January 29, 2025 • 15 mins
Shelter-in-place orders are meant to help protect our communities from the current coronavirus pandemic. But for some people, home isn’t always a safe place. For those who are experiencing domestic violence, or believe they know someone one who is, what options are available to stay both physically healthy and safe from violence?
In this fourth episode of our COVID-19 series of The Brain Architects, host Sally Pfitzer speaks with Dr. Tien Ung, Program Director for Impact and Learning at FUTURES without Violence. Prior to her work at FUTURES, Tien spent five years as the Director of Leadership and Programs at the Center on the Developing Child.
Tien discusses important, practical steps those at home can take to keep themselves and their children safe, as well as strategies others can use if they think someone they know may be experiencing domestic violence. She also addresses the resilience of survivors, and what our communities can do both during and after COVID to listen to and engage in real responsive relationships with adults and children alike.
A note on this episode: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Brain Architects, a podcast from the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard
(00:05):
University.
I'm your host, Sally Fetzer.
And since our last podcast series was released, things have changed drastically as a result
of the coronavirus pandemic.
During this unprecedented time, we'd like to share resources and provide guidance that
you may find helpful.
So we're creating a series of podcast episodes that address COVID-19 and child development.
(00:25):
A quick word about today's episode.
As you've probably guessed from the title, we'll be addressing the subject of domestic
violence, including mentions of sexual violence and abuse.
We just wanted to give a heads up to those who may be sensitive to this subject matter
so that you can make an informed decision about whether this topic is right for you
at this time.
If you or someone you know may be experiencing domestic violence, you can contact the National
(00:48):
Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
That's 1-800-799-7233 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.
That's 1-800-656-4673.
This podcast is the fourth in our series, and our guest today is Dr. Tian Ng, Program
(01:12):
Director of Impact and Learning at Futures Without Violence.
And prior to her work at Futures, Tian spent five years as the Director of Leadership and
Programs here at the Center on the Developing Child.
Thank you so much for being here with us today, Tian.
We're really glad to have you.
Thank you, Sally.
I'm glad to be back here to talk with you all about this.
And just so our listeners know, we're recording this podcast today on a video call.
(01:35):
So the sound quality may be different from what you're used to hearing when we typically
record this podcast in the studio.
I'm going to start us with this first question.
So, Tian, what are you seeing and hearing from your local partners, law enforcement,
and families about indicators of domestic violence since stay-at-home orders started?
Sheltery in Place does present very unique circumstances and challenges for people who
(02:00):
are not safe at home.
We know, for example, that one in four women experience violence by an intimate partner
in their lifetime.
We know that two out of three children are exposed to trauma and violence.
We know recently from the Rape Assault Incest National Network that, for the first time
in 25 years, their national hotline is receiving calls from minors, such that more than half
(02:27):
of their calls coming in over the last couple of months have been from minors.
And we also know that, at this time, reports of abuse and neglect against children are
dropping.
We know that, at least in Massachusetts and, I suspect, in other states across the U.S.
as well, that 80 percent of reports that come in from mandated reporters about child abuse
(02:52):
and neglect are coming in from health professionals, educators, first responders, people who do
not have eyes and ears on what's happening behind closed doors at home right now.
And we also know very recently that phone calls to police stations across the nation
(03:12):
are rising in response to domestic disputes.
And I think, in fact, just today, we learned that a mass shooting in Canada had roots in
domestic violence, which highlights actually what we have known for quite some time, that
there is a strong correlation between domestic violence and mass shootings.
And so, current stay-in-place orders present very specific challenges to people who are
(03:39):
not safe at home.
But there's also good news.
You know, while it is true that communities of care serve as an organic system of surveillance
and monitoring, bringing attention to harm that's being done to people behind closed
doors, we also know that those same communities serve as protective factors for our children
(04:02):
and victims of family violence and domestic violence, faith communities, social communities,
health and medical communities, as well as human service and educational communities,
and legal and judicial communities.
They all come together under normal circumstances to create a system and an ecology of care
(04:24):
and protection.
And those are things that I think will be important for us to unpack a little bit on
the call today.
This is obviously a really challenging time.
And if someone's experiencing domestic violence and they're a parent, what might they be able
to do to escape that, given we're in the shelter-in-place?
(04:44):
Because parents don't have access to sort of their normal pathways for connections,
you know, it really is very hard for them to sort of reach out and get the help and
the support they need.
It really goes back to sort of basic safety planning, things like making sure survivors
know to put their hair in a bun rather than a ponytail, because when your hair's in a
(05:08):
ponytail, there's more to grab onto, which can cause injury.
Making sure they are scanning their environments and looking for places to shelter in place
in their homes where there's not easy access to knives, for example, so don't run into
the kitchen.
Doing a quick scan to see what they can use as shields or whatnot to kind of protect themselves
(05:28):
and reduce the likelihood of serious injury if a fight does break out.
So we're really back to basics, Sally, which is hard to believe.
But some of the things that we marvel about are the ways in which, you know, and this
is something I think the Center knows well and talked about a lot when I was there, that
survivors and children are incredibly resilient and they know how to keep themselves safe
(05:54):
and they know what to do to manage the episodes of violence and aggression in their homes.
So it's just really about giving them the support and letting them know that if things
are really, really bad and they need to sort of get out and to get out quick, finding ways
for them to have that.
Every state, for example, Sally has a state coalition for domestic violence and they are
(06:17):
the people who know what services are in place for each state, what shelters are up and running
and what importantly, sort of better intervention programs are also up and running.
They also have wonderful relationships with local law enforcement and the courts and are
really good partners.
Those resources that you were saying each state provides, how would someone get connected
(06:42):
to that if they weren't aware?
Is that a website or how would someone find that information?
Yep, that's great.
It's a great question.
It is a website.
I can make sure that you all have information to that as part of this podcast so that you
can put it on your website for people and it's split out by national level resources
as well as youth specific level resources as well as resources specifically for the
(07:08):
LGBTQ community.
That's really helpful.
Thanks.
I'd like us to think a little bit more about what listeners or friends and family and neighbors
could do to help prevent increases in domestic violence from affecting more kids.
I think that's a good place to move into.
We developed actually on our website, you can find a tip sheet of 10 simple steps that
(07:32):
friends and family can take during this time if you're worried about a loved one sheltering
at home or in specifically about the safety, the physical, psychological, sexual and emotional
safety of someone sheltering in place.
Some of them involve continuing to reach out and check in.
We sort of are punctuating the notion that social distancing really isn't the goal.
(07:57):
Physical distancing is the goal, but social connection should not go away in the face
of requirements around physical distancing.
So we've been trying to practice ourself using the concept of physical distancing to promote
the idea that finding ways to connect socially and support socially is really important.
So checking in and reaching out to your family member and your friends are really important.
(08:22):
Ask them what they need on a day to day basis, asking them if they're okay, asking them directly
if they are feeling safe.
We like to encourage family members and also community based social groups like faith based
groups to come together and to think about how you might support families that you know
(08:43):
are more vulnerable by preparing meals, by pulling dollars and helping families with
real concrete basic material needs.
We've been encouraging family members and friends to reach out and offer parents relief
from 24 seven parenting by offering to read a young child a book on the phone or get on
(09:08):
zoom and do some crafts with someone or even just getting on zoom and watching a movie
or finding ways to engage in just fun.
You can take your iPhone for example we've talked to people about and playing hide and
seek with young people with the iPhone around the house but just really finding ways to
offer some respite and relief and support and connection.
(09:32):
We've invited family and friends who know that there might be family violence at home
to find safe ways to have private conversations and establish you know a code word.
Some of the words that some of our shelters are using have to do with mass needed please
you know so a survivor at home who's not safe might text a service provider the code word
(09:58):
mass needed please and that would indicate that that provider needs to initiate a police
response to the house but finding code words like that so that people can have strategies
where they can get help and support in the height of risk or any emergency is something
we've talked about as well.
I love the concrete examples that you gave how you can interact with people who aren't
(10:20):
actually in that space although I do imagine some families don't even have access to technology
which might compound that even more.
Yes I think that's absolutely true and I think in those cases families have their networks
and the friends and neighbors of families who don't have access to technology they find
ways to communicate and to stay in touch and so what we've been inviting people to do is
(10:44):
to find ways to maintain those connections to check in on people and first and foremost
to offer support anything that we can do to reduce stress and reduce burden is really
important right now.
So back to the resilience piece obviously you spent a lot of time when you were at the
center helping us craft this curriculum around our three science principles so we're curious
(11:08):
if you can talk a little bit more about what the science of child development tells us
about what we need to do to prevent or alleviate the problems you were just describing.
You know we know that the experience of trauma like exposure to domestic violence for children
has three broad level impacts on children.
They have biological impacts which I think at the center we talk about as the ways in
(11:31):
which adversity gets under the skin right and impacts children's health system raising
risk across the life course for negative impacts in learning health and behavior but we also
know that it has psychological impacts relative to influencing how young people think feel
(11:51):
act and interact with others and lastly we know that the exposure to prolonged trauma
like witnessing domestic violence or experiencing family violence in the home can lead to negative
social impacts interfering with how children and young people relate and make decisions
(12:12):
in the context of interpersonal health and engagement.
So in that context we've been trying to draw a lot on the science that the center organizes
and produces to help people design strategies and programs and policies that buffer impacts
in those three areas.
(12:33):
When this is all said and done which seems to be a very relative framing there will be
we all anticipate a long period of recovery.
A lot of the conversation right now Sally is focused around the stress and the trauma
of sheltering place when home is not a safe place but we've been paying a lot of close
(12:55):
attention to near-term and long-term stressors that families who were already vulnerable
before COVID are going to be facing sort of burdens and levels of stress.
There have been what 58,000 plus deaths in the U.S. right now and that number is going
to continue to soar while we live through all of this and you know it's not just family
(13:19):
members of young people and children and youth who are dying but teachers and coaches and
people who represent really important relationships in the lives of young people and so that's
a wave that we're trying to kind of get ahead of and prepare for now.
We think the best systems of care pre-COVID, during COVID and post-COVID ought to be organized
(13:42):
around creating experiences and conditions that help young people and their families
thrive, survive, reduce burden and stress in their lives and create and sustain meaningful,
interactive, positive relationships and a lot of that is promoting people's capacities
and skill in terms of being able to have very authentic and genuine conversations with their
(14:09):
service providers, with their neighbors, with their faith communities, with their family
about what it means to be in a safe and healthy relationship and to really promote that as
doorways to service delivery and service provision rather than business as usual which is the
(14:29):
only access to service provision that a vulnerable child and family can have is through a surveillance
and a monitoring system which only produces stigma and also decreases I think the likeliness
that if you need help and you want help you can actually get it right.
Nobody wants to get help when help comes with the conditions of needing to be labeled a
(14:53):
victim or a batterer frankly.
It's so challenging to take such a huge topic and cut it down into 15 minutes so thank you
for allowing us.
Thank you, thank you for inviting me.
I'm your host Sally Fetzer.
The Brain Architects is a product of the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University.
You can find us at developingchild.harvard.edu.
(15:17):
We're also on Twitter at Harvard Center, Facebook at Center Developing Child and Instagram at
Developing Child Harvard.
Brandi Thomas is our producer and Charlie Gibney is our producer and audio editor.
Our music is Brain Power by Miela from freemusicarchive.org.
This podcast was recorded at my dining room table.
Welcome to Brain Architects, a podcast from the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard
(00:05):
University.
I'm your host, Sally Fetzer.
And since our last podcast series was released, things have changed drastically as a result
of the coronavirus pandemic.
During this unprecedented time, we'd like to share resources and provide guidance that
you may find helpful.
So we're creating a series of podcast episodes that address COVID-19 and child development.
(00:25):
A quick word about today's episode.
As you've probably guessed from the title, we'll be addressing the subject of domestic
violence, including mentions of sexual violence and abuse.
We just wanted to give a heads up to those who may be sensitive to this subject matter
so that you can make an informed decision about whether this topic is right for you
at this time.
If you or someone you know may be experiencing domestic violence, you can contact the National
(00:48):
Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
That's 1-800-799-7233 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.
That's 1-800-656-4673.
This podcast is the fourth in our series, and our guest today is Dr. Tian Ng, Program
(01:12):
Director of Impact and Learning at Futures Without Violence.
And prior to her work at Futures, Tian spent five years as the Director of Leadership and
Programs here at the Center on the Developing Child.
Thank you so much for being here with us today, Tian.
We're really glad to have you.
Thank you, Sally.
I'm glad to be back here to talk with you all about this.
And just so our listeners know, we're recording this podcast today on a video call.
(01:35):
So the sound quality may be different from what you're used to hearing when we typically
record this podcast in the studio.
I'm going to start us with this first question.
So, Tian, what are you seeing and hearing from your local partners, law enforcement,
and families about indicators of domestic violence since stay-at-home orders started?
Sheltery in Place does present very unique circumstances and challenges for people who
(02:00):
are not safe at home.
We know, for example, that one in four women experience violence by an intimate partner
in their lifetime.
We know that two out of three children are exposed to trauma and violence.
We know recently from the Rape Assault Incest National Network that, for the first time
in 25 years, their national hotline is receiving calls from minors, such that more than half
(02:27):
of their calls coming in over the last couple of months have been from minors.
And we also know that, at this time, reports of abuse and neglect against children are
dropping.
We know that, at least in Massachusetts and, I suspect, in other states across the U.S.
as well, that 80 percent of reports that come in from mandated reporters about child abuse
(02:52):
and neglect are coming in from health professionals, educators, first responders, people who do
not have eyes and ears on what's happening behind closed doors at home right now.
And we also know very recently that phone calls to police stations across the nation
(03:12):
are rising in response to domestic disputes.
And I think, in fact, just today, we learned that a mass shooting in Canada had roots in
domestic violence, which highlights actually what we have known for quite some time, that
there is a strong correlation between domestic violence and mass shootings.
And so, current stay-in-place orders present very specific challenges to people who are
(03:39):
not safe at home.
But there's also good news.
You know, while it is true that communities of care serve as an organic system of surveillance
and monitoring, bringing attention to harm that's being done to people behind closed
doors, we also know that those same communities serve as protective factors for our children
(04:02):
and victims of family violence and domestic violence, faith communities, social communities,
health and medical communities, as well as human service and educational communities,
and legal and judicial communities.
They all come together under normal circumstances to create a system and an ecology of care
(04:24):
and protection.
And those are things that I think will be important for us to unpack a little bit on
the call today.
This is obviously a really challenging time.
And if someone's experiencing domestic violence and they're a parent, what might they be able
to do to escape that, given we're in the shelter-in-place?
(04:44):
Because parents don't have access to sort of their normal pathways for connections,
you know, it really is very hard for them to sort of reach out and get the help and
the support they need.
It really goes back to sort of basic safety planning, things like making sure survivors
know to put their hair in a bun rather than a ponytail, because when your hair's in a
(05:08):
ponytail, there's more to grab onto, which can cause injury.
Making sure they are scanning their environments and looking for places to shelter in place
in their homes where there's not easy access to knives, for example, so don't run into
the kitchen.
Doing a quick scan to see what they can use as shields or whatnot to kind of protect themselves
(05:28):
and reduce the likelihood of serious injury if a fight does break out.
So we're really back to basics, Sally, which is hard to believe.
But some of the things that we marvel about are the ways in which, you know, and this
is something I think the Center knows well and talked about a lot when I was there, that
survivors and children are incredibly resilient and they know how to keep themselves safe
(05:54):
and they know what to do to manage the episodes of violence and aggression in their homes.
So it's just really about giving them the support and letting them know that if things
are really, really bad and they need to sort of get out and to get out quick, finding ways
for them to have that.
Every state, for example, Sally has a state coalition for domestic violence and they are
(06:17):
the people who know what services are in place for each state, what shelters are up and running
and what importantly, sort of better intervention programs are also up and running.
They also have wonderful relationships with local law enforcement and the courts and are
really good partners.
Those resources that you were saying each state provides, how would someone get connected
(06:42):
to that if they weren't aware?
Is that a website or how would someone find that information?
Yep, that's great.
It's a great question.
It is a website.
I can make sure that you all have information to that as part of this podcast so that you
can put it on your website for people and it's split out by national level resources
as well as youth specific level resources as well as resources specifically for the
(07:08):
LGBTQ community.
That's really helpful.
Thanks.
I'd like us to think a little bit more about what listeners or friends and family and neighbors
could do to help prevent increases in domestic violence from affecting more kids.
I think that's a good place to move into.
We developed actually on our website, you can find a tip sheet of 10 simple steps that
(07:32):
friends and family can take during this time if you're worried about a loved one sheltering
at home or in specifically about the safety, the physical, psychological, sexual and emotional
safety of someone sheltering in place.
Some of them involve continuing to reach out and check in.
We sort of are punctuating the notion that social distancing really isn't the goal.
(07:57):
Physical distancing is the goal, but social connection should not go away in the face
of requirements around physical distancing.
So we've been trying to practice ourself using the concept of physical distancing to promote
the idea that finding ways to connect socially and support socially is really important.
So checking in and reaching out to your family member and your friends are really important.
(08:22):
Ask them what they need on a day to day basis, asking them if they're okay, asking them directly
if they are feeling safe.
We like to encourage family members and also community based social groups like faith based
groups to come together and to think about how you might support families that you know
(08:43):
are more vulnerable by preparing meals, by pulling dollars and helping families with
real concrete basic material needs.
We've been encouraging family members and friends to reach out and offer parents relief
from 24 seven parenting by offering to read a young child a book on the phone or get on
(09:08):
zoom and do some crafts with someone or even just getting on zoom and watching a movie
or finding ways to engage in just fun.
You can take your iPhone for example we've talked to people about and playing hide and
seek with young people with the iPhone around the house but just really finding ways to
offer some respite and relief and support and connection.
(09:32):
We've invited family and friends who know that there might be family violence at home
to find safe ways to have private conversations and establish you know a code word.
Some of the words that some of our shelters are using have to do with mass needed please
you know so a survivor at home who's not safe might text a service provider the code word
(09:58):
mass needed please and that would indicate that that provider needs to initiate a police
response to the house but finding code words like that so that people can have strategies
where they can get help and support in the height of risk or any emergency is something
we've talked about as well.
I love the concrete examples that you gave how you can interact with people who aren't
(10:20):
actually in that space although I do imagine some families don't even have access to technology
which might compound that even more.
Yes I think that's absolutely true and I think in those cases families have their networks
and the friends and neighbors of families who don't have access to technology they find
ways to communicate and to stay in touch and so what we've been inviting people to do is
(10:44):
to find ways to maintain those connections to check in on people and first and foremost
to offer support anything that we can do to reduce stress and reduce burden is really
important right now.
So back to the resilience piece obviously you spent a lot of time when you were at the
center helping us craft this curriculum around our three science principles so we're curious
(11:08):
if you can talk a little bit more about what the science of child development tells us
about what we need to do to prevent or alleviate the problems you were just describing.
You know we know that the experience of trauma like exposure to domestic violence for children
has three broad level impacts on children.
They have biological impacts which I think at the center we talk about as the ways in
(11:31):
which adversity gets under the skin right and impacts children's health system raising
risk across the life course for negative impacts in learning health and behavior but we also
know that it has psychological impacts relative to influencing how young people think feel
(11:51):
act and interact with others and lastly we know that the exposure to prolonged trauma
like witnessing domestic violence or experiencing family violence in the home can lead to negative
social impacts interfering with how children and young people relate and make decisions
(12:12):
in the context of interpersonal health and engagement.
So in that context we've been trying to draw a lot on the science that the center organizes
and produces to help people design strategies and programs and policies that buffer impacts
in those three areas.
(12:33):
When this is all said and done which seems to be a very relative framing there will be
we all anticipate a long period of recovery.
A lot of the conversation right now Sally is focused around the stress and the trauma
of sheltering place when home is not a safe place but we've been paying a lot of close
(12:55):
attention to near-term and long-term stressors that families who were already vulnerable
before COVID are going to be facing sort of burdens and levels of stress.
There have been what 58,000 plus deaths in the U.S. right now and that number is going
to continue to soar while we live through all of this and you know it's not just family
(13:19):
members of young people and children and youth who are dying but teachers and coaches and
people who represent really important relationships in the lives of young people and so that's
a wave that we're trying to kind of get ahead of and prepare for now.
We think the best systems of care pre-COVID, during COVID and post-COVID ought to be organized
(13:42):
around creating experiences and conditions that help young people and their families
thrive, survive, reduce burden and stress in their lives and create and sustain meaningful,
interactive, positive relationships and a lot of that is promoting people's capacities
and skill in terms of being able to have very authentic and genuine conversations with their
(14:09):
service providers, with their neighbors, with their faith communities, with their family
about what it means to be in a safe and healthy relationship and to really promote that as
doorways to service delivery and service provision rather than business as usual which is the
(14:29):
only access to service provision that a vulnerable child and family can have is through a surveillance
and a monitoring system which only produces stigma and also decreases I think the likeliness
that if you need help and you want help you can actually get it right.
Nobody wants to get help when help comes with the conditions of needing to be labeled a
(14:53):
victim or a batterer frankly.
It's so challenging to take such a huge topic and cut it down into 15 minutes so thank you
for allowing us.
Thank you, thank you for inviting me.
I'm your host Sally Fetzer.
The Brain Architects is a product of the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University.
You can find us at developingchild.harvard.edu.
(15:17):
We're also on Twitter at Harvard Center, Facebook at Center Developing Child and Instagram at
Developing Child Harvard.
Brandi Thomas is our producer and Charlie Gibney is our producer and audio editor.
Our music is Brain Power by Miela from freemusicarchive.org.
This podcast was recorded at my dining room table.
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