The

(48:48):
only person that actually did anythinglike Deeply problematic or said anything
deeply problematic was Frank, who

Adam (48:56):
And that was kind of the point of his character.
Exactly, that's his

Mike (48:58):
character.
I thought that overall was like Frank

Adam (49:00):
was very much the Archie Bunker of this episode, where we're looking
at his ignorance through, you know

Alex (49:10):
I love what Marie said where it was like, like when they're
talking about their lesbian friends,it was like, Frank was mean to
them, but he's a dick to everyone.

Adam (49:19):
He treats them the same as everyone else.

Mike (49:21):
My favorite comment on that thing is just, how many fucking Meatballs.
Did Midge eat?
They don't think of her as, as,as what's her face's girlfriend.
They think of her as They think of her

Adam (49:33):
as that blue hair that ate all the meatballs.
That

Mike (49:35):
ate all the meatballs.

Adam (49:37):
Yeah.
I like the line of Ray then goinglike, You have no problem with this?
Uh, and Marie being like, It wouldhave been nice if she left some
meatballs for the other guests.
But I have no problem with the gay people.

Mike (49:49):
What I just learned is Midge sucks, actually.
If she ate all the meatballs, yeah,that's a, that's a, that's a Mitch,

Adam (49:55):
it sounds like Mitch came in hot, uh, Frida has the good graces
to invite her, and Mitch immediatelybeelines for what I assume is just loose
meatballs, and takes a spoon to it.
Big spoon.

Mike (50:10):
Yeah.
Takes the big

Adam (50:12):
spoon off the wall, right in the bowl.

Mike (50:15):
Oh, you think it was one big gulp of the meatballs?

Adam (50:18):
I think, uh, I'm picturing, okay, like a salad bowl full of meatballs.
No sauces, no nothing.
Oh, I was imagining sauce.
And she just junk, junk,like maybe three scoops.
Taste dizzy.
Swallows them like a snake.

Mike (50:32):
Like a snake?
Oh,

Adam (50:34):
absolutely.

Mike (50:35):
Yeah.
So I, yeah, I mean, Ithink, I thought Marie's

Adam (50:38):
second cousin.
Not her friend, by the way.

Mike (50:41):
Yes, her second cousin.
I,

Adam (50:42):
I

Alex (50:43):
would say overall.
Um, like even looking past the contentsof the episodes specifics, I think this
is a very generic episode of EverybodyLoves Grand, where the plot structure is
something we have seen dozens of timesat this point, where a little comment
gets brought back to Marie and Frank,and then all hell gets loose, and then

(51:06):
everyone else just kind of deals with it.

Adam (51:09):
I think so.
I think we even got like, Ray andDebra in bed talking about the
issue and then we go over to Marieand Frank's and then, you know.
I

Alex (51:18):
feel like we've seen the scene where Ray's sitting in the kitchen, he
makes a passing comment about somethingand then Marie's like, What dear?
And then Ray brings it up and then theymake a huge fucking deal out of it.
Yeah.

Mike (51:29):
It is, it is, you're right.
It is absolutely the, the formula.
Um, I actually really want torewatch this episode to the point
where I am not like, Being like, ohshit, what are they going to say?
Because the entire time that I waswatching this episode, I was like, okay,
whatever they show, I'm going to haveto talk about while I'm being recorded.

(51:52):
So what the fuck are theygoing to make me talk about?
Yeah,

Adam (51:54):
you have to hide your real feelings, which we hear off mic
about, you know, the LGBTQ community.
Yeah,

Mike (52:00):
correct.

Adam (52:01):
Absolutely.

Mike (52:02):
Yeah.
They just, which

Adam (52:03):
we all know what they are, which is that you're jealous.

Mike (52:07):
I, the acronym is so good and it should be a sandwich.
That's all.
I mean to say let's,

Adam (52:14):
which I think you are.
The, if, if there should be a sandwich,I think you're the wrong one to make it.
And you should stop trying.

Mike (52:20):
Lettuce, bacon, tomato.
I just, it's, it's a, the, a good combo.
Guacamole.
It feels cooked.
Lettuce is

Adam (52:27):
guacamole.
Bacon, tomato, ki Yeah.

Mike (52:31):
Quail

Adam (52:31):
queso.
Oh, even better.
Whoa, that's a wet sandwich.

Mike (52:35):
It's a wet sandwich.
It's a burrito.
You need the, you needthe, the beef stick.
Forget bacon, the beefstick's for burrito.
We're at Chipotle.

Adam (52:41):
Um, yeah.
Is a burrito a sandwich?
That could be a whole podcast unto itself.

Mike (52:47):
Actually, no, it's not.
I take it back.
Burrito's not a sandwich.
Burrito's a calzone.

Adam (52:53):
Absolutely.
Um, yes.
I, I too was concerned about thisepisode as we're watching it,
like where are they gonna go?
We know it's the 90s, we're gonna judgeit by today's standards, against which,
you know, it is no paragon of Um, youknow, sensitivity or yeah, from like

(53:18):
a present perspective, there are somethings that we can criticize about it.
It really leans into stereotypes.
Um, now the characters are expressingthese stereotypes, so maybe the writer
is bringing these in to highlightthe absurdity of, you know, Amy
saying, Robert color coordinates hisclothes and he dances well and he's

(53:40):
attached to his mother, ergo he's gay.
So there, there's some of that too, buta lot of the humor in the episode does
come from playing on those stereotypes.
Um, however, I think itcould have been a lot worse.
We're clearly meant to make fun ofFrank's intolerance where, you know, I

(54:02):
can't speak for everyone in the studioaudience because a lot of them, I think
probably were laughing at haha gay.
Um, but I think it waswritten from a good, if not.
You know.
A more tolerant position thanwhat we may have expected.
Yeah, I think the intention was good.
We would, it would just be approacheddifferently now, which is fine.

Mike (54:24):
I also want to say.
Yes, honestly,

Adam (54:26):
not, not bad for the 90s.
I would

Mike (54:28):
be fully shocked and actually taken aback if Everybody
Loves Raymond made this episode.
about allyship and like did an actuallike treated like a like and a very
special episode psa about here's howyou support your possibly gay brother
i would be i would be just straight upturned off by that not because like hey

Alex (54:49):
i think this was a Huge missed opportunity.
And Adam was talking about this earlier,uh, off mic, um, how, how they missed the
chance to like, total, like, like makea cliffhanger and actually have Robert
come out as gay and moving forward.
He is.
He is gay.
I would, I'd kind of be into that.
We

Adam (55:09):
know sitcoms are afraid to change the like fundamental characterizations
that we've grown to become familiar withover the past four seasons, but what an
exhilarating new engine for the show.
If Robert comes out.
He has to navigate the family.
He's navigating a new world at work.
You know, we, we hear about in thisepisode, the sergeant on his squad

(55:33):
who went to Hawaii, fell in lovewith a boogie board salesman, and now
they run a, uh, a gift shop on Maui.
Is that what it says?
Yeah, that was what they said.
Like that.
Yeah.
Um.
What an incredible twistthat could have been.
Season 10, my pitch if Paramount Plusis listening, would be, we see Robert,

(55:54):
you know, he and Amy are gettingdivorced because Robert is finally
realizing that he's gay and he'sliving his golden years authentically.
I think that would be great.
Ray is dead in my version.
Ray has, so sort of the impetus of the,of the season is Ray commits suicide.
Um, and everyone hasto pick up the pieces.

Alex (56:15):
Yeah.
Just like everybody loves Robert.

Adam (56:18):
Emphasis on everybody.

Alex (56:21):
Everybody loves Robert, comma, but Robert only likes the dudes.
No, I was gonna say,

Mike (56:26):
are we making Robert pan in this one, or, okay.

Adam (56:28):
I could see that.
Robert loves everyone.
Robert loves everyone.
I think that would be good.
Let's talk about This, uh, thisepisode came out on January 10th,
2000, making this the first episodeof everybody loves Raymond to
be released in the 21st century.
Post

Mike (56:49):
Y2K,

Adam (56:51):
they survived Y2K and we're like, let's give it nine days.
And then they shipped theepisode and it was, it really.
Helped people make peace with that.
Do you remember why 2k?

Mike (57:02):
I do remember why 2k very very well.
I was very worried aboutit I sold all my stock.
I still have gold bars in my bed.
I've not gotten a goodnight's sleep in 24 years

Adam (57:11):
Yeah, I was gonna say like usually people put a mattress on top of them
But you're just you've got bed frameand then not honestly Mike not enough
gold bars for What you're trying to do.
I've noticed how you sort of have them,you've got about seven and you've got
them kind of laid out as like a stickman and you sleep on top of it like that.

Mike (57:31):
That's enough.
So I sleep on my own money.
What's the problem?

Adam (57:34):
Well, it can't be good for your back.

Mike (57:36):
Oh yeah.
Take me to a chiropractor, seeif they find a singular problem.

Adam (57:42):
Chiropractors are bullshit, man.

Mike (57:45):
Damn right.
One told me that I shouldn't lieon gold, and I was like, fuck you.

Adam (57:50):
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
But the impetus of this episode isthat Amy and Robert break up because
Robert gives her a small velvetbox that has a pearl necklace in
it instead of an engagement ring.
He can't commit.
He says, it's not you, it's me.
And that makes Deborah and Amy speculatethat, uh, Ray is, that Robert is gay.

(58:14):
Um, Amy has this thing of, Theybecome gay after going out with me.
I turn them.
I'm the spatula.
And I'm

Mike (58:24):
not gonna lie.
Yeah, not Not like woke or whatever.
Funny concept.
I, I don't know why.
It made, it made me chuckle.

Adam (58:31):
Oh, there's another.
Folks, I just had to cut fiveminutes out of the show about Mike
complaining about the woke mind virus.
Believe me, if you want to hearit, it's in the Baroness zone.

Mike (58:44):
Leave it in, I have a podcast, I have the first amendment
right to speech, you're notgoing to take that away from me.
The

Adam (58:52):
first amendment is not, you get to have a podcast, I know it seems like that.

Mike (58:57):
Yes it is, yes it is.

Adam (58:59):
Um, but no, Amy thinks that, uh, she turns these guys gay.
I think this is a similar thing, solike on friends, Robert Uh, Ross, his
wife, realizes that she's gay whileshe's with Ross, and then divorces him.
I feel like this is something that peoplewere very paranoid about in the 90s.

Mike (59:23):
Ooh, interesting.
I guess I make sense as to whyit would be, because, yeah, it's
still in the midst of everything.
That didn't process with me, butyeah, I can see how that would

Adam (59:33):
be.
I mean, I guess it's, uh, It's a concernthat like you can be so terrible that you
make somebody think about like the otherrelationships that they could have and
then they reflect on what they want andthen they arrive at, you know, maybe my
sexuality isn't what I thought it was.

Mike (59:51):
I could see that.

Adam (59:52):
I wouldn't frame it as the spatula, I would, I would say something
else, like um, the, like tongs, youpick them up and, and you put them in
the salad bowl of their own destiny.
I don't know, you got anything better?
Salad bowl of destiny.

Mike (01:00:09):
No, but I feel like that's a worse analogy than the spatula actually there is

Adam (01:00:14):
a zester Take off the rind and reveal the fruit within now.
We shouldn't say that

Mike (01:00:22):
Keep it in

Adam (01:00:24):
Sorry, I didn't realize I ended up there along with
all of you it was a mistake Uh,What did you think of the line?
Sorry, sorry.
So Debra, when Ray and Debra are inbed, Debra is regretful of fixing
Amy and Robert up and she says,you know what I don't understand?
Ray says, that when I kiss yourneck, I'm not checking for tics.

(01:00:48):
The audience loved that.
They thought that was fucking hilarious.
I thought it was okay.
I thought it was okay.
Yeah, I thought It was fine.

Mike (01:00:55):
Not, not, not his best I don't get laid joke.

Adam (01:00:59):
Ray

Alex (01:00:59):
Yeah, they love when Ray gets denied.
Yeah,

Adam (01:01:02):
it's, it's, they gotta get something out of it.

Alex (01:01:06):
They feed

Adam (01:01:06):
off of it.
I don't think, I think the Ray wantingto have sex and not getting to have
sex is starting to get old for me.
Oh, it took four seasons to get

Mike (01:01:16):
there?

Adam (01:01:17):
It took four seasons because it was sort of like sprinkled in
before and now I feel like it'sbecoming a more frequent thing.

Mike (01:01:24):
I have also noticed Unlike

Adam (01:01:25):
Ray and Debra having sex.

Mike (01:01:26):
Ayo!

Adam (01:01:27):
Absolutely.
Um,

Mike (01:01:28):
I've also noticed that the law, that it seems like you gotta get one of
those jokes in every single time theyare in bed together now, and it did
not always, it was not always that way.

Adam (01:01:40):
Yeah.

Mike (01:01:41):
It's just, it's just lazy.
Yeah.

Adam (01:01:44):
It's easy.
It's easy.
They're, this is, you know, uh,a shortcut for them to, like, get
the characters that we are familiarwith, get them doing the things
that we're familiar with them doing.

Alex (01:01:57):
Honestly, I blame the audience.
You know?
Yeah.
If you, if like.
If, like, that's a winner everytime, why would you not do it?

Adam (01:02:05):
I wonder what it's like to do a show in front of a live audience
because those people are not seeingevery show in order like we are.
They're seeing the showthat they're there for.
They're pumped up.
They're ready to laugh.
So these, like, trends that wecomplain about are not their
experience and so that's whytheir reaction to it is so strong.

(01:02:25):
They're kind, a lot of them areprobably hearing these types of jokes
from this cast for the first time.
I bet there are people inthe studio audience who don't
even know what the show is.
They're just, you know, they getfree tickets to it and they show up.
Um, but when Frank, uh, When Ray comesover to Frank and Marie's, Frank is, I
wrote, Frank is jerking it to the obits.

(01:02:48):
He's like getting off on allthe people he's outlived.
Um, have you thought about what'sgoing to be in your obituary?
Do you want it to mention this podcast?
And where do you wantpeople to send flowers?

Mike (01:03:00):
I really hope that I have done more in my life than this podcast for
people to write about, but we'll see.

Adam (01:03:07):
Even just at the end, he also hosted, uh, the Barone Zone.
Available wherever you find podcasts.
Hosted

Alex (01:03:14):
is a strong word.

Mike (01:03:15):
When I die, I want everybody to send as many flowers as you
can afford to Adam Rudy's house.
Just destroy his mailbox with flowers.
That would be great.

Adam (01:03:26):
Destroy my mailbox with flowers.
Good band name.
Band name?

Alex (01:03:31):
Destroy my mailbox?
With flowers.

Adam (01:03:32):
Or mailbox with flower just flowers.
Just flowers.

Mike (01:03:36):
We are flowers.
That is a good band name.
One, two, three, four.
That's a good band name.

Adam (01:03:42):
I think it would be like mellow folk.
I wouldn't go Nope.

Mike (01:03:46):
I got it.
I got it.

Adam (01:03:48):
Heavy metal death metal.

Mike (01:03:50):
Yeah.

Adam (01:03:51):
Okay, you get just time and place I'll show up with my seven string
bass and we can get deep and muddy.
Yum.
Yeah, I hope my obituary doesn't mentionthis podcast either, but if it does
Just direct any instead of in lieuof flowers just send donations to the

(01:04:12):
Baroness zonis if you could That's whatmy descendants would want Frank calls Ray
gay for cleaning Uh, Ray tells him thathe might offend people by talking like
that and then they have this exchangeabout Frank calling people Nancy.
And they go back and forth.
When you say Nancy, what are you implying?

(01:04:34):
That your name should be Nancy.
And when you say Nancy,that's your word for gay.
And then Frank, very well.
And you mean that as an insult?
Yes, I believe I do.
Uh, that's not nice to gay people.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
Mary it's not as as Marie points out.

(01:04:54):
It's not really worth tryingto Get Frank to understand.

Mike (01:05:01):
I know I'm jumping ahead in your notes.
I'm so sorry

Adam (01:05:04):
No, please do

Mike (01:05:05):
are we gonna talk about how Frank might have been?
sexually assaulted

Adam (01:05:12):
That's what I was gonna get to.
Yeah, like,

Mike (01:05:16):
in a problematic, yeah, thing.
Frank,

Adam (01:05:20):
I wrote, this is what I wrote, Frank fucked a man in Korea,
parentheses, dubious consent.
So, so apparently, That is,

Mike (01:05:30):
that is kind of what I want to talk about, yeah.
During

Adam (01:05:32):
the Korean War, Frank was in a foxhole with, uh, his sergeant, I guess?
Yeah, his

Mike (01:05:38):
superior officer.

Adam (01:05:39):
He was, they were cold or something, and their coats were
insufficient, as Frank says.
And then, this is all, like, fine, like,and hopefully, we're thinking, you know,
this was a good experience for Frank.
Um, until, Frank says, he was my superiorofficer, there's nothing I could do.

(01:06:02):
And that, is, that, is concerning.

Mike (01:06:05):
Oh, I just wanted to bring it up.
That just came out of nowhereand did not, was not where I
thought this episode was going.

Adam (01:06:10):
I think it, it reveals a lot about Frank's, uh, attitude is that he has
this trauma that he's never Dealed with,he refuses to speak about it, you know?
He's

Mike (01:06:22):
talked a lot about the violence of Korea with less PTSD
than this particular moment.
So then Robert comes in.
I thought it was kind of, you know,Robert, the one time he doesn't say
it, they are indeed talking about him.
And, uh, Marie immediately hugs himand says we love you no matter what,
even if you're gay, which has gottabe, gotta be a tough day for Robert.

(01:06:46):
He broke up with his girlfriendand now his mom's calling him gay.
It's just, just a rough dayall around for this one.
Well, this

Adam (01:06:52):
is at least one day after that happened, so he's probably over it.
Yeah, probably.
Oh

Mike (01:06:57):
yeah?
You get over, you get overbreakups of girl, of Of girl?
Of girl of over two years.
Break up one day.
24 hours is all you need to getyour head back on straight, huh?

Adam (01:07:09):
Your question is sorry.
You get over breakup of girl of over one

Alex (01:07:14):
day?
Mike try save time.
Running low on time in podcast.
Mike use only basic word.

Adam (01:07:19):
We've heard that Robert and Amy have broken up a bunch of times.
I'm sure he's taken this, youknow, I'm sure it's difficult for
him, but I think he can handlethis new stressor in his life.
I don't think this is gonnapush him off the deep end.

Mike (01:07:34):
I just, I, I, I think it's more, I think it's a more stressful day than
I think you're making it out to be.
Are

Adam (01:07:41):
you, did you just get broken up with again?

Mike (01:07:43):
No question, no comment.

Adam (01:07:44):
No question.

Mike (01:07:45):
Well, no question, no, no qualm.
Yeah.

Adam (01:07:52):
Yeah, um

Mike (01:07:54):
Don't understand why girls don't like me.

Adam (01:07:57):
We did get a couple of lines in this scene.
So again, we're tradingin stereotypes here.
Uh, Marie, Robert's notgay, he's a policeman.
And then Frank is like, one of thosevillage people was a policeman.
And, uh, Marie then brings up howshe and Robert used to sing Somewhere
Over the Rainbow, which of course,sung by gay icon Judy Garland.

(01:08:20):
Um, Are you familiar with thethe euphemism friend of Dorothy?
I've always found that very delightful.

Mike (01:08:28):
No, that's hilarious.
I've not heard that before.

Adam (01:08:30):
It's funny.
That is cool.
That's

Mike (01:08:32):
great.

Adam (01:08:34):
Robert in his yellow shirt looking like curious George's friend
comes in they sort of give him Marie istrying to support him, but um You know,
Frank is, is having like a meltdown.
He might just be experiencing PTSD.
Um, remembering the foxhole, but,uh, also there's the line where Marie

(01:08:56):
says they'll respect Robert's choice.
And Robert says, it's not my choice.
And then I liked Marie's response.
I know dear Frida says it'ssomething you're born with.
Um, pretty funny.
Good line.
Decent line.
So Robert storms out.
And then the next scene, we seeRobert's apartment, which is the first
time we've seen it in a little while.

(01:09:17):
Robert comes into his apartment,he turns on the boombox.
Uh, the song that's playing,anyone, anyone know that song?
I have no

Mike (01:09:26):
idea.

Adam (01:09:27):
It's Hello, Dolly.
It's the Carol Channing version.
Ah, I love Carol Channing.
So again, show tunes equals gay.
Um, but then Ray knocks on the door.
Um, And says that, youknow, he's, it's him.
Uh, I cannot remember the setup of this.
I didn't want to writethe whole thing down.
But Robert ends up saying, uh,Move your car, I don't want to be

(01:09:50):
late for my parade in the village.
Good line.
Good line, I guess.

Mike (01:09:55):
I, okay, this conversation between Ray and Robert was very interesting to me.
I did like the delvingdeep of What was it?
Was it
Kenny Lopez?
Am I getting the name wrong?

Adam (01:10:08):
Patrick Lopez.

Mike (01:10:09):
Patrick Lopez.
Okay.
So Patrick Lopez and, and Iliked Ray's, uh, comment of
like, yeah, he called me gay.
And I mean, he was gay, so he would know.
I, I, it felt very real.
I think that, uh.
It felt

Alex (01:10:22):
very Ray.

Mike (01:10:22):
Yeah.
It felt very Ray.
I thought that was, I don't know.
I liked that conversation.
They go into, you know, do younotice the guys at the gym?
Which of course you do.
I mean, there are hot guys at every gym.
So, I mean, every gym, every gym,

Adam (01:10:35):
every gym.

Mike (01:10:37):
Have you been?
Been to a gym without hot guys?

Adam (01:10:40):
I've been alone in the gym before.
Yeah.
It's called my basement then.
You're the guy.
I'm the only guy there.

Mike (01:10:44):
Yeah.
And then you're the hot guy.

Adam (01:10:46):
Oh, is it relative?
Like Yeah.
There's always a guy at thegym who's hotter than at least
one other guy at the gym.
Therefore, correct.
There's a hot guy at the gym.

Mike (01:10:54):
Correct.
Wow.
Yeah.

Adam (01:10:56):
And then when you're alone, there's no one to compare to.
So you're beyond compare, meaning you'rethe hottest guy in the, in the room.
It's more of

Mike (01:11:03):
you're, you're training, so you're making yourself hotter.
So you're hotter at the end ofyour workout than you were at
the beginning, therefore you'renow the hottest guy at the gym.

Adam (01:11:11):
Who to you is the hottest guy in the world?

Mike (01:11:15):
Who to me is, uh, Ryan Reynolds.
I know that's a basic answer, but that'sa good, that's yeah, that's a good answer.
Charisma goes far.

Adam (01:11:22):
Alex?
I

Mike (01:11:23):
do think he's secretly an asshole, but that's, that's my answer.

Adam (01:11:27):
Hmm.
He, uh, owns, he, he runsmy phone company, so.
Yeah?
Yeah, no complaints.

Alex (01:11:35):
Hottest guy in the world?
Who does the Allstate commercials?
Who's that guy?
Are

Adam (01:11:39):
you

Alex (01:11:40):
talking about

Adam (01:11:40):
Dennis Haysbert?

Alex (01:11:42):
I think so.
With the really deep voice.
Which commercials?
Which commercials?
I like him.
If you're not talking

Adam (01:11:46):
about Mayhem, that guy, then it'd be Dennis Haysbert.
You think that's thehottest guy in the world?
Hang on.

Mike (01:11:55):
Interesting.
Is the guy you're thinking of the guythat like gets hit by cars all the time?
Or is it the No, that's Mayhem.

Alex (01:12:02):
No, that's Mayhem.
So not Dennis Haysbert.
Dennis Haysbert, handsomeblack gentleman, older.
Jesus Christ, he's 70?
He does a lot of, like, Christian movies.

Mike (01:12:12):
I mean,

Alex (01:12:13):
look, just listen to him, man.
I mean, he's got

Mike (01:12:18):
a great voice.

Alex (01:12:19):
He's promising good hands.

Mike (01:12:22):
Hey, who do you think is the hottest woman on the planet?
Flow from progressive.

Alex (01:12:27):
I mean, that's not the worst answer

Mike (01:12:28):
you can give.
She's attractive, I'mnot saying she's not.
I'm just saying, not wheremy mind would have raced.

Adam (01:12:33):
Okay, fuck, marry, kill, insurance mascots, you got
the Geico Gecko, you got Flow.
Guys,

Mike (01:12:40):
fuck.
No kill.

Adam (01:12:44):
We have a podcast.
This

Mike (01:12:46):
is the content that people come for.

Adam (01:12:48):
My answer is Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. Um, yeah, they have this conversation
for the hottest guy in the world.
Um, uh, they have this conversation.
You ever noticed guys, likeif a guy is really cut at
the gym, you ever notice him?
Um, Ray admits he notices a little.
He gets very defensive.
He's like, every guy wonders if he's gay.

(01:13:09):
Then you see some breasts and youwalk into a wall and there you go.
Um, has that ever happened to you?

Mike (01:13:16):
I have walked into many walls.

Adam (01:13:19):
Because of?

Mike (01:13:20):
For a lot of reasons.
Breasts are probably one of them.
I don't know.

Adam (01:13:26):
Alex?
Not specifically that I can remember, no.
Okay, me neither.
I've fallen down stairs.
Yeah, I was walking past a plasticsurgery, um, clinic that was on
the second floor of a mall, andI slipped down the up escalator.

Alex (01:13:42):
Yeah, you know, actually, I hit my, my knee on like the
corner of a supermarket whenI passed some chicken breasts.

Mike (01:13:50):
It gets you every time.
Oh

Alex (01:13:52):
yeah.

Mike (01:13:53):
And then we, then Frank comes in, they see the game, they make a
joke about, uh, Frank being, uh, gaywith his, with his sergeant in Hawaii.
Yeah.
And then we have the hot clothes,where Ray is, gets super horny
by the USPS delivery guy.
And, that was, I, I don't know, I thought,I thought that was a very, a very fun way

Adam (01:14:14):
to

Mike (01:14:14):
put it.

Adam (01:14:15):
Yeah, Ray's family's eating dinner, a mailman delivers a package,
kinda late for USPS in my opinion.
I feel like they're usually inand out of my place by like three.
Um, speaking of, um, inand out, this guy's a hunk.
And he makes Rey, we can see Reyvisibly questioning his sexuality.

(01:14:36):
Um, and then the guy leaves.
And Rey, I think, channels some arousalinto passionately kissing Debra.
I think maybe his excuse is, you know,Oh, I'm just checking, but But in reality,

Alex (01:14:52):
it is, it is like, oh, let me get this sexual energy out before his,
before his looks fade from my mind.

Adam (01:14:58):
Right.
So do we think, let's take a vote, secretballot, do you think Ray is bisexual?
Or at least heteroflexible?

Alex (01:15:10):
Yeah, I'd say like 85 15.
Nothing crazy.
I

Mike (01:15:16):
think 15 percent is, is, that's a, that's a not insignificant number.
That's a pretty big number for, forsomeone that's mostly hetero, I think.

Adam (01:15:29):
I'm gonna say 75 25.

Mike (01:15:34):
Oh my god, you guys are going way too high.
I'm going 95 5.

Adam (01:15:39):
Really?
You think?
Yeah.
I'm thinking if that's the typeof guy that gets Ray going,
there's enough guys in the world.
That's like probably 25 percentof the No one who is that

Alex (01:15:51):
straight would kiss his wife that passionately to deny his feelings.

Mike (01:15:56):
But here's the thing, is he just attracted to that guy because
they were talking about being gay?
Like, that's a thing, like, recencybias in your head, you know?

Adam (01:16:06):
It could be, or it's like, the veil is lifted, and now he
sees, you know, now he's noticing.
Maybe, maybe.
Leave

Alex (01:16:15):
your, leave your votes in the comments.
Yeah, we'll do

Adam (01:16:17):
a poll.
Do you think Ray is bisexual?
Or at the very least, heteroflexible.
Leave your percentages.
Yeah, we'll do it as comments instead.
And you can send us an email too.
We'll take email.
No salutation.
No sign off.
Just a straight number.

Mike (01:16:33):
Just send the digits.

Adam (01:16:36):
Yes, I think that's enough to cover.
I don't have anything elseI don't think to call out.
Uh, did we mention the sergeanton the force going to Hawaii?
I like the line, I'll tell you one thing,I would have made an excellent gay man.
And even if you were gay, you'd still bemy brother, my big homosexual brother.

(01:16:57):
Um, oh, also ginger ale.
They drink ginger ale in this episode.
They drink so much

Mike (01:17:01):
ginger ale.

Adam (01:17:02):
Alright, if there's nothing else that you want to talk about,
then let's go ahead and turn ourattention to the classic Baron Mateur,
which is our scale from 1 to 10,on which you rate Ray's performance
as a husband, brother, son, father,
ally?
With 10 being the great dads ofsitcom history, Danny Tanner,
Uncle Phil, Carl Winslow.

(01:17:24):
Let's throw, um, Mitchelland Cam from Modern Family.
Sure, they're

Mike (01:17:32):
pretty good.
They're okay.

Adam (01:17:34):
Uh, Mr. Drummond from Different Strokes, I think.
I have a theory that he was gay.
Um, are there any other notable ones?
Or at least tens?
I don't know.
Who's

Mike (01:17:48):
the, who's the teacher from Boy Meets World?

Adam (01:17:50):
Mr. Feeney, is he a dad?

Mike (01:17:53):
Oh, he's not.
Well, he's a father figure.

Adam (01:17:56):
Alright, I'll take it.
I'll make him a nine.
With nine being Mr. Feeney, tenbeing all those guys, and one being
the bad men of television history.
You're Don Draper's, you're WalterWhite's, those sorts of guys
who actively harm their family.
Alex.
Where's Ray coming infor you on this episode?

Alex (01:18:14):
By today's standards, I think I'd judge him a little harsher, but
considering that this was early 2000sand that Robert is not actually gay
and he knows this, it's just, uh, youknow, you know, I think he did okay.
Um, he should know better by now tobring anything up to his parents.

(01:18:36):
Cause like, if he just like, like,you know, it's like not great for Ray.
Where, like, him doing nothing wouldhave led to a much better outcome.

Mike (01:18:46):
Um,

Alex (01:18:47):
him taking action is just, just made everything awful.
Um, and led to a whole scenariothat didn't really need to happen.
Um, made Robert, you know, madeit uncomfortable for Robert.
But it also did end in him, his dad,and Robert watching the game and just
having a good time, which is nice.

(01:19:07):
Um,
I don't know.
Ray, Ray, like, aside from thatblunder, I think he did pretty good.
I'm gonna give him a five and a half.

Adam (01:19:17):
Alright.

Mike (01:19:17):
Mike?
Going higher than that, I'mgonna go give him a six seven.
I think he did a really good job.
I think he, uh, you know, Ithink outside of the first, first
thing, I think he supported histheoretically gay brother pretty well.
Um, I mean, yeah, he shouldn't talkto his parents, but what are you
gonna do, not talk to your parents?

(01:19:38):
Ray's not going to do that.
That's a deeper character flaw.
Can't hold that against him.
I think 6.
7 is still pretty low, but I'mgonna stick with it anyway.
6. 7.

Adam (01:19:47):
Okay, and you mean 6.
7, right?
You don't have 67?
Correct.
Okay.
I, yeah, I think, yes, thisdidn't need to be an issue.
Shouldn't have brought it up toFrank and Marie, especially before,
not before talking to Robert.
Um, no need to reallyget involved in, in this.

(01:20:07):
Um, but I don't think he did anything,I don't think he was, uh, overly
dismissive of Deborah talking about it.
I mean, he was dismissive of Deborah.
Don't get me wrong.
Um, but I think he was okay.
As far as we've seen him as a son, youknow, he introduces this chaos, but if
you look at it from Marie's perspective,he is enlightening, you know, something

(01:20:31):
that would be concerning about.
Um, something concerning hisbrother, Marie's son, uh, Marie
seems mostly supportive of it,I think that's, you know, good.
Um, I think Frank would argue thathe was a bad son in this episode,
but I think Frank ultimately camearound to as a brother, and that's
the sort of core of this episode.

(01:20:53):
You know, he was willing to have theconversation, he was supportive in
theory, my big homosexual brother.
Um, I think, He did okay for the time.
I don't think he made any he didn'tmake any seriously homophobic comments
he You know clearly was a littleuncomfortable with the topic and was

(01:21:16):
defensive about having it turned backon him so There's something there,
but it's you know, what can we expectfrom from somebody at that time?
I feel like six pointFive is probably right.
I do want to give him credit for Theconversation in robert's apartment.
I think that was That showed thathe really cares about his brother

(01:21:38):
and he'll love and support him nomatter what What do we got mike 6.
5

Mike (01:21:44):
5.
5 6. 7 that would bring us out to be 6.
2 Okay.

Adam (01:21:47):
Sounds right to me.
So that's that then.
That is, uh, where Ray'scoming in this week.
Tune in next week to see where Raycomes in on season 4 episode 13.
Huzzah!
Uh, which I don't know what that'scalled yet, but we will cover it in
gruesome detail like we always do.
Now, before we say goodbye with ourclassic sign off, you know, we like

(01:22:09):
to wrap up every episode with, uh,Something to take with you into the week.
Some, uh, warm, uh, beautiful thought.
Uh, you know, it could be a poem,it could be a spontaneous song if
you're so moved to music, but I wantto give a chance for my co host.
It's to, you know, maybe sharesomething with you that might

(01:22:31):
brighten your day, something thatmight restore your faith in humanity.
And Alex, I know that we've, you know,we haven't used yours in a while.
Let's just, we'll let Mike gofirst and just think about it.
You know, I don't want to, I don't, Iwant to give you time to like, maybe
make some notes or something just sothat you can, you know, really have them.
Remember like tryingto appeal to everyone.
Something that you're too kind.

(01:22:52):
Appreciate.
Yeah.
Okay.
So Mike, what, what would you likethe listener to take into this week?

Mike (01:22:59):
Well, you know, I actually, I had a great week.
I had a really, really nice week.
I was, uh, up in my parentsattic and I was digging through,
uh, some, some old memories.
I actually found my grandmother's oldcookbook and I started flipping through it
and you know, I, I never really processedit, but like, or I shouldn't say that.
I, I never really thought aboutit, but I did find her old.

(01:23:20):
Banana bread recipe, and I was, I, itwas one of those things where every
day we'd come home from school, we'd goto my grandma's house, we'd have some
banana bread, and we were never ableto, I've never had banana bread like
it since she, since she passed on, itwas, it was, it was great, so I tried
to, I tried it out, and you know, it'smy first time cooking banana bread, and
it wasn't great, but she did leave me anote that I'd really like to read, Wow.

(01:23:43):
She said,

Adam (01:23:44):
incredible.

Mike (01:23:45):
She said, Mike A. She, she was, she was so formal.
We had, we had a few micsin, in, in the family.
It was, it was great.
Um, my darling boy, this isfor you for all of those hard
times for all of your hard work.
I hope that you remember thisrecipe and you think of me.
And also of the Baronesonus, where

(01:24:10):
for a one time payment of anythingthat you would like, you get lifetime
access to all of the Barone Boysmaterial, uh, that they, that they
post once an extra episode a month.
Uh, and you have access to all theones from before, please sign up
at the link in the description.
And it just, it brought tears to my eyes.

(01:24:30):
It really did.
Yeah.

Adam (01:24:31):
That's great.
I, and she was ahead of her time.
I mean, the pitch is reallyclunky in, in that note.
But I think she gets across the point.
She

Mike (01:24:40):
was still figuring out the internet, you know.
Yeah.
It was weird.
Chat

Adam (01:24:43):
rooms, et cetera.
AOL.
She had mail.
So, wow, that's really amazing.
Okay, Alex, now it's your turn, like, youheard what Mike did, like, maybe something
inspiring or sweet like that, you know,something to really inspire the listener.
What do you got?

Alex (01:25:01):
I'd like to offer a quote by the wonderful George Eliot.
It is never too late to bewhat you might have been.

Mike (01:25:12):
Is that it?

Alex (01:25:15):
Well, yeah, it's simple, it's elegant, it's peaceful, it's inspiring.

Adam (01:25:21):
So

Mike (01:25:22):
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Thanks for sharing.

Adam (01:25:25):
I think, I think we'll go with mics this week and then next week, like
really next week, I think Just reallytry to hone in on these universal truths.
I'll get it

Mike (01:25:37):
I'm not trying to be a jerk here Alex, but it feels like you're
really just You're trying hard,you're just missing the mark, man.

Adam (01:25:44):
I just Got it.
And I know that, like, everyone'sexperience is different, different
things speak for different people,but like, just, I don't know, go
on Pinterest for a while, look at,you know, like, Leaves and stuff.

Mike (01:26:00):
Have you considered Live, Laugh, Love the Baroness Zonas?

Adam (01:26:04):
Let me mail you some wood blocks with, like, inspiring phrases on it.
Like, live, laugh, love, like, in thishouse, we believe, like, stuff like that.
And then I also have one that's postfund.
org slash donate.
And that one I think is really beautiful.
It's in beautiful script.
It does sort of, it's sort of off center.

(01:26:25):
I think it was, like, made bychildren in a sweatshop somewhere.
But it's, it's beautiful.
And then just, like, let that inspire you.
Alright.
So that's it for us, great quote, Mike,and you know I'll cut around that.
Great, great, great thought,Mike, that was beautiful.
So that's it for us, we'll see younext time here on the Barone Zone, I

(01:26:46):
guess there's only one last thing tosay, which is our classic sign off,
everybody loves Raymond, and we love

Alex (01:26:56):
you.