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May 6, 2025 14 mins

Feeling awkward about networking? You’re not alone. In this episode, I’ll show you how to reach out with clarity, confidence, and strategy—without feeling like you’re begging for help. In this episode: 

  • Why networking isn’t about the “perfect ask”—it’s about being a decent human.
  • The secret incentive no one tells you about: referral bonuses.
  • One ask. One click. One shot (but not in the way you think).

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Jill Griffin, host of The Career Refresh, delivers expert guidance on workplace challenges and career transitions. Jill leverages her experience working for the world's top brands like Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Hilton Hotels, and Martha Stewart to address leadership, burnout, team dynamics, and the 4Ps (perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and personalities).

Visit JillGriffinCoaching.com for more details on:

  • Book a 1:1 Career Strategy and Executive Coaching HERE
  • Build a Leadership Identity That Earns Trust and Delivers Results.
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  • Team Dynamics training to increase retention, communication, goal setting, and effective decision-making
  • Keynote Speaking
  • Grab a personal Resume Refresh with Jill Griffin HERE

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey friends, this is Jill Griffin, the host of the
Career Refresh, and I welcomeyou back.
Today we are talking aboutsomething that makes even the
most accomplished professionalsat times squirm, and it's
networking.
And it's networking when you'renot totally clear on what you
want and you're really in thisplace of like.

(00:21):
I only have one shot.
I don't want to screw it up,and you're really in this place
of like.
I only have one shot.
I don't want to screw it up.
And I find that the moresuccessful you are and the more
senior you are, the more storyyou tend to tell yourself about
I've got one shot and I got tomake it right.
So if you're falling into thethought of you know what I just
don't want to bother them, whywould they respond to me Then

(00:42):
this episode is for you and I'mgoing to break this down into a
super smart, simple strategy.
Ready, let's dig in?
Okay, first I want to startwith that pressure cooker
thought.
I only have one shot.

(01:02):
What am I going to say?
This mindset makes networkingfeel like an audition instead of
a conversation, and if someoneemailed or called you asking you
for advice or support, if youwere thoughtful about it, would
you help them?
I'm going to guess.
Yes, right, reciprocity is areal thing and it's fueled by

(01:24):
good intentions and clear asks.
So I'm going to just ask you topause and stop that thought
track in your head that keepsgoing over and over and think
about you know what?
What would I say if someonecalled me?
How would I support them?
Right, no one's saying thatyou're going to do tons of work,

(01:47):
but the bare minimum.
What would you do?
That's the least case scenario.
And in the best case scenario,let's think that through this,
networking works when youbelieve the person on the other
side wants to help, not becausethey owe you, but because they
like being helpful.
And if you make it easy, that'sthe key here that's where

(02:09):
they're able to help you.
So first I want you to thinkabout most companies pay their
employees referral bonuses.
So it's almost think about itfrom the other side.
Them introducing you to someoneat their company actually puts
some bucks in their pocket,right?
So if they refer someone, theyget hired.

(02:31):
And when I worked in corporate,we would often ask our
employees and say you are thebest people to refer.
You know what this company islike.
You know who would be a greatadd to our team and we would
want our employees to bebringing us in their former
colleagues or the people thatthey know.
That would be the right youknow again, that right add to

(02:51):
the team.
So reaching out to peoplepotentially is putting dollars
in their pocket.
They don't have to love you,they have to believe in your
skills and the value that youwould bring to the company.
But there's an opportunity herethat is a win-win.
There's an opportunity for themtoo.
All right, the next thing thatI'm seeing is people posting

(03:12):
these.
It's a lot of it on LinkedIn.
That's like I only I've beenout of work X months or I only
have X dollars left and listen,I'm with I, like my heart goes
after those people.
Listen, I'm with I, like myheart goes after those people.
I will definitely like andcomment for reach, but the flip
side of it is it's notactionable.
It drives compassion, it drivesengagement and I guess the

(03:35):
thought process here is there'senough engagement, the right
person will see, but you'refocusing on what is negative or
what's going on for you, andthat you're in this more of this
desperate mode versus the valueor the value proposition that
you could bring to a company.
So I want you to think beforeyou again.

(03:56):
If you see a post like that andit feels right for you, boost
it, comment on it.
All good, I'm not telling youto not do it, I'm saying for you
yourself, though I'd rather seeyou put a post out there that
says hey, I'm in the market,this is what I'm really good at,
this is what I want to do.
Who can contribute?
Who can introduce me?
I'd rather you be in theproactive of what you can bring

(04:17):
to a table versus talking aboutit.
Relax, I always make the jokeof like we don't say this toy
doesn't come with batteries.
We say batteries not included.
Right, put it in the positiveof what's not there.
So, honing, that message mightlook like hey, I'm looking for
work, and here are the threeways that I could bring value to
your team.
Or here's how I've made impactin my past roles.

(04:38):
Or here's a little case study.
Again, you have to make surethat you're allowed to talk
about it and there's nothingthat's in your severance
agreement.
If you've been laid off or ifyou're just looking for next
work, there's anything that'sgoing to put you in a sticky
situation because you're talkingabout confidential pieces.
But there's always a way towrite a case study, even if you
can't talk about itconfidentially.
Right?
You can say major consumergoods brand.

(04:59):
You could say package, you knowa product in the automotive
space.
You don't have to say who youactually worked for.
Right, make it easy for peopleto connect the dots and see the
value you could bring.
And then I want to talk aboutyour talk track right, when
you're telling yourself it's notworking.
It's not working.

(05:19):
And I'm hearing a lot of thosejobs don't actually exist.
And I'm hearing a lot of thosejobs don't actually exist.
They're contingency recruitersputting out sort of dummy jobs
to get the candidates so thatthey can go then sell to
companies and say look, I havecandidates that you need.
There's a big differencebetween a contingency recruiter
and a strategic or contractedrecruiter.

(05:42):
I'm not saying don't work withone or the other, but your best
bet is working for people thathave the assignment versus
people who are fishing for theassignment.
All right.
So next question is let's talkabout your numbers.
You might want to say it's notworking and I'm going to say to

(06:02):
you what are your numbers?
How, what are you tracking?
How many emails have you sent?
How many responses have youreceived Calls booked?
Where do those contacts andthose connections come from?
What strategy do you use?
Are you creating content onLinkedIn?
Are you posting on subtext,showing thought leadership,
putting something out there onMedium, participating in

(06:23):
conversations?
Where can you also look toraise your profile, in addition
to measuring your numbers?
Because when you're sloggingaway and applying to job after
job on LinkedIn, it's reallyreally hard to break through.
And going back to the previouspoint about networking and the
value you create and what youcan bring, networking is a

(06:45):
series of conversation.
It's not something that's goingto happen overnight.
You know, I tell all of myprivate clients that this is
relationship building and youshould be doing this for your
career, because right now youmight be looking for a
connection or an opportunity.
Another time you might want totalk to a peer in the industry
to talk about what you're seeingand to share industry knowledge
, again appropriately within theconfines of your employment

(07:06):
agreement.
But if you're not creatingthose relationships now, needing
them when you're desperate isreally hard.
It starts to feel really grossand graspy and I've said this
before.
I know myself and many othersmade it through COVID and the
shutdowns and the what's goingon unemployment, who's employed,
what's happening, who's hiring.

(07:28):
Because I had a 30-year networkto tap into so I was able to
stay inspired and innovated andhear good stories happening out
there because of my network.
So I want you to track.
You're not guessing, you aremeasuring.
And because when you're sayinglike, oh, I put a lot of things
out there or you know what, Idon't think I'm going to be the
candidate, Well, I want you toknow, based on what, what did

(07:49):
they say and what did you saythat you don't think you're
going to be the candidate?
I want you to capture thatright.
So the next one I want you tothink is I what?
I hear people pushing thatthey're trying to ask for a
connection and they're like, hey, you know, I really like to get
into your company.
Do you have 30 minutes to talk?
And it's like, oh, dude, way toget me to not answer you.

(08:12):
So it's.
I want you to think about whenyou make a connection.
Ask for one thing.
Do you want an intro?
Great, stay that.
Do you want to have aconnection to the hiring manager
?
Ask for that, be clear One ask,one outcome.
And, while you're at it, makeit a really low effort.

(08:32):
Ask, don't make them dig around.
I can't tell you the amount ofpeople that will email me or DM
me through LinkedIn and say, hey, I'm looking for a job in this,
can you help me?
And it's like I want to helpeveryone, but I also have a
business to run and a mortgageto pay.
So write the email for me, getclear, get specific.
What are you asking for?
What's the value you bring?
And then I will take whatyou've written and put it into,

(08:54):
like Jillism, I'll put it intomy own words and I will
introduce you to people.
But you got to do the heavylifting.
Don't make me do the heavylifting, because if you're
waiting for that I'm withclients most of the day the
speed in which you're going toget to reply or network with
that person is going to bereally slow, and I've just
gotten to the point whereeverybody who calls to say can I

(09:17):
pick your brain?
You got to be more specificthan that, and I hear the same
thing for others that are in thespace of hiring or in
networking.
You're not picking my brain.
You're coming with one ask andyou're getting super clear on
the value that you're bringingto the organization, the
challenge or the issue right.
So have another way you can doit is have an executive summary

(09:38):
written, have a networkingresume written, have it ready as
a doc.
So if you're sending it tosomeone and saying, can you
introduce me, you are givingthem words for them to be able
to describe what you're doingand not have to figure it out
themselves.
If you tell me you want a rolein sales, that could not be more
vague what kind of sales Do youwant?
B2b, b2c?
Do you want enterprise?
What are we talking about?

(10:00):
If I now have to go back andask you all those questions,
well, there's four more peoplein the queue who have asked to
be networked in with somebodywho have already answered those
questions.
Guess what we're going to putour power and our effort against
the people who have made iteasy to get it moving, get it
done, get it connected, who havemade it easy to like get it,
get it moving, get it done, getit connected.

(10:22):
Also, thinking about what arethe bullet points, the beats
that you would love them to hiton the intro talking about.
You know you were the personwho ran that project or you were
the person who increasedrevenue by that percent, any of
those kinds of things, thosebraggable points assuming they
are with integrity and true arethe other things you want to do.
And make sure that you aredoing the heavy lifting, not the
person you're asking to connectyou or make the networking with

(10:42):
.
Now I always say it's like awhiff, what's in it for them?
You have to be asking yourselfhow are you doing this to make
it easy for them, make it kind,make it valuable?
Is there something you can doin return?
Did you notice that they'retrying to hire interns for the
summer program?
Can you offer them an intern?
What can you do in return andthen follow up Again.

(11:05):
This is about reciprocity andthis is about building
relationships and the people whoI just know throughout my
career, the people who are inreciprocity I have great,
consistent, long-termrelationships the people who
only call me or text me whenthey need something.
It's a little harder, right,because at a certain point it's
like the vampires are searchingand circling and it's hard to

(11:28):
keep.
You know someone who'sconstantly a connector.
It's hard to keep giving whenyou make it hard for me and
you're only coming for an askand you're not in reciprocity.
And then, last, I want you toget super crisp with the
questions you're asking.
So whether, when you sendsomebody a note, if your
approach is, hey, can I grab 30minutes of your time, again I'm

(11:49):
going to say to you, hey, can Iask you three questions, or can
I ask you two questions, or canI ask you one question?
Again, super quick and crisp,easy.
Now for me personally, I'm goingto want to respond to you in a
voice note or I'm going to wantto respond to you through a loom
video.
I'm not going to want torespond in email, but I know
that many people will respond inemail and I just feel as a

(12:10):
coach, especially with it as acareer strategist the nuance can
sometimes get lost.
So I want you to hear my voiceas I'm responding to you, and
also sometimes it's just hardfor me to like interpret your
question and then figure outwhat you're answering.
So it's much easier for me toleave a voice memo.
Not everyone's going to do that.
So if you are asking someonethat one question, or if it is

(12:30):
three questions, they'reconnected in their layer and
they're not all over the place.
We're not asking somebody towrite you back a dissertation.
It's find it quick and make iteasy, so that someone who's
responding to you has a chanceto just pound it off and be
efficient.
We're not hiring until latersummer.
Great, now you have an answer.
Keep it quick.

(12:51):
So, in recap, think reciprocity,not rejection, be clear, be
kind and be specific in your ask.
And then, lastly, is do thatprep.
Track the progress, measureyour results and don't make it
hard for people to help you.
Networking isn't aboutperformance, it's just people

(13:15):
talking to people, and when youlead with clarity, the best
intent, you would be surprisedat how many people want to see
you win, because they also knowsomeday they may be in the same
spot and we want to do good andsort of pay it forward.
Listen, if you found thisinformation helpful, I want to
know.
If you have questions, I wantto know.
Email me at hello atjillgriffincoachingcom, and I

(13:36):
will get those questions andthose answers back to you.
All right, friends, until nextweek, embrace possibility.
It is possible that you canmake a new networking connection
this week.
Be intentional, be inspired andalways, always, always, be kind
.
All right, I will see you soon.
Bye.
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