January 7, 2025 • 17 mins
Is your iron grip on control helping or hurting your career? In this episode, we dive into why high achievers default to control, when it serves you, and when it's secretly sabotaging your success. Whether you're a recovering control freak or dealing with one, you'll get actionable strategies to shift from micromanagement to actual leadership.
- The surprising truth about why control freaks are often the highest performers (and when that stops working)
- Two types of control that matter in business - and how to master both
- Battle-tested tactics to dial back your inner control freak without lowering your standards
- A survival guide for managing up when your boss is a micromanager
Jill Griffin, host of The Career Refresh, delivers expert guidance on workplace challenges and career transitions. Jill leverages her experience working for the world's top brands like Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Hilton Hotels, and Martha Stewart to address leadership, burnout, team dynamics, and the 4Ps (perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and personalities).
Visit JillGriffinCoaching.com for more details on:
- Book a 1:1 Career Strategy and Executive Coaching HERE
- Gallup CliftonStrengths Corporate Workshops to build a strengths-based culture
- Team Dynamics training to increase retention, communication, goal setting, and effective decision-making
- Keynote Speaking
- Grab a personal Resume Refresh with Jill Griffin HERE
Follow @JillGriffinOffical on Instagram for daily inspiration
Connect with and follow Jill on LinkedIn
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, welcome to the Career Refresh.
I'm your host, Jill Griffin,and there are so many new
listeners here that I thought itwas a good time to reintroduce
myself.
Quite the journey from being amedia executive to what some
clients call me as their careertransformation catalyst.
Other clients call me theircareer consigliere, which, of
(00:21):
course, is a godfather reference, and that always cracks me up.
But you know there are momentswhen you pause and you look
around at your career and youthink is this what I'm doing?
Is this what we're going for?
Is this where I want to be?
And I've been there and I hadan amazing career in corporate
and, frankly, I was also helpingpeople navigate their careers
(00:43):
while I was running strategy formajor brands.
But now I've been doing thisfull time for almost eight years
, helping people navigate theirown career crossroads.
So, after spending many yearsdriving multi-million dollars of
revenue for household namebrands like Coca-Cola, microsoft
, samsung and, most recently,hilton Hotels, I recognized that
(01:04):
my true passion wasn't just inexecuting successful strategies
and campaigns.
It was helping others discoverand achieve their full potential
.
So I made the leap, went out onmy own.
It's been eight years now and,as a girl who's always a
strategist at heart.
Helping people really thinkabout their career strategically
(01:25):
while also being an executivecoach is two completely
different things that I do withpeople.
One is building your strategyand learning how to navigate
your career at whatever stage ofyour career you're in.
The executive coach part is,once you're in the job, how are
you navigating the complexitiesof the modern workplace and
that's everything frompersonalities at the executive
(01:47):
level, your peers, the peoplewho are on your team and how are
you continuing to show up theway you want to, and how does
that really match to what Iwould call your professional
brand?
I started the Career Refreshpodcast as a way of talking
about these things and helpingpeople get a little bit of a
taste for the type of work thatI do and also, if people are not
(02:08):
sure yet, it's a great way toget to know me a bit and see if
you think that my style and myway of practicing career
strategy and executive coachingis the right next step for you.
What makes my approachdifferent is I bring both the
hardcore business strategy frommy corporate days and also the
deep understanding of humanpotential from my coaching
practice.
I've worked with hundreds ofprofessionals who felt stuck,
(02:29):
uncertain and ready to taketheir next challenge,
particularly in the mid andlater stages of their careers.
I'm talking people you know,depending on when you actually
start working.
I'm talking people who havebeen in their career for 10 or
15 years or more and are nowtrying to figure out what's next
.
This is usually when the careerpossibilities and opportunities
are at their highest, but soare the stakes.
(02:52):
When my clients call me thecareer consigliere, I want you
to think of me as your strategicpartner in your workplace
success.
Whether you're leading a teamthat needs to boost its
productivity, navigatingworkplace dynamics or seeking
(03:12):
your own path to careerfulfillment.
I've been in all of thosetrenches and I know what works
and I know what doesn't, and Iknow how to blend strategy and
mindset to create lasting impactand change.
In this podcast, I sharepractical insights, real success
stories and actionablestrategies that have helped
professionals across lots oforganizations find their sweet
spot.
It's the perfect intersectionof success and satisfaction
(03:35):
Because, let's face it, intoday's evolving workplace, we
need more than just careeradvice.
We need a fresh perspective anda strategic approach, and
sometimes we need a completebolts up from the ground career
strategy refresh.
I'm glad you're here.
I welcome you to join me eachweek as we explore the
(03:57):
strategies, the mind shifts andthe practical steps that can
transform your career to whatyou want it to be.
We're going to navigate thesecomplexities of the
ever-changing workplace.
Unlock your potential forgreater productivity, stronger
teamwork and career satisfaction.
This is the career refresh,friends.
It's where strategy meetspossibility and careers
(04:20):
transform into callings.
All right, now let's talk abouttoday's episode.
It's about being a controlfreak.
And no, this isn't anotherfeel-good pep talk teaching you
how to let go.
Look, if you're like most highachievers I work with.
You have a grip on the details.
(04:41):
That makes you incrediblyefficient.
I kind of joke in the lens ofit makes me a little bit nervous
, because that helps me keep onand stay on my game, and those
are the things that have servedyou well.
You're the person that everyonecounts on to get things done
and get it done right the firsttime.
Your standards are high, yourexecution is flawless and your
(05:02):
reputation precedes you.
But here's the thing Sometimesbeing a control freak is like
using a sledgehammer to hang apicture right.
You get the job done, but atwhat cost?
And today we're going to talkabout that cost and what you can
do about it.
Let's jump in.
Let's jump in.
(05:33):
I see the control freak play outconstantly, especially in my
executive coaching clients.
Take one of my clients right.
They are a brilliant bothHarvard and Yale graduate,
lightning fast thinker, amazingat solving complex problems, but
their team is Well very often.
When we did a 360 review, wefound that the team was pretty
(05:54):
much hiding under their desks,figuratively, not because this
person wasn't smart or capable,but because their need for
control created a field like aforce field of perfectionism
that nobody dared to penetrate.
And before I go any further, asalways I ask my clients if it's
okay to share these stories.
(06:15):
We usually have a chuckle aboutthem and, yes, I have
permission to share their story.
So here's what I've learnedafter working with many senior
level and C-suite executivesControl tends to be just anxiety
.
We think that if we canmicromanage every microscopic
detail, that will ward offdisaster.
(06:36):
But it's not true.
Control, or complete control,is a fantasy and chasing it is
exhausting.
It's exhausting both you andyou're alienating your
relationships.
Alienating your relationships.
Consider this I had a clientwho was going for a promotion
and his approach was to controleverything and everyone until
(07:00):
they noticed how good he was.
But he was moving into a seniorlevel position and it was
showing that he could do thework which is important that we
need player coaches in today'smarketplace.
But he was basically squashingthe agency and the contribution
of his team because he keptshining the spotlight on himself
and not showing how he was aleader or how people wanted to
(07:23):
follow him.
So obviously it wasn't working.
He was so focused on what washappening that he often was
talked about as having like ascorecard that people were
seeing him as like how he wasalways counting up his wins and
then, if things didn't go asplanned, he was far from an
(07:44):
Academy Award winning actor.
So he was known for having likea chip on his shoulder that was
so big that he kind of walkedslanted right.
It gives you sort of thisvisual representation of how
this individual is showing up.
So what's the solution?
Well, I'm going to tell youthat it's really getting clear
on what you can actually control, which is your thoughts.
(08:06):
It is you can't control yourteam thoughts.
You can't control theirpreparation.
You can control your own right.
So it's constantly separating,even if you have to take out and
draw a piece of paper and putwhat's on your list and what's
on their list to be super clearwith yourself, or put it in your
notes app.
You need to realize that youcan control your thoughts and
(08:27):
you can control your prep.
You cannot control your team'sthoughts, which is what's going
to create the motivation forthem.
You can inspire them, you canlead them that's a different
conversation but you can'tmotivate them through control,
and you can't control yourclient's reaction to whatever it
is that you're doing, or yourexecutive leadership or your
CEO's reaction.
(08:48):
It's not going to happen.
It doesn't work that way.
Ceo's reaction it's not goingto happen.
It doesn't work that way.
I work with a newly promotedsenior vice president recently
who would literally re-presentevery single slide that her team
presented Every slide.
So client meetings the feedbackwas from both clients and
(09:08):
executive leadership that theteams were like confused because
they would present and then shewould speak over.
Well, she wouldn't speak overthem, but she would speak
immediately after them and sayit in her own way, and that's
great.
But what's happening is nowevery meeting and every
presentation takes double timeand her team started to shrink
because they knew whatever theydid wouldn't be right.
(09:29):
So we work with her to ease upand to do some prep with the
team and if she needed to have atimeline with her team as to
when they needed to pre-presentto her before the executive
client meeting.
Listen, I'm all for that.
Right, you want to be buttonedup and the client wants you to
be buttoned up too.
But doing it in the meeting infront of the client, it's just
bad look all around.
(09:50):
Also, the client starts to seethat you don't trust your team
and then you also don't have thenuance or the wherewithal to
not do it in front of the client.
So not a good look all around.
What was happening then when shestarted to do the pre-work with
the team is the whole teamstarted to step up.
They were getting ready forthat pre-planning meeting with
(10:11):
her.
They were getting ready forthat pre-planning meeting with
her, they were getting ready forthe pre-presentation, they were
bringing their all to thatmeeting and overall, everyone
really started to get happierbecause it's like we became a
little bit looser.
It wasn't so tight andcontrolling.
When I have clients who I findare very intent or, as I say,
high strung and I say that withlove I offer you to stop asking
(10:35):
yourself what do I need to fixand how do I make sure all of
this goes right?
And start asking yourself howdo I want to handle this?
It's a subtle shift, but you'llstart to see the difference
between sort of being thedirector of the play behind the
scenes, which is trying tocontrol every single piece of it
(10:56):
, versus being a leader andtelling people the end result of
what you want and letting thembring their creativity and their
strategy to the table, and it'sgoing to offer up a diversity
of ideas.
And that's where the work getsstronger and people start to
really feel that they can relaxa little bit, and that will
enable the work gets strongerand people start to really feel
that they can relax a little bitand that will enable their
right that's that prefrontalcortex They'll be able to start
(11:17):
thinking better because they'renot under such a tight, tight,
tight, tight situation wherethey don't have a place to
breathe or speak.
And if you are the person who isdealing with the control freak
boss, I know you're out there.
Many of us have dealt with it.
Here's what I would suggest youdo Figure out your boss's hot
(11:40):
buttons.
Is it surprises delayed updates, excel spreadsheets with broken
formulas so that there's manualinputs and you know who you are
right, figuring out what arethe buttons that are being
pressed.
What are the buttons that arebeing pressed?
You want to really think aboutthat in advance and then move
(12:03):
forward.
When I've seen teams that have abreakdown between the leader
and the team at times when it'scoming from the boss, who's the
control freak, and you'rereporting to that person,
getting ahead of it andunderstanding that they want
proactive updates so that againthat not coming from that place
of fear or anxiety is reallywhere you're going to see the
(12:25):
shift in the actual work and theday to day.
It's going to take time.
It may not happen overnight,but when you over communicate
you're doing it strategicallyand purposefully, like got it on
it.
I'll update you by end of daysimple, clear, proactive and
then finding how they prefer tocommunicate.
I find that more and morepeople are hating on email but
(12:47):
then texting them isn't goodbecause you don't have a track
of the conversation.
So if you're using a systemlike Slack or Teams, making sure
you know how your supervisorwants to communicate so that
it's all in one string and weknow where to go back to find
the information, being detailed,orientated and having high
standards is not the problemhere, folks.
(13:08):
The problem is when thosetraits start running the show
and you're left exhausted andstressed.
The team is demotivated andyou're still not getting the
results that you want.
That's what we're talking about.
The problem.
The most successful leaders thatI coach have mastered what I
call what this is like thestrategic release.
They know when to hold on tightto certain pieces, but they
(13:29):
also know when to be loose, likea loose garment, and let others
run with the ball.
They've learned that sometimesgood enough really is good
enough, and that we don'tnecessarily need to have
everything at a higher level ofperfection.
It's sort of that likeimportant, not urgent.
Is this where we need to befocusing on perfection, or do we
need to be really striving forperfection in another release or
(13:50):
another execution or initiative?
So here's your homework,because, yes, I do give homework
.
I want you to think through.
The next time you feel thatcontrol freak rising.
First of all, where do you feelit?
In your body?
I start to feel it in my chest,in my throat, where I'm like I
can almost hear my pulse, in myears.
I'm just going to tell you topause and let that anxiety just
(14:12):
sit there for a second andreally ask yourself is doing it
this way helping or hurting yourend goal?
Sometimes the answer will begreat it is helping and we need
to have that level of detailAwesome Carry on.
But when is it hurting?
Sometimes it's really hard toread the label from inside the
jar and you don't even know it'shurting.
(14:33):
It's also helpful to havecheck-ins with your team.
How are they doing?
How is this project playing out?
Is there anything we need tochange about the project in
order to meet the deadline?
Really finding a different wayof coaching your team and asking
them questions and letting themroll it.
The other thing it's verysimilar to coaching in the work
that I do.
If I moved out of coaching,which is asking questions to
(14:56):
prompt you to you think of theanswers that you have inside you
and occasionally you need anoutside boost, but for the most
part you have the answers or thepath forward.
If I was doing all that work asa control freak and trying to
figure everything out again,that's what we're talking about
exhausting.
If you, as the leader, ask yourteam to think through it and
give you the answers, then yourenergy is on being a leader,
(15:19):
managing your energy and askingthem the right questions, not
controlling every single thing.
The answer to all of this isn'tabout changing who.
You are right, you are supereffective and you've created a
lot of results.
But sometimes loosening yourgrip a little bit will really
show others that you believe inthem and that you are really
(15:42):
stepping out of managing andstepping into leading and
coaching, because that's what wewant.
We want leaders that also knowhow to coach their people,
because you can't be there atevery single time and if you
always have to be there andcontrol everything again, you're
taking away their agency andthey're not able to think.
Loosening that grip, asking themthe right questions, asking
(16:03):
them how they would approach itAgain, you get to fine tune it,
you get to massage it, you getto redirect them as needed.
But trust me on this one I'veseen hundreds of executives and
work with them privately.
I used to be the control freakmyself, but trust me on this,
try this, try the coachingapproach.
And that is again askingquestions that are how, what,
(16:23):
when, where, who, if.
Avoid asking your team awhy-based question Like why are
you doing this?
That can be really triggeringfor people.
It shuts them down.
They can't necessarily bestrategic or give you an answer,
but the how would you?
What would happen if?
When would I see this?
Where are we going with thisidea?
Like asking questions that aremore loose and open helps people
(16:47):
think Hi, friends, you got this, and if you have any questions
or any feedback, always email meat hello at
jillgriffincoachingcom.
I want to hear from you and, inthe meantime, have a great week
and I'll see you next time.
Hey there, welcome to the Career Refresh.
I'm your host, Jill Griffin,and there are so many new
listeners here that I thought itwas a good time to reintroduce
myself.
Quite the journey from being amedia executive to what some
clients call me as their careertransformation catalyst.
Other clients call me theircareer consigliere, which, of
(00:21):
course, is a godfather reference, and that always cracks me up.
But you know there are momentswhen you pause and you look
around at your career and youthink is this what I'm doing?
Is this what we're going for?
Is this where I want to be?
And I've been there and I hadan amazing career in corporate
and, frankly, I was also helpingpeople navigate their careers
(00:43):
while I was running strategy formajor brands.
But now I've been doing thisfull time for almost eight years
, helping people navigate theirown career crossroads.
So, after spending many yearsdriving multi-million dollars of
revenue for household namebrands like Coca-Cola, microsoft
, samsung and, most recently,hilton Hotels, I recognized that
(01:04):
my true passion wasn't just inexecuting successful strategies
and campaigns.
It was helping others discoverand achieve their full potential
.
So I made the leap, went out onmy own.
It's been eight years now and,as a girl who's always a
strategist at heart.
Helping people really thinkabout their career strategically
(01:25):
while also being an executivecoach is two completely
different things that I do withpeople.
One is building your strategyand learning how to navigate
your career at whatever stage ofyour career you're in.
The executive coach part is,once you're in the job, how are
you navigating the complexitiesof the modern workplace and
that's everything frompersonalities at the executive
(01:47):
level, your peers, the peoplewho are on your team and how are
you continuing to show up theway you want to, and how does
that really match to what Iwould call your professional
brand?
I started the Career Refreshpodcast as a way of talking
about these things and helpingpeople get a little bit of a
taste for the type of work thatI do and also, if people are not
(02:08):
sure yet, it's a great way toget to know me a bit and see if
you think that my style and myway of practicing career
strategy and executive coachingis the right next step for you.
What makes my approachdifferent is I bring both the
hardcore business strategy frommy corporate days and also the
deep understanding of humanpotential from my coaching
practice.
I've worked with hundreds ofprofessionals who felt stuck,
(02:29):
uncertain and ready to taketheir next challenge,
particularly in the mid andlater stages of their careers.
I'm talking people you know,depending on when you actually
start working.
I'm talking people who havebeen in their career for 10 or
15 years or more and are nowtrying to figure out what's next
.
This is usually when the careerpossibilities and opportunities
are at their highest, but soare the stakes.
(02:52):
When my clients call me thecareer consigliere, I want you
to think of me as your strategicpartner in your workplace
success.
Whether you're leading a teamthat needs to boost its
productivity, navigatingworkplace dynamics or seeking
(03:12):
your own path to careerfulfillment.
I've been in all of thosetrenches and I know what works
and I know what doesn't, and Iknow how to blend strategy and
mindset to create lasting impactand change.
In this podcast, I sharepractical insights, real success
stories and actionablestrategies that have helped
professionals across lots oforganizations find their sweet
spot.
It's the perfect intersectionof success and satisfaction
(03:35):
Because, let's face it, intoday's evolving workplace, we
need more than just careeradvice.
We need a fresh perspective anda strategic approach, and
sometimes we need a completebolts up from the ground career
strategy refresh.
I'm glad you're here.
I welcome you to join me eachweek as we explore the
(03:57):
strategies, the mind shifts andthe practical steps that can
transform your career to whatyou want it to be.
We're going to navigate thesecomplexities of the
ever-changing workplace.
Unlock your potential forgreater productivity, stronger
teamwork and career satisfaction.
This is the career refresh,friends.
It's where strategy meetspossibility and careers
(04:20):
transform into callings.
All right, now let's talk abouttoday's episode.
It's about being a controlfreak.
And no, this isn't anotherfeel-good pep talk teaching you
how to let go.
Look, if you're like most highachievers I work with.
You have a grip on the details.
(04:41):
That makes you incrediblyefficient.
I kind of joke in the lens ofit makes me a little bit nervous
, because that helps me keep onand stay on my game, and those
are the things that have servedyou well.
You're the person that everyonecounts on to get things done
and get it done right the firsttime.
Your standards are high, yourexecution is flawless and your
(05:02):
reputation precedes you.
But here's the thing Sometimesbeing a control freak is like
using a sledgehammer to hang apicture right.
You get the job done, but atwhat cost?
And today we're going to talkabout that cost and what you can
do about it.
Let's jump in.
Let's jump in.
(05:33):
I see the control freak play outconstantly, especially in my
executive coaching clients.
Take one of my clients right.
They are a brilliant bothHarvard and Yale graduate,
lightning fast thinker, amazingat solving complex problems, but
their team is Well very often.
When we did a 360 review, wefound that the team was pretty
(05:54):
much hiding under their desks,figuratively, not because this
person wasn't smart or capable,but because their need for
control created a field like aforce field of perfectionism
that nobody dared to penetrate.
And before I go any further, asalways I ask my clients if it's
okay to share these stories.
(06:15):
We usually have a chuckle aboutthem and, yes, I have
permission to share their story.
So here's what I've learnedafter working with many senior
level and C-suite executivesControl tends to be just anxiety
.
We think that if we canmicromanage every microscopic
detail, that will ward offdisaster.
(06:36):
But it's not true.
Control, or complete control,is a fantasy and chasing it is
exhausting.
It's exhausting both you andyou're alienating your
relationships.
Alienating your relationships.
Consider this I had a clientwho was going for a promotion
and his approach was to controleverything and everyone until
(07:00):
they noticed how good he was.
But he was moving into a seniorlevel position and it was
showing that he could do thework which is important that we
need player coaches in today'smarketplace.
But he was basically squashingthe agency and the contribution
of his team because he keptshining the spotlight on himself
and not showing how he was aleader or how people wanted to
(07:23):
follow him.
So obviously it wasn't working.
He was so focused on what washappening that he often was
talked about as having like ascorecard that people were
seeing him as like how he wasalways counting up his wins and
then, if things didn't go asplanned, he was far from an
(07:44):
Academy Award winning actor.
So he was known for having likea chip on his shoulder that was
so big that he kind of walkedslanted right.
It gives you sort of thisvisual representation of how
this individual is showing up.
So what's the solution?
Well, I'm going to tell youthat it's really getting clear
on what you can actually control, which is your thoughts.
(08:06):
It is you can't control yourteam thoughts.
You can't control theirpreparation.
You can control your own right.
So it's constantly separating,even if you have to take out and
draw a piece of paper and putwhat's on your list and what's
on their list to be super clearwith yourself, or put it in your
notes app.
You need to realize that youcan control your thoughts and
(08:27):
you can control your prep.
You cannot control your team'sthoughts, which is what's going
to create the motivation forthem.
You can inspire them, you canlead them that's a different
conversation but you can'tmotivate them through control,
and you can't control yourclient's reaction to whatever it
is that you're doing, or yourexecutive leadership or your
CEO's reaction.
(08:48):
It's not going to happen.
It doesn't work that way.
Ceo's reaction it's not goingto happen.
It doesn't work that way.
I work with a newly promotedsenior vice president recently
who would literally re-presentevery single slide that her team
presented Every slide.
So client meetings the feedbackwas from both clients and
(09:08):
executive leadership that theteams were like confused because
they would present and then shewould speak over.
Well, she wouldn't speak overthem, but she would speak
immediately after them and sayit in her own way, and that's
great.
But what's happening is nowevery meeting and every
presentation takes double timeand her team started to shrink
because they knew whatever theydid wouldn't be right.
(09:29):
So we work with her to ease upand to do some prep with the
team and if she needed to have atimeline with her team as to
when they needed to pre-presentto her before the executive
client meeting.
Listen, I'm all for that.
Right, you want to be buttonedup and the client wants you to
be buttoned up too.
But doing it in the meeting infront of the client, it's just
bad look all around.
(09:50):
Also, the client starts to seethat you don't trust your team
and then you also don't have thenuance or the wherewithal to
not do it in front of the client.
So not a good look all around.
What was happening then when shestarted to do the pre-work with
the team is the whole teamstarted to step up.
They were getting ready forthat pre-planning meeting with
(10:11):
her.
They were getting ready forthat pre-planning meeting with
her, they were getting ready forthe pre-presentation, they were
bringing their all to thatmeeting and overall, everyone
really started to get happierbecause it's like we became a
little bit looser.
It wasn't so tight andcontrolling.
When I have clients who I findare very intent or, as I say,
high strung and I say that withlove I offer you to stop asking
(10:35):
yourself what do I need to fixand how do I make sure all of
this goes right?
And start asking yourself howdo I want to handle this?
It's a subtle shift, but you'llstart to see the difference
between sort of being thedirector of the play behind the
scenes, which is trying tocontrol every single piece of it
(10:56):
, versus being a leader andtelling people the end result of
what you want and letting thembring their creativity and their
strategy to the table, and it'sgoing to offer up a diversity
of ideas.
And that's where the work getsstronger and people start to
really feel that they can relaxa little bit, and that will
enable the work gets strongerand people start to really feel
that they can relax a little bitand that will enable their
right that's that prefrontalcortex They'll be able to start
(11:17):
thinking better because they'renot under such a tight, tight,
tight, tight situation wherethey don't have a place to
breathe or speak.
And if you are the person who isdealing with the control freak
boss, I know you're out there.
Many of us have dealt with it.
Here's what I would suggest youdo Figure out your boss's hot
(11:40):
buttons.
Is it surprises delayed updates, excel spreadsheets with broken
formulas so that there's manualinputs and you know who you are
right, figuring out what arethe buttons that are being
pressed.
What are the buttons that arebeing pressed?
You want to really think aboutthat in advance and then move
(12:03):
forward.
When I've seen teams that have abreakdown between the leader
and the team at times when it'scoming from the boss, who's the
control freak, and you'rereporting to that person,
getting ahead of it andunderstanding that they want
proactive updates so that againthat not coming from that place
of fear or anxiety is reallywhere you're going to see the
(12:25):
shift in the actual work and theday to day.
It's going to take time.
It may not happen overnight,but when you over communicate
you're doing it strategicallyand purposefully, like got it on
it.
I'll update you by end of daysimple, clear, proactive and
then finding how they prefer tocommunicate.
I find that more and morepeople are hating on email but
(12:47):
then texting them isn't goodbecause you don't have a track
of the conversation.
So if you're using a systemlike Slack or Teams, making sure
you know how your supervisorwants to communicate so that
it's all in one string and weknow where to go back to find
the information, being detailed,orientated and having high
standards is not the problemhere, folks.
(13:08):
The problem is when thosetraits start running the show
and you're left exhausted andstressed.
The team is demotivated andyou're still not getting the
results that you want.
That's what we're talking about.
The problem.
The most successful leaders thatI coach have mastered what I
call what this is like thestrategic release.
They know when to hold on tightto certain pieces, but they
(13:29):
also know when to be loose, likea loose garment, and let others
run with the ball.
They've learned that sometimesgood enough really is good
enough, and that we don'tnecessarily need to have
everything at a higher level ofperfection.
It's sort of that likeimportant, not urgent.
Is this where we need to befocusing on perfection, or do we
need to be really striving forperfection in another release or
(13:50):
another execution or initiative?
So here's your homework,because, yes, I do give homework
.
I want you to think through.
The next time you feel thatcontrol freak rising.
First of all, where do you feelit?
In your body?
I start to feel it in my chest,in my throat, where I'm like I
can almost hear my pulse, in myears.
I'm just going to tell you topause and let that anxiety just
(14:12):
sit there for a second andreally ask yourself is doing it
this way helping or hurting yourend goal?
Sometimes the answer will begreat it is helping and we need
to have that level of detailAwesome Carry on.
But when is it hurting?
Sometimes it's really hard toread the label from inside the
jar and you don't even know it'shurting.
(14:33):
It's also helpful to havecheck-ins with your team.
How are they doing?
How is this project playing out?
Is there anything we need tochange about the project in
order to meet the deadline?
Really finding a different wayof coaching your team and asking
them questions and letting themroll it.
The other thing it's verysimilar to coaching in the work
that I do.
If I moved out of coaching,which is asking questions to
(14:56):
prompt you to you think of theanswers that you have inside you
and occasionally you need anoutside boost, but for the most
part you have the answers or thepath forward.
If I was doing all that work asa control freak and trying to
figure everything out again,that's what we're talking about
exhausting.
If you, as the leader, ask yourteam to think through it and
give you the answers, then yourenergy is on being a leader,
(15:19):
managing your energy and askingthem the right questions, not
controlling every single thing.
The answer to all of this isn'tabout changing who.
You are right, you are supereffective and you've created a
lot of results.
But sometimes loosening yourgrip a little bit will really
show others that you believe inthem and that you are really
(15:42):
stepping out of managing andstepping into leading and
coaching, because that's what wewant.
We want leaders that also knowhow to coach their people,
because you can't be there atevery single time and if you
always have to be there andcontrol everything again, you're
taking away their agency andthey're not able to think.
Loosening that grip, asking themthe right questions, asking
(16:03):
them how they would approach itAgain, you get to fine tune it,
you get to massage it, you getto redirect them as needed.
But trust me on this one I'veseen hundreds of executives and
work with them privately.
I used to be the control freakmyself, but trust me on this,
try this, try the coachingapproach.
And that is again askingquestions that are how, what,
(16:23):
when, where, who, if.
Avoid asking your team awhy-based question Like why are
you doing this?
That can be really triggeringfor people.
It shuts them down.
They can't necessarily bestrategic or give you an answer,
but the how would you?
What would happen if?
When would I see this?
Where are we going with thisidea?
Like asking questions that aremore loose and open helps people
(16:47):
think Hi, friends, you got this, and if you have any questions
or any feedback, always email meat hello at
jillgriffincoachingcom.
I want to hear from you and, inthe meantime, have a great week
and I'll see you next time.
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