August 18, 2025 • 30 mins
Some days it feels like nothing is shifting - your bank account looks the same, the room you wake up in hasn’t changed, and the brave steps you’ve taken don’t yet show in your outer world. But this doesn't mean things aren't changing.
In this episode, I open up about those moments of doubt, the pull to return to what feels safe, and what it takes to keep going when everything feels like it's not working.
Topics Covered
- How to keep believing in yourself when reality looks unchanged
- The difference between fear-based pushing and soul-aligned bravery
- Navigating doubt, exhaustion, and the pull of safety versus expansion
- Seeing challenges and opportunities as portals into your next becoming
⮕⮕⮕ BOOK A READING - Limited spots!
Craving clarity? Book a channelled reading and receive guidance on your next big move. Only a few spots are available each week, so grab yours here: www.andimatthies.com/channelledreading
LET'S CONNECT
Come say hi on my main Instagram, my new art feed @pathandnine or on Threads.
You can also explore my writing on Substack or discover how we can work together here.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Andrea Matthies (00:00):
I'm Andrea Lee Matthies, writer, photographer,
and Clairvoyant Medium, and thisis the Bold, Brave Woman Project.
This podcast is a living, breathing,unfolding of what it really
means to step into our becoming.
Born from the ashes of a failed YouTubechannel, this weekly podcast brings you
real unfiltered moments of failure, ofbravery, and of deep intuitive knowing,
(00:25):
so that you too can step into who you arebecoming with even more trust and bravery.
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Bold, brave Woman Project.
Today I wanna talk about.
How to keep the faith in yourself andwhat you are moving towards, even when
(00:48):
things feel like they're not progressing.
And the reason I wanna talk aboutthis is, this is something that's
been cropping up for me a little bitlately, especially with all of these.
Big dreams and ambitions that are startingto awaken within me, and I'm starting to
take steps towards this new creative andphotographic and new version of myself.
(01:11):
But some days I wake up andI look around and I think.
Everything looks exactly the same asit did yesterday, as it did last week.
Is this really working?
And the answer is always, yes.
Yes it is.
And sometimes the progressthat is happening for us is
(01:32):
something that we can't see.
Even although we are making the moves,we're making the steps, we're doing the
inner work, we're progressing, and thereality isn't necessarily changing around
us that we can see through our eyes orexperience with our senses just yet.
But there's a whole.
Invisible field of energy,of quantum reality.
(01:54):
That is shifting, that is changing,especially when we're doing the inner
work to change who we are and howwe're stepping up into this reality
that quantum field is changing eventhough we can't see it, and it is.
so that the work and the world that we'rereally craving for can come to fruition.
(02:16):
Now, this can be really, reallychallenging and this is something
that I've sat with a lot this weekbecause it is so easy to fall into the
old trap, the old conditioning, theold emotion that I'm still stuck or.
I'm not moving forward, particularly insociety when we have this construct called
Time and we have this whole process that'sgoing on within our body that is aging.
(02:43):
There are some days where I wake up andI'm like, oh, I've just spent another
week working on this thing, yet I don'thave anything tangible yet to show for it.
Or, you know, I'm, I'm another.
Six months, 12 months older, have Ireally progressed in the way that I.
(03:04):
Thought I should or that Ithought I would, or am I achieving
the things according to what a42-year-old should have achieved
or have or do by now and this age.
This time, construct can really,if you let it run away with you and
your mind just goes down these rabbitholes, and sometimes you can end up
(03:27):
in that place of despair of like.
Well, no I'm not and I should havehad this and I should have had that.
And we get into this should mindsetand all of a sudden we are just
feeling that sense of lack and weare feeling that sense of I'm a
failure or I'm not where I should be.
Nothing is working.
And we end up in that negativespiral all, and we all know what
(03:49):
happens when that spiral takes hold.
We end up back into thatplace of nothing's working.
what am I doing this for?
and that type of thinking is what actuallyputs us back into energetic stasis.
It's not that we can't see the thingsthat are unfolding, they're not the
things that are creating the stasis.
(04:09):
It's this thinking.
That we are not progressing becauseit's like slamming the gates down
on any progress, any abundancethat's flowing through to us, it
just closes that off immediately.
the question then becomes.
How do we stay motivated andconnected to the greater vision,
(04:32):
connected to ourselves, to who we'rebecoming in those moments when it
feels like nothing is progressing?
And what I think is the key here.
Is to create the vision so bigand so bright and so brave for
ourselves, that continues to reignitethis passion, this spark, this
(04:56):
motivation to keep stepping forward.
I'm gonna be really honest.
There are still days where I wake upand I'm like, what on earth am I doing
like this journey of entrepreneurship,of creativity, of being an artist,
and particularly starting new in acreative field like photography, like
(05:19):
essentially I'm having to start atthe bottom because I never studied
photography when I was in school.
You know, I, I've waited until my40th years to decide to pick up a
camera and to decide to reawaken allof this need to express and to see
and to translate beauty in the world.
(05:39):
And there are moments, particularlythis week, 'cause it's been quite
a big week, where I've woken up andI'm like, what on earth am I doing?
Like just.
Go and get a job in the corporateworld again, like go back to the safe,
go back to the familiar, lean backon all of the strategic skills that
you have, like just make all of thisstop, essentially, this doubt, this
(06:08):
questioning, this, having to wake up andkeep pushing, keep making brave moves.
Like just stop it and goback to where it's safe.
That thought has crossed my mindmore times than I like to count.
But here's the thing.
I made a commitment to myself, asI'm sure you did too, to be a bold,
(06:31):
brave woman who forges a path, whodoes what she really wants to do.
What is sitting in the base of her soulthat is calling to her to at least.
Try to acknowledge to walk forward.
That calling is the thing that keepsstirring within me in those moments
(06:53):
where I'm like, just make this stop.
Just go back and get a job.
Just go back into the corporate world,back into that high level where you
don't have to worry about income.
Everything's taken care of.
Someone tells you what to do whenyou show up at work every day.
You do it.
You go home, you take your holidays.
Life is grand.
But here's the thing.
(07:13):
That dialogue of life is grand is justa scarcity, safety craving mechanism and
conditioning in my brain that isn't realbecause I can guarantee you, and you might
know this within your soul too, that ifyou go back to that familiar or that safe
(07:33):
construct that is old and just existswithin your mind, you'll get one week.
One month, six months.
It's usually not even that long downthe track of going back into the old,
and you'll be like, what have I done?
And I know this for myself.
I'd be there and I'd belike, what have I done?
Like I just gave up on everythingin those moments that it was hard.
(07:57):
Those moments where I couldn't seethe tangible translation in my reality
of the things that I was buildingbecause I was afraid to hold on.
I didn't think I was strong enoughto just to hold on, to keep stepping
forward, and now I'm back in a reality.
Like I can feel the emotion comingup as I'm saying this because I know
(08:17):
this is exactly what would happen.
I've put myself back into this corporatereality or back into this safe quote
unquote reality, but it's not what I want.
Yeah, it might be safe.
I might be having a regular paycheckcome in, but really, is that enough?
(08:38):
and knowing that that money is there when,of course society demands income expenses.
We've got increased living costsgoing on right now, but is just
having that safety of going back intothis old paradigm of that paycheck
enough to really fulfill my soul.
(08:59):
This is a legitimate question that Iwill be asking, and I know myself so
well that in that moment that I'm askingmyself that question and I'm feeling
the constriction, or I'm feeling theshaving of who I am off to fit back
into that corporate box just to exist.
I'll be asking that hard questionof why did I abandon myself?
(09:24):
Like, is this worth it is.
Having to exist within this realityof, yes, financial safety, but
unhappiness of everything else,is that truly and deeply better?
Then holding on in terms of findingmy bravery, allowing my quantum
(09:47):
reality to match my current realityof the life that I wanna have.
Is it worth it?
That will be a questionthat I will have to face.
And having been someone that has gone backinto the corporate world, back into the
safety net of a job in so many differentcareers, having transitioned from so
(10:11):
many different careers, I know what theanswer will be and the answer will be.
I wish I had trusted myself enough tofollow what my soul was telling me to do.
I wish I had given myself the supportto breathe, to know that even on
those mornings when I wake up andthe current reality, like the, the
(10:35):
place that I'm still living andthe bank account that I still see.
I wish I'd given it enough timeand enough trust to catch up with
who I know myself to truly be.
I wish I'd held on long enough.
I know that is exactly what I'll say,and that is the reason why in these
(10:56):
moments when it feels like nothingis working, when it feels like you
haven't progressed and you're stuck,you're still in the old paradigm.
It's why I know that it'simportant for me to hold on and
this is the big important key.
Sometimes these fears feel like truth.
(11:17):
They're so used to beingtranslated in our bodies as truth.
These fears that we think they'rereal, that we are like, well,
of course I have to go back.
Or, of course I'm unsafe becausethis fear has been here so long.
It's part of me.
(11:37):
the voice gets so familiarthat it feels real.
But there's a big difference betweenfeeling real and actually being true,
like being the truth of your soul andlistening to those fears as we do,
and then acting from that place ofcontraction, of fear, of scarcity.
It has the power to knock uscompletely off the trajectory
(12:00):
that we're meant to be on.
I know for me.
Being brave and continually choosingbravery, continually choosing trust.
That is part of this journey, andI choose to do that for as long
as it takes, and that scares thehell out of me Most of the time.
(12:21):
I'm like, what am I doing this for?
Especially on the days where I'm tiredor I'm exhausted, when I'm tired, it's
so easy for those old fears and that oldscarcity to just creep in and take over.
I think in the last episode I sharedthat I was meeting this brand new
(12:42):
photography mentor for the first time.
I was just heading outto have lunch with her.
And I did and it was amazing.
She's incredible.
We had this beautiful chat and coffeeand she agreed to mentor me and a couple
of days later I went along to a shootthat she was doing a boudoir shoot in her
brand new studio that she's just set upand spent the whole day with her setting
(13:04):
up the set Photographing and working withthe model, and then right through the
process of editing the photos, doing allthe adjustments right to the final cut.
And it was incredible.
I fully acknowledge this is an experiencethat we don't normally get and.
I'm just so grateful that I sentthat cold email to ask her for
(13:25):
this mentorship because it, itcompletely changed everything
for me in that being on that set.
There was a part of me that wasawake, that was alive, that was like.
this is where I wanna be.
This is what I wanna do.
Like working one-on-one in this intimatesetting, really reaching into, the
depths of their soul to reawaken theirpassion, their power, their sexuality,
(13:49):
and expressing that through the camera.
it set my soul on fire.
I got home that night, And I felt amazing.
But the next day, I woke up and was allover the map emotionally, and I was so
confused because I was like, how can Icome off the back of such an empowered
day, such a, knowing state of this iswhat I want and this is what I wanna
(14:14):
move into, to waking up the next dayfeeling like exhausted and overwhelmed,
I was like, what is this energy?
And I sat with it for a little bit.
and I was like, what is going on here?
And what was happening was this quantumstretch, I'd found another beautiful part
(14:36):
of my soul journey that was unfolding.
But all of a sudden, all of mydoubt, all of my scarcity, all of
my worry was on board and it wasjust completely exhausting myself.
I didn't realize I had this, unconsciousundercurrent of what if, what if going on?
Like, what if I can't afford it?
What if, what if, what if?
And it overnight and during the morninghad just completely depleted me that I had
(15:01):
gone from this massive high down into the.
Well, how and what, and am I good enough?
And all of this kind of like justclumpy type energy and emotion that
just brought me all the way down.
And the other thing that I decided to do,which in hindsight, perhaps a little bit
(15:21):
of a mistake, but I thought, oh, well, nowthat I am wanting to go on this beautiful
Trajectory of going down the pathway ofphotography and really embracing this
stuff and becoming a master at, at myskills in this space, I'm gonna do my
finances and my accounting, my end offinancial year stuff to, you know, just
(15:43):
put everything in this beautiful spaceof cleanliness so that when I start
to embrace this new passion and whatwhatever path this takes me on, the
abundance is coming into a clean slate.
And Oh my goodness, Through a process oflike looking at financial stuff, which,
(16:06):
you know, when you're an entrepreneur, it,there's highs and lows in our businesses.
There's peaks and troughs, andsometimes those troughs get really,
really loud and the doubt comes in.
And so I just compounded allof these feelings of doubt of.
Well, you know, I'm not amillionaire yet, so what's the point?
Is any of this working?
It's like, oh my goodness, I got to theend of trying to get all my finances
(16:30):
done this day, and I was an absolutewreck and a mess and had convinced
myself that everything was impossible.
Uh, nothing was gonna turnaround and I should just.
Forget it all And the rollercoasterof this emotion is so, so intense.
The next day I did some clearingwork and some grounding work.
(16:51):
I'm like, no, you know, this is great.
I've got this opportunity.
There's a reason whythis was brought to me.
Like keep coming back to ifsomething gets put on your path.
If a door opens, if an idea sparksand takes flight, there's a reason.
That's not random.
I never believe in it being random.
It is timing and it isenergetic intention.
(17:14):
And if there's something thatwe are meant to be doing, the
universe will put us on that path.
And there's a reason for that.
There's a learning, there's anexpansion, there's a do a door
opening or a new identity that'sabout to be burst or come through.
We have to trust that.
And so I was like, no.
Okay.
There's a reason for this.
So I parked, I got the financial stuff.
(17:37):
You know, to the point whereI can now hand it over to
an accountant, even though.
It wasn't a fun process, butI thought right now I'm gonna
go down to my brother-in-laws.
'cause he said he is got some morecamera gear, some more things that
I can borrow because I am going tobook this incredible shoot on Sunday.
(17:57):
It was a portfolio building shoot.
I'm gonna book in even though I knowI'm not ready, I'm gonna book into this
professional studio based portfolio shoot.
And it was a fantasy shoot.
I'm gonna do it on Sunday becauseI really wanna make this happen.
And even though I'm terrified, even,although I am questioning everything
(18:19):
and I know on paper I'm not ready,I need to just keep diving in.
I need to keep being brave.
I need to keep makingthese moves to make this.
Not make, but like allow thisdream to continue to unfold, to
allow the trust to build in myself.
And the only way to build trust isfor us to make these big, bold moves.
(18:43):
And so I paid the investment to go tothis shoot on Sunday and I thought,
right, well I need to go and getmore camera gear just because like
I'm starting with nothing really.
Just this borrowed stuff frommy beautiful brother-in-law.
I drove down, you know, it'slike a two hour drive each way.
Drove down to their farm and gotto spend some time with them.
(19:03):
Picked up the camera gear, brought itall back, like drove all the way back.
Um, this was Friday by this point,and the shoot was on a Sunday.
Talk about tight timelines, butsometimes we just gotta do it right.
So I got all the way back.
My husband, he was visiting withhis father, so I had the house to
myself and I pulled all the gear outand I just started playing with it.
(19:24):
And I was already exhausted becauseI, I had burnt through so much
adrenaline and anticipation for a.
You know, meeting the new mentor andthen going on the shoot and then doing
all the accounting, like I could feel myreserves of energy starting to deplete.
So I'm already starting to feel thattiredness creep in, but I thought
this is important to me, so I'mgonna push just a little bit more.
(19:46):
And so I sat up late after I got backfrom the country just playing the
gear and learning the settings on thecamera and all this type of stuff.
And by the time I went to bed.
By like 10, 30, 11, I was like,oh, this is starting to click.
Like, you know, actually, when I haddone the shoot with the photographer on
(20:06):
the Wednesday with the boudoir model, weactually reviewed some of my photos and
we could see a whole bunch of errors thatI'd made technically with the camera, but.
There was some feedback from her thatsaid, you know, my composition is good.
And so that was a tiny little sparkof like, okay, there's something here.
It wasn't all a waste, and so I couldsee by this night after I'd finished
(20:28):
with the camera gear, I'm like, Ooh,I'm starting to feel a little more in
tuned with, with the gear, with the tech.
You know, there's thislittle spark of hope.
so I went to sleep with thislittle like injection of like,
okay, I think I can do this.
I think I can do this.
Just another iota of trust that I couldbring into my body, into my energy
field, knowing that what I'm movingtowards is something that is here for
(20:54):
me, something that I'm meant to be doing.
So just went to sleep withthat, holding that in my body.
And I woke up the next day completelyexhausted and I knew I had to still go and
sort out some extra camera gear and lensesto be able to do this shoot on Sunday.
So my husband and I drove around afew camera stores and a few bits and
pieces, and I was an absolute zombie.
(21:16):
And here's, here is one thing thatI will say is that sometimes that
we can push, push, push beyond.
Uh, the energy limitations of our physicalbody, and we have to be careful of that.
There's a difference between.
Being abundant and moving with theenergy and being bold, Andre being brave.
(21:40):
And then there's the energy ofignoring what we need and doing
it from a, I'm gonna push because.
I've convinced myself that I haveto push, that I should push that
I am worthless if I don't push.
I am a failure if I don't push.
And this is a really dangerous energy toget into because there is moving in the
(22:03):
directions of our dreams and being boldand being brave without that scarcity,
fear-based driver behind the pushing.
so by Saturday lunchtime, I wasstarting to feel the difference between
the brave moves and the fear-basedpushing moves, and I had to say to my
(22:24):
husband, I'm like, I need to just stop.
I need to just spend the rest of theday just chilling, just doing some
meditation, maybe watching a movie,having a bath, whatever, I need to make
this conscious choice right now in thismoment to switch from the, I have to
go get these lenses and get everythingperfect and ready for the shoot on Sunday,
(22:44):
because otherwise I'm gonna be a failure.
I could feel that buzzstarting to happen in my body.
I need to go back and Just check outand do something, chill and relaxing
for the rest of the afternoon, becauseotherwise I'm gonna charge straight
into this photo shoot on Sunday.
From a scarce energy, and I couldalready feel that anxiety build
(23:05):
in my body and start to peak.
And we don't wanna do stuff in a stateof anxiety because there is so much
energy that we can tap into that canground us, that can bring us back to
this wholeness, this calmness, this senseof peace, and then move through bold
moves through bravery with this groundedwhole power versus the rattled scarce,
(23:29):
running around anxious type energy.
And if you can start to notice adifference in your body when you are
wanting to do this big, bold, bravestuff, just really tapping in and saying,
is this coming from a grounded, pluggedin source fueled type bravery move?
Or is this being fueledfrom an anxious real?
(23:52):
Physical, adrenal type, anxiousenergy of I have to get this
done also, I'm going to fail.
If you can start to sense those twodifferent energy currents and then
make the powerful choice to trustand switch from one or the other,
it makes a complete difference.
So by the time I got to the last kindof camera store thing that we had
(24:16):
to do on Saturday, I just said to myhusband, I need to just disconnect.
And so I came home.
I laid down, I did a meditation,
But I'm gonna be honest,I didn't quite nail it.
And that's why I really wantedto raise this with you, to start
bringing consciousness aroundwhere we are sourcing energy from.
Because I still, even although Ilaid down, did meditation, I at
(24:39):
some point had decided that thisportfolio shoot on Sunday was
the make and break of my career.
Like, that is just sucha crazy thing to decide.
This is a portfolio shoot that Ihad chosen to invest in to gain
access to a studio with some fantasybased sets and models to take
(25:01):
photographs to put in my portfolio.
And I had somehow made the decisionthat if I didn't do a good job at this
portfolio, I was a failure A failureas a photographer, a failure as an
entrepreneur, a failure as a woman,and a human, and a soul on this planet.
Like that is a crazy thing todecide out of nowhere, but this
(25:25):
is what we do all of the time.
You might be listening to this and thinkof like, yeah, I know I do this too.
Like there's this thing that I reallyknow in my soul that I wanna do, or
I wanna achieve or I wanna have, andwe create these arbitrary rules and
milestones that we determine are makeor break, and it's just not true.
(25:49):
And I started to feel this anxiety raiseup within me on Sunday morning as I was
getting ready to leave for the shoot.
And I, it started tofeel like panic stations.
I'm like, I don't have the equipment.
I've still gotta go pick up this lensthat I've bought to have for the shoot.
And my bags gettingheavy and my hands sore.
And like I could start to feel this.
(26:09):
It's like a cog in your brain that startsto spin up really, really fast with all of
this chat, and I had to just like ground.
I went and had to shower.
I love showers.
Showers are incredible for usingthe water to just wash anything
that is attached to you physically,anything that's in your energy field.
To just allow the showerto just cleanse it.
So I went and had a shower, washedmy hair, and it was just like,
(26:33):
there is no make or break here.
This is just a beautifulopportunity for me to expand.
This doesn't determinethe rest of my life.
This is just a learning experience.
This is just another bold move thatI'm choosing to make for feedback,
for learning, for expansion,in whatever way that it's meant
to expand me in this moment.
(26:55):
And as soon as I started to reframe it.
It made all the difference.
All of a sudden it became this portal ofopportunity for me to step through rather
than the be all and end all of this isgonna define me for the rest of my life.
And this can be applied to so manythings, which is the beauty of it.
(27:18):
Every time that you start to feel yourselfcreating this massive narrative, this
pressure to have either achieved somethingor gained something out of something that
you're about to do or compare yourselfand feel like nothing is shifting.
You can just see things as thesebeautiful portals that are opening up to
(27:39):
be able to step you through to the nextthing that you're meant to experience.
The next thing that you'remeant to learn or expand into.
And trusting that theseportals will continue to open
even if we can't see them.
So this morning when I woke up andI started to feel those tentacles of
despair creep into my mind of like, well,I'm still waking up in the same room.
(28:00):
If I check my bank account, I'm sureit's still the same as it was yesterday.
It's like, yes, but I have passedthrough so many portals this week
that are changing things behindthe scenes that are changing things
within my body, within my braveness,within my ability to manage my anxiety
when I'm trying to make bold moves.
(28:20):
I know that my physical realitywill start to catch up because
it's impossible for it to not.
We can't make fundamental changesin our energy in who we are and
what we are doing, without thephysical reality catching up.
That's just how energy works.
So if you are having that moment ofdespair of, well, I'm this age and I
(28:44):
haven't achieved this, or I am doingall this stuff and it's not changing, or
I'm still just an anxious mess, feelinglike I need to go back to the safe.
Just know that everytime you choose yourself.
Every time you choose to ground,to come back to your energy to pass
through another energetic portal, evenalthough it's invisible, even although
(29:07):
you can't see it, you are changing.
Your world is changing, and yourreality will start to catch up.
And don't forget you're never alone.
Anytime.
Reach out to me.
I'm here.
I would love to hear about thebold moves that you're making, the
portals that you're passing through.
(29:28):
And to celebrate with you becauseevery time you choose your
bravery is another massive stepforward in who you are becoming.
I love you and I'll seeyou in the next episode.
Thank you so much fortuning into today's episode.
If you wanna check out all of thebehind the scenes content for this
podcast, make sure you subscribe to mySubstack channel, the Becoming Archive.
(29:53):
You will also be able to find me onThreads and Instagram at andi.matthies.
Make sure you're connected andstay up to date with what's coming.
I'm Andrea Lee Matthies, writer, photographer,
and Clairvoyant Medium, and thisis the Bold, Brave Woman Project.
This podcast is a living, breathing,unfolding of what it really
means to step into our becoming.
Born from the ashes of a failed YouTubechannel, this weekly podcast brings you
real unfiltered moments of failure, ofbravery, and of deep intuitive knowing,
(00:25):
so that you too can step into who you arebecoming with even more trust and bravery.
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Bold, brave Woman Project.
Today I wanna talk about.
How to keep the faith in yourself andwhat you are moving towards, even when
(00:48):
things feel like they're not progressing.
And the reason I wanna talk aboutthis is, this is something that's
been cropping up for me a little bitlately, especially with all of these.
Big dreams and ambitions that are startingto awaken within me, and I'm starting to
take steps towards this new creative andphotographic and new version of myself.
(01:11):
But some days I wake up andI look around and I think.
Everything looks exactly the same asit did yesterday, as it did last week.
Is this really working?
And the answer is always, yes.
Yes it is.
And sometimes the progressthat is happening for us is
(01:32):
something that we can't see.
Even although we are making the moves,we're making the steps, we're doing the
inner work, we're progressing, and thereality isn't necessarily changing around
us that we can see through our eyes orexperience with our senses just yet.
But there's a whole.
Invisible field of energy,of quantum reality.
(01:54):
That is shifting, that is changing,especially when we're doing the inner
work to change who we are and howwe're stepping up into this reality
that quantum field is changing eventhough we can't see it, and it is.
so that the work and the world that we'rereally craving for can come to fruition.
(02:16):
Now, this can be really, reallychallenging and this is something
that I've sat with a lot this weekbecause it is so easy to fall into the
old trap, the old conditioning, theold emotion that I'm still stuck or.
I'm not moving forward, particularly insociety when we have this construct called
Time and we have this whole process that'sgoing on within our body that is aging.
(02:43):
There are some days where I wake up andI'm like, oh, I've just spent another
week working on this thing, yet I don'thave anything tangible yet to show for it.
Or, you know, I'm, I'm another.
Six months, 12 months older, have Ireally progressed in the way that I.
(03:04):
Thought I should or that Ithought I would, or am I achieving
the things according to what a42-year-old should have achieved
or have or do by now and this age.
This time, construct can really,if you let it run away with you and
your mind just goes down these rabbitholes, and sometimes you can end up
(03:27):
in that place of despair of like.
Well, no I'm not and I should havehad this and I should have had that.
And we get into this should mindsetand all of a sudden we are just
feeling that sense of lack and weare feeling that sense of I'm a
failure or I'm not where I should be.
Nothing is working.
And we end up in that negativespiral all, and we all know what
(03:49):
happens when that spiral takes hold.
We end up back into thatplace of nothing's working.
what am I doing this for?
and that type of thinking is what actuallyputs us back into energetic stasis.
It's not that we can't see the thingsthat are unfolding, they're not the
things that are creating the stasis.
(04:09):
It's this thinking.
That we are not progressing becauseit's like slamming the gates down
on any progress, any abundancethat's flowing through to us, it
just closes that off immediately.
the question then becomes.
How do we stay motivated andconnected to the greater vision,
(04:32):
connected to ourselves, to who we'rebecoming in those moments when it
feels like nothing is progressing?
And what I think is the key here.
Is to create the vision so bigand so bright and so brave for
ourselves, that continues to reignitethis passion, this spark, this
(04:56):
motivation to keep stepping forward.
I'm gonna be really honest.
There are still days where I wake upand I'm like, what on earth am I doing
like this journey of entrepreneurship,of creativity, of being an artist,
and particularly starting new in acreative field like photography, like
(05:19):
essentially I'm having to start atthe bottom because I never studied
photography when I was in school.
You know, I, I've waited until my40th years to decide to pick up a
camera and to decide to reawaken allof this need to express and to see
and to translate beauty in the world.
(05:39):
And there are moments, particularlythis week, 'cause it's been quite
a big week, where I've woken up andI'm like, what on earth am I doing?
Like just.
Go and get a job in the corporateworld again, like go back to the safe,
go back to the familiar, lean backon all of the strategic skills that
you have, like just make all of thisstop, essentially, this doubt, this
(06:08):
questioning, this, having to wake up andkeep pushing, keep making brave moves.
Like just stop it and goback to where it's safe.
That thought has crossed my mindmore times than I like to count.
But here's the thing.
I made a commitment to myself, asI'm sure you did too, to be a bold,
(06:31):
brave woman who forges a path, whodoes what she really wants to do.
What is sitting in the base of her soulthat is calling to her to at least.
Try to acknowledge to walk forward.
That calling is the thing that keepsstirring within me in those moments
(06:53):
where I'm like, just make this stop.
Just go back and get a job.
Just go back into the corporate world,back into that high level where you
don't have to worry about income.
Everything's taken care of.
Someone tells you what to do whenyou show up at work every day.
You do it.
You go home, you take your holidays.
Life is grand.
But here's the thing.
(07:13):
That dialogue of life is grand is justa scarcity, safety craving mechanism and
conditioning in my brain that isn't realbecause I can guarantee you, and you might
know this within your soul too, that ifyou go back to that familiar or that safe
(07:33):
construct that is old and just existswithin your mind, you'll get one week.
One month, six months.
It's usually not even that long downthe track of going back into the old,
and you'll be like, what have I done?
And I know this for myself.
I'd be there and I'd belike, what have I done?
Like I just gave up on everythingin those moments that it was hard.
(07:57):
Those moments where I couldn't seethe tangible translation in my reality
of the things that I was buildingbecause I was afraid to hold on.
I didn't think I was strong enoughto just to hold on, to keep stepping
forward, and now I'm back in a reality.
Like I can feel the emotion comingup as I'm saying this because I know
(08:17):
this is exactly what would happen.
I've put myself back into this corporatereality or back into this safe quote
unquote reality, but it's not what I want.
Yeah, it might be safe.
I might be having a regular paycheckcome in, but really, is that enough?
(08:38):
and knowing that that money is there when,of course society demands income expenses.
We've got increased living costsgoing on right now, but is just
having that safety of going back intothis old paradigm of that paycheck
enough to really fulfill my soul.
(08:59):
This is a legitimate question that Iwill be asking, and I know myself so
well that in that moment that I'm askingmyself that question and I'm feeling
the constriction, or I'm feeling theshaving of who I am off to fit back
into that corporate box just to exist.
I'll be asking that hard questionof why did I abandon myself?
(09:24):
Like, is this worth it is.
Having to exist within this realityof, yes, financial safety, but
unhappiness of everything else,is that truly and deeply better?
Then holding on in terms of findingmy bravery, allowing my quantum
(09:47):
reality to match my current realityof the life that I wanna have.
Is it worth it?
That will be a questionthat I will have to face.
And having been someone that has gone backinto the corporate world, back into the
safety net of a job in so many differentcareers, having transitioned from so
(10:11):
many different careers, I know what theanswer will be and the answer will be.
I wish I had trusted myself enough tofollow what my soul was telling me to do.
I wish I had given myself the supportto breathe, to know that even on
those mornings when I wake up andthe current reality, like the, the
(10:35):
place that I'm still living andthe bank account that I still see.
I wish I'd given it enough timeand enough trust to catch up with
who I know myself to truly be.
I wish I'd held on long enough.
I know that is exactly what I'll say,and that is the reason why in these
(10:56):
moments when it feels like nothingis working, when it feels like you
haven't progressed and you're stuck,you're still in the old paradigm.
It's why I know that it'simportant for me to hold on and
this is the big important key.
Sometimes these fears feel like truth.
(11:17):
They're so used to beingtranslated in our bodies as truth.
These fears that we think they'rereal, that we are like, well,
of course I have to go back.
Or, of course I'm unsafe becausethis fear has been here so long.
It's part of me.
(11:37):
the voice gets so familiarthat it feels real.
But there's a big difference betweenfeeling real and actually being true,
like being the truth of your soul andlistening to those fears as we do,
and then acting from that place ofcontraction, of fear, of scarcity.
It has the power to knock uscompletely off the trajectory
(12:00):
that we're meant to be on.
I know for me.
Being brave and continually choosingbravery, continually choosing trust.
That is part of this journey, andI choose to do that for as long
as it takes, and that scares thehell out of me Most of the time.
(12:21):
I'm like, what am I doing this for?
Especially on the days where I'm tiredor I'm exhausted, when I'm tired, it's
so easy for those old fears and that oldscarcity to just creep in and take over.
I think in the last episode I sharedthat I was meeting this brand new
(12:42):
photography mentor for the first time.
I was just heading outto have lunch with her.
And I did and it was amazing.
She's incredible.
We had this beautiful chat and coffeeand she agreed to mentor me and a couple
of days later I went along to a shootthat she was doing a boudoir shoot in her
brand new studio that she's just set upand spent the whole day with her setting
(13:04):
up the set Photographing and working withthe model, and then right through the
process of editing the photos, doing allthe adjustments right to the final cut.
And it was incredible.
I fully acknowledge this is an experiencethat we don't normally get and.
I'm just so grateful that I sentthat cold email to ask her for
(13:25):
this mentorship because it, itcompletely changed everything
for me in that being on that set.
There was a part of me that wasawake, that was alive, that was like.
this is where I wanna be.
This is what I wanna do.
Like working one-on-one in this intimatesetting, really reaching into, the
depths of their soul to reawaken theirpassion, their power, their sexuality,
(13:49):
and expressing that through the camera.
it set my soul on fire.
I got home that night, And I felt amazing.
But the next day, I woke up and was allover the map emotionally, and I was so
confused because I was like, how can Icome off the back of such an empowered
day, such a, knowing state of this iswhat I want and this is what I wanna
(14:14):
move into, to waking up the next dayfeeling like exhausted and overwhelmed,
I was like, what is this energy?
And I sat with it for a little bit.
and I was like, what is going on here?
And what was happening was this quantumstretch, I'd found another beautiful part
(14:36):
of my soul journey that was unfolding.
But all of a sudden, all of mydoubt, all of my scarcity, all of
my worry was on board and it wasjust completely exhausting myself.
I didn't realize I had this, unconsciousundercurrent of what if, what if going on?
Like, what if I can't afford it?
What if, what if, what if?
And it overnight and during the morninghad just completely depleted me that I had
(15:01):
gone from this massive high down into the.
Well, how and what, and am I good enough?
And all of this kind of like justclumpy type energy and emotion that
just brought me all the way down.
And the other thing that I decided to do,which in hindsight, perhaps a little bit
(15:21):
of a mistake, but I thought, oh, well, nowthat I am wanting to go on this beautiful
Trajectory of going down the pathway ofphotography and really embracing this
stuff and becoming a master at, at myskills in this space, I'm gonna do my
finances and my accounting, my end offinancial year stuff to, you know, just
(15:43):
put everything in this beautiful spaceof cleanliness so that when I start
to embrace this new passion and whatwhatever path this takes me on, the
abundance is coming into a clean slate.
And Oh my goodness, Through a process oflike looking at financial stuff, which,
(16:06):
you know, when you're an entrepreneur, it,there's highs and lows in our businesses.
There's peaks and troughs, andsometimes those troughs get really,
really loud and the doubt comes in.
And so I just compounded allof these feelings of doubt of.
Well, you know, I'm not amillionaire yet, so what's the point?
Is any of this working?
It's like, oh my goodness, I got to theend of trying to get all my finances
(16:30):
done this day, and I was an absolutewreck and a mess and had convinced
myself that everything was impossible.
Uh, nothing was gonna turnaround and I should just.
Forget it all And the rollercoasterof this emotion is so, so intense.
The next day I did some clearingwork and some grounding work.
(16:51):
I'm like, no, you know, this is great.
I've got this opportunity.
There's a reason whythis was brought to me.
Like keep coming back to ifsomething gets put on your path.
If a door opens, if an idea sparksand takes flight, there's a reason.
That's not random.
I never believe in it being random.
It is timing and it isenergetic intention.
(17:14):
And if there's something thatwe are meant to be doing, the
universe will put us on that path.
And there's a reason for that.
There's a learning, there's anexpansion, there's a do a door
opening or a new identity that'sabout to be burst or come through.
We have to trust that.
And so I was like, no.
Okay.
There's a reason for this.
So I parked, I got the financial stuff.
(17:37):
You know, to the point whereI can now hand it over to
an accountant, even though.
It wasn't a fun process, butI thought right now I'm gonna
go down to my brother-in-laws.
'cause he said he is got some morecamera gear, some more things that
I can borrow because I am going tobook this incredible shoot on Sunday.
(17:57):
It was a portfolio building shoot.
I'm gonna book in even though I knowI'm not ready, I'm gonna book into this
professional studio based portfolio shoot.
And it was a fantasy shoot.
I'm gonna do it on Sunday becauseI really wanna make this happen.
And even though I'm terrified, even,although I am questioning everything
(18:19):
and I know on paper I'm not ready,I need to just keep diving in.
I need to keep being brave.
I need to keep makingthese moves to make this.
Not make, but like allow thisdream to continue to unfold, to
allow the trust to build in myself.
And the only way to build trust isfor us to make these big, bold moves.
(18:43):
And so I paid the investment to go tothis shoot on Sunday and I thought,
right, well I need to go and getmore camera gear just because like
I'm starting with nothing really.
Just this borrowed stuff frommy beautiful brother-in-law.
I drove down, you know, it'slike a two hour drive each way.
Drove down to their farm and gotto spend some time with them.
(19:03):
Picked up the camera gear, brought itall back, like drove all the way back.
Um, this was Friday by this point,and the shoot was on a Sunday.
Talk about tight timelines, butsometimes we just gotta do it right.
So I got all the way back.
My husband, he was visiting withhis father, so I had the house to
myself and I pulled all the gear outand I just started playing with it.
(19:24):
And I was already exhausted becauseI, I had burnt through so much
adrenaline and anticipation for a.
You know, meeting the new mentor andthen going on the shoot and then doing
all the accounting, like I could feel myreserves of energy starting to deplete.
So I'm already starting to feel thattiredness creep in, but I thought
this is important to me, so I'mgonna push just a little bit more.
(19:46):
And so I sat up late after I got backfrom the country just playing the
gear and learning the settings on thecamera and all this type of stuff.
And by the time I went to bed.
By like 10, 30, 11, I was like,oh, this is starting to click.
Like, you know, actually, when I haddone the shoot with the photographer on
(20:06):
the Wednesday with the boudoir model, weactually reviewed some of my photos and
we could see a whole bunch of errors thatI'd made technically with the camera, but.
There was some feedback from her thatsaid, you know, my composition is good.
And so that was a tiny little sparkof like, okay, there's something here.
It wasn't all a waste, and so I couldsee by this night after I'd finished
(20:28):
with the camera gear, I'm like, Ooh,I'm starting to feel a little more in
tuned with, with the gear, with the tech.
You know, there's thislittle spark of hope.
so I went to sleep with thislittle like injection of like,
okay, I think I can do this.
I think I can do this.
Just another iota of trust that I couldbring into my body, into my energy
field, knowing that what I'm movingtowards is something that is here for
(20:54):
me, something that I'm meant to be doing.
So just went to sleep withthat, holding that in my body.
And I woke up the next day completelyexhausted and I knew I had to still go and
sort out some extra camera gear and lensesto be able to do this shoot on Sunday.
So my husband and I drove around afew camera stores and a few bits and
pieces, and I was an absolute zombie.
(21:16):
And here's, here is one thing thatI will say is that sometimes that
we can push, push, push beyond.
Uh, the energy limitations of our physicalbody, and we have to be careful of that.
There's a difference between.
Being abundant and moving with theenergy and being bold, Andre being brave.
(21:40):
And then there's the energy ofignoring what we need and doing
it from a, I'm gonna push because.
I've convinced myself that I haveto push, that I should push that
I am worthless if I don't push.
I am a failure if I don't push.
And this is a really dangerous energy toget into because there is moving in the
(22:03):
directions of our dreams and being boldand being brave without that scarcity,
fear-based driver behind the pushing.
so by Saturday lunchtime, I wasstarting to feel the difference between
the brave moves and the fear-basedpushing moves, and I had to say to my
(22:24):
husband, I'm like, I need to just stop.
I need to just spend the rest of theday just chilling, just doing some
meditation, maybe watching a movie,having a bath, whatever, I need to make
this conscious choice right now in thismoment to switch from the, I have to
go get these lenses and get everythingperfect and ready for the shoot on Sunday,
(22:44):
because otherwise I'm gonna be a failure.
I could feel that buzzstarting to happen in my body.
I need to go back and Just check outand do something, chill and relaxing
for the rest of the afternoon, becauseotherwise I'm gonna charge straight
into this photo shoot on Sunday.
From a scarce energy, and I couldalready feel that anxiety build
(23:05):
in my body and start to peak.
And we don't wanna do stuff in a stateof anxiety because there is so much
energy that we can tap into that canground us, that can bring us back to
this wholeness, this calmness, this senseof peace, and then move through bold
moves through bravery with this groundedwhole power versus the rattled scarce,
(23:29):
running around anxious type energy.
And if you can start to notice adifference in your body when you are
wanting to do this big, bold, bravestuff, just really tapping in and saying,
is this coming from a grounded, pluggedin source fueled type bravery move?
Or is this being fueledfrom an anxious real?
(23:52):
Physical, adrenal type, anxiousenergy of I have to get this
done also, I'm going to fail.
If you can start to sense those twodifferent energy currents and then
make the powerful choice to trustand switch from one or the other,
it makes a complete difference.
So by the time I got to the last kindof camera store thing that we had
(24:16):
to do on Saturday, I just said to myhusband, I need to just disconnect.
And so I came home.
I laid down, I did a meditation,
But I'm gonna be honest,I didn't quite nail it.
And that's why I really wantedto raise this with you, to start
bringing consciousness aroundwhere we are sourcing energy from.
Because I still, even although Ilaid down, did meditation, I at
(24:39):
some point had decided that thisportfolio shoot on Sunday was
the make and break of my career.
Like, that is just sucha crazy thing to decide.
This is a portfolio shoot that Ihad chosen to invest in to gain
access to a studio with some fantasybased sets and models to take
(25:01):
photographs to put in my portfolio.
And I had somehow made the decisionthat if I didn't do a good job at this
portfolio, I was a failure A failureas a photographer, a failure as an
entrepreneur, a failure as a woman,and a human, and a soul on this planet.
Like that is a crazy thing todecide out of nowhere, but this
(25:25):
is what we do all of the time.
You might be listening to this and thinkof like, yeah, I know I do this too.
Like there's this thing that I reallyknow in my soul that I wanna do, or
I wanna achieve or I wanna have, andwe create these arbitrary rules and
milestones that we determine are makeor break, and it's just not true.
(25:49):
And I started to feel this anxiety raiseup within me on Sunday morning as I was
getting ready to leave for the shoot.
And I, it started tofeel like panic stations.
I'm like, I don't have the equipment.
I've still gotta go pick up this lensthat I've bought to have for the shoot.
And my bags gettingheavy and my hands sore.
And like I could start to feel this.
(26:09):
It's like a cog in your brain that startsto spin up really, really fast with all of
this chat, and I had to just like ground.
I went and had to shower.
I love showers.
Showers are incredible for usingthe water to just wash anything
that is attached to you physically,anything that's in your energy field.
To just allow the showerto just cleanse it.
So I went and had a shower, washedmy hair, and it was just like,
(26:33):
there is no make or break here.
This is just a beautifulopportunity for me to expand.
This doesn't determinethe rest of my life.
This is just a learning experience.
This is just another bold move thatI'm choosing to make for feedback,
for learning, for expansion,in whatever way that it's meant
to expand me in this moment.
(26:55):
And as soon as I started to reframe it.
It made all the difference.
All of a sudden it became this portal ofopportunity for me to step through rather
than the be all and end all of this isgonna define me for the rest of my life.
And this can be applied to so manythings, which is the beauty of it.
(27:18):
Every time that you start to feel yourselfcreating this massive narrative, this
pressure to have either achieved somethingor gained something out of something that
you're about to do or compare yourselfand feel like nothing is shifting.
You can just see things as thesebeautiful portals that are opening up to
(27:39):
be able to step you through to the nextthing that you're meant to experience.
The next thing that you'remeant to learn or expand into.
And trusting that theseportals will continue to open
even if we can't see them.
So this morning when I woke up andI started to feel those tentacles of
despair creep into my mind of like, well,I'm still waking up in the same room.
(28:00):
If I check my bank account, I'm sureit's still the same as it was yesterday.
It's like, yes, but I have passedthrough so many portals this week
that are changing things behindthe scenes that are changing things
within my body, within my braveness,within my ability to manage my anxiety
when I'm trying to make bold moves.
(28:20):
I know that my physical realitywill start to catch up because
it's impossible for it to not.
We can't make fundamental changesin our energy in who we are and
what we are doing, without thephysical reality catching up.
That's just how energy works.
So if you are having that moment ofdespair of, well, I'm this age and I
(28:44):
haven't achieved this, or I am doingall this stuff and it's not changing, or
I'm still just an anxious mess, feelinglike I need to go back to the safe.
Just know that everytime you choose yourself.
Every time you choose to ground,to come back to your energy to pass
through another energetic portal, evenalthough it's invisible, even although
(29:07):
you can't see it, you are changing.
Your world is changing, and yourreality will start to catch up.
And don't forget you're never alone.
Anytime.
Reach out to me.
I'm here.
I would love to hear about thebold moves that you're making, the
portals that you're passing through.
(29:28):
And to celebrate with you becauseevery time you choose your
bravery is another massive stepforward in who you are becoming.
I love you and I'll seeyou in the next episode.
Thank you so much fortuning into today's episode.
If you wanna check out all of thebehind the scenes content for this
podcast, make sure you subscribe to mySubstack channel, the Becoming Archive.
(29:53):
You will also be able to find me onThreads and Instagram at andi.matthies.
Make sure you're connected andstay up to date with what's coming.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Law & Order: Criminal Justice System - Season 1 & Season 2
Season Two Out Now! Law & Order: Criminal Justice System tells the real stories behind the landmark cases that have shaped how the most dangerous and influential criminals in America are prosecuted. In its second season, the series tackles the threat of terrorism in the United States. From the rise of extremist political groups in the 60s to domestic lone wolves in the modern day, we explore how organizations like the FBI and Joint Terrorism Take Force have evolved to fight back against a multitude of terrorist threats.