November 5, 2024 • 36 mins
What if you could turn pre-election jitters into a comedy goldmine? Prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions as we navigate the wild landscape of election day, blending nervous excitement with witty humor. From joking about donning a noose or flashing a smile depending on the outcome, to the hilarious TikTok mishap involving an assassination comment, our banter takes unexpected twists and turns. And just when you think it can't get any zanier, we dive into the eccentric world of South Carolina football fandom, crafting cheeky t-shirt slogans guaranteed to raise eyebrows.
As the conversation spirals into delightful chaos, a surprise visit from JD, a most unusual Vice Presidential candidate, spices things up even more. Our playful interrogation of JD includes a comical misunderstanding about his wife's ethnicity, leading to a light-hearted yet insightful exchange about identity and relationships. Weather chats, political humor, and a sprinkle of unexpected revelations keep the atmosphere lively, with JD's quirky presence adding a delightful unpredictability to our show.
Election night coverage takes a humorous turn as we draw satirical parallels to "erection night coverage," inspired by the legendary Larry King and his memorable moments with Howard Stern. As we gear up for our own coverage, complete with beverage plans and musical flair, we explore the media's role in shaping perceptions and the potential impact of figures like Trump. And if that wasn't enough, prepare for some laugh-out-loud moments with our attempts at voice impersonations, as we channel Robert Kennedy Jr. and Robert Downey Jr. Join us for a wild and entertaining episode filled with humor, candid thoughts, and the unpredictable charm of live podcasting.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hi, this is Chris hey Costello we're canceled guys.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
It sounds like your dog needs to be canceled back
here.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I don't know what's got into him.
I think he's hallucinatingpostman or something.
We're canceled, guys.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Congratulations our daughter because we actually
made it to election day.
I think he's hallucinatingPostman or something.
They're canceled guys.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Oh, my Congratulations our daughter
because we actually made it toelection day.
Ah, we did, We've been going.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I can't wait to get you.
Now that it's here, I don'tknow about you.
I'm like really angst andnervous.
I'm afraid if the wrong personwins, I don't know where I was
going to be.
I'm nervous, I'm nervous, I'mnervous.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Okay, I tell you what .
On this program, you're notgoing to be hitting things all
the way through.
Promise me, promise you whatYou're not going to be hitting
your microphone all the time.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Did I hit the microphone?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Oh yes, you did, did I?
Okay, you haven't listened toit.
All I know is that I need.
I want to be elected.
Yeah, all the way through theshow this week.
You'll be pissed off and sickof it by the end of it all I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
It's not going to end anyway Election day.
They won't have an officialwinner because some of those's
not going to end anyway Electionday.
We won't have an officialwinner because some of those
states are going to take two orthree more days to make sure
they count everything just right.
It's supposed to be that close.
We'll find out this time whenwe have our next show.
Either I'll be sitting herewith a noose around my neck or
I'll be really smiling and happy.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Either that or not.
And if it turns around theother way, I'll be saying I told
you so because we'll see.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I just, I'm just happy to see, I'm excited and
nervous, so, you know, kind oflike nauseated nervous, you know
.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
So we'll be okay just two things, of course.
That one thing is our producersdid send us a note, did you see
it?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
No, I didn't see it.
Our Frenchie sent us a note.
What was it?
We suck.
You owe me money.
What is it?
Which one?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
No, he was making a point about something I said hey
, there's a surprise.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
You listened to it, okay.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Yeah, about the orange guy getting assassinated.
And I at the end said pleasedon't put this on TikTok.
Well, guess what?
They put it on TikTok.
Maybe you don't want to putthis up there we go it really
picks up on that.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Anybody turns this in that somebody said something
like that.
They're going to be knocking onyour door.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
That's great.
That's what we need.
That's exactly right, you'vebeen wanting some company, so
there you go.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, so there you go .
Didn't you clean the house lastweek for the first time in
about three months?
Are you ready for company then?
I'm getting there, I'm gettingthere, I'm getting there Every
time I do Suits with ear buds intheir ears and stuff.
You know just your new buddiesAgent so-and-so and agent agent
so-and-so.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah, they will be too, but every time those who
are watching on video.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I've changed the background to like a jail cell
instead of that.
What's that radio frequency yougot behind you?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I would and as you notice, I'm doing my best.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Max Headroom.
Oh, is that what that is?
Yeah, you remember that.
Of course, max was the shitthere for a while.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
He was in the 80s, somewhere in the 80s.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, I wonder you had a big weekend there in
Columbia, south Carolina,because when South Carolina
football's on, everyone goesnuts.
Only thing they got to live fordown there it was a home game.
So you're, I mean, what theworld?
What a worse mascot.
Why don't they just call it achicken or a rooster?
But no, you got to be the South.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Carolina Gamecocks.
It gets worse becauseeverywhere you look it's Cox
this, cox that and uh you surenot?
Confusing the football.
It's not.
No, it's not just.
Don't just football, you've gotum.
You got Cox hoops, yeah, and Ithought, I thought we just call
(04:21):
those cock rings, but there yougo, um you sure not confusing
your, your college, with a pornosite or something like that.
Well, it's possible, but if theporno site's walking down the
main street, then no, you guyshad a big week.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
You may have had a big one.
You beat a ranked team.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
You beat a team from Texas.
Yeah well.
So I didn't know which one toroot for, so I rooted for Texas,
and of course they lost.
It doesn't matter, I root foranybody they lose you know, they
are your adopted home.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
team them Gamecocks.
You have to be, I guess, acocksman.
Are you a cocksman?
Speaker 1 (04:57):
You know what?
You know what I'm making upt-shirts saying limp cocks,
plastic cocks.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
That's your neighbor.
I wouldn't be wearing thatyourself.
You want to be strong cocks.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Strong cocks.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
You're just a cockman .
You're a cockman.
An English wife is a cockman.
You're a cockman, kind of likea slain man.
You're a cockman Anything.
People think you're like aslain man.
You're a cockman.
People think you're just someslain gay guy.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
And if this produces, oh no.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Just an observation.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Anything wrong, nothing wrong with that If you
walk around in a shirt like that?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
what are you supposed to think?
What are you supposed to think?
You're a guy, you're going.
I'm a Coxman Okay, well,they're going.
Okay, that man's gay yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yeah, and I just go.
Hmm, nice shirt, Very bold.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
As we wind up the election, one of the last things
that Trump did.
You see him doing a blowjob ona microphone?
Do you see that?
Oh, God.
Did you?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
miss that?
No, no, I didn't, but I did seehim sitting in a garbage truck.
That seemed to be quite funny.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
This was after that.
That wasn't bad enough.
He couldn't even open the damngarbage truck door.
He kept reaching and gettingmissing the handle.
I said God, he's getting like abite, he can't even function
properly.
Anyway, he had a microphone,okay, and it wasn't working.
So he goes.
It's not working properly.
He does this.
Let me get where he goes.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I hope he hit himself in the eye in the process.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I'm just going.
That's a strange way to getyour microphone to work.
The deeper we get into thisthing before we finally make the
finish line, the weirder he'sgotten.
I don't know if he's exhausted.
His age is catching up.
The dementia is setting in.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
It's just kind of weird.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
The other side is not even mentioning him anymore,
just being positive message,positive message, positive
message.
And he's like death disasterblowjob to microphone.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Touchdown.
Oh, hang on, there we go.
Touchdown.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I guess commercial.
We're not going to eversurrender.
I'm going surrender from what?
What do we have to surrenderfrom?
Is something going I don't knowabout?
What are we surrendering from?
You know something I don't know?
Yeah, he goes to America asyour president.
I will never surrender, I'mgoing.
What?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I was a good son.
Remember that Never surrender.
Who was that?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah, we did that yeah that was good, we did that.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I can name that tune in four notes.
Okay, here goes another ping.
What's going ping?
It must be you, it's not me.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
No, all the body parts are good.
That's the ping in there.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Are you?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
sure it's not your pacemaker.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
No, no, no, dinger.
Oh, don't do that again, chris.
I'm sorry, it's Michael Jackson.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Fresh air.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'm glad I'm here and not there.
There will be a warm frontcoming from Colorado this
afternoon.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
We got snow today, man, we had snow all night last
night.
You always do.
It's snow of the season.
I'm happy about it.
I'm really happy it's new.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
And you pull the thing down behind you so we
can't see it.
Well, actually that works quitewell with the lighting and
everything it does.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
If I pulled this up all of a sudden, I would be gone
.
Not that that's a bad thing,but it would do that it
brightened everything up.
I have snow behind me.
It's just a nice littlecoverage of the first snow, but
we're expecting snow three moredays this week, so we're going
to get some good coverage.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Wow, I remember when I lived in Colorado Springs at
KIIQ, they told me it will snowon Halloween.
I'm going no, no, it won't.
It's not bullshit, of course itdid.
I mean because they lived there.
They should know.
There we are, halfway up PikesPeak.
It will snow in ColoradoSprings.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Actually a little bit late.
We usually have our first snowin October, before Halloween, so
we're a little bit late.
We had our first snow onNovember the 3rd.
We have three days of snow thisweek.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
So fun, fun, fun.
That'll help polling numbers.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yeah, slide into June .
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Hey, that'll help polling numbers.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah, most people here have already pre-voted.
I already had like We've gotalmost 5 million people have
already Voted already.
So we're Colorado's gettingclose, so we're pretty well done
.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I can see it now.
I came to vote.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Slipping on the ice I'm, I guess, if you have to
explain it.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
It's not worth it.
You're making my head dizzy.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
I think, since we've made it this far, we should go
out with a bang and have onemore guest on related to this
thing before it's over.
Okay, so not our favorite guy,but we do equal time to
everybody, okay?
So some guy named JD who'srunning for VP?
Okay, anybody knows who JD is?
(10:30):
He's running for VP.
Bring him up there, costello,so we can have a chat with him.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
I think I'm going to try and call him right now JD.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Running for VP.
I'll just say he's right upfront, there we go.
He's weird, remember he's weird.
Oh, he is weird, he is weird.
He's probably gone out to waste.
He's smart enough to answer thephone it helps.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Hey, jd, is it JD?
Yeah, I'm here, oh, thanks.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
JD.
Is it JD?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Yeah, I'm, here.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Oh, thanks man, hey, JD welcome to the Chris and
Costello experience.
We're really glad you're comingon with us today.
I appreciate it, man.
Well, that was quick, whatsomebody shoot him or what.
Where did he go?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Where are you, jd?
You there, yeah.
Are we going gonna rehearsethis first?
No, no, no, you're live on theair right now, jay uh well
thanks for having me, you guys,it's great to be here.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
It's really more like desperate to be here.
I think yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Well, not that desperate like you think, but
you know I haven't had my napyet on the couch.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Oh really, oh God, hey man, we know about you.
The last thing you're doing onthe couch is napping, you know
You're more like yeah, man, weknow about you.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
The last thing you're doing on the couch is napping
you know You're more like.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Yeah, I'm on the road .
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, we've seen that .
We've seen that nasty, dirtyself-abuse video that was out
there of you.
You know.
Well, I thank you for beinghere.
You know, I can't believe yourwife married you, seeing that
she is a woman of color.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
What are you talking about?
I've been colorblind my wholelife.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
You have, If you don't notice.
I mean, wake up.
Your wife is from India.
She is a woman of color.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yep, she's brown, I thought she was from Indiana.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
What color is she?
She's brown.
I thought she was from Indiana.
What color is she?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
She's brown, Brown yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Holy shit, for God's sake, hang on a second.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Oh, he's kidding.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I'm going to make a call here.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Oh no, Go ahead.
You can trick Trump and ask Jayand get Rudy to serve my wife
divorce papers immediately.
I think you should Grounds fordivorce.
When I asked her to marry me, Ithought she was white, she
(13:23):
ain't All right.
I think what you said yes, sheain't.
I think when she said all right.
I think when she said all white.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
You thought she said all right, but yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Well, what are your kids going to look like?
What do they do?
What do they look like?
Do you have kids?
I don't know.
Does JD have kids?
I don't know.
Does JD have kids?
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Yeah, I've screwed up .
Speaker 2 (13:51):
You're screwing him up.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
This is not something you should have to look up.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
This is an ad lib answer here.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
How is?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
that Never mind, we'll just move on.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Let's just do this okay, because we know you're
weird, you're a white racist andstuff.
Nothing to do about that.
Let's just see, kind of giveyou a mental acuity test.
We're going to do like a wordassociation game.
We're going to say a word or aname or something whatever and
you say the first thing thatpops into your empty space tent
Is that okay, whatever.
And you say the first thingthat pops into your empty space
tent Is that okay, Sure go ahead.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
You like games.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Do you Sure?
You know, We'll read the wordsit's okay, here we go, we'll
start.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Here's the first one.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Trump, hitler, ah.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Ding, ding, ding ding ding.
Garbage.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Latinos.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Orange, orange.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
When I have a good tan, it's, you know, as a Trump.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Kamala, whatever.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Whatella.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I'm trying to get Kamala.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Naked, no Naked, no, naked.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I think, Tim, okay, doing a visual Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Timberwolves.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Oh, definitely horny Horny.
Oh, excuse me, I meant to sayhonky.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
This is too fun.
Go ahead, Chris.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Liz Cheney.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Oh, definitely did, honky.
How about Am I Doing?
You're not doing very well.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Just a couple more there.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Go ahead, Costello, yeah yeah, oh, okay, I'd say
you're killing it Just a couplemore.
Then, okay, ahead, costello.
Yeah, yeah, oh, okay, I'd sayyou're killing it Just a couple
more.
Then, okay, here we go Toast.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
No wrong one, oh sorry.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I got it wrong Campaign.
There you go.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Well, I thought you said it was toast, you know.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Oh, you know you took the words right out of my mouth
.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Chris, your turn.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Let's keep going.
We're almost done.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Women Start of a 10.
Yeah, oh geez.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Trumpers Stupid sluts .
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Okay, election, okay, uh, election you kidding me?
Not a problem for uh dj oh, man, no, no we said election being
bad election not erection oh, oh, okay, all right then.
(17:01):
A couple more.
Let's try this one, okay.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Dog, dog.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Supper Dinner.
Did he say dinner, I think?
Speaker 3 (17:15):
he said dinner.
No, I said supper Supper.
Dinner is a Western term,supper is a Southern term.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
A dog is supper.
He's like a Haitian immigrant.
How about cat?
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Appetizer, for sure.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Well, you have scored a wonderful two out of ten.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
That's okay let's just do two more.
Okay, jay, how about?
How about future, like in yourfuture?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
leader of the free world somebody, somebody, and I
just want to say if tricky DickTrump becomes our president
again, he will be the leader ofthe free world.
And if the other party calls mea Nazi, all I got to say is
(18:12):
I'll hit the.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Oh yeah, you're probably doing a lot of that in
your spare time, so don't youwant to be president as well?
I get the impression that youreally want to assassinate Trump
and I'm just doing that, so ourproducers will have a fit.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
JD wants to be POTUS.
Yeah, he does.
He wants to be POTUS, don't youwant to be?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
POTUS JD wants to be POTUS.
Yeah, he does, he wants to bePOTUS.
Don't you want to be POTUS JD?
Speaker 3 (18:43):
President of the United States, you know I'm so
delirious being thankful thatTrump has let me be in his
political party.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Well, I think you should go suck on a mint tulip
and we thank you.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Because I haven't done that today.
I haven't been on the couch yet.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Oh, okay, Well he's definitely a good guy with a
damn couch, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
There we go.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Okay, that was he began from being the worst guest
we've ever had.
Okay, the JD Big effort.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
What are you saying?
I'm the worst.
What?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
The worst guest we've ever had.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Well, you two Yankees ain't that good either.
You know, you both suck thumbs,you know, and you're a bunch of
mama's boys, you know.
So you know that.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
And there he is gone.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Oh dear, oh dear.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
So sorry Damn.
How did he ever get to be vicepresident?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Just a little word to JB.
Read the script.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Damn, how did he ever get to be?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
vice president, just a little word to JD.
Read the script.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Maybe he should have looked at it in advance.
We're trying to lay things,trying to make it easy for JD to
look semi-intelligent on theshow no, I'm sitting going.
What the hell is he saying?
But we did learn one thing,totally off script he's really
in love with his couch.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
I guess he is most definitely.
That's him calling back.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
No, don't answer.
Yes, it is.
No, we're done with him, that'sgone.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yeah, we'll have to be.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Well, I can say, is he's A year and a half ago on
our show Costello, we thoughtthe Liberace guest was probably
the worst.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
We had Nathan, nathan , yeah, we passed that today,
with flying colors, he is notgoing to get I want to be
elected.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
He wants to be erected.
Okay, he needs that, I can beerected.
Okay, he needs that, I can beerected.
No, not to be erected.
Oh man, I can admit that that'spretty damn funny.
They have pins for that now.
Sometimes things are so bad,sometimes it just happens to be
funny, that was good.
Sometimes things are so bad,sometimes it just happens to be
(21:18):
fun, it's good.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
It started off as a disaster.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
And ended as a disaster.
So what the hey, what the hey.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Shall, I answer.
How's that?
That's JD calling us back.
I'm sorry, jd.
Had to hang up on you thereBecause we're in the middle of
the show, so I'm going to haveto hang up on you, jd.
Bye, jd.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Bye buddy, I like it.
As soon as we called JD, thefirst thing he goes was we're
going to rehearse that or justget right to it.
That was great.
Blow it, jd.
The first thing he goes waswe're going to rehearse that or
just get right to it.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
That was great Blow it.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
You didn't tell them that we're going to be putting
him on live and we called him.
You didn't tell them that?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Yes, I did.
I told them exactly how it wasgoing to go.
Someone didn't pay attention.
Are we going to rehearse it.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
We're on live, but no shit.
Okay, that's too funny.
Oh, my God, I want to hear whatyour sister has to say about
this interview.
She's our secondary producerand our biggest critic.
What the hell is that?
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Biggest fan and biggest critic, that would be
Victoria.
Our biggest prize winner todayis katherine.
Uh, my, oh god.
What a giveaway.
Remember we gave, gave her amillion dollars, yeah, and then
we checked her how's she doing?
She spent all the money, yetthat we know she's being we're
giving her like four dollars andfifty cents a month over 60
(22:57):
years, so she's probably beenable to afford a Big Mac at this
point.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
It's kind of like with the voice.
I find what they do okay.
So I mentioned this before, butI found that again, like on
these reality shows, you earn amillion dollars.
They don't go.
Here's a million dollars.
They pay them an average ofabout $2,600 a month, which
comes out to about $30,000 ayear and spread over 20 years or
so 40 years.
So you can imagine I won themillion and it's going like
(23:27):
you'd be dead before you see allof it.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Oh, hell yeah, it's 40 years.
You're right, 40 years.
Yes, I mean, that goes for theVoice.
They don't do a million dollars, do they yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
that's what they do.
They go well, that's all.
The contestants are young, intheir 20s, so they think well,
you have 40 years to go.
If you get living to yourmid-60s, you'll see all your
money.
Isn't that exciting?
$2,600 a month, woo-wee.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Woo-hoo.
Hey, you know what?
I think you almost get that onSocial Security.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
I was going to say most homeless people get more
than that on their monthlysubsidy than you get from
winning a big competition.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yeah, it's awful.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, $1,500 a month for 40 years.
What we debated doing, though,since we were at the, we debated
going on live Tuesday night todo the Kristen Costello election
coverage live.
As it happens, we could, wecould do that.
I'm really thinking that weshould probably do that.
If you post it out there, tellour Frenchie producers to get it
out there in all the sourcesTikTok, facebook, instagram,
(24:35):
everything and let people knowwe're going to actually be on,
because you know how they sendus things out.
Hey, they're on live right nowso you can click on it and you
see us do our thing live andcover the election.
Our coverage.
You know we would call it theChris and Costello canceled guys
.
Erection night coverage,erection night coverage.
It's going to be erection nightcoverage on our end.
(24:56):
Are you up for Costello,because it's going to be an
erection night coverage on ourend, right Gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
I mean, are you up for it?
Speaker 2 (25:00):
No, because you know it's going to be kind of a late
night, sure, sure.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Are you good for a good three, four hours for us, a
good three or four hours oferection, so we can do our
coverage.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Four hours of an erection.
Sure I got the pills.
I can do that.
I'm going to just I'm going totape on a popsicle stick and see
how
Speaker 2 (25:21):
that works for me.
You got the pump.
I don't have that, I'll justtape on a popsicle stick saying
this had an erection for thewhole show.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Take a popsicle stick down your urethra.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
There you go, just fold it over at the top.
That's sick English humorgetting graphic again.
Did you get done you?
Speaker 4 (25:41):
want to read that so what do you think?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Are you game?
Should we do live?
Can we contact our French guysthrough Slack?
This is how we talk to them andlet them know that we want to
go live to get the word out.
We'll do live.
Erection night coverage.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah, we can do that.
It's easy, just as we're doingnow.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
We can really go for it.
We can be the first to get thefirst projected winner.
We'll beat all the networks,all the other streaming devices,
Even Amazon's having erectionnight coverage.
They're doing live streaming.
John Sears can be on ComedyCentral live, all the networks,
of course, and all the newsoutlets.
So why not us?
And let's beat everybody to itand give the first.
You know, just call it and beateverybody else to it and see if
(26:27):
we're right when we think wegot it.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
We call it, we call it Yep Yep.
The winner is Margaret Thatcher.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I'm sorry she's dead.
We can't do her anymore.
Best kind of prime minister tohave this would be the biggest
freaking show I've ever had.
The Kristen Costello canceledguy's erection night coverage.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I'm going to contact the Frenchies.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
When we're done with what you say, let's do it Come
on, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
You know what?
I'd be sitting here feelinglike A baby's arm holding an
orange.
It'll be great we need to.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Can you construct us an election night board so we
can write electoral votes inthere and who's winning what,
and give our coverage Is?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
there something we could use.
Yeah, an old cardboard box.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I got a notepad, okay , okay.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
No expense paid here.
I'm sure I've got a box.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
I'll just do hand notes and notepad hold up.
We can do it that way.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
We just need accuracy and we can do that yeah, yeah,
30 minutes into it you're going.
Oh, fuck it.
Good night.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
No, no, if we get tired of it, we'll just go and
project our winner and just wrapit up yeah, exactly, or we know
the winner and it's like, ohshit that too.
Yeah, it's not going to be anearly thing unless we just throw
it in the go.
The winner is Robert Kennedy Jr.
Good night, yeah.
(27:59):
Mr Kennedy, give us the speechI got it I got it, I got it, I
got it, I got it, I got it.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
This, just in this, just inyeah, the chick from Veep has
won.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Oh no, That'd be fine , That'd be good.
I like Tom a little bit.
Julie would be great too.
Just to give you guys anexample just in case Trump wins,
he promised he's going to putRobert Kennedy Jr in charge of
everything related to health.
Ok, over the CDC overall.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
Robert Kennedy.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Jr goes, he's going to, he's going to cancel all
vaccines.
No more vaccines.
Ok, that's going to take thefluoride out of water.
Fluoride is what makes ourteeth nice and strong.
You've got to have fluoride soyou can't walk around with black
, rotten teeth because of RobertKennedy Jr, and you can't get a
vaccine anymore, even if youwant one, you know so, oh my God
(28:53):
Just say it.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Excuse me, it's not Robert Downey Jr.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
It's not Robert Downey Jr, it's Kennedy Jr.
It talks like this my voice isfucked.
I don't know what happened.
I don't know what I did.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
I don't know, sorry, sorry, I have a voice box in
here or something.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
I need a voice box.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
It'd be JFK Jr.
That's who it is.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
RFK Jr RFK.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Okay, so that's who it is RFK Jr.
Rfk okay, rfk.
So by releasing this healthinformation about, he gets a
cabinet position.
We're giving away juicy tidbitsalready before we do our
erection night coverage, so weshouldn't give any more inside
tidbits anymore.
We'll save it for erectionnight coverage tomorrow night.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
This is Robert Kennedy Jr.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
That's it.
That's it.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
That's what it sounds like night coverage and looking
at this delayed video, itreminds me of that old geezer
who used to be on cnn with hisbraces.
Who's that?
Yeah, come on, mr CNN Goingback.
(29:59):
Oh God, I've just forgotten hisname too.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
So CNN only got his Wolf Blitzer no yeah, before
that who the hell would that be?
Speaker 1 (30:12):
I don't know the old guy he was.
Always he'd move around places,but he was, like you know, the
voice of mutual for a reallylong time, early, early days,
earlier days with him.
Okay, if you happen to know yougot me on that.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
I don't know.
The difference tomorrow nightbetween our erection night
coverage is that, you know myside of it will be circumcised,
the English side will be theuncircumc.
Our erection night coverage isthat my side of it will be
circumcised.
The English side will be theuncircumcised erection night
coverage and your side Differentthings in the country, you know
.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You'll have teeth and I'll have stubs.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
English stubs Pretty soon.
If you have candy in there,we'll have no fluorides.
We'll all have black teeth.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
King Alan, king, alan , king, not Alan.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
King, larry King, larry King.
I said God, he just had a showon CNN.
He wasn't really a CNN news guy, he just had a Larry King show.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
It was an hour show each night.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Yeah, he used to be on CNN With suspenders,
suspenders like this and giveyou that look like a frog.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Yes, looking at the women, and he always had a
really young wife, and then hegot God.
I don't know how many times hegot married, but anyway.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
I will give Howard Stern one prop to that.
They had him on Larry King onenight and he was saying he goes
look at me, Larry, look at you.
It's a good thing we're famousand have money, because we're
two frigging ugly guys.
We couldn't get women otherwisewe didn't have money, we didn't
have fame and money.
He looks at him and goes Iheard your show once, you
sounded like a frog.
He goes well, look at you, youdo you kind of, do you?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
know.
Yes, but he does, he did.
He does look like a frog, ademented frog at that, with
braces.
He's a dead frog.
Yeah, I mean I don't know whyhe had braces, because he only
had, like his pants would comeup to about tit height right
about there.
So he had these little bracesgoing into it.
Yep, height of fashion, he wastoo Height of fashion, he was
too.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Height of fashion?
No, no, got pretty bad there atthe end.
Did you want to go to a suck-upshow where you get the softball
questions?
Do you go on the Larry KingLive show?
Larry King Live, helloCleveland?
Hey, larry, you suck, okay.
Hello Detroit, larry you suck,oh shit.
Hello Miami, larry you suck.
(32:33):
But we have to get ready fortomorrow's extravaganza.
We are going to do Chris andCostello erection night coverage
.
Election night, tuesday night.
All in right buddy, All inright.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Yeah, I'm digging it, man.
I know how to set it up hereand everything.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
It's done.
Okay, yeah, I'll send it.
Get the rest of the French andstuff, get things going and
we'll set it up.
Our erection night coveragewill start at 7 pm Eastern time
when polls start to close on theeastern part of the United
States.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Okay, Right, I'll have beer.
Oh God, it's Chinese tea.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I'm going to have a big drink right here and have me
a big cigar and a big glass ofsomething and I'll be ready to
go.
Erection night coverageHopefully we're going to be
projecting the right winner.
We're going to say it is anyway.
We're going to do like Trump.
We're going to say it is anyway.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
You know what.
You know what we can do.
We can do stuff like well, wecan play Trump songs.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
I agree.
I have plenty of those.
He's already putting the wordout there.
He's getting ready saying theelection is all screwed up,
cheated and stolen already.
He's doing it now.
He's putting it out there rightnow which kind of tells you?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
he thinks he may lose yeah, I think, what me, no.
No, it's kind of funny becausehe's lost any sense of direction
when he makes his speeches.
Why did he ever have it.
The only policy we know of ishe's going to put tariffs on
things and he's going to givethe rich another nice, big,
(34:08):
healthy tax cut.
Those are the things.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
What does that leave?
The canceled radio guys In theshooter?
Once you listen to the show andyou find out what you said.
You're going to be in jail, boy.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Free.
Maybe one of those again.
Maybe he's next door, sir.
Oh, wait a minute, I can dothis, I can change my voice, so
they'll never notice me.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Just start talking like Robert Kennedy Jr.
So that way you just oh, wait aminute, I can do this, I can
change my voice, so they'llnever notice me.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Just start talking like Robert Kennedy Jr.
So that way you just get acabinet post Robert Downey Jr.
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
I'm going to Rob Downey Jr Don't go visiting Iron
man, it's a different guy.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Oh sorry, that's appears to be gay Robert.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Downey Jr.
Awfully sorry.
All right Time to put theelection squeal in there.
I have to run.
We've got to get ready fortomorrow's live show.
Okay, We'll be on live.
Kristen Costello canceled Guy'serection night coverage Live.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
Look for your notice.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
It'll be coming to you okay, I want to be a legend.
Which wheel Wheel man Wheel?
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Take it right there, gd.
There you go.
G.
Not knowing how to read ascript, you take it at the ass
right.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
Wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel,
which wheel.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Wheel man tomorrow, Bye.
Hi, this is Chris hey Costello we're canceled guys.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
It sounds like your dog needs to be canceled back
here.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I don't know what's got into him.
I think he's hallucinatingpostman or something.
We're canceled, guys.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Congratulations our daughter because we actually
made it to election day.
I think he's hallucinatingPostman or something.
They're canceled guys.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Oh, my Congratulations our daughter
because we actually made it toelection day.
Ah, we did, We've been going.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I can't wait to get you.
Now that it's here, I don'tknow about you.
I'm like really angst andnervous.
I'm afraid if the wrong personwins, I don't know where I was
going to be.
I'm nervous, I'm nervous, I'mnervous.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Okay, I tell you what .
On this program, you're notgoing to be hitting things all
the way through.
Promise me, promise you whatYou're not going to be hitting
your microphone all the time.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Did I hit the microphone?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Oh yes, you did, did I?
Okay, you haven't listened toit.
All I know is that I need.
I want to be elected.
Yeah, all the way through theshow this week.
You'll be pissed off and sickof it by the end of it all I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
It's not going to end anyway Election day.
They won't have an officialwinner because some of those's
not going to end anyway Electionday.
We won't have an officialwinner because some of those
states are going to take two orthree more days to make sure
they count everything just right.
It's supposed to be that close.
We'll find out this time whenwe have our next show.
Either I'll be sitting herewith a noose around my neck or
I'll be really smiling and happy.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Either that or not.
And if it turns around theother way, I'll be saying I told
you so because we'll see.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I just, I'm just happy to see, I'm excited and
nervous, so, you know, kind oflike nauseated nervous, you know
.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
So we'll be okay just two things, of course.
That one thing is our producersdid send us a note, did you see
it?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
No, I didn't see it.
Our Frenchie sent us a note.
What was it?
We suck.
You owe me money.
What is it?
Which one?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
No, he was making a point about something I said hey
, there's a surprise.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
You listened to it, okay.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Yeah, about the orange guy getting assassinated.
And I at the end said pleasedon't put this on TikTok.
Well, guess what?
They put it on TikTok.
Maybe you don't want to putthis up there we go it really
picks up on that.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Anybody turns this in that somebody said something
like that.
They're going to be knocking onyour door.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
That's great.
That's what we need.
That's exactly right, you'vebeen wanting some company, so
there you go.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, so there you go .
Didn't you clean the house lastweek for the first time in
about three months?
Are you ready for company then?
I'm getting there, I'm gettingthere, I'm getting there Every
time I do Suits with ear buds intheir ears and stuff.
You know just your new buddiesAgent so-and-so and agent agent
so-and-so.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah, they will be too, but every time those who
are watching on video.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I've changed the background to like a jail cell
instead of that.
What's that radio frequency yougot behind you?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I would and as you notice, I'm doing my best.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Max Headroom.
Oh, is that what that is?
Yeah, you remember that.
Of course, max was the shitthere for a while.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
He was in the 80s, somewhere in the 80s.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, I wonder you had a big weekend there in
Columbia, south Carolina,because when South Carolina
football's on, everyone goesnuts.
Only thing they got to live fordown there it was a home game.
So you're, I mean, what theworld?
What a worse mascot.
Why don't they just call it achicken or a rooster?
But no, you got to be the South.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Carolina Gamecocks.
It gets worse becauseeverywhere you look it's Cox
this, cox that and uh you surenot?
Confusing the football.
It's not.
No, it's not just.
Don't just football, you've gotum.
You got Cox hoops, yeah, and Ithought, I thought we just call
(04:21):
those cock rings, but there yougo, um you sure not confusing
your, your college, with a pornosite or something like that.
Well, it's possible, but if theporno site's walking down the
main street, then no, you guyshad a big week.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
You may have had a big one.
You beat a ranked team.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
You beat a team from Texas.
Yeah well.
So I didn't know which one toroot for, so I rooted for Texas,
and of course they lost.
It doesn't matter, I root foranybody they lose you know, they
are your adopted home.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
team them Gamecocks.
You have to be, I guess, acocksman.
Are you a cocksman?
Speaker 1 (04:57):
You know what?
You know what I'm making upt-shirts saying limp cocks,
plastic cocks.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
That's your neighbor.
I wouldn't be wearing thatyourself.
You want to be strong cocks.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Strong cocks.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
You're just a cockman .
You're a cockman.
An English wife is a cockman.
You're a cockman, kind of likea slain man.
You're a cockman Anything.
People think you're like aslain man.
You're a cockman.
People think you're just someslain gay guy.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
And if this produces, oh no.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Just an observation.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Anything wrong, nothing wrong with that If you
walk around in a shirt like that?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
what are you supposed to think?
What are you supposed to think?
You're a guy, you're going.
I'm a Coxman Okay, well,they're going.
Okay, that man's gay yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yeah, and I just go.
Hmm, nice shirt, Very bold.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
As we wind up the election, one of the last things
that Trump did.
You see him doing a blowjob ona microphone?
Do you see that?
Oh, God.
Did you?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
miss that?
No, no, I didn't, but I did seehim sitting in a garbage truck.
That seemed to be quite funny.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
This was after that.
That wasn't bad enough.
He couldn't even open the damngarbage truck door.
He kept reaching and gettingmissing the handle.
I said God, he's getting like abite, he can't even function
properly.
Anyway, he had a microphone,okay, and it wasn't working.
So he goes.
It's not working properly.
He does this.
Let me get where he goes.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I hope he hit himself in the eye in the process.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I'm just going.
That's a strange way to getyour microphone to work.
The deeper we get into thisthing before we finally make the
finish line, the weirder he'sgotten.
I don't know if he's exhausted.
His age is catching up.
The dementia is setting in.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
It's just kind of weird.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
The other side is not even mentioning him anymore,
just being positive message,positive message, positive
message.
And he's like death disasterblowjob to microphone.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Touchdown.
Oh, hang on, there we go.
Touchdown.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I guess commercial.
We're not going to eversurrender.
I'm going surrender from what?
What do we have to surrenderfrom?
Is something going I don't knowabout?
What are we surrendering from?
You know something I don't know?
Yeah, he goes to America asyour president.
I will never surrender, I'mgoing.
What?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I was a good son.
Remember that Never surrender.
Who was that?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah, we did that yeah that was good, we did that.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I can name that tune in four notes.
Okay, here goes another ping.
What's going ping?
It must be you, it's not me.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
No, all the body parts are good.
That's the ping in there.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Are you?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
sure it's not your pacemaker.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
No, no, no, dinger.
Oh, don't do that again, chris.
I'm sorry, it's Michael Jackson.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Fresh air.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'm glad I'm here and not there.
There will be a warm frontcoming from Colorado this
afternoon.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
We got snow today, man, we had snow all night last
night.
You always do.
It's snow of the season.
I'm happy about it.
I'm really happy it's new.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
And you pull the thing down behind you so we
can't see it.
Well, actually that works quitewell with the lighting and
everything it does.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
If I pulled this up all of a sudden, I would be gone
.
Not that that's a bad thing,but it would do that it
brightened everything up.
I have snow behind me.
It's just a nice littlecoverage of the first snow, but
we're expecting snow three moredays this week, so we're going
to get some good coverage.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Wow, I remember when I lived in Colorado Springs at
KIIQ, they told me it will snowon Halloween.
I'm going no, no, it won't.
It's not bullshit, of course itdid.
I mean because they lived there.
They should know.
There we are, halfway up PikesPeak.
It will snow in ColoradoSprings.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Actually a little bit late.
We usually have our first snowin October, before Halloween, so
we're a little bit late.
We had our first snow onNovember the 3rd.
We have three days of snow thisweek.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
So fun, fun, fun.
That'll help polling numbers.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yeah, slide into June .
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Hey, that'll help polling numbers.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah, most people here have already pre-voted.
I already had like We've gotalmost 5 million people have
already Voted already.
So we're Colorado's gettingclose, so we're pretty well done
.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I can see it now.
I came to vote.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Slipping on the ice I'm, I guess, if you have to
explain it.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
It's not worth it.
You're making my head dizzy.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
I think, since we've made it this far, we should go
out with a bang and have onemore guest on related to this
thing before it's over.
Okay, so not our favorite guy,but we do equal time to
everybody, okay?
So some guy named JD who'srunning for VP?
Okay, anybody knows who JD is?
(10:30):
He's running for VP.
Bring him up there, costello,so we can have a chat with him.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
I think I'm going to try and call him right now JD.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Running for VP.
I'll just say he's right upfront, there we go.
He's weird, remember he's weird.
Oh, he is weird, he is weird.
He's probably gone out to waste.
He's smart enough to answer thephone it helps.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Hey, jd, is it JD?
Yeah, I'm here, oh, thanks.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
JD.
Is it JD?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Yeah, I'm, here.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Oh, thanks man, hey, JD welcome to the Chris and
Costello experience.
We're really glad you're comingon with us today.
I appreciate it, man.
Well, that was quick, whatsomebody shoot him or what.
Where did he go?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Where are you, jd?
You there, yeah.
Are we going gonna rehearsethis first?
No, no, no, you're live on theair right now, jay uh well
thanks for having me, you guys,it's great to be here.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
It's really more like desperate to be here.
I think yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Well, not that desperate like you think, but
you know I haven't had my napyet on the couch.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Oh really, oh God, hey man, we know about you.
The last thing you're doing onthe couch is napping, you know
You're more like yeah, man, weknow about you.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
The last thing you're doing on the couch is napping
you know You're more like.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Yeah, I'm on the road .
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, we've seen that .
We've seen that nasty, dirtyself-abuse video that was out
there of you.
You know.
Well, I thank you for beinghere.
You know, I can't believe yourwife married you, seeing that
she is a woman of color.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
What are you talking about?
I've been colorblind my wholelife.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
You have, If you don't notice.
I mean, wake up.
Your wife is from India.
She is a woman of color.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yep, she's brown, I thought she was from Indiana.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
What color is she?
She's brown.
I thought she was from Indiana.
What color is she?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
She's brown, Brown yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Holy shit, for God's sake, hang on a second.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Oh, he's kidding.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I'm going to make a call here.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Oh no, Go ahead.
You can trick Trump and ask Jayand get Rudy to serve my wife
divorce papers immediately.
I think you should Grounds fordivorce.
When I asked her to marry me, Ithought she was white, she
(13:23):
ain't All right.
I think what you said yes, sheain't.
I think when she said all right.
I think when she said all white.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
You thought she said all right, but yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Well, what are your kids going to look like?
What do they do?
What do they look like?
Do you have kids?
I don't know.
Does JD have kids?
I don't know.
Does JD have kids?
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Yeah, I've screwed up .
Speaker 2 (13:51):
You're screwing him up.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
This is not something you should have to look up.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
This is an ad lib answer here.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
How is?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
that Never mind, we'll just move on.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Let's just do this okay, because we know you're
weird, you're a white racist andstuff.
Nothing to do about that.
Let's just see, kind of giveyou a mental acuity test.
We're going to do like a wordassociation game.
We're going to say a word or aname or something whatever and
you say the first thing thatpops into your empty space tent
Is that okay, whatever.
And you say the first thingthat pops into your empty space
tent Is that okay, Sure go ahead.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
You like games.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Do you Sure?
You know, We'll read the wordsit's okay, here we go, we'll
start.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Here's the first one.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Trump, hitler, ah.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Ding, ding, ding ding ding.
Garbage.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Latinos.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Orange, orange.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
When I have a good tan, it's, you know, as a Trump.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Kamala, whatever.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Whatella.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I'm trying to get Kamala.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Naked, no Naked, no, naked.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I think, Tim, okay, doing a visual Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Timberwolves.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Oh, definitely horny Horny.
Oh, excuse me, I meant to sayhonky.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
This is too fun.
Go ahead, Chris.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Liz Cheney.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Oh, definitely did, honky.
How about Am I Doing?
You're not doing very well.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Just a couple more there.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Go ahead, Costello, yeah yeah, oh, okay, I'd say
you're killing it Just a couplemore.
Then, okay, ahead, costello.
Yeah, yeah, oh, okay, I'd sayyou're killing it Just a couple
more.
Then, okay, here we go Toast.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
No wrong one, oh sorry.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I got it wrong Campaign.
There you go.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Well, I thought you said it was toast, you know.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Oh, you know you took the words right out of my mouth
.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Chris, your turn.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Let's keep going.
We're almost done.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Women Start of a 10.
Yeah, oh geez.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Trumpers Stupid sluts .
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Okay, election, okay, uh, election you kidding me?
Not a problem for uh dj oh, man, no, no we said election being
bad election not erection oh, oh, okay, all right then.
(17:01):
A couple more.
Let's try this one, okay.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Dog, dog.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Supper Dinner.
Did he say dinner, I think?
Speaker 3 (17:15):
he said dinner.
No, I said supper Supper.
Dinner is a Western term,supper is a Southern term.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
A dog is supper.
He's like a Haitian immigrant.
How about cat?
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Appetizer, for sure.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Well, you have scored a wonderful two out of ten.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
That's okay let's just do two more.
Okay, jay, how about?
How about future, like in yourfuture?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
leader of the free world somebody, somebody, and I
just want to say if tricky DickTrump becomes our president
again, he will be the leader ofthe free world.
And if the other party calls mea Nazi, all I got to say is
(18:12):
I'll hit the.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Oh yeah, you're probably doing a lot of that in
your spare time, so don't youwant to be president as well?
I get the impression that youreally want to assassinate Trump
and I'm just doing that, so ourproducers will have a fit.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
JD wants to be POTUS.
Yeah, he does.
He wants to be POTUS, don't youwant to be?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
POTUS JD wants to be POTUS.
Yeah, he does, he wants to bePOTUS.
Don't you want to be POTUS JD?
Speaker 3 (18:43):
President of the United States, you know I'm so
delirious being thankful thatTrump has let me be in his
political party.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Well, I think you should go suck on a mint tulip
and we thank you.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Because I haven't done that today.
I haven't been on the couch yet.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Oh, okay, Well he's definitely a good guy with a
damn couch, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
There we go.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Okay, that was he began from being the worst guest
we've ever had.
Okay, the JD Big effort.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
What are you saying?
I'm the worst.
What?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
The worst guest we've ever had.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Well, you two Yankees ain't that good either.
You know, you both suck thumbs,you know, and you're a bunch of
mama's boys, you know.
So you know that.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
And there he is gone.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Oh dear, oh dear.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
So sorry Damn.
How did he ever get to be vicepresident?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Just a little word to JB.
Read the script.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Damn, how did he ever get to be?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
vice president, just a little word to JD.
Read the script.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Maybe he should have looked at it in advance.
We're trying to lay things,trying to make it easy for JD to
look semi-intelligent on theshow no, I'm sitting going.
What the hell is he saying?
But we did learn one thing,totally off script he's really
in love with his couch.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
I guess he is most definitely.
That's him calling back.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
No, don't answer.
Yes, it is.
No, we're done with him, that'sgone.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Yeah, we'll have to be.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Well, I can say, is he's A year and a half ago on
our show Costello, we thoughtthe Liberace guest was probably
the worst.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
We had Nathan, nathan , yeah, we passed that today,
with flying colors, he is notgoing to get I want to be
elected.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
He wants to be erected.
Okay, he needs that, I can beerected.
Okay, he needs that, I can beerected.
No, not to be erected.
Oh man, I can admit that that'spretty damn funny.
They have pins for that now.
Sometimes things are so bad,sometimes it just happens to be
funny, that was good.
Sometimes things are so bad,sometimes it just happens to be
(21:18):
fun, it's good.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
It started off as a disaster.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
And ended as a disaster.
So what the hey, what the hey.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Shall, I answer.
How's that?
That's JD calling us back.
I'm sorry, jd.
Had to hang up on you thereBecause we're in the middle of
the show, so I'm going to haveto hang up on you, jd.
Bye, jd.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Bye buddy, I like it.
As soon as we called JD, thefirst thing he goes was we're
going to rehearse that or justget right to it.
That was great.
Blow it, jd.
The first thing he goes waswe're going to rehearse that or
just get right to it.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
That was great Blow it.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
You didn't tell them that we're going to be putting
him on live and we called him.
You didn't tell them that?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Yes, I did.
I told them exactly how it wasgoing to go.
Someone didn't pay attention.
Are we going to rehearse it.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
We're on live, but no shit.
Okay, that's too funny.
Oh, my God, I want to hear whatyour sister has to say about
this interview.
She's our secondary producerand our biggest critic.
What the hell is that?
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Biggest fan and biggest critic, that would be
Victoria.
Our biggest prize winner todayis katherine.
Uh, my, oh god.
What a giveaway.
Remember we gave, gave her amillion dollars, yeah, and then
we checked her how's she doing?
She spent all the money, yetthat we know she's being we're
giving her like four dollars andfifty cents a month over 60
(22:57):
years, so she's probably beenable to afford a Big Mac at this
point.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
It's kind of like with the voice.
I find what they do okay.
So I mentioned this before, butI found that again, like on
these reality shows, you earn amillion dollars.
They don't go.
Here's a million dollars.
They pay them an average ofabout $2,600 a month, which
comes out to about $30,000 ayear and spread over 20 years or
so 40 years.
So you can imagine I won themillion and it's going like
(23:27):
you'd be dead before you see allof it.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Oh, hell yeah, it's 40 years.
You're right, 40 years.
Yes, I mean, that goes for theVoice.
They don't do a million dollars, do they yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
that's what they do.
They go well, that's all.
The contestants are young, intheir 20s, so they think well,
you have 40 years to go.
If you get living to yourmid-60s, you'll see all your
money.
Isn't that exciting?
$2,600 a month, woo-wee.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Woo-hoo.
Hey, you know what?
I think you almost get that onSocial Security.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
I was going to say most homeless people get more
than that on their monthlysubsidy than you get from
winning a big competition.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yeah, it's awful.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, $1,500 a month for 40 years.
What we debated doing, though,since we were at the, we debated
going on live Tuesday night todo the Kristen Costello election
coverage live.
As it happens, we could, wecould do that.
I'm really thinking that weshould probably do that.
If you post it out there, tellour Frenchie producers to get it
out there in all the sourcesTikTok, facebook, instagram,
(24:35):
everything and let people knowwe're going to actually be on,
because you know how they sendus things out.
Hey, they're on live right nowso you can click on it and you
see us do our thing live andcover the election.
Our coverage.
You know we would call it theChris and Costello canceled guys
.
Erection night coverage,erection night coverage.
It's going to be erection nightcoverage on our end.
(24:56):
Are you up for Costello,because it's going to be an
erection night coverage on ourend, right Gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
I mean, are you up for it?
Speaker 2 (25:00):
No, because you know it's going to be kind of a late
night, sure, sure.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Are you good for a good three, four hours for us, a
good three or four hours oferection, so we can do our
coverage.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Four hours of an erection.
Sure I got the pills.
I can do that.
I'm going to just I'm going totape on a popsicle stick and see
how
Speaker 2 (25:21):
that works for me.
You got the pump.
I don't have that, I'll justtape on a popsicle stick saying
this had an erection for thewhole show.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Take a popsicle stick down your urethra.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
There you go, just fold it over at the top.
That's sick English humorgetting graphic again.
Did you get done you?
Speaker 4 (25:41):
want to read that so what do you think?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Are you game?
Should we do live?
Can we contact our French guysthrough Slack?
This is how we talk to them andlet them know that we want to
go live to get the word out.
We'll do live.
Erection night coverage.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah, we can do that.
It's easy, just as we're doingnow.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
We can really go for it.
We can be the first to get thefirst projected winner.
We'll beat all the networks,all the other streaming devices,
Even Amazon's having erectionnight coverage.
They're doing live streaming.
John Sears can be on ComedyCentral live, all the networks,
of course, and all the newsoutlets.
So why not us?
And let's beat everybody to itand give the first.
You know, just call it and beateverybody else to it and see if
(26:27):
we're right when we think wegot it.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
We call it, we call it Yep Yep.
The winner is Margaret Thatcher.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I'm sorry she's dead.
We can't do her anymore.
Best kind of prime minister tohave this would be the biggest
freaking show I've ever had.
The Kristen Costello canceledguy's erection night coverage.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I'm going to contact the Frenchies.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
When we're done with what you say, let's do it Come
on, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
You know what?
I'd be sitting here feelinglike A baby's arm holding an
orange.
It'll be great we need to.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Can you construct us an election night board so we
can write electoral votes inthere and who's winning what,
and give our coverage Is?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
there something we could use.
Yeah, an old cardboard box.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I got a notepad, okay , okay.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
No expense paid here.
I'm sure I've got a box.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
I'll just do hand notes and notepad hold up.
We can do it that way.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
We just need accuracy and we can do that yeah, yeah,
30 minutes into it you're going.
Oh, fuck it.
Good night.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
No, no, if we get tired of it, we'll just go and
project our winner and just wrapit up yeah, exactly, or we know
the winner and it's like, ohshit that too.
Yeah, it's not going to be anearly thing unless we just throw
it in the go.
The winner is Robert Kennedy Jr.
Good night, yeah.
(27:59):
Mr Kennedy, give us the speechI got it I got it, I got it, I
got it, I got it, I got it.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
This, just in this, just inyeah, the chick from Veep has
won.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Oh no, That'd be fine , That'd be good.
I like Tom a little bit.
Julie would be great too.
Just to give you guys anexample just in case Trump wins,
he promised he's going to putRobert Kennedy Jr in charge of
everything related to health.
Ok, over the CDC overall.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
Robert Kennedy.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Jr goes, he's going to, he's going to cancel all
vaccines.
No more vaccines.
Ok, that's going to take thefluoride out of water.
Fluoride is what makes ourteeth nice and strong.
You've got to have fluoride soyou can't walk around with black
, rotten teeth because of RobertKennedy Jr, and you can't get a
vaccine anymore, even if youwant one, you know so, oh my God
(28:53):
Just say it.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Excuse me, it's not Robert Downey Jr.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
It's not Robert Downey Jr, it's Kennedy Jr.
It talks like this my voice isfucked.
I don't know what happened.
I don't know what I did.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
I don't know, sorry, sorry, I have a voice box in
here or something.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
I need a voice box.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
It'd be JFK Jr.
That's who it is.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
RFK Jr RFK.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Okay, so that's who it is RFK Jr.
Rfk okay, rfk.
So by releasing this healthinformation about, he gets a
cabinet position.
We're giving away juicy tidbitsalready before we do our
erection night coverage, so weshouldn't give any more inside
tidbits anymore.
We'll save it for erectionnight coverage tomorrow night.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
This is Robert Kennedy Jr.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
That's it.
That's it.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
That's what it sounds like night coverage and looking
at this delayed video, itreminds me of that old geezer
who used to be on cnn with hisbraces.
Who's that?
Yeah, come on, mr CNN Goingback.
(29:59):
Oh God, I've just forgotten hisname too.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
So CNN only got his Wolf Blitzer no yeah, before
that who the hell would that be?
Speaker 1 (30:12):
I don't know the old guy he was.
Always he'd move around places,but he was, like you know, the
voice of mutual for a reallylong time, early, early days,
earlier days with him.
Okay, if you happen to know yougot me on that.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
I don't know.
The difference tomorrow nightbetween our erection night
coverage is that, you know myside of it will be circumcised,
the English side will be theuncircumc.
Our erection night coverage isthat my side of it will be
circumcised.
The English side will be theuncircumcised erection night
coverage and your side Differentthings in the country, you know
.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You'll have teeth and I'll have stubs.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
English stubs Pretty soon.
If you have candy in there,we'll have no fluorides.
We'll all have black teeth.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
King Alan, king, alan , king, not Alan.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
King, larry King, larry King.
I said God, he just had a showon CNN.
He wasn't really a CNN news guy, he just had a Larry King show.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
It was an hour show each night.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Yeah, he used to be on CNN With suspenders,
suspenders like this and giveyou that look like a frog.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Yes, looking at the women, and he always had a
really young wife, and then hegot God.
I don't know how many times hegot married, but anyway.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
I will give Howard Stern one prop to that.
They had him on Larry King onenight and he was saying he goes
look at me, Larry, look at you.
It's a good thing we're famousand have money, because we're
two frigging ugly guys.
We couldn't get women otherwisewe didn't have money, we didn't
have fame and money.
He looks at him and goes Iheard your show once, you
sounded like a frog.
He goes well, look at you, youdo you kind of, do you?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
know.
Yes, but he does, he did.
He does look like a frog, ademented frog at that, with
braces.
He's a dead frog.
Yeah, I mean I don't know whyhe had braces, because he only
had, like his pants would comeup to about tit height right
about there.
So he had these little bracesgoing into it.
Yep, height of fashion, he wastoo Height of fashion, he was
too.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Height of fashion?
No, no, got pretty bad there atthe end.
Did you want to go to a suck-upshow where you get the softball
questions?
Do you go on the Larry KingLive show?
Larry King Live, helloCleveland?
Hey, larry, you suck, okay.
Hello Detroit, larry you suck,oh shit.
Hello Miami, larry you suck.
(32:33):
But we have to get ready fortomorrow's extravaganza.
We are going to do Chris andCostello erection night coverage
.
Election night, tuesday night.
All in right buddy, All inright.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Yeah, I'm digging it, man.
I know how to set it up hereand everything.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
It's done.
Okay, yeah, I'll send it.
Get the rest of the French andstuff, get things going and
we'll set it up.
Our erection night coveragewill start at 7 pm Eastern time
when polls start to close on theeastern part of the United
States.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Okay, Right, I'll have beer.
Oh God, it's Chinese tea.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I'm going to have a big drink right here and have me
a big cigar and a big glass ofsomething and I'll be ready to
go.
Erection night coverageHopefully we're going to be
projecting the right winner.
We're going to say it is anyway.
We're going to do like Trump.
We're going to say it is anyway.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
You know what.
You know what we can do.
We can do stuff like well, wecan play Trump songs.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
I agree.
I have plenty of those.
He's already putting the wordout there.
He's getting ready saying theelection is all screwed up,
cheated and stolen already.
He's doing it now.
He's putting it out there rightnow which kind of tells you?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
he thinks he may lose yeah, I think, what me, no.
No, it's kind of funny becausehe's lost any sense of direction
when he makes his speeches.
Why did he ever have it.
The only policy we know of ishe's going to put tariffs on
things and he's going to givethe rich another nice, big,
(34:08):
healthy tax cut.
Those are the things.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
What does that leave?
The canceled radio guys In theshooter?
Once you listen to the show andyou find out what you said.
You're going to be in jail, boy.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Free.
Maybe one of those again.
Maybe he's next door, sir.
Oh, wait a minute, I can dothis, I can change my voice, so
they'll never notice me.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Just start talking like Robert Kennedy Jr.
So that way you just oh, wait aminute, I can do this, I can
change my voice, so they'llnever notice me.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Just start talking like Robert Kennedy Jr.
So that way you just get acabinet post Robert Downey Jr.
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
I'm going to Rob Downey Jr Don't go visiting Iron
man, it's a different guy.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Oh sorry, that's appears to be gay Robert.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Downey Jr.
Awfully sorry.
All right Time to put theelection squeal in there.
I have to run.
We've got to get ready fortomorrow's live show.
Okay, We'll be on live.
Kristen Costello canceled Guy'serection night coverage Live.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
Look for your notice.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
It'll be coming to you okay, I want to be a legend.
Which wheel Wheel man Wheel?
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Take it right there, gd.
There you go.
G.
Not knowing how to read ascript, you take it at the ass
right.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
Wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel,
which wheel.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Wheel man tomorrow, Bye.
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!