March 23, 2025 • 52 mins
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What really attracts you to your partner, and what drives you crazy? The answer lies in the fascinating concept of relationship electromagnetism. Just as positive and negative charges attract in physics, our relationships operate under similar invisible forces that draw us together or push us apart.
Attraction goes far beyond physical chemistry. When someone's kind heart, engaging conversation style, or ability to challenge your thinking resonates with you, powerful connections form. But understanding what repels you is equally important – incompatible values, different cultural backgrounds, or conflicting communication styles can create distance between partners.
While "opposites attract" holds some truth initially, maintaining relationships between different personalities requires active effort. The magnetic pull you felt at the beginning naturally evolves as your relationship matures. Those quirky differences that once seemed charming can become sources of frustration without finding common ground through open communication, genuine empathy, and thoughtful compromise.
Your body often recognizes electromagnetic compatibility before your mind does. That gut feeling when you meet someone new? It's your physiology responding to the electromagnetic forces at play. Learning to interpret these physical signals can guide you toward healthier relationships and away from connections that drain your energy.
The five primary relationship needs – love/belonging, freedom, fun, safety, and power – interact like electromagnetic fields, creating patterns of attraction and repulsion. When one person's need for independence clashes with another's desire for closeness, the resulting tension can be understood through this electromagnetic framework. By identifying your dominant relationship needs and communicating openly about competing desires, you can find balance even during disagreemen
Welcome to the Better Relationships Podcast where Dr. Dar Hawks shares relationship tips and advice to help you be seen, heard, understood, and supported in your relationships. Taking on tough topics and giving you hope, inspiration, and ideas to experiment with, Dr. Dar Hawks is passionate about creating healthier, happier, and harmonious relationships...
Because when you are happy in your relationship, the world becomes a better place for all of us.
Welcome to the Better Relationships Podcast where Dr. Dar Hawks shares relationship tips and advice to help you be seen, heard, understood, and supported in your relationships. Taking on tough topics and giving you hope, inspiration, and ideas to experiment with, Dr. Dar Hawks is passionate about creating healthier, happier, and harmonious relationships...
Because when you are happy in your relationship, the world becomes a better place for all of us.
Take my free Primary Relationship Needs Quiz to discover your dominant, secondary, and shadow Primary Relationship Needs by visiting https://needs.drdarhawks.com. This one thing will help you better understand yourself, your partner, and your relationship, and even improve communication and connection between you and your partner.
Note: The quiz name has changed from Sovereign Relationship Needs to Primary Relationship Needs as of July 2024. Please keep that in mind for podcasts dated before July 2024.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to episode 56 of the Better Relationships
podcast.
Today, I want to talk with youabout what really attracts you
to your partner and whatrepulses you, drives you crazy
or even pisses you off theinvisible forces of attraction
called electromagnetism.
(00:20):
The reason why I want toexplain what electromagnet and
what it means to you is becauseit will help you understand that
, just like positive andnegative charges attract each
other, certain qualities in apartner can create a magnetic
pull towards them or push youaway from them and maybe even
(00:44):
turn your stomach.
Attraction is complex and itinvolves various aspects, such
as physical, intellectual,emotional and even spiritual
connections.
Here are some qualities thatcan attract you to someone their
infectious smile, theirkind-heartedness, the way they
(01:06):
create dialogue that draws youin, or even the way they
challenge your thoughts andinspire you to expand your
personal growth.
These qualities actually createa sense of connection and draw
you in.
But what pushes us away?
On the other hand, there arecertain behaviors or
(01:29):
characteristics that can act asrepelling forces in a
relationship.
Some common factors that cancreate distance include
dishonesty, lack of respect,incompatible values, different
cultural or religious beliefs,varying family dynamics where
(01:50):
maybe your family operates veryand vastly differently from your
partner's family and evendifferent career ambitions.
These repulsive factors cancause stress and strain in any
relationship.
You may have thought, or bethinking, that opposites attract
(02:12):
, but that only works for alittle while In intimate
relationships.
There is some truth to thesaying that opposites attract at
the beginning the saying thatopposites attract at the
beginning.
However, as the relationshipmatures and you try to draw
closer together, the differencesthat once appeal to you may
(02:35):
become the same ones that repelyou if you both don't actively
work on bridging those gaps andfinding common ground.
Because, let's face it, findingcommon ground is truly the key
to sustainability and lastinghappiness.
The work of finding commonground is not always easy, but
(03:18):
it is crucial for thesustainability and growth of
your relationship.
Here are just some strategiesthat may be able to help.
Here are just some strategiesthat may be able to help Open
communication, talking openlyand honestly about your needs,
desires and concerns in a calmvoice, tone of voice, calm body
posture and demeanor.
(03:41):
Empathy.
Try to understand each other'sperspective and validate each
other's feelings instead ofdiscounting them.
Compromise, be willing to seetheir perspective, identify very
clearly what your perspectiveis and then find ways to meet
halfway to find solutions thatwork for both of you.
(04:03):
You both actually win when youtry to find common ground, and
actually, when I coach couples,they initially feel like, oh,
I'm losing and they're winning,but that's not really the case,
because they're both getting alittle bit or really halfway of
what they want, as is theirpartner, and ultimately, that
(04:27):
hybrid solution creates a bettersolution for both of you anyway
, and most of the couples thatI've worked with have found that
to be the case.
By acknowledging and addressingthe differences that you have,
couples can navigate through thechallenges that you're faced
with, and you can find a balanceand common ground that allows
(04:48):
you both to feel heard, valuedand understood.
Make no mistake, though this isa learned skill, and I am
trained in helping couples findcommon ground in even the midst
of a simple small disagreementor argument within minutes, you
(05:09):
know those things that drive youcrazy over time, but you don't
say anything about it, orsomething has been just really
bugging you and you don't knowhow to talk about it, or you
don't want to bring it upbecause it'll create tension or
someone will get mad oremotionally upset or, worse,
someone's feelings will get hurt.
My art, my gift, is to help youdo that easily and without a
(05:35):
lot of upset.
But so, believe it or not,there is power in both, in the
attracting and the things thatrepel you or make you ill to
your stomach or angry.
Understanding electromagnetismfrom a positive and a negative
(05:56):
charge perspective instead of anemotional perspective or a
blame or criticism orover-analysis kind of way, will
really help you build emotionalmaturity and intelligence.
The process of embracing boththe attractive and repelling
(06:16):
aspects of a relationship canlead you to greater depth
connection and ultimately astronger connection between you
and your partner connection andultimately a stronger connection
between you and your partner,by dedicating the time and
effort to understand eachother's perspectives, to find
that common ground and tocommunicate clearly and
effectively and cleanly.
(06:37):
Cleanly meaning owning youremotions and upsets and
reactions, calling yourself outon them in the moment and then
putting them to the side andgetting back to a calm,
adult-like conversationalenvironment.
By doing all of that, couplescan navigate your differences
and cultivate a much deeperrelationship where you both feel
(07:00):
safe and supported and you bothbelong.
Relationships are dynamic.
They require constantunderstanding and recognizing
each other's nature, combinedwith nurturing and investment
from both of you to maintainthat magnetic pull.
Ultimately, attraction goesbeyond mere chemistry or that
(07:25):
initial infatuation.
It involves choosing to see thebeauty in each other's
uniqueness and embracing thechallenges that come with it.
In doing so, we not only growindividually, but also foster a
love that is strong, resilientand enduring.
This reminds me of the firstepisode of White Lotus I just
(07:47):
watched, and there's a scenewhere this newlywed couple are
sitting on the bed and the wifeis appealing to her husband,
stating that she doesn't wantanything to change.
She wants this love, attentionand attraction to be the same,
and they're committing to eachother that they're always going
to be that way.
The reality is that's not thecase.
(08:09):
The dynamics, energetics andelectromagnetism that we have in
the beginning of ourrelationship does not stay the
same.
It grows and evolves with youin your relationship and as life
happens with you in yourrelationship and as life happens
(08:30):
.
That's why understanding theseforces may help you navigate the
complexities of attraction andrepulsion in your relationship.
It reminds you to cherish thequalities that attract you,
while also being mindful ofthose blinking red flags that
repel you.
Think of electromagnetics asthe glue that binds you or the
invisible force that repels youfrom someone you care about
(08:54):
Knowing what attracts and repelsyou in a partner, friend,
family member or co-worker ormanager can truly guide you
towards creating a healthier,more fulfilling relationship,
because you have the power tochoose what and whom you let
into your life and who you keepat a distance.
(09:16):
It's about recognizing thequalities that resonate with
your own values, belief systemsvalues, belief systems,
personality and goals, and beingaware of the behaviors or
characteristics that areincompatible with your
well-being.
This self-awareness can helpyou build stronger connections
with those who bring out thebest in you and you in them,
(09:40):
while avoiding toxic or drainingrelationships.
By the way, clients that I'veworked with over the last two
decades have let go of toxic ordraining relationships or chosen
to truly transform them intohealthy ones.
It is interesting howelectromagnetics create an
(10:06):
intense chemistry-basedattraction to people who are
opposite from us.
If you are a caring,compassionate, empathic person,
there's a tendency to attractdraining relationships, people
who take from you, who drainyour energy, or even, dare I say
, narcissistic typepersonalities.
The reason why is because ofelectromagnetism.
(10:30):
This is why it's important foryou to understand how it works
and to experiment with it inyour life.
You can do it simply withwalking into a buffet restaurant
and paying attention to whatenergetically looks good to you
and why.
Diagnose and analyzing andunpacking Is it the smell, is it
(10:52):
the look, is it the color, isit the texture, is it the sauce?
All of that will help youunderstand how electromagnetism
works within you.
To check in on what you valuein relationships, how healthy a
specific relationship you haveis or is not for you, or just to
(11:12):
self-assess your needs in arelationship, or just to simply
self-assess your needs in yourrelationship, I invite you to
take my Are you Ready to Loveand Be Loved?
Quiz at quizzesdrdarhawkscom.
Now let's go deeper withunderstanding electromagnetism.
(11:35):
It is one of the fourfundamental forces of nature
governing interactions betweencharged particles.
Those charged particles can bepositive, neutral or negative.
It encompasses both theelectric attraction and magnetic
attraction fields, and it'sresponsible for a wide range of
(12:00):
phenomena, from the behavior ofatoms and humans to the
functioning of everydayelectronic devices and you
guessed it humans.
In essence, it describes howobjects and humans can attract
or repel each other based ontheir charge, and humans can
(12:22):
pick up on this charge.
And humans can pick up on thischarge In human relationships.
You can draw an analogy to thisforce by considering how you're
drawn to one another or pushedaway, based on emotional, mental
or physical or environmentalcharges.
These charges can be understoodas the qualities you possess,
(12:44):
your personalities, values,interests, mental and emotional
states, your mood, your negative, positive or neutral charge
that either creates attractionor repulsion.
Let's talk about the attractionfactor.
The positive charges.
These consist of the positivecharges that draw you in
(13:10):
relationships or towards peopleor situations.
In romantic relationships,attraction often resembles the
behavior of opposite chargescoming together, or positive
charges coming together.
When two individuals sharecommon interests, values, moods,
(13:32):
emotional states or things thatare getting communicated that
resonate positively in yourentire body.
With each other, they create amagnetic pull that draws them
closer.
This attraction can be seen infriendships as well, where
(13:52):
people are often drawn to thosewho possess qualities they
admire or aspire to have.
These types of positive chargescreate a sense of connection,
understanding and fulfillment inyour relationships, and
(14:14):
fulfillment in yourrelationships, much like the
merging of opposite charges inelectromagnetism.
Here's the other side of that,though the repulsion factor.
The negative charges, on theother hand, charges that repel
each other.
In electromagnetism, certainqualities or behaviors can
create a repulsion betweenindividuals as well.
(14:36):
These negative charges canmanifest as differences in
values, incompatiblepersonalities, conflicting
emotional states or differencesin family background or cultural
backgrounds that feel reallyinteresting at first.
(14:57):
In relationships, theserepulsive forces can lead to
tension, conflict and,ultimately, the weakening or
dissolution of the relationshipor the connection.
It's important to becomefamiliar of how these charges
feel in your body, mind andspirit and to recognize the
(15:20):
presence of these negativecharges and address them through
open communication,communication, compromise or
finding common ground andunderstanding and also defining
how you want this relationshipto be.
Is it something that you'regoing to spend a lot of time on?
Is it a relationship that youoccasionally want to interact
(15:43):
with and be clear about the why?
Why are you attracted to thisperson?
Why do you want to get involved?
You know, as I reflect in myearlier years, I would get
attracted to all kinds of peoplebecause of how different they
are or were for me.
I also would get attracted tothem because there were things
(16:07):
that they would do or how theywere being that I wanted to have
more of in my life.
But the truth is I wasn'tpaying attention to how my body
was telling me whether this wasa healthy relationship or not
and I would dive right in getinvolved, be my giving
(16:31):
empathetic, sympathetic,supportive self, and then one
day, many months or years later,it would be an ugly breakup.
This was true in workenvironments, friendships and
even intimate relationshipsUntil I embarked on
(16:55):
understanding electromagnetism,which is why I'm bringing this
topic to you, so that you canstart experimenting and paying
attention to what your body'stelling you.
Your physiology will tell youwhat is healthy for you in the
moment to the next moment, muchfaster than your thoughts,
(17:17):
feelings or your emotions will.
And if you don't feel likeyou're connected to the messages
and the wisdom of your body,book a session with me.
I can help you reconnect.
Now let's talk about balancingthese forces, because they're
all around us, these negative,positive and neutral charges
(17:41):
that you have the power todefine, whether it's positive,
negative or neutral, and yourbody will tell you whether it is
a healthy thing for you or not.
So, just as electromagneticforces can be manipulated by
simply adjusting the charge orthe distance between objects,
(18:02):
you too have the power toinfluence the dynamics and the
electromagnetics of yourrelationships.
The dynamics and theelectromagnetics of your
relationships.
By cultivating self-awarenessand actively working on your own
growth personally, you canminimize those negative toxic
charges and strengthen thepositive ones.
I'd like to give you a simpleexample of how this works.
(18:25):
Let's say you're having aconversation with your best
friend, or with a family member,or with your life partner.
It starts out being, you know,just a calm conversational time
together.
That's peaceful, and all of asudden one person says something
(18:46):
and the other person reacts.
Something happened and an upsetgets created.
That is electromagnetism inaction.
And what happens is both of youwill start reacting to the
electromagnetics being felt inthe moment, either through
(19:07):
feelings, emotions or yourthoughts.
In the moment, either throughfeelings, emotions or your
thoughts, we may not be payingattention to what our body's
telling us.
Many of us have been taught isstay in the conversation,
resolve it right away, don't goto bed with things unresolved.
But the reality is, when yourbody is already activated and
(19:27):
your mind and your conversationis with the negative charge,
trying to resolve it while inthat state of being is actually
not healthy for either you oryour partner or this other
person that you're interactingwith.
It's important to just distracteach other and say look, let's
(19:47):
put that on the shelf, let'sjust go have some fun and enjoy
each other's company.
We will revisit that topic andunpack it later, when we're in a
different mindset and state ofbeing, because I promise you, it
will look and feel verydifferent two or three days
(20:08):
later than it does in thismoment, and you will have time
for your body to unconsciouslyunpack it and give you
additional information overhowever long a span of period.
There is where you both take atime out from that topic.
Now let's talk about sharedvalues and interests.
(20:29):
Just as oppositely chargedparticles attract each other due
to their complementary nature,because opposites do have
complementary natures,individuals who share similar
values and interests also tendto find themselves magnetically
drawn together.
For example, common goals.
(20:51):
Couples who aspire to achievesimilar life goals, such as
family planning, career orfinancial aspirations, will
often experience a stronger bond.
However, as the couple spendstime together, years, even we
(21:14):
change.
Human beings are not staticbeings.
Our desires change.
I used to be very ambitious whenI was younger.
Now I care about peace andharmony, beautiful environments.
Peace and harmony, beautifulenvironments, spending time with
my chickens in the backyard,mowing my grass, gardening,
(21:38):
tending to my vegetable garden.
I didn't really care about allthat stuff when I lived in the
city and was focused on mycareer, so things do not stay
static.
Therefore, if you are gettinginto a relationship and you're
attracted to each other based oncurrent goals and similarity
there, it's important to talkabout future aspirations, 10, 20
, 30 years down the road as well.
(21:59):
Also, having mutual interests,engaging in shared hobbies or
passions will create connectionand intimacy because you're
doing those things together.
But I also want to add thatit's extremely, if not more,
important for each of you tomaintain your own interests and
(22:20):
hobbies and passionsindividually as well.
A lot of my clients will puttheir all into the relationship
and let go and sacrifice thethings that they cared about
because they're focused onbuilding a family or focused on
the children or the things thatdemand their attention have
changed and they do not carveout time for their own interests
(22:41):
.
It's really important to dothat on a weekly basis, even if
it's 15 minutes a day or one ortwo hours a week.
Now let's talk about emotionalresonance.
Emotional states also play avery crucial role in attraction.
Individuals who exhibitpositivity and warmth often
(23:05):
attract others who also seekthose qualities.
They want to be supported.
They want to feel qualities.
They want to be supported, theywant to feel safe, they want to
feel accepted.
They want to belong.
That is also true ofindividuals who don't exhibit
positivity and warmth.
There's also anotherpossibility where positive and
(23:27):
warm, caring giving people willattract the negative, woe-is-me
type people in an attempt tohelp them.
Those are the rescuers in ourlives, and we've all met one or
we all know one.
That's a topic for another day.
(23:47):
I just wanted to point out thatthere's also electromagnetism
at play in that scenario as well.
Here are examples Positiveenergy People are naturally
drawn to those who exudeconfidence and joy.
You just feel good around thosepeople.
Empathy you just feel goodaround those people.
(24:11):
Empathy the ability tounderstand and connect
emotionally, createsenvironments where love,
kindness and caring about eachother can flourish.
Now let's talk about therepulsion factor.
Those negative charges, justlike positive charges, attract
each other.
In physics, negative chargesrepel each other.
(24:35):
Negative traits or behaviorscan push individuals apart in
relationships.
Recognizing these factors isessential for maintaining
healthy connections.
Certain behaviors can act asrepulsive forces within
relationships.
For example, jealousy cancreate tension and distance.
(24:57):
Lack of communication leads tomisunderstandings that can drive
you apart.
Emotional disconnection createsunresolved conflicts that can
lead to resentment thatdistances you from one another
and, later on, incompatibilitythose differences that you
(25:18):
thought were really cool in thebeginning, or differences in
values because you're bothchanging in different directions
and not focused on creatingcommon ground.
Those can create friction thatultimately drives couples apart.
One big one that I want to talkabout that many couples are
dealing with especially seniorsand Gen Xers even some
(25:43):
millennials definitely boomersis difference in political
values, and it really is drivinga wedge in today's
authoritarian climate betweencouples who experienced or got
attracted to an authoritarian,dictatorial figure, but now they
(26:06):
are really wanting theirfreedom or they're now seeing
their political values arereally contrary to each other.
If that's you and you're in arelationship like that, you
truly are the perfect personthat I would love to work with.
You can book a session with meat sessiondrdhawkscom and I'd
(26:31):
love to learn more about what'sgoing on in your relationship
and what those political orsocial disconnects are, to see
if we can bridge them and findsome common ground.
Many couples are choosing tosplit because it's just too hard
, too too hard to stay in therelationship.
Just too hard, too too hard tostay in the relationship.
(26:54):
However, I'd love to help andfind some scenarios that may be
of value to you.
Even if you do decide to andchoose to split up.
It still is healthy to have asession so that you can part
amicably and still maintain somesort of a healthy relationship.
Let's now talk about the role ofelectromagnetic fields that
(27:15):
create connection.
Just as electromagnetic fieldssurround charged particles, that
then influences theirinteractions interactions human
beings also create and generateemotional, mental and mood
fields based on theirexperiences in the moment and
(27:39):
interactions with each other.
These fields of what I callenergy fields shape how you
perceive yourself and others andhow you perceive your partners
with it and within yourrelationships.
So building healthy connectionsis very akin in human-to-human
(28:02):
interactions to positiveelectromagnetic fields.
Having open communication whereyou encourage honest dialogue
about your feelings andexpectations, providing
reassurance and emotionalsupport during all times, and
creating shared experienceswhere you spend quality time
(28:22):
together without your cell phoneand without distractions,
engaging in activities, all willpromote teamwork, connection
and collaboration.
You also need to maintainbalance in your relationships.
That is essential to sustainattraction over time Chemistry
(28:43):
that you thought you had in thebeginning, what many of my
clients called that spark.
They have this expectation thatthe spark is going to be there
no matter how long you aretogether as a couple, and that
simply isn't the case.
The spark also evolves as youget more comfortable in your
relationship and more connectedin your relationship and the
(29:06):
need for that spark shifts andthe need for that spark shifts.
So respecting each other'sindividuality, allowing each
(29:26):
other space for personal growthwhile also sharing in each
other's personal growth andsupporting each other will
nurture the relationship andhelp maintain equilibrium.
Also, addressing any conflictsthat arise compassionately and
constructively and resolvingthem by communicating healthily
will prevent negative chargesfrom building up over time will
help prevent negative chargesfrom building up over time.
(29:48):
There is also an electromagneticdance of relationship needs.
As a relationship communicationcoach and healer, I've observed
how there are five primaryrelationship needs that truly
interact very much likeelectromagnetic forces, creating
patterns of attraction andrepulsion in our connections.
(30:11):
Let's explore how these forcesplay out in the context of needs
in our relationships.
Love and belonging as a primaryrelationship need.
Love and belonging attractsthrough warm gestures, caring
behaviors, affectionate words,quality time, a calm, caring
(30:33):
demeanor, and you can just tellfrom a person's eyes that they
are a kind giving person.
Love and belonging as a need isrepelled by withdrawal,
emotional coldness, the silenttreatment, rejection, criticism,
over-analysis, lack of supportand lack of emotional support.
(30:54):
Love and belonging'selectromagnetic signature
actually creates a strongpositive charge, when fulfilled,
that draws people closer.
Here's an example when Sarahshares her deep upset feelings
(31:15):
about a situation that happenedwith her husband's mom and her
husband Tom responds withunderstanding and empathy.
Their connection strengthenslike magnets drawing together.
You can feel and see theirhearts expanding and their care
(31:35):
for each other deepening Freedomas a need.
Freedom attracts through respectfor boundaries, supporting each
other's individual growth andgiving each other space and
alone time.
Freedom is repelled by control,possessiveness and manipulation
(31:59):
.
The primary relationship needof freedom's electromagnetic
signature requires personalspace and freedom for choices
and time.
Here's an example Mike feelssuffocated when Lisa checks his
phone constantly or texts himseveral times in an hour.
(32:21):
This creates a repelling forcethat pushes him away.
Despite their attraction, hewill start to avoid his phone or
avoid her texts.
Now let's talk about fun as aneed and the electromagnetic
(32:43):
effects of fun.
Fun as a relationship needattracts through playfulness,
lightheartedness, sharedlaughter and adventure.
That's fun, not competitive.
Fun is repelled by constantseriousness, criticism and
negativity, and itselectromagnetic signature
(33:06):
creates lightness,lightheartedness, and it creates
energetic bonds that spark joy,nifty and survival.
The electromagnetics of it as arelationship need Nifty and
survival attracts throughreliability, consistency,
creating a safe environment andprotection.
(33:29):
It is repelled byunpredictability, threats,
instability or lack of safety,and its electromagnetic
signature forms strongfoundational bonds when you feel
safe and secure in arelationship, no matter what.
(33:52):
Here's an example Rachel'sconsistent support during John's
job loss strengthens theiremotional magnetic connection by
creating trust and security.
Magnetic connection by creatingtrust and security.
The power relationship need andelectromagnetics attracts
(34:13):
through mutual respect andshared decision making, as well
as creating goals together andsharing ambition.
It is repelled by dominance,submission and control as well
(34:40):
on the healthy side side, andits electromagnetic signature
requires a balanced charge or abalanced power between parties
in the relationship, not powerover one another.
Here's an example when Alex andPatricia take turns leading
(35:01):
projects, their power dynamicremains balanced and
consequently attractive.
If you'd like to learn whatyour dominant primary
relationship need is, you cantake the quiz now at
needsdrdarhawkscom and then comeback and re-listen to the
(35:24):
electromagnetism dance ofrelationship needs that I've
just shared with you.
It will bring you more contextand relatability once you know
what your primary relationshipneed is that is dominant in your
relationships.
Now I want to cover some commonconflicts between the five
(35:46):
primary relationship needsFreedom versus love and
belonging.
One partner's need forindependence will clash with the
other's desire for closenessand way more time to spend
together, even resentment oftheir alone time being so much
greater and higher than togethertime.
(36:08):
It also creates opposingelectromagnetic forces that
could tear the relationshipapart.
So freedom and love andbelonging really need to create
structure and a schedule fortogether time that is not
rescheduled or canceled.
Power versus safety the drivefor control will conflict with
(36:36):
the need for security and safety.
It also produces unstableelectromagnetic fields that will
fluctuate between attractionand repulsion, fun versus
survival, spontaneity andadventure can clash with
stability and routine and canresult in competing
(36:56):
electromagnetic charges that cancreate tension.
Love versus power.
The desire for unconditionallove can conflict with the need
for control and it results incompeting electromagnetic
charges that can createelectromagnetic interference
that will disrupt the harmony inthe relationship.
(37:22):
This is a pretty deep topic thatI would love to work with you
on.
We can identify what yourdominant, primary relationship
need is and that of your partner, and then in your first session
we can talk about theelectromagnetics using real live
examples from your ownrelationship in a confidential
(37:43):
way.
I'm not going to share it withthe world.
I'm not going to share it withanyone.
I'm just going to be talkingwith you about it and show you
some ways to truly manage theelectromagnetics in your
relationship.
You can get started by goingand taking the Relationship
Needs Quiz at needsdrdarhawkscomand booking your session with
(38:08):
me at sessiondrdarhawkscom.
Now let's talk a little bit moreabout balancing the
electromagnetic forces.
For you to maintain sustaininghealthy relationships, you
really ought to recognize eachperson's needs and the unique
(38:29):
energy of that need that isbeing communicated in the moment
, as well as your dominant andleast dominant need, and you can
do that by taking the quiz andidentifying your dominant and
least dominant and your leastdominant relationship need at
needsdrdarhawkscom.
That's needsdardhawkscom.
(38:49):
You can also balance the forcesby respecting the natural push
and pull between the differentneeds and each other, and when
you're feeling the push and pull, maybe take a time out, go do
something fun together andrevisit the topic or the
(39:12):
conversation at a later date.
What I find is that couples tryto resolve the argument when
they're in the argument, andrarely does that turn out in a
way that both parties walk awaycompletely fulfilled and
satisfied.
You can also communicate openlyabout competing needs and then
(39:35):
you can find creative solutionsthat honor multiple needs
simultaneously.
By finding common ground, youcan also maintain awareness of
your own and your partner'senergy fields and what the
electromagnetics arecommunicating to you, but
(39:57):
letting them know here's whatI'm feeling, or seeing that your
electromagnetics are telling me.
Is that the case?
Because we can confuse themessaging from the other person?
Because we're filtering whatwe're seeing and feeling and
sensing through our own filtersystem, which is a whole nother
(40:19):
topic that I will go into inanother day.
But when you and and regardlesswhen you understand these
forces and relationships, youcan better navigate complex
dance of human connection in themoment and choose to create
(40:39):
stronger, more resilient bondsthat will honor all five primary
needs as you're becoming awareof them in the moment.
Understanding howelectromagnetism works can teach
you a lot about humanrelationships.
This is what I'm trained to do.
Just like charged particles,positive qualities draw us
(41:03):
together and draw us in, whilenegative actions and behaviors
push us away and create stressand angst.
By using this knowledge, youcan improve your relationships.
To create strong and lastingconnections, it's important to
focus on shared values, opencommunication, empathy, respect
(41:24):
and the outcome you desire.
But what we do instead ishyper-focus and analyze on the
thing that didn't feel good, thething that we didn't like, the
hurt feelings and, honestly,that doesn't bring out feeling
great about ourselves or thatrelationship.
(41:46):
These factors will help youdevelop healthy relationships
based on attraction instead ofconflict and tension and stress
and hurt feelings.
By understanding and applyingthese principles, you can
overcome these challenges andyou can build deeper connections
(42:07):
.
Ultimately, understanding theparallels between
electromagnetism and humanrelationships can provide
insights into how you navigateconnections with others.
By recognizing the role ofattraction and repulsion in
(42:28):
shaping your relationships, youcan strive for harmony and
balance in your interact, inyour interactions in any given
moment.
By being aware of the behaviors, what is being the mood or the
sensation or energy that yourbody's picking up on, that repel
(42:50):
you much like charged particles, or that also attract you, you
can navigate your romanticconnections and other
connections more effectively.
It is important that youunderstand what your values are,
and values tend not to changeover time in our adulthood.
(43:11):
They do tend not to change whenyou're solid in them.
So if you'd like some help inidentifying what your values are
, book a session with me are.
Book a session with mesessiondrdarhawkscom.
(43:32):
Another one of my arts isreally to listen and ask
questions about things that youvalue in your life and your
relationships and feel into whoyou are energetically and
electromagnetically, and whetherthey are in alignment or out of
alignment with who you trulyare, and helping you synthesize
and identifying four or fivevalues that you then, along with
(43:54):
your dominant primaryrelationship need, can align
your life towards and use thoseinstead of your mental filters
in order to make decisions ordiscern what's best for you or
not.
So, emphasizing those valuesopen communication, empathy and
(44:14):
respect are all keys and thingsthat thrive on mutual attraction
rather than conflict.
Conflict diminishes thosethings rather than conflict.
Con diminishes those things.
Ultimately, harnessing theseinvisible forces allows you to
build deeper relationships withyour partners while fostering a
(44:35):
love that endures no matter whatlife throws you.
Also, to build emotionalintelligence and emotional
maturity.
To build emotional intelligenceand emotional maturity, it's
important to be aware of yourown emotional triggers and
reactions and yourelectromagnetic signature.
The way I do that with myclients during their sessions is
(44:59):
we will role play situations oruse examples from your own life
of things that went well,things that didn't go well,
things that felt good or thingsthat felt horrible, in order to
help you develop thatself-awareness that will then
help you understand why, what'sthe real reason you feel
(45:21):
repelled or attracted by certainbehaviors or qualities in
others, and it will show you andallow you to respond in a more
balanced and empathetic,self-honoring and
self-respectful manner, insteadof avoiding or creating conflict
.
Additionally, developing yourskill of reflective and active
(45:45):
listening can greatly enhanceyour ability to connect with
others on a deeper level.
Quite often people and I getthat I'm generalizing, but quite
often people will equatelistening with taking action or
listening with full agreement,and that's not the case.
We're truly just hearing eachother and listening to each
(46:06):
other and accepting each other,but not necessarily the topic.
So it's really important foryou to separate and communicate
very clearly that you'reaccepting what they're saying,
but not taking it on or agreeingwith it.
By truly hearing andunderstanding their perspectives
or each other's perspectivesand needs, you can cultivate an
(46:27):
environment of trust and mutualrespect.
While the laws ofelectromagnetism may govern the
physical world, they also impact, influence and create valuable
lessons for navigating thecomplex environment and
landscape of human relationships.
By embracing the principles ofattraction, repulsion and
(46:51):
balance, you can cultivatefulfilling and harmonious
connections with those aroundyou, even in the midst of
conflict and tension, and I canshow you how to shift conflict
and tension to harmony veryquickly.
It's done by diplomaticdistraction.
(47:17):
I am going to take a moment towrite that down so that I
remember to create a futurepodcast about this topic To see
(47:39):
how electromagnetics areinfluencing your relationship.
I'm trusting that this was veryinteresting or intriguing to
you.
I invite you to book a coachingsession with me today at
sessiondrdarhawkscom.
I am known to provide lasercoaching getting down to the
(48:01):
heart of the matter in onesession, and I invite you to be
prepared before the session andbring at least three examples
from your own relationships thatwe can unpack from the
perspective of electromagnetism,tuning into your body and its
(48:21):
physiology and messaging and thefive primary relationship needs
.
Most of the times I have foundthat my clients get a sensation
in their body but they don'treally connect or hear the
message that theelectromagnetism is trying to
convey, and I would love to helpyou with that and I would love
(48:44):
to help you with that.
I promise in this session youwill take away at least three
things that you can do to putmore attraction into your
relationship and life morereceiving of feel-good
electromagnetics and skills onhow to shift things in the
moment if conversation or therelationship is going into the
(49:11):
tense, anxious or conflict state.
Thank you so much for listening.
Thank you for joining me today.
Please share this podcast withyour loved ones and your
networks, because that's howthey find out about these
essential relationship topicsthat I don't feel many people,
(49:34):
many relationship coaches andhealers, are talking about today
.
Leave me some fan mail.
I would love some feedback.
What did you think?
You can go to buzzsproutcom,look for the Better
Relationships podcast and thenclick on fan mail, and I look
forward to either seeing you ina session or in the next podcast
(49:57):
.
Welcome to episode 56 of the Better Relationships
podcast.
Today, I want to talk with youabout what really attracts you
to your partner and whatrepulses you, drives you crazy
or even pisses you off theinvisible forces of attraction
called electromagnetism.
(00:20):
The reason why I want toexplain what electromagnet and
what it means to you is becauseit will help you understand that
, just like positive andnegative charges attract each
other, certain qualities in apartner can create a magnetic
pull towards them or push youaway from them and maybe even
(00:44):
turn your stomach.
Attraction is complex and itinvolves various aspects, such
as physical, intellectual,emotional and even spiritual
connections.
Here are some qualities thatcan attract you to someone their
infectious smile, theirkind-heartedness, the way they
(01:06):
create dialogue that draws youin, or even the way they
challenge your thoughts andinspire you to expand your
personal growth.
These qualities actually createa sense of connection and draw
you in.
But what pushes us away?
On the other hand, there arecertain behaviors or
(01:29):
characteristics that can act asrepelling forces in a
relationship.
Some common factors that cancreate distance include
dishonesty, lack of respect,incompatible values, different
cultural or religious beliefs,varying family dynamics where
(01:50):
maybe your family operates veryand vastly differently from your
partner's family and evendifferent career ambitions.
These repulsive factors cancause stress and strain in any
relationship.
You may have thought, or bethinking, that opposites attract
(02:12):
, but that only works for alittle while In intimate
relationships.
There is some truth to thesaying that opposites attract at
the beginning the saying thatopposites attract at the
beginning.
However, as the relationshipmatures and you try to draw
closer together, the differencesthat once appeal to you may
(02:35):
become the same ones that repelyou if you both don't actively
work on bridging those gaps andfinding common ground.
Because, let's face it, findingcommon ground is truly the key
to sustainability and lastinghappiness.
The work of finding commonground is not always easy, but
(03:18):
it is crucial for thesustainability and growth of
your relationship.
Here are just some strategiesthat may be able to help.
Here are just some strategiesthat may be able to help Open
communication, talking openlyand honestly about your needs,
desires and concerns in a calmvoice, tone of voice, calm body
posture and demeanor.
(03:41):
Empathy.
Try to understand each other'sperspective and validate each
other's feelings instead ofdiscounting them.
Compromise, be willing to seetheir perspective, identify very
clearly what your perspectiveis and then find ways to meet
halfway to find solutions thatwork for both of you.
(04:03):
You both actually win when youtry to find common ground, and
actually, when I coach couples,they initially feel like, oh,
I'm losing and they're winning,but that's not really the case,
because they're both getting alittle bit or really halfway of
what they want, as is theirpartner, and ultimately, that
(04:27):
hybrid solution creates a bettersolution for both of you anyway
, and most of the couples thatI've worked with have found that
to be the case.
By acknowledging and addressingthe differences that you have,
couples can navigate through thechallenges that you're faced
with, and you can find a balanceand common ground that allows
(04:48):
you both to feel heard, valuedand understood.
Make no mistake, though this isa learned skill, and I am
trained in helping couples findcommon ground in even the midst
of a simple small disagreementor argument within minutes, you
(05:09):
know those things that drive youcrazy over time, but you don't
say anything about it, orsomething has been just really
bugging you and you don't knowhow to talk about it, or you
don't want to bring it upbecause it'll create tension or
someone will get mad oremotionally upset or, worse,
someone's feelings will get hurt.
My art, my gift, is to help youdo that easily and without a
(05:35):
lot of upset.
But so, believe it or not,there is power in both, in the
attracting and the things thatrepel you or make you ill to
your stomach or angry.
Understanding electromagnetismfrom a positive and a negative
(05:56):
charge perspective instead of anemotional perspective or a
blame or criticism orover-analysis kind of way, will
really help you build emotionalmaturity and intelligence.
The process of embracing boththe attractive and repelling
(06:16):
aspects of a relationship canlead you to greater depth
connection and ultimately astronger connection between you
and your partner connection andultimately a stronger connection
between you and your partner,by dedicating the time and
effort to understand eachother's perspectives, to find
that common ground and tocommunicate clearly and
effectively and cleanly.
(06:37):
Cleanly meaning owning youremotions and upsets and
reactions, calling yourself outon them in the moment and then
putting them to the side andgetting back to a calm,
adult-like conversationalenvironment.
By doing all of that, couplescan navigate your differences
and cultivate a much deeperrelationship where you both feel
(07:00):
safe and supported and you bothbelong.
Relationships are dynamic.
They require constantunderstanding and recognizing
each other's nature, combinedwith nurturing and investment
from both of you to maintainthat magnetic pull.
Ultimately, attraction goesbeyond mere chemistry or that
(07:25):
initial infatuation.
It involves choosing to see thebeauty in each other's
uniqueness and embracing thechallenges that come with it.
In doing so, we not only growindividually, but also foster a
love that is strong, resilientand enduring.
This reminds me of the firstepisode of White Lotus I just
(07:47):
watched, and there's a scenewhere this newlywed couple are
sitting on the bed and the wifeis appealing to her husband,
stating that she doesn't wantanything to change.
She wants this love, attentionand attraction to be the same,
and they're committing to eachother that they're always going
to be that way.
The reality is that's not thecase.
(08:09):
The dynamics, energetics andelectromagnetism that we have in
the beginning of ourrelationship does not stay the
same.
It grows and evolves with youin your relationship and as life
happens with you in yourrelationship and as life happens
(08:30):
.
That's why understanding theseforces may help you navigate the
complexities of attraction andrepulsion in your relationship.
It reminds you to cherish thequalities that attract you,
while also being mindful ofthose blinking red flags that
repel you.
Think of electromagnetics asthe glue that binds you or the
invisible force that repels youfrom someone you care about
(08:54):
Knowing what attracts and repelsyou in a partner, friend,
family member or co-worker ormanager can truly guide you
towards creating a healthier,more fulfilling relationship,
because you have the power tochoose what and whom you let
into your life and who you keepat a distance.
(09:16):
It's about recognizing thequalities that resonate with
your own values, belief systemsvalues, belief systems,
personality and goals, and beingaware of the behaviors or
characteristics that areincompatible with your
well-being.
This self-awareness can helpyou build stronger connections
with those who bring out thebest in you and you in them,
(09:40):
while avoiding toxic or drainingrelationships.
By the way, clients that I'veworked with over the last two
decades have let go of toxic ordraining relationships or chosen
to truly transform them intohealthy ones.
It is interesting howelectromagnetics create an
(10:06):
intense chemistry-basedattraction to people who are
opposite from us.
If you are a caring,compassionate, empathic person,
there's a tendency to attractdraining relationships, people
who take from you, who drainyour energy, or even, dare I say
, narcissistic typepersonalities.
The reason why is because ofelectromagnetism.
(10:30):
This is why it's important foryou to understand how it works
and to experiment with it inyour life.
You can do it simply withwalking into a buffet restaurant
and paying attention to whatenergetically looks good to you
and why.
Diagnose and analyzing andunpacking Is it the smell, is it
(10:52):
the look, is it the color, isit the texture, is it the sauce?
All of that will help youunderstand how electromagnetism
works within you.
To check in on what you valuein relationships, how healthy a
specific relationship you haveis or is not for you, or just to
(11:12):
self-assess your needs in arelationship, or just to simply
self-assess your needs in yourrelationship, I invite you to
take my Are you Ready to Loveand Be Loved?
Quiz at quizzesdrdarhawkscom.
Now let's go deeper withunderstanding electromagnetism.
(11:35):
It is one of the fourfundamental forces of nature
governing interactions betweencharged particles.
Those charged particles can bepositive, neutral or negative.
It encompasses both theelectric attraction and magnetic
attraction fields, and it'sresponsible for a wide range of
(12:00):
phenomena, from the behavior ofatoms and humans to the
functioning of everydayelectronic devices and you
guessed it humans.
In essence, it describes howobjects and humans can attract
or repel each other based ontheir charge, and humans can
(12:22):
pick up on this charge.
And humans can pick up on thischarge In human relationships.
You can draw an analogy to thisforce by considering how you're
drawn to one another or pushedaway, based on emotional, mental
or physical or environmentalcharges.
These charges can be understoodas the qualities you possess,
(12:44):
your personalities, values,interests, mental and emotional
states, your mood, your negative, positive or neutral charge
that either creates attractionor repulsion.
Let's talk about the attractionfactor.
The positive charges.
These consist of the positivecharges that draw you in
(13:10):
relationships or towards peopleor situations.
In romantic relationships,attraction often resembles the
behavior of opposite chargescoming together, or positive
charges coming together.
When two individuals sharecommon interests, values, moods,
(13:32):
emotional states or things thatare getting communicated that
resonate positively in yourentire body.
With each other, they create amagnetic pull that draws them
closer.
This attraction can be seen infriendships as well, where
(13:52):
people are often drawn to thosewho possess qualities they
admire or aspire to have.
These types of positive chargescreate a sense of connection,
understanding and fulfillment inyour relationships, and
(14:14):
fulfillment in yourrelationships, much like the
merging of opposite charges inelectromagnetism.
Here's the other side of that,though the repulsion factor.
The negative charges, on theother hand, charges that repel
each other.
In electromagnetism, certainqualities or behaviors can
create a repulsion betweenindividuals as well.
(14:36):
These negative charges canmanifest as differences in
values, incompatiblepersonalities, conflicting
emotional states or differencesin family background or cultural
backgrounds that feel reallyinteresting at first.
(14:57):
In relationships, theserepulsive forces can lead to
tension, conflict and,ultimately, the weakening or
dissolution of the relationshipor the connection.
It's important to becomefamiliar of how these charges
feel in your body, mind andspirit and to recognize the
(15:20):
presence of these negativecharges and address them through
open communication,communication, compromise or
finding common ground andunderstanding and also defining
how you want this relationshipto be.
Is it something that you'regoing to spend a lot of time on?
Is it a relationship that youoccasionally want to interact
(15:43):
with and be clear about the why?
Why are you attracted to thisperson?
Why do you want to get involved?
You know, as I reflect in myearlier years, I would get
attracted to all kinds of peoplebecause of how different they
are or were for me.
I also would get attracted tothem because there were things
(16:07):
that they would do or how theywere being that I wanted to have
more of in my life.
But the truth is I wasn'tpaying attention to how my body
was telling me whether this wasa healthy relationship or not
and I would dive right in getinvolved, be my giving
(16:31):
empathetic, sympathetic,supportive self, and then one
day, many months or years later,it would be an ugly breakup.
This was true in workenvironments, friendships and
even intimate relationshipsUntil I embarked on
(16:55):
understanding electromagnetism,which is why I'm bringing this
topic to you, so that you canstart experimenting and paying
attention to what your body'stelling you.
Your physiology will tell youwhat is healthy for you in the
moment to the next moment, muchfaster than your thoughts,
(17:17):
feelings or your emotions will.
And if you don't feel likeyou're connected to the messages
and the wisdom of your body,book a session with me.
I can help you reconnect.
Now let's talk about balancingthese forces, because they're
all around us, these negative,positive and neutral charges
(17:41):
that you have the power todefine, whether it's positive,
negative or neutral, and yourbody will tell you whether it is
a healthy thing for you or not.
So, just as electromagneticforces can be manipulated by
simply adjusting the charge orthe distance between objects,
(18:02):
you too have the power toinfluence the dynamics and the
electromagnetics of yourrelationships.
The dynamics and theelectromagnetics of your
relationships.
By cultivating self-awarenessand actively working on your own
growth personally, you canminimize those negative toxic
charges and strengthen thepositive ones.
I'd like to give you a simpleexample of how this works.
(18:25):
Let's say you're having aconversation with your best
friend, or with a family member,or with your life partner.
It starts out being, you know,just a calm conversational time
together.
That's peaceful, and all of asudden one person says something
(18:46):
and the other person reacts.
Something happened and an upsetgets created.
That is electromagnetism inaction.
And what happens is both of youwill start reacting to the
electromagnetics being felt inthe moment, either through
(19:07):
feelings, emotions or yourthoughts.
In the moment, either throughfeelings, emotions or your
thoughts, we may not be payingattention to what our body's
telling us.
Many of us have been taught isstay in the conversation,
resolve it right away, don't goto bed with things unresolved.
But the reality is, when yourbody is already activated and
(19:27):
your mind and your conversationis with the negative charge,
trying to resolve it while inthat state of being is actually
not healthy for either you oryour partner or this other
person that you're interactingwith.
It's important to just distracteach other and say look, let's
(19:47):
put that on the shelf, let'sjust go have some fun and enjoy
each other's company.
We will revisit that topic andunpack it later, when we're in a
different mindset and state ofbeing, because I promise you, it
will look and feel verydifferent two or three days
(20:08):
later than it does in thismoment, and you will have time
for your body to unconsciouslyunpack it and give you
additional information overhowever long a span of period.
There is where you both take atime out from that topic.
Now let's talk about sharedvalues and interests.
(20:29):
Just as oppositely chargedparticles attract each other due
to their complementary nature,because opposites do have
complementary natures,individuals who share similar
values and interests also tendto find themselves magnetically
drawn together.
For example, common goals.
(20:51):
Couples who aspire to achievesimilar life goals, such as
family planning, career orfinancial aspirations, will
often experience a stronger bond.
However, as the couple spendstime together, years, even we
(21:14):
change.
Human beings are not staticbeings.
Our desires change.
I used to be very ambitious whenI was younger.
Now I care about peace andharmony, beautiful environments.
Peace and harmony, beautifulenvironments, spending time with
my chickens in the backyard,mowing my grass, gardening,
(21:38):
tending to my vegetable garden.
I didn't really care about allthat stuff when I lived in the
city and was focused on mycareer, so things do not stay
static.
Therefore, if you are gettinginto a relationship and you're
attracted to each other based oncurrent goals and similarity
there, it's important to talkabout future aspirations, 10, 20
, 30 years down the road as well.
(21:59):
Also, having mutual interests,engaging in shared hobbies or
passions will create connectionand intimacy because you're
doing those things together.
But I also want to add thatit's extremely, if not more,
important for each of you tomaintain your own interests and
(22:20):
hobbies and passionsindividually as well.
A lot of my clients will puttheir all into the relationship
and let go and sacrifice thethings that they cared about
because they're focused onbuilding a family or focused on
the children or the things thatdemand their attention have
changed and they do not carveout time for their own interests
(22:41):
.
It's really important to dothat on a weekly basis, even if
it's 15 minutes a day or one ortwo hours a week.
Now let's talk about emotionalresonance.
Emotional states also play avery crucial role in attraction.
Individuals who exhibitpositivity and warmth often
(23:05):
attract others who also seekthose qualities.
They want to be supported.
They want to feel qualities.
They want to be supported, theywant to feel safe, they want to
feel accepted.
They want to belong.
That is also true ofindividuals who don't exhibit
positivity and warmth.
There's also anotherpossibility where positive and
(23:27):
warm, caring giving people willattract the negative, woe-is-me
type people in an attempt tohelp them.
Those are the rescuers in ourlives, and we've all met one or
we all know one.
That's a topic for another day.
(23:47):
I just wanted to point out thatthere's also electromagnetism
at play in that scenario as well.
Here are examples Positiveenergy People are naturally
drawn to those who exudeconfidence and joy.
You just feel good around thosepeople.
Empathy you just feel goodaround those people.
(24:11):
Empathy the ability tounderstand and connect
emotionally, createsenvironments where love,
kindness and caring about eachother can flourish.
Now let's talk about therepulsion factor.
Those negative charges, justlike positive charges, attract
each other.
In physics, negative chargesrepel each other.
(24:35):
Negative traits or behaviorscan push individuals apart in
relationships.
Recognizing these factors isessential for maintaining
healthy connections.
Certain behaviors can act asrepulsive forces within
relationships.
For example, jealousy cancreate tension and distance.
(24:57):
Lack of communication leads tomisunderstandings that can drive
you apart.
Emotional disconnection createsunresolved conflicts that can
lead to resentment thatdistances you from one another
and, later on, incompatibilitythose differences that you
(25:18):
thought were really cool in thebeginning, or differences in
values because you're bothchanging in different directions
and not focused on creatingcommon ground.
Those can create friction thatultimately drives couples apart.
One big one that I want to talkabout that many couples are
dealing with especially seniorsand Gen Xers even some
(25:43):
millennials definitely boomersis difference in political
values, and it really is drivinga wedge in today's
authoritarian climate betweencouples who experienced or got
attracted to an authoritarian,dictatorial figure, but now they
(26:06):
are really wanting theirfreedom or they're now seeing
their political values arereally contrary to each other.
If that's you and you're in arelationship like that, you
truly are the perfect personthat I would love to work with.
You can book a session with meat sessiondrdhawkscom and I'd
(26:31):
love to learn more about what'sgoing on in your relationship
and what those political orsocial disconnects are, to see
if we can bridge them and findsome common ground.
Many couples are choosing tosplit because it's just too hard
, too too hard to stay in therelationship.
Just too hard, too too hard tostay in the relationship.
(26:54):
However, I'd love to help andfind some scenarios that may be
of value to you.
Even if you do decide to andchoose to split up.
It still is healthy to have asession so that you can part
amicably and still maintain somesort of a healthy relationship.
Let's now talk about the role ofelectromagnetic fields that
(27:15):
create connection.
Just as electromagnetic fieldssurround charged particles, that
then influences theirinteractions interactions human
beings also create and generateemotional, mental and mood
fields based on theirexperiences in the moment and
(27:39):
interactions with each other.
These fields of what I callenergy fields shape how you
perceive yourself and others andhow you perceive your partners
with it and within yourrelationships.
So building healthy connectionsis very akin in human-to-human
(28:02):
interactions to positiveelectromagnetic fields.
Having open communication whereyou encourage honest dialogue
about your feelings andexpectations, providing
reassurance and emotionalsupport during all times, and
creating shared experienceswhere you spend quality time
(28:22):
together without your cell phoneand without distractions,
engaging in activities, all willpromote teamwork, connection
and collaboration.
You also need to maintainbalance in your relationships.
That is essential to sustainattraction over time Chemistry
(28:43):
that you thought you had in thebeginning, what many of my
clients called that spark.
They have this expectation thatthe spark is going to be there
no matter how long you aretogether as a couple, and that
simply isn't the case.
The spark also evolves as youget more comfortable in your
relationship and more connectedin your relationship and the
(29:06):
need for that spark shifts andthe need for that spark shifts.
So respecting each other'sindividuality, allowing each
(29:26):
other space for personal growthwhile also sharing in each
other's personal growth andsupporting each other will
nurture the relationship andhelp maintain equilibrium.
Also, addressing any conflictsthat arise compassionately and
constructively and resolvingthem by communicating healthily
will prevent negative chargesfrom building up over time will
help prevent negative chargesfrom building up over time.
(29:48):
There is also an electromagneticdance of relationship needs.
As a relationship communicationcoach and healer, I've observed
how there are five primaryrelationship needs that truly
interact very much likeelectromagnetic forces, creating
patterns of attraction andrepulsion in our connections.
(30:11):
Let's explore how these forcesplay out in the context of needs
in our relationships.
Love and belonging as a primaryrelationship need.
Love and belonging attractsthrough warm gestures, caring
behaviors, affectionate words,quality time, a calm, caring
(30:33):
demeanor, and you can just tellfrom a person's eyes that they
are a kind giving person.
Love and belonging as a need isrepelled by withdrawal,
emotional coldness, the silenttreatment, rejection, criticism,
over-analysis, lack of supportand lack of emotional support.
(30:54):
Love and belonging'selectromagnetic signature
actually creates a strongpositive charge, when fulfilled,
that draws people closer.
Here's an example when Sarahshares her deep upset feelings
(31:15):
about a situation that happenedwith her husband's mom and her
husband Tom responds withunderstanding and empathy.
Their connection strengthenslike magnets drawing together.
You can feel and see theirhearts expanding and their care
(31:35):
for each other deepening Freedomas a need.
Freedom attracts through respectfor boundaries, supporting each
other's individual growth andgiving each other space and
alone time.
Freedom is repelled by control,possessiveness and manipulation
(31:59):
.
The primary relationship needof freedom's electromagnetic
signature requires personalspace and freedom for choices
and time.
Here's an example Mike feelssuffocated when Lisa checks his
phone constantly or texts himseveral times in an hour.
(32:21):
This creates a repelling forcethat pushes him away.
Despite their attraction, hewill start to avoid his phone or
avoid her texts.
Now let's talk about fun as aneed and the electromagnetic
(32:43):
effects of fun.
Fun as a relationship needattracts through playfulness,
lightheartedness, sharedlaughter and adventure.
That's fun, not competitive.
Fun is repelled by constantseriousness, criticism and
negativity, and itselectromagnetic signature
(33:06):
creates lightness,lightheartedness, and it creates
energetic bonds that spark joy,nifty and survival.
The electromagnetics of it as arelationship need Nifty and
survival attracts throughreliability, consistency,
creating a safe environment andprotection.
(33:29):
It is repelled byunpredictability, threats,
instability or lack of safety,and its electromagnetic
signature forms strongfoundational bonds when you feel
safe and secure in arelationship, no matter what.
(33:52):
Here's an example Rachel'sconsistent support during John's
job loss strengthens theiremotional magnetic connection by
creating trust and security.
Magnetic connection by creatingtrust and security.
The power relationship need andelectromagnetics attracts
(34:13):
through mutual respect andshared decision making, as well
as creating goals together andsharing ambition.
It is repelled by dominance,submission and control as well
(34:40):
on the healthy side side, andits electromagnetic signature
requires a balanced charge or abalanced power between parties
in the relationship, not powerover one another.
Here's an example when Alex andPatricia take turns leading
(35:01):
projects, their power dynamicremains balanced and
consequently attractive.
If you'd like to learn whatyour dominant primary
relationship need is, you cantake the quiz now at
needsdrdarhawkscom and then comeback and re-listen to the
(35:24):
electromagnetism dance ofrelationship needs that I've
just shared with you.
It will bring you more contextand relatability once you know
what your primary relationshipneed is that is dominant in your
relationships.
Now I want to cover some commonconflicts between the five
(35:46):
primary relationship needsFreedom versus love and
belonging.
One partner's need forindependence will clash with the
other's desire for closenessand way more time to spend
together, even resentment oftheir alone time being so much
greater and higher than togethertime.
(36:08):
It also creates opposingelectromagnetic forces that
could tear the relationshipapart.
So freedom and love andbelonging really need to create
structure and a schedule fortogether time that is not
rescheduled or canceled.
Power versus safety the drivefor control will conflict with
(36:36):
the need for security and safety.
It also produces unstableelectromagnetic fields that will
fluctuate between attractionand repulsion, fun versus
survival, spontaneity andadventure can clash with
stability and routine and canresult in competing
(36:56):
electromagnetic charges that cancreate tension.
Love versus power.
The desire for unconditionallove can conflict with the need
for control and it results incompeting electromagnetic
charges that can createelectromagnetic interference
that will disrupt the harmony inthe relationship.
(37:22):
This is a pretty deep topic thatI would love to work with you
on.
We can identify what yourdominant, primary relationship
need is and that of your partner, and then in your first session
we can talk about theelectromagnetics using real live
examples from your ownrelationship in a confidential
(37:43):
way.
I'm not going to share it withthe world.
I'm not going to share it withanyone.
I'm just going to be talkingwith you about it and show you
some ways to truly manage theelectromagnetics in your
relationship.
You can get started by goingand taking the Relationship
Needs Quiz at needsdrdarhawkscomand booking your session with
(38:08):
me at sessiondrdarhawkscom.
Now let's talk a little bit moreabout balancing the
electromagnetic forces.
For you to maintain sustaininghealthy relationships, you
really ought to recognize eachperson's needs and the unique
(38:29):
energy of that need that isbeing communicated in the moment
, as well as your dominant andleast dominant need, and you can
do that by taking the quiz andidentifying your dominant and
least dominant and your leastdominant relationship need at
needsdrdarhawkscom.
That's needsdardhawkscom.
(38:49):
You can also balance the forcesby respecting the natural push
and pull between the differentneeds and each other, and when
you're feeling the push and pull, maybe take a time out, go do
something fun together andrevisit the topic or the
(39:12):
conversation at a later date.
What I find is that couples tryto resolve the argument when
they're in the argument, andrarely does that turn out in a
way that both parties walk awaycompletely fulfilled and
satisfied.
You can also communicate openlyabout competing needs and then
(39:35):
you can find creative solutionsthat honor multiple needs
simultaneously.
By finding common ground, youcan also maintain awareness of
your own and your partner'senergy fields and what the
electromagnetics arecommunicating to you, but
(39:57):
letting them know here's whatI'm feeling, or seeing that your
electromagnetics are telling me.
Is that the case?
Because we can confuse themessaging from the other person?
Because we're filtering whatwe're seeing and feeling and
sensing through our own filtersystem, which is a whole nother
(40:19):
topic that I will go into inanother day.
But when you and and regardlesswhen you understand these
forces and relationships, youcan better navigate complex
dance of human connection in themoment and choose to create
(40:39):
stronger, more resilient bondsthat will honor all five primary
needs as you're becoming awareof them in the moment.
Understanding howelectromagnetism works can teach
you a lot about humanrelationships.
This is what I'm trained to do.
Just like charged particles,positive qualities draw us
(41:03):
together and draw us in, whilenegative actions and behaviors
push us away and create stressand angst.
By using this knowledge, youcan improve your relationships.
To create strong and lastingconnections, it's important to
focus on shared values, opencommunication, empathy, respect
(41:24):
and the outcome you desire.
But what we do instead ishyper-focus and analyze on the
thing that didn't feel good, thething that we didn't like, the
hurt feelings and, honestly,that doesn't bring out feeling
great about ourselves or thatrelationship.
(41:46):
These factors will help youdevelop healthy relationships
based on attraction instead ofconflict and tension and stress
and hurt feelings.
By understanding and applyingthese principles, you can
overcome these challenges andyou can build deeper connections
(42:07):
.
Ultimately, understanding theparallels between
electromagnetism and humanrelationships can provide
insights into how you navigateconnections with others.
By recognizing the role ofattraction and repulsion in
(42:28):
shaping your relationships, youcan strive for harmony and
balance in your interact, inyour interactions in any given
moment.
By being aware of the behaviors, what is being the mood or the
sensation or energy that yourbody's picking up on, that repel
(42:50):
you much like charged particles, or that also attract you, you
can navigate your romanticconnections and other
connections more effectively.
It is important that youunderstand what your values are,
and values tend not to changeover time in our adulthood.
(43:11):
They do tend not to change whenyou're solid in them.
So if you'd like some help inidentifying what your values are
, book a session with me are.
Book a session with mesessiondrdarhawkscom.
(43:32):
Another one of my arts isreally to listen and ask
questions about things that youvalue in your life and your
relationships and feel into whoyou are energetically and
electromagnetically, and whetherthey are in alignment or out of
alignment with who you trulyare, and helping you synthesize
and identifying four or fivevalues that you then, along with
(43:54):
your dominant primaryrelationship need, can align
your life towards and use thoseinstead of your mental filters
in order to make decisions ordiscern what's best for you or
not.
So, emphasizing those valuesopen communication, empathy and
(44:14):
respect are all keys and thingsthat thrive on mutual attraction
rather than conflict.
Conflict diminishes thosethings rather than conflict.
Con diminishes those things.
Ultimately, harnessing theseinvisible forces allows you to
build deeper relationships withyour partners while fostering a
(44:35):
love that endures no matter whatlife throws you.
Also, to build emotionalintelligence and emotional
maturity.
To build emotional intelligenceand emotional maturity, it's
important to be aware of yourown emotional triggers and
reactions and yourelectromagnetic signature.
The way I do that with myclients during their sessions is
(44:59):
we will role play situations oruse examples from your own life
of things that went well,things that didn't go well,
things that felt good or thingsthat felt horrible, in order to
help you develop thatself-awareness that will then
help you understand why, what'sthe real reason you feel
(45:21):
repelled or attracted by certainbehaviors or qualities in
others, and it will show you andallow you to respond in a more
balanced and empathetic,self-honoring and
self-respectful manner, insteadof avoiding or creating conflict
.
Additionally, developing yourskill of reflective and active
(45:45):
listening can greatly enhanceyour ability to connect with
others on a deeper level.
Quite often people and I getthat I'm generalizing, but quite
often people will equatelistening with taking action or
listening with full agreement,and that's not the case.
We're truly just hearing eachother and listening to each
(46:06):
other and accepting each other,but not necessarily the topic.
So it's really important foryou to separate and communicate
very clearly that you'reaccepting what they're saying,
but not taking it on or agreeingwith it.
By truly hearing andunderstanding their perspectives
or each other's perspectivesand needs, you can cultivate an
(46:27):
environment of trust and mutualrespect.
While the laws ofelectromagnetism may govern the
physical world, they also impact, influence and create valuable
lessons for navigating thecomplex environment and
landscape of human relationships.
By embracing the principles ofattraction, repulsion and
(46:51):
balance, you can cultivatefulfilling and harmonious
connections with those aroundyou, even in the midst of
conflict and tension, and I canshow you how to shift conflict
and tension to harmony veryquickly.
It's done by diplomaticdistraction.
(47:17):
I am going to take a moment towrite that down so that I
remember to create a futurepodcast about this topic To see
(47:39):
how electromagnetics areinfluencing your relationship.
I'm trusting that this was veryinteresting or intriguing to
you.
I invite you to book a coachingsession with me today at
sessiondrdarhawkscom.
I am known to provide lasercoaching getting down to the
(48:01):
heart of the matter in onesession, and I invite you to be
prepared before the session andbring at least three examples
from your own relationships thatwe can unpack from the
perspective of electromagnetism,tuning into your body and its
(48:21):
physiology and messaging and thefive primary relationship needs
.
Most of the times I have foundthat my clients get a sensation
in their body but they don'treally connect or hear the
message that theelectromagnetism is trying to
convey, and I would love to helpyou with that and I would love
(48:44):
to help you with that.
I promise in this session youwill take away at least three
things that you can do to putmore attraction into your
relationship and life morereceiving of feel-good
electromagnetics and skills onhow to shift things in the
moment if conversation or therelationship is going into the
(49:11):
tense, anxious or conflict state.
Thank you so much for listening.
Thank you for joining me today.
Please share this podcast withyour loved ones and your
networks, because that's howthey find out about these
essential relationship topicsthat I don't feel many people,
(49:34):
many relationship coaches andhealers, are talking about today
.
Leave me some fan mail.
I would love some feedback.
What did you think?
You can go to buzzsproutcom,look for the Better
Relationships podcast and thenclick on fan mail, and I look
forward to either seeing you ina session or in the next podcast
(49:57):
.
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