May 27, 2025 • 10 mins
If your thoughts bounce from “she’s rude” to “they’re amazing” in the same breath, you’re not alone. But this pattern messes with your brand—and your ability to trust your own mind. In this episode I discuss:
- Why constant mental flip-flopping kills your strategic edge
- The hidden cost of narrating everyone else's behavior
- How to rewire your brain for clarity, confidence, and leadership presence
Jill Griffin, host of The Career Refresh, delivers expert guidance on workplace challenges and career transitions. Jill leverages her experience working for the world's top brands like Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Hilton Hotels, and Martha Stewart to address leadership, burnout, team dynamics, and the 4Ps (perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and personalities).
Visit JillGriffinCoaching.com for more details on:
- Book a 1:1 Career Strategy and Executive Coaching HERE
- Build a Leadership Identity That Earns Trust and Delivers Results.
- Gallup CliftonStrengths Corporate Workshops to build a strengths-based culture
- Team Dynamics training to increase retention, communication, goal setting, and effective decision-making
- Keynote Speaking
- Grab a personal Resume Refresh with Jill Griffin HERE
Follow @JillGriffinOffical on Instagram for daily inspiration
Connect with and follow Jill on LinkedIn
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, welcome back to the Career Refresh.
This is where we unpack themoments that shape your work,
leadership and growth.
I'm Jill Griffin, your host,and today I am talking about a
subtle but very powerful forcethat may be sabotaging your
career, your professional brand,your personal brand.
What is it?
Reactive thinking?
Because it's not just thinking.
(00:21):
It comes out in your bodylanguage and your ways of being,
and it's leaky and it goes allover the place.
All right, so here's what I seehappen In a span of a very
short period of time, your brainis ping-ponging around.
She's doing it wrong.
Oh my God, I can't believe.
She said that.
He is so rude.
That team is never on time.
(00:42):
Hey, I actually think you'redoing a great job.
Oh wait, do they think that I'mdoing a good job?
Your brain is all over theplace.
So if your thoughts areping-ponging around like this in
a span of a very short time,I'm going to tell you it doesn't
just exhaust you, it doesn'tjust tap your brain and your
ability to think clearly.
It also impacts yourprofessional and personal brand.
(01:06):
All right, let's talk moreDigging in.
First, what is reactive thinking?
It's fast, it's emotional, it'sfear-based, it's leaky, it's
nervous, it's anxious, it's allthe things.
And listen, I've been there.
I've been in places where I washungry, angry, lonely, tired,
(01:29):
not getting sleep, reallystressed out, feeling really
anxious, and then ping pong allover the place that your brain
is firing off judgments,assumptions, comparisons.
You haven't had a chance toreflect on any of these things,
but you're believing each littlebit of it.
It's true, and we're not beingintentional here and the more
you react, the harder it becomesfor you to think clearly,
(01:50):
strategically, lead and betrusted.
Because even if people don'tknow what you're thinking and to
date they don't because it'sinside we don't know how to read
minds yet we may someday butthey can see it in your energy.
They can see the energy shift.
They can feel the judgment, thedisdain, the ennui, depending
on how it comes across for you,right?
(02:11):
So your professional brand,your personal brand for me
they're kind of one in the same,but people use them different
ways.
It's not just, as you know,your resume, your LinkedIn
profile, your bio, what you'vedone.
It is what people are feelingafter they have an interaction
with you.
It's your consistency, yourclarity, your credibility, your
(02:33):
values, your skills, yourstrengths, how you show up.
All of that shows up over time,and when you're constantly in
this reactive mode, you're goingto be unpredictable.
You're going to be emotionallyvolatile and people don't know
which version of you they'regetting, whether you're going to
be super supportive andcollaborative or whether you're
sort of sitting in the corner insilent scorn.
(02:56):
If you've been listening to mefor a while, you know that I'm a
huge Godfather fan, and thereit reminds me of like this
reactive mode that you go into,reminds me of a scene in the
Godfather where Sonny you know,vito Corderleone's son talks out
of turn during a meeting withSalazzo and Tattaglia, right,
(03:19):
and the purpose of the meetingwas about, you know, do we do
this drug thing?
Do we stay away from it?
And Sonny, excuse me, isimpatient and eager and he's
trying to make his mark and he'she's reactive and he's
explosive, and he interrupts hisfather, don Corderleon, the
godfather, and reveals a desireto do this drug deal.
And it's sort of showing thissplit personality within the
(03:40):
family's decision making and itbasically leads Salazzo to
believe that the Corderleonfamily is vulnerable and that,
you know, maybe, you know, maybethey don't have it all together
.
And at some point in themeeting the Godfather says
forgive me, I indulge mychildren and then says again
don't ever, you know, share yourthoughts and opinions with
anyone outside the family.
(04:01):
Right, so it's a little bit ofstorytelling, but why I think
it's it relates to this is thatif you are so reactive that the
people around you either don'treally know what you might say
in public or at a team meeting,or the people you're talking
with are also starting to seethat as a reputation risk for
you, you can see where it isgoing to hurt your professional
(04:25):
brand and you're not going tobuild trust.
Right, people won't know whatthey're getting, and when you
don't know what they're gettingand when you don't know what
you're getting and there'senough uncertainty out there,
they're not necessarily going towant to bring you in because
they don't know how you're goingto lead and it's also going to
hurt morale.
So when you're constantlyshifting your internal story, it
also may impact your ownability to create trust.
(04:47):
Should I speak or say silent?
Should I say this?
Am I overreacting?
Was I solid?
Was that okay?
Should I not?
I recently did a podcast aboutsort of that social anxiety that
may or may not be at a playhere, about actually having the
ability when you're in a smallersocial situation, when there's
not a script or content andyou're just having a free
(05:08):
conversation where that socialanxiety comes up.
So that may or may not be partof this here, but it's this idea
that you have to learn how tomanage your mind and to manage
your emotions and to reallythink through what is the impact
I want to create in thissituation?
What am I going after or whatam I trying to achieve for the
team or for my client?
And therefore, how do I need tobe?
(05:28):
When I show up, when you'reconstantly ping-ponging around
and having all of these thoughtsabout everyone else, it clouds
your thinking and then your bodylanguage, your tone and your
decisions are going to show upand it's just going to create
like just a space where there'sa lot of confusion and it's
(05:49):
going to show that the kind ofthinking you're doing, which is
reactive, is not necessarilystrategic or helpful.
So when you're going and youfind yourself in this situation,
just pause for a second.
Is this something you do?
Are there times in which itpops up for you Again?
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
Just had a deal fall through,just had an unfortunate you know
(06:13):
a failure.
Right the times where we may bemore vulnerable because we
haven't cleared out our thinkingor chosen how we want to think
about those non-wins.
Those are times also where thatreactive thinking can really
pop through.
So you want to reclaim yourclarity, which, of course, is
going to strengthen thatprofessional brand.
So catch yourself in the actright.
(06:34):
When you see yourself doingthis, you're really being the
watcher of your own brain andagain, laboring it.
Oh, look at me, I'm reacting.
Oh, my God, here I go again.
I'm doing this, asking yourselfwhat story am I telling myself?
Right now, let me separate thestory from fact.
There's what I think that'shappening and then there's what
(06:56):
is actually happening, andgetting as neutral as possible
on what's being said or not saidor done in the moment is really
how you can separate those two.
Next, it's anchoring yourself tothe brand that you're building.
What version of you is becomingcalm, clear, capable?
If that is who you are, howwould you handle this?
How would you rethink yourthinking?
(07:17):
And again, we're not going tomaybe enjoy everyone we work
with.
We're not going to necessarilylike everyone that we work with,
but're not going to necessarilylike everyone that we work with
.
But how do we want to reallythink about.
We don't have to have everybodyover for Sunday dinner in order
to do good work together, tocollaborate and get things done.
So that is what I'm asking youto think through Clear, calm,
(07:38):
capable.
How would you handle it?
And then, where do you need torecalibrate?
And then I also would suggest,like really practice moments of
choice.
These could be like smallermicro moments in every meeting,
finding pause before you sendthat.
Does it need to be said by me?
Does it need to be said by meright now?
Does it need to be said at all?
(07:58):
Really thinking that through.
Another one that I love is likeis this is important in two
hours, two days, two weeks, twomonths, and again, calibrate
yourself accordingly and thenreally finding the time to find
that pause, and the chances areyou'll be able to start to build
that muscle where you'reresponding, overreacting.
(08:20):
And then, lastly, it reallycomes down to understanding that
your thoughts create yourfeelings and then from that
feeling, you're going to take anaction.
So if you're thinking, oh myGod, he's so rude, now you might
be feeling annoyance or angeror frustration or mad, whatever
you're feeling about that, maybeeven disrespected.
(08:42):
Now you're taking action frommad, disrespected, anger,
anxious.
You're taking that action fromthere.
So, when you're doing this andwhen you're constantly in this
reactive thinking, it is goingto impact how you show up and it
shows up in your results.
So it's really simple you justpause and think through okay,
(09:05):
I'm doing this, I'm being reallyreactive.
What do I want?
I want to show up clear.
I want to show up with kindness.
I want to get this work done.
I want to do our best work.
Okay, how do I need to befeeling in order to do that?
Confident, focused, determined,inspired, curious whatever word
(09:27):
works for you.
Okay, what do I need to bethinking in order to do that?
I'm learning how to manage mybrain.
I'm learning how to manage myreactions.
I get to respond versus react.
All of these phrases are thingsthat are true, that you can
believe, and they're allneutralizing and they will calm
you down so that, in the moment,you are not in this wreckage
(09:49):
where you're either in silentscorn because you're judging
everybody, or you're in thiswreckage because you're acting
out and you're acting like SonnyCorleone.
All right, friends, Iappreciate you.
As always, I love to hear fromyou.
If you have thoughts orcomments or questions.
Send them to Jill at, to me,jill at.
Hello at jillgriverncoachingcom.
(10:09):
And, as always, here's topossibility and really think
through.
Story versus fact Separate.
That Be intentional and alwaysbe kind.
I'll see you soon.
Hey, welcome back to the Career Refresh.
This is where we unpack themoments that shape your work,
leadership and growth.
I'm Jill Griffin, your host,and today I am talking about a
subtle but very powerful forcethat may be sabotaging your
career, your professional brand,your personal brand.
What is it?
Reactive thinking?
Because it's not just thinking.
(00:21):
It comes out in your bodylanguage and your ways of being,
and it's leaky and it goes allover the place.
All right, so here's what I seehappen In a span of a very
short period of time, your brainis ping-ponging around.
She's doing it wrong.
Oh my God, I can't believe.
She said that.
He is so rude.
That team is never on time.
(00:42):
Hey, I actually think you'redoing a great job.
Oh wait, do they think that I'mdoing a good job?
Your brain is all over theplace.
So if your thoughts areping-ponging around like this in
a span of a very short time,I'm going to tell you it doesn't
just exhaust you, it doesn'tjust tap your brain and your
ability to think clearly.
It also impacts yourprofessional and personal brand.
(01:06):
All right, let's talk moreDigging in.
First, what is reactive thinking?
It's fast, it's emotional, it'sfear-based, it's leaky, it's
nervous, it's anxious, it's allthe things.
And listen, I've been there.
I've been in places where I washungry, angry, lonely, tired,
(01:29):
not getting sleep, reallystressed out, feeling really
anxious, and then ping pong allover the place that your brain
is firing off judgments,assumptions, comparisons.
You haven't had a chance toreflect on any of these things,
but you're believing each littlebit of it.
It's true, and we're not beingintentional here and the more
you react, the harder it becomesfor you to think clearly,
(01:50):
strategically, lead and betrusted.
Because even if people don'tknow what you're thinking and to
date they don't because it'sinside we don't know how to read
minds yet we may someday butthey can see it in your energy.
They can see the energy shift.
They can feel the judgment, thedisdain, the ennui, depending
on how it comes across for you,right?
(02:11):
So your professional brand,your personal brand for me
they're kind of one in the same,but people use them different
ways.
It's not just, as you know,your resume, your LinkedIn
profile, your bio, what you'vedone.
It is what people are feelingafter they have an interaction
with you.
It's your consistency, yourclarity, your credibility, your
(02:33):
values, your skills, yourstrengths, how you show up.
All of that shows up over time,and when you're constantly in
this reactive mode, you're goingto be unpredictable.
You're going to be emotionallyvolatile and people don't know
which version of you they'regetting, whether you're going to
be super supportive andcollaborative or whether you're
sort of sitting in the corner insilent scorn.
(02:56):
If you've been listening to mefor a while, you know that I'm a
huge Godfather fan, and thereit reminds me of like this
reactive mode that you go into,reminds me of a scene in the
Godfather where Sonny you know,vito Corderleone's son talks out
of turn during a meeting withSalazzo and Tattaglia, right,
(03:19):
and the purpose of the meetingwas about, you know, do we do
this drug thing?
Do we stay away from it?
And Sonny, excuse me, isimpatient and eager and he's
trying to make his mark and he'she's reactive and he's
explosive, and he interrupts hisfather, don Corderleon, the
godfather, and reveals a desireto do this drug deal.
And it's sort of showing thissplit personality within the
(03:40):
family's decision making and itbasically leads Salazzo to
believe that the Corderleonfamily is vulnerable and that,
you know, maybe, you know, maybethey don't have it all together
.
And at some point in themeeting the Godfather says
forgive me, I indulge mychildren and then says again
don't ever, you know, share yourthoughts and opinions with
anyone outside the family.
(04:01):
Right, so it's a little bit ofstorytelling, but why I think
it's it relates to this is thatif you are so reactive that the
people around you either don'treally know what you might say
in public or at a team meeting,or the people you're talking
with are also starting to seethat as a reputation risk for
you, you can see where it isgoing to hurt your professional
(04:25):
brand and you're not going tobuild trust.
Right, people won't know whatthey're getting, and when you
don't know what they're gettingand when you don't know what
you're getting and there'senough uncertainty out there,
they're not necessarily going towant to bring you in because
they don't know how you're goingto lead and it's also going to
hurt morale.
So when you're constantlyshifting your internal story, it
also may impact your ownability to create trust.
(04:47):
Should I speak or say silent?
Should I say this?
Am I overreacting?
Was I solid?
Was that okay?
Should I not?
I recently did a podcast aboutsort of that social anxiety that
may or may not be at a playhere, about actually having the
ability when you're in a smallersocial situation, when there's
not a script or content andyou're just having a free
(05:08):
conversation where that socialanxiety comes up.
So that may or may not be partof this here, but it's this idea
that you have to learn how tomanage your mind and to manage
your emotions and to reallythink through what is the impact
I want to create in thissituation?
What am I going after or whatam I trying to achieve for the
team or for my client?
And therefore, how do I need tobe?
(05:28):
When I show up, when you'reconstantly ping-ponging around
and having all of these thoughtsabout everyone else, it clouds
your thinking and then your bodylanguage, your tone and your
decisions are going to show upand it's just going to create
like just a space where there'sa lot of confusion and it's
(05:49):
going to show that the kind ofthinking you're doing, which is
reactive, is not necessarilystrategic or helpful.
So when you're going and youfind yourself in this situation,
just pause for a second.
Is this something you do?
Are there times in which itpops up for you Again?
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
Just had a deal fall through,just had an unfortunate you know
(06:13):
a failure.
Right the times where we may bemore vulnerable because we
haven't cleared out our thinkingor chosen how we want to think
about those non-wins.
Those are times also where thatreactive thinking can really
pop through.
So you want to reclaim yourclarity, which, of course, is
going to strengthen thatprofessional brand.
So catch yourself in the actright.
(06:34):
When you see yourself doingthis, you're really being the
watcher of your own brain andagain, laboring it.
Oh, look at me, I'm reacting.
Oh, my God, here I go again.
I'm doing this, asking yourselfwhat story am I telling myself?
Right now, let me separate thestory from fact.
There's what I think that'shappening and then there's what
(06:56):
is actually happening, andgetting as neutral as possible
on what's being said or not saidor done in the moment is really
how you can separate those two.
Next, it's anchoring yourself tothe brand that you're building.
What version of you is becomingcalm, clear, capable?
If that is who you are, howwould you handle this?
How would you rethink yourthinking?
(07:17):
And again, we're not going tomaybe enjoy everyone we work
with.
We're not going to necessarilylike everyone that we work with,
but're not going to necessarilylike everyone that we work with
.
But how do we want to reallythink about.
We don't have to have everybodyover for Sunday dinner in order
to do good work together, tocollaborate and get things done.
So that is what I'm asking youto think through Clear, calm,
(07:38):
capable.
How would you handle it?
And then, where do you need torecalibrate?
And then I also would suggest,like really practice moments of
choice.
These could be like smallermicro moments in every meeting,
finding pause before you sendthat.
Does it need to be said by me?
Does it need to be said by meright now?
Does it need to be said at all?
(07:58):
Really thinking that through.
Another one that I love is likeis this is important in two
hours, two days, two weeks, twomonths, and again, calibrate
yourself accordingly and thenreally finding the time to find
that pause, and the chances areyou'll be able to start to build
that muscle where you'reresponding, overreacting.
(08:20):
And then, lastly, it reallycomes down to understanding that
your thoughts create yourfeelings and then from that
feeling, you're going to take anaction.
So if you're thinking, oh myGod, he's so rude, now you might
be feeling annoyance or angeror frustration or mad, whatever
you're feeling about that, maybeeven disrespected.
(08:42):
Now you're taking action frommad, disrespected, anger,
anxious.
You're taking that action fromthere.
So, when you're doing this andwhen you're constantly in this
reactive thinking, it is goingto impact how you show up and it
shows up in your results.
So it's really simple you justpause and think through okay,
(09:05):
I'm doing this, I'm being reallyreactive.
What do I want?
I want to show up clear.
I want to show up with kindness.
I want to get this work done.
I want to do our best work.
Okay, how do I need to befeeling in order to do that?
Confident, focused, determined,inspired, curious whatever word
(09:27):
works for you.
Okay, what do I need to bethinking in order to do that?
I'm learning how to manage mybrain.
I'm learning how to manage myreactions.
I get to respond versus react.
All of these phrases are thingsthat are true, that you can
believe, and they're allneutralizing and they will calm
you down so that, in the moment,you are not in this wreckage
(09:49):
where you're either in silentscorn because you're judging
everybody, or you're in thiswreckage because you're acting
out and you're acting like SonnyCorleone.
All right, friends, Iappreciate you.
As always, I love to hear fromyou.
If you have thoughts orcomments or questions.
Send them to Jill at, to me,jill at.
Hello at jillgriverncoachingcom.
(10:09):
And, as always, here's topossibility and really think
through.
Story versus fact Separate.
That Be intentional and alwaysbe kind.
I'll see you soon.
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