September 16, 2024 • 24 mins
.In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
- The Nature of Delusion in Modern Life: We discuss how comparing ourselves to others, particularly on social media, creates a distorted self-image and leads to feelings of inadequacy.
- The Rise of Social Media and Vicarious Living: Discover how social media platforms exacerbate these feelings by presenting an idealized version of reality, and how this can make us feel our own lives are lacking.
- The Psychological Impact of Valuing Others Over Ourselves: Learn about the psychological effects of constantly measuring our worth against others and how it can diminish self-esteem and motivation.
- Strategies to Reclaim Your Self-Worth: Get practical advice on how to shift your focus from others’ perceived successes to recognizing and celebrating your own achievements. We provide actionable steps to help you reconnect with your self-worth and build a healthier self-image.
Key Takeaways:
- Self-Reflection: Understand the impact of comparing yourself to others and recognize the signs of self-undevaluation.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to the Behavioral Boopin' Podcast.
(00:03):
Today we'll be speaking about how you're not really Demure.
You're delusional about your life.
Go ahead and give us a follow on Instagram and YouTube,
and then also do not forget to give us a five star review
on all platforms of your choosing.
I hope that you have a wonderful rest of your day.
(00:23):
This episode, You're Not Demure, You're Delusional,
(00:48):
will explore how constantly measuring your worth against others
leads to undervaluing yourself.
Get ready to uncover the truth between this modern dilemma
and learn how to reclaim your self worth, girlies.
The core issue that we're addressing today
is going to be how valuing others worth over your own
(01:09):
can lead to self undervaluation, self devaluation.
Now, whenever you become a person where you lack more of others
and you lose sense of self, that's not an honest life.
It's not a truthful life and it's not an enjoyable life.
(01:31):
Today I'm going to teach you how letting go of the delusions
of your life truly can guide you to the path of being able to know
and self identify the things that you like and the things
that a random celebrity like that one time
and you just connected with it.
(01:52):
You have to know if it's truly for you
or if it's a one, a parasocial relationship
or if it's a lie to yourself or if it's something
that somebody else just truly tried to teach you
that you just deemed was correct.
You have to know that you have to know your yes or no's.
You have to know whether it's right or wrong
(02:14):
because of your own gut, not because somebody else
guided you towards that answer and you trusted it
enough to stick with it.
We often glorify others while neglecting our own achievements.
How is that fair or right to us when we have a life of our own
and when we have to continue living and breathing
(02:36):
and waking up on our own?
We're going to die on our own.
We're going to pass on our own and go
through a whole other life experience
on a whole different other life form,
you know, like if we have to think about it.
But we just have to know that vicariously living
through others will never ever be the life of living,
(02:58):
not through me and not through anybody else.
Honestly, what made me have a reason to speak about this topic
was because I read a scenario between the Bible
and it was actually about the brotherhood of Abel and Cain
(03:20):
and how Cain continued to hold pain in his heart
no matter what type of accomplishments
that he made for God.
And because his heart was a form of selfishness
and his heart was a form of not being able to live
in his own identity and being able to give
(03:42):
and being able to give offerings enough from the fact
that he just simply wanted a life
that he never really could have.
He wanted to live a life of Abel.
Abel had his crops or I'm sorry, Cain did his crops.
Abel did all of what he had to do when it came down
to the other parts of the home and he did well at it
(04:04):
to the point where whenever Abel offered his form of offerings,
it was not even just compared to a different worth
compared to Cain's, but it was more because of the fact
that Abel knew that was in his heart.
He knew the faith that he had in his heart
was going to be fulfilled enough no matter what.
(04:26):
And Cain wanted to live upon that and he wanted to be that.
He kept running towards a life where he even nursed
sickly people in the form of trying to be selfish
and live up to the brother that he never would have
or the brother and up trying to live upon God too
(04:46):
because he didn't really understand
that all he really needed to do was give faith to God
and give love enough to God.
And that changed his complete perspective
after what he did, what he did.
And he kept comparing himself to his brother
because he wanted to be his brother.
(05:07):
He didn't want to be himself.
He wanted to continue to have something
that his brother had because he knew
that he lacked it within himself.
And God punished him whenever Cain killed his brother Abel.
And that changed the complete perspective
(05:27):
of what the relationship that he had with God
after that.
That was one of my scriptures that I read recently
and it made me really look at, wow,
we still try to live through other people
because we want to be them
and we want to have the gifts of what they have
(05:49):
because we see that they have this thing
but we don't even know the heart that they have behind it.
Because Abel had a heart of faith.
Abel had a heart of true loving God
and Cain never could understand that it was all of that.
After he did that, after he killed his brother,
(06:10):
he truly looked at the life of his and he lied to God
because God asked him, where is Abel?
And he said, I don't know, am I my brother's keeper?
Like he gave God attitude.
I was like, oh my God.
And God said, you lied to me.
You lied to me.
Your brother's blood is seeping through the grounds
(06:34):
of the earth that the mouth of the grounds open.
Some ish like that.
And I'm like, oh my God.
Like Cain is going to be forsaken from the earth.
Next thing you know, God tell him, boom,
you're forsaken from the earth.
You do not need to be here anymore.
(06:55):
I will tell everybody in this world to not put my,
put hands on you, but you will be neglected
and you will not be seen nor cared for.
Dude went and went to some city name with the E,
Eden or something, right?
Or no, Garden of Eden is that, that's where he's from.
But he moved to a different place
(07:16):
and nobody cared about him until seven generations later,
the same thing happened in his bloodline.
And that was so interesting.
So, so, so, so interesting to read,
but that made me kind of have this episode belief
and it made me kind of go into my notes
and it helped me highlight how we undervalue ourself.
(07:41):
We undervalue who we truly are
because we want to live the life of somebody else.
And that will never give you the life that you deserve.
Now for chapter one, the nature of delusion in modern life.
We look at how delusion is usually seen as a funny thing
or it's seen as a joke or it's not seen as something serious
(08:04):
when in reality it is.
We are very much delusional about things
that we need to be serious on.
We can be delusional about politics.
We are delusional about things that make us,
I would say blend, blend in to the things
that are not truly authentic with who we are.
(08:25):
You know, we have to make a decision,
but it's a two way decision.
This way or that way?
Is this the best decision?
Okay, I'm gonna do that because everybody else did that.
You can't just flock when you need to have somebody else
or when you need to, you can't make a decision on your own.
You should take as much time as you need.
(08:47):
Of course, or as much time as you have
and know that it's your life, it's your decision.
And you can't really continue to compare yourself to others
because other people's successes aren't yours.
And that can distort your self perception,
(09:07):
that can distort your self belief, your belief system,
how you care about others, what you believe in
and how you continue to look at yourself.
Is your life that theirs or yours?
And you have to understand these things
because they are the root of the cause.
Undervaluing yourself can undervalue your future,
(09:30):
your moments of growth,
your moments of where you're supposed to be led.
Where is who you believe in and how you believe in
leading you, where are you supposed to go?
How are you supposed to grow?
That's where you can lack
because sometimes seasons are completely seasons.
Some seasons are very short for people
(09:52):
and some other seasons are better for you
because it's meant for you.
You're not meant to go through that experience
or continue to idolize that person
because it's not meant for you anymore.
You're not meant to follow this person anymore
because it doesn't serve you.
That's what we also have to look at.
(10:13):
Does it serve you?
Does it help you?
Or are you just continuing to devalue yourself?
Where are you going with it?
Where are you caring with it?
Are you carrying with it because it's just another thing
or is it because you actually care about it
in your own heart?
Delusions are usually how self-worth
(10:35):
can come from comparing and how it can make you feel
like it's not a realistic form of appraisal
upon your own self-belief system.
You have to understand that believing in yourself
is something that is a form of taking a chance on yourself,
loving yourself, being able to check yourself,
(10:55):
being able to have discernment in your life.
I can't make that decision.
That don't feel right.
Knowing, okay, let me not go over that man's house
because I know how he be acting, you know?
Or it can be a small ass, okay, I'm not gonna eat cheese
today because I know I'm lactose intolerant.
Like you have to know yourself.
(11:17):
And even in the little small stuff about yourself,
those are little qualities that you'll fall in love
with every day.
Okay, let me do this journal prompt that helps me get
to know myself a little bit better.
Okay, my favorite color isn't purple because of me,
it's because of my dad.
You know, like you really go into true depth of who you are
and you're like, whoa, this isn't who I really am.
(11:40):
Social media is my segment too and how the rise
of social media and the vicarious living of social media
distorts who you are today.
And I am so sorry to the Gen Z community
because it makes it very difficult for us to really see,
I would say the beauties of today's world
(12:01):
and how we can lack being present because we think
we need to have presence online.
We can't really look at the real world because sometimes
the real world, it's hard to believe.
There's constant genocides happening, you know,
we have to really consistently look at how the problem
of what we're dealing with today is so much deeper.
(12:25):
And sometimes we can't really acknowledge that.
So we go into the whole cycle of, oh, let me go
on social media to calm myself down.
Next thing you know, you find something relatable.
Next thing you know, you like them more than you thought.
You follow them and you keep updates with them
and you become almost like them.
You take the recommendations and then you realize,
(12:47):
oh, they actually have a lot of things in common with me.
And you believe that you can be them or that they are you.
And that's too far because you are like crafted to the best
form to the point where you're never going to have somebody
like you ever again.
(13:08):
And that's a gift.
And you're a gift every single day.
And you can't truly vicariously live through somebody else
because you think that they have an unrealistic life
that you won't ever have, or they won't be able to
create the life that you thought that you could dream
(13:29):
to have only just dream.
You could have it.
You can become it.
A lot of these people that have these positions of power
or these positions of privilege only got maybe this one
stuck up and they went off and they invested into it.
A lot of chances that people take nowadays are truly coming
(13:50):
from different forms of wealth, but then also because
of different forms of privilege too.
And social media plays a part with that privilege,
but then we also look at how much vicarious living
through the other people can always impact your self-worth.
Identifying how you can focus on others will always
(14:12):
be perceived as making you feel like you're not
worth something or not worth as much.
And that compare game is suffering in its own
and it doesn't help you in the long run ever.
I would recommend whenever you have to take a break
or whenever you have to just delete everything, do it.
(14:33):
Because it's calming, even if it's for a couple hours
or if it's for the entire two, three months,
two, three years, you know, 10 years,
people do stuff like that, you know?
Do it.
And I applaud you for it because it's nothing that is
needing to be, you know, on social media.
(14:53):
We don't need social media the way that we, of course,
state that we do.
When it comes down to education, growth, all that stuff,
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about how being able to understand
what is good for you.
The shade room isn't good for you.
The messy blogs and the baddies and the all da da da da.
(15:17):
They're not good for you.
They're just forms of entertainment, you know?
And don't get me wrong, I'm a baddies girl.
I love my little baddies west, my little baddies Caribbean,
all that because it's entertaining.
But I can't sunk myself into those things
to the point where I completely engulf myself
into their day-to-day living or their lifestyle.
(15:41):
And I'm not dissing it or dashing it
because I don't want to get punched in the mouth
by this teseki because I'm scared, you know?
But respectfully, I believe that engulfing your life
into other people will never make you become the person
that you want to be.
It honestly detaches you from the person
that you actually need to be
(16:03):
because the wants and the needs, they can't blend.
Okay, let's talk about the psychological impact
of valuing others over ourselves.
What do the things that we do to ourselves
due to the cost of our mind?
This leads to lower self-esteem.
This leads to decreased motivation within yourself,
(16:23):
your goals, your achievements, and your career,
your personal life, and every other thing under the sun.
Lacking practice and self-affirming and self-evaluation
and self-love will truly cost your mind.
It will cost your heart.
It will cost your identity.
(16:43):
And the things that are you are your heart and your mind
and where you lead yourself
and where you have goals within yourself.
And if you begin to lose those things, who are you?
And I promise you, no other person deserves to have you
the way that you, I would say, mesh yourself into them.
(17:04):
And the long-term effects of lacking to acknowledge
the problem is a long-term problem.
The long-term effects of not being able to practice
the self-worth that you deserve
can honestly perpetuate the cycle
that you honestly are trying to avoid.
The lifestyle that you're thinking that you need to live
(17:26):
is most likely even requiring the things
that you need to require in your life.
A routine, structure, balance, and needed forms of love.
Again, love is forms of nourishment and reaffirmation
and caring for yourself and pouring into yourself
and knowing the difference between yes and no for yourself.
(17:49):
And now that we've delved into the psychological effects
of comparing ourselves to others
and how social media amplifies these feelings,
now let's discuss the practical strategies
of how shifting your focus back to your own self
and valuing your own achievements and strengths
can change you for the long-term.
Stay tuned and discover actionable steps
(18:10):
to break free from the cycle of self under devaluation.
I always wanna emphasize using strategies
like setting your personal goals for yourself for the month,
setting your personal goals for the week,
setting your personal goals for the day,
where it can create the things that you, of course,
need to remind yourself to do,
(18:31):
but it keeps you hindered in staying present
regarding the responsibilities,
regarding the things that you need,
regarding the things you have to take care of,
because who you are and what you do in the long term
takes care of you.
And setting a routine, setting boundaries within yes and nos
and being able to regularly practice a self-appreciation
(18:53):
will be able to help you recognize the achievements
that you wanna have,
because those personal goals that you have
come from doing, yes, the work that you need
to be done with it,
but they also come from the routine behind it.
The routine and the discipline, of course,
creates effective strategies to help you grow
to the personal self that you need to be.
(19:14):
And another thing, shifting your focus
from your person that you're idolizing
or the person that you are trying to, I would say,
create something that's not there
will not help you in the long run,
but again, let me rephrase,
going and re-shifting your focus
(19:35):
from the other person to yourself requires dedication,
it requires honesty,
and it requires you to let go of the expectation
that you have to be something that you're not,
because that person's experience
is just another experience.
It's not the life that you're going to live,
honestly speaking,
(19:56):
the life that you're going to live is authentically yours.
And yes, you might have the most aesthetic things
in the home and this and that and that,
of course, if you put the work into it,
but you're never going to truly live the true experience
of what that person was because it's their own experience.
(20:17):
And they are, of course, able to just post it
or they're able to, of course, live it,
but they also are human too.
They're not just one example of a 15-second TikTok.
These people go through all of the delays that we do too.
And now that we're in Q4,
I want to just make a call to action to everyone
(20:39):
to just check off not only the things that you have
for this year and the rest of this year,
but create a journey for yourself
where you can change yourself in six months
or try to create a step-by-step mission for yourself
month to month to take care of yourself.
For this month, it can be physical.
For this month, it can be emotional.
(21:00):
For this month, it can be mental.
And so forth, because in the long-term,
you'll be able to create the identity that you need to have,
but then also deserve to have
because the person that you're running for
is honestly yourself and it has to be yourself every time,
not another person's life.
(21:20):
Now, lastly, how to set time for yourself
and being able to, I would say,
practice checking your calendar
and practice being able to get excited about your calendar.
The routine that I know I've implemented within myself
is so structured to the point where
(21:41):
I don't have to really worry about it.
I just have to look at it and really be like,
okay, I do this at seven, I do this at four,
I do this at nine.
And it's easier for me because I know that these things
that I have to carry are needed of me.
I can't lack within these things.
I can't be behind on these things.
So the more that you push that,
(22:04):
the more that you create that,
the more you'll be able to have yourself more
within yourself.
I wanna just say thank you for listening
to the Behavioral Blueprint podcast with me today.
Just to reiterate the same points that are important
for us today in our conversation,
we're knowing that your identity isn't somebody else's life
(22:25):
and it's not needed to be what other people have lived,
just so you can say that you've lived it yourself.
You are your own person, you are your own life,
and you are your own truth.
Another thing I do wanna reiterate is how social media
can distort your reality and how you have to come back down
(22:46):
within yourself and be able to be present
to truly change your life the long-term way.
And then also the psychological impact
of how your mind can truly attack your own body
and how you care about things and what you truly give for
and what you truly love for.
And long-term that can deteriorate you and break you.
(23:09):
And because I've honestly wanted to teach you
through this episode, I've given you instructions
on how to apply yourself into a better setting
and you deserve to set your own future
and you deserve to set your own life.
And you'll be able to do that truly through the achievements
of creating your routine and truly creating your life
(23:32):
and creating a form where your energy is so amplified
that it attracts the people that you actually need
that can pour into you, where you know your identity enough
to know that this person is an extension of you.
It's not truly who a need is,
it's truly a, I love this person,
(23:52):
they're my friend and I'm glad that they're in my life.
I wanna thank you for listening
to the Behavioral Blueprint Podcast.
Go ahead and subscribe now
if you are on our video for YouTube.
And if you are on our audio section for our podcast episodes,
I would love for you to give us a five-star rating
on any platform that you listen to us on.
(24:14):
I give you, or I would recommend you guys give us a share
and give this to any of your friends
that are looking to help themselves
with how they truly are.
And again, I always am going to say,
you're not demure, you're delusional.
It's another day to love yourself.
And I love the fact
(24:35):
that you're taking care of yourself today.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Bye, I hope you have a wonderful day.
And I'll see you in the next one.
Welcome back to the Behavioral Boopin' Podcast.
(00:03):
Today we'll be speaking about how you're not really Demure.
You're delusional about your life.
Go ahead and give us a follow on Instagram and YouTube,
and then also do not forget to give us a five star review
on all platforms of your choosing.
I hope that you have a wonderful rest of your day.
(00:23):
This episode, You're Not Demure, You're Delusional,
(00:48):
will explore how constantly measuring your worth against others
leads to undervaluing yourself.
Get ready to uncover the truth between this modern dilemma
and learn how to reclaim your self worth, girlies.
The core issue that we're addressing today
is going to be how valuing others worth over your own
(01:09):
can lead to self undervaluation, self devaluation.
Now, whenever you become a person where you lack more of others
and you lose sense of self, that's not an honest life.
It's not a truthful life and it's not an enjoyable life.
(01:31):
Today I'm going to teach you how letting go of the delusions
of your life truly can guide you to the path of being able to know
and self identify the things that you like and the things
that a random celebrity like that one time
and you just connected with it.
(01:52):
You have to know if it's truly for you
or if it's a one, a parasocial relationship
or if it's a lie to yourself or if it's something
that somebody else just truly tried to teach you
that you just deemed was correct.
You have to know that you have to know your yes or no's.
You have to know whether it's right or wrong
(02:14):
because of your own gut, not because somebody else
guided you towards that answer and you trusted it
enough to stick with it.
We often glorify others while neglecting our own achievements.
How is that fair or right to us when we have a life of our own
and when we have to continue living and breathing
(02:36):
and waking up on our own?
We're going to die on our own.
We're going to pass on our own and go
through a whole other life experience
on a whole different other life form,
you know, like if we have to think about it.
But we just have to know that vicariously living
through others will never ever be the life of living,
(02:58):
not through me and not through anybody else.
Honestly, what made me have a reason to speak about this topic
was because I read a scenario between the Bible
and it was actually about the brotherhood of Abel and Cain
(03:20):
and how Cain continued to hold pain in his heart
no matter what type of accomplishments
that he made for God.
And because his heart was a form of selfishness
and his heart was a form of not being able to live
in his own identity and being able to give
(03:42):
and being able to give offerings enough from the fact
that he just simply wanted a life
that he never really could have.
He wanted to live a life of Abel.
Abel had his crops or I'm sorry, Cain did his crops.
Abel did all of what he had to do when it came down
to the other parts of the home and he did well at it
(04:04):
to the point where whenever Abel offered his form of offerings,
it was not even just compared to a different worth
compared to Cain's, but it was more because of the fact
that Abel knew that was in his heart.
He knew the faith that he had in his heart
was going to be fulfilled enough no matter what.
(04:26):
And Cain wanted to live upon that and he wanted to be that.
He kept running towards a life where he even nursed
sickly people in the form of trying to be selfish
and live up to the brother that he never would have
or the brother and up trying to live upon God too
(04:46):
because he didn't really understand
that all he really needed to do was give faith to God
and give love enough to God.
And that changed his complete perspective
after what he did, what he did.
And he kept comparing himself to his brother
because he wanted to be his brother.
(05:07):
He didn't want to be himself.
He wanted to continue to have something
that his brother had because he knew
that he lacked it within himself.
And God punished him whenever Cain killed his brother Abel.
And that changed the complete perspective
(05:27):
of what the relationship that he had with God
after that.
That was one of my scriptures that I read recently
and it made me really look at, wow,
we still try to live through other people
because we want to be them
and we want to have the gifts of what they have
(05:49):
because we see that they have this thing
but we don't even know the heart that they have behind it.
Because Abel had a heart of faith.
Abel had a heart of true loving God
and Cain never could understand that it was all of that.
After he did that, after he killed his brother,
(06:10):
he truly looked at the life of his and he lied to God
because God asked him, where is Abel?
And he said, I don't know, am I my brother's keeper?
Like he gave God attitude.
I was like, oh my God.
And God said, you lied to me.
You lied to me.
Your brother's blood is seeping through the grounds
(06:34):
of the earth that the mouth of the grounds open.
Some ish like that.
And I'm like, oh my God.
Like Cain is going to be forsaken from the earth.
Next thing you know, God tell him, boom,
you're forsaken from the earth.
You do not need to be here anymore.
(06:55):
I will tell everybody in this world to not put my,
put hands on you, but you will be neglected
and you will not be seen nor cared for.
Dude went and went to some city name with the E,
Eden or something, right?
Or no, Garden of Eden is that, that's where he's from.
But he moved to a different place
(07:16):
and nobody cared about him until seven generations later,
the same thing happened in his bloodline.
And that was so interesting.
So, so, so, so interesting to read,
but that made me kind of have this episode belief
and it made me kind of go into my notes
and it helped me highlight how we undervalue ourself.
(07:41):
We undervalue who we truly are
because we want to live the life of somebody else.
And that will never give you the life that you deserve.
Now for chapter one, the nature of delusion in modern life.
We look at how delusion is usually seen as a funny thing
or it's seen as a joke or it's not seen as something serious
(08:04):
when in reality it is.
We are very much delusional about things
that we need to be serious on.
We can be delusional about politics.
We are delusional about things that make us,
I would say blend, blend in to the things
that are not truly authentic with who we are.
(08:25):
You know, we have to make a decision,
but it's a two way decision.
This way or that way?
Is this the best decision?
Okay, I'm gonna do that because everybody else did that.
You can't just flock when you need to have somebody else
or when you need to, you can't make a decision on your own.
You should take as much time as you need.
(08:47):
Of course, or as much time as you have
and know that it's your life, it's your decision.
And you can't really continue to compare yourself to others
because other people's successes aren't yours.
And that can distort your self perception,
(09:07):
that can distort your self belief, your belief system,
how you care about others, what you believe in
and how you continue to look at yourself.
Is your life that theirs or yours?
And you have to understand these things
because they are the root of the cause.
Undervaluing yourself can undervalue your future,
(09:30):
your moments of growth,
your moments of where you're supposed to be led.
Where is who you believe in and how you believe in
leading you, where are you supposed to go?
How are you supposed to grow?
That's where you can lack
because sometimes seasons are completely seasons.
Some seasons are very short for people
(09:52):
and some other seasons are better for you
because it's meant for you.
You're not meant to go through that experience
or continue to idolize that person
because it's not meant for you anymore.
You're not meant to follow this person anymore
because it doesn't serve you.
That's what we also have to look at.
(10:13):
Does it serve you?
Does it help you?
Or are you just continuing to devalue yourself?
Where are you going with it?
Where are you caring with it?
Are you carrying with it because it's just another thing
or is it because you actually care about it
in your own heart?
Delusions are usually how self-worth
(10:35):
can come from comparing and how it can make you feel
like it's not a realistic form of appraisal
upon your own self-belief system.
You have to understand that believing in yourself
is something that is a form of taking a chance on yourself,
loving yourself, being able to check yourself,
(10:55):
being able to have discernment in your life.
I can't make that decision.
That don't feel right.
Knowing, okay, let me not go over that man's house
because I know how he be acting, you know?
Or it can be a small ass, okay, I'm not gonna eat cheese
today because I know I'm lactose intolerant.
Like you have to know yourself.
(11:17):
And even in the little small stuff about yourself,
those are little qualities that you'll fall in love
with every day.
Okay, let me do this journal prompt that helps me get
to know myself a little bit better.
Okay, my favorite color isn't purple because of me,
it's because of my dad.
You know, like you really go into true depth of who you are
and you're like, whoa, this isn't who I really am.
(11:40):
Social media is my segment too and how the rise
of social media and the vicarious living of social media
distorts who you are today.
And I am so sorry to the Gen Z community
because it makes it very difficult for us to really see,
I would say the beauties of today's world
(12:01):
and how we can lack being present because we think
we need to have presence online.
We can't really look at the real world because sometimes
the real world, it's hard to believe.
There's constant genocides happening, you know,
we have to really consistently look at how the problem
of what we're dealing with today is so much deeper.
(12:25):
And sometimes we can't really acknowledge that.
So we go into the whole cycle of, oh, let me go
on social media to calm myself down.
Next thing you know, you find something relatable.
Next thing you know, you like them more than you thought.
You follow them and you keep updates with them
and you become almost like them.
You take the recommendations and then you realize,
(12:47):
oh, they actually have a lot of things in common with me.
And you believe that you can be them or that they are you.
And that's too far because you are like crafted to the best
form to the point where you're never going to have somebody
like you ever again.
(13:08):
And that's a gift.
And you're a gift every single day.
And you can't truly vicariously live through somebody else
because you think that they have an unrealistic life
that you won't ever have, or they won't be able to
create the life that you thought that you could dream
(13:29):
to have only just dream.
You could have it.
You can become it.
A lot of these people that have these positions of power
or these positions of privilege only got maybe this one
stuck up and they went off and they invested into it.
A lot of chances that people take nowadays are truly coming
(13:50):
from different forms of wealth, but then also because
of different forms of privilege too.
And social media plays a part with that privilege,
but then we also look at how much vicarious living
through the other people can always impact your self-worth.
Identifying how you can focus on others will always
(14:12):
be perceived as making you feel like you're not
worth something or not worth as much.
And that compare game is suffering in its own
and it doesn't help you in the long run ever.
I would recommend whenever you have to take a break
or whenever you have to just delete everything, do it.
(14:33):
Because it's calming, even if it's for a couple hours
or if it's for the entire two, three months,
two, three years, you know, 10 years,
people do stuff like that, you know?
Do it.
And I applaud you for it because it's nothing that is
needing to be, you know, on social media.
(14:53):
We don't need social media the way that we, of course,
state that we do.
When it comes down to education, growth, all that stuff,
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about how being able to understand
what is good for you.
The shade room isn't good for you.
The messy blogs and the baddies and the all da da da da.
(15:17):
They're not good for you.
They're just forms of entertainment, you know?
And don't get me wrong, I'm a baddies girl.
I love my little baddies west, my little baddies Caribbean,
all that because it's entertaining.
But I can't sunk myself into those things
to the point where I completely engulf myself
into their day-to-day living or their lifestyle.
(15:41):
And I'm not dissing it or dashing it
because I don't want to get punched in the mouth
by this teseki because I'm scared, you know?
But respectfully, I believe that engulfing your life
into other people will never make you become the person
that you want to be.
It honestly detaches you from the person
that you actually need to be
(16:03):
because the wants and the needs, they can't blend.
Okay, let's talk about the psychological impact
of valuing others over ourselves.
What do the things that we do to ourselves
due to the cost of our mind?
This leads to lower self-esteem.
This leads to decreased motivation within yourself,
(16:23):
your goals, your achievements, and your career,
your personal life, and every other thing under the sun.
Lacking practice and self-affirming and self-evaluation
and self-love will truly cost your mind.
It will cost your heart.
It will cost your identity.
(16:43):
And the things that are you are your heart and your mind
and where you lead yourself
and where you have goals within yourself.
And if you begin to lose those things, who are you?
And I promise you, no other person deserves to have you
the way that you, I would say, mesh yourself into them.
(17:04):
And the long-term effects of lacking to acknowledge
the problem is a long-term problem.
The long-term effects of not being able to practice
the self-worth that you deserve
can honestly perpetuate the cycle
that you honestly are trying to avoid.
The lifestyle that you're thinking that you need to live
(17:26):
is most likely even requiring the things
that you need to require in your life.
A routine, structure, balance, and needed forms of love.
Again, love is forms of nourishment and reaffirmation
and caring for yourself and pouring into yourself
and knowing the difference between yes and no for yourself.
(17:49):
And now that we've delved into the psychological effects
of comparing ourselves to others
and how social media amplifies these feelings,
now let's discuss the practical strategies
of how shifting your focus back to your own self
and valuing your own achievements and strengths
can change you for the long-term.
Stay tuned and discover actionable steps
(18:10):
to break free from the cycle of self under devaluation.
I always wanna emphasize using strategies
like setting your personal goals for yourself for the month,
setting your personal goals for the week,
setting your personal goals for the day,
where it can create the things that you, of course,
need to remind yourself to do,
(18:31):
but it keeps you hindered in staying present
regarding the responsibilities,
regarding the things that you need,
regarding the things you have to take care of,
because who you are and what you do in the long term
takes care of you.
And setting a routine, setting boundaries within yes and nos
and being able to regularly practice a self-appreciation
(18:53):
will be able to help you recognize the achievements
that you wanna have,
because those personal goals that you have
come from doing, yes, the work that you need
to be done with it,
but they also come from the routine behind it.
The routine and the discipline, of course,
creates effective strategies to help you grow
to the personal self that you need to be.
(19:14):
And another thing, shifting your focus
from your person that you're idolizing
or the person that you are trying to, I would say,
create something that's not there
will not help you in the long run,
but again, let me rephrase,
going and re-shifting your focus
(19:35):
from the other person to yourself requires dedication,
it requires honesty,
and it requires you to let go of the expectation
that you have to be something that you're not,
because that person's experience
is just another experience.
It's not the life that you're going to live,
honestly speaking,
(19:56):
the life that you're going to live is authentically yours.
And yes, you might have the most aesthetic things
in the home and this and that and that,
of course, if you put the work into it,
but you're never going to truly live the true experience
of what that person was because it's their own experience.
(20:17):
And they are, of course, able to just post it
or they're able to, of course, live it,
but they also are human too.
They're not just one example of a 15-second TikTok.
These people go through all of the delays that we do too.
And now that we're in Q4,
I want to just make a call to action to everyone
(20:39):
to just check off not only the things that you have
for this year and the rest of this year,
but create a journey for yourself
where you can change yourself in six months
or try to create a step-by-step mission for yourself
month to month to take care of yourself.
For this month, it can be physical.
For this month, it can be emotional.
(21:00):
For this month, it can be mental.
And so forth, because in the long-term,
you'll be able to create the identity that you need to have,
but then also deserve to have
because the person that you're running for
is honestly yourself and it has to be yourself every time,
not another person's life.
(21:20):
Now, lastly, how to set time for yourself
and being able to, I would say,
practice checking your calendar
and practice being able to get excited about your calendar.
The routine that I know I've implemented within myself
is so structured to the point where
(21:41):
I don't have to really worry about it.
I just have to look at it and really be like,
okay, I do this at seven, I do this at four,
I do this at nine.
And it's easier for me because I know that these things
that I have to carry are needed of me.
I can't lack within these things.
I can't be behind on these things.
So the more that you push that,
(22:04):
the more that you create that,
the more you'll be able to have yourself more
within yourself.
I wanna just say thank you for listening
to the Behavioral Blueprint podcast with me today.
Just to reiterate the same points that are important
for us today in our conversation,
we're knowing that your identity isn't somebody else's life
(22:25):
and it's not needed to be what other people have lived,
just so you can say that you've lived it yourself.
You are your own person, you are your own life,
and you are your own truth.
Another thing I do wanna reiterate is how social media
can distort your reality and how you have to come back down
(22:46):
within yourself and be able to be present
to truly change your life the long-term way.
And then also the psychological impact
of how your mind can truly attack your own body
and how you care about things and what you truly give for
and what you truly love for.
And long-term that can deteriorate you and break you.
(23:09):
And because I've honestly wanted to teach you
through this episode, I've given you instructions
on how to apply yourself into a better setting
and you deserve to set your own future
and you deserve to set your own life.
And you'll be able to do that truly through the achievements
of creating your routine and truly creating your life
(23:32):
and creating a form where your energy is so amplified
that it attracts the people that you actually need
that can pour into you, where you know your identity enough
to know that this person is an extension of you.
It's not truly who a need is,
it's truly a, I love this person,
(23:52):
they're my friend and I'm glad that they're in my life.
I wanna thank you for listening
to the Behavioral Blueprint Podcast.
Go ahead and subscribe now
if you are on our video for YouTube.
And if you are on our audio section for our podcast episodes,
I would love for you to give us a five-star rating
on any platform that you listen to us on.
(24:14):
I give you, or I would recommend you guys give us a share
and give this to any of your friends
that are looking to help themselves
with how they truly are.
And again, I always am going to say,
you're not demure, you're delusional.
It's another day to love yourself.
And I love the fact
(24:35):
that you're taking care of yourself today.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Bye, I hope you have a wonderful day.
And I'll see you in the next one.
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