July 2, 2025 • 26 mins
The unexpected peace that comes with slowing down sits at the heart of this deeply personal episode. Dom opens up about his mental journey navigating the end of wedding season—traditionally a time when performance gaps left him anxious and frustrated. But something's different this year.
Through candid reflection, Dom shares how organizing his life last year and embracing discipline this year created a foundation for accepting where he is right now. "I feel like for a long time I allowed the unknown to dictate my whole day-to-day," he reveals, describing how he would obsess over opportunities not coming his way or compare himself to other performers seemingly achieving more. The breakthrough came when he realized everyone's path is different, and external validation couldn't provide what internal acceptance could.
This shift allowed Dom to find profound joy in simple pleasures—hosting friends for dinner, catching an impromptu jazz jam without feeling compelled to record everything for social media, appreciating the home he's created that truly reflects who he is. He talks about challenging the performer's instinct to constantly hustle and instead embracing moments of genuine connection and creativity without agenda.
Perhaps most powerful is Dom's realization that adulthood isn't about reaching some magical stage where everything makes sense. "When you start to realize that the world is not really changing, it's always going to be the same," he says, acknowledging that human dynamics remain consistent across all life phases. This perspective has freed him to stop waiting for some future state of arrival and instead embrace his journey exactly as it unfolds.
Connect with Dom on Instagram @dom_lamour for more insights, music recommendations, or just to continue the conversation about finding peace in a world that rarely slows down.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
What's happening.
It's Dom.
I'm just doing a little mentalcheck-in.
I it's at the end of weddingseason for us, so we don't have
many weddings this summer, soI'm off now until the 19th and
then I'm off till sometime inAugust and I usually around this
time I'm kind of like twirlingmy fingers.
(00:29):
But this year has been reallyinteresting.
I've had a couple of moments ofbreaks where you know, the year
starts January, we don't reallyhave a lot of weddings, and
then we start after Valentine'sDay and go until June strong
pretty much every week.
And I had a break off to go toItaly and I took a break to go
(00:55):
to a friend's wedding.
There were a couple momentswhere I wasn't working, which I
like like to work, so it wasweird.
This year I was kind of okaywith it.
I think that's just come from alot of the work I've been doing
, where self-reflection, tryingto understand what my purpose is
, what I want to do with my life, things that I want to achieve,
(01:20):
the way I want to perceivemyself, the way that I look at
the things that are happeningaround me.
And yeah, it sucks to not beable to perform and it sucks not
making as much money.
I'm going to still be gigginghere and there and creating
myself opportunities andvisiting.
(01:41):
I'm hosting people in.
This month is my birthday monthof July, of course, so I'm
really blessed and excited fortime spent with friends, loved
ones.
When I was younger, I felt likeI would always I don't know get
(02:03):
frustrated with myself if Iwasn't doing enough, if I was
taking too much time off, if Iwas not being I don't know paid
attention to, if that makessense musically,
performance-wise, and thatbothered me.
You know, as an artist, youwant to believe that when you
(02:24):
work with people, when peopleare like, oh, we should work
together again, they'll make theeffort to reach out, they'll
make the effort to presentopportunities to you.
And you want to believe theenergy you put into the world
will come back to you in someway.
But the older I get, the more Irealize yeah, I might put that
energy in the world and it doescome back to me, but usually it
(02:46):
comes back to you, the way it'sgoing to come back to you, and
I'm really happy I see so muchhappening in our future and the
things that we've done, theplaces I've been able to go and
touch with my own hands andpeople I've been able to keep in
touch with and have theseincredible relationships with.
(03:07):
Like I try to put all thispositive energy out and it's
coming back to me in a great way.
It's hard to complain about that.
It's hard to sit down and belike, wow, I should be getting
more gigs or I should be makingmore money.
I can't do that to myselfanymore.
(03:28):
I feel like for a long time Iallowed the unknown to dictate
my whole day to day.
When I say that, I mean I wouldassume someone feels a certain
way about me or I would assumesomeone did something for a
certain reason, and in somecases I would ask them and they
(03:49):
would like no, and then I wouldstill be like, but they really
did mean it.
And it's like sometimes you justgot to believe people when they
tell you what they say, andthen also sometimes you got to
just think well, you know,they're just living their life.
There's no way they're sittingdown plotting my demise.
They don't care about me, andmost of the time they don't.
(04:11):
I feel like most people arereally just they wake up, they
go through their routines and dotheir things.
Some people do the things thatmake them happy.
Some people sit in their ownsorrow and or some people just
aren't able to think that way.
I mean depression is adisability, something that
(04:34):
people need help with, andsometimes you need a lot of
drugs to take.
So I try not to judge too much.
I think, more than anything, theconfusion is just how, when I
was younger, if I was feelingthe way I'm feeling now, I would
be trying to find the bad.
I'd be trying to find what'swrong.
(04:56):
Everything can't be right,something must be off.
And now I'm in a place whereI'm able to kind of just enjoy
my space.
Last year's theme of the yearwas organization, and that's
really gotten me back into thehabit of using my planner,
(05:18):
knowing what's today and what'stomorrow with time, and writing
stuff down when I feel it'simportant to me, people's
birthdays, and that has been sobeneficial to my day to day.
And this year, discipline justadds to the organization where
I'm way more likely to write itin my planner and to check my
(05:42):
planner and to make sure that Iadd suggestions for other things
to be prepared for.
You know, stuff that you couldeasily forget.
It's hard for me to forget nowbecause I'm taking the effort to
remember and making the effortto try and be better.
(06:02):
And when I cross off the thingson my list and I might have
like five or six things, twothings never matter when I cross
them off, I'm able to say, okay, I did what I wanted to do
today.
That's what I don't think Icould do when I was younger.
I would see influences online.
I would see people my age oryounger achieving things and I'm
(06:26):
like maybe it's just becauseI'm not working hard enough,
maybe it's because I'm not dead.
It's like that's their life.
You gotta live your life.
You know, my life is 20 timesdifferent than the person
sitting next to me and I'mstarting to see it more.
(06:48):
I'm starting to open up more.
I'm starting to realize I cansay no to things more.
I don't have to be on socialmedia every day.
I don't have to play videogames or lose myself in the
reels on YouTube.
I can really turn that stuffoff and create or relax,
(07:15):
communicate.
Like I said, this weekend I'mhosting friends.
That's really exciting.
When I was younger, I alwaysdreamed of being, you know, an
adult, someone who can cookdinner for his friends and hey,
take a beer.
You know, let's talk about life.
(07:36):
Now that I'm older and I'm ableto do that, I really, really
cherish these moments.
I cherish my friends.
Maria and Stephanie are in townthis week, and then I'll have
Jesse Lynn, and then at the endof the month, chester.
I love everybody so much andthe fact that they're even
(07:57):
willing to, you know, take timeout of their life to spend it
with me.
I can't be upset.
It's hard to find reasons to beupset, even with the crap
that's going on in Israel andUkraine and Iran and Trump in
(08:21):
general.
I don't even like saying hisname, but it's the truth.
You gotta put it out there.
With all that stuff, we live ina very privileged society and
we don't take that.
We don't really realize that asmuch.
We might be going to war, butyou know I can sleep still.
(08:42):
It's frustrating and I speakout when I I can and support the
groups that I want to support,because I don't agree with any
of this stuff.
But also I can't sit down anddon't recognize the blessings
that I have and how I can livemy life and how I can live my
(09:11):
life and I can be there for thepeople in my life and I can
create, still express myself onstage.
I can do everything.
I have a partner who works veryhard and I like to take care of
things for her, so she doesn'thave to worry about anything.
It's really kind of incredibleto see where I am now.
(09:35):
I really appreciate people wholisten to the pod, and if you
even are listening to thismid-season check-in kind of
thing I don't know, I might callit something else because it's
really closer to the end of theseason I appreciate y'all.
I have a couple more interviews, of course, coming up in the
(09:58):
coming weeks, but I reallywanted to just take an episode
to kind of talk directly to thepod and let y'all know where I
am mentally.
I think that's important.
A great example of where I'm atnow Yesterday I went to pick up
(10:22):
the homies in Marietta, but itwas a Sunday and usually Sundays
.
If I have a gig the day beforeon Saturday, I'm not doing
anything on Sundays.
That's usually my rule.
I woke up at noon because wedidn't get back until like four
in the morning from Birminghamon Saturday.
We didn't get back until likefour in the morning from
(10:48):
Birmingham on Saturday, and whenI got up I felt good.
I stretched in a little yogaand got my body right and I
thought about the things I coulddo.
That day.
I cleaned up, I made sure thehouse was good.
I was going to cut the grassbut it was raining, so I was
(11:10):
like I'll do that tomorrow.
And it was so nice.
I took a shower.
My friend was doing a show inSmyrna, which is right near
Marietta, so I was like let'ssee if I can catch that.
It was a jazz jam and he's inmy corporate band with me.
John O'Leary shout out.
I never get to do that and whenI do, I try my best to go,
Because it's always cool tosupport friends, it's always
(11:32):
cool to be in a socialenvironment, somewhere different
, see, a new vibe, you know.
And I didn't really expect tosing.
I thought I was going to getthere right when they were done
and they were going to befinished and no, but I walked in
the door and the first thing Inoticed was the guy who was
running it.
His name is Stephen Fellenham.
(11:54):
He's actually a guy that I workwith, his father father Charlie
Fellenham on Thursdays at aclub in Sandy Springs here in
Georgia.
So it was like Stephen like,and he's like oh, he didn't
really recognize me, but becauseI got my hair braided up now
and he's like, oh, tom, andthat's just another moment where
(12:14):
it's like, okay, if I wouldn'thave showed up, I wouldn't have
had this moment where it's like,okay, if I wouldn't have showed
up, I wouldn't have had thismoment where I could talk to
someone who could employ me inthe future and give them another
reason to want to employ me.
I wouldn't have had thatexperience if I didn't just, you
know, clean up and go.
And then I went in and John wasplaying and he looked around and
was like Dom, you want to comeup?
So I got the same tune and theywere doing more funk instead of
(12:39):
jazz.
But I still sang Stevie Wonderto my Shady Amour and funked it
up, funked it up a little bit.
It was good times and theinstrumentalists I worked with
were incredible and we reallymade it our own and I just felt
so free and happy and excited.
I just felt so free and happyand excited.
(13:01):
I was able to truly engage withthe guys.
I felt like we knocked it outof the park.
On top of that, I kind of getangry thinking about it, but I
didn't record it.
I didn't feel the need to.
It's not for everybody.
Sometimes I just want toperform and the people in the
(13:22):
room we get a moment together,kind of thing.
I felt like that was trulysomething I just love.
I love those moments.
I love being able to dosomething spontaneous and not
(13:42):
hold myself to a certainstandard when it comes to what
other people would expect fromme.
My life is different thaneveryone else's, and most people
wouldn't go support or go out.
They stay in and say they'llcome to the next one.
I don't want to be like mostpeople.
I want to do stuff that otherpeople don't do.
I want to enjoy things a littlebit more and be happy with
(14:04):
where I am, and I don't want tofeel like I'm wasting days
anymore, like I used to as atheater major.
I feel like we were alwayspushed to do something new.
You're supposed to sing, you'resupposed to dance, you're
supposed to act.
Can you write?
Can you?
Can you work in the shop?
Can you?
Can you sell tickets?
Like, can you build a set?
(14:25):
You need to do everything, andif you can't do one thing at a
time, then go do something else,and so it was always go, go, go
.
I would watch shows like Book ofMormon and I'll be like I could
be in this show.
I could be one of thoseAfricans in the back.
But you know, now I can sitdown and watch that show and be
like, ooh, I wonder what anAfrican person from anywhere in
(14:46):
Africa, from any country, feelshow these white gentlemen from
America portrayed them.
And the big moment for theAfrican actor in the show was to
say I have maggots in myscrotum.
I can step back and see thatand be like, oh, this is kind of
disturbing.
(15:07):
Yes, it's comedy, it's supposedto make you laugh.
But when people who don'tunderstand it, don't care to get
out and do something, to seeplaces to explore, when they
just assume that the world isthe way it is by the things that
have been telling them that itis that way, it could be
frustrating and it could be hardand it could sway our opinions
(15:32):
about certain things.
And if most people do that, Idon't want to be like most
people.
I feel like that's an element Iwant to change and I feel like
I'm continuing to work onthroughout my life.
It's cool if you, you know,want to eat barbecue or eat
(15:55):
heavy calories or drink beerevery day, or, you know, sit in
a chair, read a book all daylong, or if you want to go play
football, if you want to dothat's cool.
Whatever you do, do it.
That's cool.
I don't care, I'm going to dome.
Though I feel like puttingmyself first has been the the
(16:16):
most exciting, scary experiencethat I've had this year and in
the year 35, the fact that I'mkind of going through this now
and seeing these benefits ofbeing able to say no and being
able to say I'm going to takesome space for myself.
I'm going to do this for myself, instead of kind of feeling
(16:41):
like I have to be the leader allthe time, as the oldest kid, as
just someone in general whotends to kind of take charge.
When you're in a situation andeveryone's looking at each other
, what are we going to do?
All right, we're going to dothis.
Everyone's looking at eachother.
What are we going to do?
All right, we're going to dothis as that kind of person all
(17:03):
my life.
It's nice to be able to sit backand be like I don't think I'm
necessary right now.
These people can feel a certainway and do the certain things
that they do, but it's likemaybe someone else should step
up and I'm going to keep my ownto myself now a little bit more
(17:25):
so that I can have my peace.
What all do we really get inlife?
Experiences, love, the peoplearound us can share gifts, and
we can laugh and cry andexperience things together, but
when it comes down to it, at theend of the day, you gotta find
(17:49):
ways to be happy with all thecrap that's going on around us.
Gotta find ways to truly Findyour peace.
I don't think I'm fully thereyet, but I'm working towards it
and I believe I'm seeing it moreand more each day.
I'm starting to realize that Ican't be happy and live the life
(18:17):
that I'm living.
I'm living a very simple life.
I'm active, yes, with the bandand moving around and getting to
see different places.
I'm putting together my ownopportunities and that's a lot
of fun as well and I'm okay withall of the stuff that I'm doing
.
I'm in my office now.
(18:38):
I've been looking at thispicture that I have on the wall
from the movie Coming to America.
That's my favorite movie of alltime, and my basement is really
just the representation of me.
You know my life.
I got my lightsaber with ayellow crystal in it kyber
crystal, my Cardinals and Blues,st Louis Post-Dispatch.
(19:23):
On the wall the ChicagoL-System sign that we got made
in college after a newspaperreviewed our show that we had at
our school and said that saidthat line dancing in prancing
these, these queens, are dancingin prancing at the palace on
the river.
This place is really home to menow.
I never, never, thought I wouldhave a place outside of
(19:43):
Kirkwood, missouri, that Ithought was home, as much as I
think this place is now, evenCape Girardeau.
When I went to college I lovedCape, but you know, when I go
back now it doesn't feel likehome because there isn't a place
.
I can really go back toKirkwood my folks have a house
there.
I can really go back toKirkwood.
My folks have a house there,yes, but my grandparents' house
(20:04):
was destroyed.
That was kind of the end of oh,this is home, home.
You know I can really build myown home somewhere else now
because I can never really goback to that.
You know, and I feel like morethings are going to continue to
change in my family and my lifethat I'm going to look back and
be like, wow, I wish we tookmore pride or understood how
(20:30):
lucky we had in any way, youknow, being able to step back
and look out.
For me, I feel like it's helpedme when it comes to other things
that I'm losing or not able toexperience anymore in my life.
(20:52):
There's another t-shirt on thewall Team Nate that was my
little cousin who passed away inChicago a couple years ago.
Team Nate, that was my littlecousin who passed away in
Chicago a couple years ago, andI remember how hard that was.
I was scared to drive for acouple of weeks, maybe a couple
of months, because he passedaway in a car accident.
(21:14):
Now I can really look back onthat and be like you know,
things happen.
It's heartbreaking, but I'mgonna have to continue living
and I gotta keep living.
I gotta be there for my peoplewhen I can.
(21:34):
I can't.
I'm not gonna overstress orforce my way in anymore if I
offer a hand and you push itaway.
I'm not going to overstress orforce my way in anymore If I
offer a hand and you push itaway.
I'm going to let you push itaway now, and I think that's
something that it's taken meyears to get to.
I'm not going to beg people towant me to be who I am.
(22:00):
You know, like I shouldn't haveto tell you hey, I'm going to
be me.
I know so many people who dothat.
Where you're talking to them,I'm going to be me, I'm going to
do my thing, kind of thing.
I don't care what anyone says.
I shouldn't have to tell peoplethat.
No one should have to.
We should just be able to beourselves.
And that's why I'm going.
I'm working more towards thatand I believe I see it.
(22:22):
I believe I can achieve it.
It's a really cool headspace tobe in.
I never felt like I knew whenadulthood would be like okay, I
can't learn anymore.
(22:42):
I've always felt like the olderI've gotten, the more I'm like
oh, this isn't what I thought itwas going to be.
I tell a story about how youknow.
When you're in fifth grade, youkeep telling people you're like
I can't wait to get to middleschool, because these elementary
kids are just kids.
They didn't get to middleschool.
(23:06):
Oh, I can't wait to get to highschool, because high school is
where the kids are really.
We were grown then and you'relike well, I can't wait to get
to college now because thesekids are so foolish and childish
.
Then you get to college.
I can't wait to be an adult.
I can't wait to have my ownplace.
I can't wait to do this.
I can't wait to do that.
You get out into the workforceand you realize everyone is
still the same person they wereback then.
Everyone treats each other thesame way.
There's still the drama, youknow the drama about the girl
(23:30):
dating the cheerleader, or theguy dating the cheerleader, or
the girl dating the cheerleaderor whatever.
A cheerleader, whatever thatdrama is.
Just eat um entertainment TVnow, or people magazine, times
magazine.
It's just moved to a differentplatform.
It isn't really gone.
You get on social media.
(23:51):
I don't care for theKardashians, but I still see
Kardashians everywhere becausethey want us to hear and talk
about them.
They want us to be obsessedwith them.
So when you start to realizethat the world is not really
changing, it's always going tobe the same.
Yes, there are things that Ican do now as an
African-American, I couldn't do40 years ago.
(24:12):
That is very true.
But also there are still peoplewho are going to look at me and
feel like I need to clench myperson a little bit more Because
that black man.
You know he looks suspiciouswith those cornrows or whatever
that stuff is on his head.
You know that's always going tobe there.
(24:33):
So I cannot care about people'sexpectations.
I can't care about what otherpeople think.
I just got to make sure thatI'm good.
It's not selfish to feel thatway.
This year has taught me thatit's not.
You should want better foreverybody around you.
You should want better foryourself, and if you're in a
(24:56):
place where I'm good, I feellike I'm good.
Great, that's okay.
I'm not saying that everyone hasproblems.
I'm not saying that everyone'ssituation is the same.
I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying I'm seeingthings that I've done in my past
.
I'm reading things now thathelped me put into words what I
believe I had been makingmistakes on, and to be in a
(25:18):
place now where I can actuallybenefit and grow and achieve new
things, see new things, changemy diet and not be ashamed
because that's something thathas happened.
That's just so refreshing,exciting, and I look forward to
(25:39):
trying to grow more and do more,do better, be a better husband,
better singer, all that jazz.
Anyway, I was putting in thenumber.
I'm at a nine out of 10 rightnow and I appreciate y'all so
much for hanging out for thischeck-in and just letting me
(26:00):
talk to you and if you'refeeling anything like I'm
feeling, if you feel like youwill have some recommendation
for books, or if you just wantto talk d-o-m, underscore
l-a-m-o-u-r on Instagram andhave music everywhere you can
listen to, I'll be back nextweek with an interview and, once
(26:24):
again, I just appreciate y'all.
Y'all be safe tonight.
What's happening.
It's Dom.
I'm just doing a little mentalcheck-in.
I it's at the end of weddingseason for us, so we don't have
many weddings this summer, soI'm off now until the 19th and
then I'm off till sometime inAugust and I usually around this
time I'm kind of like twirlingmy fingers.
(00:29):
But this year has been reallyinteresting.
I've had a couple of moments ofbreaks where you know, the year
starts January, we don't reallyhave a lot of weddings, and
then we start after Valentine'sDay and go until June strong
pretty much every week.
And I had a break off to go toItaly and I took a break to go
(00:55):
to a friend's wedding.
There were a couple momentswhere I wasn't working, which I
like like to work, so it wasweird.
This year I was kind of okaywith it.
I think that's just come from alot of the work I've been doing
, where self-reflection, tryingto understand what my purpose is
, what I want to do with my life, things that I want to achieve,
(01:20):
the way I want to perceivemyself, the way that I look at
the things that are happeningaround me.
And yeah, it sucks to not beable to perform and it sucks not
making as much money.
I'm going to still be gigginghere and there and creating
myself opportunities andvisiting.
(01:41):
I'm hosting people in.
This month is my birthday monthof July, of course, so I'm
really blessed and excited fortime spent with friends, loved
ones.
When I was younger, I felt likeI would always I don't know get
(02:03):
frustrated with myself if Iwasn't doing enough, if I was
taking too much time off, if Iwas not being I don't know paid
attention to, if that makessense musically,
performance-wise, and thatbothered me.
You know, as an artist, youwant to believe that when you
(02:24):
work with people, when peopleare like, oh, we should work
together again, they'll make theeffort to reach out, they'll
make the effort to presentopportunities to you.
And you want to believe theenergy you put into the world
will come back to you in someway.
But the older I get, the more Irealize yeah, I might put that
energy in the world and it doescome back to me, but usually it
(02:46):
comes back to you, the way it'sgoing to come back to you, and
I'm really happy I see so muchhappening in our future and the
things that we've done, theplaces I've been able to go and
touch with my own hands andpeople I've been able to keep in
touch with and have theseincredible relationships with.
(03:07):
Like I try to put all thispositive energy out and it's
coming back to me in a great way.
It's hard to complain about that.
It's hard to sit down and belike, wow, I should be getting
more gigs or I should be makingmore money.
I can't do that to myselfanymore.
(03:28):
I feel like for a long time Iallowed the unknown to dictate
my whole day to day.
When I say that, I mean I wouldassume someone feels a certain
way about me or I would assumesomeone did something for a
certain reason, and in somecases I would ask them and they
(03:49):
would like no, and then I wouldstill be like, but they really
did mean it.
And it's like sometimes you justgot to believe people when they
tell you what they say, andthen also sometimes you got to
just think well, you know,they're just living their life.
There's no way they're sittingdown plotting my demise.
They don't care about me, andmost of the time they don't.
(04:11):
I feel like most people arereally just they wake up, they
go through their routines and dotheir things.
Some people do the things thatmake them happy.
Some people sit in their ownsorrow and or some people just
aren't able to think that way.
I mean depression is adisability, something that
(04:34):
people need help with, andsometimes you need a lot of
drugs to take.
So I try not to judge too much.
I think, more than anything, theconfusion is just how, when I
was younger, if I was feelingthe way I'm feeling now, I would
be trying to find the bad.
I'd be trying to find what'swrong.
(04:56):
Everything can't be right,something must be off.
And now I'm in a place whereI'm able to kind of just enjoy
my space.
Last year's theme of the yearwas organization, and that's
really gotten me back into thehabit of using my planner,
(05:18):
knowing what's today and what'stomorrow with time, and writing
stuff down when I feel it'simportant to me, people's
birthdays, and that has been sobeneficial to my day to day.
And this year, discipline justadds to the organization where
I'm way more likely to write itin my planner and to check my
(05:42):
planner and to make sure that Iadd suggestions for other things
to be prepared for.
You know, stuff that you couldeasily forget.
It's hard for me to forget nowbecause I'm taking the effort to
remember and making the effortto try and be better.
(06:02):
And when I cross off the thingson my list and I might have
like five or six things, twothings never matter when I cross
them off, I'm able to say, okay, I did what I wanted to do
today.
That's what I don't think Icould do when I was younger.
I would see influences online.
I would see people my age oryounger achieving things and I'm
(06:26):
like maybe it's just becauseI'm not working hard enough,
maybe it's because I'm not dead.
It's like that's their life.
You gotta live your life.
You know, my life is 20 timesdifferent than the person
sitting next to me and I'mstarting to see it more.
(06:48):
I'm starting to open up more.
I'm starting to realize I cansay no to things more.
I don't have to be on socialmedia every day.
I don't have to play videogames or lose myself in the
reels on YouTube.
I can really turn that stuffoff and create or relax,
(07:15):
communicate.
Like I said, this weekend I'mhosting friends.
That's really exciting.
When I was younger, I alwaysdreamed of being, you know, an
adult, someone who can cookdinner for his friends and hey,
take a beer.
You know, let's talk about life.
(07:36):
Now that I'm older and I'm ableto do that, I really, really
cherish these moments.
I cherish my friends.
Maria and Stephanie are in townthis week, and then I'll have
Jesse Lynn, and then at the endof the month, chester.
I love everybody so much andthe fact that they're even
(07:57):
willing to, you know, take timeout of their life to spend it
with me.
I can't be upset.
It's hard to find reasons to beupset, even with the crap
that's going on in Israel andUkraine and Iran and Trump in
(08:21):
general.
I don't even like saying hisname, but it's the truth.
You gotta put it out there.
With all that stuff, we live ina very privileged society and
we don't take that.
We don't really realize that asmuch.
We might be going to war, butyou know I can sleep still.
(08:42):
It's frustrating and I speakout when I I can and support the
groups that I want to support,because I don't agree with any
of this stuff.
But also I can't sit down anddon't recognize the blessings
that I have and how I can livemy life and how I can live my
(09:11):
life and I can be there for thepeople in my life and I can
create, still express myself onstage.
I can do everything.
I have a partner who works veryhard and I like to take care of
things for her, so she doesn'thave to worry about anything.
It's really kind of incredibleto see where I am now.
(09:35):
I really appreciate people wholisten to the pod, and if you
even are listening to thismid-season check-in kind of
thing I don't know, I might callit something else because it's
really closer to the end of theseason I appreciate y'all.
I have a couple more interviews, of course, coming up in the
(09:58):
coming weeks, but I reallywanted to just take an episode
to kind of talk directly to thepod and let y'all know where I
am mentally.
I think that's important.
A great example of where I'm atnow Yesterday I went to pick up
(10:22):
the homies in Marietta, but itwas a Sunday and usually Sundays
.
If I have a gig the day beforeon Saturday, I'm not doing
anything on Sundays.
That's usually my rule.
I woke up at noon because wedidn't get back until like four
in the morning from Birminghamon Saturday.
We didn't get back until likefour in the morning from
(10:48):
Birmingham on Saturday, and whenI got up I felt good.
I stretched in a little yogaand got my body right and I
thought about the things I coulddo.
That day.
I cleaned up, I made sure thehouse was good.
I was going to cut the grassbut it was raining, so I was
(11:10):
like I'll do that tomorrow.
And it was so nice.
I took a shower.
My friend was doing a show inSmyrna, which is right near
Marietta, so I was like let'ssee if I can catch that.
It was a jazz jam and he's inmy corporate band with me.
John O'Leary shout out.
I never get to do that and whenI do, I try my best to go,
Because it's always cool tosupport friends, it's always
(11:32):
cool to be in a socialenvironment, somewhere different
, see, a new vibe, you know.
And I didn't really expect tosing.
I thought I was going to getthere right when they were done
and they were going to befinished and no, but I walked in
the door and the first thing Inoticed was the guy who was
running it.
His name is Stephen Fellenham.
(11:54):
He's actually a guy that I workwith, his father father Charlie
Fellenham on Thursdays at aclub in Sandy Springs here in
Georgia.
So it was like Stephen like,and he's like oh, he didn't
really recognize me, but becauseI got my hair braided up now
and he's like, oh, tom, andthat's just another moment where
(12:14):
it's like, okay, if I wouldn'thave showed up, I wouldn't have
had this moment where it's like,okay, if I wouldn't have showed
up, I wouldn't have had thismoment where I could talk to
someone who could employ me inthe future and give them another
reason to want to employ me.
I wouldn't have had thatexperience if I didn't just, you
know, clean up and go.
And then I went in and John wasplaying and he looked around and
was like Dom, you want to comeup?
So I got the same tune and theywere doing more funk instead of
(12:39):
jazz.
But I still sang Stevie Wonderto my Shady Amour and funked it
up, funked it up a little bit.
It was good times and theinstrumentalists I worked with
were incredible and we reallymade it our own and I just felt
so free and happy and excited.
I just felt so free and happyand excited.
(13:01):
I was able to truly engage withthe guys.
I felt like we knocked it outof the park.
On top of that, I kind of getangry thinking about it, but I
didn't record it.
I didn't feel the need to.
It's not for everybody.
Sometimes I just want toperform and the people in the
(13:22):
room we get a moment together,kind of thing.
I felt like that was trulysomething I just love.
I love those moments.
I love being able to dosomething spontaneous and not
(13:42):
hold myself to a certainstandard when it comes to what
other people would expect fromme.
My life is different thaneveryone else's, and most people
wouldn't go support or go out.
They stay in and say they'llcome to the next one.
I don't want to be like mostpeople.
I want to do stuff that otherpeople don't do.
I want to enjoy things a littlebit more and be happy with
(14:04):
where I am, and I don't want tofeel like I'm wasting days
anymore, like I used to as atheater major.
I feel like we were alwayspushed to do something new.
You're supposed to sing, you'resupposed to dance, you're
supposed to act.
Can you write?
Can you?
Can you work in the shop?
Can you?
Can you sell tickets?
Like, can you build a set?
(14:25):
You need to do everything, andif you can't do one thing at a
time, then go do something else,and so it was always go, go, go
.
I would watch shows like Book ofMormon and I'll be like I could
be in this show.
I could be one of thoseAfricans in the back.
But you know, now I can sitdown and watch that show and be
like, ooh, I wonder what anAfrican person from anywhere in
(14:46):
Africa, from any country, feelshow these white gentlemen from
America portrayed them.
And the big moment for theAfrican actor in the show was to
say I have maggots in myscrotum.
I can step back and see thatand be like, oh, this is kind of
disturbing.
(15:07):
Yes, it's comedy, it's supposedto make you laugh.
But when people who don'tunderstand it, don't care to get
out and do something, to seeplaces to explore, when they
just assume that the world isthe way it is by the things that
have been telling them that itis that way, it could be
frustrating and it could be hardand it could sway our opinions
(15:32):
about certain things.
And if most people do that, Idon't want to be like most
people.
I feel like that's an element Iwant to change and I feel like
I'm continuing to work onthroughout my life.
It's cool if you, you know,want to eat barbecue or eat
(15:55):
heavy calories or drink beerevery day, or, you know, sit in
a chair, read a book all daylong, or if you want to go play
football, if you want to dothat's cool.
Whatever you do, do it.
That's cool.
I don't care, I'm going to dome.
Though I feel like puttingmyself first has been the the
(16:16):
most exciting, scary experiencethat I've had this year and in
the year 35, the fact that I'mkind of going through this now
and seeing these benefits ofbeing able to say no and being
able to say I'm going to takesome space for myself.
I'm going to do this for myself, instead of kind of feeling
(16:41):
like I have to be the leader allthe time, as the oldest kid, as
just someone in general whotends to kind of take charge.
When you're in a situation andeveryone's looking at each other
, what are we going to do?
All right, we're going to dothis.
Everyone's looking at eachother.
What are we going to do?
All right, we're going to dothis as that kind of person all
(17:03):
my life.
It's nice to be able to sit backand be like I don't think I'm
necessary right now.
These people can feel a certainway and do the certain things
that they do, but it's likemaybe someone else should step
up and I'm going to keep my ownto myself now a little bit more
(17:25):
so that I can have my peace.
What all do we really get inlife?
Experiences, love, the peoplearound us can share gifts, and
we can laugh and cry andexperience things together, but
when it comes down to it, at theend of the day, you gotta find
(17:49):
ways to be happy with all thecrap that's going on around us.
Gotta find ways to truly Findyour peace.
I don't think I'm fully thereyet, but I'm working towards it
and I believe I'm seeing it moreand more each day.
I'm starting to realize that Ican't be happy and live the life
(18:17):
that I'm living.
I'm living a very simple life.
I'm active, yes, with the bandand moving around and getting to
see different places.
I'm putting together my ownopportunities and that's a lot
of fun as well and I'm okay withall of the stuff that I'm doing
.
I'm in my office now.
(18:38):
I've been looking at thispicture that I have on the wall
from the movie Coming to America.
That's my favorite movie of alltime, and my basement is really
just the representation of me.
You know my life.
I got my lightsaber with ayellow crystal in it kyber
crystal, my Cardinals and Blues,st Louis Post-Dispatch.
(19:23):
On the wall the ChicagoL-System sign that we got made
in college after a newspaperreviewed our show that we had at
our school and said that saidthat line dancing in prancing
these, these queens, are dancingin prancing at the palace on
the river.
This place is really home to menow.
I never, never, thought I wouldhave a place outside of
(19:43):
Kirkwood, missouri, that Ithought was home, as much as I
think this place is now, evenCape Girardeau.
When I went to college I lovedCape, but you know, when I go
back now it doesn't feel likehome because there isn't a place
.
I can really go back toKirkwood my folks have a house
there.
I can really go back toKirkwood.
My folks have a house there,yes, but my grandparents' house
(20:04):
was destroyed.
That was kind of the end of oh,this is home, home.
You know I can really build myown home somewhere else now
because I can never really goback to that.
You know, and I feel like morethings are going to continue to
change in my family and my lifethat I'm going to look back and
be like, wow, I wish we tookmore pride or understood how
(20:30):
lucky we had in any way, youknow, being able to step back
and look out.
For me, I feel like it's helpedme when it comes to other things
that I'm losing or not able toexperience anymore in my life.
(20:52):
There's another t-shirt on thewall Team Nate that was my
little cousin who passed away inChicago a couple years ago.
Team Nate, that was my littlecousin who passed away in
Chicago a couple years ago, andI remember how hard that was.
I was scared to drive for acouple of weeks, maybe a couple
of months, because he passedaway in a car accident.
(21:14):
Now I can really look back onthat and be like you know,
things happen.
It's heartbreaking, but I'mgonna have to continue living
and I gotta keep living.
I gotta be there for my peoplewhen I can.
(21:34):
I can't.
I'm not gonna overstress orforce my way in anymore if I
offer a hand and you push itaway.
I'm not going to overstress orforce my way in anymore If I
offer a hand and you push itaway.
I'm going to let you push itaway now, and I think that's
something that it's taken meyears to get to.
I'm not going to beg people towant me to be who I am.
(22:00):
You know, like I shouldn't haveto tell you hey, I'm going to
be me.
I know so many people who dothat.
Where you're talking to them,I'm going to be me, I'm going to
do my thing, kind of thing.
I don't care what anyone says.
I shouldn't have to tell peoplethat.
No one should have to.
We should just be able to beourselves.
And that's why I'm going.
I'm working more towards thatand I believe I see it.
(22:22):
I believe I can achieve it.
It's a really cool headspace tobe in.
I never felt like I knew whenadulthood would be like okay, I
can't learn anymore.
(22:42):
I've always felt like the olderI've gotten, the more I'm like
oh, this isn't what I thought itwas going to be.
I tell a story about how youknow.
When you're in fifth grade, youkeep telling people you're like
I can't wait to get to middleschool, because these elementary
kids are just kids.
They didn't get to middleschool.
(23:06):
Oh, I can't wait to get to highschool, because high school is
where the kids are really.
We were grown then and you'relike well, I can't wait to get
to college now because thesekids are so foolish and childish
.
Then you get to college.
I can't wait to be an adult.
I can't wait to have my ownplace.
I can't wait to do this.
I can't wait to do that.
You get out into the workforceand you realize everyone is
still the same person they wereback then.
Everyone treats each other thesame way.
There's still the drama, youknow the drama about the girl
(23:30):
dating the cheerleader, or theguy dating the cheerleader, or
the girl dating the cheerleaderor whatever.
A cheerleader, whatever thatdrama is.
Just eat um entertainment TVnow, or people magazine, times
magazine.
It's just moved to a differentplatform.
It isn't really gone.
You get on social media.
(23:51):
I don't care for theKardashians, but I still see
Kardashians everywhere becausethey want us to hear and talk
about them.
They want us to be obsessedwith them.
So when you start to realizethat the world is not really
changing, it's always going tobe the same.
Yes, there are things that Ican do now as an
African-American, I couldn't do40 years ago.
(24:12):
That is very true.
But also there are still peoplewho are going to look at me and
feel like I need to clench myperson a little bit more Because
that black man.
You know he looks suspiciouswith those cornrows or whatever
that stuff is on his head.
You know that's always going tobe there.
(24:33):
So I cannot care about people'sexpectations.
I can't care about what otherpeople think.
I just got to make sure thatI'm good.
It's not selfish to feel thatway.
This year has taught me thatit's not.
You should want better foreverybody around you.
You should want better foryourself, and if you're in a
(24:56):
place where I'm good, I feellike I'm good.
Great, that's okay.
I'm not saying that everyone hasproblems.
I'm not saying that everyone'ssituation is the same.
I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying I'm seeingthings that I've done in my past
.
I'm reading things now thathelped me put into words what I
believe I had been makingmistakes on, and to be in a
(25:18):
place now where I can actuallybenefit and grow and achieve new
things, see new things, changemy diet and not be ashamed
because that's something thathas happened.
That's just so refreshing,exciting, and I look forward to
(25:39):
trying to grow more and do more,do better, be a better husband,
better singer, all that jazz.
Anyway, I was putting in thenumber.
I'm at a nine out of 10 rightnow and I appreciate y'all so
much for hanging out for thischeck-in and just letting me
(26:00):
talk to you and if you'refeeling anything like I'm
feeling, if you feel like youwill have some recommendation
for books, or if you just wantto talk d-o-m, underscore
l-a-m-o-u-r on Instagram andhave music everywhere you can
listen to, I'll be back nextweek with an interview and, once
(26:24):
again, I just appreciate y'all.
Y'all be safe tonight.
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