April 30, 2025 • 46 mins
"When kids draw to you, they see your heart." This simple but profound observation sets the tone for a rich conversation between Dom L’Amour and his best friend Chris Bates about what truly matters in our relationships with family, work, and ourselves.
The episode begins with Chris sharing his unexpected joy in working from home while raising his daughter Jaide. Rather than feeling the guilt that many parents experience when balancing careers and childcare, he's discovered a rhythm that allows him to be present throughout the day. "I've been able to create a routine where I don't have to overcompensate for time with my child, because I'm around her all day," Chris explains, challenging conventional notions about work-life separation.
This leads to a fascinating exploration of how our relationship with work fundamentally misaligns with human needs. With eight hours for work and eight for sleep, we're left scrambling to fit everything else into the remaining time. Is it any wonder that Chris and Dom have come to value random weekdays off more than traditional weekends? The freedom from crowds, the better service at restaurants, and the peace of enjoying experiences rather than just enduring them makes a compelling case for rethinking how we structure our time.
Perhaps the most thought-provoking segment emerges when the conversation shifts to family dynamics and boundary-setting. "Are you intertwining family with love? Because family and love are two different things," Chris observes, cutting through the obligatory nature of many family relationships. As we age and recognize patterns in how people treat us, the line between who deserves our time and energy naturally shifts, regardless of blood ties. This isn't about abandoning family but about establishing mutual respect within these relationships.
The episode closes with Chris reflecting on the pure joy of being "Uncle Chris" to his nieces and nephew. The genuine connection he feels when children choose to love him speaks to something we all crave – authentic relationships based on who we truly are rather than what we provide or represent.
Whether you're reassessing your work situation, navigating complex family dynamics, or simply trying to find more joy in everyday moments, this conversation offers both wisdom and permission to create boundaries that honor your authentic self. Listen now and join Dom and Chris in exploring what it means to be truly present in all aspects of life.
Opening quote: Christine Morgan
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "This Guys in love with you" Covered by Dom L'Amour and The Andrews at Lemon Bar in Chicago.
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @dom_lamour on Instagram. Or at
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
When kids draw to you , they see your heart.
Kids know who really love themand who really don't.
And to have all my nieces andmy nephew, my two nephews, just
cling to me, it just dosomething to me, man.
It just it, just it.
Sometimes I just it bring tears, like sometimes to me, because
(00:21):
I be like, oh man, I just just,I just love y'all so much, man,
and I just, I just want to justenjoy every moment and I want to
get better at it, as they youknow they babies now.
But I want to be the uncle tounderstand today.
When they hit teenage years, bethere.
(00:41):
When they hit the adult year,be there.
I just want to love them ateach stage of their life, until
I'm no longer here, no more, andthat goes.
You know, of course I'm gonnado that with jay, but you know,
just to have that it's.
I couldn't think of nothingbetter in the world.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Sometimes, man, I just be like babies, I love you,
ladies and gentlemen, andanyone else who is here.
My name is Dom LaMoure and youare listening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
(01:18):
On today's episode I speak withfriend of the show best friend
of the show Chris Bates, aboutsetting boundaries, being an
uncle, thinking before speakingand so much more.
Setting boundaries is a way ofcaring for myself.
(01:38):
Doesn't make me mean selfish oruncaring, because I don't do
things your way.
I care about me too.
You're back home, working.
You've been moving and groovingand kind of getting in routine,
having Jade along and beingable to work from home, but then
(01:59):
also having to take on the babyand then be a husband and keep
all the routines and all of thedifferent stuff moving and also
create more traditions and thenalso having your time for
yourself.
How do you feel you are doingwith your balance right now?
Because you do have a lot onyour plate now because of the
(02:19):
baby and it's kind of adding adifferent element, I'm sure, to
just the way you move throughthe world.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
How do you feel you're balancing that pretty
well, I would say working fromhome probably makes it a little
bit easier.
I know people probably like Idon't know how you work from
home with, like a toddler butyou don't overcompensate for
time with your child becauseyou're around her all day long.
Yeah.
So you know like when you dothe typical eight to five, six
to two, 30, whatever and you'regone from the house for a set
(02:51):
amount of time, you feel likewhen you get home you like, oh,
I got to make sure I spend timewith the baby because I'm you've
been going out of the household.
You know you've been going outof the house because you're
working With me, being in thehouse with her.
Don't feel like I gotta likespend like, uh, just me and her
an hour because I didn't see herall day.
You know I see her all day.
You know I wake her up in themorning, I get her dressed, I
(03:15):
fix her breakfast.
I feel like I spend quite a lotof quality time with her.
So when I do say, hey, you, I'mjust going to have my little me
time or whatever, or the case,I don't feel as guilty because I
am working from home orwhatever.
So that's been better.
And then it got a little bitbetter too because she's getting
(03:36):
a little older.
So she has a routine now.
You know she wake up breakfastlike she independently plays now
.
So it's not just like a I gotgotta be, like oh, I gotta hold
her, I gotta do that she.
She do her own thing.
I just put her to sleep.
She normally go to.
She take a nap between 12 andlike depends on how she feeling
(03:59):
is usually either 12 to two, 30or 12 to three.
You know up and down, so that'sa whole like two and a half
hours.
We at the crib.
It's silent, we can get somework done.
If we can get some work done,we can chill it.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
So it's been cool.
I ask all this because Iremember before you had to come
back, like, from your maternityleave, you were kind of worried
just about how's everythinggoing to work, with you not
being able to be as focused asyou were back then, when you
didn't have to worry aboutworking, you could just be there
with the kid, and also you werejust not excited to not be able
to spend as much time as youhad been able to spend with Jade
(04:41):
.
So this is something that I'mcurious how do you feel the way
that you felt then is versus theway it is?
Do you think some of the stuffyou were afraid of actually
didn't even matter?
You were like, oh, I wasworried about this and it didn't
even happen.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I think, personally, I mixed up me, not actually
wanting to go back to that job,intertwined with what I'm doing
as a father.
You know, I said all thosethings because in my head I'm
like I really don't want to goback to this job.
Yeah, so like I made all thesescenarios up in my head, like I
ain't going to do this, I ain'tgoing to do that, because in
reality it was really I justdidn't want to go back to the
(05:17):
job, all the stuff that I waslike it's a job, it is what it
is Like.
If I feel like I'm lacking timewith her, I'll take a day off.
Yeah, that's what we gotvacation for.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, I take a sick day and Ijust spend some time with her.
You know what I'm saying.
So if I, when I get to thatpoint and I feel that way that's
what I do, like today I'm likeI'm gonna take a day off.
(05:49):
You know what I mean?
Like, hey, I kind of live inreality.
Like, okay, I gotta work, I'mat home, but at the same time
it's like, you know, I got afamily and I gotta make time for
it.
So like I'm gonna use a day,I'm gonna get off early and
we're gonna go out to eat.
Instead of me getting off atsix.
I might take two hours offearly and then we can start our
dinner early and then that wayshe get down for her bedtime.
It really was just me notreally wanting to go back to
work more than me not being ableto do what I want to do with my
(06:11):
child.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Understandable, and you just saying that that's such
a flex.
I miss being able to just to goto the zoo, just like, yeah,
I'm done, I'm going to the zoo,like the zoo in St Louis is the
best it does so much.
We go to the Botanical Gardenshere a lot, and it's just like I
(06:37):
lived right there in Grand,down the street from the
Botanical Gardens and from TowerGrove Park, and I feel like I
didn't take advantage of thatstuff as much as I should have,
because now I'm here in Atlanta,I love that kind of shit and
that's a good time, and I get it, I get it.
Now I'm here in Atlanta, I lovethat kind of shit and that's a
good time, and I get it, I getit.
(06:57):
I feel like we're in thisrenaissance where we hate being
in the positions that we hadbeen in for years before when it
comes to work and beinguncomfortable with work, and we
were given this brief but kindof incredible experience with
the pandemic, where people hadto bend their demands and
understand that we were in acrisis that people have to
adjust to, so everyone was ableto make it work, and now that
we're back to normal quoteunquote you see so many people
struggling with the power of.
(07:18):
I mean, we have this buildingand we're paying this rent.
We need people to come in, butwe know that people don't need
to come in.
And then, on top of that,people were working better from
home than they were in theoffice sometimes.
So it's just a really hardplace to be now in our society
where we lived through that.
And now they're trying to goback to how it was and we all
knew the way it was was not thebest, but it's something that's
(07:42):
still kind of being pressed andI think eventually we'll get to
a place where we kind of forgetthe freedom we had just a couple
of years ago because of thatpandemic and being in these work
environments where it's.
You know, it's very stressful.
I still have, like worknightmares about, you know,
working crazy busy shifts orbeing out and working a long gig
(08:03):
or something, and I'm just likeI don't ever have to do this,
ever again.
And then I wake up like, oh,thank God I'm not washing dishes
tonight or something like that.
That's always the fucking worst.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I think with society and working, it never really
made sense.
When you break down thetraditional hours that you work
for work.
You work eight hours.
You're supposed to get rest foreight hours.
It's 24 hours in a day, so workand sleep is taking up 16 hours
of that.
They make you feel like, oh,two days off is the greatest
(08:37):
thing ever, when in reality twodays off a week is just bad
Mentally.
That wears people out becauseyou go into these weekends and
you try to get everything thatyou couldn't get done during the
week, because you at some jobdone on the weekends but still
want to have time to enjoy theweekend.
You know you trying to cookclean because you ain't.
(09:01):
You know what I mean?
Like so it's just like like thewhole ideology of working is
bad.
That's why when you, whenpeople work from home, it really
you still was doing the samejob, but the freedom was is that
I don't have to sit at the desknine to five in this office
building that I don't want tocome to.
I don't want to be here.
(09:21):
Then, on top of that, you're notadding in the commute I gotta
sit in traffic.
I add in the other, the homecommute where I'm sitting in
traffic.
Again, I'm already aggravatedbecause I've been at the job for
eight hours.
I'm trying to get home.
I'm not going to get home to630 because guess what, I may
have to stop and grab this forthis, and then you know, it's
just like this thing thataggravates people.
(09:44):
But when you work from home,hey man, you give me an
assignment, it get done.
You don't need to know what Iwas doing between nine and five.
You give me some work to dobetween nine and five and it's
done.
You can't really say anythingand I think that's the freedom
that people really like.
You know what I mean.
(10:05):
I don't think people have aproblem with working.
I think that people don't wantto be structured when it comes
to work.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
That doesn't need to be structured, and also, I think
the added pressure of havingsomeone kind of over your
shoulder hey how you doing onthat project and or walking
around with a coffee mug talkingto everybody when they should
be working.
It's like I don't need you here.
You're messing my whole vibe up.
I could be listening to somemusic or even catching up on my
(10:33):
stories.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Like shake man, Like all you got to do is say good
morning to me and then, allright, I see you later, and that
see you later is at four 30.
Say don't try to I see youlater, and that see you later is
at 4.30.
Don't try to say see you laterat five, because I'm not going,
I'm out the door Like, I'mreally out the door at 5.50.
I mean 4.50 for real.
You know what I'm saying.
Like, don't do that.
So it's like, it's stuff.
(10:56):
Like that man, I'm like man,like, but working from home or
whatever.
At first I hated it, but then,like now, I just be thinking
like man, I really got to enjoynot rushing out the house every
morning.
I just got to just even go to ajob that I really didn't like.
I still got the peace of justwaking up with my baby, playing
(11:17):
with her for about an hour.
And then now, like now, I'm inthis mindset now where I got it
down pat, so work really.
Like, don't get me wrong, I'min customer pat, so work really.
Like, don't get me wrong, I'min customer service.
So it's stupid people all thetime.
But I don't even let it get tome, I'll just be like hey, man,
listen, I told you what I had totell you.
You don't like it.
It is what it is.
Like I'm not going to have a badday or take it out on my family
(11:39):
or take it out on myself forsomebody who's trying to tell me
how to do my job and they don'tknow it.
Like you know I'm saying sothat's how I'd be looking at
when I go to work.
I'd be like all right, man, andif I'm not feeling I will do, I
will call off.
So quick.
You don't understand.
And I'm requesting dominique,when I tell you I request days
off, that people don't eventhink.
Like I've already requested offthe day after Thanksgiving and
(12:03):
the day after Christmas and wein what April?
I'm not playing with thesepeople.
You know I'm not playing.
Like I'm getting my days.
You're never going to be likeoh well, Chris, you should have
known, because as soon as itopened, I requested off.
Like that's how I'm living.
Like you know what I'm sayingI'm going to spend some time
with my family and that's alsothe thing.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Think about that, the idea of someone trying to make
you feel bad for taking off aday around the holidays, like
that.
It's like because I want mytime and if I'm not going to
take off any of these other days, I'm going to take off those
days.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I told Valencia I ain't going to lie Any customer
service-based job.
You cannot work consecutivedays.
Like, think about it.
Just say you work a whole monthstraight and you ain't take off
, no days.
Yeah, you know how mentallyburnt out you're gonna be
(12:57):
working and they be like wouldyou get the weekend off?
No, the weekend ain't reallylike that.
Like y'all people who don'tthey don'tall people who don't
they don't understand Cause it'scool, you know they don't
understand, but the weekendain't really which I think it is
.
Y'all think all I'm giving you,you ain't giving me nothing.
I'm going to tell you right now,like you're not giving me
nothing off, Like that's wherethey got it wrong.
So I'm like I get burnt outafter like two weeks and I take
(13:26):
a day off.
I know how to do it, where I'mplanning my vacation and stuff
like this.
So I don't want to just takeoff days and it's not valuable.
But at the same time, I can seemyself getting burnt out and
I'm like, yep, it's time to takea day off.
You know what I mean.
Yep, I take a day off.
I take one vacation day atleast once a month.
One day out of a month.
I'm going to take a Friday offor a Monday off and I still
don't think that's enough.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
but you know you got to play with your schedule, so I
personally, I used to fight forwhenever restaurants or if I
was selling tickets or whereverI was working, I would try to
fight to have Monday and Tuesdayoff.
I enjoy those two days off morethan Friday or Saturday and
Sunday or getting off early on aFriday.
It's like no, let me get aMonday so I can go places that
(14:07):
are usually closed on theweekends and get stuff done.
Let me get my adulting days.
I want to be able to go and domy errands and run my groceries
and this and that, and not haveto worry about all of these big
crowds because it's the weekendor have to worry about all these
people having free time to go.
No, no, everybody at work.
If I'm off on Monday, I'm goodto go.
I go wherever I want.
(14:28):
I do what I need.
Yeah, I always felt like thoseMondays and Tuesdays were way
better than having the weekendoff.
And now it's kind of differentbecause, since I'm married,
adrian's off the weekend, soit's like that's the best time
to spend time.
But even then it's just.
It's just.
There's nothing better having aweekday off where you can get
real things done throughout theday during business hours that
(14:53):
you normally can't do on theweekends they make saturday and
sunday like a privilege, right,like, oh, you're privileged to
have that off.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
But in reality it all depends on what type of
lifestyle you live.
Yeah, when you start getting inyour 30s and stuff like that,
you don't really want theweekend off, because you do want
it off.
But you don't want it offbecause you're probably going to
be doing simple stuff Going tothe grocery store, you know,
just running errands, justgetting out the house, just
enjoying getting out the house.
(15:22):
It's packed.
Right, errands, just gettingout the house, just enjoying
getting out the house it'spacked.
When you were younger, when youwas in your 20s, you wanted
Saturday and Sunday off becauseyou're going to the bar.
That's why you wanted it off.
That's why you want to go tothe bar.
It's going to be fun.
But when you start gettingolder you realize I don't really
go to the bar, so I reallydon't need saturday off.
I go to the grocery store, I goto the parks, I go to the zoo,
(15:47):
I go to the movies, all that.
All them stuff, right, there ispacked.
I don't want to do that.
I want to go and actually enjoymy off day.
If I'm spending an hour in aline somewhere, or hour in
traffic or whatever the case maybe, because it's packed, that's
not really enjoyable.
That's what I think it is.
I think the switch happens whenyou start getting older.
You realize they they give thatsaturday and sunday is off for
(16:11):
young people young people likethem days off because yeah they
doing way different stuff thanwe are, you know it's funny you
say that because, all right.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
so I was in nashville .
I was going to a wedding, uh,after I left st louis to see
y'all.
So I was going to a weddingafter I left St Louis to see
y'all.
So I was going to a wedding andI stayed in Nashville for a
night.
It was a Friday night and Idon't even think about it until
we're there.
I'm like, oh, it's Friday andwe're going to get dinner.
And I'm like, oh, this place isabout to be crazy.
We got there and it was crazyand I'm like I'm not used to
(16:45):
this, because I don't ever goout on Fridays or Saturdays
anymore.
I might go out on Sunday nightto get some open mics in, but
Fridays and Saturday nights andafternoons and brunches and all
that stuff I try to avoid.
On those two days it's not funanymore to be in a room full of
people.
It used to be great, but Idon't need all these people in
my space.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
You don't get the best service.
You really don't get the bestfood.
You go to the same spot If it'sopen on a Monday, and order the
same plate.
I guarantee you it tastesdifferent Saturday than it do
Monday, because the kitchenain't slammed.
He just back there chilling.
He probably back there watchingtv on the monday waiting for
(17:26):
somebody to order some food helike oh yeah, let me go here
saturday.
He already aggravated becausehe'd already probably made a
hundred of these.
Yeah, you know, because cookingis done with love.
Oh wait, your cook isaggravated on saturdays.
He ain't no loving that food ona saturday.
I'm gonna tell you that rightnow ain't no loving that food on
a Saturday.
I'm going to tell you thatright now Ain't no love, it's a.
I'm here because I know it'spacked and I got to be here
(17:49):
Monday.
It's like sheesh slow today.
I'm finna come here.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Oh, dude, when it's not busy.
I used to work at a restaurantand I went into the chef and I'd
be like hey, you know, you gottime to make me this.
And he's like hey man, we ain'thad this chicken for about 20
minutes.
I've been ready to cook so,like you, get the best food on
those days when it's not busythat is.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
So I'm saying it's a different.
That's why I said, man, youcould tell like that, just uh,
you know, when you get older,start realizing all the stuff
that you cared about, then youreally don't even like I could
take it or leave it.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I take it or leave it for real like I feel like if
anything has kind of happenedthis year that I didn't expect,
it's that the element of beingable to see the things that I
used to love.
I used to love throwing partiesat the house.
I used to love going to houseparties.
I used to love being in barsand you know, just like being
(18:43):
there for the energy and I wouldgo to a different bar almost
every other night when I livedin LA and in Chicago.
If I could afford it, I wouldgo out.
I just I used to love all that.
Now, you know, I'm in thebasement, feet up debating on.
What am I going to do?
I'm going to do some reading,do a little writing.
I might just watch basketballbecause it's playoffs.
Do a little writing.
I might just watch basketballbecause it's playoffs.
(19:04):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
I'm okay with that and making a nice meal and, that
being it, I still enjoy goingout, yeah, but it's probably
like once in a month I'll getout and do stuff or whatever.
But I'm more so when I go out.
I'm a more daytime girl.
(19:26):
Like, see, like I tell peopleall the time I hit the point
where, like, if you want to goout, like and you tumble, go out
, like, kick it, go out.
It gotta be a day party andguess what?
That's the summertime, it gottabe from four to eight, anything
after eight o'clock I'm notgoing.
I'm not going.
Sun go down, I'm in the crib.
Yeah, I don't want to be outtill 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 3
(19:48):
o'clock in the morning, it'sjust not One, it's way too
dangerous.
Two, your brain is starting toshut down at nightfall.
That's why you rest at night.
On a good weekend I go with you.
But I got to be in the house by7.30.
I got to put Jay to sleep, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Jay, jay to sleep.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yeah, they go to sleep at 8 o'clock.
That's my excuse now.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
You say this guy, this guy is in love with you.
Yes, I'm in love.
Who looks at you the way I do?
When you smile, I can tell Knoweach other very well.
How can I show you?
I'm glad I got to know you.
I've heard some talks.
(20:34):
They say you think I'm fine.
Really, yes, I'm in love.
Who makes you smile the way Ido?
Baby, please keep it cheap.
You and me every day.
How can I show you?
I'm so glad that I got to tellyou that I need your love.
I want your love.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Tell me you're in love, in love with this guy, and
not I'll just die this is atune I did in Chicago at the
Living Bar, One of those showsthat I just really loved and I
got to do some love songs.
I hadn't sang in a while.
This is this Guy's In Love Withyou and I love this tune so
(21:19):
much I just wanted to make sureI got a little tune in tonight.
If you're loving what you'rehearing musically, you can check
me out on all streamingplatforms and you can check me
out for more information atDomLamorecom, where you can get
anything and everything.
Dom Lamore, For a long time, ofcourse, you were the hardest
(21:46):
person to communicate becauseyou didn't really call people
back and stuff.
So you have this in your past.
You know what I'm saying, butnow I'm starting to see it on my
end more, where there's certainpeople that you know I'll let a
text message sit in my inbox alittle longer than I used to.
You know what I'm saying.
If I see a phone call, I'm like, oh, this is going to be about
(22:07):
this long.
All right, I can't do thisright now.
You know like it's certainthings that I used to feel like
I had to do that Slowly butsurely.
I'm like I don't need to dothat anymore.
I don't need to post where I'meating tonight.
I don't need to post a pictureof my meal that I cooked tonight
(22:32):
.
I don't need to post a pictureof my meal that I cooked.
I don't need to do a storyabout all of this stuff.
I don't care anymore about that.
How do you feel that element ofyour life is going, especially
now that you have Jade?
Do you feel like you get tothis place where you want to
post just her or not even that?
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Whenever I do stuff with Jade or whatever, I don't
post it so like it's just for me.
So like I got all types ofstuff for the holidays that I'll
take pictures with Jade when wego to Cardinals games or we
went to the Blues game orwhatever.
Valencia will post every oncein a while or whatever, but me I
don't really post it.
(23:08):
I'll save it in my memories andstuff like that and then just
go back and watch it or whatever, because a lot of it is just
for me.
Now, yeah, because you knowtime go by so fast so you want
to document you know things,because if you don't document it
you're gonna look I'm gonna belike dang, how you get this big,
this fast, and where did thisgo, or whatever.
So that documentation is justfor that, but I don't, you know,
(23:29):
I ain't going to post nothing.
Man, I've never been the typeof person that posts everything
that I do as far as the textmessages and stuff like that or
whatever.
If you're not family, there'scertain people that I know they
aggravate this, but the lovethat I have for them, I have to
have them in my life.
I don't have to, but I make aneffort because I have that Like.
(23:50):
The love that I have is sostrong that I make an effort and
nobody's perfect, as long asthey're not knocking me off.
What I need to accomplish as adad, as a husband, you know, the
little BS that you do toaggravate me is really just
because I love you and I wantyou to be better, right?
So I understand that.
Now you know what I mean Alittle bit more, so I'll answer
(24:12):
them.
It's a couple of people you,virgil, chris, mark I'm always.
It don't matter, it don'tmatter what it is, I'm always
going to make time for y'all.
The love that I have for y'all,y'all hold a significant spot
in my heart to where, even if Idon't text you back right away,
I'm going to make sure I get toyou.
(24:32):
I'm always going to do that.
I'm talking about outside of,like family, right?
Y'all always got that in myheart, so I'm always going to
make spot.
But everybody else.
Kick rocks If you text me and Idon't.
All right, all right, I didn'tget to it.
You know, I'm saying it is whatit is.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I hate to be like that, but it is for me I'm
starting to be able to recognizea border of that, because at
first the border was alwaysfamily is excluded from all that
.
Family is always in it like Igotta do what I can, but now I'm
starting to mold that border alittle bit more.
Yeah, and there's familymembers who are slipping over
the line.
(25:08):
There are certain people who goabove and beyond and actually
make the effort to be there, tonot let you down, to actually
look out.
Then there are other peoplethat you know within your heart
and your loins and your body,your soul.
You know that these people will.
You know that these people will, no matter what, let you down.
(25:32):
And it's like you've got to seethrough that barrier that you
create for these people, becauseit doesn't matter where they
are in the stakes of the world,it doesn't matter if they're
family.
Do they respect your time?
Do they respect you as a person?
That's important and I'm notgoing to extend my hand anymore
(25:54):
for people who aren't going tostick to the plan, like when I
tell you, a time where I hit youup, I'll give you some grace
here and there, but if it'sconsistent, every time I'm
trying to reach out.
Every time I see you, I'msaying, hey, let's talk more.
Every time I'm trying to reachout.
Every time I see you I'm saying, hey, let's talk more.
Every time I see you.
(26:16):
The state from religion kind ofthing.
It's like you know, when youhave the laws, it's not based
(26:39):
off of one.
This is the state, it's notreligious law, you know.
And so in my head it's the samething.
Like I kind of find family asreligion, like you kind of got
to have faith and understand andbe willing to endure a lot of
stuff for family that youwouldn't for anyone else.
And it's kind of the same withreligion and with state.
It's kind of like, ok, I cansay it's business and state and
people be like you're right,it's business, and they can't
(27:00):
get angry with your family.
You can't be like, hey, it'sbusiness, because they're going
to be like, but I'm family.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
That comes when the shift in generations.
You do that with family becauseof where you were in family,
right, so you were like thecousin.
But when you get in your 30syou more like on status, right,
I fool with who I fool with.
You know uncles get like thatRight.
Like uncles get to the pointwhere they like man, listen, all
(27:28):
that family and all that stufflike that.
I lived long enough to knowwhat you gonna do, how you gonna
operate.
So you know I'm saying I know,because I, because I've been
around long enough, so it's moreof you just being around your
family.
Now you didn't got some time inand you're an adult, so you,
you look at things to adifferent scope.
(27:48):
You know what I'm saying.
You, you know you're going tobe 36, like you didn't see from
since, let's just say, at 15,you'd have seen how your family
operate, right, yep, that's 20years of knowing how a certain
person is going to operate andhow they're going to handle
stuff.
So now that, oh, I, I don'tgotta just do it because I know
how you're going to operate andhow they're going to handle
stuff.
So now that, oh, I don't got tojust do it because I know how
(28:10):
you're going to operate, even ifyou are family.
I know exactly how you're goingto operate because I seen you
do it for five years, six years,seven years, even with, like,
just your siblings.
You know how they're going tooperate.
And guess what?
You're going to operate, howyou operate.
And that's why that line thatyou talk about start getting
(28:31):
pushed, because now, if you canoperate that way, now I can
operate how I operate, and if itdon't align, then that's where
the lines start getting pushedIf you're not aligning where
it's supposed to go.
It can't just be, dominique,pushing, pushing, pushing,
pushing, pushing, and you don'tnever try to push back.
You ain't never trying to belike boom boom, boom, boom.
You know what, dominique andJewel, you understand, dominique
(28:53):
.
As long as I've been knowingyou, you've been knowing me.
So why is it that I got tounderstand you but you don't
understand me?
Let me push this line.
You know what I mean and that'sjust how it go.
And it's age.
It's like, literally like justbecause we're starting to be
right here.
At first we were kind of in themiddle and lower, because we
were growing up and we kind ofyou know all everybody told us
(29:14):
family is this and family isthat, and then you realize it's
a bunch of bs when they talkabout fam.
It's never really what peoplesay.
People make these accusationsoh, that's your family, that's
your family.
Are y'all intertwining familywith love?
Because family and love is twodifferent things, like that is
not the same thing at all.
But people want it to be rightbecause I love you, I'm gonna
(29:39):
show you I love you, I can tellyou I love you, dominique.
Prime example is I tell you allthe time.
It's like when people say whyyou try different things with
dominique?
Like why you?
Why is it that, dominique?
Why you try different thingswith Dominique?
Like why you?
Why is it that Dominique canget you to try eel or squid or
whatever?
Because I've been around himlong enough to understand that
he likes to try different things.
My love language to him is hewants me to try this.
(30:01):
I'm okay with that, like I'mokay with not always, it ain't
always about me.
It's like when I say I'm goingto try this, I'm going into your
friendship.
Our friendship is like you comeinto my world, I come into your
world, right, yeah, that's love, that's friendship.
Families should do the samething.
I'm not into Mozart or whateverit is.
(30:24):
Just because I'm not into itdon't mean that I can't come and
support you and actually learnsomething and actually enjoy it.
Right, that's what it's about.
But you know family, they'lltake advantage of that.
I ain't got to do nothing thatyou like, but you got to do
everything I like because wefamily.
And how does that work?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
It's a really bizarre situation to kind of step back
and look at from the outside in,because everyone has a
different type of family.
You know, when you start to getinvolved and meet people and
see how they operate with theirfolks, it's mind blowing just
how different everyone'supbringing truly can be
(31:08):
mind-blowing just how differenteveryone's upbringing truly can
be.
You know the people that you'rearound.
If you work with a guy who'slike always trying to manipulate
or always trying to createteams and sides and this and
that, and you're like man, thisdude is unbearable.
You can only imagine how he iswith his family.
You're her.
She is with their family.
They are doing the same things.
But it's even another level withthose people because there's
(31:30):
family.
I've known you my whole life.
We always joke this way and youlike it.
When I joke like this, it waslike no, I don't, no, you like
it.
Family members are the only onethat look you in the eyes,
gaslight you into saying, allright, maybe it's fun a little
bit when you truly don't enjoyit even a little bit.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
You know, and it's a common place for everything too,
and if somebody is telling youthat they do not enjoy that or
whatever, then they just don'tenjoy it.
I get it.
Learn something else, likelearn to have a conversation
with somebody, right, you knowwhat I mean.
Like, don't piss somebody offjust to get a reaction.
You know what I mean.
Like you know how some peopledon't know how to talk to you.
They'll just say somethingrandom, like something crazy, to
(32:11):
you because they want thatinteraction.
You could have just said hey,how's everything going?
How are you?
And you would have got the samereaction, as opposed to you
talking crazy.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Once again, it comes back to that line I said earlier
, where before you speak, youhave to think.
I think more and more.
We live in a world where peoplekind of speak before thinking
more than we've ever done itbefore.
I blame social media.
You know what I'm saying.
People have to be a little bitmore conservative when it came
(32:43):
to how they have voiced theiropinions.
We grew up in a world where westill knew people who were kind
of private about who they votedfor, because that was the thing
we were told.
This is your right and youdon't have to share it.
You do this and it's your civicduty to do so.
You do it, and I mean we couldtalk about the issues and debate
(33:06):
what's going on, but I ain'tgot to tell you shit when it
comes to who I voted for.
Nowadays, we live in this worldwhere you know you're kind of
forced to choose sides in prettymuch everything that we do, and
I mean that's something I feellike that's happened since the
beginning of time.
We always did.
You know you play Cowboys.
There's always a side.
Yeah, yeah, there's always aside.
(33:27):
We always do multiple sides inanything that we ever do, but I
feel like now.
It's just an extra stress onyou're a Nazi if you don't agree
with me.
That's the world we live in now.
You're a Nazi if you don'tagree with me.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
I mean, think about it like this right, everybody
got a podcast.
I'm just saying right,everybody has a social media
Instagram or Twitter or Facebookor whatever, right, so
everybody can spew out whateverthey want at any given time.
(34:01):
And that's where it comes from.
It comes from just being ableto have platforms being able to
just let you say, oh, I vote,this is what I feel.
If you don't like it, boom,boom, boom boom.
And really a lot of these topicsthat we're having is a right
way to have them and it's awrong way to have them.
Really, who you voted for, youcan probably pinpoint it, but I
(34:25):
don't really need to tell you.
I don't need to tell you who Ivoted for, but if we're having
an interaction or we're talkingto each other and we're talking
about things that are going on,if you're a smart person, you'll
kind of pick up where thisconversation is going, depending
on how you respond to certainthings that are going on with
(34:45):
government, marriage, politics,friendship, whatever.
You know how people their viewsis.
You just got to listen and thenyou can't always, like you said
, think before you speak,because once you start listening
, you know, oh, I'm going to cutthis conversation short Because
it ain't even going to be whereit need to be.
(35:06):
You know what I mean?
So I think social media.
But social media get peoplethat that thing.
I'm just gonna say it when, I'mjust gonna say how I want to
say it.
I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna,and it's like, yeah, but you
just gotta be prepared forpeople to have opinion about
your opinions.
Right, an opinion about anopinion makes you have to choose
(35:29):
a side.
Yeah, because nobody's reallyspeed like facts is either you
gonna.
You gonna hear it or not.
But opinion, opinion gives waymore leeway of.
Well, I like his opinion, soI'm gonna go with him.
Right, a fact is me and you areboth Black.
Yeah, ain't no debate that.
Now, if you want to debateanything else, we can debate.
(35:54):
Oh well, dominique's Black, buthe got such and such in him.
Those are opinions, but thefact is me and you are Black.
Nothing else, everything else,is just an opinion.
You were black.
Nothing else, everything elseis just an opinion you know.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
So you know what I love that new movie Sinners.
Have you had a chance?
You haven't seen it yet.
I saw it in IMAX the other day.
It was phenomenal.
Michael B Jordan came throughand did what he was supposed to
do Ryan Coogler.
It was phenomenal.
Michael B Jordan came throughand did what he was supposed to
do, ryan Coogler.
It was just visually stunning.
(36:34):
I can't applaud it enough.
Adrian doesn't really likescary movies.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Was it scary.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
I don't think it was super scary, but if I didn't
like scary movies, there will beparts of this where it'll be
like I don't know if I'm goingto enjoy this, because it has a
lot of jump scares andespecially if you see it in IMAX
and stuff like that, it almostsounds like the speakers get
louder for those specificmoments.
(37:04):
Yeah, they probably do, I betyou they do, because it felt
like somebody was opening a doorright next to me.
I, they probably do, I bet youthey do, cause, like it felt
like somebody was opening a doorright next to me, I'm like,
wait, you know what I'm saying.
So like it had those momentsand I can't take, I can't lie,
it totally had those moments.
But the storytelling, oh my God, the scene design and the
(37:25):
places that they shot it.
I think they did it in NewOrleans, but I've been doing a
lot of weddings in Mississippiand stuff now and Clarksdale is
where this is and I actually dida wedding there before.
So like it looks likeMississippi and it looks like
the swamps and stuff and it was.
I mean, the clothes, the cars,the cities that they built, the
(37:48):
landscape that they recorded on.
It was incredible and it wasreally, really cool.
I just had this Kool-Aid smilemost of the movie because I was
just like all of these Blackpeople look beautiful.
The lighting for these Blackpeople was perfect for these
Black people.
You didn't feel like they wereoverexposed in any way.
There was a lot of momentswhere they kind of sat in the
(38:10):
shot and they didn't feel likethey had to do too much.
It was just like just look atthis beautiful visual, that's
all you need for good.
It was so good.
And then they had moments.
He had a Spike Lee moment.
That's what I'll call it.
In my opinion, I feel like itwas an homage to Spike Lee.
It was a historicalconversation.
(38:30):
They were telling you aboutdifferent eras, but still in the
setting, and they were showingyou where it expands.
I can't tell you too much, Idon't want to ruin it for you.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
I've heard he did a really good job.
He did a really good job.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Everyone.
If you read any of theinterview, they always bring,
like that, one scene.
This is the scene I'm talkingabout.
Okay, it was phenomenal howthey shot it, how it looked, how
it made me feel, but then alsoyou understood the horror and it
had a different element becauseof segregation in the thirties
and stuff.
So you can see the tensionbetween that and how that would
(39:07):
be an element that's added, butthen also scary shit.
So that's what I'm loving.
How about you?
Speaker 1 (39:14):
I just realized that I love just being an uncle.
Yeah, and I say that because Ipretty much spent the whole
weekend with my nieces and wedid a movie night, we dyed eggs
and it was just nice to bearound my nieces and just watch
them and just interact withtheir cousin and like just just
(39:39):
be there.
I was just like man this is man.
I just love this.
Like I really enjoy watchingthem grow up, watching us just
spend holidays, watching thembring Jade as their like uh,
fourth sister and like justreally just loving on her and
like loving me, like loving likefourth sister and like just
really just loving on her andlike loving me, like loving,
(39:59):
like just me being Uncle Chris,like I don't have to do too much
, like you know what I mean, I'mnot the uncle that buys them a
whole bunch of stuff and youknow, I'm not the pushover uncle
, I'm just Uncle Chris.
I'm going to tell them how it is, I'm going to tell him what it
ain't, but they just, it justseems to, they just seems to
(40:20):
really just enjoy me being theiruncle and I love it.
I love it.
Even geo, he lives in atlantaand he will call me and I and
when will be calling me I likewhat you want, william.
He's like I don't, I don't wantyou.
I'd be like who want me?
then your nephew want you and itjust makes me feel so good,
(40:41):
because I feel like when kidsdraw to you, they see your heart
, kids know who really love themand who really don't.
And to have all my nieces and mynephew, my two nephews, just
cling to me, I just it just itdo something to me, man, it just
it, just it's sometimes, I justit bring a tears like sometimes
(41:04):
to me Cause I'd be like, oh man, I just, I just love y'all so
much, man and I just I just wantto just enjoy every moment and
I want to get better at it asthey you know, they babies now
but I want to be the uncle tounderstand that they, when they
hit teenage years, be there,when they hit the adult year, be
(41:26):
there.
I just want to love them andeach stage of their life.
And so I'm no longer here, nomore, and that goes.
You know, of course I'm gonnado that with Jay, but you know,
just to have that is.
I couldn't think of nothingbetter in the world sometimes,
man, I just be like my babies, Ilove you.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
We made it to the last section of the night, of
course, and we've spoken abouteverything we need to speak
about.
You know what it is.
Last thing I always ask is howdo you feel?
Speaker 1 (41:59):
If we're going to do numbers, I'd say I'm about an
eight.
Okay, about an eight out of 10.
I'm happy the weather'sbreaking, jade is being Jade and
I'm happy of being a father andI'm happy of being a husband
and a spouse and just enjoyinglife right now I really am.
I don't got too many complaintsor whatever you know, that's
(42:19):
all we can ask for man.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Well, cheers to you.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Yeah, hold on.
Oh, how are you feeling?
Speaker 2 (42:28):
You know, as you can hear, I've been doing a lot of
work.
Still, I feel like that's mykind of starting conversation.
I'm doing a lot of work on me.
I feel like that's my startingconversation.
I'm doing a lot of work on me.
I'm working on me.
I keep saying that shit topeople, but it's been really
refreshing.
I just did a wedding in Alabamaand it's NBA playoffs, so my
sleeping pattern just messed up.
But Adrienne just got back fromNew York and I always miss her
(42:51):
when she's gone, so I would sayI'm at like a seven.
Then I was like I said I wish Iwas back on my sleeping pattern
.
I wish I was doing my yoga alittle bit more, because I've
just been so busy.
I've been doing all these gigsand moving around and trying to
book more gigs.
I got this place I'm doing inFayetteville now.
It's a black owned wine barwhich I'm really excited to work
(43:13):
with.
But that's what I was doingbefore we started.
I was putting togethercontracts for that and getting
things together for theperformance and the set list.
And then also I got anothershow that I'm doing at JB's
Record Lounge, a jam that I do.
So I feel like I'm veryconsumed, which is good, but
(43:33):
there's still some space where Ican have a little bit more
peace, I think in my own headand breathe a little bit more.
So seven is about, about whereI'm feeling right now, for sure.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
But yeah, that's I mean.
And the seven is.
I always say you know a sevenis really good, you know a 10,
we always do one to 10, butlet's just be honest, like no
one is, a ten is, tens comes andgoes right, but a seven, a
eight, hell, even a six is it's.
Oh, that's solid.
(44:05):
You're, that's solid.
You know a ten, you could, youcould fill a ten, because adrian
got back, you know, wifey back,you know we finna you know,
yeah, I'm gonna spend some.
That's a 10, right, but thenoverall, you know, the seven is
like okay, I'm peaceful, I youknow, I feel.
I feel like I'm doing what Ineed to do, I'm getting work
done, I'm handling business, andit's not overwhelming me why I
(44:28):
have all this anxiety, because Iplanned it well and I'm
handling it well.
So, boom, this is where I wantto be.
You know what I'm saying?
So, like I always say, tens aresubjective.
Tens just come and go, likethey come and go throughout the
day.
So that's a good, that's asolid spot to be and I feel good
.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
I feel good that's the best way to describe it.
I can't complain at all, really, because it ain't going to do
nothing Always the thing thathelps.
You know, I got projects hereat the house that I got to get
done and it's always exciting tohave her here because you know
(45:07):
it gives me another thing tokind of focus on, like when I
get to a certain time of nightwhen I've done all my errands
and stuff, I'll be able to say,ok, I'm going to cook dinner and
sit down with Adrian, andthat's something I look forward
to every day.
So I cannot complain.
Things are really really doperight now.
(45:29):
I want to thank you forlistening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
The opening quote credit goesto Kristen Morgan and shout out
to my guy, chris, for being onthe pod.
Follow Chris at chris eib.
Underscore 88 on Instagram.
Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us
a good rating.
Five stars, please, and thankyou.
(45:51):
You can support the show byclicking the link at the bottom
of the episode description.
If you like this episode, youshould go check out one of our
previous episodes.
We had mid-season check-ins allthe time.
Uh, new year's flowers isanother great episode.
Good listens, check them outand follow me at dom underscore
l-a-m-o-u-r on instagram or atdomlamorecom.
(46:13):
I'm dom lamore, much love.
When kids draw to you , they see your heart.
Kids know who really love themand who really don't.
And to have all my nieces andmy nephew, my two nephews, just
cling to me, it just dosomething to me, man.
It just it, just it.
Sometimes I just it bring tears, like sometimes to me, because
(00:21):
I be like, oh man, I just just,I just love y'all so much, man,
and I just, I just want to justenjoy every moment and I want to
get better at it, as they youknow they babies now.
But I want to be the uncle tounderstand today.
When they hit teenage years, bethere.
(00:41):
When they hit the adult year,be there.
I just want to love them ateach stage of their life, until
I'm no longer here, no more, andthat goes.
You know, of course I'm gonnado that with jay, but you know,
just to have that it's.
I couldn't think of nothingbetter in the world.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Sometimes, man, I just be like babies, I love you,
ladies and gentlemen, andanyone else who is here.
My name is Dom LaMoure and youare listening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
(01:18):
On today's episode I speak withfriend of the show best friend
of the show Chris Bates, aboutsetting boundaries, being an
uncle, thinking before speakingand so much more.
Setting boundaries is a way ofcaring for myself.
(01:38):
Doesn't make me mean selfish oruncaring, because I don't do
things your way.
I care about me too.
You're back home, working.
You've been moving and groovingand kind of getting in routine,
having Jade along and beingable to work from home, but then
(01:59):
also having to take on the babyand then be a husband and keep
all the routines and all of thedifferent stuff moving and also
create more traditions and thenalso having your time for
yourself.
How do you feel you are doingwith your balance right now?
Because you do have a lot onyour plate now because of the
(02:19):
baby and it's kind of adding adifferent element, I'm sure, to
just the way you move throughthe world.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
How do you feel you're balancing that pretty
well, I would say working fromhome probably makes it a little
bit easier.
I know people probably like Idon't know how you work from
home with, like a toddler butyou don't overcompensate for
time with your child becauseyou're around her all day long.
Yeah.
So you know like when you dothe typical eight to five, six
to two, 30, whatever and you'regone from the house for a set
(02:51):
amount of time, you feel likewhen you get home you like, oh,
I got to make sure I spend timewith the baby because I'm you've
been going out of the household.
You know you've been going outof the house because you're
working With me, being in thehouse with her.
Don't feel like I gotta likespend like, uh, just me and her
an hour because I didn't see herall day.
You know I see her all day.
You know I wake her up in themorning, I get her dressed, I
(03:15):
fix her breakfast.
I feel like I spend quite a lotof quality time with her.
So when I do say, hey, you, I'mjust going to have my little me
time or whatever, or the case,I don't feel as guilty because I
am working from home orwhatever.
So that's been better.
And then it got a little bitbetter too because she's getting
(03:36):
a little older.
So she has a routine now.
You know she wake up breakfastlike she independently plays now
.
So it's not just like a I gotgotta be, like oh, I gotta hold
her, I gotta do that she.
She do her own thing.
I just put her to sleep.
She normally go to.
She take a nap between 12 andlike depends on how she feeling
(03:59):
is usually either 12 to two, 30or 12 to three.
You know up and down, so that'sa whole like two and a half
hours.
We at the crib.
It's silent, we can get somework done.
If we can get some work done,we can chill it.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
So it's been cool.
I ask all this because Iremember before you had to come
back, like, from your maternityleave, you were kind of worried
just about how's everythinggoing to work, with you not
being able to be as focused asyou were back then, when you
didn't have to worry aboutworking, you could just be there
with the kid, and also you werejust not excited to not be able
to spend as much time as youhad been able to spend with Jade
(04:41):
.
So this is something that I'mcurious how do you feel the way
that you felt then is versus theway it is?
Do you think some of the stuffyou were afraid of actually
didn't even matter?
You were like, oh, I wasworried about this and it didn't
even happen.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I think, personally, I mixed up me, not actually
wanting to go back to that job,intertwined with what I'm doing
as a father.
You know, I said all thosethings because in my head I'm
like I really don't want to goback to this job.
Yeah, so like I made all thesescenarios up in my head, like I
ain't going to do this, I ain'tgoing to do that, because in
reality it was really I justdidn't want to go back to the
(05:17):
job, all the stuff that I waslike it's a job, it is what it
is Like.
If I feel like I'm lacking timewith her, I'll take a day off.
Yeah, that's what we gotvacation for.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, I take a sick day and Ijust spend some time with her.
You know what I'm saying.
So if I, when I get to thatpoint and I feel that way that's
what I do, like today I'm likeI'm gonna take a day off.
(05:49):
You know what I mean?
Like, hey, I kind of live inreality.
Like, okay, I gotta work, I'mat home, but at the same time
it's like, you know, I got afamily and I gotta make time for
it.
So like I'm gonna use a day,I'm gonna get off early and
we're gonna go out to eat.
Instead of me getting off atsix.
I might take two hours offearly and then we can start our
dinner early and then that wayshe get down for her bedtime.
It really was just me notreally wanting to go back to
work more than me not being ableto do what I want to do with my
(06:11):
child.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Understandable, and you just saying that that's such
a flex.
I miss being able to just to goto the zoo, just like, yeah,
I'm done, I'm going to the zoo,like the zoo in St Louis is the
best it does so much.
We go to the Botanical Gardenshere a lot, and it's just like I
(06:37):
lived right there in Grand,down the street from the
Botanical Gardens and from TowerGrove Park, and I feel like I
didn't take advantage of thatstuff as much as I should have,
because now I'm here in Atlanta,I love that kind of shit and
that's a good time, and I get it, I get it.
Now I'm here in Atlanta, I lovethat kind of shit and that's a
good time, and I get it, I getit.
(06:57):
I feel like we're in thisrenaissance where we hate being
in the positions that we hadbeen in for years before when it
comes to work and beinguncomfortable with work, and we
were given this brief but kindof incredible experience with
the pandemic, where people hadto bend their demands and
understand that we were in acrisis that people have to
adjust to, so everyone was ableto make it work, and now that
we're back to normal quoteunquote you see so many people
struggling with the power of.
(07:18):
I mean, we have this buildingand we're paying this rent.
We need people to come in, butwe know that people don't need
to come in.
And then, on top of that,people were working better from
home than they were in theoffice sometimes.
So it's just a really hardplace to be now in our society
where we lived through that.
And now they're trying to goback to how it was and we all
knew the way it was was not thebest, but it's something that's
(07:42):
still kind of being pressed andI think eventually we'll get to
a place where we kind of forgetthe freedom we had just a couple
of years ago because of thatpandemic and being in these work
environments where it's.
You know, it's very stressful.
I still have, like worknightmares about, you know,
working crazy busy shifts orbeing out and working a long gig
(08:03):
or something, and I'm just likeI don't ever have to do this,
ever again.
And then I wake up like, oh,thank God I'm not washing dishes
tonight or something like that.
That's always the fucking worst.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I think with society and working, it never really
made sense.
When you break down thetraditional hours that you work
for work.
You work eight hours.
You're supposed to get rest foreight hours.
It's 24 hours in a day, so workand sleep is taking up 16 hours
of that.
They make you feel like, oh,two days off is the greatest
(08:37):
thing ever, when in reality twodays off a week is just bad
Mentally.
That wears people out becauseyou go into these weekends and
you try to get everything thatyou couldn't get done during the
week, because you at some jobdone on the weekends but still
want to have time to enjoy theweekend.
You know you trying to cookclean because you ain't.
(09:01):
You know what I mean?
Like so it's just like like thewhole ideology of working is
bad.
That's why when you, whenpeople work from home, it really
you still was doing the samejob, but the freedom was is that
I don't have to sit at the desknine to five in this office
building that I don't want tocome to.
I don't want to be here.
(09:21):
Then, on top of that, you're notadding in the commute I gotta
sit in traffic.
I add in the other, the homecommute where I'm sitting in
traffic.
Again, I'm already aggravatedbecause I've been at the job for
eight hours.
I'm trying to get home.
I'm not going to get home to630 because guess what, I may
have to stop and grab this forthis, and then you know, it's
just like this thing thataggravates people.
(09:44):
But when you work from home,hey man, you give me an
assignment, it get done.
You don't need to know what Iwas doing between nine and five.
You give me some work to dobetween nine and five and it's
done.
You can't really say anythingand I think that's the freedom
that people really like.
You know what I mean.
(10:05):
I don't think people have aproblem with working.
I think that people don't wantto be structured when it comes
to work.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
That doesn't need to be structured, and also, I think
the added pressure of havingsomeone kind of over your
shoulder hey how you doing onthat project and or walking
around with a coffee mug talkingto everybody when they should
be working.
It's like I don't need you here.
You're messing my whole vibe up.
I could be listening to somemusic or even catching up on my
(10:33):
stories.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Like shake man, Like all you got to do is say good
morning to me and then, allright, I see you later, and that
see you later is at four 30.
Say don't try to I see youlater, and that see you later is
at 4.30.
Don't try to say see you laterat five, because I'm not going,
I'm out the door Like, I'mreally out the door at 5.50.
I mean 4.50 for real.
You know what I'm saying.
Like, don't do that.
So it's like, it's stuff.
(10:56):
Like that man, I'm like man,like, but working from home or
whatever.
At first I hated it, but then,like now, I just be thinking
like man, I really got to enjoynot rushing out the house every
morning.
I just got to just even go to ajob that I really didn't like.
I still got the peace of justwaking up with my baby, playing
(11:17):
with her for about an hour.
And then now, like now, I'm inthis mindset now where I got it
down pat, so work really.
Like, don't get me wrong, I'min customer pat, so work really.
Like, don't get me wrong, I'min customer service.
So it's stupid people all thetime.
But I don't even let it get tome, I'll just be like hey, man,
listen, I told you what I had totell you.
You don't like it.
It is what it is.
Like I'm not going to have a badday or take it out on my family
(11:39):
or take it out on myself forsomebody who's trying to tell me
how to do my job and they don'tknow it.
Like you know I'm saying sothat's how I'd be looking at
when I go to work.
I'd be like all right, man, andif I'm not feeling I will do, I
will call off.
So quick.
You don't understand.
And I'm requesting dominique,when I tell you I request days
off, that people don't eventhink.
Like I've already requested offthe day after Thanksgiving and
(12:03):
the day after Christmas and wein what April?
I'm not playing with thesepeople.
You know I'm not playing.
Like I'm getting my days.
You're never going to be likeoh well, Chris, you should have
known, because as soon as itopened, I requested off.
Like that's how I'm living.
Like you know what I'm sayingI'm going to spend some time
with my family and that's alsothe thing.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Think about that, the idea of someone trying to make
you feel bad for taking off aday around the holidays, like
that.
It's like because I want mytime and if I'm not going to
take off any of these other days, I'm going to take off those
days.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I told Valencia I ain't going to lie Any customer
service-based job.
You cannot work consecutivedays.
Like, think about it.
Just say you work a whole monthstraight and you ain't take off
, no days.
Yeah, you know how mentallyburnt out you're gonna be
(12:57):
working and they be like wouldyou get the weekend off?
No, the weekend ain't reallylike that.
Like y'all people who don'tthey don'tall people who don't
they don't understand Cause it'scool, you know they don't
understand, but the weekendain't really which I think it is
.
Y'all think all I'm giving you,you ain't giving me nothing.
I'm going to tell you right now,like you're not giving me
nothing off, Like that's wherethey got it wrong.
So I'm like I get burnt outafter like two weeks and I take
(13:26):
a day off.
I know how to do it, where I'mplanning my vacation and stuff
like this.
So I don't want to just takeoff days and it's not valuable.
But at the same time, I can seemyself getting burnt out and
I'm like, yep, it's time to takea day off.
You know what I mean.
Yep, I take a day off.
I take one vacation day atleast once a month.
One day out of a month.
I'm going to take a Friday offor a Monday off and I still
don't think that's enough.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
but you know you got to play with your schedule, so I
personally, I used to fight forwhenever restaurants or if I
was selling tickets or whereverI was working, I would try to
fight to have Monday and Tuesdayoff.
I enjoy those two days off morethan Friday or Saturday and
Sunday or getting off early on aFriday.
It's like no, let me get aMonday so I can go places that
(14:07):
are usually closed on theweekends and get stuff done.
Let me get my adulting days.
I want to be able to go and domy errands and run my groceries
and this and that, and not haveto worry about all of these big
crowds because it's the weekendor have to worry about all these
people having free time to go.
No, no, everybody at work.
If I'm off on Monday, I'm goodto go.
I go wherever I want.
(14:28):
I do what I need.
Yeah, I always felt like thoseMondays and Tuesdays were way
better than having the weekendoff.
And now it's kind of differentbecause, since I'm married,
adrian's off the weekend, soit's like that's the best time
to spend time.
But even then it's just.
It's just.
There's nothing better having aweekday off where you can get
real things done throughout theday during business hours that
(14:53):
you normally can't do on theweekends they make saturday and
sunday like a privilege, right,like, oh, you're privileged to
have that off.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
But in reality it all depends on what type of
lifestyle you live.
Yeah, when you start getting inyour 30s and stuff like that,
you don't really want theweekend off, because you do want
it off.
But you don't want it offbecause you're probably going to
be doing simple stuff Going tothe grocery store, you know,
just running errands, justgetting out the house, just
enjoying getting out the house.
(15:22):
It's packed.
Right, errands, just gettingout the house, just enjoying
getting out the house it'spacked.
When you were younger, when youwas in your 20s, you wanted
Saturday and Sunday off becauseyou're going to the bar.
That's why you wanted it off.
That's why you want to go tothe bar.
It's going to be fun.
But when you start gettingolder you realize I don't really
go to the bar, so I reallydon't need saturday off.
I go to the grocery store, I goto the parks, I go to the zoo,
(15:47):
I go to the movies, all that.
All them stuff, right, there ispacked.
I don't want to do that.
I want to go and actually enjoymy off day.
If I'm spending an hour in aline somewhere, or hour in
traffic or whatever the case maybe, because it's packed, that's
not really enjoyable.
That's what I think it is.
I think the switch happens whenyou start getting older.
You realize they they give thatsaturday and sunday is off for
(16:11):
young people young people likethem days off because yeah they
doing way different stuff thanwe are, you know it's funny you
say that because, all right.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
so I was in nashville .
I was going to a wedding, uh,after I left st louis to see
y'all.
So I was going to a weddingafter I left St Louis to see
y'all.
So I was going to a wedding andI stayed in Nashville for a
night.
It was a Friday night and Idon't even think about it until
we're there.
I'm like, oh, it's Friday andwe're going to get dinner.
And I'm like, oh, this place isabout to be crazy.
We got there and it was crazyand I'm like I'm not used to
(16:45):
this, because I don't ever goout on Fridays or Saturdays
anymore.
I might go out on Sunday nightto get some open mics in, but
Fridays and Saturday nights andafternoons and brunches and all
that stuff I try to avoid.
On those two days it's not funanymore to be in a room full of
people.
It used to be great, but Idon't need all these people in
my space.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
You don't get the best service.
You really don't get the bestfood.
You go to the same spot If it'sopen on a Monday, and order the
same plate.
I guarantee you it tastesdifferent Saturday than it do
Monday, because the kitchenain't slammed.
He just back there chilling.
He probably back there watchingtv on the monday waiting for
(17:26):
somebody to order some food helike oh yeah, let me go here
saturday.
He already aggravated becausehe'd already probably made a
hundred of these.
Yeah, you know, because cookingis done with love.
Oh wait, your cook isaggravated on saturdays.
He ain't no loving that food ona saturday.
I'm gonna tell you that rightnow ain't no loving that food on
a Saturday.
I'm going to tell you thatright now Ain't no love, it's a.
I'm here because I know it'spacked and I got to be here
(17:49):
Monday.
It's like sheesh slow today.
I'm finna come here.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Oh, dude, when it's not busy.
I used to work at a restaurantand I went into the chef and I'd
be like hey, you know, you gottime to make me this.
And he's like hey man, we ain'thad this chicken for about 20
minutes.
I've been ready to cook so,like you, get the best food on
those days when it's not busythat is.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
So I'm saying it's a different.
That's why I said, man, youcould tell like that, just uh,
you know, when you get older,start realizing all the stuff
that you cared about, then youreally don't even like I could
take it or leave it.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I take it or leave it for real like I feel like if
anything has kind of happenedthis year that I didn't expect,
it's that the element of beingable to see the things that I
used to love.
I used to love throwing partiesat the house.
I used to love going to houseparties.
I used to love being in barsand you know, just like being
(18:43):
there for the energy and I wouldgo to a different bar almost
every other night when I livedin LA and in Chicago.
If I could afford it, I wouldgo out.
I just I used to love all that.
Now, you know, I'm in thebasement, feet up debating on.
What am I going to do?
I'm going to do some reading,do a little writing.
I might just watch basketballbecause it's playoffs.
Do a little writing.
I might just watch basketballbecause it's playoffs.
(19:04):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
I'm okay with that and making a nice meal and, that
being it, I still enjoy goingout, yeah, but it's probably
like once in a month I'll getout and do stuff or whatever.
But I'm more so when I go out.
I'm a more daytime girl.
(19:26):
Like, see, like I tell peopleall the time I hit the point
where, like, if you want to goout, like and you tumble, go out
, like, kick it, go out.
It gotta be a day party andguess what?
That's the summertime, it gottabe from four to eight, anything
after eight o'clock I'm notgoing.
I'm not going.
Sun go down, I'm in the crib.
Yeah, I don't want to be outtill 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 3
(19:48):
o'clock in the morning, it'sjust not One, it's way too
dangerous.
Two, your brain is starting toshut down at nightfall.
That's why you rest at night.
On a good weekend I go with you.
But I got to be in the house by7.30.
I got to put Jay to sleep, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Jay, jay to sleep.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yeah, they go to sleep at 8 o'clock.
That's my excuse now.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
You say this guy, this guy is in love with you.
Yes, I'm in love.
Who looks at you the way I do?
When you smile, I can tell Knoweach other very well.
How can I show you?
I'm glad I got to know you.
I've heard some talks.
(20:34):
They say you think I'm fine.
Really, yes, I'm in love.
Who makes you smile the way Ido?
Baby, please keep it cheap.
You and me every day.
How can I show you?
I'm so glad that I got to tellyou that I need your love.
I want your love.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Tell me you're in love, in love with this guy, and
not I'll just die this is atune I did in Chicago at the
Living Bar, One of those showsthat I just really loved and I
got to do some love songs.
I hadn't sang in a while.
This is this Guy's In Love Withyou and I love this tune so
(21:19):
much I just wanted to make sureI got a little tune in tonight.
If you're loving what you'rehearing musically, you can check
me out on all streamingplatforms and you can check me
out for more information atDomLamorecom, where you can get
anything and everything.
Dom Lamore, For a long time, ofcourse, you were the hardest
(21:46):
person to communicate becauseyou didn't really call people
back and stuff.
So you have this in your past.
You know what I'm saying, butnow I'm starting to see it on my
end more, where there's certainpeople that you know I'll let a
text message sit in my inbox alittle longer than I used to.
You know what I'm saying.
If I see a phone call, I'm like, oh, this is going to be about
(22:07):
this long.
All right, I can't do thisright now.
You know like it's certainthings that I used to feel like
I had to do that Slowly butsurely.
I'm like I don't need to dothat anymore.
I don't need to post where I'meating tonight.
I don't need to post a pictureof my meal that I cooked tonight
(22:32):
.
I don't need to post a pictureof my meal that I cooked.
I don't need to do a storyabout all of this stuff.
I don't care anymore about that.
How do you feel that element ofyour life is going, especially
now that you have Jade?
Do you feel like you get tothis place where you want to
post just her or not even that?
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Whenever I do stuff with Jade or whatever, I don't
post it so like it's just for me.
So like I got all types ofstuff for the holidays that I'll
take pictures with Jade when wego to Cardinals games or we
went to the Blues game orwhatever.
Valencia will post every oncein a while or whatever, but me I
don't really post it.
(23:08):
I'll save it in my memories andstuff like that and then just
go back and watch it or whatever, because a lot of it is just
for me.
Now, yeah, because you knowtime go by so fast so you want
to document you know things,because if you don't document it
you're gonna look I'm gonna belike dang, how you get this big,
this fast, and where did thisgo, or whatever.
So that documentation is justfor that, but I don't, you know,
(23:29):
I ain't going to post nothing.
Man, I've never been the typeof person that posts everything
that I do as far as the textmessages and stuff like that or
whatever.
If you're not family, there'scertain people that I know they
aggravate this, but the lovethat I have for them, I have to
have them in my life.
I don't have to, but I make aneffort because I have that Like.
(23:50):
The love that I have is sostrong that I make an effort and
nobody's perfect, as long asthey're not knocking me off.
What I need to accomplish as adad, as a husband, you know, the
little BS that you do toaggravate me is really just
because I love you and I wantyou to be better, right?
So I understand that.
Now you know what I mean Alittle bit more, so I'll answer
(24:12):
them.
It's a couple of people you,virgil, chris, mark I'm always.
It don't matter, it don'tmatter what it is, I'm always
going to make time for y'all.
The love that I have for y'all,y'all hold a significant spot
in my heart to where, even if Idon't text you back right away,
I'm going to make sure I get toyou.
(24:32):
I'm always going to do that.
I'm talking about outside of,like family, right?
Y'all always got that in myheart, so I'm always going to
make spot.
But everybody else.
Kick rocks If you text me and Idon't.
All right, all right, I didn'tget to it.
You know, I'm saying it is whatit is.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I hate to be like that, but it is for me I'm
starting to be able to recognizea border of that, because at
first the border was alwaysfamily is excluded from all that
.
Family is always in it like Igotta do what I can, but now I'm
starting to mold that border alittle bit more.
Yeah, and there's familymembers who are slipping over
the line.
(25:08):
There are certain people who goabove and beyond and actually
make the effort to be there, tonot let you down, to actually
look out.
Then there are other peoplethat you know within your heart
and your loins and your body,your soul.
You know that these people will.
You know that these people will, no matter what, let you down.
(25:32):
And it's like you've got to seethrough that barrier that you
create for these people, becauseit doesn't matter where they
are in the stakes of the world,it doesn't matter if they're
family.
Do they respect your time?
Do they respect you as a person?
That's important and I'm notgoing to extend my hand anymore
(25:54):
for people who aren't going tostick to the plan, like when I
tell you, a time where I hit youup, I'll give you some grace
here and there, but if it'sconsistent, every time I'm
trying to reach out.
Every time I see you, I'msaying, hey, let's talk more.
Every time I'm trying to reachout.
Every time I see you I'm saying, hey, let's talk more.
Every time I see you.
(26:16):
The state from religion kind ofthing.
It's like you know, when youhave the laws, it's not based
(26:39):
off of one.
This is the state, it's notreligious law, you know.
And so in my head it's the samething.
Like I kind of find family asreligion, like you kind of got
to have faith and understand andbe willing to endure a lot of
stuff for family that youwouldn't for anyone else.
And it's kind of the same withreligion and with state.
It's kind of like, ok, I cansay it's business and state and
people be like you're right,it's business, and they can't
(27:00):
get angry with your family.
You can't be like, hey, it'sbusiness, because they're going
to be like, but I'm family.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
That comes when the shift in generations.
You do that with family becauseof where you were in family,
right, so you were like thecousin.
But when you get in your 30syou more like on status, right,
I fool with who I fool with.
You know uncles get like thatRight.
Like uncles get to the pointwhere they like man, listen, all
(27:28):
that family and all that stufflike that.
I lived long enough to knowwhat you gonna do, how you gonna
operate.
So you know I'm saying I know,because I, because I've been
around long enough, so it's moreof you just being around your
family.
Now you didn't got some time inand you're an adult, so you,
you look at things to adifferent scope.
(27:48):
You know what I'm saying.
You, you know you're going tobe 36, like you didn't see from
since, let's just say, at 15,you'd have seen how your family
operate, right, yep, that's 20years of knowing how a certain
person is going to operate andhow they're going to handle
stuff.
So now that, oh, I, I don'tgotta just do it because I know
how you're going to operate andhow they're going to handle
stuff.
So now that, oh, I don't got tojust do it because I know how
(28:10):
you're going to operate, even ifyou are family.
I know exactly how you're goingto operate because I seen you
do it for five years, six years,seven years, even with, like,
just your siblings.
You know how they're going tooperate.
And guess what?
You're going to operate, howyou operate.
And that's why that line thatyou talk about start getting
(28:31):
pushed, because now, if you canoperate that way, now I can
operate how I operate, and if itdon't align, then that's where
the lines start getting pushedIf you're not aligning where
it's supposed to go.
It can't just be, dominique,pushing, pushing, pushing,
pushing, pushing, and you don'tnever try to push back.
You ain't never trying to belike boom boom, boom, boom.
You know what, dominique andJewel, you understand, dominique
(28:53):
.
As long as I've been knowingyou, you've been knowing me.
So why is it that I got tounderstand you but you don't
understand me?
Let me push this line.
You know what I mean and that'sjust how it go.
And it's age.
It's like, literally like justbecause we're starting to be
right here.
At first we were kind of in themiddle and lower, because we
were growing up and we kind ofyou know all everybody told us
(29:14):
family is this and family isthat, and then you realize it's
a bunch of bs when they talkabout fam.
It's never really what peoplesay.
People make these accusationsoh, that's your family, that's
your family.
Are y'all intertwining familywith love?
Because family and love is twodifferent things, like that is
not the same thing at all.
But people want it to be rightbecause I love you, I'm gonna
(29:39):
show you I love you, I can tellyou I love you, dominique.
Prime example is I tell you allthe time.
It's like when people say whyyou try different things with
dominique?
Like why you?
Why is it that, dominique?
Why you try different thingswith Dominique?
Like why you?
Why is it that Dominique canget you to try eel or squid or
whatever?
Because I've been around himlong enough to understand that
he likes to try different things.
My love language to him is hewants me to try this.
(30:01):
I'm okay with that, like I'mokay with not always, it ain't
always about me.
It's like when I say I'm goingto try this, I'm going into your
friendship.
Our friendship is like you comeinto my world, I come into your
world, right, yeah, that's love, that's friendship.
Families should do the samething.
I'm not into Mozart or whateverit is.
(30:24):
Just because I'm not into itdon't mean that I can't come and
support you and actually learnsomething and actually enjoy it.
Right, that's what it's about.
But you know family, they'lltake advantage of that.
I ain't got to do nothing thatyou like, but you got to do
everything I like because wefamily.
And how does that work?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
It's a really bizarre situation to kind of step back
and look at from the outside in,because everyone has a
different type of family.
You know, when you start to getinvolved and meet people and
see how they operate with theirfolks, it's mind blowing just
how different everyone'supbringing truly can be
(31:08):
mind-blowing just how differenteveryone's upbringing truly can
be.
You know the people that you'rearound.
If you work with a guy who'slike always trying to manipulate
or always trying to createteams and sides and this and
that, and you're like man, thisdude is unbearable.
You can only imagine how he iswith his family.
You're her.
She is with their family.
They are doing the same things.
But it's even another level withthose people because there's
(31:30):
family.
I've known you my whole life.
We always joke this way and youlike it.
When I joke like this, it waslike no, I don't, no, you like
it.
Family members are the only onethat look you in the eyes,
gaslight you into saying, allright, maybe it's fun a little
bit when you truly don't enjoyit even a little bit.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
You know, and it's a common place for everything too,
and if somebody is telling youthat they do not enjoy that or
whatever, then they just don'tenjoy it.
I get it.
Learn something else, likelearn to have a conversation
with somebody, right, you knowwhat I mean.
Like, don't piss somebody offjust to get a reaction.
You know what I mean.
Like you know how some peopledon't know how to talk to you.
They'll just say somethingrandom, like something crazy, to
(32:11):
you because they want thatinteraction.
You could have just said hey,how's everything going?
How are you?
And you would have got the samereaction, as opposed to you
talking crazy.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Once again, it comes back to that line I said earlier
, where before you speak, youhave to think.
I think more and more.
We live in a world where peoplekind of speak before thinking
more than we've ever done itbefore.
I blame social media.
You know what I'm saying.
People have to be a little bitmore conservative when it came
(32:43):
to how they have voiced theiropinions.
We grew up in a world where westill knew people who were kind
of private about who they votedfor, because that was the thing
we were told.
This is your right and youdon't have to share it.
You do this and it's your civicduty to do so.
You do it, and I mean we couldtalk about the issues and debate
(33:06):
what's going on, but I ain'tgot to tell you shit when it
comes to who I voted for.
Nowadays, we live in this worldwhere you know you're kind of
forced to choose sides in prettymuch everything that we do, and
I mean that's something I feellike that's happened since the
beginning of time.
We always did.
You know you play Cowboys.
There's always a side.
Yeah, yeah, there's always aside.
(33:27):
We always do multiple sides inanything that we ever do, but I
feel like now.
It's just an extra stress onyou're a Nazi if you don't agree
with me.
That's the world we live in now.
You're a Nazi if you don'tagree with me.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
I mean, think about it like this right, everybody
got a podcast.
I'm just saying right,everybody has a social media
Instagram or Twitter or Facebookor whatever, right, so
everybody can spew out whateverthey want at any given time.
(34:01):
And that's where it comes from.
It comes from just being ableto have platforms being able to
just let you say, oh, I vote,this is what I feel.
If you don't like it, boom,boom, boom boom.
And really a lot of these topicsthat we're having is a right
way to have them and it's awrong way to have them.
Really, who you voted for, youcan probably pinpoint it, but I
(34:25):
don't really need to tell you.
I don't need to tell you who Ivoted for, but if we're having
an interaction or we're talkingto each other and we're talking
about things that are going on,if you're a smart person, you'll
kind of pick up where thisconversation is going, depending
on how you respond to certainthings that are going on with
(34:45):
government, marriage, politics,friendship, whatever.
You know how people their viewsis.
You just got to listen and thenyou can't always, like you said
, think before you speak,because once you start listening
, you know, oh, I'm going to cutthis conversation short Because
it ain't even going to be whereit need to be.
(35:06):
You know what I mean?
So I think social media.
But social media get peoplethat that thing.
I'm just gonna say it when, I'mjust gonna say how I want to
say it.
I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna,and it's like, yeah, but you
just gotta be prepared forpeople to have opinion about
your opinions.
Right, an opinion about anopinion makes you have to choose
(35:29):
a side.
Yeah, because nobody's reallyspeed like facts is either you
gonna.
You gonna hear it or not.
But opinion, opinion gives waymore leeway of.
Well, I like his opinion, soI'm gonna go with him.
Right, a fact is me and you areboth Black.
Yeah, ain't no debate that.
Now, if you want to debateanything else, we can debate.
(35:54):
Oh well, dominique's Black, buthe got such and such in him.
Those are opinions, but thefact is me and you are Black.
Nothing else, everything else,is just an opinion.
You were black.
Nothing else, everything elseis just an opinion you know.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
So you know what I love that new movie Sinners.
Have you had a chance?
You haven't seen it yet.
I saw it in IMAX the other day.
It was phenomenal.
Michael B Jordan came throughand did what he was supposed to
do Ryan Coogler.
It was phenomenal.
Michael B Jordan came throughand did what he was supposed to
do, ryan Coogler.
It was just visually stunning.
(36:34):
I can't applaud it enough.
Adrian doesn't really likescary movies.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Was it scary.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
I don't think it was super scary, but if I didn't
like scary movies, there will beparts of this where it'll be
like I don't know if I'm goingto enjoy this, because it has a
lot of jump scares andespecially if you see it in IMAX
and stuff like that, it almostsounds like the speakers get
louder for those specificmoments.
(37:04):
Yeah, they probably do, I betyou they do, because it felt
like somebody was opening a doorright next to me.
I, they probably do, I bet youthey do, cause, like it felt
like somebody was opening a doorright next to me, I'm like,
wait, you know what I'm saying.
So like it had those momentsand I can't take, I can't lie,
it totally had those moments.
But the storytelling, oh my God, the scene design and the
(37:25):
places that they shot it.
I think they did it in NewOrleans, but I've been doing a
lot of weddings in Mississippiand stuff now and Clarksdale is
where this is and I actually dida wedding there before.
So like it looks likeMississippi and it looks like
the swamps and stuff and it was.
I mean, the clothes, the cars,the cities that they built, the
(37:48):
landscape that they recorded on.
It was incredible and it wasreally, really cool.
I just had this Kool-Aid smilemost of the movie because I was
just like all of these Blackpeople look beautiful.
The lighting for these Blackpeople was perfect for these
Black people.
You didn't feel like they wereoverexposed in any way.
There was a lot of momentswhere they kind of sat in the
(38:10):
shot and they didn't feel likethey had to do too much.
It was just like just look atthis beautiful visual, that's
all you need for good.
It was so good.
And then they had moments.
He had a Spike Lee moment.
That's what I'll call it.
In my opinion, I feel like itwas an homage to Spike Lee.
It was a historicalconversation.
(38:30):
They were telling you aboutdifferent eras, but still in the
setting, and they were showingyou where it expands.
I can't tell you too much, Idon't want to ruin it for you.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
I've heard he did a really good job.
He did a really good job.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Everyone.
If you read any of theinterview, they always bring,
like that, one scene.
This is the scene I'm talkingabout.
Okay, it was phenomenal howthey shot it, how it looked, how
it made me feel, but then alsoyou understood the horror and it
had a different element becauseof segregation in the thirties
and stuff.
So you can see the tensionbetween that and how that would
(39:07):
be an element that's added, butthen also scary shit.
So that's what I'm loving.
How about you?
Speaker 1 (39:14):
I just realized that I love just being an uncle.
Yeah, and I say that because Ipretty much spent the whole
weekend with my nieces and wedid a movie night, we dyed eggs
and it was just nice to bearound my nieces and just watch
them and just interact withtheir cousin and like just just
(39:39):
be there.
I was just like man this is man.
I just love this.
Like I really enjoy watchingthem grow up, watching us just
spend holidays, watching thembring Jade as their like uh,
fourth sister and like justreally just loving on her and
like loving me, like loving likefourth sister and like just
really just loving on her andlike loving me, like loving,
(39:59):
like just me being Uncle Chris,like I don't have to do too much
, like you know what I mean, I'mnot the uncle that buys them a
whole bunch of stuff and youknow, I'm not the pushover uncle
, I'm just Uncle Chris.
I'm going to tell them how it is, I'm going to tell him what it
ain't, but they just, it justseems to, they just seems to
(40:20):
really just enjoy me being theiruncle and I love it.
I love it.
Even geo, he lives in atlantaand he will call me and I and
when will be calling me I likewhat you want, william.
He's like I don't, I don't wantyou.
I'd be like who want me?
then your nephew want you and itjust makes me feel so good,
(40:41):
because I feel like when kidsdraw to you, they see your heart
, kids know who really love themand who really don't.
And to have all my nieces and mynephew, my two nephews, just
cling to me, I just it just itdo something to me, man, it just
it, just it's sometimes, I justit bring a tears like sometimes
(41:04):
to me Cause I'd be like, oh man, I just, I just love y'all so
much, man and I just I just wantto just enjoy every moment and
I want to get better at it asthey you know, they babies now
but I want to be the uncle tounderstand that they, when they
hit teenage years, be there,when they hit the adult year, be
(41:26):
there.
I just want to love them andeach stage of their life.
And so I'm no longer here, nomore, and that goes.
You know, of course I'm gonnado that with Jay, but you know,
just to have that is.
I couldn't think of nothingbetter in the world sometimes,
man, I just be like my babies, Ilove you.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
We made it to the last section of the night, of
course, and we've spoken abouteverything we need to speak
about.
You know what it is.
Last thing I always ask is howdo you feel?
Speaker 1 (41:59):
If we're going to do numbers, I'd say I'm about an
eight.
Okay, about an eight out of 10.
I'm happy the weather'sbreaking, jade is being Jade and
I'm happy of being a father andI'm happy of being a husband
and a spouse and just enjoyinglife right now I really am.
I don't got too many complaintsor whatever you know, that's
(42:19):
all we can ask for man.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Well, cheers to you.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Yeah, hold on.
Oh, how are you feeling?
Speaker 2 (42:28):
You know, as you can hear, I've been doing a lot of
work.
Still, I feel like that's mykind of starting conversation.
I'm doing a lot of work on me.
I feel like that's my startingconversation.
I'm doing a lot of work on me.
I'm working on me.
I keep saying that shit topeople, but it's been really
refreshing.
I just did a wedding in Alabamaand it's NBA playoffs, so my
sleeping pattern just messed up.
But Adrienne just got back fromNew York and I always miss her
(42:51):
when she's gone, so I would sayI'm at like a seven.
Then I was like I said I wish Iwas back on my sleeping pattern
.
I wish I was doing my yoga alittle bit more, because I've
just been so busy.
I've been doing all these gigsand moving around and trying to
book more gigs.
I got this place I'm doing inFayetteville now.
It's a black owned wine barwhich I'm really excited to work
(43:13):
with.
But that's what I was doingbefore we started.
I was putting togethercontracts for that and getting
things together for theperformance and the set list.
And then also I got anothershow that I'm doing at JB's
Record Lounge, a jam that I do.
So I feel like I'm veryconsumed, which is good, but
(43:33):
there's still some space where Ican have a little bit more
peace, I think in my own headand breathe a little bit more.
So seven is about, about whereI'm feeling right now, for sure.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
But yeah, that's I mean.
And the seven is.
I always say you know a sevenis really good, you know a 10,
we always do one to 10, butlet's just be honest, like no
one is, a ten is, tens comes andgoes right, but a seven, a
eight, hell, even a six is it's.
Oh, that's solid.
(44:05):
You're, that's solid.
You know a ten, you could, youcould fill a ten, because adrian
got back, you know, wifey back,you know we finna you know,
yeah, I'm gonna spend some.
That's a 10, right, but thenoverall, you know, the seven is
like okay, I'm peaceful, I youknow, I feel.
I feel like I'm doing what Ineed to do, I'm getting work
done, I'm handling business, andit's not overwhelming me why I
(44:28):
have all this anxiety, because Iplanned it well and I'm
handling it well.
So, boom, this is where I wantto be.
You know what I'm saying?
So, like I always say, tens aresubjective.
Tens just come and go, likethey come and go throughout the
day.
So that's a good, that's asolid spot to be and I feel good
.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
I feel good that's the best way to describe it.
I can't complain at all, really, because it ain't going to do
nothing Always the thing thathelps.
You know, I got projects hereat the house that I got to get
done and it's always exciting tohave her here because you know
(45:07):
it gives me another thing tokind of focus on, like when I
get to a certain time of nightwhen I've done all my errands
and stuff, I'll be able to say,ok, I'm going to cook dinner and
sit down with Adrian, andthat's something I look forward
to every day.
So I cannot complain.
Things are really really doperight now.
(45:29):
I want to thank you forlistening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
The opening quote credit goesto Kristen Morgan and shout out
to my guy, chris, for being onthe pod.
Follow Chris at chris eib.
Underscore 88 on Instagram.
Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us
a good rating.
Five stars, please, and thankyou.
(45:51):
You can support the show byclicking the link at the bottom
of the episode description.
If you like this episode, youshould go check out one of our
previous episodes.
We had mid-season check-ins allthe time.
Uh, new year's flowers isanother great episode.
Good listens, check them outand follow me at dom underscore
l-a-m-o-u-r on instagram or atdomlamorecom.
(46:13):
I'm dom lamore, much love.
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