May 29, 2025 • 27 mins
Our masculine identity crisis stems from misunderstanding what positive masculinity truly is through the lens of Advaita Vedanta.
• Positive masculinity is about inner strength with gentleness, not dominance or suppression
• True masculinity comes from being rooted in dharma (righteous living)
• The false masculine identity is based in ego rather than our nature as pure consciousness
• Brahman (ultimate reality) is beyond gender—the crisis comes from not realizing our true nature
• Within family and society, roles should be based on necessary actions rather than gender distinctions
• The ideal male role model is unmoved by praise/blame and success/failure
• True strength is found in peace, not aggression or control
• Presence is more important than commands in fatherhood and relationships
• Toxic masculine traits (aggression, superiority, emotional repression) stem from ignorance of the self
• Discipline and self-inquiry help transform impulsive masculinity into radiant stability
• Look to figures like Sri Ram and Krishna rather than modern "alpha male" influencers
Share your thoughts on this perspective of masculinity and let's continue the conversation.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Bearded
Mystic Podcast, and I'm yourhost, rahul N Singh.
Thank you for taking out thetime today to either watch or
listen to this podcast episode.
So first update that I'm goingto give before we go into the
episode today is that the coursethat I am creating course that
(00:26):
I was that I am creating,resting in formless awareness
that is being pushed forward tonext year, being launched early
next year, so early 2026, thereason being a lot of things are
coming up recently where I'mnot able to spend much time on
it, so so, for now, there's justgoing to be a little bit of a
delay, but we will work throughthat and I want to be able to
(00:49):
give a product to you that isreally good, where you learn the
maximum amount, and that's thewhole point.
So, yeah, that's the firstupdate I wanted to give.
So now the episode that Iwanted to talk about today.
(01:29):
Seen in the past or heard on adiscord call.
I'm very concerned about the,the topic of masculinity, and so
, and I think you know, justrecently I watched a tv show
called adolescence and you know,and let's all be honest,
anything that shows toxicmasculinity is concerning and
(01:51):
the majority of young people whoare going through this, who are
going through some sort ofmasculinity crisis, you know,
how can they deal with theirmasculinity?
How?
What is masculinity and how canit be something that is
positive rather than somethingthat is negative?
Now, there's a reason why I'mdoing this, because I want to
(02:12):
give a view of what positivemasculinity looks like through
the lens of Advaita Vedanta.
So, by doing this, what we'redoing is having a look at how we
can you know us as young men,young men well, I'm not so young
anymore, I'm like 37.
So but say, you're younger thanme and you don't know what it
(02:32):
like, what it's like to feelthat you're a man because
certain things aren't in yourcontrol anymore.
Well, trust me, as a millennial, things have never been in our
control and we've been promisedthings and they have been
undelivered.
And so, with that onegeneration, I feel that has had
the worst and yet have made thebest out of those circumstances.
(02:56):
Now, that doesn't mean that thegenerations after me are not
doing the same, of course, butI'm just talking very generally,
so very generalized.
Now, as we go through this, Iwant us to understand it
properly.
Just remember, I'm talking froman Advaita Vedanta lens, so
(03:17):
something from that's going tobe established in what looks
like a dharmic way of beingmasculine.
It's an important topic becauseI am a self-proclaimed feminist
, so you're gonna see it from,but this is not my perspective.
So, um, but I tend to livethrough these traits I'm talking
(03:41):
about, very naturally, whilebeing a feminist.
So for anyone who thinks thatyou have to kind of be all macho
to be masculine, well, you know, there's a.
I don't think that's the rightway in which Advaita Vedanta
kind of proposes, but let's havea look at that.
(04:01):
So, first of all, all we have tolook at positive masculinity.
So this is not about dominance.
You know, you don't need todominate everything you know
today it's like, oh, you gottalike earn a million dollars, you
gotta dominate people, yougotta do this, go do that, or,
in order to show your dominant,you need to suppress your
(04:23):
emotions.
You can't show your emotions,but what happens when we
suppress is that it brings aboutmore harm, and so positive
masculinity is not aboutdominance, it's not about
suppression.
It's actually about innerstrength without a gentleness.
And that's interesting becauseyou can be so strong within so,
(04:46):
no matter what happens, you donot get affected by it.
But also, from the outside, youshow love, and love and
kindness and, and that'simportant one, is that you're
rooted in dharma.
So you, it's all aboutrighteous living and it's all
about vivek, using yourdiscernment.
Without using your discernment,without, uh, being in righteous
(05:08):
living, you won't make wrongchoices.
You won't make choices thatwill harm others.
And you know, I very rightly, onthis podcast, just outright say
you will not vote for someonewho is adharmic in in general.
And today we can see leaderswho are adormic, who are not
living righteously, who areharming others, whether they are
(05:31):
people that are minorities orthose that are immigrants.
They're harming them.
So or they have zero kind ofhumanity, feelings of humanity
for people in conflict zones.
So this is very important tounderstand that you know that
(05:51):
person is rooted in dharma andthen that person who has
positive masculinity, one showscourage.
So when it comes to thingsthey're courageous to stand up,
like right now, I believe thatit's important for they're
courageous to stand up, um, likeright now I believe that it's
important for people like myselfto stand up for people who are
oppressed by the current regimein in place in the united states
(06:15):
uh, the trump regime.
So then there's about.
Then we need to haveforgiveness, we need to have
compassion I mean you to havecompassion and we need to be
steady-minded in wisdom.
Our mind needs to be steady,stable in wisdom, and that's
important.
So these aspects are what cause, in my opinion well, in the
(06:37):
opinion of Advaita Vedanta,positive masculinity.
So let's look at the false maleidentity.
You know the one that we see alot of today, and this is
actually because we're investingin the ego, not in ourselves as
pure consciousness, but more sobecause we're rooted in the ego
and it brings out this toxicmasculinity.
(06:59):
So what happens there is thatyou know most societal models,
um, you know most societies, uh,their view of masculinity is
that it's all ego-based.
You know, you have to be, youknow, you have to have this
feeling that I am strong and Iwill provide and I will conquer.
Uh, I will provide for otherpeople, I will do, and all of
(07:20):
this is rooted in the ego.
Who is this I that is talkingabout?
It's all body based, it's allmind based.
So, but Advaita would simplyask you that who is this eye
that is trying to prove, toprove its own manhood?
I mean, come on if you thinkthat you can provide or you're
strong, and it's that's whatmakes you a man.
(07:41):
What are you doing?
Who, who's this?
I that's saying all this.
So the Amgara, the ego, identity, has to be seen through, and
therefore true masculinity isnot about asserting yourself.
It's actually about thedissolution of the ego, because
then you're going beyond themale mind and the female mind,
(08:06):
you're going towards the higherstate of being which is
understanding.
You are pure consciousness, youare the Atma, to put it in a
more kind of direct way, sopeople can understand you
operate more like.
You're the soul rather than thebody and mind.
I'm saying it, I say soul in avery, without being wishy-washy
(08:26):
or new agey, but yeah, anyway.
Now, the reason why I say yourpure consciousness and why I
said it's beyond male and femaleis because Brahman itself is
beyond gender.
So why do we talk aboutmasculinity?
Why is that such a big topic?
And it's all down to the factthat we don't realize who we
truly are.
(08:47):
That's that's the crisis, andnot actually whether you are a
male or a female or in betweenor non-binary or whatever
spectrum of the gender you areat.
I know a lot of people have aproblem with that too.
But I would say, as an advice,then, I truly believe in oneness
and therefore you know, anylabel is going to limit you.
So as long as you understandthe label is limited it's okay,
(09:11):
but everyone has a right tolabel themselves as they want.
You know, I don't think weshould be so dismissive without
understanding.
So if there is a spectrum ofgender, it is gender fluidity.
That's absolutely fine, becauseone does not operate from the
(09:33):
body, one does not operate fromthis identity that the mind has
kept, has captivated, but as asthat it's the body, captivated
as that it's the body, we haveto understand that Brahman
itself is Nirguna.
Therefore it's beyond male orfemale or any spectrum of gender
.
So that's number one.
(09:55):
No-transcript, this wouldn't bean issue.
But again now, I say this witha big caveat, because that's on
the ultimate level.
Now, within the transactionallevel, the vahavadika level, the
empirical level, thetransactional reality, this
(10:19):
relative reality that we'reliving in dharma, does give us
roles to fulfill in family andsociety.
And remember, those roles areoften now shared.
For example, in my ownhousehold.
You know, me and my wife do nothave male or female jobs.
We just simply do what needs tobe done.
If someone said to me do you dothe male job in the house?
I'll be like what's that?
(10:39):
You know literally.
Well, now, it's just aboutdoing a karma, rather than
seeing it as is it a maledominated karma, or is it a
female dominated karma like thatwould be just silliness.
Or this is a masculine karma,or this is a feminine karma like
that would be just ridiculous.
So, yes, we have a family, uh,we have a role in society, a
(11:00):
role in family, um, but I domany things that possibly other
males didn't do, like myparents' generation.
Probably my father didn't dohalf the things that I do, you
know, like changing diapers, youknow feeding my son, or, you
(11:22):
know, making my son go to sleepat night, doing the dishes,
doing the laundry so many things.
Taking out the trash there's noum.
Or cleaning the house there'sno such thing as this is what
men do, this sort of females do.
That has kind of all ironed outfor all the right reasons and,
(11:46):
uh, when it comes to evensociety I mean as a society, as
someone that is a father we'vetried our best to make sure that
my son is seen is rather genderneutral, that there's no such
thing as a male thing and afemale thing.
It's rather, you got to do theright thing, the correct action,
(12:08):
the crew have the correctbehavior and we have to model
that behavior right.
We have to model those actions.
So what we try to show is thatthere's there's no such thing,
as you know, putting yourself inthe box of gender.
So you could say that positivemasculinity isn't about clinging
(12:28):
to the male ego, it's aboutplaying your role in society,
within your family, with another, with bliss, with clarity and
with non-attachment, and that'sthe ultimate way.
Uh now, um, as I mentioned, howdoes one model masculinity?
Uh, and, and this is afteryou've had your mind steadied in
(12:48):
wisdom, and you know it's inthe Bhagavad Gita.
If you have a look in chaptertwo, it talks about that steady
mind, and you know Sri Krishnatalks to us about being in
sthita prajna, to be in the mindthat is steadied in wisdom.
So it's the wise one that'sunmoved by praise or blame,
(13:08):
success or failure.
So, for example, are you a truemasculine person if you only
have success?
So those who fail aren'tmasculine enough?
No, that's not true.
If you're praised, you're amasculine person, but if you're
blamed, you're not.
No, the, the person who's inwisdom, who understands
(13:30):
themselves as his true nature,as being brahman, as pure
consciousness.
You're beyond praise and you'rebeyond blame, beyond success
and failure.
So the ideal male role model, inmy opinion, is someone that's
not reactive, who doesn't simplyjust react to things but simply
responds.
They're not aggressive, theyare not needy, but actually
(13:53):
they're anchored withinthemselves, they're centered
within themselves.
They are wise, they'recompassionate.
They are the ones that peoplecan turn to.
And you see, the more you tryto show yourself as being this
alpha male, the more beta youlook, you know, the more the
(14:16):
less alpha you actually look andthe more of a joke you look.
In my opinion, like I do notlook at Andrew Tate as a great
masculine figure, I find him tobe the biggest joke, the biggest
meme on the planet, and if onehad to look at what masculinity
(14:36):
was, I mean he doesn't serve anyof those.
So this is where we have tounderstand.
So those people that areanchored within the self,
anchored within themselves aspure consciousness, who are wise
, who can give positive, goodadvice to others, and who's
compassionate, who understandsthe pain and suffering of other
(14:57):
people, those people are idealmale role models, according to
Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita.
In the bhagavad-gita, now,another one is they will also
possess humility.
(15:18):
So you know they're not goingto be like, oh look at me, I'm
successful.
That's not the sign of someonewho is truly having those male,
positive, masculine values.
Now, what is masculinity?
Without machismo?
You know, without the whole,you know showing off?
Well, the strength is insimplicity.
The more simple you are, thestronger you are.
(15:39):
It's very simple.
So in Advaita it's all aboutbeing at peace, and that is the
highest strength.
When you are at peace in themind, no matter who tries to
impact you, who tries to harmyou, you will always be at peace
.
And when you're at peace,nothing can disturb you, nothing
can bring you into conflict.
The moment there is, if youhave a look, that the mind that
(16:03):
is in conflict is the mind thatis not in peace.
So if you're in peace, you havea mind that is free from
conflict and therefore you knowa truly strong man doesn't need
to raise his voice, controlothers or suppress emotions.
One, express your emotions.
There's nothing wrong withexpressing your emotions.
(16:25):
If you feel like crying, justcry.
I mean, it's better just to beyourself and controlling others.
Why do you want to controlother people?
Just let things be and youdon't have to raise your voice.
You know, sometimes withholdingraising your voice and just
speaking in a calm manner canget a lot of things done, and we
(16:49):
only can do that if we havedetachment.
So the person, the guy who knowsthat he is the Atman, that he
is pure consciousness, thatknowing in itself will give you
a natural dignity, it will giveyou a natural strength, it will
give you a natural control overyour own self.
So remember, you don't need toraise your voice, you don't need
(17:12):
to control other people.
You can just simply be yourselfand be so comfortable that you
will know when to do the rightthing, because your mind is
steadied in wisdom.
Then you know when it comes tobeing, we live in a household.
Right, I live in a household.
Most of the people listening tothis are householders.
So we either have youngfamilies or we're in
(17:36):
relationships or we're lookingfor a relationship, but we may
be a son or a daughter.
Now, if I wanted to look at realmasculine archetypes, well, you
know, there's.
The one is Yajnavalka in theUpanishads.
Uh, in there he he talks aboutwanting to leave his um
(17:57):
household life to pursueenlightenment.
And his wife.
So he gives all his wealth tohis wife and his wife says, um,
(18:19):
why do I need, uh, this, why doI need this?
Uh, you know, will this wealth,wealth stay with me?
And he says no.
So if it's not going to staywith me, then I want what you're
going for.
Basically, in a nutshell, soagain it shows that he has
spiritual depth and he can livea household life.
He goes with his wife later onand they both pursue
(18:41):
enlightenment.
You know, shri Ram is seen asthe Mariyada Pushottam, the
ideal man of being in purecontrol of himself.
You know, he doesn't go againstthe code of conduct, so he's
the ideal man of restraint, ofdharma, of compassion.
You know, even though when hekilled Ravan, he didn't look to
(19:06):
conquer Ravan, he even sawRavan's positivity and even told
his brother to get knowledgefrom Ravan.
That shows how great Shri Ramwas.
And this is a ratherinteresting one.
But Nachiketa's father of theKatha Upanishad?
But Nachiketa's father of theKatha Upanishad, yes, although
(19:27):
he's a flawed parent in thebeginning.
But what you see is that helearns, he invites conversation,
and that helps further.
So what about when it comes tofatherhood responsibility and
(19:50):
the role of men in guiding youth.
Now I'm someone who's a father,so this is how I'm relating to
this.
But you know, positivemasculinity is about showing up
when it comes to doing spiritualpractice and giving guidance
and having patience.
That's really important.
And as a father, I'm not thereto rule but to mirror steadiness
(20:13):
and love.
So if my son is angry orfrustrated or just disturbed by
something, I'm there, that I'mthat pillar of strength, that
pillar of steadiness and lovethat he can return to and
realize that I am present.
There's having your presencethere is more important.
So you know, in in advaita, afather teaches not by commands
(20:37):
but simply by presence.
And that's how any true teachereven does.
You know, one has to just bethere by their presence.
They don't command anything.
Their presence is enough totransform what somebody's
feeling at that time.
So it's really important thatone lets go of any of the toxic
(21:02):
masculine traits that they mayhave and they have to remember
that avidya, ignorance is at theroot of that.
So whenever one has aggression,superiority, emotional
repression, all of this isbecause of the ignorance of the
self.
If you look at the root ofthose things, if you feel
(21:23):
superior to somebody.
The root of that is becauseyou're ignorant of your true
self.
If you see yourself as pureconsciousness, you cannot be
superior or inferior.
You cannot repress youremotions because of some ideal
vision of manliness that youhave.
If you're aggressive, why beaggressive?
(21:47):
Nobody gets anything donepositively through aggression.
Yeah, you'll get things doneout of fear, but you've been
never done out of love.
And where there's no love,there's just very little growth,
very little progress, andtherefore that just shows how
and and one is only aggressivewhen they truly are ignorant of
themselves, when they don'trealize who they truly are.
(22:08):
And if you think you're just abody, of course there's just
going to be aggression there.
And liberation from this willlead to a more sattvic life.
You know, where one is pure one, one is calm and one has full
clarity, and that is is a newmasculine ideal.
Someone who is kind of rootedin sattvic living.
(22:31):
Now, when I say sattvic living,I'm not talking about what
foods you eat, I'm talking aboutwhat behavioral traits you have
.
That's more important.
But to get to this, to shapethis type of positive
masculinity that's rooted inAdvaita Vedanta, what we need to
(22:52):
have is discipline, anddiscipline is truly important.
You know, tapas is trulyimportant.
And when we do that tapasya,when we do that in a discipline,
that's when we can control oursenses.
So therefore, if we control oursenses, so therefore, if we
control our senses, we can bemature in our emotions, we can
also remove any aggression.
(23:13):
Because when we control oursenses, then we're not literally
doing whatever the body andmind wants, so we're controlling
it.
Therefore, we're observing it,we're actually seeing if it's
necessary and then, um, justcontrolling the mind, the
thoughts, the emotions thatbuild up, we just observe them.
(23:37):
And same thing with speech.
We don't have to give big cusswords out and ridicule others or
kind of put other people down.
Our speech is rather measuredand it's humorous, light and
just free of causing any anger.
(23:59):
And therefore, because whathappens otherwise?
When we do not have that innerdiscipline, if we do not do that
inner discipline, if we do notdo that in a tapas, that inner
control, then our masculinitybecomes very impulsive and
indulgent.
So it's rooted in egoic kind ofan egoic coating and something
(24:21):
that we want to avoid from otherpeople.
So with tapasya our masculinityis more radiant and more
sattvic and it's more respectedby others as well.
And trust me, if you're youngand single, then, or single in
general, if you have more ofthese traits, most women feel
(24:44):
safe with you then.
But if you're aggressive, ifyou want to show that you
control more or you want to earnmore money and you want to have
all these type of egoic games,trust me, you won't last in a
relationship unless that femalehas a massive inferiority
(25:08):
complex within herself.
But any kind of true femininewoman will not go for you.
And when I say this, obviouslyI'm talking about male and
female relationships, but youcan open this up to even, you
know, gay, lesbian or trans, anytype of relationship.
It doesn't really matter.
(25:31):
So what's the practicaltakeaways for you if you want to
practice this and bring it intoyour life?
Well, first of all, do a dailyself inquiry who is the one
that's trying to be masculine?
Who is it?
And redefine strength asinstability, not out of control.
(25:51):
And I would encourage you toexplore silence within yourself,
experience meditation and deeplistening.
Just listen to people, just seewhat they're saying, and try
not to even.
When you're listening, it's gotto be so deep that you're not
thinking about the next thing tosay to them.
You're literally just listeningand that's it.
(26:15):
And you know, and just rememberthat there are many people as
examples of good masculinewisdom whether that's Sri
Krishna, sri Ram, adiShankaracharya so many good
masculine figures who didn'thave to show off their
masculinity in the way that thepeople who are red-pilled by
(26:41):
Andrew Tate and the ilkaccordingly show is much more.
That type of masculinity justcauses more harm than good, and
those are roles that we've movedon from.
So it's time to say bye to thatand, you know, be more like
(27:02):
Raja Janak, be more like SriKrishna.
So that's the episode.
Let me know what you think.
You know, let's have a debateif you feel otherwise, but those
are my views, those are theviews of Advaita Vedanta that I
agree with, and I'll see you inthe next episode.
Take care, namaste.
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Bearded
Mystic Podcast, and I'm yourhost, rahul N Singh.
Thank you for taking out thetime today to either watch or
listen to this podcast episode.
So first update that I'm goingto give before we go into the
episode today is that the coursethat I am creating course that
(00:26):
I was that I am creating,resting in formless awareness
that is being pushed forward tonext year, being launched early
next year, so early 2026, thereason being a lot of things are
coming up recently where I'mnot able to spend much time on
it, so so, for now, there's justgoing to be a little bit of a
delay, but we will work throughthat and I want to be able to
(00:49):
give a product to you that isreally good, where you learn the
maximum amount, and that's thewhole point.
So, yeah, that's the firstupdate I wanted to give.
So now the episode that Iwanted to talk about today.
(01:29):
Seen in the past or heard on adiscord call.
I'm very concerned about the,the topic of masculinity, and so
, and I think you know, justrecently I watched a tv show
called adolescence and you know,and let's all be honest,
anything that shows toxicmasculinity is concerning and
(01:51):
the majority of young people whoare going through this, who are
going through some sort ofmasculinity crisis, you know,
how can they deal with theirmasculinity?
How?
What is masculinity and how canit be something that is
positive rather than somethingthat is negative?
Now, there's a reason why I'mdoing this, because I want to
(02:12):
give a view of what positivemasculinity looks like through
the lens of Advaita Vedanta.
So, by doing this, what we'redoing is having a look at how we
can you know us as young men,young men well, I'm not so young
anymore, I'm like 37.
So but say, you're younger thanme and you don't know what it
(02:32):
like, what it's like to feelthat you're a man because
certain things aren't in yourcontrol anymore.
Well, trust me, as a millennial, things have never been in our
control and we've been promisedthings and they have been
undelivered.
And so, with that onegeneration, I feel that has had
the worst and yet have made thebest out of those circumstances.
(02:56):
Now, that doesn't mean that thegenerations after me are not
doing the same, of course, butI'm just talking very generally,
so very generalized.
Now, as we go through this, Iwant us to understand it
properly.
Just remember, I'm talking froman Advaita Vedanta lens, so
(03:17):
something from that's going tobe established in what looks
like a dharmic way of beingmasculine.
It's an important topic becauseI am a self-proclaimed feminist
, so you're gonna see it from,but this is not my perspective.
So, um, but I tend to livethrough these traits I'm talking
(03:41):
about, very naturally, whilebeing a feminist.
So for anyone who thinks thatyou have to kind of be all macho
to be masculine, well, you know, there's a.
I don't think that's the rightway in which Advaita Vedanta
kind of proposes, but let's havea look at that.
(04:01):
So, first of all, all we have tolook at positive masculinity.
So this is not about dominance.
You know, you don't need todominate everything you know
today it's like, oh, you gottalike earn a million dollars, you
gotta dominate people, yougotta do this, go do that, or,
in order to show your dominant,you need to suppress your
(04:23):
emotions.
You can't show your emotions,but what happens when we
suppress is that it brings aboutmore harm, and so positive
masculinity is not aboutdominance, it's not about
suppression.
It's actually about innerstrength without a gentleness.
And that's interesting becauseyou can be so strong within so,
(04:46):
no matter what happens, you donot get affected by it.
But also, from the outside, youshow love, and love and
kindness and, and that'simportant one, is that you're
rooted in dharma.
So you, it's all aboutrighteous living and it's all
about vivek, using yourdiscernment.
Without using your discernment,without, uh, being in righteous
(05:08):
living, you won't make wrongchoices.
You won't make choices thatwill harm others.
And you know, I very rightly, onthis podcast, just outright say
you will not vote for someonewho is adharmic in in general.
And today we can see leaderswho are adormic, who are not
living righteously, who areharming others, whether they are
(05:31):
people that are minorities orthose that are immigrants.
They're harming them.
So or they have zero kind ofhumanity, feelings of humanity
for people in conflict zones.
So this is very important tounderstand that you know that
(05:51):
person is rooted in dharma andthen that person who has
positive masculinity, one showscourage.
So when it comes to thingsthey're courageous to stand up,
like right now, I believe thatit's important for they're
courageous to stand up, um, likeright now I believe that it's
important for people like myselfto stand up for people who are
oppressed by the current regimein in place in the united states
(06:15):
uh, the trump regime.
So then there's about.
Then we need to haveforgiveness, we need to have
compassion I mean you to havecompassion and we need to be
steady-minded in wisdom.
Our mind needs to be steady,stable in wisdom, and that's
important.
So these aspects are what cause, in my opinion well, in the
(06:37):
opinion of Advaita Vedanta,positive masculinity.
So let's look at the false maleidentity.
You know the one that we see alot of today, and this is
actually because we're investingin the ego, not in ourselves as
pure consciousness, but more sobecause we're rooted in the ego
and it brings out this toxicmasculinity.
(06:59):
So what happens there is thatyou know most societal models,
um, you know most societies, uh,their view of masculinity is
that it's all ego-based.
You know, you have to be, youknow, you have to have this
feeling that I am strong and Iwill provide and I will conquer.
Uh, I will provide for otherpeople, I will do, and all of
(07:20):
this is rooted in the ego.
Who is this I that is talkingabout?
It's all body based, it's allmind based.
So, but Advaita would simplyask you that who is this eye
that is trying to prove, toprove its own manhood?
I mean, come on if you thinkthat you can provide or you're
strong, and it's that's whatmakes you a man.
(07:41):
What are you doing?
Who, who's this?
I that's saying all this.
So the Amgara, the ego, identity, has to be seen through, and
therefore true masculinity isnot about asserting yourself.
It's actually about thedissolution of the ego, because
then you're going beyond themale mind and the female mind,
(08:06):
you're going towards the higherstate of being which is
understanding.
You are pure consciousness, youare the Atma, to put it in a
more kind of direct way, sopeople can understand you
operate more like.
You're the soul rather than thebody and mind.
I'm saying it, I say soul in avery, without being wishy-washy
(08:26):
or new agey, but yeah, anyway.
Now, the reason why I say yourpure consciousness and why I
said it's beyond male and femaleis because Brahman itself is
beyond gender.
So why do we talk aboutmasculinity?
Why is that such a big topic?
And it's all down to the factthat we don't realize who we
truly are.
(08:47):
That's that's the crisis, andnot actually whether you are a
male or a female or in betweenor non-binary or whatever
spectrum of the gender you areat.
I know a lot of people have aproblem with that too.
But I would say, as an advice,then, I truly believe in oneness
and therefore you know, anylabel is going to limit you.
So as long as you understandthe label is limited it's okay,
(09:11):
but everyone has a right tolabel themselves as they want.
You know, I don't think weshould be so dismissive without
understanding.
So if there is a spectrum ofgender, it is gender fluidity.
That's absolutely fine, becauseone does not operate from the
(09:33):
body, one does not operate fromthis identity that the mind has
kept, has captivated, but as asthat it's the body, captivated
as that it's the body, we haveto understand that Brahman
itself is Nirguna.
Therefore it's beyond male orfemale or any spectrum of gender
.
So that's number one.
(09:55):
No-transcript, this wouldn't bean issue.
But again now, I say this witha big caveat, because that's on
the ultimate level.
Now, within the transactionallevel, the vahavadika level, the
empirical level, thetransactional reality, this
(10:19):
relative reality that we'reliving in dharma, does give us
roles to fulfill in family andsociety.
And remember, those roles areoften now shared.
For example, in my ownhousehold.
You know, me and my wife do nothave male or female jobs.
We just simply do what needs tobe done.
If someone said to me do you dothe male job in the house?
I'll be like what's that?
(10:39):
You know literally.
Well, now, it's just aboutdoing a karma, rather than
seeing it as is it a maledominated karma, or is it a
female dominated karma like thatwould be just silliness.
Or this is a masculine karma,or this is a feminine karma like
that would be just ridiculous.
So, yes, we have a family, uh,we have a role in society, a
(11:00):
role in family, um, but I domany things that possibly other
males didn't do, like myparents' generation.
Probably my father didn't dohalf the things that I do, you
know, like changing diapers, youknow feeding my son, or, you
(11:22):
know, making my son go to sleepat night, doing the dishes,
doing the laundry so many things.
Taking out the trash there's noum.
Or cleaning the house there'sno such thing as this is what
men do, this sort of females do.
That has kind of all ironed outfor all the right reasons and,
(11:46):
uh, when it comes to evensociety I mean as a society, as
someone that is a father we'vetried our best to make sure that
my son is seen is rather genderneutral, that there's no such
thing as a male thing and afemale thing.
It's rather, you got to do theright thing, the correct action,
(12:08):
the crew have the correctbehavior and we have to model
that behavior right.
We have to model those actions.
So what we try to show is thatthere's there's no such thing,
as you know, putting yourself inthe box of gender.
So you could say that positivemasculinity isn't about clinging
(12:28):
to the male ego, it's aboutplaying your role in society,
within your family, with another, with bliss, with clarity and
with non-attachment, and that'sthe ultimate way.
Uh now, um, as I mentioned, howdoes one model masculinity?
Uh, and, and this is afteryou've had your mind steadied in
(12:48):
wisdom, and you know it's inthe Bhagavad Gita.
If you have a look in chaptertwo, it talks about that steady
mind, and you know Sri Krishnatalks to us about being in
sthita prajna, to be in the mindthat is steadied in wisdom.
So it's the wise one that'sunmoved by praise or blame,
(13:08):
success or failure.
So, for example, are you a truemasculine person if you only
have success?
So those who fail aren'tmasculine enough?
No, that's not true.
If you're praised, you're amasculine person, but if you're
blamed, you're not.
No, the, the person who's inwisdom, who understands
(13:30):
themselves as his true nature,as being brahman, as pure
consciousness.
You're beyond praise and you'rebeyond blame, beyond success
and failure.
So the ideal male role model, inmy opinion, is someone that's
not reactive, who doesn't simplyjust react to things but simply
responds.
They're not aggressive, theyare not needy, but actually
(13:53):
they're anchored withinthemselves, they're centered
within themselves.
They are wise, they'recompassionate.
They are the ones that peoplecan turn to.
And you see, the more you tryto show yourself as being this
alpha male, the more beta youlook, you know, the more the
(14:16):
less alpha you actually look andthe more of a joke you look.
In my opinion, like I do notlook at Andrew Tate as a great
masculine figure, I find him tobe the biggest joke, the biggest
meme on the planet, and if onehad to look at what masculinity
(14:36):
was, I mean he doesn't serve anyof those.
So this is where we have tounderstand.
So those people that areanchored within the self,
anchored within themselves aspure consciousness, who are wise
, who can give positive, goodadvice to others, and who's
compassionate, who understandsthe pain and suffering of other
(14:57):
people, those people are idealmale role models, according to
Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita.
In the bhagavad-gita, now,another one is they will also
possess humility.
(15:18):
So you know they're not goingto be like, oh look at me, I'm
successful.
That's not the sign of someonewho is truly having those male,
positive, masculine values.
Now, what is masculinity?
Without machismo?
You know, without the whole,you know showing off?
Well, the strength is insimplicity.
The more simple you are, thestronger you are.
(15:39):
It's very simple.
So in Advaita it's all aboutbeing at peace, and that is the
highest strength.
When you are at peace in themind, no matter who tries to
impact you, who tries to harmyou, you will always be at peace
.
And when you're at peace,nothing can disturb you, nothing
can bring you into conflict.
The moment there is, if youhave a look, that the mind that
(16:03):
is in conflict is the mind thatis not in peace.
So if you're in peace, you havea mind that is free from
conflict and therefore you knowa truly strong man doesn't need
to raise his voice, controlothers or suppress emotions.
One, express your emotions.
There's nothing wrong withexpressing your emotions.
(16:25):
If you feel like crying, justcry.
I mean, it's better just to beyourself and controlling others.
Why do you want to controlother people?
Just let things be and youdon't have to raise your voice.
You know, sometimes withholdingraising your voice and just
speaking in a calm manner canget a lot of things done, and we
(16:49):
only can do that if we havedetachment.
So the person, the guy who knowsthat he is the Atman, that he
is pure consciousness, thatknowing in itself will give you
a natural dignity, it will giveyou a natural strength, it will
give you a natural control overyour own self.
So remember, you don't need toraise your voice, you don't need
(17:12):
to control other people.
You can just simply be yourselfand be so comfortable that you
will know when to do the rightthing, because your mind is
steadied in wisdom.
Then you know when it comes tobeing, we live in a household.
Right, I live in a household.
Most of the people listening tothis are householders.
So we either have youngfamilies or we're in
(17:36):
relationships or we're lookingfor a relationship, but we may
be a son or a daughter.
Now, if I wanted to look at realmasculine archetypes, well, you
know, there's.
The one is Yajnavalka in theUpanishads.
Uh, in there he he talks aboutwanting to leave his um
(17:57):
household life to pursueenlightenment.
And his wife.
So he gives all his wealth tohis wife and his wife says, um,
(18:19):
why do I need, uh, this, why doI need this?
Uh, you know, will this wealth,wealth stay with me?
And he says no.
So if it's not going to staywith me, then I want what you're
going for.
Basically, in a nutshell, soagain it shows that he has
spiritual depth and he can livea household life.
He goes with his wife later onand they both pursue
(18:41):
enlightenment.
You know, shri Ram is seen asthe Mariyada Pushottam, the
ideal man of being in purecontrol of himself.
You know, he doesn't go againstthe code of conduct, so he's
the ideal man of restraint, ofdharma, of compassion.
You know, even though when hekilled Ravan, he didn't look to
(19:06):
conquer Ravan, he even sawRavan's positivity and even told
his brother to get knowledgefrom Ravan.
That shows how great Shri Ramwas.
And this is a ratherinteresting one.
But Nachiketa's father of theKatha Upanishad?
But Nachiketa's father of theKatha Upanishad, yes, although
(19:27):
he's a flawed parent in thebeginning.
But what you see is that helearns, he invites conversation,
and that helps further.
So what about when it comes tofatherhood responsibility and
(19:50):
the role of men in guiding youth.
Now I'm someone who's a father,so this is how I'm relating to
this.
But you know, positivemasculinity is about showing up
when it comes to doing spiritualpractice and giving guidance
and having patience.
That's really important.
And as a father, I'm not thereto rule but to mirror steadiness
(20:13):
and love.
So if my son is angry orfrustrated or just disturbed by
something, I'm there, that I'mthat pillar of strength, that
pillar of steadiness and lovethat he can return to and
realize that I am present.
There's having your presencethere is more important.
So you know, in in advaita, afather teaches not by commands
(20:37):
but simply by presence.
And that's how any true teachereven does.
You know, one has to just bethere by their presence.
They don't command anything.
Their presence is enough totransform what somebody's
feeling at that time.
So it's really important thatone lets go of any of the toxic
(21:02):
masculine traits that they mayhave and they have to remember
that avidya, ignorance is at theroot of that.
So whenever one has aggression,superiority, emotional
repression, all of this isbecause of the ignorance of the
self.
If you look at the root ofthose things, if you feel
(21:23):
superior to somebody.
The root of that is becauseyou're ignorant of your true
self.
If you see yourself as pureconsciousness, you cannot be
superior or inferior.
You cannot repress youremotions because of some ideal
vision of manliness that youhave.
If you're aggressive, why beaggressive?
(21:47):
Nobody gets anything donepositively through aggression.
Yeah, you'll get things doneout of fear, but you've been
never done out of love.
And where there's no love,there's just very little growth,
very little progress, andtherefore that just shows how
and and one is only aggressivewhen they truly are ignorant of
themselves, when they don'trealize who they truly are.
(22:08):
And if you think you're just abody, of course there's just
going to be aggression there.
And liberation from this willlead to a more sattvic life.
You know, where one is pure one, one is calm and one has full
clarity, and that is is a newmasculine ideal.
Someone who is kind of rootedin sattvic living.
(22:31):
Now, when I say sattvic living,I'm not talking about what
foods you eat, I'm talking aboutwhat behavioral traits you have
.
That's more important.
But to get to this, to shapethis type of positive
masculinity that's rooted inAdvaita Vedanta, what we need to
(22:52):
have is discipline, anddiscipline is truly important.
You know, tapas is trulyimportant.
And when we do that tapasya,when we do that in a discipline,
that's when we can control oursenses.
So therefore, if we control oursenses, so therefore, if we
control our senses, we can bemature in our emotions, we can
also remove any aggression.
(23:13):
Because when we control oursenses, then we're not literally
doing whatever the body andmind wants, so we're controlling
it.
Therefore, we're observing it,we're actually seeing if it's
necessary and then, um, justcontrolling the mind, the
thoughts, the emotions thatbuild up, we just observe them.
(23:37):
And same thing with speech.
We don't have to give big cusswords out and ridicule others or
kind of put other people down.
Our speech is rather measuredand it's humorous, light and
just free of causing any anger.
(23:59):
And therefore, because whathappens otherwise?
When we do not have that innerdiscipline, if we do not do that
inner discipline, if we do notdo that in a tapas, that inner
control, then our masculinitybecomes very impulsive and
indulgent.
So it's rooted in egoic kind ofan egoic coating and something
(24:21):
that we want to avoid from otherpeople.
So with tapasya our masculinityis more radiant and more
sattvic and it's more respectedby others as well.
And trust me, if you're youngand single, then, or single in
general, if you have more ofthese traits, most women feel
(24:44):
safe with you then.
But if you're aggressive, ifyou want to show that you
control more or you want to earnmore money and you want to have
all these type of egoic games,trust me, you won't last in a
relationship unless that femalehas a massive inferiority
(25:08):
complex within herself.
But any kind of true femininewoman will not go for you.
And when I say this, obviouslyI'm talking about male and
female relationships, but youcan open this up to even, you
know, gay, lesbian or trans, anytype of relationship.
It doesn't really matter.
(25:31):
So what's the practicaltakeaways for you if you want to
practice this and bring it intoyour life?
Well, first of all, do a dailyself inquiry who is the one
that's trying to be masculine?
Who is it?
And redefine strength asinstability, not out of control.
(25:51):
And I would encourage you toexplore silence within yourself,
experience meditation and deeplistening.
Just listen to people, just seewhat they're saying, and try
not to even.
When you're listening, it's gotto be so deep that you're not
thinking about the next thing tosay to them.
You're literally just listeningand that's it.
(26:15):
And you know, and just rememberthat there are many people as
examples of good masculinewisdom whether that's Sri
Krishna, sri Ram, adiShankaracharya so many good
masculine figures who didn'thave to show off their
masculinity in the way that thepeople who are red-pilled by
(26:41):
Andrew Tate and the ilkaccordingly show is much more.
That type of masculinity justcauses more harm than good, and
those are roles that we've movedon from.
So it's time to say bye to thatand, you know, be more like
(27:02):
Raja Janak, be more like SriKrishna.
So that's the episode.
Let me know what you think.
You know, let's have a debateif you feel otherwise, but those
are my views, those are theviews of Advaita Vedanta that I
agree with, and I'll see you inthe next episode.
Take care, namaste.
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