July 3, 2025 • 33 mins
The Paradox of Validation
What if the very thing you’ve been told to avoid: validation is actually the thing that could heal you?
In this vulnerable solo episode, I unpack a realization that’s changed everything for me: validation isn’t weakness, it’s nourishment. For soul-led leaders and conscious creators, self-doubt often masquerades as humility. We’re taught to fear ego, to tough it out alone, to be “above” needing affirmation. But what if that’s a lie designed to keep us small?
I share the deeper truth behind the phrase “you can’t read the label from inside the jar, (from my friend Elizabeth)” and how reflection from others can reveal power you never knew you had. You’ll hear why I believe validation, when received with presence, is not about chasing approval but about remembering who you are.
Whether you’re feeling unseen, stuck in a growth plateau, or questioning your impact, this episode will help you shift your relationship with being witnessed. Because someone is waiting for your voice, and it might be you.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Welcome to The Business of Becoming, a podcast
for soul-led leaders, sacreddisruptors, and anyone who knows
they were never meant to settle.
I'm Sabrina Riley, and I'm nothere to teach you how to play
the game.
I'm here to remind you that youwere built to change the world,
starting with you.
This is a space fortransmission, not templates, for
(00:24):
the work beneath the work, forremembering who you are, what
you carry, and why you're stillhere.
because you were built to changethe world, starting with you.
Hey friends, I'm so excited tobe here with you this week.
I came up with what this episodeis going to be today, and it's
(00:50):
honestly something I'm soexcited about.
It sort of just dropped in forme As I've been growing a lot
recently, and I think this isreally going to change things
for you in a big way.
Because if you're anything likeme, you struggle with
self-doubt.
(01:11):
You struggle with a harsh innercritic.
And this might not be a completesolution, but I think it's going
to create so much healing.
So I'm going to let you in alittle bit.
It's something I've been workingon as vulnerable as you may know
me to be.
I am always trying to show upmore fully, more authentically,
(01:33):
more vulnerably because Ideserve that and you also
deserve that from me as well.
And so I have really beenstruggling with my business so
far.
For those of you that don't knowI left my finance career in
April.
(02:07):
Why are we so focused on thenumbers and the strategies and
all of these things?
Like, yes, putting systems andprocesses and those things in
place can be important, butespecially when we're already at
a certain level.
Like, let's say, for example,you have a business where you're
at 1 million and you're tryingto get to 10 million.
You're not going to get there bybeing the same version of you
(02:31):
that you are now.
So then...
You have to ask the question,what version of you do you need
to be?
What things need to change?
What might be blocking you frommaking that jump?
And I'm talking about makingjumps that are aligned for you.
I'm not talking about scaling ordoing big just to do big.
Hopefully, it's a jump that'saligned for you, and it's also a
(02:54):
jump that's going to allow youto have more impact.
So I started this work, and ithasn't really been working out.
I haven't had that many clients.
It's been really frustratingbecause I'm working through some
lessons and some challenges morethan I had expected to.
(03:14):
Not that I expected business tojust blow up and be easy, but I
thought maybe I could get thingsto a decent or steady point
somewhat quickly.
And then from there, I wouldhave a lot more work to do.
I truly felt like there was...
there was a lot of good on thehorizon for me.
(03:37):
And so to have a couple monthswhere I'm still having to work
on myself to the degree that Ihave been, like I've been just
really gutting and clearing outsome really difficult things,
some really difficult beliefs.
And that's kind of dishearteningto an extent because it's like,
(03:59):
when, when is the work done?
Not like, when is it completeentirely?
Because it never will be.
I know that I'm always going tobe changing, but it's like, when
is it done for this phase?
Or like, what am I missing?
What am I not seeing that isgoing to allow me to be able to
get to that next level myself,to be able to either make this
(04:20):
business work or to be able tocreate Whatever I'm supposed to
be doing in the world in thismoment.
And what's going to allow me totransmit the frequency and to be
able to do what I'm doing onthis podcast.
You feel a certain energy fromme on this podcast that not
(04:43):
everyone is able to feel fromme.
in other spaces or on othersocial media.
And so how do I bring this intoother spaces?
How do I make sure that I'mshowing up as fully as I can?
UNKNOWN (04:59):
And
SPEAKER_00 (05:02):
My friend, Elizabeth Ralph, I'm in her mastermind.
She has a company, a podcastcalled The Spiritual Investor.
She's an absolutely incrediblehuman.
When I first started listeningto her podcast last year, I knew
that she was going to help me insome really big ways.
And she's helped me so much morethan I ever imagined.
And one of the things thatreally I've been sitting with
(05:27):
that just have continued to beon my mind is she'll say, you
can't read the label from insidethe jar.
And when you hear thatinitially, or at least when I
heard that initially, I'mthinking...
okay, that makes sense.
Like I can't always see who Iam, or I can't always know that
(05:49):
maybe just because I'm feelinggood, I'm transmitting the right
message or the right frequency,or like, I'm really energizing
you.
I'm really motivating you.
I'm really helping you heal.
Like, sure.
Just because I feel good doesn'tmean that that's actually
happening.
And that's more or less thecontext that we were talking
about it in, in one of themastermind meetings.
(06:12):
But I think there's so much moreto it.
And honestly, for her, there'sprobably so much more to it as
well.
Maybe she didn't know it wasgoing to be a bigger message or
it was going to be a biggerhealing, but I think that it
really can be.
So coming back to where Istarted, which is I've had a lot
of self-doubt.
(06:34):
When things continue to seemlike they're not working, Like
I'm growing, but the financialabundance isn't coming in.
It's really easy to getdiscouraged by that.
And I know you feel this too.
You're doubting whether or notthe business is working.
You're doubting whether or notyou should make the post.
You're doubting whether or notyour clients are seeing you,
hearing you.
(06:54):
You're doubting whether or notyou're having enough impact.
You're constantly doubtingyourself.
And I think we've been sold alie that I'm not sure anyone
else really knows about.
I mean, I'm sure someone elsehas talked about this before,
but I haven't seen it.
And the lie is the idea thatthere's something wrong with
(07:15):
validation.
I think there are absolutelycertain people who are very in
their ego, in their shadow, thatare in a place, and I don't mean
that as in they're doingsomething wrong.
They're at their own pace ontheir own journey.
(07:36):
But You have people that youknow that are egotistical or
like we've seen influencers formany years just be like really
polished and just try to say allthe right things.
And it definitely seemed like alot of them were like really
looking for validation.
And so you see these things, yousee these people showing up in
(07:58):
the world.
Yeah.
(08:23):
And so we've heard differentthings such as like validation
is bad or don't seek validation.
And I think it's sort of turnedinto validation.
We try to help ourselves and wetry to not really ask other
people for support.
We're not asking friends to tryand offer or try a community for
(08:45):
a month or try a consultingsession with us or listen to the
podcast and let us know whatthey think.
And yes, maybe you do need somegenuine feedback, but it's also
okay if some of those friends orsome of those people mirror
something back to you thatyou're not seeing in yourself.
And this is what I feel likeI've, in some sense, stumbled
(09:09):
upon as I'm really reflecting onthis.
I think that we are so afraid ofbeing egotistical or
accidentally doing the wrongthings, especially those of us
that would consider ourselvesconscious leaders.
Even like highly sensitive andneurodivergent people, like
(09:29):
often we're analyzing things sodeeply.
We're seeing all the patternsthat we see what we don't want
to be.
We see what we don't want tobring more of in the world.
And then we're so afraid thatthat's going to become us.
And I have to tell you this.
Regardless of this self-doubtvalidation conversation that I'm
getting into here, you have toknow that just by you having
(09:53):
that awareness, you are notlikely going to become what you
fear.
I'll say that again.
You are not likely going tobecome what you fear.
I can't tell you that you won'thave moments of ego.
I can't tell you that you won'tlive in your shadow.
I can't tell you that you won'ttrip up.
(10:13):
But inherently, there's nothingwrong with those moments anyway.
It's totally different if youhave a terrible moment or you
say a shitty thing one timeversus if you're just walking
around being someone who doesn'tcare about how you You're
affecting other people aroundyou.
And so if you're listening tothis, chances are is you're
(10:34):
already someone who knows thatyou care a lot more.
You already are more self-aware.
So you becoming the things thatyou don't want to be is nearly
impossible.
You're going to have moments,but you're not going to become
that.
(10:54):
And so through that lens, youWhat really is validation?
What does validation look like?
And maybe it's just giving anopportunity for us to have
things reflected back to us,especially from people that we
love or even like clients,because they might explain what
(11:18):
you do in a way that you'venever understood before.
They might help you feel muchbetter about yourself than you
ever have.
I don't think we is reflectingsomething back to you in a way
(11:50):
that is awakening something inyou.
You're gonna be able to see thedifference.
You're gonna know that, oh wow,what that person said is helping
me remember more of who I trulyam.
And you're gonna know if itfeels like it's you chasing that
to fill a hole.
And so I've been so uplifted bywhat so many people have been
(12:16):
doing for me recently.
And I did have to do the work.
I've changed some of mymessaging.
I've gotten a little bit moreclear with what I'm doing for my
clients, especially on LinkedIn.
And people are starting to getit and people are starting to
like the message and they'restarting to resonate with the
work that I'm doing in theworld.
(12:38):
And I've gotten messages like,just thanking me for being
vulnerable, just thanking me forlike my perspective and for
looking at things in a differentway.
It's even gone so far as peopleseeing how powerful I am, people
seeing how compassionate andempathetic I am.
(12:59):
And all of this is reallyhelping me Because the inner
critic inside wants to tell methat not only is that validation
not okay and it's not safe toreceive it, but my inner critic
tries to tell me that I'm notgood enough still.
My inner critic tries to tell methat I'm not going to be
successful, that I'm not goingto have the impact that I dream
(13:21):
of, that I'm not going to beable to make a difference for
you as you're listening to thispodcast.
And there's a part of me thatknows that that's not true.
So every time that inner critictries to step in, for the most
part, it's not completelyovershadowing everything because
I have enough awareness to knowthat what it's telling me isn't
(13:42):
real.
Doesn't mean there's never asliver of it that I can learn
from.
Yes, maybe the fact that.
I was being critical of myselfwhen I wasn't getting some of
these responses was needed.
I genuinely did need some moreclarity in my messaging.
I did need to figure out how touse my voice a little bit more
wisely, but by and large,whatever you're getting from
(14:05):
your inner critic, whateverharshness that's inside of you
is not even remotely the truthof who you are and how amazing
that you are.
And so I, I've really neededthese people to reflect this
back to me because all of asudden I'm seeing not only are
they getting my message, but thepower that I hold the presence
(14:30):
that I hold to make a differencein the world is starting to
reach people.
They're seeing it.
And they're reflecting it backto me.
And that's far more importantthan saying anything about the
consulting work or about asingle post ever could be.
(14:50):
It's what are the words?
And especially if the words arenot just, hey, thanks for
sharing that thought.
And they're like, you reallymade me think about this
differently.
Or like, thank you for bringingsomething so meaningful to this
conversation.
That's huge.
That's absolutely huge.
And so what I've been doing isI've been allowing myself to
(15:13):
feel that anyway.
or at least trying to.
And the way that I've been doingit is I will purposefully pause.
When someone tells me somethingor when I see a comment or a DM
on social media or whatever itis, I will pause.
I will maybe even read itmultiple times and I will give
myself a second.
I won't allow myself to justjump to the next post, to keep
scrolling, to jump to the nexttask because I know what I'm
(15:37):
seeing is really important.
And I know that I actually needto receive that.
Like I actually need to feeltheir words in my body that Not
just look at it and say, okay,cool.
That was nice.
Or even look at it and say,that's not actually me.
Or like, that doesn't makesense.
(15:58):
I want to use this examplespecifically.
I'm not going to use a name oranything like that.
But Sorry, I was trying to findsomething on LinkedIn, and maybe
it was a comment.
I thought it was a DM, so Icouldn't find it nearly as
(16:20):
easily as I had expected to.
But anyway, somebody saidsomething very big to me today,
and I don't remember the exactwords, but I kind of started to
read that for a second, and Iwas just thinking, wow, you're
looking at me in a way that'sreally meaningful.
(16:42):
Yeah.
You think that I've really movedbeyond a certain level of
healing.
And I started to think, no, no,that's not true.
That inner critic started tojump in, started to tell me,
Because they said somethingalmost like absolute.
(17:04):
They said absolute something.
And so obviously absolute is avery strong word.
Absolute, perfect, always.
Those are really strong words.
And I had to stop my innercritic.
I had to stop myself and realizenot only am I going to practice
that receiving, am I going toread this and really sit with
it, but I was realizing thatthat's not really what she
(17:27):
meant.
She doesn't think that I'mperfect.
But she said something in a verymeaningful way that I needed to
hear.
And that's when I startedruminating.
Ruminating is not great.
I started kind of percolating onwhat this podcast was going to
be.
It was really kind of beingbirthed all morning and all
(17:48):
afternoon.
Because I started to see how Ithought that validation was bad.
And yet it had been feeling sogood.
And I had to realize...
I'm not trying to fill a hole.
Maybe there's a small part of methat is.
How I said a couple minutes ago,that part of it will always be
(18:10):
egotistical.
Yes, if I get 20 likes on aLinkedIn post or 10 comments or
something like that, a levelthat I'm starting to get to but
not always there, I will lovethat.
There will be a small part of methat's like, oh, thank God, I'm
finally being seen.
(18:31):
Look at me.
But there's a massive part of methat's like, okay, you're
feeling exactly what I'm tryingto do in the world.
You're really seeing me.
And that's important both to beable to see what it is that
you're getting from my messageand And that's also important
(18:54):
for me to finally believe inmyself.
And so I think the lie was totell us that validation is
wrong.
I genuinely think in the waythat we've been told so many
lies, I think that someonerealized how powerful this was.
Us validating each other, uscomplimenting each other, us
(19:15):
affirming each other.
And I genuinely think somebodyintentionally told us that that
was wrong.
Because it keeps us small if wenever receive the things that
other people have to say aboutus.
And that can even be some of thequote-unquote bad things as
well.
That may still mirror somethingback to me that's important.
(19:38):
But I'm talking about all of thegood, all of the things that you
really love hearing.
You don't want an echo chamber,but as long as it's not just an
echo chamber and you just know,like you can feel it in your
body.
I, I, I feel like I feel it inmy heart.
Like I know when, when, whensomeone is just like really
(20:00):
saying something that resonatesin my soul that, that makes me
think, okay, they really get meversus it just like being in my
head and it's like, okay, thatwas cool.
Or I'm so glad they said thatnice thing about me.
and so what if we don't need tobe in isolation to see our truth
(20:21):
like yes stillness and beingalone is really helpful but no
matter how much you do of thator how much you need to do
because you're going to knowwhen you listen to your body
whether or not you need to bealone or maybe if you need to be
alone while you're like craftingan offer or starting a business
But what if that's not actuallywhat we need the most?
(20:44):
What if we're not always goingto find the answers by just
sitting with ourself?
What if sometimes we need otherpeople to mirror them back to
us?
Because part of the point ofthis human experience is
connection.
And so if we're not allowingourselves to connect with other
(21:04):
people in a way that's allowingus to understand how are they
seeing us, especially when weknow that they're genuine and
kind and empathetic andpurposeful and all of that, like
we are too, then we're doing somuch for us.
Validation isn't weakness and itisn't ego.
We're telling ourselves that aslike self-sabotage and a defense
(21:29):
mechanism.
Because when you tell yourselfthat, you try not to look for
the validation because you thinkthat you might get hurt.
Or you're afraid of your ownpower and you're afraid of the
impact you could have in theworld of the version of you that
you could become.
So instead, you self-sabotageyourself.
(21:50):
And either way, regardless ofwhether it's self-sabotage or a
defense mechanism, it's keepingus small.
And the problem with keeping ussmall is we're not building the
world that we could be.
We're not impacting the peoplethat we could be.
There are other people out therethat need you, that need your
(22:11):
work, that need your voice.
They are literally waiting foryou to speak up.
They are literally waiting foryou.
And I don't say that in ajudgmental way.
If you are scared shitless to dosomething the work that you want
(22:32):
to do in the world or to becomethe version of you that you need
to become, that is okay.
Your journey is your own and thepace of that journey is your own
as well.
I know just as much as anyonehow hard it is to keep breaking
(22:52):
yourself down and buildingyourself back up again.
But I can tell you that it willalways be worth it.
It will always be worth it toallow yourself to be seen.
And you don't need to allowyourself to be seen as like
really polished or reallyperfect.
You just need to be visiblebecause someone needs the
(23:16):
permission you're going to givethem.
Someone needs the guidance andthe healing that you're going to
give them.
Maybe by them just seeing apicture of you or seeing you at
the grocery store.
And so, That's why you need thisvalidation.
That's why you need thataffirmation because you need to
(23:37):
know how powerful you are.
You need more people than justme on this podcast telling you
that you are worth it and thatwe need you.
And I'm not saying I need youtoday or I need you tomorrow.
You'll know when the right timeis.
(23:57):
And if you're still workingthrough a bunch of shit, then
that's okay.
And you don't need to beatyourself up for that.
I'm also here to validate andaffirm you and tell you that if
you're not doing the work thatyou want to do in the world, if
you're not the version ofyourself that you want to be,
that there is nothing wrong withyou in this moment.
(24:18):
The best thing you can do foryourself is to be grateful when
you have that self-awareness.
Noticing and self-awareness isso powerful.
(24:40):
You can't change if you can'tsee the thing that you want to
change about yourself or aboutthe way that you show up in the
world.
And so I think that truly beingseen and being validated and
affirmed helps us to unlock ourgifts and our power to I think
(25:01):
that that's going to help us tocreate these businesses and to
have the impact in the worldthat we're meant to have.
Because people are going toreflect things back to us that
we never in our wildestimagination would have affirmed
on our own.
(25:25):
So I think the real question is,are you going to stop?
Letting your self-doubtmasquerade as humility.
Are you going to stop playingsmall just to make other people
around you comfortable orbecause you're afraid of being
visible?
Are you going to allow yourselfto finally come alive?
(25:52):
And yes, I always talk about howmuch of a difference that's
going to make in the world.
But in truth, you have tonourish yourself first.
You need the love and thevalidation and the affirmation
and all of this because you needto nourish yourself first.
This isn't just some bullshitlike, Oh, I'm going to tell you
(26:17):
like your cup needs to be filledto pour in someone else's.
There is so much wisdom in thatstatement, but I know when you
hear things like that, it goesin one ear and out the other
because you've heard it so manytimes and you've never actually
sat down to understand howimportant it is.
So ultimately the self,validation and the affirmation
(26:42):
is going to lead to you beingnourished.
You need to be able to receivethat love from other people.
You also need to be able to giveyourself the love, but you are
not the only one that's going tobe able to do it.
You are never only going to beable to do that for yourself in
isolation.
(27:02):
That is impossible.
It will never be enough.
It is a part of the healing.
It is a part of the growing, butit is not the full picture.
You need other people.
And so I'm going to invite youto just stop being so afraid and
(27:24):
to recognize how important thedegree of self-awareness that
you have is, because a all ofthe things that you're afraid
of, all of the defensemechanisms, all of the
self-sabotaging is great.
And I mean that.
In a way, in a life, in aseason, in a cycle, it has
(27:48):
helped you.
It has protected you.
But it's now time to let thosewalls down.
Because there is nothing safer,and more enjoyable than being
your true self.
(28:11):
You will always have people thatdon't like you, that don't
understand your message, thatdon't get what you're doing.
But wouldn't you rather benourished by the work that
you're doing in the world?
Wouldn't you rather have peoplereflect back to you how much of
(28:34):
a difference your message oryour work or just you are making
for them and their life?
Wouldn't you rather feel thatthan to keep sitting around and
wishing for it to be different?
Because I know some of you aregoing to hear this and you're
(28:56):
going to think, I wish I hadbeen getting that validation,
that affirmation that Sabrina'sbeen getting.
I had to do a ton of work toshow up in this specific way
because I am not showing up withjust any message.
I am not showing up with justany frequency, just any vibe,
just any work in the world.
I am showing up sointentionally, almost
(29:21):
intentionally, I am too serioussometimes, and I'm actually
learning how to play.
But this took a lot of work.
So yes, I need someone to beable to tell me, I get what
you're doing.
I see you.
Your work is making adifference.
(29:46):
And that's available to you aswell.
That nourishment and thatconnection that you're going to
get with other people isavailable to you as well.
All it does is it requires youto show up more fully.
It requires you to be present inthe moment.
And then you are going to bepowerful.
(30:09):
You're going to be impactfulwhen you're in the present
moment.
Because in the present moment,you're going to be the most you
that you've ever been.
And you're going to benourished.
You're going to get thatvalidation.
You're going to get thataffirmation.
(30:32):
So thank you for spending thistime with me.
As I've mentioned already onboth episodes, I love this
podcast so much.
I love this work so much.
I've been waiting so long to beable to do this, to be able to
be the version that can sit hereand have these powerful
(30:57):
conversations and transmit thesemagical things to you.
I have spent half my lifeintentionally trying to get here
So this is the fulfillment of somany special things, of so much
(31:19):
work.
And so if you are listening tothis message, I am so grateful
for you for being here.
And I am also really gratefulfor you for investing in your
own authenticity.
And you should be proud ofyourself for that.
(31:40):
Because when you listen topeople like me that speak and
write with care and withintentionality, you will
remember more of who you trulyare.
You will become more of yourauthentic self.
You will become alive.
You will have more joy.
(32:01):
You will achieve your dreams.
So thank you.
Because I'm showing up just foryou.
And I really mean that.
I'm showing up for you.
Regardless of who you arelistening to this.
(32:22):
Regardless of anything you'veheard me say about the massive
impact that I want to have.
I am still showing up for you.
This message is for you.
I hope you have an incredibleweek.
And if you do nothing else, Ihope when you need a hug or you
(32:44):
need an affirmation or you needsome validation, I hope you go
ask for it like there's nothingwrong with that at all.
And I hope you feel nourishedand you feel the love that you
already deserve.
(33:06):
Thank you.
Welcome to The Business of Becoming, a podcast
for soul-led leaders, sacreddisruptors, and anyone who knows
they were never meant to settle.
I'm Sabrina Riley, and I'm nothere to teach you how to play
the game.
I'm here to remind you that youwere built to change the world,
starting with you.
This is a space fortransmission, not templates, for
(00:24):
the work beneath the work, forremembering who you are, what
you carry, and why you're stillhere.
because you were built to changethe world, starting with you.
Hey friends, I'm so excited tobe here with you this week.
I came up with what this episodeis going to be today, and it's
(00:50):
honestly something I'm soexcited about.
It sort of just dropped in forme As I've been growing a lot
recently, and I think this isreally going to change things
for you in a big way.
Because if you're anything likeme, you struggle with
self-doubt.
(01:11):
You struggle with a harsh innercritic.
And this might not be a completesolution, but I think it's going
to create so much healing.
So I'm going to let you in alittle bit.
It's something I've been workingon as vulnerable as you may know
me to be.
I am always trying to show upmore fully, more authentically,
(01:33):
more vulnerably because Ideserve that and you also
deserve that from me as well.
And so I have really beenstruggling with my business so
far.
For those of you that don't knowI left my finance career in
April.
(02:07):
Why are we so focused on thenumbers and the strategies and
all of these things?
Like, yes, putting systems andprocesses and those things in
place can be important, butespecially when we're already at
a certain level.
Like, let's say, for example,you have a business where you're
at 1 million and you're tryingto get to 10 million.
You're not going to get there bybeing the same version of you
(02:31):
that you are now.
So then...
You have to ask the question,what version of you do you need
to be?
What things need to change?
What might be blocking you frommaking that jump?
And I'm talking about makingjumps that are aligned for you.
I'm not talking about scaling ordoing big just to do big.
Hopefully, it's a jump that'saligned for you, and it's also a
(02:54):
jump that's going to allow youto have more impact.
So I started this work, and ithasn't really been working out.
I haven't had that many clients.
It's been really frustratingbecause I'm working through some
lessons and some challenges morethan I had expected to.
(03:14):
Not that I expected business tojust blow up and be easy, but I
thought maybe I could get thingsto a decent or steady point
somewhat quickly.
And then from there, I wouldhave a lot more work to do.
I truly felt like there was...
there was a lot of good on thehorizon for me.
(03:37):
And so to have a couple monthswhere I'm still having to work
on myself to the degree that Ihave been, like I've been just
really gutting and clearing outsome really difficult things,
some really difficult beliefs.
And that's kind of dishearteningto an extent because it's like,
(03:59):
when, when is the work done?
Not like, when is it completeentirely?
Because it never will be.
I know that I'm always going tobe changing, but it's like, when
is it done for this phase?
Or like, what am I missing?
What am I not seeing that isgoing to allow me to be able to
get to that next level myself,to be able to either make this
(04:20):
business work or to be able tocreate Whatever I'm supposed to
be doing in the world in thismoment.
And what's going to allow me totransmit the frequency and to be
able to do what I'm doing onthis podcast.
You feel a certain energy fromme on this podcast that not
(04:43):
everyone is able to feel fromme.
in other spaces or on othersocial media.
And so how do I bring this intoother spaces?
How do I make sure that I'mshowing up as fully as I can?
UNKNOWN (04:59):
And
SPEAKER_00 (05:02):
My friend, Elizabeth Ralph, I'm in her mastermind.
She has a company, a podcastcalled The Spiritual Investor.
She's an absolutely incrediblehuman.
When I first started listeningto her podcast last year, I knew
that she was going to help me insome really big ways.
And she's helped me so much morethan I ever imagined.
And one of the things thatreally I've been sitting with
(05:27):
that just have continued to beon my mind is she'll say, you
can't read the label from insidethe jar.
And when you hear thatinitially, or at least when I
heard that initially, I'mthinking...
okay, that makes sense.
Like I can't always see who Iam, or I can't always know that
(05:49):
maybe just because I'm feelinggood, I'm transmitting the right
message or the right frequency,or like, I'm really energizing
you.
I'm really motivating you.
I'm really helping you heal.
Like, sure.
Just because I feel good doesn'tmean that that's actually
happening.
And that's more or less thecontext that we were talking
about it in, in one of themastermind meetings.
(06:12):
But I think there's so much moreto it.
And honestly, for her, there'sprobably so much more to it as
well.
Maybe she didn't know it wasgoing to be a bigger message or
it was going to be a biggerhealing, but I think that it
really can be.
So coming back to where Istarted, which is I've had a lot
of self-doubt.
(06:34):
When things continue to seemlike they're not working, Like
I'm growing, but the financialabundance isn't coming in.
It's really easy to getdiscouraged by that.
And I know you feel this too.
You're doubting whether or notthe business is working.
You're doubting whether or notyou should make the post.
You're doubting whether or notyour clients are seeing you,
hearing you.
(06:54):
You're doubting whether or notyou're having enough impact.
You're constantly doubtingyourself.
And I think we've been sold alie that I'm not sure anyone
else really knows about.
I mean, I'm sure someone elsehas talked about this before,
but I haven't seen it.
And the lie is the idea thatthere's something wrong with
(07:15):
validation.
I think there are absolutelycertain people who are very in
their ego, in their shadow, thatare in a place, and I don't mean
that as in they're doingsomething wrong.
They're at their own pace ontheir own journey.
(07:36):
But You have people that youknow that are egotistical or
like we've seen influencers formany years just be like really
polished and just try to say allthe right things.
And it definitely seemed like alot of them were like really
looking for validation.
And so you see these things, yousee these people showing up in
(07:58):
the world.
Yeah.
(08:23):
And so we've heard differentthings such as like validation
is bad or don't seek validation.
And I think it's sort of turnedinto validation.
We try to help ourselves and wetry to not really ask other
people for support.
We're not asking friends to tryand offer or try a community for
(08:45):
a month or try a consultingsession with us or listen to the
podcast and let us know whatthey think.
And yes, maybe you do need somegenuine feedback, but it's also
okay if some of those friends orsome of those people mirror
something back to you thatyou're not seeing in yourself.
And this is what I feel likeI've, in some sense, stumbled
(09:09):
upon as I'm really reflecting onthis.
I think that we are so afraid ofbeing egotistical or
accidentally doing the wrongthings, especially those of us
that would consider ourselvesconscious leaders.
Even like highly sensitive andneurodivergent people, like
(09:29):
often we're analyzing things sodeeply.
We're seeing all the patternsthat we see what we don't want
to be.
We see what we don't want tobring more of in the world.
And then we're so afraid thatthat's going to become us.
And I have to tell you this.
Regardless of this self-doubtvalidation conversation that I'm
getting into here, you have toknow that just by you having
(09:53):
that awareness, you are notlikely going to become what you
fear.
I'll say that again.
You are not likely going tobecome what you fear.
I can't tell you that you won'thave moments of ego.
I can't tell you that you won'tlive in your shadow.
I can't tell you that you won'ttrip up.
(10:13):
But inherently, there's nothingwrong with those moments anyway.
It's totally different if youhave a terrible moment or you
say a shitty thing one timeversus if you're just walking
around being someone who doesn'tcare about how you You're
affecting other people aroundyou.
And so if you're listening tothis, chances are is you're
(10:34):
already someone who knows thatyou care a lot more.
You already are more self-aware.
So you becoming the things thatyou don't want to be is nearly
impossible.
You're going to have moments,but you're not going to become
that.
(10:54):
And so through that lens, youWhat really is validation?
What does validation look like?
And maybe it's just giving anopportunity for us to have
things reflected back to us,especially from people that we
love or even like clients,because they might explain what
(11:18):
you do in a way that you'venever understood before.
They might help you feel muchbetter about yourself than you
ever have.
I don't think we is reflectingsomething back to you in a way
(11:50):
that is awakening something inyou.
You're gonna be able to see thedifference.
You're gonna know that, oh wow,what that person said is helping
me remember more of who I trulyam.
And you're gonna know if itfeels like it's you chasing that
to fill a hole.
And so I've been so uplifted bywhat so many people have been
(12:16):
doing for me recently.
And I did have to do the work.
I've changed some of mymessaging.
I've gotten a little bit moreclear with what I'm doing for my
clients, especially on LinkedIn.
And people are starting to getit and people are starting to
like the message and they'restarting to resonate with the
work that I'm doing in theworld.
(12:38):
And I've gotten messages like,just thanking me for being
vulnerable, just thanking me forlike my perspective and for
looking at things in a differentway.
It's even gone so far as peopleseeing how powerful I am, people
seeing how compassionate andempathetic I am.
(12:59):
And all of this is reallyhelping me Because the inner
critic inside wants to tell methat not only is that validation
not okay and it's not safe toreceive it, but my inner critic
tries to tell me that I'm notgood enough still.
My inner critic tries to tell methat I'm not going to be
successful, that I'm not goingto have the impact that I dream
(13:21):
of, that I'm not going to beable to make a difference for
you as you're listening to thispodcast.
And there's a part of me thatknows that that's not true.
So every time that inner critictries to step in, for the most
part, it's not completelyovershadowing everything because
I have enough awareness to knowthat what it's telling me isn't
(13:42):
real.
Doesn't mean there's never asliver of it that I can learn
from.
Yes, maybe the fact that.
I was being critical of myselfwhen I wasn't getting some of
these responses was needed.
I genuinely did need some moreclarity in my messaging.
I did need to figure out how touse my voice a little bit more
wisely, but by and large,whatever you're getting from
(14:05):
your inner critic, whateverharshness that's inside of you
is not even remotely the truthof who you are and how amazing
that you are.
And so I, I've really neededthese people to reflect this
back to me because all of asudden I'm seeing not only are
they getting my message, but thepower that I hold the presence
(14:30):
that I hold to make a differencein the world is starting to
reach people.
They're seeing it.
And they're reflecting it backto me.
And that's far more importantthan saying anything about the
consulting work or about asingle post ever could be.
(14:50):
It's what are the words?
And especially if the words arenot just, hey, thanks for
sharing that thought.
And they're like, you reallymade me think about this
differently.
Or like, thank you for bringingsomething so meaningful to this
conversation.
That's huge.
That's absolutely huge.
And so what I've been doing isI've been allowing myself to
(15:13):
feel that anyway.
or at least trying to.
And the way that I've been doingit is I will purposefully pause.
When someone tells me somethingor when I see a comment or a DM
on social media or whatever itis, I will pause.
I will maybe even read itmultiple times and I will give
myself a second.
I won't allow myself to justjump to the next post, to keep
scrolling, to jump to the nexttask because I know what I'm
(15:37):
seeing is really important.
And I know that I actually needto receive that.
Like I actually need to feeltheir words in my body that Not
just look at it and say, okay,cool.
That was nice.
Or even look at it and say,that's not actually me.
Or like, that doesn't makesense.
(15:58):
I want to use this examplespecifically.
I'm not going to use a name oranything like that.
But Sorry, I was trying to findsomething on LinkedIn, and maybe
it was a comment.
I thought it was a DM, so Icouldn't find it nearly as
(16:20):
easily as I had expected to.
But anyway, somebody saidsomething very big to me today,
and I don't remember the exactwords, but I kind of started to
read that for a second, and Iwas just thinking, wow, you're
looking at me in a way that'sreally meaningful.
(16:42):
Yeah.
You think that I've really movedbeyond a certain level of
healing.
And I started to think, no, no,that's not true.
That inner critic started tojump in, started to tell me,
Because they said somethingalmost like absolute.
(17:04):
They said absolute something.
And so obviously absolute is avery strong word.
Absolute, perfect, always.
Those are really strong words.
And I had to stop my innercritic.
I had to stop myself and realizenot only am I going to practice
that receiving, am I going toread this and really sit with
it, but I was realizing thatthat's not really what she
(17:27):
meant.
She doesn't think that I'mperfect.
But she said something in a verymeaningful way that I needed to
hear.
And that's when I startedruminating.
Ruminating is not great.
I started kind of percolating onwhat this podcast was going to
be.
It was really kind of beingbirthed all morning and all
(17:48):
afternoon.
Because I started to see how Ithought that validation was bad.
And yet it had been feeling sogood.
And I had to realize...
I'm not trying to fill a hole.
Maybe there's a small part of methat is.
How I said a couple minutes ago,that part of it will always be
(18:10):
egotistical.
Yes, if I get 20 likes on aLinkedIn post or 10 comments or
something like that, a levelthat I'm starting to get to but
not always there, I will lovethat.
There will be a small part of methat's like, oh, thank God, I'm
finally being seen.
(18:31):
Look at me.
But there's a massive part of methat's like, okay, you're
feeling exactly what I'm tryingto do in the world.
You're really seeing me.
And that's important both to beable to see what it is that
you're getting from my messageand And that's also important
(18:54):
for me to finally believe inmyself.
And so I think the lie was totell us that validation is
wrong.
I genuinely think in the waythat we've been told so many
lies, I think that someonerealized how powerful this was.
Us validating each other, uscomplimenting each other, us
(19:15):
affirming each other.
And I genuinely think somebodyintentionally told us that that
was wrong.
Because it keeps us small if wenever receive the things that
other people have to say aboutus.
And that can even be some of thequote-unquote bad things as
well.
That may still mirror somethingback to me that's important.
(19:38):
But I'm talking about all of thegood, all of the things that you
really love hearing.
You don't want an echo chamber,but as long as it's not just an
echo chamber and you just know,like you can feel it in your
body.
I, I, I feel like I feel it inmy heart.
Like I know when, when, whensomeone is just like really
(20:00):
saying something that resonatesin my soul that, that makes me
think, okay, they really get meversus it just like being in my
head and it's like, okay, thatwas cool.
Or I'm so glad they said thatnice thing about me.
and so what if we don't need tobe in isolation to see our truth
(20:21):
like yes stillness and beingalone is really helpful but no
matter how much you do of thator how much you need to do
because you're going to knowwhen you listen to your body
whether or not you need to bealone or maybe if you need to be
alone while you're like craftingan offer or starting a business
But what if that's not actuallywhat we need the most?
(20:44):
What if we're not always goingto find the answers by just
sitting with ourself?
What if sometimes we need otherpeople to mirror them back to
us?
Because part of the point ofthis human experience is
connection.
And so if we're not allowingourselves to connect with other
(21:04):
people in a way that's allowingus to understand how are they
seeing us, especially when weknow that they're genuine and
kind and empathetic andpurposeful and all of that, like
we are too, then we're doing somuch for us.
Validation isn't weakness and itisn't ego.
We're telling ourselves that aslike self-sabotage and a defense
(21:29):
mechanism.
Because when you tell yourselfthat, you try not to look for
the validation because you thinkthat you might get hurt.
Or you're afraid of your ownpower and you're afraid of the
impact you could have in theworld of the version of you that
you could become.
So instead, you self-sabotageyourself.
(21:50):
And either way, regardless ofwhether it's self-sabotage or a
defense mechanism, it's keepingus small.
And the problem with keeping ussmall is we're not building the
world that we could be.
We're not impacting the peoplethat we could be.
There are other people out therethat need you, that need your
(22:11):
work, that need your voice.
They are literally waiting foryou to speak up.
They are literally waiting foryou.
And I don't say that in ajudgmental way.
If you are scared shitless to dosomething the work that you want
(22:32):
to do in the world or to becomethe version of you that you need
to become, that is okay.
Your journey is your own and thepace of that journey is your own
as well.
I know just as much as anyonehow hard it is to keep breaking
(22:52):
yourself down and buildingyourself back up again.
But I can tell you that it willalways be worth it.
It will always be worth it toallow yourself to be seen.
And you don't need to allowyourself to be seen as like
really polished or reallyperfect.
You just need to be visiblebecause someone needs the
(23:16):
permission you're going to givethem.
Someone needs the guidance andthe healing that you're going to
give them.
Maybe by them just seeing apicture of you or seeing you at
the grocery store.
And so, That's why you need thisvalidation.
That's why you need thataffirmation because you need to
(23:37):
know how powerful you are.
You need more people than justme on this podcast telling you
that you are worth it and thatwe need you.
And I'm not saying I need youtoday or I need you tomorrow.
You'll know when the right timeis.
(23:57):
And if you're still workingthrough a bunch of shit, then
that's okay.
And you don't need to beatyourself up for that.
I'm also here to validate andaffirm you and tell you that if
you're not doing the work thatyou want to do in the world, if
you're not the version ofyourself that you want to be,
that there is nothing wrong withyou in this moment.
(24:18):
The best thing you can do foryourself is to be grateful when
you have that self-awareness.
Noticing and self-awareness isso powerful.
(24:40):
You can't change if you can'tsee the thing that you want to
change about yourself or aboutthe way that you show up in the
world.
And so I think that truly beingseen and being validated and
affirmed helps us to unlock ourgifts and our power to I think
(25:01):
that that's going to help us tocreate these businesses and to
have the impact in the worldthat we're meant to have.
Because people are going toreflect things back to us that
we never in our wildestimagination would have affirmed
on our own.
(25:25):
So I think the real question is,are you going to stop?
Letting your self-doubtmasquerade as humility.
Are you going to stop playingsmall just to make other people
around you comfortable orbecause you're afraid of being
visible?
Are you going to allow yourselfto finally come alive?
(25:52):
And yes, I always talk about howmuch of a difference that's
going to make in the world.
But in truth, you have tonourish yourself first.
You need the love and thevalidation and the affirmation
and all of this because you needto nourish yourself first.
This isn't just some bullshitlike, Oh, I'm going to tell you
(26:17):
like your cup needs to be filledto pour in someone else's.
There is so much wisdom in thatstatement, but I know when you
hear things like that, it goesin one ear and out the other
because you've heard it so manytimes and you've never actually
sat down to understand howimportant it is.
So ultimately the self,validation and the affirmation
(26:42):
is going to lead to you beingnourished.
You need to be able to receivethat love from other people.
You also need to be able to giveyourself the love, but you are
not the only one that's going tobe able to do it.
You are never only going to beable to do that for yourself in
isolation.
(27:02):
That is impossible.
It will never be enough.
It is a part of the healing.
It is a part of the growing, butit is not the full picture.
You need other people.
And so I'm going to invite youto just stop being so afraid and
(27:24):
to recognize how important thedegree of self-awareness that
you have is, because a all ofthe things that you're afraid
of, all of the defensemechanisms, all of the
self-sabotaging is great.
And I mean that.
In a way, in a life, in aseason, in a cycle, it has
(27:48):
helped you.
It has protected you.
But it's now time to let thosewalls down.
Because there is nothing safer,and more enjoyable than being
your true self.
(28:11):
You will always have people thatdon't like you, that don't
understand your message, thatdon't get what you're doing.
But wouldn't you rather benourished by the work that
you're doing in the world?
Wouldn't you rather have peoplereflect back to you how much of
(28:34):
a difference your message oryour work or just you are making
for them and their life?
Wouldn't you rather feel thatthan to keep sitting around and
wishing for it to be different?
Because I know some of you aregoing to hear this and you're
(28:56):
going to think, I wish I hadbeen getting that validation,
that affirmation that Sabrina'sbeen getting.
I had to do a ton of work toshow up in this specific way
because I am not showing up withjust any message.
I am not showing up with justany frequency, just any vibe,
just any work in the world.
I am showing up sointentionally, almost
(29:21):
intentionally, I am too serioussometimes, and I'm actually
learning how to play.
But this took a lot of work.
So yes, I need someone to beable to tell me, I get what
you're doing.
I see you.
Your work is making adifference.
(29:46):
And that's available to you aswell.
That nourishment and thatconnection that you're going to
get with other people isavailable to you as well.
All it does is it requires youto show up more fully.
It requires you to be present inthe moment.
And then you are going to bepowerful.
(30:09):
You're going to be impactfulwhen you're in the present
moment.
Because in the present moment,you're going to be the most you
that you've ever been.
And you're going to benourished.
You're going to get thatvalidation.
You're going to get thataffirmation.
(30:32):
So thank you for spending thistime with me.
As I've mentioned already onboth episodes, I love this
podcast so much.
I love this work so much.
I've been waiting so long to beable to do this, to be able to
be the version that can sit hereand have these powerful
(30:57):
conversations and transmit thesemagical things to you.
I have spent half my lifeintentionally trying to get here
So this is the fulfillment of somany special things, of so much
(31:19):
work.
And so if you are listening tothis message, I am so grateful
for you for being here.
And I am also really gratefulfor you for investing in your
own authenticity.
And you should be proud ofyourself for that.
(31:40):
Because when you listen topeople like me that speak and
write with care and withintentionality, you will
remember more of who you trulyare.
You will become more of yourauthentic self.
You will become alive.
You will have more joy.
(32:01):
You will achieve your dreams.
So thank you.
Because I'm showing up just foryou.
And I really mean that.
I'm showing up for you.
Regardless of who you arelistening to this.
(32:22):
Regardless of anything you'veheard me say about the massive
impact that I want to have.
I am still showing up for you.
This message is for you.
I hope you have an incredibleweek.
And if you do nothing else, Ihope when you need a hug or you
(32:44):
need an affirmation or you needsome validation, I hope you go
ask for it like there's nothingwrong with that at all.
And I hope you feel nourishedand you feel the love that you
already deserve.
(33:06):
Thank you.
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