December 21, 2025 • 25 mins
🎧 Episode Summary:
What happens when your kids drive away… and you suddenly realize your entire identity just shifted? In this heart-opening episode, confidence coach and Confidence in Bloom podcast host Tina Spoletini shares how an “almost empty nest” moment sparked her reinvention—and how her work evolved from styling outfits to helping women rebuild self-trust, quiet self-doubt, and truly bloom into their next chapter. If you’ve ever questioned your purpose, battled negative self-talk, or felt like you’re starting over, Tina’s story will feel like a warm hand on your back saying, “You’ve got this.”
✨ What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- Why life transitions can create identity “whiplash” (and how to navigate it with compassion)
- How Tina’s journey began with fashion confidence—and evolved into deeper mindset work
- The truth about negative self-talk (it doesn’t disappear… but it can change roles)
- Tina’s powerful concept: the “Itty Bitty Sh*tty Committee” and how to make peace with it
- How community support can quietly become your “mentor” while you build something new
- A simple way to shift from noticing problems to noticing possibilities
🛠️ Actionable Tips from Tina Spoletini:
- Name the voices. When self-doubt shows up, identify it instead of spiraling in it.
- Make friends with your inner committee. Don’t waste energy trying to “delete” it—learn to work with it.
- Give your inner critic a job. Redirect that hyper-aware energy into something useful: curiosity, solutions, creativity.
- Notice what’s in your control. Practice separating what’s yours to handle vs. what belongs to someone else.
- Build support on purpose. Even if you’re not “paying for mentorship,” surround yourself with people who help you grow.
🎤 Memorable Quote:
“We all have the itty bitty sh*tty committee… make friends with it.”
🔥 Bold Moment of the Episode:
Tina sharing the moment her twins drove away to school for the first time—and she stood there thinking, “Oh my God… my life is over.” That raw honesty becomes the turning point for her reinvention and the beginning of her work supporting women through identity shifts and confidence rebuilds.
📱 Connect with Tina Spoletini:
- Podcast: Confidence in Bloom
- Offering mentioned: The Bloom Room (a circle-style gathering for support + learning)
🚀 Join the Bold and Brilliant Podcast Community:
Love these stories of reinvention and brave next steps? Come hang with us inside The Gather Community, where women connect, grow, and take BOLD action—together.
🌟 Rate & Review:
If Tina’s message hit home, would you take 30 seconds to rate & review the podcast? It helps more women find these conversations—and it tells us what you want more of. (And don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode!)
Thank you for supporting The Bold and Brilliant Podcast!
Find out what's up with Tracie by connecting on your favorite social media channel, and with The Gather Community by joining us at an upcoming online event or receiving our mailing list. Go to:
https://www.tracieroot.com/links
to find upcoming events, workshops, courses and more!
We're just getting started, so I hope you subscribed, and please leave a review so we can start building some podcast-momentum!
xoxo
Your host,
Tracie Root
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tracie (00:00):
Are you ready for bold moves and confident reinvention?
Welcome to the Bold andBrilliant podcast where women
share the decisions that changedeverything.
Today's guest is Tina Spoletini,confidence coach, speaker, and
host of the Confidence in Bloompodcast.
Teta helps women reconnect withthemselves, release self-doubt,
and step into their next chapterwith clarity, confidence, and
(00:23):
self-love.
In this episode, Tina shares thebold decision that sparked her
own reinvention, and howtrusting yourself, again can
help you bloom into your fullestpotential.
Welcome Tina to the Bold andBrilliant podcast.
Tina, welcome to the podcast.
I'm so excited for you to behere.
Yes.
Thank
Tina (00:42):
you
Tracie (00:42):
so much
Tina (00:43):
for having me, Tracy.
Tracie (00:45):
Amazing.
Okay, so to give our listeners alittle bit of kind of where we
are at in our relationship,you're part of the Gather
community.
We've been connected for severalyears through various platforms
and Facebook and differentnetworking groups and things
like that.
We were realizing earlier, weactually haven't really done an
(01:06):
in depth.
Like, tell me about how you gothere.
What was your life before Tinacoach?
So give me, let's give everyonesome background, including
myself, give our listeners alittle origin story of how you
got to where you are becauseyour, your personality and your
like, um, empowerment energy isreally apparent.
(01:30):
I don't know where that comesfrom.
So tell me about it.
Okay.
Tina (01:33):
Well, I mean, there's not a whole lot to tell.
I came, you know, I grew up inCanada, I mean, live in Canada,
and this is where I grew up.
Um, you know, I love my family.
I loved being with my family,and it was all part of that
whole, you know, it, it's a, I'ma people person.
Right.
Yeah.
The more people I have aroundme, the more energy I get.
Right.
Do you have
Tracie (01:53):
a large family, like siblings, cousins, uh, like
around you?
Yeah.
Cousins.
Tina (01:58):
Like I have just one brother.
Um, but my dad is the oldest ofeight.
Mm.
And we were together almostevery Sunday while I was growing
up.
And so I think, I think bybefore I got married, our Sunday
dinners were like 42.
Wow.
39, 42, something like that.
Amazing.
Right Now, of course, it wasn'tall 42 of us sitting at one
(02:19):
table every Sunday.
Lots of times it was, you know,like an open house.
You know, my husband would haveeight people at his table.
But by the end of the day, allof us had been, everyone had
Tracie (02:29):
come through.
My first husband was theyoungest of nine, uh, in New
Orleans.
And so it was a very similar,he's like, Sunday dinner was 30
people.
So very similar situation.
Yeah.
Tina (02:39):
And I loved it.
I absolutely loved it.
Like I looked forward to mySundays because I got to see
everybody, right?
Mm-hmm.
Like it was like, oh, I got tosee, you know, my uncle.
And I mean, sure.
I mean, we all know like family,there's always friction between
family.
But I didn't care.
I was like, I don't care.
Fight.
Do what you gotta do.
I wanna see everybody.
Yeah.
Right.
And I carried that on into myadulthood and into my, like I
(03:02):
tried with my kids, but we movedaway when my, I think I have, so
I have twins, and then I have ayounger son.
And I think the twins were 11and we moved away from our
family, which was huge, right?
For me, that was really big.
But it was also a greatopportunity for me to be just
close with my family, right?
Because now this is, I actuallyremember, and I was telling my
(03:24):
mother-in-law this when I movedaway.
I was like, oh my God, I don'tknow if I know how to parent
anymore.
Because I was so used to thatmuch.
You had so
Tracie (03:31):
much support from others.
Yeah.
Tina (03:33):
Right.
And I honestly didn't know how Iwas gonna do it, but I managed,
the twins now are 24.
My youngest will be 19, andthey're alive and well.
So I did.
Awesome.
Well congratulations.
Good job, mom.
Thank you.
And so I did, I worked, youknow, when we first were
married, I worked in a bank.
Which was my dream job.
And I thought, oh, I got lifemade, right?
(03:55):
Mm-hmm.
And then when we started afamily, we decided that I would
stay home.
Right.
I mean, we were doing well, youknow, we, we didn't need to
have,
Tracie (04:03):
yeah.
Right.
If you can make it work, thenthat's a lot of people's dream,
if you can Exactly.
Substantially, let's make ithappen.
Tina (04:08):
That's right.
And, and quite honestly, Iwanted to be in my kids' lives.
I wanted to be a part of theirlives.
Right.
Not that, you know, working momsare not, but I, for me, that
felt like that's what was right.
And, and so.
I did that.
Then when the twins turned 16and they got their driver's
license, I was like, and theywere
Tracie (04:27):
gone.
Tina (04:27):
Yeah.
I, I'll never forget the firsttime they drove to school, my
youngest was walking'cause hisschool was, you know, just a few
blocks from the house and they,they're driving away and I'm
standing in the garage and myhouse coat watching them drive
away.
And I was like.
Oh my God, my life is over.
Right.
Like, I really felt like I hadno purpose anymore, and I
(04:49):
thought, how am I gonna do this?
Right.
I was, I think I was, I, I wasin my mid forties anyway.
Oh yeah.
Well, I was 30 when they wereborn, so I was 46, and I
remember thinking, oh my God.
Like, that's it.
I'm done.
Right.
Like, I'm not even 50 and I haveno reason to get outta bed
anymore.
Yeah.
And so I went on this like.
(05:11):
I don't know what, like ajourney, I guess.
What do I do now?
And it took me a few years.
It didn't happen overnight.
Um, but I decided that womenneeded me.
Right over like plus size womenneeded me.
Mm-hmm.
Because I, I've been plus sizeall my life and I, but I love
clothes and I love fashion, andI was like, that's, that's what
I wanna do.
I wanna like, help women like melearn how to dress better.
(05:35):
Right.
To be comfortable in their skin.
Yeah.
More, more than anything.
It's like, because clothes.
They're not everything.
Right.
Like we don't, the clothes don'tmake the person Right, right.
The, the person makes theclothes.
And I've always believed thatand I kind of went, okay.
Other women, I, you know, we seewomen all over the, like,
everybody, there's lots ofpeople that don't know how to
(05:56):
dress.
Right?
Yeah.
Oh, I shouldn't say it that way.
That's actually sounds reallynegative, but some people just
don't know how to put the properoutfits together for their
bodies.
Tracie (06:06):
Yeah.
Tina (06:06):
Right.
And I thought, I wanna, I wannabe that person to help.
Women learn how to put the rightclothes so that they can feel
confident and you know.
Yeah.
Strong and energized.
So I went on this mission to dothis, and in the meantime I
learned a life coaching.
I had a life coachingcertificate through the Canadian
(06:27):
Federation of Coaching.
I think that's what it's called.
But of course that has, it was,it turned into more than that.
It was more about like the womenthat are putting on clothes.
They didn't love themselves,like their self-talk was
terrible.
And I remember standing in adressing room with a young, she
was young, like I think 27, andshe had this beautiful, bright
(06:51):
orange top.
She looked amazing.
And she's like, Tina, I can'twear this.
I was like, what?
What do you mean you can't wearit?
It looks beautiful on you.
Right?
And she's like, no, but I, itdoesn't suit me.
Like, I don't feel bright.
I don't feel good.
Yeah.
She wanted to be wearing gray.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, you know, and she wasyoung, 27, you know, like she
had, her life really hadn'tstarted yet, and I, I just had
(07:14):
like, my heart broke for her.
I was like, oh my goodness.
Like, you're too young to thinklike that.
But then I also thought on myway home, I'm like, but is she
too young for that?
Because I think we all, we allhave a little bit of that,
especially after high school,right?
Sure.
Because high school, highschool's terrible.
Right,
Tracie (07:33):
right.
We
Tina (07:34):
think we're having a great time.
Mean it's,
Tracie (07:35):
it's all, yeah.
I mean there's, it's, these daysI think it's very different
these days.
My kids are 16 and almost 17 and19, so like their mindset versus
where my mindset was when in theeighties.
Are two very different things,right?
But yes, most of us, most womenhave some sort of like
(07:55):
misconception about, like, it's,it's, you look in the mirror and
you don't see the reality.
Tina (08:02):
Right?
Exactly, and, and, well, my
Tracie (08:06):
heart
Tina (08:06):
is dysmorphia.
Tracie (08:06):
That's the word I was looking for.
Yeah.
Kind of
Tina (08:08):
personal dysmorphia in one way.
I, I see, like when I look at mydaughter at 24 mm-hmm.
The way she talks and the wayshe feels about herself is
totally different than what itwas for us when we were kids.
Everybody, every adult I knew,like all the girls in my age
group, they were all the same.
We were not good enough.
(08:29):
We had to do more.
To be more, yeah.
And, and I don't find that thegirls are like that today.
Now I don't know if that'sparenting.
'cause I blame everything onparenting.
Right.
I, well, I mean, I think part ofit can
Tracie (08:41):
be parenting, but I think it's just how generations
change.
Tina (08:44):
Right.
And I mean, I mean, you and Iboth know the schools are not
the same.
The stories that come home withmy kids, I was, I'm like, oh my
God.
What, what is happening to theworld?
Right?
Yeah.
But, but that's just the way theworld goes.
And, and maybe that's part ofthis, right?
Um, but my, my real, like, Iremember when this woman was in
the dressing room.
(09:05):
I was like, women need to feelbetter about themselves.
Right.
And I kind of took on thatresponsibility.
Right.
That's part of my job.
Yeah.
What can you do about it for theworld?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Like, why, why are women feelingso down now that, okay, I had
this, you know, eye openingmoment, but it didn't ha like I,
you know, it wasn't like I wason a mission after that.
(09:28):
Right.
It took me a lot to learn.
How do I do this?
I'm still learning.
I think I'll probably always belearning.
'cause I think, you know, womenwe're all different.
Tracie (09:37):
Yeah.
We all need to and things changeand the world is dynamic.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Tina (09:41):
Yeah.
Exactly.
And so since then I have takenmany course, many, many courses
spent lots and lots of money.
Right.
To learn how the brain worksbecause that's what it comes
down to.
Right.
What triggers us and why isthat?
Tracie (09:55):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
And so you mentioned being inthe dressing room and this girl
was there.
Why were you there?
Like, I know that we weretalking about your kids were
driving and walking off toschool and you're trying to
figure out what your life'sgonna look like after you're
almost becoming a, a emptynester for a phase of the
(10:15):
emptiness journey.
Right.
So.
So what, like when did youdecide that you were gonna do
this?
Like you started on the journey,but when did you make the
decision that bold choice to bethat woman like in business?
Tina (10:31):
Ah, so yeah, it was about, I'm gonna say it was about 18
months after my twins drove awayin their car, that one day,
Uhhuh.
Um, and it was more like, I tookme a while to figure out.
Do I wanna do something?
Mm-hmm.
Do I wanna work?
Right.
Because I hadn't worked for solong.
Yeah.
Right.
And, and, and, and unfortunatelyperson, and you could have just
(10:53):
still not, I could have not.
Right.
I didn't have to go to work.
My husband wasn't like, okay,now it's your turn to make
money.
It wasn't like that.
We were still doing well, wewere traveling.
I mean, the, my kids have beenall over.
Right.
Awesome.
And thank God, I mean, they're,you know, I'm grateful for that.
They're grateful for that.
Um.
But at the same time I was like,well, when my husband's still
(11:14):
working, like, yeah, what areyou gonna do?
Sit at home, many bomb all
Tracie (11:18):
day.
Tina (11:18):
Yeah.
Like, I'm not gonna clean myhouse all day.
I mean, I know women that dothat, but that's not who I am.
Yeah.
And I don't enjoy cooking, so Icook the basics when I have to.
Right.
So to spend a whole day in thekitchen will never happen for
me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I was, you know, I waslike, what do I do?
Like it took me a while and thenI went on a vision, or I went to
a vision board workshop.
(11:38):
I had this epiphany, like,that's what I wanna do.
I wanna help these women getdressed right, because.
They need it.
There's lots of women, and thenthey'll feel better
Tracie (11:48):
and everyone will have more confidence in the world.
Energy rises.
Tina (11:52):
Yeah, exactly.
And, and I, and I know that I,my focus was plus-sized women
because I can relate with thembetter, but there's lots of
women that came to me and said,could you help me?
Yeah.
Right.
Great.
Um, so that's where it started.
Right was with this workshop.
Yeah.
And you know, the lady that heldthe workshop, she was actually
my first business coach andhelped me sort of get things
(12:12):
started.
Right.
Awesome.
And yeah, and it was great.
I mean, I, I loved it.
Right.
But it has definitely evolvedfrom there.
Tracie (12:20):
Yeah.
I love that.
So.
So you have this vision.
I'm excited because I justsigned up for Vision Board
Workshop in December and Ihaven't been to one in a long
time, so I'm excited because youjust said that.
I'm like, Ooh, I wonder what'sgonna come outta mine.
Um, but so, okay, so you hadthis epiphany, like, what you
wanna do, you put some structureunderneath it.
Did you ever think that, like,do you, do you know how to run a
(12:42):
business for yourself?
Did you wanna get a job?
Like, what was that like?
Decision, yeah.
Tina (12:46):
No, I don't know how to run a business.
I don't, and I mean, I stilldon't.
I still don't, you know, but.
I don't know, like, so myhusband has always been
self-employed.
When we first got married, hewas working for a bank, but he
also ran, helped his dad runthree businesses now.
Oh wow.
Okay.
And so, and I remember saying tohim, so he drove me'cause I
didn't know where the, thiscourse was, this life coaching
(13:08):
course.
So he drove me and when hepicked me up, I said to him,
I'll never forget thisconversation.
I said, so the instructor said,we need to find a mentor.
And generally a mentor, someoneyou don't pay, but they help you
sort of, you know, run yourbusiness.
They teach you all the differentthings that you need to know.
So I said, you're gonna have tobe my mentor.
(13:29):
And he was like, I could dothat.
So I said, okay, that meanswe're gonna have to have at
least monthly meetings, and I'mgiving him the rundown.
Tracie (13:37):
Yeah.
Tina (13:37):
Everything you learned
Tracie (13:38):
in your course.
Tina (13:39):
Yeah.
That was in 2018 and so we'reinto almost, almost eight years
now, I guess.
Yeah.
And yeah.
We haven't had one meeting.
Right.
Like I live with a guy, I'veseen him every single day, and
we have not yet had a meetinglike this.
And that's so funny.
I don't know why.
Right.
I, but then I've hired coachesto help me because I think he's
(14:01):
a man, and I don't mean this ina negative way, but he, he
doesn't get how my brain works.
Yeah.
Our brain work different.
Yeah.
And so I, that's how I found theGather community, because it's
like-minded women.
Yeah.
Right.
And even though like, I'm notpaying you for your services,
really, I pay for my membership,but there's always tidbits that
(14:22):
we get within our meetings.
Ah, that's what I could do.
Right.
Or if there's something that Iwanna know more, I can reach out
to these women.
Absolutely.
Oh my gosh.
Tracie (14:32):
Thank you for saying that.
Can I, can I snip that out anduse that as a millennial because
that brilliant.
It's true.
cause and I'm not saying it'sbrilliant just'cause you know,
thank you for the, the awesomewords, but you get it like that
is the point, right.
Of.
Being a VIP in the membership isyou.
That's right.
Build the relationships.
You hang out regularly with theexpectation that I know there's
(14:56):
something here that's going tosupport me in whatever it is
that I need.
Tina (15:01):
That's right.
So, wow.
Tracie (15:02):
And if it doesn't support me
Tina (15:03):
today, right.
And this is what I've learned.
Yeah.
Not every meeting I come homewith something that I can put to
use.
Right, right.
But there's always something,right?
There's always something, right?
Yeah.
Like for example, like I was atthe coworking sessions that you
had a few, few weeks ago and youwere not there.
And Paula, who was sort of leftin charge, had to leave and she
(15:25):
asked me to look after thingsand I was like, I don't know how
to do that.
Right.
Like I, my heart kind of stoppedand I was like, and then after I
was like, hold on a minute,we're here just to do our own
work.
Yeah.
Right.
You might have to have aconversation after, which you
love doing anyways, so, right.
It's not the end of the world.
Right.
And so I was writing littlenotes like, okay, so and so said
(15:45):
she'll be back at this time.
And then I was like, what?
What are you doing?
Like, you're acting like you'rein school again.
Right.
But it was just, you know,taking that step of leadership,
which is all really, it takes.
Tracie (15:58):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
That little bit of confidence toknow like, yeah, I, I have, this
is not my first radio.
I have been to this event.
I know these people we may nothave met, but we're all like
minded, like you said.
So it doesn't matter if you knowexactly who they are, their
whole life story, what theirbusiness is, and what they're
(16:18):
working on, and all of that.
That's right.
You just be present for otherpeople to also be present.
And then together we keep movingforward.
That's right.
Instead, instead of movingbackward or having negative
self-talk or all of the thingsthat you said that you heard
from that woman in the dressingroom.
Right, right, right.
Your natural coaching instinctsthat are now cultivated over
(16:41):
these years.
All you need.
Tina (16:44):
Yeah, exactly.
And it's funny, when my son, myyoungest one was just a baby
like three or four months.
I had, you know, put on a lot ofweight while I was pregnant with
him.
And so I was like determined toget it off.
So I joined LA Weight Loss.
I don't know if that was in theStates, but it was in Canada.
Yeah,
Tracie (16:59):
we had it.
It's in la It was
Tina (17:00):
Los Angeles.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Yeah.
And, and I mean I obviously Iregret that now, but at the time
I was like, the time, well,that's what you think you need
at the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And.
I remember I at one time, one ofthe counselors was leaving and I
was like, oh, she's leaving.
That's too bad.
'cause she was really awesome.
And the lady I was talking tosaid, oh yeah, she's leaving
(17:21):
'cause she's being a life coach.
She's a life coach now orsomething to that degree.
Uhhuh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I remember looking at thislady going, oh my God, that
would be the best job.
Like how, who wouldn't wannahelp someone else?
You know, journey through life.
Yeah.
With their life gets tough.
Right, right.
Like, yeah.
And, and you know, here we are,15, 20, you know, 18 years later
(17:42):
and that's what I'm doing.
I love it.
Yeah.
Isn't that fun?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is fun.
Tracie (17:47):
Yeah.
And you never know, like, youknow, we all have the stories
that where we started the, thething that kind of happened in
our lives or something thatchanged or something happened to
someone else, but we witnessedit.
That just opens your eyes alittle bit more.
What could that look like forme?
How could that serve me?
(18:08):
Because we're all, you know,it's all what's in it for me?
Right.
Like Right.
You know, even those of us whoare just like, I really wanna
serve others, but that what's init for me is still underneath
the surface.
Yeah.
Tina (18:18):
Even if it's just that gratitude or, um, yeah.
Or curiosity.
Tracie (18:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because you just don't know.
When you find out something new,it's like, oh, like we all have
to process how it, how itrelates to ourselves in the
world.
Every piece of news.
How is this relating that'sright to us, our world, our
people, our family, ourcommunity.
You know?
It's all that question.
So yeah, you find out aboutsomething exciting that someone
else is excited about.
(18:43):
It's like, oh, they're excitedabout that.
What?
What is that?
Yeah, I wanna know more becauseI'm curious or I'm looking for
something more.
Right.
I know.
You know how that's gonna touchsomeone else, so that's, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, and I wanna talk aboutyour shift because what we've
been talking about this last sixmonths or so in our happenings
(19:04):
together in the Gather communityis you started off helping
people with their fashionstyling, being a stylist and
coaching people with theirstyle, but you're.
Even though the style is stillsuper important and their body
confidence in, in general, uh,like how you show up in the
world is still really important.
(19:24):
You're pulling the stylist partout and becoming more life coach
again.
Yes.
So talk about that a little bitand, and how you really are
working with people today.
Tina (19:34):
Yeah.
Okay.
So, um, I call it the Ty BittyShitty Committee, right?
And that is, that's all that,those voices that we hear in our
head, right?
The one that says you're notgood enough, you don't know
enough, the, you know, you'restupid and you can't do that.
All those kind of voices now.
Some, some coaches say, youknow, let's shut them down.
(19:55):
But the truth is, to me, theydon't really get shut down,
right?
They're always there.
They might be a little bitquieter than some, but for the
most part, my aim is to takethat shitty committee, bring
them to the table altogetherwith you, and be a team.
Right.
Be like, let's work together tomake this work.
(20:18):
Right.
Yeah.
How can I, you know, go forward?
How can I be the best versionthat I can be with all of us on
the same page?
Tracie (20:27):
Yeah.
I love that it's'cause that's soreal that, you know, as much as
we say, oh, we've knocked thataside every now and then, it
just shows up again, doesn't it?
Yeah.
And it's like, oh, I didn'tthink that I was still, I still
had that.
Issue or struggle or mindset orwhatever.
And even like, I, I related itwhen you were saying that to
(20:51):
when I was health coaching whenI first started, which is like,
okay, don't like say oh, you'regonna stop doing all these
things because you can'tliterally stop doing all the
things.
'cause your body, you getoverwhelmed and you can't
process it.
But what if you started addingin good things?
Tina (21:07):
Right.
Tracie (21:08):
Right.
And so build the good side ofthe team to build, to be with
the side that's maybe not sohealthy and create a new
Exactly.
A new way of looking at thewhole package.
I love that.
Exactly.
Tina (21:20):
Yeah.
And I, one of the trainings thatI took, uh, it was actually
really funny'cause the ladystood in front of all these
people and there was men andwomen.
It wasn't just, you know, it wasNLP training.
Mm-hmm.
And she said to have dailymeetings with this group.
Yeah.
And I remember thinking dailymeetings like, and I'm already
coaching this way.
(21:41):
Right?
Yeah.
And I'm thinking daily meetings,like I would never leave the
table.
Right?
Like I'm already thinking.
And she's like, you need to giveevery one of those voices a job.
Mm.
Right.
It took me like weeks to figureout what that meant.
Really?
Yeah.
Like, I mean, she explained it,right, but the truth is like if
(22:03):
you give like, and we're all thesame, like it's whether it's
your voices or it's yourpersonality, if you have
something to keep you busy with.
There's no time for you to benegative and bringing down
anyone else.
Right.
And so, you know, one day I'mlaying in bed looking at the,
you know, the ceiling.
'cause I couldn't fall asleep.
And I'm like, oh, like, like sothis big light came on and I
(22:26):
thought, oh, that's what I coulddo.
Right?
I could give that voice the onethat's always nattering.
You know, a job to like look forsomething else.
Mm-hmm.
And so I notice now that that'swhat, you know, like that
curiosity, right?
Like what?
What do you see in front of youright now That you can make more
(22:46):
positive or more useful
Tracie (22:48):
Yeah.
In your life?
Yeah.
If you're gonna notice all thethings that need help.
Come up with.
Come up with some solutions.
Exactly.
Come up with some ideas.
Be creative.
I love that.
Tina (22:58):
Gimme the good ones.
Gimme the good ones.
Not the ones that I can't doanything about.
Tracie (23:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because if you're gonna see allof them, like, tell me about the
other ones.
Exactly.
Don't tell me about the onesthat's, you know, the ones that
are out of our control.
And that's a big thing too,right?
Like what is it that we can havesome effect on?
And what is literally notsomething we can have an effect
on.
That's right.
Other people's, whatever.
Right.
Exactly.
What's ours to handle?
Awesome.
(23:20):
I love it.
Tina, this was such a funconversation.
I am so excited that we got achance to do this today.
Is there anything, we're gonnamake sure that, like your links
for your podcast and everythingare in the notes and you know,
in our, all our stuff.
But is there anything that youwanna, like a final comment,
wrap it up like, yeah, whatmessage do you wanna leave for
(23:44):
the listeners?
So,
Tina (23:45):
yeah, I would like to say, you know.
We all have the, the shit ittybitty shitty committee, right?
Yep.
As much as we want to admit itor not admit it, we all have it.
Make friends with it.
That's, that's my best advice.
My, you know, my tidbit of theday is just make friends with
those voices.
Yeah.
Tracie (24:04):
And you know what I love about that is a lot of people
are gonna go, how do you dothat?
It's like, well, you talk toTina.
She'll help you.
Tina (24:12):
But But the first thing, and the first thing with that
though is listening for them.
Tracie (24:16):
Yeah.
Acknowledging that they'rethere.
Yeah.
Even if you think that you'vegotten rid of them, like.
Notice when they're there.
Yeah.
Noticing right.
Is one of the big, and you saidNLP, right?
That's a big thing for NLP.
It's just noticing what you'rethinking, noticing what you're
noticing, all of that, right?
Tina (24:31):
Yeah,
Tracie (24:31):
yeah.
Yeah.
Tina (24:32):
And I have the bloom room.
I have, it's, you know, if youfollow me on socials, I'm
advertising, I do a bloom room.
It's like a circle that wegather and we just talk and you
know, I give little tidbits onlearning, but we, you know, we
talk about the it bitty shittycommittee and how
Tracie (24:47):
everyone's doing.
Yeah.
What's growing up and we're
Tina (24:49):
dealing with it.
Tracie (24:49):
Yeah.
Love it.
Love it.
Well, I'm thrilled.
I'm thrilled to be able topromote what you have going on
and highlight you here on thepodcast and of course, in the
Gather community.
Thank you for all of thatloveliness as well.
Once again, thank you.
Yeah.
Um, that just really makes myday also.
And, uh, yeah.
I'm so thrilled that you wereable to be here with us.
We're gonna get this out to theworld as soon as possible
(25:12):
because the world needs Tina.
Tina (25:14):
Awesome.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
Talk
Tracie (25:17):
to you soon.
Tina (25:17):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Thank you for listening to the Bold and
Brilliant podcast.
I'm your host, Tracy Root, and Iwanna invite you to check out
the show notes, find out whereyou can connect with our guests,
find out more about what I andthe Gather community have to
offer you, and be sure tosubscribe to this podcast on
your favorite platform.
Thanks so much.
Are you ready for bold moves and confident reinvention?
Welcome to the Bold andBrilliant podcast where women
share the decisions that changedeverything.
Today's guest is Tina Spoletini,confidence coach, speaker, and
host of the Confidence in Bloompodcast.
Teta helps women reconnect withthemselves, release self-doubt,
and step into their next chapterwith clarity, confidence, and
(00:23):
self-love.
In this episode, Tina shares thebold decision that sparked her
own reinvention, and howtrusting yourself, again can
help you bloom into your fullestpotential.
Welcome Tina to the Bold andBrilliant podcast.
Tina, welcome to the podcast.
I'm so excited for you to behere.
Yes.
Thank
Tina (00:42):
you
Tracie (00:42):
so much
Tina (00:43):
for having me, Tracy.
Tracie (00:45):
Amazing.
Okay, so to give our listeners alittle bit of kind of where we
are at in our relationship,you're part of the Gather
community.
We've been connected for severalyears through various platforms
and Facebook and differentnetworking groups and things
like that.
We were realizing earlier, weactually haven't really done an
(01:06):
in depth.
Like, tell me about how you gothere.
What was your life before Tinacoach?
So give me, let's give everyonesome background, including
myself, give our listeners alittle origin story of how you
got to where you are becauseyour, your personality and your
like, um, empowerment energy isreally apparent.
(01:30):
I don't know where that comesfrom.
So tell me about it.
Okay.
Tina (01:33):
Well, I mean, there's not a whole lot to tell.
I came, you know, I grew up inCanada, I mean, live in Canada,
and this is where I grew up.
Um, you know, I love my family.
I loved being with my family,and it was all part of that
whole, you know, it, it's a, I'ma people person.
Right.
Yeah.
The more people I have aroundme, the more energy I get.
Right.
Do you have
Tracie (01:53):
a large family, like siblings, cousins, uh, like
around you?
Yeah.
Cousins.
Tina (01:58):
Like I have just one brother.
Um, but my dad is the oldest ofeight.
Mm.
And we were together almostevery Sunday while I was growing
up.
And so I think, I think bybefore I got married, our Sunday
dinners were like 42.
Wow.
39, 42, something like that.
Amazing.
Right Now, of course, it wasn'tall 42 of us sitting at one
(02:19):
table every Sunday.
Lots of times it was, you know,like an open house.
You know, my husband would haveeight people at his table.
But by the end of the day, allof us had been, everyone had
Tracie (02:29):
come through.
My first husband was theyoungest of nine, uh, in New
Orleans.
And so it was a very similar,he's like, Sunday dinner was 30
people.
So very similar situation.
Yeah.
Tina (02:39):
And I loved it.
I absolutely loved it.
Like I looked forward to mySundays because I got to see
everybody, right?
Mm-hmm.
Like it was like, oh, I got tosee, you know, my uncle.
And I mean, sure.
I mean, we all know like family,there's always friction between
family.
But I didn't care.
I was like, I don't care.
Fight.
Do what you gotta do.
I wanna see everybody.
Yeah.
Right.
And I carried that on into myadulthood and into my, like I
(03:02):
tried with my kids, but we movedaway when my, I think I have, so
I have twins, and then I have ayounger son.
And I think the twins were 11and we moved away from our
family, which was huge, right?
For me, that was really big.
But it was also a greatopportunity for me to be just
close with my family, right?
Because now this is, I actuallyremember, and I was telling my
(03:24):
mother-in-law this when I movedaway.
I was like, oh my God, I don'tknow if I know how to parent
anymore.
Because I was so used to thatmuch.
You had so
Tracie (03:31):
much support from others.
Yeah.
Tina (03:33):
Right.
And I honestly didn't know how Iwas gonna do it, but I managed,
the twins now are 24.
My youngest will be 19, andthey're alive and well.
So I did.
Awesome.
Well congratulations.
Good job, mom.
Thank you.
And so I did, I worked, youknow, when we first were
married, I worked in a bank.
Which was my dream job.
And I thought, oh, I got lifemade, right?
(03:55):
Mm-hmm.
And then when we started afamily, we decided that I would
stay home.
Right.
I mean, we were doing well, youknow, we, we didn't need to
have,
Tracie (04:03):
yeah.
Right.
If you can make it work, thenthat's a lot of people's dream,
if you can Exactly.
Substantially, let's make ithappen.
Tina (04:08):
That's right.
And, and quite honestly, Iwanted to be in my kids' lives.
I wanted to be a part of theirlives.
Right.
Not that, you know, working momsare not, but I, for me, that
felt like that's what was right.
And, and so.
I did that.
Then when the twins turned 16and they got their driver's
license, I was like, and theywere
Tracie (04:27):
gone.
Tina (04:27):
Yeah.
I, I'll never forget the firsttime they drove to school, my
youngest was walking'cause hisschool was, you know, just a few
blocks from the house and they,they're driving away and I'm
standing in the garage and myhouse coat watching them drive
away.
And I was like.
Oh my God, my life is over.
Right.
Like, I really felt like I hadno purpose anymore, and I
(04:49):
thought, how am I gonna do this?
Right.
I was, I think I was, I, I wasin my mid forties anyway.
Oh yeah.
Well, I was 30 when they wereborn, so I was 46, and I
remember thinking, oh my God.
Like, that's it.
I'm done.
Right.
Like, I'm not even 50 and I haveno reason to get outta bed
anymore.
Yeah.
And so I went on this like.
(05:11):
I don't know what, like ajourney, I guess.
What do I do now?
And it took me a few years.
It didn't happen overnight.
Um, but I decided that womenneeded me.
Right over like plus size womenneeded me.
Mm-hmm.
Because I, I've been plus sizeall my life and I, but I love
clothes and I love fashion, andI was like, that's, that's what
I wanna do.
I wanna like, help women like melearn how to dress better.
(05:35):
Right.
To be comfortable in their skin.
Yeah.
More, more than anything.
It's like, because clothes.
They're not everything.
Right.
Like we don't, the clothes don'tmake the person Right, right.
The, the person makes theclothes.
And I've always believed thatand I kind of went, okay.
Other women, I, you know, we seewomen all over the, like,
everybody, there's lots ofpeople that don't know how to
(05:56):
dress.
Right?
Yeah.
Oh, I shouldn't say it that way.
That's actually sounds reallynegative, but some people just
don't know how to put the properoutfits together for their
bodies.
Tracie (06:06):
Yeah.
Tina (06:06):
Right.
And I thought, I wanna, I wannabe that person to help.
Women learn how to put the rightclothes so that they can feel
confident and you know.
Yeah.
Strong and energized.
So I went on this mission to dothis, and in the meantime I
learned a life coaching.
I had a life coachingcertificate through the Canadian
(06:27):
Federation of Coaching.
I think that's what it's called.
But of course that has, it was,it turned into more than that.
It was more about like the womenthat are putting on clothes.
They didn't love themselves,like their self-talk was
terrible.
And I remember standing in adressing room with a young, she
was young, like I think 27, andshe had this beautiful, bright
(06:51):
orange top.
She looked amazing.
And she's like, Tina, I can'twear this.
I was like, what?
What do you mean you can't wearit?
It looks beautiful on you.
Right?
And she's like, no, but I, itdoesn't suit me.
Like, I don't feel bright.
I don't feel good.
Yeah.
She wanted to be wearing gray.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, you know, and she wasyoung, 27, you know, like she
had, her life really hadn'tstarted yet, and I, I just had
(07:14):
like, my heart broke for her.
I was like, oh my goodness.
Like, you're too young to thinklike that.
But then I also thought on myway home, I'm like, but is she
too young for that?
Because I think we all, we allhave a little bit of that,
especially after high school,right?
Sure.
Because high school, highschool's terrible.
Right,
Tracie (07:33):
right.
We
Tina (07:34):
think we're having a great time.
Mean it's,
Tracie (07:35):
it's all, yeah.
I mean there's, it's, these daysI think it's very different
these days.
My kids are 16 and almost 17 and19, so like their mindset versus
where my mindset was when in theeighties.
Are two very different things,right?
But yes, most of us, most womenhave some sort of like
(07:55):
misconception about, like, it's,it's, you look in the mirror and
you don't see the reality.
Tina (08:02):
Right?
Exactly, and, and, well, my
Tracie (08:06):
heart
Tina (08:06):
is dysmorphia.
Tracie (08:06):
That's the word I was looking for.
Yeah.
Kind of
Tina (08:08):
personal dysmorphia in one way.
I, I see, like when I look at mydaughter at 24 mm-hmm.
The way she talks and the wayshe feels about herself is
totally different than what itwas for us when we were kids.
Everybody, every adult I knew,like all the girls in my age
group, they were all the same.
We were not good enough.
(08:29):
We had to do more.
To be more, yeah.
And, and I don't find that thegirls are like that today.
Now I don't know if that'sparenting.
'cause I blame everything onparenting.
Right.
I, well, I mean, I think part ofit can
Tracie (08:41):
be parenting, but I think it's just how generations
change.
Tina (08:44):
Right.
And I mean, I mean, you and Iboth know the schools are not
the same.
The stories that come home withmy kids, I was, I'm like, oh my
God.
What, what is happening to theworld?
Right?
Yeah.
But, but that's just the way theworld goes.
And, and maybe that's part ofthis, right?
Um, but my, my real, like, Iremember when this woman was in
the dressing room.
(09:05):
I was like, women need to feelbetter about themselves.
Right.
And I kind of took on thatresponsibility.
Right.
That's part of my job.
Yeah.
What can you do about it for theworld?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Like, why, why are women feelingso down now that, okay, I had
this, you know, eye openingmoment, but it didn't ha like I,
you know, it wasn't like I wason a mission after that.
(09:28):
Right.
It took me a lot to learn.
How do I do this?
I'm still learning.
I think I'll probably always belearning.
'cause I think, you know, womenwe're all different.
Tracie (09:37):
Yeah.
We all need to and things changeand the world is dynamic.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Tina (09:41):
Yeah.
Exactly.
And so since then I have takenmany course, many, many courses
spent lots and lots of money.
Right.
To learn how the brain worksbecause that's what it comes
down to.
Right.
What triggers us and why isthat?
Tracie (09:55):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
And so you mentioned being inthe dressing room and this girl
was there.
Why were you there?
Like, I know that we weretalking about your kids were
driving and walking off toschool and you're trying to
figure out what your life'sgonna look like after you're
almost becoming a, a emptynester for a phase of the
(10:15):
emptiness journey.
Right.
So.
So what, like when did youdecide that you were gonna do
this?
Like you started on the journey,but when did you make the
decision that bold choice to bethat woman like in business?
Tina (10:31):
Ah, so yeah, it was about, I'm gonna say it was about 18
months after my twins drove awayin their car, that one day,
Uhhuh.
Um, and it was more like, I tookme a while to figure out.
Do I wanna do something?
Mm-hmm.
Do I wanna work?
Right.
Because I hadn't worked for solong.
Yeah.
Right.
And, and, and, and unfortunatelyperson, and you could have just
(10:53):
still not, I could have not.
Right.
I didn't have to go to work.
My husband wasn't like, okay,now it's your turn to make
money.
It wasn't like that.
We were still doing well, wewere traveling.
I mean, the, my kids have beenall over.
Right.
Awesome.
And thank God, I mean, they're,you know, I'm grateful for that.
They're grateful for that.
Um.
But at the same time I was like,well, when my husband's still
(11:14):
working, like, yeah, what areyou gonna do?
Sit at home, many bomb all
Tracie (11:18):
day.
Tina (11:18):
Yeah.
Like, I'm not gonna clean myhouse all day.
I mean, I know women that dothat, but that's not who I am.
Yeah.
And I don't enjoy cooking, so Icook the basics when I have to.
Right.
So to spend a whole day in thekitchen will never happen for
me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I was, you know, I waslike, what do I do?
Like it took me a while and thenI went on a vision, or I went to
a vision board workshop.
(11:38):
I had this epiphany, like,that's what I wanna do.
I wanna help these women getdressed right, because.
They need it.
There's lots of women, and thenthey'll feel better
Tracie (11:48):
and everyone will have more confidence in the world.
Energy rises.
Tina (11:52):
Yeah, exactly.
And, and I, and I know that I,my focus was plus-sized women
because I can relate with thembetter, but there's lots of
women that came to me and said,could you help me?
Yeah.
Right.
Great.
Um, so that's where it started.
Right was with this workshop.
Yeah.
And you know, the lady that heldthe workshop, she was actually
my first business coach andhelped me sort of get things
(12:12):
started.
Right.
Awesome.
And yeah, and it was great.
I mean, I, I loved it.
Right.
But it has definitely evolvedfrom there.
Tracie (12:20):
Yeah.
I love that.
So.
So you have this vision.
I'm excited because I justsigned up for Vision Board
Workshop in December and Ihaven't been to one in a long
time, so I'm excited because youjust said that.
I'm like, Ooh, I wonder what'sgonna come outta mine.
Um, but so, okay, so you hadthis epiphany, like, what you
wanna do, you put some structureunderneath it.
Did you ever think that, like,do you, do you know how to run a
(12:42):
business for yourself?
Did you wanna get a job?
Like, what was that like?
Decision, yeah.
Tina (12:46):
No, I don't know how to run a business.
I don't, and I mean, I stilldon't.
I still don't, you know, but.
I don't know, like, so myhusband has always been
self-employed.
When we first got married, hewas working for a bank, but he
also ran, helped his dad runthree businesses now.
Oh wow.
Okay.
And so, and I remember saying tohim, so he drove me'cause I
didn't know where the, thiscourse was, this life coaching
(13:08):
course.
So he drove me and when hepicked me up, I said to him,
I'll never forget thisconversation.
I said, so the instructor said,we need to find a mentor.
And generally a mentor, someoneyou don't pay, but they help you
sort of, you know, run yourbusiness.
They teach you all the differentthings that you need to know.
So I said, you're gonna have tobe my mentor.
(13:29):
And he was like, I could dothat.
So I said, okay, that meanswe're gonna have to have at
least monthly meetings, and I'mgiving him the rundown.
Tracie (13:37):
Yeah.
Tina (13:37):
Everything you learned
Tracie (13:38):
in your course.
Tina (13:39):
Yeah.
That was in 2018 and so we'reinto almost, almost eight years
now, I guess.
Yeah.
And yeah.
We haven't had one meeting.
Right.
Like I live with a guy, I'veseen him every single day, and
we have not yet had a meetinglike this.
And that's so funny.
I don't know why.
Right.
I, but then I've hired coachesto help me because I think he's
(14:01):
a man, and I don't mean this ina negative way, but he, he
doesn't get how my brain works.
Yeah.
Our brain work different.
Yeah.
And so I, that's how I found theGather community, because it's
like-minded women.
Yeah.
Right.
And even though like, I'm notpaying you for your services,
really, I pay for my membership,but there's always tidbits that
(14:22):
we get within our meetings.
Ah, that's what I could do.
Right.
Or if there's something that Iwanna know more, I can reach out
to these women.
Absolutely.
Oh my gosh.
Tracie (14:32):
Thank you for saying that.
Can I, can I snip that out anduse that as a millennial because
that brilliant.
It's true.
cause and I'm not saying it'sbrilliant just'cause you know,
thank you for the, the awesomewords, but you get it like that
is the point, right.
Of.
Being a VIP in the membership isyou.
That's right.
Build the relationships.
You hang out regularly with theexpectation that I know there's
(14:56):
something here that's going tosupport me in whatever it is
that I need.
Tina (15:01):
That's right.
So, wow.
Tracie (15:02):
And if it doesn't support me
Tina (15:03):
today, right.
And this is what I've learned.
Yeah.
Not every meeting I come homewith something that I can put to
use.
Right, right.
But there's always something,right?
There's always something, right?
Yeah.
Like for example, like I was atthe coworking sessions that you
had a few, few weeks ago and youwere not there.
And Paula, who was sort of leftin charge, had to leave and she
(15:25):
asked me to look after thingsand I was like, I don't know how
to do that.
Right.
Like I, my heart kind of stoppedand I was like, and then after I
was like, hold on a minute,we're here just to do our own
work.
Yeah.
Right.
You might have to have aconversation after, which you
love doing anyways, so, right.
It's not the end of the world.
Right.
And so I was writing littlenotes like, okay, so and so said
(15:45):
she'll be back at this time.
And then I was like, what?
What are you doing?
Like, you're acting like you'rein school again.
Right.
But it was just, you know,taking that step of leadership,
which is all really, it takes.
Tracie (15:58):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
That little bit of confidence toknow like, yeah, I, I have, this
is not my first radio.
I have been to this event.
I know these people we may nothave met, but we're all like
minded, like you said.
So it doesn't matter if you knowexactly who they are, their
whole life story, what theirbusiness is, and what they're
(16:18):
working on, and all of that.
That's right.
You just be present for otherpeople to also be present.
And then together we keep movingforward.
That's right.
Instead, instead of movingbackward or having negative
self-talk or all of the thingsthat you said that you heard
from that woman in the dressingroom.
Right, right, right.
Your natural coaching instinctsthat are now cultivated over
(16:41):
these years.
All you need.
Tina (16:44):
Yeah, exactly.
And it's funny, when my son, myyoungest one was just a baby
like three or four months.
I had, you know, put on a lot ofweight while I was pregnant with
him.
And so I was like determined toget it off.
So I joined LA Weight Loss.
I don't know if that was in theStates, but it was in Canada.
Yeah,
Tracie (16:59):
we had it.
It's in la It was
Tina (17:00):
Los Angeles.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Yeah.
And, and I mean I obviously Iregret that now, but at the time
I was like, the time, well,that's what you think you need
at the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And.
I remember I at one time, one ofthe counselors was leaving and I
was like, oh, she's leaving.
That's too bad.
'cause she was really awesome.
And the lady I was talking tosaid, oh yeah, she's leaving
(17:21):
'cause she's being a life coach.
She's a life coach now orsomething to that degree.
Uhhuh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I remember looking at thislady going, oh my God, that
would be the best job.
Like how, who wouldn't wannahelp someone else?
You know, journey through life.
Yeah.
With their life gets tough.
Right, right.
Like, yeah.
And, and you know, here we are,15, 20, you know, 18 years later
(17:42):
and that's what I'm doing.
I love it.
Yeah.
Isn't that fun?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is fun.
Tracie (17:47):
Yeah.
And you never know, like, youknow, we all have the stories
that where we started the, thething that kind of happened in
our lives or something thatchanged or something happened to
someone else, but we witnessedit.
That just opens your eyes alittle bit more.
What could that look like forme?
How could that serve me?
(18:08):
Because we're all, you know,it's all what's in it for me?
Right.
Like Right.
You know, even those of us whoare just like, I really wanna
serve others, but that what's init for me is still underneath
the surface.
Yeah.
Tina (18:18):
Even if it's just that gratitude or, um, yeah.
Or curiosity.
Tracie (18:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because you just don't know.
When you find out something new,it's like, oh, like we all have
to process how it, how itrelates to ourselves in the
world.
Every piece of news.
How is this relating that'sright to us, our world, our
people, our family, ourcommunity.
You know?
It's all that question.
So yeah, you find out aboutsomething exciting that someone
else is excited about.
(18:43):
It's like, oh, they're excitedabout that.
What?
What is that?
Yeah, I wanna know more becauseI'm curious or I'm looking for
something more.
Right.
I know.
You know how that's gonna touchsomeone else, so that's, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, and I wanna talk aboutyour shift because what we've
been talking about this last sixmonths or so in our happenings
(19:04):
together in the Gather communityis you started off helping
people with their fashionstyling, being a stylist and
coaching people with theirstyle, but you're.
Even though the style is stillsuper important and their body
confidence in, in general, uh,like how you show up in the
world is still really important.
(19:24):
You're pulling the stylist partout and becoming more life coach
again.
Yes.
So talk about that a little bitand, and how you really are
working with people today.
Tina (19:34):
Yeah.
Okay.
So, um, I call it the Ty BittyShitty Committee, right?
And that is, that's all that,those voices that we hear in our
head, right?
The one that says you're notgood enough, you don't know
enough, the, you know, you'restupid and you can't do that.
All those kind of voices now.
Some, some coaches say, youknow, let's shut them down.
(19:55):
But the truth is, to me, theydon't really get shut down,
right?
They're always there.
They might be a little bitquieter than some, but for the
most part, my aim is to takethat shitty committee, bring
them to the table altogetherwith you, and be a team.
Right.
Be like, let's work together tomake this work.
(20:18):
Right.
Yeah.
How can I, you know, go forward?
How can I be the best versionthat I can be with all of us on
the same page?
Tracie (20:27):
Yeah.
I love that it's'cause that's soreal that, you know, as much as
we say, oh, we've knocked thataside every now and then, it
just shows up again, doesn't it?
Yeah.
And it's like, oh, I didn'tthink that I was still, I still
had that.
Issue or struggle or mindset orwhatever.
And even like, I, I related itwhen you were saying that to
(20:51):
when I was health coaching whenI first started, which is like,
okay, don't like say oh, you'regonna stop doing all these
things because you can'tliterally stop doing all the
things.
'cause your body, you getoverwhelmed and you can't
process it.
But what if you started addingin good things?
Tina (21:07):
Right.
Tracie (21:08):
Right.
And so build the good side ofthe team to build, to be with
the side that's maybe not sohealthy and create a new
Exactly.
A new way of looking at thewhole package.
I love that.
Exactly.
Tina (21:20):
Yeah.
And I, one of the trainings thatI took, uh, it was actually
really funny'cause the ladystood in front of all these
people and there was men andwomen.
It wasn't just, you know, it wasNLP training.
Mm-hmm.
And she said to have dailymeetings with this group.
Yeah.
And I remember thinking dailymeetings like, and I'm already
coaching this way.
(21:41):
Right?
Yeah.
And I'm thinking daily meetings,like I would never leave the
table.
Right?
Like I'm already thinking.
And she's like, you need to giveevery one of those voices a job.
Mm.
Right.
It took me like weeks to figureout what that meant.
Really?
Yeah.
Like, I mean, she explained it,right, but the truth is like if
(22:03):
you give like, and we're all thesame, like it's whether it's
your voices or it's yourpersonality, if you have
something to keep you busy with.
There's no time for you to benegative and bringing down
anyone else.
Right.
And so, you know, one day I'mlaying in bed looking at the,
you know, the ceiling.
'cause I couldn't fall asleep.
And I'm like, oh, like, like sothis big light came on and I
(22:26):
thought, oh, that's what I coulddo.
Right?
I could give that voice the onethat's always nattering.
You know, a job to like look forsomething else.
Mm-hmm.
And so I notice now that that'swhat, you know, like that
curiosity, right?
Like what?
What do you see in front of youright now That you can make more
(22:46):
positive or more useful
Tracie (22:48):
Yeah.
In your life?
Yeah.
If you're gonna notice all thethings that need help.
Come up with.
Come up with some solutions.
Exactly.
Come up with some ideas.
Be creative.
I love that.
Tina (22:58):
Gimme the good ones.
Gimme the good ones.
Not the ones that I can't doanything about.
Tracie (23:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because if you're gonna see allof them, like, tell me about the
other ones.
Exactly.
Don't tell me about the onesthat's, you know, the ones that
are out of our control.
And that's a big thing too,right?
Like what is it that we can havesome effect on?
And what is literally notsomething we can have an effect
on.
That's right.
Other people's, whatever.
Right.
Exactly.
What's ours to handle?
Awesome.
(23:20):
I love it.
Tina, this was such a funconversation.
I am so excited that we got achance to do this today.
Is there anything, we're gonnamake sure that, like your links
for your podcast and everythingare in the notes and you know,
in our, all our stuff.
But is there anything that youwanna, like a final comment,
wrap it up like, yeah, whatmessage do you wanna leave for
(23:44):
the listeners?
So,
Tina (23:45):
yeah, I would like to say, you know.
We all have the, the shit ittybitty shitty committee, right?
Yep.
As much as we want to admit itor not admit it, we all have it.
Make friends with it.
That's, that's my best advice.
My, you know, my tidbit of theday is just make friends with
those voices.
Yeah.
Tracie (24:04):
And you know what I love about that is a lot of people
are gonna go, how do you dothat?
It's like, well, you talk toTina.
She'll help you.
Tina (24:12):
But But the first thing, and the first thing with that
though is listening for them.
Tracie (24:16):
Yeah.
Acknowledging that they'rethere.
Yeah.
Even if you think that you'vegotten rid of them, like.
Notice when they're there.
Yeah.
Noticing right.
Is one of the big, and you saidNLP, right?
That's a big thing for NLP.
It's just noticing what you'rethinking, noticing what you're
noticing, all of that, right?
Tina (24:31):
Yeah,
Tracie (24:31):
yeah.
Yeah.
Tina (24:32):
And I have the bloom room.
I have, it's, you know, if youfollow me on socials, I'm
advertising, I do a bloom room.
It's like a circle that wegather and we just talk and you
know, I give little tidbits onlearning, but we, you know, we
talk about the it bitty shittycommittee and how
Tracie (24:47):
everyone's doing.
Yeah.
What's growing up and we're
Tina (24:49):
dealing with it.
Tracie (24:49):
Yeah.
Love it.
Love it.
Well, I'm thrilled.
I'm thrilled to be able topromote what you have going on
and highlight you here on thepodcast and of course, in the
Gather community.
Thank you for all of thatloveliness as well.
Once again, thank you.
Yeah.
Um, that just really makes myday also.
And, uh, yeah.
I'm so thrilled that you wereable to be here with us.
We're gonna get this out to theworld as soon as possible
(25:12):
because the world needs Tina.
Tina (25:14):
Awesome.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
Talk
Tracie (25:17):
to you soon.
Tina (25:17):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Thank you for listening to the Bold and
Brilliant podcast.
I'm your host, Tracy Root, and Iwanna invite you to check out
the show notes, find out whereyou can connect with our guests,
find out more about what I andthe Gather community have to
offer you, and be sure tosubscribe to this podcast on
your favorite platform.
Thanks so much.
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