September 8, 2025 • 62 mins
Ever feel like you're failing at work if you don't give 110%, and failing at home if you try? You're not alone in this impossible balancing act.
In this conversation between Dr. Amy and returning guest Leah Remillet, balance strategist and host of the Balancing Busy podcast, they tackle the myth of perfect balance head-on. Leah redefines balance not as equal attention to everything, but as "being true to what actually matters to us—not what we're being told matters." This perspective shift alone can liberate working moms from unnecessary guilt and perfectionism.
What makes this episode particularly powerful are the personal stories Leah and Dr. Amy share about their perceived "failures" that unexpectedly became their children's greatest lessons. Leah worried about delegating household tasks to her kids, only to discover years later that her daughter was grateful for the confidence these responsibilities built. Similarly, Dr. Amy's health limitations meant her husband handled most household duties—inadvertently teaching their sons that household work isn't gender-based, but determined by capacity.
We dive deep into Leah's practical "10 Simple Tweaks" for busy moms, exploring everything from limiting screen time and batching similar tasks to outsourcing what drains you and scheduling actual "recess" time for yourself. The science is clear: those intentional breaks make you more productive, not less, by reducing cortisol and preventing mental fatigue.
Whether you're drowning in to-dos or simply tired of feeling pulled in too many directions, this conversation offers both permission to simplify and practical strategies to reclaim your time and energy. Your worth isn't measured by how busy you are—and this might be the most important lesson you model for your children.
Ready to do less but better? Listen now and discover how true balance starts with being unapologetic about what matters most to you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Amy Moore (00:00):
Hi smart moms and dads.
I'm Dr Amy and this is theBrandy Moms podcast.
I am super excited to welcomeback my guest, leah Rimelay.
Leah is the host of theBalancing Busy podcast.
She's an international speakerand a balance strategist.
She helps women do less butbetter.
Simply put, if you're a womanwith a mission but worried that
(00:20):
your growing dreams meansfailing at home, then Leah can
show you how to spread themessage, make an incredible
income and do it all in lesstime.
And, by the way, she looksamazing in yellow.
Welcome back For the third time, leah.
Leah Remillet (00:35):
Thank you.
I love every time I'm with you.
I always have so much fun, sothank you for having me.
Dr. Amy Moore (00:40):
Absolutely.
You have so much energy andit's contagious and I love it
too.
So, yeah, I was looking at yourwebsite recently and I thought
who looks good in yellow?
Very few people look good inyellow.
Typically, you have to havedark skin and dark hair.
You know, for yellow to reallypop.
I look like I'm, you know, fourdays into the flu if I try to
(01:02):
wear yellow.
In fact, I don't own anythingyellow, but you look amazing in
yellow and I just wanted to giveyou props for that in your
intro.
Leah Remillet (01:11):
That is so sweet of you because, okay, full
confession, I don't think I lookgood in yellow either.
But when I was thinking aboutmy brand, I wanted to convey
that I'm like, okay, I'mprofessional, but like with
spunk, like there's like thisspunky, like very energetic side
of me, and so I chosechartreuse to be one of my
(01:34):
colors, which is like I mean,it's like neon yellow, lime-ish,
right, yeah, and no, I don'tthink it actually looks good on
me either.
I wear extra blush and extralipstick when I wear it to try
to offset, but like the colordoes make me very happy, I'm
very drawn to it, and so thereyou go.
Dr. Amy Moore (01:50):
Yeah, and I think that, as women, when we feel
comfortable in our own skinwhich includes our wardrobe at
times it brings out our energyand our you know sassiness and
our pep.
And so I, when I turned 50, Igot rid of all of my heels and
replaced them with Converse.
(02:11):
So I own 41 pairs of Converse.
Leah Remillet (02:13):
Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
Dr. Amy Moore (02:15):
All different colors, all different styles,
and I speak in my Converse.
I mean, I'm on stage in myConverse because what I would do
is I would wear flats or flipflops and then throw my heels on
right before I would go onstage and then take my heels off
right when I left the stage andI felt like why am I?
No woman should have to sufferher beauty.
(02:35):
Really, come on.
And I feel like my hot pinkconverse represent who I am,
much better than the Black Heelsever did.
Leah Remillet (02:45):
Yes, you know, I will make a confession.
I have times where I have, youknow, had the really big
stilettos walking on the stageand I literally kicked him off
while on stage and was likewe're just going to get more
comfortable.
Dr. Amy Moore (02:59):
So that's that personality at its best.
Leah Remillet (03:03):
I am seeing.
I am seeing that the wisdom toyour plan.
Yeah, I'm so glad.
Dr. Amy Moore (03:08):
I did it.
Leah Remillet (03:10):
Yeah, that's amazing.
Dr. Amy Moore (03:11):
Yeah, Okay.
Well, the last two times youwere here, we spent our entire
episodes just talking about theplight of the working mom and
how.
It's just that constantwrestling with okay, if I don't
give 110% to my career, then I'ma failure at work, and if I
(03:33):
don't give 110% to my kids athome, then I'm a failure as a
(03:55):
mom.
And so where do we find?
Leah Remillet (03:56):
I hate the word balance.
It's so hard to achieve and Ithink it sets up an expectation
that we should be able toachieve it.
But there has to be some sortof I don't know define what
balance is, because balance iscertainly not equal parts to
everything.
That would be ridiculous.
I mean, you're not going tospend eight hours on working out
and eight hours on quality timewith your spouse and eight
hours with your kids and eighthours at work.
(04:18):
I mean that's impossible.
So to me, it's about beingpresent in each of those areas,
each of your primary areas.
That are the things that matterto you, that you know.
(04:38):
We each have these areas wherewe're like I need to show up as
my best self here.
I will have regrets if I don't.
And so I look at thosedifferent areas and I say, OK,
well then, what would that looklike?
How can I show up as my bestself?
And I say, okay, well then,what would that look like?
How can I show up as my bestself?
And I want to just be clear mybest self is different from day
to day.
Okay, so my best self on Fridaymight be gung-ho and killing it
, and my best self on Mondaycould be barely getting along,
but she's still there, right.
(04:59):
So, even that, we have to giveourselves grace, and so, to me,
balance is a balance of givinggrace, of pushing when we need
to push but also pulling backwhen we need to pull back.
It's being able to look at thedifferent areas of our life and
say when we should push forwardbut also when we should pause.
(05:20):
It's being able to say I wantto show up as my best self, but
am I being fair in what bestself is?
Does it really have to behomemade sourdough bread and
homemade cupcakes at the bakesale, right?
Could it be a different version?
So, to me, balance is gettingvery true to what actually
(05:43):
matters to each of usindividually, not what we're
being told matters, not what ourfeeds are representing or
what's trendy is representing.
It's what actually matters tous, and then being unapologetic
about that and then settingthose boundaries so that we
really can show up and feel goodin the areas of our life that
(06:03):
truly matter to us show up andfeel good in the areas of our
life that truly matter to us.
Dr. Amy Moore (06:08):
Yeah, I love that .
I.
You know I talk a lot about.
When we make parentingdecisions, they need to be
aligned with what we value forfamilies or what we value for
our family.
And when we make a parentingdecision that is misaligned with
those values, then we suffercognitive dissonance.
Right?
We think there isn't somethingright about what's happening
right now that does not fit withwhat I think family life should
(06:30):
look like or what I want for mychildren.
But we have to clearly definethose values before we can move
towards them in our decisions,so we can apply that same idea,
you know, to momming andwomaning.
Leah Remillet (06:47):
And sure, just one of those words.
So every single one of us waslike yes.
Dr. Amy Moore (06:54):
And that, if we, what is it that we actually
value about having a career?
What is it that we actuallyvalue about being a working mom?
Because I think then that putsthings in perspective and it's
our roadmap.
Leah Remillet (07:09):
Yes, even taking that to parenting.
What is it about family timethat I value versus maybe?
What constructs am I putting ondifferent activities?
Because I think they shouldlook a certain way For me,
dinner at different seasons,depending, I mean that's.
The other thing is everythingis going to always be evolving
(07:32):
and shifting and moving and wehave to be completely OK with
that, or we're going to get outof bounds.
The same way, if I'm riding abike and I refuse to turn, I'm
going to eventually run intosomething.
It's going to be painful, right.
We're always shifting ourweight, going faster and then
slowing down, hitting the brakesand then speeding up.
Sometimes you get to have thatbeautiful moment on a bike where
(07:54):
you don't have to pedal and youjust get to coast, right.
It's this fluid, constantlyshifting thing, and that's
actually what balance is.
And so just thinking about forme, family dinner is very
important as part of my valuesaround family time that we have
dinner as a family.
(08:15):
I checked in with myself oncelong, long ago and was like OK,
the priority is family dinner,but am I adding parts to this
that don't need to be there?
And I was.
I was overcomplicating it somuch because I needed to make
the whole dinner from scratchand it needed to come with like
a pan sauce and some likegarnish and just be stunning and
beautiful and everything setand I realized this is
(08:37):
ridiculous.
It does not need to look likethis.
I don't know where that evencame from, but somewhere I had
taken on this idea that it hadto look a certain way.
Or bringing treats to my kidsclasses when they were little, I
felt like I was supposed tomake things.
I also happened to be terribleat baking, so that was like a
serious problem.
(08:58):
Ok, I'm not good at baking, Idon't have the time.
Because I don't have the time,but also because I'm probably
going to have to try two orthree times because I'm not good
at it to begin with.
But I also had this really bigstruggle with oh, but I don't
want to buy store-bought Like.
It just makes me feel bad, likeI'm not doing enough.
And I found my own compromise.
And this would not beeverybody's situation, but for
me.
I just decided I am going tolike the most expensive bakery
(09:21):
in our area and I am buying themost gorgeous desserts that are
already made and then I bringthose and I feel great and I
didn't have to make that and thetrade-off worked perfectly for
me.
So there's, whether we'retalking about our career or
we're just talking about mommy,we have to check in and say what
stories am I telling myself anddo I actually agree with them?
(09:43):
And sometimes, all of a sudden,you catch yourself realizing no
, I totally don't.
This is not necessary.
Dr. Amy Moore (09:49):
Yeah, yeah.
And I think that what, what arewe modeling for our own kids
when we set a standard that'sunrealistic to right, when we
are killing ourselves to live upto this unrealistic expectation
that we've created?
Right Like this, is notsomebody putting this on us,
right?
I mean, it could be a messagefrom our own childhood, right
(10:13):
Like, did our own mom's mom likethat?
Yeah, but what are we modelingfor our own kids?
And so, you know, weinadvertently say this is our
expectation for what family lifeshould look like, when we're
trying to live up toperfectionistic you know ideals,
(10:35):
and then our kids grow up andthink that they have to be that
way because that's what wemodeled, even though it was
killing us to do it that's whatwe modeled, even though it was
killing us to do it.
Leah Remillet (10:48):
Yes, so I had my 19 year old daughter on my
podcast a couple of months agoand I wanted her to talk very
openly, like before we sat down,she was home from college for
the summer and I was like I wantyou to truly share what you
think I did wrong and we cantalk about what I did right too
but I want you to just share,like you have had a working mom
your whole life and I tried tohide it for a long part of their
(11:10):
life, like I didn't want themto feel it, and I was like I
want you to say like where,where should you see the gaps?
And and all these things.
And it was so amazing gettingto have this recorded and have
this moment with her.
But one of the things thatshocked me the most, that I did
not expect, is she said youshowed me that we can't do
everything.
And I'm gonna be honest, I wasthinking I was trying to show
(11:32):
you what I was doing.
I didn't think that she wassaying, look, I was doing
everything.
I was so grateful because Ilook at my girls, who are both
now young adults.
Right.
They're both in college.
Their next step is going to bestarting their own life, finding
their person marriage, family,these things and I do not want
(11:57):
my girls to think that they haveto do everything.
I really do believe that I thinkwe can be everything, and when
I say everything, I don't meaneverything.
I really do believe that Ithink we can be everything, and
when I say everything, I don'tmean everything.
I mean the things that matterto us.
But we can't do it all.
You just can't.
So you have to figure out whatyou're going to let people help
(12:20):
you with, what you're going tolet go of where there might be
expectations you wish you coulduphold, but you're just going to
be like you know what the houseis messy or the thing is
store-bought or everybody has tohelp with the chores.
I don't know why I had the ideafor so long that, as a really
good mom, I should be doing allthe things for everyone.
(12:42):
Like it wasn't as good of a momif they came home from school
and sports and I was like andyou got to do your laundry and
I'm going to need you to helpwith whatever else.
And I'm so glad that Iuntangled that because and it
was hard, I mean, when I firststarted saying each of you cook
one night a week, you all doyour own laundry, and really
(13:03):
giving them moreresponsibilities, I felt like a
bad mom I did.
I felt like if I, if I didn'twork, I would be able to be more
available and I would be ableto do these things for them.
But I, I needed them.
And yet, when her and I werehaving our conversation, one of
the things that she said she wasmost grateful for was the
(13:24):
confidence she has in all ofthese tasks that she knows how
to do so well, because, in hermind, because you were teaching
me how to be resilient, and inmy mind in the early, because I
was drowning and I couldn't doit all.
And so, yeah, there's somethingjust so beautiful about us
(13:45):
Again coming back to what youwere sharing, figuring out what
truly matters and then workingon a plan that actually works
for us and our values and ourgoals and our family.
Dr. Amy Moore (13:56):
Yeah, absolutely so.
I think I share this a lot, butI struggle with multiple
chronic illnesses and so I havea limited amount of energy.
That needs it's this muchenergy and it needs to go this
far every day and unfortunatelyI'm a classic overachiever.
So that is not a greatcombination, right?
(14:19):
Not a great combination whenyou know you do struggle with
your health but you still wantto accomplish all of this.
You know I'm a three on theEnneagram.
I was talking about how I havelimited energy, and so my
husband had to do a lot of thecooking and a lot of the
housework, and my boys I havethree boys my boys saw him
(14:45):
having all of thoseresponsibilities the whole time
they were growing up.
Because I just I had a limitedcapacity because I'm a classic
overachiever, because I'm aclassic overachiever, I have
always worked and worked a lot,so all of my energy was going in
that direction, and then therewas nothing left physically for
(15:08):
me to cook at the end of the daymost days.
I could cook all weekends andthere was no energy for me to
clean the house.
So we either had housekeepersor my husband would take care of
that, and so I felt reallyguilty when my kids were younger
that I didn't have the energyto do a lot of that, that I felt
really guilty because myhusband was having to pick up
(15:28):
all of my slack.
But what I see now in my threeyoung adult men children right,
they're 20, 24, and 26, is thatall three of them do the
majority of cooking in theirrelationships, that they are
great caregivers in theirrelationships, that they believe
(15:52):
that distribution of labor isnot based on sex or gender right
, it's based on who has thecapacity, and I just love that.
My husband modeled that right,that they saw that and it was
beautiful.
Leah Remillet (16:10):
As you're saying, that I don't think there is a
single mom listening who isn'tlike.
I want my boys to know that.
I want my girls to know thatthey don't need to go in to the
next chapter of their lifebelieving that that discrepancy
is just the way it has to be andit should be radical generosity
(16:31):
on both sides.
And who has the capacity?
And so I mean that's sobeautiful.
And again it's that same thing.
Both of us are sharing momentswhere we honestly felt guilty,
we felt bad, we felt like maybewe weren't giving enough and
setting the right example.
And yet only in retrospect,only in that we both have our
(16:54):
kids that are now in theirtwenties, we can look back and
say I am so grateful that thatwas modeled, I am so grateful
for the lessons that learnedthat you maybe would have
stopped from happening if youhad the energy and felt better.
I would have stopped fromhappening if I didn't run a
company and had to let othershelp because I just couldn't do
(17:17):
it all.
Dr. Amy Moore (17:20):
Yeah, Great lessons, right I mean yes, and I
like that.
Leah Remillet (17:25):
We can share that and others can hear right,
maybe if they're a littleearlier in the process than us,
maybe if their kids are a littlebit younger, whether it's
teenagers, we can still make uptime as teenagers or they're
much younger that.
(17:47):
Letting people help us becausethat's its own thing that we as
women are often not great aboutright.
Letting others help us, whetherit's our husband, whether it's
family and friends, if our kids,it's a combination of everybody
.
That actually is a huge part ofhow we're going to feel more
balanced.
You can't feel balanced if youcan't ever get off the treadmill
.
You have to be allowed to getoff the treadmill from time to
(18:10):
time or there's no way to ever.
I mean, I don't know about you,I hate treadmills because you
know how you you like.
If I'm at a hotel or something,I might choose the treadmill
and you get on the treadmill andthen when you get off, you feel
so weird.
You're like trying to walk,like what is happening.
Why does the floor feel likethis?
That can be our lives and wedon't want to live the same day
(18:33):
over and over again and call ita life if it's essentially the
treadmill that we just can't getoff of.
There's I mean going back to ifrunning is your, your form.
There's a lot of different waysto run.
It can be the treadmill, butthere's something beautiful
about getting outside andrunning getting to run on a
beach, getting to run, you know,through through a park.
(18:55):
And if we keep believing thesestories that we have to do
everything, we need to figureout how it's all going to work
we are the ones who come up withthe answers, execute the
answers, all the things.
We're not only hurtingourselves, but we're going to
actually hurt our kids' futurerelationships too, which is
(19:17):
brutal, it burns to here, but italso can give us some power
when we realize, okay, so thenmaybe me being intentional about
scheduling in rest, aboutscheduling in outsourcing,
whether that's a house cleaneror grocery delivery or employees
(19:37):
or the kids or the husband orthe neighbor or who, what,
whatever it looks like for eachof us that we're actually doing
not only a service for ourselves, but we're actually helping our
kids and their futures as well,absolutely.
Dr. Amy Moore (19:54):
And I love your promotion of outsourcing.
You know, I would haveconversations with Jeff because
he thought he could do it alltoo right.
Military colonel worked 15hours a day, right, and then
felt like he could come home anddo it all.
And so I would say things likehey, I've noticed some spiders
(20:18):
in the basement and so I thinkthat that exterior of the house
needs to be treated for spiders.
Do you want to do that or doyou want me to call an
exterminator?
Because if I just said, hey, weneed to treat the outside of
the house because there arespiders in the basement that
terrify our middle child, he'dsay, all right, I'll do it.
(20:39):
And then it becomes a naggingsituation right where, hey, we
really need that spider killer,we really need that spider
killer, we really need thatspider killer, right For weeks.
And so I learned to just offerthe choice right, can you do
this or should I outsource it?
Leah Remillet (20:56):
I love that, so okay.
So this is fascinating becausethis comes to each personality.
So my husband grew up in a veryfrugal family and so it can be
very hard for him to feel likewe're not being indulgent if we
pay for some things.
So he's, and he's got so muchmore comfortable over the years,
(21:19):
but especially early on, whenwe first started talking about
having a house near.
I mean, we both are so busy andour kids were still really
little and who is going to dothis?
And I kept trying to broach.
I really think that getting ahouse cleaner would like it
would make such difference.
I can't explain how much betterI would feel.
(21:40):
But he kept feeling like, oh,that, like that feels so
Whatever Right, just too much.
But he kept feeling like, oh,that feels so whatever, right,
just too much.
And so this conversation keptcircling back and I finally
decided to come to him.
I'll give two differentexamples.
(22:00):
I came to him and I was like,okay, this doesn't need to be
permanent, but I want us to giveit a try.
So I want to find a housecleaner.
I want to try give it a try.
So I want to find a housecleaner.
I want to try it for one monthand I want to see how it goes.
If we notice like, oh my gosh,things feel so much better,
we'll keep it.
If we don't, then we'll go backto how it was.
And I just had a real hard time,was like I need this, I need
(22:21):
you to let us try this.
I think I'm going to feel somuch better, I'm going to have
more energy at the end of theday and I think you really enjoy
that energy, sadly.
So there was another time wherewe needed a retaining wall and
he was planning to do it and hewas planning to pull us all in.
We were all going to help buildthis retaining wall and I was
(22:42):
thinking we were all going tohelp build this retaining wall.
And I was thinking like this isgoing to be horrible, Like this
is going to be nightmares.
And one day I just came to himand I said what would you pay to
not have to make the retainingwall?
He's like, oh my gosh, I wouldeasily pay any game and ever.
Great, I'm going to get back toyou.
So I called around and for usto be able to kind of broach our
(23:06):
being able to outsource thingswhen I was a little bit more
free, willing to outsource, andhe was a little more hesitant.
Dr. Amy Moore (23:13):
Yeah, I like that .
My husband grew up very frugalalso and, you know, didn't have
a lot of money growing up and sodoesn't like to spend money on
anything except his toys.
And so I have to throw that inthere, because he will spend
money on his toys oh I, you seeme actively nodding we listing
(23:35):
is actively nodding right now.
Right, but your husband willspend money on his toys, but not
on your birthday.
Okay then, which?
I have a solution for that.
We can come back to thebirthday solution, but anyway,
yeah.
And so he was exactly the sameway.
When I wanted housekeepers, Iwas pregnant with our youngest
working full time and justcouldn't get to it.
(23:57):
I just didn't have the energy.
And so he said, yeah, sure,that would be fine.
And so we did have, you know,housekeepers for 24-ish years.
And so, a couple of years ago,he said really, think that, you
know, we need to spend the moneyon housekeepers.
We only have one kid left inthe house, you know.
(24:19):
And I said, well, I can't do it.
I physically don't have thecapacity, with my health issues,
to clean the house.
He's like, it's fine, I will doit.
And so it is now that kind ofsituation where I'll say I'm
really liking the floors, rightnow, right, but you can't nag.
But I mean, so I don't know.
(24:41):
I think that we all hit acrossroads too, where, hey, just
because we've always done itthis way doesn't mean it's going
to work that way forever.
Right, I only work part-timenow Things have changed, but
it's still the daily plight ofdo we just do it ourselves?
Do we just call the house?
Oh oh, I know this was my point.
(25:01):
So I decide to callhousekeepers right, haven't had
them in two years.
But my floors just don't lookgreat, my bathrooms just don't
look great.
So I call $750.
Yeah Right, that is what theyquoted me for my square footage
and the number of bedrooms, andI was like that's a little bit
(25:22):
more than I was hoping to pay.
So I'm just going to keepnagging my husband.
Leah Remillet (25:28):
So this is so funny because we have the same
thing.
We have had house cleaners fordecades.
We are down to one child, andmy husband kind of mentioned it.
But I also was like, yeah, Imean, the house stays so clean
now, like the house stayed soclean in between her coming that
it's like she comes again, it'slike it still looks fantastic,
(25:49):
because there's just it's notthe chaos that there used to be.
So I ended up agreeing and andI, what I really wanted to do
was go down to like once a month, but that wasn't available.
So I'm like, okay, I understand, you know.
And so we, we stopped for awhile and then I was like, okay,
I'm gonna just try to get someother quotes, because exactly
what you're feeling like, ah,but I loved that feeling when
(26:10):
the whole house was clean at theexact same time less solid
birth prints and so I startedcalling around and the exact
same thing me.
It was three, four times whatit had been and I was like, oh
no, what have we done?
Dr. Amy Moore (26:23):
yeah, like it's this post COVID.
You know price increase, that Iexpected it to be a little bit
more than when it was pre-COVIDand I don't remember what we
were paying, but maybe two orthree hundred, but not 750.
I mean, I had to ask him howmuch, right Like, because I
(26:47):
thought for sure I misheard.
Leah Remillet (26:49):
Right, right, oh, yes, I mean that could bring us
into a whole notherconversation, because that is a
hard part about.
I am such a fan of outsourcing.
I do understand thatoutsourcing can be expensive and
that for all of us, we eitherhave more of time or we have
more money.
And sometimes we're in the veryunfortunate situation where we
(27:09):
don't have enough time and wedon't have enough money, and so
it gets very hard and you haveto start getting really creative
on how you're going to divvythings up, how you're going to
get help and what this is goingto look like.
And I think both you and I canprobably look back Like there
were times when we had to bereally creative when our kids
were really little my husbandwas still in graduate school
(27:30):
we're trying to figure out, well, how do we have date night when
we can't figure on babysitter?
And we came up with like a datenight group where one Friday
night we had five millionchildren at our house and it was
horrible, right, but then weothers, we got to go out and
someone else had to endure thecircus at their house.
I mean, there were justdifferent things that we did and
(27:52):
and so you're always looking at.
There's going to be times ineach of our lives where we have
more time, so then we're goingto.
You know, we're going to do itourselves, we're going to figure
out how to do these things.
There's going to be other timeswhere we are fortunate enough
to have more money and then wecan buy time with our money,
which is so beautiful.
But yes, when things like thishappen and everything is just
going up and the prices you'relike I cannot justify this.
(28:15):
This seems crazy and you haveto get new creative ideas that
like well, I guess I'll justkeep asking my husband I don't
know New creative ideas thatlike well, I guess.
Dr. Amy Moore (28:23):
I'll just keep asking my husband.
I don't know Right, exactlyWell, and I think like if I used
the Roomba more often, then thefloors would look better, and I
bought a new steam mop, whichis incredible, by the way, if
you don't own a steam mop, Ihighly recommend it.
Leah Remillet (28:40):
Do you have the one that like vacuums and steam
ups at the same time?
Dr. Amy Moore (28:43):
No, it just steams it.
Leah Remillet (28:45):
Okay, so I.
How does it suck?
It?
Dr. Amy Moore (28:48):
up and throw water on the floor at the same
time.
Leah Remillet (28:51):
It is amazing it is.
It is one of my favorites, soI'd wick you on this.
But those are hard too, becausethey're expensive.
Also, right, like buying aRoomba I took forever to buy my
first one and I bought itactually off of like I think it
was back when we still usedCraigslist.
I don't think we use thatanymore, I think it's like only
for murderers or something.
But I was like here I bought myfirst one and then, you know,
(29:12):
over the years I've upgraded.
But I agree, those kind ofthings can be huge things that
help.
But yeah, my Roomba, we have two.
We have one upstairs, onedownstairs.
They're called Fred and George,and Fred is, you know, vacuums
every morning the entiredownstairs and George mops
upstairs.
And then I have this that I goton Amazon this vacuum mop.
(29:35):
So like it's vacuuming up allthe hardwoods and mopping at the
same time.
So that's beautiful because itsaves me so much time when I
need to pull it out.
I don't have to sweep first andthen go mop right, like it's
simultaneously having.
So that's true, like those kindof gadgets can make a huge
difference.
Dr. Amy Moore (29:53):
Yeah, Okay, so you did a podcast where you gave
10 simple tweaks when you don'thave enough time, and so I just
want to throw each one of theseat you and have you speak for a
couple minutes on each Ready.
Okay, you don't have enoughtime?
Try these 10 simple tweaks, allright.
Number one limit TV time.
Leah Remillet (30:14):
Okay.
So I am not going to try to say, oh, you shouldn't watch TV,
you shouldn't scroll at all.
I get it.
This is a way that we all numbor whatever.
But what if we just look veryhonestly at how much time we're
spending and see if we can cutsome stuff back, especially if
it does not make you feel good?
You can honestly say I get offthat scroll session or that
particular show and I actuallyfeel kind of heavy or bad.
(30:36):
What if we eliminate that?
And I'm not going to notmention the power of a timer If
you're going to get on socialmedia, get on social media, but
set a timer on your phone for 30minutes so that it stops you
and choose one show instead oflike I'm going to watch five.
Dr. Amy Moore (30:51):
Okay, so that was one and two Limit TV time and
limit social media scroll.
Leah Remillet (30:56):
Okay, well, perfect.
Yes, I think of those things asso connected, right, and the
average person is watching twoto four hours of TV a day.
That's not including how muchtime they're on their phones,
whether that is YouTube orsocial media channels or
whatever.
I mean it is an insane amountof time and we can't keep
(31:18):
pretending that it's notaffecting our relationships and
it's not affecting our mentalhealth.
It's not affecting a whole lotof things.
I just don't believe we weremeant to be staring at things
this long.
So just figuring out how we cancut that back and then use that
time for something better andbetter could be sleep, better
(31:39):
could be date night.
Better could be a game withyour family.
Better could be, you know,taking time to really work on a
project that you keep puttingoff.
So, whatever better is for eachof us, but just choosing to cut
back a little bit of that Imean, if you're watching four
hours and you even cut it downto two, you get two more hours
(32:00):
of sleep you're going to feel alot better.
Dr. Amy Moore (32:08):
Yeah, absolutely Well, and I love that
perspective that you know wewere always saying well, I don't
have time to do that, I don'thave time to do that, but if
we're averaging, you know, twohours on TV and two hours on
social media, we actually dohave time to do some of those
things that we don't think we doif we cut back um on I hate
okay, total, honest, not popularopinion.
Leah Remillet (32:28):
I hate the saying I don't have time.
I it it like, I loathe itbecause it is not true.
It is never true.
We make time for what matters,and so when we're saying I don't
have time, if you are caught upon your favorite shows, then
okay, this is about prioritiesand so honest.
So often, honestly, it'sactually not that we don't have
(32:50):
time, we don't have energy.
You know, the reason that wewatch shows at the end of the
day or we scroll, is becausewe're tired, we're worn out, so
we don't have the energy to getinto organizing the kitchen or a
big work project or anythingelse.
But maybe we could still spendthat time a little better by
reading a physical book or, youknow, relaxing with our spouse
(33:12):
out on the deck or you know,just other things that are going
to do a lot more for us?
Dr. Amy Moore (33:16):
Absolutely Okay.
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All right, we are back.
Let's go to number three.
All right, wake up just alittle earlier.
Leah Remillet (34:20):
If our kids are at our alarm clock, we're not
going to feel so great.
You wake up just a littleearlier.
If our kids are at our alarmclock, we're not going to feel
so great.
You wake up, feeling behindwhen they're tugging on you
saying, mom, I'm hungry, mom,I'm this.
So just waking up a little bitearlier.
I'm a huge morning person but Iunderstand that's not everybody.
So work with your, with yourpersonality, with with what
(34:42):
works for you, but just givingyourself a little bit of time
where you get to feel likeyou're ahead of the game.
I feel incredible when, beforeI even would wake up the kids, I
had already read my scripture,said my prayers, done my workout
, gotten dressed.
I'm like I am amazing, that'sincredible.
I was just truly.
If you feel like man, I don'tever feel good waking up.
(35:04):
I know this soundscounterintuitive, but try waking
up earlier and giving yourselfjust a little time that is for
you, and I mean if you want moretime, you can literally create
more time just for yourself bywaking up a little bit earlier.
Dr. Amy Moore (35:19):
Yeah, I like that and I am not a morning person a
little bit earlier.
Yeah, I like that and I am nota morning person.
And so I'm sure half of ourlisteners are thinking there's
no way I could do all thatbefore my kids get up.
Right, exactly, but what I didis I would get up an hour early,
earlier than my kids, so that Icould just have coffee in the
sitting room, watching thesunrise over the mountains or
(35:41):
against the mountains, really,but watching the sunrise because
mountains or against themountains, really, but watching
the sunrise because that bringsme joy.
That was life-giving, to bealone in the silence with my
coffee, and so it was me time.
Leah Remillet (35:54):
That really made me feel like I had more energy
because I didn't start the dayin chaos yes, when my kids were
really little, I had a very badhabit of staying up very, very
late.
I think we've actually talkedabout this, like when I've been
on before but to the point whereI was staying up till four or
five, six in the morning, andthen, of course, I was woken up
(36:15):
by my kids.
So when I was shifting andtrying to get better sleep and
start to try to wake up a littlebit earlier, it was brutally
painful and so I started in 15minute increments.
I would literally be like, okay, I'm going to start trying to
wake up 15 minutes before thekids.
And so in 15 minutes, whatcould I do?
And it was really small things.
And then, after I gotcomfortable with that, I was
(36:36):
like, okay, now I'm going to do15 more.
Now I have 30 minutes, whatwould I want to do with 30
minutes?
And then, honestly, I juststarted loving it so much, like
that, those early hours wherenobody is bothering you, it just
kept getting earlier andearlier, early, because I just
wanted more time, I craved it.
So yes, for those who are likeI am not a morning person, that
sounds terrible.
Start really small, start with15 minutes, then add another 15.
(36:57):
It's amazing what can happenwith just 30 minutes before
everybody's waking up, just toget a little head start.
Dr. Amy Moore (37:04):
Yeah love that.
All right Number four bash babybatch.
What does that mean?
Leah Remillet (37:11):
Okay, batching is my absolute favorite
productivity time managementhack.
Like if I was going through allof the different strategies and
I have they're all on mypodcast I would say batching is
my favorite.
So essentially, what we'retalking about is do like tasks
together.
Don't start on something, thenwalk away and then go work on
something else.
(37:32):
So this can look like all kindsof different things In the
business world.
It might look like I'mscheduling a bunch of podcast
interviews all on the same dayand I'm bashing them all on one
day, or all of my meetings areon one day, or I'm going to work
on social media content in anhour block and try to see how
much I can get done, versus I'mdoing one single episode every
(37:52):
week or I'm doing one singlepost each day.
I'm trying to do a lot more.
While I'm in the zone I'mthinking about this thing, but
it can also work into our homelife as well.
So this could look like peoplewho do meal prep.
It can look like if I'm makingsomething that would freeze,
well, I double or triple therecipe and then I'm going to put
, you know, one or two mealsinto the freezer so that I have
(38:16):
them later.
It might look like I'm doingall the laundry on Monday,
versus I'm doing a load everysingle day throughout the week.
It might look like I'm.
It's anything where you think Ido this task repetitively.
This is something that I haveto do all the time.
Could I block out a set periodof time and see how much I could
get done and get ahead?
(38:36):
That feeling of being ahead youfeel so good and every woman
knows the feeling of beingbehind and you're trying to
catch up and it feels horrible.
I mean it just sucks the lifeout of you.
And so look for every area ofyour life.
Where do you think could I getahead here?
Is it possible to batch thisthe silliest way I batch my
(39:00):
vitamins?
I literally, every two weeks,get all the vitamin bottles out.
I have all of these littlesilicone cupcake things and a
little lighter and I put all ofmy vitamins so that Over the
next two weeks I don't have toget out all the vitamins and
open every single bottle.
They're just there, I grab themand I go.
I mean just simple ways to lookfor.
How can I just make thingssimpler for myself?
Dr. Amy Moore (39:22):
Yeah, I love that .
And from a from a brain scienceperspective, we know that
neurologically, there's no suchthing as multitasking.
Right, we're kidding ourselvesby saying I'm a great
multitasker.
What we're doing is rapidlyswitching tasks, but that makes
us very inefficient, right?
So, neurologically, rapid taskswitching what we think of
(39:45):
commonly as multitasking is notvery efficient, and so I read a
study recently where it said ittakes us 24 minutes to recover
from a distraction.
Leah Remillet (39:56):
Yes, I read that too.
Dr. Amy Moore (39:57):
Yeah, and so that is shocking.
Right, right To think that, oh,my goodness, how much time are
we wasting, especially those ofus who are ADHD warriors.
How much time are we wastingtrying to get back on task
because we were distracted byanother task, or trying to do
multiple things at once?
And so I love your idea ofsaying, okay, I'm going to do
(40:22):
like tasks together and thenmove on to another set of like
tasks.
Right, so they're similar tasksthat use the same cognitive
skills, that use the same partsof our brain, that use the same
types of energy in the samelocation and environment and
tools or whatever it is, and tomake us more efficient.
(40:44):
So we're not reducing ourworkload, we're just being more
efficient at accomplishing ourworkload.
Leah Remillet (40:50):
Exactly, and I think what most people don't
know is my whole work is onhelping us be more productive,
more efficient, have more timemanagement, be able to feel more
balanced and have systems thatmake life run smoother.
What people don't understand isthe reason that I am obsessed
with this.
That I have all these isbecause I have ADHD, because I
(41:14):
am someone who can be so easilydistracted.
This, I needed these in orderto function, in order to be able
to accomplish the things.
I had to figure out how to stopletting things take so long
because of distraction, becauseof all the squirrel moments,
because I went to do one thingand then I saw another thing.
I mean, give a mouse a cookieis me all the time if I'm not
(41:35):
careful and so that's why I putall of these different measures
in place, and all the things Italked about was literally to
protect myself from me.
Dr. Amy Moore (41:44):
I love that because you know I'm very
transparent about my ADHDstruggles and you know my focus
is always on OK, how am I makingsure that my brain is healthy?
How am I making sure that myomega-3 fatty acid levels are
normal so that my dopaminereceptors work?
And right, like I'm alwaysfocused on this, you know, as a
cognitive psychologist, from abrain science perspective, right
(42:06):
, what am I doing to maximize mybrain function to compensate
for my ADHD?
And so I never think of it interms of, okay, how can I change
my behaviors to support my ADHD?
And so I love that you pointedthat out, because all of our
listeners who have ADHD aresaying thank goodness, I have
(42:27):
some tools to walk away withright now.
Okay, this one I'm fascinatedwith is number five Utilize your
kids extracurricular time.
What does that mean?
Leah Remillet (42:38):
Yes, ok.
So I think this is about beingvery intentional.
With all of the drive time thatwe have, we're dropping them
off at sports or whatever itmight be.
Make sure you're utilizing thattime the best way possible.
So that could mean, oh, my kidshave soccer practice.
This is pretty close to thegrocery store.
This is when I'm going to do mygrocery shopping, instead of
(43:00):
doing your grocery shoppingearlier in the day and then
running up from there and thenbeing like do I stick around?
Do I try to go home?
So I have 15 minutes to try toget something in.
So that could be one way, butit could look totally different.
It could also be this is metime.
I'm going to drop them off andI am going to go sit at a little
cafe and have some tea and reada book.
There was one time where mykids I put that all three of
(43:22):
them in a swim team over thesummer.
It was 30 minutes from ourhouse, and so I had the choice
of okay, I can drop them off, Ican run home, and I'll have like
15 minutes and I have to turnaround, which seemed ridiculous.
So I'm like, okay, well, how amI going to use this time better
.
So that's when I decided I wasgoing to do my workouts.
I was going to drop them off, Ihad my full workout clothes on
and I would go running for thatperiod of time and I'd have just
(43:45):
enough time to be able to justhave a little me time before
they wrapped up.
And so just thinking about thetime when our kids have their
extracurricular, how we're usingit and I think often if we
really look, we realize this isnot efficient at all.
This is not an effective way tobe using this time.
So, just being more intentionalabout that time that you have
(44:09):
and I think we could take thatfurther I loved using the time
back when I still had kids inthe car, as you know, when we
were driving to things.
That's when we were going totalk.
I didn't I very rarely allowedmusic, I mean just if we were
having fun, but it was like no,this is when we talk, or we'd be
listening to a book.
It was quality time that wewere going to use.
And then, when they were attheir thing, that became time
(44:31):
where I was like how do I wantto use this?
Do I want to get the groceryshopping done during this time
Because I don't want to have todo it later.
Do I want to use it for naptime in the car?
Do I want to use it to go sitin a cafe and listen to a book,
or do I want to use it to get myexercise done?
So, just really thinking aboutthat time and how it can serve
you better.
Dr. Amy Moore (44:50):
I love that.
I love that.
I remember, before smartphonesand we could use our phone as a
hotspot, they had these littlethings called a MiFi, and so it
was this little gadget that wasyour own personal Wi-Fi device.
And when I was getting my PhD,my kids were little and so we
would go to martial arts and soI would sit in the parent area
(45:11):
with my MiFi, my little Wi-Fi,sit in the, you know, parent
area with my Wi-Fi, right, mylittle Wi-Fi, and you know work
on my PhD work.
And so it was because we live25 minutes away from the martial
arts studio.
I mean, so by the time youwould get back home and drive
back, martial arts is overanyway, so it was really out of
necessity that you know I wasstaying there, but then to be
(45:35):
able to use that time was gold.
Leah Remillet (45:39):
Yes, and I think we need to just make sure that
we openly talk about that.
I think there's been this shiftwhere it can be easy to fall
into the trap of believingyou're supposed to be there at
the practice watching, cheeringon, and I'm just going to gonna
say I think that is ridiculous.
No, you don't.
That's why they have a coach.
You do not need to be there.
In fact, it's probably not eventhat helpful for you to be
(46:01):
there, because now they knowyou're there and they can kind
of rely on you instead oflearning their own independence
and and relying on their coachand all those things.
So if anyone is like, oh mygosh, but all the other parents
are there like watching, I wouldfeel you just let that go, let
that guilt go and go enjoy thatgolden hour or whatever you want
it to be.
Dr. Amy Moore (46:21):
Right, I absolutely agree.
I mean my oldest.
I used to say he looked like agazelle in martial arts.
He was so beautiful in the wayhe could move that I loved
watching, and that was veryoften distracting from you know
the month that I was working onbecause he was so fun to watch.
But I think that you'reabsolutely right that children
(46:44):
need to learn how to advocatefor themselves and they can't do
that when you're always there.
Yes, yeah, okay.
So number six is utilizehelpful gadgets.
We've already talked about.
We totally talked about that.
Yes, yeah, okay.
So number six is utilizehelpful gadgets.
We've already talked about.
We totally talked about that.
Yes, the Roomba and the SteveMop that vacuums at the same
time.
So anything that can make ourlives easier and save a little
(47:04):
bit of time, I think iswonderful.
Leah Remillet (47:06):
And those are exactly the things that I
mentioned.
So I mean literally these arethe things I'm talking about
Doubling dinner, freezing one,having Roombas and vacuum mops
and all these different gadgetsthat just can save us a little
bit of time.
You stack those and it becomesa lot of time.
Dr. Amy Moore (47:21):
Yeah, and that led us to number seven, which
was simplify everything aboutmeals, right, and so I love that
kids can participate in that,they can help in, that we can
have leftover nights.
You call them yo-yo.
You're on your own, you're onyour own.
Leah Remillet (47:37):
We actually always called them fend for
yourselves night.
That's what I called them thewhole time, my kids.
And then I heard at the veryend someone say yo-yo, and I was
like, oh, that's so much cuter.
I wish I would have called themthat, right, I thought that was
name, and I think if you havereally little kids, you could
level that up by saying it'sYodo night and we're going to do
(47:57):
a picnic on the floor.
Now it has become so special,this really beautiful tradition
that the kids can be so excitedabout.
And again, you're not cookingand you just let them have the
cereal.
If they want the cereal, it'llbe okay.
It'll be okay, just let themhave the cereal.
And you know, it's some ofthose things where, yeah, I mean
, there's all these competingideas, we're constantly trying
to do everything right in allthe different ways and they
(48:19):
contradict themselves, even theadvice.
And so, just coming back to, ifI had to do this in the
simplest way possible, whatwould that be?
And then, Mitch, well, can Iactually just do it the simplest
way?
And more often than not it'slike, well, yeah, I could, okay,
well then, let's give it a try.
Dr. Amy Moore (48:40):
Yeah, absolutely All right.
We've talked about outsourcingand delegating Yep.
So you say stop groceryshopping.
How in the world do we fill ourpantries and fridges if we
aren't grocery shopping?
Leah Remillet (48:52):
So I, unless you love grocery shopping I do
understand that there are somemamas out there where she's like
this is my me time, don't youdare try to take that Okay, if
you love grocery shopping, goand grocery.
But for the rest of us who donot enjoy it and it's just one
more chore and a time suck, thenallow for grocery delivery.
I will admit it, they don'tpick out as good of produce as
(49:14):
you will.
Okay, they just don't.
But I am telling you that it'llbe okay.
It'll be okay.
And between I mean at this pointI can have my Costco delivered,
I can have my groceriesdelivered and anything else I
can find on Amazon.
So I have, you know, there'sThrive Market.
I have.
We have to be very careful witha lot of the food that we have
(49:36):
in our house, and so I useThrive Market so that I can get
the things that actually workdietarily for what we can do.
There's also meal kits that youcan come, and we've done all of
them at this point where it'slike, hey, we always would do
three each of the meals that wedo like.
If we're doing a HelloFresh, wewould do three dinners because I
have three kids.
They would get to pick thedinner.
(49:56):
They would be in charge ofcooking that dinner and it was
great.
That was three nights I wasn'tcooking.
And that's groceries that I'mnot buying because they all come
free package.
So just realizing there areincredible resources out there,
use them.
If you happen to have a 16yearyear-old, well then, let
them be your grocery delivery.
Hey, we buy the food, but yougo and shop for it.
(50:16):
So there are definitely options, but unless you actually love
grocery shopping, let that go.
Dr. Amy Moore (50:26):
Yeah, so even my 20-year-old, who lives with his
fiancée at college, orders theirgroceries for pickup, because
they're full-time students andthey work, and so and they're
both music performance majors,so it's not just that they have
to go to class, right, they areconstantly in rehearsals, you
(50:46):
know, in practice roomsperforming.
Like they, their day isscheduled back to back to back,
and so they don't have thatextra hour to give, and so it
might seem indulgent, but Ithink it's only a couple extra
dollars to have it brought toyour car, not delivered to your
house, but brought night to yourcar and that's a great option,
(51:09):
right, you just drive up, andhere's what I will say.
Leah Remillet (51:15):
Right, you just drive up.
And here's what I will say.
For everyone who is feelinglike it is more expensive, I can
almost promise you it is notbecause you're not in the store
adding things that weren't onyour list.
Every time I go into Costco,there is always extra things
that I add that I wasn't goingin to plan for, because I'm like
oh, I'm seeing it, I'm lookingat it and I buy it.
(51:36):
There's a reel that I createdyears ago.
That is so funny.
It's my husband.
I sent him to Costco.
We needed one thing.
I sent him to Costco.
He comes back, he has one ofthe boxes and I'm like what
happened?
And I just started recording.
Like, just whatever reason, Ijust pulled out my phone and
started recording again and he'slike I saw these other things
(51:57):
and he's telling me that when hegets up to the checkout, the
employee he brings up like yeah,I was only supposed to get one
thing.
And she says that's why I dogrocery delivery.
And he's like that's literallywhat my wife teaches.
That pun it.
Really.
It was like $300 and he wassupposed to buy one thing it
(52:18):
should have been like a $40purchase, right?
So that's another very, veryreal thing to think about.
Is you're not buying thosethings that weren't on your list
?
Dr. Amy Moore (52:27):
Yeah, I love that and I had not even thought of
that before.
So the extra $2 that my collegekid is spending, he's making up
for by not being in person andadding just one protein bar to
his cart extra.
Right, exactly, for sure.
Okay, last one, you say adultsneed recess too, and you talked
(52:49):
a little bit about making datenight happen, even when it's
hard and feels impossible.
But why do adults need recesstoo?
Leah Remillet (52:57):
So this would be fun to hear from your
perspective, because I thinkyou've probably studied the
science behind this more than Ihave, although I have a little
bit, but I can't remember thenumbers off the top of my head.
But essentially, as adults wetend to run from thing to thing
to thing, especially those of uswho are maybe more type A.
We're kind of overachievers, wereally like feeling productive
(53:17):
and there's just a lot to do, sowe just go from thing to thing
to thing every single day, overand over and over, and there is
power in building in a buffer inbetween activities.
So I used to be really bad atthis.
I would work right up until theminute that I knew the kids
(53:38):
were walking in the door orsometimes I could hear it, and
so I'd pop right up, I'd comedown the hall and I'd be like hi
, guys, and you know, turn tomom moment.
Right, I would do this witheverything, though Everything
was scheduled so tight.
There was no wiggle room, itwas just you're going from thing
to thing to thing, and when Istarted building in recess, just
(53:59):
giving myself 15 to 20 minutes,I get up and I go for a walk
around the neighborhood.
Sometimes I literally get upand I like do a minute of squats
and then I sit back down or Imake myself actually take a
lunch where yesterday it was sowonderful I you know, made a
little Greek salad for myselfand I walked outside onto the
porch and I was like I'm goingto listen to one chapter of my
(54:20):
novels, and you know it wasabout 20 minutes.
And so I listened to that whileI was eating and just sitting in
the sunshine and it wasbeautiful and it felt so good.
And there was a really longtime where I would have never
given myself permission to havethat recess, because it was this
idea that busy is a badge ofhonor, that the more I get done
the more valuable I am, that allof this go, go, go shows that I
(54:46):
have worth.
And it's just not true and weburn out and we end up being not
the best version of ourselves,where, when we build in these
buffers whether it's 30 minutesfor lunch just for ourself or
it's 15 minutes in between tasksto just rest for a moment, or
getting up and getting outside,which is easy in the summertime
(55:08):
it's a little harder, dependingon where you live, in the winter
maybe.
But just making time to restyou actually become much more
productive.
And I think it's for two reasons.
I think one is the obvious ofwe are able to reset and come
back, but the other is that itgoes right along with that,
because I've walked away for aminute and I'm coming back, I'm
(55:31):
amped back up, I'm excited andI'm ready to jump back in, where
, when I just force myself to gogo, I get very mentally
fatigued and so it's so easy togive yourself permission to go
check the inbox and go down thatspiral or check your phone and
then go down that spiral orwhatever it might be.
It's essentially anunintentional form of a recess
(55:52):
that's not beneficial to ourmental and our physical self,
where, when we actually schedulein the resets and those
recesses, it actually makes usfeel like we have more time,
which sounds crazy, but you do.
You feel like you have moretime because you took a little
bit of time to just rest.
Dr. Amy Moore (56:12):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean even those people whosay that they enjoy being busy
all of the time.
First of all, liars, but secondof all that go, go, go puts us
in a state of chronic stress.
And chronic stress means ourbrain is constantly in fight or
flight, and so we have cortisoland adrenaline coursing through
(56:36):
our veins and those stresshormones shrink the hippocampus,
the part of the brainresponsible for memory and
coding and retrieval, and itenlarges the amygdala, the part
of the brain responsible foremotions and alarm system, and
so that makes us more emotionaland it makes it harder for us to
focus and remember things.
(56:57):
And when we can't focus andremember things, then we can't
be efficient and we can't beproductive.
And when we're emotional, thenour prefrontal cortex goesate,
right, and then that levelstarts over again, right, that
(57:18):
bucket, you know, cannot be asfull, and and then we can be a
little bit more productive andbe a little bit more efficient
and less emotional.
Leah Remillet (57:32):
So good, and I read something that has always
stuck with me about you know,each time we're letting that
cortisol spike and we're gettingthat fight or flight mode
happening, our immune systemstops because our body has to go
to oh man, I need to make surewe're safe.
I'm not going to worry aboutimmunity right now, I'm worrying
about bears, and so you thinkabout if we're allowing that
(57:54):
every single day.
And then maybe you're someonewho's like man I get every cold,
I get every everything.
Even just building in more restand being able to have more
calm in our lives can help usmentally, it can help us
physically.
I mean it can literally wardoff the flu and emotional
outbursts, I mean all of thethings?
Dr. Amy Moore (58:14):
Yes, all the things.
Yes, it lowers our immunesystem.
And there's this otherfascinating study that showed
that parents who have moreempathy have lower immunity.
Like, their immune system is alittle weaker, right, because of
the stress, Because of thestress of being emotionally
(58:40):
attuned to our children's needs.
Right, even though it mightfeel good, right, that stress
will lower our immune system alittle bit.
Now, I am not advocating forgetting rid of our empathy.
We absolutely should beempathetic parents, absolutely
100%, but it's helpful to beaware of that.
(59:02):
That, yes, that is alsostressful, so that makes it that
much more important that wefind ways to relieve stress in
other areas learn how toregulate our emotions, learn
some mindfulness, rest and takerecess.
Leah Remillet (59:21):
I love it.
That's so.
It's so important, it's sointeresting.
It's all so connected, which iswhat I get so excited about.
Right, like, you and I are eachthinking about how do I be a
better version of myself, for ofmyself and especially so that I
can show up for the people Ilove more and then help them to
be better versions of themselves.
And we do it from totallydifferent ways, but then there's
(59:42):
all these amazing connectionsand it's just so exciting and
fun to see.
Dr. Amy Moore (59:46):
It is exciting and fun to see.
So, Leah, tell our listenershow they can find more of you.
Leah Remillet (59:51):
Absolutely so.
Number one Balancing BusyPodcast.
We already know that you havegreat taste in podcasts.
You're already on your podcastplatform, so how incredibly
simple to just go and do a quicksearch of Balancing Busy and
follow that one.
We have all kinds of episodesthat cover everything from very
tangible tips of how to savetime, how to deal with overwhelm
and stress, but also all kindsof other topics as well.
(01:00:14):
We're always trying to look forall the areas of our life, just
how we simplify them.
So I would say that, and thenyou can go to balancingbusycom.
We have all kinds of resources,everything from my favorite 10
time-saving hacks that I usethat have literally stacked
hours and hours and hours for meevery week, along with all
kinds of other resources.
So, yeah, I would say, startthere.
Dr. Amy Moore (01:00:36):
I love it.
All right, leah Remillet.
Thank you so much for comingback for a third time.
And, listeners, leah hasinvited me to be on her podcast,
balancing Busy, so you'll getto hear four conversations with
us in total, and I'll actuallyput links to the prior episodes
with you in the show notes ofthis episode so that, listeners,
(01:00:57):
if you weren't around two yearsago, it'll make it easy for you
to find those and find her.
Thank you so much for beingwith us today.
Really loved spending anotherhour and 15 minutes with you,
and our episodes always run longwith you because the
conversations are so amazing, Iknow, okay, listeners, thank you
(01:01:20):
for being with us today.
If you like our show, we wouldlove it if you would leave us a
five-star rating and review onApple Podcasts.
If you would like to see ourfaces, you can watch these
episodes on YouTube at theBrainy Moms.
Come find us on Instagram andTikTok at the Brainy Moms as
well.
I hope you feel a little bit.
Hi smart moms and dads.
I'm Dr Amy and this is theBrandy Moms podcast.
I am super excited to welcomeback my guest, leah Rimelay.
Leah is the host of theBalancing Busy podcast.
She's an international speakerand a balance strategist.
She helps women do less butbetter.
Simply put, if you're a womanwith a mission but worried that
(00:20):
your growing dreams meansfailing at home, then Leah can
show you how to spread themessage, make an incredible
income and do it all in lesstime.
And, by the way, she looksamazing in yellow.
Welcome back For the third time, leah.
Leah Remillet (00:35):
Thank you.
I love every time I'm with you.
I always have so much fun, sothank you for having me.
Dr. Amy Moore (00:40):
Absolutely.
You have so much energy andit's contagious and I love it
too.
So, yeah, I was looking at yourwebsite recently and I thought
who looks good in yellow?
Very few people look good inyellow.
Typically, you have to havedark skin and dark hair.
You know, for yellow to reallypop.
I look like I'm, you know, fourdays into the flu if I try to
(01:02):
wear yellow.
In fact, I don't own anythingyellow, but you look amazing in
yellow and I just wanted to giveyou props for that in your
intro.
Leah Remillet (01:11):
That is so sweet of you because, okay, full
confession, I don't think I lookgood in yellow either.
But when I was thinking aboutmy brand, I wanted to convey
that I'm like, okay, I'mprofessional, but like with
spunk, like there's like thisspunky, like very energetic side
of me, and so I chosechartreuse to be one of my
(01:34):
colors, which is like I mean,it's like neon yellow, lime-ish,
right, yeah, and no, I don'tthink it actually looks good on
me either.
I wear extra blush and extralipstick when I wear it to try
to offset, but like the colordoes make me very happy, I'm
very drawn to it, and so thereyou go.
Dr. Amy Moore (01:50):
Yeah, and I think that, as women, when we feel
comfortable in our own skinwhich includes our wardrobe at
times it brings out our energyand our you know sassiness and
our pep.
And so I, when I turned 50, Igot rid of all of my heels and
replaced them with Converse.
(02:11):
So I own 41 pairs of Converse.
Leah Remillet (02:13):
Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
Dr. Amy Moore (02:15):
All different colors, all different styles,
and I speak in my Converse.
I mean, I'm on stage in myConverse because what I would do
is I would wear flats or flipflops and then throw my heels on
right before I would go onstage and then take my heels off
right when I left the stage andI felt like why am I?
No woman should have to sufferher beauty.
(02:35):
Really, come on.
And I feel like my hot pinkconverse represent who I am,
much better than the Black Heelsever did.
Leah Remillet (02:45):
Yes, you know, I will make a confession.
I have times where I have, youknow, had the really big
stilettos walking on the stageand I literally kicked him off
while on stage and was likewe're just going to get more
comfortable.
Dr. Amy Moore (02:59):
So that's that personality at its best.
Leah Remillet (03:03):
I am seeing.
I am seeing that the wisdom toyour plan.
Yeah, I'm so glad.
Dr. Amy Moore (03:08):
I did it.
Leah Remillet (03:10):
Yeah, that's amazing.
Dr. Amy Moore (03:11):
Yeah, Okay.
Well, the last two times youwere here, we spent our entire
episodes just talking about theplight of the working mom and
how.
It's just that constantwrestling with okay, if I don't
give 110% to my career, then I'ma failure at work, and if I
(03:33):
don't give 110% to my kids athome, then I'm a failure as a
(03:55):
mom.
And so where do we find?
Leah Remillet (03:56):
I hate the word balance.
It's so hard to achieve and Ithink it sets up an expectation
that we should be able toachieve it.
But there has to be some sortof I don't know define what
balance is, because balance iscertainly not equal parts to
everything.
That would be ridiculous.
I mean, you're not going tospend eight hours on working out
and eight hours on quality timewith your spouse and eight
hours with your kids and eighthours at work.
(04:18):
I mean that's impossible.
So to me, it's about beingpresent in each of those areas,
each of your primary areas.
That are the things that matterto you, that you know.
(04:38):
We each have these areas wherewe're like I need to show up as
my best self here.
I will have regrets if I don't.
And so I look at thosedifferent areas and I say, OK,
well then, what would that looklike?
How can I show up as my bestself?
And I say, okay, well then,what would that look like?
How can I show up as my bestself?
And I want to just be clear mybest self is different from day
to day.
Okay, so my best self on Fridaymight be gung-ho and killing it
, and my best self on Mondaycould be barely getting along,
but she's still there, right.
(04:59):
So, even that, we have to giveourselves grace, and so, to me,
balance is a balance of givinggrace, of pushing when we need
to push but also pulling backwhen we need to pull back.
It's being able to look at thedifferent areas of our life and
say when we should push forwardbut also when we should pause.
(05:20):
It's being able to say I wantto show up as my best self, but
am I being fair in what bestself is?
Does it really have to behomemade sourdough bread and
homemade cupcakes at the bakesale, right?
Could it be a different version?
So, to me, balance is gettingvery true to what actually
(05:43):
matters to each of usindividually, not what we're
being told matters, not what ourfeeds are representing or
what's trendy is representing.
It's what actually matters tous, and then being unapologetic
about that and then settingthose boundaries so that we
really can show up and feel goodin the areas of our life that
(06:03):
truly matter to us show up andfeel good in the areas of our
life that truly matter to us.
Dr. Amy Moore (06:08):
Yeah, I love that .
I.
You know I talk a lot about.
When we make parentingdecisions, they need to be
aligned with what we value forfamilies or what we value for
our family.
And when we make a parentingdecision that is misaligned with
those values, then we suffercognitive dissonance.
Right?
We think there isn't somethingright about what's happening
right now that does not fit withwhat I think family life should
(06:30):
look like or what I want for mychildren.
But we have to clearly definethose values before we can move
towards them in our decisions,so we can apply that same idea,
you know, to momming andwomaning.
Leah Remillet (06:47):
And sure, just one of those words.
So every single one of us waslike yes.
Dr. Amy Moore (06:54):
And that, if we, what is it that we actually
value about having a career?
What is it that we actuallyvalue about being a working mom?
Because I think then that putsthings in perspective and it's
our roadmap.
Leah Remillet (07:09):
Yes, even taking that to parenting.
What is it about family timethat I value versus maybe?
What constructs am I putting ondifferent activities?
Because I think they shouldlook a certain way For me,
dinner at different seasons,depending, I mean that's.
The other thing is everythingis going to always be evolving
(07:32):
and shifting and moving and wehave to be completely OK with
that, or we're going to get outof bounds.
The same way, if I'm riding abike and I refuse to turn, I'm
going to eventually run intosomething.
It's going to be painful, right.
We're always shifting ourweight, going faster and then
slowing down, hitting the brakesand then speeding up.
Sometimes you get to have thatbeautiful moment on a bike where
(07:54):
you don't have to pedal and youjust get to coast, right.
It's this fluid, constantlyshifting thing, and that's
actually what balance is.
And so just thinking about forme, family dinner is very
important as part of my valuesaround family time that we have
dinner as a family.
(08:15):
I checked in with myself oncelong, long ago and was like OK,
the priority is family dinner,but am I adding parts to this
that don't need to be there?
And I was.
I was overcomplicating it somuch because I needed to make
the whole dinner from scratchand it needed to come with like
a pan sauce and some likegarnish and just be stunning and
beautiful and everything setand I realized this is
(08:37):
ridiculous.
It does not need to look likethis.
I don't know where that evencame from, but somewhere I had
taken on this idea that it hadto look a certain way.
Or bringing treats to my kidsclasses when they were little, I
felt like I was supposed tomake things.
I also happened to be terribleat baking, so that was like a
serious problem.
(08:58):
Ok, I'm not good at baking, Idon't have the time.
Because I don't have the time,but also because I'm probably
going to have to try two orthree times because I'm not good
at it to begin with.
But I also had this really bigstruggle with oh, but I don't
want to buy store-bought Like.
It just makes me feel bad, likeI'm not doing enough.
And I found my own compromise.
And this would not beeverybody's situation, but for
me.
I just decided I am going tolike the most expensive bakery
(09:21):
in our area and I am buying themost gorgeous desserts that are
already made and then I bringthose and I feel great and I
didn't have to make that and thetrade-off worked perfectly for
me.
So there's, whether we'retalking about our career or
we're just talking about mommy,we have to check in and say what
stories am I telling myself anddo I actually agree with them?
(09:43):
And sometimes, all of a sudden,you catch yourself realizing no
, I totally don't.
This is not necessary.
Dr. Amy Moore (09:49):
Yeah, yeah.
And I think that what, what arewe modeling for our own kids
when we set a standard that'sunrealistic to right, when we
are killing ourselves to live upto this unrealistic expectation
that we've created?
Right Like this, is notsomebody putting this on us,
right?
I mean, it could be a messagefrom our own childhood, right
(10:13):
Like, did our own mom's mom likethat?
Yeah, but what are we modelingfor our own kids?
And so, you know, weinadvertently say this is our
expectation for what family lifeshould look like, when we're
trying to live up toperfectionistic you know ideals,
(10:35):
and then our kids grow up andthink that they have to be that
way because that's what wemodeled, even though it was
killing us to do it that's whatwe modeled, even though it was
killing us to do it.
Leah Remillet (10:48):
Yes, so I had my 19 year old daughter on my
podcast a couple of months agoand I wanted her to talk very
openly, like before we sat down,she was home from college for
the summer and I was like I wantyou to truly share what you
think I did wrong and we cantalk about what I did right too
but I want you to just share,like you have had a working mom
your whole life and I tried tohide it for a long part of their
(11:10):
life, like I didn't want themto feel it, and I was like I
want you to say like where,where should you see the gaps?
And and all these things.
And it was so amazing gettingto have this recorded and have
this moment with her.
But one of the things thatshocked me the most, that I did
not expect, is she said youshowed me that we can't do
everything.
And I'm gonna be honest, I wasthinking I was trying to show
(11:32):
you what I was doing.
I didn't think that she wassaying, look, I was doing
everything.
I was so grateful because Ilook at my girls, who are both
now young adults.
Right.
They're both in college.
Their next step is going to bestarting their own life, finding
their person marriage, family,these things and I do not want
(11:57):
my girls to think that they haveto do everything.
I really do believe that I thinkwe can be everything, and when
I say everything, I don't meaneverything.
I really do believe that Ithink we can be everything, and
when I say everything, I don'tmean everything.
I mean the things that matterto us.
But we can't do it all.
You just can't.
So you have to figure out whatyou're going to let people help
(12:20):
you with, what you're going tolet go of where there might be
expectations you wish you coulduphold, but you're just going to
be like you know what the houseis messy or the thing is
store-bought or everybody has tohelp with the chores.
I don't know why I had the ideafor so long that, as a really
good mom, I should be doing allthe things for everyone.
(12:42):
Like it wasn't as good of a momif they came home from school
and sports and I was like andyou got to do your laundry and
I'm going to need you to helpwith whatever else.
And I'm so glad that Iuntangled that because and it
was hard, I mean, when I firststarted saying each of you cook
one night a week, you all doyour own laundry, and really
(13:03):
giving them moreresponsibilities, I felt like a
bad mom I did.
I felt like if I, if I didn'twork, I would be able to be more
available and I would be ableto do these things for them.
But I, I needed them.
And yet, when her and I werehaving our conversation, one of
the things that she said she wasmost grateful for was the
(13:24):
confidence she has in all ofthese tasks that she knows how
to do so well, because, in hermind, because you were teaching
me how to be resilient, and inmy mind in the early, because I
was drowning and I couldn't doit all.
And so, yeah, there's somethingjust so beautiful about us
(13:45):
Again coming back to what youwere sharing, figuring out what
truly matters and then workingon a plan that actually works
for us and our values and ourgoals and our family.
Dr. Amy Moore (13:56):
Yeah, absolutely so.
I think I share this a lot, butI struggle with multiple
chronic illnesses and so I havea limited amount of energy.
That needs it's this muchenergy and it needs to go this
far every day and unfortunatelyI'm a classic overachiever.
So that is not a greatcombination, right?
(14:19):
Not a great combination whenyou know you do struggle with
your health but you still wantto accomplish all of this.
You know I'm a three on theEnneagram.
I was talking about how I havelimited energy, and so my
husband had to do a lot of thecooking and a lot of the
housework, and my boys I havethree boys my boys saw him
(14:45):
having all of thoseresponsibilities the whole time
they were growing up.
Because I just I had a limitedcapacity because I'm a classic
overachiever, because I'm aclassic overachiever, I have
always worked and worked a lot,so all of my energy was going in
that direction, and then therewas nothing left physically for
(15:08):
me to cook at the end of the daymost days.
I could cook all weekends andthere was no energy for me to
clean the house.
So we either had housekeepersor my husband would take care of
that, and so I felt reallyguilty when my kids were younger
that I didn't have the energyto do a lot of that, that I felt
really guilty because myhusband was having to pick up
(15:28):
all of my slack.
But what I see now in my threeyoung adult men children right,
they're 20, 24, and 26, is thatall three of them do the
majority of cooking in theirrelationships, that they are
great caregivers in theirrelationships, that they believe
(15:52):
that distribution of labor isnot based on sex or gender right
, it's based on who has thecapacity, and I just love that.
My husband modeled that right,that they saw that and it was
beautiful.
Leah Remillet (16:10):
As you're saying, that I don't think there is a
single mom listening who isn'tlike.
I want my boys to know that.
I want my girls to know thatthey don't need to go in to the
next chapter of their lifebelieving that that discrepancy
is just the way it has to be andit should be radical generosity
(16:31):
on both sides.
And who has the capacity?
And so I mean that's sobeautiful.
And again it's that same thing.
Both of us are sharing momentswhere we honestly felt guilty,
we felt bad, we felt like maybewe weren't giving enough and
setting the right example.
And yet only in retrospect,only in that we both have our
(16:54):
kids that are now in theirtwenties, we can look back and
say I am so grateful that thatwas modeled, I am so grateful
for the lessons that learnedthat you maybe would have
stopped from happening if youhad the energy and felt better.
I would have stopped fromhappening if I didn't run a
company and had to let othershelp because I just couldn't do
(17:17):
it all.
Dr. Amy Moore (17:20):
Yeah, Great lessons, right I mean yes, and I
like that.
Leah Remillet (17:25):
We can share that and others can hear right,
maybe if they're a littleearlier in the process than us,
maybe if their kids are a littlebit younger, whether it's
teenagers, we can still make uptime as teenagers or they're
much younger that.
(17:47):
Letting people help us becausethat's its own thing that we as
women are often not great aboutright.
Letting others help us, whetherit's our husband, whether it's
family and friends, if our kids,it's a combination of everybody
.
That actually is a huge part ofhow we're going to feel more
balanced.
You can't feel balanced if youcan't ever get off the treadmill
.
You have to be allowed to getoff the treadmill from time to
(18:10):
time or there's no way to ever.
I mean, I don't know about you,I hate treadmills because you
know how you you like.
If I'm at a hotel or something,I might choose the treadmill
and you get on the treadmill andthen when you get off, you feel
so weird.
You're like trying to walk,like what is happening.
Why does the floor feel likethis?
That can be our lives and wedon't want to live the same day
(18:33):
over and over again and call ita life if it's essentially the
treadmill that we just can't getoff of.
There's I mean going back to ifrunning is your, your form.
There's a lot of different waysto run.
It can be the treadmill, butthere's something beautiful
about getting outside andrunning getting to run on a
beach, getting to run, you know,through through a park.
(18:55):
And if we keep believing thesestories that we have to do
everything, we need to figureout how it's all going to work
we are the ones who come up withthe answers, execute the
answers, all the things.
We're not only hurtingourselves, but we're going to
actually hurt our kids' futurerelationships too, which is
(19:17):
brutal, it burns to here, but italso can give us some power
when we realize, okay, so thenmaybe me being intentional about
scheduling in rest, aboutscheduling in outsourcing,
whether that's a house cleaneror grocery delivery or employees
(19:37):
or the kids or the husband orthe neighbor or who, what,
whatever it looks like for eachof us that we're actually doing
not only a service for ourselves, but we're actually helping our
kids and their futures as well,absolutely.
Dr. Amy Moore (19:54):
And I love your promotion of outsourcing.
You know, I would haveconversations with Jeff because
he thought he could do it alltoo right.
Military colonel worked 15hours a day, right, and then
felt like he could come home anddo it all.
And so I would say things likehey, I've noticed some spiders
(20:18):
in the basement and so I thinkthat that exterior of the house
needs to be treated for spiders.
Do you want to do that or doyou want me to call an
exterminator?
Because if I just said, hey, weneed to treat the outside of
the house because there arespiders in the basement that
terrify our middle child, he'dsay, all right, I'll do it.
(20:39):
And then it becomes a naggingsituation right where, hey, we
really need that spider killer,we really need that spider
killer, we really need thatspider killer, right For weeks.
And so I learned to just offerthe choice right, can you do
this or should I outsource it?
Leah Remillet (20:56):
I love that, so okay.
So this is fascinating becausethis comes to each personality.
So my husband grew up in a veryfrugal family and so it can be
very hard for him to feel likewe're not being indulgent if we
pay for some things.
So he's, and he's got so muchmore comfortable over the years,
(21:19):
but especially early on, whenwe first started talking about
having a house near.
I mean, we both are so busy andour kids were still really
little and who is going to dothis?
And I kept trying to broach.
I really think that getting ahouse cleaner would like it
would make such difference.
I can't explain how much betterI would feel.
(21:40):
But he kept feeling like, oh,that, like that feels so
Whatever Right, just too much.
But he kept feeling like, oh,that feels so whatever, right,
just too much.
And so this conversation keptcircling back and I finally
decided to come to him.
I'll give two differentexamples.
(22:00):
I came to him and I was like,okay, this doesn't need to be
permanent, but I want us to giveit a try.
So I want to find a housecleaner.
I want to try give it a try.
So I want to find a housecleaner.
I want to try it for one monthand I want to see how it goes.
If we notice like, oh my gosh,things feel so much better,
we'll keep it.
If we don't, then we'll go backto how it was.
And I just had a real hard time,was like I need this, I need
(22:21):
you to let us try this.
I think I'm going to feel somuch better, I'm going to have
more energy at the end of theday and I think you really enjoy
that energy, sadly.
So there was another time wherewe needed a retaining wall and
he was planning to do it and hewas planning to pull us all in.
We were all going to help buildthis retaining wall and I was
(22:42):
thinking we were all going tohelp build this retaining wall.
And I was thinking like this isgoing to be horrible, Like this
is going to be nightmares.
And one day I just came to himand I said what would you pay to
not have to make the retainingwall?
He's like, oh my gosh, I wouldeasily pay any game and ever.
Great, I'm going to get back toyou.
So I called around and for usto be able to kind of broach our
(23:06):
being able to outsource thingswhen I was a little bit more
free, willing to outsource, andhe was a little more hesitant.
Dr. Amy Moore (23:13):
Yeah, I like that .
My husband grew up very frugalalso and, you know, didn't have
a lot of money growing up and sodoesn't like to spend money on
anything except his toys.
And so I have to throw that inthere, because he will spend
money on his toys oh I, you seeme actively nodding we listing
(23:35):
is actively nodding right now.
Right, but your husband willspend money on his toys, but not
on your birthday.
Okay then, which?
I have a solution for that.
We can come back to thebirthday solution, but anyway,
yeah.
And so he was exactly the sameway.
When I wanted housekeepers, Iwas pregnant with our youngest
working full time and justcouldn't get to it.
(23:57):
I just didn't have the energy.
And so he said, yeah, sure,that would be fine.
And so we did have, you know,housekeepers for 24-ish years.
And so, a couple of years ago,he said really, think that, you
know, we need to spend the moneyon housekeepers.
We only have one kid left inthe house, you know.
(24:19):
And I said, well, I can't do it.
I physically don't have thecapacity, with my health issues,
to clean the house.
He's like, it's fine, I will doit.
And so it is now that kind ofsituation where I'll say I'm
really liking the floors, rightnow, right, but you can't nag.
But I mean, so I don't know.
(24:41):
I think that we all hit acrossroads too, where, hey, just
because we've always done itthis way doesn't mean it's going
to work that way forever.
Right, I only work part-timenow Things have changed, but
it's still the daily plight ofdo we just do it ourselves?
Do we just call the house?
Oh oh, I know this was my point.
(25:01):
So I decide to callhousekeepers right, haven't had
them in two years.
But my floors just don't lookgreat, my bathrooms just don't
look great.
So I call $750.
Yeah Right, that is what theyquoted me for my square footage
and the number of bedrooms, andI was like that's a little bit
(25:22):
more than I was hoping to pay.
So I'm just going to keepnagging my husband.
Leah Remillet (25:28):
So this is so funny because we have the same
thing.
We have had house cleaners fordecades.
We are down to one child, andmy husband kind of mentioned it.
But I also was like, yeah, Imean, the house stays so clean
now, like the house stayed soclean in between her coming that
it's like she comes again, it'slike it still looks fantastic,
(25:49):
because there's just it's notthe chaos that there used to be.
So I ended up agreeing and andI, what I really wanted to do
was go down to like once a month, but that wasn't available.
So I'm like, okay, I understand, you know.
And so we, we stopped for awhile and then I was like, okay,
I'm gonna just try to get someother quotes, because exactly
what you're feeling like, ah,but I loved that feeling when
(26:10):
the whole house was clean at theexact same time less solid
birth prints and so I startedcalling around and the exact
same thing me.
It was three, four times whatit had been and I was like, oh
no, what have we done?
Dr. Amy Moore (26:23):
yeah, like it's this post COVID.
You know price increase, that Iexpected it to be a little bit
more than when it was pre-COVIDand I don't remember what we
were paying, but maybe two orthree hundred, but not 750.
I mean, I had to ask him howmuch, right Like, because I
(26:47):
thought for sure I misheard.
Leah Remillet (26:49):
Right, right, oh, yes, I mean that could bring us
into a whole notherconversation, because that is a
hard part about.
I am such a fan of outsourcing.
I do understand thatoutsourcing can be expensive and
that for all of us, we eitherhave more of time or we have
more money.
And sometimes we're in the veryunfortunate situation where we
(27:09):
don't have enough time and wedon't have enough money, and so
it gets very hard and you haveto start getting really creative
on how you're going to divvythings up, how you're going to
get help and what this is goingto look like.
And I think both you and I canprobably look back Like there
were times when we had to bereally creative when our kids
were really little my husbandwas still in graduate school
(27:30):
we're trying to figure out, well, how do we have date night when
we can't figure on babysitter?
And we came up with like a datenight group where one Friday
night we had five millionchildren at our house and it was
horrible, right, but then weothers, we got to go out and
someone else had to endure thecircus at their house.
I mean, there were justdifferent things that we did and
(27:52):
and so you're always looking at.
There's going to be times ineach of our lives where we have
more time, so then we're goingto.
You know, we're going to do itourselves, we're going to figure
out how to do these things.
There's going to be other timeswhere we are fortunate enough
to have more money and then wecan buy time with our money,
which is so beautiful.
But yes, when things like thishappen and everything is just
going up and the prices you'relike I cannot justify this.
(28:15):
This seems crazy and you haveto get new creative ideas that
like well, I guess I'll justkeep asking my husband I don't
know New creative ideas thatlike well, I guess.
Dr. Amy Moore (28:23):
I'll just keep asking my husband.
I don't know Right, exactlyWell, and I think like if I used
the Roomba more often, then thefloors would look better, and I
bought a new steam mop, whichis incredible, by the way, if
you don't own a steam mop, Ihighly recommend it.
Leah Remillet (28:40):
Do you have the one that like vacuums and steam
ups at the same time?
Dr. Amy Moore (28:43):
No, it just steams it.
Leah Remillet (28:45):
Okay, so I.
How does it suck?
It?
Dr. Amy Moore (28:48):
up and throw water on the floor at the same
time.
Leah Remillet (28:51):
It is amazing it is.
It is one of my favorites, soI'd wick you on this.
But those are hard too, becausethey're expensive.
Also, right, like buying aRoomba I took forever to buy my
first one and I bought itactually off of like I think it
was back when we still usedCraigslist.
I don't think we use thatanymore, I think it's like only
for murderers or something.
But I was like here I bought myfirst one and then, you know,
(29:12):
over the years I've upgraded.
But I agree, those kind ofthings can be huge things that
help.
But yeah, my Roomba, we have two.
We have one upstairs, onedownstairs.
They're called Fred and George,and Fred is, you know, vacuums
every morning the entiredownstairs and George mops
upstairs.
And then I have this that I goton Amazon this vacuum mop.
(29:35):
So like it's vacuuming up allthe hardwoods and mopping at the
same time.
So that's beautiful because itsaves me so much time when I
need to pull it out.
I don't have to sweep first andthen go mop right, like it's
simultaneously having.
So that's true, like those kindof gadgets can make a huge
difference.
Dr. Amy Moore (29:53):
Yeah, Okay, so you did a podcast where you gave
10 simple tweaks when you don'thave enough time, and so I just
want to throw each one of theseat you and have you speak for a
couple minutes on each Ready.
Okay, you don't have enoughtime?
Try these 10 simple tweaks, allright.
Number one limit TV time.
Leah Remillet (30:14):
Okay.
So I am not going to try to say, oh, you shouldn't watch TV,
you shouldn't scroll at all.
I get it.
This is a way that we all numbor whatever.
But what if we just look veryhonestly at how much time we're
spending and see if we can cutsome stuff back, especially if
it does not make you feel good?
You can honestly say I get offthat scroll session or that
particular show and I actuallyfeel kind of heavy or bad.
(30:36):
What if we eliminate that?
And I'm not going to notmention the power of a timer If
you're going to get on socialmedia, get on social media, but
set a timer on your phone for 30minutes so that it stops you
and choose one show instead oflike I'm going to watch five.
Dr. Amy Moore (30:51):
Okay, so that was one and two Limit TV time and
limit social media scroll.
Leah Remillet (30:56):
Okay, well, perfect.
Yes, I think of those things asso connected, right, and the
average person is watching twoto four hours of TV a day.
That's not including how muchtime they're on their phones,
whether that is YouTube orsocial media channels or
whatever.
I mean it is an insane amountof time and we can't keep
(31:18):
pretending that it's notaffecting our relationships and
it's not affecting our mentalhealth.
It's not affecting a whole lotof things.
I just don't believe we weremeant to be staring at things
this long.
So just figuring out how we cancut that back and then use that
time for something better andbetter could be sleep, better
(31:39):
could be date night.
Better could be a game withyour family.
Better could be, you know,taking time to really work on a
project that you keep puttingoff.
So, whatever better is for eachof us, but just choosing to cut
back a little bit of that Imean, if you're watching four
hours and you even cut it downto two, you get two more hours
(32:00):
of sleep you're going to feel alot better.
Dr. Amy Moore (32:08):
Yeah, absolutely Well, and I love that
perspective that you know wewere always saying well, I don't
have time to do that, I don'thave time to do that, but if
we're averaging, you know, twohours on TV and two hours on
social media, we actually dohave time to do some of those
things that we don't think we doif we cut back um on I hate
okay, total, honest, not popularopinion.
Leah Remillet (32:28):
I hate the saying I don't have time.
I it it like, I loathe itbecause it is not true.
It is never true.
We make time for what matters,and so when we're saying I don't
have time, if you are caught upon your favorite shows, then
okay, this is about prioritiesand so honest.
So often, honestly, it'sactually not that we don't have
(32:50):
time, we don't have energy.
You know, the reason that wewatch shows at the end of the
day or we scroll, is becausewe're tired, we're worn out, so
we don't have the energy to getinto organizing the kitchen or a
big work project or anythingelse.
But maybe we could still spendthat time a little better by
reading a physical book or, youknow, relaxing with our spouse
(33:12):
out on the deck or you know,just other things that are going
to do a lot more for us?
Dr. Amy Moore (33:16):
Absolutely Okay.
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All right, we are back.
Let's go to number three.
All right, wake up just alittle earlier.
Leah Remillet (34:20):
If our kids are at our alarm clock, we're not
going to feel so great.
You wake up just a littleearlier.
If our kids are at our alarmclock, we're not going to feel
so great.
You wake up, feeling behindwhen they're tugging on you
saying, mom, I'm hungry, mom,I'm this.
So just waking up a little bitearlier.
I'm a huge morning person but Iunderstand that's not everybody.
So work with your, with yourpersonality, with with what
(34:42):
works for you, but just givingyourself a little bit of time
where you get to feel likeyou're ahead of the game.
I feel incredible when, beforeI even would wake up the kids, I
had already read my scripture,said my prayers, done my workout
, gotten dressed.
I'm like I am amazing, that'sincredible.
I was just truly.
If you feel like man, I don'tever feel good waking up.
(35:04):
I know this soundscounterintuitive, but try waking
up earlier and giving yourselfjust a little time that is for
you, and I mean if you want moretime, you can literally create
more time just for yourself bywaking up a little bit earlier.
Dr. Amy Moore (35:19):
Yeah, I like that and I am not a morning person a
little bit earlier.
Yeah, I like that and I am nota morning person.
And so I'm sure half of ourlisteners are thinking there's
no way I could do all thatbefore my kids get up.
Right, exactly, but what I didis I would get up an hour early,
earlier than my kids, so that Icould just have coffee in the
sitting room, watching thesunrise over the mountains or
(35:41):
against the mountains, really,but watching the sunrise because
mountains or against themountains, really, but watching
the sunrise because that bringsme joy.
That was life-giving, to bealone in the silence with my
coffee, and so it was me time.
Leah Remillet (35:54):
That really made me feel like I had more energy
because I didn't start the dayin chaos yes, when my kids were
really little, I had a very badhabit of staying up very, very
late.
I think we've actually talkedabout this, like when I've been
on before but to the point whereI was staying up till four or
five, six in the morning, andthen, of course, I was woken up
(36:15):
by my kids.
So when I was shifting andtrying to get better sleep and
start to try to wake up a littlebit earlier, it was brutally
painful and so I started in 15minute increments.
I would literally be like, okay, I'm going to start trying to
wake up 15 minutes before thekids.
And so in 15 minutes, whatcould I do?
And it was really small things.
And then, after I gotcomfortable with that, I was
(36:36):
like, okay, now I'm going to do15 more.
Now I have 30 minutes, whatwould I want to do with 30
minutes?
And then, honestly, I juststarted loving it so much, like
that, those early hours wherenobody is bothering you, it just
kept getting earlier andearlier, early, because I just
wanted more time, I craved it.
So yes, for those who are likeI am not a morning person, that
sounds terrible.
Start really small, start with15 minutes, then add another 15.
(36:57):
It's amazing what can happenwith just 30 minutes before
everybody's waking up, just toget a little head start.
Dr. Amy Moore (37:04):
Yeah love that.
All right Number four bash babybatch.
What does that mean?
Leah Remillet (37:11):
Okay, batching is my absolute favorite
productivity time managementhack.
Like if I was going through allof the different strategies and
I have they're all on mypodcast I would say batching is
my favorite.
So essentially, what we'retalking about is do like tasks
together.
Don't start on something, thenwalk away and then go work on
something else.
(37:32):
So this can look like all kindsof different things In the
business world.
It might look like I'mscheduling a bunch of podcast
interviews all on the same dayand I'm bashing them all on one
day, or all of my meetings areon one day, or I'm going to work
on social media content in anhour block and try to see how
much I can get done, versus I'mdoing one single episode every
(37:52):
week or I'm doing one singlepost each day.
I'm trying to do a lot more.
While I'm in the zone I'mthinking about this thing, but
it can also work into our homelife as well.
So this could look like peoplewho do meal prep.
It can look like if I'm makingsomething that would freeze,
well, I double or triple therecipe and then I'm going to put
, you know, one or two mealsinto the freezer so that I have
(38:16):
them later.
It might look like I'm doingall the laundry on Monday,
versus I'm doing a load everysingle day throughout the week.
It might look like I'm.
It's anything where you think Ido this task repetitively.
This is something that I haveto do all the time.
Could I block out a set periodof time and see how much I could
get done and get ahead?
(38:36):
That feeling of being ahead youfeel so good and every woman
knows the feeling of beingbehind and you're trying to
catch up and it feels horrible.
I mean it just sucks the lifeout of you.
And so look for every area ofyour life.
Where do you think could I getahead here?
Is it possible to batch thisthe silliest way I batch my
(39:00):
vitamins?
I literally, every two weeks,get all the vitamin bottles out.
I have all of these littlesilicone cupcake things and a
little lighter and I put all ofmy vitamins so that Over the
next two weeks I don't have toget out all the vitamins and
open every single bottle.
They're just there, I grab themand I go.
I mean just simple ways to lookfor.
How can I just make thingssimpler for myself?
Dr. Amy Moore (39:22):
Yeah, I love that .
And from a from a brain scienceperspective, we know that
neurologically, there's no suchthing as multitasking.
Right, we're kidding ourselvesby saying I'm a great
multitasker.
What we're doing is rapidlyswitching tasks, but that makes
us very inefficient, right?
So, neurologically, rapid taskswitching what we think of
(39:45):
commonly as multitasking is notvery efficient, and so I read a
study recently where it said ittakes us 24 minutes to recover
from a distraction.
Leah Remillet (39:56):
Yes, I read that too.
Dr. Amy Moore (39:57):
Yeah, and so that is shocking.
Right, right To think that, oh,my goodness, how much time are
we wasting, especially those ofus who are ADHD warriors.
How much time are we wastingtrying to get back on task
because we were distracted byanother task, or trying to do
multiple things at once?
And so I love your idea ofsaying, okay, I'm going to do
(40:22):
like tasks together and thenmove on to another set of like
tasks.
Right, so they're similar tasksthat use the same cognitive
skills, that use the same partsof our brain, that use the same
types of energy in the samelocation and environment and
tools or whatever it is, and tomake us more efficient.
(40:44):
So we're not reducing ourworkload, we're just being more
efficient at accomplishing ourworkload.
Leah Remillet (40:50):
Exactly, and I think what most people don't
know is my whole work is onhelping us be more productive,
more efficient, have more timemanagement, be able to feel more
balanced and have systems thatmake life run smoother.
What people don't understand isthe reason that I am obsessed
with this.
That I have all these isbecause I have ADHD, because I
(41:14):
am someone who can be so easilydistracted.
This, I needed these in orderto function, in order to be able
to accomplish the things.
I had to figure out how to stopletting things take so long
because of distraction, becauseof all the squirrel moments,
because I went to do one thingand then I saw another thing.
I mean, give a mouse a cookieis me all the time if I'm not
(41:35):
careful and so that's why I putall of these different measures
in place, and all the things Italked about was literally to
protect myself from me.
Dr. Amy Moore (41:44):
I love that because you know I'm very
transparent about my ADHDstruggles and you know my focus
is always on OK, how am I makingsure that my brain is healthy?
How am I making sure that myomega-3 fatty acid levels are
normal so that my dopaminereceptors work?
And right, like I'm alwaysfocused on this, you know, as a
cognitive psychologist, from abrain science perspective, right
(42:06):
, what am I doing to maximize mybrain function to compensate
for my ADHD?
And so I never think of it interms of, okay, how can I change
my behaviors to support my ADHD?
And so I love that you pointedthat out, because all of our
listeners who have ADHD aresaying thank goodness, I have
(42:27):
some tools to walk away withright now.
Okay, this one I'm fascinatedwith is number five Utilize your
kids extracurricular time.
What does that mean?
Leah Remillet (42:38):
Yes, ok.
So I think this is about beingvery intentional.
With all of the drive time thatwe have, we're dropping them
off at sports or whatever itmight be.
Make sure you're utilizing thattime the best way possible.
So that could mean, oh, my kidshave soccer practice.
This is pretty close to thegrocery store.
This is when I'm going to do mygrocery shopping, instead of
(43:00):
doing your grocery shoppingearlier in the day and then
running up from there and thenbeing like do I stick around?
Do I try to go home?
So I have 15 minutes to try toget something in.
So that could be one way, butit could look totally different.
It could also be this is metime.
I'm going to drop them off andI am going to go sit at a little
cafe and have some tea and reada book.
There was one time where mykids I put that all three of
(43:22):
them in a swim team over thesummer.
It was 30 minutes from ourhouse, and so I had the choice
of okay, I can drop them off, Ican run home, and I'll have like
15 minutes and I have to turnaround, which seemed ridiculous.
So I'm like, okay, well, how amI going to use this time better
.
So that's when I decided I wasgoing to do my workouts.
I was going to drop them off, Ihad my full workout clothes on
and I would go running for thatperiod of time and I'd have just
(43:45):
enough time to be able to justhave a little me time before
they wrapped up.
And so just thinking about thetime when our kids have their
extracurricular, how we're usingit and I think often if we
really look, we realize this isnot efficient at all.
This is not an effective way tobe using this time.
So, just being more intentionalabout that time that you have
(44:09):
and I think we could take thatfurther I loved using the time
back when I still had kids inthe car, as you know, when we
were driving to things.
That's when we were going totalk.
I didn't I very rarely allowedmusic, I mean just if we were
having fun, but it was like no,this is when we talk, or we'd be
listening to a book.
It was quality time that wewere going to use.
And then, when they were attheir thing, that became time
(44:31):
where I was like how do I wantto use this?
Do I want to get the groceryshopping done during this time
Because I don't want to have todo it later.
Do I want to use it for naptime in the car?
Do I want to use it to go sitin a cafe and listen to a book,
or do I want to use it to get myexercise done?
So, just really thinking aboutthat time and how it can serve
you better.
Dr. Amy Moore (44:50):
I love that.
I love that.
I remember, before smartphonesand we could use our phone as a
hotspot, they had these littlethings called a MiFi, and so it
was this little gadget that wasyour own personal Wi-Fi device.
And when I was getting my PhD,my kids were little and so we
would go to martial arts and soI would sit in the parent area
(45:11):
with my MiFi, my little Wi-Fi,sit in the, you know, parent
area with my Wi-Fi, right, mylittle Wi-Fi, and you know work
on my PhD work.
And so it was because we live25 minutes away from the martial
arts studio.
I mean, so by the time youwould get back home and drive
back, martial arts is overanyway, so it was really out of
necessity that you know I wasstaying there, but then to be
(45:35):
able to use that time was gold.
Leah Remillet (45:39):
Yes, and I think we need to just make sure that
we openly talk about that.
I think there's been this shiftwhere it can be easy to fall
into the trap of believingyou're supposed to be there at
the practice watching, cheeringon, and I'm just going to gonna
say I think that is ridiculous.
No, you don't.
That's why they have a coach.
You do not need to be there.
In fact, it's probably not eventhat helpful for you to be
(46:01):
there, because now they knowyou're there and they can kind
of rely on you instead oflearning their own independence
and and relying on their coachand all those things.
So if anyone is like, oh mygosh, but all the other parents
are there like watching, I wouldfeel you just let that go, let
that guilt go and go enjoy thatgolden hour or whatever you want
it to be.
Dr. Amy Moore (46:21):
Right, I absolutely agree.
I mean my oldest.
I used to say he looked like agazelle in martial arts.
He was so beautiful in the wayhe could move that I loved
watching, and that was veryoften distracting from you know
the month that I was working onbecause he was so fun to watch.
But I think that you'reabsolutely right that children
(46:44):
need to learn how to advocatefor themselves and they can't do
that when you're always there.
Yes, yeah, okay.
So number six is utilizehelpful gadgets.
We've already talked about.
We totally talked about that.
Yes, yeah, okay.
So number six is utilizehelpful gadgets.
We've already talked about.
We totally talked about that.
Yes, the Roomba and the SteveMop that vacuums at the same
time.
So anything that can make ourlives easier and save a little
(47:04):
bit of time, I think iswonderful.
Leah Remillet (47:06):
And those are exactly the things that I
mentioned.
So I mean literally these arethe things I'm talking about
Doubling dinner, freezing one,having Roombas and vacuum mops
and all these different gadgetsthat just can save us a little
bit of time.
You stack those and it becomesa lot of time.
Dr. Amy Moore (47:21):
Yeah, and that led us to number seven, which
was simplify everything aboutmeals, right, and so I love that
kids can participate in that,they can help in, that we can
have leftover nights.
You call them yo-yo.
You're on your own, you're onyour own.
Leah Remillet (47:37):
We actually always called them fend for
yourselves night.
That's what I called them thewhole time, my kids.
And then I heard at the veryend someone say yo-yo, and I was
like, oh, that's so much cuter.
I wish I would have called themthat, right, I thought that was
name, and I think if you havereally little kids, you could
level that up by saying it'sYodo night and we're going to do
(47:57):
a picnic on the floor.
Now it has become so special,this really beautiful tradition
that the kids can be so excitedabout.
And again, you're not cookingand you just let them have the
cereal.
If they want the cereal, it'llbe okay.
It'll be okay, just let themhave the cereal.
And you know, it's some ofthose things where, yeah, I mean
, there's all these competingideas, we're constantly trying
to do everything right in allthe different ways and they
(48:19):
contradict themselves, even theadvice.
And so, just coming back to, ifI had to do this in the
simplest way possible, whatwould that be?
And then, Mitch, well, can Iactually just do it the simplest
way?
And more often than not it'slike, well, yeah, I could, okay,
well then, let's give it a try.
Dr. Amy Moore (48:40):
Yeah, absolutely All right.
We've talked about outsourcingand delegating Yep.
So you say stop groceryshopping.
How in the world do we fill ourpantries and fridges if we
aren't grocery shopping?
Leah Remillet (48:52):
So I, unless you love grocery shopping I do
understand that there are somemamas out there where she's like
this is my me time, don't youdare try to take that Okay, if
you love grocery shopping, goand grocery.
But for the rest of us who donot enjoy it and it's just one
more chore and a time suck, thenallow for grocery delivery.
I will admit it, they don'tpick out as good of produce as
(49:14):
you will.
Okay, they just don't.
But I am telling you that it'llbe okay.
It'll be okay.
And between I mean at this pointI can have my Costco delivered,
I can have my groceriesdelivered and anything else I
can find on Amazon.
So I have, you know, there'sThrive Market.
I have.
We have to be very careful witha lot of the food that we have
(49:36):
in our house, and so I useThrive Market so that I can get
the things that actually workdietarily for what we can do.
There's also meal kits that youcan come, and we've done all of
them at this point where it'slike, hey, we always would do
three each of the meals that wedo like.
If we're doing a HelloFresh, wewould do three dinners because I
have three kids.
They would get to pick thedinner.
(49:56):
They would be in charge ofcooking that dinner and it was
great.
That was three nights I wasn'tcooking.
And that's groceries that I'mnot buying because they all come
free package.
So just realizing there areincredible resources out there,
use them.
If you happen to have a 16yearyear-old, well then, let
them be your grocery delivery.
Hey, we buy the food, but yougo and shop for it.
(50:16):
So there are definitely options, but unless you actually love
grocery shopping, let that go.
Dr. Amy Moore (50:26):
Yeah, so even my 20-year-old, who lives with his
fiancée at college, orders theirgroceries for pickup, because
they're full-time students andthey work, and so and they're
both music performance majors,so it's not just that they have
to go to class, right, they areconstantly in rehearsals, you
(50:46):
know, in practice roomsperforming.
Like they, their day isscheduled back to back to back,
and so they don't have thatextra hour to give, and so it
might seem indulgent, but Ithink it's only a couple extra
dollars to have it brought toyour car, not delivered to your
house, but brought night to yourcar and that's a great option,
(51:09):
right, you just drive up, andhere's what I will say.
Leah Remillet (51:15):
Right, you just drive up.
And here's what I will say.
For everyone who is feelinglike it is more expensive, I can
almost promise you it is notbecause you're not in the store
adding things that weren't onyour list.
Every time I go into Costco,there is always extra things
that I add that I wasn't goingin to plan for, because I'm like
oh, I'm seeing it, I'm lookingat it and I buy it.
(51:36):
There's a reel that I createdyears ago.
That is so funny.
It's my husband.
I sent him to Costco.
We needed one thing.
I sent him to Costco.
He comes back, he has one ofthe boxes and I'm like what
happened?
And I just started recording.
Like, just whatever reason, Ijust pulled out my phone and
started recording again and he'slike I saw these other things
(51:57):
and he's telling me that when hegets up to the checkout, the
employee he brings up like yeah,I was only supposed to get one
thing.
And she says that's why I dogrocery delivery.
And he's like that's literallywhat my wife teaches.
That pun it.
Really.
It was like $300 and he wassupposed to buy one thing it
(52:18):
should have been like a $40purchase, right?
So that's another very, veryreal thing to think about.
Is you're not buying thosethings that weren't on your list
?
Dr. Amy Moore (52:27):
Yeah, I love that and I had not even thought of
that before.
So the extra $2 that my collegekid is spending, he's making up
for by not being in person andadding just one protein bar to
his cart extra.
Right, exactly, for sure.
Okay, last one, you say adultsneed recess too, and you talked
(52:49):
a little bit about making datenight happen, even when it's
hard and feels impossible.
But why do adults need recesstoo?
Leah Remillet (52:57):
So this would be fun to hear from your
perspective, because I thinkyou've probably studied the
science behind this more than Ihave, although I have a little
bit, but I can't remember thenumbers off the top of my head.
But essentially, as adults wetend to run from thing to thing
to thing, especially those of uswho are maybe more type A.
We're kind of overachievers, wereally like feeling productive
(53:17):
and there's just a lot to do, sowe just go from thing to thing
to thing every single day, overand over and over, and there is
power in building in a buffer inbetween activities.
So I used to be really bad atthis.
I would work right up until theminute that I knew the kids
(53:38):
were walking in the door orsometimes I could hear it, and
so I'd pop right up, I'd comedown the hall and I'd be like hi
, guys, and you know, turn tomom moment.
Right, I would do this witheverything, though Everything
was scheduled so tight.
There was no wiggle room, itwas just you're going from thing
to thing to thing, and when Istarted building in recess, just
(53:59):
giving myself 15 to 20 minutes,I get up and I go for a walk
around the neighborhood.
Sometimes I literally get upand I like do a minute of squats
and then I sit back down or Imake myself actually take a
lunch where yesterday it was sowonderful I you know, made a
little Greek salad for myselfand I walked outside onto the
porch and I was like I'm goingto listen to one chapter of my
(54:20):
novels, and you know it wasabout 20 minutes.
And so I listened to that whileI was eating and just sitting in
the sunshine and it wasbeautiful and it felt so good.
And there was a really longtime where I would have never
given myself permission to havethat recess, because it was this
idea that busy is a badge ofhonor, that the more I get done
the more valuable I am, that allof this go, go, go shows that I
(54:46):
have worth.
And it's just not true and weburn out and we end up being not
the best version of ourselves,where, when we build in these
buffers whether it's 30 minutesfor lunch just for ourself or
it's 15 minutes in between tasksto just rest for a moment, or
getting up and getting outside,which is easy in the summertime
(55:08):
it's a little harder, dependingon where you live, in the winter
maybe.
But just making time to restyou actually become much more
productive.
And I think it's for two reasons.
I think one is the obvious ofwe are able to reset and come
back, but the other is that itgoes right along with that,
because I've walked away for aminute and I'm coming back, I'm
(55:31):
amped back up, I'm excited andI'm ready to jump back in, where
, when I just force myself to gogo, I get very mentally
fatigued and so it's so easy togive yourself permission to go
check the inbox and go down thatspiral or check your phone and
then go down that spiral orwhatever it might be.
It's essentially anunintentional form of a recess
(55:52):
that's not beneficial to ourmental and our physical self,
where, when we actually schedulein the resets and those
recesses, it actually makes usfeel like we have more time,
which sounds crazy, but you do.
You feel like you have moretime because you took a little
bit of time to just rest.
Dr. Amy Moore (56:12):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean even those people whosay that they enjoy being busy
all of the time.
First of all, liars, but secondof all that go, go, go puts us
in a state of chronic stress.
And chronic stress means ourbrain is constantly in fight or
flight, and so we have cortisoland adrenaline coursing through
(56:36):
our veins and those stresshormones shrink the hippocampus,
the part of the brainresponsible for memory and
coding and retrieval, and itenlarges the amygdala, the part
of the brain responsible foremotions and alarm system, and
so that makes us more emotionaland it makes it harder for us to
focus and remember things.
(56:57):
And when we can't focus andremember things, then we can't
be efficient and we can't beproductive.
And when we're emotional, thenour prefrontal cortex goesate,
right, and then that levelstarts over again, right, that
(57:18):
bucket, you know, cannot be asfull, and and then we can be a
little bit more productive andbe a little bit more efficient
and less emotional.
Leah Remillet (57:32):
So good, and I read something that has always
stuck with me about you know,each time we're letting that
cortisol spike and we're gettingthat fight or flight mode
happening, our immune systemstops because our body has to go
to oh man, I need to make surewe're safe.
I'm not going to worry aboutimmunity right now, I'm worrying
about bears, and so you thinkabout if we're allowing that
(57:54):
every single day.
And then maybe you're someonewho's like man I get every cold,
I get every everything.
Even just building in more restand being able to have more
calm in our lives can help usmentally, it can help us
physically.
I mean it can literally wardoff the flu and emotional
outbursts, I mean all of thethings?
Dr. Amy Moore (58:14):
Yes, all the things.
Yes, it lowers our immunesystem.
And there's this otherfascinating study that showed
that parents who have moreempathy have lower immunity.
Like, their immune system is alittle weaker, right, because of
the stress, Because of thestress of being emotionally
(58:40):
attuned to our children's needs.
Right, even though it mightfeel good, right, that stress
will lower our immune system alittle bit.
Now, I am not advocating forgetting rid of our empathy.
We absolutely should beempathetic parents, absolutely
100%, but it's helpful to beaware of that.
(59:02):
That, yes, that is alsostressful, so that makes it that
much more important that wefind ways to relieve stress in
other areas learn how toregulate our emotions, learn
some mindfulness, rest and takerecess.
Leah Remillet (59:21):
I love it.
That's so.
It's so important, it's sointeresting.
It's all so connected, which iswhat I get so excited about.
Right, like, you and I are eachthinking about how do I be a
better version of myself, for ofmyself and especially so that I
can show up for the people Ilove more and then help them to
be better versions of themselves.
And we do it from totallydifferent ways, but then there's
(59:42):
all these amazing connectionsand it's just so exciting and
fun to see.
Dr. Amy Moore (59:46):
It is exciting and fun to see.
So, Leah, tell our listenershow they can find more of you.
Leah Remillet (59:51):
Absolutely so.
Number one Balancing BusyPodcast.
We already know that you havegreat taste in podcasts.
You're already on your podcastplatform, so how incredibly
simple to just go and do a quicksearch of Balancing Busy and
follow that one.
We have all kinds of episodesthat cover everything from very
tangible tips of how to savetime, how to deal with overwhelm
and stress, but also all kindsof other topics as well.
(01:00:14):
We're always trying to look forall the areas of our life, just
how we simplify them.
So I would say that, and thenyou can go to balancingbusycom.
We have all kinds of resources,everything from my favorite 10
time-saving hacks that I usethat have literally stacked
hours and hours and hours for meevery week, along with all
kinds of other resources.
So, yeah, I would say, startthere.
Dr. Amy Moore (01:00:36):
I love it.
All right, leah Remillet.
Thank you so much for comingback for a third time.
And, listeners, leah hasinvited me to be on her podcast,
balancing Busy, so you'll getto hear four conversations with
us in total, and I'll actuallyput links to the prior episodes
with you in the show notes ofthis episode so that, listeners,
(01:00:57):
if you weren't around two yearsago, it'll make it easy for you
to find those and find her.
Thank you so much for beingwith us today.
Really loved spending anotherhour and 15 minutes with you,
and our episodes always run longwith you because the
conversations are so amazing, Iknow, okay, listeners, thank you
(01:01:20):
for being with us today.
If you like our show, we wouldlove it if you would leave us a
five-star rating and review onApple Podcasts.
If you would like to see ourfaces, you can watch these
episodes on YouTube at theBrainy Moms.
Come find us on Instagram andTikTok at the Brainy Moms as
well.
I hope you feel a little bit.
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