February 12, 2025 • 54 mins
Episode Description
The construction industry isn’t just about building structures—it’s also about building relationships. In this special Valentine’s episode, we share our own love story that started on a jobsite and explore the unique challenges of maintaining relationships when one or both partners work in construction. From long hours and jobsite stress to navigating layoffs, travel, and communication struggles, we discuss the realities of balancing work and personal life. Whether you're dating someone in construction or trying to maintain a strong relationship while working in the industry, this episode provides insights, strategies, and real-life lessons to help you strengthen your connections.
Key Points
Our Story: Love on the Jobsite
Met on a jobsite in Florida—one was a superintendent, the other a plumber.
Early mornings, long hours, and a connection that grew over time.
Faced job changes, long distance, and industry challenges together.
Biggest Relationship Challenges in Construction
Long Hours & Exhaustion – Physical & mental burnout affects relationships.
Travel & Jobsite Uncertainty – Long distance, layoffs, and constant change.
Bringing Work Stress Home – Struggles with communication & setting boundaries.
Unhealthy Coping – Alcohol and poor habits as stress relief.
How We Made It Work
Venting Limits – Knowing when to stop talking about work.
Sunday Meetings – Weekly check-ins to stay connected.
Prioritizing Quality Time – Cooking together, small moments that matter.
Supporting Each Other – Recognizing when to step up or give space.
The Role of Work Culture
Companies can support relationships with better work-life balance.
Policy changes (like better travel packages) can make a big impact.
Leadership sets the tone for a healthier, more balanced industry.
Takeaways
Be intentional with your time and energy
Your job influences your relationship, but it doesn't define it.
Communication and effort are everything.
One Action You Can Take
Have one intentional conversation this week with your partner (or someone close to you) about how work is impacting your relationship.
Episode Breakdown: Love on the Jobsite - Building Relationships in Construction
Coming Soon...
Sources: Love on the Jobsite - Building Relationships in Construction
Construction Burnout: The construction industry ranks third-highest for burnout among the 500 largest companies on Glassdoor.
Source: BBA Degree – Industries Where Workers Experience Burnout Most
Alcohol Use in Construction: 12% of construction workers struggle with an alcohol use disorder—twice the national average.
Source: American Addiction Centers – Substance Abuse in Construction
Divorce Rates in Construction: The divorce rate for construction workers is 36.5%, one of the highest among professions.
Source: Monster.com – Job and Divorce Rate Statistics
Subscribe to be notified for our latest episodes.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:15):
Welcome to the Blueprint for Change podcast where
we tackle construction culture one conversation,
one person, one job site at a time.
My name is Taylor Boilow. And I am
Hector Lebron.
And welcome to episode four. We made it,
guys. We did.
We made it to episode four. Here we
are.
(00:36):
And again,
thank the listeners.
Thank all of you. Everyone,
whoever is listening to this,
thank you
for just giving us your attention, giving us
some time.
Thank you.
So if you're looking to find us, you
can find us on the blueprintforchange.com.
That is our website. If you're looking to
(00:58):
send us an email, the blueprint for change
at g mail dot com.
And now we are on Spotify,
Amazon Music, and
oh, what's the third?
Pandora. IHeartRadio.
No. AirRadio. Shit. You're right.
Not on Pandora. Never will be on Pandora.
(01:18):
Avatar.
No. Not not even on that planet.
So, yes. If you're looking to find us,
that's where you can find us. Apple Music
soon. Again, my apologies. This is my
mess up
again,
but it's okay. We'll get there. Anyways,
let's
jump right in. Yeah. So we're on episode
(01:41):
four, and today's episode is called love on
the job site, building relationships and construction.
So we started here,
looking at the macro level. We took a
look at construction culture as a whole,
leadership, what we can do,
diversity,
where our industry is currently at. And now
we're gonna go into the micro, the individual
(02:03):
issues that people in construction experience on a
daily basis. One of which is relationships.
So what are the different kinds of relationships,
Hector? Well, you got, you know, both people
are in construction.
One person is in construction. The other one
is not.
Or
just family or friends.
(02:24):
Absolutely. I mean, the reality is
anyone listening to this, you have relationships with
other people, whether that's just friends or family,
whether you're single and you're starting to date,
whether you're in a relationship, all of this
is gonna apply to you.
And also of course, it's Valentine's day on
Friday. So we thought when would be a
(02:44):
better time to talk about relationships and introduce
our relationship
as well?
With that being said, let's, let's just jump
right into our story. Alright, Taylor.
We met down in Florida Mhmm.
In Orlando.
Mhmm. I was an assistant superintendent for a
general contractor, and Hector was
(03:07):
Lone ranger.
No. I was a
plumber for a mechanical company. I was a
sub. I was her sub.
Contractor.
What was
your first impression when you saw me on
the job site?
Okay.
(03:28):
At the beginning, yes.
At the beginning, when I first met her,
I I I was like, wow. She's cute,
number one. But, obviously, I have to keep
that to myself.
Right?
Two,
we had an encounter
where there was a compaction test because we
had to do underground,
(03:48):
and
she was asking me all these questions. Because
your foreman was was supposed to be there.
Yeah. My foreman exactly. My foreman was supposed
to be there. Not even my foreman. The
superintendent was supposed to do that part.
Right? Mhmm. But, you know, delegated it on
to me, which is okay even though I
had a plethora of other things that I
(04:08):
was doing.
You know, I went and did
annoyingly,
I did the so I was already in
a bad mood,
which you didn't know.
No.
And then she decided to ask me questions
about the compaction, and I was just, again,
not having it. And I'm like, I'm not
(04:28):
gonna have this.
The way you were coming off was
cocky and arrogant, and I knew you knew
your stuff. I I knew that you knew
your stuff. Right? Yeah.
I knew you were a danger.
I knew you,
and I knew from the beginning that you
were the scheduler.
(04:49):
So I know I'm like, okay.
Let me not say anything
stupid. That's why I shut my mouth.
But then after that,
I just found out you were just flirting.
Yes, people. That's how she flirted, by being
cocky and arrogant with me at least.
(05:10):
Not
I okay. She is a wonderful person
to work under. She is very sweet. She
is very kind. She cares about everyone on
the job site.
And I'm also a hard ass. Yes. And
she genuinely
genuinely
really cares about
people on the job site.
(05:31):
That's
one of the things that really
solidified our relationship in my mind.
It solidified everything for me.
I think for me
Now you can stop blushing.
Shut up.
For me,
I re I think one of my first
(05:52):
memories of you was before that was when
you're being a dumbass.
And you were on a scissor lift,
and you were dancing on the stupid scissor
lift.
And I remember walking in and just being
like, what the hell is this guy doing?
I'm like, I don't wanna kick him off
for being for horseplay and stupid shit. Okay.
(06:15):
So in my defense
There is no defense. In my defense,
ladies and gentlemen of the jury
are
soon to be hundreds of some listeners.
The guy that was up there with me,
the lift, right,
was kinda old
(06:36):
and messed up.
And in order for us to get up,
you have to kinda, like, jump on it
so it can go,
and it moves up slowly.
So at the beginning,
it was for that purpose. And then I
saw how bouncy his was, and then my
ADHD kicked in. And And you started dancing.
And I started dancing. So yep.
(06:57):
But I think one other thing I noticed
about you was
you were always you were a hard worker,
and you cared about the work that you're
putting in the ground because they were doing
under underground plumbing.
I also noticed that you really try to
make everyone else around you happy and make
them laugh. I don't know. I could just
(07:18):
tell that
you'd been through a lot and that you
didn't want anyone else to
feel as bad as maybe you had in
the past.
And that you were trying to lift other
people up, which I really appreciated about you.
I I think both of us
were kinda like, who the heck is this
(07:38):
person? But at the same time Right. Had
a lot of respect for each other.
And
just for everyone out there listening,
we
did not go to a job site
looking for a relationship
No. At all. No. Like,
I had just gotten out of one. And
I was being hurt like, this job site,
(08:00):
I was being harassed
daily on by different people on the job
site. So if there was a job site
I was not looking to find anyone on
Exactly. It was that one.
I was very much so shut down
romantically when I walked on that job site.
I would walk out of the trailer. I
called it my RBF because I put on
my resting bitch face. And anyone who looked
at me wrong,
(08:21):
like, I I just I had zero tolerance
at that point for that shit. It was
still very cute RBF.
Hence, my problems.
Yep. I'm one of them.
So I guess so those are your first
memories. And at that point, I mean,
we started this job in February,
(08:41):
and we didn't start actually seeing each other
or maybe being interested in each other till
August.
Right. So
quick little
little backstory in that. Side story. No. It's
not it's not a side story. It's just
a very important part.
I was in that job site, and, obviously,
like, every construction worker and everyone that understands
(09:02):
how job sites work,
one day they'll be like, well, you're here,
and the next day, go to another site.
So they transferred me back to Tampa,
and I was working in some other building
over there with the team that I was
originally supposed to start working with,
in special projects for that company.
(09:23):
And I was like, that's it. I'm never
gonna see her again because that's how construction
is.
Right? Yeah. And we weren't even talking at
that point. We weren't even talking, but,
you know, I wanted to say hello at
least. Yeah.
But oh, well. Doop. And time and months
happen.
And then you got transferred back. And then
(09:44):
I got transferred back.
And then when I got transferred back, she
got so happy.
I was.
I was very happy.
And so did her dog.
So Coda
actually was the one who kinda started things
between us. So I could bring my job
dog to the job site, which made me
feel a lot safer.
(10:06):
And every morning, I would have to take
her out,
to go potty after I opened up the
site.
And
he just happened
to start show showing up early.
Mhmm.
Mind you, I was living in Tampa.
So he was driving an hour to the
job site?
More like an hour and a half.
(10:28):
So you drove an hour and a half
to the job site, and you showed up
an hour and a half before your crew
got there. Yes. Because I, at the time,
I used to like getting there early. But
this one day, I got there early,
and I saw her walking her dog. No.
I'm not stalking.
And I got there, you know, and
(10:48):
what I like to do was just get
there and make sure when as soon as
the soup or my foreman got there, went
inside and did inventory of what we had.
Mhmm.
So I can also keep a count of
that. But
I saw her walking her dog, and I
would say, hey. How are you doing?
And then the next day, I would I
said, you know what? I'm gonna start talking
(11:10):
to her if I see her again.
And then if lo and behold, I saw
her right there again walking her dog at
the exact same time.
And then we started engaging conversation every morning.
And I mean, like, we weren't just, like,
saying, like, oh, hi. Like, we're we were
talking for, like, an hour and a half
until his crew like, I remember being on
that job site and watching the sunrise as
(11:32):
we were as we were talking to each
other, And
we just talk, and it was so nice.
It wasn't about anything Yep. Outside of work
or it wasn't really anything substantial, but we
were talking. And I remember I called my
sister, and I was like, do you think
this guy likes me?
And she said,
no shit.
But, I mean, what I really appreciated
(11:54):
was
that you were coming to me, and we're
having conversations, and you weren't
flirting with me. Like, you weren't making me
feel uncomfortable in any shape or form. Mhmm.
It was just we started talking. And I
was like,
maybe this could be something more.
Maybe this guy is just a nice dude.
(12:16):
Maybe. Maybe.
And then, I mean,
because of our long hours so you were
working, what, an eight hour day
plus a three hour drive total. Right. So
eleven hours.
And then Daily.
Yeah. I mean,
the only time we can meet up, like,
when we decide that we really wanted to
(12:38):
start
talking to each other was on the weekends
or if we wanted to meet up at,
like, 4AM
at, like, a Wawa Right. Before,
like And have, like, super early breakfast just
before anything.
And be careful that no one saw us.
Right. Because that's the other thing. You
have to understand as a male, you have
(12:58):
to understand how females get treated on job
sites, especially in the South.
Yeah. I mean, everywhere, it it's the same.
I've I see it. I saw it. I
see it every day
to this day.
And there's this massive fear of, like, if
people saw us, then I'd be free game.
Oh, she's just sleeping with everyone on-site. Right.
(13:19):
Especially after all the harassment I was getting.
Right. And
I knew I had to keep this
very deep on the wraps because
number one, it could be an HR
nightmare.
Mhmm. It could be an eight it could
be a nightmare for both of us. What
happens if, you know, it doesn't work?
(13:40):
And we're seeing each other every
day. That's why I said the less people
that know
The better. The better. And we both
understood that mutually.
Absolute I think we even talked about it.
I told you my fears.
And
the crazy part about how our relationship started
was literally,
(14:01):
he showed up one week and just talked
to me every single morning early. Mhmm. The
next week, we started me up before work.
And the week after that, I was supposed
to transfer from Florida to Texas. Alright.
Yeah.
I was leaving the state. I was moving
halfway across the country.
(14:23):
And I remember I was on the phone,
and this is when I realized, like,
this could be something more.
Mhmm. This could be something that lasts two
and a half years to a lifetime.
And I was on the phone with one
of my Texas guys,
and I was talking with him, and I
was crying
on the phone to him.
(14:43):
I was so upset because I'm like, I
have to leave. My entire apartment is packed.
Like, everything was in boxes,
and I'm like, I don't know what to
do. And he's like, if you really care
about him and if you think there's a
chance that it might work out, you gotta
take that chance or else you're gonna regret
it.
(15:03):
And
Here we are.
That's how, I mean, everything really started.
Mhmm. When did you know it was real?
I knew it was real with one day.
I was just
driving
(15:24):
super early to come see you.
And I'm like
first of all, I was like, what the
fuck am I doing?
I'm like, am I really gonna do this?
Because I just had a previous very bad
situation and relationship that I was in, and
that was
(15:45):
it scared me from jumping back into another
one. Yeah.
And I
I don't know. Every day, you just made
my day better.
That's when I knew. I was like,
that's it.
This is it, guys.
I'm retired.
(16:06):
I found the what? Yep.
I mean
so yeah. I mean,
we started the relationship. I canceled my transfer
to Texas, and we got another
two, three months down in Florida to really
figure out if we want to make it
work.
And we were kinda in the honeymoon stage.
(16:27):
Not that we didn't have our challenges, but,
like, we didn't really see the real construction
realities and how it was gonna impact our
relationship. Mhmm. It's something that it doesn't matter
if you're dating someone and you're just dating
someone or you're in a long term relationship
or your friends and family. There are certain
realities about construction that is going to affect
(16:49):
our relationship.
Oh, yeah. I think one of the first
things that affected us was the long hours
and exhaustion.
I mean,
you get off of a long shift and
you come home and you have nothing left
to give. And it's like your partner's there.
They wanna have a night and cook cook
and talk about your day, and it's just
like, I just wanna flop on the couch.
(17:10):
Tell me about it.
Especially after it just
I mean,
even though now I'm I'm an assistant sup,
but
sometimes I look back and I'm like, dude,
how did I do all that?
How does one just wake up 04:00 in
the morning, put on your tool belt,
(17:31):
go to work,
drive,
work,
drive again,
like,
that's insane.
I mean, I remember there's one morning you
got up at 02:30AM.
We're driving all the way to Orlando.
We're spending
(17:51):
time together before work. You would go to
work, and then you drive home. And I
remember I'd be on the phone with you
because you were so tired. Mhmm. But I
also remember how
not at the beginning of our relationship, but
more towards, like,
when
we started doing long distance and I moved
away from Florida,
how tired you'd be on the phone and
(18:13):
Oh my god. There'd be times, like, it'd
be 06:00,
and we're in different time zones. That was
another factor. The other thing. But we'd be
on the phone, and you'd just be like,
I just need to go to bed, Taylor.
I'm so tired. It'd be, like, 07:00 your
time, five o'clock my time. So we get
maybe forty five minutes to talk, and then
you'd be in bed. Oh, yeah. When I
(18:33):
was still in Florida and you went to
Colorado,
that was that was the test of time
right there.
And it it affects everyone. It doesn't matter
if you're
someone who's working on the job site and
you're gonna be physically exhausted from working those
long hours Mhmm. Or you're a superintendent project
manager and you're just coming home mentally exhausted.
Right. That's another thing. Mental exhaustion. You learned
(18:55):
all about that
when you became a superintendent.
I'm still dealing with it.
I'm still dealing with the mental you know
what? But
I rather
the mental exhaustion
because I feel like a mental exhaustion, you
can just either go home,
relax,
see your loved one, you know, you have
(19:17):
more time for that Yeah. Versus
the physical
exhaustion, which I would get home and I
would just go straight to the shower and
straight to bed. Yeah.
Like, I would blackout.
I mean, I remember one time, I came
home from work physically exhausted and, like, you
literally like, I had been at work for
a twelve hour day. I did not stop
(19:38):
moving trying to get everything done. And you
I literally could not get my boots off.
I needed you to take off my boots.
I had to peel off your boots. They
were soaked. Because I remember when I pulled
them off,
it did the plunger noise. It went
That's why you don't get TCO in a
hurricane, but that's a story for another day.
(19:58):
Yeah. But you still got it.
But I mean, like, going back to, like,
when you we started doing long distance and
how tired you were,
there there's also the travel and
job security uncertainty.
Right? Mhmm. But if we look at just
that work travel and that long distance relationship,
I mean,
you don't have to be halfway across the
(20:20):
country. Even traveling that hour and a half,
that's gonna affect you. It's gonna affect how
much time you have to spend with your
loved ones.
I mean,
you used to say, like, I hate talking
to you through the phone because I just
wanna see you in person. Right. I would
just talk to you through a box.
That's it. And I'm not just saying, like,
the box. Just
(20:41):
even if you FaceTime, it's a box. You
talk, it's a box. That's it. All you
get is a digital print of them.
And I remember when you came to visit
me, you would just be so stressed about
going back to work. Yeah.
And it wasn't going back to work. It
was, like,
going away from you
is what the the real stress was.
(21:05):
Which makes it so much harder to, like,
enjoy that time because it's like,
I only got 48 with this person.
Mhmm. And I'm so tired from the work
that it's like I can't be a %
here. Yeah.
It's almost like we needed
a week
(21:26):
prior
off and then a week with each other
and then a week after
to, like
because even when you're with each other, you're
still
thinking, like, crap. Alright. This this is a
finite amount of time.
This is coming to an end soon. And
that's something very unique that construction relationships go
(21:47):
through. I mean, yes, there's travel with other
jobs. I think the most comparable is, like,
travel nursing. Right? Mhmm.
Like, you're literally in a different state possibly
from your loved one for an extended period
of time. And you really don't get a
say in it. Nope.
Your say might be, okay. We're either gonna
send you here or
(22:07):
hit the road. You're you're kinda laid off.
Yeah. Or be like, well, you can sit
on your couch.
You can collect unemployment. Yeah. It's like a
boxer. You you're retired. That's fine. Sit on
your couch. We'll call you.
I mean, not even to mention, like, when
something happens and you're all the way across
the country. Right? Mhmm. Like, when we are
doing long distance,
(22:29):
this was six months into our relationship, so
very young into our relationship.
I had a cancer scare. They found precancerous
cells, and I had to make all these
doctor appointments. And I remember just
wanting
Hector there with me.
And he was thousands of miles across the
country, and all I got was to talk
(22:49):
to him through the phone and for him
to be able to maybe possibly
get time off to come see me, to
come to my doctor's appointments with me. And
I did.
I think that was another time where I
realized, like, this is gonna last. I did
because I told my field coordinator,
I need this time off. My girlfriend needs
(23:11):
me.
If you
wanna keep me here, then keep me. If
not, I'm still gonna go. Just letting you
know.
And he said, you know what? Take the
time.
He understood.
Yeah. At least for that
situation, he understood. For precancer,
they understood.
Yeah.
(23:31):
But I mean, like,
that work travel and that long distance relationship,
it can put a lot of strain on
your relationships.
I mean, we talked about our struggles, but
I mean, even when you look at
family and friends, I didn't see my friends
for
years
Mhmm. While I was traveling.
(23:51):
But I mean, on top of that, there's
a job uncertainty, which I know you have
a lot of experience off with. Yes. So
after that whole
cancer scare and everything,
you know, we were in the clear for
a bit.
Obviously, not too much in the clear because
you still have to, you know Long distance.
(24:12):
Long distance, follow-up with your
with your doctor appointments and everything. Yep.
And then
one day to another, well, you're laid off.
And I'm like, well,
that's
fine.
But I wasn't fine.
No. Being laid off, even though
(24:34):
the older and the the more years, the
more seasoned you get in construction, a layoff
is like meh. It's whatever.
But now when you're trying to do something
with this significant other,
You wanna have a job, you wanna have
that job security, you know, start
building your relationship, moving in together, doing
(24:56):
all these other things, which I did anyways.
I got laid off.
I packed everything on my truck. He was
in Florida at the time. Yeah. I was
in Florida. I got laid off.
And I said, you know what? That's it.
Taylor was in Kansas, and I drove from
Florida all the way to Kansas.
(25:19):
Nearly one shot.
Yeah. I think you pulled over once to
take a nap Mhmm. At a truck stop.
Yep.
But, I mean, like,
there's the initial reaction of being laid off,
and then there's that period of time afterwards.
Like, you were laid off from Oh, yeah.
No. Laid off. April to
July.
A layoff, especially when you're not expecting it?
(25:42):
Yes.
Because, you know, everyone in construction
jokes, at least in the South, they used
to joke, well, here comes the layoff pizza.
You know? Here's your food. Here's your layoff
papers. There's not enough work.
But this one was comp I got
completely blindsided.
You're just about to hit six months too.
So you're and you're starting to when he
(26:05):
started as a superintendent, he really struggled. Oh,
yeah. And then he was finally starting to
get his feet under under him, and he
was starting to make relationships and all that,
and then he got laid off. So couple
starting to gain that confidence Mhmm. With the
unexpectedness of that layoff, which was no one's
fault. It was just
it's construction.
(26:25):
Right.
Right.
But you have to, you know, you have
to take the gut punch and just keep
on moving.
And then moving forward. Got in with another
company. And then, you know, finally, I got
another company.
Good. You know, I thought it was another
good idea,
and then they went under.
Two months a month to two months after
(26:46):
you got hired.
Two strikes.
I was like,
thank you.
Two layoffs within six months six to seven
months of each other. Oh, yeah.
I was getting kinda I was getting salty,
and I was getting nervous.
Mentally, like, you were struggling. I I could
tell. Oh, yeah. And then
(27:09):
I was trying to be there to support
you as much as I could.
But you also had your problems. Yeah. I
I was struggling with my own stuff, but
that's that's part of it. Like, in construction,
layoffs are a part of it. And when
layoffs happen, it's going to
financially affect you. Yep. And financial stress definitely
(27:30):
affects relationships.
It's going to mentally affect you. Mhmm. What
did I do wrong? Am I gonna get
another job? Even physically.
Yeah.
Physically, just the the
just stop moving. Yeah. Just yeah. You stop
moving, and it's just like and then when
you get a job
after being, what, weeks off Yeah. And you
(27:53):
get
back,
and that first week is a hell Yeah.
Because you're sore.
You're getting up early. You're getting up early
again. You have to start all over again,
you know. And then
not only that, what crew am I gonna
be with?
Who are the these new people
that I have to work with?
(28:13):
Are they gonna be okay with me? Or
we're gonna mesh? Or we're gonna just argue,
etcetera. Right?
Yeah.
I mean,
that plays into our next one. I mean,
high stress
and bringing work home with you. Mhmm. We
we've talked about in our first episode how
construction is a very high stress
(28:33):
environment
and how
here's the reality. We can say we wanna
leave work at work and we wanna leave
home at home, but we're one person.
We can't necessarily
separate ourselves into two different people. So, yeah,
I mean, high stress and
taking work home with you, especially when for
(28:54):
us, we were two individuals working in construction.
Mhmm.
So, Hector,
I know for you, you wanted to talk
a little bit more about this because you
really struggled with this at first. Yes.
So at first,
when I started
my assistant sup role, superintendent role,
(29:17):
the situation where I was in, I was
living
with my father at the time, which was
now looking back not a good decision. And,
yeah, like, I I I didn't have the
crew that I was working with was
one or two were good. The rest were
just
(29:38):
cutthroat.
Not a good crew, so it was just,
you know, strike at work.
My girlfriend's not next here.
She's in a different state.
So
two strikes.
And my relationship
my
situation at home was not
(29:58):
the best. And you were also trying to
learn how to be a superintendent. Right. You
had no idea what you're doing.
Right.
And I had all those going
plus just the negativity
that just just the anger that I was
in.
It's like I was going to I was
going to work. It was bad. And I
was coming home, and it was bad. And
(30:18):
all that,
I would just talk to Taylor about it.
And it got
I know it was taking a toll on
her.
It was.
Koda just woke up.
So for those of you who are unaware
of what just happened, Koda just woke up
(30:39):
dead asleep
and barked.
She was agreeing with us. Yes. She's like,
that was a stressful period of time for
me too, dad. Yes.
Yes. Even even even our puppy was was
stressed.
She gained a few more gray hairs that
day. Mhmm. No. But, like, for me,
it was
(30:59):
it was just, like, it was constant negativity,
and there was nothing that was ever positive.
And it reached a point where we had
to sit down and talk about it because
I'm like, I can't
keep listening to
the negativity all the time because there has
to be at least something that's positive.
And, honestly, there was things that were positive.
(31:19):
But it was hard to see at that
time. At the time, yes.
We actually came up with a rule after
that that it was like,
I could or Hector could, at any point
in time, any day,
anytime we're talking, be like, time out.
I don't wanna talk about work anymore.
And that was it. And a conversation, we're
(31:40):
not talking about work anymore. We're moving on.
And I think that helped me a lot
because
when you go to work and you talk
construction all day and then you go home
And you talk construction all day.
You don't get a bag from construction, and
then you start having nightmares about construction. It's
just construction twenty four seven. Speaking about nightmares,
here's a little small story. So this one
(32:02):
right here,
during TCO, she was High stress environment. Very
yep. Going back to this. So this is
not too far fetched.
And,
you know, at that time, we were staying
together in Orlando.
Yeah. And
I was, okay. Let's go. You know?
(32:22):
Went to sleep, and
here I am sleeping, minding my own business.
And out of nowhere,
I heard this woman over here, the drywall.
I, like, I I sat up in bed.
The drywall is not done. We can't get
an animal inspection.
She just looked at me
(32:42):
or looked down
and she just plopped the bite back. And
I was like, Jesus.
Help her.
Sometimes it takes over your entire life. But
that's how intense
this industry can take a hold of you.
But
that's
(33:03):
it's so high stress in construction. Yes. It
is. Like, it in fact, there is a
study done on burnout. So they looked at
the 500 largest companies on Glassdoor,
and they looked at their views, and they
evaluated
burnout
by industry. And they found construction to be
the third highest industry where burnout was called
out.
(33:24):
It's a problem.
Yeah. It is. And then how do we
deal with that? How do we deal with
the high stress, the long hours, the long
distance relationship?
We develop unhealthy coping mechanisms.
And I think one of the most accepted
ones is alcohol.
Yeah.
Have a long day at work, have a
beer.
(33:45):
Or have a couple beers.
Or just forget what's going on. Mhmm.
Like, it becomes so indoctrinating in you, especially
if you're traveling. It becomes 10 times worse.
Oh, yeah. Because you don't have anything else
to do. It's just like, I'm gonna go
home to an empty house. I'm not working.
That's why so many superintendents on the road
are just like, well, I'm just gonna stay
here as long as I possibly can because
(34:06):
I don't wanna go home.
Because they don't wanna go home and look
at Jim Bean and be like, hey.
I'm gonna have that conversation.
I remember,
this was before I started traveling.
I had
I had a very stressful first year of
work, which I'm sure we're gonna dive into
more. Mhmm. But
(34:28):
regardless, I brought this up to someone and
their response,
I'm not kidding you, was, well, you need
to find a way to be able to
relax.
Why don't you just have a drink?
That's what I do sometimes. And I'm like,
are you are
you serious? And here's the reality. Like, I
(34:48):
I used to have drinks after work. I
used to go home, and I'd have two,
three beer by myself because that becomes normalized
when you're traveling.
And you kind of become reliant on it.
You may not be an alcoholic, but you
use it in order to manage your stress.
Right.
(35:08):
And that's why
I think I gin I genuinely think it's
higher than this. But
the substance abuse and mental health services administration
said that
we are around twelve percent of construction workers
that report an alcohol use disorder.
That's one in ten. It's two times the
national average.
(35:30):
I feel like that's higher.
I feel like alcohol dependency is probably higher.
Yeah.
I mean, and it's not just alcohol. There's
also substance abuses from
anything from pills to drugs, hardcore drugs, whatever.
Yep. That's the danger right there.
It's it's a symptom of the bigger problem
(35:52):
of construction culture.
The burnout.
The only thing that people do I mean,
we talked about alcohol and substance misuse, which
we're definitely gonna go deeper on in a
future episode. But then there's also just, like,
that eating like, you get home from a
long day of work. You don't wanna cook.
You're like, what am I gonna do?
DoorDash,
(36:13):
Uber Eats, whatever it might be. And this
is how the construction belly
starts.
Steak
and potatoes.
I mean, to cope with how exhausted you
are when you get home, you order a
pizza, you order a burger, you
you
Or some people I mean, I've been on
the road and I've cooked,
(36:34):
but we
were eating
very unhealthy
cooked. Like, I'm talking about steak and potatoes
almost every day. Easiest thing we can cook.
That's like the easiest thing that anybody can
make.
You know?
That's just unhealthy eating, unhealthy eating habits,
(36:54):
drinking energy drinks
Oh, gosh. Every morning. This guy right here
used to have three a day.
And I'm not talking monster. I'm talking about,
like, you know, the high, high, high,
high caffeine ones.
Yeah. You were jumping around between them for
a while. Oh, yeah.
But
we're talking about these unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcohol
(37:17):
and eating out. But in the grander, the
bigger scheme of things, right, in the big
picture Yep. That's gonna affect your relationship. If
you're going home and you're like, I'm gonna
have a beer every day after work,
and sometimes you get a little too drunk,
it's gonna affect your relationship. I mean, we've
both had conversations where it's like, hey, you're
drinking a little bit too much. I've told
(37:37):
him that, and he's told me that Yep.
Because our stress levels were just so high.
Eating out, I mean, we would order
DoorDash how often when we're traveling because it
was just the easiest thing to do, which
put financial stress on us. Right. And then
also when we're not eating healthy, we don't
feel the best. Mhmm.
Not to mention your stomach issues.
(37:59):
Yeah. Right. Was that's another
topic for discussion for another day.
But looking at all of this, the
long hours and exhaustion, the burnout, the travel,
the job security,
unhealthy coping mechanisms,
Construction has a diverse divorce rate of thirty
six point five percent according to a monster
(38:20):
survey done. And I think
that is also higher
because there's a lot of divorces happening. I've
seen
many,
many happen on job sites.
It's just it's so
especially if you don't understand what construction culture
(38:41):
is and how it contributes to it,
it's hard to have that understanding and empathy
for
what's going on. It doesn't excuse it. Mhmm.
Now don't get me wrong. We're not saying
that all these reasons gives you excuse
to be a horrible partner. No. We're saying
that these are some of the things that
contribute
to relationships
(39:02):
decreasing
in,
happiness.
And we're gonna try and talk about what
you can do at an individual level in
order to
help your relationship as well as what companies
can do in order to safeguard
their
teams
and their happiness.
(39:23):
So with that being said, how can we
intentionally
build stronger relationships?
Well, let's talk about what helped us. What
what's one thing for you that you think
has really helped us? Well,
I feel like how we said earlier
when I'm constantly having this negative
just conversations
(39:44):
and just constantly constantly with that with that.
We we chose to limit it.
We chose to limit our venting
so that way we had
a more,
how do I say it,
not safe,
more comfortable way of of
(40:07):
of listening to each other.
Yeah. And we discussed it beforehand. Right? Like,
we talked about it and we're like, hey.
If someone says I don't wanna talk about
work, that's it. End of story. Done.
I think having that conversation ahead of time
Right.
Then being able to implement it in the
moment really helped.
I think another thing that helped with that
(40:28):
was
when we set when we got into a
really negative streak because you're not the only
one that's guilty of it. I've had bad
weeks, months,
half a year where, like, I get into
a negative streak, and we were able to
talk to each other and be like Mhmm.
Hey. For every negative thing,
what's one positive thing? Right. Let's try and
(40:48):
And that's what for the positive.
That's what changed it for me. It's look
for the positive.
And you can find it usually. There's usually
at least one thing positive.
Another thing besides the venting limits
was we do Sunday meetings. Now we're not
religious about it. We're not great at it.
Yeah. But we started doing weekly check ins
(41:11):
where we sit down. We talk about
the stuff we don't wanna talk about, like
finances.
How one of the questions we ask is,
like, how loved did you feel this week?
What could I have done to better support
you?
It really if you can be a hundred
percent honest in it Mhmm. And also recognize
that there are other probably factors coming into
(41:32):
play,
you can learn how to better support
your partner, your friend, your family, whoever you're
trying to strengthen your relationship with. These questions
are really important to ask. Mhmm.
Another thing we did was quality time.
So
it's really easy when you come home to
just throw your boots,
hop hop on the couch, turn on Netflix,
(41:53):
order some DoorDash. Right? Mhmm. And that's what
we did a lot.
And I think one thing that I found
a lot of joy in was even when
we cooked together. Like, we did HelloFresh because
it was just easier. Oh, yeah. When we
were together. So many recipes.
We learned how to cook mashed potatoes.
Mhmm. But it's like, you know, it's the
(42:13):
small moments that count. It is. It doesn't
have to be anything really big or intentional,
but
getting together and cooking Mhmm.
Or even,
playing card games. Oh, yeah. Sitting down and
being like, you know what? We're gonna watch
a movie tonight, but let's play one game
of Remy. Mhmm.
That really helped.
And then also
(42:35):
balancing
your exhaustion with your pet with your partners,
meaning
with your partner's needs,
meaning,
you know, recognizing
when you have
to say, you know what?
I know I'm
I feel like crap and all this other
stuff, but
(42:56):
how's Taylor feeling today?
How is she doing today?
Sometimes you gotta put your stuff
aside
and also think about your partner.
I think they call it,
put it on the shelf. Mhmm. It doesn't
mean that you don't get to take it
down and deal talk about your stuff. It
just means, okay. I need a shelf what
(43:17):
I need right now in order to support
my partner. Put the elf on the shelf.
No elf on the shelf.
But it's like, there were times I was
I remember when we moved back to Minnesota,
I was so depressed.
Mhmm.
Not just you.
But you shelved what you needed, and you
(43:38):
really supported me. You're like, let's go for
a walk. Let's go do this. What can
I do to help you? And you were
also exhausted.
Mhmm.
And I know there were times where you
felt the same way where I I try
to put aside what I needed and support
you better.
So
that leads us into, like, kind of what
kind of advice we can give for
(44:00):
different relationships.
Well,
I feel like
the boundaries,
mutual respect,
just
having conversations.
I feel like conversations,
having that daily conversation, like, hey. Like, where
you're at? How are you feeling?
(44:21):
I especially think that boundaries
boundaries are important in every relationship. But if
you're both in the same industry, if you're
both working construction Right.
And you're bringing that home and you can
talk about, there's this hole in the drywall.
I need to patch it. I need to
grab this, and I need to do this.
I need to run. I completely understand everything
you're talking about when you say construction. I'm
(44:42):
reliving that stress because I know exactly what
it is to be in that situation. So
setting those boundaries. Right.
But sometimes you gotta leave that
outside of the home. Yep. You know, you
gotta know when it's appropriate
to have those conversations.
And if it's really bugging you, ask the
other person. Hey. Yep. And you've done that
(45:02):
many times. Hey. Can I talk about this?
It's really bugging me.
Yes. No. And you have to be okay
with either.
So if both of you are in construction,
absolutely.
If you are dating or if you're
one of you is in construction and one
of you isn't, I think
one thing
(45:23):
that
can go both ways Mhmm. Is understanding each
other's jobs,
what the stress is. So for someone without
outside of construction is understanding that construction culture,
understanding the stresses that may be put on
that person. And you know what? Let's say
you're dating a nurse,
understanding that
what they go through,
the patients they have to deal with, what
(45:44):
they're trying to
leave at work and not take home with
them. Right.
Yeah. Like, this could also be applied to
not just construction. This could be applied to
many other
Industries.
Industries.
And just because you understand someone else's industry
doesn't mean that your needs are invalid.
(46:05):
That means even more so you need to
express what you need. Mhmm. I work in
construction. I come home. I had a really
long day.
I just need to lay on the couch
right now. Give me twenty minutes,
and then I can be the partner that
you need me to be. Yep. Let me
decompress. Yep.
But you need to be able to express
that. Mhmm.
And then with family and friends, if you're
(46:26):
trying to make that relationship work with family
and friends,
being intentional with that time.
Yeah.
Like, setting aside time and making sure that
you visit with them, that you call them,
that you text them
That you with what you can manage. Mhmm.
That you try and make time for that,
you know, one on one time with your
(46:47):
friends also. Don't just
forget about them.
I I know you're tired.
You know? But,
shit, sometimes even friends will come over.
You know? You don't have to leave.
Yeah. Those are some of the best get
togethers. It's just sitting there Right. With a
(47:07):
friend.
Unfortunately, my case is usually over a glass
of wine or beer. And that's that's fine.
But you're
it's a so like, drinking
socially is that is fine.
Now it's when you start taking
your anger out. When you use it to
deal with your stress. Exactly. When you use
it to, you know, to deal with all
(47:29):
that anger and all that animosity, that's when
it becomes danger. But
So, I mean, that's kind of our advice
and what
for individuals, but our advice for companies is
fairly similar. I mean, you you've heard what
we've talked about. You're not unaware
of the issues. So, Hector, what do you
think companies can do in order to better
(47:51):
support their people with their relationships?
Work life balance.
Oh, what a dirty word.
Which is a word that
some people hate, some people think it's
not needed,
some people think it's imaginary.
Like me when I moved here and they
(48:11):
when I moved to, you know,
Minnesota.
And that's the first place I have ever
heard of,
hey.
What do you mean you're working this weekend?
No.
It's work time.
What was it? Work life balance.
Actually, supporting people and being like, hey. You
worked a fifty hour week this week.
Take the weekend off. Take Monday off. Leave
(48:34):
early. Right?
Making sure that you're gonna advocate for your
people
to actually take that time and to
make sure that their relationships are whole. You
gotta keep that morale intact
in job sites.
And this
work life balance will keep that intact.
It will keep your workers happy. It'll keep
(48:55):
everyone on the same page.
They get to go home and see their
loved ones,
and it it's all just a happy cycle.
Yeah.
The happier your workers are, the more productive
they are. Yes. 1000%.
Another thing that you can do to keep
people happy and to make sure that their
relationships are intact
is giving decent travel packages. So if you're
(49:18):
sending someone away for a year,
making sure that you're flying them home regularly,
making sure that when they have time with
their family, it's actually time with their family
Yeah. And and that you're compensating them appropriately.
Mhmm.
I think I really lucked out with my
travel package. I was flying home every other
weekend for a three day weekend with my
family.
(49:40):
Oh, but I mean, travel packages are really
important and also understanding where individuals are at
and if they need something more. Okay.
So another thing you can do is keeping
tabs on your people.
So what that means is
when you work with the same people day
in and day out, you can tell
when someone's off, when someone needs some extra
(50:01):
time, when
they're just not themselves.
Train your supervisors.
In fact, train train everyone because it's important
to look out for the person next to
you,
not just in
mental health, but also safety wise.
I feel like
(50:22):
every morning when I get to work Mhmm.
I see
our carpenters
and some laborers meet up in the morning,
and they kinda have a little huddle.
And I feel like all those huddles
are always like, where you at? Where you
at? Where you at? Where you at? Where
you at? Where you at? Where you at?
(50:42):
Like, where's the work? Where's the work? Where's
the work?
It's never like, how are you doing? How's
everyone doing?
You know, I actually know a company
that
every
I think it's after the weekend or something
like that, they'll sit down with their people
and they'll be like, alright. What were the
highs? What were the lows?
(51:05):
What were the highs from your weekend? What
were the lows from your weekend? So that
people can get a read as to far
as what how they're doing and also just
start to build that interpersonal relationship.
Mhmm.
It doesn't have to be rocket science. It
doesn't have to be training. It doesn't have
to be expensive.
Something as simple as that Mhmm. Makes a
(51:26):
massive difference.
People aren't gonna be receptive at first. I
mean, it's construction.
Right. What are we doing talking about our
feelings?
That's my personal life. Right?
But
it's a basic human need
to connect.
So those are some of our suggestions for
(51:47):
companies and for individuals.
I think
some of the big takeaways from today's episode.
If you want your relationship to survive,
you need to be intentional
with your time, with your words,
with your energy.
We're all exhausted.
(52:08):
We're all perpetually
exhausted, and some of us are burnt out,
to be honest. I think all of us
are burnt out.
A lot of us are burnt out.
But
if you value a relationship,
you need to make it a priority. Mhmm.
It doesn't have to be something big.
(52:28):
Could bring home flowers on your way home
from work.
Hector, one time, picked up a little
flower that was in the crack of a
sidewalk, and he brought it home for me.
And that made me so happy.
A wild sunflower from a construction site.
Tough as nails.
But
that's what we're talking about. Just be intentional.
(52:49):
Mhmm. That's so important in your relationships.
Another thing is that your job
will influence your relationship. There you you're not
two separate people. Mm-mm. One will affect the
other,
but your job
and your stress does not have to define
your relationship.
Nope.
(53:11):
And it's very important to
I think the most important
is communication and understanding
one another. Yeah. Right?
We all come from
very different backgrounds.
I rather understand the next person next to
(53:31):
me than to just sit there and judge.
We've had to learn that in our relationship
and Mhmm. It's applicable to every relationship we
have.
On any level, honestly.
So our challenge to you this week
is to have one intentional conversation
(53:53):
with your partner or someone else you care
about
and talk about how your work is impacting
your relationship.
And just sit down, have a conversation.
Mhmm. Communicate about it. Try and understand each
other.
Try and figure out what you can do
differently
and better.
(54:14):
So with that,
I wanna thank you for listening to episode
four. And please don't forget to be the
change you wanna see in the industry
because this change
is only gonna happen. One conversation,
one person,
one jobs at a time. See you next
week.
Welcome to the Blueprint for Change podcast where
we tackle construction culture one conversation,
one person, one job site at a time.
My name is Taylor Boilow. And I am
Hector Lebron.
And welcome to episode four. We made it,
guys. We did.
We made it to episode four. Here we
are.
(00:36):
And again,
thank the listeners.
Thank all of you. Everyone,
whoever is listening to this,
thank you
for just giving us your attention, giving us
some time.
Thank you.
So if you're looking to find us, you
can find us on the blueprintforchange.com.
That is our website. If you're looking to
(00:58):
send us an email, the blueprint for change
at g mail dot com.
And now we are on Spotify,
Amazon Music, and
oh, what's the third?
Pandora. IHeartRadio.
No. AirRadio. Shit. You're right.
Not on Pandora. Never will be on Pandora.
(01:18):
Avatar.
No. Not not even on that planet.
So, yes. If you're looking to find us,
that's where you can find us. Apple Music
soon. Again, my apologies. This is my
mess up
again,
but it's okay. We'll get there. Anyways,
let's
jump right in. Yeah. So we're on episode
(01:41):
four, and today's episode is called love on
the job site, building relationships and construction.
So we started here,
looking at the macro level. We took a
look at construction culture as a whole,
leadership, what we can do,
diversity,
where our industry is currently at. And now
we're gonna go into the micro, the individual
(02:03):
issues that people in construction experience on a
daily basis. One of which is relationships.
So what are the different kinds of relationships,
Hector? Well, you got, you know, both people
are in construction.
One person is in construction. The other one
is not.
Or
just family or friends.
(02:24):
Absolutely. I mean, the reality is
anyone listening to this, you have relationships with
other people, whether that's just friends or family,
whether you're single and you're starting to date,
whether you're in a relationship, all of this
is gonna apply to you.
And also of course, it's Valentine's day on
Friday. So we thought when would be a
(02:44):
better time to talk about relationships and introduce
our relationship
as well?
With that being said, let's, let's just jump
right into our story. Alright, Taylor.
We met down in Florida Mhmm.
In Orlando.
Mhmm. I was an assistant superintendent for a
general contractor, and Hector was
(03:07):
Lone ranger.
No. I was a
plumber for a mechanical company. I was a
sub. I was her sub.
Contractor.
What was
your first impression when you saw me on
the job site?
Okay.
(03:28):
At the beginning, yes.
At the beginning, when I first met her,
I I I was like, wow. She's cute,
number one. But, obviously, I have to keep
that to myself.
Right?
Two,
we had an encounter
where there was a compaction test because we
had to do underground,
(03:48):
and
she was asking me all these questions. Because
your foreman was was supposed to be there.
Yeah. My foreman exactly. My foreman was supposed
to be there. Not even my foreman. The
superintendent was supposed to do that part.
Right? Mhmm. But, you know, delegated it on
to me, which is okay even though I
had a plethora of other things that I
(04:08):
was doing.
You know, I went and did
annoyingly,
I did the so I was already in
a bad mood,
which you didn't know.
No.
And then she decided to ask me questions
about the compaction, and I was just, again,
not having it. And I'm like, I'm not
(04:28):
gonna have this.
The way you were coming off was
cocky and arrogant, and I knew you knew
your stuff. I I knew that you knew
your stuff. Right? Yeah.
I knew you were a danger.
I knew you,
and I knew from the beginning that you
were the scheduler.
(04:49):
So I know I'm like, okay.
Let me not say anything
stupid. That's why I shut my mouth.
But then after that,
I just found out you were just flirting.
Yes, people. That's how she flirted, by being
cocky and arrogant with me at least.
(05:10):
Not
I okay. She is a wonderful person
to work under. She is very sweet. She
is very kind. She cares about everyone on
the job site.
And I'm also a hard ass. Yes. And
she genuinely
genuinely
really cares about
people on the job site.
(05:31):
That's
one of the things that really
solidified our relationship in my mind.
It solidified everything for me.
I think for me
Now you can stop blushing.
Shut up.
For me,
I re I think one of my first
(05:52):
memories of you was before that was when
you're being a dumbass.
And you were on a scissor lift,
and you were dancing on the stupid scissor
lift.
And I remember walking in and just being
like, what the hell is this guy doing?
I'm like, I don't wanna kick him off
for being for horseplay and stupid shit. Okay.
(06:15):
So in my defense
There is no defense. In my defense,
ladies and gentlemen of the jury
are
soon to be hundreds of some listeners.
The guy that was up there with me,
the lift, right,
was kinda old
(06:36):
and messed up.
And in order for us to get up,
you have to kinda, like, jump on it
so it can go,
and it moves up slowly.
So at the beginning,
it was for that purpose. And then I
saw how bouncy his was, and then my
ADHD kicked in. And And you started dancing.
And I started dancing. So yep.
(06:57):
But I think one other thing I noticed
about you was
you were always you were a hard worker,
and you cared about the work that you're
putting in the ground because they were doing
under underground plumbing.
I also noticed that you really try to
make everyone else around you happy and make
them laugh. I don't know. I could just
(07:18):
tell that
you'd been through a lot and that you
didn't want anyone else to
feel as bad as maybe you had in
the past.
And that you were trying to lift other
people up, which I really appreciated about you.
I I think both of us
were kinda like, who the heck is this
(07:38):
person? But at the same time Right. Had
a lot of respect for each other.
And
just for everyone out there listening,
we
did not go to a job site
looking for a relationship
No. At all. No. Like,
I had just gotten out of one. And
I was being hurt like, this job site,
(08:00):
I was being harassed
daily on by different people on the job
site. So if there was a job site
I was not looking to find anyone on
Exactly. It was that one.
I was very much so shut down
romantically when I walked on that job site.
I would walk out of the trailer. I
called it my RBF because I put on
my resting bitch face. And anyone who looked
at me wrong,
(08:21):
like, I I just I had zero tolerance
at that point for that shit. It was
still very cute RBF.
Hence, my problems.
Yep. I'm one of them.
So I guess so those are your first
memories. And at that point, I mean,
we started this job in February,
(08:41):
and we didn't start actually seeing each other
or maybe being interested in each other till
August.
Right. So
quick little
little backstory in that. Side story. No. It's
not it's not a side story. It's just
a very important part.
I was in that job site, and, obviously,
like, every construction worker and everyone that understands
(09:02):
how job sites work,
one day they'll be like, well, you're here,
and the next day, go to another site.
So they transferred me back to Tampa,
and I was working in some other building
over there with the team that I was
originally supposed to start working with,
in special projects for that company.
(09:23):
And I was like, that's it. I'm never
gonna see her again because that's how construction
is.
Right? Yeah. And we weren't even talking at
that point. We weren't even talking, but,
you know, I wanted to say hello at
least. Yeah.
But oh, well. Doop. And time and months
happen.
And then you got transferred back. And then
(09:44):
I got transferred back.
And then when I got transferred back, she
got so happy.
I was.
I was very happy.
And so did her dog.
So Coda
actually was the one who kinda started things
between us. So I could bring my job
dog to the job site, which made me
feel a lot safer.
(10:06):
And every morning, I would have to take
her out,
to go potty after I opened up the
site.
And
he just happened
to start show showing up early.
Mhmm.
Mind you, I was living in Tampa.
So he was driving an hour to the
job site?
More like an hour and a half.
(10:28):
So you drove an hour and a half
to the job site, and you showed up
an hour and a half before your crew
got there. Yes. Because I, at the time,
I used to like getting there early. But
this one day, I got there early,
and I saw her walking her dog. No.
I'm not stalking.
And I got there, you know, and
(10:48):
what I like to do was just get
there and make sure when as soon as
the soup or my foreman got there, went
inside and did inventory of what we had.
Mhmm.
So I can also keep a count of
that. But
I saw her walking her dog, and I
would say, hey. How are you doing?
And then the next day, I would I
said, you know what? I'm gonna start talking
(11:10):
to her if I see her again.
And then if lo and behold, I saw
her right there again walking her dog at
the exact same time.
And then we started engaging conversation every morning.
And I mean, like, we weren't just, like,
saying, like, oh, hi. Like, we're we were
talking for, like, an hour and a half
until his crew like, I remember being on
that job site and watching the sunrise as
(11:32):
we were as we were talking to each
other, And
we just talk, and it was so nice.
It wasn't about anything Yep. Outside of work
or it wasn't really anything substantial, but we
were talking. And I remember I called my
sister, and I was like, do you think
this guy likes me?
And she said,
no shit.
But, I mean, what I really appreciated
(11:54):
was
that you were coming to me, and we're
having conversations, and you weren't
flirting with me. Like, you weren't making me
feel uncomfortable in any shape or form. Mhmm.
It was just we started talking. And I
was like,
maybe this could be something more.
Maybe this guy is just a nice dude.
(12:16):
Maybe. Maybe.
And then, I mean,
because of our long hours so you were
working, what, an eight hour day
plus a three hour drive total. Right. So
eleven hours.
And then Daily.
Yeah. I mean,
the only time we can meet up, like,
when we decide that we really wanted to
(12:38):
start
talking to each other was on the weekends
or if we wanted to meet up at,
like, 4AM
at, like, a Wawa Right. Before,
like And have, like, super early breakfast just
before anything.
And be careful that no one saw us.
Right. Because that's the other thing. You
have to understand as a male, you have
(12:58):
to understand how females get treated on job
sites, especially in the South.
Yeah. I mean, everywhere, it it's the same.
I've I see it. I saw it. I
see it every day
to this day.
And there's this massive fear of, like, if
people saw us, then I'd be free game.
Oh, she's just sleeping with everyone on-site. Right.
(13:19):
Especially after all the harassment I was getting.
Right. And
I knew I had to keep this
very deep on the wraps because
number one, it could be an HR
nightmare.
Mhmm. It could be an eight it could
be a nightmare for both of us. What
happens if, you know, it doesn't work?
(13:40):
And we're seeing each other every
day. That's why I said the less people
that know
The better. The better. And we both
understood that mutually.
Absolute I think we even talked about it.
I told you my fears.
And
the crazy part about how our relationship started
was literally,
(14:01):
he showed up one week and just talked
to me every single morning early. Mhmm. The
next week, we started me up before work.
And the week after that, I was supposed
to transfer from Florida to Texas. Alright.
Yeah.
I was leaving the state. I was moving
halfway across the country.
(14:23):
And I remember I was on the phone,
and this is when I realized, like,
this could be something more.
Mhmm. This could be something that lasts two
and a half years to a lifetime.
And I was on the phone with one
of my Texas guys,
and I was talking with him, and I
was crying
on the phone to him.
(14:43):
I was so upset because I'm like, I
have to leave. My entire apartment is packed.
Like, everything was in boxes,
and I'm like, I don't know what to
do. And he's like, if you really care
about him and if you think there's a
chance that it might work out, you gotta
take that chance or else you're gonna regret
it.
(15:03):
And
Here we are.
That's how, I mean, everything really started.
Mhmm. When did you know it was real?
I knew it was real with one day.
I was just
driving
(15:24):
super early to come see you.
And I'm like
first of all, I was like, what the
fuck am I doing?
I'm like, am I really gonna do this?
Because I just had a previous very bad
situation and relationship that I was in, and
that was
(15:45):
it scared me from jumping back into another
one. Yeah.
And I
I don't know. Every day, you just made
my day better.
That's when I knew. I was like,
that's it.
This is it, guys.
I'm retired.
(16:06):
I found the what? Yep.
I mean
so yeah. I mean,
we started the relationship. I canceled my transfer
to Texas, and we got another
two, three months down in Florida to really
figure out if we want to make it
work.
And we were kinda in the honeymoon stage.
(16:27):
Not that we didn't have our challenges, but,
like, we didn't really see the real construction
realities and how it was gonna impact our
relationship. Mhmm. It's something that it doesn't matter
if you're dating someone and you're just dating
someone or you're in a long term relationship
or your friends and family. There are certain
realities about construction that is going to affect
(16:49):
our relationship.
Oh, yeah. I think one of the first
things that affected us was the long hours
and exhaustion.
I mean,
you get off of a long shift and
you come home and you have nothing left
to give. And it's like your partner's there.
They wanna have a night and cook cook
and talk about your day, and it's just
like, I just wanna flop on the couch.
(17:10):
Tell me about it.
Especially after it just
I mean,
even though now I'm I'm an assistant sup,
but
sometimes I look back and I'm like, dude,
how did I do all that?
How does one just wake up 04:00 in
the morning, put on your tool belt,
(17:31):
go to work,
drive,
work,
drive again,
like,
that's insane.
I mean, I remember there's one morning you
got up at 02:30AM.
We're driving all the way to Orlando.
We're spending
(17:51):
time together before work. You would go to
work, and then you drive home. And I
remember I'd be on the phone with you
because you were so tired. Mhmm. But I
also remember how
not at the beginning of our relationship, but
more towards, like,
when
we started doing long distance and I moved
away from Florida,
how tired you'd be on the phone and
(18:13):
Oh my god. There'd be times, like, it'd
be 06:00,
and we're in different time zones. That was
another factor. The other thing. But we'd be
on the phone, and you'd just be like,
I just need to go to bed, Taylor.
I'm so tired. It'd be, like, 07:00 your
time, five o'clock my time. So we get
maybe forty five minutes to talk, and then
you'd be in bed. Oh, yeah. When I
(18:33):
was still in Florida and you went to
Colorado,
that was that was the test of time
right there.
And it it affects everyone. It doesn't matter
if you're
someone who's working on the job site and
you're gonna be physically exhausted from working those
long hours Mhmm. Or you're a superintendent project
manager and you're just coming home mentally exhausted.
Right. That's another thing. Mental exhaustion. You learned
(18:55):
all about that
when you became a superintendent.
I'm still dealing with it.
I'm still dealing with the mental you know
what? But
I rather
the mental exhaustion
because I feel like a mental exhaustion, you
can just either go home,
relax,
see your loved one, you know, you have
(19:17):
more time for that Yeah. Versus
the physical
exhaustion, which I would get home and I
would just go straight to the shower and
straight to bed. Yeah.
Like, I would blackout.
I mean, I remember one time, I came
home from work physically exhausted and, like, you
literally like, I had been at work for
a twelve hour day. I did not stop
(19:38):
moving trying to get everything done. And you
I literally could not get my boots off.
I needed you to take off my boots.
I had to peel off your boots. They
were soaked. Because I remember when I pulled
them off,
it did the plunger noise. It went
That's why you don't get TCO in a
hurricane, but that's a story for another day.
(19:58):
Yeah. But you still got it.
But I mean, like, going back to, like,
when you we started doing long distance and
how tired you were,
there there's also the travel and
job security uncertainty.
Right? Mhmm. But if we look at just
that work travel and that long distance relationship,
I mean,
you don't have to be halfway across the
(20:20):
country. Even traveling that hour and a half,
that's gonna affect you. It's gonna affect how
much time you have to spend with your
loved ones.
I mean,
you used to say, like, I hate talking
to you through the phone because I just
wanna see you in person. Right. I would
just talk to you through a box.
That's it. And I'm not just saying, like,
the box. Just
(20:41):
even if you FaceTime, it's a box. You
talk, it's a box. That's it. All you
get is a digital print of them.
And I remember when you came to visit
me, you would just be so stressed about
going back to work. Yeah.
And it wasn't going back to work. It
was, like,
going away from you
is what the the real stress was.
(21:05):
Which makes it so much harder to, like,
enjoy that time because it's like,
I only got 48 with this person.
Mhmm. And I'm so tired from the work
that it's like I can't be a %
here. Yeah.
It's almost like we needed
a week
(21:26):
prior
off and then a week with each other
and then a week after
to, like
because even when you're with each other, you're
still
thinking, like, crap. Alright. This this is a
finite amount of time.
This is coming to an end soon. And
that's something very unique that construction relationships go
(21:47):
through. I mean, yes, there's travel with other
jobs. I think the most comparable is, like,
travel nursing. Right? Mhmm.
Like, you're literally in a different state possibly
from your loved one for an extended period
of time. And you really don't get a
say in it. Nope.
Your say might be, okay. We're either gonna
send you here or
(22:07):
hit the road. You're you're kinda laid off.
Yeah. Or be like, well, you can sit
on your couch.
You can collect unemployment. Yeah. It's like a
boxer. You you're retired. That's fine. Sit on
your couch. We'll call you.
I mean, not even to mention, like, when
something happens and you're all the way across
the country. Right? Mhmm. Like, when we are
doing long distance,
(22:29):
this was six months into our relationship, so
very young into our relationship.
I had a cancer scare. They found precancerous
cells, and I had to make all these
doctor appointments. And I remember just
wanting
Hector there with me.
And he was thousands of miles across the
country, and all I got was to talk
(22:49):
to him through the phone and for him
to be able to maybe possibly
get time off to come see me, to
come to my doctor's appointments with me. And
I did.
I think that was another time where I
realized, like, this is gonna last. I did
because I told my field coordinator,
I need this time off. My girlfriend needs
(23:11):
me.
If you
wanna keep me here, then keep me. If
not, I'm still gonna go. Just letting you
know.
And he said, you know what? Take the
time.
He understood.
Yeah. At least for that
situation, he understood. For precancer,
they understood.
Yeah.
(23:31):
But I mean, like,
that work travel and that long distance relationship,
it can put a lot of strain on
your relationships.
I mean, we talked about our struggles, but
I mean, even when you look at
family and friends, I didn't see my friends
for
years
Mhmm. While I was traveling.
(23:51):
But I mean, on top of that, there's
a job uncertainty, which I know you have
a lot of experience off with. Yes. So
after that whole
cancer scare and everything,
you know, we were in the clear for
a bit.
Obviously, not too much in the clear because
you still have to, you know Long distance.
(24:12):
Long distance, follow-up with your
with your doctor appointments and everything. Yep.
And then
one day to another, well, you're laid off.
And I'm like, well,
that's
fine.
But I wasn't fine.
No. Being laid off, even though
(24:34):
the older and the the more years, the
more seasoned you get in construction, a layoff
is like meh. It's whatever.
But now when you're trying to do something
with this significant other,
You wanna have a job, you wanna have
that job security, you know, start
building your relationship, moving in together, doing
(24:56):
all these other things, which I did anyways.
I got laid off.
I packed everything on my truck. He was
in Florida at the time. Yeah. I was
in Florida. I got laid off.
And I said, you know what? That's it.
Taylor was in Kansas, and I drove from
Florida all the way to Kansas.
(25:19):
Nearly one shot.
Yeah. I think you pulled over once to
take a nap Mhmm. At a truck stop.
Yep.
But, I mean, like,
there's the initial reaction of being laid off,
and then there's that period of time afterwards.
Like, you were laid off from Oh, yeah.
No. Laid off. April to
July.
A layoff, especially when you're not expecting it?
(25:42):
Yes.
Because, you know, everyone in construction
jokes, at least in the South, they used
to joke, well, here comes the layoff pizza.
You know? Here's your food. Here's your layoff
papers. There's not enough work.
But this one was comp I got
completely blindsided.
You're just about to hit six months too.
So you're and you're starting to when he
(26:05):
started as a superintendent, he really struggled. Oh,
yeah. And then he was finally starting to
get his feet under under him, and he
was starting to make relationships and all that,
and then he got laid off. So couple
starting to gain that confidence Mhmm. With the
unexpectedness of that layoff, which was no one's
fault. It was just
it's construction.
(26:25):
Right.
Right.
But you have to, you know, you have
to take the gut punch and just keep
on moving.
And then moving forward. Got in with another
company. And then, you know, finally, I got
another company.
Good. You know, I thought it was another
good idea,
and then they went under.
Two months a month to two months after
(26:46):
you got hired.
Two strikes.
I was like,
thank you.
Two layoffs within six months six to seven
months of each other. Oh, yeah.
I was getting kinda I was getting salty,
and I was getting nervous.
Mentally, like, you were struggling. I I could
tell. Oh, yeah. And then
(27:09):
I was trying to be there to support
you as much as I could.
But you also had your problems. Yeah. I
I was struggling with my own stuff, but
that's that's part of it. Like, in construction,
layoffs are a part of it. And when
layoffs happen, it's going to
financially affect you. Yep. And financial stress definitely
(27:30):
affects relationships.
It's going to mentally affect you. Mhmm. What
did I do wrong? Am I gonna get
another job? Even physically.
Yeah.
Physically, just the the
just stop moving. Yeah. Just yeah. You stop
moving, and it's just like and then when
you get a job
after being, what, weeks off Yeah. And you
(27:53):
get
back,
and that first week is a hell Yeah.
Because you're sore.
You're getting up early. You're getting up early
again. You have to start all over again,
you know. And then
not only that, what crew am I gonna
be with?
Who are the these new people
that I have to work with?
(28:13):
Are they gonna be okay with me? Or
we're gonna mesh? Or we're gonna just argue,
etcetera. Right?
Yeah.
I mean,
that plays into our next one. I mean,
high stress
and bringing work home with you. Mhmm. We
we've talked about in our first episode how
construction is a very high stress
(28:33):
environment
and how
here's the reality. We can say we wanna
leave work at work and we wanna leave
home at home, but we're one person.
We can't necessarily
separate ourselves into two different people. So, yeah,
I mean, high stress and
taking work home with you, especially when for
(28:54):
us, we were two individuals working in construction.
Mhmm.
So, Hector,
I know for you, you wanted to talk
a little bit more about this because you
really struggled with this at first. Yes.
So at first,
when I started
my assistant sup role, superintendent role,
(29:17):
the situation where I was in, I was
living
with my father at the time, which was
now looking back not a good decision. And,
yeah, like, I I I didn't have the
crew that I was working with was
one or two were good. The rest were
just
(29:38):
cutthroat.
Not a good crew, so it was just,
you know, strike at work.
My girlfriend's not next here.
She's in a different state.
So
two strikes.
And my relationship
my
situation at home was not
(29:58):
the best. And you were also trying to
learn how to be a superintendent. Right. You
had no idea what you're doing.
Right.
And I had all those going
plus just the negativity
that just just the anger that I was
in.
It's like I was going to I was
going to work. It was bad. And I
was coming home, and it was bad. And
(30:18):
all that,
I would just talk to Taylor about it.
And it got
I know it was taking a toll on
her.
It was.
Koda just woke up.
So for those of you who are unaware
of what just happened, Koda just woke up
(30:39):
dead asleep
and barked.
She was agreeing with us. Yes. She's like,
that was a stressful period of time for
me too, dad. Yes.
Yes. Even even even our puppy was was
stressed.
She gained a few more gray hairs that
day. Mhmm. No. But, like, for me,
it was
(30:59):
it was just, like, it was constant negativity,
and there was nothing that was ever positive.
And it reached a point where we had
to sit down and talk about it because
I'm like, I can't
keep listening to
the negativity all the time because there has
to be at least something that's positive.
And, honestly, there was things that were positive.
(31:19):
But it was hard to see at that
time. At the time, yes.
We actually came up with a rule after
that that it was like,
I could or Hector could, at any point
in time, any day,
anytime we're talking, be like, time out.
I don't wanna talk about work anymore.
And that was it. And a conversation, we're
(31:40):
not talking about work anymore. We're moving on.
And I think that helped me a lot
because
when you go to work and you talk
construction all day and then you go home
And you talk construction all day.
You don't get a bag from construction, and
then you start having nightmares about construction. It's
just construction twenty four seven. Speaking about nightmares,
here's a little small story. So this one
(32:02):
right here,
during TCO, she was High stress environment. Very
yep. Going back to this. So this is
not too far fetched.
And,
you know, at that time, we were staying
together in Orlando.
Yeah. And
I was, okay. Let's go. You know?
(32:22):
Went to sleep, and
here I am sleeping, minding my own business.
And out of nowhere,
I heard this woman over here, the drywall.
I, like, I I sat up in bed.
The drywall is not done. We can't get
an animal inspection.
She just looked at me
(32:42):
or looked down
and she just plopped the bite back. And
I was like, Jesus.
Help her.
Sometimes it takes over your entire life. But
that's how intense
this industry can take a hold of you.
But
that's
(33:03):
it's so high stress in construction. Yes. It
is. Like, it in fact, there is a
study done on burnout. So they looked at
the 500 largest companies on Glassdoor,
and they looked at their views, and they
evaluated
burnout
by industry. And they found construction to be
the third highest industry where burnout was called
out.
(33:24):
It's a problem.
Yeah. It is. And then how do we
deal with that? How do we deal with
the high stress, the long hours, the long
distance relationship?
We develop unhealthy coping mechanisms.
And I think one of the most accepted
ones is alcohol.
Yeah.
Have a long day at work, have a
beer.
(33:45):
Or have a couple beers.
Or just forget what's going on. Mhmm.
Like, it becomes so indoctrinating in you, especially
if you're traveling. It becomes 10 times worse.
Oh, yeah. Because you don't have anything else
to do. It's just like, I'm gonna go
home to an empty house. I'm not working.
That's why so many superintendents on the road
are just like, well, I'm just gonna stay
here as long as I possibly can because
(34:06):
I don't wanna go home.
Because they don't wanna go home and look
at Jim Bean and be like, hey.
I'm gonna have that conversation.
I remember,
this was before I started traveling.
I had
I had a very stressful first year of
work, which I'm sure we're gonna dive into
more. Mhmm. But
(34:28):
regardless, I brought this up to someone and
their response,
I'm not kidding you, was, well, you need
to find a way to be able to
relax.
Why don't you just have a drink?
That's what I do sometimes. And I'm like,
are you are
you serious? And here's the reality. Like, I
(34:48):
I used to have drinks after work. I
used to go home, and I'd have two,
three beer by myself because that becomes normalized
when you're traveling.
And you kind of become reliant on it.
You may not be an alcoholic, but you
use it in order to manage your stress.
Right.
(35:08):
And that's why
I think I gin I genuinely think it's
higher than this. But
the substance abuse and mental health services administration
said that
we are around twelve percent of construction workers
that report an alcohol use disorder.
That's one in ten. It's two times the
national average.
(35:30):
I feel like that's higher.
I feel like alcohol dependency is probably higher.
Yeah.
I mean, and it's not just alcohol. There's
also substance abuses from
anything from pills to drugs, hardcore drugs, whatever.
Yep. That's the danger right there.
It's it's a symptom of the bigger problem
(35:52):
of construction culture.
The burnout.
The only thing that people do I mean,
we talked about alcohol and substance misuse, which
we're definitely gonna go deeper on in a
future episode. But then there's also just, like,
that eating like, you get home from a
long day of work. You don't wanna cook.
You're like, what am I gonna do?
DoorDash,
(36:13):
Uber Eats, whatever it might be. And this
is how the construction belly
starts.
Steak
and potatoes.
I mean, to cope with how exhausted you
are when you get home, you order a
pizza, you order a burger, you
you
Or some people I mean, I've been on
the road and I've cooked,
(36:34):
but we
were eating
very unhealthy
cooked. Like, I'm talking about steak and potatoes
almost every day. Easiest thing we can cook.
That's like the easiest thing that anybody can
make.
You know?
That's just unhealthy eating, unhealthy eating habits,
(36:54):
drinking energy drinks
Oh, gosh. Every morning. This guy right here
used to have three a day.
And I'm not talking monster. I'm talking about,
like, you know, the high, high, high,
high caffeine ones.
Yeah. You were jumping around between them for
a while. Oh, yeah.
But
we're talking about these unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcohol
(37:17):
and eating out. But in the grander, the
bigger scheme of things, right, in the big
picture Yep. That's gonna affect your relationship. If
you're going home and you're like, I'm gonna
have a beer every day after work,
and sometimes you get a little too drunk,
it's gonna affect your relationship. I mean, we've
both had conversations where it's like, hey, you're
drinking a little bit too much. I've told
(37:37):
him that, and he's told me that Yep.
Because our stress levels were just so high.
Eating out, I mean, we would order
DoorDash how often when we're traveling because it
was just the easiest thing to do, which
put financial stress on us. Right. And then
also when we're not eating healthy, we don't
feel the best. Mhmm.
Not to mention your stomach issues.
(37:59):
Yeah. Right. Was that's another
topic for discussion for another day.
But looking at all of this, the
long hours and exhaustion, the burnout, the travel,
the job security,
unhealthy coping mechanisms,
Construction has a diverse divorce rate of thirty
six point five percent according to a monster
(38:20):
survey done. And I think
that is also higher
because there's a lot of divorces happening. I've
seen
many,
many happen on job sites.
It's just it's so
especially if you don't understand what construction culture
(38:41):
is and how it contributes to it,
it's hard to have that understanding and empathy
for
what's going on. It doesn't excuse it. Mhmm.
Now don't get me wrong. We're not saying
that all these reasons gives you excuse
to be a horrible partner. No. We're saying
that these are some of the things that
contribute
to relationships
(39:02):
decreasing
in,
happiness.
And we're gonna try and talk about what
you can do at an individual level in
order to
help your relationship as well as what companies
can do in order to safeguard
their
teams
and their happiness.
(39:23):
So with that being said, how can we
intentionally
build stronger relationships?
Well, let's talk about what helped us. What
what's one thing for you that you think
has really helped us? Well,
I feel like how we said earlier
when I'm constantly having this negative
just conversations
(39:44):
and just constantly constantly with that with that.
We we chose to limit it.
We chose to limit our venting
so that way we had
a more,
how do I say it,
not safe,
more comfortable way of of
(40:07):
of listening to each other.
Yeah. And we discussed it beforehand. Right? Like,
we talked about it and we're like, hey.
If someone says I don't wanna talk about
work, that's it. End of story. Done.
I think having that conversation ahead of time
Right.
Then being able to implement it in the
moment really helped.
I think another thing that helped with that
(40:28):
was
when we set when we got into a
really negative streak because you're not the only
one that's guilty of it. I've had bad
weeks, months,
half a year where, like, I get into
a negative streak, and we were able to
talk to each other and be like Mhmm.
Hey. For every negative thing,
what's one positive thing? Right. Let's try and
(40:48):
And that's what for the positive.
That's what changed it for me. It's look
for the positive.
And you can find it usually. There's usually
at least one thing positive.
Another thing besides the venting limits
was we do Sunday meetings. Now we're not
religious about it. We're not great at it.
Yeah. But we started doing weekly check ins
(41:11):
where we sit down. We talk about
the stuff we don't wanna talk about, like
finances.
How one of the questions we ask is,
like, how loved did you feel this week?
What could I have done to better support
you?
It really if you can be a hundred
percent honest in it Mhmm. And also recognize
that there are other probably factors coming into
(41:32):
play,
you can learn how to better support
your partner, your friend, your family, whoever you're
trying to strengthen your relationship with. These questions
are really important to ask. Mhmm.
Another thing we did was quality time.
So
it's really easy when you come home to
just throw your boots,
hop hop on the couch, turn on Netflix,
(41:53):
order some DoorDash. Right? Mhmm. And that's what
we did a lot.
And I think one thing that I found
a lot of joy in was even when
we cooked together. Like, we did HelloFresh because
it was just easier. Oh, yeah. When we
were together. So many recipes.
We learned how to cook mashed potatoes.
Mhmm. But it's like, you know, it's the
(42:13):
small moments that count. It is. It doesn't
have to be anything really big or intentional,
but
getting together and cooking Mhmm.
Or even,
playing card games. Oh, yeah. Sitting down and
being like, you know what? We're gonna watch
a movie tonight, but let's play one game
of Remy. Mhmm.
That really helped.
And then also
(42:35):
balancing
your exhaustion with your pet with your partners,
meaning
with your partner's needs,
meaning,
you know, recognizing
when you have
to say, you know what?
I know I'm
I feel like crap and all this other
stuff, but
(42:56):
how's Taylor feeling today?
How is she doing today?
Sometimes you gotta put your stuff
aside
and also think about your partner.
I think they call it,
put it on the shelf. Mhmm. It doesn't
mean that you don't get to take it
down and deal talk about your stuff. It
just means, okay. I need a shelf what
(43:17):
I need right now in order to support
my partner. Put the elf on the shelf.
No elf on the shelf.
But it's like, there were times I was
I remember when we moved back to Minnesota,
I was so depressed.
Mhmm.
Not just you.
But you shelved what you needed, and you
(43:38):
really supported me. You're like, let's go for
a walk. Let's go do this. What can
I do to help you? And you were
also exhausted.
Mhmm.
And I know there were times where you
felt the same way where I I try
to put aside what I needed and support
you better.
So
that leads us into, like, kind of what
kind of advice we can give for
(44:00):
different relationships.
Well,
I feel like
the boundaries,
mutual respect,
just
having conversations.
I feel like conversations,
having that daily conversation, like, hey. Like, where
you're at? How are you feeling?
(44:21):
I especially think that boundaries
boundaries are important in every relationship. But if
you're both in the same industry, if you're
both working construction Right.
And you're bringing that home and you can
talk about, there's this hole in the drywall.
I need to patch it. I need to
grab this, and I need to do this.
I need to run. I completely understand everything
you're talking about when you say construction. I'm
(44:42):
reliving that stress because I know exactly what
it is to be in that situation. So
setting those boundaries. Right.
But sometimes you gotta leave that
outside of the home. Yep. You know, you
gotta know when it's appropriate
to have those conversations.
And if it's really bugging you, ask the
other person. Hey. Yep. And you've done that
(45:02):
many times. Hey. Can I talk about this?
It's really bugging me.
Yes. No. And you have to be okay
with either.
So if both of you are in construction,
absolutely.
If you are dating or if you're
one of you is in construction and one
of you isn't, I think
one thing
(45:23):
that
can go both ways Mhmm. Is understanding each
other's jobs,
what the stress is. So for someone without
outside of construction is understanding that construction culture,
understanding the stresses that may be put on
that person. And you know what? Let's say
you're dating a nurse,
understanding that
what they go through,
the patients they have to deal with, what
(45:44):
they're trying to
leave at work and not take home with
them. Right.
Yeah. Like, this could also be applied to
not just construction. This could be applied to
many other
Industries.
Industries.
And just because you understand someone else's industry
doesn't mean that your needs are invalid.
(46:05):
That means even more so you need to
express what you need. Mhmm. I work in
construction. I come home. I had a really
long day.
I just need to lay on the couch
right now. Give me twenty minutes,
and then I can be the partner that
you need me to be. Yep. Let me
decompress. Yep.
But you need to be able to express
that. Mhmm.
And then with family and friends, if you're
(46:26):
trying to make that relationship work with family
and friends,
being intentional with that time.
Yeah.
Like, setting aside time and making sure that
you visit with them, that you call them,
that you text them
That you with what you can manage. Mhmm.
That you try and make time for that,
you know, one on one time with your
(46:47):
friends also. Don't just
forget about them.
I I know you're tired.
You know? But,
shit, sometimes even friends will come over.
You know? You don't have to leave.
Yeah. Those are some of the best get
togethers. It's just sitting there Right. With a
(47:07):
friend.
Unfortunately, my case is usually over a glass
of wine or beer. And that's that's fine.
But you're
it's a so like, drinking
socially is that is fine.
Now it's when you start taking
your anger out. When you use it to
deal with your stress. Exactly. When you use
it to, you know, to deal with all
(47:29):
that anger and all that animosity, that's when
it becomes danger. But
So, I mean, that's kind of our advice
and what
for individuals, but our advice for companies is
fairly similar. I mean, you you've heard what
we've talked about. You're not unaware
of the issues. So, Hector, what do you
think companies can do in order to better
(47:51):
support their people with their relationships?
Work life balance.
Oh, what a dirty word.
Which is a word that
some people hate, some people think it's
not needed,
some people think it's imaginary.
Like me when I moved here and they
(48:11):
when I moved to, you know,
Minnesota.
And that's the first place I have ever
heard of,
hey.
What do you mean you're working this weekend?
No.
It's work time.
What was it? Work life balance.
Actually, supporting people and being like, hey. You
worked a fifty hour week this week.
Take the weekend off. Take Monday off. Leave
(48:34):
early. Right?
Making sure that you're gonna advocate for your
people
to actually take that time and to
make sure that their relationships are whole. You
gotta keep that morale intact
in job sites.
And this
work life balance will keep that intact.
It will keep your workers happy. It'll keep
(48:55):
everyone on the same page.
They get to go home and see their
loved ones,
and it it's all just a happy cycle.
Yeah.
The happier your workers are, the more productive
they are. Yes. 1000%.
Another thing that you can do to keep
people happy and to make sure that their
relationships are intact
is giving decent travel packages. So if you're
(49:18):
sending someone away for a year,
making sure that you're flying them home regularly,
making sure that when they have time with
their family, it's actually time with their family
Yeah. And and that you're compensating them appropriately.
Mhmm.
I think I really lucked out with my
travel package. I was flying home every other
weekend for a three day weekend with my
family.
(49:40):
Oh, but I mean, travel packages are really
important and also understanding where individuals are at
and if they need something more. Okay.
So another thing you can do is keeping
tabs on your people.
So what that means is
when you work with the same people day
in and day out, you can tell
when someone's off, when someone needs some extra
(50:01):
time, when
they're just not themselves.
Train your supervisors.
In fact, train train everyone because it's important
to look out for the person next to
you,
not just in
mental health, but also safety wise.
I feel like
(50:22):
every morning when I get to work Mhmm.
I see
our carpenters
and some laborers meet up in the morning,
and they kinda have a little huddle.
And I feel like all those huddles
are always like, where you at? Where you
at? Where you at? Where you at? Where
you at? Where you at? Where you at?
(50:42):
Like, where's the work? Where's the work? Where's
the work?
It's never like, how are you doing? How's
everyone doing?
You know, I actually know a company
that
every
I think it's after the weekend or something
like that, they'll sit down with their people
and they'll be like, alright. What were the
highs? What were the lows?
(51:05):
What were the highs from your weekend? What
were the lows from your weekend? So that
people can get a read as to far
as what how they're doing and also just
start to build that interpersonal relationship.
Mhmm.
It doesn't have to be rocket science. It
doesn't have to be training. It doesn't have
to be expensive.
Something as simple as that Mhmm. Makes a
(51:26):
massive difference.
People aren't gonna be receptive at first. I
mean, it's construction.
Right. What are we doing talking about our
feelings?
That's my personal life. Right?
But
it's a basic human need
to connect.
So those are some of our suggestions for
(51:47):
companies and for individuals.
I think
some of the big takeaways from today's episode.
If you want your relationship to survive,
you need to be intentional
with your time, with your words,
with your energy.
We're all exhausted.
(52:08):
We're all perpetually
exhausted, and some of us are burnt out,
to be honest. I think all of us
are burnt out.
A lot of us are burnt out.
But
if you value a relationship,
you need to make it a priority. Mhmm.
It doesn't have to be something big.
(52:28):
Could bring home flowers on your way home
from work.
Hector, one time, picked up a little
flower that was in the crack of a
sidewalk, and he brought it home for me.
And that made me so happy.
A wild sunflower from a construction site.
Tough as nails.
But
that's what we're talking about. Just be intentional.
(52:49):
Mhmm. That's so important in your relationships.
Another thing is that your job
will influence your relationship. There you you're not
two separate people. Mm-mm. One will affect the
other,
but your job
and your stress does not have to define
your relationship.
Nope.
(53:11):
And it's very important to
I think the most important
is communication and understanding
one another. Yeah. Right?
We all come from
very different backgrounds.
I rather understand the next person next to
(53:31):
me than to just sit there and judge.
We've had to learn that in our relationship
and Mhmm. It's applicable to every relationship we
have.
On any level, honestly.
So our challenge to you this week
is to have one intentional conversation
(53:53):
with your partner or someone else you care
about
and talk about how your work is impacting
your relationship.
And just sit down, have a conversation.
Mhmm. Communicate about it. Try and understand each
other.
Try and figure out what you can do
differently
and better.
(54:14):
So with that,
I wanna thank you for listening to episode
four. And please don't forget to be the
change you wanna see in the industry
because this change
is only gonna happen. One conversation,
one person,
one jobs at a time. See you next
week.
Popular Podcasts
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.