When King David learned that their rival neighbors, who the Israelites had allegedly already wiped off the face of the Earth twice, the Ammonites, had lost their king, he decided to send a couple diplomats over to pay his respects. When the diplomats showed up, the Ammonite elders advised the new king that these men were most likely spies checking for any weaknesses, and they had no reason to believe otherwise. They did the only logical thing and shaved these men's beards off and cut a hole in their robe to expose their naked buttholes. This started a war.
During the war, David got the hots for a woman he spied on while she was taking a bath and whose name was coincidentally Bathsheba. He did the logical thing and ordered her to the palace, ordered her to have sex with him, came inside of her, and then had her husband (who was a hero in his army currently fighting in the War of the Naked Buttholes) killed.
God was so mad that he did the only logical thing. And that was to murder David and Bathsheba's baby.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.