August 11, 2025 • 46 mins
Sometimes we wait until everything feels perfectly clear before making a move. But what if clarity only comes after the leap?
In this deeply personal episode, I share what it’s been like to stand in the in-between: dismantling old boxes, feeling the pull of creativity, and learning to show up before I feel “ready.” I talk about moving beyond performance, letting go of perfection, and allowing creative energy to be a way of being, not a side project.
If you’ve ever hidden, waited, or told yourself you need a label before you can act, this episode is for you.
Topics Covered
- How to take inspired action before you feel ready
- Releasing performance energy and perfectionism in creativity
- Dissolving identity boxes and labels to find freedom
- Allowing creativity to be your life force, not just a side project
Mentioned in this Episode
- My new art feed on Instagram: @pathandnine
⮕⮕⮕ BOOK A READING - Limited spots!
Craving clarity? Book a channelled reading and receive guidance on your next big move. Only a few spots are available each week, so grab yours here: www.andimatthies.com/channelledreading
LET'S CONNECT
Come say hi on my main Instagram, my new art feed @pathandnine or on Threads.
You can also explore my writing on Substack or discover how we can work together here.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Andrea Matthies (00:00):
I'm Andrea Lee Matthies, writer, photographer,
and Clairvoyant Medium, and thisis the Bold, Brave Woman Project.
This podcast is a living, breathing,unfolding of what it really
means to step into our becoming.
Born from the ashes of a failed YouTubechannel, this weekly podcast brings you
real unfiltered moments of failure, ofbravery, and of deep intuitive knowing,
(00:25):
so that you too can step into who you arebecoming with even more trust and bravery.
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Bold, Brave Woman Project.
This is a really interestingepisode this week, because this
week I wanna talk about, makinga move even before you are ready.
(00:49):
And the reason why the timing of thisepisode and this conversation is so
relevant right now is because it's been afew weeks now since this big unraveling,
this big, upheaval is tipping out andtrying to work through this new identity,
(01:11):
this new chapter that I'm stepping into.
And there have been so many momentsover the last couple of months where
I've just wanted to retreat from itall where I've just wanted to shut down
retreat, mainly because I've not knownwhat action to take or what move to make,
(01:32):
and I've had to just sit with that andthen find reasons why I need to make
moves anyway, why I need to continue tofind my voice, find my passion, find my
path, and just keep taking steps forward.
because sometimes when we'rein that space of not knowing.
Who we are not knowingwhat we wanna do next.
(01:55):
It's so easy to retreat.
It's so easy to just fall into thatenergy of, well, I don't know who I am.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I wanna donext, so I'm just gonna hide.
I'm gonna shut down.
I'm gonna wait until everythingfeels perfectly clear.
Before I put myself out there, orbefore I really take the action or
(02:17):
take any kind of action, make any kindof move, because it's all just too
hard, it's too scary, it's too much.
And I've had so many moments over the lastcouple of weeks where I felt that, and
even today, sitting down to record thisepisode, I was like, what am I gonna say?
Like, I, I don't haveit figured out just yet.
(02:38):
So what.
What am I gonna say?
What's the point of evenrecording an episode?
I have nothing of value to sharethis week, and I had to just sit with
that for a moment and be like, no,I'm just gonna take action anyway.
I know I can connectinto the moment and even.
Just talking about this feelingof, I don't exactly know what
(03:00):
to say or what move to make,but I'm gonna make one anyway.
Because every time we take a step in thedirection of a dream, any dream we take
that inspired action, we put ourselvesout there, it starts to catalyze.
Change and manifestation andmovement in our life, in our world,
(03:22):
that starts to really move us intoa direction of self-discovery, a
direction that we then get to look at.
We get to zoom out for a moment andlook at and be like, okay, I took
that action and it revealed this.
It revealed this thing about myself,or it revealed this desire that's
starting to percolate here, thisdream, this desire, this feeling.
(03:45):
Or I took an inspired action, or Ihad a conversation, or I recorded
this episode and talked about thisthing, and I'm realizing actually
that's not for me or that is notthe direction that I wanna head in.
And that is all beautifulfeedback as well.
It's perfect.
It's starting to build thattapestry of understanding that
we have around ourselves and alsoaround what we wanna create and
(04:08):
what we wanna have for our lives.
And one of the things that's beenbecoming really apparent over the last
couple of months is that creativityand expression is becoming so important
in my life and in my identity.
Over the last four years since steppingout of the corporate world into
(04:32):
this coaching arena it has been veryfocused on what is it that I can teach?
What is it that I can mentor or share in?
With a very strong kind ofentrepreneurial or corporate perspective.
There wasn't a lot of space for purecreative flow, and that was because
I'd made a decision a while ago thatcreativity lives in its own camp.
(04:57):
It's like in a separate box.
I had a really interesting experience, um,in relationship with creativity, Which I,
I think I've touched on in a few episodesbriefly, and I'm sure will come up many
times over the course of sharing all thesedifferent stories about my life with you.
But when I was a child, I was verycreative and I had a beautiful
(05:19):
relationship with my grandmother who.
She taught me a lot of creativeprinciples, but at the same time,
there was a lot of critique around it.
You know, you didn't do this rightor you could've done that better, or,
you know, you'll never be an artistif you don't approach it in this way,
or that sloppy work, like there wasa lot of critique around these joyous
(05:41):
moments of let's go and paint, orlet's go create, let's go collage.
We did a lot of creative thingstogether, but at the end of that
activity, there was a lot of critique.
And so over the years I'd kind of poppedcreativity, expression, um, artistry into
this separate box that was like, let'snot touch that unless we can get it right.
(06:04):
You know, unless, uh, we canget it perfect, we can nail it.
We've got mastery and skill andartistry at the highest level.
It's kind of keep that off to the side.
And I progressed into very strategicum, logical based careers and
worked in that for a long time.
That when I started my coaching businessafter, having a major health breakdown
(06:29):
and having my hysterectomy, whichI've touched on a couple of times.
It wasn't until that moment thatI started this reflection process
of what is it that I really want?
That was their four.
Uh, four years ago now of really wantingto step into more and more of who I was.
And so four years ago, during thatrecovery, I decided to step out
(06:53):
of being employed as a full-timecorporate strategist, as someone
that was climbing the corporateladder to get up to that CEO.
Highly respected, highlyregarded, very intelligent type.
in the corporate world to sidestepinto my own coaching business, which
was beautiful because I could startto bring in some more of the feminine
(07:14):
energy, the more of the being in serviceof coaching and working particularly
with women to really help step theminto their bravery, into their voice.
All these different niches that Istarted coaching in over the last four
years, but creativity was still in.
A separate bucket.
(07:35):
It was still this untouchable thing,and it wasn't until recently with
this big moment of realizing I, eventhough I've made so many changes
of stepping out of the corporateworld and starting my own business.
I'd still managed to walk myself intoa specific box that had rules around
(07:59):
it, and I was still only making solidmoves when I knew that there was safety
around that, or I knew what the move was.
And I've been looking a lot at myInstagram feeds, my threads, feeds.
Really thinking about.
How I've been showing up in these spaces,particularly publicly, and looking
(08:22):
at what I wanna start really steppinginto and even talking about here on
the podcast with you, I was lookingat it and thinking, oh my goodness.
These posts that I've beenputting out, this presence that
I've had, um, particularly on myInstagram feed at andi.matthies,
(08:43):
it's still this element of needingto show up in a certain way.
I haven't really given myself permissionall this time, even though I've been
running Instagram now for four years andlet's be honest, not well, and that's
part of what we're talking about today.
Even although I've been showing up overthe last four years and more con, most
(09:05):
consistently since I, um, went to Spainin September, about two years ago,
that trip really solidified this needto, okay, I am going to start really.
Taking Instagram seriously, I'm gonnashow up, I'm gonna, you know, do
behind the scene stuff and figure out.
You know, trending audios andpopular reels and all that sort
(09:26):
of stuff start, stop showing up.
Um, more consistently there is stillthis element of hiding behind performance
that is starting to reveal itself,especially when I've reflected over
the last, you know, week or so over.
What is it that my heartis really calling to?
What is it that I wanna set and createfor myself and for my life based on
(09:51):
desire rather than based on what I feltlike I needed to do from a corporate
world perspective or an entrepreneurperspective, or even just to almost
feel like I have permission to be onInstagram and show up on social media?
And so much of it is in this energyof performance, and sometimes that
(10:16):
can be really a hard, not only to see,but also to admit both to yourself
and even publicly or outwardly.
But when we are able to.
take that moment and just have a lookat it and realize then we can actually
do something with it And so there'sbeen so much that's kind of coming
(10:40):
together over the last couple of weeksthat I'm starting to see to be able to.
Make a change and do something different.
And so this desire to do somethingpurely creative, this energy, this
need to just express, but not from a.
Let's be creative and show up onsocial media and perform letting
(11:03):
that fall away to just really uncoverthat there is this undercurrent of
creative energy, of expression thatjust wants to flow out into the world
to create something different, toexpress in a way that pulls together
all these different fragments of me.
This is what's really, really important.
(11:26):
Because what I'm realizing is that forsuch a long time I've tried to put myself
into specific categories of identity orspecific boxes to try and feel whole.
You know, we find a box and then we, welabel it and we put ourselves into it and
(11:46):
we pour all of the pieces of ourselvesinto this box mainly to try and feel
safe because when we can label it, whenwe can identify it, and when the world
can also identify with it, it feels safe.
It's like, I'm safe withinthis title of this box of
entrepreneur, of whatever it is.
(12:06):
And there's a million different labelsand boxes that we could name here, but
we find the safest box that fits thephase of life that we're in right now.
We pour all of ourselves in it and thenwe act accordingly from that space.
But what happens when we start dissolvingall of those boxes is that we can.
(12:27):
Feel, and we've talked about it alittle bit here, that space of the
void, that space of the unknown, it'slike no longer is there a box for
the world, myself, my family, foranyone to be able to identify me by.
So now I'm awash, and now Idon't know what I'm doing and I'm
gonna hide until I figure it out.
I'm gonna retreat, I'm gonna retract,I'm gonna pull back in myself.
(12:49):
I'm gonna hide.
And if I do happen to show up, I'mgonna do it in that performative or
perfectionist type energy because it'ssafer and the world can understand it.
So therefore, it's just easierfor me to navigate the world in
a way that others can place me.
And I guess this happens in all phases.
(13:10):
In all areas of life.
If I reflect back to, you know, my primaryschool and secondary school years, and I.
I can see how I tried to pour myself intoboxes back then that different peer groups
or parents or teachers or people outsideof school and within my life could easily
(13:31):
label me and say, well, Andrea, is this.
Or Andrea's that, or she's agood girl, she's this or that.
So many different labels,so many different boxes.
And even through my corporate life upuntil recently, putting myself into
the, I'm a strategist or I'm a coach,or I'm a this or I'm, I'm a, that.
And then recently deciding to dismantleall of those boxes and strip it all
(13:55):
back to, to understand what is here.
It's like, well, how am, how am Imeant to put myself out in the world
if I don't understand what box I'm in?
Because it makes it really hard to puttogether a Instagram reel, uh, if I don't
know the label or the box that I'm in.
And so I just kind of withdrew.
(14:15):
And hid and contracted all the way backand went, oh, well, I'll just reshare some
stuff, or I'll just remix some reels, orI'll just put out inspirational quotes.
And of course those things arebeautiful and I make sure there's
a, there's a beautiful messagefor people behind those things.
But there's still done from an energyof: Well, it's, I don't feel safe.
(14:39):
I don't know how to label myself,so I'm just gonna put that out
there with the energy of service.
But from this pulled back, reservedperspective, and you might feel
yourself doing that in certainparts of your life as well.
It's like, well, I'm a little bit unsure.
I don't know where I'm at.
I dunno what box I'm in, or I'm in aparticular box and I don't like it and
(15:00):
I'm waiting to get out of it, so I'm justgonna, present in this way because it's
safe and it's still acceptable and it'sstill in a beautiful energy of service.
But you can feel that withdrawal.
You can feel it feels sticky.
I don't know about you, but whenI turn up to post on Instagram at
the moment, there's still this.
(15:23):
Ickiness this stickiness of like,ugh, I know I need to put something
out, a, to please the algorithm tomake sure I'm still relevant, but
also because I wanna be of service topeople and I wanna, you know, share
these thoughts that are coming through.
But I'm gonna do it with this kind of easyto apply quick, just get it up there kind
(15:43):
of energy or, you know, you pour hours andhours and hours and hours into one reel
because you're unsure and you wanna getit perfect and you need to play it safe.
There's still that energy that'sincongruent with this beautiful,
powerful essence that resides withinus that doesn't really wanna hide and.
Wants to be out in the world, butis we are kind of trying to play
(16:06):
it safe before we put it out there.
And this is where we need to, and I'm ofcourse saying this to myself every single
day and even in this moment, it's likewe need to take the inspired action in
the direction that we wanna go in that,that sacral rule, fire desire that is
(16:27):
starting to awaken in us, even if we arenot used to kind of feeling desire, if
we're used to just playing it safe andfollowing the definitions or the rules
of the life that's been set out for us.
It's like really coming back to, justfinding that tiny little flicker of
flame, or if you're used to reallybeing in touch with your desire and
(16:47):
what you want and who you are and yoursacral fire, like stepping into that
burning flame and being like, I amgonna show up with an inspired action
knowing that that inspired action willlead to more and more and more clarity.
And I don't need to wait to have adefined box before I put myself out there.
(17:10):
What I have to say right here, rightnow is just as powerful and it's just
as potent as it is now without havingto be for something particular or to
fit a certain stereotype or certain safekind of construct that I need to have
before I'm gonna put myself out there.
It's like no, decide that it's safeenough just to step up to that, that
(17:35):
altar, that microphone, that social mediacreative project, that conversation,
that email, that request, I'm just gonnashow up in the energy of knowing that I
am safe no matter what my definition is.
No matter whether I'm in a box outsideof a box, breaking down the box, I'm
safe and I'm gonna take that inspiredaction to get me into movement,
(17:57):
to move towards the dream that I'mhaving, particularly harnessing that
creative force that exists withinand around you that you can tap into.
Because what I'm really discovering inthis process is that all of those times
that I popped myself into a, strategicthinking, brain, logical type construct,
(18:26):
and I either popped creativity to theside or I made it something that was
outside of me, or sometimes I evenremember thinking, oh, that's a luxury.
Like, I don't have time to be creative.
I need to make money or I needto do this thing that is gonna
drive to this particular outcome.
I'll get to creative when Ihave time, or for purposes
(18:51):
that drive towards those goals.
So it's like, oh, I'll, I'll makemy branding pretty, or I'll allow
the creative energy in becauseit's going to drive me towards
these safe box like constructs.
And the creative energy isstill kind of on the outside.
It's still kind of like a toolrather than a way of being.
(19:14):
And here's the most interesting thingthat I'm discovering, that I, I've
always had this deep yearning, this deep,knowing that creativity was important.
That I loved it.
You know, I think back to when I wasa child and just how many hours I
spent being creative before I let thatcomplex critique narrative take over
(19:39):
and change the definition or changethe feeling around creative energy.
This want, this desire to becreative has always been there
and it's taken this moment of.
Really unpacking who it is that I amand what it is that I wanna move into.
And even although I don'thave a lot of that defined.
(20:00):
This desire to allow creative energyto move through me in unique, different
interesting ways, ways that they,that it hasn't moved previously.
Perhaps.
You know, back when I was a child, it waspainting, it was collaging, it was very.
Hand on canvas or hand on paper type art.
(20:23):
And I, I had those mediums asthe definition of creativity
for such a long time.
But what I'm realizing is thatcreative energy is like life force.
It's like flow.
It's very similar to if you are achanneler or if you're used to receiving
(20:44):
messages and energy from the ether.
It's that type of feeling where youexist in your own body, in your own
form, but there's this feeling, there'sthis flow, there's this sparkle, this
energy that kind of exists around you.
And you feel it wanting to comethrough you and land in some sort
of a medium, whether that's onthe paper, whether that's through
(21:06):
music, whether that's throughspeaking in a podcast or on stages.
There so many infinite amounts ofcreative pursuits acting, gosh, we
could listen for days, but I won't.
But you feel this buzz, this electricity,this energy that just kind of like, exists
(21:26):
and floats in the ether just outside ofyou that is wanting to land somewhere and
you feel it, and you, you might have thosemoments where you allow yourself to just.
You know, dabble with it.
You just grab it for a few minutes andbe like, oh, that's fun, that's creative.
And sometimes the logical mind, thisis what my mind used to do, would be
(21:47):
like, oh no, I don't have time for that.
Gotta go do this important, serious,logical, you know, structural based thing
based on the box and the life that Ihave, and also time and a whole bunch of
other constructs that we have around us.
So I'll come back to that.
Or we might have moments, andI've had this as well, where the
creative energy comes in and we arelike, yes, I'm gonna do this thing.
(22:10):
I'm gonna write this thing.
And we allow it to kind ofpour in and pour through.
But then.
Based on the identity or the constructthat we're in at the time, we're
like, well, I don't know what todo with this, or This is different,
it's outside what I'm doing now.
I'm confused.
Am I meant to be doing this thingover here that's flowing through me?
Or you know, should I go back tothe sure thing or the thing the
(22:32):
industry experts say and we endup in this really confused space.
And I, I'm really saying this'cause this is definitely something
I've lived that I'm like, oh,well now it's just another idea.
Now I don't know what todo now I'm overwhelmed.
Doesn't make sense.
I can't get the logical construct toreally wrap around this, so I'm just gonna
park it or I'm just gonna be like, Ugh.
(22:54):
But.
Can turn it inwards sometimes and be like,well, I'm just having too many ideas.
I'm just someone that has too manyideas and doesn't action any of them.
So I retreat, I park it, I retreat andgo back into either the hiding state
or the usual kind of normal life state.
Sometimes robotic state of going throughthe motions and that creative energy
(23:18):
or those creative ideas still tendto remain separate or outside of us.
And worst case, uh, in the back recessesof a laptop hard drive or in a shelf
somewhere collecting dust in a notebook.
And so what I'm realizing is that,there is this beautiful opportunity
(23:39):
for us to actually bring the creativeenergy in to become part of who we are
to not so much become a box becausewe can do that, but that also sets
up this kind of like boundary orlimitational wall on the creativity and
also can put pressure on us to be like.
(24:01):
Now I am a painter, and so that'swhat I'm gonna do all of the time.
And if I can't, if I have momentsof not being inspired, um, therefore
I'm failing and I'm not an artist.
Like we can, our mind will play allof these types of old stories in all
conditionings and random things fromsociety, random things from movies.
(24:23):
It will try and tell you thesestories to keep yourself safe.
But what I am discovering throughthis whole process is that this
flame, this fire, to be creative,to be expressive, it is not a.
A temporary coach that I wanna wear, it isnot a, a nice to have that I wanna have.
(24:45):
It is actually core to me as a being, assomeone who is made up of source energy,
of energy, of vibration, of frequency.
It is part of me.
It is something that moves through me.
It is essential to me, and I want to startto give myself permission, and I am doing
(25:07):
that now, is I give myself permission toallow this creative energy to be me, to
allow myself to bring it into my everyday.
And I've been doing a lot of contemplationover the last few weeks to understand.
Where does this creativeenergy start for me?
Like, what does this look like?
Is it the traditional formsthat I was trained in when I was
(25:29):
young of oil painting and, uh,collage and a few other things?
And it's not, they were just thesebeautiful activities that I did at
the time to start tapping into this.
But this desire that I have now,it, it's coming from a different
place and I'm feeling photography.
(25:50):
Call me.
I'm feeling writing.
Um, my, I just caught up withmy mom yesterday and she,
bless her soul, had kept mygrandmother's original typewriters.
And so she's just given them to me withsome, um, fresh typewriter ribbons.
And there's this part of me that justwants to get onto the typewriter.
(26:12):
This, this real tactile feelingof typing on the keys to allow
channel poetry to come through and.
I really wanna be behind the camera andI wanna capture women and architecture
and really interesting creative things.
And what's been really interesting,because I have been someone who has
(26:35):
had such, I was talking about itbefore, such a restrictive, resistive
res relationship with Instagram.
And I've been trying to figure out whatis the best way to be on Instagram with
millions of followers and you know, akey influencer and blah, blah, blah.
It's like I'm dropping and strippingall of that back to be like, how do I
(26:58):
take this creative energy that's allaround me and that is part of me and
flowing through me this sacral fire.
How do I take that with this?
This desire that's comingseemingly out of nowhere.
But of course, everything is divinelyguided and it's perfectly timed.
And so this, this yearningnow to pick up the camera.
(27:18):
How do I combine that with thetypewriter, with the writing, with the
messages that wanna come through me?
Into this creative practice thatI can then share on social media.
And so you should haveseen me over the weekend.
This has been rattling aroundmy brains this question, um,
(27:39):
for what feels like weeks now.
And so over the weekend I got out thepost-it notes and a texter and cleared the
kitchen table, and I just started writingdown everything that came into my mind.
Either a belief or a challenge, oryou can't do that or a creative idea.
(28:01):
What it is that I wanna do withthis creative energy that's flowing
through me, particularly when itcomes to no longer hiding and showing
up on social media, showing up inthe world, what does that look like?
And so I spent the weekend justgetting all of the resistance, all
of the fear, all the ideas out ofmy head onto random post-it notes.
(28:21):
Like there was stuff goingon everywhere and we couldn't
eat off the table for days.
But then slowly and surely justby connecting into that, like what
is it that's being revealed here?
What is it that theuniverse source my team?
What is it you want me to see?
Where are the patterns?
What is.
The information that exists fromhere to be able to start making a
(28:43):
different decision and move forward.
And slowly and surely I started tosee, even though I have a lot of fear
and a lot of resistance and I wantedthe surety of, you know, knowing
definite actions before I showed up.
Because I had a lot of fear around,well, what will people think?
You know, do I start anew Instagram account?
Do I go with the old one?
The, the algorithm hates the old one atthe moment 'cause I absolutely trashed it.
(29:07):
What do I do like, and I don'thave, um, fancy photography yet.
Like I'm at the same time.
This weekend I just took a, um,photography course, both the
beginner and the advanced stuffto learn how to use the camera.
My brother-in-law just gave mea camera and a bunch of lenses.
It was such a sweet gift.
Thank you, Scott.
(29:27):
If you're listening.
And I took this camera and I triedto figure out how to use it and I
couldn't, so I went and did this.
Beginner's photography course thisweekend, which I'm feeling so much more
inspired and starting to really attuneto the, the camera gear and the things.
That I wanna start shooting.
Um, but in this process of allthese Post-It notes, I'm like,
(29:51):
well, I can't start a, a Instagramfeed of my photography because
I don't have the photos yet.
And I felt that contraction startof like, well, if I don't have the
photos, then I probably should wait.
To post, I should probably wait, um,until I've got it right before I take
any kind of like, action around that'cause I don't wanna be either seen
(30:12):
as, I don't know, seen as an amateur orseen as a loser or, see it's interesting
the dialogue that our stories, um, thatour minds wanna create these little
mini stories of all these things.
And sometimes we don't even knowwhere they come from, but I just
got it all down on these post-itnotes and sorted it through.
(30:32):
And what came up was reallyinteresting, and this is something
that I've never considered before.
I never thought was part of mywheelhouse, my desire, something
that I would ever be able to do.
But there's this really strong currentof I want to show up on Instagram
(30:53):
with an art feed, a, a beautiful feed.
and I'm not talking about beautifulcurated lifestyle feed, but just I wanna
write and I wanna even use AI and allof these different creative skills that
are starting to come in to my abilitiesbecause I'm finally, finally opening
the door and allowing them to come in.
(31:15):
To create this beautiful Instagramfeed that is like an art portfolio,
and this is something that I've neverconsidered before because A, I've.
Thought artists and this kind of stuffwas only for the extremely talented,
um, for the extremely creative.
Also, every marketing social media mentorexpert that I've ever studied under,
(31:40):
is always like algorithm first, youknow, performance first, selling first.
All of these types of rules andregulations around what is appropriate.
That I'd never considered somethingthat was just to be beautiful or
just to put something out in theworld that was creative, and that
was for me and for my expression.
(32:01):
It never occurred to me.
And what I'm realizing is that.
Right now in this phase that I'm in,and you might be feeling this within
yourself as well, it's like thereneeds to be a change for you to do
something purely for you, purely forthe beauty of it, for the expression
of it, and that is perfectly okay.
(32:23):
Beyond that, that is perfectly powerful.
It is something that we need to followbecause the more that we follow these
beautiful little soul nudges, whetherit's creative, it's creative in a
way that's outside the norm, it is soimportant because what it's doing is it
is telling ourselves firstly that it isokay to think outside the box that it is.
(32:48):
Okay to access parts of ourselves thatwe had labeled and popped in other
little pockets or components that we toldourselves the world didn't want, or wasn't
safe, or wasn't needed, or wasn't popular.
All the different labels that wehave put on them, it starts to
allow ourselves to de dismantlethose old constructs and reclaim.
(33:15):
Just reclaim some of those parts ofourselves, reclaim some of that energy
that's been so tied up in keepingthings in separate little pockets and
separate little buckets and away fromourselves to keep ourselves safe.
It's like we're reclaimingthat energy back
All of a sudden we're we're tellingourselves, Hey, it's okay to be whole.
(33:36):
It's okay for you to look at thoseparts of yourself that you buried such
a long time ago, and that that can besuch an overwhelming feeling to finally
meet yourself in a place where you canlook yourself in the eye and say, you
are enough, and you are whole, and I'mgonna reclaim all the lost parts of you
(33:58):
that you abandoned so long ago to becomewhole and to become who you are and It
could be having a gallery exhibition.
It could be doing something andtaking it to a market or, podcasting
or whatever, whatever it is thatyou wanna take that and reclaim that
energy and that creative part of you.
Make something unique, make somethingmagical and put it out in the world.
(34:22):
As a signal to your nervous system,to your soul, to your energy,
that you are whole and that it'ssafe to start reclaiming this
stuff that is so, so important.
And so that's why coming back to this ideaof inspired action, it's like we wanna
give ourselves permission to take thisaction and to make moves, particularly
(34:45):
with creative energy way before weeven think we're ready, way before we
think that the world is gonna want it.
We need to start moving becauseit signals to ourselves that we've
got ourselves, that we've got ourown back, and that we can do this.
Because even although we can go andwork with healers and modalities and
(35:08):
look outside of ourselves to fix thisstuff, and of course so many of those
healings and modalities and therapies areincredible, but at the end of the day,
the action needs to come from ourselves.
It has to come from within.
To the outside world.
It can't come from the outside worldto try and shove or pull the energy
(35:32):
in to then make ourselves feel whole.
It's like we need to find this passion,this energy that exists within us.
Even if it is like the tiniestlittle atom, one tiny little atom
down in the bottom of your ankle.
That's the only piece of, ofsafety or trust or energy or
creativity that you can find.
It's like find that little.
(35:53):
dot of energy and then magnify itand allow that to be the spark that
moves through us, that collects upthese beautiful kaleidoscopic pieces
that we've left elsewhere, and justcall 'em back home and be like,
no, I'm going to do this for me.
I'm gonna do this because this isthe action that I need to take too.
(36:13):
Tell my nervous system that I'msafe to break myself out of these
constructs or these feelings thatI've held around me to keep safe.
Even though though I'm miserable,they're keeping me safe.
I wanna get out of those.
And we start to move inthat and creative energy.
And so I'm taking thesephotography classes.
(36:34):
I'm going actually straightafter this podcast episode to.
I meet a, a photographer here in Melbournewhose work closely mirrors the types
of things that I'm really drawn to.
And I wrote to her and just said,look, I'm, you know, in this phase of
trying to rediscover who I am and I'mfeeling called to photography and your
(36:55):
work, I find your work so inspiring.
Would you be interested in.
Sha me shadowing you and you mentoringme if you've got any shoots coming up.
And she wrote back to meand said, yes, absolutely.
Come and meet me for lunch and we'llfigure out what shoots you can come on.
You know, like even just sendingthat email originally, like.
There was a part of me that waslike, she's not gonna respond.
(37:17):
Like she's not gonna havetime to mentor some beginner.
You know, I had a whole bunch of storiesand I almost didn't send the email.
Um, but I'm so glad that I did.
I just found that tiny little spark in methat was like, no, there's something here.
There's a reason why this is coming to me.
Send the email and she wrote back,and I'm leaving in about 15 minutes
(37:38):
to go in and have lunch with her.
And these are the things thatcan completely change our lives.
I don't know what's gonna be on theother side of starting this Instagram
feed and right now as it stands,um, I don't even have a clear vision
on what that's gonna look like.
I'm, I'm starting to.
Get little glimpses of that andsome things that I'm seeing,
(38:00):
you know, in Pinterest andother feeds that I'm like, oh, I
Love that idea, love that idea, and.
You know, I'm gonna reboot anold Instagram account if you
wanna follow me on this journey.
Um, it's going to be my originalaccount that I started years ago.
It's Path, PATH and nineP-A-T-H-A-N-D-N-I-N-E,
path, and nine on Instagram.
(38:23):
You know, I'm going to just turnthis into the art feed and my other
handle that I use on Instagram, AndyMatthews, I'm gonna change that too.
I'm gonna make it less about havingto show up and be in a certain way
or you know, sh show in a certainway and try and please the algorithm.
(38:45):
I'm gonna think about what that feedis gonna look like in terms of showing
the behind the scenes of this art feed.
This new energy that I'm stepping into andI haven't quite figured that one out yet.
That one might take me a little bit moretime, and there's probably a little bit
more mopping up energetically that I needto do around letting myself just be seen.
(39:07):
As is versus trying toalways polish something.
And I'll need to think about how to rebootthe algorithms, um, view of that account.
'cause I really have cooked it.
Um, but right now, path Nine,this new account, I'm just
going to allow this artistic.
(39:28):
Energy to flow through meand show up in that space.
See where this photography goes.
Keep taking classes, you know, dustoff these typewriters that I just
got yesterday and start writing.
I really wanna.
Just channel through poetry that aretyped on these typewriter, you know, get,
um, if anyone's listening and they wanta, a little channeled poem, you know,
(39:51):
we can get you to send me a photographof, of a, of yourself or a memory or
something from the past, and I'll connectwith that energy and just, you know,
create these beautiful poetry pieces.
These are the kinds of things that.
The previous version of me, the, thecorporate, the entrepreneur version of
me would've been like, that's crazy.
No one wants that.
(40:12):
Can't monetize that.
You know, where's the growth strategy?
Where's the blah, blah, blah, youknow, construct around that to, you
know, write off these kinds of ideas.
But this phase.
Has just taught me that we need to startlistening to our energy, to our deeper
(40:34):
selves, and we need to allow what thatreveals, what that voice is telling us.
We need to allow that in.
We need to allow ourselves to start.
Finding safety in these new constructsbecause these are reflections and glimpses
of our soul, essence of who we truly are.
(40:57):
When we strip back all of thelabels, all of the roles, all of the
expectations that society puts on us.
The things that we're so used to doing,it allows us to kind of get underneath
all of that and see what's reallyhere and see what's really important.
And I'm realizing that I wanna leavebehind the correct proper entrepreneur
(41:21):
and even, you know, successful expertcoach slash mentor titles and boxes aside
and step into this new energy identity.
But bigger than that, this new, um, phaseof allowing artistry to flow through me.
What does it look like to be an artist?
(41:41):
To be a creative, to actually, I.
Set up my life and my work andwhy I'm here from a creative,
connected, artistic energy flowperspective, what does that look like?
Because I've never given myselfpermission to do that before, but
I am feeling and hearing so loudand clear that that is something.
(42:04):
That we need to do.
We need to listen to thatto allow that to come in.
Because if we look at, even if we stillneed to find safety around strategy
and success in entrepreneurship andcorporate, if we look at some of the
most incredible inventions, products,and companies that exist, they came from
(42:25):
the creative spark, from someone who waswilling to be brave enough to listen to
a creative idea that they had somethingthat floated past them on the ether, for
them to be brave enough to grab hold of.
And allow creative expressionto come through them.
That is how some of the mostincredible things that we have, that
(42:47):
we love, that we cherish, that havebecome engineering technology, have
become into that strategic energyand masculine energy eventually.
But they started with the willingness todream, to be creative, and to then take
inspired action in a brand new direction.
(43:08):
And even, although I'm nervous andI, when I sat down, uh, to even
record this episode, I was like, whatam I even gonna talk about today?
Like, I don't have anything specific.
I don't have a particular plan,lesson, message to share today.
But allowing myself to be in theinspired action of, I'm just gonna
(43:28):
talk about what is here for me rightnow, which is this exploration of
creativity and this battle that I hadon the weekend of trying to figure out
Instagram and all of this surface stuff.
Just taking inspired action andtrusting yourself enough to put pen
to paper, to pick up that tool, thatcamera, that microphone, to just
(43:50):
take the inspired action to recordthe episode, to just share what is
coming through you is so powerful andeach time you do it, it creates these
incredible ripple effects that justchange your life that you just will
never regret, for the rest of your life.
And even if you can't see, justtaking that first inspired action
(44:10):
and the next little inspired action.
finding that tiny little atom, thatspark of creativity or that massive
fire that exists that you're ignoring.
Just taking that and following that,wherever it will go, is going to be
incredible Because not being able tosee it doesn't mean that it doesn't
exist or doesn't mean that it's notgonna blow your mind or take you
(44:34):
somewhere that's going to be incredible.
Down the track.
Just have faith, trust.
Take that inspired action.
Even if you're afraid, even if youdon't want to, even if your mind
wants to tell you something like it'snot gonna work out or it's scary,
just come back to that fuel, to thatfire to the reason why you're here.
The fact that you're made a frequencyand energy and source, and just take
(44:58):
that inspired action today because.
This journey is wild.
It is incredible.
It is powerful.
And the more we do it, the more wefollow it, the more our lives are
gonna be so much more fulfilling andso much more adventurous because we
just continue to trust and we continueto move Because we're worth it.
(45:23):
I love you and I'll seeyou in the next episode.
Thank you so much fortuning into today's episode.
If you wanna check out all of thebehind the scenes content for this
podcast, make sure you subscribe to mySubstack channel, the Becoming Archive.
You will also be able to find me onThreads and Instagram at andi.matthies.
(45:44):
Make sure you're connected andstay up to date with what's coming.
I'm Andrea Lee Matthies, writer, photographer,
and Clairvoyant Medium, and thisis the Bold, Brave Woman Project.
This podcast is a living, breathing,unfolding of what it really
means to step into our becoming.
Born from the ashes of a failed YouTubechannel, this weekly podcast brings you
real unfiltered moments of failure, ofbravery, and of deep intuitive knowing,
(00:25):
so that you too can step into who you arebecoming with even more trust and bravery.
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Bold, Brave Woman Project.
This is a really interestingepisode this week, because this
week I wanna talk about, makinga move even before you are ready.
(00:49):
And the reason why the timing of thisepisode and this conversation is so
relevant right now is because it's been afew weeks now since this big unraveling,
this big, upheaval is tipping out andtrying to work through this new identity,
(01:11):
this new chapter that I'm stepping into.
And there have been so many momentsover the last couple of months where
I've just wanted to retreat from itall where I've just wanted to shut down
retreat, mainly because I've not knownwhat action to take or what move to make,
(01:32):
and I've had to just sit with that andthen find reasons why I need to make
moves anyway, why I need to continue tofind my voice, find my passion, find my
path, and just keep taking steps forward.
because sometimes when we'rein that space of not knowing.
Who we are not knowingwhat we wanna do next.
(01:55):
It's so easy to retreat.
It's so easy to just fall into thatenergy of, well, I don't know who I am.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I wanna donext, so I'm just gonna hide.
I'm gonna shut down.
I'm gonna wait until everythingfeels perfectly clear.
Before I put myself out there, orbefore I really take the action or
(02:17):
take any kind of action, make any kindof move, because it's all just too
hard, it's too scary, it's too much.
And I've had so many moments over the lastcouple of weeks where I felt that, and
even today, sitting down to record thisepisode, I was like, what am I gonna say?
Like, I, I don't haveit figured out just yet.
(02:38):
So what.
What am I gonna say?
What's the point of evenrecording an episode?
I have nothing of value to sharethis week, and I had to just sit with
that for a moment and be like, no,I'm just gonna take action anyway.
I know I can connectinto the moment and even.
Just talking about this feelingof, I don't exactly know what
(03:00):
to say or what move to make,but I'm gonna make one anyway.
Because every time we take a step in thedirection of a dream, any dream we take
that inspired action, we put ourselvesout there, it starts to catalyze.
Change and manifestation andmovement in our life, in our world,
(03:22):
that starts to really move us intoa direction of self-discovery, a
direction that we then get to look at.
We get to zoom out for a moment andlook at and be like, okay, I took
that action and it revealed this.
It revealed this thing about myself,or it revealed this desire that's
starting to percolate here, thisdream, this desire, this feeling.
(03:45):
Or I took an inspired action, or Ihad a conversation, or I recorded
this episode and talked about thisthing, and I'm realizing actually
that's not for me or that is notthe direction that I wanna head in.
And that is all beautifulfeedback as well.
It's perfect.
It's starting to build thattapestry of understanding that
we have around ourselves and alsoaround what we wanna create and
(04:08):
what we wanna have for our lives.
And one of the things that's beenbecoming really apparent over the last
couple of months is that creativityand expression is becoming so important
in my life and in my identity.
Over the last four years since steppingout of the corporate world into
(04:32):
this coaching arena it has been veryfocused on what is it that I can teach?
What is it that I can mentor or share in?
With a very strong kind ofentrepreneurial or corporate perspective.
There wasn't a lot of space for purecreative flow, and that was because
I'd made a decision a while ago thatcreativity lives in its own camp.
(04:57):
It's like in a separate box.
I had a really interesting experience, um,in relationship with creativity, Which I,
I think I've touched on in a few episodesbriefly, and I'm sure will come up many
times over the course of sharing all thesedifferent stories about my life with you.
But when I was a child, I was verycreative and I had a beautiful
(05:19):
relationship with my grandmother who.
She taught me a lot of creativeprinciples, but at the same time,
there was a lot of critique around it.
You know, you didn't do this rightor you could've done that better, or,
you know, you'll never be an artistif you don't approach it in this way,
or that sloppy work, like there wasa lot of critique around these joyous
(05:41):
moments of let's go and paint, orlet's go create, let's go collage.
We did a lot of creative thingstogether, but at the end of that
activity, there was a lot of critique.
And so over the years I'd kind of poppedcreativity, expression, um, artistry into
this separate box that was like, let'snot touch that unless we can get it right.
(06:04):
You know, unless, uh, we canget it perfect, we can nail it.
We've got mastery and skill andartistry at the highest level.
It's kind of keep that off to the side.
And I progressed into very strategicum, logical based careers and
worked in that for a long time.
That when I started my coaching businessafter, having a major health breakdown
(06:29):
and having my hysterectomy, whichI've touched on a couple of times.
It wasn't until that moment thatI started this reflection process
of what is it that I really want?
That was their four.
Uh, four years ago now of really wantingto step into more and more of who I was.
And so four years ago, during thatrecovery, I decided to step out
(06:53):
of being employed as a full-timecorporate strategist, as someone
that was climbing the corporateladder to get up to that CEO.
Highly respected, highlyregarded, very intelligent type.
in the corporate world to sidestepinto my own coaching business, which
was beautiful because I could startto bring in some more of the feminine
(07:14):
energy, the more of the being in serviceof coaching and working particularly
with women to really help step theminto their bravery, into their voice.
All these different niches that Istarted coaching in over the last four
years, but creativity was still in.
A separate bucket.
(07:35):
It was still this untouchable thing,and it wasn't until recently with
this big moment of realizing I, eventhough I've made so many changes
of stepping out of the corporateworld and starting my own business.
I'd still managed to walk myself intoa specific box that had rules around
(07:59):
it, and I was still only making solidmoves when I knew that there was safety
around that, or I knew what the move was.
And I've been looking a lot at myInstagram feeds, my threads, feeds.
Really thinking about.
How I've been showing up in these spaces,particularly publicly, and looking
(08:22):
at what I wanna start really steppinginto and even talking about here on
the podcast with you, I was lookingat it and thinking, oh my goodness.
These posts that I've beenputting out, this presence that
I've had, um, particularly on myInstagram feed at andi.matthies,
(08:43):
it's still this element of needingto show up in a certain way.
I haven't really given myself permissionall this time, even though I've been
running Instagram now for four years andlet's be honest, not well, and that's
part of what we're talking about today.
Even although I've been showing up overthe last four years and more con, most
(09:05):
consistently since I, um, went to Spainin September, about two years ago,
that trip really solidified this needto, okay, I am going to start really.
Taking Instagram seriously, I'm gonnashow up, I'm gonna, you know, do
behind the scene stuff and figure out.
You know, trending audios andpopular reels and all that sort
(09:26):
of stuff start, stop showing up.
Um, more consistently there is stillthis element of hiding behind performance
that is starting to reveal itself,especially when I've reflected over
the last, you know, week or so over.
What is it that my heartis really calling to?
What is it that I wanna set and createfor myself and for my life based on
(09:51):
desire rather than based on what I feltlike I needed to do from a corporate
world perspective or an entrepreneurperspective, or even just to almost
feel like I have permission to be onInstagram and show up on social media?
And so much of it is in this energyof performance, and sometimes that
(10:16):
can be really a hard, not only to see,but also to admit both to yourself
and even publicly or outwardly.
But when we are able to.
take that moment and just have a lookat it and realize then we can actually
do something with it And so there'sbeen so much that's kind of coming
(10:40):
together over the last couple of weeksthat I'm starting to see to be able to.
Make a change and do something different.
And so this desire to do somethingpurely creative, this energy, this
need to just express, but not from a.
Let's be creative and show up onsocial media and perform letting
(11:03):
that fall away to just really uncoverthat there is this undercurrent of
creative energy, of expression thatjust wants to flow out into the world
to create something different, toexpress in a way that pulls together
all these different fragments of me.
This is what's really, really important.
(11:26):
Because what I'm realizing is that forsuch a long time I've tried to put myself
into specific categories of identity orspecific boxes to try and feel whole.
You know, we find a box and then we, welabel it and we put ourselves into it and
(11:46):
we pour all of the pieces of ourselvesinto this box mainly to try and feel
safe because when we can label it, whenwe can identify it, and when the world
can also identify with it, it feels safe.
It's like, I'm safe withinthis title of this box of
entrepreneur, of whatever it is.
(12:06):
And there's a million different labelsand boxes that we could name here, but
we find the safest box that fits thephase of life that we're in right now.
We pour all of ourselves in it and thenwe act accordingly from that space.
But what happens when we start dissolvingall of those boxes is that we can.
(12:27):
Feel, and we've talked about it alittle bit here, that space of the
void, that space of the unknown, it'slike no longer is there a box for
the world, myself, my family, foranyone to be able to identify me by.
So now I'm awash, and now Idon't know what I'm doing and I'm
gonna hide until I figure it out.
I'm gonna retreat, I'm gonna retract,I'm gonna pull back in myself.
(12:49):
I'm gonna hide.
And if I do happen to show up, I'mgonna do it in that performative or
perfectionist type energy because it'ssafer and the world can understand it.
So therefore, it's just easierfor me to navigate the world in
a way that others can place me.
And I guess this happens in all phases.
(13:10):
In all areas of life.
If I reflect back to, you know, my primaryschool and secondary school years, and I.
I can see how I tried to pour myself intoboxes back then that different peer groups
or parents or teachers or people outsideof school and within my life could easily
(13:31):
label me and say, well, Andrea, is this.
Or Andrea's that, or she's agood girl, she's this or that.
So many different labels,so many different boxes.
And even through my corporate life upuntil recently, putting myself into
the, I'm a strategist or I'm a coach,or I'm a this or I'm, I'm a, that.
And then recently deciding to dismantleall of those boxes and strip it all
(13:55):
back to, to understand what is here.
It's like, well, how am, how am Imeant to put myself out in the world
if I don't understand what box I'm in?
Because it makes it really hard to puttogether a Instagram reel, uh, if I don't
know the label or the box that I'm in.
And so I just kind of withdrew.
(14:15):
And hid and contracted all the way backand went, oh, well, I'll just reshare some
stuff, or I'll just remix some reels, orI'll just put out inspirational quotes.
And of course those things arebeautiful and I make sure there's
a, there's a beautiful messagefor people behind those things.
But there's still done from an energyof: Well, it's, I don't feel safe.
(14:39):
I don't know how to label myself,so I'm just gonna put that out
there with the energy of service.
But from this pulled back, reservedperspective, and you might feel
yourself doing that in certainparts of your life as well.
It's like, well, I'm a little bit unsure.
I don't know where I'm at.
I dunno what box I'm in, or I'm in aparticular box and I don't like it and
(15:00):
I'm waiting to get out of it, so I'm justgonna, present in this way because it's
safe and it's still acceptable and it'sstill in a beautiful energy of service.
But you can feel that withdrawal.
You can feel it feels sticky.
I don't know about you, but whenI turn up to post on Instagram at
the moment, there's still this.
(15:23):
Ickiness this stickiness of like,ugh, I know I need to put something
out, a, to please the algorithm tomake sure I'm still relevant, but
also because I wanna be of service topeople and I wanna, you know, share
these thoughts that are coming through.
But I'm gonna do it with this kind of easyto apply quick, just get it up there kind
(15:43):
of energy or, you know, you pour hours andhours and hours and hours into one reel
because you're unsure and you wanna getit perfect and you need to play it safe.
There's still that energy that'sincongruent with this beautiful,
powerful essence that resides withinus that doesn't really wanna hide and.
Wants to be out in the world, butis we are kind of trying to play
(16:06):
it safe before we put it out there.
And this is where we need to, and I'm ofcourse saying this to myself every single
day and even in this moment, it's likewe need to take the inspired action in
the direction that we wanna go in that,that sacral rule, fire desire that is
(16:27):
starting to awaken in us, even if we arenot used to kind of feeling desire, if
we're used to just playing it safe andfollowing the definitions or the rules
of the life that's been set out for us.
It's like really coming back to, justfinding that tiny little flicker of
flame, or if you're used to reallybeing in touch with your desire and
(16:47):
what you want and who you are and yoursacral fire, like stepping into that
burning flame and being like, I amgonna show up with an inspired action
knowing that that inspired action willlead to more and more and more clarity.
And I don't need to wait to have adefined box before I put myself out there.
(17:10):
What I have to say right here, rightnow is just as powerful and it's just
as potent as it is now without havingto be for something particular or to
fit a certain stereotype or certain safekind of construct that I need to have
before I'm gonna put myself out there.
It's like no, decide that it's safeenough just to step up to that, that
(17:35):
altar, that microphone, that social mediacreative project, that conversation,
that email, that request, I'm just gonnashow up in the energy of knowing that I
am safe no matter what my definition is.
No matter whether I'm in a box outsideof a box, breaking down the box, I'm
safe and I'm gonna take that inspiredaction to get me into movement,
(17:57):
to move towards the dream that I'mhaving, particularly harnessing that
creative force that exists withinand around you that you can tap into.
Because what I'm really discovering inthis process is that all of those times
that I popped myself into a, strategicthinking, brain, logical type construct,
(18:26):
and I either popped creativity to theside or I made it something that was
outside of me, or sometimes I evenremember thinking, oh, that's a luxury.
Like, I don't have time to be creative.
I need to make money or I needto do this thing that is gonna
drive to this particular outcome.
I'll get to creative when Ihave time, or for purposes
(18:51):
that drive towards those goals.
So it's like, oh, I'll, I'll makemy branding pretty, or I'll allow
the creative energy in becauseit's going to drive me towards
these safe box like constructs.
And the creative energy isstill kind of on the outside.
It's still kind of like a toolrather than a way of being.
(19:14):
And here's the most interesting thingthat I'm discovering, that I, I've
always had this deep yearning, this deep,knowing that creativity was important.
That I loved it.
You know, I think back to when I wasa child and just how many hours I
spent being creative before I let thatcomplex critique narrative take over
(19:39):
and change the definition or changethe feeling around creative energy.
This want, this desire to becreative has always been there
and it's taken this moment of.
Really unpacking who it is that I amand what it is that I wanna move into.
And even although I don'thave a lot of that defined.
(20:00):
This desire to allow creative energyto move through me in unique, different
interesting ways, ways that they,that it hasn't moved previously.
Perhaps.
You know, back when I was a child, it waspainting, it was collaging, it was very.
Hand on canvas or hand on paper type art.
(20:23):
And I, I had those mediums asthe definition of creativity
for such a long time.
But what I'm realizing is thatcreative energy is like life force.
It's like flow.
It's very similar to if you are achanneler or if you're used to receiving
(20:44):
messages and energy from the ether.
It's that type of feeling where youexist in your own body, in your own
form, but there's this feeling, there'sthis flow, there's this sparkle, this
energy that kind of exists around you.
And you feel it wanting to comethrough you and land in some sort
of a medium, whether that's onthe paper, whether that's through
(21:06):
music, whether that's throughspeaking in a podcast or on stages.
There so many infinite amounts ofcreative pursuits acting, gosh, we
could listen for days, but I won't.
But you feel this buzz, this electricity,this energy that just kind of like, exists
(21:26):
and floats in the ether just outside ofyou that is wanting to land somewhere and
you feel it, and you, you might have thosemoments where you allow yourself to just.
You know, dabble with it.
You just grab it for a few minutes andbe like, oh, that's fun, that's creative.
And sometimes the logical mind, thisis what my mind used to do, would be
(21:47):
like, oh no, I don't have time for that.
Gotta go do this important, serious,logical, you know, structural based thing
based on the box and the life that Ihave, and also time and a whole bunch of
other constructs that we have around us.
So I'll come back to that.
Or we might have moments, andI've had this as well, where the
creative energy comes in and we arelike, yes, I'm gonna do this thing.
(22:10):
I'm gonna write this thing.
And we allow it to kind ofpour in and pour through.
But then.
Based on the identity or the constructthat we're in at the time, we're
like, well, I don't know what todo with this, or This is different,
it's outside what I'm doing now.
I'm confused.
Am I meant to be doing this thingover here that's flowing through me?
Or you know, should I go back tothe sure thing or the thing the
(22:32):
industry experts say and we endup in this really confused space.
And I, I'm really saying this'cause this is definitely something
I've lived that I'm like, oh,well now it's just another idea.
Now I don't know what todo now I'm overwhelmed.
Doesn't make sense.
I can't get the logical construct toreally wrap around this, so I'm just gonna
park it or I'm just gonna be like, Ugh.
(22:54):
But.
Can turn it inwards sometimes and be like,well, I'm just having too many ideas.
I'm just someone that has too manyideas and doesn't action any of them.
So I retreat, I park it, I retreat andgo back into either the hiding state
or the usual kind of normal life state.
Sometimes robotic state of going throughthe motions and that creative energy
(23:18):
or those creative ideas still tendto remain separate or outside of us.
And worst case, uh, in the back recessesof a laptop hard drive or in a shelf
somewhere collecting dust in a notebook.
And so what I'm realizing is that,there is this beautiful opportunity
(23:39):
for us to actually bring the creativeenergy in to become part of who we are
to not so much become a box becausewe can do that, but that also sets
up this kind of like boundary orlimitational wall on the creativity and
also can put pressure on us to be like.
(24:01):
Now I am a painter, and so that'swhat I'm gonna do all of the time.
And if I can't, if I have momentsof not being inspired, um, therefore
I'm failing and I'm not an artist.
Like we can, our mind will play allof these types of old stories in all
conditionings and random things fromsociety, random things from movies.
(24:23):
It will try and tell you thesestories to keep yourself safe.
But what I am discovering throughthis whole process is that this
flame, this fire, to be creative,to be expressive, it is not a.
A temporary coach that I wanna wear, it isnot a, a nice to have that I wanna have.
(24:45):
It is actually core to me as a being, assomeone who is made up of source energy,
of energy, of vibration, of frequency.
It is part of me.
It is something that moves through me.
It is essential to me, and I want to startto give myself permission, and I am doing
(25:07):
that now, is I give myself permission toallow this creative energy to be me, to
allow myself to bring it into my everyday.
And I've been doing a lot of contemplationover the last few weeks to understand.
Where does this creativeenergy start for me?
Like, what does this look like?
Is it the traditional formsthat I was trained in when I was
(25:29):
young of oil painting and, uh,collage and a few other things?
And it's not, they were just thesebeautiful activities that I did at
the time to start tapping into this.
But this desire that I have now,it, it's coming from a different
place and I'm feeling photography.
(25:50):
Call me.
I'm feeling writing.
Um, my, I just caught up withmy mom yesterday and she,
bless her soul, had kept mygrandmother's original typewriters.
And so she's just given them to me withsome, um, fresh typewriter ribbons.
And there's this part of me that justwants to get onto the typewriter.
(26:12):
This, this real tactile feelingof typing on the keys to allow
channel poetry to come through and.
I really wanna be behind the camera andI wanna capture women and architecture
and really interesting creative things.
And what's been really interesting,because I have been someone who has
(26:35):
had such, I was talking about itbefore, such a restrictive, resistive
res relationship with Instagram.
And I've been trying to figure out whatis the best way to be on Instagram with
millions of followers and you know, akey influencer and blah, blah, blah.
It's like I'm dropping and strippingall of that back to be like, how do I
(26:58):
take this creative energy that's allaround me and that is part of me and
flowing through me this sacral fire.
How do I take that with this?
This desire that's comingseemingly out of nowhere.
But of course, everything is divinelyguided and it's perfectly timed.
And so this, this yearningnow to pick up the camera.
(27:18):
How do I combine that with thetypewriter, with the writing, with the
messages that wanna come through me?
Into this creative practice thatI can then share on social media.
And so you should haveseen me over the weekend.
This has been rattling aroundmy brains this question, um,
(27:39):
for what feels like weeks now.
And so over the weekend I got out thepost-it notes and a texter and cleared the
kitchen table, and I just started writingdown everything that came into my mind.
Either a belief or a challenge, oryou can't do that or a creative idea.
(28:01):
What it is that I wanna do withthis creative energy that's flowing
through me, particularly when itcomes to no longer hiding and showing
up on social media, showing up inthe world, what does that look like?
And so I spent the weekend justgetting all of the resistance, all
of the fear, all the ideas out ofmy head onto random post-it notes.
(28:21):
Like there was stuff goingon everywhere and we couldn't
eat off the table for days.
But then slowly and surely justby connecting into that, like what
is it that's being revealed here?
What is it that theuniverse source my team?
What is it you want me to see?
Where are the patterns?
What is.
The information that exists fromhere to be able to start making a
(28:43):
different decision and move forward.
And slowly and surely I started tosee, even though I have a lot of fear
and a lot of resistance and I wantedthe surety of, you know, knowing
definite actions before I showed up.
Because I had a lot of fear around,well, what will people think?
You know, do I start anew Instagram account?
Do I go with the old one?
The, the algorithm hates the old one atthe moment 'cause I absolutely trashed it.
(29:07):
What do I do like, and I don'thave, um, fancy photography yet.
Like I'm at the same time.
This weekend I just took a, um,photography course, both the
beginner and the advanced stuffto learn how to use the camera.
My brother-in-law just gave mea camera and a bunch of lenses.
It was such a sweet gift.
Thank you, Scott.
(29:27):
If you're listening.
And I took this camera and I triedto figure out how to use it and I
couldn't, so I went and did this.
Beginner's photography course thisweekend, which I'm feeling so much more
inspired and starting to really attuneto the, the camera gear and the things.
That I wanna start shooting.
Um, but in this process of allthese Post-It notes, I'm like,
(29:51):
well, I can't start a, a Instagramfeed of my photography because
I don't have the photos yet.
And I felt that contraction startof like, well, if I don't have the
photos, then I probably should wait.
To post, I should probably wait, um,until I've got it right before I take
any kind of like, action around that'cause I don't wanna be either seen
(30:12):
as, I don't know, seen as an amateur orseen as a loser or, see it's interesting
the dialogue that our stories, um, thatour minds wanna create these little
mini stories of all these things.
And sometimes we don't even knowwhere they come from, but I just
got it all down on these post-itnotes and sorted it through.
(30:32):
And what came up was reallyinteresting, and this is something
that I've never considered before.
I never thought was part of mywheelhouse, my desire, something
that I would ever be able to do.
But there's this really strong currentof I want to show up on Instagram
(30:53):
with an art feed, a, a beautiful feed.
and I'm not talking about beautifulcurated lifestyle feed, but just I wanna
write and I wanna even use AI and allof these different creative skills that
are starting to come in to my abilitiesbecause I'm finally, finally opening
the door and allowing them to come in.
(31:15):
To create this beautiful Instagramfeed that is like an art portfolio,
and this is something that I've neverconsidered before because A, I've.
Thought artists and this kind of stuffwas only for the extremely talented,
um, for the extremely creative.
Also, every marketing social media mentorexpert that I've ever studied under,
(31:40):
is always like algorithm first, youknow, performance first, selling first.
All of these types of rules andregulations around what is appropriate.
That I'd never considered somethingthat was just to be beautiful or
just to put something out in theworld that was creative, and that
was for me and for my expression.
(32:01):
It never occurred to me.
And what I'm realizing is that.
Right now in this phase that I'm in,and you might be feeling this within
yourself as well, it's like thereneeds to be a change for you to do
something purely for you, purely forthe beauty of it, for the expression
of it, and that is perfectly okay.
(32:23):
Beyond that, that is perfectly powerful.
It is something that we need to followbecause the more that we follow these
beautiful little soul nudges, whetherit's creative, it's creative in a
way that's outside the norm, it is soimportant because what it's doing is it
is telling ourselves firstly that it isokay to think outside the box that it is.
(32:48):
Okay to access parts of ourselves thatwe had labeled and popped in other
little pockets or components that we toldourselves the world didn't want, or wasn't
safe, or wasn't needed, or wasn't popular.
All the different labels that wehave put on them, it starts to
allow ourselves to de dismantlethose old constructs and reclaim.
(33:15):
Just reclaim some of those parts ofourselves, reclaim some of that energy
that's been so tied up in keepingthings in separate little pockets and
separate little buckets and away fromourselves to keep ourselves safe.
It's like we're reclaimingthat energy back
All of a sudden we're we're tellingourselves, Hey, it's okay to be whole.
(33:36):
It's okay for you to look at thoseparts of yourself that you buried such
a long time ago, and that that can besuch an overwhelming feeling to finally
meet yourself in a place where you canlook yourself in the eye and say, you
are enough, and you are whole, and I'mgonna reclaim all the lost parts of you
(33:58):
that you abandoned so long ago to becomewhole and to become who you are and It
could be having a gallery exhibition.
It could be doing something andtaking it to a market or, podcasting
or whatever, whatever it is thatyou wanna take that and reclaim that
energy and that creative part of you.
Make something unique, make somethingmagical and put it out in the world.
(34:22):
As a signal to your nervous system,to your soul, to your energy,
that you are whole and that it'ssafe to start reclaiming this
stuff that is so, so important.
And so that's why coming back to this ideaof inspired action, it's like we wanna
give ourselves permission to take thisaction and to make moves, particularly
(34:45):
with creative energy way before weeven think we're ready, way before we
think that the world is gonna want it.
We need to start moving becauseit signals to ourselves that we've
got ourselves, that we've got ourown back, and that we can do this.
Because even although we can go andwork with healers and modalities and
(35:08):
look outside of ourselves to fix thisstuff, and of course so many of those
healings and modalities and therapies areincredible, but at the end of the day,
the action needs to come from ourselves.
It has to come from within.
To the outside world.
It can't come from the outside worldto try and shove or pull the energy
(35:32):
in to then make ourselves feel whole.
It's like we need to find this passion,this energy that exists within us.
Even if it is like the tiniestlittle atom, one tiny little atom
down in the bottom of your ankle.
That's the only piece of, ofsafety or trust or energy or
creativity that you can find.
It's like find that little.
(35:53):
dot of energy and then magnify itand allow that to be the spark that
moves through us, that collects upthese beautiful kaleidoscopic pieces
that we've left elsewhere, and justcall 'em back home and be like,
no, I'm going to do this for me.
I'm gonna do this because this isthe action that I need to take too.
(36:13):
Tell my nervous system that I'msafe to break myself out of these
constructs or these feelings thatI've held around me to keep safe.
Even though though I'm miserable,they're keeping me safe.
I wanna get out of those.
And we start to move inthat and creative energy.
And so I'm taking thesephotography classes.
(36:34):
I'm going actually straightafter this podcast episode to.
I meet a, a photographer here in Melbournewhose work closely mirrors the types
of things that I'm really drawn to.
And I wrote to her and just said,look, I'm, you know, in this phase of
trying to rediscover who I am and I'mfeeling called to photography and your
(36:55):
work, I find your work so inspiring.
Would you be interested in.
Sha me shadowing you and you mentoringme if you've got any shoots coming up.
And she wrote back to meand said, yes, absolutely.
Come and meet me for lunch and we'llfigure out what shoots you can come on.
You know, like even just sendingthat email originally, like.
There was a part of me that waslike, she's not gonna respond.
(37:17):
Like she's not gonna havetime to mentor some beginner.
You know, I had a whole bunch of storiesand I almost didn't send the email.
Um, but I'm so glad that I did.
I just found that tiny little spark in methat was like, no, there's something here.
There's a reason why this is coming to me.
Send the email and she wrote back,and I'm leaving in about 15 minutes
(37:38):
to go in and have lunch with her.
And these are the things thatcan completely change our lives.
I don't know what's gonna be on theother side of starting this Instagram
feed and right now as it stands,um, I don't even have a clear vision
on what that's gonna look like.
I'm, I'm starting to.
Get little glimpses of that andsome things that I'm seeing,
(38:00):
you know, in Pinterest andother feeds that I'm like, oh, I
Love that idea, love that idea, and.
You know, I'm gonna reboot anold Instagram account if you
wanna follow me on this journey.
Um, it's going to be my originalaccount that I started years ago.
It's Path, PATH and nineP-A-T-H-A-N-D-N-I-N-E,
path, and nine on Instagram.
(38:23):
You know, I'm going to just turnthis into the art feed and my other
handle that I use on Instagram, AndyMatthews, I'm gonna change that too.
I'm gonna make it less about havingto show up and be in a certain way
or you know, sh show in a certainway and try and please the algorithm.
(38:45):
I'm gonna think about what that feedis gonna look like in terms of showing
the behind the scenes of this art feed.
This new energy that I'm stepping into andI haven't quite figured that one out yet.
That one might take me a little bit moretime, and there's probably a little bit
more mopping up energetically that I needto do around letting myself just be seen.
(39:07):
As is versus trying toalways polish something.
And I'll need to think about how to rebootthe algorithms, um, view of that account.
'cause I really have cooked it.
Um, but right now, path Nine,this new account, I'm just
going to allow this artistic.
(39:28):
Energy to flow through meand show up in that space.
See where this photography goes.
Keep taking classes, you know, dustoff these typewriters that I just
got yesterday and start writing.
I really wanna.
Just channel through poetry that aretyped on these typewriter, you know, get,
um, if anyone's listening and they wanta, a little channeled poem, you know,
(39:51):
we can get you to send me a photographof, of a, of yourself or a memory or
something from the past, and I'll connectwith that energy and just, you know,
create these beautiful poetry pieces.
These are the kinds of things that.
The previous version of me, the, thecorporate, the entrepreneur version of
me would've been like, that's crazy.
No one wants that.
(40:12):
Can't monetize that.
You know, where's the growth strategy?
Where's the blah, blah, blah, youknow, construct around that to, you
know, write off these kinds of ideas.
But this phase.
Has just taught me that we need to startlistening to our energy, to our deeper
(40:34):
selves, and we need to allow what thatreveals, what that voice is telling us.
We need to allow that in.
We need to allow ourselves to start.
Finding safety in these new constructsbecause these are reflections and glimpses
of our soul, essence of who we truly are.
(40:57):
When we strip back all of thelabels, all of the roles, all of the
expectations that society puts on us.
The things that we're so used to doing,it allows us to kind of get underneath
all of that and see what's reallyhere and see what's really important.
And I'm realizing that I wanna leavebehind the correct proper entrepreneur
(41:21):
and even, you know, successful expertcoach slash mentor titles and boxes aside
and step into this new energy identity.
But bigger than that, this new, um, phaseof allowing artistry to flow through me.
What does it look like to be an artist?
(41:41):
To be a creative, to actually, I.
Set up my life and my work andwhy I'm here from a creative,
connected, artistic energy flowperspective, what does that look like?
Because I've never given myselfpermission to do that before, but
I am feeling and hearing so loudand clear that that is something.
(42:04):
That we need to do.
We need to listen to thatto allow that to come in.
Because if we look at, even if we stillneed to find safety around strategy
and success in entrepreneurship andcorporate, if we look at some of the
most incredible inventions, products,and companies that exist, they came from
(42:25):
the creative spark, from someone who waswilling to be brave enough to listen to
a creative idea that they had somethingthat floated past them on the ether, for
them to be brave enough to grab hold of.
And allow creative expressionto come through them.
That is how some of the mostincredible things that we have, that
(42:47):
we love, that we cherish, that havebecome engineering technology, have
become into that strategic energyand masculine energy eventually.
But they started with the willingness todream, to be creative, and to then take
inspired action in a brand new direction.
(43:08):
And even, although I'm nervous andI, when I sat down, uh, to even
record this episode, I was like, whatam I even gonna talk about today?
Like, I don't have anything specific.
I don't have a particular plan,lesson, message to share today.
But allowing myself to be in theinspired action of, I'm just gonna
(43:28):
talk about what is here for me rightnow, which is this exploration of
creativity and this battle that I hadon the weekend of trying to figure out
Instagram and all of this surface stuff.
Just taking inspired action andtrusting yourself enough to put pen
to paper, to pick up that tool, thatcamera, that microphone, to just
(43:50):
take the inspired action to recordthe episode, to just share what is
coming through you is so powerful andeach time you do it, it creates these
incredible ripple effects that justchange your life that you just will
never regret, for the rest of your life.
And even if you can't see, justtaking that first inspired action
(44:10):
and the next little inspired action.
finding that tiny little atom, thatspark of creativity or that massive
fire that exists that you're ignoring.
Just taking that and following that,wherever it will go, is going to be
incredible Because not being able tosee it doesn't mean that it doesn't
exist or doesn't mean that it's notgonna blow your mind or take you
(44:34):
somewhere that's going to be incredible.
Down the track.
Just have faith, trust.
Take that inspired action.
Even if you're afraid, even if youdon't want to, even if your mind
wants to tell you something like it'snot gonna work out or it's scary,
just come back to that fuel, to thatfire to the reason why you're here.
The fact that you're made a frequencyand energy and source, and just take
(44:58):
that inspired action today because.
This journey is wild.
It is incredible.
It is powerful.
And the more we do it, the more wefollow it, the more our lives are
gonna be so much more fulfilling andso much more adventurous because we
just continue to trust and we continueto move Because we're worth it.
(45:23):
I love you and I'll seeyou in the next episode.
Thank you so much fortuning into today's episode.
If you wanna check out all of thebehind the scenes content for this
podcast, make sure you subscribe to mySubstack channel, the Becoming Archive.
You will also be able to find me onThreads and Instagram at andi.matthies.
(45:44):
Make sure you're connected andstay up to date with what's coming.
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