EP 243: 5 Signs You’re Abandoning Yourself Without Realizing It

Today, I'm talking about a pattern that's silently robbing high-achieving Black women of money, joy, and energy: self-abandonment. 

What is Self-Abandonment?

Self-abandonment happens when you leave yourself emotionally, mentally, or physically to secure someone else's comfort, approval, or validation. It's when you side with others over yourself.

We do this because somewhere along the line, we learned being fully ourselves wasn't safe. For Black women, this is compounded by generations of being told our bodies, voices, and desires needed to be managed to avoid backlash.

5 Signs You're Abandoning Yourself:

1. You override your "no" - Agreeing to things that make you dread your calendar
2. You need a "good reason" to rest - Otherwise, you feel guilty
3. You shrink your joy - Speaking less, dimming your shine, or even stopping yourself from laughing
4. You defer your decisions - Letting others decide for you, even on things that deeply impact you
5. You gaslight yourself - Downplaying your needs or telling yourself you're overreacting

The Cost Is Too High

Studies show:

• The APA found that suppressing authentic self-expression is linked to higher cortisol and inflammation levels
• Harvard Business Review reports Black women face the steepest emotional tax in professional settings, leading to earlier burnout
• Chronic self-abandonment is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and stress-related illness

For high earners, this shows up as:

• Emotional: Loss of self-trust, chronic resentment, burnout
• Physical: Sleep disruption, weight fluctuations, immune issues, hypertension
• Relationship: Surface-level connections, resentment in partnerships

The Path Forward

Ask yourself: "What would I choose if I didn't need anyone's approval?"

 

Take Action

Take my free quiz to discover how your nervous system and survival patterns may be blocking your clarity:

👉🏾 brigjohnson.com/stress-quiz 

 

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