Ep 061: The Trap of the Parentified Daughter

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In every woman's life, there comes a point when she must confront the gap between who she had to be as a child and who she’s trying to become as an adult. Somewhere between these two selves lives a quiet tension of a little girl who carried too much and a grown woman who questions if she’s enough.

We learn how to smile through pain, overachieve through exhaustion, and show up for others while secretly wondering who will show up for us. The world praises our strength but never asks about the weight. And now, in adulthood, that strength feels like both a badge of honor and a chain because while it helped us survive, it also taught us to silence our needs, minimize our dreams, and question our worth.

The truth is, the nurturing and emotional validation that is often lacking in childhood shapes how we feel about ourselves as adults. It's that simple validation, like being told, "You're doing great," that builds confidence and self-trust. Without it, we’re left questioning ourselves even though we know how to manage a million things at once.

In this episode, we talk about the difference between showing up as a grown woman and reacting from the little girl who never felt safe. I share how the Black mother wound can confuse your sense of self, especially if you were the first-born daughter who had to grow up too fast. This is an honest conversation about identity, responsibility, and how old survival patterns can still show up in adult life.

"The older we get, the more responsibility we get but we don't get more freedoms because we're still not trustworthy." – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:13) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:03:17) Facebook Marketplace

(00:06:28) Why get a garden?

(00:07:34) Are you a child or an adult?

(00:09:11) What is a parentified child?

(00:13:20) Made responsible but still not trustworthy

(00:16:32) The power of just one positive statement

(00:24:06) Book Recommendation: Overcoming Underearning 

(00:25:22) Elevate the little girl inside of you 

(00:26:55) Resolve the inner conflicts

(00:28:27) Be good to yourself

Key Takeaways:

“Write a note to that little girl… tell her how proud you are of her.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

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