September 22, 2025 • 49 mins
When your child is drowning in mental health struggles, the weight of helplessness can feel crushing. Where do you turn? How do you fight a battle you can't even see? Nurse practitioner and author Jen Robb knows this battlefield intimately. On this episode of The Brainy Moms Podcast, she tells Dr. Amy all about it.
"We were the white picket fence, typical all-American kind of family," Jenn shares, describing how her daughter Chloe's mental health crisis blindsided their family. Like many parents, Jen initially retreated into silence, carrying the burden alone rather than risking judgment from others. That isolation nearly broke her.
Through raw vulnerability and faith-filled wisdom, Jenn guides listeners through the transformative journey from silent suffering to empowered advocacy. She challenges the notion that doctors always know best, encouraging parents to respectfully question treatment plans and seek providers who address root causes rather than simply medicating symptoms. "Your child doesn't have a voice in that circumstance," she reminds us. "No one is going to fight as hard for your child as you will."
The path forward isn't about perfection but presence. Jenn's powerful reminder that "your child doesn't need a perfect mom; they need a present mom" liberates parents from impossible standards while focusing on what truly matters – showing up emotionally and physically while allowing children space to feel their feelings. This delicate balance requires setting healthy boundaries not just for our children, but for ourselves as parents.
Perhaps most profound is Jenn's perspective on surrender. After a terrifying incident where Chloe was hospitalized with alcohol poisoning, Jenn describes hearing God whisper, "As much as you love her, I love her more." This spiritual surrender didn't mean abandoning responsibility, but rather acknowledging her limitations and finding strength beyond herself.
Whether you're currently navigating teen mental health challenges or simply want to be prepared, Jenn's practical wisdom on supporting brain health through technology boundaries, sleep hygiene, and proper nutrition offers valuable tools for every family. Connect with Jenn's supportive community at warriormomcoach.net and discover how to become the warrior your child needs during their darkest battles.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Amy Moore (00:00):
Hi, smart moms and dads, welcome to another
episode of the Brainy Momspodcast brought to you today by
LearningRx Brain TrainingCenters.
I'm Dr Amy Moore and I am herewith Jen Robb.
Jen is a nurse practitioner, awellness advocate, a coach and
author of the book Warrior MomRising a mom's battle plan to
advocate overcome and thrive,overcome and thrive.
(00:26):
She's a mom who's walkedthrough the fire of teen mental
health struggles and is heretoday to offer some practical
hope to other moms navigatinghard parenting seasons.
Welcome, jen, hi.
Thanks, amy, I'm glad to behere.
Well, I was excited to talk toyou because I think that this is
an area that is ubiquitous inits struggle but not talked
about enough.
I think a lot of times, asparents, it's hard to admit that
(00:51):
our child has mental healthstruggles because we feel guilty
or we're afraid that peoplewill judge us, that it's our
fault, or that we've created anenvironment that you know has
caused our children, or or orwhatever, right.
So I don't think we havenatural conversations about it,
and I love how vulnerable youare in your book.
(01:12):
I love that you've made it yourmission to tell other moms I
see you, god sees you.
I just love everything thatyou're doing, so.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself, why you felt compelled
to write this book.
What's happening there?
Jenn Robb (01:30):
So I we live outside of Dallas, texas.
I've been married to my collegesweetheart for 25 years.
Three kids, two boys and a girl.
They're 20, 19 and 17 now Nursepractitioner for over 25 years,
recently board certified infunctional medicine and then
writing the book.
So the book actually launchedin May but the book was really
(01:54):
born out of, really for me, justobedience to God and writing
the book.
But because I felt every singlething that you just said right
as a mom, you know, we, I tellpeople all the time like we were
like the white picket fence,typical all American kind of
family right, been married for along time, raised in the church
(02:18):
, all of the things when youcheck on the boxes, right.
And so when Chloe is mydaughter's name, when she
started to struggle with hermental health, it kind of caught
us all off guard Like where'sthis coming from?
Our boys never had issues likethis, um, and there was a lot of
, a lot of guilt and a lot ofquestions like what did I miss?
(02:41):
How did I miss it?
How did this happen?
And we really didn't talk aboutit with anybody.
It was really our family, youknow, other than like my parents
knowing it was really kind ofjust us dealing with it because
of the stigma that comes withmental health, like there's
always this Ooh, she must becrazy, right.
Like that's not it at all, orhow, how did how did you allow
(03:04):
that to happen?
And I think, as moms, we reallystruggle with feeling and
carrying that burden, not onlycarrying the burden for our
children, for their pain, thatthey are having, but we just
don't want to share that withanybody.
(03:26):
Like we, we want to internalizeit and think, oh, I can handle
it on my own, but what happensis is that ultimately leads you
leads you to like burnout andfull on exhaustion, right, which
is not a good place to be whenyou're trying to deal with a
child who is struggling.
Dr. Amy Moore (03:43):
Yeah, yeah.
And one of the things that Isee is that when we don't talk
about it, then it doesn'tnecessarily show our struggling
child that we see the struggleor that we're willing to
acknowledge the struggle or thatwe want to hide the struggle.
Jenn Robb (04:03):
Well, but how do you expect them to step up and have
a voice for themselves when youdon't want to talk about it,
right, but there is a lot ofshame in in with your child
that's struggling, right.
With Chloe, hers wasn'tnecessarily anything that we had
done.
Hers actually stemmed from asexual assault from another peer
(04:25):
and of course, that triggers awhole nother level of emotions
for a parent, right, becauseit's like, well, how did I miss
this?
I mean, chloe was the baby girlyou know.
We were far more cautious withher than we ever were, even with
our two boys, um, and so it'skind of an.
It was kind of an eye-openingmoment, too.
Like that stuff can happenanywhere at any time, no matter
(04:47):
how cautious you are.
And that's not your fault,right, like and I think moms
need to hear that Like that'snot your fault, right, like you
didn't do anything wrong.
You probably couldn't haveprevented it anyway.
I mean, you know, short ofkeeping the child completely
isolated in your house in abubble, never to go anywhere,
right, and I think that that'sone of the things that, like, I
(05:11):
realized through the strugglewas that, like I felt alone.
But I don't want other moms tofeel alone.
Right, because we need to talkabout it, we need to have open
conversations about it.
And the other thing that Ifigured out is that for me, like
navigating the medical worldpsychiatrists, counselors,
therapists and all of thosethings that's second nature,
(05:32):
because I've been in medicinefor over 20 years.
But for a lot of moms that isnot second nature.
Oftentimes what they tell me iswell, I can't push back if I
don't like what they're sayingor I don't think what they're
saying is in the best interest.
You know, for me it was pushingback against the psychiatrist
(05:53):
who was saying you just need toput her on all of these
medications.
No One medication is okay, butI don't want so many medications
.
And then we have the sideeffects and all the other
ramifications that come fromthat many medications and then
we have the side effects and allthe other ramifications that
come from that.
But I also wanted her to dealwith the root cause of the issue
, right, because that's the onlyway that we can really get her
to heal is to deal with what wascausing her the pain and the
(06:20):
mental health, the anxiety, thedepression and, ultimately,
self-harm.
Dr. Amy Moore (06:30):
Yeah, I love that you brought that up, because I
think that oftentimes there isthis implied power differential
right between who's wearing thewhite coat you know, doctor,
psychiatrist, nurse practitioner, even right and the patient,
and most certainly the patient'sparent, who doesn't even feel
like it's their appointmentsometimes.
And so you know I was.
I was at a conference in thespring and I had a parent ask me
(06:52):
a question.
She said something like well,my child's pediatrician said
that I was required to put himon this medication because he
met this criteria for thisdiagnosis.
Because he met this criteriafor this diagnosis.
And I kind of tilted my head,looked at her and said the
doctor is not the boss of you.
Jenn Robb (07:12):
Right.
Dr. Amy Moore (07:13):
Right.
I mean you get to participatein your child's medical
decisions and mental healthtreatment decisions, and I think
that that isn't something thateveryone understands.
Jenn Robb (07:26):
Well, remember, I mean like we are taught and I
think that that isn't somethingthat everyone understands Well,
remember, I mean like we aretaught, you know, to have to
respect authority, right, andphysicians anybody in the
medical field, I mean, itdoesn't have to be a physician
are always typically in aposition of authority, right.
But one thing that I'vediscovered is that modern
medicine has changed a lot,right.
(07:46):
But one thing that I'vediscovered is that modern
medicine has changed a lot right.
And I mean I've been in modernmedicine for 25 years and now
that I'm board certified infunctional medicine, there's so
much more to root cause healingthan just putting a bandaid over
it with some sort of pill,right.
And I feel like in sometimes inmodern medicine, we get trapped
(08:07):
in this box of well, if youjust take this pill and if that
pill causes side effects, we'llput you on another pill to
counter out the side effects,right, but we're not really
treating anything.
We're really just putting abandaid over it and hoping that
we can contain those, thebleeding right, so to say.
But I think, when mental health, there's so much more to that.
(08:31):
Yes, like in Chloe's case, yes,she had a real traumatic event
that caused PTSD and all theother things, right.
But a lot of cases we're soaccustomed to being that they
are in the position of authoritythat we can't push back and
question a little bit like, whyam I doing this?
(08:52):
And I think it's important torealize that your kids don't
really have a voice in thatcircumstance, right.
They don't know, they don'tknow what they need, they don't
know what they should ask for,you know.
And like, when I think back toChloe, like Chloe was in no
position to advocate or speakout as to what she needed.
She couldn't even tell me whatshe needed in that moment, right
(09:15):
.
So, and it's really the mom'sor the parent's job to kind of
step up and say, now listen, Imean, I hear what you're saying,
but I think it's too much,right.
And it's the same thing withtherapists, right.
Like we went through threetherapists before we found the
right one for Chloe.
Not all therapists are the same, right, and that's okay.
(09:36):
They all have a purpose andthey all have their niche, so to
say that they're best at, youknow, but for Chloe I didn't
need someone that was just goingto listen, I needed someone who
was going to challenge her, tobring up the trauma so that she
could heal from it, right, andthat person was somebody who was
(09:58):
trained very specifically inadolescence and trauma and
cognitive behavior therapy inadolescence and trauma and
cognitive behavior therapy,right Like EMDR, right.
That was huge, huge for Chloe.
And so I just I want moms toknow that, like, not only
(10:18):
advocating.
It takes a little bit of timeto kind of learn Right, and
especially I hear like moms say,well, I'm not a very strong
personality, well, that's okay.
I'm not telling you to go fullthrottle, mama bear in there,
right, like.
But you do have to be a littlebit okay with pushing back and
finding almost empowerment inthat right, because you are the
(10:40):
only one that has your child'sbest interest at heart.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:47):
Right, you, I mean you're going to be your
child's best advocate.
No one is going to fight ashard for your child as you will.
I mean, you're the mama bear.
Jenn Robb (10:52):
Right.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:53):
Yeah.
Jenn Robb (10:54):
A hundred percent.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:55):
So, as a medical professional, do you bristle or
do you have like this visceralresponse to patients who push
back on your recommendations?
And if you do, what are sometips that you could give moms on
how to ask the questions?
(11:15):
What are the alternatives?
Could you explain the pros andcons of this to me in a way that
doesn't put the psychiatrist orpsychologist or physician on a
defensive mode?
Jenn Robb (11:27):
And I think that that's just really what it's
about, right, like you know, inmy practice I deal a lot with
obesity medicine right now andpeople ask me all the time well,
I don't know why I should dothat, and I think it's totally
fine, like, and I don't takeoffense to it, right, because
that's that's your right, but Ithink it's all in your, in your
(11:48):
position and your posture almostRight, like, if you come at
them like, almost like you'rewrong, and in that defensive
mode, well, they're naturallygoing to get defensive back,
right, and I think it's justabout approaching it by saying I
hear you, but I'm not sure thatin this instance it's what's
(12:09):
best for her, and this is why,or him, and this is why I think
it's really about justpositioning yourself I don't
want to say like in a submissiveposition, but almost as in just
like you're respecting theirauthority, but you're, you're,
(12:31):
you're just almost questioningit, but not in a rude or harsh
way, right, and I just thinkthat that's okay and you need to
be okay with their answer.
Like, if their answer comesback and says well, this is what
I think, because I, if they sayI am the doctor, to me, that's
a red flag, I'd be like thanksfor your time, I'm out, right
(12:57):
and that's okay.
Like if you have to walk outand say you know, no thanks, but
no thanks, that's okay, and Ijust I really feel like they
just need to hear that it's okay.
It's okay to question and toask them what they're basing
that on, right, because what youknow, like and I'm sure you've
seen it too, like I even dealingwith my kids when they were
small, like with theirpediatrician, right, certain
(13:20):
doctors in their certainspecialties, they get kind of
trapped in this box, right, andthey only know how to treat or
think with inside this boxbecause that's all they treat,
right, just like with apediatrician, for instance, they
only treat pediatrics.
And so sometimes if you bring ina zebra, right, they don't know
how to respond to that zebrabecause it's outside of the box,
(13:43):
to that zebra because it'soutside of the box.
And so it's the same thing withpsychiatrists, right?
They think that just because Imean, for instance, your kid is
suffering with anxiety anddepression, well, the other 25
kids that they just treated thisweek all have anxiety and
depression and they did all ofthose exact things.
Right, but those modalities arenot necessarily what your
(14:04):
particular child needs, right?
And I just think, I mean I justthink that we have to get in a
position to say I respect youand I hear you, but I'm going to
question because her wellbeingor his wellbeing is my highest
priority.
Dr. Amy Moore (14:23):
Yeah, and I love that you're kind of giving
permission to moms to say thatin a respectful way.
Right To adopt this mindset ofcuriosity, right?
Help me understand why this isyour recommendation.
Jenn Robb (14:38):
Right.
Dr. Amy Moore (14:38):
Yeah, so there are a couple of quotes from your
book that really resonated withme and I would love for you to
speak to them, and so one ofthem was your child doesn't need
a perfect mom.
They need a present mom.
Jenn Robb (14:54):
So I think oftentimes , as moms, we get so caught up
and trying to do everything forour kid and make sure that they
have the perfect life right,that they have all of the
perfect clothes, they have allof the things that they've ever
wanted and needed, but I thinksometimes we get so wrapped up
(15:17):
in that that we almost removeourselves from being present in
the moment with them.
Right, none of us are perfect.
There's not one person on thisplanet who is perfect, and
that's okay.
Right, and I think that kidsalso need to see us, our
imperfections, and see us forwho we are.
(15:39):
Right, and know that our heart,behind everything that we do,
is out of love and support forthem.
Right, but we have to own ourimperfections.
Right, but it's more aboutputting the phone down or the
computer down and comparingyourself to Johnny and Susie
over there for what they'redoing and just saying, hey, this
(16:03):
is, this is what I want to doand this is what I'm thinking.
What do you think about this?
Right?
Like and just being in themoment with them, without all of
the added pressures of what theJoneses, so to say, are doing.
Right, and I think that that'sreally hard for sometimes for
moms, because we feel like ifour kid doesn't have every
(16:24):
single thing that the Joneseshave, that they're missing out.
And I don't think that that'sthe case right.
All of our kids, our kids don'tneed everything that everybody
else has.
They just need us, as their mom, to be present, to interact
with them, to show up right, toshow up to events, to show up in
love and encouragement and tocheer them on, and I think
(16:47):
that's far more important thantrying to be perfect all of the
time.
Dr. Amy Moore (16:55):
Yeah, that's great advice.
I was thinking as you weretalking.
You know we don't want our kidsto suffer and we want to fix
things.
And you know our child gets adiagnosis, particularly a mental
health diagnosis'm going toresearch everything I possibly
can about the possibletreatments and then we're going
(17:16):
to start with the first one andthen the second one until we
find one that fixes thediagnosis, when, in reality,
shouldn't we be looking at theindividual child and maybe the
symptom that's screaming theloudest?
And I mean it isn't abouterasing a diagnosis, right?
(17:37):
I mean it's about being fullypresent with our child suffering
.
Jenn Robb (17:43):
Right, and in those moments, like Chloe's, anxiety
is different because it stemsfrom a different root cause,
right, your child's anxiety maybe because they're being bullied
or something or someone saidmean something mean to them.
Right, that's different.
And so that's why, like, why Isaid with a psychiatrist, like,
(18:07):
just because they want to putyou on these five pills to treat
that symptom and what's bestfor your particular child, right
, and every child is different,every child responds differently
, right.
And so you know, like, when youtalk about medicines, like with
Chloe, they wanted to have heron three different medicines and
(18:29):
I was like mm-mm, we'll put heron one to help her kind of deal
with the right now anxiety andkind of the depression that
we're feeling.
But we're going to go on thehunt for the root cause, right,
and in that I had to be present,right and and present minded
(18:52):
with her.
Right, so that when she wastriggered, so to say, or she was
having an anxiety attack, Inoticed, right, I could see
those subtle signs.
I was there in the moment to bewith her and to comfort her.
The other thing that I thinkthat's important is that it's
not our job as the mama to carrythe child's pain and burden
(19:15):
right, and so oftentimes we gettrapped in this.
I'm the mom, so I have to carryit for everybody else.
It's your job as the mom toshow up right To support them
through their struggles, to lovethem through their struggles,
right To advise them when it'sneeded.
But if you don't let them feelwhat they need to feel, what
(19:42):
lessons are they really learningright?
Or if I would have tried tojust fix it all for Chloe and I
would have immediately, you know, just said you're going to have
to get over it and we're goingto fix this and it's okay and
moving on, she wouldn't havelearned how to work through
those feelings that she wasfeeling of the anxiety, the
(20:05):
depression, the shame, the guilt, all of those things.
And I think that that'simportant for mamas to
understand is that you're nevergoing to be perfect in every, in
how you show up.
That's just it's.
You're not going to always beperfect, and that's okay.
But are you there when theyneed you?
Are you present in the momentto help them through their
(20:29):
struggles and to teach them andguide them Right?
And I just hear it all the timefrom women that say, oh, I have
to carry so much.
You know everybody isstruggling.
My kids are struggling withtheir grades and they're, you
know, my husband's strugglingwith his job.
But it's not your job.
Your job is not to carry it all, your job is to support them.
(20:51):
Right, our permission to I meanourselves, permission a little
bit to say I'm here, I love you,but I can't do the work for you
.
Then we take some of thatburden and lessen the risk of
(21:12):
burnout on ourselves.
Dr. Amy Moore (21:15):
Yeah, you talk about the importance of setting
emotional boundaries.
Yeah, talk a little bit about,maybe, some tips for doing that.
Jenn Robb (21:38):
But I have to protect my own sanity too, right,
because the other thing aboutwomen is that we typically get
so burnt out and exhausted inthe moment taking care of
everybody else's problems thatwe forget about us, and then
we're burning on empty and thenyou're not helping anyone, right
, because you can't pour fromyour empty cup anyone right,
(21:58):
because you can't pour from yourempty cup.
And so you have to find ways tokind of refresh your soul, right
, and to keep your spirit anddrive alive so that you can help
, support and love and cheerthem on in all of their other
struggles right, and some ofthat is just them on in all of
(22:21):
their other struggles, right,and some of that is just taking
a walk.
For me, it was listening toworship music in my car, right.
But I think that oftentimes too, we let, we let people take
advantage of that nurturing sideof us, and then, when we try to
now set a boundary, there'sguilt and shame that comes in,
(22:42):
right, and then now it'scompounded by all of the other
emotions, and now you've gotguilt and shame on top of it,
and I think that for moms, it'simportant to know you're okay to
feel that way.
Dr. Amy Moore (22:58):
No, you're okay to feel that way, but if you
don't take time for yourself andyou stay trapped in that
thoughts, in those cycles, inthat burnout, you're useful to
no one, to no one, and I thinkyou talk about in your book how
taking care of yourself isactually modeling, how to
(23:22):
differentiate yourself rightemotionally from your child's
emotions or your spouse'semotions, or that that's
important.
That's an important lesson foryour kids to see too.
Jenn Robb (23:35):
A hundred percent.
It's a lesson for them.
But it goes back to the samething, right, like that, you
that you own that you're notperfect, right, you own the fact
that you have imperfections,but you also own the fact that
you're learning and you'regrowing and you're transforming
right into someone who you weredesigned to be, right, and
(23:59):
that's that's good.
Like for Chloe.
I mean, she saw the grief fromme, right, and I told you know,
I feel like we had aconversation you know multiple
conversations like I don't knowhow to help you anymore, right,
like I don't know what to do foryou.
You are going to have to stepin and take ownership of your
(24:20):
feelings and you are going tohave to do the work with a
therapist in order to makeyourself better.
I can't do that for you anymore.
I mean, I remember telling herthose things and through that
she was like okay, you know, andI think the other part to that
(24:41):
is is like, when I think aboutChloe, like, and she was
struggling, she never wanted meto hurt, right, she never wanted
me to feel sadness or painbecause of her, right, and I
think we oftentimes forget thatour kids do love us, though
sometimes they're not the bestat expressing that right, and
(25:01):
they, you know, have oftenthrown tantrums and we're
ruining their lives and so on,right, but they do not want us
to hurt as their parents.
So I think it's important forthem to see us grieve and show
that emotional response to theirpain.
Right, because then it'steaching them that it's okay to
(25:26):
have emotion, it's okay to feelit, but what it's not okay to do
is to stay stuck right.
That's what I wanted Chloe toknow.
It's okay for you to cry and tohave pain and grief and shame
and all those things, but whatyou're going to do is you're
(25:46):
going to live in that moment forthat moment, and then you're
going to get up and you're goingto rise again and we're going
to continue to fight this battleday in and day out, and I'm
going to lock arms with you.
I can't fight it for you tofight this battle day in and day
out, and I'm going to lock armswith you.
I can't fight it for you, butI'm going to be standing right
here with you, fightingalongside of you, and then she
(26:08):
feels empowered, right, becausenow she's got the strength that
mama's there.
But I have to do the work.
I have to fight the battle.
I have to deal with my ownemotions and get to the root of
what is causing me to feel thisway.
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Dr. Amy Moore (27:15):
So I just had this really powerful analogy
that I mean, isn't that what theLord does for us?
Jenn Robb (27:24):
Well, you know and I talk about that in the book too
Like, every day, we have to getup and put on the armor of God,
right, and that's what I toldChloe.
Like, god is right there too,even though you can't see him,
but in those moments of yourdeepest pain, knowing that he's
(27:46):
there and feeling his presence,right, again, it goes back to
just being present, and that'swhat they need from us, right?
There were so many times thatChloe would come out of a
therapy session and be like Imean, you could just tell she
was a mess.
(28:06):
You know tears, and especiallywhen she was doing EMDR, right,
because that is resurfacing allof the painful things so that we
can retrain the brain and healthose parts of the brain where
the trauma is rooted.
And she'd be like I just, youjust knew she didn't want to
talk, but what she wanted wasfor me to hug her and to put my
arms around her and to say Ilove you and I'm here, right,
(28:31):
the same way that God does forus every day, for us every day,
right, and I think it's alsoimportant for parents to know
that life is always going tolife, okay, it doesn't matter
how much we think we have ittogether or perfect.
There are always going to bestruggles and god never said
(28:57):
there wasn't going to bestruggles.
Not one promised us that therewould be right.
Did he ever say, right, yeah,but knowing that you have God on
your side, right to help you,even in our, our alone most
moments I mean in our, the timeswhen we feel the most alone as
(29:17):
a parent, we still have God onour side, Right, and I think
that that is one of the biggerthings that kept me really
grounded when I wanted to gohide and cry and in a hole, you
know.
Dr. Amy Moore (29:55):
Yeah, so I love the picture of the Ephesians six
warrior, and as I was readingyour book and I call myself an
ADHD warrior, so I love the term.
Jenn Robb (29:57):
Talk a little bit about why you titled your book
or your mom.
I really feel like Out of it.
And when we were in the depthsOf it with Chloe, we were
fighting a battle.
Right, not only were wefighting a battle Physically,
but we were fighting thespiritual battle With her as
well.
Right, because I really feltlike the enemy was really trying
to take her out, and so I.
(30:24):
Every day, we have to get up andwe have to put on that battle
armor, right, and so when we dothat, the warrior within us
rises.
Right, we are all.
There's a warrior mom orwarrior dad in all of us, right,
it's just figuring out how tolet that one out.
Right, and I think it's verypoignant because I always felt
(30:47):
like I was on a battlefield.
I never felt like I was just,you know, in my house, just
dealing with everyday troubles.
Right, I was really on abattlefield and I think it's
just.
It was just a natural title,like it literally just came out
of nowhere that this is what itwas going to be called, because
the warrior mom in us needs torise, right, and we need to rise
(31:11):
physically to help our child,but also, like in a spiritual
way, right, we have to rise inthe battle and pray and bring
all of those petitions to Godand say help me out, because I
am fighting a battle that's notagainst my flesh and blood,
right, things that I can't evensee, and I felt like there were
many times that the enemy wasjust they were going to take her
(31:34):
out.
You know, and honestly, amy, Ithink the biggest, the biggest
transformation of all of thiscame from when I finally
surrendered Chloe over to God.
Right, you know, april 4th of 23was like the moment that was
(31:55):
just the lowest of low pointswith Chloe.
Right, the two my two boys hadfound her unresponsive in her
room, face down in a pool ofvomit.
Call 9111, get her to thehospital.
All of their lab testing heralcohol level was four times the
lethal limit, and the doctor inthe ER at the children's
(32:19):
hospital looked at me and he waslike there is no reason that
she should be alive and I said,oh, but there is right, she is
anointed and God has a purposefor her story.
Though it is painful, there is apurpose for her story and he
(32:40):
was right, though, when you lookat it.
From the human perspective,there was no reason for her to
be alive.
Not only was her alcohol levelridiculously high I mean,
chloe's a hundred pounds, right,she's very petite, she could
have suffocated in the pillow,she could have aspirated in the
vomit, right and so, yes, sheprobably shouldn't be alive.
(33:01):
But I knew that God had a pointin a, in a huge purpose for her
life, right and so.
But I remember coming home fromthat hospital and she was so
exhausted, physically, butemotionally and mentally too,
she was so weak and she wascovered in vomit, just like I
was literally just stuck in herhair and she couldn't even bathe
herself, right.
(33:21):
And I had to take her in theshower and wash her hair and get
the vomit off of her.
And it was literally in thatmoment that you feel so helpless
as a parent and as a mom,because your child is too weak
and like you don't know what todo.
But it was.
I heard God say literally Jen,surrender her to me.
(33:42):
As much as you love her, I loveher more, and I think that
that's poignant for parents torealize, right, like the
circumstances may not always beand the outcomes may not be what
we want, right, and our childmay not be fixed as quick as we
want them to be fixed, becausewe live in this delusional
(34:04):
Amazon society that it's goingto be fixed tomorrow.
And just because I pray aboutit, it's going to be fixed
tomorrow.
Right, but remember God'stiming is not ours timing.
I mean, this was a three orfour year battle that we were in
with Chloe and I think thatthat's important.
The surrender comes in releasingthat you can do, you've done
(34:28):
what you do, and surrenderingdoesn't mean that you're washing
your hands and you're like well, peace out, chloe, good luck.
You know what I mean.
That doesn't mean that.
It means that you're stilldoing actions and you're still.
You're still doing andadvocating and pushing and
guiding them and loving them,but you've released the burden
(34:49):
from yourself and given it tosomeone who has far more power
than you do.
Right, and that was kind of themoment that was most freeing,
right as a warrior mom, becauseI am fiercely, you know, I am a
(35:11):
fierce mama bear, right, but toknow that God loves our children
more than we do, that'spowerful and it's freeing, yeah,
and you can trust him with yourchildren.
(35:31):
And I think that that that mamasneed to hear that right, like
and again, it wasn't in thatmoment of surrender that I
finally said, okay, here, youcan please help her, that I
snapped my fingers and I woke upthe next morning and it was all
better because it wasn't Right.
It was still a grueling twoyears, but I had his promise
(35:55):
that he was going to take careof her and I could hold on to
that in those darkest moments.
And I just really want mamas tohear that, right, you're not
alone, you're never alone.
And there's real strength inthat right.
(36:16):
There's strength in knowing whostands behind you, right With
his angel army, who is standingbehind you in this battle, right
With his angel army?
Who?
Who is standing behind you inthis battle?
Dr. Amy Moore (36:40):
Just mamas need to hear that.
Mamas need to know yeah Well,and I love that you didn't
sugarcoat this, right, youdidn't say give it to God and
then all will be well.
Right, you literally just saidI got to turn this over to who
has the power that I don't have,and in reality, the enemy waits
around right For you to growthe kingdom and strengthen the
(37:01):
kingdom like that, by giving Godthis responsibility right or
giving it over, and so you talkabout that right or giving it
over, and so you talk about thatright.
How the guilt and the shame arelies from the enemy, and so I
think that that needs to besomething that moms expect to
happen too.
Right that it isn't going to beeasy.
Jenn Robb (37:23):
It's not.
I mean, there wasn't a day inany of this.
And there's still days that,you know, she, she may have a
little bit of anxiety, right,and I don't know that that's
ever going to go away.
But that's okay, because nowshe has the, she knows that
(37:52):
she's a daughter of the king,right, but she also now has the
proper tools to help her copewhen those moments creep in,
right, when the enemy tries toattack her.
She now has a whole notherskill set that she didn't have
before.
And you know, again, that goesback to finding the perfect
therapist for her right, findingsomebody that could equip her
with something that I couldn'tequip her with.
I mean equip her with.
(38:13):
I mean I can speak life intoher and I can tell her that
she's a daughter of the King,but I don't have the skillset to
teach her the coping mechanismsthat she needed, right.
And so, again, you can't battlethis alone.
And so, again, you can't battlethis alone.
(38:45):
You can't.
You have to depend and ask forhelp and you can lean on people
that have the expertise whereyou don't.
And that's what we're all herefor and I think that that's
important too is because, as amama, we think we have to do it
all, but we don't.
We don't have to do it all.
We were never meant to do itall and carry it all for
everybody all the time, right,and you need to get that in our
heads, that we were never meantto do that Right.
(39:09):
And there are people out therethat are smarter than us, that
have far more expertise than us,that can help us in areas that
we lack, and it's not a sign ofweakness to me, that's a sign of
strength.
Right?
You're reaching out for someoneelse to say I don't know how to
help her anymore.
I've done all I know to do.
(39:31):
Can you help her?
That is strength, and you areteaching your kid to advocate
for themselves, but to findpeople who can help them, and
not showing that it's weaknessor you're not good enough,
because that has nothing to dowith it.
(39:53):
God designed us all very unique,right, and we all have these
unique purposes and drives andstrengths.
He didn't make us all the same.
If we were all the same, we'dbe robots, just all trucking
along, you know, one after theother doing the same thing every
day and day out, and that's,that's not how we're designed,
and I think it's important formamas to hear that it's okay to
(40:16):
ask for help, then you need tofind the right help right and
sometimes I don't think thatthat's always whatever Facebook
says or whatever Instagram saysright, that's not always the
best kind of help.
But also knowing your mamaintuition and hearing that inner
(40:41):
voice in you and trusting thatvoice right, that you know if
something is wrong with yourkids.
This is different behavior.
They're not acting the same.
This is, this is not normalteen behavior.
And trusting that instinct andthen trusting the instinct that
you're going to find them thehelp that they need yeah.
Dr. Amy Moore (41:00):
Okay.
So we know we have a kid who iseither having a mental health
crisis or is showing signs ofmental health issues, and we
know that the waiting list formental health treatment is super
long in most areas of thecountry right now.
So I think, as parents, we dohave the ability to make some
(41:22):
foundational changes to ourchild's physical health that can
help support their mentalhealth while we're waiting on
that specialized mental healthhelp that they need.
Right, and I love that you saidat the top of the show that you
just got your functionalmedicine certification and so
you're speaking my language interms of supporting brain health
(41:46):
with sleep and nutrition andoptimizing stress, and what
would be, you know, your toptips for parents of teens?
How can they plus up thatphysical health, that brain
health, to give kids a fightingchance once they actually can
get that specialized help too?
Jenn Robb (42:07):
First and foremost, I think it's about setting
boundaries with these children.
Right, you don't need to havethe phone 24 hours, seven days a
week.
Right, there's so much junk onthose things that they don't
need to see and it's not goodfor their brains to be looking
(42:27):
at a screen as they lay down togo to bed.
But they can't go to bedbecause now they've gotten
sucked into watching videos onTikTok.
Right, you know, with Chloe weset a very clear boundary.
At nine o'clock the phone iscoming to me.
I'm sorry, I don't care.
If your friends I don't care,right, and that's OK.
(42:48):
It's okay.
If they get mad at you, right,it's okay.
But setting that boundarybecause what you're doing is
protecting them, right, you'reprotecting them from the scroll,
the endless scroll and themindless staring at a screen and
then feeling filling theirminds with just worldly junk,
(43:09):
right, but you're also allowingtheir brains time to rest and to
reset and to follow the normalcircadian rhythms, right, we
know that sleep is crazyimportant right, to overall
brain health and growth anddevelopment.
They need sleep and so, youknow, for Chloe it was.
(43:32):
We took her phone at nineo'clock.
Sorry about your bad luck.
The phone is coming to mypossession and I gave her a
melatonin every night.
At the same time I took herphone, so I wanted her asleep by
10 pm and I know that soundscrazy when you're having teens,
right, but they need restfulsleep, they just do.
Dr. Amy Moore (43:56):
Sure, and not to mention the blue light exposure
keeps the brain from releasingmelatonin.
Jenn Robb (44:01):
Right Right Says it's time to go to sleep, and the
other thing about that is is shecouldn't reach for the phone as
soon as her eyes opened.
Right, because we also knowthat for brain health and to
keep the normal circadian rhythmof how our bodies were designed
, we need to see sunlight firstthing in the morning.
Right, you need to open theblinds, let your body or go walk
(44:25):
outside and see that sunlightin your eyes, because that helps
the brain know, okay, it'smorning, and then I can produce
more melatonin at the propertime.
Right, these are all things.
And you don't need blue lightexposure in the morning.
There is research study afterresearch study about not picking
up a phone, and this is foradults too.
(44:46):
Not picking up a phone, andthis is for adults too.
Not picking up a phone for atleast 30 minutes in the morning,
allowing your brain time towake up, to see the sunlight, to
kind of get going.
Right, the blue light is notgood, the phone is not good.
As soon as you open your eyes,you don't need to see the smut
that's happening in the world,right, you need to see smut
(45:09):
that's happening in the world,right, you need to see, I mean.
And the other thing is that isopen up the Bible for the first
for the morning, right, sunshinein the Bible and let God's word
renew your mind right and setyour footing for the day.
But also it's about propernutrition with the kids, right.
I mean, have a night like whereyou cook together in the
(45:30):
evening and you're setting themup with vegetables and proper
nutrition and the vitamins andthe nutrients that they're
growing developing bodies need,right, have them do something.
I mean, chloe was always acompetitive cheerleader, so her
exercise was never a problem forher, but I do think that it is
very important for them to movetheir body in some sort of way.
(45:55):
I mean, and I understand thatwe live in this gaming society,
right, both my boys were gamers,huge gamers.
But it's like you need to haveat least 20 or 30 minutes a day
where you're on a slow pacedwalk outside, right, because all
that, even a little bit ofexercise, is releasing those
endorphins, right, that helpswith mood.
(46:16):
It's proven in research afterresearch that sunshine and
moving your body helps with mood, right, and so when you take
away some of the stimulants thatthat they have, the kids have
at their you know, exposure andtaking away a phone goes for
taking away the games and theTVs at night too.
Right, like I do not like formy kids didn't do it, but I do
(46:38):
not like for kids to fall asleepto a TV Like it needs to be
turned off.
Right, it's still blue light,it's still noise, it's still.
You can't really rest whenthere's all of that noise in the
background.
So all of that to say is to setboundaries right.
Proper nutrition, proper sleepAll of those are super and so
(47:03):
important for our children's,their mental health, their brain
and body growth and development, but also for parents, I mean,
like that's, that's, that'sthings that we can all do to
over to help improve our overallhealth and mindset.
Dr. Amy Moore (47:21):
yeah, great advice.
Um, okay so, jen, how can ourlisteners find more of you and
from you?
Jenn Robb (47:33):
So I have a website, warriormomcoachnet.
There's free resources on there.
There is a link to our Facebookcommunity that's free.
That's just moms that have youknow come together.
I mean there's things that Ipost in there, but it's also if
you need prayer or anything likethat.
And again, that goes back tonot to not doing this alone, to
(47:54):
not navigating it.
All of the moms in thatFacebook community have
navigated something right.
It may not all be the exactsame circumstance, but there's
been some sort of issue withtheir children or spouse that
they need community for.
The book is on Amazon WarriorMom Rising.
It's on Amazon, but anythingemailing me and all of that
(48:18):
contact information is on our onmy website All right.
Dr. Amy Moore (48:21):
Fantastic, Jen Robb.
Thank you so much for beingwith us today.
Moms, I hope you feel a littlebit smarter after spending this
hour with her and hearing all ofthis fantastic advice about
supporting teens with mentalhealth issues.
So if you loved us, we wouldlove it if you would follow us
on social media at the BrainyMoms.
You can find us atthebrainymomscom and until next
(48:44):
time, we'll catch you later.
Hi, smart moms and dads, welcome to another
episode of the Brainy Momspodcast brought to you today by
LearningRx Brain TrainingCenters.
I'm Dr Amy Moore and I am herewith Jen Robb.
Jen is a nurse practitioner, awellness advocate, a coach and
author of the book Warrior MomRising a mom's battle plan to
advocate overcome and thrive,overcome and thrive.
(00:26):
She's a mom who's walkedthrough the fire of teen mental
health struggles and is heretoday to offer some practical
hope to other moms navigatinghard parenting seasons.
Welcome, jen, hi.
Thanks, amy, I'm glad to behere.
Well, I was excited to talk toyou because I think that this is
an area that is ubiquitous inits struggle but not talked
about enough.
I think a lot of times, asparents, it's hard to admit that
(00:51):
our child has mental healthstruggles because we feel guilty
or we're afraid that peoplewill judge us, that it's our
fault, or that we've created anenvironment that you know has
caused our children, or or orwhatever, right.
So I don't think we havenatural conversations about it,
and I love how vulnerable youare in your book.
(01:12):
I love that you've made it yourmission to tell other moms I
see you, god sees you.
I just love everything thatyou're doing, so.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself, why you felt compelled
to write this book.
What's happening there?
Jenn Robb (01:30):
So I we live outside of Dallas, texas.
I've been married to my collegesweetheart for 25 years.
Three kids, two boys and a girl.
They're 20, 19 and 17 now Nursepractitioner for over 25 years,
recently board certified infunctional medicine and then
writing the book.
So the book actually launchedin May but the book was really
(01:54):
born out of, really for me, justobedience to God and writing
the book.
But because I felt every singlething that you just said right
as a mom, you know, we, I tellpeople all the time like we were
like the white picket fence,typical all American kind of
family right, been married for along time, raised in the church
(02:18):
, all of the things when youcheck on the boxes, right.
And so when Chloe is mydaughter's name, when she
started to struggle with hermental health, it kind of caught
us all off guard Like where'sthis coming from?
Our boys never had issues likethis, um, and there was a lot of
, a lot of guilt and a lot ofquestions like what did I miss?
(02:41):
How did I miss it?
How did this happen?
And we really didn't talk aboutit with anybody.
It was really our family, youknow, other than like my parents
knowing it was really kind ofjust us dealing with it because
of the stigma that comes withmental health, like there's
always this Ooh, she must becrazy, right.
Like that's not it at all, orhow, how did how did you allow
(03:04):
that to happen?
And I think, as moms, we reallystruggle with feeling and
carrying that burden, not onlycarrying the burden for our
children, for their pain, thatthey are having, but we just
don't want to share that withanybody.
(03:26):
Like we, we want to internalizeit and think, oh, I can handle
it on my own, but what happensis is that ultimately leads you
leads you to like burnout andfull on exhaustion, right, which
is not a good place to be whenyou're trying to deal with a
child who is struggling.
Dr. Amy Moore (03:43):
Yeah, yeah.
And one of the things that Isee is that when we don't talk
about it, then it doesn'tnecessarily show our struggling
child that we see the struggleor that we're willing to
acknowledge the struggle or thatwe want to hide the struggle.
Jenn Robb (04:03):
Well, but how do you expect them to step up and have
a voice for themselves when youdon't want to talk about it,
right, but there is a lot ofshame in in with your child
that's struggling, right.
With Chloe, hers wasn'tnecessarily anything that we had
done.
Hers actually stemmed from asexual assault from another peer
(04:25):
and of course, that triggers awhole nother level of emotions
for a parent, right, becauseit's like, well, how did I miss
this?
I mean, chloe was the baby girlyou know.
We were far more cautious withher than we ever were, even with
our two boys, um, and so it'skind of an.
It was kind of an eye-openingmoment, too.
Like that stuff can happenanywhere at any time, no matter
(04:47):
how cautious you are.
And that's not your fault,right, like and I think moms
need to hear that Like that'snot your fault, right, like you
didn't do anything wrong.
You probably couldn't haveprevented it anyway.
I mean, you know, short ofkeeping the child completely
isolated in your house in abubble, never to go anywhere,
right, and I think that that'sone of the things that, like, I
(05:11):
realized through the strugglewas that, like I felt alone.
But I don't want other moms tofeel alone.
Right, because we need to talkabout it, we need to have open
conversations about it.
And the other thing that Ifigured out is that for me, like
navigating the medical worldpsychiatrists, counselors,
therapists and all of thosethings that's second nature,
(05:32):
because I've been in medicinefor over 20 years.
But for a lot of moms that isnot second nature.
Oftentimes what they tell me iswell, I can't push back if I
don't like what they're sayingor I don't think what they're
saying is in the best interest.
You know, for me it was pushingback against the psychiatrist
(05:53):
who was saying you just need toput her on all of these
medications.
No One medication is okay, butI don't want so many medications
.
And then we have the sideeffects and all the other
ramifications that come fromthat many medications and then
we have the side effects and allthe other ramifications that
come from that.
But I also wanted her to dealwith the root cause of the issue
, right, because that's the onlyway that we can really get her
to heal is to deal with what wascausing her the pain and the
(06:20):
mental health, the anxiety, thedepression and, ultimately,
self-harm.
Dr. Amy Moore (06:30):
Yeah, I love that you brought that up, because I
think that oftentimes there isthis implied power differential
right between who's wearing thewhite coat you know, doctor,
psychiatrist, nurse practitioner, even right and the patient,
and most certainly the patient'sparent, who doesn't even feel
like it's their appointmentsometimes.
And so you know I was.
I was at a conference in thespring and I had a parent ask me
(06:52):
a question.
She said something like well,my child's pediatrician said
that I was required to put himon this medication because he
met this criteria for thisdiagnosis.
Because he met this criteriafor this diagnosis.
And I kind of tilted my head,looked at her and said the
doctor is not the boss of you.
Jenn Robb (07:12):
Right.
Dr. Amy Moore (07:13):
Right.
I mean you get to participatein your child's medical
decisions and mental healthtreatment decisions, and I think
that that isn't something thateveryone understands.
Jenn Robb (07:26):
Well, remember, I mean like we are taught and I
think that that isn't somethingthat everyone understands Well,
remember, I mean like we aretaught, you know, to have to
respect authority, right, andphysicians anybody in the
medical field, I mean, itdoesn't have to be a physician
are always typically in aposition of authority, right.
But one thing that I'vediscovered is that modern
medicine has changed a lot,right.
(07:46):
But one thing that I'vediscovered is that modern
medicine has changed a lot right.
And I mean I've been in modernmedicine for 25 years and now
that I'm board certified infunctional medicine, there's so
much more to root cause healingthan just putting a bandaid over
it with some sort of pill,right.
And I feel like in sometimes inmodern medicine, we get trapped
(08:07):
in this box of well, if youjust take this pill and if that
pill causes side effects, we'llput you on another pill to
counter out the side effects,right, but we're not really
treating anything.
We're really just putting abandaid over it and hoping that
we can contain those, thebleeding right, so to say.
But I think, when mental health, there's so much more to that.
(08:31):
Yes, like in Chloe's case, yes,she had a real traumatic event
that caused PTSD and all theother things, right.
But a lot of cases we're soaccustomed to being that they
are in the position of authoritythat we can't push back and
question a little bit like, whyam I doing this?
(08:52):
And I think it's important torealize that your kids don't
really have a voice in thatcircumstance, right.
They don't know, they don'tknow what they need, they don't
know what they should ask for,you know.
And like, when I think back toChloe, like Chloe was in no
position to advocate or speakout as to what she needed.
She couldn't even tell me whatshe needed in that moment, right
(09:15):
.
So, and it's really the mom'sor the parent's job to kind of
step up and say, now listen, Imean, I hear what you're saying,
but I think it's too much,right.
And it's the same thing withtherapists, right.
Like we went through threetherapists before we found the
right one for Chloe.
Not all therapists are the same, right, and that's okay.
(09:36):
They all have a purpose andthey all have their niche, so to
say that they're best at, youknow, but for Chloe I didn't
need someone that was just goingto listen, I needed someone who
was going to challenge her, tobring up the trauma so that she
could heal from it, right, andthat person was somebody who was
(09:58):
trained very specifically inadolescence and trauma and
cognitive behavior therapy inadolescence and trauma and
cognitive behavior therapy,right Like EMDR, right.
That was huge, huge for Chloe.
And so I just I want moms toknow that, like, not only
(10:18):
advocating.
It takes a little bit of timeto kind of learn Right, and
especially I hear like moms say,well, I'm not a very strong
personality, well, that's okay.
I'm not telling you to go fullthrottle, mama bear in there,
right, like.
But you do have to be a littlebit okay with pushing back and
finding almost empowerment inthat right, because you are the
(10:40):
only one that has your child'sbest interest at heart.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:47):
Right, you, I mean you're going to be your
child's best advocate.
No one is going to fight ashard for your child as you will.
I mean, you're the mama bear.
Jenn Robb (10:52):
Right.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:53):
Yeah.
Jenn Robb (10:54):
A hundred percent.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:55):
So, as a medical professional, do you bristle or
do you have like this visceralresponse to patients who push
back on your recommendations?
And if you do, what are sometips that you could give moms on
how to ask the questions?
(11:15):
What are the alternatives?
Could you explain the pros andcons of this to me in a way that
doesn't put the psychiatrist orpsychologist or physician on a
defensive mode?
Jenn Robb (11:27):
And I think that that's just really what it's
about, right, like you know, inmy practice I deal a lot with
obesity medicine right now andpeople ask me all the time well,
I don't know why I should dothat, and I think it's totally
fine, like, and I don't takeoffense to it, right, because
that's that's your right, but Ithink it's all in your, in your
(11:48):
position and your posture almostRight, like, if you come at
them like, almost like you'rewrong, and in that defensive
mode, well, they're naturallygoing to get defensive back,
right, and I think it's justabout approaching it by saying I
hear you, but I'm not sure thatin this instance it's what's
(12:09):
best for her, and this is why,or him, and this is why I think
it's really about justpositioning yourself I don't
want to say like in a submissiveposition, but almost as in just
like you're respecting theirauthority, but you're, you're,
(12:31):
you're just almost questioningit, but not in a rude or harsh
way, right, and I just thinkthat that's okay and you need to
be okay with their answer.
Like, if their answer comesback and says well, this is what
I think, because I, if they sayI am the doctor, to me, that's
a red flag, I'd be like thanksfor your time, I'm out, right
(12:57):
and that's okay.
Like if you have to walk outand say you know, no thanks, but
no thanks, that's okay, and Ijust I really feel like they
just need to hear that it's okay.
It's okay to question and toask them what they're basing
that on, right, because what youknow, like and I'm sure you've
seen it too, like I even dealingwith my kids when they were
small, like with theirpediatrician, right, certain
(13:20):
doctors in their certainspecialties, they get kind of
trapped in this box, right, andthey only know how to treat or
think with inside this boxbecause that's all they treat,
right, just like with apediatrician, for instance, they
only treat pediatrics.
And so sometimes if you bring ina zebra, right, they don't know
how to respond to that zebrabecause it's outside of the box,
(13:43):
to that zebra because it'soutside of the box.
And so it's the same thing withpsychiatrists, right?
They think that just because Imean, for instance, your kid is
suffering with anxiety anddepression, well, the other 25
kids that they just treated thisweek all have anxiety and
depression and they did all ofthose exact things.
Right, but those modalities arenot necessarily what your
(14:04):
particular child needs, right?
And I just think, I mean I justthink that we have to get in a
position to say I respect youand I hear you, but I'm going to
question because her wellbeingor his wellbeing is my highest
priority.
Dr. Amy Moore (14:23):
Yeah, and I love that you're kind of giving
permission to moms to say thatin a respectful way.
Right To adopt this mindset ofcuriosity, right?
Help me understand why this isyour recommendation.
Jenn Robb (14:38):
Right.
Dr. Amy Moore (14:38):
Yeah, so there are a couple of quotes from your
book that really resonated withme and I would love for you to
speak to them, and so one ofthem was your child doesn't need
a perfect mom.
They need a present mom.
Jenn Robb (14:54):
So I think oftentimes , as moms, we get so caught up
and trying to do everything forour kid and make sure that they
have the perfect life right,that they have all of the
perfect clothes, they have allof the things that they've ever
wanted and needed, but I thinksometimes we get so wrapped up
(15:17):
in that that we almost removeourselves from being present in
the moment with them.
Right, none of us are perfect.
There's not one person on thisplanet who is perfect, and
that's okay.
Right, and I think that kidsalso need to see us, our
imperfections, and see us forwho we are.
(15:39):
Right, and know that our heart,behind everything that we do,
is out of love and support forthem.
Right, but we have to own ourimperfections.
Right, but it's more aboutputting the phone down or the
computer down and comparingyourself to Johnny and Susie
over there for what they'redoing and just saying, hey, this
(16:03):
is, this is what I want to doand this is what I'm thinking.
What do you think about this?
Right?
Like and just being in themoment with them, without all of
the added pressures of what theJoneses, so to say, are doing.
Right, and I think that that'sreally hard for sometimes for
moms, because we feel like ifour kid doesn't have every
(16:24):
single thing that the Joneseshave, that they're missing out.
And I don't think that that'sthe case right.
All of our kids, our kids don'tneed everything that everybody
else has.
They just need us, as their mom, to be present, to interact
with them, to show up right, toshow up to events, to show up in
love and encouragement and tocheer them on, and I think
(16:47):
that's far more important thantrying to be perfect all of the
time.
Dr. Amy Moore (16:55):
Yeah, that's great advice.
I was thinking as you weretalking.
You know we don't want our kidsto suffer and we want to fix
things.
And you know our child gets adiagnosis, particularly a mental
health diagnosis'm going toresearch everything I possibly
can about the possibletreatments and then we're going
(17:16):
to start with the first one andthen the second one until we
find one that fixes thediagnosis, when, in reality,
shouldn't we be looking at theindividual child and maybe the
symptom that's screaming theloudest?
And I mean it isn't abouterasing a diagnosis, right?
(17:37):
I mean it's about being fullypresent with our child suffering
.
Jenn Robb (17:43):
Right, and in those moments, like Chloe's, anxiety
is different because it stemsfrom a different root cause,
right, your child's anxiety maybe because they're being bullied
or something or someone saidmean something mean to them.
Right, that's different.
And so that's why, like, why Isaid with a psychiatrist, like,
(18:07):
just because they want to putyou on these five pills to treat
that symptom and what's bestfor your particular child, right
, and every child is different,every child responds differently
, right.
And so you know, like, when youtalk about medicines, like with
Chloe, they wanted to have heron three different medicines and
(18:29):
I was like mm-mm, we'll put heron one to help her kind of deal
with the right now anxiety andkind of the depression that
we're feeling.
But we're going to go on thehunt for the root cause, right,
and in that I had to be present,right and and present minded
(18:52):
with her.
Right, so that when she wastriggered, so to say, or she was
having an anxiety attack, Inoticed, right, I could see
those subtle signs.
I was there in the moment to bewith her and to comfort her.
The other thing that I thinkthat's important is that it's
not our job as the mama to carrythe child's pain and burden
(19:15):
right, and so oftentimes we gettrapped in this.
I'm the mom, so I have to carryit for everybody else.
It's your job as the mom toshow up right To support them
through their struggles, to lovethem through their struggles,
right To advise them when it'sneeded.
But if you don't let them feelwhat they need to feel, what
(19:42):
lessons are they really learningright?
Or if I would have tried tojust fix it all for Chloe and I
would have immediately, you know, just said you're going to have
to get over it and we're goingto fix this and it's okay and
moving on, she wouldn't havelearned how to work through
those feelings that she wasfeeling of the anxiety, the
(20:05):
depression, the shame, the guilt, all of those things.
And I think that that'simportant for mamas to
understand is that you're nevergoing to be perfect in every, in
how you show up.
That's just it's.
You're not going to always beperfect, and that's okay.
But are you there when theyneed you?
Are you present in the momentto help them through their
(20:29):
struggles and to teach them andguide them Right?
And I just hear it all the timefrom women that say, oh, I have
to carry so much.
You know everybody isstruggling.
My kids are struggling withtheir grades and they're, you
know, my husband's strugglingwith his job.
But it's not your job.
Your job is not to carry it all, your job is to support them.
(20:51):
Right, our permission to I meanourselves, permission a little
bit to say I'm here, I love you,but I can't do the work for you
.
Then we take some of thatburden and lessen the risk of
(21:12):
burnout on ourselves.
Dr. Amy Moore (21:15):
Yeah, you talk about the importance of setting
emotional boundaries.
Yeah, talk a little bit about,maybe, some tips for doing that.
Jenn Robb (21:38):
But I have to protect my own sanity too, right,
because the other thing aboutwomen is that we typically get
so burnt out and exhausted inthe moment taking care of
everybody else's problems thatwe forget about us, and then
we're burning on empty and thenyou're not helping anyone, right
, because you can't pour fromyour empty cup anyone right,
(21:58):
because you can't pour from yourempty cup.
And so you have to find ways tokind of refresh your soul, right
, and to keep your spirit anddrive alive so that you can help
, support and love and cheerthem on in all of their other
struggles right, and some ofthat is just them on in all of
(22:21):
their other struggles, right,and some of that is just taking
a walk.
For me, it was listening toworship music in my car, right.
But I think that oftentimes too, we let, we let people take
advantage of that nurturing sideof us, and then, when we try to
now set a boundary, there'sguilt and shame that comes in,
(22:42):
right, and then now it'scompounded by all of the other
emotions, and now you've gotguilt and shame on top of it,
and I think that for moms, it'simportant to know you're okay to
feel that way.
Dr. Amy Moore (22:58):
No, you're okay to feel that way, but if you
don't take time for yourself andyou stay trapped in that
thoughts, in those cycles, inthat burnout, you're useful to
no one, to no one, and I thinkyou talk about in your book how
taking care of yourself isactually modeling, how to
(23:22):
differentiate yourself rightemotionally from your child's
emotions or your spouse'semotions, or that that's
important.
That's an important lesson foryour kids to see too.
Jenn Robb (23:35):
A hundred percent.
It's a lesson for them.
But it goes back to the samething, right, like that, you
that you own that you're notperfect, right, you own the fact
that you have imperfections,but you also own the fact that
you're learning and you'regrowing and you're transforming
right into someone who you weredesigned to be, right, and
(23:59):
that's that's good.
Like for Chloe.
I mean, she saw the grief fromme, right, and I told you know,
I feel like we had aconversation you know multiple
conversations like I don't knowhow to help you anymore, right,
like I don't know what to do foryou.
You are going to have to stepin and take ownership of your
(24:20):
feelings and you are going tohave to do the work with a
therapist in order to makeyourself better.
I can't do that for you anymore.
I mean, I remember telling herthose things and through that
she was like okay, you know, andI think the other part to that
(24:41):
is is like, when I think aboutChloe, like, and she was
struggling, she never wanted meto hurt, right, she never wanted
me to feel sadness or painbecause of her, right, and I
think we oftentimes forget thatour kids do love us, though
sometimes they're not the bestat expressing that right, and
(25:01):
they, you know, have oftenthrown tantrums and we're
ruining their lives and so on,right, but they do not want us
to hurt as their parents.
So I think it's important forthem to see us grieve and show
that emotional response to theirpain.
Right, because then it'steaching them that it's okay to
(25:26):
have emotion, it's okay to feelit, but what it's not okay to do
is to stay stuck right.
That's what I wanted Chloe toknow.
It's okay for you to cry and tohave pain and grief and shame
and all those things, but whatyou're going to do is you're
(25:46):
going to live in that moment forthat moment, and then you're
going to get up and you're goingto rise again and we're going
to continue to fight this battleday in and day out, and I'm
going to lock arms with you.
I can't fight it for you tofight this battle day in and day
out, and I'm going to lock armswith you.
I can't fight it for you, butI'm going to be standing right
here with you, fightingalongside of you, and then she
(26:08):
feels empowered, right, becausenow she's got the strength that
mama's there.
But I have to do the work.
I have to fight the battle.
I have to deal with my ownemotions and get to the root of
what is causing me to feel thisway.
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Dr. Amy Moore (27:15):
So I just had this really powerful analogy
that I mean, isn't that what theLord does for us?
Jenn Robb (27:24):
Well, you know and I talk about that in the book too
Like, every day, we have to getup and put on the armor of God,
right, and that's what I toldChloe.
Like, god is right there too,even though you can't see him,
but in those moments of yourdeepest pain, knowing that he's
(27:46):
there and feeling his presence,right, again, it goes back to
just being present, and that'swhat they need from us, right?
There were so many times thatChloe would come out of a
therapy session and be like Imean, you could just tell she
was a mess.
(28:06):
You know tears, and especiallywhen she was doing EMDR, right,
because that is resurfacing allof the painful things so that we
can retrain the brain and healthose parts of the brain where
the trauma is rooted.
And she'd be like I just, youjust knew she didn't want to
talk, but what she wanted wasfor me to hug her and to put my
arms around her and to say Ilove you and I'm here, right,
(28:31):
the same way that God does forus every day, for us every day,
right, and I think it's alsoimportant for parents to know
that life is always going tolife, okay, it doesn't matter
how much we think we have ittogether or perfect.
There are always going to bestruggles and god never said
(28:57):
there wasn't going to bestruggles.
Not one promised us that therewould be right.
Did he ever say, right, yeah,but knowing that you have God on
your side, right to help you,even in our, our alone most
moments I mean in our, the timeswhen we feel the most alone as
(29:17):
a parent, we still have God onour side, Right, and I think
that that is one of the biggerthings that kept me really
grounded when I wanted to gohide and cry and in a hole, you
know.
Dr. Amy Moore (29:55):
Yeah, so I love the picture of the Ephesians six
warrior, and as I was readingyour book and I call myself an
ADHD warrior, so I love the term.
Jenn Robb (29:57):
Talk a little bit about why you titled your book
or your mom.
I really feel like Out of it.
And when we were in the depthsOf it with Chloe, we were
fighting a battle.
Right, not only were wefighting a battle Physically,
but we were fighting thespiritual battle With her as
well.
Right, because I really feltlike the enemy was really trying
to take her out, and so I.
(30:24):
Every day, we have to get up andwe have to put on that battle
armor, right, and so when we dothat, the warrior within us
rises.
Right, we are all.
There's a warrior mom orwarrior dad in all of us, right,
it's just figuring out how tolet that one out.
Right, and I think it's verypoignant because I always felt
(30:47):
like I was on a battlefield.
I never felt like I was just,you know, in my house, just
dealing with everyday troubles.
Right, I was really on abattlefield and I think it's
just.
It was just a natural title,like it literally just came out
of nowhere that this is what itwas going to be called, because
the warrior mom in us needs torise, right, and we need to rise
(31:11):
physically to help our child,but also, like in a spiritual
way, right, we have to rise inthe battle and pray and bring
all of those petitions to Godand say help me out, because I
am fighting a battle that's notagainst my flesh and blood,
right, things that I can't evensee, and I felt like there were
many times that the enemy wasjust they were going to take her
(31:34):
out.
You know, and honestly, amy, Ithink the biggest, the biggest
transformation of all of thiscame from when I finally
surrendered Chloe over to God.
Right, you know, april 4th of 23was like the moment that was
(31:55):
just the lowest of low pointswith Chloe.
Right, the two my two boys hadfound her unresponsive in her
room, face down in a pool ofvomit.
Call 9111, get her to thehospital.
All of their lab testing heralcohol level was four times the
lethal limit, and the doctor inthe ER at the children's
(32:19):
hospital looked at me and he waslike there is no reason that
she should be alive and I said,oh, but there is right, she is
anointed and God has a purposefor her story.
Though it is painful, there is apurpose for her story and he
(32:40):
was right, though, when you lookat it.
From the human perspective,there was no reason for her to
be alive.
Not only was her alcohol levelridiculously high I mean,
chloe's a hundred pounds, right,she's very petite, she could
have suffocated in the pillow,she could have aspirated in the
vomit, right and so, yes, sheprobably shouldn't be alive.
(33:01):
But I knew that God had a pointin a, in a huge purpose for her
life, right and so.
But I remember coming home fromthat hospital and she was so
exhausted, physically, butemotionally and mentally too,
she was so weak and she wascovered in vomit, just like I
was literally just stuck in herhair and she couldn't even bathe
herself, right.
(33:21):
And I had to take her in theshower and wash her hair and get
the vomit off of her.
And it was literally in thatmoment that you feel so helpless
as a parent and as a mom,because your child is too weak
and like you don't know what todo.
But it was.
I heard God say literally Jen,surrender her to me.
(33:42):
As much as you love her, I loveher more, and I think that
that's poignant for parents torealize, right, like the
circumstances may not always beand the outcomes may not be what
we want, right, and our childmay not be fixed as quick as we
want them to be fixed, becausewe live in this delusional
(34:04):
Amazon society that it's goingto be fixed tomorrow.
And just because I pray aboutit, it's going to be fixed
tomorrow.
Right, but remember God'stiming is not ours timing.
I mean, this was a three orfour year battle that we were in
with Chloe and I think thatthat's important.
The surrender comes in releasingthat you can do, you've done
(34:28):
what you do, and surrenderingdoesn't mean that you're washing
your hands and you're like well, peace out, chloe, good luck.
You know what I mean.
That doesn't mean that.
It means that you're stilldoing actions and you're still.
You're still doing andadvocating and pushing and
guiding them and loving them,but you've released the burden
(34:49):
from yourself and given it tosomeone who has far more power
than you do.
Right, and that was kind of themoment that was most freeing,
right as a warrior mom, becauseI am fiercely, you know, I am a
(35:11):
fierce mama bear, right, but toknow that God loves our children
more than we do, that'spowerful and it's freeing, yeah,
and you can trust him with yourchildren.
(35:31):
And I think that that that mamasneed to hear that right, like
and again, it wasn't in thatmoment of surrender that I
finally said, okay, here, youcan please help her, that I
snapped my fingers and I woke upthe next morning and it was all
better because it wasn't Right.
It was still a grueling twoyears, but I had his promise
(35:55):
that he was going to take careof her and I could hold on to
that in those darkest moments.
And I just really want mamas tohear that, right, you're not
alone, you're never alone.
And there's real strength inthat right.
(36:16):
There's strength in knowing whostands behind you, right With
his angel army, who is standingbehind you in this battle, right
With his angel army?
Who?
Who is standing behind you inthis battle?
Dr. Amy Moore (36:40):
Just mamas need to hear that.
Mamas need to know yeah Well,and I love that you didn't
sugarcoat this, right, youdidn't say give it to God and
then all will be well.
Right, you literally just saidI got to turn this over to who
has the power that I don't have,and in reality, the enemy waits
around right For you to growthe kingdom and strengthen the
(37:01):
kingdom like that, by giving Godthis responsibility right or
giving it over, and so you talkabout that right or giving it
over, and so you talk about thatright.
How the guilt and the shame arelies from the enemy, and so I
think that that needs to besomething that moms expect to
happen too.
Right that it isn't going to beeasy.
Jenn Robb (37:23):
It's not.
I mean, there wasn't a day inany of this.
And there's still days that,you know, she, she may have a
little bit of anxiety, right,and I don't know that that's
ever going to go away.
But that's okay, because nowshe has the, she knows that
(37:52):
she's a daughter of the king,right, but she also now has the
proper tools to help her copewhen those moments creep in,
right, when the enemy tries toattack her.
She now has a whole notherskill set that she didn't have
before.
And you know, again, that goesback to finding the perfect
therapist for her right, findingsomebody that could equip her
with something that I couldn'tequip her with.
I mean equip her with.
(38:13):
I mean I can speak life intoher and I can tell her that
she's a daughter of the King,but I don't have the skillset to
teach her the coping mechanismsthat she needed, right.
And so, again, you can't battlethis alone.
And so, again, you can't battlethis alone.
(38:45):
You can't.
You have to depend and ask forhelp and you can lean on people
that have the expertise whereyou don't.
And that's what we're all herefor and I think that that's
important too is because, as amama, we think we have to do it
all, but we don't.
We don't have to do it all.
We were never meant to do itall and carry it all for
everybody all the time, right,and you need to get that in our
heads, that we were never meantto do that Right.
(39:09):
And there are people out therethat are smarter than us, that
have far more expertise than us,that can help us in areas that
we lack, and it's not a sign ofweakness to me, that's a sign of
strength.
Right?
You're reaching out for someoneelse to say I don't know how to
help her anymore.
I've done all I know to do.
(39:31):
Can you help her?
That is strength, and you areteaching your kid to advocate
for themselves, but to findpeople who can help them, and
not showing that it's weaknessor you're not good enough,
because that has nothing to dowith it.
(39:53):
God designed us all very unique,right, and we all have these
unique purposes and drives andstrengths.
He didn't make us all the same.
If we were all the same, we'dbe robots, just all trucking
along, you know, one after theother doing the same thing every
day and day out, and that's,that's not how we're designed,
and I think it's important formamas to hear that it's okay to
(40:16):
ask for help, then you need tofind the right help right and
sometimes I don't think thatthat's always whatever Facebook
says or whatever Instagram saysright, that's not always the
best kind of help.
But also knowing your mamaintuition and hearing that inner
(40:41):
voice in you and trusting thatvoice right, that you know if
something is wrong with yourkids.
This is different behavior.
They're not acting the same.
This is, this is not normalteen behavior.
And trusting that instinct andthen trusting the instinct that
you're going to find them thehelp that they need yeah.
Dr. Amy Moore (41:00):
Okay.
So we know we have a kid who iseither having a mental health
crisis or is showing signs ofmental health issues, and we
know that the waiting list formental health treatment is super
long in most areas of thecountry right now.
So I think, as parents, we dohave the ability to make some
(41:22):
foundational changes to ourchild's physical health that can
help support their mentalhealth while we're waiting on
that specialized mental healthhelp that they need.
Right, and I love that you saidat the top of the show that you
just got your functionalmedicine certification and so
you're speaking my language interms of supporting brain health
(41:46):
with sleep and nutrition andoptimizing stress, and what
would be, you know, your toptips for parents of teens?
How can they plus up thatphysical health, that brain
health, to give kids a fightingchance once they actually can
get that specialized help too?
Jenn Robb (42:07):
First and foremost, I think it's about setting
boundaries with these children.
Right, you don't need to havethe phone 24 hours, seven days a
week.
Right, there's so much junk onthose things that they don't
need to see and it's not goodfor their brains to be looking
(42:27):
at a screen as they lay down togo to bed.
But they can't go to bedbecause now they've gotten
sucked into watching videos onTikTok.
Right, you know, with Chloe weset a very clear boundary.
At nine o'clock the phone iscoming to me.
I'm sorry, I don't care.
If your friends I don't care,right, and that's OK.
(42:48):
It's okay.
If they get mad at you, right,it's okay.
But setting that boundarybecause what you're doing is
protecting them, right, you'reprotecting them from the scroll,
the endless scroll and themindless staring at a screen and
then feeling filling theirminds with just worldly junk,
(43:09):
right, but you're also allowingtheir brains time to rest and to
reset and to follow the normalcircadian rhythms, right, we
know that sleep is crazyimportant right, to overall
brain health and growth anddevelopment.
They need sleep and so, youknow, for Chloe it was.
(43:32):
We took her phone at nineo'clock.
Sorry about your bad luck.
The phone is coming to mypossession and I gave her a
melatonin every night.
At the same time I took herphone, so I wanted her asleep by
10 pm and I know that soundscrazy when you're having teens,
right, but they need restfulsleep, they just do.
Dr. Amy Moore (43:56):
Sure, and not to mention the blue light exposure
keeps the brain from releasingmelatonin.
Jenn Robb (44:01):
Right Right Says it's time to go to sleep, and the
other thing about that is is shecouldn't reach for the phone as
soon as her eyes opened.
Right, because we also knowthat for brain health and to
keep the normal circadian rhythmof how our bodies were designed
, we need to see sunlight firstthing in the morning.
Right, you need to open theblinds, let your body or go walk
(44:25):
outside and see that sunlightin your eyes, because that helps
the brain know, okay, it'smorning, and then I can produce
more melatonin at the propertime.
Right, these are all things.
And you don't need blue lightexposure in the morning.
There is research study afterresearch study about not picking
up a phone, and this is foradults too.
(44:46):
Not picking up a phone, andthis is for adults too.
Not picking up a phone for atleast 30 minutes in the morning,
allowing your brain time towake up, to see the sunlight, to
kind of get going.
Right, the blue light is notgood, the phone is not good.
As soon as you open your eyes,you don't need to see the smut
that's happening in the world,right, you need to see smut
(45:09):
that's happening in the world,right, you need to see, I mean.
And the other thing is that isopen up the Bible for the first
for the morning, right, sunshinein the Bible and let God's word
renew your mind right and setyour footing for the day.
But also it's about propernutrition with the kids, right.
I mean, have a night like whereyou cook together in the
(45:30):
evening and you're setting themup with vegetables and proper
nutrition and the vitamins andthe nutrients that they're
growing developing bodies need,right, have them do something.
I mean, chloe was always acompetitive cheerleader, so her
exercise was never a problem forher, but I do think that it is
very important for them to movetheir body in some sort of way.
(45:55):
I mean, and I understand thatwe live in this gaming society,
right, both my boys were gamers,huge gamers.
But it's like you need to haveat least 20 or 30 minutes a day
where you're on a slow pacedwalk outside, right, because all
that, even a little bit ofexercise, is releasing those
endorphins, right, that helpswith mood.
(46:16):
It's proven in research afterresearch that sunshine and
moving your body helps with mood, right, and so when you take
away some of the stimulants thatthat they have, the kids have
at their you know, exposure andtaking away a phone goes for
taking away the games and theTVs at night too.
Right, like I do not like formy kids didn't do it, but I do
(46:38):
not like for kids to fall asleepto a TV Like it needs to be
turned off.
Right, it's still blue light,it's still noise, it's still.
You can't really rest whenthere's all of that noise in the
background.
So all of that to say is to setboundaries right.
Proper nutrition, proper sleepAll of those are super and so
(47:03):
important for our children's,their mental health, their brain
and body growth and development, but also for parents, I mean,
like that's, that's, that'sthings that we can all do to
over to help improve our overallhealth and mindset.
Dr. Amy Moore (47:21):
yeah, great advice.
Um, okay so, jen, how can ourlisteners find more of you and
from you?
Jenn Robb (47:33):
So I have a website, warriormomcoachnet.
There's free resources on there.
There is a link to our Facebookcommunity that's free.
That's just moms that have youknow come together.
I mean there's things that Ipost in there, but it's also if
you need prayer or anything likethat.
And again, that goes back tonot to not doing this alone, to
(47:54):
not navigating it.
All of the moms in thatFacebook community have
navigated something right.
It may not all be the exactsame circumstance, but there's
been some sort of issue withtheir children or spouse that
they need community for.
The book is on Amazon WarriorMom Rising.
It's on Amazon, but anythingemailing me and all of that
(48:18):
contact information is on our onmy website All right.
Dr. Amy Moore (48:21):
Fantastic, Jen Robb.
Thank you so much for beingwith us today.
Moms, I hope you feel a littlebit smarter after spending this
hour with her and hearing all ofthis fantastic advice about
supporting teens with mentalhealth issues.
So if you loved us, we wouldlove it if you would follow us
on social media at the BrainyMoms.
You can find us atthebrainymomscom and until next
(48:44):
time, we'll catch you later.
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