August 28, 2024 • 51 mins
Can change be both an opportunity and a source of anxiety? Join us as we explore this duality within the Wilson family and our bustling businesses. From Kiki starting her senior year to the thrill and challenges of our business expansions, including new software releases and the success of Bay River's boarding daycare and our Media agency, we candidly discuss the whirlwind of emotions that come with these transitions. Discover how our son's decision to join the family business instead of attending college has shaped his growth and the exciting prospect of him owning his first home at a young age.
In this episode, we delve into the depths of personal growth, recounting early-life struggles and the evolution of our stress management strategies. Reflecting on moments of inadequacy and college panic attacks, we underscore the importance of acknowledging anxiety and seeking professional help. We share how our perspectives on handling responsibilities have shifted over the decades, offering valuable insights into managing life's unpredictable nature and the ongoing journey of personal development.
Finally, we address the poignant emotions tied to significant life transitions, such as children growing up and moving away. We emphasize the importance of recognizing and vocalizing these feelings to manage associated stress. Through personal anecdotes, we illustrate the delicate balance between personal and professional life, prioritizing family time, and ensuring our loved ones feel supported and valued. Tune in to hear about the necessity of staying present, grounded, and transparent with our families while navigating the complexities of life's demands.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Changes.
It was changes, big changes,changes.
I've been super anxious lately,super stressed lately, super
worried lately, like it's crazyand we're talking about changes.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I think that is how the song goes.
So Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.
(00:48):
Isn't that how the song goes?
Logan, Something like thatChanges.
I think that's a song, I don'tknow.
You know a lot of stuff's goingon.
One consistent is we're here inthe studio For now.
Today, the Big Dog Podcast Yep,today, that is true cha cha,
cha cha changes.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I think that is how the song goes, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Today is the start of a really, really, really big
year for the Wilson family.
The start, the beginning to theend of an era For the Wilson
family.
The start, the beginning to theend Of an era.
Some would say Kiki startedsenior year today.
(01:42):
It's a big time.
I'm almost done, I've done it.
I think I'd stop parenting at18.
That's how that works.
Yeah, I'm not 18, but, like atgraduation, I think that because
you graduated, I don't have toparent you anymore.
And then when Kiki graduates,yeah, I think me and your mom
are free and clear no moreresponsibilities, no influence,
(02:08):
no obligations, are free andclear no more responsibilities,
no influence, no obligations.
We're clear, all right, I thinkI've never been here before,
really so as far as like, havingno minor children, so we'll see
what happens.
It's a big year.
More than likely last year,full-time in Virginia, more than
(02:29):
likely last year, with kidsunder the roof, full-time,
because you'll probably make amove next summer.
Kiki's going to go to collegenext summer.
Changes we got new businesseswe've launched.
We have expansion opportunitieswithin some of our businesses
(02:58):
going on, got some softwarewe're getting ready to release.
We're still training dogs everyday.
Bay River's boarding daycare isdoing awesome, with Danny Media
agency's blowing up, doingawesome.
A lot of changes though Newpeople stepping up into roles
(03:21):
they haven't been in before andI like change.
I like change a lot.
It doesn't bother me, like it'slike cars, houses you know
anything.
For that matter, change doesn'tnever has bothered me.
The only things I need to haveconsistent is my wife, you know,
(03:42):
and my kids.
And outside of that, changeslike hey, I roll with the
punches, I adapt, we pivot, wefigure it out, life is life is
life is good.
However, it doesn't mean thatthere isn't a lot of anxiety
that also comes along, you know,with it.
And, um, you know I am super.
(04:04):
I mean, I've never beenclinically diagnosed, but there
have been some professionals whohave spoken to me about it and
I definitely got the.
The ad hid, the ADHD, Idefinitely got that.
Would you agree?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, that's a professional diagnoser.
Yeah, Me.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Yeah, Okay, I also have a ton of anxiety about
stuff and I used to not talkabout that, but I do talk about
it a lot more and I think it goteasier to talk about as I got
more comfortable with how Ideal't think publicly I present
that way a lot, but no, I mean Idefinitely, definitely do A lot
(04:51):
of the things I'm responsiblefor and people I'm responsible
for.
I mean, the weight just buildsup, you know, and not wanting to
disappoint anybody and executeon what I want and what my
family needs, and you know thepeople who work for us and what
they do.
And so, you know, going intothis time of change and seeing
(05:15):
things happening and takingplace that are things that we've
planned for and worked towardsfor a really, really long time
and it's just been things thathave been spoken about.
Well, when this time comes,there'll be a transition for
this, Once this has happened,that's the time to transition,
(05:37):
you know, for this and a lot oftalking, but now it's time for
action, Right, and so we'retaking action.
Action steps are starting.
You know, we were house huntingwith you a week or two ago.
That's crazy, but I told youwhen you came to us as like a
sophomore and said hey, if youknow, I I don't know that I want
(06:02):
to go to college.
Dad, mom and dad, I think Iwant to come work in the
business.
You know, we're like we dialedin a little bit more.
We're like, hey, what are youinterested in?
You're like, I'm interested indogs, I'm interested in business
and marketing.
Well, shit, the no-brainerthing is broner, the no-brainer
bro.
The no-bra thing it's going towork for us.
(06:23):
You're interested in dogs.
We got you Business andmarketing.
We got you you learn more.
You learn more in your firstsix months than you would have
learned in four years of college.
You know you're coming up on ayear.
Oh snap, I think what's today?
24th, 26, 26, like five daysago, I think was one year.
(06:46):
He started like August 20th orAugust 21st.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah, something like that yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And so you know, you've been here a year.
I don't know.
From my perspective, you'velearned a lot of new stuff and
you're executing on a lot ofdifferent things.
What do you feel like?
You feel like you learned a lot.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Was it stressful and anxious sometimes.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Parts of it, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
So changes and big things happen.
Well, one of the things I toldyou, though, when you were in
high school, you know, and Ithink it was your junior year I
said look man, play this right,do this right.
You could own your first home,you know, when you're 20, you
know, before you're 21 for sure,and if you want that to happen,
you're going to be able to dothat and make that happen, which
(07:36):
is amazing, and I'm proud ofthat, because you know we had
plans in place and you've donethings you need to do on your
end to put yourself in aposition to be able to do that.
And you know that's big time.
You know a lot of people gotheir whole life and never own a
home You're going to becauseyou're smart and you're doing
(07:56):
good with your money and makingright choices, you know you're
going to be able to to do thatwithout mommy or daddy buying it
for you.
You know that type of deal,like you are doing it, you are
earning it, it's yours and ifyou choose, that's what you
ultimately want to do.
That's amazing to me.
That's cool.
That comes with a lot of stress.
(08:25):
You leave in the house.
You were gone for a week and ahalf, you know, and I saw you
two days into it, you know forreal quick for 24 hours.
But man, it was super weird youbeing gone.
It was a little taste of sorry.
My nose is bothering me Ifyou're on video watching.
I apologize, my nose is no fakesneeze, though, just it's like
a tickle.
Um, you know, that was weird.
It was kind of like a littletest run of you not being in the
(08:45):
house.
I was like.
I don't really care for this,but that's the natural thing,
right?
That's normal.
Normal for you to be gone andleave and do your thing, and so
we're excited for you for that.
But it was weird and it'schange and you know it's Kiki
(09:07):
senior year and I feel likeevery day she's more and more
and more independent and comingand going and friends and all
kinds of different stuff, andthere's nothing wrong with that.
That's perfectly normal.
It's just different.
It's weird, stressful.
(09:27):
My oldest nephew he left forcollege last week.
He's at Virginia Tech Go Hokies.
Ooh, that sounded gross.
Ooh, only for him.
Yeah, I mean it in support ofmy nephew.
I don't mean it in Go Hokies inany way, shape or form of like
(09:50):
I'm a tech fan or anything likethat.
Let me be very, very clear.
But we know Gavin's going tokill it and have a great time,
be very social, and you knowhe's going to make the most of
his opportunities, and so he'sgone and we're sad and it's
weird, but it's normal.
All these things are normalDoesn't mean that it doesn't
cause some stress and it doesn'tmean that it's not going to
(10:11):
cause some anxiety.
Anxiety is normal.
Everybody struggles withanxiety.
Some people really strugglewith anxiety.
Some people really strugglewith anxiety and there's a
difference between experiencinganxiety and struggling with
(10:34):
anxiety.
You can be anxious about havingto go and give a speech in
front of a bunch of people.
Right, okay, we suck it up, wego give the speech.
That's most people.
Some people, the thought ofdoing that would be debilitating
.
That's someone who struggleswith it.
(10:55):
I've known for a long time.
I've struggled with anxiety.
I remember when your mom and Ifirst got married.
I remember, um, you know, we'dgone on our honeymoon, we'd
looked at law schools that I wassupposed to go to and I decided
I didn't want to go.
I didn't want to continue doingschool.
School's hard for me, I don'twant to go to school anymore.
And she's like what, what areyou going to do?
(11:17):
I said I don't know.
You know, figure it out.
And I ended up, you know, goingand working at MCI, which was a
long distance phone company thatI worked at in college, my
first year of college, and madereally good money.
I almost dropped out of school,actually my freshman year,
because I was making really goodmoney and they wanted me to
(11:39):
become a supervisor at 18freaking idiots.
No wonder they're not inbusiness anymore, trying to make
an 18 year old a manager.
I was just dropping them sales,though, you know, and putting
up big numbers.
So that's what you do, you, you, you make the best salesperson
a manager, which is a stupidbusiness model.
That's terrible.
Most of your best salespeopleshould never be in management.
(12:01):
You should let them go, hunt,let them eat right, let them
kill and bring in the business.
But now they make them managersand they get miserable.
So, anyway, I went back toworking there, though while I
looked for a job, and I think itwas only about two months.
But here I am college grad, backat the same place I was working
at five years before.
College grad, back at the sameplace I was working at five
(12:23):
years before.
Yes, I know, that's a victorylap for those not paying
attention.
Five years Most people takefour.
I took five.
I'd like to tell you it'sbecause I transferred schools
and changed my major.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
My junior year it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Again, not a really good student, Not a great
student, but I try hard.
So I had to try a little harderand I got an extra year to
prove my worth and I did, I didand it was fine and good and I
graduate and I went back toworking at that same call center
.
I worked in for a year myfreshman year of college and I
felt like such a freaking loser.
(13:03):
I just felt terrible.
I felt like such a freakingloser.
I just felt terrible.
I felt like I let your mom down.
I felt like I let my familydown.
I'm like damn, what a loser.
What am I doing here, sellinglong distance and what other
crap they were selling in 2002.
And we had our first littleapartment.
(13:23):
We're trying to figure out lifeand I remember for the first
time in my life like that Irecall, and maybe I'd had him
sooner, but the first one Iremember I had an actual panic
attack and here I am 22 yearsold and I thought I was about to
die.
I remember sitting on the floorin our apartment and like I
(13:44):
couldn't breathe and I'm justlike freaking out.
I mean, I was freaking out,like I couldn't breathe.
I remember crying and beingupset and your mom's like
consoling me and it's all right,it's fine.
What's going on?
What's going on?
And I, I didn't know it was apanic attack then, like I knew
that a couple years after, but Imean, it was really really
(14:08):
freaking scary and I'm like whatthe hell?
And I was so embarrassed and Ifelt so weak and I felt like I
was disappointing your mom andhow is she gonna have confidence
in me when I can't even, youknow, handle this stage in our
life?
How is she she going to haveconfidence in me to handle, you
know, the rest of it?
And it was changes.
(14:28):
It was all these big changestaking place and all this stuff
happening.
And I'm like, damn, is this howI'm going to respond to stress?
Is this how I'm going to dealwith things that come up in our
life?
And you know, I'm 22 years old,I don't know jack shit about
anything.
Changes, things are changing.
(14:49):
It's different.
There's these responsibilitiesand I've been screwing off at
college for five years, stillworking, and all those things,
but it's just different.
Now, all of a sudden, I'm ahusband, I got responsibilities
and I made promises of what Iwas going to be and what our
(15:10):
life would look like, and we'resitting in a freaking
roach-infested $299 a monthapartment in Denby, virginia,
newport News, northern NewportNews in not a great area at all.
Like I said, the rent was $299.
When all the other apartmentcomplexes you look at were like
(15:31):
$1,200, $1,300.
We're at $299.
Had new vinyl, though, andappliances $299 a month, and I
remember sitting there like Ican't handle this.
How am I going to uphold allthese promises I made?
Now, 20 some odd years later,I'm still working to uphold a
(15:56):
lot of those promises, but theywere big picture dreams and what
we wanted our life to be.
And has our life gone exactlyto plan how we mapped it out?
Absolutely not, and thischanges all the time.
So many changes, I mean.
I feel like I feel like I'vehad three lives already.
(16:20):
You know, and a buddy of mine,you know, larry, talks about how
your brain.
I don't know if this is forboth sexes, but you know, and a
buddy of mine, you know, larry,talks about how your brain.
I don't know if this is forboth sexes, but, um, you know
what I just said, that bothsexes.
That's probably gonna piss somepeople off my bad, but I don't
know if this goes for men orwomen also, or women also.
But he had said he had readsome study.
(16:41):
I thought he said for men, liketheir brains like completely
like changed, like from apersonality standpoint,
processes of thinking like twicein your life.
And I thought he said the firsttime was like early to mid-20s
(17:02):
and the second was like earlymid forties.
And I'm sitting there thinkingabout that.
I start lining up massive shiftsin our lives and things that
had happened during those pointsof my life and I was like, ooh,
that makes sense, that makessense.
(17:23):
We're like what was, was I into?
What had my focus, what had myenergy during those seasons of
life?
And I'm like, holy crap, I cansee that.
I can see that and it's like Iwas the same person but at the
same time, if this makes sense,I was a different person.
(17:44):
And you know, it's all centeredaround these changes and this
anxiety that I struggled withand I feel like I've gotten
better about it throughout mylife.
I mean, you know, I definitelyknow that I'm better about it, I
definitely know that I'm betterabout it.
(18:04):
But like it's okay toacknowledge that there's anxiety
about something.
It's okay to acknowledge that,hey, maybe what's going on with
me.
I need to talk to somebodyabout, right Like it's not
(18:25):
something my mom can help mewith, it's not something that
you know my spouse, your spouse,can help you with.
Like you, they want to help youbut they're not equipped to
help you with whatever is goingon with you.
So, like a professional, like atherapist, right Like I
probably spent I don't know fouror five months talking to a
(18:45):
therapist years and years andyears ago I finally went.
I was in a bad way and I wentand I talked to him like once a
week or whatever it was, andthen I stopped going.
They didn't tell me that Ineeded to stop going, but hell,
I wouldn't tell me to stop goingeither.
And that's how they make theirmoney Right now.
(19:08):
In theory, they're doing itbecause they want to help people
and serve people and all thosethings.
But, like you, got to live.
I mean, that's how you pay yourbills, you know.
And so they didn't tell me hey,man, you're good, you've dealt
with this stuff, bounce.
So they didn't tell me hey, man, you're good, you've dealt with
this stuff, bounce.
I knew that I dealt with myshit and I could bounce and be
(19:29):
done with it.
And I also know how I felt,like I haven't forgotten how I
felt during that season and if Iever feel like I'm slipping
back into that season, I knowthat that's an option and that
was an option that did help meRight.
And so you have to figure outfor yourself kind of what, what
(19:52):
do you do that helps you copeand deal with the anxiety, the
stressors, the changes.
Keep it to where you'reexperiencing anxiety.
You're not struggling withanxiety.
Some people got to be medicated, heavily medicated.
Okay, I mean I'm not a doctor,I can't speak to it.
(20:13):
Maybe that's what they need.
But like, don't, don't beatyourself up.
If you're ever in a situationwhere it's getting heavy and you
just don't feel up and excitedabout everything, like that's
okay, like that's not, you'renot broken, it's not abnormal,
(20:35):
it's not, you're not weak.
If you're not bubbly in themoment and all this stuff, like.
You can feel shitty, you canfeel down, you can feel off a
little bit.
But recognize why.
Recognize why I'm telling youright now, this time next year,
(21:00):
when you're moved out of thehouse and we've just dropped
Kiki off at college, I'm notgoing to feel good Like I get it
.
And when I think to myself I'mgonna go run out on those train
tracks and just be done withlife because I'm so sad and
(21:20):
distraught, my kids are out ofthe house.
I'm gonna take a moment andrecognize to myself that's
normal.
Of course I want you guys to belike 11 and nine forever.
It's one of my favorite timeswith y'all.
That's not freaking normal life.
That's not how things go.
(21:41):
Of course I should feel sadthat you guys are gone.
Of course I'm going to beanxious about your sister going
wherever the hell she's gettingup going to college.
That's not going to be anxiousabout your sister going wherever
the hell she's getting up goingto college.
That's not going to be withinfive minutes of me.
That I can just pop in and showup and then scorch the earth
(22:02):
for any wrongs that she feelstake place for her.
Yeah, I'm going to be anxiousthat, if you need me, I'm not
five minutes away to come helpyou do something or hang out or
whatever you need, like, well,damn, am I there for him.
But I am there for you, but Iam there for your sister and
(22:23):
your mom's going to be in Grammy, everybody Right?
So, yes, I'm going to bestressed, yes, I'm going to be
ridiculously anxious, but youknow what else I'm going to be
stressed.
Yes, I'm going to beridiculously anxious, but you
know what else?
I'm going to be Ridiculouslyproud, ridiculously proud that,
okay, your mom and I aren'tperfect, but we've done good
(22:46):
enough to set you up to startthis path, this journey for you
to do things.
I'm going to be crazy.
I was telling you yesterday wewere in Charlotte, so stop for
lunch.
I'm like man, we were justwalking.
I was like I'm so incrediblyproud of you, like I just am.
I just am, and your sister too,and she's going to leave me.
She's going to go far away.
I know she is and I'm gladshe's confident to do that and
(23:10):
bold enough to do that and faraway.
You know people like Jamie.
She goes, Jamie.
Jamie's not that far away, it'sfar away.
When my ass is in Dallas,that's far away.
It's far away.
(23:32):
It's less far when we're backin Virginia for a little bit,
but three hours is a hell of alot different than down the hall
.
That's stressful, that'sworrisome, that creates an
enormous amount of anxiety.
That I'm experiencing and likemy challenge to people, I'm just
(23:53):
telling you stuff that I'mexperiencing and, like my
challenge to people, I'm justtelling you stuff that I'm going
through, stuff that I'mthinking about, stuff that's on
my mind right now, and I bet youknow if you're listening or
watching, there's things thatare causing you stress.
(24:14):
They are causing you stress,they are causing you worry, they
are causing an extreme amountof anxiety to be experienced.
And my challenge to you todayis recognize why, recognize why
you're feeling that way, why amI experiencing this?
(24:36):
How am I going to attack it sothat you don't end up struggling
with it?
Experience it, it's fine, be inthe moment, feel the pain, feel
the sadness.
Those are human emotions andthey're fine human emotions.
(24:58):
Recognize it, experience it,handle it.
And if you can rationalize,this has worked for me and maybe
it'll work for you.
If you can understand whyyou're feeling this way and you
can vocalize, even if it's justyourself, why you're feeling
(25:21):
this way.
I really believe you can keepfrom struggling with it.
The struggle is where there'spotential to lose Experiencing
heartbreak, experiencing stress,experiencing anxiety,
experiencing worry and hurt andchallenges and difficulties All
(25:50):
normal.
That's life.
That is life.
That's not the part that beatsyou.
That's not the part thatdefeats you.
The struggle part is when youallow it to go from an
experience to a struggle.
(26:11):
That's where shit gets scary,that's where things get out of
control.
That is when you start makingreally bad decisions, when
you're struggling rather thanexperiencing.
But you're struggling.
You're not clear headed, so youcan't work yourself through
what's going on.
You can't recognize and bringyourself back to center on God.
(26:35):
I'm feeling really down lately.
What's wrong with me, man?
I'm feeling really, reallydepressed.
Am I having a situation like Ihad when Devin and I first got
married?
Am I about to start havingpanic attacks again?
Am I spiraling into a bad spot?
Did I let her down?
Did I let my mom down?
Do I let my kids down?
Nobody knows.
(26:57):
Everybody needs something fromme.
Everybody's waiting on me to dosomething.
It feels like maybe that's you,maybe that's how you're feeling
(27:24):
right now, and if I'm beinghonest with you, it's actually
exactly how I'm feeling rightnow.
So I'm preaching to myself here, um, and if I'm being honest
with you, it's actually exactlyhow I'm feeling right now.
So I'm preaching to myself here, because all these things we've
(27:47):
talked about, all these thingswe've dreamed for, all these
things we've worked for, there'sa big moment of change upon us,
and this is self-inflicted.
This is not anyone being anysort of way, but how I feel
(28:07):
about it is I feel like I got alot of people on hold right now,
waiting to see what I'm goingto do.
Well, when, when, when are wedoing this?
When are we doing it?
Why can't we do this now?
Or, and it's not like well,where are you going to be?
When will you be back?
(28:30):
Like you're, you're going,going there.
Well, what about this?
Well, what about that?
Are we ready to do this?
So we're doing this and that,like, I don't know yet, and what
(28:53):
I'm almost struggling with butI'm still experiencing, I'm
still at the experiencing leveland I'm really trying to keep
myself from going to thestruggle level is I don't have
to have any of those answers yet.
I don't.
I don't have to have any ofthose answers yet I don't.
And is it other people askingthose questions or is it me
(29:19):
asking those questions?
Am I creating this experienceI'm going through, or am I
responding to outside peopleputting this on me and if I
really really think about it, Ireally really think about it, I
really really think about it,it's probably both, it's
probably a little bit of both,and nobody's wrong Nobody's
(29:42):
wrong for asking me or you know,like, what my plans are and
stuff like that.
Um, nobody's wrong for that.
Nobody's wrong for that.
I just hate not being able togive them the answers yet.
And I don't know yet.
I don't.
I honest to God don't know.
(30:04):
But when it was talked about 10years ago, it was a lot easier
to talk about because that's 10years from now.
When it was talked about fiveyears ago, it was a lot easier
to talk about because it wasfive years ago.
Well, it's not that anymore.
I mean, it's a year from nowand that shit's going to be here
(30:25):
, like that.
And while it's important to knowsome of those answers, I don't
necessarily want to be pressedon it right now, because I don't
want to miss the moments of thenext 12 months with both my
kids under the same roof.
(30:45):
I don't want to miss thosethings.
I mean, I had signed up forthis stupid course.
Oh, you know what I was doingin the first place.
I don't need to do it.
I just wanted miss those things.
I mean I'd signed up for thisstupid course.
Oh, you know, I was doing it inthe first place.
I don't need to do it, I justwanted to do it.
I'm trying to get better.
You know, 45 years old andstill trying to get better.
You should too.
I don't care what age you are.
You should always be trying toget better and grow and learn.
(31:06):
And I, you know, no fault oftheirs, all fault of mine.
I thought this class I can justwatch the recordings of the
lectures, do the work, submit it, grow, learn, all that stuff.
Yeah, so I'm at the first class.
It's very much a live classonline and it's two to three
(31:31):
nights a week, three hours at atime, with like 20 hours of
group and classwork outside ofclass time.
So I've been out of college forwell since 2002.
I went back to college lastMonday.
I was back out of college by 8am Tuesday morning.
(31:54):
We dropped that sucker and ifthis was next year, maybe a year
after that, I probably wouldn'thave made that adjustment.
But knowing that this is thelast year where I have both the
kids under the same roof, I'mnot spending 20 hours a week on
(32:16):
some bullshit.
I mean that respectfully, ofcourse.
It's bullshit when I compare itto what I'm missing.
I'm sure as hell not spendingtwo to three nights a week from
7.30 to 10.30, you know, lookinglike this on a mic and
(32:36):
headphones and a computer, whilemy family's life is going by,
because that's like yourhousehold, that's probably the
one time a day that you'reactually all together.
So, yeah, you're not going tocatch me on the computer Doing
that.
What you're probably going tocatch is more of what happened
last night where, logan, we hadjust gotten back from Tennessee,
(32:58):
we had a bunch of people overfor dinner, we had such a blast
and Logan's like um, logan'slike hey, do you want to play?
Um, what is it?
The football, college footballon the X-Box, which is
phenomenal.
I'm not a gamer by any means,um, but this game is freaking
awesome and I beat Logan's asslike a week or two ago, um,
(33:20):
really, really, really badly.
So we played again last nightand I think I scored once and I
lost by a lot.
He took it to me badly, but weplayed that and I said, hey, man
, let's go watch this footballgame.
So Devin was in my room, in ourroom.
Logan and I went in there.
We're watching football.
I remember five minutes of thegame and I was asleep,
(33:42):
apparently.
You were in there for a whiletalking to mom and watching
football and then she kicked youout, you know, to go to bed or
whatever, and I didn't realizeany of that happened, but at
least I was present for theexperience, not dialed in on the
(34:04):
computer and doing whatever.
So I'm making decisions to keepmyself to where I'm
experiencing the stress andanxiety and worry and heartbreak
, but I'm making the decisionsthat keep it just as an
experience and manageable.
I'm not making the decisionsthat are going to take me to the
(34:24):
point of struggle and I madethe decision to keep going with
this course.
That I wanted to do.
That would have been adeliberate decision, an
intentional choice that wouldtake me immediately to the point
of struggling with this stuff,because now I have on more
responsibility, more thingsbeing asked of me and less time
(34:49):
with what I want to be doingmost.
You got to stay in a situation.
If I was already in thestruggle, I probably wouldn't
have made the right decision.
I probably would have just feltso overwhelmed, so stressed out
, so overburdened that I didn'teven think to just walk away
(35:11):
from the course.
We'll just figure out how tobalance it all.
Figure out how to balance itall and balance is bullshit.
Balance is bullshit.
So much of people's stress andanxiety comes from trying to
balance things, and that's animpossible task.
(35:33):
There isn't balance.
Design your life to where whatneeds you gets you.
Be so clear on your mission andyour vision and your values and
what matter to you that whenyou have to step away from
family, there isn't a point ofcontention because you have to
go and focus on your businessBecause the business is the most
(35:56):
important thing in that moment.
So you have to go handlesomething.
Because you handled it, yourbusiness survives another day
and now you can care for yourfamily and your employees, your
teams, and sometimes you'rereally focused at work and
dialed into work and you'reworking on a major project and
(36:18):
stuff is going on and yourspouse or your kid calls honey,
I need you, dad, I need you.
Guess what.
I don't give a shit that youhave three hours of work left
and you're in the middle of thesuper important project.
These get done.
The precedent you have to go.
(36:38):
They have to know that whenthey make that phone call you
drop everything and go.
That's not a balanced life.
That's designing your life withintentionality so that you can
be there for what needs you whenthey need you most.
If it's about balance, you'llcreate such a life to where it's
(37:01):
like well, the kids really needme for X, y and Z.
But you know I still haveanother six hours here at work
and then I've got 90 minutesallotted for dinner and family
time and then I've got 90minutes of you know, walking the
cat and you know whateveryou're trying to figure like
(37:24):
everything's balanced out, towhere everything's equal or
where you feel it's equal inyour mind, where you can justify
the equality of it.
But the thing is, when you dothat and I believe this to my
core you are constantly cheatingsomething because you operate
(37:48):
on this idea of balance when itdoesn't exist.
You're taking from something atall times.
When I choose my family'sgetting me, I'm taking from my
business, family's getting me,I'm taking from my business.
(38:09):
When my businesses get me, I amtaking from my family.
That's it.
That's it.
And when I'm giving to myfamily, I want to be giving to
them fully.
I don't want to be giving them.
They're like someone someonesuper smart right now is
listening, logan they're likewhat the hell does Josh think a
balance is?
You take a little from overhere and you put it here so that
(38:33):
balances out.
Yeah, I don't want that shit.
I don't want to give half of mystuff to my business and half
of me to my family.
If my family needs me, I halfof my stuff to my business and
half of me to my family.
If my family needs me, I wantmy family to have me If my
business needs me, my businesscan have me and if, when my
family needs me or wants me,they know they get me fully.
(38:57):
When I have to get up in themiddle of dinner and walk out to
deal with some bullshit withthe company, or a trip has to
get canceled because somethingis going on and it just can't be
allowed to happen because yourdad isn't a traditional employee
who has paid vacation and allthese things, like I can't
control when things happen.
But because the familyunderstands the buy-in, they
(39:23):
understand what we're trying toaccomplish as a family, they
understand the vision and themission that we're on.
Is there disappointment whenthe trip gets canceled?
Sure, yep.
Is there disappointment becausedad had to leave dinner and
take a phone call?
(39:43):
Yeah, maybe, but if you'reclear about it and they get it
and they know without a doubtwhen that phone rings or they
walk into the office, dad, Ineed you.
There's no question overwhether they're going to get me
(40:06):
or not.
They got me.
That's not balanced life.
That's intentionally choosingto be all in and it doesn't mean
it's always going to be easyand it's always going to be
gravy and everybody's happy.
There's times where you're notgoing to be able to be around,
(40:30):
you might miss something.
They better understand whyBecause if they don't, there
will be resentment, they'll hateyour business, they will be
dismissive of you, and therehave been seasons of my life
where I feel like I did createthat.
I feel like the last seven,eight years though it hasn't, I
(40:55):
don't think I failed.
Have I have?
Have I failed there?
No, I mean you can say it onthe thing.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
If I have.
I mean, that's the point ofthis is being transparent.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
So I feel like and I'm gone a lot, guys Like I work
a ton, but I feel like whenwe're together, we're together
and you know it's, it's good.
One thing I learned about methis past week last Wednesday we
got to go down to our dearest,dearest friends Swindles, who
(41:27):
live down in Knoxville, andthey've checked a big box of a
dream, a life dream, and we'reso excited for them.
And you know they've bought thefamily farm and bought their
family farm.
I should say it's new to theirfamily, it's eight, their family
farm.
I should say it's it's new totheir family, it's their
family's farm.
Now, it wasn't in the familybefore.
(41:49):
So let me clarify that.
And it is a beautiful, amazing,incredible property, just an
amazing, amazing spot.
I I'm I'm so incredibly proudof them, I'm so incredibly
excited for them.
And I've been in Tennessee morein the last three months.
I've been three times in threemonths, I guess you know, since
(42:12):
they've moved to this place, youknow, then, the last couple of
years, unfortunately.
But they got all the fun toyslike farm toys and stuff.
But they got all the fun toyslike farm toys and stuff.
And this time I went down.
We went down there Wednesday.
We came back yesterday.
So the four days I'm there, Iprobably spent three of them
(42:36):
cutting grass and man, I tellyou what I was not thinking
about work I, I, I wasn't reallythinking about anything, I was
having a blast and Chris kept.
Josh, you got to stop, man,just relax, you're, you're on a,
you're on a trip, you're onvacation.
Like, just relax, like I'm noton vacation, like I'm not on
(42:59):
vacation, I'm just down hereinstead of at home, right, and
like this is actually superrelaxing to me and I don't like
we don't even own a lawnmowerfor years We've paid some people
to mow our lawns and they do agood job and it's a better use
of my time to do other thingsand mow my lawn.
(43:21):
There was no better use of mytime the last couple of days
than riding that zero turn mowerand just mowing and mowing, and
mowing.
I've been super anxious lately.
I've been super stressed lately.
I've been super worried lately,like it's crazy and we're
(43:43):
talking about changes, changes.
It is a song.
We should have the team putthat as the outro song.
Can you make a note of that,unless?
there's like copyright rules,why we can't?
There's so much going on, butit even expands beyond all the
changes of the family, thebusinesses, the companies are in
(44:04):
huge places of transition rightnow.
Economy is wonky, business isweird.
It's weird, it's not bad.
We're very fortunate when Ilook at a lot of the stuff that
I see out there.
But there's worry.
I'm responsible for it, so I'mresponsible for everybody who's
(44:28):
underneath that umbrella.
It's worrisome, scary,stressful, causes, a lot of
anxiety.
I'm getting to experience allof it.
I understand and recognize whyI'm feeling this way and I thank
(44:49):
God for a zero turn lawnmowerin Knoxville, tennessee, because
for three days they're tryingto do it.
Josh, get off that thing, comeon, just relax, take it easy.
I really didn't want to becauseI was relaxed and taking it
easy I was zero thoughts, zerothoughts.
I was just getting sunburned.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
I was reading a book, uh, earlier.
Yeah, it's called don't believeeverything you think, yeah, and
I was just reading, uh, thispart.
I was talking.
It's like a speedometer it'sthoughts per minute.
Yeah, when you think too manythoughts, you get in the red and
you just get overwhelmed andstressed.
And when you're the most happyand like at peace and just
(45:30):
filled with joy, like thinkabout a moment, it said think
about a moment when you were atyour most joy and peace and what
were you thinking about?
And what you're thinking aboutis usually nothing, no thoughts.
When you're just completelythoughtless and just doing
nothing, it's when you're theleast stressed and most at peace
(45:51):
, I guess.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
It's funny that you just read that because that
legit.
I would say that's legitimatebecause that was me.
For three days there was nostress or anxiety.
Did anything change during thattime?
Nope, Nothing changed.
I actually got two prettyshitty phone calls about
(46:13):
different things that werereally were not great or fun to
hear about, but it did, god, acouple of years ago.
Had I gotten those calls ortexts, man, it'd have been bad
news.
But because I'd been mowing,I'm like, all right, let me know
(46:37):
what you need for me.
And I turned the mower back on.
So maybe the point of thisentire podcast is that I just
need to buy a zero, turn themower back on.
So maybe the point of thisentire podcast is that I just
need to buy a zero-turnlawnmower.
Look, they're just going to seeme for free out cutting
people's yards because my yardwill only relax me for about
five minutes.
I'm just going up and down thestreets mowing everybody's yards
(47:00):
, pissing people off becauseit's not the right height, right
, because everybody wants thatstuff different.
This is absolutely not what Iplan on coming here and talking
about today short podcast.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Yeah, where are?
Speaker 1 (47:12):
we at 46?
Holy shit, okay, I'm sorryeverybody.
I don't think it's a sorry thingyou guys well, I'm fine, don't,
don't worry about me.
Don't worry about me, don'tworry about me, I'm fine, guys,
I'm just going through itemotionally, emotional wreck.
A lot, of, a lot, of, a lot ofchallenges and changes taking
place.
So let me summarize it's okayto feel shitty sometimes.
(47:38):
It is perfectly okay to have anexperience anxiety.
It's okay to have an experienceanxiety.
It's okay to struggle withanxiety.
I mean, people absolutely dothat.
If you can, if you're capable,find out the what you can do or
(47:59):
what you need to do for yourselfto keep yourself in the
experience phase and nottransition to the struggle phase
.
The struggle phase is thedangerous phase.
Experience is normal foreveryone.
If you're one of those thattransitions to the struggle side
(48:23):
, though, figure out what worksfor you.
Maybe it's talking to somebody.
Maybe it's mowing 20 acres ofgrass, some of it twice, cause
you didn't like how you did thefirst time.
Maybe it's fishing.
Maybe it's walking.
Maybe it's going to the gym.
(48:45):
Maybe it's narcotics, maybeit's alcohol.
I don't want to be, it's badfor you, but, like you know, I
mean it's like, probably notthis, you know huh, preferably,
not.
Yeah, preferably not thosethings, but I mean the mowing
may have involved a couple ofbeers or more like it's fine.
(49:16):
It's fine.
Try to avoid the struggle piece, because we love you and worry
about you.
I want you to be good.
Life is not fair.
Life is never going to bebalanced.
So stop chasing balance.
(49:39):
Experience all of it Because,like I was talking about with
the kids, when I feel all thesethings but I also feel an
immense amount of pride All theshitty stuff I just talked about
that are perfectly normal.
It's a thing you have toexperience, because you're also
going to experience joy and loveand laughter and happiness.
(50:00):
You're going to be exhilarated.
You're going to be excited,right, you're going to be
excited, right, like these areall great things, but you would
never know what any of thosethings feel like and how great
those things are If you didn'talso have to experience the
shitty things and the shittyfeelings.
(50:22):
It's life, it's okay.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You are not broken.
You're just imperfect, human,like everybody else and like the
majority.
You just out here trying to dothe best that you can.
(50:43):
That's it.
Some days it feels shitty andsome days it feels like you're
the freaking best in the worldat everything that you do.
Don't get too high on yourselfand don't get too down on
yourself.
You can't expect to be blessedwithout being stressed.
(51:08):
It's all part of the deal.
I hope this is helpful forsomebody.
I actually feel a lot betterabout some of the shit I've been
dealing with, so I talkedmyself out of it.
I stayed in the experience lane.
You do the same.
We love you.
We'll catch you next time onthe big dog podcast.
Thanks, logan.
(51:29):
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes Turn andface the strange.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
Ch-ch-changes.
It's gonna have to be adifferent man.
That may change me.
Changes.
It was changes, big changes,changes.
I've been super anxious lately,super stressed lately, super
worried lately, like it's crazyand we're talking about changes.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I think that is how the song goes.
So Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.
(00:48):
Isn't that how the song goes?
Logan, Something like thatChanges.
I think that's a song, I don'tknow.
You know a lot of stuff's goingon.
One consistent is we're here inthe studio For now.
Today, the Big Dog Podcast Yep,today, that is true cha cha,
cha cha changes.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I think that is how the song goes, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Today is the start of a really, really, really big
year for the Wilson family.
The start, the beginning to theend of an era For the Wilson
family.
The start, the beginning to theend Of an era.
Some would say Kiki startedsenior year today.
(01:42):
It's a big time.
I'm almost done, I've done it.
I think I'd stop parenting at18.
That's how that works.
Yeah, I'm not 18, but, like atgraduation, I think that because
you graduated, I don't have toparent you anymore.
And then when Kiki graduates,yeah, I think me and your mom
are free and clear no moreresponsibilities, no influence,
(02:08):
no obligations, are free andclear no more responsibilities,
no influence, no obligations.
We're clear, all right, I thinkI've never been here before,
really so as far as like, havingno minor children, so we'll see
what happens.
It's a big year.
More than likely last year,full-time in Virginia, more than
(02:29):
likely last year, with kidsunder the roof, full-time,
because you'll probably make amove next summer.
Kiki's going to go to collegenext summer.
Changes we got new businesseswe've launched.
We have expansion opportunitieswithin some of our businesses
(02:58):
going on, got some softwarewe're getting ready to release.
We're still training dogs everyday.
Bay River's boarding daycare isdoing awesome, with Danny Media
agency's blowing up, doingawesome.
A lot of changes though Newpeople stepping up into roles
(03:21):
they haven't been in before andI like change.
I like change a lot.
It doesn't bother me, like it'slike cars, houses you know
anything.
For that matter, change doesn'tnever has bothered me.
The only things I need to haveconsistent is my wife, you know,
(03:42):
and my kids.
And outside of that, changeslike hey, I roll with the
punches, I adapt, we pivot, wefigure it out, life is life is
life is good.
However, it doesn't mean thatthere isn't a lot of anxiety
that also comes along, you know,with it.
And, um, you know I am super.
(04:04):
I mean, I've never beenclinically diagnosed, but there
have been some professionals whohave spoken to me about it and
I definitely got the.
The ad hid, the ADHD, Idefinitely got that.
Would you agree?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, that's a professional diagnoser.
Yeah, Me.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Yeah, Okay, I also have a ton of anxiety about
stuff and I used to not talkabout that, but I do talk about
it a lot more and I think it goteasier to talk about as I got
more comfortable with how Ideal't think publicly I present
that way a lot, but no, I mean Idefinitely, definitely do A lot
(04:51):
of the things I'm responsiblefor and people I'm responsible
for.
I mean, the weight just buildsup, you know, and not wanting to
disappoint anybody and executeon what I want and what my
family needs, and you know thepeople who work for us and what
they do.
And so, you know, going intothis time of change and seeing
(05:15):
things happening and takingplace that are things that we've
planned for and worked towardsfor a really, really long time
and it's just been things thathave been spoken about.
Well, when this time comes,there'll be a transition for
this, Once this has happened,that's the time to transition,
(05:37):
you know, for this and a lot oftalking, but now it's time for
action, Right, and so we'retaking action.
Action steps are starting.
You know, we were house huntingwith you a week or two ago.
That's crazy, but I told youwhen you came to us as like a
sophomore and said hey, if youknow, I I don't know that I want
(06:02):
to go to college.
Dad, mom and dad, I think Iwant to come work in the
business.
You know, we're like we dialedin a little bit more.
We're like, hey, what are youinterested in?
You're like, I'm interested indogs, I'm interested in business
and marketing.
Well, shit, the no-brainerthing is broner, the no-brainer
bro.
The no-bra thing it's going towork for us.
(06:23):
You're interested in dogs.
We got you Business andmarketing.
We got you you learn more.
You learn more in your firstsix months than you would have
learned in four years of college.
You know you're coming up on ayear.
Oh snap, I think what's today?
24th, 26, 26, like five daysago, I think was one year.
(06:46):
He started like August 20th orAugust 21st.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah, something like that yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And so you know, you've been here a year.
I don't know.
From my perspective, you'velearned a lot of new stuff and
you're executing on a lot ofdifferent things.
What do you feel like?
You feel like you learned a lot.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Was it stressful and anxious sometimes.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Parts of it, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
So changes and big things happen.
Well, one of the things I toldyou, though, when you were in
high school, you know, and Ithink it was your junior year I
said look man, play this right,do this right.
You could own your first home,you know, when you're 20, you
know, before you're 21 for sure,and if you want that to happen,
you're going to be able to dothat and make that happen, which
(07:36):
is amazing, and I'm proud ofthat, because you know we had
plans in place and you've donethings you need to do on your
end to put yourself in aposition to be able to do that.
And you know that's big time.
You know a lot of people gotheir whole life and never own a
home You're going to becauseyou're smart and you're doing
(07:56):
good with your money and makingright choices, you know you're
going to be able to to do thatwithout mommy or daddy buying it
for you.
You know that type of deal,like you are doing it, you are
earning it, it's yours and ifyou choose, that's what you
ultimately want to do.
That's amazing to me.
That's cool.
That comes with a lot of stress.
(08:25):
You leave in the house.
You were gone for a week and ahalf, you know, and I saw you
two days into it, you know forreal quick for 24 hours.
But man, it was super weird youbeing gone.
It was a little taste of sorry.
My nose is bothering me Ifyou're on video watching.
I apologize, my nose is no fakesneeze, though, just it's like
a tickle.
Um, you know, that was weird.
It was kind of like a littletest run of you not being in the
(08:45):
house.
I was like.
I don't really care for this,but that's the natural thing,
right?
That's normal.
Normal for you to be gone andleave and do your thing, and so
we're excited for you for that.
But it was weird and it'schange and you know it's Kiki
(09:07):
senior year and I feel likeevery day she's more and more
and more independent and comingand going and friends and all
kinds of different stuff, andthere's nothing wrong with that.
That's perfectly normal.
It's just different.
It's weird, stressful.
(09:27):
My oldest nephew he left forcollege last week.
He's at Virginia Tech Go Hokies.
Ooh, that sounded gross.
Ooh, only for him.
Yeah, I mean it in support ofmy nephew.
I don't mean it in Go Hokies inany way, shape or form of like
(09:50):
I'm a tech fan or anything likethat.
Let me be very, very clear.
But we know Gavin's going tokill it and have a great time,
be very social, and you knowhe's going to make the most of
his opportunities, and so he'sgone and we're sad and it's
weird, but it's normal.
All these things are normalDoesn't mean that it doesn't
cause some stress and it doesn'tmean that it's not going to
(10:11):
cause some anxiety.
Anxiety is normal.
Everybody struggles withanxiety.
Some people really strugglewith anxiety.
Some people really strugglewith anxiety and there's a
difference between experiencinganxiety and struggling with
(10:34):
anxiety.
You can be anxious about havingto go and give a speech in
front of a bunch of people.
Right, okay, we suck it up, wego give the speech.
That's most people.
Some people, the thought ofdoing that would be debilitating
.
That's someone who struggleswith it.
(10:55):
I've known for a long time.
I've struggled with anxiety.
I remember when your mom and Ifirst got married.
I remember, um, you know, we'dgone on our honeymoon, we'd
looked at law schools that I wassupposed to go to and I decided
I didn't want to go.
I didn't want to continue doingschool.
School's hard for me, I don'twant to go to school anymore.
And she's like what, what areyou going to do?
(11:17):
I said I don't know.
You know, figure it out.
And I ended up, you know, goingand working at MCI, which was a
long distance phone company thatI worked at in college, my
first year of college, and madereally good money.
I almost dropped out of school,actually my freshman year,
because I was making really goodmoney and they wanted me to
(11:39):
become a supervisor at 18freaking idiots.
No wonder they're not inbusiness anymore, trying to make
an 18 year old a manager.
I was just dropping them sales,though, you know, and putting
up big numbers.
So that's what you do, you, you, you make the best salesperson
a manager, which is a stupidbusiness model.
That's terrible.
Most of your best salespeopleshould never be in management.
(12:01):
You should let them go, hunt,let them eat right, let them
kill and bring in the business.
But now they make them managersand they get miserable.
So, anyway, I went back toworking there, though while I
looked for a job, and I think itwas only about two months.
But here I am college grad, backat the same place I was working
at five years before.
College grad, back at the sameplace I was working at five
(12:23):
years before.
Yes, I know, that's a victorylap for those not paying
attention.
Five years Most people takefour.
I took five.
I'd like to tell you it'sbecause I transferred schools
and changed my major.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
My junior year it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Again, not a really good student, Not a great
student, but I try hard.
So I had to try a little harderand I got an extra year to
prove my worth and I did, I didand it was fine and good and I
graduate and I went back toworking at that same call center
.
I worked in for a year myfreshman year of college and I
felt like such a freaking loser.
(13:03):
I just felt terrible.
I felt like such a freakingloser.
I just felt terrible.
I felt like I let your mom down.
I felt like I let my familydown.
I'm like damn, what a loser.
What am I doing here, sellinglong distance and what other
crap they were selling in 2002.
And we had our first littleapartment.
(13:23):
We're trying to figure out lifeand I remember for the first
time in my life like that Irecall, and maybe I'd had him
sooner, but the first one Iremember I had an actual panic
attack and here I am 22 yearsold and I thought I was about to
die.
I remember sitting on the floorin our apartment and like I
(13:44):
couldn't breathe and I'm justlike freaking out.
I mean, I was freaking out,like I couldn't breathe.
I remember crying and beingupset and your mom's like
consoling me and it's all right,it's fine.
What's going on?
What's going on?
And I, I didn't know it was apanic attack then, like I knew
that a couple years after, but Imean, it was really really
(14:08):
freaking scary and I'm like whatthe hell?
And I was so embarrassed and Ifelt so weak and I felt like I
was disappointing your mom andhow is she gonna have confidence
in me when I can't even, youknow, handle this stage in our
life?
How is she she going to haveconfidence in me to handle, you
know, the rest of it?
And it was changes.
(14:28):
It was all these big changestaking place and all this stuff
happening.
And I'm like, damn, is this howI'm going to respond to stress?
Is this how I'm going to dealwith things that come up in our
life?
And you know, I'm 22 years old,I don't know jack shit about
anything.
Changes, things are changing.
(14:49):
It's different.
There's these responsibilitiesand I've been screwing off at
college for five years, stillworking, and all those things,
but it's just different.
Now, all of a sudden, I'm ahusband, I got responsibilities
and I made promises of what Iwas going to be and what our
(15:10):
life would look like, and we'resitting in a freaking
roach-infested $299 a monthapartment in Denby, virginia,
newport News, northern NewportNews in not a great area at all.
Like I said, the rent was $299.
When all the other apartmentcomplexes you look at were like
(15:31):
$1,200, $1,300.
We're at $299.
Had new vinyl, though, andappliances $299 a month, and I
remember sitting there like Ican't handle this.
How am I going to uphold allthese promises I made?
Now, 20 some odd years later,I'm still working to uphold a
(15:56):
lot of those promises, but theywere big picture dreams and what
we wanted our life to be.
And has our life gone exactlyto plan how we mapped it out?
Absolutely not, and thischanges all the time.
So many changes, I mean.
I feel like I feel like I'vehad three lives already.
(16:20):
You know, and a buddy of mine,you know, larry, talks about how
your brain.
I don't know if this is forboth sexes, but you know, and a
buddy of mine, you know, larry,talks about how your brain.
I don't know if this is forboth sexes, but, um, you know
what I just said, that bothsexes.
That's probably gonna piss somepeople off my bad, but I don't
know if this goes for men orwomen also, or women also.
But he had said he had readsome study.
(16:41):
I thought he said for men, liketheir brains like completely
like changed, like from apersonality standpoint,
processes of thinking like twicein your life.
And I thought he said the firsttime was like early to mid-20s
(17:02):
and the second was like earlymid forties.
And I'm sitting there thinkingabout that.
I start lining up massive shiftsin our lives and things that
had happened during those pointsof my life and I was like, ooh,
that makes sense, that makessense.
(17:23):
We're like what was, was I into?
What had my focus, what had myenergy during those seasons of
life?
And I'm like, holy crap, I cansee that.
I can see that and it's like Iwas the same person but at the
same time, if this makes sense,I was a different person.
(17:44):
And you know, it's all centeredaround these changes and this
anxiety that I struggled withand I feel like I've gotten
better about it throughout mylife.
I mean, you know, I definitelyknow that I'm better about it, I
definitely know that I'm betterabout it.
(18:04):
But like it's okay toacknowledge that there's anxiety
about something.
It's okay to acknowledge that,hey, maybe what's going on with
me.
I need to talk to somebodyabout, right Like it's not
(18:25):
something my mom can help mewith, it's not something that
you know my spouse, your spouse,can help you with.
Like you, they want to help youbut they're not equipped to
help you with whatever is goingon with you.
So, like a professional, like atherapist, right Like I
probably spent I don't know fouror five months talking to a
(18:45):
therapist years and years andyears ago I finally went.
I was in a bad way and I wentand I talked to him like once a
week or whatever it was, andthen I stopped going.
They didn't tell me that Ineeded to stop going, but hell,
I wouldn't tell me to stop goingeither.
And that's how they make theirmoney Right now.
(19:08):
In theory, they're doing itbecause they want to help people
and serve people and all thosethings.
But, like you, got to live.
I mean, that's how you pay yourbills, you know.
And so they didn't tell me hey,man, you're good, you've dealt
with this stuff, bounce.
So they didn't tell me hey, man, you're good, you've dealt with
this stuff, bounce.
I knew that I dealt with myshit and I could bounce and be
(19:29):
done with it.
And I also know how I felt,like I haven't forgotten how I
felt during that season and if Iever feel like I'm slipping
back into that season, I knowthat that's an option and that
was an option that did help meRight.
And so you have to figure outfor yourself kind of what, what
(19:52):
do you do that helps you copeand deal with the anxiety, the
stressors, the changes.
Keep it to where you'reexperiencing anxiety.
You're not struggling withanxiety.
Some people got to be medicated, heavily medicated.
Okay, I mean I'm not a doctor,I can't speak to it.
(20:13):
Maybe that's what they need.
But like, don't, don't beatyourself up.
If you're ever in a situationwhere it's getting heavy and you
just don't feel up and excitedabout everything, like that's
okay, like that's not, you'renot broken, it's not abnormal,
(20:35):
it's not, you're not weak.
If you're not bubbly in themoment and all this stuff, like.
You can feel shitty, you canfeel down, you can feel off a
little bit.
But recognize why.
Recognize why I'm telling youright now, this time next year,
(21:00):
when you're moved out of thehouse and we've just dropped
Kiki off at college, I'm notgoing to feel good Like I get it
.
And when I think to myself I'mgonna go run out on those train
tracks and just be done withlife because I'm so sad and
(21:20):
distraught, my kids are out ofthe house.
I'm gonna take a moment andrecognize to myself that's
normal.
Of course I want you guys to belike 11 and nine forever.
It's one of my favorite timeswith y'all.
That's not freaking normal life.
That's not how things go.
(21:41):
Of course I should feel sadthat you guys are gone.
Of course I'm going to beanxious about your sister going
wherever the hell she's gettingup going to college.
That's not going to be anxiousabout your sister going wherever
the hell she's getting up goingto college.
That's not going to be withinfive minutes of me.
That I can just pop in and showup and then scorch the earth
(22:02):
for any wrongs that she feelstake place for her.
Yeah, I'm going to be anxiousthat, if you need me, I'm not
five minutes away to come helpyou do something or hang out or
whatever you need, like, well,damn, am I there for him.
But I am there for you, but Iam there for your sister and
(22:23):
your mom's going to be in Grammy, everybody Right?
So, yes, I'm going to bestressed, yes, I'm going to be
ridiculously anxious, but youknow what else I'm going to be
stressed.
Yes, I'm going to beridiculously anxious, but you
know what else?
I'm going to be Ridiculouslyproud, ridiculously proud that,
okay, your mom and I aren'tperfect, but we've done good
(22:46):
enough to set you up to startthis path, this journey for you
to do things.
I'm going to be crazy.
I was telling you yesterday wewere in Charlotte, so stop for
lunch.
I'm like man, we were justwalking.
I was like I'm so incrediblyproud of you, like I just am.
I just am, and your sister too,and she's going to leave me.
She's going to go far away.
I know she is and I'm gladshe's confident to do that and
(23:10):
bold enough to do that and faraway.
You know people like Jamie.
She goes, Jamie.
Jamie's not that far away, it'sfar away.
When my ass is in Dallas,that's far away.
It's far away.
(23:32):
It's less far when we're backin Virginia for a little bit,
but three hours is a hell of alot different than down the hall
.
That's stressful, that'sworrisome, that creates an
enormous amount of anxiety.
That I'm experiencing and likemy challenge to people, I'm just
(23:53):
telling you stuff that I'mexperiencing and, like my
challenge to people, I'm justtelling you stuff that I'm going
through, stuff that I'mthinking about, stuff that's on
my mind right now, and I bet youknow if you're listening or
watching, there's things thatare causing you stress.
(24:14):
They are causing you stress,they are causing you worry, they
are causing an extreme amountof anxiety to be experienced.
And my challenge to you todayis recognize why, recognize why
you're feeling that way, why amI experiencing this?
(24:36):
How am I going to attack it sothat you don't end up struggling
with it?
Experience it, it's fine, be inthe moment, feel the pain, feel
the sadness.
Those are human emotions andthey're fine human emotions.
(24:58):
Recognize it, experience it,handle it.
And if you can rationalize,this has worked for me and maybe
it'll work for you.
If you can understand whyyou're feeling this way and you
can vocalize, even if it's justyourself, why you're feeling
(25:21):
this way.
I really believe you can keepfrom struggling with it.
The struggle is where there'spotential to lose Experiencing
heartbreak, experiencing stress,experiencing anxiety,
experiencing worry and hurt andchallenges and difficulties All
(25:50):
normal.
That's life.
That is life.
That's not the part that beatsyou.
That's not the part thatdefeats you.
The struggle part is when youallow it to go from an
experience to a struggle.
(26:11):
That's where shit gets scary,that's where things get out of
control.
That is when you start makingreally bad decisions, when
you're struggling rather thanexperiencing.
But you're struggling.
You're not clear headed, so youcan't work yourself through
what's going on.
You can't recognize and bringyourself back to center on God.
(26:35):
I'm feeling really down lately.
What's wrong with me, man?
I'm feeling really, reallydepressed.
Am I having a situation like Ihad when Devin and I first got
married?
Am I about to start havingpanic attacks again?
Am I spiraling into a bad spot?
Did I let her down?
Did I let my mom down?
Do I let my kids down?
Nobody knows.
(26:57):
Everybody needs something fromme.
Everybody's waiting on me to dosomething.
It feels like maybe that's you,maybe that's how you're feeling
(27:24):
right now, and if I'm beinghonest with you, it's actually
exactly how I'm feeling rightnow.
So I'm preaching to myself here, um, and if I'm being honest
with you, it's actually exactlyhow I'm feeling right now.
So I'm preaching to myself here, because all these things we've
(27:47):
talked about, all these thingswe've dreamed for, all these
things we've worked for, there'sa big moment of change upon us,
and this is self-inflicted.
This is not anyone being anysort of way, but how I feel
(28:07):
about it is I feel like I got alot of people on hold right now,
waiting to see what I'm goingto do.
Well, when, when, when are wedoing this?
When are we doing it?
Why can't we do this now?
Or, and it's not like well,where are you going to be?
When will you be back?
(28:30):
Like you're, you're going,going there.
Well, what about this?
Well, what about that?
Are we ready to do this?
So we're doing this and that,like, I don't know yet, and what
(28:53):
I'm almost struggling with butI'm still experiencing, I'm
still at the experiencing leveland I'm really trying to keep
myself from going to thestruggle level is I don't have
to have any of those answers yet.
I don't.
I don't have to have any ofthose answers yet I don't.
And is it other people askingthose questions or is it me
(29:19):
asking those questions?
Am I creating this experienceI'm going through, or am I
responding to outside peopleputting this on me and if I
really really think about it, Ireally really think about it, I
really really think about it,it's probably both, it's
probably a little bit of both,and nobody's wrong Nobody's
(29:42):
wrong for asking me or you know,like, what my plans are and
stuff like that.
Um, nobody's wrong for that.
Nobody's wrong for that.
I just hate not being able togive them the answers yet.
And I don't know yet.
I don't.
I honest to God don't know.
(30:04):
But when it was talked about 10years ago, it was a lot easier
to talk about because that's 10years from now.
When it was talked about fiveyears ago, it was a lot easier
to talk about because it wasfive years ago.
Well, it's not that anymore.
I mean, it's a year from nowand that shit's going to be here
(30:25):
, like that.
And while it's important to knowsome of those answers, I don't
necessarily want to be pressedon it right now, because I don't
want to miss the moments of thenext 12 months with both my
kids under the same roof.
(30:45):
I don't want to miss thosethings.
I mean, I had signed up forthis stupid course.
Oh, you know what I was doingin the first place.
I don't need to do it.
I just wanted miss those things.
I mean I'd signed up for thisstupid course.
Oh, you know, I was doing it inthe first place.
I don't need to do it, I justwanted to do it.
I'm trying to get better.
You know, 45 years old andstill trying to get better.
You should too.
I don't care what age you are.
You should always be trying toget better and grow and learn.
(31:06):
And I, you know, no fault oftheirs, all fault of mine.
I thought this class I can justwatch the recordings of the
lectures, do the work, submit it, grow, learn, all that stuff.
Yeah, so I'm at the first class.
It's very much a live classonline and it's two to three
(31:31):
nights a week, three hours at atime, with like 20 hours of
group and classwork outside ofclass time.
So I've been out of college forwell since 2002.
I went back to college lastMonday.
I was back out of college by 8am Tuesday morning.
(31:54):
We dropped that sucker and ifthis was next year, maybe a year
after that, I probably wouldn'thave made that adjustment.
But knowing that this is thelast year where I have both the
kids under the same roof, I'mnot spending 20 hours a week on
(32:16):
some bullshit.
I mean that respectfully, ofcourse.
It's bullshit when I compare itto what I'm missing.
I'm sure as hell not spendingtwo to three nights a week from
7.30 to 10.30, you know, lookinglike this on a mic and
(32:36):
headphones and a computer, whilemy family's life is going by,
because that's like yourhousehold, that's probably the
one time a day that you'reactually all together.
So, yeah, you're not going tocatch me on the computer Doing
that.
What you're probably going tocatch is more of what happened
last night where, logan, we hadjust gotten back from Tennessee,
(32:58):
we had a bunch of people overfor dinner, we had such a blast
and Logan's like um, logan'slike hey, do you want to play?
Um, what is it?
The football, college footballon the X-Box, which is
phenomenal.
I'm not a gamer by any means,um, but this game is freaking
awesome and I beat Logan's asslike a week or two ago, um,
(33:20):
really, really, really badly.
So we played again last nightand I think I scored once and I
lost by a lot.
He took it to me badly, but weplayed that and I said, hey, man
, let's go watch this footballgame.
So Devin was in my room, in ourroom.
Logan and I went in there.
We're watching football.
I remember five minutes of thegame and I was asleep,
(33:42):
apparently.
You were in there for a whiletalking to mom and watching
football and then she kicked youout, you know, to go to bed or
whatever, and I didn't realizeany of that happened, but at
least I was present for theexperience, not dialed in on the
(34:04):
computer and doing whatever.
So I'm making decisions to keepmyself to where I'm
experiencing the stress andanxiety and worry and heartbreak
, but I'm making the decisionsthat keep it just as an
experience and manageable.
I'm not making the decisionsthat are going to take me to the
(34:24):
point of struggle and I madethe decision to keep going with
this course.
That I wanted to do.
That would have been adeliberate decision, an
intentional choice that wouldtake me immediately to the point
of struggling with this stuff,because now I have on more
responsibility, more thingsbeing asked of me and less time
(34:49):
with what I want to be doingmost.
You got to stay in a situation.
If I was already in thestruggle, I probably wouldn't
have made the right decision.
I probably would have just feltso overwhelmed, so stressed out
, so overburdened that I didn'teven think to just walk away
(35:11):
from the course.
We'll just figure out how tobalance it all.
Figure out how to balance itall and balance is bullshit.
Balance is bullshit.
So much of people's stress andanxiety comes from trying to
balance things, and that's animpossible task.
(35:33):
There isn't balance.
Design your life to where whatneeds you gets you.
Be so clear on your mission andyour vision and your values and
what matter to you that whenyou have to step away from
family, there isn't a point ofcontention because you have to
go and focus on your businessBecause the business is the most
(35:56):
important thing in that moment.
So you have to go handlesomething.
Because you handled it, yourbusiness survives another day
and now you can care for yourfamily and your employees, your
teams, and sometimes you'rereally focused at work and
dialed into work and you'reworking on a major project and
(36:18):
stuff is going on and yourspouse or your kid calls honey,
I need you, dad, I need you.
Guess what.
I don't give a shit that youhave three hours of work left
and you're in the middle of thesuper important project.
These get done.
The precedent you have to go.
(36:38):
They have to know that whenthey make that phone call you
drop everything and go.
That's not a balanced life.
That's designing your life withintentionality so that you can
be there for what needs you whenthey need you most.
If it's about balance, you'llcreate such a life to where it's
(37:01):
like well, the kids really needme for X, y and Z.
But you know I still haveanother six hours here at work
and then I've got 90 minutesallotted for dinner and family
time and then I've got 90minutes of you know, walking the
cat and you know whateveryou're trying to figure like
(37:24):
everything's balanced out, towhere everything's equal or
where you feel it's equal inyour mind, where you can justify
the equality of it.
But the thing is, when you dothat and I believe this to my
core you are constantly cheatingsomething because you operate
(37:48):
on this idea of balance when itdoesn't exist.
You're taking from something atall times.
When I choose my family'sgetting me, I'm taking from my
business, family's getting me,I'm taking from my business.
(38:09):
When my businesses get me, I amtaking from my family.
That's it.
That's it.
And when I'm giving to myfamily, I want to be giving to
them fully.
I don't want to be giving them.
They're like someone someonesuper smart right now is
listening, logan they're likewhat the hell does Josh think a
balance is?
You take a little from overhere and you put it here so that
(38:33):
balances out.
Yeah, I don't want that shit.
I don't want to give half of mystuff to my business and half
of me to my family.
If my family needs me, I halfof my stuff to my business and
half of me to my family.
If my family needs me, I wantmy family to have me If my
business needs me, my businesscan have me and if, when my
family needs me or wants me,they know they get me fully.
(38:57):
When I have to get up in themiddle of dinner and walk out to
deal with some bullshit withthe company, or a trip has to
get canceled because somethingis going on and it just can't be
allowed to happen because yourdad isn't a traditional employee
who has paid vacation and allthese things, like I can't
control when things happen.
But because the familyunderstands the buy-in, they
(39:23):
understand what we're trying toaccomplish as a family, they
understand the vision and themission that we're on.
Is there disappointment whenthe trip gets canceled?
Sure, yep.
Is there disappointment becausedad had to leave dinner and
take a phone call?
(39:43):
Yeah, maybe, but if you'reclear about it and they get it
and they know without a doubtwhen that phone rings or they
walk into the office, dad, Ineed you.
There's no question overwhether they're going to get me
(40:06):
or not.
They got me.
That's not balanced life.
That's intentionally choosingto be all in and it doesn't mean
it's always going to be easyand it's always going to be
gravy and everybody's happy.
There's times where you're notgoing to be able to be around,
(40:30):
you might miss something.
They better understand whyBecause if they don't, there
will be resentment, they'll hateyour business, they will be
dismissive of you, and therehave been seasons of my life
where I feel like I did createthat.
I feel like the last seven,eight years though it hasn't, I
(40:55):
don't think I failed.
Have I have?
Have I failed there?
No, I mean you can say it onthe thing.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
If I have.
I mean, that's the point ofthis is being transparent.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
So I feel like and I'm gone a lot, guys Like I work
a ton, but I feel like whenwe're together, we're together
and you know it's, it's good.
One thing I learned about methis past week last Wednesday we
got to go down to our dearest,dearest friends Swindles, who
(41:27):
live down in Knoxville, andthey've checked a big box of a
dream, a life dream, and we'reso excited for them.
And you know they've bought thefamily farm and bought their
family farm.
I should say it's new to theirfamily, it's eight, their family
farm.
I should say it's it's new totheir family, it's their
family's farm.
Now, it wasn't in the familybefore.
(41:49):
So let me clarify that.
And it is a beautiful, amazing,incredible property, just an
amazing, amazing spot.
I I'm I'm so incredibly proudof them, I'm so incredibly
excited for them.
And I've been in Tennessee morein the last three months.
I've been three times in threemonths, I guess you know, since
(42:12):
they've moved to this place, youknow, then, the last couple of
years, unfortunately.
But they got all the fun toyslike farm toys and stuff.
But they got all the fun toyslike farm toys and stuff.
And this time I went down.
We went down there Wednesday.
We came back yesterday.
So the four days I'm there, Iprobably spent three of them
(42:36):
cutting grass and man, I tellyou what I was not thinking
about work I, I, I wasn't reallythinking about anything, I was
having a blast and Chris kept.
Josh, you got to stop, man,just relax, you're, you're on a,
you're on a trip, you're onvacation.
Like, just relax, like I'm noton vacation, like I'm not on
(42:59):
vacation, I'm just down hereinstead of at home, right, and
like this is actually superrelaxing to me and I don't like
we don't even own a lawnmowerfor years We've paid some people
to mow our lawns and they do agood job and it's a better use
of my time to do other thingsand mow my lawn.
(43:21):
There was no better use of mytime the last couple of days
than riding that zero turn mowerand just mowing and mowing, and
mowing.
I've been super anxious lately.
I've been super stressed lately.
I've been super worried lately,like it's crazy and we're
(43:43):
talking about changes, changes.
It is a song.
We should have the team putthat as the outro song.
Can you make a note of that,unless?
there's like copyright rules,why we can't?
There's so much going on, butit even expands beyond all the
changes of the family, thebusinesses, the companies are in
(44:04):
huge places of transition rightnow.
Economy is wonky, business isweird.
It's weird, it's not bad.
We're very fortunate when Ilook at a lot of the stuff that
I see out there.
But there's worry.
I'm responsible for it, so I'mresponsible for everybody who's
(44:28):
underneath that umbrella.
It's worrisome, scary,stressful, causes, a lot of
anxiety.
I'm getting to experience allof it.
I understand and recognize whyI'm feeling this way and I thank
(44:49):
God for a zero turn lawnmowerin Knoxville, tennessee, because
for three days they're tryingto do it.
Josh, get off that thing, comeon, just relax, take it easy.
I really didn't want to becauseI was relaxed and taking it
easy I was zero thoughts, zerothoughts.
I was just getting sunburned.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
I was reading a book, uh, earlier.
Yeah, it's called don't believeeverything you think, yeah, and
I was just reading, uh, thispart.
I was talking.
It's like a speedometer it'sthoughts per minute.
Yeah, when you think too manythoughts, you get in the red and
you just get overwhelmed andstressed.
And when you're the most happyand like at peace and just
(45:30):
filled with joy, like thinkabout a moment, it said think
about a moment when you were atyour most joy and peace and what
were you thinking about?
And what you're thinking aboutis usually nothing, no thoughts.
When you're just completelythoughtless and just doing
nothing, it's when you're theleast stressed and most at peace
(45:51):
, I guess.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
It's funny that you just read that because that
legit.
I would say that's legitimatebecause that was me.
For three days there was nostress or anxiety.
Did anything change during thattime?
Nope, Nothing changed.
I actually got two prettyshitty phone calls about
(46:13):
different things that werereally were not great or fun to
hear about, but it did, god, acouple of years ago.
Had I gotten those calls ortexts, man, it'd have been bad
news.
But because I'd been mowing,I'm like, all right, let me know
(46:37):
what you need for me.
And I turned the mower back on.
So maybe the point of thisentire podcast is that I just
need to buy a zero, turn themower back on.
So maybe the point of thisentire podcast is that I just
need to buy a zero-turnlawnmower.
Look, they're just going to seeme for free out cutting
people's yards because my yardwill only relax me for about
five minutes.
I'm just going up and down thestreets mowing everybody's yards
(47:00):
, pissing people off becauseit's not the right height, right
, because everybody wants thatstuff different.
This is absolutely not what Iplan on coming here and talking
about today short podcast.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Yeah, where are?
Speaker 1 (47:12):
we at 46?
Holy shit, okay, I'm sorryeverybody.
I don't think it's a sorry thingyou guys well, I'm fine, don't,
don't worry about me.
Don't worry about me, don'tworry about me, I'm fine, guys,
I'm just going through itemotionally, emotional wreck.
A lot, of, a lot, of, a lot ofchallenges and changes taking
place.
So let me summarize it's okayto feel shitty sometimes.
(47:38):
It is perfectly okay to have anexperience anxiety.
It's okay to have an experienceanxiety.
It's okay to struggle withanxiety.
I mean, people absolutely dothat.
If you can, if you're capable,find out the what you can do or
(47:59):
what you need to do for yourselfto keep yourself in the
experience phase and nottransition to the struggle phase
.
The struggle phase is thedangerous phase.
Experience is normal foreveryone.
If you're one of those thattransitions to the struggle side
(48:23):
, though, figure out what worksfor you.
Maybe it's talking to somebody.
Maybe it's mowing 20 acres ofgrass, some of it twice, cause
you didn't like how you did thefirst time.
Maybe it's fishing.
Maybe it's walking.
Maybe it's going to the gym.
(48:45):
Maybe it's narcotics, maybeit's alcohol.
I don't want to be, it's badfor you, but, like you know, I
mean it's like, probably notthis, you know huh, preferably,
not.
Yeah, preferably not thosethings, but I mean the mowing
may have involved a couple ofbeers or more like it's fine.
(49:16):
It's fine.
Try to avoid the struggle piece, because we love you and worry
about you.
I want you to be good.
Life is not fair.
Life is never going to bebalanced.
So stop chasing balance.
(49:39):
Experience all of it Because,like I was talking about with
the kids, when I feel all thesethings but I also feel an
immense amount of pride All theshitty stuff I just talked about
that are perfectly normal.
It's a thing you have toexperience, because you're also
going to experience joy and loveand laughter and happiness.
(50:00):
You're going to be exhilarated.
You're going to be excited,right, you're going to be
excited, right, like these areall great things, but you would
never know what any of thosethings feel like and how great
those things are If you didn'talso have to experience the
shitty things and the shittyfeelings.
(50:22):
It's life, it's okay.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You are not broken.
You're just imperfect, human,like everybody else and like the
majority.
You just out here trying to dothe best that you can.
(50:43):
That's it.
Some days it feels shitty andsome days it feels like you're
the freaking best in the worldat everything that you do.
Don't get too high on yourselfand don't get too down on
yourself.
You can't expect to be blessedwithout being stressed.
(51:08):
It's all part of the deal.
I hope this is helpful forsomebody.
I actually feel a lot betterabout some of the shit I've been
dealing with, so I talkedmyself out of it.
I stayed in the experience lane.
You do the same.
We love you.
We'll catch you next time onthe big dog podcast.
Thanks, logan.
(51:29):
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes Turn andface the strange.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
Ch-ch-changes.
It's gonna have to be adifferent man.
That may change me.
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