I've had the privilege to sit down with Natakey Page Owens, the Founder of the Pamela D. Page Foundation (PDP), for a moving and illuminating conversation. Natakey, a survivor of Domestic Violence, bravely recounts her personal journey and how the tragic loss of her mother to Domestic Violence inspired her to create the foundation. PDP is committed to providing essential resources to survivors while raising awareness about the far-reaching impact of domestic violence. This episode offers a raw, enlightening, and empowering perspective on a difficult subject.
Deep in conversation, we confront the generational effects of domestic violence, and the complex reasons why many stay in abusive relationships. Natakey sheds light on the power of inner healing and the importance of breaking cycles of violence. She also discusses her experience as a mother and as an advocate, and how she's inspiring her children and others through her work. We delve into the role of societal pressures on public figures dealing with domestic violence, and the challenges in seeking help.
In our final discussion, we zoom in on the crucial role a support system plays when escaping a domestic violence situation. Drawing from Natakey's personal experience and the mission of PDPF, we discuss how encouragement without judgment can make a difference in a survivor's journey. Natakey emphasizes that it's not uncommon for survivors to attempt leaving their abuser multiple times before successfully doing so. Tune in for an enlightening discussion about the reality of domestic violence, and the resilience of survivors who are not just surviving, but thriving.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's like those societal norms of like, like you
said, some people not traumabonding with like oh, because
you went through it, you canhandle it.
I got through it to be stronger.
You know what I mean.
Stop crying like so interesting, but I think it's very common.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
And being told to suck it up.
You strong, look, we can't.
We're not always strong.
This is the bottom line, likewe're not always strong and and
you need a support system.
You need somebody to encourageyou, to let you know that there
is life after trauma and we canget out of this, and we want to
get out safely.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
You're listening to the black directory podcast,
where we focus on bringing blackentrepreneur experiences to the
forefront.
Each week, we would discuss thehighs, the lows and everything
in between.
I'm your host, diamond young.
Let's dive in.
Hey, what's up?
(01:01):
Everybody is diamond, host ofthe black directory podcast, and
we are back with anotherepisode.
I have a very special guesttoday Miss the talkie page Owen.
She is the founder of thePamela D page foundation, which
focuses on Domestic violenceawareness, and I'm just so, so,
so excited to have her here, andnot only so we could touch on
(01:22):
this topic, but really go deeper, not surface level, and
hopefully, you know, we know youguys are gonna leave here with
something.
So welcome, welcome, welcome tothe show, nattaki, thank you.
Thank you for having me, ofcourse, of course.
So I definitely want to getinto your story.
How did this foundation comeabout?
(01:43):
Like what?
Why is it so important to you?
So let's go into more or so.
Who is Nattaki?
Tell us about who you are.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Well, first of all, I am a child of God, I am a woman
of God first of all, and I am amother of three, a Mimi of one,
and I am an author.
I'm a Transformational speaker.
I would like to saytransformation, because you know
, I believe in people makingtransformation, not Motivating
(02:13):
for just a moment.
We like to see people transform.
I have a bachelor's degree inbusiness.
I am also a hairstylist for 25years.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
This year, yeah, no, that's huge.
You know my mom like I feel,like you all have been in the
industry for so long.
So I'm always all about thatand giving y'all kudos, because
you know people.
It's a lot of trust that youput in someone that's touching
(02:47):
your head, your crown, so Shoutout to y'all because that is
important work.
But okay so tell us about thePamela Foundation, the Pamela D
page foundation like.
What is it?
What is it about and who do youall serve?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
so Pamela D page foundation is I advocate
organization for domesticviolence survivors.
So my mother I lost my motherto domestic violence in 1986 and
I was only 10 years old and soI'm also a survivor.
So I went through domesticviolence for about maybe four or
(03:26):
five years and so I decided to.
You know, losing your mom atsuch a young age, you feel like
there's more, that should havebeen more to her, because she
was only 29 at the time that shewas killed.
So I wanted her legacy to liveon.
(03:46):
She had struggles being a motherand battling with Addiction,
and then you know theseco-dependency of Relationships
which led to her death.
So I wanted because I survivedand she wasn't able to share her
story I wanted to be a part ofsharing her story and so I
(04:08):
developed the fact, thefoundation, so that we can help
other survivors to thrive aftersurviving.
So that's exactly what we do,and so we um, you know we are
non-profit, so we raise moneyand we try to give back into the
community for those who youknow need our resources.
(04:30):
The main thing that we haveright now would be focused on
housing, maybe like in a hotel,and then for therapy.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Okay, okay, okay, yeah, that's that's amazing work
that you're doing.
I think domestic violence issomething that's all around us.
It's like there but not there,right?
People may not talk about it,or but it's like you know it's
happening and it takes oneconversation to happen.
You know, if people feelcomfortable for people to be
like oh yeah, that happened tome too and it's like wow, like
(05:04):
even in a family, how, howcommon it is and just one Family
, one house, one, not onehousehold, but just within one
family, because you know we'renot talking about that kind of
stuff.
And then it comes up and it'slike way, auntie went through
that too, or cousin, such a suchone, through that too.
Like, did you run into that?
As you know, as you wentthrough your own domestic
(05:24):
violence, yeah, did you see that?
Like, did you find other peoplewere going through that too?
Or did that come later when youfound out that?
Like, oh, we went later.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Well, I it came later as God began to deal with me on
my on the inside.
You know they're, even afterrelationships, like there's some
inner healing.
That has to happen because youknow trauma as a young child you
don't realize how it affectsyou until you become an adult.
And so, as God startedrevealing certain things to me,
(05:57):
because I'm supposed to break,be the generational breaker,
curse break Because, yes, it'sin the family.
You know, you have, um, mygrandma, uncles that you know
have Been a part of that, thatyou've seen.
You know, you're growing up andyou hear about it and you've
(06:19):
seen certain things.
So, yes, this generational andpeople don't talk about it.
And and I like to say that Iown my truth, and you know, this
is my family, all our familiescome with dysfunction and it's
okay to talk about these thingsbecause if we don't talk about
them, they can't.
You know, we can't resolveanything, it just keeps
(06:41):
happening.
And so I'm the brave one who's,you know, speaking up about and
saying, yes, this isgenerational, this has happened
in my family.
So now, what am I gonna do tochange the dynamics so that this
doesn't happen to my grandbaby?
So now that's who I'm concernedabout, you know, and because my
children saw me coming up inthere.
So now they see me speaking outand sharing my story and
(07:04):
telling others about.
Like you know, this doesn'thave to be the the end of our
story.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
And how empowering do you think it is now for your
children to see, like, okay,mom's, like you know, leading
the pack here, you know tryingto change the narrative and not
even change the narrative, buttrying to provide help and a
resource to people that arecurrently in it or, like you
said, the people that theysurvived it.
But how can we thrive now?
Like, do you think you you'vemade them proud?
(07:32):
I'm sure you have.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I think I have, because they, you know, they're
big supporters and even you knowmy daughter, who's Her dad was
the one that I was in therelationship with, and the very
first time I shared my story andshe came, I Told her, you know,
at any time that you want tomove, you know, leave the room,
you can, but I do believe thatGod is calling me to do this and
(07:56):
she stayed the whole time.
So that was.
That was good, that she stayed,because I've never talked
against her dad, I'll herrelationship with her dad's, her
relationship and and it shouldbe just that.
And we and him and I are justfine now.
But we were so young back thenand so as you got an older and
you get to see different thingsand the forgiveness and all of
(08:17):
that comes and we're, you knowwe're in a we're in a different
space, but that's still my story.
You know that's what's calledme to be where I'm at right now.
But I think they're proud of meand I'm glad.
I'm glad to be, you know, anexample for them.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, like it is so, so, so nice to
see you know.
When you have kids it's like,oh, your child, you want them to
grow and evolve.
But it's cool to see parentscan grow and evolve two in
different ways and it's really agood feeling to see you kind of
step into that space and justyou're helping others.
(08:54):
It's not even just about you,like it's healing within itself,
you sharing your story over andover again, and then it's like
not knowing what's gonnaresonate with someone else.
You know, and that's all youcan hope for is like hey even if
it helps one person.
Cool, you know, but why do youthink?
I think one thing I hear a loton social media and online is
(09:14):
like why do people stay?
You know, I think that's a verycommon thing.
Can you talk about that moreabout?
You know, or at least from yourown experience?
Or maybe you know now you'rehearing other people's stories
Like what, what are you seeingwith that?
What's the common theme ofwhere you can pinpoint like a
guy?
I think this is why people stayfear One could be fear being
(09:35):
alone.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
You could have low self-esteem.
You know, I was told that Iwasn't gonna, you know, make it
with three keys, like, or nobodywould want me with three keys.
So it could be the verbalthings that are said to you that
makes you believe that You'renot able to do a certain thing
right.
And that's how I was for amoment like feeling like, well,
(09:57):
I'm gonna make, I'm gonna dothis by myself, I got three kids
, you got a house, you got.
You know you have to work andyou are the risk, you are
responsible for your children.
So we stay for differentreasons.
It could be financially hecould be the breadwin and you
scared to go out here on yourown because you've been
(10:17):
depending on him.
And then it's the part of notwanting to be alone, you know
yeah.
Having somebody's like having apiece of man's been, not, you
know, having a man at all, whichwe should definitely not
believe that at all, you know.
But I believe peace is what weneed, the PEA and Now, you know,
not a piece of a man.
(10:38):
And so it's different reasonsthat we stay in the children.
You want your children to growup and be in the house with the,
with the father.
You know I was, um, I had threekids and all my children have
different fathers.
So, with that being said, Iwanted to be with at least one
of my children's father.
I didn't want to feel like oror paint the picture, because,
(10:59):
you know, people see what theysee.
But I know myself, but you knowpeople look at you say, oh, she
got three kids, she got threedifferent daddy's, oh, she lose,
she this, you know.
So it's the image that I guessyou don't want people to look at
you like, oh, she lose, that'swhat she does, you know.
And so I wanted to be with oneof their dad and I Knew I wasn't
supposed to be in it, but Itried to stay for the sake of
(11:22):
keeping my family.
So we, you know you probablyfighting your head over and over
about different ways of Wantingto get out.
And then why not?
Why not?
No, not getting out.
So I Believe those are some ofthe reasons.
I mean, I'm sure they'reprobably others.
They probably afraid of theirlife.
(11:42):
You know they might have beenthreatened.
If you leave me, I'm a key or x, y, z, you know.
You're just fearful.
So thank God I didn't have thatsituation.
But you just never know what,what the reasons are.
But they, you know, we finddifferent ways of Talking
ourselves out of leaving when wereally want to leave.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, so for you, what did abuse look like in your
household with your ex-husband?
Like, what's it furrable?
Was it physical?
What did it actually look like?
What was that day-to-dayexperience like?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
So it was.
It was worse when I waspregnant with my daughter.
He would, you know, he wouldget drunk.
He would come home andarguments would start from
nowhere because I Would.
I'm very, I'm an introvert, soI stay home like I was good with
being home.
I know he would be out, youknow, hoping that he would come
(12:38):
home.
But when he came home he wouldbe upset about whatever he's
upset about, not sure, but itwould be taken out on me.
I can remember a night and Italk about this in my book on
where he comes home and I'm inbed and I don't even know what
the argument was about, but Iremember getting choked and I
(12:59):
remember getting thrown from thebed, pregnant, you know, and
all I could think about who youknow, what about my baby, you
know?
And even then you know thatthat was enough to leave because
now you're endangering ourchild.
But, I wasn't strong enough towalk away from it.
You know it's verbal abuse.
(13:20):
I, you know I was called stupid.
You know you've been calledevery name but a child of God.
You know telling me that nobodywas gonna want me.
And then spiritual because,like when you, because I still
always had God as a foundationin my, in my life, like thank
God for my grandma because sheplanted that foundation for me.
So I knew there was a guy.
(13:42):
I didn't have a relationshipwith him, but I knew him and
yeah.
I still tried to go to church orkeep God in my life or, you
know, say prayers only when Iwas going through.
Of course that's what we dosometimes, but I know God was
still listening to me and and.
But he will always say losestuff about, oh, you supposed to
(14:03):
be a Christian, but it's why he, you know.
You supposed to be a Christian,but blah, blah, blah, blah.
So it'd be things that startmaking you think what am I
Christian, you know?
So he would do certain thingslike that, and, but the majority
of it was verbal and and or docertain things.
(14:24):
We're here try to provoke me todo, you know, to probably hit
him or to get mad so he couldleave the house to do whatever
he wanted to do.
So that's, that's how that was.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
That's interesting, like.
So let's Take a little bit of aturn and talk about the role of
family.
So back then, when all of thiswas going on, well, how long Was
the abuse going on?
Let's start with the timeline.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
So let's see, we met in 98 and I had my, so I was 22.
Yeah, 22 years I had my son at21, so 22 and we.
I had my daughter in 99 and andwe split all together in 2004.
(15:18):
Okay, he left me to go before.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay, so during this time, what was the role of your
family?
Do they know you were goingthrough abuse?
Did you ever ask for help?
Because that's always somethingof like.
Did you tell someone?
But you know we talked before,sometimes you could tell people,
and that I mean they're gonnahelp.
Like you know, I think it'sdifferent dynamics to, I mean I
(15:44):
Black culture, just all sorts ofstuff.
So let's talk a little bitabout the role of family.
And did you feel like you hadsomeone that you could go to for
help, or was it all on you tohelp yourself?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Honestly, I feel like it was all on me because nobody
was talking about it.
I Think they knew a little bit.
I didn't talk a lot about it,like I never went to them and
say, oh, he's doing this to me.
But one I know my grandmotherknew God was her soul, um, and I
Did call once and asked could Icome on?
(16:19):
And she said I'll call you back.
And she never did so that washer way of saying no without
saying no, and that was hurtful.
So that meant I was gonna haveto deal with whatever I had to
deal with, because we married.
So she owes food more thanlikely.
(16:40):
She went through abuse too withmy mom's dad, so she knew what
that life was like.
But they never had that talk.
Even having an aunt who alsowent through the same thing,
nobody sat down and talk aboutit.
Nobody talked about it.
And I don't know if it wasembarrassment because you feel
(17:01):
embarrassed, because people askthe question well, why would you
stay If somebody did that toyou?
Why would you stay withsomebody that does that?
Okay, there are many reasonswhy we stay.
It doesn't mean it's right, butthose are our reasons.
So you fear being judged by whyyou did, and so maybe that
could have been some of theirissues and they didn't want to
(17:22):
relate to me to be able to sayyou know what, nantaki, this is
what happened to me.
You might want to be mindful ofthis, even if they didn't tell
me to leave, but they weregiving me some kind of
encouragement and I think that'sthe main thing encouraging
people that are in thosesituations without giving them a
whole bunch of things to do,because you know, a lot of
(17:45):
bottom line is they're not goingto leave until they ready, but
if they know that they have thesupport when they ready, that's
that means that's volumes forthem.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah, and all that makes me think about is
generational trauma, becausethat's what it is.
It's crazy how things can runin a family and it's crazy how
sometimes you'll never knowuntil way later oh, three
generations went through this.
Because some people talk aboutit, some people don't, and
you're like I thought I was theonly one.
We could have been comingtogether to be stronger.
(18:19):
But it's like those societalnorms of like, like you said,
some people not trauma bonding,but like, oh, because you went
through it, you can handle it.
I got through it too.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Be stronger you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Stop crying, like that's so interesting, but I
think it's very common.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
And being so good to suck it up.
You strong.
Look, we're not always strong.
This is the bottom line, likewe're not always strong and you
need a support system.
You need somebody to encourageyou, to let you know that there
is life after trauma and we canget out of this and we want to
get out safely, you know.
(18:59):
So we need to talk about itmore.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I think what's interesting, too, is like I
think this is like talked abouta little bit more on social
media nowadays, which is thefact that the abuser, their
families, like enable them, likethey turn a blind eye.
Oh, that's my son, or I'm notgonna say son, that's my child,
because nowadays I do think it'simportant also so it can go
(19:26):
both ways, it's been going bothways.
I think it's just a little bitmore out there with one of the
you know a man is kind of doingthe abusing, but it's all sorts
of people on both sides gettingabused in relationships.
But it is interesting whenpeople enable their child or
turn a blind eye, or what didyou say to make him hit you or
(19:47):
what did you do to, and it'sjust, it's the craziest thing.
And now we're seeing where,especially like the celebrity
versions of everything, why arethey coming out 20 years later?
Well, why didn't they saysomething before?
I'm actually curious about yourthoughts on that because I'm
sure you see it all, we see itall the time now.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah, and I, you know , I kinda go back and forth with
it too, because I do believe wetell at least one person, you
know, and maybe it's becausethey're afraid.
They're just afraid of whatpeople gonna say.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
You know.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I think that's the big thing because of social
media, when people get up hereand paint this beautiful picture
, they got it going on.
Their life is just so you knowno worries in this thing.
So then if they come out andlike you did what and you went
to what you know, so they'reafraid about what everybody
gonna say, and that's we gottajust not care.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
People get crucified for speaking out and they wonder
why people don't speak out.
It's like yeah, when it comes tolike public figures normal
people like I think you stillkinda deal with it, but it's
like the public figures.
It's like if you have an imagein your head of like no, this
celebrity would never do this.
It's like no one wants thatimage tainted.
(21:09):
That's really what it is.
No one wants that image tainted.
Because it's like if you acceptwhat the accusation is, it
makes our world a little bitdarker.
If you think about it.
It's not also always so perfectand peaceful and it's like that
reminder of how you know uglyour world can be when reality is
(21:30):
going on, regardless whetherit's put out there or not.
But it's almost like people.
It's like no room for that.
People are like no, gosomewhere else with that.
And especially if you do itafter the battle, why don't you
say something when it happened?
And then sometimes you'll seewhere people there actually is a
police report and a trackrecord, but people still are
(21:51):
like well, you know, I don'tknow.
It's very, very, very, veryinteresting to me.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I do, it is.
And then we put you know, weput out this image on people or
our expectations on certainpeople, so we are let down by
what we think about them.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
You know how it puts people on the pedestal, right?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
So if you put me on the pedestal because you think
I'm perfect, I don't do nothingwrong.
And then I'm put out here andI've done something wrong.
So now you're disappointed byyour expectations out of me, and
that's what it is.
We get, you know people thatwatch the social media or the
celebrities or whoever you know,and then when you see that
(22:33):
happen, you just like indisbelief.
But that's just because of thepicture that you painted and the
pedestal that you placed themon.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, that's true, that's true.
It's like we're kind of feedinginto that because of how we
view people and I always say,like anyone could do wrong, like
it's just one of those thingswhere Go back to the Xamarin?
Yeah, and it's hard becauseit's a lot of he said, she said,
as far as in today's time,where it's like now you do have
(23:03):
the vibe where people are guiltywithout the proof, now without
court, it's like what Like.
It's kind of like I see theextremes on both ends and all
you could do is just hope thatwe could just have less and less
of this stuff going on, becauseI think it goes back to people
who have anger issues, noself-control, a lot of people
seeing trauma from their ownparents growing up and they're
(23:24):
kind of acting on that Like it'sprobably plenty of reasons that
why people do the things thatthey do.
But it's just I'm happy thatyou have a foundation now that
can.
All you can do is for thepeople that are in it.
It's like okay, how can we getyou some help, get you some
resources?
So let's talk about thefoundation.
(23:46):
Okay, what?
How has it been going?
When did the foundation start?
Let's talk about the beginningsof like when you've done that
healing to where it's like okay,I'm ready to help others.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
So my healing started in 2015, when I totally
surrounded, you know,surrendered the Christ.
So when God started showing medifferent things either myself,
because we like to blame peoplefor our own hurt, our happiness
and stuff like that and I had tolearn not to do that I had to
(24:23):
own my own stuff.
And that's when I startedlooking at me and how can I have
done something differently?
Right, so, COVID hit.
So that's what, five years later, you know, I've been doing the
work in me, working on me, and Ikept asking, because I was out
of work for like two months.
So I'm asking God.
I'm like, okay, now what am Isupposed to be doing?
(24:44):
Cause I got a routine.
I'm used to getting up, goingto work, working out, doing so.
I had a routine.
So now I'm sitting at home andI'm like when?
Where I'm going to do so?
I knew that I wanted to still dosomething with domestic
violence and so I did a walk.
The first year I did not havemy foundation, but we did a Walk
(25:05):
and people showed up because Iknow people probably wanted to
get out the house.
So people showed up and then itstarted from there.
I ended up getting my 501c3 andso this will be our fourth walk
this year, and so I called itlife after trauma, because I
wanted people to see that we canstill thrive after, you know,
(25:26):
after domestic violence, likeyou can thrive, but we do have
to do the work.
We do have to own our own stuffand we have to do the work in
order to heal.
So the foundation isestablished to raise awareness.
I want to get out here and talkabout it, because I'm still
young, I mean, I'm still freshin it, so I'm still learning
(25:47):
some things on how to, you know,put, put out stuff out here,
and so right now is justbuilding relationships with the
community to let them know thatwe're here, hopefully partnering
with partners, with others, tohelp Be a part of our resources.
My main goal, though, is toactually Start a program where
(26:11):
we can guide the women throughso that means whatever that you
know a system, what they need,and Meet them right there with
what they need, whether that'sgoing back to school, finding a
better job, whether they'reneeding a you know, a bank
account to save money, becausesome people may not be ready to
leave.
(26:31):
So we're prepping them to leave, and then they could feel
secure about when they'releaving.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
So we're building.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Working on that, and so you know, and hopefully too,
I'm looking for a shelter, youknow, where they can have their
own space With their children orwithout children, children
without children.
But they got their own spaceand they don't have to share and
look at somebody else whilethey're going through, because
that'll make them go back hometoo.
(27:00):
You got your opening.
You're seeing everybody,everybody going through some of
the same things and you ready togo home because it's more
comfortable at home, right, well, of course, going through
something or not?
You ready, you want to go home.
So we don't want to feel that.
So they have a safe space wherethey can just take their time
and and get through the trauma.
(27:21):
No we're Working towards and Ilove that.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
That's that's on the ground work.
Important is timely.
It's like okay, what do youneed?
And before we wrap up, I justwant to ask you what are some
tips you know, in case we haveanyone that's listening that may
either Be a parent or a familymember of someone that's going
through it, or they meet maybethe person that's going through
it and Say they're not quiteready to leave, but they're
(27:47):
doing that work.
They're starting to like reallyshift their mind to getting
prepared.
What are some things?
I know you talked about thebank account, but what are some
things that Should be theirfirst set of moves?
I guess of like, all right, letme kind of start preparing.
I.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Would say make sure they got that circle support.
They got some people that theycan trust, that understand
exactly what they're goingthrough.
They're not talking behindtheir back but are really there
for them.
They have that already sitting,might sit up.
So when they're ready to go,they already know they got their
support system.
They got whatever those needsare.
(28:24):
If they got to find anotherplace, if they got to move,
their keys are good, like theall of that in place and.
But I think that's just themain thing, just having your
support system in place.
So you can't.
You know when I leave.
I'm leaving because on averageit takes seven times for
somebody to leave before theyactually that's good to know.
(28:46):
Seven times Seven times, and soyou're.
You're back and forth all thetime about you know, and you do
because you battle, about youknow, not like I told you before
, you don't have nowhere to go,or you just not come.
You know, you got your ownspace back at home, so you find
all these reasons to go back orhe'll come and apologize
(29:08):
Thousand times.
I'm sorry you, you know, or he,of course they're blame you for
them, you know, at in the waythat they act, for, whatever the
reason is, they're still, youknow, try to get you to come
back.
So we just got to keep in mindfor the people that's just
watching, their loved ones ortheir friends that may be going
through it.
Keep them in courage.
(29:29):
Just remind them of who theyare.
You know.
They might allow sight of whothey are and who they who's.
They are, who they belong to,you know.
So they remind them that theycan do it.
They need to be encouraged, notjudged.
Don't tell them about what youwould do, because you don't know
what you would do and maybe youwould get up and leave the
(29:50):
first time.
That's good for you, but whatabout the one that came?
So don't make them feel badabout the decision that they
made for Stan, encourage them init and just keep praying for
them and keeping them coveredand, just whenever you ready,
I'm here.
Just remind them that wheneveryou ready, I'm here.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
I love that it's given that love and that grace,
and so we all need that time.
They may be ready and they'regoing to need to feel like, okay
, I have a plan, I'm ready, andyou have someone on the other
end ready to help you executethe plan of like, all right,
cool, got you some stuff, someclothes, bank account, whatever
(30:34):
it is, yeah, so that's so, sogood.
I'm just so happy that we wereable to do this.
I hope that someone listeningis encouraged to know that there
is life after trauma and justhow we can all be just less
judgmental, more supportive andjust give grace when we can.
(30:56):
So please let everyone know,like how they can find you,
where they can find you and howthey can support and join the
movement and be a part of it.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
So they can follow us on Instagram or on Facebook at
Pamela D Page Foundation.
They also can go to our website, which is PDPfoundationcom, and
they can donate to help out.
We do have an event that'scoming up in October they would
like to support.
We're looking for sponsors orany monetary that will help
(31:29):
cover the event.
We'll be at the Rocky MountainEvent Center here in Rocky
Mountain, north Carolina, and sowe'll be doing a hair and
fashion show, just raisingawareness, bringing people out
to say let's stop domesticviolence, and that will be great
if they can help out.
We're also doing a 5K walk thatmorning.
(31:52):
So, yeah, come out and walk orrun and just show support to our
community and those that.
Let's be a voice for the voices.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
Y'all heard it here, so I willmake sure, when this episode
comes out, to add her links andeverything to the show notes.
That way you can see thewebsite and everything.
Social media pages Again.
Thank you so much, shantaki.
I just really appreciate youtaking the time and just
educating us on domesticviolence and just ways that we
(32:25):
can get involved and not alwaysbe on the sidelines.
But, like, okay, what can we do?
And I think it helps justhaving this educational
component of like, like you said, if these conversations aren't
happening or at least they'rehappening right now right,
people are listening to thispodcast.
This may be the first timethey're hearing it in this kind
of setting, so thank you so muchfor joining us today.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Thank you, and thank you for having me.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Of course, thank you for spending some time with us.
Thanks for watching the show,be sure to subscribe and leave
us a rating and review untilnext time.
It's like those societal norms of like, like you
said, some people not traumabonding with like oh, because
you went through it, you canhandle it.
I got through it to be stronger.
You know what I mean.
Stop crying like so interesting, but I think it's very common.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
And being told to suck it up.
You strong, look, we can't.
We're not always strong.
This is the bottom line, likewe're not always strong and and
you need a support system.
You need somebody to encourageyou, to let you know that there
is life after trauma and we canget out of this, and we want to
get out safely.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
You're listening to the black directory podcast,
where we focus on bringing blackentrepreneur experiences to the
forefront.
Each week, we would discuss thehighs, the lows and everything
in between.
I'm your host, diamond young.
Let's dive in.
Hey, what's up?
(01:01):
Everybody is diamond, host ofthe black directory podcast, and
we are back with anotherepisode.
I have a very special guesttoday Miss the talkie page Owen.
She is the founder of thePamela D page foundation, which
focuses on Domestic violenceawareness, and I'm just so, so,
so excited to have her here, andnot only so we could touch on
(01:22):
this topic, but really go deeper, not surface level, and
hopefully, you know, we know youguys are gonna leave here with
something.
So welcome, welcome, welcome tothe show, nattaki, thank you.
Thank you for having me, ofcourse, of course.
So I definitely want to getinto your story.
How did this foundation comeabout?
(01:43):
Like what?
Why is it so important to you?
So let's go into more or so.
Who is Nattaki?
Tell us about who you are.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Well, first of all, I am a child of God, I am a woman
of God first of all, and I am amother of three, a Mimi of one,
and I am an author.
I'm a Transformational speaker.
I would like to saytransformation, because you know
, I believe in people makingtransformation, not Motivating
(02:13):
for just a moment.
We like to see people transform.
I have a bachelor's degree inbusiness.
I am also a hairstylist for 25years.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
This year, yeah, no, that's huge.
You know my mom like I feel,like you all have been in the
industry for so long.
So I'm always all about thatand giving y'all kudos, because
you know people.
It's a lot of trust that youput in someone that's touching
(02:47):
your head, your crown, so Shoutout to y'all because that is
important work.
But okay so tell us about thePamela Foundation, the Pamela D
page foundation like.
What is it?
What is it about and who do youall serve?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
so Pamela D page foundation is I advocate
organization for domesticviolence survivors.
So my mother I lost my motherto domestic violence in 1986 and
I was only 10 years old and soI'm also a survivor.
So I went through domesticviolence for about maybe four or
(03:26):
five years and so I decided to.
You know, losing your mom atsuch a young age, you feel like
there's more, that should havebeen more to her, because she
was only 29 at the time that shewas killed.
So I wanted her legacy to liveon.
(03:46):
She had struggles being a motherand battling with Addiction,
and then you know theseco-dependency of Relationships
which led to her death.
So I wanted because I survivedand she wasn't able to share her
story I wanted to be a part ofsharing her story and so I
(04:08):
developed the fact, thefoundation, so that we can help
other survivors to thrive aftersurviving.
So that's exactly what we do,and so we um, you know we are
non-profit, so we raise moneyand we try to give back into the
community for those who youknow need our resources.
(04:30):
The main thing that we haveright now would be focused on
housing, maybe like in a hotel,and then for therapy.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Okay, okay, okay, yeah, that's that's amazing work
that you're doing.
I think domestic violence issomething that's all around us.
It's like there but not there,right?
People may not talk about it,or but it's like you know it's
happening and it takes oneconversation to happen.
You know, if people feelcomfortable for people to be
like oh yeah, that happened tome too and it's like wow, like
(05:04):
even in a family, how, howcommon it is and just one Family
, one house, one, not onehousehold, but just within one
family, because you know we'renot talking about that kind of
stuff.
And then it comes up and it'slike way, auntie went through
that too, or cousin, such a suchone, through that too.
Like, did you run into that?
As you know, as you wentthrough your own domestic
(05:24):
violence, yeah, did you see that?
Like, did you find other peoplewere going through that too?
Or did that come later when youfound out that?
Like, oh, we went later.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Well, I it came later as God began to deal with me on
my on the inside.
You know they're, even afterrelationships, like there's some
inner healing.
That has to happen because youknow trauma as a young child you
don't realize how it affectsyou until you become an adult.
And so, as God startedrevealing certain things to me,
(05:57):
because I'm supposed to break,be the generational breaker,
curse break Because, yes, it'sin the family.
You know, you have, um, mygrandma, uncles that you know
have Been a part of that, thatyou've seen.
You know, you're growing up andyou hear about it and you've
(06:19):
seen certain things.
So, yes, this generational andpeople don't talk about it.
And and I like to say that Iown my truth, and you know, this
is my family, all our familiescome with dysfunction and it's
okay to talk about these thingsbecause if we don't talk about
them, they can't.
You know, we can't resolveanything, it just keeps
(06:41):
happening.
And so I'm the brave one who's,you know, speaking up about and
saying, yes, this isgenerational, this has happened
in my family.
So now, what am I gonna do tochange the dynamics so that this
doesn't happen to my grandbaby?
So now that's who I'm concernedabout, you know, and because my
children saw me coming up inthere.
So now they see me speaking outand sharing my story and
(07:04):
telling others about.
Like you know, this doesn'thave to be the the end of our
story.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
And how empowering do you think it is now for your
children to see, like, okay,mom's, like you know, leading
the pack here, you know tryingto change the narrative and not
even change the narrative, buttrying to provide help and a
resource to people that arecurrently in it or, like you
said, the people that theysurvived it.
But how can we thrive now?
Like, do you think you you'vemade them proud?
(07:32):
I'm sure you have.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I think I have, because they, you know, they're
big supporters and even you knowmy daughter, who's Her dad was
the one that I was in therelationship with, and the very
first time I shared my story andshe came, I Told her, you know,
at any time that you want tomove, you know, leave the room,
you can, but I do believe thatGod is calling me to do this and
(07:56):
she stayed the whole time.
So that was.
That was good, that she stayed,because I've never talked
against her dad, I'll herrelationship with her dad's, her
relationship and and it shouldbe just that.
And we and him and I are justfine now.
But we were so young back thenand so as you got an older and
you get to see different thingsand the forgiveness and all of
(08:17):
that comes and we're, you knowwe're in a we're in a different
space, but that's still my story.
You know that's what's calledme to be where I'm at right now.
But I think they're proud of meand I'm glad.
I'm glad to be, you know, anexample for them.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, like it is so, so, so nice to
see you know.
When you have kids it's like,oh, your child, you want them to
grow and evolve.
But it's cool to see parentscan grow and evolve two in
different ways and it's really agood feeling to see you kind of
step into that space and justyou're helping others.
(08:54):
It's not even just about you,like it's healing within itself,
you sharing your story over andover again, and then it's like
not knowing what's gonnaresonate with someone else.
You know, and that's all youcan hope for is like hey even if
it helps one person.
Cool, you know, but why do youthink?
I think one thing I hear a loton social media and online is
(09:14):
like why do people stay?
You know, I think that's a verycommon thing.
Can you talk about that moreabout?
You know, or at least from yourown experience?
Or maybe you know now you'rehearing other people's stories
Like what, what are you seeingwith that?
What's the common theme ofwhere you can pinpoint like a
guy?
I think this is why people stayfear One could be fear being
(09:35):
alone.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
You could have low self-esteem.
You know, I was told that Iwasn't gonna, you know, make it
with three keys, like, or nobodywould want me with three keys.
So it could be the verbalthings that are said to you that
makes you believe that You'renot able to do a certain thing
right.
And that's how I was for amoment like feeling like, well,
(09:57):
I'm gonna make, I'm gonna dothis by myself, I got three kids
, you got a house, you got.
You know you have to work andyou are the risk, you are
responsible for your children.
So we stay for differentreasons.
It could be financially hecould be the breadwin and you
scared to go out here on yourown because you've been
(10:17):
depending on him.
And then it's the part of notwanting to be alone, you know
yeah.
Having somebody's like having apiece of man's been, not, you
know, having a man at all, whichwe should definitely not
believe that at all, you know.
But I believe peace is what weneed, the PEA and Now, you know,
not a piece of a man.
(10:38):
And so it's different reasonsthat we stay in the children.
You want your children to growup and be in the house with the,
with the father.
You know I was, um, I had threekids and all my children have
different fathers.
So, with that being said, Iwanted to be with at least one
of my children's father.
I didn't want to feel like oror paint the picture, because,
(10:59):
you know, people see what theysee.
But I know myself, but you knowpeople look at you say, oh, she
got three kids, she got threedifferent daddy's, oh, she lose,
she this, you know.
So it's the image that I guessyou don't want people to look at
you like, oh, she lose, that'swhat she does, you know.
And so I wanted to be with oneof their dad and I Knew I wasn't
supposed to be in it, but Itried to stay for the sake of
(11:22):
keeping my family.
So we, you know you probablyfighting your head over and over
about different ways of Wantingto get out.
And then why not?
Why not?
No, not getting out.
So I Believe those are some ofthe reasons.
I mean, I'm sure they'reprobably others.
They probably afraid of theirlife.
(11:42):
You know they might have beenthreatened.
If you leave me, I'm a key or x, y, z, you know.
You're just fearful.
So thank God I didn't have thatsituation.
But you just never know what,what the reasons are.
But they, you know, we finddifferent ways of Talking
ourselves out of leaving when wereally want to leave.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, so for you, what did abuse look like in your
household with your ex-husband?
Like, what's it furrable?
Was it physical?
What did it actually look like?
What was that day-to-dayexperience like?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
So it was.
It was worse when I waspregnant with my daughter.
He would, you know, he wouldget drunk.
He would come home andarguments would start from
nowhere because I Would.
I'm very, I'm an introvert, soI stay home like I was good with
being home.
I know he would be out, youknow, hoping that he would come
(12:38):
home.
But when he came home he wouldbe upset about whatever he's
upset about, not sure, but itwould be taken out on me.
I can remember a night and Italk about this in my book on
where he comes home and I'm inbed and I don't even know what
the argument was about, but Iremember getting choked and I
(12:59):
remember getting thrown from thebed, pregnant, you know, and
all I could think about who youknow, what about my baby, you
know?
And even then you know thatthat was enough to leave because
now you're endangering ourchild.
But, I wasn't strong enough towalk away from it.
You know it's verbal abuse.
(13:20):
I, you know I was called stupid.
You know you've been calledevery name but a child of God.
You know telling me that nobodywas gonna want me.
And then spiritual because,like when you, because I still
always had God as a foundationin my, in my life, like thank
God for my grandma because sheplanted that foundation for me.
So I knew there was a guy.
(13:42):
I didn't have a relationshipwith him, but I knew him and
yeah.
I still tried to go to church orkeep God in my life or, you
know, say prayers only when Iwas going through.
Of course that's what we dosometimes, but I know God was
still listening to me and and.
But he will always say losestuff about, oh, you supposed to
(14:03):
be a Christian, but it's why he, you know.
You supposed to be a Christian,but blah, blah, blah, blah.
So it'd be things that startmaking you think what am I
Christian, you know?
So he would do certain thingslike that, and, but the majority
of it was verbal and and or docertain things.
(14:24):
We're here try to provoke me todo, you know, to probably hit
him or to get mad so he couldleave the house to do whatever
he wanted to do.
So that's, that's how that was.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
That's interesting, like.
So let's Take a little bit of aturn and talk about the role of
family.
So back then, when all of thiswas going on, well, how long Was
the abuse going on?
Let's start with the timeline.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
So let's see, we met in 98 and I had my, so I was 22.
Yeah, 22 years I had my son at21, so 22 and we.
I had my daughter in 99 and andwe split all together in 2004.
(15:18):
Okay, he left me to go before.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay, so during this time, what was the role of your
family?
Do they know you were goingthrough abuse?
Did you ever ask for help?
Because that's always somethingof like.
Did you tell someone?
But you know we talked before,sometimes you could tell people,
and that I mean they're gonnahelp.
Like you know, I think it'sdifferent dynamics to, I mean I
(15:44):
Black culture, just all sorts ofstuff.
So let's talk a little bitabout the role of family.
And did you feel like you hadsomeone that you could go to for
help, or was it all on you tohelp yourself?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Honestly, I feel like it was all on me because nobody
was talking about it.
I Think they knew a little bit.
I didn't talk a lot about it,like I never went to them and
say, oh, he's doing this to me.
But one I know my grandmotherknew God was her soul, um, and I
Did call once and asked could Icome on?
(16:19):
And she said I'll call you back.
And she never did so that washer way of saying no without
saying no, and that was hurtful.
So that meant I was gonna haveto deal with whatever I had to
deal with, because we married.
So she owes food more thanlikely.
(16:40):
She went through abuse too withmy mom's dad, so she knew what
that life was like.
But they never had that talk.
Even having an aunt who alsowent through the same thing,
nobody sat down and talk aboutit.
Nobody talked about it.
And I don't know if it wasembarrassment because you feel
(17:01):
embarrassed, because people askthe question well, why would you
stay If somebody did that toyou?
Why would you stay withsomebody that does that?
Okay, there are many reasonswhy we stay.
It doesn't mean it's right, butthose are our reasons.
So you fear being judged by whyyou did, and so maybe that
could have been some of theirissues and they didn't want to
(17:22):
relate to me to be able to sayyou know what, nantaki, this is
what happened to me.
You might want to be mindful ofthis, even if they didn't tell
me to leave, but they weregiving me some kind of
encouragement and I think that'sthe main thing encouraging
people that are in thosesituations without giving them a
whole bunch of things to do,because you know, a lot of
(17:45):
bottom line is they're not goingto leave until they ready, but
if they know that they have thesupport when they ready, that's
that means that's volumes forthem.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah, and all that makes me think about is
generational trauma, becausethat's what it is.
It's crazy how things can runin a family and it's crazy how
sometimes you'll never knowuntil way later oh, three
generations went through this.
Because some people talk aboutit, some people don't, and
you're like I thought I was theonly one.
We could have been comingtogether to be stronger.
(18:19):
But it's like those societalnorms of like, like you said,
some people not trauma bonding,but like, oh, because you went
through it, you can handle it.
I got through it too.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Be stronger you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Stop crying, like that's so interesting, but I
think it's very common.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
And being so good to suck it up.
You strong.
Look, we're not always strong.
This is the bottom line, likewe're not always strong and you
need a support system.
You need somebody to encourageyou, to let you know that there
is life after trauma and we canget out of this and we want to
get out safely, you know.
(18:59):
So we need to talk about itmore.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I think what's interesting, too, is like I
think this is like talked abouta little bit more on social
media nowadays, which is thefact that the abuser, their
families, like enable them, likethey turn a blind eye.
Oh, that's my son, or I'm notgonna say son, that's my child,
because nowadays I do think it'simportant also so it can go
(19:26):
both ways, it's been going bothways.
I think it's just a little bitmore out there with one of the
you know a man is kind of doingthe abusing, but it's all sorts
of people on both sides gettingabused in relationships.
But it is interesting whenpeople enable their child or
turn a blind eye, or what didyou say to make him hit you or
(19:47):
what did you do to, and it'sjust, it's the craziest thing.
And now we're seeing where,especially like the celebrity
versions of everything, why arethey coming out 20 years later?
Well, why didn't they saysomething before?
I'm actually curious about yourthoughts on that because I'm
sure you see it all, we see itall the time now.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah, and I, you know , I kinda go back and forth with
it too, because I do believe wetell at least one person, you
know, and maybe it's becausethey're afraid.
They're just afraid of whatpeople gonna say.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
You know.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I think that's the big thing because of social
media, when people get up hereand paint this beautiful picture
, they got it going on.
Their life is just so you knowno worries in this thing.
So then if they come out andlike you did what and you went
to what you know, so they'reafraid about what everybody
gonna say, and that's we gottajust not care.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
People get crucified for speaking out and they wonder
why people don't speak out.
It's like yeah, when it comes tolike public figures normal
people like I think you stillkinda deal with it, but it's
like the public figures.
It's like if you have an imagein your head of like no, this
celebrity would never do this.
It's like no one wants thatimage tainted.
(21:09):
That's really what it is.
No one wants that image tainted.
Because it's like if you acceptwhat the accusation is, it
makes our world a little bitdarker.
If you think about it.
It's not also always so perfectand peaceful and it's like that
reminder of how you know uglyour world can be when reality is
(21:30):
going on, regardless whetherit's put out there or not.
But it's almost like people.
It's like no room for that.
People are like no, gosomewhere else with that.
And especially if you do itafter the battle, why don't you
say something when it happened?
And then sometimes you'll seewhere people there actually is a
police report and a trackrecord, but people still are
(21:51):
like well, you know, I don'tknow.
It's very, very, very, veryinteresting to me.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I do, it is.
And then we put you know, weput out this image on people or
our expectations on certainpeople, so we are let down by
what we think about them.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
You know how it puts people on the pedestal, right?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
So if you put me on the pedestal because you think
I'm perfect, I don't do nothingwrong.
And then I'm put out here andI've done something wrong.
So now you're disappointed byyour expectations out of me, and
that's what it is.
We get, you know people thatwatch the social media or the
celebrities or whoever you know,and then when you see that
(22:33):
happen, you just like indisbelief.
But that's just because of thepicture that you painted and the
pedestal that you placed themon.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, that's true, that's true.
It's like we're kind of feedinginto that because of how we
view people and I always say,like anyone could do wrong, like
it's just one of those thingswhere Go back to the Xamarin?
Yeah, and it's hard becauseit's a lot of he said, she said,
as far as in today's time,where it's like now you do have
(23:03):
the vibe where people are guiltywithout the proof, now without
court, it's like what Like.
It's kind of like I see theextremes on both ends and all
you could do is just hope thatwe could just have less and less
of this stuff going on, becauseI think it goes back to people
who have anger issues, noself-control, a lot of people
seeing trauma from their ownparents growing up and they're
(23:24):
kind of acting on that Like it'sprobably plenty of reasons that
why people do the things thatthey do.
But it's just I'm happy thatyou have a foundation now that
can.
All you can do is for thepeople that are in it.
It's like okay, how can we getyou some help, get you some
resources?
So let's talk about thefoundation.
(23:46):
Okay, what?
How has it been going?
When did the foundation start?
Let's talk about the beginningsof like when you've done that
healing to where it's like okay,I'm ready to help others.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
So my healing started in 2015, when I totally
surrounded, you know,surrendered the Christ.
So when God started showing medifferent things either myself,
because we like to blame peoplefor our own hurt, our happiness
and stuff like that and I had tolearn not to do that I had to
(24:23):
own my own stuff.
And that's when I startedlooking at me and how can I have
done something differently?
Right, so, COVID hit.
So that's what, five years later, you know, I've been doing the
work in me, working on me, and Ikept asking, because I was out
of work for like two months.
So I'm asking God.
I'm like, okay, now what am Isupposed to be doing?
(24:44):
Cause I got a routine.
I'm used to getting up, goingto work, working out, doing so.
I had a routine.
So now I'm sitting at home andI'm like when?
Where I'm going to do so?
I knew that I wanted to still dosomething with domestic
violence and so I did a walk.
The first year I did not havemy foundation, but we did a Walk
(25:05):
and people showed up because Iknow people probably wanted to
get out the house.
So people showed up and then itstarted from there.
I ended up getting my 501c3 andso this will be our fourth walk
this year, and so I called itlife after trauma, because I
wanted people to see that we canstill thrive after, you know,
(25:26):
after domestic violence, likeyou can thrive, but we do have
to do the work.
We do have to own our own stuffand we have to do the work in
order to heal.
So the foundation isestablished to raise awareness.
I want to get out here and talkabout it, because I'm still
young, I mean, I'm still freshin it, so I'm still learning
(25:47):
some things on how to, you know,put, put out stuff out here,
and so right now is justbuilding relationships with the
community to let them know thatwe're here, hopefully partnering
with partners, with others, tohelp Be a part of our resources.
My main goal, though, is toactually Start a program where
(26:11):
we can guide the women throughso that means whatever that you
know a system, what they need,and Meet them right there with
what they need, whether that'sgoing back to school, finding a
better job, whether they'reneeding a you know, a bank
account to save money, becausesome people may not be ready to
leave.
(26:31):
So we're prepping them to leave, and then they could feel
secure about when they'releaving.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
So we're building.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Working on that, and so you know, and hopefully too,
I'm looking for a shelter, youknow, where they can have their
own space With their children orwithout children, children
without children.
But they got their own spaceand they don't have to share and
look at somebody else whilethey're going through, because
that'll make them go back hometoo.
(27:00):
You got your opening.
You're seeing everybody,everybody going through some of
the same things and you ready togo home because it's more
comfortable at home, right, well, of course, going through
something or not?
You ready, you want to go home.
So we don't want to feel that.
So they have a safe space wherethey can just take their time
and and get through the trauma.
(27:21):
No we're Working towards and Ilove that.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
That's that's on the ground work.
Important is timely.
It's like okay, what do youneed?
And before we wrap up, I justwant to ask you what are some
tips you know, in case we haveanyone that's listening that may
either Be a parent or a familymember of someone that's going
through it, or they meet maybethe person that's going through
it and Say they're not quiteready to leave, but they're
(27:47):
doing that work.
They're starting to like reallyshift their mind to getting
prepared.
What are some things?
I know you talked about thebank account, but what are some
things that Should be theirfirst set of moves?
I guess of like, all right, letme kind of start preparing.
I.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Would say make sure they got that circle support.
They got some people that theycan trust, that understand
exactly what they're goingthrough.
They're not talking behindtheir back but are really there
for them.
They have that already sitting,might sit up.
So when they're ready to go,they already know they got their
support system.
They got whatever those needsare.
(28:24):
If they got to find anotherplace, if they got to move,
their keys are good, like theall of that in place and.
But I think that's just themain thing, just having your
support system in place.
So you can't.
You know when I leave.
I'm leaving because on averageit takes seven times for
somebody to leave before theyactually that's good to know.
(28:46):
Seven times Seven times, and soyou're.
You're back and forth all thetime about you know, and you do
because you battle, about youknow, not like I told you before
, you don't have nowhere to go,or you just not come.
You know, you got your ownspace back at home, so you find
all these reasons to go back orhe'll come and apologize
(29:08):
Thousand times.
I'm sorry you, you know, or he,of course they're blame you for
them, you know, at in the waythat they act, for, whatever the
reason is, they're still, youknow, try to get you to come
back.
So we just got to keep in mindfor the people that's just
watching, their loved ones ortheir friends that may be going
through it.
Keep them in courage.
(29:29):
Just remind them of who theyare.
You know.
They might allow sight of whothey are and who they who's.
They are, who they belong to,you know.
So they remind them that theycan do it.
They need to be encouraged, notjudged.
Don't tell them about what youwould do, because you don't know
what you would do and maybe youwould get up and leave the
(29:50):
first time.
That's good for you, but whatabout the one that came?
So don't make them feel badabout the decision that they
made for Stan, encourage them init and just keep praying for
them and keeping them coveredand, just whenever you ready,
I'm here.
Just remind them that wheneveryou ready, I'm here.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
I love that it's given that love and that grace,
and so we all need that time.
They may be ready and they'regoing to need to feel like, okay
, I have a plan, I'm ready, andyou have someone on the other
end ready to help you executethe plan of like, all right,
cool, got you some stuff, someclothes, bank account, whatever
(30:34):
it is, yeah, so that's so, sogood.
I'm just so happy that we wereable to do this.
I hope that someone listeningis encouraged to know that there
is life after trauma and justhow we can all be just less
judgmental, more supportive andjust give grace when we can.
(30:56):
So please let everyone know,like how they can find you,
where they can find you and howthey can support and join the
movement and be a part of it.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
So they can follow us on Instagram or on Facebook at
Pamela D Page Foundation.
They also can go to our website, which is PDPfoundationcom, and
they can donate to help out.
We do have an event that'scoming up in October they would
like to support.
We're looking for sponsors orany monetary that will help
(31:29):
cover the event.
We'll be at the Rocky MountainEvent Center here in Rocky
Mountain, north Carolina, and sowe'll be doing a hair and
fashion show, just raisingawareness, bringing people out
to say let's stop domesticviolence, and that will be great
if they can help out.
We're also doing a 5K walk thatmorning.
(31:52):
So, yeah, come out and walk orrun and just show support to our
community and those that.
Let's be a voice for the voices.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
Y'all heard it here, so I willmake sure, when this episode
comes out, to add her links andeverything to the show notes.
That way you can see thewebsite and everything.
Social media pages Again.
Thank you so much, shantaki.
I just really appreciate youtaking the time and just
educating us on domesticviolence and just ways that we
(32:25):
can get involved and not alwaysbe on the sidelines.
But, like, okay, what can we do?
And I think it helps justhaving this educational
component of like, like you said, if these conversations aren't
happening or at least they'rehappening right now right,
people are listening to thispodcast.
This may be the first timethey're hearing it in this kind
of setting, so thank you so muchfor joining us today.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Thank you, and thank you for having me.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Of course, thank you for spending some time with us.
Thanks for watching the show,be sure to subscribe and leave
us a rating and review untilnext time.
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