April 22, 2024 • 30 mins
In this episode, we explored the intricate web of intergenerational trauma and its profound impact on individuals and families. Here's a breakdown of what we discussed:
Segment 1: Tracing the Roots of Intergenerational Trauma
- We delved into how historical events such as war and colonization continue to reverberate through subsequent generations.
- Explored the transmission of trauma through family narratives, behaviors, and attachment styles.
Segment 2: Impact on Identity and Relationships
- Examined how unresolved trauma shapes individual identity formation and interpersonal dynamics.
- Explored patterns of coping mechanisms, including avoidance or repetition of traumatic experiences.
Segment 3: Healing Collective Wounds
- Discussed intergenerational trauma-informed approaches to therapy and community healing.
- Explored strategies for empowering individuals and families to break cycles of trauma through awareness, education, and resilience-building.
Join us as we continue to unravel the complexities of intergenerational trauma and work towards healing and resilience. Subscribe to TBB for more insightful discussions on mental health, personal growth, and societal issues.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Behavioral Blueprint podcast that explores a fascinating world of behavioral
(00:08):
choices and their impact on everyday decisions.
I'm your host and guest Solana and I'm going to be the one guiding you on this journey
of discovery.
In this episode and every episode we'll dive into the intricacies of human behavior and
covering the underlying factors that drive our choices and shape our lives.
(00:29):
From cognitive basis to social influences we'll explore the science behind decision
making and examine how our behaviors play out in various contexts.
Whether you're curious about why we procrastinate or how we form certain habits or even the
psychology behind consumer choices, this podcast is going to be your go-to source for insightful
(00:49):
discussions and impractical insights.
So sit back, relax, drive or get ready to clean your room or do whatever you like and
expand your understanding on how you create your everyday choices and I hope that we can
embark on this beautiful exploration together.
Thank you.
Hi everyone, thank you so much for joining the Behavioral Blueprint podcast.
(01:13):
This episode is going to be focusing on unraveling family legacies and understanding the integrational
trauma that your life plays a part in and I'm very excited to finally be back after
my small hiatus.
I know that everybody really had questions with that and of course I'll be able to answer
(01:36):
any and all of your questions at the end towards what my hiatus was for, how much it helped
me and how much I even understood about stepping back when it came down to helping myself and
doing what I had to do for growth and even unexpected growth as well.
(01:58):
But going back to our point, we're going to uncover the profound impact of how your family
legacies of course play a part with who you are today.
I'm your host Solana and I'm going to be enlightening you on how this is so complex for every single
person on the map.
First thing that we have to cover is tracing the root of our trauma.
(02:22):
How we can understand how historical events, wars, colonization, and everything else that
are still playing a part to this day impact every single person.
Transmission of the trauma and how it transports to other people if somebody's not taking care
of it.
Attachment styles, family narratives, behaviors, all of that.
(02:44):
Impact on identity and relationships and how that plays a part and shapes other people
with how they interact with you.
Patterns and coping mechanisms and how delving into coping mechanisms adopted by other people
like your parents, your friends, your partners and how that can create traumatic experiences
as well or experiences because who knows, you know.
(03:09):
Healing collective wounds and how sometimes you can't heal other people's wounds that
aren't looking to be healed.
Empowering the resilience of the changes that trauma helps you go through.
Discussing the strategies of how to break the cycles and how to break the trauma through
the awareness and education and resilience building.
(03:30):
And I also think that this insightful conversation will give us some type of light with challenges
that we've dealt with over time and then also what we haven't been able to look forward
or even admit to ourselves.
I hope that this episode is going to be able to open a journey and a door for every person
that is listening and make sure to enjoy, subscribe, and give my podcast a five star
(03:57):
rating.
So, as a queer Black person, I really think that the best way that I can even go with
telling other people about historical events with war, with colonization, with slavery
and the history of slavery and how it still plays a part with my life, it's not easy to
just casually bring up how I have a ancestral line that has been through trauma and how
(04:23):
we don't really can talk about it to people in a regular everyday conversation.
That still plays a mask and plays a part with how people go within themselves and even talk
to themselves with other people, how they even look at themselves when they go home,
how they even cope with any type of stress and endurance of any type of problem in their
(04:45):
life.
People most of the time, not just to put any type of diagnosis on people, but sometimes
people deal with issues enough to not know how to create a form of, I would use the word,
(05:06):
understanding what would be best for looking at how to answer the problem that they're
having.
That people can cope with not understanding enough of themselves and that can create a
limitation with even reaching out to other people.
I struggle personally with opening up about any issues that I personally have with others
(05:29):
or with myself and I don't ask for help.
That comes from trauma, that comes from my history of my ancestors, even with them and
my grandmother and how I can see her deal with the same issue and knowing that I was
raised by her.
But we accept these things, we accept why and we know that we get them from certain
(05:52):
parts of this bloodline or this bloodline, but we don't really go on understanding the
identity of the trauma and also how that plays an impact in our relationships.
Understanding how family narratives, behaviors, beliefs, and attachment styles with your family
plays a part with any and all of anything that you go through.
(06:15):
I personally understood enough with myself that I have limitations, I have things that
are holding me back when it comes down to boundaries, when it comes down to connecting
with other people on self-accountability.
And I know that those are limitations of myself, the people that are able to be patient with
(06:36):
me and able to take time with me to grow with those things really is important for me because
I have to have patience also with people being patient with me.
That's really something that people don't talk about because you can get on somebody's
nerves so many times and they can really cut you off because that's what they think is
(06:57):
best for themselves.
And you can't just be mad when somebody enforces their own boundaries when you know that it
needs to be only their decision and then they make that decision.
You can't just leech onto people and decide as if it's going to just be either this way
or the other way when it is a two-way street for people to really look at the relationship
(07:21):
of their own.
But let's go on to identity and relationships and how that plays an impact on your life.
So what I have on my notes is examining how unresolved trauma shapes the individual identity
formation and interpersonal dynamics.
And for my people that don't like all the words and the drama and the dances and the
(07:47):
curtsies of what those formality of those words are, playing an impact on any type of
relationship that you have, like we already said, will change how you have dynamics with
strangers, how it will even, how I would even use walking down the street, being on your
phone or if you're going to have your hand or your head held up high, looking at everything,
(08:12):
looking at everyone.
That plays a part with how confident you are in anything that you're doing.
There's going to be things that are going to require you to do, of course, one decision
over the other, but then you have to look at the repeated things that you do that caused
you to say, okay, this person does this all the time because this is what this is.
(08:35):
Now what that specific, I would use the word that specific issue or that specific behavior
that you do, how can you better identify to see if it's positive or negative or if it's
in the middle?
Because there are also behaviors that you created by yourself or that came from other
people that are neutral.
(08:57):
And sometimes those things either can be positive or negative, but you have to focus on what
things are currently negative that are hindering you and then what things are positive with
your understanding of yourself and your dynamics with yourself and how that plays a part.
Understanding how coping mechanisms, including avoidance and repetition, are traumatic experiences
(09:21):
of their own.
So if you are a person that deals with not understanding or being able to go and approach
an issue at hand in front of you, or like they said, using avoidance or repetition,
you really have to look at where are you?
(09:43):
Where are you emotionally?
Where do you decide to care about any type of issue at hand?
And where do you want to go when it comes down to the traumatic experiences that you
have to deal with?
I think the best part about exploring about those wounds and about the avoidance will
create a form of you looking at how can I go past this point?
(10:08):
How can I cope past the identity?
And how can I go past the coping mechanisms?
We all use forms of different things to cope.
Like I know people that use any types of substance.
I know people that use social media.
I know people that use many different forms of coping.
And we use so many things that are popularized.
(10:31):
Like people have sports betting addictions.
Those are coping mechanisms to any type of stressors in people's lives or any type of
other thing that I just of course don't judge people for.
But these things are coping mechanisms and they are going to be hurtful towards you in
the long run when you're not being able to identify the coping and how you're coping
(10:56):
with the said issue.
Because who knows?
That coping mechanism can take so much things out of you.
Meaning financially, emotionally, physically, sexually, all these things.
Like we cope in so many different ways as people.
So question to yourself, how can I incorporate looking at my coping mechanisms and then seeing
(11:20):
why I'm coping this way with this issue?
And then after you see the issue, where did that issue come from?
Who told you that this was something that you were?
Who told you that this is who you have to be?
Who told you that you have to decide on this coping mechanism when you're dealing with
(11:41):
this issue?
Those are really important.
Now I was kind of hovering over the avoidance and the repetition and the traumatic experiences
earlier because I was really not sure about how I can really be direct with it.
But now I took some time and thinking about it now.
(12:02):
And avoidance when you are using that as a form of coping with an issue is of course
something that is not going to be productive or healthy.
I've been a person to avoid an issue.
I've been a person to create the repetition like they're saying.
But avoidance is not permanent.
(12:24):
Avoidance creates more resistance towards something that you have to address and be
mature about.
People have trauma with addressing things because people that they were raised by had
not mature reactions.
And it caused them to not be able to understand how to properly address anything to anyone.
(12:47):
Like I was saying, anything that you do day to day plays a part with how you talk to everyone
in your life.
So if you're using forms of avoidance as a progressive thing for you to up through the
circles of life, there's going to be a point where I don't know what type of spiritual
system that you use, but it's going to make you look at yourself to see why this is happening
(13:13):
to you.
And avoidance is something that is really heavy because it kind of plays a form of shame
and guilt and even forms of hatred because you're trying to avoid the feeling of what
you were not getting, if that makes sense.
You're trying to avoid the reaction.
(13:34):
You're trying to avoid the thing that is seen as negative because the situation at hand
that you dealt with was negative.
And then now the repetition of traumatic experiences.
I am a girlie that is very sensitive and repetition of traumatic experiences is something that
(13:54):
I struggle with personally because of the fact that I deal with these things that are
emotionally hard and I don't know how to pick myself back up because I did not have the
proper systems of somebody telling me, hey, this thing can hurt you, but it is not all
of who you are.
(14:15):
And yes, you can get those encouraging statements, but you have to have a belief system to know
that moving on past those traumatic experiences that constantly hit you and hit you and hit
you are going to be what makes you a person of character and not just to be that person
that just slides over and makes it say that you have to have characterism and grit and
(14:40):
go through pain to become the person that you are.
But every time that I have gotten up out of a slump or out of something that has honestly
changed me, broken me, made me sad, slip into a depression, it has truly made me understand
why I had to go through that wound, why I had to go through that form of pain.
(15:04):
Now for segment three, this is my personal favorite because you guys know I love healing,
but healing collective wounds and how trauma and informed approaches and therapy are so
important.
I recently just got into therapy.
I love my girl Karen.
Shout out to Karen.
If you're hearing this, Karen, you did your big one.
(15:31):
I love you so much, Karen.
And I really, oh my gosh, I'm getting excited, but I really love how therapy this second
time around really became such an informative thing for me.
It helped me open up about how honest I was with myself and how serious I had to be with
(15:53):
certain things that I was having in my life.
Now let's just be real.
Not everybody can afford therapy.
Therapy is going to be something that is going to be limited.
Community is something that I usually say is my second hand when it comes down to offering
help or asking for help for people.
(16:16):
But I always lastly say that journaling and then also reaching out to the other people
in your life that you know have a great year with you.
And if they're not looking out for you in the way that you know that your needs are
not being met, you have to question where does that come from and why are my needs not
(16:37):
being met in something that I knew I'm playing a part in.
You're a friend and it takes two to tango with friendships, relationships, partnerships,
family relationships.
So question why does that play a part if this person is not benefiting you in the way.
But going to the trauma informed approaches, therapy there are of course different types
(17:03):
of therapy, different types of coaching and different types of pathways that anybody can
go to that can truly help healing.
I even use, I'm about to start using with my friend forms of community service and how
my acts of service and giving to people is going to be healed through that collective
(17:24):
wound because I have a form of trauma that causes me to feel like I'm not doing enough
physically right.
But that comes from my honestly the lineage of my family, my bloodline, but then also
that comes from the belief system that all of us had that comes from all of us being
(17:47):
these certain types of ways and these certain types of belief systems.
We all come from a seed of our families.
We have to look into how much that plays a part with us.
Most of the people that are listening to this podcast know that they're going to be breaking
cycles through trauma, awareness in education and also resilience building.
(18:09):
Being able to understand that is something that I applaud you for and I say so much that
I'm so, so proud of you.
You don't just do the form of working through your trauma through just listening to podcasts.
You look in the mirror, you educate yourself every day and you tell your friends how much
(18:31):
you learned about this or this or this and it takes time and takes tears and most of
the time it even takes pain and I'm so sorry that you endured those things.
But I also know that I'm also saying congratulations of how much that you have endured and gone
through and how much you are going to make it through this season.
(18:52):
But I want you to recognize how much it plays for you trauma on all parts of your life.
And lastly, I do want to say that family is always going to be a part of you.
Yes, to my queer folks and also to any other person that is in a family orientation where
(19:15):
you can be easily exiled or you can be easily removed from things.
I know for a fact that people like to say that they won't be able to access their families
the same and I completely agree.
But when it comes down to the seat of where you're coming from, that's where you're starting
and that's where you build everything or you don't build it all.
(19:39):
But after those firsts, I would just say after high school and those graduations, that's
when I think people are actually able to get the form of walking towards their forms of
healing and walking towards their form of understanding where they're supposed to be.
The last segment on the last bullet point for the course the healing collective wounds
(20:01):
is empowering individuals and families to break cycles of trauma through awareness,
education and resilience building.
So this is where it gets kind of hesitant and a little bit of questionable because we
have elders, we have older parents, we have people that even raised us that don't have
to be our parents that hold limitation towards looking at the self-awareness that they have
(20:24):
to to break the cycle of how trauma still continues to play a part.
Deflection plays a part of trauma.
Denial plays a part of trauma.
Even what we were talking about earlier, avoidance are characteristics of what our parents can
do to prevent looking at something that is painful for them because again, these people
are human too.
(20:46):
They have to look at what it means to be aware towards something that they might see as a
negative thing and be educated in and have the wall come down.
When you really look at how collective wounds play in families and how everyone can have
the same type of trauma but it's going to be expressed differently, that's when things
(21:11):
of course play very weird and also they play differently for every single person because
they go through different generations of growing up and also how they even look at the issue
at hand.
A lot of people don't even think that they're dealing with issues when they just say, I
am the way that I am dismissing how they can even look at change.
(21:34):
That's just one example that I always have heard.
As much as I love this specific family member that I'm talking about, I love them so much.
There's times where I think this person really struggles with looking at awareness in understanding
who they are and in understanding of how much they hurt when they do things that are extremely
(21:56):
selfish even when they're thinking of being helpful.
Overall, and at the end of the day, somebody has to be aware enough to point that issue
out.
Of course, I know that the people that are deflecting in denial can immediately dismiss
(22:16):
because they think that authority gives them the representation to not listen to what you
are.
That's not true because at the end of the day, you're breaking the cycles.
Regardless if you're going to therapy and talking about it to a friend or even addressing
the issue to the said person that is the issue, there are forms of what you are breaking in
(22:42):
your cycles of trauma in those exact moments.
You have to give yourself a round of applause because it's not easy to tell people or to
even address or to even hold any type of recognition towards something that is that hard.
Honestly, wounds and trauma and anything around this said topic is going to be difficult even
(23:10):
to collect yourself with.
Take steps, take understanding, take love.
Have so much love for yourself.
It is not easy to be the person that you are and to understand where you're at.
There are things that are going to hit you or things that you already have in your life
(23:30):
that are part of your everyday life that you want to remove and you don't know why.
Look at why it is in your life in the first place and then play a part on understanding
why it plays a part.
I want to thank everyone so much for tuning into my podcast today and of course for intergenerational
trauma and unraveling what that family legacy plays for you.
(23:55):
If you have any questions about how much that plays a part for your life or about how it
plays a part for my life and how I've reacted to it, absolutely ask questions in the Q&A
message below for my Spotify users.
For my YouTube users, go ahead and comment at the end of the video and tell me your favorite
part of this episode.
(24:17):
If you would like to subscribe, of course, I would love for that to happen.
And you can of course reach me through Instagram for any type of updates and that's going to
be Behavioral Blueprint Pod, P-O-D.
And last but not least, I know that you guys were questioning about the hiatus.
(24:37):
I really wanted to address this separately because of the fact that it was a really long
hiatus.
I didn't expect to be gone for an entire month for all of what I was doing, but initially
I was going to, honestly, I was going to completely avoid everything that I went through and all
(24:59):
the things that happened in the consecutive of four weeks.
And it was honestly a life changing experience.
So I went through a mental breakdown and it was kind of scary because I didn't understand
what it meant to go through the breakdown and then get help.
(25:24):
My family friend and my dad's girlfriend, she saw these signs of how I was truly deteriorating
and I had a mental breakdown and I needed help and she offered her hand and I took her
hand and help and it changed my life because now I'm able to talk about, of course, the
(25:47):
said things that I've been having as my topics, but now I'm also being able to look into a
whole new field of understanding what medication does for patients and how I play a part with
medication and if that's a more and bigger option for me.
And now I have a therapist and now I'm using that as a funnel way of finding the things
(26:11):
that I'm coping with.
Now don't get me wrong, I am a gardener.
I love to garden, you know what I'm saying, but I also know that my other coping mechanisms
are becoming more healthier.
And I didn't think that I could do a podcast and tell people to encourage living on their
(26:33):
own and doing these things and going through mental health things and going through all
these different situations at hand when I couldn't hold my ground myself.
And I really want to make a message to all my friends out there that helped me throughout
the process of dealing with what I was dealing with.
Thank you to see, I love you so much.
Thank you for being my friend and educating me through all the steps that I needed help
(26:57):
with.
Thank you, Kylie.
Isu's beautiful, beautiful girlfriend that has honestly been such a big part of how I
was even coming back out into my hiatus and even looking at what I should do and how I
should talk to people and what I should say.
She told me that she was listening to my podcast one day and I was always critiquing it, like
(27:17):
as if it was something wrong with the audio or something wrong with what I said and a
mistake that I said, it doesn't matter anymore.
And at the end of the day, this person is enjoying what I have and it's raw and it's
real.
And that's what makes it kind of even better than any other person or any other form of
art that anybody could give me or that they could create.
(27:40):
And that further led me to rebrand and further led me to make the best thing that I honestly
think I've ever made.
And it's going to be for sure this episode and this podcast.
But with the hiatus, I further learned that there's so much more to life than failure.
(28:03):
I think the identity that I had and the trauma wound that we of course were just talking
about was that I wasn't able to address how much failure was weighing in on things that
I was in denial over.
The thing that even caused me to have moments of the mental crash that I had was coming
(28:23):
from a situation of questioning if I was enough for it and slash or if the thing that I've
had quote unquote as failure was going to be forever failure.
That's not going to always happen.
Like things fail because they fail.
And it was something that I really had to look at.
(28:46):
I think this Mercury retrograde that happened this month for the month of Aries, y'all are
very strong as people.
And I really think that it's serious to talk about the failures that you go through because
again, you don't know what's going to hit you back up whenever you have that moment
(29:06):
of after failure.
I had a very difficult two weeks after February and then I started to get better because I
started to take care of myself with the coping mechanisms options.
I used to always do substances, but it's not fair to myself to do substances when in reality
(29:28):
I have to grow and become the person that I have to be.
I think I'm just rambling at this point, but I also appreciate you guys for listening and
thank you so, so much.
Thank you for joining us on this insightful journey through the depths of our intergenerational
trauma podcast episode and for family family legacies.
(29:50):
We hope for today's podcast has provided you with valued insights and perspectives.
Remember, healing is possible and you're not alone on your journey.
Whether this is navigating through your own experiences of trauma or seeking to support
others in their healing process.
Know that there are resources and communities available offer to support your guidance and
(30:13):
of course help.
If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe to the behavioral blueprint podcast
for more thought provoking discussions on topics about mental health, progress, progress,
progress, and growth and societal issues.
Until next time, please take care of yourselves and each other and remember together we can
create a brighter, more compassionate world.
(30:34):
Thank you and I love you.
Welcome to the Behavioral Blueprint podcast that explores a fascinating world of behavioral
(00:08):
choices and their impact on everyday decisions.
I'm your host and guest Solana and I'm going to be the one guiding you on this journey
of discovery.
In this episode and every episode we'll dive into the intricacies of human behavior and
covering the underlying factors that drive our choices and shape our lives.
(00:29):
From cognitive basis to social influences we'll explore the science behind decision
making and examine how our behaviors play out in various contexts.
Whether you're curious about why we procrastinate or how we form certain habits or even the
psychology behind consumer choices, this podcast is going to be your go-to source for insightful
(00:49):
discussions and impractical insights.
So sit back, relax, drive or get ready to clean your room or do whatever you like and
expand your understanding on how you create your everyday choices and I hope that we can
embark on this beautiful exploration together.
Thank you.
Hi everyone, thank you so much for joining the Behavioral Blueprint podcast.
(01:13):
This episode is going to be focusing on unraveling family legacies and understanding the integrational
trauma that your life plays a part in and I'm very excited to finally be back after
my small hiatus.
I know that everybody really had questions with that and of course I'll be able to answer
(01:36):
any and all of your questions at the end towards what my hiatus was for, how much it helped
me and how much I even understood about stepping back when it came down to helping myself and
doing what I had to do for growth and even unexpected growth as well.
(01:58):
But going back to our point, we're going to uncover the profound impact of how your family
legacies of course play a part with who you are today.
I'm your host Solana and I'm going to be enlightening you on how this is so complex for every single
person on the map.
First thing that we have to cover is tracing the root of our trauma.
(02:22):
How we can understand how historical events, wars, colonization, and everything else that
are still playing a part to this day impact every single person.
Transmission of the trauma and how it transports to other people if somebody's not taking care
of it.
Attachment styles, family narratives, behaviors, all of that.
(02:44):
Impact on identity and relationships and how that plays a part and shapes other people
with how they interact with you.
Patterns and coping mechanisms and how delving into coping mechanisms adopted by other people
like your parents, your friends, your partners and how that can create traumatic experiences
as well or experiences because who knows, you know.
(03:09):
Healing collective wounds and how sometimes you can't heal other people's wounds that
aren't looking to be healed.
Empowering the resilience of the changes that trauma helps you go through.
Discussing the strategies of how to break the cycles and how to break the trauma through
the awareness and education and resilience building.
(03:30):
And I also think that this insightful conversation will give us some type of light with challenges
that we've dealt with over time and then also what we haven't been able to look forward
or even admit to ourselves.
I hope that this episode is going to be able to open a journey and a door for every person
that is listening and make sure to enjoy, subscribe, and give my podcast a five star
(03:57):
rating.
So, as a queer Black person, I really think that the best way that I can even go with
telling other people about historical events with war, with colonization, with slavery
and the history of slavery and how it still plays a part with my life, it's not easy to
just casually bring up how I have a ancestral line that has been through trauma and how
(04:23):
we don't really can talk about it to people in a regular everyday conversation.
That still plays a mask and plays a part with how people go within themselves and even talk
to themselves with other people, how they even look at themselves when they go home,
how they even cope with any type of stress and endurance of any type of problem in their
(04:45):
life.
People most of the time, not just to put any type of diagnosis on people, but sometimes
people deal with issues enough to not know how to create a form of, I would use the word,
(05:06):
understanding what would be best for looking at how to answer the problem that they're
having.
That people can cope with not understanding enough of themselves and that can create a
limitation with even reaching out to other people.
I struggle personally with opening up about any issues that I personally have with others
(05:29):
or with myself and I don't ask for help.
That comes from trauma, that comes from my history of my ancestors, even with them and
my grandmother and how I can see her deal with the same issue and knowing that I was
raised by her.
But we accept these things, we accept why and we know that we get them from certain
(05:52):
parts of this bloodline or this bloodline, but we don't really go on understanding the
identity of the trauma and also how that plays an impact in our relationships.
Understanding how family narratives, behaviors, beliefs, and attachment styles with your family
plays a part with any and all of anything that you go through.
(06:15):
I personally understood enough with myself that I have limitations, I have things that
are holding me back when it comes down to boundaries, when it comes down to connecting
with other people on self-accountability.
And I know that those are limitations of myself, the people that are able to be patient with
(06:36):
me and able to take time with me to grow with those things really is important for me because
I have to have patience also with people being patient with me.
That's really something that people don't talk about because you can get on somebody's
nerves so many times and they can really cut you off because that's what they think is
(06:57):
best for themselves.
And you can't just be mad when somebody enforces their own boundaries when you know that it
needs to be only their decision and then they make that decision.
You can't just leech onto people and decide as if it's going to just be either this way
or the other way when it is a two-way street for people to really look at the relationship
(07:21):
of their own.
But let's go on to identity and relationships and how that plays an impact on your life.
So what I have on my notes is examining how unresolved trauma shapes the individual identity
formation and interpersonal dynamics.
And for my people that don't like all the words and the drama and the dances and the
(07:47):
curtsies of what those formality of those words are, playing an impact on any type of
relationship that you have, like we already said, will change how you have dynamics with
strangers, how it will even, how I would even use walking down the street, being on your
phone or if you're going to have your hand or your head held up high, looking at everything,
(08:12):
looking at everyone.
That plays a part with how confident you are in anything that you're doing.
There's going to be things that are going to require you to do, of course, one decision
over the other, but then you have to look at the repeated things that you do that caused
you to say, okay, this person does this all the time because this is what this is.
(08:35):
Now what that specific, I would use the word that specific issue or that specific behavior
that you do, how can you better identify to see if it's positive or negative or if it's
in the middle?
Because there are also behaviors that you created by yourself or that came from other
people that are neutral.
(08:57):
And sometimes those things either can be positive or negative, but you have to focus on what
things are currently negative that are hindering you and then what things are positive with
your understanding of yourself and your dynamics with yourself and how that plays a part.
Understanding how coping mechanisms, including avoidance and repetition, are traumatic experiences
(09:21):
of their own.
So if you are a person that deals with not understanding or being able to go and approach
an issue at hand in front of you, or like they said, using avoidance or repetition,
you really have to look at where are you?
(09:43):
Where are you emotionally?
Where do you decide to care about any type of issue at hand?
And where do you want to go when it comes down to the traumatic experiences that you
have to deal with?
I think the best part about exploring about those wounds and about the avoidance will
create a form of you looking at how can I go past this point?
(10:08):
How can I cope past the identity?
And how can I go past the coping mechanisms?
We all use forms of different things to cope.
Like I know people that use any types of substance.
I know people that use social media.
I know people that use many different forms of coping.
And we use so many things that are popularized.
(10:31):
Like people have sports betting addictions.
Those are coping mechanisms to any type of stressors in people's lives or any type of
other thing that I just of course don't judge people for.
But these things are coping mechanisms and they are going to be hurtful towards you in
the long run when you're not being able to identify the coping and how you're coping
(10:56):
with the said issue.
Because who knows?
That coping mechanism can take so much things out of you.
Meaning financially, emotionally, physically, sexually, all these things.
Like we cope in so many different ways as people.
So question to yourself, how can I incorporate looking at my coping mechanisms and then seeing
(11:20):
why I'm coping this way with this issue?
And then after you see the issue, where did that issue come from?
Who told you that this was something that you were?
Who told you that this is who you have to be?
Who told you that you have to decide on this coping mechanism when you're dealing with
(11:41):
this issue?
Those are really important.
Now I was kind of hovering over the avoidance and the repetition and the traumatic experiences
earlier because I was really not sure about how I can really be direct with it.
But now I took some time and thinking about it now.
(12:02):
And avoidance when you are using that as a form of coping with an issue is of course
something that is not going to be productive or healthy.
I've been a person to avoid an issue.
I've been a person to create the repetition like they're saying.
But avoidance is not permanent.
(12:24):
Avoidance creates more resistance towards something that you have to address and be
mature about.
People have trauma with addressing things because people that they were raised by had
not mature reactions.
And it caused them to not be able to understand how to properly address anything to anyone.
(12:47):
Like I was saying, anything that you do day to day plays a part with how you talk to everyone
in your life.
So if you're using forms of avoidance as a progressive thing for you to up through the
circles of life, there's going to be a point where I don't know what type of spiritual
system that you use, but it's going to make you look at yourself to see why this is happening
(13:13):
to you.
And avoidance is something that is really heavy because it kind of plays a form of shame
and guilt and even forms of hatred because you're trying to avoid the feeling of what
you were not getting, if that makes sense.
You're trying to avoid the reaction.
(13:34):
You're trying to avoid the thing that is seen as negative because the situation at hand
that you dealt with was negative.
And then now the repetition of traumatic experiences.
I am a girlie that is very sensitive and repetition of traumatic experiences is something that
(13:54):
I struggle with personally because of the fact that I deal with these things that are
emotionally hard and I don't know how to pick myself back up because I did not have the
proper systems of somebody telling me, hey, this thing can hurt you, but it is not all
of who you are.
(14:15):
And yes, you can get those encouraging statements, but you have to have a belief system to know
that moving on past those traumatic experiences that constantly hit you and hit you and hit
you are going to be what makes you a person of character and not just to be that person
that just slides over and makes it say that you have to have characterism and grit and
(14:40):
go through pain to become the person that you are.
But every time that I have gotten up out of a slump or out of something that has honestly
changed me, broken me, made me sad, slip into a depression, it has truly made me understand
why I had to go through that wound, why I had to go through that form of pain.
(15:04):
Now for segment three, this is my personal favorite because you guys know I love healing,
but healing collective wounds and how trauma and informed approaches and therapy are so
important.
I recently just got into therapy.
I love my girl Karen.
Shout out to Karen.
If you're hearing this, Karen, you did your big one.
(15:31):
I love you so much, Karen.
And I really, oh my gosh, I'm getting excited, but I really love how therapy this second
time around really became such an informative thing for me.
It helped me open up about how honest I was with myself and how serious I had to be with
(15:53):
certain things that I was having in my life.
Now let's just be real.
Not everybody can afford therapy.
Therapy is going to be something that is going to be limited.
Community is something that I usually say is my second hand when it comes down to offering
help or asking for help for people.
(16:16):
But I always lastly say that journaling and then also reaching out to the other people
in your life that you know have a great year with you.
And if they're not looking out for you in the way that you know that your needs are
not being met, you have to question where does that come from and why are my needs not
(16:37):
being met in something that I knew I'm playing a part in.
You're a friend and it takes two to tango with friendships, relationships, partnerships,
family relationships.
So question why does that play a part if this person is not benefiting you in the way.
But going to the trauma informed approaches, therapy there are of course different types
(17:03):
of therapy, different types of coaching and different types of pathways that anybody can
go to that can truly help healing.
I even use, I'm about to start using with my friend forms of community service and how
my acts of service and giving to people is going to be healed through that collective
(17:24):
wound because I have a form of trauma that causes me to feel like I'm not doing enough
physically right.
But that comes from my honestly the lineage of my family, my bloodline, but then also
that comes from the belief system that all of us had that comes from all of us being
(17:47):
these certain types of ways and these certain types of belief systems.
We all come from a seed of our families.
We have to look into how much that plays a part with us.
Most of the people that are listening to this podcast know that they're going to be breaking
cycles through trauma, awareness in education and also resilience building.
(18:09):
Being able to understand that is something that I applaud you for and I say so much that
I'm so, so proud of you.
You don't just do the form of working through your trauma through just listening to podcasts.
You look in the mirror, you educate yourself every day and you tell your friends how much
(18:31):
you learned about this or this or this and it takes time and takes tears and most of
the time it even takes pain and I'm so sorry that you endured those things.
But I also know that I'm also saying congratulations of how much that you have endured and gone
through and how much you are going to make it through this season.
(18:52):
But I want you to recognize how much it plays for you trauma on all parts of your life.
And lastly, I do want to say that family is always going to be a part of you.
Yes, to my queer folks and also to any other person that is in a family orientation where
(19:15):
you can be easily exiled or you can be easily removed from things.
I know for a fact that people like to say that they won't be able to access their families
the same and I completely agree.
But when it comes down to the seat of where you're coming from, that's where you're starting
and that's where you build everything or you don't build it all.
(19:39):
But after those firsts, I would just say after high school and those graduations, that's
when I think people are actually able to get the form of walking towards their forms of
healing and walking towards their form of understanding where they're supposed to be.
The last segment on the last bullet point for the course the healing collective wounds
(20:01):
is empowering individuals and families to break cycles of trauma through awareness,
education and resilience building.
So this is where it gets kind of hesitant and a little bit of questionable because we
have elders, we have older parents, we have people that even raised us that don't have
to be our parents that hold limitation towards looking at the self-awareness that they have
(20:24):
to to break the cycle of how trauma still continues to play a part.
Deflection plays a part of trauma.
Denial plays a part of trauma.
Even what we were talking about earlier, avoidance are characteristics of what our parents can
do to prevent looking at something that is painful for them because again, these people
are human too.
(20:46):
They have to look at what it means to be aware towards something that they might see as a
negative thing and be educated in and have the wall come down.
When you really look at how collective wounds play in families and how everyone can have
the same type of trauma but it's going to be expressed differently, that's when things
(21:11):
of course play very weird and also they play differently for every single person because
they go through different generations of growing up and also how they even look at the issue
at hand.
A lot of people don't even think that they're dealing with issues when they just say, I
am the way that I am dismissing how they can even look at change.
(21:34):
That's just one example that I always have heard.
As much as I love this specific family member that I'm talking about, I love them so much.
There's times where I think this person really struggles with looking at awareness in understanding
who they are and in understanding of how much they hurt when they do things that are extremely
(21:56):
selfish even when they're thinking of being helpful.
Overall, and at the end of the day, somebody has to be aware enough to point that issue
out.
Of course, I know that the people that are deflecting in denial can immediately dismiss
(22:16):
because they think that authority gives them the representation to not listen to what you
are.
That's not true because at the end of the day, you're breaking the cycles.
Regardless if you're going to therapy and talking about it to a friend or even addressing
the issue to the said person that is the issue, there are forms of what you are breaking in
(22:42):
your cycles of trauma in those exact moments.
You have to give yourself a round of applause because it's not easy to tell people or to
even address or to even hold any type of recognition towards something that is that hard.
Honestly, wounds and trauma and anything around this said topic is going to be difficult even
(23:10):
to collect yourself with.
Take steps, take understanding, take love.
Have so much love for yourself.
It is not easy to be the person that you are and to understand where you're at.
There are things that are going to hit you or things that you already have in your life
(23:30):
that are part of your everyday life that you want to remove and you don't know why.
Look at why it is in your life in the first place and then play a part on understanding
why it plays a part.
I want to thank everyone so much for tuning into my podcast today and of course for intergenerational
trauma and unraveling what that family legacy plays for you.
(23:55):
If you have any questions about how much that plays a part for your life or about how it
plays a part for my life and how I've reacted to it, absolutely ask questions in the Q&A
message below for my Spotify users.
For my YouTube users, go ahead and comment at the end of the video and tell me your favorite
part of this episode.
(24:17):
If you would like to subscribe, of course, I would love for that to happen.
And you can of course reach me through Instagram for any type of updates and that's going to
be Behavioral Blueprint Pod, P-O-D.
And last but not least, I know that you guys were questioning about the hiatus.
(24:37):
I really wanted to address this separately because of the fact that it was a really long
hiatus.
I didn't expect to be gone for an entire month for all of what I was doing, but initially
I was going to, honestly, I was going to completely avoid everything that I went through and all
(24:59):
the things that happened in the consecutive of four weeks.
And it was honestly a life changing experience.
So I went through a mental breakdown and it was kind of scary because I didn't understand
what it meant to go through the breakdown and then get help.
(25:24):
My family friend and my dad's girlfriend, she saw these signs of how I was truly deteriorating
and I had a mental breakdown and I needed help and she offered her hand and I took her
hand and help and it changed my life because now I'm able to talk about, of course, the
(25:47):
said things that I've been having as my topics, but now I'm also being able to look into a
whole new field of understanding what medication does for patients and how I play a part with
medication and if that's a more and bigger option for me.
And now I have a therapist and now I'm using that as a funnel way of finding the things
(26:11):
that I'm coping with.
Now don't get me wrong, I am a gardener.
I love to garden, you know what I'm saying, but I also know that my other coping mechanisms
are becoming more healthier.
And I didn't think that I could do a podcast and tell people to encourage living on their
(26:33):
own and doing these things and going through mental health things and going through all
these different situations at hand when I couldn't hold my ground myself.
And I really want to make a message to all my friends out there that helped me throughout
the process of dealing with what I was dealing with.
Thank you to see, I love you so much.
Thank you for being my friend and educating me through all the steps that I needed help
(26:57):
with.
Thank you, Kylie.
Isu's beautiful, beautiful girlfriend that has honestly been such a big part of how I
was even coming back out into my hiatus and even looking at what I should do and how I
should talk to people and what I should say.
She told me that she was listening to my podcast one day and I was always critiquing it, like
(27:17):
as if it was something wrong with the audio or something wrong with what I said and a
mistake that I said, it doesn't matter anymore.
And at the end of the day, this person is enjoying what I have and it's raw and it's
real.
And that's what makes it kind of even better than any other person or any other form of
art that anybody could give me or that they could create.
(27:40):
And that further led me to rebrand and further led me to make the best thing that I honestly
think I've ever made.
And it's going to be for sure this episode and this podcast.
But with the hiatus, I further learned that there's so much more to life than failure.
(28:03):
I think the identity that I had and the trauma wound that we of course were just talking
about was that I wasn't able to address how much failure was weighing in on things that
I was in denial over.
The thing that even caused me to have moments of the mental crash that I had was coming
(28:23):
from a situation of questioning if I was enough for it and slash or if the thing that I've
had quote unquote as failure was going to be forever failure.
That's not going to always happen.
Like things fail because they fail.
And it was something that I really had to look at.
(28:46):
I think this Mercury retrograde that happened this month for the month of Aries, y'all are
very strong as people.
And I really think that it's serious to talk about the failures that you go through because
again, you don't know what's going to hit you back up whenever you have that moment
(29:06):
of after failure.
I had a very difficult two weeks after February and then I started to get better because I
started to take care of myself with the coping mechanisms options.
I used to always do substances, but it's not fair to myself to do substances when in reality
(29:28):
I have to grow and become the person that I have to be.
I think I'm just rambling at this point, but I also appreciate you guys for listening and
thank you so, so much.
Thank you for joining us on this insightful journey through the depths of our intergenerational
trauma podcast episode and for family family legacies.
(29:50):
We hope for today's podcast has provided you with valued insights and perspectives.
Remember, healing is possible and you're not alone on your journey.
Whether this is navigating through your own experiences of trauma or seeking to support
others in their healing process.
Know that there are resources and communities available offer to support your guidance and
(30:13):
of course help.
If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe to the behavioral blueprint podcast
for more thought provoking discussions on topics about mental health, progress, progress,
progress, and growth and societal issues.
Until next time, please take care of yourselves and each other and remember together we can
create a brighter, more compassionate world.
(30:34):
Thank you and I love you.
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