July 23, 2025 • 53 mins
What happens when two performers step back from the relentless grind of the entertainment industry to ask: "Why am I doing this?" This conversation with Abby Vatterot traces our parallel journeys from theater school through Chicago, LA, and back to our Midwest roots, revealing how our creative purposes have evolved along the way.
Remember when success meant constant performing, networking every night, and pushing yourself to exhaustion? We certainly do. Abby and I candidly discuss how we've shifted from that mentality to something more sustainable and authentic. "My why has definitely evolved," Abby shares. "Lately, my why is literally have fun." This refreshing perspective comes after years of pursuing entertainment careers across multiple cities, only to discover unexpected opportunities back home.
We dive deep into the misleading narratives we received in theater school that left us unprepared for industry realities. The idealized notion that success requires abandoning the Midwest for coastal cities gets thoroughly debunked as we share our experiences finding meaningful work in St. Louis and beyond. One particularly humorous revelation: being taught to wear formal attire to auditions only to discover professionals showing up in jeans!
Perhaps the most powerful thread running through our conversation is the journey toward self-compassion. "I don't talk about myself like that anymore," I admit when discussing how I've stopped being harshly self-critical about my career pace. Similarly, Abby describes finding joy in activities completely unrelated to performance – a balance neither of us prioritized in our younger years.
Whether you're a creative professional questioning your path or simply interested in how priorities evolve with age and experience, this episode offers honest insights about finding purpose beyond achievement. As we conclude, Abby perfectly captures our shared realization: "You're going up in the right direction." Sometimes, that acknowledgment is exactly what we need to hear.
Opening quote: Bob Moawad
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "You Belong to Me" Covered by Dom L'Amour and Abby Vatterott at Davenports Piano Bar in Chicago IL.
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @dom_lamour on Instagram. Or at
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
no-transcript.
(03:22):
Yeah, you're doing the rightthing.
You, You're going, going theway you want to go.
There's a normal.
There's a better way to saythat there's you're.
You're going up in the rightdirection.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I think that's what I wanted to say no, you said
exactly what you wanted.
It's exactly what I'm saying Dowhat you.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Now is the time and everybody let's to.
Here is now, and why don't youput your hands up and your feet
down is where you need to be andalways are.
Forever is where you are, oh,that's perfect, oh my god and I
get an amen, amen, thank you.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who
is here.
My name is Dom Lamour and youare listening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
On today's episode, I speakwith my girl, abby Vatterot,
(04:28):
about life working in theentertainment industry, in the
Midwest college, self-work andso much more.
The best day of your life isthe one on which you decide.
Your life is your own.
No apologies or excuses, no oneto rely on or blame.
The gift is yours.
It's an amazing journey,journey and you alone are
responsible for the quality ofit.
What is going on in the worldof Abby right now?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
In the world of Abby.
Right now I am still doingcommercials and auditioning and
as far as a job goes, that'swhat I'm doing.
And then I'm working on aproject with one of my buddies,
larry Her and I we wrote a pilota couple of years ago.
So right now we are justputting out videos and we filmed
(05:17):
a sketch and then we'reeventually going to put out that
sketch to crowdsource, to raisemoney to film the rest of the
pilot.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
So that's kind of like what's occupying my time
right now.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
You're staying creative.
That's the key to what you'resaying.
You're staying creative.
You've been writing.
Yes, it sounds like you'restill before.
Are you doing gigs in St Louisright now, outside of the
commercials, or you just kind ofbeen laying back?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I'll do them when they pop up.
You know, every once in a whileI'm not like actively pursuing
live performance as much rightnow.
Yeah, just focusing onon-camera stuff.
But yeah, when people ask andreach out.
I'll say yes, for sure.
(06:02):
But yeah, the days are gone oflike you know how we did it, of
producing a show together andit's just a little different in
St Louis to do it, and I've justkind of I've done it and now
I'm like okay.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I think that's kind of the turn I'm seeing with a
lot of people just from ourgeneration age like us, who went
to school together, kind ofthing where, if they're still
performing, they're in a pointnow where they're like I want to
be more pointed with what I'mdoing.
I want to be more pointed withwhat I'm doing.
I want to exert my energy intocertain things over other things
, because I feel like we've beenbidding enough throughout the
(06:31):
time of performing and giggingand working with randoms to know
, okay, yes, some beneficialthings come from going to open
mics or hanging out with certainpeople at a certain time.
It's beneficial, yes, but alsoI can get the same type of
networking and same type ofcreative space by really just
(06:52):
focusing in on this one directthing.
Like with me, I've been tryingto write and actually produce my
own stuff a lot more nowinstead of going to open mics
and performing every week,because that's what I did in
Chicago.
I felt like I had to be on andperforming every week, because
that's what I did in Chicago.
I felt like I had to be on theground every night.
I felt like I had to meet newpeople every day.
I had to sing at differentgroups and in many ways it was
(07:16):
very beneficial and I'm notafraid to get on any stage now
and I feel like with the weddingband, especially since I
perform every weekend now I'mable to get to a place where it
doesn't really matter what'sgoing on.
I feel comfortable in thesituation.
There's no performancesituation that intimidates me
(07:37):
anymore, you know, and that'sbecause of the open mics.
It starts with going into theroom, being the youngest person
walking in and them asking youto sing a song that you never
sang before, and you do it inthe next five minutes like came
from doing that and I'vebenefited from that.
But now it's like I like to bein bed at 1030.
I like before 1030, if possible, I like to.
(07:57):
You know, I have my routine toclean my face and shave and then
lay down and and look throughmy stories.
I enjoy that, and I thinkthat's just as beneficial as
going to an open mic, becauseI'm working on my body and
making sure that I'm havinghealthy sleeping habits and
waking up stronger and doingmore throughout the day instead
(08:20):
of.
I used to write so much musiclaying in bed.
I'd be like three in themorning and it's like I should
have went to sleep.
I could have done this the nextday.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
But it's encouraging to hear someone else who I look
up to and admire, to hear thatthey're like okay, I'm kind of
taking a step back from theproducer bug and really trying
to focus in on bigger careergoals, because I feel like at
this point now, especially aftergoing through the pandemic and
all of the different moves andwe're older and we see the
(08:53):
writing on the wall of okay,what's the next step for me,
yeah, I mean our prioritiesshifted definitely during the
pandemic was the start of itwhere you're like, yeah, that
mentality is like the more I do,the more I grind, the faster
I'll get to where I want to goand the better I'll be.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
And while there is like a nugget of truth to that,
there's also like balance.
Now there's less peoplepleasing and more of doing what
you want to do, because, yeah,it's crazy how much we performed
in Chicago and even in LAcompared to where I am now.
(09:40):
I mean you're doing theweddings, which is like
scratching that itch for you.
And when I go out to LA.
You know, I've been back andforth a bunch and I spent a lot
of time out there last year notas much this year, but but when
I was out there I was doingshows as much as I could, and
(10:01):
even that was different becauseI was like I'm out here, I need
to be doing shows.
I felt like I needed to bedoing it as opposed to like
finding the why am I doing it?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
And I learned in that short amount of time.
I'm like oh, I don't reallylove doing this anymore, you
know.
So, yeah, your priorities shiftand you move on to the next
thing.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It's funny that you say finding the why, because one
of the things I had in my notesto ask you about today revolved
around that.
So why don't we just jump to it?
It makes sense.
I read this book.
It was very particular aboutfinding your purpose and I feel
like for the longest time I hadno idea really what my end goal
(10:50):
ever was.
I've always had big dreams todo just a bunch, to do things.
I feel like I can do this andthat and touch this and do that.
But the more that I've workedand found this balance of life
and performing and living inGeorgia now and being able to
really work with incrediblepeople, I'm like, okay, so what
is my whole thing?
(11:10):
What do I feel is my purposeand am I going in the right
direction with music, with myfamily, with friends and people
I'm engaging with to achievethat purpose?
And so I still think I'mworking on it.
But I read it early in the yearand I think my purpose has
always been to createopportunities where people can
(11:30):
shine.
I was talking to Spencer Day,friend of the pod, and he was
talking to me like Dom incollege sometimes I really
depended on you to do gigsbecause you always were
producing stuff to do and likethose were some of my favorite
nights because we actually wereperforming, we were actually
gigging, we were out and about,people were seeing us work and
(11:53):
we felt like we were actuallydoing it and I walked away from
that conversation like that'sreally what I've always enjoyed
about what I do, about what I do.
The hardest part now has beenthe realization that I'm an
adult now and you have to savemoney, not only for your career,
but also for trips and for lifestuff and house stuff, and so
(12:15):
you start to realize that careermight take a backseat to
certain things and it's like howdo I continue to narrow in on
what I actually need to be doingfor my purpose?
And understanding what mypurpose is and how I can
continue to feed that bowl oflove is really been an
interesting journey for me.
So, like I said, that's what Ifeel.
(12:36):
I feel like creatingopportunities, being able to
work with individuals in thoseopportunities.
That's always been what I wantto do, and I feel like I strive
to create moments where I canlook over my shoulder and be
like, hey, I've been workingwith this guy for 10 years, so
I've been working with this girlfor whatever, and we're still
doing it and we're still able tosay we love it.
(12:57):
I'm not asking you to answerthe question now because it
literally took me months to evenget to where I am now with that
, but I feel like you're alreadykind of on that path because
you brought it up.
Where are you in your journeyof finding your purpose?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Dom, that is such a great question.
I will say my why hasdefinitely evolved as well
Lately.
My why is literally have fun.
That's been my why lately.
Just following that excitement,that curiosity, the joy and the
(13:36):
fun, I feel like that's whatit's been lately.
My overall why, I think, hasalways been I want to make the
world laugh by being myauthentic self and to inspire
people to be their authenticself.
You know which is always likeeasier said than done.
You know like I want to be yeah,no, it's, you know what I mean,
(13:56):
but striving to present myselfas the most authentic version of
myself, and the more I do that,the more hopefully other people
can step into that role or intotheir higher version of
themselves, or whatever theystrive for.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
I hear that completely.
I've been doing a lot of workto be more happy with what I'm
doing.
The process you forget how muchyou love it after know,
creating and begging people tosupport you and getting out
there and really grinding andchopping on the wood I guess
(14:31):
like biting down.
Just like God.
I got to get this right.
That was the hardest thing forme after a while.
When I first got back intogigging here in Georgia, I felt
myself driving home with mixedemotions a lot.
A great example I did this showin an area here called Marietta
(14:54):
and it's this big square andevery summer they have festivals
and put on concerts and my bandgot put in like last minute but
we play every week.
So it's like okay, we can do it,it's not a big deal, and it was
about 3,000 to 4,000 people inthe audience.
Just crazy.
The whole square was packed andwe did our set and I remember
(15:18):
like a group of people kind ofcoming up to us afterwards being
like yeah, this is like alwayshit and miss, but you guys
really knocked it out of thepark or we loved the song
selection, or you guys were somuch fun and you're the best and
like you get all thesecompliments and you get all of
this love and you get all of thenoise during the performance
(15:40):
and for some reason, with all ofthat, I still would find myself
walking to the car, kind oflike shuffling my feet, getting
in the car, driving home, noteven turning the radio on or
anything because I'm so tired.
I just want like 40 minutes ofsilence.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Of peace, yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yes.
And then I'm like the wholeride.
I'm like am I happy?
I just did great, I did all ofthis stuff.
Why is this so frustrating?
Why am I like sitting here likeI'm lonely and working on
myself in a sense, when I keepsaying that it's, you know,
talking to people?
I love working with mytherapist, trying to really
(16:23):
understand where my head goes inthose moments Recently.
I truly think I've gotten to aplace now where the problem back
then was just not me beingsatisfied.
I feel like I wasn't gratefulfor the moments.
I didn't look and realize dude,you're on stage and no one else
.
A lot of people can't do this.
(16:44):
A lot of people don't get anopportunity to do this.
And you're getting anopportunity.
That's enough to be happy,that's enough right there.
But for some reason I'm alwaysthinking next thing, what's the
next thing, what's the nextthing?
And that's kind of our culture.
I feel like you watch anathlete and they just win a
championship and the first thingthing they ask like how do you
(17:05):
feel?
What are you going to do?
Well, I'm going to get in a gymand get ready for the next one
next year.
Like skipping over the factthat you just achieved something
incredible.
And whenever I speak to friendsfrom college like you or like
Maria or Steph and people inthere like talking to me, like
Dominique, what you do, I wasjust in Charleston singing at a
wedding.
I did this here, I'm going tobe here doing this and this and
(17:27):
that, and they're like you'redoing so much, but then in my
head I was always like I don'tfeel like I'm doing enough.
So I feel like I'm getting to aplace now where I'm starting to
see the smaller wins and,instead of breezing past those,
I'm sitting in those momentsmore.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Do you have any type of journey with that yourself?
Because I don't really feellike I've ever seen you in a bad
mood.
I feel like, all right, let metake this back.
All right, as theater majorswho went to school together, I
have seen you down.
I have seen you down.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
But I haven't.
I haven't seen you down otherlike personally, like where it's
just like normal life, likeI've seen you down after a long
night of partying.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah, I was like falling down.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
How do you feel like cause this is something I'm
really curious about with you,cause you're always someone that
I feel like that truly doeswant to keep going, and you do
keep going, and every time wespeak, we're both talking about
how we're still doing this.
How do you deal with any ofthat?
If you do deal with feelinglike you're getting enough work
(18:40):
or doing enough work.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Oh yeah, I mean I definitely feel it work, or
doing enough work?
Oh yeah, I mean I definitelyfeel it.
And, honestly, coming to StLouis was like a big one for me,
of like I probably have workedthe most I've ever worked
professionally in St Louis.
But I had to humble myself, youknow, when I first moved back,
(19:03):
because I was like, well, whatam I going to do?
Schnucks commercials and emoscommercials.
You know, when I first movedback because I was like, well,
what am I going to do?
Schnucks commercials and emoscommercials which, yes, I have
done.
And yeah but now it's like whatam I gonna do?
That it's like actually, like Ilove that I have done them and
that I do them and it is fun andI am grateful for it.
But yeah, there's definitelythose moments of like it's fun
(19:24):
and I am grateful for it.
But yeah, there's definitelythose moments of like picturing
yourself not exactly where youthought that you would be, you
know, and I think it's justcoming to peace with that and
knowing that there's going to bemore success, yeah, just kind
of relishing in the success thatyou currently are in.
(19:48):
Yeah, being present, having thatgratitude, is definitely what
anchors me in those moments of,well, what if I do this and I
should be here and I you knowwhat about that opportunity and
stuff?
And it just anytime you havethose feelings arise of like
that doesn't make me feel goodto have those feelings, you go
(20:08):
back to like okay, well, why amI feeling that?
Well, because I thought I wouldbe there by now, but you're not
.
But you also are doing this,this and this and this and this,
and that's really cool and yourlittle eight year old self
would be so proud to see yourlife right now and be like wow,
you're doing everything, You'reso cool and funny.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
And so.
But it definitely takes thatawareness and the time to
reflect on it and having thoseconversations with yourself of,
okay, you're right where youneed to be.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
So when I sat down to write this part of the episode
and kind of try to express how Ifelt about Abby and working
with Abby I don't really evenknow how to put it into words
she was one of the firstexamples of someone that I
recognized in the theaterdepartment that, oh, I could
(21:15):
work with this personprofessionally outside of school
.
I can keep this relationship, Ican develop this.
This is someone who takes thisseriously.
I moved to Chicago, they weremoving to Chicago.
I moved to LA, they were movingto LA.
It was kind of like we were ona journey where we crossed paths
and it was kind of meant tostay in touch and and work.
(21:36):
And we always worked and tookit seriously.
We didn't really go out and andplay around.
We we really cared about whatwe were doing.
And that's the thing that Ialways take the idea we're still
friends, still able to do thesekind of podcasts.
And you know I'm sure I'm stillable to do these kind of
podcasts and you know, I'm sureI'm still going to perform with
her in the future and that's nota doubt at all in my head
(22:00):
because of how great of aperformer she is and how
dedicated she is to her craft,so that that was kind of the
best way to get it out.
I feel like I just I've alwaysadmired working with her.
I've always admired her.
I've always felt like she was alevel up and I wanted to get up
to her level and we were in somuch together we did.
(22:20):
We did like Hamlet.
We were in Hamlet together butthen also we did our own little
shows in LA and West Hollywoodand in Chicago and in St Louis
and I've always appreciated Abbyand I'm just thankful that
she's a friend and was able toin St Louis and I've always
appreciated Abby and I'm justthankful that she's a friend and
was able to be on the show andI hope y'all enjoyed having her.
So let's get back into theconversation.
(22:50):
I feel like going back home toSt Louis is a really incredible
wake-up call.
I feel like that was somethingthat really helped me when I
left Chicago, staying home for ayear, getting back to my roots,
because back home in St LouisI'd always been doing stuff back
home with my band in highschool and then when we were in
(23:11):
college I would come back to StLouis and do gigs on certain
weekends.
So I always saw the gigs andunderstood, oh, I'm working and
I'm getting paid and I'm doingthis, but I don't know why, for
some reason in my head I justhad this negative image of home
and was always striving forsomething different.
(23:32):
And I'm very grateful toChicago and LA and even New York
, because I used to auditionthere and stuff, because when
you go to these places and yourealize it's just another city,
it helps you in so many ways.
And some people see it and yes,it's another city, but it's a
city where they meet the rightperson and they want to stay
(23:54):
there.
But I know so many artists whogo to LA and they struggle and
they just quit, yeah.
But then there's others who sayyou know what, this ain't for
me, I'm going to go backwherever I came from.
Then they pick it up andthey're like, okay, okay, I'm
back home and I know people andI'm able to work, okay.
And you're another example.
I feel like Michael also wastalking to me about that kind of
(24:18):
thing where he didn't expect tocome to St Louis and to work,
but opportunities have come outof the wazoo for y'all and
that's really encouragingbecause maybe it was our
schooling, maybe it was thementors we had who discouraged
our hometown.
Maybe I don't know where thatnegativity came from, or that
(24:42):
what am I going to do in StLouis?
And it's like St Louis wasalways giving me opportunities
anyway.
And so I'm performing at theFox or I'm doing stuff here and
there.
And so I'm performing at theFox, or I'm doing stuff here and
there.
I've worked at the Muni and I'mlike how can you do all of
these things and then still belike, oh, there's not much you
could do here?
It's like what is wrong?
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I do believe influence truly affected a lot
of us negatively about theMidwest, even Chicago.
I went to Chicago I'll neverforget this this drummer named
Vincent Davis he was this oldcat still up there playing and
he met me at a jam.
It was like I want you to comeback to my crib one night and I
was like okay.
(25:21):
And we went to his house and acouple of other cats came out
and we jammed and I didn't haveany microphone or anything.
He was very upset.
He's like you're a performer,you need your instrument, kind
of thing was very upset.
He's like you're a performer,you need your instrument, kind
of thing.
And he's just very old schooland loud and mean.
But the one thing that stuck outto me was I was talking to him
about my journey.
He was like where are you from?
I'm like from St Louis and hewas like so why are you here?
(25:45):
I was like I wanted to come toa bigger city and sing jazz.
Chicago's a jazz city.
I thought that was pretty.
He's like you should be in LAor New York.
You need to get out of here.
This is not the Midwest.
He really just categorized thewhole Midwest as a place that I
shouldn't be, because he feltlike I was too good to be there.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Oh yeah, I have those similar yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
But it was like another person that lives there,
giving you this fairy tale thatit's a magical, different world
outside of, and I just don'tunderstand where that started,
where it came from and whypeople continue to push that
narrative.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I mean even mentors that we had at CIMO.
I don't know if you rememberthis story, but when we had our
senior showcase in New York Cityright after we graduated my
brother, who's also a comedian,was living in New York at the
time and we did our seniorshowcase afterward Our mentor
(26:43):
not to name names but he waslike all right, so you're moving
in New York City, right.
And I was like no, I'm actuallymoving to Chicago.
I'm going to do comedy inChicago.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Do Second City and IO and blah, blah, blah.
And he just was like why?
Why are you?
There's an audition for hairtomorrow that you could go to,
and you're on Broadway Like itwas that easy right.
Yeah to.
And you're on Broadway Like itwas that easy right.
And my brother just looked athim straight in the face and was
(27:17):
like, was Tina Fey ever in hair?
And I just I'll never forgetthat, you know, and just like we
all have our own journeys andyeah, whatever resonates with us
is the right.
It's just like following thoseinstincts and going to what
(27:39):
makes you feel good.
And Chicago was incredible andI know I made the right decision
and yeah.
So it's just funny looking backon those moments of like, okay,
yes, again somebody from theMidwest encouraging us to go to
the coast, and LA was great too,but it was great because we had
our SEMO community there andthe Chicago community that
(28:02):
transplanted out there.
Without that, it would havebeen a lot harder.
Granted, I wasn't out therevery long before the pandemic
hit and that's what obviouslybrought us back to St Louis, but
that community is what I miss.
It's harder to find thecommunity in St Louis.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Yeah, I feel like it's harder to find it anywhere.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
It is hard to find it , especially the old kids.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Yeah, when you establish it somewhere, when you
establish it and you're in it.
That's why I applaud the guysthat live in Chicago, because
they still are very activelytrying to stay in each other's
lives and we didn't have a lotof people that like that at CMO.
I feel like, more than anything, this always happens when
Summer for CMO comes on, we gointo this rant about CMO, but I
(28:47):
honestly think they emphasizethe dream of being a megastar on
and that being like the onlyalternative to what you do.
You're here so that you couldbe on Broadway and be a star,
instead of showing us everyelement of the world Like they
didn't showcase.
(29:08):
How you know.
We have people that went toschool with us who are working
in costume shops at the Muni orwho build sets in Orlando or
work sound at Disney.
We have people that are peoplewe went to school with, who do
these things to do masterclasses.
(29:30):
These aren't the people thatare coming to influence the kids
that are there.
Maybe they are now, I'm notsure, but when we were there,
the people they were bringing in, they were trying to flood our
minds with all of theiraccomplishments.
This person worked with thisperson.
This person did this.
They're performing here.
They performed there.
This is what you should want todo, and it's like if I were to
(29:53):
change anything, it would be.
I would want to approach itmore like Hillary originally had
started it off.
I feel like you weren't therebecause this was a year before
you, but my first R&P I'll neverforget.
Hillary Peterson got in front ofeverybody.
First thing she said was oneday you will be on welfare.
(30:13):
Whoa, that's how she startedthe conversation.
One day you will be on welfare.
Are you okay with that?
If not, you should leave theroom right now.
Yeah, and I remember her sayingthat and no one got up.
But I was like I don't know ifI want to be on welfare.
And I did snap one year when Ilost the job in Chicago.
(30:39):
I was like, wow, she said itwould happen and it happened.
And I wasn't ashamed because Iknew it was coming in some way,
but I kept grinding and keptpreparing myself for different
opportunities and the idea thatfrom that moment to now, I'm
still doing it.
I really wish I met more people.
Like you know, andrew Tebowlike was great, but I wish he
(31:00):
would have been able to comeback a little bit more and talk
to us, or Creep or any of thoseguys that we like met beforehand
Tony Poston like guys whograduated before we left.
I wish they were able to comeback and mentor us and say hey,
it isn't all roses.
Yes, it's going to be hard,you're going to have to struggle
, but the struggle is part ofwhy we're doing it.
(31:22):
You're going to get there andyou're going to learn, and it's
going to be exciting and it'sgoing to suck, but it's okay,
because that's how most of usget by, and not only most of us,
but the people we went toschool, the teachers that we
learned from.
They had to struggle in someways and I don't feel like they
ever even gave us those moments.
(31:42):
They didn't really open upabout how difficult it could be.
Yeah settle for certain thingsor discuss the possibilities of
maybe I work here a couple ofyears and then I can move.
They didn't really open oureyes to that.
They just was like go to NewYork, work hard, make money, and
(32:04):
it's like there's so much moreto this than what we were taught
.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Right, I think the first time for me at an RMPp,
when amy richie came I don'tknow if she taught yet, I think
it was like maybe before she gothired as a like teacher, but
she, you know we go to auditionswearing the same, like a
certain dress.
You know we have to wearbusiness attire and we were
(32:31):
always in dresses and leggingsand tights and you know our
character shoes or whatever, andyou guys always had to wear
ties.
I remember she came in and shewas like okay, first things
first, get a good pair of jeans.
And I was.
I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped.
(32:53):
I'm like jeans.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
But we don't wear jeans.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
That's against the law, like you know, and she was
like get a good pair of jeans,spend $100 on a good pair of
jeans.
And I just remember thinkinglike, wow, that must be crazy in
the real world, like we had noidea what was happening.
We were just in this likeinsular bubble to hear that
(33:24):
people were wearing jeans toauditions, literally blowing my
mind.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Well, you know, weirdly enough, the year before
I got the CMO, they were stillusing like black and white
headshots.
So like our school was so behindon certain things that it like
I remember going to my firstaudition when we went to Straw
Hats.
Mark and I went up to New York.
(33:50):
I remember seeing people justwearing street clothes and I
remember I asked this one dude Iwas like his name is Josh.
I actually got to New York.
I remember seeing people justwearing street clothes and I
asked this one dude I was likehis name is Josh.
I actually got to work with himand I was like yo, what's going
on?
What are you auditioning for?
And he was auditioning for likeSpring Awakening or something
like that.
He was auditioning for a moremodern show.
He's like, yeah, I want to puton something a little more
modern and, of course, followingthe seymour etiquette, I had a
(34:13):
vest.
Uh, dress, vest with the buttonup and and I'm like this is
infuriating, because we all verymuch wore the same uniform,
because that was what we weretold to wear and the best
teacher is experience being ableto go out and see.
Oh the, the world isn't reallylike that.
(34:33):
My first set that I performedon with TV I won't even do the
theater, I'll go to TV when Iwas on TV set I remember walking
up and getting this huge woofof weed and being like ah, and
it was the guy who was operatingthe camera.
He was smoking weed before wewere about to start shooting.
It was like seven in themorning.
I was like what is happeningright now?
(34:55):
And it just reminded me likeokay, we put this thing on a
pedestal.
We feel like things can be sohard and this and that, but
every job has people who have nobusiness being in these
positions and it's like you getput in situations because of
networking or experience or youmight just be right for the role
(35:16):
, but you can't walk into it andfeel like everything is going
to be just perfect and easy,like you can be a little bit
more yourself, you can lay backand you never know you might be
uncast because they feel likeyou're a little tight ass, like
you're too professional, andit's like I wouldn't even have
(35:37):
considered that as a possibilityunless I went out and was in
these shows and seen thesepeople do all of this shit, you
know.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Well, even like gosh, when we did our show, dom and I
produced a comedy show in LAand it had poets and musicians
and artists and comics and itwas so much fun.
And after that show there wasanother comedy show they would
have like people like DimitriMartin and Todd Glass and you
(36:06):
know, and you'd go up and you'dsee them completely bomb.
You're like what, not all ofDimetri Martin's one-liners work
.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
It's like you know that, and of course I'd seen
versions of it in Chicago, but Idon't think I'd seen a lot of
my heroes, so to speak.
I saw a lot of my heroes when Ifirst moved to LA.
I saw Jim Carrey live on BillMaher.
I saw Weird Al get his star onthe Walk of Fame.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
That's a dope yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
And they were fantastic and great.
But it's interesting seeingpeople that you've looked up to
for so long in the industryMaria Bamford, I saw her do
something and I was just like,oh my gosh, and where?
They're, just like they're notat the top of their game, and
you're like, oh yeah, we're allhuman, we're all still grinding
(37:04):
in one way or another, and sothat was also pretty eye-opening
for me to see.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
That's always something I'll take from LA.
I met one of my biggest heroes.
He's literally I got his FunkoPop right over here.
Arsenio Hall was such a cooldude and I met him multiple
times because I worked at thisrestaurant in Studio City.
I always dreamed of hosting ashow like that, a late night
(37:30):
show kind of atmosphere.
Now it's kind of a littledifferent.
If I ever did it, it wouldn't bein that format.
I really feel like the formatis getting kind of dry and
you're seeing people try to mixit up, but even then when they
try to mix it up, those showsare kind of being canceled
because people are so familiarwith the chair and the suit and
(37:51):
it's a weird concept.
I can go on and on about that.
But anyway, meeting ArsenioHall was incredible and he's
from Cleveland and I told him Iwas from St Louis and I remember
we met once and he was justlike really engaged and just so
cool.
And then the next time hecalled me St Louis and I called
him Cleveland.
I remember walking away fromthat being like if this was
(38:12):
Dominique from 10 years ago hewould have had a heart attack.
But now it's like I've beenhere long enough that I can see
these people as real people.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
And understand that I am trying to do the same thing
as them.
I can't look at myself as belowthem.
I got to be with them in thesame category.
We're just people.
Yeah, and it was so perfect.
I love that, yeah, and it wasso perfect.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
I love that.
Yeah, similarly, I was on thesame lineup as Pete Holmes in a
show in LA last year and I hadjust literally like months
before that, just seen him in LAor in St Louis.
So, and like same thing, I wasjust like, yeah, I'm just going
(38:53):
to talk to him like I would anormal comic Cause he's, first
of all, the nicest guy, he'sexactly how he seems.
But I went out to him and I waslike hey, I saw you in St Louis
, you were fantastic.
And he was like trying to thinkof St Louis jokes.
He's like what did I make anygood St Louis jokes?
I was like I don't, I St Louisjokes.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
He's like what did I?
Speaker 1 (39:14):
make any good St Louis jokes.
I was like I don't I don'tremember.
And he laughed at that and then,um, he knows my brother too.
So he was like, are you relatedto Nick?
And I was like, yeah, okay, hewas like I was wondering that I
was like she's either.
When I saw your name on thelineup, I was like she's either
his sister or Nick got a sexchange.
(39:35):
And then I was like I'mactually my name's Nick.
This is a wig and we just, likeyou know, share a laugh and it
was.
It was great.
But those little moments, Ithink they're little signs from
the universe of like, yeah,you're doing the right thing,
you're going going, going theway you want to go.
There's normal.
(39:56):
There's a better way to saythat there's you're, you're
going up in the right direction.
I think that's what I wanted tosay no, you just said.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
You said exactly what you wanted, it's exactly do
what you.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
Now is the time and everybody let's here is now.
And why don't you put yourhands up and your feet down is
where you need to be and alwaysare.
Forever is where you are.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Oh, that is perfect.
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
And I get an amen.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
I know you belong to somebody new, but tonight you
belong to me.
You're part, you're part of myheart, but tonight you belong to
(41:02):
me too.
Lay down by the stream, howsweet it will seem Once more
just to dream In the moonlight,my honey, I know In the dark
(41:23):
that you will be gone, buttonight you belong to me.
Just a little old me, la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
With all of the moving, the gigging and trying
to you know fit life in theregetting married and having you
know family members pass, andhaving people all over the world
that you kind of want to pullcloser and find that bond with
all of this stuff going on.
When it comes to your career,how do you feel Because, like I
said, I think I've pushed mine,not aside, like to the back or
anything, but it isn't alwaysthe number one thing Like how do
you think you're balancing yourlife compared to your younger
(42:36):
20s and stuff, because when Iwas in my 20s I felt like I
skipped so much stuff because Iwas on a gig that I made like
$10 on.
I regret a lot, but also I'mhappy that I can learn from it.
What are some things that youfeel like you've picked up and
that you are starting to reallyunderstand better about yourself
(42:58):
as a person who's a performer?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
I'm so busy.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
You know, from going from there to you know,
obviously falling in love, beingwith my family in St Louis now
I just that's one of the majorblessings that has come from
moving back is so much beautifulquality time with my family.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yeah, quality time with my family.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
That definitely takes priority over anything now and
I think about it when I would domy big shows in Chicago, like
my one-woman show and my albumrelease and the festivals that
my family would come up forevery year, and every time my
family was there I was like thisis living, like this is the
(43:55):
best.
Best times I had were when myfamily came to visit me and it's
just like and now I get to, soI do not take that for granted
at all of like how much time I'mspending with them and how much
time we get because, yeah, whoknows when a gig is going to pop
up and I'm going to have to begone, you know longer, or I
(44:18):
can't make it back for a holidayor a birthday, or you know, so
it's so.
Yeah, it's crazy how differentit is and how much more it means
every year.
You know, and just having that,that quality time and even just
sitting on the couch with mycat, like having just having
that quality time and even justsitting on the couch with my cat
(44:38):
, like having a pet, you know,was like never something on my
radar and now I'm like, I'm cool, just do I go to open mic?
I got these jokes I kind ofwant to work on.
Or I could just sit on my couchand watch RuPaul's Drag Race
and cuddle with my kitty, youknow, and I'm like.
(45:01):
That to me is like living Cuddlewith my kitty, cuddle with my
husband and just yeah.
So finding that balance too,where I don't get too sucked up
into feeling not as active orprocrastinating on something
because I'm like well, I need tospend, I need this is more
important, which it is moreimportant.
(45:22):
But yeah, it's finding thatbalance and also the boundaries
of like wanting to spend timewith, like, my mom and also
being like but I have a deadlinefor a submission that is due.
I actually have a deadline fora submission due on Friday and I
(45:43):
am kind of grappling with likenormally, this audition would be
like oh my gosh, this is it.
I'm going to be a big star, youknow, and.
But now I'm like, eh, I got todo this audition.
Like I'm grateful for theopportunity and I'll get it done
(46:05):
because I know myself betterand I know how I work better and
I'm performing for me now, asopposed to what I think people
want out of me.
You know, basically likedeveloping a reel of characters,
which I've done at this pointfor like over 13 years, so it's
just like I can generatematerial quicker and I know
(46:29):
what's most authentic to me andI know what's funny.
And so when opportunities comelike that, where I have more of
a time to work on something, Iwill, yeah, sometimes
procrastinate a little, but Ialways get it done and I'm
always proud of the work and I'mnot tied to the outcome anymore
(46:52):
.
I feel that everything that youdo as far as auditioning stuff
goes is like you're a growingand learning opportunity and
letting go of the outcomeobviously easier said than done,
but with it you just kind ofbuild a callus, you know, to it,
to where it's just like okay,on to the next.
(47:12):
There'll always be moreopportunities and you'll get the
right one.
The wrong opportunities willnever pass you by.
So, yeah, I think, keepingthose affirmations, if you will,
to the forefront of my mind,and also what lights me up too,
it's like feeling in my body.
Okay, what's my body drawn todo right now?
(47:34):
I want to take a step in thiscreative endeavor for this
project, or do I want to color,just color, at the kitchen table
with my mom and my husband?
You know what I mean, myhusband, you know what I mean.
(48:00):
Like I have way more otherhobbies and joys in my life as,
as opposed to when people belike.
So what do you?
What do you do outside ofacting?
I'm like I do this, all I do,that's all I do.
I just do comedy, I just doacting and that's my.
I don't do anything.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
My life.
Speaker 1 (48:12):
Yeah, and but now I'm like I'm more.
It's more nuanced and morewell-rounded because of the
relationships that I want toprioritize.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Yeah, when you said you kind of create some
boundaries, I feel like that iscrucial the older we get, and
it's not just boundaries, oflike I'm preventing myself from
doing this, but it's also likeokay, a great example One of my
teachers my vocal teacher inChicago, her name was Elaine
Dame.
She always told me do threethings for your career each day.
(48:47):
She's like if you do threethings, that's enough for you to
be happy.
And it can be anything.
Post something on Instagram,put together a playlist and, you
know, shave your face for thegig that night.
And boom, you've done threethings and I have gotten better
at hitting my goal of doing whatI want to do.
Maybe writing out stuff, makinga list of this is what I'm going
(49:09):
to do today.
And when I accomplish that,being OK with putting it down
and saying, okay, now, granted,inspiration always comes up,
I'll do that.
Then I'll be walking and a songidea come up and I'm like well,
let me write it.
But even with that, I'm stilltrying just to be nicer to
myself, trying to talk myselfdown a little nicer than I used
(49:33):
to.
I feel like I've always been adick to myself.
I will literally tell you yousuck ass.
Dominique, you should be doingmore.
I don't talk about myself likethat anymore.
I don't push myself indirections just because I feel
like I should be, and I thinkthose boundaries are crucial to
just be happy.
And that's dope to hear thatyou've already worked towards it
(49:56):
Because, like I said, man, someof us it's like ringing the
child, it's like dude, chill out.
Why are you overreacting?
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Yeah, no, I've definitely had that mentality
too, and it's something that,yeah, like I said, you just kind
of talk to yourself.
You're like, well, you don'thave to be doing anything right
now, but I've definitely beensitting on the couch.
I'm like I don't know if Ishould be sitting on the couch,
I should be doing something.
And I'm like, okay, then I move, if I do, and then I move
somewhere else to the room andI'm like, okay, now I'm working
(50:27):
on something.
But then I end up likescrolling on my phone and I'm
like, well, I'm not doinganything anyway, and you'll just
sit on the couch.
No, but you get it.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (50:41):
You know what I love.
I love to cook.
There's two things I've beendoing a lot more this year.
I've been making homemade pastaa lot more and that has been so
much fun because if it'scleaner, it's not as difficult
as you would think and, ofcourse, my wife has Italian
roots, so we have all theequipment I need to make it
(51:03):
happen at home very easily, andI did some burnt ends this year
and grilled up some corn and awhole bunch of stuff and it's
just really it's very satisfying.
The older I get, the moreopportunities I get to serve and
host, and we're going to have alot of people in town in July.
(51:25):
We got Steph and Maria and thekids are coming down at the top
of the month.
I'm going to have DJ Chester intown at the end of the month
and Jesse Lynn and the baby andher husband's coming, I think,
the third week of the month.
So July is going to be busy forme and I'm going to be cooking
up a storm.
But that's what I'm loving.
I'm loving all the meals andthe cooking and getting a chance
(51:49):
to really eat cleaner and knowwhat I'm putting in my body.
What about you?
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Oh, that's so good.
Well, you know what I'm puttingin my body.
What about you?
Oh, that's so good.
Well, you know what I love?
Acrylic markers.
Speaker 3 (52:06):
That's so random.
Speaker 1 (52:13):
I love the smell.
I have seven in my hand rightnow.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
Right no.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
I love the sound that they make on this textured, mat
piece of hard paper.
So when you color on it, it's avery satisfying sound.
Not only is it a verysatisfying sound, but it's also
visually satisfying.
(52:49):
And so, yeah, I have gottenreally into acrylic markers.
I've probably bought over ahundred of them recently in
different packs.
During Easter I had like awhole pastel pack and most of
(53:10):
them were the same color, but itdidn't matter.
It was really hard to be like.
Was this green?
I think that's the same color,but it didn't matter.
It was really hard to be like.
Was this green?
I think that's the same grain.
But anyway, um, and I'll justcolor and make stuff and it's
for nobody but myself and do youhave any of those adult
coloring books?
(53:30):
I do, but a lot of the timesthey're very like small things
to color in and I like coloringin like a lot of space.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
I love the sound effect.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
I love coloring, I love coloring, I love coloring.
Speaker 2 (53:58):
We've made it to the final segment of the show.
Abby, I feel like this is thetreat that I needed today.
I wanted to talk to you on thepod for a while and actually get
you here.
It's so dope.
I've always loved working withyou and I'm sure at some point
during the episode I've alreadyplayed your beautiful singing
voice already.
So I appreciate you.
Oh yeah, I appreciate you and Ilove you so much, and, of
(54:23):
course, we end the show the sameway every time.
We've spoken about everythingwe want to speak about.
All I want to know now is howdo you feel?
Speaker 1 (54:31):
I feel good.
I feel really good, I feelreally happy and yeah, I always
love our conversations and itwas really good to catch up and
yeah, I miss.
I miss seeing you more oftenand all the things.
(54:51):
But yeah, I really appreciateyou having having me and thank
you for making me feel feel good.
Speaker 2 (54:59):
Alright, cheers to you.
Alright, I want to thank youfor listening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
The open and quote credit goesto Bob Moed and the feature song
comes from the classic film theJerk.
(55:21):
Shout out to Steve Martin.
Abby and I sang that during thecabaret we did together in
Chicago called what Is Love?
So fun to relive that night.
And shout out to Abby for beingon the pod.
You can follow her on Instagramat Abby Vatterot and please
subscribe to the podcast, sharethe podcast and give us a good
rating.
Five stars, please.
And thank you.
You can support the show byclicking the link at the bottom
(55:43):
of the episode description.
Also, tell me your plans forthe coming year.
We should collab.
If you like this episode youshould check out.
It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times.
A previous episode I did and Ispoke with Justin Hale about
worries, struggles, what's next,mental health and so much more.
Go check it out.
Follow me at D-O-M underscoreL-A-M-O-U-R, on Instagram or at
(56:07):
DomLamorecom.
I'm Dom Lamore, no-transcript.
no-transcript.
(03:22):
Yeah, you're doing the rightthing.
You, You're going, going theway you want to go.
There's a normal.
There's a better way to saythat there's you're.
You're going up in the rightdirection.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I think that's what I wanted to say no, you said
exactly what you wanted.
It's exactly what I'm saying Dowhat you.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Now is the time and everybody let's to.
Here is now, and why don't youput your hands up and your feet
down is where you need to be andalways are.
Forever is where you are, oh,that's perfect, oh my god and I
get an amen, amen, thank you.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who
is here.
My name is Dom Lamour and youare listening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
On today's episode, I speakwith my girl, abby Vatterot,
(04:28):
about life working in theentertainment industry, in the
Midwest college, self-work andso much more.
The best day of your life isthe one on which you decide.
Your life is your own.
No apologies or excuses, no oneto rely on or blame.
The gift is yours.
It's an amazing journey,journey and you alone are
responsible for the quality ofit.
What is going on in the worldof Abby right now?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
In the world of Abby.
Right now I am still doingcommercials and auditioning and
as far as a job goes, that'swhat I'm doing.
And then I'm working on aproject with one of my buddies,
larry Her and I we wrote a pilota couple of years ago.
So right now we are justputting out videos and we filmed
(05:17):
a sketch and then we'reeventually going to put out that
sketch to crowdsource, to raisemoney to film the rest of the
pilot.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
So that's kind of like what's occupying my time
right now.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
You're staying creative.
That's the key to what you'resaying.
You're staying creative.
You've been writing.
Yes, it sounds like you'restill before.
Are you doing gigs in St Louisright now, outside of the
commercials, or you just kind ofbeen laying back?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I'll do them when they pop up.
You know, every once in a whileI'm not like actively pursuing
live performance as much rightnow.
Yeah, just focusing onon-camera stuff.
But yeah, when people ask andreach out.
I'll say yes, for sure.
(06:02):
But yeah, the days are gone oflike you know how we did it, of
producing a show together andit's just a little different in
St Louis to do it, and I've justkind of I've done it and now
I'm like okay.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I think that's kind of the turn I'm seeing with a
lot of people just from ourgeneration age like us, who went
to school together, kind ofthing where, if they're still
performing, they're in a pointnow where they're like I want to
be more pointed with what I'mdoing.
I want to be more pointed withwhat I'm doing.
I want to exert my energy intocertain things over other things
, because I feel like we've beenbidding enough throughout the
(06:31):
time of performing and giggingand working with randoms to know
, okay, yes, some beneficialthings come from going to open
mics or hanging out with certainpeople at a certain time.
It's beneficial, yes, but alsoI can get the same type of
networking and same type ofcreative space by really just
(06:52):
focusing in on this one directthing.
Like with me, I've been tryingto write and actually produce my
own stuff a lot more nowinstead of going to open mics
and performing every week,because that's what I did in
Chicago.
I felt like I had to be on andperforming every week, because
that's what I did in Chicago.
I felt like I had to be on theground every night.
I felt like I had to meet newpeople every day.
I had to sing at differentgroups and in many ways it was
(07:16):
very beneficial and I'm notafraid to get on any stage now
and I feel like with the weddingband, especially since I
perform every weekend now I'mable to get to a place where it
doesn't really matter what'sgoing on.
I feel comfortable in thesituation.
There's no performancesituation that intimidates me
(07:37):
anymore, you know, and that'sbecause of the open mics.
It starts with going into theroom, being the youngest person
walking in and them asking youto sing a song that you never
sang before, and you do it inthe next five minutes like came
from doing that and I'vebenefited from that.
But now it's like I like to bein bed at 1030.
I like before 1030, if possible, I like to.
(07:57):
You know, I have my routine toclean my face and shave and then
lay down and and look throughmy stories.
I enjoy that, and I thinkthat's just as beneficial as
going to an open mic, becauseI'm working on my body and
making sure that I'm havinghealthy sleeping habits and
waking up stronger and doingmore throughout the day instead
(08:20):
of.
I used to write so much musiclaying in bed.
I'd be like three in themorning and it's like I should
have went to sleep.
I could have done this the nextday.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
But it's encouraging to hear someone else who I look
up to and admire, to hear thatthey're like okay, I'm kind of
taking a step back from theproducer bug and really trying
to focus in on bigger careergoals, because I feel like at
this point now, especially aftergoing through the pandemic and
all of the different moves andwe're older and we see the
(08:53):
writing on the wall of okay,what's the next step for me,
yeah, I mean our prioritiesshifted definitely during the
pandemic was the start of itwhere you're like, yeah, that
mentality is like the more I do,the more I grind, the faster
I'll get to where I want to goand the better I'll be.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
And while there is like a nugget of truth to that,
there's also like balance.
Now there's less peoplepleasing and more of doing what
you want to do, because, yeah,it's crazy how much we performed
in Chicago and even in LAcompared to where I am now.
(09:40):
I mean you're doing theweddings, which is like
scratching that itch for you.
And when I go out to LA.
You know, I've been back andforth a bunch and I spent a lot
of time out there last year notas much this year, but but when
I was out there I was doingshows as much as I could, and
(10:01):
even that was different becauseI was like I'm out here, I need
to be doing shows.
I felt like I needed to bedoing it as opposed to like
finding the why am I doing it?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
And I learned in that short amount of time.
I'm like oh, I don't reallylove doing this anymore, you
know.
So, yeah, your priorities shiftand you move on to the next
thing.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It's funny that you say finding the why, because one
of the things I had in my notesto ask you about today revolved
around that.
So why don't we just jump to it?
It makes sense.
I read this book.
It was very particular aboutfinding your purpose and I feel
like for the longest time I hadno idea really what my end goal
(10:50):
ever was.
I've always had big dreams todo just a bunch, to do things.
I feel like I can do this andthat and touch this and do that.
But the more that I've workedand found this balance of life
and performing and living inGeorgia now and being able to
really work with incrediblepeople, I'm like, okay, so what
is my whole thing?
(11:10):
What do I feel is my purposeand am I going in the right
direction with music, with myfamily, with friends and people
I'm engaging with to achievethat purpose?
And so I still think I'mworking on it.
But I read it early in the yearand I think my purpose has
always been to createopportunities where people can
(11:30):
shine.
I was talking to Spencer Day,friend of the pod, and he was
talking to me like Dom incollege sometimes I really
depended on you to do gigsbecause you always were
producing stuff to do and likethose were some of my favorite
nights because we actually wereperforming, we were actually
gigging, we were out and about,people were seeing us work and
(11:53):
we felt like we were actuallydoing it and I walked away from
that conversation like that'sreally what I've always enjoyed
about what I do, about what I do.
The hardest part now has beenthe realization that I'm an
adult now and you have to savemoney, not only for your career,
but also for trips and for lifestuff and house stuff, and so
(12:15):
you start to realize that careermight take a backseat to
certain things and it's like howdo I continue to narrow in on
what I actually need to be doingfor my purpose?
And understanding what mypurpose is and how I can
continue to feed that bowl oflove is really been an
interesting journey for me.
So, like I said, that's what Ifeel.
(12:36):
I feel like creatingopportunities, being able to
work with individuals in thoseopportunities.
That's always been what I wantto do, and I feel like I strive
to create moments where I canlook over my shoulder and be
like, hey, I've been workingwith this guy for 10 years, so
I've been working with this girlfor whatever, and we're still
doing it and we're still able tosay we love it.
(12:57):
I'm not asking you to answerthe question now because it
literally took me months to evenget to where I am now with that
, but I feel like you're alreadykind of on that path because
you brought it up.
Where are you in your journeyof finding your purpose?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Dom, that is such a great question.
I will say my why hasdefinitely evolved as well
Lately.
My why is literally have fun.
That's been my why lately.
Just following that excitement,that curiosity, the joy and the
(13:36):
fun, I feel like that's whatit's been lately.
My overall why, I think, hasalways been I want to make the
world laugh by being myauthentic self and to inspire
people to be their authenticself.
You know which is always likeeasier said than done.
You know like I want to be yeah,no, it's, you know what I mean,
(13:56):
but striving to present myselfas the most authentic version of
myself, and the more I do that,the more hopefully other people
can step into that role or intotheir higher version of
themselves, or whatever theystrive for.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
I hear that completely.
I've been doing a lot of workto be more happy with what I'm
doing.
The process you forget how muchyou love it after know,
creating and begging people tosupport you and getting out
there and really grinding andchopping on the wood I guess
(14:31):
like biting down.
Just like God.
I got to get this right.
That was the hardest thing forme after a while.
When I first got back intogigging here in Georgia, I felt
myself driving home with mixedemotions a lot.
A great example I did this showin an area here called Marietta
(14:54):
and it's this big square andevery summer they have festivals
and put on concerts and my bandgot put in like last minute but
we play every week.
So it's like okay, we can do it,it's not a big deal, and it was
about 3,000 to 4,000 people inthe audience.
Just crazy.
The whole square was packed andwe did our set and I remember
(15:18):
like a group of people kind ofcoming up to us afterwards being
like yeah, this is like alwayshit and miss, but you guys
really knocked it out of thepark or we loved the song
selection, or you guys were somuch fun and you're the best and
like you get all thesecompliments and you get all of
this love and you get all of thenoise during the performance
(15:40):
and for some reason, with all ofthat, I still would find myself
walking to the car, kind oflike shuffling my feet, getting
in the car, driving home, noteven turning the radio on or
anything because I'm so tired.
I just want like 40 minutes ofsilence.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Of peace, yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yes.
And then I'm like the wholeride.
I'm like am I happy?
I just did great, I did all ofthis stuff.
Why is this so frustrating?
Why am I like sitting here likeI'm lonely and working on
myself in a sense, when I keepsaying that it's, you know,
talking to people?
I love working with mytherapist, trying to really
(16:23):
understand where my head goes inthose moments Recently.
I truly think I've gotten to aplace now where the problem back
then was just not me beingsatisfied.
I feel like I wasn't gratefulfor the moments.
I didn't look and realize dude,you're on stage and no one else
.
A lot of people can't do this.
(16:44):
A lot of people don't get anopportunity to do this.
And you're getting anopportunity.
That's enough to be happy,that's enough right there.
But for some reason I'm alwaysthinking next thing, what's the
next thing, what's the nextthing?
And that's kind of our culture.
I feel like you watch anathlete and they just win a
championship and the first thingthing they ask like how do you
(17:05):
feel?
What are you going to do?
Well, I'm going to get in a gymand get ready for the next one
next year.
Like skipping over the factthat you just achieved something
incredible.
And whenever I speak to friendsfrom college like you or like
Maria or Steph and people inthere like talking to me, like
Dominique, what you do, I wasjust in Charleston singing at a
wedding.
I did this here, I'm going tobe here doing this and this and
(17:27):
that, and they're like you'redoing so much, but then in my
head I was always like I don'tfeel like I'm doing enough.
So I feel like I'm getting to aplace now where I'm starting to
see the smaller wins and,instead of breezing past those,
I'm sitting in those momentsmore.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Do you have any type of journey with that yourself?
Because I don't really feellike I've ever seen you in a bad
mood.
I feel like, all right, let metake this back.
All right, as theater majorswho went to school together, I
have seen you down.
I have seen you down.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
But I haven't.
I haven't seen you down otherlike personally, like where it's
just like normal life, likeI've seen you down after a long
night of partying.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah, I was like falling down.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
How do you feel like cause this is something I'm
really curious about with you,cause you're always someone that
I feel like that truly doeswant to keep going, and you do
keep going, and every time wespeak, we're both talking about
how we're still doing this.
How do you deal with any ofthat?
If you do deal with feelinglike you're getting enough work
(18:40):
or doing enough work.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Oh yeah, I mean I definitely feel it work, or
doing enough work?
Oh yeah, I mean I definitelyfeel it.
And, honestly, coming to StLouis was like a big one for me,
of like I probably have workedthe most I've ever worked
professionally in St Louis.
But I had to humble myself, youknow, when I first moved back,
(19:03):
because I was like, well, whatam I going to do?
Schnucks commercials and emoscommercials.
You know, when I first movedback because I was like, well,
what am I going to do?
Schnucks commercials and emoscommercials which, yes, I have
done.
And yeah but now it's like whatam I gonna do?
That it's like actually, like Ilove that I have done them and
that I do them and it is fun andI am grateful for it.
But yeah, there's definitelythose moments of like it's fun
(19:24):
and I am grateful for it.
But yeah, there's definitelythose moments of like picturing
yourself not exactly where youthought that you would be, you
know, and I think it's justcoming to peace with that and
knowing that there's going to bemore success, yeah, just kind
of relishing in the success thatyou currently are in.
(19:48):
Yeah, being present, having thatgratitude, is definitely what
anchors me in those moments of,well, what if I do this and I
should be here and I you knowwhat about that opportunity and
stuff?
And it just anytime you havethose feelings arise of like
that doesn't make me feel goodto have those feelings, you go
(20:08):
back to like okay, well, why amI feeling that?
Well, because I thought I wouldbe there by now, but you're not
.
But you also are doing this,this and this and this and this,
and that's really cool and yourlittle eight year old self
would be so proud to see yourlife right now and be like wow,
you're doing everything, You'reso cool and funny.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
And so.
But it definitely takes thatawareness and the time to
reflect on it and having thoseconversations with yourself of,
okay, you're right where youneed to be.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
So when I sat down to write this part of the episode
and kind of try to express how Ifelt about Abby and working
with Abby I don't really evenknow how to put it into words
she was one of the firstexamples of someone that I
recognized in the theaterdepartment that, oh, I could
(21:15):
work with this personprofessionally outside of school
.
I can keep this relationship, Ican develop this.
This is someone who takes thisseriously.
I moved to Chicago, they weremoving to Chicago.
I moved to LA, they were movingto LA.
It was kind of like we were ona journey where we crossed paths
and it was kind of meant tostay in touch and and work.
(21:36):
And we always worked and tookit seriously.
We didn't really go out and andplay around.
We we really cared about whatwe were doing.
And that's the thing that Ialways take the idea we're still
friends, still able to do thesekind of podcasts.
And you know I'm sure I'm stillable to do these kind of
podcasts and you know, I'm sureI'm still going to perform with
her in the future and that's nota doubt at all in my head
(22:00):
because of how great of aperformer she is and how
dedicated she is to her craft,so that that was kind of the
best way to get it out.
I feel like I just I've alwaysadmired working with her.
I've always admired her.
I've always felt like she was alevel up and I wanted to get up
to her level and we were in somuch together we did.
(22:20):
We did like Hamlet.
We were in Hamlet together butthen also we did our own little
shows in LA and West Hollywoodand in Chicago and in St Louis
and I've always appreciated Abbyand I'm just thankful that
she's a friend and was able toin St Louis and I've always
appreciated Abby and I'm justthankful that she's a friend and
was able to be on the show andI hope y'all enjoyed having her.
So let's get back into theconversation.
(22:50):
I feel like going back home toSt Louis is a really incredible
wake-up call.
I feel like that was somethingthat really helped me when I
left Chicago, staying home for ayear, getting back to my roots,
because back home in St LouisI'd always been doing stuff back
home with my band in highschool and then when we were in
(23:11):
college I would come back to StLouis and do gigs on certain
weekends.
So I always saw the gigs andunderstood, oh, I'm working and
I'm getting paid and I'm doingthis, but I don't know why, for
some reason in my head I justhad this negative image of home
and was always striving forsomething different.
(23:32):
And I'm very grateful toChicago and LA and even New York
, because I used to auditionthere and stuff, because when
you go to these places and yourealize it's just another city,
it helps you in so many ways.
And some people see it and yes,it's another city, but it's a
city where they meet the rightperson and they want to stay
(23:54):
there.
But I know so many artists whogo to LA and they struggle and
they just quit, yeah.
But then there's others who sayyou know what, this ain't for
me, I'm going to go backwherever I came from.
Then they pick it up andthey're like, okay, okay, I'm
back home and I know people andI'm able to work, okay.
And you're another example.
I feel like Michael also wastalking to me about that kind of
(24:18):
thing where he didn't expect tocome to St Louis and to work,
but opportunities have come outof the wazoo for y'all and
that's really encouragingbecause maybe it was our
schooling, maybe it was thementors we had who discouraged
our hometown.
Maybe I don't know where thatnegativity came from, or that
(24:42):
what am I going to do in StLouis?
And it's like St Louis wasalways giving me opportunities
anyway.
And so I'm performing at theFox or I'm doing stuff here and
there.
And so I'm performing at theFox, or I'm doing stuff here and
there.
I've worked at the Muni and I'mlike how can you do all of
these things and then still belike, oh, there's not much you
could do here?
It's like what is wrong?
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I do believe influence truly affected a lot
of us negatively about theMidwest, even Chicago.
I went to Chicago I'll neverforget this this drummer named
Vincent Davis he was this oldcat still up there playing and
he met me at a jam.
It was like I want you to comeback to my crib one night and I
was like okay.
(25:21):
And we went to his house and acouple of other cats came out
and we jammed and I didn't haveany microphone or anything.
He was very upset.
He's like you're a performer,you need your instrument, kind
of thing was very upset.
He's like you're a performer,you need your instrument, kind
of thing.
And he's just very old schooland loud and mean.
But the one thing that stuck outto me was I was talking to him
about my journey.
He was like where are you from?
I'm like from St Louis and hewas like so why are you here?
(25:45):
I was like I wanted to come toa bigger city and sing jazz.
Chicago's a jazz city.
I thought that was pretty.
He's like you should be in LAor New York.
You need to get out of here.
This is not the Midwest.
He really just categorized thewhole Midwest as a place that I
shouldn't be, because he feltlike I was too good to be there.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Oh yeah, I have those similar yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
But it was like another person that lives there,
giving you this fairy tale thatit's a magical, different world
outside of, and I just don'tunderstand where that started,
where it came from and whypeople continue to push that
narrative.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I mean even mentors that we had at CIMO.
I don't know if you rememberthis story, but when we had our
senior showcase in New York Cityright after we graduated my
brother, who's also a comedian,was living in New York at the
time and we did our seniorshowcase afterward Our mentor
(26:43):
not to name names but he waslike all right, so you're moving
in New York City, right.
And I was like no, I'm actuallymoving to Chicago.
I'm going to do comedy inChicago.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Do Second City and IO and blah, blah, blah.
And he just was like why?
Why are you?
There's an audition for hairtomorrow that you could go to,
and you're on Broadway Like itwas that easy right.
Yeah to.
And you're on Broadway Like itwas that easy right.
And my brother just looked athim straight in the face and was
(27:17):
like, was Tina Fey ever in hair?
And I just I'll never forgetthat, you know, and just like we
all have our own journeys andyeah, whatever resonates with us
is the right.
It's just like following thoseinstincts and going to what
(27:39):
makes you feel good.
And Chicago was incredible andI know I made the right decision
and yeah.
So it's just funny looking backon those moments of like, okay,
yes, again somebody from theMidwest encouraging us to go to
the coast, and LA was great too,but it was great because we had
our SEMO community there andthe Chicago community that
(28:02):
transplanted out there.
Without that, it would havebeen a lot harder.
Granted, I wasn't out therevery long before the pandemic
hit and that's what obviouslybrought us back to St Louis, but
that community is what I miss.
It's harder to find thecommunity in St Louis.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Yeah, I feel like it's harder to find it anywhere.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
It is hard to find it , especially the old kids.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Yeah, when you establish it somewhere, when you
establish it and you're in it.
That's why I applaud the guysthat live in Chicago, because
they still are very activelytrying to stay in each other's
lives and we didn't have a lotof people that like that at CMO.
I feel like, more than anything, this always happens when
Summer for CMO comes on, we gointo this rant about CMO, but I
(28:47):
honestly think they emphasizethe dream of being a megastar on
and that being like the onlyalternative to what you do.
You're here so that you couldbe on Broadway and be a star,
instead of showing us everyelement of the world Like they
didn't showcase.
(29:08):
How you know.
We have people that went toschool with us who are working
in costume shops at the Muni orwho build sets in Orlando or
work sound at Disney.
We have people that are peoplewe went to school with, who do
these things to do masterclasses.
(29:30):
These aren't the people thatare coming to influence the kids
that are there.
Maybe they are now, I'm notsure, but when we were there,
the people they were bringing in, they were trying to flood our
minds with all of theiraccomplishments.
This person worked with thisperson.
This person did this.
They're performing here.
They performed there.
This is what you should want todo, and it's like if I were to
(29:53):
change anything, it would be.
I would want to approach itmore like Hillary originally had
started it off.
I feel like you weren't therebecause this was a year before
you, but my first R&P I'll neverforget.
Hillary Peterson got in front ofeverybody.
First thing she said was oneday you will be on welfare.
(30:13):
Whoa, that's how she startedthe conversation.
One day you will be on welfare.
Are you okay with that?
If not, you should leave theroom right now.
Yeah, and I remember her sayingthat and no one got up.
But I was like I don't know ifI want to be on welfare.
And I did snap one year when Ilost the job in Chicago.
(30:39):
I was like, wow, she said itwould happen and it happened.
And I wasn't ashamed because Iknew it was coming in some way,
but I kept grinding and keptpreparing myself for different
opportunities and the idea thatfrom that moment to now, I'm
still doing it.
I really wish I met more people.
Like you know, andrew Tebowlike was great, but I wish he
(31:00):
would have been able to comeback a little bit more and talk
to us, or Creep or any of thoseguys that we like met beforehand
Tony Poston like guys whograduated before we left.
I wish they were able to comeback and mentor us and say hey,
it isn't all roses.
Yes, it's going to be hard,you're going to have to struggle
, but the struggle is part ofwhy we're doing it.
(31:22):
You're going to get there andyou're going to learn, and it's
going to be exciting and it'sgoing to suck, but it's okay,
because that's how most of usget by, and not only most of us,
but the people we went toschool, the teachers that we
learned from.
They had to struggle in someways and I don't feel like they
ever even gave us those moments.
(31:42):
They didn't really open upabout how difficult it could be.
Yeah settle for certain thingsor discuss the possibilities of
maybe I work here a couple ofyears and then I can move.
They didn't really open oureyes to that.
They just was like go to NewYork, work hard, make money, and
(32:04):
it's like there's so much moreto this than what we were taught
.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Right, I think the first time for me at an RMPp,
when amy richie came I don'tknow if she taught yet, I think
it was like maybe before she gothired as a like teacher, but
she, you know we go to auditionswearing the same, like a
certain dress.
You know we have to wearbusiness attire and we were
(32:31):
always in dresses and leggingsand tights and you know our
character shoes or whatever, andyou guys always had to wear
ties.
I remember she came in and shewas like okay, first things
first, get a good pair of jeans.
And I was.
I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped.
(32:53):
I'm like jeans.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
But we don't wear jeans.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
That's against the law, like you know, and she was
like get a good pair of jeans,spend $100 on a good pair of
jeans.
And I just remember thinkinglike, wow, that must be crazy in
the real world, like we had noidea what was happening.
We were just in this likeinsular bubble to hear that
(33:24):
people were wearing jeans toauditions, literally blowing my
mind.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Well, you know, weirdly enough, the year before
I got the CMO, they were stillusing like black and white
headshots.
So like our school was so behindon certain things that it like
I remember going to my firstaudition when we went to Straw
Hats.
Mark and I went up to New York.
(33:50):
I remember seeing people justwearing street clothes and I
remember I asked this one dude Iwas like his name is Josh.
I actually got to New York.
I remember seeing people justwearing street clothes and I
asked this one dude I was likehis name is Josh.
I actually got to work with himand I was like yo, what's going
on?
What are you auditioning for?
And he was auditioning for likeSpring Awakening or something
like that.
He was auditioning for a moremodern show.
He's like, yeah, I want to puton something a little more
modern and, of course, followingthe seymour etiquette, I had a
(34:13):
vest.
Uh, dress, vest with the buttonup and and I'm like this is
infuriating, because we all verymuch wore the same uniform,
because that was what we weretold to wear and the best
teacher is experience being ableto go out and see.
Oh the, the world isn't reallylike that.
(34:33):
My first set that I performedon with TV I won't even do the
theater, I'll go to TV when Iwas on TV set I remember walking
up and getting this huge woofof weed and being like ah, and
it was the guy who was operatingthe camera.
He was smoking weed before wewere about to start shooting.
It was like seven in themorning.
I was like what is happeningright now?
(34:55):
And it just reminded me likeokay, we put this thing on a
pedestal.
We feel like things can be sohard and this and that, but
every job has people who have nobusiness being in these
positions and it's like you getput in situations because of
networking or experience or youmight just be right for the role
(35:16):
, but you can't walk into it andfeel like everything is going
to be just perfect and easy,like you can be a little bit
more yourself, you can lay backand you never know you might be
uncast because they feel likeyou're a little tight ass, like
you're too professional, andit's like I wouldn't even have
(35:37):
considered that as a possibilityunless I went out and was in
these shows and seen thesepeople do all of this shit, you
know.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Well, even like gosh, when we did our show, dom and I
produced a comedy show in LAand it had poets and musicians
and artists and comics and itwas so much fun.
And after that show there wasanother comedy show they would
have like people like DimitriMartin and Todd Glass and you
(36:06):
know, and you'd go up and you'dsee them completely bomb.
You're like what, not all ofDimetri Martin's one-liners work
.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
It's like you know that, and of course I'd seen
versions of it in Chicago, but Idon't think I'd seen a lot of
my heroes, so to speak.
I saw a lot of my heroes when Ifirst moved to LA.
I saw Jim Carrey live on BillMaher.
I saw Weird Al get his star onthe Walk of Fame.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
That's a dope yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
And they were fantastic and great.
But it's interesting seeingpeople that you've looked up to
for so long in the industryMaria Bamford, I saw her do
something and I was just like,oh my gosh, and where?
They're, just like they're notat the top of their game, and
you're like, oh yeah, we're allhuman, we're all still grinding
(37:04):
in one way or another, and sothat was also pretty eye-opening
for me to see.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
That's always something I'll take from LA.
I met one of my biggest heroes.
He's literally I got his FunkoPop right over here.
Arsenio Hall was such a cooldude and I met him multiple
times because I worked at thisrestaurant in Studio City.
I always dreamed of hosting ashow like that, a late night
(37:30):
show kind of atmosphere.
Now it's kind of a littledifferent.
If I ever did it, it wouldn't bein that format.
I really feel like the formatis getting kind of dry and
you're seeing people try to mixit up, but even then when they
try to mix it up, those showsare kind of being canceled
because people are so familiarwith the chair and the suit and
(37:51):
it's a weird concept.
I can go on and on about that.
But anyway, meeting ArsenioHall was incredible and he's
from Cleveland and I told him Iwas from St Louis and I remember
we met once and he was justlike really engaged and just so
cool.
And then the next time hecalled me St Louis and I called
him Cleveland.
I remember walking away fromthat being like if this was
(38:12):
Dominique from 10 years ago hewould have had a heart attack.
But now it's like I've beenhere long enough that I can see
these people as real people.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
And understand that I am trying to do the same thing
as them.
I can't look at myself as belowthem.
I got to be with them in thesame category.
We're just people.
Yeah, and it was so perfect.
I love that, yeah, and it wasso perfect.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
I love that.
Yeah, similarly, I was on thesame lineup as Pete Holmes in a
show in LA last year and I hadjust literally like months
before that, just seen him in LAor in St Louis.
So, and like same thing, I wasjust like, yeah, I'm just going
(38:53):
to talk to him like I would anormal comic Cause he's, first
of all, the nicest guy, he'sexactly how he seems.
But I went out to him and I waslike hey, I saw you in St Louis
, you were fantastic.
And he was like trying to thinkof St Louis jokes.
He's like what did I make anygood St Louis jokes?
I was like I don't, I St Louisjokes.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
He's like what did I?
Speaker 1 (39:14):
make any good St Louis jokes.
I was like I don't I don'tremember.
And he laughed at that and then,um, he knows my brother too.
So he was like, are you relatedto Nick?
And I was like, yeah, okay, hewas like I was wondering that I
was like she's either.
When I saw your name on thelineup, I was like she's either
his sister or Nick got a sexchange.
(39:35):
And then I was like I'mactually my name's Nick.
This is a wig and we just, likeyou know, share a laugh and it
was.
It was great.
But those little moments, Ithink they're little signs from
the universe of like, yeah,you're doing the right thing,
you're going going, going theway you want to go.
There's normal.
(39:56):
There's a better way to saythat there's you're, you're
going up in the right direction.
I think that's what I wanted tosay no, you just said.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
You said exactly what you wanted, it's exactly do
what you.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
Now is the time and everybody let's here is now.
And why don't you put yourhands up and your feet down is
where you need to be and alwaysare.
Forever is where you are.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Oh, that is perfect.
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
And I get an amen.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
I know you belong to somebody new, but tonight you
belong to me.
You're part, you're part of myheart, but tonight you belong to
(41:02):
me too.
Lay down by the stream, howsweet it will seem Once more
just to dream In the moonlight,my honey, I know In the dark
(41:23):
that you will be gone, buttonight you belong to me.
Just a little old me, la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
With all of the moving, the gigging and trying
to you know fit life in theregetting married and having you
know family members pass, andhaving people all over the world
that you kind of want to pullcloser and find that bond with
all of this stuff going on.
When it comes to your career,how do you feel Because, like I
said, I think I've pushed mine,not aside, like to the back or
anything, but it isn't alwaysthe number one thing Like how do
you think you're balancing yourlife compared to your younger
(42:36):
20s and stuff, because when Iwas in my 20s I felt like I
skipped so much stuff because Iwas on a gig that I made like
$10 on.
I regret a lot, but also I'mhappy that I can learn from it.
What are some things that youfeel like you've picked up and
that you are starting to reallyunderstand better about yourself
(42:58):
as a person who's a performer?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
I'm so busy.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
You know, from going from there to you know,
obviously falling in love, beingwith my family in St Louis now
I just that's one of the majorblessings that has come from
moving back is so much beautifulquality time with my family.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yeah, quality time with my family.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
That definitely takes priority over anything now and
I think about it when I would domy big shows in Chicago, like
my one-woman show and my albumrelease and the festivals that
my family would come up forevery year, and every time my
family was there I was like thisis living, like this is the
(43:55):
best.
Best times I had were when myfamily came to visit me and it's
just like and now I get to, soI do not take that for granted
at all of like how much time I'mspending with them and how much
time we get because, yeah, whoknows when a gig is going to pop
up and I'm going to have to begone, you know longer, or I
(44:18):
can't make it back for a holidayor a birthday, or you know, so
it's so.
Yeah, it's crazy how differentit is and how much more it means
every year.
You know, and just having that,that quality time and even just
sitting on the couch with mycat, like having just having
that quality time and even justsitting on the couch with my cat
(44:38):
, like having a pet, you know,was like never something on my
radar and now I'm like, I'm cool, just do I go to open mic?
I got these jokes I kind ofwant to work on.
Or I could just sit on my couchand watch RuPaul's Drag Race
and cuddle with my kitty, youknow, and I'm like.
(45:01):
That to me is like living Cuddlewith my kitty, cuddle with my
husband and just yeah.
So finding that balance too,where I don't get too sucked up
into feeling not as active orprocrastinating on something
because I'm like well, I need tospend, I need this is more
important, which it is moreimportant.
(45:22):
But yeah, it's finding thatbalance and also the boundaries
of like wanting to spend timewith, like, my mom and also
being like but I have a deadlinefor a submission that is due.
I actually have a deadline fora submission due on Friday and I
(45:43):
am kind of grappling with likenormally, this audition would be
like oh my gosh, this is it.
I'm going to be a big star, youknow, and.
But now I'm like, eh, I got todo this audition.
Like I'm grateful for theopportunity and I'll get it done
(46:05):
because I know myself betterand I know how I work better and
I'm performing for me now, asopposed to what I think people
want out of me.
You know, basically likedeveloping a reel of characters,
which I've done at this pointfor like over 13 years, so it's
just like I can generatematerial quicker and I know
(46:29):
what's most authentic to me andI know what's funny.
And so when opportunities comelike that, where I have more of
a time to work on something, Iwill, yeah, sometimes
procrastinate a little, but Ialways get it done and I'm
always proud of the work and I'mnot tied to the outcome anymore
(46:52):
.
I feel that everything that youdo as far as auditioning stuff
goes is like you're a growingand learning opportunity and
letting go of the outcomeobviously easier said than done,
but with it you just kind ofbuild a callus, you know, to it,
to where it's just like okay,on to the next.
(47:12):
There'll always be moreopportunities and you'll get the
right one.
The wrong opportunities willnever pass you by.
So, yeah, I think, keepingthose affirmations, if you will,
to the forefront of my mind,and also what lights me up too,
it's like feeling in my body.
Okay, what's my body drawn todo right now?
(47:34):
I want to take a step in thiscreative endeavor for this
project, or do I want to color,just color, at the kitchen table
with my mom and my husband?
You know what I mean, myhusband, you know what I mean.
(48:00):
Like I have way more otherhobbies and joys in my life as,
as opposed to when people belike.
So what do you?
What do you do outside ofacting?
I'm like I do this, all I do,that's all I do.
I just do comedy, I just doacting and that's my.
I don't do anything.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
My life.
Speaker 1 (48:12):
Yeah, and but now I'm like I'm more.
It's more nuanced and morewell-rounded because of the
relationships that I want toprioritize.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Yeah, when you said you kind of create some
boundaries, I feel like that iscrucial the older we get, and
it's not just boundaries, oflike I'm preventing myself from
doing this, but it's also likeokay, a great example One of my
teachers my vocal teacher inChicago, her name was Elaine
Dame.
She always told me do threethings for your career each day.
(48:47):
She's like if you do threethings, that's enough for you to
be happy.
And it can be anything.
Post something on Instagram,put together a playlist and, you
know, shave your face for thegig that night.
And boom, you've done threethings and I have gotten better
at hitting my goal of doing whatI want to do.
Maybe writing out stuff, makinga list of this is what I'm going
(49:09):
to do today.
And when I accomplish that,being OK with putting it down
and saying, okay, now, granted,inspiration always comes up,
I'll do that.
Then I'll be walking and a songidea come up and I'm like well,
let me write it.
But even with that, I'm stilltrying just to be nicer to
myself, trying to talk myselfdown a little nicer than I used
(49:33):
to.
I feel like I've always been adick to myself.
I will literally tell you yousuck ass.
Dominique, you should be doingmore.
I don't talk about myself likethat anymore.
I don't push myself indirections just because I feel
like I should be, and I thinkthose boundaries are crucial to
just be happy.
And that's dope to hear thatyou've already worked towards it
(49:56):
Because, like I said, man, someof us it's like ringing the
child, it's like dude, chill out.
Why are you overreacting?
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Yeah, no, I've definitely had that mentality
too, and it's something that,yeah, like I said, you just kind
of talk to yourself.
You're like, well, you don'thave to be doing anything right
now, but I've definitely beensitting on the couch.
I'm like I don't know if Ishould be sitting on the couch,
I should be doing something.
And I'm like, okay, then I move, if I do, and then I move
somewhere else to the room andI'm like, okay, now I'm working
(50:27):
on something.
But then I end up likescrolling on my phone and I'm
like, well, I'm not doinganything anyway, and you'll just
sit on the couch.
No, but you get it.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (50:41):
You know what I love.
I love to cook.
There's two things I've beendoing a lot more this year.
I've been making homemade pastaa lot more and that has been so
much fun because if it'scleaner, it's not as difficult
as you would think and, ofcourse, my wife has Italian
roots, so we have all theequipment I need to make it
(51:03):
happen at home very easily, andI did some burnt ends this year
and grilled up some corn and awhole bunch of stuff and it's
just really it's very satisfying.
The older I get, the moreopportunities I get to serve and
host, and we're going to have alot of people in town in July.
(51:25):
We got Steph and Maria and thekids are coming down at the top
of the month.
I'm going to have DJ Chester intown at the end of the month
and Jesse Lynn and the baby andher husband's coming, I think,
the third week of the month.
So July is going to be busy forme and I'm going to be cooking
up a storm.
But that's what I'm loving.
I'm loving all the meals andthe cooking and getting a chance
(51:49):
to really eat cleaner and knowwhat I'm putting in my body.
What about you?
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Oh, that's so good.
Well, you know what I'm puttingin my body.
What about you?
Oh, that's so good.
Well, you know what I love?
Acrylic markers.
Speaker 3 (52:06):
That's so random.
Speaker 1 (52:13):
I love the smell.
I have seven in my hand rightnow.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
Right no.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
I love the sound that they make on this textured, mat
piece of hard paper.
So when you color on it, it's avery satisfying sound.
Not only is it a verysatisfying sound, but it's also
visually satisfying.
(52:49):
And so, yeah, I have gottenreally into acrylic markers.
I've probably bought over ahundred of them recently in
different packs.
During Easter I had like awhole pastel pack and most of
(53:10):
them were the same color, but itdidn't matter.
It was really hard to be like.
Was this green?
I think that's the same color,but it didn't matter.
It was really hard to be like.
Was this green?
I think that's the same grain.
But anyway, um, and I'll justcolor and make stuff and it's
for nobody but myself and do youhave any of those adult
coloring books?
(53:30):
I do, but a lot of the timesthey're very like small things
to color in and I like coloringin like a lot of space.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
I love the sound effect.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
I love coloring, I love coloring, I love coloring.
Speaker 2 (53:58):
We've made it to the final segment of the show.
Abby, I feel like this is thetreat that I needed today.
I wanted to talk to you on thepod for a while and actually get
you here.
It's so dope.
I've always loved working withyou and I'm sure at some point
during the episode I've alreadyplayed your beautiful singing
voice already.
So I appreciate you.
Oh yeah, I appreciate you and Ilove you so much, and, of
(54:23):
course, we end the show the sameway every time.
We've spoken about everythingwe want to speak about.
All I want to know now is howdo you feel?
Speaker 1 (54:31):
I feel good.
I feel really good, I feelreally happy and yeah, I always
love our conversations and itwas really good to catch up and
yeah, I miss.
I miss seeing you more oftenand all the things.
(54:51):
But yeah, I really appreciateyou having having me and thank
you for making me feel feel good.
Speaker 2 (54:59):
Alright, cheers to you.
Alright, I want to thank youfor listening to the Black man
Talking Emotions podcast.
The open and quote credit goesto Bob Moed and the feature song
comes from the classic film theJerk.
(55:21):
Shout out to Steve Martin.
Abby and I sang that during thecabaret we did together in
Chicago called what Is Love?
So fun to relive that night.
And shout out to Abby for beingon the pod.
You can follow her on Instagramat Abby Vatterot and please
subscribe to the podcast, sharethe podcast and give us a good
rating.
Five stars, please.
And thank you.
You can support the show byclicking the link at the bottom
(55:43):
of the episode description.
Also, tell me your plans forthe coming year.
We should collab.
If you like this episode youshould check out.
It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times.
A previous episode I did and Ispoke with Justin Hale about
worries, struggles, what's next,mental health and so much more.
Go check it out.
Follow me at D-O-M underscoreL-A-M-O-U-R, on Instagram or at
(56:07):
DomLamorecom.
I'm Dom Lamore, no-transcript.
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