W. Does Slick Willy / 4.7 Cousin Gerard

In an episode inspired by Season 4, Episode 7 of Everybody Loves Raymond, “Cousin Gerard,” the Barone Boys notice that their new roommate is similar to Mike.

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Episode Transcript

Alex (00:00):
Good morning, students and faculty of Lynbrook University.
As you know, each week you arerequired to watch an episode
of Everybody Loves Raymond.
This week's episode isseason four, episode seven.
Cousin Gerard.
I forgot the name of it.

(00:21):
Uh, Ray's annoying cousin Gerard ishired by Marie to help Ray with his book.
Ray's entire family starts tosee that Ray has many of the
same annoying traits as Gerard.
And Ray decides to work on Gerard whiletrying to make himself feel better.
We recommend watching the showas soon as possible to prepare

(00:41):
for what you are about to hear.
Also, would anyone like topurchase a 2013 Toyota Venza?
I need an offer by the endof today, and I am desperate.

Adam (01:13):
Hello?
Can I come in?
Uh, hey, Bob.
Uh, leave it at the door, thanks.

Mike (01:19):
Alex, it's Bob.
Bob, we gave you a key.
You don't have to knock.
It's your room.

Adam (01:24):
I was just, I just wanted to make sure that everyone was decent, you know.
Um, I just have been burnedtoo many times, you know.
Um, it's sort of my lot in life.

Mike (01:35):
Very, very kind of you, Bob.
But listen, okay, so this is like, theend of your first week here, and you've
been, you've been, you've been prettygood here, but, you know, I, uh, okay.
Look, we like you, Bop, but yougotta put your underwear away, okay?
I, I, this clothesline is not, like,it's not option, it's not a, This

(01:59):
isn't a space where you can justput your underwear on clotheslines.
We, we have a dryer for that.

Adam (02:04):
Well, I, I saw the hooks on the walls, and, and once I moved the string
lights out of the way, there was spaceto hang my clothesline, and I'm sorry.
It's just, you know,with, with my Indigestion.
It's just, I really need to soak 'em.
I just Wait, hang on.
The problem is I soak 'emand then I gotta soak 'em.

(02:25):
So Robert, you soak to soak.
You've been

Alex (02:28):
living here for Robert.
Hang on.
You've been living here for a week?
It's been about a week.
Yeah.
I, I, Mike, side, side sideline.

Mike (02:37):
Sorry, Bob.

Alex (02:37):
Uh, if Robert's been here for a week, how come I'm only
meeting him right this second?

Mike (02:45):
I, have you been in the room?
This week is like, he's been here.
The university has like, uh, you know,made it, did they over, they over
enrolled and so like, you know, theygot to give fourth roommates to people
and I guess we're the lucky ones.
So yeah, he's, I don't know how you've.
Avoided him.
He's been killing me.

(03:07):
Hey, hey, Robert.
Sorry, Bob.
Yeah, here, here you go,

Adam (03:12):
Mike.
Here, I folded it.
They're still a little damp, but Ifolded them and, and here's the line.
So, you can just show me whereto hang them up, and I'll hang
them up in the proper place.
I'm so sorry.
Thanks.

Alex (03:25):
Uh, so, Robert, what do you What are you majoring in?

Adam (03:30):
I'm, uh, well, I'm undecided at the moment, unfortunately.
I'm just sort of taking it, you know, myfirst week here at Lindbergh University
and I'm, I'm really excited to, uh, youknow, get to know the campus, get to
know the academic offerings and, andwhat's available and, you know, I've been
known to sort of be a little indecisive.

(03:51):
Then jump around from job to job andmajor to major and last name to last name.
So it's just a little hard to, to land onsomething, you know, but I'll get there.
I'll get there.

Alex (04:03):
Really?
Uh, Alex looks at Mikeand then back at Robert.
Can I ask you something?
Might be, that might be a little personal.
Of course.
What is your opinion on the French?

Adam (04:14):
Well, don't, don't this, this should stay in this room, but
I fricking hate the French, Alex.
I freaking hate them so much.
Oh, you don't say.
Yeah, they have, I've had enough runins with, let's just say, I can't go
to Paris, France, and I can't evengo to Paris, Texas, after all the

(04:37):
trouble I've gotten into with them.

Alex (04:38):
Right, absolutely.

Mike (04:40):
Well, I've, I've seen, I've seen Paris, and I've seen France.
I'm still confused as to whyI'm holding your underpants.

Adam (04:49):
I, you said that you would dry them for me?
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Mike.
I'm so sorry.
I'll take them back.
I'll just put them away.
I'll put them away wet, and thankyou for sharing your drawer with me.
That's so kind.
Down the hall,

Mike (05:03):
there's a dryer.
There's like, you couldlike put them in the dryer.
A

Adam (05:06):
dryer what?

Mike (05:08):
Like machine, you put it in, it goes like the tumble.

Adam (05:11):
Goes like the tumble.

Mike (05:13):
The tumble.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You put it in.
You said makes them all hot and warm.

Alex (05:17):
Oh

Adam (05:17):
my god, like

Mike (05:18):
Bob, Bob, come here, come here.
You see, you see the signthat says washer slash dryer?

Adam (05:24):
Yeah, I assumed that was a place where I could get small metal discs for
putting in between screws and holes.
And then something else

Mike (05:34):
You use that to like clean your laundry and then dry your laundry.
You could, you could, you could use that.

Alex (05:39):
Wow, Robert, you also co You also comedically misunderstand
the meaning of things sometimes.
That's uh That's, that'sreally, that's nice.
Comedically.
I relate to that one.

Adam (05:50):
I'm not funny.

Alex (05:51):
Oh my god.
I guess you're not.
Um, tell you what, uh,where'd you move from, Robert?

Adam (06:00):
Well, actually, I was born and raised in Lynbrook my whole life.
I I, I, I lived at, uh, you know, onCatalpa for, for most of my life, uh, and,
uh, beautiful little house, backing upagainst another house, uh, I never got a
chance to look over that fence, though.
I don't know what wasover on that other side.

(06:22):
Yeah, yeah.
And that house, and that housemysteriously burned down a couple
years ago, and then, I don't knowwhat happened to that family.
I think they went into witnessprotection or something.

Alex (06:33):
How old are you now, Robert?
I'm,

Adam (06:35):
well, let's see, I graduated in 1984 from college the first time,
so that would put me in my 60s, 70s.

Alex (06:42):
Oh my god.

Adam (06:44):
Mike, sidebar.

Mike (06:45):
Uh, yeah, go, go ahead and, you're 70 years old, you've
never used a dryer before.
Go, go check it out, go seeif you can figure it out.

Adam (06:52):
Hey, come on.
Fine, do you have any wet thingsthat you want me to take for you?

Mike (06:59):
Nope, I'll take care of my own wet stuff.
Thank you very much, Bob.

Adam (07:04):
Okay, I'll be right back, fellas.

Alex (07:06):
Oh my god, Mike, this is kind of freaky, don't you think?

Mike (07:09):
That guy sucks, doesn't he?
Yeah,

Alex (07:11):
but that wasn't my point.
What do you mean?
Dude, he's, he's exactly Like you.

Mike (07:18):
No, he's not.
Get the fuck out of here.
What are you talking about?
Oh, think about it.
Hey,

Adam (07:22):
guys.
Hey, Mike, you left your soppingwet boxer briefs in my, uh, On used
as a pillowcase on my pillow again.
I'm gonna need you to take these out,

Mike (07:32):
please.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry, Adam.
I just, I keep I keep forgetting that.
Sorry about that.

Adam (07:37):
Wait, what's going on out here?
I was in the zone.
I was listening to some, um, heavydrum and bass music from the 90s.
Uh, in my room I couldn't hear a thing.
Mike and Robert Mike andRobert are Exactly the same.
The same person.
No, they're exactly the same.
I noticed that the in.
No, you're not.

Alex (07:54):
Mike, think about it.
No, wait.
Think about it.
The boxer thing.
The French thing.
You're both not funny.
I guarantee you he had a moment.
He had like a whole like flat earth phase.
I guarantee it.

Adam (08:06):
Andy tearfully confided in me that he was, he's never
felt the touch of a woman.
So,
I mean, you're wearing that t shirt.

Alex (08:25):
Mike, why are you crying?
You guys could be brothers.

Mike (08:30):
Okay, first of all, first of all, we are nothing alike.
The boxer brief is a mistakethat could happen to anybody.
He's a, I give him this, he's asmart, logical person, so of course
he has that opinion on the French.
Third of all, I don't, uh, I, I told younot to tell anybody about that, I've,
I've, I've, I've moved on, I've, I've,I've sexed so many people, you don't,

(08:54):
you don't under, that's just, anyway.

Adam (08:58):
Wait, did you say sexed as in past tense of having sex, or sexted?
Cause you, you got, you were like topof Anthony Wiener's contact list, right?
I'm sorry, Carlos Stanger?

Mike (09:13):
Uh, both of them actually.

Adam (09:15):
You, you were in a

Mike (09:16):
group text with both

Adam (09:18):
of them.

Mike (09:23):
Yeah, they were just, they were just sending, they thought,
they thought I was their third.
I guess I'm, I guess I'm number neighbors.
Like the third.
And so they thought they were sendingthe pictures and everybody was in on it
and I was just too scared to say anythingbecause I was just getting dick pics
left, right, and all over the place.

(09:44):
It was, uh, yeah.

Adam (09:47):
It was so embarrassing when I went with you to the doctor and they
asked if you were sexually activeand you said well I just lost my
virginity by being in a group textwith Anthony Wiener and Carlos Stanger.

Mike (09:58):
And the doctor gave me a high five which was the weirdest thing.
Weirdest part.

Adam (10:03):
Yeah, and then you aced the depression test, is that right?
You got the highestscore they've ever seen.
Wow, congrats.
Yeah, I nailed it,

Mike (10:10):
I don't understand.
Yeah, I mean, it was pretty, prettyclear, you just answered truthfully.
But, but like, again, I don't, thepoint here is that Bob sucks, okay?
And I don't have anything to do with it.
You guys are making a wholebig, whole big thing about it.

(10:31):
Bob is annoying, he's intrusive,and yeah, he's no good, he's no

Alex (10:36):
good.
He's you!

Adam (10:37):
He's you, he's hapless, he's uh, you know, he fell down the
stairs like three times when I wasshowing him where his classes were.

Mike (10:46):
Well, those stairs are tricky.

Adam (10:48):
We flashback to a montage.
Uh, with yackety sacks under it of Mikefalling down every staircase on campus.

Mike (11:00):
Yeah, yeah, exactly, like, come on, like, those are, those are
pretty tough, like, not for nothing.

Adam (11:06):
Okay, I mean, maybe it's just a coincidence, maybe it's just, you
know, he's Putting this foot forwardto ingratiate him, so I mean it's hard
when you're coming into an establishedroommate dynamic and you're the first,
you know, the fourth roommate and You'rejust trying to make friends, you know
Maybe as he settles in we'll see anotherside of him and you know You won't find

(11:30):
him so annoying or similar to you anymore.
Maybe

Mike (11:34):
I again I don't know about the other thing, but I just, guys, like, come on.
He's a total pushover.
Like the only thing that, thathe has going for him is that
people like to make fun of him.
So like, that's why he has friendsthat like hang around, like, come on.
It's, it sucks.

(11:55):
It sucks.
I just,

Alex (11:56):
yeah, I guess you got a point.

Adam (11:57):
Um, shut up, Mike.
Uh, Alex, let's go into theother room here for a second.
I want to show you some.
Drum and bass music from the 90s.
You stay here, Mike.

Alex (12:07):
Okay, no problem.
Oh, I hate drum andbass music from the 90s.

Adam (12:10):
No,

Alex (12:11):
no, you'll Mike, don't let Robert touch any of my shit.

Adam (12:14):
You'll like this, Alex.
You'll like this.
Okay.
Hey, Mike, I I'm back.
That Oh, okay.
As you can see, I thinkI did the dryer wrong.
All of my clothes have shrunk andcinched around my body, and I look
like I'm wearing my child's clothesbecause I fell into the dryer myself.

(12:34):
I didn't know jeanscould shrink this much.
Oh!

Mike (12:37):
Mm hmm.
Yeah, I mean, that's, that'ssomething you really gotta be on the
On the lookout for with the draw.
I guess I should have probablywarned you about that, but yeah, um,
oh don't touch that That's Alex's.

Adam (12:49):
What is it?
Let me see this.
What is this?

Mike (12:52):
No, that's that's a that's that's Alex's It says right there property
of Alex said don't touch his shit.
So you can't touch Alex's shit.
Give me that

Alex (13:00):
Hey Mike hands off my shit.
Hey, sorry Alex.
My bad

Adam (13:04):
Alex come back We're about to get into the best of prodigy get in here I do

Alex (13:09):
like pro okay.

Adam (13:11):
You do like prodigy.
Um, Mike, anyway, um, You said youwere gonna show me where that class
is that we signed up for together.

Mike (13:20):
Oh, right.
Right, yeah, the um, the, thehistory of the French Revolution
I mean, I was just gonna go thereand shout nice from the back.
Wait, what?
Yeah, the history of the French RevolutionI was just, I just signed up so I could
sit in the back and Shout nice every timea guillotine drops, but you know, that's

Adam (13:39):
is that do they do do they do live guillotining in the class?

Mike (13:45):
They got videos of it and everything.
No, no, no, no kids aregetting guillotined.
That would be ridiculous What

Adam (13:51):
class is this where they're showing snuff films from the French Revolution?

Mike (13:56):
The history of the French Revolution.
You just don't get it.
I just thought it was pretty But

Adam (14:01):
look, we're, we're gonna be late.
We should, we should Yeah, let's,

Mike (14:05):
let's start, let's start going.
Let's start going.
Can I,

Adam (14:07):
can I borrow some clothes?

Mike (14:09):
Yeah, here.
Uh, uh, you got this, Eddie.
You'd better be Oh!
That's an ex It's an exact fit.
That's, that's actually uncanny.
Yeah, this,

Adam (14:17):
this fits me better than anything I've ever worn before.
Do you mind if I tryon your pants as well?

Mike (14:24):
Okay, yeah, here.
I got like three of them, soyou can, you can take one.
Do you

Adam (14:27):
mean you're wearing three or you own three?

Mike (14:31):
No, I own three pants.
I'm wearing one.
You can have one and I got athird left over for, for Later,

Adam (14:39):
okay.
Thank you.
Let me just pull these off.
Oh my god This is a perfect fitand it's the exact right amount of
room in the crotch and everything.
This is incredible Wait a second.
Is this my driver'slicense in your pocket?
Oh, no.
Wait.
This is your non driver ID card

Mike (14:59):
Yeah, yeah,

Adam (15:00):
you really got to get a real ID, you know, they keep pushing the deadline
back But I think anytime now they'reactually gonna start enforcing that

Mike (15:08):
Nah, no way, no way, they're not gonna, they can't be, don't
ever keep, don't ever keep tryingto make me I mean it doesn't,

Adam (15:13):
doesn't matter for me, doesn't matter for me, I'm on the
no fly list anyway for screamingat a, at a flight attendant.
Huh,

Mike (15:20):
you too?
Huh.
But,

Adam (15:24):
let's go.

Mike (15:26):
Yeah, let's, let's walk, let's walk, let's walk and talk.

Adam (15:28):
They, they walk out of the dorm room and immediately fall
down the stairwell together.

Mike (15:36):
And they, they make the exact same sounds and you never see them again.
Oof, ow, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Ah, ah,

Adam (15:42):
ah, ah, ah.
So, class, as you see from the video,um, this was the very last execution
to take place in France in 1971, uh,outside the premiere of Star Wars.
Nice!
Mike, please sit down.
I've asked you to please stopshouting out during ze class.

(16:05):
Don't make me send Cosette back there.
My TA Cosette, as you all know.
I will kill him.
She will beat you with the baguette.
Just like she did with, um, Lewiswhen he brought his, took his phone
out in class and didn't silence it.

Alex (16:22):
I still can't feel my face.

Adam (16:24):
That's right, across the face.
But Mike, I think for youit would be across zee ass.
Um, just because based on howyou filled out the the form at
the start of the semester, youindicated a preference for zee ass.
Yes, that's right.
And remember students, remember students,don't tell the college about this class.

(16:48):
This is not strictly.
We're watching snuff films andyou're being spanked with baguettes.
It's really not Complete.
I'm not even I'm not even French guys.
I should just come out and say it.
I'm not French I'm fromthe backwoods of Tennessee.
I'm crazy I'm crazy.
I'm just a weird guy.

(17:10):
Okay So let's all just level sethere and and be on the same page.
All right Anyway, I'm gonna put my accentback on Uh, Cosette, you know, just get
that baguette at the ready for back.
You've got

Mike (17:24):
it, boss!
I mean, I kill him.
This is Are

Adam (17:29):
all the classes like this, Mike?
This is unhinged.

Mike (17:32):
I

Adam (17:32):
mean, all the good ones are.
Is this college in some sort of heightenedreality where, like, you know, the
laws of physics don't super applyand, like, celebrities from the 90s
show up at, like, random intervals or

Mike (17:46):
Where'd you go to high school?

Adam (17:48):
Well, I went to Yeah,

Mike (17:51):
you didn't, you didn't, you don't remember that?
Cosette down there was like, Cosettewas our, was my trig teacher.
I don't, you know, it's like, it's,it's, it's pretty much a pipeline.

Adam (18:02):
My, I, uh, was actually really bad at math and had to use a calculator to
even do a basic average of three numbers.
So That sucks

Mike (18:13):
to be you, Bob.
I mean, seriously, that'suh, That's really tough.

Adam (18:18):
You do have a point.
I remember when the cast of theDrew Carey show came to school and
beat you up in front of everybody.

Mike (18:27):
Smash cut back.
Call and mockery.
Oh, Ryan.

Adam (18:34):
Ryan, we see Ryan Stiles about to curb stomp Mike in
front of the high school.
So anyway, class, uh.
As I was saying before, I was so rudelyinterrupted by Mike, um, This was the

(18:54):
last execution to take place in France.
It was in 1971, also asthe premiere of Star Wars.
It was a publicity stunt that alsohappened to coincide with the death
sentence for this man, uh, Pierre.
I mean, you can guess.
It's some French last name.
It doesn't matter.
So, who would like to, uh,say the role of Pierre?

(19:17):
And who would like to saythe role of the executioner?
And who would like to play George Lucas?
We're going to have alittle bit of an act out.
I see Mike's hand is raised,but I'm really, I'm hedging.
And I don't really want to call on Mike.
Okay, Mike's friend.
You can call on me.
Mike's friend can come up here.
You can play Pierre.
Um Uh, Mike, hold on.

(19:41):
Anyone, anyone else?
Sorry, got a little germ in there.
Anyone else who wantsto be in the I'll do it!
Okay!
Yes, one of our senior students.
Thanks!
Norman, uh, Norman, you can come up here.
And you'll be the executioner,so, uh, Mike's friend, put
your head in, in ze hole.
I've never heard that before.

(20:02):
Um, and, fine.
Mike, you can, you can play George Lucas.
Come on up here.
Aw, yeah!
Alright, close your eyes.
I'm gonna give you a quick spray withthe silver, the silver spray paint.
Okay, I said close your eyes.
So that's My,

Mike (20:19):
my, my eyes gotta be, gotta be silver

Adam (20:21):
too.
Yeah, they are bright red and bleeding.
So we're, this is gonnahave to be a quick one.
But okay, Cosette, we're gonna roll.
Here's your scripts, everyone.
Class, follow along.
Page 67 in ze book.
Um, and I'm sorry for shooting allof those people, but I don't regret

(20:43):
it, and I'm gonna get executed.

Alex (20:46):
Let's execute him!
Uh,

Mike (20:49):
guys, that Luke Skywalker guy is pretty cool, huh?
Who do you think his dad is?
Hmm?
Hmm?

Adam (20:59):
And remember, class, this is accurate.
This is historically accurate.
George Lucas watched this execution takeplace and sort of plugged The Empire
Strikes Back, uh, before it came out.
I also said 1971, which I'mrealizing is way too early.
There's a typo in the textbook.
I think 77, so if everyone couldjust draw a little extra line in

(21:23):
the textbook there, thank you.
Okay.
Sir, I don't know this Luke Skywalker,but please tell me who his father is.

Mike (21:34):
Oh, I don't know.
I was just asking for speculation.
Do you think he has anybrothers or sisters?
That would be an interesting little tip.
That'd be pretty cool, right?

Adam (21:44):
What if, what if you introduced a character who, Professor, I don't
think, What if you introduced a characterin this movie who then turned out to
be his sister in the subsequent movieeven though they kiss and it seems
like they've got some romantic tension.
Professor, I don't thinkthis actually happened.
I don't

Mike (22:03):
think Drop the axe, he knows too much!
Ah!

Adam (22:09):
It's a classic stage guillotine where there's actually
no, uh, blade in the center.
It just drops down around his head.
Um, Oh my God.
I thought that was actuallygoing to cut my head off.
Professor.
I really don't, don't thinkthis is historically accurate.
I don't think the guy,the last ever guillotine.
Execution in France gave George Lucasthe idea to make Luke Skywalker and

(22:35):
Princess Leia brother and sister.
I just don't Yeah,

Mike (22:38):
the script later on goes and talks about a jar of jar of things.
Oh yeah, it's not over, it's not

Adam (22:43):
over, it's gonna keep going.
We've got a lot to get through class.

Mike (22:47):
He's got, he's got a lot to say about, about the mid chlorians or what.
Yeah, midichlorians.
Yeah, yeah.
Did he just, how publicwas this execution?

Adam (23:00):
Uh, very, very.
It was in front of, it was on thered carpet in front of everybody.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, no, don't worry about that.
Oh, class, it looks like, uh,we really gotta get going.
Uh, the actual class that's scheduled fornow is going to come in, so just gather up
everything and, and don't leave any trace.
Uh, we cut to, uh, a little bit later.

(23:21):
Uh, the professor and Cosetteare walking across campus.
I think they almost caught us.
Um, I, I don't Want anyone to know.
Shh!

Alex (23:32):
They will never know.

Adam (23:34):
They just can't find out that George Lucas is doing a sort of
guerrilla, sort of, uh, mind retconningthing, where he goes around and tries
to pass off blame for the failuresof Star Wars, uh, all the unpopular
choices that I made, pass them off asthe idea of some Frenchman guillotined.

(23:57):
It's just, it That was close.
I feel like they started pickingup on it in this reading.

Alex (24:03):
Sir, you're trying too hard.
George Lucas doesn't really get anyflack for the fall of Star Wars anymore.

Adam (24:10):
I don't know.
I still hear it from every timeI'm walking down the street.
I still hear

Alex (24:15):
it.
Well, with the Disney acquisition,I feel like people have turned
a blind eye to what he did.

Adam (24:21):
I getcha.
Well, look, we gotta get to Hofstra.
Uh, we gotta do the same thing.
I I really think every college aroundthe country There's work to be done.
There's much work to be done,and and thank you for for
helping me out, by the way.
Um, I know your career sort of driedup after you played Anakin Skywalker,
and it was really tough for you,so I appreciate you, like, coming

(24:45):
back and and helping me with that.
This, you know, sort of fuckedyou over and everything.
Yeah,

Alex (24:49):
it's no problem.

Adam (24:50):
And you really showing range with the characters that we do.
I think next one we should do like, youknow, I'll be like Macron's brother.
And like, you can be a mime ifyou want, you know, vocal rests.
You know, you're talking about maybetoning down the accents a little bit.

Alex (25:07):
Yeah, that'd be really cool, man.
I'd be down for that.
All right.
Okay

Mike (25:14):
No, no, no Guys get over here.

Adam (25:18):
I'll shoot.
I'll shoot him.
I'll shoot him.
He grabbed I will Shoot him.
Hey,

Mike (25:25):
what the hell?
I, uh, what are we gettingopen on season two?

Adam (25:30):
We do a, um, like fast motion camera backs away from this scene on the quad
of George Lucas taking Hayden Christensenhostage as he's being surrounded by campus
security and a bunch of other students.
And we zoom back to, uh, Robert BaroneHall, Robert Barone Memorial Hall,
as we've established, um, where.

(25:51):
Uh, Mike and Robert aregoing to their next class.
So are all the classes like that, Mike?
It seems a little stressful togo to school here if they're all

Mike (26:03):
I mean, the good ones are, for sure.
I mean, there are someboring ones, you know?
But like Yeah, I mean,what else are you gonna do?
Cause like, we come to collegefor a fun time, and it seems like
you're really interested in like,getting good grades and stuff, and

Adam (26:18):
Not really.

Mike (26:19):
Oh, no?

Adam (26:21):
Not really, if I if I can be honest with you, I'm just here because, well
Alright, this is gonna sound crazy.
Let's huddle in this bush here, so

Mike (26:33):
There's no one around, we could like sit on the bench

Adam (26:36):
No, let's huddle in this bush, come here, come here

Alex (26:40):
Oh, sorry, I was using this bush, I'll, I'll just use a different one

Mike (26:44):
Hey, no, no, no, you can, you can stay there Jerry, we'll,
we'll, we'll go to the, we'll goto the one over there Yeah, you,

Adam (26:48):
you were here first, you were here first, so sorry Bush,

Mike (26:51):
bush rules, bush rules

Alex (26:54):
Okay, thanks, Mike.
He says clearly to Robert ashe goes back into the bush.

Adam (27:04):
All right, let's get it let's get in this bush.
So listen, this is gonna sound reallycrazy But I don't want to kiss you.
I I don't want to I'mnot attracted to you.
I actually find you really unattractive

Mike (27:19):
Ouch,

Adam (27:21):
yeah, okay.
I mean just you're just mopey, you know,why don't you try smiling a little bit?

Mike (27:27):
Okay Can't all right see what you were gonna say cuz I got thoughts
on that But I want to I want to hearwhat you brought me into this bush for

Adam (27:35):
Okay, so last season I walked off a pier and drowned, and I went to hell.
Oh no.
And I made a deal with the devil to comeback to earth, if I And he would let
me come back and have another chanceat life, if I had sex with somebody.

Mike (27:56):
How's that going?

Adam (27:57):
So So that's why I'm at college.
And it's not going well.
I know that sounds crazy.

Mike (28:09):
But, you know, You know, but believe it or not, it's not as crazy as it sounds.
Listen, okay.
I don't know what you think of me.
You said you don't think that I'm, thatI'm attractive, but I'm telling you
right now, I am crushing Vag day in and

Adam (28:31):
day out.

Mike (28:37):
So I, so I'm going to, you've got to teach me Mike.

Adam (28:41):
You've got to teach me.
I'm going

Mike (28:43):
to.
All right.
So we got to like.
I want you to roll your shouldersback, roll your shoulders back, and
we're gonna, we're gonna teach this.
First of all, first of all,lose the glasses, okay?
You got, you got those huge Coke bottleglasses, you gotta get rid of them.
Okay, how well can you see?

Adam (28:59):
Not great, I, I really need them, they're trifocals.

Mike (29:04):
You got the tries too, huh?
Alright, um, okay.
Put them back on.
We can make that work.

Alex (29:10):
Hey, excuse me, Mike.
Are you okay?
Why are you just sitting ina bush talking to a mirror?

Mike (29:18):
Jim?
Jim?
I'm in the middle of something here.
Do you can

Adam (29:22):
I think his name might have been Jerry, Mike.

Mike (29:25):
Oh, okay.

Adam (29:26):
I'll see ya.
Oh, that's a different guy.
Yeah, I'm

Alex (29:29):
still over here.

Adam (29:30):
There are a lot of bushes on this campus.
There's three.
There's one more right here, fellas.
That's right, I'm givingthe commencement address.
Bill?

Alex (29:41):
Clinton.

Adam (29:42):
No!

Alex (29:43):
I was thinking Bill too.

Mike (29:46):
George, you're carrying the saxophone around.
I don't know.
Well,

Adam (29:51):
okay.
Everyone, come out of the bush.
George, come here, come here.
Okay.
What do you think of this?
Well,

Mike (29:56):
we'll talk, we'll talk later, Bob.

Adam (29:58):
What do you think of this?
W's tribute to Clinton.
W's tribute to Slick Willy.
I'm doing a couple differenttests in different markets.
I'm gonna give yourcommencement address this year.
I'm gonna do W's tribute to Slick Willy.
I'm gonna come out in sunglasses.

Alex (30:17):
Hey man, that sounds real good, alright?
I'll tell you what.
And you know what?
You got your good buddy BarackObama behind you on this one.
Yeah, this is

Adam (30:28):
This is Jeb.
I begged him not to do the face, but

Mike (30:35):
Jeb,
I have a question.
Um, first of all, thank you for cominghere, but why are you coming here?
I just, look, this is the Limburgcommencement address, and I don't think
either of you have deep ties to Limburgor Long Island or New York in general, and

(30:59):
I just, this seems a little out of place.

Adam (31:03):
Well, like I said, we're doing a tour of different colleges.
We're trying out this double act.
W does Slick Willy.
Obama

Mike (31:17):
does W. Oh, Obama does W. Well, Jeb,

Adam (31:22):
Obama, in quotes, does W. And it's, we're going to get
all the I'm a little confused.

Mike (31:32):
Hold on, I'm a little confused.
Alright, alright, alright, alright.
I lost my tri focus.
I can't see.
Is that guy behind you, is that Jeb Bushand a Barack Obama face paint, or is that
Barack Obama and Jeb Bush face paint?
I can't really tellfrom where I'm standing.

Adam (31:51):
Don't misunderestimate me, Mike.
This is, I'm organizing a variety show.

Mike (31:57):
Bob, did you hear that?
W knows me by name.

Adam (32:01):
You're wearing that name tag.

Mike (32:03):
Oh, I'm sorry.
I keep forgetting.

Adam (32:08):
I'm putting together a variety show.
My pitch is this variety show whereall the presidents do an act in the
character of the previous president.
So I'm doing Slick Willy.
Slick Willy was gonna do my dad, buthe is not given a firm commitment yet.
Obama gave me a hard no.

(32:30):
So, I figured, next best thing was,I've got Jeff, just, just for the,
like, to put in front of executives.
So, like, we can, like, getsome momentum behind it and then
maybe Obama will be into it.
Trump!
Really wanted to do Obama.

(32:52):
I said absolutely not.
We're not there yet.
We're doing a moratoriumon, like, last five years.

Mike (33:01):
So Jeb, no, okay, so Jeb is doing, is dressing up as Obama
so that his Obama can play you.
You play Slick Willy.
Is Biden doing Trump oris that, is that no good?
Cause I feel

Adam (33:17):
like that would be No, no, moratorium.
Moratorium.
Moratorium.
No, no current, no current,no most recent, we're just
doing president emerituses.
So starting, except for Trump.
So starting with Obama, going back to,I mean, theoretically we could do Carter
does Ford, I don't think he's up for it.

Mike (33:41):
Smash cut to a peanut farm.
Beep, beep, I'm Ford.
I can do it.
W. W, let me on.
I'm, I'm, I'll kill it.

Adam (33:51):
You know what, Jimmy?
Yeah?
I think you will.
You know what?
I'm gonna fly you up.
I know, I know.
I'm gonna fly
you up to Lynbrook, and you're
gonna come do the commencement with me and Jeb.

Mike (34:03):
We would love to.
Jimmy Carter Peanut Farm wouldlove to sponsor the, the, the tour.
Could you put, could youput it on the backburner?

Adam (34:13):
Wait, Jimmy, let me get on the same page with you.
Yeah, do you want to be in the show?
Oh, or do you just want to sponsor?

Mike (34:22):
I wanna be in the show, but it would also be really good advertising, so I'd
like to have the back thing say, Broughtto you by the Jimmy Carter Peanut Farm,

Adam (34:33):
and then

Mike (34:33):
I'm

Adam (34:33):
there.
The back thing?
Do you mean we should be wearing,like, jerseys or something?
What do you mean the back thing?

Mike (34:39):
The back,

Adam (34:40):
like the, the, like the proscenium of the stage.
, Mike: that's a big word, but, yeah.
I didn't know you knew that.
Could you w Yeah, I'm
proscenium too.
Yeah.

Mike (34:51):
W Could you spell proscenium for me?
Right here.

Adam (34:56):
P-R-O-S-S-E-N-I-U-M.
Cini.

Mike (35:04):
I, I don't know if that's right, but I don't believe you

Adam (35:08):
Well, Jimmy, I gotta be honest.
People might think you'redouble dipping a little bit.
I think you, if you're gonna beon the show, you gotta divest
from that peanut farm again.
I know it was tough back in the seventies,but you, you got, you gotta be kidding.

Mike (35:21):
You gotta be kidding me.
I can't.
You gotta play.

Adam (35:25):
For right now, the show is me and Jeb doing Obama and Slick Willie.
Well, Jeb is playing therole of Obama, playing me.
I'm playing Slick Willie.
I got the dress.
I got the, I'm gonna roll out.
If I can get the Rockettes, I'm gonnahave them sit in like the Senate
Judiciary Committee around me sothat I can say, depends on what the

(35:47):
definition of is is and all the hits,but they're also not returning my calls.

Mike (35:53):
Okay.
Um, at any point are you gonna givethe graduates, like, advice, or do
any of the things that are associated

Adam (36:00):
with commencement?
No, this is purely, no, we're doing it at15, and then we're getting off the stage.
We will accept honorary doctorates, andby we, I mean me and Jeb, not, it's, we're
not Carrying them to other presidents.

Mike (36:15):
Will the honorary doctorate

Adam (36:16):
I'm Jeb.

Mike (36:18):
Yeah, thank you, Jeb.
Will the honorary

Adam (36:19):
doctorate Will the hon I know what you're gonna ask.
Is the honorary doctorate Jeb'sgonna receive gonna say Barack Obama?
Or Obama?
And the answer is, I think that'sgonna vary by institution and the how
good the lighting is in the venue atthe time and whether we can fool them.
Because, you know, fool me once.

(36:41):
Fool them once, shame on them.
Fool them twice, won't get fooled again.
That's a classic Bushism right there.

Mike (36:48):
Mr. President, uh, yeah, I, I, I want to be clear.
I'm appreciative of your time here.
I was in the middle of aconversation with my buddy.
Why, why do you want to paint me?
What are you asking me to be painted for?
I don't know, what, what's going on here?

Adam (37:04):
You know, I paint people.
I paint mostly veterans who arehaunted by the scars of war, and I
just see a deadness in your eyes.
Have you been to hell?
You've been there too?
He has been to hell.
Oh yeah, I have been to hell.

Mike (37:19):
I kind of figured you were going.
I didn't I didn't know youwere getting a preview.

Adam (37:23):
Yeah, I got the, I got an open house at hell.
When you're the president, you getlike advance notice of whether you're
going It's true, it happens to all ofus, we all know, I'll run them down.
Carter, heaven big time.
Reagan, hell.

Mike (37:39):
HW,

Adam (37:41):
HW, heaven marginal.
Slick Willy, hell.
Me, hell.
Obama, heaven.
Trump, hell.
Biden is already in heaven.
He's just astral projectingdown to our plane.

(38:03):
So can I paint you?
It's not gonna be good.
Just let him paint you, man.

Mike (38:09):
The

Adam (38:11):
terms are I get to paint you, but Jeb, you also have to get painted
by Jeb and You can only keep Jebs.

Mike (38:19):
Okay, can I know what you're gonna paint?

Adam (38:21):
You, but you're gonna be turned around in the
shower like my self portrait.
You're Hold

Mike (38:27):
on.
You're You're You're gonna take Takemy fo You're gonna take my face, and
on my face you're gonna point You'regonna paint a picture of me Blair
Witch ing it in the in the shower?

Adam (38:40):
I did not see that movie, I was in office at the time.

Mike (38:43):
Oh, it's a good one, you gotta check it

Adam (38:45):
out.
I did, it was awesome.
I had Colin Powell hide that fromme to protect me, cause I was
really scared of the Blair Witch.

Mike (38:54):
There's a scene where there's a guy staring in the
corner, and it's very scary, isthat what you're gonna make me do?

Adam (39:01):
No, have you ever seen my self portrait?
Let me show you on my phone,I've got a Blackberry from 2004.
So it's a painting of me from behind,in the shower, facing the shower
wall, and you can see in a little,like, shaving mirror, my face.
Yeah.
I'm not facing.

(39:22):
Now that I look at it.
No, there it is.
There it is.
There it is.
I found it.
I found it.
There it is.
Here.
I'm putting it.
I'm handing it to you in the chat.

Mike (39:37):
I, so.
Alright, so.
Okay, so.

Adam (39:42):
Listen.
Can I paint you?
Can I paint you?
Can I paint you?

Alex (39:47):
Let him paint you.
Alright.

Mike (39:49):
That's fine.
That's fine, as long as you putthe mirror in there, so you still
get a view of my face, just likein your picture right there.

Adam (39:57):
It will look exactly like mine.
Okay, just sign this?

Mike (40:02):
Yeah, you got it, yeah, there you go.
Alright.

Adam (40:06):
Alright, Jeb, we got one.
I'm Jeb.
Mission accomplished, let's go!
Hey, Jeb.
They run away across the quad,towards the hostage situation.

Mike (40:18):
There's

Adam (40:19):
So anyway, Mike.

Mike (40:20):
Okay, Bob, that went entirely off the rails.
I'm sorry for that like 20 minute detour.
Uh, we were talking about gettingyou late, I believe, before the
president so rudely interrupted us.

Adam (40:33):
Yeah, yeah.
So can you help me?
Can you help me lose my virginityso I don't go back to hell?
Yeah,

Mike (40:39):
yeah.
Sorry, that was just AndI gotta tell you, Mike.
That I had to take in.

Adam (40:46):
And I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you, Mike.
Yeah, Bob.
I spent three and a half, threeyears and one semester at Sarah
Lawrence already trying to get laid.
Ah, son of a bitch.
So I am, I only have another,whatever the rest of the semester
is, I know commencement is coming up.

(41:06):
So, and I know this school, just so it'snot locked into any sort of particular
time, I know this school does a lotof commencements throughout the year.
So it's not that we're almost at theend of, say, the commencement season,
but there is a commencement coming up.
So I feel like the semesteris drawing to a close.
If I don't get, lose my virginity bythe end of the semester, that's it.

Mike (41:31):
I understand.
I also know how the calendar works.
So you don't, I don't know why you needto explain the commencement thing to me.

Adam (41:37):
I'm sorry.

Mike (41:38):
Okay.
It's okay.
Um, yeah, no.
Okay.
So first of all, Trifocals are a lock.
You're sure on those?

Adam (41:45):
I mean, if you can get me trifocal contacts, I, I get, I can see, I get
my contacts from one 900 contacts.
So I get on the phone and it's a sexylady and I pay a dollar a minute to
talk to her and order contacts from her.
Um, yeah, yeah.
Do, will you be willing to do that for me?

(42:06):
Sure, yeah, that's

Mike (42:07):
no problem.

Adam (42:07):
Hi, thank you for calling 1 900 CONTACTS, can I
have your credit card number?

Mike (42:12):
Yeah, it's, um, it's, it's 8 6 9 4 4 3 4 1 7 2 8 4, uh, 5.

Adam (42:22):
Alright, pretty sure that's too many numbers, but I'll
patch you through to Thank you.
Belinda.

Alex (42:31):
Hi, this is Belinda.

Mike (42:33):
Hey Belinda, uh, I need

Alex (42:36):
What are you seeing?

Mike (42:38):
Nothing right now.
'cause I need contact.

Alex (42:42):
Sounds like you need some.

Mike (42:45):
That's literally what I just.

Alex (42:51):
Well, hon, if you can give me your credit card information, and address,
I suppose I could send that over.
Same number.
Sorry, I'm

Adam (43:02):
still on the line.
Just remember, sir, same number.
Exactly the same.
Dude,

Mike (43:07):
you're a creep.
You gotta get out of here.
I'm sorry, it's

Adam (43:10):
my job.
I'm listening for quality control.
Okay, goodbye.
So,

Mike (43:15):
shit, I just dropped my, my credit card went down the drain.
I think there was a four in there.
Um, uh,

Alex (43:24):
Yeah, that's That's definitely one of the numbers.

Mike (43:32):
7541439005?

Alex (43:35):
Okay, so that went through.
So that was someone's credit card.
So that works.
I'll take it.

Mike (43:39):
I'll take it.
That's great.
Yeah.
Yeah,

Adam (43:43):
I got a delivery for a Mike H. It's from 1 900 CONTACTS.

Mike (43:47):
I don't know who Mike H. I don't know who Mike H is.
I was looking for Mike I's delivery.

Adam (43:53):
Oh, yeah.
Didn't you just change your name?
You're right.

Mike (43:56):
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Literally last episode, actually.

Adam (43:59):
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
It had old.
You really got to talkto Chase about that.
You got to update your card information.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're not.
They're never good at this.
Sorry, you're not with.
Chase you're with please getaway from us bank, right?
Yeah.
Okay.

Mike (44:12):
Yeah, that's all Chase wouldn't take me.

Adam (44:15):
And that's Mike EYE.

Mike (44:18):
Close enough, I'll take it.

Adam (44:19):
Because it's context.
I'm sorry I'm just having alittle we have fun at IPS.
All right, I gotta go.

Mike (44:25):
Great.
All right, Bob, try these

Adam (44:31):
Okay, do you have any solution or should I just raw dog it?

Mike (44:36):
Just just pop them in

Adam (44:40):
My god, I can see so clearly.
Okay.
How did you get the right?
I didn't even give you my prescription.
How did you get this?
I had

Mike (44:48):
lucky

Adam (44:48):
guess.
Okay,

Mike (44:49):
so that's number one.
We got that done.
Am I beautiful now?
You're you're a step on theway You're a step on the way.
We gotta work on your outfit.
Do you have anything?
I'm wearing your clothes Yeah, I Yeah,it just doesn't, just doesn't work.
Could you just like, I don't know,put on like a button up or something?
Like something respectable.

Adam (45:09):
I think if I mean do you have time?
I know we're trying to get to aclass right now, but I think we have
time for a little shopping montage.

Mike (45:17):
I think we entirely missed it.
I think the conversation withthe president was just that long.
Oh yeah, that was 50 minutes.
That was a long time, yeah.
Okay.
I think the class is just done.

Adam (45:29):
Let's go shopping!
Uh, we see them, uh, ina montage, they walk.
Towards the, uh, grand staircase as YaketySax plays, and they fall down the stairs
and faceplant, and we flash forward.
Um, oh, God.
I, I'm glad that this fit withthe swelling, because this is my

(45:49):
size, and it's gonna, when I heal,it's gonna fit great, I think.

Mike (45:53):
Yeah, I think so, I think so.
Alright, and, okay, you know how,like, you know how you're not funny?

Adam (46:01):
Yeah, I know.

Mike (46:02):
Could we change that just a little bit?

Adam (46:05):
I don't know.
Could you

Mike (46:05):
make like a single person laugh today?
You think you think thatwe can make that work?

Adam (46:09):
I can try.
Okay, great.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Father.
Yes?
What can Oh, hello, Mike.
What can I do for you?
No, I I'm I'm Bob.
I'm Robert.
I'm a new student here.
Are you sure?
I think so.
Uh, I just wanted to To tell you,to tell you a joke, um, to see

(46:31):
if, if I could make you laugh.

Alex (46:34):
Well, sure, anything makes me laugh.

Adam (46:36):
Okay, um,
what are you doing, Mike?
Are you looking

Mike (46:42):
through a book?
I'm looking through the bushes,I'm looking through the bushes.

Adam (46:46):
Okay, well, um, so I'm trying to, I'm trying to find somebody to have
sex with me so I can lose my virginity.
Um, father, what, wha Why didthe chicken cross the road?

Alex (47:01):
I've heard this one before.
To get to church.

Adam (47:09):
We cut to a meeting of priests.
Like a social for priests.

Mike (47:15):
Blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Adam (47:16):
Bless you, bless you.
What?
What's black, white, and red all over?

Mike (47:23):
It's it's a newspaper

Adam (47:25):
No no no, it's a Bible with communion wine spilled all over it Ha!
Who else?
Who's got one?
Who's got one?
Okay, come on!
Who's next?
Father Daniel, I know you've

Mike (47:39):
got one I know you have one, come on I got one!
I got one, okay Okay.
Alright, alright, alright.
So two rabbis walk into a bar,and they say, I didn't get
there yet, and they say, Hey!
Hey!
There's a church across the street.
We should go.

(47:59):
And then they become Catholics.
Hey!
One more, one more, one more.
Father, Father Peter, Father Peter.

Alex (48:11):
I've got one.
Until recently, arch, our masses werewithout song, until one of the nuns died.
She was an organ donor.
That

Adam (48:23):
was a really good one.
That's, that's an actual funny joke.

Mike (48:28):
That's an actual joke, that's a great actual joke.
Peter, Peter, oh thepriest started chanting.
Pick Peter up, throw him up inthe air, up and down, up and down.
And

Alex (48:42):
we slowly fade back where we see the father going, Peter,

Adam (48:46):
Peter,

Alex (48:46):
Peter.
Father?

Adam (48:48):
No,

Alex (48:48):
it's,

Adam (48:49):
it's Robert.
Oh, yes,

Alex (48:50):
I am here, yes.
It's Robert.
Hello, Michael,

Adam (48:53):
uh, Robert.
Um, so, okay, the punchline.
She was an organ donor.

Alex (48:58):
I'll see you in court.

Adam (49:00):
What?
Mike, this is not going well.

Mike (49:10):
Bob, you just gotta try harder.
I don't know what to tell you.
I promise you, I'm funny.
I mean, you're funny.
I mean,
This just isn't going well.
This just isn't, this just isn't great.
Oh my god,

Adam (49:24):
Mike, look.
It's Lenore.
She sat next to me in biology the otherday and I was really picking up a vibe.

Mike (49:35):
Dude, you gotta, you gotta go for it.
You gotta go for it.
Will you come with

Adam (49:39):
me?

Mike (49:41):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll show you.
I'll show you what to do.
Yeah, we'll do that.
Yeah, come on.
Come on.
Let's go.

Adam (49:45):
Yeah, show me what to do and then I'll do the same thing.

Mike (49:49):
Because as we've established.
Yeah, exactly.
This is great.

Alex (49:52):
Alright, let's go.
Lenora, Lenora, Lenora.
Hey, Lenora.
Oh, hello Robert and hello Robert.

Adam (50:02):
No, that's, that's Mike.
That's my friend,

Alex (50:05):
Mike.
I can't, don't believe we'vehad the pleasure, Mike.
It's nice to meet you.
Oh, well, it is a pleasure.
So, Robert, where were youin class the other day?
I missed you.

Adam (50:14):
Oh, well, Mike was showing me around campus, uh, you know,
showing me all the cool spots to, um,casually lean, and, um I see that.
Did he show you my dorm room yet?
No, he has not shown me your dorm room.

Alex (50:31):
Um, well it's really interesting 'cause they messed
up with the architecture.

Mike (50:35):
Why?
We wanna go to your dorm room.
It's the same as all the otherdorm rooms we've been to them.

Adam (50:40):
Mike was, Mike told me he's not allowed to go into any of the
other dorms other than his own.
But I, I am, I'm allowed togo into other dorm rooms.
You're kidding.
What, what building are you in?
That's my building.
I just moved in there.
I'm the fourth roommatefor Mike and his friends.

(51:01):
I'm the fourth roommatefor three, three girls.
Uh, Alex, uh, hey, uh,it's, it's me, Adriana.
Um, have you seen Michelle anywhere?
Hey, we've really got to get, we'vereally got to record the podcast.
Okay.
Um.

(51:21):
Working really hard producing andediting it, so you just can't, you
can't just show up, Michelle, andexpect that, you know, you're not
gonna have to pull your own weight.

Mike (51:32):
Oh, but come on, I, I, you know, I don't need to worry about it, I got, I got
a shitty microphone, that's all I need.
I watched, listen, how muchare you gonna be mad at me?
I watched the episode, okay?
That's all I needed.

Adam (51:48):
Alright, I don't know why you sound so different, you're in the
same room as us, and yet you sound so

Alex (51:56):
Alright, alright, sorry.
You know what?
It's time, let's just start theTanner zone, and let's just get to it.

Adam (52:02):
So I would, I would really like to see your dorm room,
actually, that would be great.
Well what are you doing right now?
Uh, Mike is, was gonna teachme how to be, um, not cool.
He was gonna just, nothing.
Great, let's go!
Yeah,

Mike (52:19):
no, you should, wait, well, we were in the middle of a thing here.
We could, I, I, you know, we'll, we'll,we'll stroll this way, that's fine.
And then I'll give yousome pointers on the way.
Yeah, we can all go together, right?

Adam (52:30):
Uh, sure.
Mike, Mike can follow behind us, right?
And we can walk a little bitin front of him, or Walk fast.
Yeah, we'll walk kind of fast.
Um, so, you're looking

Mike (52:42):
Oh, you guys are Yeah, they break into

Adam (52:44):
a brisk walk.
So, you're looking I start

Mike (52:47):
sprinting behind them.

Adam (52:49):
You look ravishing today, Lenore.
Did someone say

Mike (52:56):
something about radishes?
Radishes?
I'm allergic to radishes.
I like radishes.
They make me break out in hives.
Mike falls down the

Adam (53:06):
They reach the grand staircase.
Robert and Lenoreconfidently stroll down it.
Mike falls down.
And they leave him in the dust.

Alex (53:15):
Alex shows up out of nowhere.
Well, I guess he's nothinglike you, actually, Mike.
I was wrong, and I'm sorryfor comparing the two of you.
That guy just got laid.

Adam (53:27):
Hey, Mike, um, uh, how's it going?
Did you, uh, I don't rememberwhat your objective was this week.
The chili truck is here,so that's exciting.
Uh, what's going on?

Mike (53:40):
Bob and I are nothing alike.
Let's go get Chili's.

Adam (53:43):
Sorry, clarification.
It's not the Chili's truck.
It is a truck that is serving Chili.
Loose, by the way.
So you gotta bring yourown container or palm it.

Mike (53:52):
Oh, gotcha.
Mike takes off his hat.
Let's go to the Chili truck.
Chili!
Ch ch ch ch chili!
We

Adam (54:02):
flash forward to the lawn.
We're walking across it with Our chili,I've got a bowl, Mike's got a napkin.
So, so Mike,

Alex (54:14):
like, you're serious, George and Jeb?
They were both here, and Jebwas like in my, in blackface.

Adam (54:25):
What?
Even Jeb wouldn't do that.

Mike (54:29):
That's what I thought, that's what I thought, but he walked in and he
was all like, I'm Obama, please clap,and it was, it was, it was insane,
it was great, he had to be there.

Adam (54:40):
Hey, what's going on?
What's going on over here?
What is, what's all thesesirens and flashing lights?
What is this?
I don't know.
Mike, isn't that your professor?
Isn't that your French professor?
Oh, yeah.
That's the, yeah.
I swear to God, I'm gonnashoot his fucking head off.
I don't care.
I sold my shit to Disney.

(55:01):
I don't give a fuck anymore.
I have nothing to live for.
What

Mike (55:06):
about, what about Star Wars 10?

Adam (55:08):
I'm not involved.
They told me to stop coming by.
JJ won't return my calls eversince I called him Jar Jar.
On accident, it was a Freudian slip.

Mike (55:25):
George, George, George, we got, we got, uh,

Adam (55:28):
we got something very special for you.
Isn't that, that's funny!
Jar Jar Abrams!
That's funny!

Alex (55:34):
Father Peter gets it.

Adam (55:35):
I can be funny!
Look at the, look at the Ewoks!
I'm funny!
Ewoks!
Hilarious!
What, what

Mike (55:43):
Ewok suck.
The Ewoks were not good.

Adam (55:48):
The fuck are you talking about?
Who, what, what?
You said someone's here to speak to me.

Mike (55:53):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's, it's the presidentof Disney himself.
It's, it's

Adam (55:57):
Bob Iger.

Mike (55:59):
Tim.
Oh, I was gonna say Tim Cook.
Yeah.
It's Bob Iger.

Adam (56:05):
It's Tim Cook.
Tim Cook.

Mike (56:06):
And Tim Cook.
And Bob Iker are both here.
Here you go.
Hi, I'm Tim Cook.
George, George, it's Bob.
Uh, listen, I, I know that you are,you are scared and you are, we don't
want you to shoot Hayden Christensenbecause he pulled well with the fans.

(56:27):
You can

Alex (56:28):
shoot someone else.
That's fine.
But Hayden's gotta go.
Bob.
Bob.
How did I

Adam (56:37):
pull with the fans, Bob?

Alex (56:40):
Yeah, pretty shitty, actually.
You didn't pull at all.

Adam (56:45):
Well, you know what?
If they don't want George, Thenthey're not gonna get Hayden either.
I'm gonna take this guy out.
I don't care.
No,

Mike (56:51):
don't do it.
Don't you, don't you dare do

Adam (56:53):
it.
We hear a sniper.
A sniper takes Georgeout right in the temple.
His head explodes.
Uh, we pan up to the topof the book depository.

Mike (57:07):
Pause.
We zoom in on, on, uh, on George's.

Adam (57:18):
We pan up to the book depository where we see Harrison Ford holding a
sniper rifle and dressed as Indiana Jones.

Mike (57:27):
Harrison Ford cocks his gun just like.
Guess I'm out of thatcontract now, motherfucker.

Adam (57:33):
Oh my god!
Was that, Mike, was that George Lucas?
Was George Lucas teaching your class?

Mike (57:40):
I don't think so, he had a French accent.

Adam (57:42):
Oh, okay, must just be a coincidence.
Oh, it must be George, it mustbe George with an S on the end.
You know how the French do.
They love that

Mike (57:52):
extra S.

Adam (57:53):
Alright, well, what do you guys say we, uh, this is a nice
little grassy knoll here, whydon't we do the podcast right here?

Mike (58:01):
Yeah, we should be far enough away where the sirens won't,
uh, interfere with the podcast.

Adam (58:06):
So what do you say we get down to it?

Mike (58:08):
All right, pop it open.

Adam (58:09):
Let's get to it, boys.
All right, let's pop it open.
Hey, welcome back to the Barone's Zone.
We're talking Season 4, Episode 7 ofEverybody Loves Raymond, Cousin Gerard.
This is a legendary episode.
This is the first appearance.
Of Cousin Gerard, who's gonna appearon a bunch of episodes coming up.

(58:30):
I don't know the exact amount.
I guess I could find that out.
Uh, what'd you guys think of this episode?

Alex (58:36):
Uh, an absolute dream.
I love this character.
I love this actor.
Uh, he's got the same,like, Ray isms going on.
I think he was the perfect choice tokinda, uh, kinda hold this up to a mir
hold Ray up to a mirror of himself.
I liked that, uh, they kind of wenta little bit meta with it at some

(58:59):
point probably calling out some ofthe complaints about Rey the character
they've heard over the years.
Uh, I think it's really cool.
And, um, I don't know, this isjust one that just feels iconic
even before thinking that it's

Adam (59:12):
Fred Stoller, uh, who plays Gerard was on seven episodes.
I just looked it up.
Mike, what did you think?

Mike (59:20):
I agree with Alex 100%.
I think that, um, this episodewas, it's iconic for a reason,
hilarious all the way through.
We've had a really goodrun of episodes recently.
Um, before this was Sister, whatwas the one before The Sister?
The Sister?
Blanking.
Uh,

Adam (59:36):
Sex, uh, The Will.
Sex talk, you bet, thecan opener, boob job.
Uh, yeah, a great run.
I think all of the episodes inseason four have been strong so far.

Mike (59:48):
Very, very strong, yeah.
Cousin Gerard was great.
Um, it felt, I've kno I thought aboutthis while we were watching this,
and, um, there was a reference to,uh, something weird that Ray did with
Gerard when he was seven, which wenever find out what exactly it is.
Yeah.

Adam (01:00:05):
I wanted to bring that up.

Mike (01:00:07):
Yeah.
Um, but in that moment, yes, it wasfunny because haha, what weirdness
could a seven year old possibly do?
But also I thought, wow, this just,they just really just straight
up do a very good job mocking.
All aspects of family because we allhave that weird cousin or otherwise are
that weird cousin that we, uh, have,you know, that, you know, you hang out

(01:00:31):
with them, not that you don't like them.
They're still family.
It's but, you know, it's a littlebit harder to have a conversation
with them as opposed to others.
So, uh, yeah, I think thatthey played that really well.
It's the

Alex (01:00:41):
one when you hear they're not coming.
You're not too sad about it.
Yeah,

Mike (01:00:46):
exactly.
So, yeah, I think that, like,I think everybody has that.
If, even if it's not a cousin, youhave some family member that is,
that is like that or friend, I guess.
But, um, but yeah, it's a fun dynamic.
I liked this all the way through.
Gerard, I forget you saidhis act, the actor's name.
I just forgot it.
What is Fred Stoller?

Adam (01:01:07):
Fred Stoller does such

Mike (01:01:08):
a great job.
being the annoying, uh,uh, guy just playing it up.
That scene in the basement,I felt agitated, uh, for Ray.
It was, it was rough gettingthrough it, but I mean, that's
the sign of a good actor.
So I, yeah, great, greatepisode all around.

Adam (01:01:25):
Fred Stoller, by the way, is a prolific voice actor.
Um, you know, very distinctvoice in this episode.
He's done tons of, uh, voice roles,he's been on tons of sitcoms, been
on procedural dramas, kids shows.
Uh, he was on Seinfeld,Friends, King of Queens, The
Nanny, all in this time period.

(01:01:47):
Like, the mid to late90s were huge for him.
Um, If you don't recognize thename, you recognize the voice.
You definitely recognize him, and notjust because you watched him in this
episode, but he also wrote two episodesof Seinfeld and then wrote a book about
writing two episodes of Seinfeld, aswell as another book just about being
a perennial guest star on things.

(01:02:07):
So, very prolific.
Um, in addition to being anexcellent Girard in this episode.
Can I ask you about thisbasement mystery, though?
Seven is a weird age, because ifthey were 13, I'd be like, maybe
they experimented in the basement?
But if they're seven, did Ray,like I don't know, like, tie him

(01:02:30):
up and beat the shit out of him?
Like, what could they have donethat would have made Gerard's
basement averse at seven?

Mike (01:02:39):
My first thought, cross dressing, but even that doesn't make a ton
of sense in that context becauseseven is still, I think that if it
was beating up, it would be You're

Alex (01:02:50):
very much a child.
Yeah,

Mike (01:02:52):
if you're, uh, if you're attacking someone, I feel like it
would be more like, it wouldn'tbe like, hey, that was weird.
You know, I've never had my nose brokenand thought, what a strange experience.
You know what I mean?

Adam (01:03:04):
I don't know what it could possibly be though.
Maybe like he made himeat a bug or something.
Like that's possible.
Yeah.
What are other basement things?
Drink from a drain pipe.
I don't know.

Mike (01:03:17):
Stick a Lego up your nose as far as you can.

Adam (01:03:19):
Yeah.
Like, oh my ego.
Indeed.
Yeah.
I have no idea what it could be.
But it's a, it's certainlya fascinating mystery.
Okay.
Um, so Ray is writingthis book about baseball.
Yeah.
And he, Mike, he meant, a coupleof players are mentioned, I think.
Yes.
Sandy Koufax, the IronWhore himself, Lou Gehrig.

(01:03:44):
Uh, you wanna give us any context hereon the players that were mentioned?
So, this

Mike (01:03:48):
seems, this seems all over the map.
As a baseball fan, like, I mean, Sure.
Okay.
This is opening paragraphs.
You don't know what actually he's talkingabout, but Sandy Koufax is one of the
greatest bass pitchers of all time.
No, I believe the other personhe mentions is Nolan Ryan.
Also one of the greatestpitchers of all time.
Um, they were both around the same era.

(01:04:09):
So I was like, okay, maybe the books aboutpitchers in the, I want to say seventies.
I could be wrong about that.
I know Nolan Ryan pitch.
For the Mets and he had like abillion no hitters, not for the Mets.
Um, but I thought maybethat's where he was going.
But then Lou Gehrig likeplayed with Babe Ruth.
Like it's, it's kindof all over the place.
And Lou Gehrig also was not a pitcher.

(01:04:30):
So I'm like, okay, all right.
Is he just writing about baseball greats?
In which case, hey, it'snot really a great book.
Like, I mean, I could, I go toCooperstown, I could get better,
better articles than that.
Although I don't know.
So.
We don't have enough informationto say what the book is about, but
those are all some of the greatestplayers of all time, so yeah.

Adam (01:04:51):
Hmm, uh, were they all New York players, is that?
No,

Mike (01:04:58):
only Lou Gehrig was.
Nolan Ryan played a single, I thinkmaybe two seasons for the Mets, um,
but he's most famously rememberedfor his time with the Texas Rangers.
Oh, why am I blankingon Sandy Koufax's team?
Oh, I'm gonna look it upbecause it's gonna bother me,
but my mind went to the Braves.
Um, so I think he's so, so you,

Adam (01:05:19):
you could not detect any overarching theme in the book other than baseball

Mike (01:05:25):
other than some of the greatest baseball players, baseball,

Adam (01:05:28):
Ray Barone's baseball, just an encyclopedic compendium.
Exactly.
Yes.

Mike (01:05:35):
Oh, actually, actually, I stand corrected.
I'm sorry.
I should have known this.
Um, he's most famous, uh, he'smost famous for his time with
the Dodgers, but he played.
With the Dodgers before and duringthe transition from Brooklyn to LA.
So I don't associate Sandy Koufax with.
New York, but I guess he technicallystarted his career in Brooklyn.

(01:05:58):
So maybe it is like people thatstarted their career in New York
and then just Sandy Koufax and, uh,Luke and, uh, Nolan Ryan are like,
ah, but where it could have been.
And then, you know, you have,uh, Lou Gehrig who actually.
It's a New York icon.

Adam (01:06:15):
To your recollection, does this ever get revisited in the show, or are
we led to believe Ray started writinga book and then immediately gave up?

Mike (01:06:27):
I think this is just an association of what sports writers
do, so we never have this as anoverarching, like, big thing.
To my knowledge, maybe there is anepisode where they published the book.

Alex (01:06:39):
I feel like I've heard of this, like, I remember this, like
him writing a book and like, maybehe does get it published at some
point because this sounds familiar.

Adam (01:06:52):
I mean, I don't, I don't remember an episode where like Ray meets with
his publisher, Ray goes to a booksigning or Ray, you know, gets a box
full of books delivered to the house.
Otherwise.
I don't remember any mention ofthis book ever coming up again.
So, I think it would be incharacter for Ray to start
this and then not continue it.

(01:07:13):
It's a shame.
I'd hate to see it.

Mike (01:07:16):
Yeah, especially because I would read a Ray Romano book.
That's just me.
Not a Ray

Adam (01:07:21):
Romano book.
Ray Barone's Baseball.

Mike (01:07:23):
A Ray Barone book.
A Ray Barone's Baseball book.

Adam (01:07:27):
Uh, uh, highlighter fumes.
Have you?
Uh, that has never, oh God.
Oh, that's, so, I've never like pointedlysniffed a highlighter, but I don't have
any experience of getting through high.
I thought that was kind of funny.
Crude high highlighter.
Yeah.
Uh, well, you know, I'm straight edge

(01:07:50):
. Mike: I have, I have sniffed highlighters obviously.
Um, I don't know if you can tellby my every vibe about me, but, um.
Uh, but I don't think I've everactively gotten high off of them.
Like, I mean, like, I, theysmell weird, but that's kind of
what my experience of them was.

Alex (01:08:07):
Bro, they're called highlighters,

Adam (01:08:11):
man.
Bro.
Um, Gerard seems to, it really throws him.
It's like he's, you know, immediately.

Mike (01:08:21):
Yeah, well, I think that that was just kind of, I mean, I had, I'm
allergic to everything in existencekind of character being, you think he

Adam (01:08:28):
has a particular reaction to the highlighter.
Um, Ray, I noticed, has a ChickenSoup for the Soul mug on his desk.
Are you familiar withChicken Soup for the Soul?

Mike (01:08:41):
I've heard of it.
I don't think I've ever Iknow it's a book, right?
I'm

Alex (01:08:44):
not.
I'm familiar

Adam (01:08:44):
with Yeah, it's like a self help book.
Um, my mom had it, Ithink, when I was a child.
So, interesting that Ray would have that.
Sure, it's like a Debra thing though.

Mike (01:08:55):
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe it's a Debra'sthat feels up Debra's alley.
Yeah,

Adam (01:09:01):
is the iron whore a good name?
Nickname for a baseball player.

Mike (01:09:05):
So the iron horse because he's he was he never stopped playing.
Um, I would absolutely 110 percent rootfor a player called the iron whore.

Adam (01:09:17):
Yeah So would I it speaks to like a

Mike (01:09:21):
That would be what gets Alex into baseball.
They got iron horns?
That would be.

Alex (01:09:25):
Honestly, it takes nothing, like, anything less than that is not enough.
It sounds like you've gotta join

Adam (01:09:32):
the league, Alex.

Mike (01:09:33):
We've had many criminal investigations in baseball.
There have been some terrible,terrible crime sting operations.
Alex is just like You know what?
They're not showing enough skin.
You gotta get some iron.
You gotta get some voice.

Adam (01:09:48):
Oh, Mike, you should design a sexy baseball uniform for the MLB.
Like, what would that look like?

Mike (01:09:56):
Um, exclusive.
I'll tell you exactlywhat it would look like.
It would look like Mr. Meth.
That's the sexiest person,uh, mascot in existence.

Adam (01:10:05):
Alright.
Asked and answered, um.
Asked

Alex (01:10:09):
and answered.
Oh my god, I love it.
Uh,

Adam (01:10:13):
the audience overreacts to Debra telling Ray that he is a much better
kisser than Gerard, in my opinion.
They treat it like a real smackdownline when really it's just kind of
like a regular laugh line in my book.
Yeah, it's nothing.
It's funny.
It's a good joke, but they're like,oh Shit, fuck she wrecked him.

Alex (01:10:38):
It's over.
He's done for

Mike (01:10:42):
Yeah, I got flash ahead There's a subtle joke that when Ray revisits
the basement after the meeting with hisparents after Uh, when, when he goes
down, when Gerard goes down there forthe second time, just before basically
Gerard rage quits and walks out, he'splaying the accordion, he's playing Smoke
on the Water on the accordion, and justthe iconic bass line, like, uh, just,

(01:11:06):
that's it, over and over again, there'sa small writing on the accordion that
says, um, I want to get this right, holdon, uh, I wrote this down because I was
like, that's, that's a great subtle joke.
It was, uh, Polka Ain't No Jokeris written on the accordion.
And I thought that was great.
I love

Adam (01:11:24):
that.
Uh, that is great.
Uh, Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple.
If you want to know the name of a secondDeep Purple song, just a quick fun
fact, if you want to know the name ofa second Deep Purple song to whip out
during, um, conversations about Smokeon the Water, Space Truckin That's

(01:11:47):
space truck and more like space fucking.

Mike (01:11:49):
Is that a good song or are you just giving me more, uh, giving me more trivia?
It's

Adam (01:11:53):
okay.
It's no, it's not iconic like Smoke onthe Water is that it would show up in
an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.
I don't know how it did on the charts,but it's, uh, I have heard it before.
Do you think Fred Stoller did hisown accordion playing in that scene?

Mike (01:12:10):
Yes.
I do.
I think that he has aWeird Al vibe to him.
He definitely knows how to play the

Adam (01:12:17):
accordion.
Weird Al vibe.
Pretty narrow vibe, accordion.

Mike (01:12:24):
Yeah.
Uh, I also wanted to just point out,um, as much as, as funny as it was
to have all of his family membersjust rag on him for being annoying,
let's be, let's be real about it.
Rey is not as bad as Gerard.
He's nowhere near as,as irksome as Maybe it's

Alex (01:12:45):
just cause we're used to him, Mike.

Mike (01:12:48):
I can't believe that.
I can't believe that.
I think that if any human beingwere to tune into this episode,
they'd be like, Oh, Gerard sucks.
Rey isn't that bad.

Adam (01:12:57):
They are so mean to Gerard.
After he leaves the room todeal with his incontinence.
They are horrible to him.
Yeah, who could just be thatmean to someone who's just that

Alex (01:13:09):
pathetic?

Adam (01:13:12):
Who could just make fun of somebody week after week who's
just doing their best and reallyis a valuable member of the team.
I mean family, um, podcast.
I mean family, um.
But yeah, they're really tearing intohim, and then I don't think they give
Ray as hard a time Um, as they do Gerard.

(01:13:36):
It seems like the main differencebetween Ray and Gerard is Gerard
has actual medical problems, orhe's a hypochondriac Um, and Ray
is just, uh You know, a complainer.

Mike (01:13:52):
Alex, did you have something?
I'm sorry, I felt like Icut you off at one point.

Alex (01:13:54):
No, I mean, you probably did.
Uh, there was not too muchelse I wanted to cover.
Uh, I love, love, love the scene where,um, like, Robert, uh, Frank and Marie
kind of come to the realization thatRay is a lot like Gerard, not because
like they connect the dots, but becauseRay connects it for them and it kind

(01:14:17):
of like they kind of call out the thingthat Ray does that fuels the conflict
in every other Everybody Loves Raymondepisode where everything would be fine
if Ray just didn't go to his parentshouse and ask them something that Deborah
told, told him like the night before.

Adam (01:14:33):
Yeah, Robert says he has to pull the world, even though

Alex (01:14:38):
Debra already

Adam (01:14:39):
literally

Alex (01:14:39):
told him.
Good, uh, that was a great,uh, way of saying that.

Adam (01:14:43):
Uh, he says, we were just having a conversation, when Gerard
comes in and, like, derails it, wewere just having a conversation about
something else, but sure, we can stopand address your concerns, Gerard.
He looks to Ray.
That is, in a nutshell,the entire dynamic.
I also wanted to That wasa great scene for Robert.

Mike (01:15:02):
Oh, it was a fina All around great.
I loved the, the pause immediately.
Hidden Gray's like, Yeah,the synchronized pause.
Everybody just dead stops.
The, ah, such a great,such a great moment.
Um, yeah.

Adam (01:15:16):
Yeah, that made me laugh.
The, uh, back

Mike (01:15:18):
on the hooks line also gets me every time I watch this episode.
Um, that's another really fun one.
Mm hmm.
Uh.
Back on the hooks.
Yep.
Alright everybody, back on the hooks.
Uh, the other one that I reallyquite, the other moment that I really
quite enjoyed, it's the hot clothes.
I know I'm bouncing all around,I'm sorry, but to call out
the hot clothes for a second.
That's fine.
Yeah, that's fine.

(01:15:38):
Where Ray comes back withnotes for everybody, like a
fucking psychopath, by the way.
Like, what the hell are you, uh, doing?
Yeah.

Adam (01:15:46):
But

Mike (01:15:46):
he, he has the notes and all that.
He goes.
To Robert, and just starts rattlingoff all the things that are weird.
Robert, the king of self confidence,just being like, What do you call it when
you tap your, tap the food to your chin?
And he's just like, great.
I'm like, just, amazing.
If I was famous,

Adam (01:16:06):
everyone would be doing it.
Um, yeah, he has rebuttals for everything.
Being over at Marie andFrank's all the time.
Being a devoted son, touchinghis chin, quirky, his feet smell,
laughs at Ray, you're grasping.
And then,

Alex (01:16:21):
That was, that made me laugh.

Mike (01:16:23):
And then he stands up to defend his, uh, wife.
Or his girlfriend.

Adam (01:16:27):
Yeah.
Ray says his laugh is annoying.
Robert says Amy thinks it's cute.
Ray says she's annoying too.
And Robert immediately jumps upready to beat the shit out of him.
Ray scampers away.
That made me laugh.
That was fun.
Yeah, that was good.

Mike (01:16:40):
So, so we think that if Ray stays, Robert knocks his teeth out, right?
Like we're all in agreement, likethat would genuinely come to blows.
At

Alex (01:16:50):
the very least, he gives him a shove.

Adam (01:16:53):
He yells at him at least, but yeah, it could easily get physical.
Um, right, but yeah, it is insane thatRay comes up with, goes home, simmers
about them agreeing with him that he isannoying, and then makes a list of the
ways that each of them are annoying.

(01:17:13):
And that annoys them with it.
Crazy, yeah.
Um, in the scene with Gerard,uh, where Ray is trying to work
on him, um, oh, I thought thiswas a good Debra episode as well.
Like, Debra's portrayalin this was very popular.
P positive.
She was, uh, very positive.

(01:17:35):
She was teasing Ray about his similaritiesto Gerard in in sort of a very playful
way, and not like a mean way at all.
So, you know, back off, Deborah haters.
And, uh, in, when Ray comes over afterconfronting his family, Deborah just
calmly suggests that he work on himself,which Ray then turns around and, uh,

(01:17:59):
uses it to try to make Gerard lessannoying, tries to force him to make
eye contact, to smile, to stand upstraight, and to change his pronunciation.
And we get that exchange wherethey're arguing over how to
pronounce now, now or meow.
Um, and the subtit Alex and I wereboth watching with subtitles on.

(01:18:20):
And it really helped.
They did their job.
You got N O W for what Raywas demonstrating, and N E O
W for what Gerard is saying.
So they were really on the ballthis time, the subtitles team.
Good job.
Excellent.

Mike (01:18:35):
Excellent

Adam (01:18:36):
work.
But Ger The cap on that sceneof Gerard telling Rey to knock
it off, You're really annoying.
And like, the look on Rey's face.
Yeah.
Probably one of the funniestthings I've seen all season.
Yeah, that was hilarious.
Just, and for how long itwent on too, hilarious.

Alex (01:18:53):
This is, this is such a like a self fulfilling prophecy thing.
That's just like, it's so good.

Mike (01:18:59):
I also did love the, um, that back and forth where Ray's trying to
fix Gerard is also just so brilliant.
It's just like the, Hey, do you noticehow like that sound can be annoying?
Yeah, I guess.
What's your point?
Um, uh, and, and also the make eyecontact and then he grabs the shin to the.
You said I wouldn't have to doanything weird, just such a big weird.

Alex (01:19:23):
Yeah, yeah, maybe that's what they had to do when they were seven.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe they looked each otherin the eye and didn't like it.

Adam (01:19:32):
And Gerard's just been avoiding eye contact with everyone ever since.
Um, yeah, no, just a reallygreat episode overall.
There's one more thing that made me laughway back in the first Gerard scene, um,
where, uh, Gerard leaves after, um, Ican't remember how Ray got rid of him,

(01:19:52):
but Gerard leaves, Ray is frustrated,and he grabs the highlighter, pops
the cap off, and takes a whiff of it.
Um, just out of complete frustration.
That also made me

Alex (01:20:03):
laugh.
That's a great little joke.
Absolutely.

Adam (01:20:07):
Okay!
Let's, uh, turn our attentionto the classic barometer.
That is our rating scale on which werate Ray's performance as husband,
brother, son, father, cousin, uh, author.
Uh, with ten being the great dadsof sitcom history, Danny Tanner,
Uncle Phil, Carl Winslow, uh, andone being the bad men of television,

(01:20:28):
Don Draper, Walter White, menwho actively harm their families.
Alex, where is Raycoming in for you today?

Alex (01:20:36):
Oh my god, Ray!
This is like, I, I, like, I feel like thisis the most classic Ray I've ever seen.
Like if I, if anyone ever cameto me and asked me what, describe
Ray Barone to me in one episode,I would show them this episode.
Like he's got like the huge insecurities.

(01:20:57):
Um.
I, of course, I don't thinkRay is as annoying as Gerard.
Uh, I don't think he's as needy as Gerard.
He might be if he didn'thave Debra and the kids.
Uh, we don't know what hewas like before then, really.
We haven't seen too much of that.
Um, but, uh, just like his absoluteinability to let this go, just

(01:21:19):
like a passing comment made by hiswife, uh, led to his own downfall.
In all honesty.
He didn't really end up hurtinganyone except himself, but my
God, what a blow he gave himself.
Uh, I guess he kind of annoyed cousinGerard, but I mean, there was only

(01:21:42):
one, like there, there weren't manyways that was going to end well.
Uh, so like as, as a, you know, father,husband, like all that stuff, like
he's fine just as, as a human beingwho should take care of themselves.
Like, I gotta give him,like, a three and a half.

Mike (01:22:01):
Oof,

Alex (01:22:02):
alright, Mike?

Mike (01:22:03):
Yeah, he's also getting low from me.
Um, I, I agree with Alexin basically all of that.
This is entirely self caused,entirely self sabotage.
Um, his reaction is veryimmature, all that stuff.
The only he, I, I also actuallydon't know if I agree that the
only person he hurt was himself.
I think he also Burned a bridgebetween Marie and her sister.

(01:22:28):
Have we seen the sister before?

Adam (01:22:30):
We saw, I don't know what her relation to Aunt Alda
was, and I wish I was Gus.
She was, she had, she was feudingwith some relation in that, I don't
know if it was her sister or not.
I'd have to look back and find that out.
But, I don't think so.

(01:22:50):
I don't think we know, um,Jirard's mom specifically.
Gotcha.

Mike (01:22:57):
Well, I think that he also, so yeah, he hurt people, he, well, he
hurts himself more than anyone else,but still, he was annoying, he was
insecure, blah blah blah, all that.
I'm gonna give him 3.
1. 3. 1. Go give him

Alex (01:23:14):
3.
1. Wow, specific.

Mike (01:23:16):
Yeah, gotta get away from the fives.
Make some other numbers happen here.
How about you Adam, what you thought?

Adam (01:23:23):
Well, Anne Alda, just to clean this, clear this up,
Anne Alda is Marie's sister.
However, uh, She does not, accordingto the Everybody Loves Raymond wiki,
does not appear to be Gerard's mother.
So Marie must have multiple sisters.
Gotcha.
Uh, is the only conclusion we can draw.

(01:23:45):
Okay, you said 3.
1? Mm hmm.
Okay, I'm sort of in the same ballparkas you guys, Ray Barone's ballpark,
which would be a good name for his book.
Um, I think he was, yes, very, Cruelto himself by letting himself get all
hung up on this Really minor thing verymean to Gerard for you know, really

(01:24:08):
just being himself He's not doing thatmuch Terray that is worth this treatment
or worth just this complete likeDisgust that the family throws at him.
Yes.
He's clearly annoying, but youshouldn't you know how to You
know, interact with him by now.

(01:24:29):
You're almost 40 years old at thispoint, or you are 40 years old.
Um, so he's just a real asshole andtrying to change Gerard injuring
him and his sciatica is, I reallywant to dock him for all of that.
I don't think he hurt anyone else really,except for at the very end with the

(01:24:50):
rest of the family, by coming up with alist of things to criticize them about.
Um, so I'll dock hima little bit for that.
I'm actually going to go 2.
7 for Ray today.
That

Mike (01:25:02):
locks, locks us in.
Got a lot

Adam (01:25:03):
of odd numbers.

Mike (01:25:05):
Yeah.
Locks us in for this week at a 3.
1.

Adam (01:25:08):
All right.
Uh, sounds right to me, I think.
I agree.
3. 1. Okay.
Uh, on that note then, I guess there'snot much else to do, right fellas?
Uh, the, it looks likesome storm clouds are.
Gathering above us and we shouldprobably get the equipment inside.
Yeah, yeah, let's keep going.
Um, cause it's only, I think it'srated to be submerged up to six inches.

(01:25:31):
Yeah.
So, you know, with climate change, this isgonna get a lot more rainfall than that.
Uh, you know what I'm saying?
So, uh, anything you wanna mentionor plug before we hop off the podcast
and, and, uh, continue our studies.
I guess

Alex (01:25:49):
just the Baroness zonus.
If you want to keep listening toyour boys one extra time a month,
uh, hit up our website, postfund.
org, uh, and, uh, give us some money.
It's just a one time payment.
Whatever you want could be a dollar.
Could be 1, 000, could be 10, 000, 000.

(01:26:10):
Help us retire early.

Adam (01:26:13):
Wow, that would be awesome.
If you really like this show and wantus to, or if you really hate this
show and want us to stop doing it.
You donate 1, We will get

Alex (01:26:24):
these nine seasons done in like a year.
If you

Adam (01:26:26):
give us 10, 000, 000.
Yeah, if you want us to, tell uswhat you want to do because the
incentive is there both ways.

Mike (01:26:33):
Wait, hold on.
I got it.
I got the greatest incentive.
If you pay us 10 million, we'll sayyour name at the end of this podcast.

Adam (01:26:42):
Oh my God.
Yeah.
That's so postfund.
org slash donate, pay what you want.
And I think you'll wantto pay quite a bit folks.
Uh, and Postfund.
org slash Raymond iswhere all of those are.
Okay, well from all of us here atthe Barone Zone, I guess there's only

(01:27:06):
one last thing to say, right fellas?

Mike (01:27:10):
Absolutely.

Adam (01:27:11):
Everybody

Mike (01:27:12):
loves

Adam (01:27:13):
Raymond

Alex (01:27:14):
and we love

Adam (01:27:17):
you
Okay, uh, head right on in, uh, sister.
Thank you so much foryour service, by the way.
Big guy, huge fan of your work.
Thank you so much.
Okay.

Mike (01:27:34):
Hello, it's good to see ya.
I'm finally here.
I'm President Jimmy Carter.

Adam (01:27:40):
Uh, just hold on, sir. Last name?
You said Carter?
Is that with a C or a K?

Mike (01:27:46):
President, that's with a C.
And I got the, I got the wordthat I'm going to heaven, it's
part of the presidential deal.

Adam (01:27:53):
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.
So you've got a, you've got an asterisknext to your name here, let me just
call up, uh, I didn't do nothing wrong.
Yeah, Carter, it's Carter.
Okay.
Yeah, so it's, it sounds like,

Mike (01:28:05):
is it about Iran
? Adam: No, that's been cleaned up.
That's been cleared up.
You're fine.
Oh, okay.
Everyone knows it wasn't your fault.
We all know nobody blames you.
Alright.
No, it's all on the Ayatollah.
Believe me, he is not here.
. That would be crazy.
Oh
good.
I don't like that guy.

Adam (01:28:24):
No, I know, I know.
And the big man doesnot hold it against you.
The thing is you're, if youwanna come into Heaven, Jimmy.
You gotta give up that peanut farm.
Again?

Mike (01:28:35):
What's the problem with the damn peanut farm?
I didn't do nothing to you people!
It's a conflict of interest, Jimmy.
No, it's not!
You gotta be

Adam (01:28:43):
kidding

Mike (01:28:43):
me!
It's a conflict of interest.
It's a conflict of interest.
You gotta be kidding me!
I better be peanuts in heaven!
I'm sorry.
I swear you gotta supply them sometime!