102. Dreams, Death, and Native Folklore

"You can exist, and you can exist because someone finally sees you..." - Twin

This is another mellow vibing episode where we explore dream worlds and the possibilities beyond our realities.

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
I don't fight it. I just, uh, I just let it let it
boil. And when I say like I let it
boil, I just like I'm what I mean more is like it's got to
cook. Just like what the other bread

(00:57):
you get on my drift. A point of view for my lens and
story and glitz. No feel to say what it is
unscripted. No need to watch what you said.
It's the truth verb. Pro therapy is the meds.
I said this is the pro therapy show.
I said this is the pro therapy show.
This is that uplift to me that has you.

(01:17):
Whoa, this is that uplift to me that has you.
Whoa. I said this is the pro therapy
show. I said this is the pro therapy.

(01:41):
Sometimes some shit will be upsetting me or really have me
in my feels for like some days and like I'll be eyes glazed
over whatever. And like people think I'm mad.
I don't want to talk to nobody this and that.
It's like no, like I'm I'm taking like I'm here at work,

(02:02):
I'm doing my work, I'm helping customers this and that.
But it's like I'm going to use this opportunity to like deep
self evaluation, like self reflection, like ask myself the
hard questions, try to understand why and how and

(02:22):
because and what like asking myself what ifs.
And I don't know if that you if that's like I think that's a
version of mindfulness. And like I said, I think I just,
I lean lean that or maybe toss that into the box.

(02:45):
Like maybe I operate that way because of my how much I
compartmentalize everything about my life and how I'm think
and feel and my emotions and my mental States and everything.
So I, I only know how to like dothings in like little boxes or

(03:06):
like hyper focus on like one thing at a time.
Like there's like this quote, like my, I don't know, like this
is the exact quote my dad said. But it's like I, I say it all
the time and have said it many times to my bosses.
It's like I'm not going to do something and half ass it.

(03:28):
Like I don't want to half ass it.
Like the moment I start doing a thing, I'm like trying to like
really do a thing now. And I think that applies to for
when I'm trying to understand myself or like this is kind of

(03:56):
what I always imagined. Like this is what the spiritual
journey is about. Like if you're not, I can't
imagine how you could like really be improving and growing

(04:16):
as a person if you're not spending like 10 hours a day
deep in your fucking mind, asking yourself the hard
questions, like toiling with your emotions and how you feel
about things. Like really struggling to
provide yourself answers becauseyou kind of just have to sit

(04:41):
with it and experience it. But like really like sit with it
and experience it. Not just like, oh, I feel sad.
I'm going to go lay in bed. It's like, no, like I feel sad.
I'm going to sit here about my work day and like go through

(05:02):
every single thing in my mind that's making me feel sad and
one by one think about all the things that make me sad and
think about why they make me sad.
How do these things come about that they make me sad?
What could I have done to prevent these things from making
me sad? Is it a good or bad thing that

(05:26):
these things are making me sad? I like feeling sad.
Sadness brings contrast. But like, you know what I mean?
Like you just like I just go through these like loops in my
mind where I'm just like, and I'm just yapping now.
But it's like I feel like sometimes too, I explain these
things or I try to talk to my Coworkers about these things and

(05:50):
they just look at me like, don'tyou get exhausted?
I'm like, I mean, I guess, yeah,I'm always exhausted.
But like, that's not really about that.
Like what? So what should I do?
Just like turn it off and just and just, no, I thought the

(06:14):
whole point is to like be present, right?
So, but like, I got to be present with myself first and
foremost. So like for me, before I'm
present for everybody else, likeI got to be present for me like
in here. Yeah,

(06:47):
that's that. I don't know you have anything
to say about that really. No do.
You I'm like curious if like youthink that what I'm describing
is a kind of mindfulness or if Imiss attributing it because I

(07:09):
feel like I've, I'm coming to the realization more and more
that like it is a very specific kind of mindfulness that I used
to attribute to like autopilotedness.

(07:30):
Because like I would describe like I can, I can do all the
things like the physical things and stuff, but it's like my
mind's not in autopilot. Like it's like in in deep
research mode, like in in analysis mode, like

(07:52):
troubleshooting mode, like you know what I mean?
I feel like you just go about sometimes around existence or

(08:17):
around other people and or in the workplace or wherever out in
public and it really does start to feel like a lot of people are
not doing these kinds of like exercises.

(08:40):
Yeah, yeah. Because I feel like these kinds
of exercises really when you, when you, when you go through
what I'm describing, I feel likeit brings you to it brings a
kind of clarity and understanding of self that

(09:03):
allows you to express real empathy and not just sympathy
for others. Because like the more you get to
understand the whys and the howsand the, the way the things are
internalizing inside you. And there's always room to keep

(09:28):
growing in those avenues, like as you get older, right?
The more you're able to like, I don't know if have grace is the
right word, but for others around you in situations or
maybe when they meet you with certain emotions or feelings and

(09:50):
and then you can like I'll, I'lllook at somebody that maybe is
like very like snappy and like impulsive might not be the
correct word again, but it's like I could look at a situation
in that and be like, I don't think you've done a lot in my

(10:10):
mind. I would maybe think like, I
don't think you've done a lot ofinternal self reflection, like
real, true, honest to self, likeself reflection and challenge
and like challenging yourself because like I feel like that
kind of behaviour comes from a place of like just not good

(10:35):
place. Like you haven't given your
time, you haven't put in your time to to to foster the kind of
empathy necessary to exist around others where like
yourself is not like the top priority all the time

(10:59):
necessarily or like the feelingsthat you're feeling are not the
end all be all of the pool of emotions that are around you.
Was that the thing that you had to tell me?
The two things the reason you wanted to record.

(11:22):
Oh, no. Yeah.
So I had this dream, right? No, I had, I had this dream and
I love dreaming, man, I really love dreaming.

(11:46):
I think like it's ironic how much I love dreaming because
like life is such a gift, right?To be alive is such a gift, but
like to dream in your sleep feels so magical.
Yeah. And whenever I'm given the

(12:12):
opportunity to remember a dream,I, I always feel so grateful
because it just, it feels, it really does feel so magical.
I had this dream last night and it took place on a very

(12:42):
particular St. in Florida. Or at least like the moment of
there's like a couple of frames and moments of the dream that I
remember. And there was a very particular
St. in Florida that I remember. And in this dream, there was

(13:06):
like a old acts of mine, like from high school, but she was
like my first love. And then that that was the weird

(13:30):
part. I remember like to be to have a
completely vulnerable moment forthe sake of humility and to have
a completely vulnerable moment, not like beat around bushes.
Just be completely honest. In the dream, I remember my mom

(13:51):
like I saw my ex and my mom was like, Oh yeah, I know.
I went and had breakfast with her and I said, huh?
And she goes, yeah, I was jogging around or like something
to the gym or something or another.
And I and we started talking andthen somehow you, I brought you

(14:18):
up and then she knew you and I asked how she knew you.
And she said that you guys datedin high school.
And somehow or another like thatled into a conversation where
like, I just remember like crying.

(14:38):
I was like, I was like, just crying to my mom, like, but I
was crying because the emotion that I was experiencing was
like, yeah, that was somebody that I think, like, I probably
really loved and like, didn't realize I loved them because I
was so young. I was just so curious about the

(14:58):
rest of the world and like, whatelse was out there that like, I
really didn't appreciate what I had.
And then even then, it's like, you're so young.
Like, what does that even mean? The thing was like 16 or
something. So I just was like having like

(15:19):
an honest moment with my mom andlike in my dream and I was
crying about that because I justfelt like guilt and remorse for
not taking that moment of time or soaking it in the way I could

(15:40):
have as a contrast to like whereI am now in my life.
And then further along in the dream, I was with my dad.

(16:00):
And like, the theme of this dream just seemed to be centred
around this idea of like somehow, or like the the tying
thread of all of it is like love.
And we were in some shop. It wasn't his shop, but it was

(16:24):
his shop. Like it wasn't the shop that I
remember him having. It was a completely different
shop. And I had a moment of clarity in
the dream where I like didn't realize realize I was dreaming,

(16:45):
but somehow I knew I was and I knew that he was dead, but I
didn't, you know, like both at the same time.
And I just remember being like, we were like getting ready to go
somewhere, like grabbing a couple things from the shop and

(17:07):
getting ready to go somewhere. And I'll just go like, Dad, I
really just need you to, like, teach me a couple things before
you go again, 'cause like, I waslike walking around the shop and

(17:29):
I was like looking at all his tools and all his different
equipment. And I was just thinking about
like all the missed opportunities of like my youth
while I was walking around this shop in my dream of like where I
didn't soak up all this knowledge that he had.

(17:51):
And I, And it was like this guilt of like feeling.
I, I just like dropped the ball.Like I, there was all this, all
this fruitful knowledge that I somehow could have like utilized
for my life to like help improvemy life, my family's life, that
I, and I just turn to him and I'm like, dad, I really need you

(18:14):
to teach me some things before you go again.
He's like, somehow in that moment, I knew like this was a
dream or like whatever this experience was, maybe I didn't
know it was a dream. Maybe I should call it an
experience that like this experience was going to be a
fleeting experience and that he was going to just as quickly and

(18:39):
sporadically as he existed with me again in this, in that
reality where I could be with him.
I, I realized also that he was going to be gone again.
And I so desperately wanted him to like share some of that

(19:04):
knowledge with me so that I could carry it on with me.
And I don't really remember muchafter that.
I think I woke up, but that's the way I wanted to share with
you. This just felt like felt really

(19:25):
profound. Like I really felt like I always
wondered to myself in dream. It's like if I could have
infinite time, what all the books in the dreams might

(19:46):
stories might read or what kind of things you could learn.
There's all these stories of like famous scientists and
mathematicians and people who inventors who like go to sleep
and then in their sleep finally like.

(20:10):
Resolve the the equation or the problem that they've been that's
been plaguing them forever like that they could never figure
out. And it's like they wake up and
they're like, they got it. Like they the answer is finally
there. And I whenever I find myself in
these dreams, like a lot of the times it's like this, like I

(20:34):
used to lucid dream a lot, but lately as an adult, it's kind of
like this semi lucid state. Like like I said it, it's like
part of me knows I'm dreaming, but the, I don't know if it's
the body, the body doesn't know I'm dreaming.
So like I'm going through the actions, but the mind is like,
no, like you're in this valuablestate of mind right now.

(20:57):
Like try to grab on the things, try to try to soak something up,
try to trying to get what you can out of this because this is
all going to disappear soon. Like, you know what I mean?
So I don't know, part of me is in that mindset where it's like,
man, I wonder, I wonder if, I wonder if there's something to

(21:20):
be learned when I'm there. Because when I when I was
describing it, I made a post about it and.
It just feels like I'm like communing with the dead.
I don't know how else to describe it.
Your dad was there, right? Yeah.

(21:42):
Seems like you commuted with them.
Yeah. Feel like this kind of woo woo
to say though, like people. Some people might just be like,
oh, that's woo woo. I mean, I'm not looking for
their validation, but you know where I stand on dreams.
And I think that's just a different kind of reality.

(22:06):
I think it, I, I think a lot of those experiences, I think all
of those experiences I have withdead people in my dreams are
real. Call me crazy for that or
whatever, but it if it's not real, then it's crazy how the

(22:36):
brain can give you closure and decide that you need closure
from specific people that have left and have them say things
that you don't even that you didn't even know would be the
right things for them to say to give you closure.

(22:58):
You know what I mean? Like it's like, what?
So yeah, I, I've always felt like dreams are this special
place. I think in my house, at least
between for sure between me and my mom.
I'm not so sure about my brother.
I think he probably also agrees with this somewhat that like

(23:19):
dreams are this other reality like this maybe a portal,
spiritual portal to something else.
I don't know what to make of allof it.
It's just, I know, like when I woke up, I was like, wow.

(23:43):
And that well, that's a lie because I didn't really start
analyzing the dream until I was like walking to work And then I
was thinking to myself like, oh shit, that just happened.
Like didn't really clock in my mind until I was like moving and
starting to makemytrip that it had happened.

(24:06):
Do you have any, any stories like that to tell?
Because I think you've said in the past that you don't dream as
much as I do, or I you you struggle to dream or remember
them at least. Yeah, 'cause they say that
everyone always dreams, so I always end up saying I don't

(24:28):
remember them, but I don't dreamand I know I don't dream.
It's really just because I smokeso much weed and that blocks
your dreams. And I've noticed that.

(24:49):
Yeah, because it fucks up your own sleep.
OK. So you don't dream.
And times in my adult life whereI have, I've had to like not
smoke for a couple months or something.
That's when the dreams come back.

(25:09):
And man, they come back hard. Yeah.
Yeah, but. Was it just like craziness or is
it like really powerful? Stuff.
It's kind of, you know, I don't want to say like the dream you
just described. I remember 2 specifically that

(25:31):
really spooked me. One was my father-in-law had
passed away and then I had a dream that like I found him
dead. Oh wow.
But like that was just a dream and never like how he passed is

(25:51):
completely different than like what was going on in my dream.
But like the experience of like finding him and like that type
of shit, like was very real and,and like, you know, and I had
another dream similar to that. But yeah, I don't, I don't
dream. But when I do, they are pretty

(26:12):
intense. But I usually forget them really
quickly. But I could maybe I could say
some thoughts to your experiences.
Please do woo woo maybe, but I don't really care to dismiss

(26:35):
people for their woo woo feelings because I'm always
amazed by the magic that people have in them.
The magic of your mind and the magic of of your imagination and

(27:00):
all the possibilities that sit deep down within your abyss.
So yeah, that I'm open to that whole world, whole world of
things. And it's interesting because,

(27:20):
you know, I've been like in thisCarl Jung, Carl Jung rabbit hole
lately. And a lot of the, a lot of the
information he theorized around like archetypes and shit like
that and all these like characters and symbols and like

(27:42):
things that sit deep in our subconscious that come out in
dreams, that's where he was ableto really play with those things
and really get to discover what they were was through people's
dreams and through people expressing their dreams.
And analysing their dreams and really like picking them apart

(28:03):
and trying to understand them. So I, I think there's a lot to
that. And then if you want to like,
see, I, I was going to say, if you want to strip the woo woo
from it, you can still have a very interesting conversation,
but it still leads back to woo woo.

(28:23):
Because like if we go into like biology or, or what is that like
chemistry, right? Isn't it like theorized that our
dreams come from our penal gland?
And like at night time when you fall asleep and you hit realm

(28:46):
sleep, your brain releases DMT because we naturally make it.
And that's what makes you dream.And a lot of times you forget
your dreams when they're too intense as like a safety
mechanism that's built into yourbrain.
And not only do you make DMT naturally and that is what

(29:07):
causes you to dream but or suspected, but you can find DMT.
And if you what is the word ingested certain ways you have
these, well, some would argue the most profound psychedelic

(29:27):
experience one could have and a lot of times in the most
spiritual sense. And then you take actual
psychedelic experience like you and I may or may not have had.
It all comes from the same place.
So I'm not going to dismiss someone who says like, my father

(29:51):
visited me in my dreams last night when I know that the shit
that I've experienced and psychedelic trips, no one could
convince me that they weren't divine or magical.

(30:12):
And I mean magical in a divine sense.
So it's the same thing. If that's all the same shit, it
all comes from the same place. That has to be the same realm,
so and for me to my actual like spirituality, I like to think,

(30:33):
and I could be wrong, maybe I got myself fooled, but I like to
think that I try to ground that in whatever that fucking
whatever that realm is. In the in the spiritual realm.
Like my spirituality and like what constructs it?

(30:56):
Yeah. In that realm, I don't know.
There's no words for these things.
But whatever you want to call that realm the realm of your
dreams, the realm looks like you're.
Trying to build your structures around that.
Is that what you're saying? You just said ground, so like

(31:18):
rather rather than here groundedthere.
Grounded in in the most divine parts of my inner world.
Understood. And I think that that's the same
Playhouse that our dreams are in.

(31:41):
OK, Yeah, I can. I can dig it.
Absolutely. It's.
With the more and more I get older, it really I, you know, it

(32:16):
was funny. I was at work and I was asking
myself, I'm like, did I go to sleep with wet hair?
Like, what did he tell me about?But yeah, what, what, what?
What did he tell me about going to sleep with a wet head?
It's alright man, I go to sleep with a wet head.
I know, but it just made me like, it was like one of the

(32:37):
things I was thinking about. I was like, I wonder if I had
anything to do with it or not. You know, like I feel like
because I mean throughout my whole life, just all the
studying of or the interest at least.
I feel like saying like I'm studying things, like I'm
sitting in a room with books andlike really dedicating my life

(33:00):
to a study. But really I just have like this
mental need to go down rabbit holes constantly.
So like, but anyway, just like the interest in like all the
different like spiritual things and like belief systems and

(33:21):
shit. Damn, I derailed myself.
Studying. What we're What was I saying
right before that? Were you responding to me saying
I wonder if me going to bed? Oh, skip up.
Yeah, OK, Sorry. I've, I feel like I've come

(33:45):
across out of all the things that I've learned and discovered
with belief systems and like these like cultural stories.
That's like not even to me when I like learnt this story, it
didn't even actually feel profound to me until I until

(34:12):
like my Nana's siblings started passing away, like the ones that
I can remember. And then I see how like the ones
who were really deep into like our tribes culture and they
would practice this. The thing I'm going to describe,
that's when it like became profound for me.

(34:34):
But like when I tell people whatthe whole like myth is, the
folklore, whatever you want to call it, it really Spooks people
or like, I don't know, like I don't know what the right word
would be. Spooks them, skis them out.

(34:57):
People feel weird about that. That story of going to sleep
with skip up but going to sleep with your hair.
Well, I don't think it, I don't think it.
Are you, are you saying like that as an implication that like
I might be skewed out by it? No, not everything's about you,
man. When?

(35:19):
I OK. When I tell women, if I tell a
female that story right, they get, I feel like they get
spooked. They'd be like, they go like,
oh, that's weird. Like not weird but like Oh my
God, that's scary. You know what I mean?

(35:40):
Cause like a lot of women go to sleep.
With their hair wet, right? So like it really just makes
them self reflect about their own mortality or immortality,
mortality, immortality. That's really what it is that
like Spooks them or whatever. But I don't think it's that
profound. I just, I didn't think you were

(36:02):
spooked, no. Yeah, I wish.
I just thought it was interesting like that.
I thought about it at work. I was like, oh, I wonder if I I
was like trying to remember. I went to bed with like wet
hair, just like to see like a little ha ha.
He came to see. Yeah, just like it was a little
like you probably. Go to bed with your hair wet
more often. I think I go.
I think the reality is I actually go to bed with my hair

(36:26):
wet most of the time. Yeah.
And it was just an interesting coincidence.
Yeah, I'm. Following the connection it.
Was a different oh, I I find that's the other thing I was
going to say before I fucking jumped into that little side

(36:47):
tangent. I find myself as I get older
really noticing very weird coincidences between like my

(37:07):
dreams and my real life, and a lot of it revolving around
death. Yeah.
And like I'm always so off. Not off put, but like I feel
like I tell this story to peopleand people like just don't
believe me or like maybe they believe me but maybe they don't

(37:31):
see it as profound as I do. But I I always think, I always
think back to like my last relationship.
And there was this moment. For those that haven't heard the
story there was this moment in our relationship where I had

(37:58):
this dream of me taking care of my current ex girlfriend's cat
and something happened like withhis paw.
I just remember like he like broke his paw or his leg or

(38:20):
something and we had to get him to a vet and he kept and I just
remember how much he was meowingand he's normally like a pretty
quiet cat. He just kept meowing.
And we like the dream was crazy because it required like to get

(38:40):
to this one vet, but this vet was closed.
And then we had to take a plane to like get all the way to this
other veterinarian to try to save him because like his paw
being broken was like going to kill him or something.
And then it was just such a obscure dream in the sense of

(39:01):
like everything revolving aroundthe fact of me taking care of
her cat and like it being hurt. And I just remember how much it
was meowing and I had this like I'm getting like chills even
talking about it like down my back.
Me and her were in a in a discord call.

(39:24):
And I just remember this was like literally the following
day, like the day after I had this dream, you know, like you
wake up and then you start goingabout your day.
The cat is perfectly fine, by the way, very healthy cat.
And I just remember us being in a Discord call and then I just

(39:46):
start hearing her cat meowing. His name was Wally and she's
like, what's wrong Wally? And he just kept meowing and
then he just stopped moving and he had a something that happens
to cats. It's I believe it has something

(40:06):
to do with their brain or something.
It's like a. It's a kind of like
instantaneous death syndrome andhe fucking died.
That's wild. And I just remember like how
haunting, like the moment I heard him meow, like it was like

(40:29):
my heart, like I could feel my heart in my chest like drop like
through my asshole it because like I immediately was thinking
about my dream and it was like, oh, no, something's wrong.
And then like she didn't tell meanything that was happening.

(40:49):
And then she like left the the call for like an hour and then
came back and said they were going to the vet and then they
had him put down at the vet. But it was like, I just like
ever since the estimate has been, it's been years since
then. But like that was like a major

(41:11):
example of I think like 3 or 4 examples around death or like
living things that I know that have died or close to death
where like the dreams were just eerily like either like

(41:33):
precursors to death or some kindof like sign or communion post
death. And like, I always think about
that dream because like, that dream was so random and it makes
all the other instances around the topic of death so hard for

(41:58):
me to just like, pass off and belike, Oh yeah, it's just a dream
like this and that or whatever. Because it's like that dream in
itself is, it's not that it's like spooky.
It's just like, eerie. It's pretty focused.
Spooky. Right.
Like because like whatever that was, like I can't anyone else

(42:22):
can discredit my experience and that that's fine.
Me as a person, as somebody who experienced it, I can't
discredit it. Like it's impossible for me to
discredit that experience. It was the most weird situation,
one of the most weird situationsI've ever experienced in my life

(42:44):
because like, it almost felt like I called it and it's like,
what a random thing to call? Yeah, I would have.
I would have definitely shook meup.
That's pretty wild, man. So now when I have these dreams
and it's like I talk with my dadabout shit or I see all the

(43:10):
relatives or things feel like like something's happening in
the dream. That feels like, it's like
trying to tell me something likea sign, like a spiritual sign.
I really have a hard time to notthink very deeply about it

(43:35):
because I mean shit like, how could you not after experiencing
something like that? And in the timeline of things
like to give more context, it's like that event happened years

(44:03):
after my dad died. So we're not even in like that's
an event that happened after I've had all these post
traumatic dreams every night forlike the first two years after
my dad died about him. And then all the way leading up
to like after my 21st birthday originally.

(44:29):
And that first year after he died where like I had him come
to me in a dream, like some likea couple weeks or a month, I
forget how long after my 21st birthday and him apologizing to
me for not being there on my birthday and him trying to bring
me out to like this deli or cakeshop to like get me a cake for

(44:53):
not being there. It's like you have all these
profound moments right in these dreams, and then, then and then
that one happens with my ex's cat.
And then since then, all the other dreams, it's like, yeah, I
don't know. Like, if you don't believe it,

(45:13):
that's cool, But it's hard for me not to feel like that.
Whatever Dreaming is, it's definitely some kind of portal
to something. I don't know what, but it's
something. It definitely is something.
It's interesting to say the least.
I don't think it's something to be afraid of.

(45:35):
Might be scary dreams, spooky things, but I don't think it.
I don't think in itself it's inherently scary.
I think it's always like, uh, it's always brought me some kind
of, umm, meaning. It's a better way to put that.

(46:05):
It's a place of meaning, even inits silliness sometimes.
Do you get dismissed a lot for these types of things?
I think so. I don't think people like are

(46:27):
willing to like dismiss you to your face, but I feel like
people judge and like maybe dismiss you like in their own
minds, you know what I mean? Like I think people are very
like, maybe this is my own imagination.

(46:51):
I feel like people will to your face be like, yeah, that is
really crazy. I would be like, really like,
like we'll use our conversation right now, right?
Like I would be shook up this and that, right?
But like in their mind, they're like, sure, like you think like

(47:17):
you're special or you know, whatever it may be, like
whatever is going on in their mind.
Is that what you think about? Like other people when they talk
their woo woo shit. No, not at all.
I I think like, I think people are sharing like a very real
experience to them. Yeah.
It's just like a feeling I get sometimes when I try to talk to

(47:40):
people about things I don't see.I don't get this that feeling
like when I talk to like loved ones about it, like if I, I
don't know if it's just the difference between genuine
people and not genuine people orwhat it is.
Because like, I could talk to you about it.
I could talk to my mom about it.I could talk to, like, some

(48:01):
other people that are close to me about it and like, I can
sense their genuine reaction or their genuine feelings in their
response. And then I feel like sometimes

(48:23):
you can just tell when people are, like, not being completely
honest with you. Yeah.
And they might like, they might still respect you and they might
like you as a person and think you're a cool person, whatever,

(48:43):
whatever. But they just might think like
they just might be someone who quite literally just thinks
like, well, I don't think dreamsare anything meaningful.
So like in their mind, they're like, they don't want to tell
you that what you're experiencing isn't meaningful or

(49:05):
not a real experience or whatever, or it's just a dream,
right out of respect. But like they still might think
it and they might just like vieweverything that you're
experiencing is like a but they'll still be respectful to
you about it, like in the words they say to you.
But there's still like that lackof like, genuine, like, I don't

(49:31):
know, appreciation, I guess, forlike, what's being talked about
or like the realness of the situation.
Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
So I don't even think it's like comes from a place of malice a

(49:53):
lot of the times. I think they might just, they
themselves might think like dreams or just yeah, whatever.
Like it's just a thing. Yeah.
It's like breathing just happens.
You know what I mean? Type people.

(50:17):
With the skip up but stuff. This don't really have to do
with dreams, but it does have todo with death.
OK. I was actually thinking about it
a couple weeks ago. My, my, my children's cousin
passed away. And rest in peace.

(50:39):
Yeah, for sure. Right here.
Just the next street over. And what's crazy is like.
I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you.

(51:00):
I had just like came through 'cause I had to go out to Salem
some with my kids. I had just came through there
like matter of like 1520 minutesish just coming through there.
And as I was coming through there, I was thinking about skip

(51:24):
up, but because like, as I said a few minutes ago, like lately
it's become more profound to me because of like dealing with
with family losses. And one of my Nana's sisters
passed away a few months ago. And so we're Linnepe and in our

(51:52):
tribe skip up. It means that the one with a wet
head and the folklore is that you should never go to sleep.
Would your hair still wet? Because when you pass away, we
do a, we do like a cleansing ritual and the loved one that's

(52:22):
passed, like they get their hairwashed.
It's like a, it's like a symbolic washing.
And that's because they're goingto go be with our other loved

(52:42):
ones that's passed. So you don't go to sleep with a
wet head because your loved onesthat are had already have
already passed. They'll they'll think that
you've come to visit them and you could get sick and die.

(53:06):
But when my Nana's sister passedaway, my cousins, I remember my
cousin posted put something on Facebook and she was saying she
was like, I just, I just washed my grandma's hair like for the
last time. And like I realized that I'll
never get to wash her hair again.

(53:28):
Like that's it. Like that was it.
It was real sad. And then Tina was asking me like
when my Nana passes, am I going to participate in like washing
her hair and stuff? And I said that I, you know, I
wasn't sure, 'cause I really feel like the reason I say I'm

(53:48):
not sure my answer isn't no, I would never not do that.
But I feel like that's that's reserved for her two daughters
before anyone else. But that day my kids cousin
passed and I was coming through there.

(54:09):
I was thinking about that. And I was 'cause I was thinking
about when my Nana passes, like,you know, take getting her ready
and taking care of her and stuffand like, when, you know, who
knows when she could outlive me still.
She's got plenty of life left. But I'm just saying she's
getting older and all her siblings are passing away.

(54:33):
So it's just so at that time, and I'm thinking all about it
and I'm thinking about my own kids.
And I'm like, damn, I wonder, I wonder what one of my kids is
going to like wash my hair and, and prepare me and like, if all
of them, if all my daughters will do it or if like, you know,

(54:55):
which daughter will like, I'll be their favorite.
So they'll be the one to do it. And like, and I, I was like
really lost in those, those thoughts and reflecting over.
And it's like, well, damn, I guess, like I, I guess the point

(55:15):
is to be someone that, that theywant to wash, you know, your
hair, you know, you need to be that good of a father that like,
they'll feel honoured and like obligated to, to, to do that.

(55:40):
You know, I guess that's the, that's the real, the real goal.
But you know, like. That's a good way to look at it.
A lot of these, like a lot of these stories that we've kind of
like turned into dogma and like fucking weird culty shit.
I really think like there's these underlying like universal

(56:02):
like meanings that like you're really supposed to derive from
things that like will enhance your life for the better.
And like, like that one, like, all right, if you go to sleep
with a wet head, like maybe you'll get pneumonia and die if
you live outside or some shit. But like, are you going to get

(56:24):
sick and die just because you went to sleep with a wet head?
Maybe at one point in history that was true.
But like now, like, no, that's not going to happen.
So obviously, like that's not the point of that story.
Like the point of that story is community and love and, and this
symbolic like spiritual washing of, of each other and our loved

(56:45):
ones and vulnerable moments and like being a good community
member and then thinking about all that.
And I come through there and we lose, lose their cousin.
And like he left behind my baby girl.
And I've just felt heartbroken for her ever since.

(57:09):
Now you know what to like. Tangent if you want.
Fucking newspaper headlines. Fucking headlines, man.
Always some bullshit. Always some bullshit.
Listening. He was riding the motorcycle.
The person hit him and it was really gnarly.

(57:34):
Oh, no, yeah, that's that's. And in the newspaper head
headline, it says New Jersey man, South Jersey man,
motorcycle driver collides with the SUV and it's like, no,

(57:59):
that's not what happened actually.
Yeah, that would really drive meup the wall, actually.
I really don't like shit like that.
And then like a couple years ago, I knew this chick and she
was like, she was riding her bicycle through violin going to
work or yeah, I think she was going to work and she was

(58:20):
crossing an intersection after she was waved to go on her
bicycle. And she gets like she gets
plowed by a Mack truck, like up under the truck.
She ended up she survived, but she she got fucked up like
really bad. And I remember when the

(58:42):
headlines came out about that itsaid bicyclist has head on
collision with dump truck. And it's like, no, that's,
that's not what happened actually.
Like, I don't know why. Why do newspapers do that?
Like. Is that the first form of
sensationalism? I don't know.

(59:05):
I don't know. It's just.
Weird they try to like sensationalize the story so
people read it. It's a terror.
It's honestly if that's the case, it's a terrible thing to
do. Like you're reporting on
someone's death Most of the time.
In those situations, out of respect for the dead, you should

(59:30):
try to report it accurately, notsensationalize it.
Or be sensitive. Yeah.
Thank you. You had a bit.
What was that for off mic? That was off mic, actually.
You know what? Just for the memes.

(59:52):
This is all he don't listen to this, so it's cool.
This is all for the memes. This is all for the memes.
This is just like good light hearted fun.
If you ever do listen to this, don't get upset.

(01:00:13):
This is just he he ha ha's. You got to learn to like.
Sometimes jokes will be coming your way and you got to just
roll with the punches. Type shit right?
My brother had scheduled pickup for like this bed frame that he

(01:00:37):
had gotten because it he ended up getting a full instead of a
queen. And UPS pulls up the other day
to do the pickup and it's like this, like little 4 foot 10
girl, yeah, who weighs like 90 lbs.

(01:00:59):
I know who she is. Yeah.
Yeah, I do. When you were telling me the
other day, I knew who you were talking about.
That's what, like, gone. I'm sorry.
Gone. You're gone.
You're just know in my mind, I as you're telling the story, I
know who you I like. I can picture it because I know.
Her because I first of all, I didn't know what was happening.

(01:01:23):
I actually woke up because I heard a voice and I was like,
whose voice is that? And then I like look out the
window and I see a UPS truck andI'm like waking up.
I'm in a daze. I'm like, I hear this girl
talking in my house. I'm like, who's in my house
right now? I'm like, they sound cute.

(01:01:45):
That's all. That was literally the first
thing that like popped up in my head was like, this person
sounds cute. All the guys at work, all of
them, yeah, you know how it goes.
Yeah. Fucking sausage fest.
And it almost got me out of bed.I didn't get out of bed, but but

(01:02:06):
it was almost enough. It was almost enough for me to
be like, I need to go see what, like, who's in my house.
But I'm like, in my bed. I'm like, listening to the
conversation happening. My mom gets my brother to try to
help because of this bed frame, I guess weighs like, a lot.

(01:02:26):
It's like £100 or more, like, whatever is heavy.
And this girl is, like, small. Yeah, and I didn't really get to
see what happened. I just keep hearing my mom be
like go get the Dolly, like justgo get the Dolly out bag.

(01:02:50):
And I guess my brother was kind of just like ignoring her for a
little bit, like my mom saying this stuff, etcetera, etcetera.
And like the box wasn't taped up.
So the girl had told him, but this is my mom telling me the
story. She's like, the girl was like,
I'll show you how to tape it up.So like they're taping it up

(01:03:10):
this and that. And then my mom goes and then so
they get it on the Dolly and bring it outside.
And then he just like stands there and watches her like bring
it out to the UPS truck. And then she gives him back the
Dolly and says thank you. And she's like, the whole time
I'm thinking like really like usually like didn't help like at

(01:03:39):
all. Like it's like this little like
small person and you're expecting her to pick up like
you can just look at her. This is what my mom's saying.
You can just look at her and andyou should in your mind be like,
oh, I need to help this person, like get it out there.
Like they can't do this. I don't think they were

(01:04:00):
expecting to like have to bring this like really fucking heavy
bed frame into the truck for a pickup.
And my mom's like, I must have messed up somewhere like as a.
Mother like raising him. She's like, because like I know
if it was you, you would have did it.
And it's like for some reason he's just, he's like he looks at

(01:04:23):
me. He's like really mom, like why
do you keep doing like in his mind, he's like micromanaging
him. And then over here in my mind,
I'm like, I'm like man, I'm like, what the fuck is he
working out for all the time? And he finally has a chance for
the some cute girl comes along who needs his help and he's like

(01:04:44):
over here fucking working out all the time and fucking doesn't
do anything. Like why are you even working
out, bro? Like what's going on?
That that was yo, that's that's hilarious.
I don't want to step on your bit.
No, there's something to work out there, but it's just like
the thing. That's the time to flex, dawg.
Yeah. Oh yeah, OK, yeah, big Bros over

(01:05:05):
there, right? You're just fucking the whole
time, 2 feet from my fucking face the whole fucking time.
But let there be, let there be acute bad bitch over there and
that's your time to shine. Like Nah, bitch, I got this box.
I'll put it in your truck for you.
I got you. I got you.
Yeah, you can flex, yeah. You know you're flexing.

(01:05:26):
No, I was, but you want flex on my.
Fat ass. And when I heard about this like
my mom and told me the story andeverything, I was like damn, I
really should have got out of bed.
Like 'cause my mom was like she had dark hair.
She like, she was like, she looked good.
Like she looked good and she waslike, my mom was like, I was

(01:05:49):
almost like starting to look around the house.
If there was anything else we could order for pickup to have
her come back because it like he's obviously hopeless, but
you, you, you might have a chance.
I'm like, mom, relax. Oh my God.
But I was just like laughing in my head the whole time because

(01:06:11):
I'm like, this is so funny. Like I was telling him I'm like,
I was like, dude, there's moments for like traditional
masculinity and like that's somethat's one of those moments.
Like you should be able to just like look at the situation and
be like, oh, like I'm needed here and just do it.

(01:06:33):
But like he he said, he's like, I wasn't trying to like do
something and make her feel likeshe can't do her job.
Valid. I'm like, that's fairpoint, but
still. But still, like you should at
least present the offer. Yeah, she let to let her make

(01:06:56):
her own decision. She's the type was she she is
really small and then like because she's like cute with the
tattoos and like she you can tell that she's still like girly
and stuff. I think people assume that that
like she's, she's pretty strong.Like no.

(01:07:17):
Yeah, I figure if you work in a job like.
That yeah, like she deals with that all day long, you know what
I mean? And another thing she deals with
all day long is guys treating her like she's like this small
vulnerable thing that can't do it.
Like she's obviously gotten to the place she is in her career.
Like and she she'd be flinging them big ass boxes.

(01:07:37):
At. Tablecloth but it's so funny
when she comes to the warehouse,'cause there's like there's her
and there's like three other guys and they all do like this,
like this region, right? Yeah.
And it's like pulling teeth getting these guys to go back.

(01:08:00):
They're like, yo, go help UPSU. PS: Just came, 'cause they come
twice a day in the morning and then in the afternoon it's like
go, go help UPS. And it's always like, but let
her, let her be at the door. Then like all of a sudden
everybody wants to volunteer to go.
I listen, I've never, I've been here 13 years, 14 years,

(01:08:21):
whatever. I've never actually helped her
with UPS personally, and I've helped a lot of the UPS people.
I've just never had to help her because I there's five of my
guys who are going to jump on itand volunteer as soon as they
see. That I got it.

(01:08:41):
I got it. That a lot of that from I got it
coming from over in this little Ohio coming from over here up in
the. Mezzaline, like I got it.
I got over the walkie, I'm coming inside.
I got it. Don't worry about it, guys.
I got it. That's crazy.
I'm just mad that I didn't get to see what she looked like.

(01:09:02):
Like that was the most because Ijust hate like I hate that in my
mind I have this all I have is this voice.
I'm like, I'm like damn, that isa cute voice.
Like I want to put face to voiceand I can't put face to voice
and it drives me crazy. Like in my mind it just the act

(01:09:23):
of never being able to put a face to a voice like really
drives me crazy. Yeah, I heard her looks matched
the voice She heard fire. Very much so.
Fire. I never.
I'm not trying to be like ridiculous, but fire.
No, I could that's she's like, see, she's not up your alley.

(01:09:46):
She's not, she's got, she's she's tatted up to.
Fire. Not like in a emo golf tatted
way or like a like, I don't knowhow to describe it actually more
like a floral thing. That's so fire.
Yeah, Well, yeah, duh, it's you.Come on, you just, I fucking

(01:10:09):
love flowers. Damn.
Oh, I don't usually have interest in like people like
that. I mean, obviously besides the
fact that I'm in a committed relationship, yeah, I'm just
forsake a conversation. I don't find interest in like
chicks like that, even when theyare really pretty or whatever.

(01:10:32):
Like, you know, like her because, and it's mainly because
of like how everyone else is responding to her.
And for instance, like we have on the other side of our
warehouse, we have like two or three girls that are like the
best looking women over there. And like those girls get all the

(01:10:57):
attention from all the guys in the warehouse, right?
And it's like they don't, they've never, even when I was
single, like I've never been interested in them because of
like how everyone else treats them.
It's like I don't, I just, I don't know, it's not a turn off
because like they are attractiveand all those things.

(01:11:17):
But for me it's like there's no like it just shuts the interest
off. I don't like.
You don't you don't like when a lot of people are interested in
someone I. I don't think that's it because
it sounds like, you know, it does.
But the reason I say it's not that can't be it is because like

(01:11:38):
in my relationships, I'm very much not a jealous person
because I actually do find excitement in people lusting
over my girl absolutely or beinginterested in her.
But like, I think what it is, that's just validation.

(01:12:03):
I think what it is is more to dowith like there's this like I'm
a butcher this, there's this like social structure, There's
this like social, like there's this process that's supposed to
happen. And that's what's happening with

(01:12:25):
all the guys, right? And I feel like, I feel like
it's expected of me. To act that way.
To act that way and then be interested in them.
And it's like, because it's expected, I don't want to give

(01:12:45):
it to you. Like I know you like attention
and I know you like all these guys attention in here.
And I know it's expected of me to give you that same attention.
And because that's expected of me, I give you no attention.
You can have all their attention.
I'm good. Actually, I'll walk by you like
you're not even there. Interesting.

(01:13:12):
It's me. It's just weird.
But it's just like I'm like, maybe back in high school there
was like certain girls in the class where like all the guys
had a crush on her. Like everyone liked her.
Those girls never interest me. Interesting.

(01:13:35):
I think like for me. I think I only like people who
are I'm only interested in people who are interested in me.
I think that might be it actually.

(01:13:55):
Well, and the problem with hot girls is that they they expect
everyone to just be interested in them.
And I just like, I like a good reciprocation of being
interested in each other. Anyway, I keep cutting you off.

(01:14:18):
I'm sorry I'm. Done.
No, you're good. I'm done.
Good. I think everybody wants to feel
like someone's interested in them.
I don't think that's like a soulyou experience.

(01:14:39):
I, I just, I've never interactedwith persons, so I can't say I
haven't even seen them. So I really can't say there's a
difference. I don't, I, I actually kind of

(01:15:01):
went off about this recently to some of my friends in our group
chat because like, I feel like in my dating experiences, I
often wonder like if like we'll use said hot girl as an example.

(01:15:24):
OK, since we're talking about it, if said hot girl could
relate to what I'm about to say and you could maybe also relate
to what I'm about to say. But it's like I'm, I'm actually
really tired of people finding me hot because or if like that's

(01:15:55):
like the driving force of why you're interested in me is
because you find me hot because I always just feel like a
commodity, like like I'm something to just like obtain
like for, for your lust. And then it always leaves me

(01:16:19):
feeling like, oh, she just like wanted me for my body.
She just wanted me for like my looks and like I just feel so
empty and makes me feel like so depressed afterwards.
And like you almost just feel like used, like used like a not,

(01:16:42):
I mean used in many senses, likeused like in an emotional sense
because like you thought someonemight have actually been
genuinely interested in you as aperson, but all they actually
really cared about was how hot you were or like fucking you.
And I really don't like that because it makes me feel like,

(01:17:03):
like I said, like a commodity orsomething to obtain like a
trophy. And I, I'd like to think like I
have a lot to offer, like emotionally, mentally, like to
be seen is like something that is like a really big turn on for
me as a guy. Like if a woman or a person, I

(01:17:31):
mean, they'll leave it open. But like generally, 99% of the
time, it's like if a, if a girl sees me, like sees me like when
a girl tell tells me how she thinks, like I'm so

(01:17:51):
compassionate and like she really likes our conversations
and she likes the way I think about things.
And it's like, I feel so seen and it's like, so not the
standard because the standard fit for me many times often
feels like the opposite, like what I would imagine the hot

(01:18:14):
girl experiences. I get what?
You're saying of just like people just see you as like a
trophy to obtain, just a, a commodity to consume.
And it's like, I would imagine that hot girl would feel like me
in the sense of like you just want it.

(01:18:35):
You just want somebody to like see you, like see your
interests, see what you're what you actually care about, what
things you're interested in, like what you like to geek out
about. Like that kind of shit.
Yeah, that shit does. So I can make me depressed, feel
like I, I can't look like overwhelming, like it is nice

(01:18:59):
for the ego, I guess, but not really in the long run.
I was just like, yeah, what doesit just mean?
What does it mean? Like when you come from a place
of like, sadness, for example, like the people, like reminding

(01:19:20):
you that you're hot. It doesn't like make your heart
feel better, right? Right.
Doesn't like provide you with the emotional intelligence
needed for like deep conversations that actually

(01:19:41):
stimulate you or make you feel like, make you feel like you can
like drop your guard and like open up.
And I always compare it to like.Finally being able to stop

(01:20:03):
hyperventilating and just like exhale, like that's what like a
great like in depth, emotionallyintelligent person can do is
like you just finally get to take like this deep breath and
exhale and just like just talk with somebody and just feel like

(01:20:30):
you can finally untenced your shoulders.
You can finally just like exist and you can exist because
somebody finally like sees you. It's a nice feeling. 101 death
less than love. Fuck you.