August 3, 2024 • 30 mins
How to we balance the needs of those we serve with our own needs? This week I'm exploring the energy and the lessons of Gate 19, the Gate of Wanting (Human Design) Approach (I'Ching), or The Gate of Attunement (Quantum Human Design™)
This is Tribal energy that's all about Resources. It requires that we are sensitive to the needs of others, ourselves, and able to balance the two so we can sustain our own energy which allows us to serve the tribe.
The shadows of this energy are pernicious, and I think they are something we all can understand and relate to. xo
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, hello and welcome to this week's EFT Tap
and Talk.
I'm Corinne and my neighborhoodis getting an upgrade on our
internet connectivity, so I amon my phone today because I
can't risk having us cut out inthe middle of our class.
So this week, what we'retalking about is the energy of
(00:20):
Gate 19, which is where theEarth is for the next few days.
The energy of gate 19, which iswhere the earth is, uh, for the
next few days.
Um, and forgive me, I havenotes today because I don't, I
can't trust that my, uh, myGoogle, my Google drive will
stay online.
So if I look down, it's justbecause I have all of my stuff
printed out.
Today.
Um, gate 19 in human design iscalled, uh, the gate of wanting,
(00:41):
and it is about resources.
It's about understanding andknowing what your own needs are
and what the needs of thosearound you are.
This is tribal energy and astribal energy, it is meant to be
looking outward.
It's about sensing the needs ofothers and um also that, that
(01:06):
desire that we have forconnectivity, because it is
about being part of that tribe,right and in tribal circuitry,
in the tribal energy thathappens when we talk about
tribal in human design.
It is all about being part ofthe tribe and the only way that
the tribe succeeds is ifeverybody does their part to
serve the tribe right.
And if we are outcast from thetribe, we are then, you know, at
(01:29):
risk and we will die and ourneeds will not be met.
We will not have enoughresources.
Um, and that's what this is allabout.
The energy of gate 19 is allabout resources and the fact
that we are all connected and itdeals with that sensitivity
that the, the needs that we haveto provide resources for other
(01:50):
people and also to make ourneeds known, because we are also
worthy of having our needs metby other people in the tribe.
It's connected to the channelof synthesis which connects up
through the emotional solarplexus, so there's a lot of
feeling going on here, um, withthe sensitivity that we have
(02:14):
around our needs and the needsof others.
In the I Ching it's calledapproach, and I thought that
this was another interestingthing, because I like to.
I don't understand all the timewhen I see the gate of wanting
and it's also called the gate ofapproach, and I'm like how did
we get from wanting to approach?
And then, if you look at thegene keys, it's called the gate
(02:35):
of sensitivity and in quantumhuman design it's called the
gate of attunement.
And when you think aboutsensitivity and attunement and
wanting, and you think aboutresources and being sensitive to
the needs of others, all ofthose words make sense.
But what does approach mean?
So approach talks about how,when we are um, sensitive and
(02:59):
receptive to what's going onaround us, we will then see a
need to fulfill, we will seesomething that is wanting, we
will see that there is somethingthat needs to be done, whether
this is being sharing a resource, creating a resource or finding
a resource or serving emotionalneeds of the people around us.
(03:21):
And the key to the word approachis all about that incremental,
baby step movement toward theperfection of the problem.
Because if you, if you move tooquickly, if you hurry the
solution, you're not going toactually solve the problem at
(03:42):
all, you're going to create moreproblems.
And so the piece has with itthis aspect of growth and almost
like a seedling, like when youplant a seedling, all you can do
is be sensitive to its needs.
You can't rush it.
Nothing is going to change thespeed at which it does its thing
.
All we can do is nurture it andsee to its needs.
(04:04):
And so the um.
The thought that popped into myhead when I was reading about
the iching um meaning was allwas haste makes waste right and
fools rush in.
And again, it's not just aboutrushing into something and
having it be the wrong move,it's's about.
It's about the needs, it'sabout, um, the resources.
(04:25):
It's about solving the issue ofa lack somewhere in the tribe
and in your business as anentrepreneur.
This is something that actuallyis really important, because we
need to make sure that we areum, we are attuned to what's
going on in our business and wealso are um, are able to
ascertain where we have gaps inresources to serve our clients,
(04:52):
which, in this case, wouldrepresent the tribe.
At the same time, we must makesure that we are serving our own
needs, which, again, which iswhy we talk about like serving
from the full cup you fill yourcup and you overspill into the
saucer and you serve the worldfrom the saucer.
That's what this is talkingabout, because, in the shadow of
(05:15):
this, you're overextendingyourself to serve the other
people, because you're not ableto modulate that.
So, yeah, in quantum humandesign, this is called the gate
of attunement, like I said, andwhat this is about is the
ability to sense the needs ofothers and also discern from
(05:41):
your own, separate your ownneeds and making sure that
everything that you bring to thetribe is done from a place of
sustainability, which againcomes from that cup.
And it's also about being ableto be vulnerable and stand up in
front of all of your people andsay, hey, I have this need,
(06:02):
need, and do so with theunderstanding and the trust that
your needs will also be met,because everyone in the tribe
also sees that you are a memberof the tribe.
Right, it's more of like theround table approach to problem
solving, because we are allequals when it comes to the
tribe and the need for resourcesand the need for access to the
(06:24):
resources and the need forsupport.
When it comes time for us to besupported, right, we need to be
there to support other peopleand be attuned to the needs of
the people around us, but wealso need to be able to, you
know, raise the flag and say,hey, I am depleted, I need
support, you know.
So what does that look likewhen we are stuck right?
(06:49):
Because in our EFT Tap and Talks, we talk about the shadow of
all the energies because we'retrying to heal these problems
that we all have.
Right, and this is again.
We talk about the shadow whenwe're learning about human
design, because we have moreaccess to the shadow than we do
to the, the highest expressionsof these gates.
Um, which is not to say that weare all in that struggle place
(07:11):
and we're dealing with theshadow.
We, we move through them, wecycle around and around and
around and things pop up, and sothe way that the shadow of gate
19 could show up, first andforemost, is compromising your
own needs, right, martyringyourself for the needs of others
, and that's the act of doingthat is not good, right, we
(07:34):
don't want to be sacrificing ourown needs for the sake of other
people.
But where does that come from?
Right, and that can come fromthis, um, a codependent thing.
It can.
Can come from oversensitivity,excessively sensitive to the
needs of others, which can makeus feel overwhelmed and it can
cause us to shut down, it cancause us to turn off that.
Hey, I haven't eaten in sixhours, but hey, this person
(07:57):
needs this and this person needsthis, and I'm going to keep on
pushing and pushing and pushingand like we know what that
causes, right, that causesburnout, that causes us to get
sick.
We can't.
We can't operate from thisplace where we're not sustaining
our own support system, whetherthat be through self-care or
through accessing the resourcesof the tribe, like asking for
(08:18):
help, ask, letting other peoplehelp you.
And it's funny, one of the mymorning routine I do a card draw
and I have actually I have thedeck right here.
It's called the sacred rebel.
I'll show you the book.
This is the book.
It's called the sacred rebel.
This is what the cover of thebox looks like.
And I pull a card every day andone of the cards, um, that I
(08:38):
get frequently the line that Iunderline is like let yourself
be helped.
It's like, oh, am I not allowingmyself to be needy?
And even the word needy, it'slike that has a negative
connotation to it.
Like let yourself be helped ispart of connecting and it's part
of you know you have to bevulnerable in order to do that.
(09:01):
And the struggle I find when Idig into my own problem with
doing this.
It's about perfectionism.
It's like, oh no, I'm the onewho's going to support everybody
else.
I don't have any needs here.
Like I don't need to besupported.
And it speaks to like what's thetwist on that is, if I'm not
(09:26):
willing to be vulnerable, if I'mnot willing to ask for help
because I need support andthat's coming from this place of
like well, I don't need supportbecause I support others and
you know I'm the one who'salways giving out the support.
What that says is that I judgemyself for being needy.
(09:48):
So, even if I'm not openlydoing so, that that whole, if
you come full circle in thatconversation in your mind you're
subconsciously judging thepeople who need help from you
and you're putting yourselfabove them in some way, or you
are judging them negatively.
(10:09):
You know, and this is notnecessarily something that we do
consciously, but like, thinkabout that for a moment.
If you think about what itmeans to support others and if
you have a problem with askingfor support, does that come from
this place of like oh no, Ican't possibly need support
because people who need supportare negative.
(10:31):
Or it could also come from thissense of not being worthy of
support.
I am not worth the time andresources of the tribe.
And and I've also had theseconversations I remember talking
to my family about wanting totake this certification that I
wanted to take and it was reallyexpensive and it was going to
be a financial investment to doso, not only just my time and
(10:55):
energy, it was going to slowdown my business because I had
to invest so much time inlearning and like basically
going back to school, but I alsohad to take from the family
resources, the financialresources of the family, to do
so and I like it was really hardand I didn't have to ask.
(11:15):
It was just really hard to justexpress hey, I, this is
something that I want to do, andI was like whoa, there's like a
big self-worth thing going onthere, and it's not because
anything overt, it's not like myfamily's telling me that I'm
not worth it.
This is like deep, like childwork, this is like old stuff,
and so when we identify thosethings that pop up, well, those
(11:37):
are stories.
That's a story that we'retelling ourselves about
ourselves.
And anytime that you findsomething like that, that's
exciting because you'veidentified something that you
can now work on and you can heal, and then you can move through
and as soon as you identify itand you and you identify it as
being ridiculous, that's it,it's done.
The work is done.
You just have to, like, see itthrough, but you're not going to
(12:00):
be working on this for the next.
You know, hundred years.
You've, you've identified it,so now you just have to make
sure that every time it pops upyou'd be like, yeah, that's not
real, I dealt with that already.
Or, you know, do some somedeeper diving into.
You know, for me it's a lot of,it's a lot of inner child work,
it's a lot of, you know,reparenting myself in a way.
So interesting, interestingstuff.
(12:23):
So how else does the shadowshow up from gate 19?
And in my notes I wrote down afear of rejection which is, you
know, when you are hyper aware,right, all of these are kind of
tied into being overly sensitiveto the needs of the group.
When you are hyper aware ofwhat's going on in the group, of
(12:43):
all the dynamics that arehappening, you could feel like
you can't step in, there's notenough resources to go around,
and you can feel rejected.
You can feel excluded.
You could feel like there isn'ta place for you, whether or not
you're actively being notincluded, like I guess excluded
is kind of a charged word, itisn't about being pushed out of
(13:05):
the tribe.
It's actually feeling excludedbecause you haven't been able to
find an entry in and that's youknow, because you're hyper
aware, you're thinking too much,you're in your head about
what's going on, we can becomeemotionally manipulative and I
think that this is one of thosethings that a lot, a lot, it's
(13:26):
part of the human condition.
I'm just going to say we areprobably not even aware of all
the ways that we use ouremotions to manipulate the
situation.
You know everything frompouting as a child to, you know,
cold shoulder and like, oh,it's fine.
You know, like that comedianwas like when she's talking to
(13:46):
her husband and he's telling hersomething I think it was Eddie
Murphy who did this joke andhe's like you know, you're
talking to your wife and andshe's like, oh no, it's fine,
why don't you go to sleep?
You know so he's like afraidfor his life because of
emotional manipulation.
So that is not to say that'swhat's happening here.
(14:07):
I'm just saying the opposite ofthat is victim mentality, like
if you feel like your needscannot be met, your needs will
not be met by the tribe becauseof anything that you see with
the resources, or there's justtoo much going on, or you don't
belong or you have self-worthstuff.
You know you can drop into thisvictim mentality, out of this
(14:28):
perceived lack of support andresources, and this can also
come out of not feeling like youcan express your needs.
If you can't express your needs, you can't take your place in
the tribe, you can't say, hey, Ineed some of these things.
Then you're going to feeloutside while the rest of the
tribe is voicing and gettingtheir needs met.
Boundary issues, right, that'sa big one, difficulty in setting
(14:53):
and maintaining healthyboundaries.
Because you have your desire toplease others.
Because we're going tocompromise our own needs, right,
to please others, because we'regoing to compromise our own
needs, right.
And that's the big, I think,the underpinning um kernel of
the big shadow.
The shadow when I think of gate19, the main shadow is
compromising my own needs sothat I can serve the rest.
Um, and where that comes from.
(15:14):
You know that could come fromthat lack of self-worth, or it
could come from being, like this, codependent, or it could come
from that, that place of thatweird judgment and the other
ways that this looks like.
It looks like resentment, right, it turns into resentment and
you know, fine, I don't need anyof you I'm gonna let go here
and climb into my cave and be bymyself forever.
It can be martyrdom, like whenyou martyr yourself for the sake
(15:37):
of everybody else withoutfilling your own cup.
It can turn into control issues, like that's a big one, and I
think that you know, as arecovering control freak, I am
intimately connected to the waythat that looks and it is about
being the one who's servingeverybody else, like if I am
(15:58):
doing, if I'm leading.
You know, I'm a mom of four andwe have four kids and when they
were little it was four kidsunder the age of five it was
absolute pandemonium unless Igot in control and I was always
in control.
It's difficult to ease out ofthat and as the children have
(16:20):
aged and now they're youngadults and we're seeing them off
to college very soon, the youknow the stair step down out of
managing everything has beenhard to release, because it's
kind of one of those thingswhere it's like, well, if you
had only done what I told you todo, you wouldn't be in this
pickle.
If you had only done what Itold you to do, you wouldn't be
(16:41):
in this pickle.
But at the same time you knowtheir pickle and their journey
is their own thing and they'regoing to grow and be stronger
for it.
But that's hard and it's.
You know, maybe the compromisingof our own stuff for the sake
of the tribe is more of apattern and not necessarily
actively linked to martyrdom.
And you know, feeling outsideand I can't you know, I can't be
(17:04):
the one who needs because ofjudgment.
There's just, there's just somuch stuff here.
People pleasing is the next oneon my list and that is it's
huge.
Prioritizing other people'shappiness over our own is toxic
and what it does is itcompromises us in our
(17:24):
authenticity, because we arethen not showing up in our true,
vulnerable, authentic self,like we are not able to say our
true, vulnerable, authentic self, like we are not able to say no
, I don't want to do that, oryes, I want to do that, but I
can't do it now because, or hey,my needs are more important
than this other need.
That's happening right now, youknow, or I'm struggling and I
(17:46):
need, like when we martyrourselves, when we put ourselves
second to the needs of otherpeople, gosh, you guys, it just
drains.
It drains the cup and all wehave is the cup.
We have the cup and we have thesaucer, and if the saucer is
dry and we're sipping out of thecup, when that's done, we're
done Like not dead, but we getsick and we burn out and you
(18:09):
know it's really just, it's nota happy place to be.
And burning out when youdeplete your cup, it isn't like,
oh, I just need to sit down andtake a bath and, you know, do
some self-care and have amani-pedi and fill the cup again
.
The filling of the cup is anarduous, that's a long process.
That's a healing and that issomething that we want to avoid.
(18:29):
We don't want to get into thatplace where we have lost, like,
our hold on who we are and howwe show up.
And you know, I deserve tostand in my shoes in this family
, in this tribe, in this job, inthis community.
You know, whatever, what haveyou, we must make sure that we
(18:54):
hold on to that and that speaksto authenticity, like and
authenticity, you know, is oneof those words that we kind of
we use it a lot of differentways.
It's not about, you know,honesty.
It's not about well, I guess itis about honesty.
It's not about speaking thetruth, it's about standing up
and showing up as your authenticself, which, you know again, is
(19:16):
integrity and honesty and andtruth.
But it's not about likesomebody saying, oh, that
person's inauthentic, and whatwe mean is that they're lying to
us.
It's I am not able to stand upin my authenticity because if I
stand up and I show you who Itruly am, you're going to reject
me.
And you know, authenticity is abig deal and it's it stands to
(19:37):
our um, our structural integrityas a, as a human.
We need to have that Um, youknow, we need to be sound with
our structure, like, like, likean airplane or a car, like if,
if, if, if it, if it needs to goin for maintenance and we we
skip the maintenance cycle, thenthe door is going to blow off
when we're at 37 000 feet.
(19:58):
We can't have that, and so allof these things serve us in that
we pull back and we reassessand we solve and we serve
everyone's needs, includingincluding our own right.
So how do we transform theshadow aspects of gate 19, right
(20:18):
, and this is again not becominga martyr, right, and filling
our cup first?
This is self-awareness doingregular check-ins and
recognizing when any of theseshadow aspects are emerging.
And it's, you know, it's kindof like, yeah, if you study
anything with the Enneagram, theEnneagram talks about, uh, the
nine personality profiles and,um, each personality profile has
(20:41):
these nine facets to it andit's like the basement and the I
can't remember what they'recalled the basement and like the
midline, and then like thebalcony, like the highest
expression, the lowestexpression.
Well, the purpose of the lowestexpressions are they're meant
to be red flags.
When you see yourself doingthese things, that's a hey,
that's a big stop sign thatmakes you want to be like, wait
(21:03):
a minute, why am I doing that?
And then you dig in and you canfind that in this, in this
energy for this week, if youfind that you're doing any of
these things, that are theshadow aspects of uh gate 19,
which is compromising your needsfor the needs of others.
Um, boundary issues, you know,codependency, martyrdom, control
(21:25):
, people pleasing, um, you know,acting out of desperation, like
clawing at something becauseyou need to have, have, have,
have, have, without actually,you know, doing that slow,
stair-step approach, dropping in, to do like a personal check-in
(21:47):
whenever you see those thingspop up, is vital.
Practice healthy boundaries,right, and that's a big one.
That's something that comes upall the time.
We need to make sure that we areprioritizing our own needs, and
that does come out of self-care, but it also comes out of
vocalizing our own needs andmaking sure that the people
around us who are in our tribeknow what we need, because
they're not mind readers and ifwe don't communicate, how can we
(22:10):
expect that to be honored?
Right, emotional regulation,you know, meditation,
mindfulness, journaling, gettingyourself into a place where you
can respond to anything thathappens, as opposed to react,
because when we react, you knowthat's the blurt, that's the
whip, that's the flash, and wedon't want that.
That's the whip, that's theflash and we don't want that.
(22:31):
Like, we can receive theinformation, have the awareness
that, well, I want to flash, butI'm going to take a moment, I'm
going to take a breath and I'mgoing to recalibrate so that I
can respond.
Right, that's a big deal andthat's actually part of that
give and take of voicing yourneeds and serving the needs.
And voicing your needs andserving the needs, you know
(22:54):
having, um, the ability to beassertive in, in conversations,
and that's something that I hadto learn as an adult.
Like I, I was such a peoplepleaser and I did not really
understand the depths to which Iwas suffering from this and the
cost that it was having on me.
So it's a big deal Having areally good support system,
(23:15):
having a way to do aself-validation, cultivating
self-worth from within, and notneeding the external validation
of somebody saying, no, you areworth the resources.
You should know that you areworth the resources.
And how do we the resources?
You should know that you areworth the resources.
And how do we?
How do we drop in and and lookto ourselves for that Right and
(23:41):
human design teaches us you knowyou are worthy because you're
here, like you exist.
Therefore you belong Like.
You didn't come here byaccident.
You're not like.
You're a once in a lifetimecosmic event, as my mentor says.
You're meant to be here, youare a vital thread of the cosmic
tapestry and you belong here.
(24:02):
You belong here, I belong here,we all belong here as our true,
authentic and individual self,as our true, authentic and
individual self, you know.
And if we could, if we couldcultivate that and just know
that on our own, like what abeautiful world.
It would be right.
Um, communication, mindfullycommunicating with the people
(24:24):
around you, assessing someone'sneeds and expressing to them hey
, I see that you have a needlets them know that they don't
have to keep striving andchasing the need.
And also, when you then voiceyour needs, hopefully the people
around you will say hey, I hearwhat you're saying and I'm
going to support you.
Communication is the key in somuch of this, you know.
(24:48):
So have you noticed any ofthese shadows popping up in your
life?
You know, and I know that Ihave.
I mean, most of these come outof my own personal experience.
When I'm making these notes,I'm going to take a sip here as
my voice gets gravelly, you know.
And when they show up, whatstrategies have you found, or
(25:08):
what strategies can youimplement if you're newly
becoming aware of these thingsin yourself, to transform these
shadows and flip them over intosomething a little bit more
positive?
Or just nip them in the bud andpause and come to a place of
response as opposed to reaction?
You know, and are therespecific situations or
relationships where these, theseshadow aspects, are more likely
(25:31):
to emerge?
Right?
Like you know, there are peoplethat just know how to push our
buttons right, um, and there arepeople who don't, not that they
don't know how, they just don'tdo it like that's, that's
something that they don't do.
So think about that and thinkabout how you feel coming into
interactions with other peopleand your family and your tribe
and your work and your in yourneighborhood.
(25:53):
You know, in all the differentways and um try to number one,
give yourself a little bit ofgrace when it comes to um
judging yourself and yourbehavior and how you're dealing
with certain things, but alsounderstand that this is an
energy, this is a frequency andthis is something that we can
actually tune.
(26:13):
This is something that we canwork more closely toward
actually attaining.
And you know, the work ismaking it more and more and more
and more automatic, so thatwe're not actually struggling
with all of these shadows and wecan just be like, oh yeah, hey,
I feel that I see that shadow.
Or you're able to say, oh, mygosh, well, the old Corinne
(26:35):
might have behaved that way andnow I'm able to do, to do it
this way, to respond in this way.
That's progress and we need to,we need to really do a lot of
that.
You know of I are changing andgrowing, because we're always
changing and we're alwaysgrowing, but we don't always
(26:56):
give ourselves credit for thosekinds of things, and so that is
what I wanted to share with youtoday.
And it's a a thing, guys,there's a lot going on with the
way that we operate as humansand how we have grown
conditioned, in the way that weuse our interpersonal skills,
and I think that you know, themore that we dig into and
(27:21):
explore all the different waysthat this stuff rubbed us wrong
or felt really good and juicy.
Um, you know, the better we are, the more resilient we become
and the more connected to ourempowerment, more connected to
our vitality and ourauthenticity.
Um, which is really what thisis all about.
Right, getting getting closerand closer to the true, to the
(27:42):
true kernel of who we are.
So some questions from my mentor, karen Curry-Parker, on Gate 19
, gate of Attunement how do youmanage your sensitivity?
What coping mechanism do youhave that keeps you emotionally
connected in a healthy way?
Are you emotionally present inyour relationships?
(28:02):
Do you need to become moreattuned to your own emotional
needs and ask for more of whatyou want and need?
That's a yes for me.
What emotional patterns do youhave that may be causing you to
give up what you need and wantin order to fulfill other
(28:23):
people's emotional needs, andare you able to be present to
the emotional energy around youto help calibrate in a creative,
intimate and sustainable way?
I like that one Are you able tobe present to the emotional
energy around you to helpcalibrate in a creative,
(28:44):
intimate and sustainable way?
And the affirmation for thisenergy is actually really
powerful too.
I'll read that one for you.
I am deeply aware of theemotional needs and energy of
others.
My sensitivity and awarenessgives me strength, insight that
allow me to create intimacy andvulnerability in my
(29:06):
relationships.
I am aware and attuned to theemotional frequency around me
and I make adjustments to helpsupport a high frequency of
emotional alignment.
I honor my emotional needs asthe foundation of what I share
with others, which really is thecore of all of it.
Right, it's filling your owncup and serving the needs of the
(29:29):
rest of the world from thesaucer.
If we are able to really beattuned to what's going on
around us, we can do two thingswe can identify our energy and
then notice that somebody else'sstuff is actually not ours, and
we can serve ourselves so thatwe are full enough to serve the
rest of the world.
Um, so yeah, that's what I havefor you today.
(29:50):
That's that's gate 19.
Uh, tap and talk and I will, uh, I'll, catch you online.
Have a great afternoon.
Hello, hello and welcome to this week's EFT Tap
and Talk.
I'm Corinne and my neighborhoodis getting an upgrade on our
internet connectivity, so I amon my phone today because I
can't risk having us cut out inthe middle of our class.
So this week, what we'retalking about is the energy of
(00:20):
Gate 19, which is where theEarth is for the next few days.
The energy of gate 19, which iswhere the earth is, uh, for the
next few days.
Um, and forgive me, I havenotes today because I don't, I
can't trust that my, uh, myGoogle, my Google drive will
stay online.
So if I look down, it's justbecause I have all of my stuff
printed out.
Today.
Um, gate 19 in human design iscalled, uh, the gate of wanting,
(00:41):
and it is about resources.
It's about understanding andknowing what your own needs are
and what the needs of thosearound you are.
This is tribal energy and astribal energy, it is meant to be
looking outward.
It's about sensing the needs ofothers and um also that, that
(01:06):
desire that we have forconnectivity, because it is
about being part of that tribe,right and in tribal circuitry,
in the tribal energy thathappens when we talk about
tribal in human design.
It is all about being part ofthe tribe and the only way that
the tribe succeeds is ifeverybody does their part to
serve the tribe right.
And if we are outcast from thetribe, we are then, you know, at
(01:29):
risk and we will die and ourneeds will not be met.
We will not have enoughresources.
Um, and that's what this is allabout.
The energy of gate 19 is allabout resources and the fact
that we are all connected and itdeals with that sensitivity
that the, the needs that we haveto provide resources for other
(01:50):
people and also to make ourneeds known, because we are also
worthy of having our needs metby other people in the tribe.
It's connected to the channelof synthesis which connects up
through the emotional solarplexus, so there's a lot of
feeling going on here, um, withthe sensitivity that we have
(02:14):
around our needs and the needsof others.
In the I Ching it's calledapproach, and I thought that
this was another interestingthing, because I like to.
I don't understand all the timewhen I see the gate of wanting
and it's also called the gate ofapproach, and I'm like how did
we get from wanting to approach?
And then, if you look at thegene keys, it's called the gate
(02:35):
of sensitivity and in quantumhuman design it's called the
gate of attunement.
And when you think aboutsensitivity and attunement and
wanting, and you think aboutresources and being sensitive to
the needs of others, all ofthose words make sense.
But what does approach mean?
So approach talks about how,when we are um, sensitive and
(02:59):
receptive to what's going onaround us, we will then see a
need to fulfill, we will seesomething that is wanting, we
will see that there is somethingthat needs to be done, whether
this is being sharing a resource, creating a resource or finding
a resource or serving emotionalneeds of the people around us.
(03:21):
And the key to the word approachis all about that incremental,
baby step movement toward theperfection of the problem.
Because if you, if you move tooquickly, if you hurry the
solution, you're not going toactually solve the problem at
(03:42):
all, you're going to create moreproblems.
And so the piece has with itthis aspect of growth and almost
like a seedling, like when youplant a seedling, all you can do
is be sensitive to its needs.
You can't rush it.
Nothing is going to change thespeed at which it does its thing
.
All we can do is nurture it andsee to its needs.
(04:04):
And so the um.
The thought that popped into myhead when I was reading about
the iching um meaning was allwas haste makes waste right and
fools rush in.
And again, it's not just aboutrushing into something and
having it be the wrong move,it's's about.
It's about the needs, it'sabout, um, the resources.
(04:25):
It's about solving the issue ofa lack somewhere in the tribe
and in your business as anentrepreneur.
This is something that actuallyis really important, because we
need to make sure that we areum, we are attuned to what's
going on in our business and wealso are um, are able to
ascertain where we have gaps inresources to serve our clients,
(04:52):
which, in this case, wouldrepresent the tribe.
At the same time, we must makesure that we are serving our own
needs, which, again, which iswhy we talk about like serving
from the full cup you fill yourcup and you overspill into the
saucer and you serve the worldfrom the saucer.
That's what this is talkingabout, because, in the shadow of
(05:15):
this, you're overextendingyourself to serve the other
people, because you're not ableto modulate that.
So, yeah, in quantum humandesign, this is called the gate
of attunement, like I said, andwhat this is about is the
ability to sense the needs ofothers and also discern from
(05:41):
your own, separate your ownneeds and making sure that
everything that you bring to thetribe is done from a place of
sustainability, which againcomes from that cup.
And it's also about being ableto be vulnerable and stand up in
front of all of your people andsay, hey, I have this need,
(06:02):
need, and do so with theunderstanding and the trust that
your needs will also be met,because everyone in the tribe
also sees that you are a memberof the tribe.
Right, it's more of like theround table approach to problem
solving, because we are allequals when it comes to the
tribe and the need for resourcesand the need for access to the
(06:24):
resources and the need forsupport.
When it comes time for us to besupported, right, we need to be
there to support other peopleand be attuned to the needs of
the people around us, but wealso need to be able to, you
know, raise the flag and say,hey, I am depleted, I need
support, you know.
So what does that look likewhen we are stuck right?
(06:49):
Because in our EFT Tap and Talks, we talk about the shadow of
all the energies because we'retrying to heal these problems
that we all have.
Right, and this is again.
We talk about the shadow whenwe're learning about human
design, because we have moreaccess to the shadow than we do
to the, the highest expressionsof these gates.
Um, which is not to say that weare all in that struggle place
(07:11):
and we're dealing with theshadow.
We, we move through them, wecycle around and around and
around and things pop up, and sothe way that the shadow of gate
19 could show up, first andforemost, is compromising your
own needs, right, martyringyourself for the needs of others
, and that's the act of doingthat is not good, right, we
(07:34):
don't want to be sacrificing ourown needs for the sake of other
people.
But where does that come from?
Right, and that can come fromthis, um, a codependent thing.
It can.
Can come from oversensitivity,excessively sensitive to the
needs of others, which can makeus feel overwhelmed and it can
cause us to shut down, it cancause us to turn off that.
Hey, I haven't eaten in sixhours, but hey, this person
(07:57):
needs this and this person needsthis, and I'm going to keep on
pushing and pushing and pushingand like we know what that
causes, right, that causesburnout, that causes us to get
sick.
We can't.
We can't operate from thisplace where we're not sustaining
our own support system, whetherthat be through self-care or
through accessing the resourcesof the tribe, like asking for
(08:18):
help, ask, letting other peoplehelp you.
And it's funny, one of the mymorning routine I do a card draw
and I have actually I have thedeck right here.
It's called the sacred rebel.
I'll show you the book.
This is the book.
It's called the sacred rebel.
This is what the cover of thebox looks like.
And I pull a card every day andone of the cards, um, that I
(08:38):
get frequently the line that Iunderline is like let yourself
be helped.
It's like, oh, am I not allowingmyself to be needy?
And even the word needy, it'slike that has a negative
connotation to it.
Like let yourself be helped ispart of connecting and it's part
of you know you have to bevulnerable in order to do that.
(09:01):
And the struggle I find when Idig into my own problem with
doing this.
It's about perfectionism.
It's like, oh no, I'm the onewho's going to support everybody
else.
I don't have any needs here.
Like I don't need to besupported.
And it speaks to like what's thetwist on that is, if I'm not
(09:26):
willing to be vulnerable, if I'mnot willing to ask for help
because I need support andthat's coming from this place of
like well, I don't need supportbecause I support others and
you know I'm the one who'salways giving out the support.
What that says is that I judgemyself for being needy.
(09:48):
So, even if I'm not openlydoing so, that that whole, if
you come full circle in thatconversation in your mind you're
subconsciously judging thepeople who need help from you
and you're putting yourselfabove them in some way, or you
are judging them negatively.
(10:09):
You know, and this is notnecessarily something that we do
consciously, but like, thinkabout that for a moment.
If you think about what itmeans to support others and if
you have a problem with askingfor support, does that come from
this place of like oh no, Ican't possibly need support
because people who need supportare negative.
(10:31):
Or it could also come from thissense of not being worthy of
support.
I am not worth the time andresources of the tribe.
And and I've also had theseconversations I remember talking
to my family about wanting totake this certification that I
wanted to take and it was reallyexpensive and it was going to
be a financial investment to doso, not only just my time and
(10:55):
energy, it was going to slowdown my business because I had
to invest so much time inlearning and like basically
going back to school, but I alsohad to take from the family
resources, the financialresources of the family, to do
so and I like it was really hardand I didn't have to ask.
(11:15):
It was just really hard to justexpress hey, I, this is
something that I want to do, andI was like whoa, there's like a
big self-worth thing going onthere, and it's not because
anything overt, it's not like myfamily's telling me that I'm
not worth it.
This is like deep, like childwork, this is like old stuff,
and so when we identify thosethings that pop up, well, those
(11:37):
are stories.
That's a story that we'retelling ourselves about
ourselves.
And anytime that you findsomething like that, that's
exciting because you'veidentified something that you
can now work on and you can heal, and then you can move through
and as soon as you identify itand you and you identify it as
being ridiculous, that's it,it's done.
The work is done.
You just have to, like, see itthrough, but you're not going to
(12:00):
be working on this for the next.
You know, hundred years.
You've, you've identified it,so now you just have to make
sure that every time it pops upyou'd be like, yeah, that's not
real, I dealt with that already.
Or, you know, do some somedeeper diving into.
You know, for me it's a lot of,it's a lot of inner child work,
it's a lot of, you know,reparenting myself in a way.
So interesting, interestingstuff.
(12:23):
So how else does the shadowshow up from gate 19?
And in my notes I wrote down afear of rejection which is, you
know, when you are hyper aware,right, all of these are kind of
tied into being overly sensitiveto the needs of the group.
When you are hyper aware ofwhat's going on in the group, of
(12:43):
all the dynamics that arehappening, you could feel like
you can't step in, there's notenough resources to go around,
and you can feel rejected.
You can feel excluded.
You could feel like there isn'ta place for you, whether or not
you're actively being notincluded, like I guess excluded
is kind of a charged word, itisn't about being pushed out of
(13:05):
the tribe.
It's actually feeling excludedbecause you haven't been able to
find an entry in and that's youknow, because you're hyper
aware, you're thinking too much,you're in your head about
what's going on, we can becomeemotionally manipulative and I
think that this is one of thosethings that a lot, a lot, it's
(13:26):
part of the human condition.
I'm just going to say we areprobably not even aware of all
the ways that we use ouremotions to manipulate the
situation.
You know everything frompouting as a child to, you know,
cold shoulder and like, oh,it's fine.
You know, like that comedianwas like when she's talking to
(13:46):
her husband and he's telling hersomething I think it was Eddie
Murphy who did this joke andhe's like you know, you're
talking to your wife and andshe's like, oh no, it's fine,
why don't you go to sleep?
You know so he's like afraidfor his life because of
emotional manipulation.
So that is not to say that'swhat's happening here.
(14:07):
I'm just saying the opposite ofthat is victim mentality, like
if you feel like your needscannot be met, your needs will
not be met by the tribe becauseof anything that you see with
the resources, or there's justtoo much going on, or you don't
belong or you have self-worthstuff.
You know you can drop into thisvictim mentality, out of this
(14:28):
perceived lack of support andresources, and this can also
come out of not feeling like youcan express your needs.
If you can't express your needs, you can't take your place in
the tribe, you can't say, hey, Ineed some of these things.
Then you're going to feeloutside while the rest of the
tribe is voicing and gettingtheir needs met.
Boundary issues, right, that'sa big one, difficulty in setting
(14:53):
and maintaining healthyboundaries.
Because you have your desire toplease others.
Because we're going tocompromise our own needs, right,
to please others, because we'regoing to compromise our own
needs, right.
And that's the big, I think,the underpinning um kernel of
the big shadow.
The shadow when I think of gate19, the main shadow is
compromising my own needs sothat I can serve the rest.
Um, and where that comes from.
(15:14):
You know that could come fromthat lack of self-worth, or it
could come from being, like this, codependent, or it could come
from that, that place of thatweird judgment and the other
ways that this looks like.
It looks like resentment, right, it turns into resentment and
you know, fine, I don't need anyof you I'm gonna let go here
and climb into my cave and be bymyself forever.
It can be martyrdom, like whenyou martyr yourself for the sake
(15:37):
of everybody else withoutfilling your own cup.
It can turn into control issues, like that's a big one, and I
think that you know, as arecovering control freak, I am
intimately connected to the waythat that looks and it is about
being the one who's servingeverybody else, like if I am
(15:58):
doing, if I'm leading.
You know, I'm a mom of four andwe have four kids and when they
were little it was four kidsunder the age of five it was
absolute pandemonium unless Igot in control and I was always
in control.
It's difficult to ease out ofthat and as the children have
(16:20):
aged and now they're youngadults and we're seeing them off
to college very soon, the youknow the stair step down out of
managing everything has beenhard to release, because it's
kind of one of those thingswhere it's like, well, if you
had only done what I told you todo, you wouldn't be in this
pickle.
If you had only done what Itold you to do, you wouldn't be
(16:41):
in this pickle.
But at the same time you knowtheir pickle and their journey
is their own thing and they'regoing to grow and be stronger
for it.
But that's hard and it's.
You know, maybe the compromisingof our own stuff for the sake
of the tribe is more of apattern and not necessarily
actively linked to martyrdom.
And you know, feeling outsideand I can't you know, I can't be
(17:04):
the one who needs because ofjudgment.
There's just, there's just somuch stuff here.
People pleasing is the next oneon my list and that is it's
huge.
Prioritizing other people'shappiness over our own is toxic
and what it does is itcompromises us in our
(17:24):
authenticity, because we arethen not showing up in our true,
vulnerable, authentic self,like we are not able to say our
true, vulnerable, authentic self, like we are not able to say no
, I don't want to do that, oryes, I want to do that, but I
can't do it now because, or hey,my needs are more important
than this other need.
That's happening right now, youknow, or I'm struggling and I
(17:46):
need, like when we martyrourselves, when we put ourselves
second to the needs of otherpeople, gosh, you guys, it just
drains.
It drains the cup and all wehave is the cup.
We have the cup and we have thesaucer, and if the saucer is
dry and we're sipping out of thecup, when that's done, we're
done Like not dead, but we getsick and we burn out and you
(18:09):
know it's really just, it's nota happy place to be.
And burning out when youdeplete your cup, it isn't like,
oh, I just need to sit down andtake a bath and, you know, do
some self-care and have amani-pedi and fill the cup again
.
The filling of the cup is anarduous, that's a long process.
That's a healing and that issomething that we want to avoid.
(18:29):
We don't want to get into thatplace where we have lost, like,
our hold on who we are and howwe show up.
And you know, I deserve tostand in my shoes in this family
, in this tribe, in this job, inthis community.
You know, whatever, what haveyou, we must make sure that we
(18:54):
hold on to that and that speaksto authenticity, like and
authenticity, you know, is oneof those words that we kind of
we use it a lot of differentways.
It's not about, you know,honesty.
It's not about well, I guess itis about honesty.
It's not about speaking thetruth, it's about standing up
and showing up as your authenticself, which, you know again, is
(19:16):
integrity and honesty and andtruth.
But it's not about likesomebody saying, oh, that
person's inauthentic, and whatwe mean is that they're lying to
us.
It's I am not able to stand upin my authenticity because if I
stand up and I show you who Itruly am, you're going to reject
me.
And you know, authenticity is abig deal and it's it stands to
(19:37):
our um, our structural integrityas a, as a human.
We need to have that Um, youknow, we need to be sound with
our structure, like, like, likean airplane or a car, like if,
if, if, if it, if it needs to goin for maintenance and we we
skip the maintenance cycle, thenthe door is going to blow off
when we're at 37 000 feet.
(19:58):
We can't have that, and so allof these things serve us in that
we pull back and we reassessand we solve and we serve
everyone's needs, includingincluding our own right.
So how do we transform theshadow aspects of gate 19, right
(20:18):
, and this is again not becominga martyr, right, and filling
our cup first?
This is self-awareness doingregular check-ins and
recognizing when any of theseshadow aspects are emerging.
And it's, you know, it's kindof like, yeah, if you study
anything with the Enneagram, theEnneagram talks about, uh, the
nine personality profiles and,um, each personality profile has
(20:41):
these nine facets to it andit's like the basement and the I
can't remember what they'recalled the basement and like the
midline, and then like thebalcony, like the highest
expression, the lowestexpression.
Well, the purpose of the lowestexpressions are they're meant
to be red flags.
When you see yourself doingthese things, that's a hey,
that's a big stop sign thatmakes you want to be like, wait
(21:03):
a minute, why am I doing that?
And then you dig in and you canfind that in this, in this
energy for this week, if youfind that you're doing any of
these things, that are theshadow aspects of uh gate 19,
which is compromising your needsfor the needs of others.
Um, boundary issues, you know,codependency, martyrdom, control
(21:25):
, people pleasing, um, you know,acting out of desperation, like
clawing at something becauseyou need to have, have, have,
have, have, without actually,you know, doing that slow,
stair-step approach, dropping in, to do like a personal check-in
(21:47):
whenever you see those thingspop up, is vital.
Practice healthy boundaries,right, and that's a big one.
That's something that comes upall the time.
We need to make sure that we areprioritizing our own needs, and
that does come out of self-care, but it also comes out of
vocalizing our own needs andmaking sure that the people
around us who are in our tribeknow what we need, because
they're not mind readers and ifwe don't communicate, how can we
(22:10):
expect that to be honored?
Right, emotional regulation,you know, meditation,
mindfulness, journaling, gettingyourself into a place where you
can respond to anything thathappens, as opposed to react,
because when we react, you knowthat's the blurt, that's the
whip, that's the flash, and wedon't want that.
That's the whip, that's theflash and we don't want that.
(22:31):
Like, we can receive theinformation, have the awareness
that, well, I want to flash, butI'm going to take a moment, I'm
going to take a breath and I'mgoing to recalibrate so that I
can respond.
Right, that's a big deal andthat's actually part of that
give and take of voicing yourneeds and serving the needs.
And voicing your needs andserving the needs, you know
(22:54):
having, um, the ability to beassertive in, in conversations,
and that's something that I hadto learn as an adult.
Like I, I was such a peoplepleaser and I did not really
understand the depths to which Iwas suffering from this and the
cost that it was having on me.
So it's a big deal Having areally good support system,
(23:15):
having a way to do aself-validation, cultivating
self-worth from within, and notneeding the external validation
of somebody saying, no, you areworth the resources.
You should know that you areworth the resources.
And how do we the resources?
You should know that you areworth the resources.
And how do we?
How do we drop in and and lookto ourselves for that Right and
(23:41):
human design teaches us you knowyou are worthy because you're
here, like you exist.
Therefore you belong Like.
You didn't come here byaccident.
You're not like.
You're a once in a lifetimecosmic event, as my mentor says.
You're meant to be here, youare a vital thread of the cosmic
tapestry and you belong here.
(24:02):
You belong here, I belong here,we all belong here as our true,
authentic and individual self,as our true, authentic and
individual self, you know.
And if we could, if we couldcultivate that and just know
that on our own, like what abeautiful world.
It would be right.
Um, communication, mindfullycommunicating with the people
(24:24):
around you, assessing someone'sneeds and expressing to them hey
, I see that you have a needlets them know that they don't
have to keep striving andchasing the need.
And also, when you then voiceyour needs, hopefully the people
around you will say hey, I hearwhat you're saying and I'm
going to support you.
Communication is the key in somuch of this, you know.
(24:48):
So have you noticed any ofthese shadows popping up in your
life?
You know, and I know that Ihave.
I mean, most of these come outof my own personal experience.
When I'm making these notes,I'm going to take a sip here as
my voice gets gravelly, you know.
And when they show up, whatstrategies have you found, or
(25:08):
what strategies can youimplement if you're newly
becoming aware of these thingsin yourself, to transform these
shadows and flip them over intosomething a little bit more
positive?
Or just nip them in the bud andpause and come to a place of
response as opposed to reaction?
You know, and are therespecific situations or
relationships where these, theseshadow aspects, are more likely
(25:31):
to emerge?
Right?
Like you know, there are peoplethat just know how to push our
buttons right, um, and there arepeople who don't, not that they
don't know how, they just don'tdo it like that's, that's
something that they don't do.
So think about that and thinkabout how you feel coming into
interactions with other peopleand your family and your tribe
and your work and your in yourneighborhood.
(25:53):
You know, in all the differentways and um try to number one,
give yourself a little bit ofgrace when it comes to um
judging yourself and yourbehavior and how you're dealing
with certain things, but alsounderstand that this is an
energy, this is a frequency andthis is something that we can
actually tune.
(26:13):
This is something that we canwork more closely toward
actually attaining.
And you know, the work ismaking it more and more and more
and more automatic, so thatwe're not actually struggling
with all of these shadows and wecan just be like, oh yeah, hey,
I feel that I see that shadow.
Or you're able to say, oh, mygosh, well, the old Corinne
(26:35):
might have behaved that way andnow I'm able to do, to do it
this way, to respond in this way.
That's progress and we need to,we need to really do a lot of
that.
You know of I are changing andgrowing, because we're always
changing and we're alwaysgrowing, but we don't always
(26:56):
give ourselves credit for thosekinds of things, and so that is
what I wanted to share with youtoday.
And it's a a thing, guys,there's a lot going on with the
way that we operate as humansand how we have grown
conditioned, in the way that weuse our interpersonal skills,
and I think that you know, themore that we dig into and
(27:21):
explore all the different waysthat this stuff rubbed us wrong
or felt really good and juicy.
Um, you know, the better we are, the more resilient we become
and the more connected to ourempowerment, more connected to
our vitality and ourauthenticity.
Um, which is really what thisis all about.
Right, getting getting closerand closer to the true, to the
(27:42):
true kernel of who we are.
So some questions from my mentor, karen Curry-Parker, on Gate 19
, gate of Attunement how do youmanage your sensitivity?
What coping mechanism do youhave that keeps you emotionally
connected in a healthy way?
Are you emotionally present inyour relationships?
(28:02):
Do you need to become moreattuned to your own emotional
needs and ask for more of whatyou want and need?
That's a yes for me.
What emotional patterns do youhave that may be causing you to
give up what you need and wantin order to fulfill other
(28:23):
people's emotional needs, andare you able to be present to
the emotional energy around youto help calibrate in a creative,
intimate and sustainable way?
I like that one Are you able tobe present to the emotional
energy around you to helpcalibrate in a creative,
(28:44):
intimate and sustainable way?
And the affirmation for thisenergy is actually really
powerful too.
I'll read that one for you.
I am deeply aware of theemotional needs and energy of
others.
My sensitivity and awarenessgives me strength, insight that
allow me to create intimacy andvulnerability in my
(29:06):
relationships.
I am aware and attuned to theemotional frequency around me
and I make adjustments to helpsupport a high frequency of
emotional alignment.
I honor my emotional needs asthe foundation of what I share
with others, which really is thecore of all of it.
Right, it's filling your owncup and serving the needs of the
(29:29):
rest of the world from thesaucer.
If we are able to really beattuned to what's going on
around us, we can do two thingswe can identify our energy and
then notice that somebody else'sstuff is actually not ours, and
we can serve ourselves so thatwe are full enough to serve the
rest of the world.
Um, so yeah, that's what I havefor you today.
(29:50):
That's that's gate 19.
Uh, tap and talk and I will, uh, I'll, catch you online.
Have a great afternoon.
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