December 16, 2025 • 16 mins
In this episode of The Career Refresh, Jill Griffin breaks down the hidden cost of comparison at work—and how to replace assumptions with evidence-based clarity. Also in this episode:
- Learn how your brain fills in the blanks with fear
- How confirmation bias can derail trust
- Jill shares practical tools to help you lead with facts, regulate your thoughts, and stay grounded under pressure.
- You’ll walk away knowing how to stop unhealthy comparison, build emotional steadiness, and lead with consistent, trusted confidence.
Jill Griffin, host of The Career Refresh, delivers expert guidance on workplace challenges and career transitions. Jill leverages her experience working for the world's top brands like Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Hilton Hotels, and Martha Stewart to address leadership, burnout, team dynamics, and the 4Ps (perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and personalities).
Visit JillGriffinCoaching.com for more details on:
- Book a 1:1 Career Strategy and Executive Coaching HERE
- Build a Leadership Identity That Earns Trust and Delivers Results.
- Gallup CliftonStrengths Corporate Workshops to build a strengths-based culture
- Team Dynamics training to increase retention, communication, goal setting, and effective decision-making
- Keynote Speaking
- Grab a personal Resume Refresh with Jill Griffin HERE
Follow @JillGriffinOffical on Instagram for daily inspiration
Connect with and follow Jill on LinkedIn
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Hey there.
I'm Jill Griffin, careerstrategist and executive coach.
And I'm here today to talk aboutcomparison.
It's something we all do.
We're human, we compare.
I want to break it down and alsoget into how it can really mess
with your career as a leader andhow it could create a circle of
mistrust amongst you and yourpeers and your cross-functional
(00:23):
leads and anybody who reports toyou.
So comparison is a common thingthat we do.
We measure, we learn how we'repreparing or working against a
particular goal.
We also use it to orientateourselves within an environment,
right?
How am I doing amongst what'sexpected of me and comparing to
others?
This is all very normal.
(00:44):
But when we individually decideto take that comparison and put
it through the lens of whichbecomes like, am I good enough?
Or how are my peers doing?
What are they doing?
What's my worth?
Am I being paid enough?
Are they being paid more?
Sometimes these are questions wewant to ask because they're
really helpful.
Other times we're asking thembecause it's only through the
lens of what do I have versuswhat somebody else has, or what
(01:07):
am I contributing versus whatsomebody else is contributing?
And that is where, through thatlens, is where it can start to
distort reality.
So I want to dig into this alittle more and also give you
some ways to get out of it.
Okay.
All right, let's dig in.
(01:27):
So when you're on the spiral ofthis compare and despair, this
is what often I laugh at this,this is what often comes next.
I'm not who I think I am.
I'm who I think you think I am.
And then, did you follow that,right?
So it's me thinking, trying toguess what you're thinking and
(01:47):
based on my guesses, show up sothat I can compete and make it
within the environment or theorganization or the goal that
I'm getting.
So what happens here is thatwe're playing this guessing
game, and I'm probably gonnashow up really inconsistent and
pretty weird.
And it creates fracture, itcreates um uh a little bit of
(02:09):
maybe a distrust.
And I don't mean distrust as indishonesty.
I mean a mistrust, like, is shestable enough?
Is he gonna really pull through?
Are they gonna really performthe way we need them to perform
in this moment?
That's what we're talking about,about distrust.
So before you go and reactingwith your current thought
(02:30):
reaction, like whatever's goingon in your head, before you
start running off and likedriving on those thoughts, I'd
offer when you notice yourselfdoing it.
You can also notice that you'redoing it where you're having a
lot of conversation in your headand you're like, well, if
they're doing this, then I needto do this.
And if they said that, likethat's where you start to notice
that you're in this comparisontrap.
So I'm gonna ask you to pause,just give yourself a beat, and
(02:51):
then really think for yourselfis this an observation or is
this fact?
So your brain loves to fill inthe blanks.
Your brain is a meaning-makingmachine.
And when information is missing,your brain is going to want to
fill the void, right?
And it's often gonna fill thevoid with negative thoughts.
There's a negative bias.
This is based on evolutionarybiology.
(03:13):
Your brain is doing this toprotect you.
And it's gonna say, like, oh,you know what?
I need to be, I need to watchout for that, or that could be
something in fear, or, you know,that that might this bad thing
might happen.
So let me think about it inadvance.
Let me get ahead of it so I canprepare myself.
That is a negative bias, and ithas helped us survive for many,
many years, right?
(03:34):
That is a good thing.
It's when it turns intosomething where we're then on
the obsessive track and thenwe're adding a little comparison
and we're starting to see thatit is running the show, those
thoughts.
So when we fill the blanks, alot of times, like I said, we're
filling it with fear or dramathat really might not be there.
(03:54):
When we're looking for evidencethat then supports our feelings,
right?
Well, you know, they didn'treally um, they weren't, they
were really brief on that phonecall.
In that last uh teams meeting,they were, they were short with
me.
We start looking for evidenceversus they're busy, they're
tired, stuff happened outside ofthe conversation with you, and
(04:16):
it's really weighing on them.
There's various reasons whysomeone might be acting a
certain way that we're not goingto be able to guess or figure
out, but that confirmation biasis we now look for evidence to
support what we already believe.
And this is where we start toget ourselves into trouble.
So if you're thinking, you knowwhat, I feel like the ELT of a
CEO doesn't really trust me,your brain is going to start
(04:38):
collecting proof.
And this proof could be, like Isaid, a quick email, the tone of
a voice, there's a closed doormeeting, you feel like you
weren't invited.
So, what your thought in them onthis, if we play this example
out, is I'm not in the innercircle.
They don't trust me.
You may feel defeated orunmotivated or anxious or
defensive.
And then coming from thosefeelings, you're potentially
(05:02):
withdrawing or you'reovercompensating.
You act defensively in that nextweekly meeting.
Your result then from this iswhat?
I'm sure you can guess.
So you're showing up defensive.
People are responding to youcautiously based on that, and
you start to fracture trust.
So you see how that thoughtpulls all the way through to
(05:22):
those feelings, and then you'retaking those actions and it's
showing up in your results.
So I'd offer here the key tokind of working through this is
not to judge yourself but belike, I have to stop doing this,
right?
That's not really gonna help.
It's really to get curious andmaybe even start to test it a
little bit.
So the first thing I wouldsuggest you do is start to
reframe the story, right?
(05:43):
Leadership requires bothupskilling and mindset
management.
Upskilling is about developinguh your strategy, your strategic
planning, your influence, mindmanagement is exactly that.
It's noticing your thoughts,evaluating them, and choosing
how you're going to respond.
So you can have every leadershipskill in the world.
(06:04):
But if your inner narrative isnot grounded in facts, then
you're going to constantly bemaking assumptions about what
you should do instead ofleveraging strengths or the
facts.
You're going to be inconsistent.
People might view you not somuch as a strong leader.
Or what I had recently someonetell me is they realized that
(06:24):
all of a sudden this startedhappening more and more.
And when they were sent toclient meetings, they were
always sent with someone.
It was almost like that otherperson had to sort of like guide
them, but it wasn't a uh adirect conversation.
It was more subtle and nuanced.
So all of a sudden they'rehaving a guest at all their
meetings when they're meetingwith senior clients or vendors
and they're like, what's goingon here?
(06:46):
So when you base how you are,based on what you think others
think, or said simply, you'rebasing your insides on other
people's outsides, right?
They're looking a certain part,they're playing a certain part,
you're deciding that based onthat, you should modify and
(07:06):
change your behavior.
You're setting yourself up fortotal crazy making.
And this is when you start,again, not thinking clearly and
you start leading reactivelyinstead of with intention.
Leadership is going to feel thisinconsistency.
Your team, your cross-functionalpeers, they're all going to
start feeling this inconsistencybecause they never know which
one of you is going to show up.
Is it the confident one, thecautious one, the passive
(07:30):
aggressive one, right?
That's everyone's favorite.
Or are you constantly scanningfor cues and therefore
distracted in the meeting?
They're like, which one, whichJill is here today?
So this uncertainty on top of itcausing friction and confusion.
I'm going to guarantee that youare exhausted and everybody else
is exhausted also by thisbehavior, because we're
constantly trying to figure outwhat is in front of us.
(07:52):
So the next thing I'm going tosuggest that you do is you go
from guessing into gatheringinformation.
We want to have evidence.
So start collecting data, right?
Asking our, you know, what isthe feedback?
What do they actually say?
So this becomes your challengehere becomes are we going to
confirm our beliefs or are wegoing to challenge our beliefs?
(08:14):
So you may ask yourself, how doI know this is true?
What evidence supports this?
What evidence challenges this?
And can I clarify this withsomeone?
Can I ask someone to see if thisinformation is true?
When you slow down and startgathering the data instead of
(08:34):
guessing, you then get to choosehow you're going to respond and
you're not going to be asreactive.
So you're giving yourself a beatto study your emotions, to
really think through.
And then you get to be moreintentional, which in return
starts creating stability withyour peers and that trust.
Psychology today says that about10% of our thoughts are always
(08:57):
involving comparing to others.
And I'm going to say, especiallybecause I spend all these years
working with people in thisenvironment, working with
thousands of professionals tohelp them up-level and upskill
themselves within their career.
I'm going to tell you, I thinkthat number is too low.
I don't know that we can reallyprove it.
That's just my gut, but 10, only10% of our thoughts are about
comparing ourselves to others.
(09:17):
Every, every social media post,every time you scroll through,
you know, and you're looking,right?
Anything that's stopping yourfinger on the pause, you're
comparing.
Do they look good in that?
Would I look good in that,right?
You're constantly in thatcomparing.
And we're in this culture ofconstant comparison, right?
From childhood, we were measuredon our grades, the various
(09:37):
milestones we hit as we startedto mature into adults.
It's now comparing on salariesand titles and exposure and
influence.
And, you know, if you're intosocial media or LinkedIn
followers, right, who commentedon your stuff.
This type of comparison is areally tricky motivator, right?
Because it might ignite a time'sambition, but it also feels like
(09:57):
it breeds some insufficiency,some lack there.
Like you're doing it to keep up.
So if you're finding yourselfthat you're doing that level of
comparison, it's really gettingin the way of your work.
I'm going to tell you thatthere's always going to be a new
target.
Even if you tackle this one,there's always going to be
another pirate on the ship.
There's always going to be a wayor a place where you need to
(10:18):
stack rank yourself or defendyourself.
Again, this is going to bereally exhausting and making you
really inconsistent.
And I want to talk about theother side here.
Competition, some healthycompetition can really elevate a
team versus being in this toxiccomparison.
So healthy competition makes youexcel.
(10:38):
It can be about externalmeasurement.
We get performance reviews.
It's about benchmarking yourprogress.
I'm all for that, right?
It's how we may get raises orbonuses.
Go for it.
Grab it.
Go after that accomplishment youwant that may uh equate to money
in your purse, so to speak.
But when you bring championenergy or winner's energy to a
(11:02):
team, you propel people forward.
And that's what we want.
You cheer them on, you cancreate a culture of performance
where people combine forces andreally start to work together.
And that's what we all want.
But when that competition turnsinward, this is what is going to
make you feel like losing inthat compare and despair, that
it becomes about your value orthat you're not good enough.
(11:24):
And that's where the comparisoncan become really toxic.
And you might even be like edgyor toxic to be around.
If I could tell my 25-year-oldself one thing, it would be to
understand that this is justdata and understanding that
performance and lack ofperformance or wins or losses is
just around how I'm choosing tofeel and the pause around the
(11:48):
comparison of saying toyourself, how important will
this be in two hours, two weeks,two months, two years?
And then really learn to startmodulating your energy
accordingly, which might looklike, you know what, this is not
really that important right now,or in two hours, this is really
important.
So we're going to focus on how Iwant to rethink this scenario so
I can move forward successfully.
You get to decide what all thisdata means and what the
(12:11):
comparison means and how youwant to move forward next.
So when you want to rewireyourself from comparison and to
clarity, here are a couple ofthings that you can do.
First, is I want you to takeyour victory lap.
I want you to revisit your wins.
I want you to relive thatexperience that created
confidence with you so that youstart learning from your success
(12:32):
in others.
You learn what worked, whatdidn't work, what you would do
again or differently.
Next, I want you to be consciousof your reference points.
If you are starting your daywith social media every single
day, it's going to hijack yourbrain into your brain's reward
system, which then becomes primefor this type of social
comparison, the fear of missingout.
(12:54):
I would also recommend that youseparate your um maybe, maybe
deleting some of those apps offyour phone and only going to the
desktop sites, that might be anoption for you.
I would also recommend that youseparate your work email from
your personal email.
A lot of people use one emailclient and have everything come
right into that.
So if you're on an um an iPhone,maybe use i uh the the iMessage
(13:18):
and the iPhone email client foryour personal and one for your
professional, and vice versa.
The same thing is available onthe Outlook or on um Google Work
Suite, right?
All of those give you anopportunity to pull those pieces
apart.
It's also going to help youlimit your screen time,
especially on nights andweekends when you don't need to
constantly be in that and belike, oh, you're getting behind
on something.
(13:38):
Next, I want you to practiceappreciation.
I did not say gratitude.
To me, gratitude is a little bitof a wobble, has a little bit of
like implying that I'm notthere.
I'm grateful that I got thisthing, right?
I'm grateful I got it.
That's not what we're talkingabout.
I'd rather you be inappreciation.
So at the end of your day, youreflect on the things that went
well, the conversations, theconnections, the small wins.
(14:01):
That's how you start to rewireyour brain towards contentment
and resilience.
Resilience is built in the rearof the mirror.
Hollywood would tell you thatresilience is built because
you're you're thinking about itin advance.
You're thinking, I need to beresilient.
No, no, no.
Resilience is when you pause,reflect after it, you look back
at what you achieved, what youdid, what you didn't do, and
then to realize that those repsthat you're doing is how you're
(14:21):
starting to build resilience.
And then I want you to interruptyour brain.
When your brain is giving youthoughts like, Jill, you know,
da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
I want you to pause and thinkthrough.
I want to break this soap.
You know what, Jill, we're notgonna do this right now.
I don't have time for this.
This isn't good for my energy,it isn't good for my thinking.
I understand that you're havingsome fears and concerns come up.
(14:42):
We're not gonna do this rightnow.
Literally talking to yourselfkindly and putting that thought
to sort of shh, right, puttingit a little bit to bed.
When your thoughts are groundedin facts instead of assumptions,
your leadership becomes moreintentional, your presence
becomes more consistent, andyou're able to influence more.
(15:04):
That is how you overcome thiscomparison trap and get yourself
back on the beam, so to speak.
Get yourself back into yourleadership identity and your
overall approach to how you'releading your team and working
with others.
All right, friends.
You know, as always, I love tohear from you.
You can send me an email athello at
gillgriffincoaching.com.
If this episode was helpful,send it to a friend.
(15:26):
This is how we get the word out.
This is how we help more peoplebe intentional leaders.
And that's what I want.
I want more people.
I want a revolution in theworkplace.
I want more intentional leadersand people that are leading from
a place of wellness and welloverall well-being that's driven
by performance and mindset.
All right, friends.
Until next time, embracepossibility.
Be intentional, be inspired, andalways, always, always be kind.
(15:50):
I'll see you soon, and
Hey there.
I'm Jill Griffin, careerstrategist and executive coach.
And I'm here today to talk aboutcomparison.
It's something we all do.
We're human, we compare.
I want to break it down and alsoget into how it can really mess
with your career as a leader andhow it could create a circle of
mistrust amongst you and yourpeers and your cross-functional
(00:23):
leads and anybody who reports toyou.
So comparison is a common thingthat we do.
We measure, we learn how we'repreparing or working against a
particular goal.
We also use it to orientateourselves within an environment,
right?
How am I doing amongst what'sexpected of me and comparing to
others?
This is all very normal.
(00:44):
But when we individually decideto take that comparison and put
it through the lens of whichbecomes like, am I good enough?
Or how are my peers doing?
What are they doing?
What's my worth?
Am I being paid enough?
Are they being paid more?
Sometimes these are questions wewant to ask because they're
really helpful.
Other times we're asking thembecause it's only through the
lens of what do I have versuswhat somebody else has, or what
(01:07):
am I contributing versus whatsomebody else is contributing?
And that is where, through thatlens, is where it can start to
distort reality.
So I want to dig into this alittle more and also give you
some ways to get out of it.
Okay.
All right, let's dig in.
(01:27):
So when you're on the spiral ofthis compare and despair, this
is what often I laugh at this,this is what often comes next.
I'm not who I think I am.
I'm who I think you think I am.
And then, did you follow that,right?
So it's me thinking, trying toguess what you're thinking and
(01:47):
based on my guesses, show up sothat I can compete and make it
within the environment or theorganization or the goal that
I'm getting.
So what happens here is thatwe're playing this guessing
game, and I'm probably gonnashow up really inconsistent and
pretty weird.
And it creates fracture, itcreates um uh a little bit of
(02:09):
maybe a distrust.
And I don't mean distrust as indishonesty.
I mean a mistrust, like, is shestable enough?
Is he gonna really pull through?
Are they gonna really performthe way we need them to perform
in this moment?
That's what we're talking about,about distrust.
So before you go and reactingwith your current thought
(02:30):
reaction, like whatever's goingon in your head, before you
start running off and likedriving on those thoughts, I'd
offer when you notice yourselfdoing it.
You can also notice that you'redoing it where you're having a
lot of conversation in your headand you're like, well, if
they're doing this, then I needto do this.
And if they said that, likethat's where you start to notice
that you're in this comparisontrap.
So I'm gonna ask you to pause,just give yourself a beat, and
(02:51):
then really think for yourselfis this an observation or is
this fact?
So your brain loves to fill inthe blanks.
Your brain is a meaning-makingmachine.
And when information is missing,your brain is going to want to
fill the void, right?
And it's often gonna fill thevoid with negative thoughts.
There's a negative bias.
This is based on evolutionarybiology.
(03:13):
Your brain is doing this toprotect you.
And it's gonna say, like, oh,you know what?
I need to be, I need to watchout for that, or that could be
something in fear, or, you know,that that might this bad thing
might happen.
So let me think about it inadvance.
Let me get ahead of it so I canprepare myself.
That is a negative bias, and ithas helped us survive for many,
many years, right?
(03:34):
That is a good thing.
It's when it turns intosomething where we're then on
the obsessive track and thenwe're adding a little comparison
and we're starting to see thatit is running the show, those
thoughts.
So when we fill the blanks, alot of times, like I said, we're
filling it with fear or dramathat really might not be there.
(03:54):
When we're looking for evidencethat then supports our feelings,
right?
Well, you know, they didn'treally um, they weren't, they
were really brief on that phonecall.
In that last uh teams meeting,they were, they were short with
me.
We start looking for evidenceversus they're busy, they're
tired, stuff happened outside ofthe conversation with you, and
(04:16):
it's really weighing on them.
There's various reasons whysomeone might be acting a
certain way that we're not goingto be able to guess or figure
out, but that confirmation biasis we now look for evidence to
support what we already believe.
And this is where we start toget ourselves into trouble.
So if you're thinking, you knowwhat, I feel like the ELT of a
CEO doesn't really trust me,your brain is going to start
(04:38):
collecting proof.
And this proof could be, like Isaid, a quick email, the tone of
a voice, there's a closed doormeeting, you feel like you
weren't invited.
So, what your thought in them onthis, if we play this example
out, is I'm not in the innercircle.
They don't trust me.
You may feel defeated orunmotivated or anxious or
defensive.
And then coming from thosefeelings, you're potentially
(05:02):
withdrawing or you'reovercompensating.
You act defensively in that nextweekly meeting.
Your result then from this iswhat?
I'm sure you can guess.
So you're showing up defensive.
People are responding to youcautiously based on that, and
you start to fracture trust.
So you see how that thoughtpulls all the way through to
(05:22):
those feelings, and then you'retaking those actions and it's
showing up in your results.
So I'd offer here the key tokind of working through this is
not to judge yourself but belike, I have to stop doing this,
right?
That's not really gonna help.
It's really to get curious andmaybe even start to test it a
little bit.
So the first thing I wouldsuggest you do is start to
reframe the story, right?
(05:43):
Leadership requires bothupskilling and mindset
management.
Upskilling is about developinguh your strategy, your strategic
planning, your influence, mindmanagement is exactly that.
It's noticing your thoughts,evaluating them, and choosing
how you're going to respond.
So you can have every leadershipskill in the world.
(06:04):
But if your inner narrative isnot grounded in facts, then
you're going to constantly bemaking assumptions about what
you should do instead ofleveraging strengths or the
facts.
You're going to be inconsistent.
People might view you not somuch as a strong leader.
Or what I had recently someonetell me is they realized that
(06:24):
all of a sudden this startedhappening more and more.
And when they were sent toclient meetings, they were
always sent with someone.
It was almost like that otherperson had to sort of like guide
them, but it wasn't a uh adirect conversation.
It was more subtle and nuanced.
So all of a sudden they'rehaving a guest at all their
meetings when they're meetingwith senior clients or vendors
and they're like, what's goingon here?
(06:46):
So when you base how you are,based on what you think others
think, or said simply, you'rebasing your insides on other
people's outsides, right?
They're looking a certain part,they're playing a certain part,
you're deciding that based onthat, you should modify and
(07:06):
change your behavior.
You're setting yourself up fortotal crazy making.
And this is when you start,again, not thinking clearly and
you start leading reactivelyinstead of with intention.
Leadership is going to feel thisinconsistency.
Your team, your cross-functionalpeers, they're all going to
start feeling this inconsistencybecause they never know which
one of you is going to show up.
Is it the confident one, thecautious one, the passive
(07:30):
aggressive one, right?
That's everyone's favorite.
Or are you constantly scanningfor cues and therefore
distracted in the meeting?
They're like, which one, whichJill is here today?
So this uncertainty on top of itcausing friction and confusion.
I'm going to guarantee that youare exhausted and everybody else
is exhausted also by thisbehavior, because we're
constantly trying to figure outwhat is in front of us.
(07:52):
So the next thing I'm going tosuggest that you do is you go
from guessing into gatheringinformation.
We want to have evidence.
So start collecting data, right?
Asking our, you know, what isthe feedback?
What do they actually say?
So this becomes your challengehere becomes are we going to
confirm our beliefs or are wegoing to challenge our beliefs?
(08:14):
So you may ask yourself, how doI know this is true?
What evidence supports this?
What evidence challenges this?
And can I clarify this withsomeone?
Can I ask someone to see if thisinformation is true?
When you slow down and startgathering the data instead of
(08:34):
guessing, you then get to choosehow you're going to respond and
you're not going to be asreactive.
So you're giving yourself a beatto study your emotions, to
really think through.
And then you get to be moreintentional, which in return
starts creating stability withyour peers and that trust.
Psychology today says that about10% of our thoughts are always
(08:57):
involving comparing to others.
And I'm going to say, especiallybecause I spend all these years
working with people in thisenvironment, working with
thousands of professionals tohelp them up-level and upskill
themselves within their career.
I'm going to tell you, I thinkthat number is too low.
I don't know that we can reallyprove it.
That's just my gut, but 10, only10% of our thoughts are about
comparing ourselves to others.
(09:17):
Every, every social media post,every time you scroll through,
you know, and you're looking,right?
Anything that's stopping yourfinger on the pause, you're
comparing.
Do they look good in that?
Would I look good in that,right?
You're constantly in thatcomparing.
And we're in this culture ofconstant comparison, right?
From childhood, we were measuredon our grades, the various
(09:37):
milestones we hit as we startedto mature into adults.
It's now comparing on salariesand titles and exposure and
influence.
And, you know, if you're intosocial media or LinkedIn
followers, right, who commentedon your stuff.
This type of comparison is areally tricky motivator, right?
Because it might ignite a time'sambition, but it also feels like
(09:57):
it breeds some insufficiency,some lack there.
Like you're doing it to keep up.
So if you're finding yourselfthat you're doing that level of
comparison, it's really gettingin the way of your work.
I'm going to tell you thatthere's always going to be a new
target.
Even if you tackle this one,there's always going to be
another pirate on the ship.
There's always going to be a wayor a place where you need to
(10:18):
stack rank yourself or defendyourself.
Again, this is going to bereally exhausting and making you
really inconsistent.
And I want to talk about theother side here.
Competition, some healthycompetition can really elevate a
team versus being in this toxiccomparison.
So healthy competition makes youexcel.
(10:38):
It can be about externalmeasurement.
We get performance reviews.
It's about benchmarking yourprogress.
I'm all for that, right?
It's how we may get raises orbonuses.
Go for it.
Grab it.
Go after that accomplishment youwant that may uh equate to money
in your purse, so to speak.
But when you bring championenergy or winner's energy to a
(11:02):
team, you propel people forward.
And that's what we want.
You cheer them on, you cancreate a culture of performance
where people combine forces andreally start to work together.
And that's what we all want.
But when that competition turnsinward, this is what is going to
make you feel like losing inthat compare and despair, that
it becomes about your value orthat you're not good enough.
(11:24):
And that's where the comparisoncan become really toxic.
And you might even be like edgyor toxic to be around.
If I could tell my 25-year-oldself one thing, it would be to
understand that this is justdata and understanding that
performance and lack ofperformance or wins or losses is
just around how I'm choosing tofeel and the pause around the
(11:48):
comparison of saying toyourself, how important will
this be in two hours, two weeks,two months, two years?
And then really learn to startmodulating your energy
accordingly, which might looklike, you know what, this is not
really that important right now,or in two hours, this is really
important.
So we're going to focus on how Iwant to rethink this scenario so
I can move forward successfully.
You get to decide what all thisdata means and what the
(12:11):
comparison means and how youwant to move forward next.
So when you want to rewireyourself from comparison and to
clarity, here are a couple ofthings that you can do.
First, is I want you to takeyour victory lap.
I want you to revisit your wins.
I want you to relive thatexperience that created
confidence with you so that youstart learning from your success
(12:32):
in others.
You learn what worked, whatdidn't work, what you would do
again or differently.
Next, I want you to be consciousof your reference points.
If you are starting your daywith social media every single
day, it's going to hijack yourbrain into your brain's reward
system, which then becomes primefor this type of social
comparison, the fear of missingout.
(12:54):
I would also recommend that youseparate your um maybe, maybe
deleting some of those apps offyour phone and only going to the
desktop sites, that might be anoption for you.
I would also recommend that youseparate your work email from
your personal email.
A lot of people use one emailclient and have everything come
right into that.
So if you're on an um an iPhone,maybe use i uh the the iMessage
(13:18):
and the iPhone email client foryour personal and one for your
professional, and vice versa.
The same thing is available onthe Outlook or on um Google Work
Suite, right?
All of those give you anopportunity to pull those pieces
apart.
It's also going to help youlimit your screen time,
especially on nights andweekends when you don't need to
constantly be in that and belike, oh, you're getting behind
on something.
(13:38):
Next, I want you to practiceappreciation.
I did not say gratitude.
To me, gratitude is a little bitof a wobble, has a little bit of
like implying that I'm notthere.
I'm grateful that I got thisthing, right?
I'm grateful I got it.
That's not what we're talkingabout.
I'd rather you be inappreciation.
So at the end of your day, youreflect on the things that went
well, the conversations, theconnections, the small wins.
(14:01):
That's how you start to rewireyour brain towards contentment
and resilience.
Resilience is built in the rearof the mirror.
Hollywood would tell you thatresilience is built because
you're you're thinking about itin advance.
You're thinking, I need to beresilient.
No, no, no.
Resilience is when you pause,reflect after it, you look back
at what you achieved, what youdid, what you didn't do, and
then to realize that those repsthat you're doing is how you're
(14:21):
starting to build resilience.
And then I want you to interruptyour brain.
When your brain is giving youthoughts like, Jill, you know,
da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
I want you to pause and thinkthrough.
I want to break this soap.
You know what, Jill, we're notgonna do this right now.
I don't have time for this.
This isn't good for my energy,it isn't good for my thinking.
I understand that you're havingsome fears and concerns come up.
(14:42):
We're not gonna do this rightnow.
Literally talking to yourselfkindly and putting that thought
to sort of shh, right, puttingit a little bit to bed.
When your thoughts are groundedin facts instead of assumptions,
your leadership becomes moreintentional, your presence
becomes more consistent, andyou're able to influence more.
(15:04):
That is how you overcome thiscomparison trap and get yourself
back on the beam, so to speak.
Get yourself back into yourleadership identity and your
overall approach to how you'releading your team and working
with others.
All right, friends.
You know, as always, I love tohear from you.
You can send me an email athello at
gillgriffincoaching.com.
If this episode was helpful,send it to a friend.
(15:26):
This is how we get the word out.
This is how we help more peoplebe intentional leaders.
And that's what I want.
I want more people.
I want a revolution in theworkplace.
I want more intentional leadersand people that are leading from
a place of wellness and welloverall well-being that's driven
by performance and mindset.
All right, friends.
Until next time, embracepossibility.
Be intentional, be inspired, andalways, always, always be kind.
(15:50):
I'll see you soon, and
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