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Emotional Eating: A Mask for Deeper Feelings
Do you find yourself reaching for comfort food when you're feeling stressed, anxious, or lonely? In this episode, I explore the hidden reasons why we turn to food to numb our emotions.
Discover how:
- Childhood Experiences Shape Our Eating Habits: I delve into how witnessing overwhelming emotional displays in childhood can lead to a fear of emotions and, ultimately, emotional eating.
- The Power of Presence: Learn how to sit with your emotions, rather than running from them, and transform your relationship with food.
- Practical Tool for Emotional Well-being: I share my simple yet effective technique for processing emotions that allows you to feel your emotions instead of eating to avoid them.
Let's break free from the cycle of emotional eating and embrace a healthier, more fulfilling life.
To access the Processing Emotions Checklist, click here.
Connect with me online:
1. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/breakthroughemotionaleating/
2. You Tube channel, Kristin Jones Coaching: https://www.youtube.com/@KristinJonesCoaching44
3. You Tube channel, Breakthrough Emotional Eating Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@breakthroughpodcast-44
3 . Website: https://www.kristinjonescoaching.com
If you want to learn more about how to stop overeating at meals and lose weight easily, get my How To Stop Overeating At Meals Guide: https://go.kristinjonescoaching.com/stop-overeating
Needing more specific and direct support for your emotional eating and overeating? Check out my online course, Stop Dieting Start Feeling, and my personalized coaching program, Breakthrough To You.
If you found this episode helpful, don't forget to leave a review on the platform you used to listen and share it with your friends on your Instagram stories. Also, be sure to follow me o...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi and welcome to the Breakthrough Emotional Eating
Podcast.
My name is Kristen Jones andthank you so much for joining me
this week.
One of the things that Idiscovered as an emotional eater
was that I was not for amajority of my adult life.
I was hiding from a huge partof my life, and food was the
(00:29):
thing that I was using to hidefrom the fact that I was very
lonely and that I didn'tnecessarily like the direction
that my life was going in.
But I didn't know what else todo.
I didn't know how to fix it.
I didn't know how to fix it.
I didn't know how to address it.
I didn't know even.
I don't even think I wasconsciously aware that there was
(00:52):
a problem, so to speak, with mylife.
I think I pretended a lot thateverything the things and the
emotions and the thoughts andthe beliefs that that I did not
(01:13):
want to be confronted with, thatwere there and they were
present and I didn't like them,but I just wanted to ignore them
, and so what I did was I usedfood instead, and I very easily
could have just gotten high allthe time.
I could have just been a drunk.
I could have been drunk thewhole time.
I could have just shoppedconstantly.
There's so many things that Icould have done, but for me,
(01:37):
food was the thing that was mostconvenient.
And if you are like most people,there are probably things in
your life that are not ideal.
Most people have things intheir lives that they don't want
to address and they find a wayto avoid them, and so if that is
(02:04):
something that resonates withyou, this podcast is for you.
So what we're going to do isI'm going to present to you and
kind of give you someinformation about what it is
maybe that you're trying toavoid and why you might be
wanting to avoid those things,and then what you can do instead
(02:26):
of turning to food, and evenjust addressing this one thing
could significantly change youreating habits, could change your
weight, not even doing anythingelse, maybe not even changing
anything that you're eating, butjust becoming aware of the fact
that you possibly are doingthis and that you are using food
(02:50):
for something other than whatit is intended to be.
Just that awareness and justmaking that effort to be a
little bit more in touch withyour own emotions and in touch
with what you're doing it couldsignificantly change the
direction of your life, as wellas your weight and your feelings
(03:12):
about yourself.
So let's get into it.
So, if you are like anyone else,you possibly again have areas
of your life that you are nothappy with, and I have spent
probably the last five yearscoaching people specifically on
(03:39):
emotional eating and why weemotionally eat, and the clue
about what we're going to talkabout today is in the phrase
emotional eating, because whenpeople are using food to avoid
something, the thing that theyare avoiding is emotion.
They're avoiding feelings thatthey have and thoughts and
(04:04):
beliefs about themselves, but itreally comes back to the
emotions that they're feelingwithin their own body.
And so when we talk about, areyou choosing to escape your life
through food?
A better question is are youchoosing to escape emotions that
(04:24):
you are having?
And the bigger question is whatare the emotions and why are
you so afraid of feeling them?
Definitely things to thinkabout, definitely something to
consider and to ponder, and itis, I think it is probably the
(04:45):
most common reason that peopleuse food or become emotional
eaters is that it becomes a wayof avoiding what is in front of
you or what you are confrontedwith.
That makes you uncomfortable.
(05:07):
And so the first, if we're goingto talk about emotional eating,
we're going to talk about, youknow, using that to kind of
escape your life and relieveyourself during stressful times.
And if we're going to be doingthat, there are a couple of
concepts that we have to kind oftalk about before we rush into
(05:27):
talking about how we deal withthis.
And the first concept is againwhat are you escaping from?
What are the feelings thatyou're escaping from?
So only you know what those are, but oftentimes, actually I
(05:48):
will say in almost all cases, weare not taught how to feel
emotions or process emotions.
We are taught how to react toemotions, and those are two very
different things.
Processing an emotion andactually feeling it, and feeling
(06:09):
it in your body, is verydifferent than reacting.
Reacting is yelling, screaming,throwing something.
Those are two very, verydifferent things.
One is done by yourself, one isdone within you, in a very
solitary way, and the other isusually striking out outwardly
(06:31):
towards other people or towardsthe targets of your highly
emotional outburst or whateverthe circumstances are, and so
you have to remember that.
So processing and emotion again, processing and reacting are
two very different things.
(06:52):
And when we can catch ourselvesand realize okay, what is it
that I'm feeling?
Can I identify the feeling?
And then can I be okay justsitting with this feeling
instead of reacting to it?
And reacting to it is walkinginto the kitchen, walking into
the pantry and grabbingsomething and eating something,
(07:14):
because I don't want to feel howI'm feeling right now and it
makes me so physicallyuncomfortable that I have to go
and do something else.
And so that it's a question youhave to ask yourself, and
probably right now you're likeno, I can't, I really don't want
to do that, I really don't wantto feel that, those emotions, I
don't want to even have thosethings come into my world.
(07:38):
And so the next question andthe next concept to think about
is why are we so afraid?
Why are we so afraid?
And in most cases, the reasonwhy we are afraid to feel
emotions is because when we wereyoung, we either witnessed
(08:00):
people showing emotions andbeing completely out of control,
and it was frightening.
It was a scary circumstance.
It was a scary.
It was to a child, a parentcrying, a parent screaming.
Depending on what yourenvironment was that you grew up
in, emotions could beincredibly high, incredibly
(08:25):
exaggerated, very loud, veryboisterous and very disturbing.
And so if you witnessed thatwhen you were five, six, seven
years old, that is burned intoyour memory of like oh, I do not
want to be that person.
I don't want to witness that.
I don't want to be that person.
That scares me and that'scompletely understandable.
(08:49):
But that was you as a child andwe have to always remember that
we are not still children.
We get to make those decisionsthat make decisions about how we
want to act as adults.
But recognizing and realizingoh, that might be where that
came from.
I have this memory of blank,blank and blank.
Somebody was yelling andscreaming and I remember how
(09:11):
scary it was and I went and hidunder my bed or whatever the
circumstances were.
Recognizing and understandingwhere it comes from is so
incredibly helpful, because thenwe can start to realistically
say, okay, but that was me and Iwas a child.
I didn't have a choice but towitness that and then take that
in.
Now, as an adult, I get to makea different decision.
(09:33):
So that's one side of the camp.
Sometimes we have people whohave witnessed very big emotions
in their childhood and they donot want to experience that.
You do not want to feel thatbecause it's frightening.
Then there's the other side,where people were brought up in
environments where they were notallowed to express emotions and
(09:57):
they don't know how.
They don't know how.
They don't even know how toidentify an emotion, words to it
they can't even say, they can'teven identify what the actual
emotion is.
I find it very common forpeople to have two emotions
(10:18):
happy or sad.
And maybe we'll throw angry inthere.
Not even angry mad.
Happy, sad, mad.
Those would be the three,that's it.
There's nothing else.
Well, there's a whole range ofemotions, but if you were never
allowed or never encouraged ornever saw someone appropriately
(10:39):
express emotion, or even expressemotion at all, that is going
to be a very foreign concept andsomething that you will not
feel comfortable with.
And so, again, we get to makethe decision as adults do.
We want to keep doing that samepattern, because it's not
serving us.
The only thing it's doing iscausing us to find this other
(11:00):
thing, and for emotional eaters,it's eating that will avoid,
that will help us avoid that.
So we don't have to deal withit.
But when we don't deal withemotions and we don't deal with
how we're feeling, it doesn't goaway, it doesn't dissipate from
your body, it doesn't.
You don't forget about it.
It stays, it builds andeventually it's going to come
(11:22):
out, and it's going to come outin a much bigger way than you
probably ever would want to haveit happen.
So it's really important torecognize where did this come
from for me, where, if I'm notfeeling, if I'm not wanting to
feel emotion and I want to avoidit, do I think I'm?
I saw too much emotion and itscares me?
(11:43):
Or I didn't see any emotion andI don't even know how to.
I don't even know how toexpress emotion and, and
especially, don't know how toexpress emotion appropriately.
So those are your two camps.
So realizing that and thentelling yourself it's okay to
have emotions.
That's part of being a humanbeing.
We get to have those emotionsand we get to be okay with
(12:04):
having those emotions.
So, understanding, givingyourself grace and realizing
okay, that may be how I've doneit in the past, but it's not how
I want to do it any longer,especially because it's causing
me to eat when I'm not hungry,it's causing me to use food in a
way that it is not meant to beused, and it has resulted in me
(12:26):
carrying extra weight, notfeeling good about myself being
angry with myself, and againmore emotion comes back onto
that.
So, recognizing that we havethe ability to be able to now
make very different decisionsfor ourselves as adults, moving
forward and accepting anddeciding how it is that we want
(12:46):
to move through our lives, anddo we want to keep avoiding
emotions and continuing to gainweight or do we want to actually
just say you know what, I'mgoing to allow myself to feel
those emotions.
So, as a side note, it's reallyimportant to learn and know and
understand that an emotion ismerely it's going to sound
(13:09):
really woo woo, but an emotionis really just a vibration in
your body.
It is nothing more than that.
That uncomfortable, yuckyfeeling when you know someone's
angry with you, or you feelbadly or you feel guilty or you
are really, really mad.
All it is is a vibration.
It's a vibration in your bodyand promise you it will not kill
(13:32):
you.
Your reaction might hurtsomebody else or might hurt you,
but the feeling itself, it'snever going to kill you, it's
never going to hurt you.
Your thoughts about it, how youreact to it, that's a different
story.
But the but, the emotion itselfis just a vibration that moves
through your body.
(13:53):
And so accepting and realizing Idon't have to be afraid of
emotions, I don't have to avoidthem, I can just feel them, not
create any more thoughts aboutit, and just sit and feel the
emotion and let myself processit.
I can do that and then I canmove on.
And I know you're thinking well, how the heck do you do that?
Well, that's what we're goingto talk about next.
(14:15):
So I'm going to explain to you,and kind of take you step by
step, how you process an emotion, how you process an emotion and
allow it to be there.
And the crazy part is that,allowing an emotion to be there
and not creating any additionalthoughts about it, the process
(14:39):
itself at the most can take fiveminutes.
Now, I don't know about anybodyelse, but when I'm upset with
somebody, somebody's donesomething, and I'm really upset,
y'all, I can be mad for threedays.
I can be upset, I can be allthe things.
I can react, I can be angry, Ican be all the things, and it
(14:59):
just keeps getting worse andworse.
Doesn't have to be that way.
When you process an emotion andyou allow it to be present,
it's usually dissipates and goesaway anywhere between 90
seconds and two minutes Promiseyou that.
90 seconds to two minutes.
I know it sounds crazy, but itis in fact true.
(15:22):
So, 90 seconds to two minutes,you can process and deal with an
emotion, and that is that.
That is.
It's a game changer.
It is a game changer becauseit's you processing the emotion.
It's not dependent upon anybodyelse.
You're not waiting for somebodyelse to say they're sorry.
(15:42):
You're not waiting for somebodyelse to say they're sorry.
You're not waiting for somebodyelse to tell you that you're
going to be okay.
You get to feel the feelings,you get to do all of the things
and you get to be in control ofyour emotions and not waiting
for somebody else to come andmake you feel better.
Our emotions are all from us.
(16:03):
It is not about what someonedoes to you.
It is not about what someonesays to you.
It's how you interpret it, it'swhat you think about it and
then how you make it meansomething about you.
And so we have all the power.
We just have to embrace it, wehave to take advantage of it and
we have to decide that we'regoing to do things differently.
(16:24):
So how do we do it?
How do you process an emotion?
So the first thing you need todo is you need to stop yourself
and recognize okay, I'm feelingsomething, and we all know we're
feeling something.
But we have to just stopourselves and say, okay, I'm
committing to trying to processthis and not react and not do
(16:47):
things the way I've always donethem.
That is something that isprobably the hardest thing,
because, from a subconsciouslevel, our brain wants to do
things the way we've always doneit, even if it is ultimately
dysfunctional and hurtful.
We will keep doing things thesame way over and over again,
and we have to recognize, from aconscious level, this is not
(17:09):
what I want to do.
So you have to make thatcommitment to yourself.
I am going to try this.
I am going to process thisemotion and not just react to it
.
So the first thing you need todo is you have to be present in
the moment.
And the first thing is you haveto be present in the moment.
And the first thing is you haveto name how you're feeling.
You have to tell yourself okay,this is how I'm feeling, and
(17:30):
try to stay away from sad, happy, mad.
You know those are.
Let's really, let's really getinto you know.
Are you resentful, are youangry, are you hurt, are you
scared?
What?
What is the emotion that youare feeling?
So, name it, name it and own it.
(17:52):
And really, the second thing isyou have to accept that that's
how you're feeling.
So many of us want to be, wantto be so brave and so, um, uh,
impenetrable that we just like,oh, I don't feel anything, I'm
just.
I'm so tough and strong.
No, it's okay, it's okay to ownthat.
You feel a certain way and justaccept it and then again commit
(18:17):
to.
I'm going to actually allowmyself to feel these feelings.
Next thing you want to find aquiet spot, if you can, kind of
by yourself, where you can havea moment to yourself, and most
of us always, always have ourphones on us.
So you want to set a timer for10 minutes, because you don't
want this going on any longerthan 10 minutes.
(18:38):
So, 10 minutes, you set a timer.
Next thing is you identifywhere in your body you are
feeling this emotion.
Now, for me, it's usually inthe pit of my stomach or it's
right in my chest, especially ifI'm angry.
If I'm angry, it's chest.
If I'm hurt, it's in the pit ofmy stomach.
(19:01):
If someone has hurt my feelings, it's in my stomach.
If it's in my chest, I'm angry.
So identify where you'reholding it in your body, because
we all do that.
Our emotions play out in ourbody.
So where is it?
Where are we feeling it in ourbody in that moment?
Then what you want to do is youwant to give the emotion,
(19:23):
wherever it is, you want to giveit a shape, you want to give it
a color and you want to give ita texture.
So I oftentimes, if I am angry,it's like a porcupine or it's
like a jagged rock.
It's something with points andit's painful.
I can feel it.
I feel it in my body.
I give it a color.
It's something with points.
(19:43):
It is in, it's in.
It's painful, I can feel it, Ifeel it in my body.
I give it a color.
It's usually, if I'm angry,it's usually a very like a red
or a dark, an angry color.
But I would consider an angrycolor like a dark, you know,
dark, brown, dark, gray,something that is dark, and
usually the way I'm feelingbecause I'm angry, the texture
(20:07):
of it.
Oftentimes, if it's reallysomething bad, it's not smooth,
it's usually bumpy, it has allthose points, it's jagged, it
feels like it could tear myinsides out.
So I identify that and Ivisualize that emotion in my
body, wherever it is.
Then what you want to do is youwant to take slow, deep breaths,
(20:31):
filling your lungs up, takingair in through your nose and
then exhaling it out of yourmouth.
And what I do is I like tovisualize my breath as water.
This is just for me personally.
Some people will just keep itas air breathing the air in.
They take the air in and thenthey push the air back out
(20:53):
through their mouth.
I visualize it as water.
When I take that air in, I feellike it's water.
It's water rushing into mylungs, rushing into my body, and
then I exhale it out and Isweep that water or that breath
out over wherever the emotion isand I visualize it surrounding
the emotion, it kind of breakingit up.
(21:15):
I usually try to visualize thewater as being a huge wave
that's really powerful, and thenI press it out as I exhale and
I really want to try and breakup that emotion with that water.
That's why water works for me,because I find water to be very,
very powerful.
I'm also a Pisces, so one ofthose things, and I don't even
(21:36):
believe in that stuff, but Ithink it's.
I think in this case it's kindof true.
So I take those breaths and Ireally try to have that breath
or that water surround where theemotion is and try to start to
break it up.
What's really important is thatyou stay focused on just
visualizing where the emotion is, taking the breaths in and then
(21:56):
exhaling it back at your body.
What you do not want to do isyou do not want to create any
more emotions or thoughts aboutthe original emotion.
So we don't want to start, wedon't want to keep having
thoughts come up of like oh thathe did this and this I can't
believe he did.
No, we've got to stop those.
(22:17):
So when they come in, we've gotto push those thoughts out.
Nope, we're not thinking aboutthat right now.
We are just focusing on thisemotion and where I'm holding it
in my body, and what that doesis it gives your brain something
else to think about and it'ssomething else to focus on.
And you want to stay focusedand not bring up new thoughts,
because again, that just startsthe process all over again.
(22:38):
So you want to continue withthese slow, deep breaths for a
few minutes and periodicallyjust check and see how you're
feeling, check in with yourself,see if it's broken up, see if
it's starting to dissipate, seeif it's not feeling so heavy.
Maybe it's changed in shape,maybe it's broken up a little
bit, maybe it's changed in colorand texture.
(22:59):
And the reality is that theintensity of the emotion should
really start to dissipate within90 seconds to about two minutes
of doing this and as, again,all you're focusing on is the
breath.
Breathing that air in, Ivisualize it as water, exhaling
(23:19):
it back out, visualizing it aswater leaving my system and
really taking that emotion withme.
It is.
It sounds so crazy, y'all, and Ican't even I, even when I do
this, I, I, I explain it and itsounds crazy.
But, honest to goodness, itworks so well because it takes
(23:39):
you out of the emotion, takesyou out of the moment, gives you
something else to focus on,gives you something else to
really focus your attention on,because you're not thinking
about what happened, you're notthinking about that person and
if you do start thinking, you'vegot to push that thought away,
you've got to let yourself bepresent and then, once you've
done that and you can feel itstart to dissipate, you have to
(24:01):
let it go If you bring thethoughts back up again, you're
just doing the same thing.
You're going to get yourselfjust as worked up again.
So don't do it.
You don't want to feel that way.
Don't do it, just decide nope,we don't think about that
anymore.
It's done, it's over, it's inthe past.
I can't change anything aboutit.
I got to move on and that'swhat you do.
It is as simple as that.
(24:24):
But it takes focus and it doestake practice.
Like anything else, it takespractice.
Processing emotions is notsomething that happens, because
most of us have never had anyexposure to it, so we don't know
how to do it.
We don't even know what itfeels like.
We don't even know what itlooks like.
But now you have a checklistand I'm going to provide this
(24:45):
checklist in the show notes withthe podcast.
So please make sure that youaccess the checklist and it
again, literally, is a checklistthat you can check off the
boxes and have that with you,have it on the fridge, have it
someplace nearby where you can.
You can commit to saying,fridge, have it someplace nearby
where you can commit to saying,okay, I'm going to try this
(25:06):
when something happens, I'mgoing to try it and I'm going to
try not to be eating anything,not to then turn around and eat
something, but just really allowmyself to process the emotion
not react to it and feel how mybody reacts differently.
Feel how I feel differently inmy own body and how much more in
control you are in regards toyour reactions and how you deal
(25:31):
with the circumstances of yourlife.
You cannot change anything thatgoes on around you, but you
absolutely can change how yourespond to it.
That is 100% in every singleperson's power.
You just have to grasp it, youhave to take it on and have to
realize that that is yourresponsibility as an adult to
take that on and to make thathappen for you, because
(25:56):
otherwise you will be at themercy of whatever goes on around
you, and that is a helpless,horrible feeling.
Nobody wants to live life thatway.
We have to empower ourselves sowe can make the best decisions
for our own lives and then livethe lives that we want to live.
So, again, there will be achecklist in the show notes, so
(26:20):
make sure that you access that,print it out, have it and start
practicing today how to processemotions so you don't have to
avoid them.
You don't have to use food toescape from the things in your
life that are not making youcomfortable the emotions, the
thoughts, the beliefs, the to-dolists, the things you're
(26:40):
supposed to do at work, whateverthat is.
We've got to start tapping into our feelings and allowing our
emotions to be there, and thenyou will see significant change
when it comes to how you thenstart to use food, how you then
can change your relationshipwith food and not have food be
(27:01):
the only thing that makes youfeel better.
I hope this podcast has been sohelpful for you.
If it has, please, whateverplatform you're listening to
this on, please leave a review.
Let me know what you think, andI would love to hear in the
comments, in the whateverplatform you're on, if there
allows you to make comments.
(27:21):
Please comment below and let meknow.
Did you use this?
Have you tried it and how is it?
Is it something that you thinkyou can do, because it will
single-handedly change your life?
If you can get a hold and ahandle on your emotions, your
life and your weight will neverbe the same.
All right, take care everybody.
(27:42):
Great, great, seeing everybodytoday, and I'm so happy that I
was able to share thisinformation.
I hope you use it and I hope itchanges your life as much as it
changed mine.
All right, we'll see you nextweek.
Hi and welcome to the Breakthrough Emotional Eating
Podcast.
My name is Kristen Jones andthank you so much for joining me
this week.
One of the things that Idiscovered as an emotional eater
was that I was not for amajority of my adult life.
I was hiding from a huge partof my life, and food was the
(00:29):
thing that I was using to hidefrom the fact that I was very
lonely and that I didn'tnecessarily like the direction
that my life was going in.
But I didn't know what else todo.
I didn't know how to fix it.
I didn't know how to fix it.
I didn't know how to address it.
I didn't know even.
I don't even think I wasconsciously aware that there was
(00:52):
a problem, so to speak, with mylife.
I think I pretended a lot thateverything the things and the
emotions and the thoughts andthe beliefs that that I did not
(01:13):
want to be confronted with, thatwere there and they were
present and I didn't like them,but I just wanted to ignore them
, and so what I did was I usedfood instead, and I very easily
could have just gotten high allthe time.
I could have just been a drunk.
I could have been drunk thewhole time.
I could have just shoppedconstantly.
There's so many things that Icould have done, but for me,
(01:37):
food was the thing that was mostconvenient.
And if you are like most people,there are probably things in
your life that are not ideal.
Most people have things intheir lives that they don't want
to address and they find a wayto avoid them, and so if that is
(02:04):
something that resonates withyou, this podcast is for you.
So what we're going to do isI'm going to present to you and
kind of give you someinformation about what it is
maybe that you're trying toavoid and why you might be
wanting to avoid those things,and then what you can do instead
(02:26):
of turning to food, and evenjust addressing this one thing
could significantly change youreating habits, could change your
weight, not even doing anythingelse, maybe not even changing
anything that you're eating, butjust becoming aware of the fact
that you possibly are doingthis and that you are using food
(02:50):
for something other than whatit is intended to be.
Just that awareness and justmaking that effort to be a
little bit more in touch withyour own emotions and in touch
with what you're doing it couldsignificantly change the
direction of your life, as wellas your weight and your feelings
(03:12):
about yourself.
So let's get into it.
So, if you are like anyone else,you possibly again have areas
of your life that you are nothappy with, and I have spent
probably the last five yearscoaching people specifically on
(03:39):
emotional eating and why weemotionally eat, and the clue
about what we're going to talkabout today is in the phrase
emotional eating, because whenpeople are using food to avoid
something, the thing that theyare avoiding is emotion.
They're avoiding feelings thatthey have and thoughts and
(04:04):
beliefs about themselves, but itreally comes back to the
emotions that they're feelingwithin their own body.
And so when we talk about, areyou choosing to escape your life
through food?
A better question is are youchoosing to escape emotions that
(04:24):
you are having?
And the bigger question is whatare the emotions and why are
you so afraid of feeling them?
Definitely things to thinkabout, definitely something to
consider and to ponder, and itis, I think it is probably the
(04:45):
most common reason that peopleuse food or become emotional
eaters is that it becomes a wayof avoiding what is in front of
you or what you are confrontedwith.
That makes you uncomfortable.
(05:07):
And so the first, if we're goingto talk about emotional eating,
we're going to talk about, youknow, using that to kind of
escape your life and relieveyourself during stressful times.
And if we're going to be doingthat, there are a couple of
concepts that we have to kind oftalk about before we rush into
(05:27):
talking about how we deal withthis.
And the first concept is againwhat are you escaping from?
What are the feelings thatyou're escaping from?
So only you know what those are, but oftentimes, actually I
(05:48):
will say in almost all cases, weare not taught how to feel
emotions or process emotions.
We are taught how to react toemotions, and those are two very
different things.
Processing an emotion andactually feeling it, and feeling
(06:09):
it in your body, is verydifferent than reacting.
Reacting is yelling, screaming,throwing something.
Those are two very, verydifferent things.
One is done by yourself, one isdone within you, in a very
solitary way, and the other isusually striking out outwardly
(06:31):
towards other people or towardsthe targets of your highly
emotional outburst or whateverthe circumstances are, and so
you have to remember that.
So processing and emotion again, processing and reacting are
two very different things.
(06:52):
And when we can catch ourselvesand realize okay, what is it
that I'm feeling?
Can I identify the feeling?
And then can I be okay justsitting with this feeling
instead of reacting to it?
And reacting to it is walkinginto the kitchen, walking into
the pantry and grabbingsomething and eating something,
(07:14):
because I don't want to feel howI'm feeling right now and it
makes me so physicallyuncomfortable that I have to go
and do something else.
And so that it's a question youhave to ask yourself, and
probably right now you're likeno, I can't, I really don't want
to do that, I really don't wantto feel that, those emotions, I
don't want to even have thosethings come into my world.
(07:38):
And so the next question andthe next concept to think about
is why are we so afraid?
Why are we so afraid?
And in most cases, the reasonwhy we are afraid to feel
emotions is because when we wereyoung, we either witnessed
(08:00):
people showing emotions andbeing completely out of control,
and it was frightening.
It was a scary circumstance.
It was a scary.
It was to a child, a parentcrying, a parent screaming.
Depending on what yourenvironment was that you grew up
in, emotions could beincredibly high, incredibly
(08:25):
exaggerated, very loud, veryboisterous and very disturbing.
And so if you witnessed thatwhen you were five, six, seven
years old, that is burned intoyour memory of like oh, I do not
want to be that person.
I don't want to witness that.
I don't want to be that person.
That scares me and that'scompletely understandable.
(08:49):
But that was you as a child andwe have to always remember that
we are not still children.
We get to make those decisionsthat make decisions about how we
want to act as adults.
But recognizing and realizingoh, that might be where that
came from.
I have this memory of blank,blank and blank.
Somebody was yelling andscreaming and I remember how
(09:11):
scary it was and I went and hidunder my bed or whatever the
circumstances were.
Recognizing and understandingwhere it comes from is so
incredibly helpful, because thenwe can start to realistically
say, okay, but that was me and Iwas a child.
I didn't have a choice but towitness that and then take that
in.
Now, as an adult, I get to makea different decision.
(09:33):
So that's one side of the camp.
Sometimes we have people whohave witnessed very big emotions
in their childhood and they donot want to experience that.
You do not want to feel thatbecause it's frightening.
Then there's the other side,where people were brought up in
environments where they were notallowed to express emotions and
(09:57):
they don't know how.
They don't know how.
They don't even know how toidentify an emotion, words to it
they can't even say, they can'teven identify what the actual
emotion is.
I find it very common forpeople to have two emotions
(10:18):
happy or sad.
And maybe we'll throw angry inthere.
Not even angry mad.
Happy, sad, mad.
Those would be the three,that's it.
There's nothing else.
Well, there's a whole range ofemotions, but if you were never
allowed or never encouraged ornever saw someone appropriately
(10:39):
express emotion, or even expressemotion at all, that is going
to be a very foreign concept andsomething that you will not
feel comfortable with.
And so, again, we get to makethe decision as adults do.
We want to keep doing that samepattern, because it's not
serving us.
The only thing it's doing iscausing us to find this other
(11:00):
thing, and for emotional eaters,it's eating that will avoid,
that will help us avoid that.
So we don't have to deal withit.
But when we don't deal withemotions and we don't deal with
how we're feeling, it doesn't goaway, it doesn't dissipate from
your body, it doesn't.
You don't forget about it.
It stays, it builds andeventually it's going to come
(11:22):
out, and it's going to come outin a much bigger way than you
probably ever would want to haveit happen.
So it's really important torecognize where did this come
from for me, where, if I'm notfeeling, if I'm not wanting to
feel emotion and I want to avoidit, do I think I'm?
I saw too much emotion and itscares me?
(11:43):
Or I didn't see any emotion andI don't even know how to.
I don't even know how toexpress emotion and, and
especially, don't know how toexpress emotion appropriately.
So those are your two camps.
So realizing that and thentelling yourself it's okay to
have emotions.
That's part of being a humanbeing.
We get to have those emotionsand we get to be okay with
(12:04):
having those emotions.
So, understanding, givingyourself grace and realizing
okay, that may be how I've doneit in the past, but it's not how
I want to do it any longer,especially because it's causing
me to eat when I'm not hungry,it's causing me to use food in a
way that it is not meant to beused, and it has resulted in me
(12:26):
carrying extra weight, notfeeling good about myself being
angry with myself, and againmore emotion comes back onto
that.
So, recognizing that we havethe ability to be able to now
make very different decisionsfor ourselves as adults, moving
forward and accepting anddeciding how it is that we want
(12:46):
to move through our lives, anddo we want to keep avoiding
emotions and continuing to gainweight or do we want to actually
just say you know what, I'mgoing to allow myself to feel
those emotions.
So, as a side note, it's reallyimportant to learn and know and
understand that an emotion ismerely it's going to sound
(13:09):
really woo woo, but an emotionis really just a vibration in
your body.
It is nothing more than that.
That uncomfortable, yuckyfeeling when you know someone's
angry with you, or you feelbadly or you feel guilty or you
are really, really mad.
All it is is a vibration.
It's a vibration in your bodyand promise you it will not kill
(13:32):
you.
Your reaction might hurtsomebody else or might hurt you,
but the feeling itself, it'snever going to kill you, it's
never going to hurt you.
Your thoughts about it, how youreact to it, that's a different
story.
But the but, the emotion itselfis just a vibration that moves
through your body.
(13:53):
And so accepting and realizing Idon't have to be afraid of
emotions, I don't have to avoidthem, I can just feel them, not
create any more thoughts aboutit, and just sit and feel the
emotion and let myself processit.
I can do that and then I canmove on.
And I know you're thinking well, how the heck do you do that?
Well, that's what we're goingto talk about next.
(14:15):
So I'm going to explain to you,and kind of take you step by
step, how you process an emotion, how you process an emotion and
allow it to be there.
And the crazy part is that,allowing an emotion to be there
and not creating any additionalthoughts about it, the process
(14:39):
itself at the most can take fiveminutes.
Now, I don't know about anybodyelse, but when I'm upset with
somebody, somebody's donesomething, and I'm really upset,
y'all, I can be mad for threedays.
I can be upset, I can be allthe things.
I can react, I can be angry, Ican be all the things, and it
(14:59):
just keeps getting worse andworse.
Doesn't have to be that way.
When you process an emotion andyou allow it to be present,
it's usually dissipates and goesaway anywhere between 90
seconds and two minutes Promiseyou that.
90 seconds to two minutes.
I know it sounds crazy, but itis in fact true.
(15:22):
So, 90 seconds to two minutes,you can process and deal with an
emotion, and that is that.
That is.
It's a game changer.
It is a game changer becauseit's you processing the emotion.
It's not dependent upon anybodyelse.
You're not waiting for somebodyelse to say they're sorry.
(15:42):
You're not waiting for somebodyelse to say they're sorry.
You're not waiting for somebodyelse to tell you that you're
going to be okay.
You get to feel the feelings,you get to do all of the things
and you get to be in control ofyour emotions and not waiting
for somebody else to come andmake you feel better.
Our emotions are all from us.
(16:03):
It is not about what someonedoes to you.
It is not about what someonesays to you.
It's how you interpret it, it'swhat you think about it and
then how you make it meansomething about you.
And so we have all the power.
We just have to embrace it, wehave to take advantage of it and
we have to decide that we'regoing to do things differently.
(16:24):
So how do we do it?
How do you process an emotion?
So the first thing you need todo is you need to stop yourself
and recognize okay, I'm feelingsomething, and we all know we're
feeling something.
But we have to just stopourselves and say, okay, I'm
committing to trying to processthis and not react and not do
(16:47):
things the way I've always donethem.
That is something that isprobably the hardest thing,
because, from a subconsciouslevel, our brain wants to do
things the way we've always doneit, even if it is ultimately
dysfunctional and hurtful.
We will keep doing things thesame way over and over again,
and we have to recognize, from aconscious level, this is not
(17:09):
what I want to do.
So you have to make thatcommitment to yourself.
I am going to try this.
I am going to process thisemotion and not just react to it
.
So the first thing you need todo is you have to be present in
the moment.
And the first thing is you haveto be present in the moment.
And the first thing is you haveto name how you're feeling.
You have to tell yourself okay,this is how I'm feeling, and
(17:30):
try to stay away from sad, happy, mad.
You know those are.
Let's really, let's really getinto you know.
Are you resentful, are youangry, are you hurt, are you
scared?
What?
What is the emotion that youare feeling?
So, name it, name it and own it.
(17:52):
And really, the second thing isyou have to accept that that's
how you're feeling.
So many of us want to be, wantto be so brave and so, um, uh,
impenetrable that we just like,oh, I don't feel anything, I'm
just.
I'm so tough and strong.
No, it's okay, it's okay to ownthat.
You feel a certain way and justaccept it and then again commit
(18:17):
to.
I'm going to actually allowmyself to feel these feelings.
Next thing you want to find aquiet spot, if you can, kind of
by yourself, where you can havea moment to yourself, and most
of us always, always have ourphones on us.
So you want to set a timer for10 minutes, because you don't
want this going on any longerthan 10 minutes.
(18:38):
So, 10 minutes, you set a timer.
Next thing is you identifywhere in your body you are
feeling this emotion.
Now, for me, it's usually inthe pit of my stomach or it's
right in my chest, especially ifI'm angry.
If I'm angry, it's chest.
If I'm hurt, it's in the pit ofmy stomach.
(19:01):
If someone has hurt my feelings, it's in my stomach.
If it's in my chest, I'm angry.
So identify where you'reholding it in your body, because
we all do that.
Our emotions play out in ourbody.
So where is it?
Where are we feeling it in ourbody in that moment?
Then what you want to do is youwant to give the emotion,
(19:23):
wherever it is, you want to giveit a shape, you want to give it
a color and you want to give ita texture.
So I oftentimes, if I am angry,it's like a porcupine or it's
like a jagged rock.
It's something with points andit's painful.
I can feel it.
I feel it in my body.
I give it a color.
It's something with points.
(19:43):
It is in, it's in.
It's painful, I can feel it, Ifeel it in my body.
I give it a color.
It's usually, if I'm angry,it's usually a very like a red
or a dark, an angry color.
But I would consider an angrycolor like a dark, you know,
dark, brown, dark, gray,something that is dark, and
usually the way I'm feelingbecause I'm angry, the texture
(20:07):
of it.
Oftentimes, if it's reallysomething bad, it's not smooth,
it's usually bumpy, it has allthose points, it's jagged, it
feels like it could tear myinsides out.
So I identify that and Ivisualize that emotion in my
body, wherever it is.
Then what you want to do is youwant to take slow, deep breaths,
(20:31):
filling your lungs up, takingair in through your nose and
then exhaling it out of yourmouth.
And what I do is I like tovisualize my breath as water.
This is just for me personally.
Some people will just keep itas air breathing the air in.
They take the air in and thenthey push the air back out
(20:53):
through their mouth.
I visualize it as water.
When I take that air in, I feellike it's water.
It's water rushing into mylungs, rushing into my body, and
then I exhale it out and Isweep that water or that breath
out over wherever the emotion isand I visualize it surrounding
the emotion, it kind of breakingit up.
(21:15):
I usually try to visualize thewater as being a huge wave
that's really powerful, and thenI press it out as I exhale and
I really want to try and breakup that emotion with that water.
That's why water works for me,because I find water to be very,
very powerful.
I'm also a Pisces, so one ofthose things, and I don't even
(21:36):
believe in that stuff, but Ithink it's.
I think in this case it's kindof true.
So I take those breaths and Ireally try to have that breath
or that water surround where theemotion is and try to start to
break it up.
What's really important is thatyou stay focused on just
visualizing where the emotion is, taking the breaths in and then
(21:56):
exhaling it back at your body.
What you do not want to do isyou do not want to create any
more emotions or thoughts aboutthe original emotion.
So we don't want to start, wedon't want to keep having
thoughts come up of like oh thathe did this and this I can't
believe he did.
No, we've got to stop those.
(22:17):
So when they come in, we've gotto push those thoughts out.
Nope, we're not thinking aboutthat right now.
We are just focusing on thisemotion and where I'm holding it
in my body, and what that doesis it gives your brain something
else to think about and it'ssomething else to focus on.
And you want to stay focusedand not bring up new thoughts,
because again, that just startsthe process all over again.
(22:38):
So you want to continue withthese slow, deep breaths for a
few minutes and periodicallyjust check and see how you're
feeling, check in with yourself,see if it's broken up, see if
it's starting to dissipate, seeif it's not feeling so heavy.
Maybe it's changed in shape,maybe it's broken up a little
bit, maybe it's changed in colorand texture.
(22:59):
And the reality is that theintensity of the emotion should
really start to dissipate within90 seconds to about two minutes
of doing this and as, again,all you're focusing on is the
breath.
Breathing that air in, Ivisualize it as water, exhaling
(23:19):
it back out, visualizing it aswater leaving my system and
really taking that emotion withme.
It is.
It sounds so crazy, y'all, and Ican't even I, even when I do
this, I, I, I explain it and itsounds crazy.
But, honest to goodness, itworks so well because it takes
(23:39):
you out of the emotion, takesyou out of the moment, gives you
something else to focus on,gives you something else to
really focus your attention on,because you're not thinking
about what happened, you're notthinking about that person and
if you do start thinking, you'vegot to push that thought away,
you've got to let yourself bepresent and then, once you've
done that and you can feel itstart to dissipate, you have to
(24:01):
let it go If you bring thethoughts back up again, you're
just doing the same thing.
You're going to get yourselfjust as worked up again.
So don't do it.
You don't want to feel that way.
Don't do it, just decide nope,we don't think about that
anymore.
It's done, it's over, it's inthe past.
I can't change anything aboutit.
I got to move on and that'swhat you do.
It is as simple as that.
(24:24):
But it takes focus and it doestake practice.
Like anything else, it takespractice.
Processing emotions is notsomething that happens, because
most of us have never had anyexposure to it, so we don't know
how to do it.
We don't even know what itfeels like.
We don't even know what itlooks like.
But now you have a checklistand I'm going to provide this
(24:45):
checklist in the show notes withthe podcast.
So please make sure that youaccess the checklist and it
again, literally, is a checklistthat you can check off the
boxes and have that with you,have it on the fridge, have it
someplace nearby where you can.
You can commit to saying,fridge, have it someplace nearby
where you can commit to saying,okay, I'm going to try this
(25:06):
when something happens, I'mgoing to try it and I'm going to
try not to be eating anything,not to then turn around and eat
something, but just really allowmyself to process the emotion
not react to it and feel how mybody reacts differently.
Feel how I feel differently inmy own body and how much more in
control you are in regards toyour reactions and how you deal
(25:31):
with the circumstances of yourlife.
You cannot change anything thatgoes on around you, but you
absolutely can change how yourespond to it.
That is 100% in every singleperson's power.
You just have to grasp it, youhave to take it on and have to
realize that that is yourresponsibility as an adult to
take that on and to make thathappen for you, because
(25:56):
otherwise you will be at themercy of whatever goes on around
you, and that is a helpless,horrible feeling.
Nobody wants to live life thatway.
We have to empower ourselves sowe can make the best decisions
for our own lives and then livethe lives that we want to live.
So, again, there will be achecklist in the show notes, so
(26:20):
make sure that you access that,print it out, have it and start
practicing today how to processemotions so you don't have to
avoid them.
You don't have to use food toescape from the things in your
life that are not making youcomfortable the emotions, the
thoughts, the beliefs, the to-dolists, the things you're
(26:40):
supposed to do at work, whateverthat is.
We've got to start tapping into our feelings and allowing our
emotions to be there, and thenyou will see significant change
when it comes to how you thenstart to use food, how you then
can change your relationshipwith food and not have food be
(27:01):
the only thing that makes youfeel better.
I hope this podcast has been sohelpful for you.
If it has, please, whateverplatform you're listening to
this on, please leave a review.
Let me know what you think, andI would love to hear in the
comments, in the whateverplatform you're on, if there
allows you to make comments.
(27:21):
Please comment below and let meknow.
Did you use this?
Have you tried it and how is it?
Is it something that you thinkyou can do, because it will
single-handedly change your life?
If you can get a hold and ahandle on your emotions, your
life and your weight will neverbe the same.
All right, take care everybody.
(27:42):
Great, great, seeing everybodytoday, and I'm so happy that I
was able to share thisinformation.
I hope you use it and I hope itchanges your life as much as it
changed mine.
All right, we'll see you nextweek.
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