August 25, 2025 • 42 mins
In this episode of The Bold Brave Woman Project, I explore the weight of that pressure: how it seeps into our creativity, our identities, and even the ways we measure our own worth.
I share my own wrestle with the belief that every project should lead somewhere “profitable,” and the breakthrough that helped me shift out of paralysis and into flow. This simple but powerful separation has permitted me to follow inspiration without drowning it in scarcity, while still supporting my nervous system with practical choices.
If you’ve ever felt torn between your art, your livelihood, and your soul’s calling, this conversation is here to remind you: you get to be both.
Topics Covered
- How to release the pressure of monetising your creativity too soon
- The difference between money projects and creative projects (and why both matter)
- Nervous system safety as a foundation for creative flow
- Trusting your path when art, identity, and financial realities collide.
Mentioned in this Episode
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LET'S CONNECT
Come say hi on my main Instagram, my new art feed @pathandnine or on Threads.
You can also explore my writing on Substack or discover how we can work together here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Andrea Matthies (00:00):
I'm Andrea Lee Matthies, writer, photographer,
and Clairvoyant Medium, and thisis the Bold, Brave Woman Project.
This podcast is a living, breathing,unfolding of what it really
means to step into our becoming.
Born from the ashes of a failed YouTubechannel, this weekly podcast brings you
real unfiltered moments of failure, ofbravery, and of deep intuitive knowing,
(00:25):
so that you too can step into who you arebecoming with even more trust and bravery.
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Bold, Brave, Woman Project.
I have been in deep contemplationthis week I've been trying to really
figure out how I want to bring thiscreative energy into my life, into
(00:50):
how I show up every single day.
And it's been quite a battle.
and the reason for that is becauseThere is this pressure sometimes
to take the things that we'reinterested in, the things that we're
stepping into, and immediately figureout how to make money off them.
Immediately figure outhow to live off them.
(01:10):
And with this big decision to movefrom the energy of pure coach,
pure entrepreneur, into artist,it's created so much pressure.
And I, I didn't realize, but it hasbeen building so much pressure around,
well now that I've made this decisionto step into the artist's identity, I
need to figure out right now in thismoment how I'm gonna monetize it.
(01:35):
And that has created so muchpressure in my body, more
pressure than I even realized.
And it has sent me into a few sortof thinking spirals, emotional
spirals, over the last couple of weeksbecause it's like, what do I do now?
Like I can't just, be frivolous with this.
I can't just flit around and doart because I want to do art.
(02:00):
Like there has to be an offer, a package,something that I, that I do with this
art that then immediately puts it outinto the world or immediately makes
money off it so that it's worth my time.
And it's not even so muchabout getting the rent paid.
And of course that is important and thatis a pressure or a little track that often
(02:23):
plays in our minds, but, it's about makingthe investment of time, of sacrifice,
of not going and working conventionaljob or not doing something else.
I have to justify spending the time ortaking the time from that into the art
or into the creativity with somethingtangible like an offer or a monetization.
(02:46):
And this has been swirling aroundlike crazy in my energy field over
the last couple of weeks untilabout four or five days ago where
I had a major, major breakthrough.
And I wanted to share this with youbecause you might be in this space
where you are starting to think aboutallowing creativity and allowing that
(03:07):
inner artist to start to step forwardand step out and perhaps play a more
tangible and physical role in your life.
Or it's just something that you'veshut down and now you are willing
to address, to open, to allow in.
And you.
Might find yourself in a similarposition where immediately you're
(03:27):
trying to monetize it or immediatelyyou're putting pressure on yourself.
But there is an alternate way toapproach this, and this is what
I wanna share with you today.
So I started to really unpack, okay,there is pressure, there is conditioning,
there is justification that my body, myenergy, my soul is feeling like it needs
(03:49):
to be able to A) claim the artist's titleand B), justify all of the thinking, the
time, the energy, the experimentationthat my body, my soul, really wants
to put into this new artist identity.
There is conflict here,there's resistance here.
There's this underlying needfor it to make logical sense.
(04:13):
And for me to.
Basically balance the scales.
And when I really unpacked this,I, I looked at it as a couple of
different problems that was going on.
One, I have chosen the pathway of theentrepreneur like many of us have or
many of us want to do, which meansthat we need to figure out ways to be
(04:35):
self-sustaining, or we need to craftour life in ways where we are not only
emotionally, but we are financiallysupported to undertake these goals.
So there is a need, there's a physicalneed to pay the rent to put food on the
table, and there is a pressure that buildsaround that when that's not being met.
(04:55):
So that is the first issue.
It's like there is a physical, tangibleneed to be financially stable, but
in the other camp there is thiscraving, there's this soul expansion.
There is this opening of the senses thathappens when we start to allow the idea of
the artist of the creative in, we feel it.
(05:16):
It is like there is so muchmore here that I can sense.
It's in the ether, it's in theenergy, it's in the things that
I look at that I experience.
I look at a flower and I feel thisway, or I have an experience with
someone that sparks something creative,imaginative a problem that I want to
(05:36):
solve creatively through these talents.
There's this whole lot of stuffthat is starting to switch on and
open within us, but it's slamming upagainst this need to be financially
reliable and financially sensible.
All these very human words and sentimentsthat start to pop up and crop up within us
(06:00):
that we need to tame or we need to solve.
And there was also this, um, undercurrentenergy of, can I actually do this?
Not even from a financial perspective,but from an art perspective,
are people gonna embrace my art?
It's a very outward worry ofwhat others will say, how I'll
(06:20):
be judged, how I'll be perceived.
And so we've got this swirling of allthis stuff going on within us that makes
it really hard to move forward sometimes.
Sometimes we can end up in that paralysisof, well, I don't know what to do.
Our mind empties, our mind goes blank,and not in a beautiful meditation emptying
way in this stress stuck, paralyzed wayof like, well, I can't figure this out.
(06:44):
This is too much pressure.
Obviously it's wrong.
Obviously there's something wrongwith this pathway that I'm choosing,
or there's something wrong with me.
And you can end up either in thatparalysis state or you can't even
go down the pathway of just feelingworthless, feeling useless, spiraling
down and outward in terms of, well,maybe I just need to give this up
(07:08):
because it's too hard, because mylogical brain just can't figure this out.
and so when I was waiting throughall of this, particularly over
the last week around, well,what do I do with all of this?
You know, there was that momentwhere I was like, just give this up.
Like this is too hard.
Just go back, get a corporate job.
(07:29):
It's so much easier to fall into thesocietal norms, the expectations,
the guarantees, the security.
we are in a fairly difficult financialclimate at the moment, which adds a lot of
pressure on us as cost of living going up.
There's other external pressures thatare happening in the financial world
(07:51):
that it's so easy for us to justfeel like the safest solution right
now is for me to abandon it all andgo back to something that's stable,
that's normal, that's standard.
And this cropped up forme in a big way this week.
I was like, I don't think I'mstrong enough right now with how
(08:11):
I'm feeling with everything that'sgoing on to move forward with this.
I should just go back and get a job.
It's really interesting because ourbody and our energy will always tell
us what's right and what's wrong fromour, for us, from an energy perspective.
So as I was searching, you know,resigned to the fact that that's it,
(08:35):
you know, this is, there's too muchresistance, there's too much sadness.
I don't think I can deal with this,and I'm just scrolling those job boards
again, and my soul was just feeling empty.
I was like, ah, everything I talk aboutevery week, every time I build myself back
up every week, it's like, no, you know.
(08:57):
Keep walking the path,keep moving forward.
This is going to be okay.
This is gonna work.
I know this is a line for me.
This is what my soul keeps callingfrom the ether, from the distance.
It keeps putting these feelings,these thoughts of being the
creative, of moving forward.
All the experiences that I've hadand I talked about last week with
(09:18):
the photography sessions and thenew photography mentors how I found
that going to these experiences.
And even if they didn't work out the waythat I thought they were going to, they
were these beautiful, valuable steppingstones moving forward to who I wanna be.
And honestly, as you walk backwards,back down a path that you've
(09:39):
came from you start to feel thatresistance, that soul nudging that
soul knowing of like, no, you'reheading in the wrong direction again.
Like every thing in the ether that'ssupporting you is like, we are not
going to let you walk down this path.
We're gonna start making the resistancefeel really thick and heavy and sludgy.
(10:00):
We're gonna send you signs andsymbols that show you you're
going back down that pathway.
And because I.
Have made a commitment to myselfto really tune into those senses,
to really tune into my body.
As soon as I started scrolling andstarted, you know, getting myself
ready to apply in that defeated, wellI just have to do this because I have
(10:24):
to keep the lights on, type energy,everything got real slow and sludgy.
You can feel the resistance.
You can, you can feel the knowingthat this is the wrong direction.
And so I picked up on that and I waslike, right, okay, alright, I get it.
I'm not meant to move in that direction.
I'm gonna make the commitment tojust hold on a little bit longer and
(10:47):
feel into what is a solution here.
You know, there's a natural tendencyfor us to get onto Google, find
an expert, and find the strategyof making the million dollars or
whatever it is that the goal is.
It's so tempting to just jump on Googleand Google how to become an artist, or
(11:09):
the best way is to monetize yourself,or some other type of strategy.
It's so easy for us to quickly wannaGoogle that and, and get an answer
and find a logical, proven strategy tothen follow in this kind of feeling of
safety to get us where we wanted to go.
(11:31):
And so I kind of started to do that.
And then I was like, wait, hold up.
I know for me the answer's not necessarilyin Google because I'm not listening
to what's actually going on here.
You know, the, the, the fearpart of my brain wants to get
onto Google and find the solutionto get me out of this feeling.
(11:52):
It's like this survival mechanismof I feel this way quick.
Can someone just tell me what to doto solve this, to get me to where
I wanna be quickly and easily?
Because I can't cope where I am.
I can't cope where I'm feeling.
And this is all valid.
And don't get me wrong, Googling strategycan be powerful when it comes from
(12:13):
strong place of I know what it is thatI'm looking for, and I'm not looking for
it from a fear or scarcity perspective.
So what I did is I sat down andI started to unpack what is it
that's really going on here?
What is it that I'm really feeling?
And through the process of just allowingmy brain to tip out onto the page through
(12:37):
like just rampage writing, really justlike writing and writing and writing, just
trying to tip out all of the stuff thatI'm feeling, that pattern of what we're
talking about started to reveal itself inthat I'd created this internal pressure
to monetize my art, to figure out,
If I'm going to be an artist, whatis the offer that I'm going to
(12:58):
sell someone to validate myselfand make money around this.
And I had so deeply entangled thisscarcity energy, this fear of not
being able to pay my bills and survivewith the energy of being a creative.
And what became very clear for meis that I actually needed to give
(13:22):
myself permission to have two separatebuckets of projects of showing up and
that they didn't have to right nowbe intertwined and interconnected.
And what I mean by this is that Ineeded to create and give myself
permission, a separate bucketcalled the creative projects bucket.
(13:47):
And a second separate bucket, whichwas the money projects bucket.
And as soon as I realized that just havingtwo separate buckets or two separate
distinct purpose led intentions in whatI was thinking about and what I was doing
all of a sudden I realized that the 24hours in a day or the the waking hours
(14:14):
that I have in a day, they don't have tobe all mashed together and intertwined to
try and put pressure on this new identitythat's starting to evolve within me.
I didn't have to en mesh the twotogether to feel justified, to
feel like I was being successful.
And by separating out these two buckets,I'm calling them buckets because that's
(14:38):
just easier for me to see them asseparate containers that I can pour
myself in and out of and move between.
It just allowed me to take this deepbreath of like, huh, I can actually pour
everything creative, my time, my focus, myenergy into those creative bucket moments.
(14:58):
And everything about keeping the lightson, creating money with different focus
and different energy into the momentswhere I'm in the money projects bucket.
And all of a sudden Iwas like, oh my gosh.
Not only does it give me structure, butit gives me the permission that when
I'm in the artist's energy to be in it.
(15:19):
To be fully in it, to be fully present.
And then when I'm in the moneybucket moments, I can be focused.
I can be tenacious, I can be, In thatspace of like, okay, what am I gonna
do that allows me to keep the lightson and what does that look like?
Really create that for myselfwithout feeling like I'm giving
up on my artist self or withoutfeeling like I've sacrificed my
(15:42):
creative self just to make money.
And honestly, it has been lifechanging over the last probably
four or five days since making thisdecision because now I can, when I
wake up in the morning, I can choose.
I'm like, Ooh, todayfeels like a money day.
Like I really tune into my body and intomy sacral, and I'm like, today feels
like a day where my logic's online.
(16:04):
My body's in this place of like,right, let's solve this money problem.
Let's look at the money projects.
Let's do those things.
Versus waking up in the morningand being like, Ooh, I feel
really tuned into the ether today.
I've got some creative ideas flowing.
I just, I feel like I really wannabe behind the tools of the camera
or the paintbrush, or whatever itis that's coming through that day.
(16:27):
I'm like, well, this is the energythat I wanna step into, and giving
myself the freedom and flexibilityto flow between those two things
has made such a big difference.
So when I was sitting down tothink about these two buckets.
I wanted to set a really clear intentionat the top, what each of them were for.
(16:48):
And so when I really felt into thiscreative projects bucket, I was like,
These are the projects that I reallywanna have to build my skills, build my
artist skills, push the boundaries ofwho I am as an artist, and really help
me develop those skills, develop myidentity, build a portfolio, something
(17:09):
that I can pour my time and my energyinto that I'm proud of, that's creative,
that's building without having to havethe pressure of, I need to build this
portfolio to show either a creative agencyor a client or whatever to monetize.
It's like, no, I wanna build thisportfolio of work that really
exemplifies my flavor, my taste,my my view of the world through the
(17:36):
lens of the artist, and start togather and collect this portfolio.
And I wanna have projects in here thathelp me find my flow, like help me find
that moment where I'm in connectionwith the universe, with my team, with
my energy, with my visions as an artist,and just allow that to channel through.
Because up until this point,if I'm honest, my flow has been
(17:59):
very academic, very strategic,very masculine based energies.
And so these creative projects areabout helping me find this new flow, And
giving myself permission to take theseclasses without the pressure of that,
well, I have to immediately monetize ifI'm gonna do this photography course.
(18:20):
because I have given myself permissionto have a separate money projects bucket.
Really making that empowered choiceof feeling financially supported in a
way that is aligned right now withoutputting the pressure on my creative
self And I put a lot of really deepthought into this over the last few
(18:40):
days around what would feel really good.
And I was actually listening to a classthat was being run by the beautiful
Melanie Ann Layer of Alpha Femme
she made this beautiful point, whichreally stuck with me, that said, "if
you wanna make money, go and get a job.
If you wanna serve the world.
Start a business.
(19:02):
And, this really struck a chord in mebecause this notion of starting a business
to make money can get really entangledbecause all of a sudden we can get into
that space of looking at our clientsor looking at people that we're selling
things to as the person responsible forkeeping our lights on or putting the food
(19:24):
on the table, And she was like, you cannotrun a business from an energy like that.
She's like, if you're in a space whereyour nervous system is fried and you're
worried about putting money on thetable, she's like, go and get a job.
Like let a job fill that componentand then allow the work that you
do in the world be for the people.
(19:46):
And of course, when we show up withintentions like that, the money
finds us, the money flows in whenwe are actually showing up to serve.
And so I was really sitting with thisover the weekend and I'm like, this is
why I don't wanna monetize my creativeprojects yet, because I don't wanna look
at the people that I'm serving throughmy photography or from my writing from
(20:08):
a desperate lens of, I need you tosign on and work with me because I need
to keep the lights on or pay the rentthis week, or pay the rent this month.
I didn't wanna do that.
And so I sat with it deeply and I waslike, what would feel really fulfilling
for me and my nervous system and whereI'm at right now in really embracing
(20:29):
this new creative flow that I wanna open?
What would the money project, thekeeping the lights on projects look like?
And actually I've decided that Iwanna go out and take a couple of
part-time summer jobs, like theweather is going to get better here.
And I have been working by myselffrom home, working from home in my
(20:53):
business now for four years, andI'm realizing I'm missing people.
And so I've actually got inmy money bucket to go out and
find some fun summer jobs.
And you know, this is a big thing actuallyto get to sometimes, particularly if
(21:15):
we've decided to be a creative or bean entrepreneur or break out and do
our own thing, we can see any form ofgoing back into employment as failure.
And I say this because this issomething that I have lived deeply.
There has been many times where I'vefelt like, I can't go back into the
(21:39):
corporate world or employment of any kind.
because I failed.
It means that I tried to be anentrepreneur, but I didn't make it like
I had to go back to safety, and therewas this huge overwhelming sense of
failure that was attached to that withinme and within my body that it put me
(21:59):
into a state of paralysis of like, well,I cannot go back and work for someone
because it signals to the world, and I'llfeel embarrassed that I didn't make it.
That I tried something andI was a big fat failure.
Like that is how it felt.
And it was so heavy and so overwhelmingin my body that I've had to do so
(22:21):
much work to say, going back andmaking choices, like going back into
the employment world or going backinto a part-time job, and I'll, I'll
explain more about this in a moment.
It's not failure.
It's an empowered choice thatwe get to make and we can find.
(22:41):
We can choose to find safety however wewant to find safety, but it doesn't have
to be from a scarce fear-based energy.
And I'm realizing because I'm approachingthis now from a very different energy
of like, oh no, I'm not giving upon my free spirited, entrepreneurial
(23:02):
going to do big things in thisworld energy because my creative
projects bucket has got that covered.
I wanna just go and get a few funsummer jobs so that I can just
tell my nervous system that I don'tneed to stress out all the time.
Particularly when you take yourbusiness back down to zero or you
quit your full-time job and you'restarting your art, or whatever it is
(23:24):
in the shift that you're making, maybeyou're coming through a health crisis.
When you've gone back down to that zeroplace, even if it was your choice, your
nervous system can get fried becauseyou're like, how am I gonna survive?
How am I gonna keep the rentor the mortgage, or whatever
situation that you're in?
Like, how do I keep that going?
(23:45):
And your nervous system cansometimes feel like it's always on.
And that's what I was realizing,um, up until recently, is that my
nervous system was constantly playingat max capacity and I was exhausted.
I was breaking down in tears constantly.
Like I was just constantly on aroller rollercoaster, emotionally.
(24:08):
And it was purely because the situationsand this pathway that I had walked myself
down meant that my nervous system wasoperating at the high level to try and
keep me stable and to keep me surviving.
And the beautiful thing is, is that Idon't regret that because it's got me
to this point, but I'm realizing thatI can just support my nervous system
(24:32):
by going out and doing something funthat isn't tied to my identity, that
isn't tied to this label of failure.
I'm just gonna go out and find something,probably creative, maybe aligned to
where I wanna go, but low stakes, fun,cool people hanging out, being in the
(24:52):
wellbeing in life so that I can gatherthese beautiful moments of inspiration to
pour into those creative projects bucket.
So at the moment in this moneyprojects bucket, I've got like, just
finding something fun for the summer.
And the beautiful thing about this toois I've sort of said to myself, well,
we're in, you know, late August now,I'll, you know, just say that I'm going
(25:15):
to do this until early next year, tillthe end of summer, maybe March, April.
Next year.
'cause we tend to havelate heat here, right?
It still can be quite hot in March.
So I was like, yeah, March, April,maybe my birthday next year, which
is April, I'm just gonna pick upsome fun stuff with this beautiful
space of like, well, anything couldtake off between now and then.
(25:38):
Anything can shift.
I'm just gonna be fluid.
Who knows?
The photography stuff might pick upsooner than I expect, but at least I
know it's something I'm choosing to do.
It's something fun, I've recodedit so it no longer means failure.
I'm still choosing it.
So therefore I'm in control of it.
And it gets to be fun.
(25:58):
It gets to be what I want it to be,and I can leave it at any time that
I choose because I'm choosing myself.
And so having this slightly differentmindset around money projects,
creative projects, is really helpingme because now I know that on
those days where I wake up and I'mlike, today's a money projects day.
I can spend time, um, applyingfor stuff and it actually
(26:21):
not have a story behind it.
And some of the other things in mymoney projects is this pro podcast.
And even although this podcast isn'tmonetized, and that's a choice that I've
made right now, this is something thatis important to me, is something that's
growing my voice, my ability to speak.
whilst it does have some veinsof creativity, this podcast is
(26:45):
something that's really importantto me that's moving me in the
direction that I wanna go.
So I've got this podcast inthat money projects bucket.
So in that energy of like showing upand moving forward, I'm like, right,
podcast editing, recording social media.
You know, it's a slightly differentenergy, but it feels, it helps me
feel like I'm moving towards reallysupporting my nervous system in that way.
(27:08):
Um, my accounting, like gettingthe finances in order and doing
the accounting, getting my emailsout there about the podcast,
about these other things is alsoin that money projects bucket.
And this other thing that I've decidedis that as a coach and having worked
with hundreds of women and as astrategist and all the things that
(27:29):
I've done to date, there are somemarketable skills that I have right now.
And there are some things that Ican immediately offer the world.
And so I've said to myself in thismoney projects bucket, I'm gonna just
put together one little tiny offer
And what I've decided to do is just offerreadings because I have this incredible
(27:53):
skillset as a psychic medium, as achanneler, to be able to really support
people, particularly when it comes to,embracing their identity, recoding all
the fear that comes around, changingtheir direction, their career, their
stepping from one identity into the other.
And I can channel to really helpunblock and unpack and make it a
(28:17):
little bit easier to make those shifts.
So I thought I'm just gonnaoffer simple opportunity to
work with me in the capacity ofjust one-off channeled readings.
And that feels really good in my bodybecause it's something that's in service.
It's something that I know I havean incredible track record with lots
of case studies and testimonials.
(28:39):
And it's something that I love todo and I can do it from this new
energy of the artist because I havethis whole new part of me that's
switched on now that I can serve.
Not just from a strategistperspective, but also now from
the creative artist's perspective.
And I love to work with women.
(29:00):
I love to work with trans individuals,with queer folks, to really help in that
transition of identity, of finding self.
I'm gonna start offering that.
And so if you're listeningand you're like, this is for
me, definitely reach out.
I'll pop a link app at some point so thatyou can book, but I've decided that I,
(29:20):
I don't have to have this big coachingbusiness to be able to offer something,
real and small and powerful like this.
And I can then pop it in that moneyproject bucket so I can spend time
crafting that without feeling the pressureof, oh, I've abandoned my artist self.
Because what I'm really discoveringin this process of separating things
(29:44):
out like this is that we wanna putourselves into one defined box.
We wanna say, well, if I'veclaimed that I'm an artist, that
I can only do artist things.
Or if I've claimed that I'm a coach,I could only show up and do coach
things, or if I'm in this fieldor this, this particular identity,
then I can only do this things.
(30:05):
And that's crazy.
Like there's so much diversity withinus as individuals that if we can set up
these beautiful structures, and for me,like at the moment, it's two buckets, but
you might have a couple of things therethat you're like, well, I'm this, but I'm
also this and I'm this, and I'm also this.
And I don't have to pick a lane.
(30:25):
I don't have to just pick one thingand I don't have to make every single
thing interconnected and intertwined.
And if you've got a strategic brainlike mine, this is something that can
trip us up a little bit because youwanna say, well, I'm multi-passionate,
or I've multiple interests
But I should find a goldenthread that connects them all to
justify having multiple things.
(30:46):
They all have to all be in a nice,neat package so that I can show it
to the world and be like, here I am.
See how all these things connect and seehow they all also support my lifestyle
through money or financial gain.
Like here's the neat package.
And sometimes that neat packageactually is impossible to create.
(31:07):
And this is the thing thatI've learned the hard way.
I've always wanted to try and goldenthread, connect every single thing
together so that it makes sense fromthe outside and also makes sense from
an intellectual mind perspective.
But I'm realizing that I'mactually more than, things that
I can connect together neatly.
(31:28):
I get to actually movefluidly through things.
Eventually they might find mergingpathways and they might merge together
for a little while and then separate,but I get to be all of these things.
I don't have to pick a lane.
I don't have to neatly package everysingle thing together, and I get
to move fluidly between the things.
(31:49):
And if people don't understandthat, it doesn't matter.
The world's not even really asking for it.
I've created the construct in mymind that I need to please them.
Most of the time, they're just focusedon their own stuff and they don't
really care, So I'm done with havingto try and put everything always neatly
(32:10):
together and connected and make senseand intellectualize every single thing
to please a world that's probably noteven really asking me to please them.
That's how I see it.
And so that's where I'm like drawing aline in the sand and being like, for me
right now, having creative bucket and amoney bucket makes sense, I'm gonna do it.
(32:31):
'cause it feels good.
It's good for my nervous system.
Today I've woken up.
It's Monday and I'm like,today's a money bucket day.
I just feel it.
Whereas yesterday I waslike, today's a creative day.
Like just trust your intuitionwhen you wake up, you'll know.
And as soon as you know, just follow it.
I was like, right.
Today I wanna get up.
I'm wanna record the podcast,'cause that's in Money Bucket day.
(32:51):
I'm gonna go look at some cool stuffto maybe apply for later today.
I'll get the little mini offerof the readings up if anyone
wants to start booking them.
And that feels good now becauseI don't have to worry today that,
oh, I haven't done any photography.
Oh my gosh, I'm failing as an artist.
Oh, what?
I haven't done anything from my dreamsof being blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(33:15):
Like, I haven't done that.
It's like, no, it's cool because I'mgiving myself permission and trusting
that today is a money bucket day.
And that's cool.
And tomorrow if I wake up and it's acreative day, I'll trust that that's cool.
And I'll trust that I've done enoughtoday in the money arena that doing
stuff for creative tomorrow is enough.
(33:37):
And this is the key part, is the trust.
I know we've talked about trust alot, but everything keeps coming
back to this notion of trust.
Trust that you know deeply inside,underneath the fear, underneath
the scarcity, underneath the worry.
You know what you're doing.
You know you're being led.
Trust that when things unfoldon your pathway, it's because
(34:01):
they're meant to unfold.
The universe never misses you.
Things that you are meant toachieve, things that you're
meant to do, they won't miss you.
You can't go through life andmiss the things that you are meant
to be doing and things that yoursoul is meant to be experiencing.
It doesn't work like that.
Everything that is destined for youto experience, to grow through it
(34:21):
will find you in one way or the other.
And if you miss it, it'll come backaround and it'll find you again.
And so when you do wake up and feellike, ah, my head wants to tell
me it's this kind of day, but mybody and my gut and my energy is
telling me it's this kind of day.
Just say to yourself, Itrust, I trust my body.
I trust my knowing.
I trust my intuition.
(34:42):
It does not let me down.
And even if the decision createsa situation that isn't favorable,
it's because it was meant to.
I trust.
I trust, I trust, I trust.
And that you can also sometimeshave a switch in the day, right?
You might wake up and be like,today feels like a money bucket
day, or whatever your buckets are.
(35:03):
And you might do what you need todo until lunchtime and then be like,
Hmm, I feel the creative energy.
Or I feel the otherbucket energy flaring up.
Now I'm gonna trust that thisfeeling is raising for a reason.
I'm gonna pivot and I'mgonna go down that pathway.
And so you can move throughdifferent energies in different days.
The way I work, I like to know thatI have a whole day, a whole 24 hours
(35:27):
or the waking hours within 24 hours topour into something with an intention.
That's how I work.
But you might move morefluidly through that.
But one important thing that I dowanna get into, and I, hinted to this
earlier, is that we can find ourselvesconsciously and deliberately choosing
to ignore certain buckets and only giveattention to the ones that feel more
(35:52):
fun or mean that we don't have to facecertain hard feelings or hard realities.
And we can worry that ifwe create buckets and we.
Move into this mechanism of trustingor intuitively being guided that
we're only gonna choose the fun stuffand we're gonna let ourselves down.
Like that can be a legitimatefear, and that can also be a
(36:15):
legitimate situation that comes up.
Here's what I say to that, yoursoul, you are deep inner knowing.
Your energy, your intrinsicness of whoyou are, knows when that's happening.
You know, when you are deliberatelygetting into the energy of avoidance or
(36:38):
scarcity or fear, like there are differentfeelings, vibrations, frequencies that
you intrinsically can pick up on whenyou know you're avoiding something
because it feels different Choosing tobe in your creative bucket for the day.
(36:59):
From a, well, I just don't wannadeal with the money stuff, or I don't
wanna deal with the reality stuff.
I just wanna play in the funstuff feels very different.
The avoidant energy feels verydifferent to the, I know I'm being
led and I'm excited and I'm buzzing,and I just wanna do this perspective.
It feels different, as does.
(37:21):
I only want to feel buzzy and excited,so I only want to choose the creative
stuff because the money stuff or thereal life stuff or whatever the other
buckets are with whatever labels thatyou have, it feels too hard, too heavy.
It feels different, and so this is whereyou need to be brave enough to face that.
(37:45):
If you are finding yourself constantlywaking up and you're like, I only
wanna do the creative artist funstuff today because the other
stuff is just too hard, too heavy.
I don't wanna feel, I don't wannafeel it, I don't wanna know it.
I just want the universe tosolve the problem and manifest me
completely financial free life, andI don't wanna have to deal with it.
(38:05):
You have to be brave enough to.
Almost interrogate that and belike, why am I feeling that way?
Why am I avoiding it?
Why is it so hard?
Because through that beautifulinterrogation, iss probably too
harsh of a word, but through thatbeautiful inquiry, self-inquiry,
you can find what's really going on.
Like for me, avoiding applying for anykind of employment that wasn't self-led
(38:31):
or entrepreneurship for myself, it'slike, oh, it's because I feel like the
world's gonna call me a failure if Igo back into any form of employment.
That's interesting.
I can work with that.
I can recode that and I can chooseto let that go, or can choose to
tell myself a different story,which is exactly what happened.
I choose to not letthat be a story anymore.
(38:52):
I was like, why?
Why am I letting this story of theworld dictating that employment
equals failure to be a thing?
Like that's a construct that I've created.
I'm gonna let that go.
And so through that gentle inquiryof something that you're avoiding, if
you find, if you set up your bucketsand you find like, I'm only doing this
(39:13):
thing all the time through self-inquiry,you can be like, well, why is that?
And you can discover some of themost amazing stuff that leads
to incredible breakthroughs andincredible change for yourself.
And all of a sudden you'llfind things become easier.
Or maybe your buckets even change andmorph or a new identity reveals itself.
Like the ether and beyondis not even the limit.
(39:37):
Like everything is possible when wechoose to face the avoidance, when we
choose to really understand why we areexecuting behaviors in the way that we
are, then that's when we can change them.
So if you've got an identity thatyou're toying with, if you're in a
crossroads, if you're crossing overfrom one thing to another, or you're
(40:00):
starting to feel like where you areis not where you're meant to be.
Allowing yourself to start exploringthese different facets of yourself and
potentially creating these differentbuckets can just change the game.
And even if you can't see it,sense it, know it right now.
So much is unfolding, so much is coming.
(40:21):
And if you feel like you want to get areading from me, please do reach out.
These are just gonna besimple, straightforward.
I'm gonna have a really accessiblepricing structure as well, because I
just, honestly, if there is informationin the ether that is meant to find
you, and I can do that for you bybeing the channel for that information,
(40:45):
that is enough for me right now.
So if you are curious or you're feelingthe pull to get a reading or to work
with me to step you forward into this newchapter, these through channel guidance
reach out or send you the link to book.
And of course, anytime you wanna reachout about anything else, I am here.
I love being here.
(41:06):
I love having theseconversations with you.
And I'll see you in our next episode.
As always, thank you for being here.
If this episode stirred something for youand you wanna book a channeled reading,
jump on the link in the show notes.
There's only a few channel readingsessions available each week.
And of course you can reachout to me anytime on my main
(41:28):
Instagram handle @andi.matthies,
or follow all of my art and photographyon my art feed @pathandnine on Instagram.
I'm Andrea Lee Matthies, writer, photographer,
and Clairvoyant Medium, and thisis the Bold, Brave Woman Project.
This podcast is a living, breathing,unfolding of what it really
means to step into our becoming.
Born from the ashes of a failed YouTubechannel, this weekly podcast brings you
real unfiltered moments of failure, ofbravery, and of deep intuitive knowing,
(00:25):
so that you too can step into who you arebecoming with even more trust and bravery.
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Bold, Brave, Woman Project.
I have been in deep contemplationthis week I've been trying to really
figure out how I want to bring thiscreative energy into my life, into
(00:50):
how I show up every single day.
And it's been quite a battle.
and the reason for that is becauseThere is this pressure sometimes
to take the things that we'reinterested in, the things that we're
stepping into, and immediately figureout how to make money off them.
Immediately figure outhow to live off them.
(01:10):
And with this big decision to movefrom the energy of pure coach,
pure entrepreneur, into artist,it's created so much pressure.
And I, I didn't realize, but it hasbeen building so much pressure around,
well now that I've made this decisionto step into the artist's identity, I
need to figure out right now in thismoment how I'm gonna monetize it.
(01:35):
And that has created so muchpressure in my body, more
pressure than I even realized.
And it has sent me into a few sortof thinking spirals, emotional
spirals, over the last couple of weeksbecause it's like, what do I do now?
Like I can't just, be frivolous with this.
I can't just flit around and doart because I want to do art.
(02:00):
Like there has to be an offer, a package,something that I, that I do with this
art that then immediately puts it outinto the world or immediately makes
money off it so that it's worth my time.
And it's not even so muchabout getting the rent paid.
And of course that is important and thatis a pressure or a little track that often
(02:23):
plays in our minds, but, it's about makingthe investment of time, of sacrifice,
of not going and working conventionaljob or not doing something else.
I have to justify spending the time ortaking the time from that into the art
or into the creativity with somethingtangible like an offer or a monetization.
(02:46):
And this has been swirling aroundlike crazy in my energy field over
the last couple of weeks untilabout four or five days ago where
I had a major, major breakthrough.
And I wanted to share this with youbecause you might be in this space
where you are starting to think aboutallowing creativity and allowing that
(03:07):
inner artist to start to step forwardand step out and perhaps play a more
tangible and physical role in your life.
Or it's just something that you'veshut down and now you are willing
to address, to open, to allow in.
And you.
Might find yourself in a similarposition where immediately you're
(03:27):
trying to monetize it or immediatelyyou're putting pressure on yourself.
But there is an alternate way toapproach this, and this is what
I wanna share with you today.
So I started to really unpack, okay,there is pressure, there is conditioning,
there is justification that my body, myenergy, my soul is feeling like it needs
(03:49):
to be able to A) claim the artist's titleand B), justify all of the thinking, the
time, the energy, the experimentationthat my body, my soul, really wants
to put into this new artist identity.
There is conflict here,there's resistance here.
There's this underlying needfor it to make logical sense.
(04:13):
And for me to.
Basically balance the scales.
And when I really unpacked this,I, I looked at it as a couple of
different problems that was going on.
One, I have chosen the pathway of theentrepreneur like many of us have or
many of us want to do, which meansthat we need to figure out ways to be
(04:35):
self-sustaining, or we need to craftour life in ways where we are not only
emotionally, but we are financiallysupported to undertake these goals.
So there is a need, there's a physicalneed to pay the rent to put food on the
table, and there is a pressure that buildsaround that when that's not being met.
(04:55):
So that is the first issue.
It's like there is a physical, tangibleneed to be financially stable, but
in the other camp there is thiscraving, there's this soul expansion.
There is this opening of the senses thathappens when we start to allow the idea of
the artist of the creative in, we feel it.
(05:16):
It is like there is so muchmore here that I can sense.
It's in the ether, it's in theenergy, it's in the things that
I look at that I experience.
I look at a flower and I feel thisway, or I have an experience with
someone that sparks something creative,imaginative a problem that I want to
(05:36):
solve creatively through these talents.
There's this whole lot of stuffthat is starting to switch on and
open within us, but it's slamming upagainst this need to be financially
reliable and financially sensible.
All these very human words and sentimentsthat start to pop up and crop up within us
(06:00):
that we need to tame or we need to solve.
And there was also this, um, undercurrentenergy of, can I actually do this?
Not even from a financial perspective,but from an art perspective,
are people gonna embrace my art?
It's a very outward worry ofwhat others will say, how I'll
(06:20):
be judged, how I'll be perceived.
And so we've got this swirling of allthis stuff going on within us that makes
it really hard to move forward sometimes.
Sometimes we can end up in that paralysisof, well, I don't know what to do.
Our mind empties, our mind goes blank,and not in a beautiful meditation emptying
way in this stress stuck, paralyzed wayof like, well, I can't figure this out.
(06:44):
This is too much pressure.
Obviously it's wrong.
Obviously there's something wrongwith this pathway that I'm choosing,
or there's something wrong with me.
And you can end up either in thatparalysis state or you can't even
go down the pathway of just feelingworthless, feeling useless, spiraling
down and outward in terms of, well,maybe I just need to give this up
(07:08):
because it's too hard, because mylogical brain just can't figure this out.
and so when I was waiting throughall of this, particularly over
the last week around, well,what do I do with all of this?
You know, there was that momentwhere I was like, just give this up.
Like this is too hard.
Just go back, get a corporate job.
(07:29):
It's so much easier to fall into thesocietal norms, the expectations,
the guarantees, the security.
we are in a fairly difficult financialclimate at the moment, which adds a lot of
pressure on us as cost of living going up.
There's other external pressures thatare happening in the financial world
(07:51):
that it's so easy for us to justfeel like the safest solution right
now is for me to abandon it all andgo back to something that's stable,
that's normal, that's standard.
And this cropped up forme in a big way this week.
I was like, I don't think I'mstrong enough right now with how
(08:11):
I'm feeling with everything that'sgoing on to move forward with this.
I should just go back and get a job.
It's really interesting because ourbody and our energy will always tell
us what's right and what's wrong fromour, for us, from an energy perspective.
So as I was searching, you know,resigned to the fact that that's it,
(08:35):
you know, this is, there's too muchresistance, there's too much sadness.
I don't think I can deal with this,and I'm just scrolling those job boards
again, and my soul was just feeling empty.
I was like, ah, everything I talk aboutevery week, every time I build myself back
up every week, it's like, no, you know.
(08:57):
Keep walking the path,keep moving forward.
This is going to be okay.
This is gonna work.
I know this is a line for me.
This is what my soul keeps callingfrom the ether, from the distance.
It keeps putting these feelings,these thoughts of being the
creative, of moving forward.
All the experiences that I've hadand I talked about last week with
(09:18):
the photography sessions and thenew photography mentors how I found
that going to these experiences.
And even if they didn't work out the waythat I thought they were going to, they
were these beautiful, valuable steppingstones moving forward to who I wanna be.
And honestly, as you walk backwards,back down a path that you've
(09:39):
came from you start to feel thatresistance, that soul nudging that
soul knowing of like, no, you'reheading in the wrong direction again.
Like every thing in the ether that'ssupporting you is like, we are not
going to let you walk down this path.
We're gonna start making the resistancefeel really thick and heavy and sludgy.
(10:00):
We're gonna send you signs andsymbols that show you you're
going back down that pathway.
And because I.
Have made a commitment to myselfto really tune into those senses,
to really tune into my body.
As soon as I started scrolling andstarted, you know, getting myself
ready to apply in that defeated, wellI just have to do this because I have
(10:24):
to keep the lights on, type energy,everything got real slow and sludgy.
You can feel the resistance.
You can, you can feel the knowingthat this is the wrong direction.
And so I picked up on that and I waslike, right, okay, alright, I get it.
I'm not meant to move in that direction.
I'm gonna make the commitment tojust hold on a little bit longer and
(10:47):
feel into what is a solution here.
You know, there's a natural tendencyfor us to get onto Google, find
an expert, and find the strategyof making the million dollars or
whatever it is that the goal is.
It's so tempting to just jump on Googleand Google how to become an artist, or
(11:09):
the best way is to monetize yourself,or some other type of strategy.
It's so easy for us to quickly wannaGoogle that and, and get an answer
and find a logical, proven strategy tothen follow in this kind of feeling of
safety to get us where we wanted to go.
(11:31):
And so I kind of started to do that.
And then I was like, wait, hold up.
I know for me the answer's not necessarilyin Google because I'm not listening
to what's actually going on here.
You know, the, the, the fearpart of my brain wants to get
onto Google and find the solutionto get me out of this feeling.
(11:52):
It's like this survival mechanismof I feel this way quick.
Can someone just tell me what to doto solve this, to get me to where
I wanna be quickly and easily?
Because I can't cope where I am.
I can't cope where I'm feeling.
And this is all valid.
And don't get me wrong, Googling strategycan be powerful when it comes from
(12:13):
strong place of I know what it is thatI'm looking for, and I'm not looking for
it from a fear or scarcity perspective.
So what I did is I sat down andI started to unpack what is it
that's really going on here?
What is it that I'm really feeling?
And through the process of just allowingmy brain to tip out onto the page through
(12:37):
like just rampage writing, really justlike writing and writing and writing, just
trying to tip out all of the stuff thatI'm feeling, that pattern of what we're
talking about started to reveal itself inthat I'd created this internal pressure
to monetize my art, to figure out,
If I'm going to be an artist, whatis the offer that I'm going to
(12:58):
sell someone to validate myselfand make money around this.
And I had so deeply entangled thisscarcity energy, this fear of not
being able to pay my bills and survivewith the energy of being a creative.
And what became very clear for meis that I actually needed to give
(13:22):
myself permission to have two separatebuckets of projects of showing up and
that they didn't have to right nowbe intertwined and interconnected.
And what I mean by this is that Ineeded to create and give myself
permission, a separate bucketcalled the creative projects bucket.
(13:47):
And a second separate bucket, whichwas the money projects bucket.
And as soon as I realized that just havingtwo separate buckets or two separate
distinct purpose led intentions in whatI was thinking about and what I was doing
all of a sudden I realized that the 24hours in a day or the the waking hours
(14:14):
that I have in a day, they don't have tobe all mashed together and intertwined to
try and put pressure on this new identitythat's starting to evolve within me.
I didn't have to en mesh the twotogether to feel justified, to
feel like I was being successful.
And by separating out these two buckets,I'm calling them buckets because that's
(14:38):
just easier for me to see them asseparate containers that I can pour
myself in and out of and move between.
It just allowed me to take this deepbreath of like, huh, I can actually pour
everything creative, my time, my focus, myenergy into those creative bucket moments.
(14:58):
And everything about keeping the lightson, creating money with different focus
and different energy into the momentswhere I'm in the money projects bucket.
And all of a sudden Iwas like, oh my gosh.
Not only does it give me structure, butit gives me the permission that when
I'm in the artist's energy to be in it.
(15:19):
To be fully in it, to be fully present.
And then when I'm in the moneybucket moments, I can be focused.
I can be tenacious, I can be, In thatspace of like, okay, what am I gonna
do that allows me to keep the lightson and what does that look like?
Really create that for myselfwithout feeling like I'm giving
up on my artist self or withoutfeeling like I've sacrificed my
(15:42):
creative self just to make money.
And honestly, it has been lifechanging over the last probably
four or five days since making thisdecision because now I can, when I
wake up in the morning, I can choose.
I'm like, Ooh, todayfeels like a money day.
Like I really tune into my body and intomy sacral, and I'm like, today feels
like a day where my logic's online.
(16:04):
My body's in this place of like,right, let's solve this money problem.
Let's look at the money projects.
Let's do those things.
Versus waking up in the morningand being like, Ooh, I feel
really tuned into the ether today.
I've got some creative ideas flowing.
I just, I feel like I really wannabe behind the tools of the camera
or the paintbrush, or whatever itis that's coming through that day.
(16:27):
I'm like, well, this is the energythat I wanna step into, and giving
myself the freedom and flexibilityto flow between those two things
has made such a big difference.
So when I was sitting down tothink about these two buckets.
I wanted to set a really clear intentionat the top, what each of them were for.
(16:48):
And so when I really felt into thiscreative projects bucket, I was like,
These are the projects that I reallywanna have to build my skills, build my
artist skills, push the boundaries ofwho I am as an artist, and really help
me develop those skills, develop myidentity, build a portfolio, something
(17:09):
that I can pour my time and my energyinto that I'm proud of, that's creative,
that's building without having to havethe pressure of, I need to build this
portfolio to show either a creative agencyor a client or whatever to monetize.
It's like, no, I wanna build thisportfolio of work that really
exemplifies my flavor, my taste,my my view of the world through the
(17:36):
lens of the artist, and start togather and collect this portfolio.
And I wanna have projects in here thathelp me find my flow, like help me find
that moment where I'm in connectionwith the universe, with my team, with
my energy, with my visions as an artist,and just allow that to channel through.
Because up until this point,if I'm honest, my flow has been
(17:59):
very academic, very strategic,very masculine based energies.
And so these creative projects areabout helping me find this new flow, And
giving myself permission to take theseclasses without the pressure of that,
well, I have to immediately monetize ifI'm gonna do this photography course.
(18:20):
because I have given myself permissionto have a separate money projects bucket.
Really making that empowered choiceof feeling financially supported in a
way that is aligned right now withoutputting the pressure on my creative
self And I put a lot of really deepthought into this over the last few
(18:40):
days around what would feel really good.
And I was actually listening to a classthat was being run by the beautiful
Melanie Ann Layer of Alpha Femme
she made this beautiful point, whichreally stuck with me, that said, "if
you wanna make money, go and get a job.
If you wanna serve the world.
Start a business.
(19:02):
And, this really struck a chord in mebecause this notion of starting a business
to make money can get really entangledbecause all of a sudden we can get into
that space of looking at our clientsor looking at people that we're selling
things to as the person responsible forkeeping our lights on or putting the food
(19:24):
on the table, And she was like, you cannotrun a business from an energy like that.
She's like, if you're in a space whereyour nervous system is fried and you're
worried about putting money on thetable, she's like, go and get a job.
Like let a job fill that componentand then allow the work that you
do in the world be for the people.
(19:46):
And of course, when we show up withintentions like that, the money
finds us, the money flows in whenwe are actually showing up to serve.
And so I was really sitting with thisover the weekend and I'm like, this is
why I don't wanna monetize my creativeprojects yet, because I don't wanna look
at the people that I'm serving throughmy photography or from my writing from
(20:08):
a desperate lens of, I need you tosign on and work with me because I need
to keep the lights on or pay the rentthis week, or pay the rent this month.
I didn't wanna do that.
And so I sat with it deeply and I waslike, what would feel really fulfilling
for me and my nervous system and whereI'm at right now in really embracing
(20:29):
this new creative flow that I wanna open?
What would the money project, thekeeping the lights on projects look like?
And actually I've decided that Iwanna go out and take a couple of
part-time summer jobs, like theweather is going to get better here.
And I have been working by myselffrom home, working from home in my
(20:53):
business now for four years, andI'm realizing I'm missing people.
And so I've actually got inmy money bucket to go out and
find some fun summer jobs.
And you know, this is a big thing actuallyto get to sometimes, particularly if
(21:15):
we've decided to be a creative or bean entrepreneur or break out and do
our own thing, we can see any form ofgoing back into employment as failure.
And I say this because this issomething that I have lived deeply.
There has been many times where I'vefelt like, I can't go back into the
(21:39):
corporate world or employment of any kind.
because I failed.
It means that I tried to be anentrepreneur, but I didn't make it like
I had to go back to safety, and therewas this huge overwhelming sense of
failure that was attached to that withinme and within my body that it put me
(21:59):
into a state of paralysis of like, well,I cannot go back and work for someone
because it signals to the world, and I'llfeel embarrassed that I didn't make it.
That I tried something andI was a big fat failure.
Like that is how it felt.
And it was so heavy and so overwhelmingin my body that I've had to do so
(22:21):
much work to say, going back andmaking choices, like going back into
the employment world or going backinto a part-time job, and I'll, I'll
explain more about this in a moment.
It's not failure.
It's an empowered choice thatwe get to make and we can find.
(22:41):
We can choose to find safety however wewant to find safety, but it doesn't have
to be from a scarce fear-based energy.
And I'm realizing because I'm approachingthis now from a very different energy
of like, oh no, I'm not giving upon my free spirited, entrepreneurial
(23:02):
going to do big things in thisworld energy because my creative
projects bucket has got that covered.
I wanna just go and get a few funsummer jobs so that I can just
tell my nervous system that I don'tneed to stress out all the time.
Particularly when you take yourbusiness back down to zero or you
quit your full-time job and you'restarting your art, or whatever it is
(23:24):
in the shift that you're making, maybeyou're coming through a health crisis.
When you've gone back down to that zeroplace, even if it was your choice, your
nervous system can get fried becauseyou're like, how am I gonna survive?
How am I gonna keep the rentor the mortgage, or whatever
situation that you're in?
Like, how do I keep that going?
(23:45):
And your nervous system cansometimes feel like it's always on.
And that's what I was realizing,um, up until recently, is that my
nervous system was constantly playingat max capacity and I was exhausted.
I was breaking down in tears constantly.
Like I was just constantly on aroller rollercoaster, emotionally.
(24:08):
And it was purely because the situationsand this pathway that I had walked myself
down meant that my nervous system wasoperating at the high level to try and
keep me stable and to keep me surviving.
And the beautiful thing is, is that Idon't regret that because it's got me
to this point, but I'm realizing thatI can just support my nervous system
(24:32):
by going out and doing something funthat isn't tied to my identity, that
isn't tied to this label of failure.
I'm just gonna go out and find something,probably creative, maybe aligned to
where I wanna go, but low stakes, fun,cool people hanging out, being in the
(24:52):
wellbeing in life so that I can gatherthese beautiful moments of inspiration to
pour into those creative projects bucket.
So at the moment in this moneyprojects bucket, I've got like, just
finding something fun for the summer.
And the beautiful thing about this toois I've sort of said to myself, well,
we're in, you know, late August now,I'll, you know, just say that I'm going
(25:15):
to do this until early next year, tillthe end of summer, maybe March, April.
Next year.
'cause we tend to havelate heat here, right?
It still can be quite hot in March.
So I was like, yeah, March, April,maybe my birthday next year, which
is April, I'm just gonna pick upsome fun stuff with this beautiful
space of like, well, anything couldtake off between now and then.
(25:38):
Anything can shift.
I'm just gonna be fluid.
Who knows?
The photography stuff might pick upsooner than I expect, but at least I
know it's something I'm choosing to do.
It's something fun, I've recodedit so it no longer means failure.
I'm still choosing it.
So therefore I'm in control of it.
And it gets to be fun.
(25:58):
It gets to be what I want it to be,and I can leave it at any time that
I choose because I'm choosing myself.
And so having this slightly differentmindset around money projects,
creative projects, is really helpingme because now I know that on
those days where I wake up and I'mlike, today's a money projects day.
I can spend time, um, applyingfor stuff and it actually
(26:21):
not have a story behind it.
And some of the other things in mymoney projects is this pro podcast.
And even although this podcast isn'tmonetized, and that's a choice that I've
made right now, this is something thatis important to me, is something that's
growing my voice, my ability to speak.
whilst it does have some veinsof creativity, this podcast is
(26:45):
something that's really importantto me that's moving me in the
direction that I wanna go.
So I've got this podcast inthat money projects bucket.
So in that energy of like showing upand moving forward, I'm like, right,
podcast editing, recording social media.
You know, it's a slightly differentenergy, but it feels, it helps me
feel like I'm moving towards reallysupporting my nervous system in that way.
(27:08):
Um, my accounting, like gettingthe finances in order and doing
the accounting, getting my emailsout there about the podcast,
about these other things is alsoin that money projects bucket.
And this other thing that I've decidedis that as a coach and having worked
with hundreds of women and as astrategist and all the things that
(27:29):
I've done to date, there are somemarketable skills that I have right now.
And there are some things that Ican immediately offer the world.
And so I've said to myself in thismoney projects bucket, I'm gonna just
put together one little tiny offer
And what I've decided to do is just offerreadings because I have this incredible
(27:53):
skillset as a psychic medium, as achanneler, to be able to really support
people, particularly when it comes to,embracing their identity, recoding all
the fear that comes around, changingtheir direction, their career, their
stepping from one identity into the other.
And I can channel to really helpunblock and unpack and make it a
(28:17):
little bit easier to make those shifts.
So I thought I'm just gonnaoffer simple opportunity to
work with me in the capacity ofjust one-off channeled readings.
And that feels really good in my bodybecause it's something that's in service.
It's something that I know I havean incredible track record with lots
of case studies and testimonials.
(28:39):
And it's something that I love todo and I can do it from this new
energy of the artist because I havethis whole new part of me that's
switched on now that I can serve.
Not just from a strategistperspective, but also now from
the creative artist's perspective.
And I love to work with women.
(29:00):
I love to work with trans individuals,with queer folks, to really help in that
transition of identity, of finding self.
I'm gonna start offering that.
And so if you're listeningand you're like, this is for
me, definitely reach out.
I'll pop a link app at some point so thatyou can book, but I've decided that I,
(29:20):
I don't have to have this big coachingbusiness to be able to offer something,
real and small and powerful like this.
And I can then pop it in that moneyproject bucket so I can spend time
crafting that without feeling the pressureof, oh, I've abandoned my artist self.
Because what I'm really discoveringin this process of separating things
(29:44):
out like this is that we wanna putourselves into one defined box.
We wanna say, well, if I'veclaimed that I'm an artist, that
I can only do artist things.
Or if I've claimed that I'm a coach,I could only show up and do coach
things, or if I'm in this fieldor this, this particular identity,
then I can only do this things.
(30:05):
And that's crazy.
Like there's so much diversity withinus as individuals that if we can set up
these beautiful structures, and for me,like at the moment, it's two buckets, but
you might have a couple of things therethat you're like, well, I'm this, but I'm
also this and I'm this, and I'm also this.
And I don't have to pick a lane.
(30:25):
I don't have to just pick one thingand I don't have to make every single
thing interconnected and intertwined.
And if you've got a strategic brainlike mine, this is something that can
trip us up a little bit because youwanna say, well, I'm multi-passionate,
or I've multiple interests
But I should find a goldenthread that connects them all to
justify having multiple things.
(30:46):
They all have to all be in a nice,neat package so that I can show it
to the world and be like, here I am.
See how all these things connect and seehow they all also support my lifestyle
through money or financial gain.
Like here's the neat package.
And sometimes that neat packageactually is impossible to create.
(31:07):
And this is the thing thatI've learned the hard way.
I've always wanted to try and goldenthread, connect every single thing
together so that it makes sense fromthe outside and also makes sense from
an intellectual mind perspective.
But I'm realizing that I'mactually more than, things that
I can connect together neatly.
(31:28):
I get to actually movefluidly through things.
Eventually they might find mergingpathways and they might merge together
for a little while and then separate,but I get to be all of these things.
I don't have to pick a lane.
I don't have to neatly package everysingle thing together, and I get
to move fluidly between the things.
(31:49):
And if people don't understandthat, it doesn't matter.
The world's not even really asking for it.
I've created the construct in mymind that I need to please them.
Most of the time, they're just focusedon their own stuff and they don't
really care, So I'm done with havingto try and put everything always neatly
(32:10):
together and connected and make senseand intellectualize every single thing
to please a world that's probably noteven really asking me to please them.
That's how I see it.
And so that's where I'm like drawing aline in the sand and being like, for me
right now, having creative bucket and amoney bucket makes sense, I'm gonna do it.
(32:31):
'cause it feels good.
It's good for my nervous system.
Today I've woken up.
It's Monday and I'm like,today's a money bucket day.
I just feel it.
Whereas yesterday I waslike, today's a creative day.
Like just trust your intuitionwhen you wake up, you'll know.
And as soon as you know, just follow it.
I was like, right.
Today I wanna get up.
I'm wanna record the podcast,'cause that's in Money Bucket day.
(32:51):
I'm gonna go look at some cool stuffto maybe apply for later today.
I'll get the little mini offerof the readings up if anyone
wants to start booking them.
And that feels good now becauseI don't have to worry today that,
oh, I haven't done any photography.
Oh my gosh, I'm failing as an artist.
Oh, what?
I haven't done anything from my dreamsof being blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(33:15):
Like, I haven't done that.
It's like, no, it's cool because I'mgiving myself permission and trusting
that today is a money bucket day.
And that's cool.
And tomorrow if I wake up and it's acreative day, I'll trust that that's cool.
And I'll trust that I've done enoughtoday in the money arena that doing
stuff for creative tomorrow is enough.
(33:37):
And this is the key part, is the trust.
I know we've talked about trust alot, but everything keeps coming
back to this notion of trust.
Trust that you know deeply inside,underneath the fear, underneath
the scarcity, underneath the worry.
You know what you're doing.
You know you're being led.
Trust that when things unfoldon your pathway, it's because
(34:01):
they're meant to unfold.
The universe never misses you.
Things that you are meant toachieve, things that you're
meant to do, they won't miss you.
You can't go through life andmiss the things that you are meant
to be doing and things that yoursoul is meant to be experiencing.
It doesn't work like that.
Everything that is destined for youto experience, to grow through it
(34:21):
will find you in one way or the other.
And if you miss it, it'll come backaround and it'll find you again.
And so when you do wake up and feellike, ah, my head wants to tell
me it's this kind of day, but mybody and my gut and my energy is
telling me it's this kind of day.
Just say to yourself, Itrust, I trust my body.
I trust my knowing.
I trust my intuition.
(34:42):
It does not let me down.
And even if the decision createsa situation that isn't favorable,
it's because it was meant to.
I trust.
I trust, I trust, I trust.
And that you can also sometimeshave a switch in the day, right?
You might wake up and be like,today feels like a money bucket
day, or whatever your buckets are.
(35:03):
And you might do what you need todo until lunchtime and then be like,
Hmm, I feel the creative energy.
Or I feel the otherbucket energy flaring up.
Now I'm gonna trust that thisfeeling is raising for a reason.
I'm gonna pivot and I'mgonna go down that pathway.
And so you can move throughdifferent energies in different days.
The way I work, I like to know thatI have a whole day, a whole 24 hours
(35:27):
or the waking hours within 24 hours topour into something with an intention.
That's how I work.
But you might move morefluidly through that.
But one important thing that I dowanna get into, and I, hinted to this
earlier, is that we can find ourselvesconsciously and deliberately choosing
to ignore certain buckets and only giveattention to the ones that feel more
(35:52):
fun or mean that we don't have to facecertain hard feelings or hard realities.
And we can worry that ifwe create buckets and we.
Move into this mechanism of trustingor intuitively being guided that
we're only gonna choose the fun stuffand we're gonna let ourselves down.
Like that can be a legitimatefear, and that can also be a
(36:15):
legitimate situation that comes up.
Here's what I say to that, yoursoul, you are deep inner knowing.
Your energy, your intrinsicness of whoyou are, knows when that's happening.
You know, when you are deliberatelygetting into the energy of avoidance or
(36:38):
scarcity or fear, like there are differentfeelings, vibrations, frequencies that
you intrinsically can pick up on whenyou know you're avoiding something
because it feels different Choosing tobe in your creative bucket for the day.
(36:59):
From a, well, I just don't wannadeal with the money stuff, or I don't
wanna deal with the reality stuff.
I just wanna play in the funstuff feels very different.
The avoidant energy feels verydifferent to the, I know I'm being
led and I'm excited and I'm buzzing,and I just wanna do this perspective.
It feels different, as does.
(37:21):
I only want to feel buzzy and excited,so I only want to choose the creative
stuff because the money stuff or thereal life stuff or whatever the other
buckets are with whatever labels thatyou have, it feels too hard, too heavy.
It feels different, and so this is whereyou need to be brave enough to face that.
(37:45):
If you are finding yourself constantlywaking up and you're like, I only
wanna do the creative artist funstuff today because the other
stuff is just too hard, too heavy.
I don't wanna feel, I don't wannafeel it, I don't wanna know it.
I just want the universe tosolve the problem and manifest me
completely financial free life, andI don't wanna have to deal with it.
(38:05):
You have to be brave enough to.
Almost interrogate that and belike, why am I feeling that way?
Why am I avoiding it?
Why is it so hard?
Because through that beautifulinterrogation, iss probably too
harsh of a word, but through thatbeautiful inquiry, self-inquiry,
you can find what's really going on.
Like for me, avoiding applying for anykind of employment that wasn't self-led
(38:31):
or entrepreneurship for myself, it'slike, oh, it's because I feel like the
world's gonna call me a failure if Igo back into any form of employment.
That's interesting.
I can work with that.
I can recode that and I can chooseto let that go, or can choose to
tell myself a different story,which is exactly what happened.
I choose to not letthat be a story anymore.
(38:52):
I was like, why?
Why am I letting this story of theworld dictating that employment
equals failure to be a thing?
Like that's a construct that I've created.
I'm gonna let that go.
And so through that gentle inquiryof something that you're avoiding, if
you find, if you set up your bucketsand you find like, I'm only doing this
(39:13):
thing all the time through self-inquiry,you can be like, well, why is that?
And you can discover some of themost amazing stuff that leads
to incredible breakthroughs andincredible change for yourself.
And all of a sudden you'llfind things become easier.
Or maybe your buckets even change andmorph or a new identity reveals itself.
Like the ether and beyondis not even the limit.
(39:37):
Like everything is possible when wechoose to face the avoidance, when we
choose to really understand why we areexecuting behaviors in the way that we
are, then that's when we can change them.
So if you've got an identity thatyou're toying with, if you're in a
crossroads, if you're crossing overfrom one thing to another, or you're
(40:00):
starting to feel like where you areis not where you're meant to be.
Allowing yourself to start exploringthese different facets of yourself and
potentially creating these differentbuckets can just change the game.
And even if you can't see it,sense it, know it right now.
So much is unfolding, so much is coming.
(40:21):
And if you feel like you want to get areading from me, please do reach out.
These are just gonna besimple, straightforward.
I'm gonna have a really accessiblepricing structure as well, because I
just, honestly, if there is informationin the ether that is meant to find
you, and I can do that for you bybeing the channel for that information,
(40:45):
that is enough for me right now.
So if you are curious or you're feelingthe pull to get a reading or to work
with me to step you forward into this newchapter, these through channel guidance
reach out or send you the link to book.
And of course, anytime you wanna reachout about anything else, I am here.
I love being here.
(41:06):
I love having theseconversations with you.
And I'll see you in our next episode.
As always, thank you for being here.
If this episode stirred something for youand you wanna book a channeled reading,
jump on the link in the show notes.
There's only a few channel readingsessions available each week.
And of course you can reachout to me anytime on my main
(41:28):
Instagram handle @andi.matthies,
or follow all of my art and photographyon my art feed @pathandnine on Instagram.
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