March 26, 2025 • 47 mins
Dom L'Amour speaks with my girl Maria Bartolotta about Her 10 years of being sober, struggles with moving, Relationships with family and friends, and so much more.
Grateful drunks never drink." These six words have carried Maria Bartolotta through a decade of sobriety—a journey that began in a world almost unrecognizable from today. Think: Blockbuster stores still open, Netflix mailing DVDs, BlackBerry phones, and Ebola dominating health headlines.
Dom Lamour and Maria dive deep into what it means to maintain sobriety not just as a lifestyle choice, but as a necessity. With remarkable candor, Maria reveals how recovery tools have shaped her approach to life's biggest challenges, particularly her recent decision to leave New York and return to her hometown. "My ego says you failed, you just turned 35 and you're living with your parents," she admits, despite knowing logically that the move opens new creative doors.
The conversation explores the delicate balance between artistic ambition and mental wellbeing. Both performers share the strange paradox of their chosen path—the constant questioning, the difficulty of defining success, and the crucial importance of remembering your "why." For Maria, that purpose has evolved from simply wanting to perform full-time to creating art that makes others feel seen and less alone.
Most powerfully, they discuss how practices like gratitude lists, meditation, and yoga serve as anchors during life transitions. Maria shares how becoming more selective with her energy has led to healthier relationships, while still battling the tendency to isolate when things get tough. The episode concludes with a beautiful meditation on finding joy in small things—like snowfall—and the power of staying present even when feeling raw.
Whether you're navigating sobriety, considering a major life change, or simply trying to honor your creative purpose while paying the bills, this conversation offers both practical tools and emotional reassurance. Subscribe, share, and connect with Maria (@maria_bartolotta_1) and Dom (@DOM_LAMOUR) on Instagram to continue the conversation.
Opening quote by AA
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song : "Maybe This Time" Preformed by Dom L'Amour and Maria Bartolotta
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @doml_amour on Instagram. Or at
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
One of my favorite, or at least my one of the most
useful phrases that people sayis grateful drunks never drink.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
So a gratitude list.
I don't know what the scienceor the voodoo is in it, but for
some reason doing a gratitudelist always helps and I I will
go in being like stupidgratitude, I'm not grateful for
anything.
And then I just like startwriting down like the most basic
things and I had someone elsetell me when I was really early
(00:30):
in sobriety, if you can't thinkof things to be grateful for, if
you have 10 fingers and 10 toes, that's 20 things right there.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here, my
name is Dom Lamour and you arelistening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
On today's episode, I speakwith my girl, maria Bartolotta,
about 10 years of being sober,struggling with moving
relationships with friends andfamily, and so much more.
(01:09):
When I focus on what's good,today, I have a good day.
When I focus on what's bad, Ihave a bad day.
If I focus on the problem, theproblem increases.
If I focus on the answer, theanswer increases.
You're celebrating 11 years.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Of being sober Correct.
So I wanted to take a step backin the time, oh boy, and talk
about the things that were goingon the last time you had a
beverage.
So let's go through my listhere.
Here we go Back in 2014,.
(01:58):
They were still manufacturingCD players in cars back then.
Of course, that's somethingthat doesn't happen anymore.
I don drink, and they did foranother four years after you
started drinking, so you wereliving firm in BlackBerry
lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
That's wild.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
This is one of my favorites, you ready.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
TikTok didn't exist, vine did exist.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
RIP Vine.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
RIP Vine.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I didn't download TikTok for the longest time
because I was so mad.
I was like this is just vinethat's all it was.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
But I mean, hey, shit , they had to do what they had
to do, amen, uh.
Next, you could still have dvdsmailed to your house from
netflix.
Last time you had a drink, ofcourse Also, the original Game
of Thrones show was still on theair.
It was like season five orsomething.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, it was very early.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I don't know.
When did Jon Snow die?
Was that the beginning of five?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I don't remember.
I don't remember either.
Every time I've watched thatshow I binge it really hard, Me
too.
It like all runs together allright, I totally agree.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Uh, blockbuster's video, of course, was still open
.
Wow, the last store closed in2019.
Yeah, you totally could stillgo to blockbuster and wow, our
jacks.
Of course you're gonna rememberthis.
One of Radio Shack was still athing.
Of course, now they're Best BuyExpress, but they were Radio
(03:30):
Shack back then and this ismaybe my favorite thing that's
on the list you remember Ebola?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
But the only reason I know that that was a thing is
because in my first year ofsobriety I started aesthetic
school and I have this picturein our aesthetics book.
Of course, instead of listening, I was like drawing little
funny cartoons in my book andthere was this girl going like a
(04:03):
thinking face and I wrote in aspeech bubble do I have Ebola?
And I have like a screenshot ofthat saved in my phone and
every time I see it I'm likewhat?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Like there are kids now who if you brought up Ebola,
they wouldn't know what you'retalking about.
What are you talking about?
Ebola?
You mean COVID, covid's, thepandemic, that's what I'm like.
No Ebola.
They were scared of Ebola.
They were talking like we weregoing to die of Ebola, but we
had a president who wascompetent and took care of that.
Final thing, I have here on thelist, of course, the hits of
(04:38):
2014.
That year, number one song ofthe year, of course, was Happy
by Pharrell Williams.
Wow, dark Horse by Katy Perryand Juicy J what a tune.
All of Me by John Legend, asong that I feel like is so old.
(05:01):
Also, iggy Azalea was still athing.
Yeah, fancy was a hit that year.
And counting stars by onerepublic talk dirty jason marulo
and two chains rude by magicall about that bass problem by
(05:22):
ariana and iggy, because iggywas on top of the world that
year she was, that was her yearand stay with me.
We were introduced to Sam Smiththat year.
Yes, that's, that's all thestuff that I researched from the
last time you had a drink, youwere grooving out the dark horse
by Katy Perry talking, talkingabout Ebola.
(05:45):
That's what your life lookedlike back then.
How does that feel to hear allof that?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
That's wild.
The blockbuster and theBlackberry and that stuff is
blowing my mind.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah right, the CD player being made.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
They don't make CD players anymore DVDs being
mailed to your house.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
I forgot that Netflix started that way.
That's crazy.
Yeah, they didn't havestreaming at first, it was just
DVDs at the grocery store.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I think they had the Redbox, but it was netflix, not
red box wow, I was because I wastalking, because, hilariously,
ironically, I spent the firstday of 2025 bartending.
Ironically, yes and so I wastalking to my co-worker about
this and how I'm like superrusty, I got thrown into it.
(06:47):
I'm like I haven't bartended inover 10 years.
I don't know what the trendydrinks are.
When I stopped drinking, RumChata had just come out.
It was like Rum Chata, the pinkone, and the drink you made was
like porn star X-rated.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
That was big Rumpelmints, was big Fireball
had just come out.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Fireball was the best .
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, and so I was like reminiscing on how old that
makes me feel, because theywere like laughing when I told
them that these were all youngpeople.
Yeah, but yeah, I didn'trealize some of these other
things that was.
That was a fun little journey,Wow.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Like I got the thing.
It was like 2014.
I just moved back to St Louisfrom Chicago at that point it
was before I moved to LA, and Ithink we did a show that year.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
We did.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, and it was like a whole different world then
Like that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
To kind of think about how our lives have
progressed, and it's a decade,you can say a decade ago that
happened.
Do you think like being soberhas like changed your
personality?
Do you think that it's affectedyou in any negative way?
Like just because you likeyou're, you're sober now, which
is great, it's like, but any canyou think of negative ways that
(08:11):
it may have changed you over 10years?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
not really because because, like it's, I feel like
it's become a thing now to belike sober, curious or whatever,
and people are choosing a soberlifestyle, which is great, and
do whatever works for you.
But I'm sober because I had toget sober.
Yeah, like it was get sober ordie or have something like even
(08:40):
worse happen, like hurt someoneelse you know, so in that sense
I can't think of many negativethings, because those were my
options and I think that mighthave been the wrong way to
phrase that no, but I'm thinkinglike you're bartending now, so
like that's something negativefor my head.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I'm like that must be hard to do, right?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
yes, and yes and no, it depends.
Like I don't love it, peoplealways want me to bartend
because I have experience andthere's not many around
apparently these days, and soyou know I don't love it.
It's not like something I wouldvolunteer to do regularly, but
the only time I'm like reallystart getting annoyed is when I
(09:23):
like a lot gets gets spilled andI have it on me and I'm
smelling it.
That's when I start to getannoyed, but it's never a
temptation, because the reasonI've made it this far sober is
because I'm really active in myrecovery.
In that sense, that hascompletely changed my
personality.
In that sense that hascompletely changed my
(09:45):
personality.
I feel like I'm a completelydifferent person because if
you're an alcoholic, like I am,you have to be really active in
recovery to stay sober and tostay sane, frankly, and you have
to do a lot of inner work, likea lot constantly.
You know it definitely.
Oh, I can give you a negativething Dating.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
It's difficult when you'resober, because what's the number
one thing people do on dates?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Let's go to a bar.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Let's go get a drink Get something to drink.
Mm-hmm, which, again, itdoesn't bother me.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah, you sit there with an Arnold Palmer.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, and they've gotten really creative with
mocktails now yes, yeah.
Yeah, and they've gotten reallycreative with mocktails.
They've gotten really creative.
And it doesn't bother me, butpeople get really weird about it
and there's a lot of people whodon't want to go out with you
when they find out you're sober,which that's fair.
Some people want to have thatshared experience, but you could
(10:43):
have a sober driver.
I will say that's probably, youknow, a negative.
When you get sober, in order tobe successful, you have to
change your people, places andthings.
At least at first.
Luckily, I had so many friendswho were so understanding and
were like, please get sober,please, please stop drinking,
(11:06):
and so they were reallyencouraging of it and they
understood that I had to likehibernate for a little bit and
hang out with sober people.
But then, you know, when I wasready, I was right back to
hanging out with my old friendsand they've always been very,
very considerate of me in termsof like making sure I have an
option to drink.
If we're going to do something,it's not just sitting at a bar,
(11:29):
like there's another activitythere.
And I'm really lucky in thatregard because I know a lot of
other sober friends I have.
They did not have the sameexperience and so they had like
a negative impact in that wayand that you know, they kind of
lost a lot of friends, butluckily that didn't happen for
me.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
One thing I feel like has come up a couple of times
just in conversation over thenew year and last year is the
idea of growing apart frompeople and kind of seeing
yourself a little different.
So how often have you had apercentage wise, would you say
like you had to stop talking topeople because of the drinking
thing, but then in general youjust was kind of like, oh, this
(12:06):
person, I don't really vibe withthis person anymore at all.
I feel like it's happening at ahigher rate now for me than
ever in my life.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
So, in terms of not hanging out with people because
of drinking and like in beingsober when I was at the end of
my drinking, you surroundyourself with people who are at
the same level as you, right?
So I was hanging out with otherpeople who had a drinking
problem, basically.
So I didn't hang out with them.
(12:37):
I hung out with them a coupletimes since, but we grew apart
because I was in active recoveryand they were still drinking
and there wasn't any animosityabout that.
It would just kind of likenaturally happened.
Now I am also very much in aplace like you just described
(12:57):
right now, and I would attributethat more to one age and two.
Like I said, being in activerecovery.
I have to do a lot of internalwork, I have to do a lot of
spiritual work in order to staysane, and I think a result of
that has been realizing that Igive way too much of my energy
(13:21):
to I don't want to say the wrongpeople, but I just I've been
draining myself for a reallylong time I hear what you're
saying, like draining yourselffor people who wouldn't drain
that same energy for you, right?
Like I empty my cup and don'tget it filled up.
I've been doing that for mostof my life and I feel like
that's often a woman issue.
(13:43):
I find talking to other womentoo, because we were raised to
believe that we're caretakersand a lot of us are extreme
people pleasers.
But the more work I do, themore I realize I have less and
less of a tolerance for it,which is good, and I've been way
more selective of my energy andmy time.
(14:07):
It's really been an awakeningof sorts in moving back to St
Louis, seeing that filter out.
And it's not to say that it'slike I'm writing people off and
just not hanging out with them,period.
It's just I'm writing peopleoff and just not hanging out
with them, period.
It's just.
You know, I'm not going to goout of my way all the time for
(14:30):
someone who's not equally goingto be like what do you need?
How are you, maria?
Yep, I'm just not going to dothat.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
You shouldn't yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
And not in a negative way, just in a.
This just makes sense.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
That's a good place to kind of pivot to the move
back home, cause I feel like Iremember my move home from
Chicago.
I was driving home with my pops, big John, and I just felt like
I'd failed.
You know, I felt like I movedsomewhere and I had high hopes.
(15:11):
In every step of thatexperience, which now I can see,
I learned a lot.
I took a lot of stuff from that.
I took a lot of stuff from justbeing the broke as I'd ever
been and trying to make it workand somehow paying bills still
and surviving and making it out.
I don't know how I did.
I still don't know Chicago.
(15:32):
I really loved the city, I lovedthe community that I created, I
loved the people that I met andthe things that I had done,
that I had done.
But I didn't have any wiggleroom to really enjoy it because
I was so consumed with work andtrying to pay bills and not
(15:55):
really knowing what's comingnext.
I was so in the dark there andwhen I left I still was like, oh
, I didn't give it enough of achance.
And now I can look back and belike, no, I did everything I was
supposed to do in Chicago and Iwas in a relationship I
shouldn't have been in.
That didn't help me at all.
I was with people who haddifferent goals than me.
(16:17):
They saw themselves going oneway, and I was like we need to
be doing this, and they're like,well, we'll do that eventually.
They never did it, though, andI was like that's something that
I'm not about.
I say I want to move to LAeventually.
I want to move to LA, and I did, and that was the only move for
me.
That was hard Cause I went backto my mother's house.
I was staying in Kirkwood, andI lived there for a couple of
(16:41):
months.
I got my own apartmenteventually, because I was just
like I can't still with my mom.
I can't live with my mom.
I just can't do it.
She wasn't as controlling whenI was there the second time,
because I was an adult, but shestill was controlling, if that
made sense, and I was just like,yeah, I need my freedom.
(17:02):
I need to be able to makedinners the way I want to make
them.
I don't need the temptation offried foods or all of this crap
that y'all are eating.
I don't need that temptation.
So I'm curious for you oneleaving New York, did you have
that kind of feeling?
(17:23):
And two, are you able to seethe positives of your time there
, but leaving was right.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah, I mean you basically hit all the marks of
exactly where I was at.
It's like, logically, I know Icould have stayed.
I could have stayed in New Yorkand kept my apartment, which I
loved so much, and kept doingwhat I was doing.
But, like you said, I didn'thave a life because I had to
(17:55):
work so much to live there and Ihad gotten a taste of what it
could be like to not have that.
The year before when I quit ajob for the first time in my
life I was like, well, all right, guess, we're going to try the
starving artist thing for sixmonths, and it was.
(18:17):
It was the most bleak mycircumstances I've ever been,
but it was the happiest I'veever been.
I never knew how I was going topay rent but I always somehow
did.
And I was the happiest I'veever been because I got to full
fledged jump into my craft andmy show and everything and I got
a taste of what that could belike.
But that wasn't sustainable inNew York to do forever.
(18:42):
And then my mom made the pointthat it could kind of be like
that if I moved back to St Louis, and so that's really what
planted the seed.
And so, logically, I know thatI truthfully moved back here to
move to the next level with myshow and my career because I was
(19:05):
hitting a wall in New York notable to do those things.
But at the same time my egosays you failed, you just turned
35 and you're living with yourparents.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
And and I.
The only thing that wasdifferent from what you said is
I had a lot of collaborative Iwouldn't say a lot, but enough
collaborative people Um, in NewYork and I, um, you know, I had
someone tell me they wanted tofund the off-Broadway run of my
(19:45):
show when it's ready for that,like.
So that made it even moredifficult, cause I'm like am I,
am I making the wrong decisionand walking away from this?
Like I feel like I'm walkingaway when I'm finally getting
things going.
And then my friend made thecomment no, maria, I think it's
(20:07):
the opposite.
I think you're finally givinginto the universe, telling you
something needs to be different,and I think that's why these
things are happening, causethose things happened after I
decided to leave New.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
York.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
So he made the point that you know, because I finally
stopped fighting and was like,okay, fine, I'll take this huge
scary leap, and then thingsstarted working.
So you know, I know logicallythat this was the best thing,
but at the same time it's stillone of the hardest things I've
(20:41):
ever grappled with.
And that's saying a lot,because we just talked about how
I have 11 years in recovery.
But there was just so muchwrapped up in being in New York
for me and we talked about thisthe last time I was on here.
I'm really bad at comparingmyself to others and having this
imaginary marker of where Ithink I should be in my life as
(21:04):
a 35-year-old, and so, in mymind, the one thing I had going
for me was I was living in NewYork on my own, in my own
apartment in New York chasing mydreams and that was my one
thing I had and I let it go, andso now I'm fighting this voice
in my head that's like well, nowyou got nothing loser, and it's
(21:27):
like you were talking about.
It's really difficultspecifically being here,
especially after you've been intherapy for a while.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I feel like for me, I left Chicago in 2013, I think,
or 2014.
I still felt like I was a kid.
You know, I was so young stilland you know I didn't even turn
30 until I moved to LA, so likethat was another five years away
.
The work that I've been doingat home my journaling, my
(22:01):
planner, my yoga, my meditation,my breathing exercises, my
singing, everything that I do tokeep my head right I think
would help me get through it alot better than I did then,
because I just kind of took iton the chin and pretended like
everything was okay and luckilycame back to a city where, when
(22:22):
I started hitting people upabout gigs, I was gigging again.
So it was like, okay, I'm goingto leave performing.
But even then, that move to LAwas all put together on faith
and ignorance, where I maxed outa credit card to move to LA
because I didn't want to tell myfolks that I didn't save the
(22:44):
money.
So I maxed out the credit cardand then the first year or two
in LA I was trying to pay thatoff and I wasn't able to even go
out and audition.
I wasn't able to go perform andI didn't know anyone, and then
I didn't meet anyone because Iwas constantly working or with
Tommy and them doing likeShakespeare stuff, which is like
(23:05):
was dope and I met peoplethrough that, but even then I
didn't meet the right people.
I didn't meet the people doingwhat I wanted to do.
A lot of negative, horribleplanned decisions came because I
wasn't properly doing the stuffat home to better myself.
So my question to you is whatare some things that you feel
(23:25):
either maybe you need to work onstill, or that you are doing
that you feel is helping younavigate all of this?
Because, like I said, mejournaling that changed so much
for me and one of the key thingsin the journal is to make sure
that, no matter what you speakabout, even if it's negative or
positive, by the end of it youshould reflect on what you're
(23:47):
grateful for.
And I'm able to really sit downand talk crazy about people in
my journal like I can't standthis, this, this and that, but
I'm grateful I woke up today.
I'm grateful for my wife, I'mgrateful for the food that I'm
about to eat.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I'm grateful for my wife.
I'm grateful for the food thatI'm about to eat.
I'm grateful for all the thingsaround me that helps me get
through this annoyingness.
What are some things thateither?
lot of those things are toolsthat I had already been doing
that you do in recovery.
One of my favorite, or at leastmy one of the most useful
phrases that people say isgrateful drunks never drink.
Yeah, so a gratitude list.
I don't know what the scienceor the voodoo is in it, but for
(24:45):
some reason doing a gratitudelist always helps and I will go
in being like, oh, stupidgratitude, I'm not grateful for
anything.
And then I just like startwriting down like the most basic
things, and I had someone elsetell me when I was really early
in sobriety, if you can't thinkof things to be grateful for, if
you have 10 fingers and 10 toes, that's 20 things right there.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yes, and I don't think that's something that we
think about on the regular.
We're kind of trained that.
You know people display theirsuccesses all the time on social
media.
So when you think about whatyou're grateful for, it's hard,
because you're like well, Ididn't get to go on that
(25:28):
vacation.
I wanted to go on, I didn't getthe car that I wanted, I didn't
get this.
But this person just did Likeyou're comparing yourself to
others.
But just waking up is somethingto be grateful for.
Just being able to evencomprehend that you are
struggling and you want to bedoing better is something to be
grateful for, because there aresome people who sit and don't
understand that it's them who'sgoing to have to push them to
(25:49):
the next level.
No one else is going to helpyou.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
No one else has got.
I mean, people will be therefor you, people will try, but no
matter what, you're going tohave to be the one that said say
yo, I need to change.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Yeah, I just watched a video that was talking about
how you can't have two thoughtsat the same time.
So if I'm thinking about whatI'm grateful for, then that
filters out all the comparingand grossness I'm doing.
So that's a big one I do.
I have my therapist and I,before I moved, we made sure to
have like an action plan, like Iknew I was going to need like a
(26:22):
big toolkit of stuff to dobecause I knew it was going to
be rough.
So I have like this littlechecklist on my board, like I
meditated today, I did my yogatoday.
Man, those two things are mysaviors.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah, it changes everything.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
They are my saviors right now.
So those are big.
I'm very type A, so I alreadydo this.
But really having like acomprehensive list of logical
steps to be taking, which hasbeen a hard, tricky balance
because I knew I needed rest.
Coming here, coming home becausethat was one of the things is I
(27:02):
was so tired yeah just fromliving in New York and just my
nervous system was so tired,like I was just tired, and so I
knew I needed some time to rest.
But at the same time, I likewant to stay focused and like
remember why I came home.
Comprehensive lists ofrealistic things I'm not going
(27:25):
to write down.
I've grown plenty of thingsinto a festival tomorrow.
No, I'm going to say let's lookup some individual artist
grants, let's do X, y and Z.
Let's look at doing a St Louisshow to try out some of our new
stuff in it Stuff like that.
The other thing that I'vestruggled with trying to
(27:46):
reconnect with people, whichgoes back to what we were just
talking about before, isfiguring out the right people to
connect with, becauseeverything in me does not want
to right now.
Everything in me wants toisolate and stay home and not
interact with anyone, and so I'mI have to fight that to get out
(28:06):
of myself.
Because, you know, when I goand I talk to someone, I still
want to be there for people,like I don't want to just
completely be selfish.
I still want to be there forpeople, but for people who I
know are there for me as well,and so, but when I'm there for
other people and I can show upfor other people like I have a
couple of friends who just had ahellish year last year.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
So I'm like making sure I like get over there to
visit them, because I know theyneed people outside their house.
And that gets me out of my headand the constant buzzing that
never stops.
So those, that's my big, mybiggest tool case, and then I
always talk about this with myshow, but just in general, is
(28:47):
just constantly remembering mywhy.
Why am I even doing this?
Why am I trying so hard to makethis happen?
Why don't I just pick an easierlife and I just have to
remember my why.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
I think remembering my why is something that I
should do better, because I knowwhy and I sit down and I say
that in my journal.
I know why I'm still doing this, but I think about how hard
what we do is all the time.
I think about how.
(29:24):
You know, I'll do a show.
We did a wedding and there was700 people at the wedding.
And we did a show early in theyear.
There was 3000 people at theshow.
Like these moments are likehuge adrenaline moments where,
like I put on really good showswhen it's a lot of people in the
audience and I'm always excited, I'm never nervous.
But then after that, after thatrelease, that moment, that
(29:47):
silence after the show, is hardfor me.
It's like, dominique, you justdid something that you love.
And it's like, but did anyonereally care?
I find ways to damper my gooddays too, and remembering the
why would help with that.
(30:07):
It's just so.
It's so interesting, like howoften we see people doing
exactly what we're doing, howhard it is to do what we do so
constantly I'm seeing it happenand I'm seeing examples of it,
but I'm still struggling to doit.
That why?
Uh, it is.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
It is the gift and curse yeah gift and the curse
well, and it's becomes somethingso much more and different for
me since this show, like before.
My why was because I couldn'timagine doing anything else for
the rest of my life and I justwant to be.
(30:51):
I don't want to be famous, Idon't want to be like, I just
want to be able to do what I'mgood at and love full time.
That was it for a while, andthen this show happened, which
again what you were saying,almost two years ago that I was
on here last and I was like juststarting to write it.
I don't think I had even bookedmy venue yet.
(31:12):
Which, that's everyone'sfavorite story is that I booked
a venue before I had a showwritten.
And now, at this point, I didtwo sold out premiere shows in
St Louis, I did the HollywoodFringe Festival in LA and I did
a New York show, and you know Ihave some.
(31:34):
There's a lot of interest in it, and yet I don't let myself
just like bask in that for asecond.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I'm like.
I'm always like, what's next,what's next, what's next, what's
next?
I gotta, I gotta get it.
It's not what I where, I wantit, and but then that's when I
have to come back to my why.
Because when I finally got theshow into the place that it is
and when I get to the heartand's of the world, feel less
alone and feel seen, because thewhole reason, the whole thesis
(32:08):
of this show is me walkingaround feeling like a weirdo and
like what's wrong with me, thatI seem to be the only one
experiencing these things.
And from the first time I didthe show, and ever since I did
it, I've had women come up to meand be like, oh my God, I've
never felt so seen by your showand that is my why, and I now
(32:31):
have this like mission.
It's like I know, like in mycore, in my biggest truths, that
I have this message that needsto be told for the other me's of
the world.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
And you're the only person that could tell it the
way that you would.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Exactly, and that's what I always have to remind
myself when, especially, youknow, during fringe, all every
girl is doing the let's monetizeoff our trauma shtick right now
.
That's the shtick right now.
And when I realized that andsaw that I was like crap.
I'm like, oh my God, what makesmine special and I'm like what
(33:12):
makes mine special is it's mine,it is my story and it is mine
and I'm doing it like it has apurpose, not because I just want
to do it and make money and getacclamation.
Like I feel like I have thisspecial message that needs to be
told and so, honestly, that'swhat keeps me going these days.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
I think all of what you said.
I agree with the idea that,like I've been working on the
album and of course, course I dothe pod and I do a couple other
things, I'm working with acouple bands now the goal was
always just to work and to saywhat do you do when someone asks
you, what do you do?
I'm a performer.
That's the goal.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
And.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
I'm doing that now, so I'm very fortunate to be in a
place where I'm doing it.
But of course, the performer inme, like you said, wants more.
I want to be performing more, Iwant to be doing this more, and
I read a book where they saythat's the job of the artist to
continue to make art.
So that's something that I'vekind of stopped beating myself
(34:16):
up about wanting to do more,because with this album I'll
start writing the album.
I great songs on it and afterI'm done writing for the album,
you know, you get to a pointwhere what's next with that and
it's like, no, no, I shouldstill be creating something.
And so I started writing themusical and I started writing
songs for the musical and thenother songs pop up because of
(34:39):
the constant art that I'mcreating and keeping that muscle
working and keeping that muscleclear is so important.
So, yeah, that's the one thingI've been able to really help
myself with.
I'm not beating myself up somuch because I want more, trying
to continue to define what mylife is as a performer, because
(35:05):
I think the definition of whatwe do goes against everything.
You know, I have a friend intown, adrian's gone to New York
for work and while she was gonethis guy was like hey, I got a
concert on that Friday, youshould come out.
And I'm like I got rehearsalthat night.
(35:26):
I'm sorry, dude, and it's notthat I don't want to go hang out
with him, it's just when otherpeople are doing normal things,
usually I'm either gigging ortrying to get ready for the gig
are doing normal things.
Usually I'm either gigging ortrying to get ready for the gig
and I have to be okay with that.
Like he like laughs and kind ofrolls it off, but he
understands because he's likeyou're a performer, it makes
sense, go make your money.
And I personally am like I'm soweird.
(35:47):
I'm so personally like why do Ialways have to miss stuff?
And it's because that's thelife that I chose and I should
be okay with that.
I gotta be okay with that.
So I think it's helpful to begoing to a therapist and also to
be working on journaling andand finding different things.
It's very helpful because it'sa constant battle of is this
(36:11):
correct?
Am I, am I being selfish?
Am I doing something that issupposed to be done?
Am I just creating somethingthat I have no business creating
?
Like ah, I don't even haveenough words to truly put it out
how much it is so difficult tocontinue to go, but also it's
(36:36):
easy because this is what I wantto do.
It's the weirdest mind fuck inthe world.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
It is constantly, and whenever someone asks me,
they're like oh, I know someonewho is thinking about wanting to
become an actor.
I go, they're thinking about itand I go.
I have a question Is theresomething else that they could
imagine doing for the rest oftheir life?
And they're like, probably.
And I go tell them to do that.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
It is hard and it is torture a lot of the time, but I
chose it so I can't complain.
But I do, but I shouldn't,because I picked it.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
It's so different with everyone on how they
approach the arts and I don'treally have a problem
encouraging people to beperformers because I love it so
much and if you show interestand you're like I want to do it,
I'll give you the keys.
I'm like this is what you gotto do this is what I do.
You got to find ways to standout, you got to find ways to
create.
But I've heard multiple friendssay exactly that that why do
(37:41):
you want to go into movies?
Don't go into movies, don't dothis, don't like.
I've heard so many people dothat skit because I mean, you
ask yourself that all the timeyep, why am I doing this?
You know, saying like and uh.
With all that being said, Ifeel like this sounds negative,
but it isn't, because you'restill doing incredible stuff and
(38:05):
, like I said, I'm working everyweek.
So I'm very blessed and excited.
I feel like I've been in abetter place mentally with
myself all around, and that'svery encouraging to hear other
folks with their struggles butalso see that they're still
(38:27):
smiling, still pushing out thatart, still trying, because you
know, what else are you doing itfor, if not that?
Speaker 1 (38:45):
maybe this time I'll be lucky.
Maybe this time he'll stay.
Maybe this time, for the firsttime, love won't hurry away.
(39:08):
He will hold me fast.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
I'll be home at last Not a loser, of course.
Here's a blast from the past.
This is from our original showthat we made together, the Sammy
and Liza show.
I did this at Ragsdale's at myold job.
(39:40):
I can't believe they let mejust rent out the whole basement
.
We didn't rent it out, we justkind of took over one night and
had chairs everywhere and movedthe pool table and put on this
full show with comedians, withdifferent performers and like an
eight piece band.
It was such a good time andonce again, of course, I love
Performer Maria.
Hopefully we'll get somethingtogether soon in the future is,
(40:03):
of course, her singing thefamous tune Maybe this Time, and
character as Eliza Minnelli.
And once again, you can listento all my music on all streaming
platforms.
You can check me out for moreinformation at domlamorecom,
where you can get anything andeverything.
Dom Lamore, I hope you enjoythese little nuggets of the
performances from back in theday.
Being back home, you're workingon your show.
(40:26):
What else are you trying to doin St Louis?
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Oh boy, so that's the next month or so.
I keep laughing because I'msaying remember that one time I
was supposed to come home andrest.
So I have a whole new show thatI'm doing.
It's just a cabaret vibe, moreof what you and I used to do.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
But it's just a fun show, you know.
But it is a whole new showoutside of the one I usually do,
and then I'm directing a middleschool play and getting paid
for it.
And then I also have twoauditions coming up for regional
(41:10):
theater shows here that I wasconvinced to audition for, yeah
here that.
I was convinced to audition for,which is great and hilarious
because it's like, oh wow, ifthese things pan out, I will be
like a working full-time actor.
Look how that happened.
But then I start getting myselfstressed out because I'm like
but I need to be working on.
I've grown plenty of things Ineed to be working on that.
(41:31):
It's a transitional timebecause it's like right before
these auditions and before thisshow and I don't have everything
with the school play mapped outyet.
So it's kind of a how's thisall going to pan out?
So that's everything I'm doingand plus I sang for a lot of
weddings and funerals before Imoved.
So, I'm trying to get that goingagain.
(41:51):
Not that I want there to be alot of funerals.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yeah, I want a gig.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
I can sing for them, and then, yeah, and then just
trying to write original musicfor I've Grown Plenty, thanks
and get it to the next level.
That's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
You know what I love Snow.
That's crazy to say out loud, Iknow, but when I was younger
and it would snow, that was thecoolest thing in the world.
And here in Georgia it snowedand it's the most snow that
we've gotten in almost 20 yearsabout three inches of snow
(42:36):
outside here in Georgia and Igot out there and I was
shoveling snow and stuff like Ihadn't done that in years and
it's something that while I wasout there, I had to remind
myself.
You know, yes, I moved awayfrom St Louis to get away from
the snow and stuff like this,but it isn't horrible, it isn't
(42:59):
all bad.
It isn't like something that Ishould be shaming every time it
happens, because it was reallycool to get out my boots that I
never get to wear and to go outthere and be in the snow and for
it to be hitting me in the facekind of thing.
I was like this is a familiarfeeling that you only know of if
you've grown up with it.
(43:19):
There's so many people I met inLA who'd never seen snow before
and I complain about it.
It's this horrible thing, it'slike magic and I'm like that's
something that I wish I was ableto keep.
So when it snowed here, thatwas a moment where I'm like,
(43:40):
okay, I can step back and belike I really do love snow.
It's the adult in me who'stalking about salt and ice and
worried about all that otherstuff.
The snow part dope.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Can I pick the same one?
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Go ahead and say it yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
This is so relevant right now.
You know what I love.
I also love snow, and I'll tellyou why.
Because it's been here all weekin St Louis and everyone is
griping and upset about it, andI understand.
If you have a job or you haveto go, no matter what, it's
(44:19):
terrible.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Being in New York.
I didn't get to enjoy itbecause the only way you didn't
have to go out in it for work isif they stopped the subways,
which took a lot.
If they stopped the subway,then we got off work.
So if it snowed, I was liketrucking through it and it was
like, but being here and Ihaven't had to go to work much
(44:43):
this week, I've really loved it.
I've really loved being likesnowed in and I keep looking out
my window because there's likeall trees and it just looks so
beautiful and it's so peacefuland serene to watch and it's
just little things like thatthat I take for granted that are
(45:03):
like so calming to my nervoussystem and my soul.
So I also love snow and I'msorry for all the people who are
hating it and already over itin St Louis because we got so
much this week, but as of now,I'm loving it.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Well, we made it to the end of the episode and I
always appreciate your time,thank you.
I always appreciate seeing yourface, hearing your voice, and
we spoke about everything wewant to speak about.
So all I want to hear now ishow do you feel?
Speaker 1 (45:34):
I feel raw, but that's, that is how I felt since
I moved back.
But I feel raw, but I feel notin a bad way, like I feel raw,
but I feel like, okay, we'redoing it, we're here.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
I feel very present, I feel present here, yeah, I
feel very present.
I feel present, raw and present, raw and present cheers.
Thank you, thank you for havingme.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
I want to thank you for listening to the black man
talking emotions podcast.
The opening quote, credit goesto aa.
And shout out to the liza, tomy sammy follow maria at
m-a-r-i-a.
Underscore bartolotta b-a-r.
T-o-l-o-t-t-a.
Underscore one on instagram.
Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us
(46:32):
a good rating five stars, please, please and thank you.
You can support the show byclicking the link at the bottom
of the episode description.
If you like this episode, youshould check out our previous
episode titled Sammy and Lizareunion.
It's a great listen, check itout.
Follow me at D O M underscore LA M O U R on Instagram or at
(46:52):
domlamorecom.
I'm Dom Lomore.
Much love.
One of my favorite, or at least my one of the most
useful phrases that people sayis grateful drunks never drink.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
So a gratitude list.
I don't know what the scienceor the voodoo is in it, but for
some reason doing a gratitudelist always helps and I I will
go in being like stupidgratitude, I'm not grateful for
anything.
And then I just like startwriting down like the most basic
things and I had someone elsetell me when I was really early
(00:30):
in sobriety, if you can't thinkof things to be grateful for, if
you have 10 fingers and 10 toes, that's 20 things right there.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here, my
name is Dom Lamour and you arelistening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
On today's episode, I speakwith my girl, maria Bartolotta,
about 10 years of being sober,struggling with moving
relationships with friends andfamily, and so much more.
(01:09):
When I focus on what's good,today, I have a good day.
When I focus on what's bad, Ihave a bad day.
If I focus on the problem, theproblem increases.
If I focus on the answer, theanswer increases.
You're celebrating 11 years.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Of being sober Correct.
So I wanted to take a step backin the time, oh boy, and talk
about the things that were goingon the last time you had a
beverage.
So let's go through my listhere.
Here we go Back in 2014,.
(01:58):
They were still manufacturingCD players in cars back then.
Of course, that's somethingthat doesn't happen anymore.
I don drink, and they did foranother four years after you
started drinking, so you wereliving firm in BlackBerry
lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
That's wild.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
This is one of my favorites, you ready.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
TikTok didn't exist, vine did exist.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
RIP Vine.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
RIP Vine.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I didn't download TikTok for the longest time
because I was so mad.
I was like this is just vinethat's all it was.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
But I mean, hey, shit , they had to do what they had
to do, amen, uh.
Next, you could still have dvdsmailed to your house from
netflix.
Last time you had a drink, ofcourse Also, the original Game
of Thrones show was still on theair.
It was like season five orsomething.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, it was very early.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I don't know.
When did Jon Snow die?
Was that the beginning of five?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I don't remember.
I don't remember either.
Every time I've watched thatshow I binge it really hard, Me
too.
It like all runs together allright, I totally agree.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Uh, blockbuster's video, of course, was still open
.
Wow, the last store closed in2019.
Yeah, you totally could stillgo to blockbuster and wow, our
jacks.
Of course you're gonna rememberthis.
One of Radio Shack was still athing.
Of course, now they're Best BuyExpress, but they were Radio
(03:30):
Shack back then and this ismaybe my favorite thing that's
on the list you remember Ebola?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
But the only reason I know that that was a thing is
because in my first year ofsobriety I started aesthetic
school and I have this picturein our aesthetics book.
Of course, instead of listening, I was like drawing little
funny cartoons in my book andthere was this girl going like a
(04:03):
thinking face and I wrote in aspeech bubble do I have Ebola?
And I have like a screenshot ofthat saved in my phone and
every time I see it I'm likewhat?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Like there are kids now who if you brought up Ebola,
they wouldn't know what you'retalking about.
What are you talking about?
Ebola?
You mean COVID, covid's, thepandemic, that's what I'm like.
No Ebola.
They were scared of Ebola.
They were talking like we weregoing to die of Ebola, but we
had a president who wascompetent and took care of that.
Final thing, I have here on thelist, of course, the hits of
(04:38):
2014.
That year, number one song ofthe year, of course, was Happy
by Pharrell Williams.
Wow, dark Horse by Katy Perryand Juicy J what a tune.
All of Me by John Legend, asong that I feel like is so old.
(05:01):
Also, iggy Azalea was still athing.
Yeah, fancy was a hit that year.
And counting stars by onerepublic talk dirty jason marulo
and two chains rude by magicall about that bass problem by
(05:22):
ariana and iggy, because iggywas on top of the world that
year she was, that was her yearand stay with me.
We were introduced to Sam Smiththat year.
Yes, that's, that's all thestuff that I researched from the
last time you had a drink, youwere grooving out the dark horse
by Katy Perry talking, talkingabout Ebola.
(05:45):
That's what your life lookedlike back then.
How does that feel to hear allof that?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
That's wild.
The blockbuster and theBlackberry and that stuff is
blowing my mind.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah right, the CD player being made.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
They don't make CD players anymore DVDs being
mailed to your house.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
I forgot that Netflix started that way.
That's crazy.
Yeah, they didn't havestreaming at first, it was just
DVDs at the grocery store.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I think they had the Redbox, but it was netflix, not
red box wow, I was because I wastalking, because, hilariously,
ironically, I spent the firstday of 2025 bartending.
Ironically, yes and so I wastalking to my co-worker about
this and how I'm like superrusty, I got thrown into it.
(06:47):
I'm like I haven't bartended inover 10 years.
I don't know what the trendydrinks are.
When I stopped drinking, RumChata had just come out.
It was like Rum Chata, the pinkone, and the drink you made was
like porn star X-rated.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
That was big Rumpelmints, was big Fireball
had just come out.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Fireball was the best .
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, and so I was like reminiscing on how old that
makes me feel, because theywere like laughing when I told
them that these were all youngpeople.
Yeah, but yeah, I didn'trealize some of these other
things that was.
That was a fun little journey,Wow.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Like I got the thing.
It was like 2014.
I just moved back to St Louisfrom Chicago at that point it
was before I moved to LA, and Ithink we did a show that year.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
We did.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, and it was like a whole different world then
Like that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
To kind of think about how our lives have
progressed, and it's a decade,you can say a decade ago that
happened.
Do you think like being soberhas like changed your
personality?
Do you think that it's affectedyou in any negative way?
Like just because you likeyou're, you're sober now, which
is great, it's like, but any canyou think of negative ways that
(08:11):
it may have changed you over 10years?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
not really because because, like it's, I feel like
it's become a thing now to belike sober, curious or whatever,
and people are choosing a soberlifestyle, which is great, and
do whatever works for you.
But I'm sober because I had toget sober.
Yeah, like it was get sober ordie or have something like even
(08:40):
worse happen, like hurt someoneelse you know, so in that sense
I can't think of many negativethings, because those were my
options and I think that mighthave been the wrong way to
phrase that no, but I'm thinkinglike you're bartending now, so
like that's something negativefor my head.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I'm like that must be hard to do, right?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
yes, and yes and no, it depends.
Like I don't love it, peoplealways want me to bartend
because I have experience andthere's not many around
apparently these days, and soyou know I don't love it.
It's not like something I wouldvolunteer to do regularly, but
the only time I'm like reallystart getting annoyed is when I
(09:23):
like a lot gets gets spilled andI have it on me and I'm
smelling it.
That's when I start to getannoyed, but it's never a
temptation, because the reasonI've made it this far sober is
because I'm really active in myrecovery.
In that sense, that hascompletely changed my
personality.
In that sense that hascompletely changed my
(09:45):
personality.
I feel like I'm a completelydifferent person because if
you're an alcoholic, like I am,you have to be really active in
recovery to stay sober and tostay sane, frankly, and you have
to do a lot of inner work, likea lot constantly.
You know it definitely.
Oh, I can give you a negativething Dating.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
It's difficult when you'resober, because what's the number
one thing people do on dates?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Let's go to a bar.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Let's go get a drink Get something to drink.
Mm-hmm, which, again, itdoesn't bother me.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah, you sit there with an Arnold Palmer.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, and they've gotten really creative with
mocktails now yes, yeah.
Yeah, and they've gotten reallycreative with mocktails.
They've gotten really creative.
And it doesn't bother me, butpeople get really weird about it
and there's a lot of people whodon't want to go out with you
when they find out you're sober,which that's fair.
Some people want to have thatshared experience, but you could
(10:43):
have a sober driver.
I will say that's probably, youknow, a negative.
When you get sober, in order tobe successful, you have to
change your people, places andthings.
At least at first.
Luckily, I had so many friendswho were so understanding and
were like, please get sober,please, please stop drinking,
(11:06):
and so they were reallyencouraging of it and they
understood that I had to likehibernate for a little bit and
hang out with sober people.
But then, you know, when I wasready, I was right back to
hanging out with my old friendsand they've always been very,
very considerate of me in termsof like making sure I have an
option to drink.
If we're going to do something,it's not just sitting at a bar,
(11:29):
like there's another activitythere.
And I'm really lucky in thatregard because I know a lot of
other sober friends I have.
They did not have the sameexperience and so they had like
a negative impact in that wayand that you know, they kind of
lost a lot of friends, butluckily that didn't happen for
me.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
One thing I feel like has come up a couple of times
just in conversation over thenew year and last year is the
idea of growing apart frompeople and kind of seeing
yourself a little different.
So how often have you had apercentage wise, would you say
like you had to stop talking topeople because of the drinking
thing, but then in general youjust was kind of like, oh, this
(12:06):
person, I don't really vibe withthis person anymore at all.
I feel like it's happening at ahigher rate now for me than
ever in my life.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
So, in terms of not hanging out with people because
of drinking and like in beingsober when I was at the end of
my drinking, you surroundyourself with people who are at
the same level as you, right?
So I was hanging out with otherpeople who had a drinking
problem, basically.
So I didn't hang out with them.
(12:37):
I hung out with them a coupletimes since, but we grew apart
because I was in active recoveryand they were still drinking
and there wasn't any animosityabout that.
It would just kind of likenaturally happened.
Now I am also very much in aplace like you just described
(12:57):
right now, and I would attributethat more to one age and two.
Like I said, being in activerecovery.
I have to do a lot of internalwork, I have to do a lot of
spiritual work in order to staysane, and I think a result of
that has been realizing that Igive way too much of my energy
(13:21):
to I don't want to say the wrongpeople, but I just I've been
draining myself for a reallylong time I hear what you're
saying, like draining yourselffor people who wouldn't drain
that same energy for you, right?
Like I empty my cup and don'tget it filled up.
I've been doing that for mostof my life and I feel like
that's often a woman issue.
(13:43):
I find talking to other womentoo, because we were raised to
believe that we're caretakersand a lot of us are extreme
people pleasers.
But the more work I do, themore I realize I have less and
less of a tolerance for it,which is good, and I've been way
more selective of my energy andmy time.
(14:07):
It's really been an awakeningof sorts in moving back to St
Louis, seeing that filter out.
And it's not to say that it'slike I'm writing people off and
just not hanging out with them,period.
It's just I'm writing peopleoff and just not hanging out
with them, period.
It's just.
You know, I'm not going to goout of my way all the time for
(14:30):
someone who's not equally goingto be like what do you need?
How are you, maria?
Yep, I'm just not going to dothat.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
You shouldn't yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
And not in a negative way, just in a.
This just makes sense.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
That's a good place to kind of pivot to the move
back home, cause I feel like Iremember my move home from
Chicago.
I was driving home with my pops, big John, and I just felt like
I'd failed.
You know, I felt like I movedsomewhere and I had high hopes.
(15:11):
In every step of thatexperience, which now I can see,
I learned a lot.
I took a lot of stuff from that.
I took a lot of stuff from justbeing the broke as I'd ever
been and trying to make it workand somehow paying bills still
and surviving and making it out.
I don't know how I did.
I still don't know Chicago.
(15:32):
I really loved the city, I lovedthe community that I created, I
loved the people that I met andthe things that I had done,
that I had done.
But I didn't have any wiggleroom to really enjoy it because
I was so consumed with work andtrying to pay bills and not
(15:55):
really knowing what's comingnext.
I was so in the dark there andwhen I left I still was like, oh
, I didn't give it enough of achance.
And now I can look back and belike, no, I did everything I was
supposed to do in Chicago and Iwas in a relationship I
shouldn't have been in.
That didn't help me at all.
I was with people who haddifferent goals than me.
(16:17):
They saw themselves going oneway, and I was like we need to
be doing this, and they're like,well, we'll do that eventually.
They never did it, though, andI was like that's something that
I'm not about.
I say I want to move to LAeventually.
I want to move to LA, and I did, and that was the only move for
me.
That was hard Cause I went backto my mother's house.
I was staying in Kirkwood, andI lived there for a couple of
(16:41):
months.
I got my own apartmenteventually, because I was just
like I can't still with my mom.
I can't live with my mom.
I just can't do it.
She wasn't as controlling whenI was there the second time,
because I was an adult, but shestill was controlling, if that
made sense, and I was just like,yeah, I need my freedom.
(17:02):
I need to be able to makedinners the way I want to make
them.
I don't need the temptation offried foods or all of this crap
that y'all are eating.
I don't need that temptation.
So I'm curious for you oneleaving New York, did you have
that kind of feeling?
(17:23):
And two, are you able to seethe positives of your time there
, but leaving was right.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah, I mean you basically hit all the marks of
exactly where I was at.
It's like, logically, I know Icould have stayed.
I could have stayed in New Yorkand kept my apartment, which I
loved so much, and kept doingwhat I was doing.
But, like you said, I didn'thave a life because I had to
(17:55):
work so much to live there and Ihad gotten a taste of what it
could be like to not have that.
The year before when I quit ajob for the first time in my
life I was like, well, all right, guess, we're going to try the
starving artist thing for sixmonths, and it was.
(18:17):
It was the most bleak mycircumstances I've ever been,
but it was the happiest I'veever been.
I never knew how I was going topay rent but I always somehow
did.
And I was the happiest I'veever been because I got to full
fledged jump into my craft andmy show and everything and I got
a taste of what that could belike.
But that wasn't sustainable inNew York to do forever.
(18:42):
And then my mom made the pointthat it could kind of be like
that if I moved back to St Louis, and so that's really what
planted the seed.
And so, logically, I know thatI truthfully moved back here to
move to the next level with myshow and my career because I was
(19:05):
hitting a wall in New York notable to do those things.
But at the same time my egosays you failed, you just turned
35 and you're living with yourparents.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
And and I.
The only thing that wasdifferent from what you said is
I had a lot of collaborative Iwouldn't say a lot, but enough
collaborative people Um, in NewYork and I, um, you know, I had
someone tell me they wanted tofund the off-Broadway run of my
(19:45):
show when it's ready for that,like.
So that made it even moredifficult, cause I'm like am I,
am I making the wrong decisionand walking away from this?
Like I feel like I'm walkingaway when I'm finally getting
things going.
And then my friend made thecomment no, maria, I think it's
(20:07):
the opposite.
I think you're finally givinginto the universe, telling you
something needs to be different,and I think that's why these
things are happening, causethose things happened after I
decided to leave New.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
York.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
So he made the point that you know, because I finally
stopped fighting and was like,okay, fine, I'll take this huge
scary leap, and then thingsstarted working.
So you know, I know logicallythat this was the best thing,
but at the same time it's stillone of the hardest things I've
(20:41):
ever grappled with.
And that's saying a lot,because we just talked about how
I have 11 years in recovery.
But there was just so muchwrapped up in being in New York
for me and we talked about thisthe last time I was on here.
I'm really bad at comparingmyself to others and having this
imaginary marker of where Ithink I should be in my life as
(21:04):
a 35-year-old, and so, in mymind, the one thing I had going
for me was I was living in NewYork on my own, in my own
apartment in New York chasing mydreams and that was my one
thing I had and I let it go, andso now I'm fighting this voice
in my head that's like well, nowyou got nothing loser, and it's
(21:27):
like you were talking about.
It's really difficultspecifically being here,
especially after you've been intherapy for a while.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I feel like for me, I left Chicago in 2013, I think,
or 2014.
I still felt like I was a kid.
You know, I was so young stilland you know I didn't even turn
30 until I moved to LA, so likethat was another five years away
.
The work that I've been doingat home my journaling, my
(22:01):
planner, my yoga, my meditation,my breathing exercises, my
singing, everything that I do tokeep my head right I think
would help me get through it alot better than I did then,
because I just kind of took iton the chin and pretended like
everything was okay and luckilycame back to a city where, when
(22:22):
I started hitting people upabout gigs, I was gigging again.
So it was like, okay, I'm goingto leave performing.
But even then, that move to LAwas all put together on faith
and ignorance, where I maxed outa credit card to move to LA
because I didn't want to tell myfolks that I didn't save the
(22:44):
money.
So I maxed out the credit cardand then the first year or two
in LA I was trying to pay thatoff and I wasn't able to even go
out and audition.
I wasn't able to go perform andI didn't know anyone, and then
I didn't meet anyone because Iwas constantly working or with
Tommy and them doing likeShakespeare stuff, which is like
(23:05):
was dope and I met peoplethrough that, but even then I
didn't meet the right people.
I didn't meet the people doingwhat I wanted to do.
A lot of negative, horribleplanned decisions came because I
wasn't properly doing the stuffat home to better myself.
So my question to you is whatare some things that you feel
(23:25):
either maybe you need to work onstill, or that you are doing
that you feel is helping younavigate all of this?
Because, like I said, mejournaling that changed so much
for me and one of the key thingsin the journal is to make sure
that, no matter what you speakabout, even if it's negative or
positive, by the end of it youshould reflect on what you're
(23:47):
grateful for.
And I'm able to really sit downand talk crazy about people in
my journal like I can't standthis, this, this and that, but
I'm grateful I woke up today.
I'm grateful for my wife, I'mgrateful for the food that I'm
about to eat.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I'm grateful for my wife.
I'm grateful for the food thatI'm about to eat.
I'm grateful for all the thingsaround me that helps me get
through this annoyingness.
What are some things thateither?
lot of those things are toolsthat I had already been doing
that you do in recovery.
One of my favorite, or at leastmy one of the most useful
phrases that people say isgrateful drunks never drink.
Yeah, so a gratitude list.
I don't know what the scienceor the voodoo is in it, but for
(24:45):
some reason doing a gratitudelist always helps and I will go
in being like, oh, stupidgratitude, I'm not grateful for
anything.
And then I just like startwriting down like the most basic
things, and I had someone elsetell me when I was really early
in sobriety, if you can't thinkof things to be grateful for, if
you have 10 fingers and 10 toes, that's 20 things right there.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yes, and I don't think that's something that we
think about on the regular.
We're kind of trained that.
You know people display theirsuccesses all the time on social
media.
So when you think about whatyou're grateful for, it's hard,
because you're like well, Ididn't get to go on that
(25:28):
vacation.
I wanted to go on, I didn't getthe car that I wanted, I didn't
get this.
But this person just did Likeyou're comparing yourself to
others.
But just waking up is somethingto be grateful for.
Just being able to evencomprehend that you are
struggling and you want to bedoing better is something to be
grateful for, because there aresome people who sit and don't
understand that it's them who'sgoing to have to push them to
(25:49):
the next level.
No one else is going to helpyou.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
No one else has got.
I mean, people will be therefor you, people will try, but no
matter what, you're going tohave to be the one that said say
yo, I need to change.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Yeah, I just watched a video that was talking about
how you can't have two thoughtsat the same time.
So if I'm thinking about whatI'm grateful for, then that
filters out all the comparingand grossness I'm doing.
So that's a big one I do.
I have my therapist and I,before I moved, we made sure to
have like an action plan, like Iknew I was going to need like a
(26:22):
big toolkit of stuff to dobecause I knew it was going to
be rough.
So I have like this littlechecklist on my board, like I
meditated today, I did my yogatoday.
Man, those two things are mysaviors.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah, it changes everything.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
They are my saviors right now.
So those are big.
I'm very type A, so I alreadydo this.
But really having like acomprehensive list of logical
steps to be taking, which hasbeen a hard, tricky balance
because I knew I needed rest.
Coming here, coming home becausethat was one of the things is I
(27:02):
was so tired yeah just fromliving in New York and just my
nervous system was so tired,like I was just tired, and so I
knew I needed some time to rest.
But at the same time, I likewant to stay focused and like
remember why I came home.
Comprehensive lists ofrealistic things I'm not going
(27:25):
to write down.
I've grown plenty of thingsinto a festival tomorrow.
No, I'm going to say let's lookup some individual artist
grants, let's do X, y and Z.
Let's look at doing a St Louisshow to try out some of our new
stuff in it Stuff like that.
The other thing that I'vestruggled with trying to
(27:46):
reconnect with people, whichgoes back to what we were just
talking about before, isfiguring out the right people to
connect with, becauseeverything in me does not want
to right now.
Everything in me wants toisolate and stay home and not
interact with anyone, and so I'mI have to fight that to get out
(28:06):
of myself.
Because, you know, when I goand I talk to someone, I still
want to be there for people,like I don't want to just
completely be selfish.
I still want to be there forpeople, but for people who I
know are there for me as well,and so, but when I'm there for
other people and I can show upfor other people like I have a
couple of friends who just had ahellish year last year.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
So I'm like making sure I like get over there to
visit them, because I know theyneed people outside their house.
And that gets me out of my headand the constant buzzing that
never stops.
So those, that's my big, mybiggest tool case, and then I
always talk about this with myshow, but just in general, is
(28:47):
just constantly remembering mywhy.
Why am I even doing this?
Why am I trying so hard to makethis happen?
Why don't I just pick an easierlife and I just have to
remember my why.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
I think remembering my why is something that I
should do better, because I knowwhy and I sit down and I say
that in my journal.
I know why I'm still doing this, but I think about how hard
what we do is all the time.
I think about how.
(29:24):
You know, I'll do a show.
We did a wedding and there was700 people at the wedding.
And we did a show early in theyear.
There was 3000 people at theshow.
Like these moments are likehuge adrenaline moments where,
like I put on really good showswhen it's a lot of people in the
audience and I'm always excited, I'm never nervous.
But then after that, after thatrelease, that moment, that
(29:47):
silence after the show, is hardfor me.
It's like, dominique, you justdid something that you love.
And it's like, but did anyonereally care?
I find ways to damper my gooddays too, and remembering the
why would help with that.
(30:07):
It's just so.
It's so interesting, like howoften we see people doing
exactly what we're doing, howhard it is to do what we do so
constantly I'm seeing it happenand I'm seeing examples of it,
but I'm still struggling to doit.
That why?
Uh, it is.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
It is the gift and curse yeah gift and the curse
well, and it's becomes somethingso much more and different for
me since this show, like before.
My why was because I couldn'timagine doing anything else for
the rest of my life and I justwant to be.
(30:51):
I don't want to be famous, Idon't want to be like, I just
want to be able to do what I'mgood at and love full time.
That was it for a while, andthen this show happened, which
again what you were saying,almost two years ago that I was
on here last and I was like juststarting to write it.
I don't think I had even bookedmy venue yet.
(31:12):
Which, that's everyone'sfavorite story is that I booked
a venue before I had a showwritten.
And now, at this point, I didtwo sold out premiere shows in
St Louis, I did the HollywoodFringe Festival in LA and I did
a New York show, and you know Ihave some.
(31:34):
There's a lot of interest in it, and yet I don't let myself
just like bask in that for asecond.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I'm like.
I'm always like, what's next,what's next, what's next, what's
next?
I gotta, I gotta get it.
It's not what I where, I wantit, and but then that's when I
have to come back to my why.
Because when I finally got theshow into the place that it is
and when I get to the heartand's of the world, feel less
alone and feel seen, because thewhole reason, the whole thesis
(32:08):
of this show is me walkingaround feeling like a weirdo and
like what's wrong with me, thatI seem to be the only one
experiencing these things.
And from the first time I didthe show, and ever since I did
it, I've had women come up to meand be like, oh my God, I've
never felt so seen by your showand that is my why, and I now
(32:31):
have this like mission.
It's like I know, like in mycore, in my biggest truths, that
I have this message that needsto be told for the other me's of
the world.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
And you're the only person that could tell it the
way that you would.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Exactly, and that's what I always have to remind
myself when, especially, youknow, during fringe, all every
girl is doing the let's monetizeoff our trauma shtick right now
.
That's the shtick right now.
And when I realized that andsaw that I was like crap.
I'm like, oh my God, what makesmine special and I'm like what
(33:12):
makes mine special is it's mine,it is my story and it is mine
and I'm doing it like it has apurpose, not because I just want
to do it and make money and getacclamation.
Like I feel like I have thisspecial message that needs to be
told and so, honestly, that'swhat keeps me going these days.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
I think all of what you said.
I agree with the idea that,like I've been working on the
album and of course, course I dothe pod and I do a couple other
things, I'm working with acouple bands now the goal was
always just to work and to saywhat do you do when someone asks
you, what do you do?
I'm a performer.
That's the goal.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
And.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
I'm doing that now, so I'm very fortunate to be in a
place where I'm doing it.
But of course, the performer inme, like you said, wants more.
I want to be performing more, Iwant to be doing this more, and
I read a book where they saythat's the job of the artist to
continue to make art.
So that's something that I'vekind of stopped beating myself
(34:16):
up about wanting to do more,because with this album I'll
start writing the album.
I great songs on it and afterI'm done writing for the album,
you know, you get to a pointwhere what's next with that and
it's like, no, no, I shouldstill be creating something.
And so I started writing themusical and I started writing
songs for the musical and thenother songs pop up because of
(34:39):
the constant art that I'mcreating and keeping that muscle
working and keeping that muscleclear is so important.
So, yeah, that's the one thingI've been able to really help
myself with.
I'm not beating myself up somuch because I want more, trying
to continue to define what mylife is as a performer, because
(35:05):
I think the definition of whatwe do goes against everything.
You know, I have a friend intown, adrian's gone to New York
for work and while she was gonethis guy was like hey, I got a
concert on that Friday, youshould come out.
And I'm like I got rehearsalthat night.
(35:26):
I'm sorry, dude, and it's notthat I don't want to go hang out
with him, it's just when otherpeople are doing normal things,
usually I'm either gigging ortrying to get ready for the gig
are doing normal things.
Usually I'm either gigging ortrying to get ready for the gig
and I have to be okay with that.
Like he like laughs and kind ofrolls it off, but he
understands because he's likeyou're a performer, it makes
sense, go make your money.
And I personally am like I'm soweird.
(35:47):
I'm so personally like why do Ialways have to miss stuff?
And it's because that's thelife that I chose and I should
be okay with that.
I gotta be okay with that.
So I think it's helpful to begoing to a therapist and also to
be working on journaling andand finding different things.
It's very helpful because it'sa constant battle of is this
(36:11):
correct?
Am I, am I being selfish?
Am I doing something that issupposed to be done?
Am I just creating somethingthat I have no business creating
?
Like ah, I don't even haveenough words to truly put it out
how much it is so difficult tocontinue to go, but also it's
(36:36):
easy because this is what I wantto do.
It's the weirdest mind fuck inthe world.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
It is constantly, and whenever someone asks me,
they're like oh, I know someonewho is thinking about wanting to
become an actor.
I go, they're thinking about itand I go.
I have a question Is theresomething else that they could
imagine doing for the rest oftheir life?
And they're like, probably.
And I go tell them to do that.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
It is hard and it is torture a lot of the time, but I
chose it so I can't complain.
But I do, but I shouldn't,because I picked it.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
It's so different with everyone on how they
approach the arts and I don'treally have a problem
encouraging people to beperformers because I love it so
much and if you show interestand you're like I want to do it,
I'll give you the keys.
I'm like this is what you gotto do this is what I do.
You got to find ways to standout, you got to find ways to
create.
But I've heard multiple friendssay exactly that that why do
(37:41):
you want to go into movies?
Don't go into movies, don't dothis, don't like.
I've heard so many people dothat skit because I mean, you
ask yourself that all the timeyep, why am I doing this?
You know, saying like and uh.
With all that being said, Ifeel like this sounds negative,
but it isn't, because you'restill doing incredible stuff and
(38:05):
, like I said, I'm working everyweek.
So I'm very blessed and excited.
I feel like I've been in abetter place mentally with
myself all around, and that'svery encouraging to hear other
folks with their struggles butalso see that they're still
(38:27):
smiling, still pushing out thatart, still trying, because you
know, what else are you doing itfor, if not that?
Speaker 1 (38:45):
maybe this time I'll be lucky.
Maybe this time he'll stay.
Maybe this time, for the firsttime, love won't hurry away.
(39:08):
He will hold me fast.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
I'll be home at last Not a loser, of course.
Here's a blast from the past.
This is from our original showthat we made together, the Sammy
and Liza show.
I did this at Ragsdale's at myold job.
(39:40):
I can't believe they let mejust rent out the whole basement
.
We didn't rent it out, we justkind of took over one night and
had chairs everywhere and movedthe pool table and put on this
full show with comedians, withdifferent performers and like an
eight piece band.
It was such a good time andonce again, of course, I love
Performer Maria.
Hopefully we'll get somethingtogether soon in the future is,
(40:03):
of course, her singing thefamous tune Maybe this Time, and
character as Eliza Minnelli.
And once again, you can listento all my music on all streaming
platforms.
You can check me out for moreinformation at domlamorecom,
where you can get anything andeverything.
Dom Lamore, I hope you enjoythese little nuggets of the
performances from back in theday.
Being back home, you're workingon your show.
(40:26):
What else are you trying to doin St Louis?
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Oh boy, so that's the next month or so.
I keep laughing because I'msaying remember that one time I
was supposed to come home andrest.
So I have a whole new show thatI'm doing.
It's just a cabaret vibe, moreof what you and I used to do.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
But it's just a fun show, you know.
But it is a whole new showoutside of the one I usually do,
and then I'm directing a middleschool play and getting paid
for it.
And then I also have twoauditions coming up for regional
(41:10):
theater shows here that I wasconvinced to audition for, yeah
here that.
I was convinced to audition for,which is great and hilarious
because it's like, oh wow, ifthese things pan out, I will be
like a working full-time actor.
Look how that happened.
But then I start getting myselfstressed out because I'm like
but I need to be working on.
I've grown plenty of things Ineed to be working on that.
(41:31):
It's a transitional timebecause it's like right before
these auditions and before thisshow and I don't have everything
with the school play mapped outyet.
So it's kind of a how's thisall going to pan out?
So that's everything I'm doingand plus I sang for a lot of
weddings and funerals before Imoved.
So, I'm trying to get that goingagain.
(41:51):
Not that I want there to be alot of funerals.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yeah, I want a gig.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
I can sing for them, and then, yeah, and then just
trying to write original musicfor I've Grown Plenty, thanks
and get it to the next level.
That's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
You know what I love Snow.
That's crazy to say out loud, Iknow, but when I was younger
and it would snow, that was thecoolest thing in the world.
And here in Georgia it snowedand it's the most snow that
we've gotten in almost 20 yearsabout three inches of snow
(42:36):
outside here in Georgia and Igot out there and I was
shoveling snow and stuff like Ihadn't done that in years and
it's something that while I wasout there, I had to remind
myself.
You know, yes, I moved awayfrom St Louis to get away from
the snow and stuff like this,but it isn't horrible, it isn't
(42:59):
all bad.
It isn't like something that Ishould be shaming every time it
happens, because it was reallycool to get out my boots that I
never get to wear and to go outthere and be in the snow and for
it to be hitting me in the facekind of thing.
I was like this is a familiarfeeling that you only know of if
you've grown up with it.
(43:19):
There's so many people I met inLA who'd never seen snow before
and I complain about it.
It's this horrible thing, it'slike magic and I'm like that's
something that I wish I was ableto keep.
So when it snowed here, thatwas a moment where I'm like,
(43:40):
okay, I can step back and belike I really do love snow.
It's the adult in me who'stalking about salt and ice and
worried about all that otherstuff.
The snow part dope.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Can I pick the same one?
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Go ahead and say it yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
This is so relevant right now.
You know what I love.
I also love snow, and I'll tellyou why.
Because it's been here all weekin St Louis and everyone is
griping and upset about it, andI understand.
If you have a job or you haveto go, no matter what, it's
(44:19):
terrible.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Being in New York.
I didn't get to enjoy itbecause the only way you didn't
have to go out in it for work isif they stopped the subways,
which took a lot.
If they stopped the subway,then we got off work.
So if it snowed, I was liketrucking through it and it was
like, but being here and Ihaven't had to go to work much
(44:43):
this week, I've really loved it.
I've really loved being likesnowed in and I keep looking out
my window because there's likeall trees and it just looks so
beautiful and it's so peacefuland serene to watch and it's
just little things like thatthat I take for granted that are
(45:03):
like so calming to my nervoussystem and my soul.
So I also love snow and I'msorry for all the people who are
hating it and already over itin St Louis because we got so
much this week, but as of now,I'm loving it.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Well, we made it to the end of the episode and I
always appreciate your time,thank you.
I always appreciate seeing yourface, hearing your voice, and
we spoke about everything wewant to speak about.
So all I want to hear now ishow do you feel?
Speaker 1 (45:34):
I feel raw, but that's, that is how I felt since
I moved back.
But I feel raw, but I feel notin a bad way, like I feel raw,
but I feel like, okay, we'redoing it, we're here.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
I feel very present, I feel present here, yeah, I
feel very present.
I feel present, raw and present, raw and present cheers.
Thank you, thank you for havingme.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
I want to thank you for listening to the black man
talking emotions podcast.
The opening quote, credit goesto aa.
And shout out to the liza, tomy sammy follow maria at
m-a-r-i-a.
Underscore bartolotta b-a-r.
T-o-l-o-t-t-a.
Underscore one on instagram.
Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us
(46:32):
a good rating five stars, please, please and thank you.
You can support the show byclicking the link at the bottom
of the episode description.
If you like this episode, youshould check out our previous
episode titled Sammy and Lizareunion.
It's a great listen, check itout.
Follow me at D O M underscore LA M O U R on Instagram or at
(46:52):
domlamorecom.
I'm Dom Lomore.
Much love.
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