April 22, 2025 • 37 mins
When elephants sense danger, they form a protective circle with the most vulnerable in the center—a powerful metaphor for how caregivers need their own support systems. Drawing inspiration from this natural phenomenon, I explore the emotional barriers that prevent us from building our own protective circles while sharing my personal journey preparing for my husband Dennis's upcoming 90-day stem cell transplant.
For many caregivers, especially those with achievement-oriented personalities, asking for help feels like failure. I've spent decades being the perfectionist who folds towels just so, organizes the dishwasher according to precise systems, and insists on cutting the lawn a specific way. These control tendencies create barriers to accepting the support we desperately need. Whether it's guilt over "burdening" others, perfectionism that whispers "no one can do it as well as you," or fear of losing control, these emotions ultimately harm both the caregiver and their loved one.
Your inner circle serves multiple critical purposes—providing emotional support from people who truly understand your situation, protecting your energy for the caregiving marathon, and keeping you grounded in joy and perspective beyond your caregiving role. Building this network requires intentional steps: mapping out specific support roles, starting with small requests, mixing personal encouragement with practical assistance, scheduling regular check-ins, and celebrating wins together.
Throughout this episode, I share practical strategies from my own experience—creating a private Facebook group for coordinated support, preparing for hospital celebrations from afar, and learning to express gratitude without guilt. The question isn't whether you need help, but rather: what small thing could you ask your inner circle to do for you this week, and who will you reach out to first? Remember, opening up isn't weakness; it's an act of courage and self-love that transforms caregiving from a lonely burden into a connected journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, hello, my friend, and welcome to another
episode of the Caregiver Cuppodcast.
It's Kathy here.
I want to welcome anybody newthat's listening.
I'm so glad you're here and,for those of you who are
listening, again, thank you forcoming back to the Caregiver Cup
podcast.
Well, I want to talk about lastweek.
(00:20):
The San Diego area had this 5.2magnitude earthquake.
I can't remember the specificday, but I do remember seeing
the video that the zoo hadcaught of the animals and how
they dealt with Mother Natureand the earthquakes.
I was so fascinated by watchingthese animals.
I was so fascinated by watchingthese animals, especially the
(00:45):
elephants.
I don't know if you saw thevideo, but it was just.
I mean, it's indescribable.
Once the rumbling started, theelephants went into what I call
protective mode.
The mother elephants calledtheir babies, the mother
(01:06):
elephants called their babies,and then it was really amazing
that the elephants startedforming this circle with anybody
like.
The young ones were in themiddle of the circle, they were
looking out, so their rear endswere back against the and
protecting the babies with theirtails kind of combining
together and they were facinginto the center with their rear
(01:32):
ends and then their tusks andtheir noses were swaying on the
outside, and I didn't understandthis at first, but then when I
looked it up, it says in thewild, when harm is near,
elephants gather togethertightly and close ranks so that
the mama elephants or the hurtones are in the middle and
(01:55):
they're protected, which isreally fascinating.
It may be from predators or anymore harm.
And then the elephants stompand kick up soil and dirt to
mask any scents or throw off anyattackers.
And so when you watch the video, they were moving their paws
and it was getting dusty anddirty.
(02:17):
They sent a clear signal toanyone that tries to attack
their loved ones, while showingtheir vulnerability in this
inner circle.
So they have to get through theinner circle first to get to
anybody.
And I just thought this is sucha symbol of the power of an
(02:39):
inner circle and you know me, Ican't but think of a lesson that
that message sends and howbeautiful Mother Nature is and
how these elephants reallyprotect each other, and I can't
but think about us as caregivers.
And this past week and you'relistening to it on Tuesday, the
(03:04):
22nd, so it would have been I'mrecording this on Saturday
before, but this past weekDennis and I have been preparing
for his stem cell transplantjourney, which will be three
months or approximately 90 days,and I am really leaning into
(03:25):
our inner circle.
I'll be truly honest with you.
I'm the type of person whodoesn't like to ask for help and
I'm definitely more of acontrol freak.
When I did, when I was incorporate America, we had to do
this.
I don't even remember what theprogram was that described our
(03:47):
behaviors.
I'm looking at it.
I can't even remember anymore,but I have the.
I think it was the StrengthsFinder.
Now that I think about it, whenI look at it, it says there's
five of them and I'm leaning andlooking back at my desk because
I haven't posted.
I was an achiever discipline,consistency, focus and
(04:10):
responsibility.
So you can tell that I lovestructure, I love to be
organized and I like to getthings done.
And I'll be honest with you,when I have to pass off things
to others to help me, my I don'tknow what it is called my
(04:37):
analytical control freak naturein me gets nervous because I
don't want to let go of controland perfection.
Do you feel this way at all?
You know and I could cycle,analyze, you know why, and maybe
I'll just share a few thingsthat I went through my head when
I was trying to fight off thesefeelings.
I was raised blue collar, mydad is military, my mom is very
(04:57):
much a blue collar upbringingand everything was hands on and
we did everything.
Really, if we could do it, wedid it as teenagers and my mom
and dad did it.
The only things that we reallyhired help with were the things
that we didn't know how to do,like electrical and some forms
(05:20):
of plumbing and stuff like that,and I'm very much an
overachiever or I want to goahead and continue to push
myself.
I have controlled behaviortraits, which I just talked
about, and I'm the oldest in thefamily and so I carry on that.
You know I have to be the onethat does it first and holds
(05:43):
everything together.
So I mean, I couldpsychoanalyze this to death and
really beat myself up for thesetraits.
But these weird traits, Iconvinced myself that no one can
do it all and no one can dowhat I can do, and I hate this
(06:03):
in me, but this is what I have.
These are some of the analtraits, and tell me if you have
some of these as well.
If someone doesn't fold thetowels the right way so that
they fit in my linen closet.
It drives me crazy.
I mean you just can't fold themanyway.
You have to try fold them sothat they fit in my linen closet
(06:24):
, so when they're not, it's likeI pull them all out and we'll
refold them and I have to let goof some of that.
Or maybe you organize thingsdifferent.
Do you put things in yourdishwasher in a specific spot,
in a specific way, and ifsomebody lays them in there
wrong, do you fix them.
And I used to.
I don't cut the lawn anymore,but for all of my 20s and my 30s
(06:48):
and my 40s and part of my 50s,I wouldn't let anybody cut the
lawn because it had to be cut aspecific way.
And I finally had to say Ican't do this anymore.
And so Dennis started cuttingthe lawn and now Jamie's going
to be cutting the lawn.
My youngest son, James, isgoing to be cutting the lawn.
(07:09):
I know this is crazy, so I haveto go ahead and let go.
Then there's this discomfortfor me when somebody has to go
ahead and come into my home andthen taking care of my pets.
There's all of these weirdthoughts that go through my head
(07:29):
.
I'll give you.
Another example is when I wascaring for my mom.
I took her to all of herappointments and wanted to be
there as an advocate because Iwanted to make sure everything
was covered and we knew, andasking all the questions and
being there for discussions withour doctors and nurses.
(07:51):
Well, it felt wrong at first,but I had to start asking my
brother to go to appointmentsthat I couldn't attend them all,
and there's a couple of themthat come to mind, and so I'm
going to share the one with theeye appointment.
I figured you know I've seenthis eye doctor before and she
needed to go back in for her eyeappointment.
(08:13):
And really my mom I don'tremember what it was called, but
my mom had an eye that keptcrossing on one side and she
couldn't see out of that sideand she was getting floaters and
stuff like that.
So she had to have specialglasses to train that eye to go
(08:34):
ahead and react right, and soshe was going up for follow-up
visits and this was her last oneand she could pick out her
glasses.
And so I said to John, I'm likeyou can go with her and help
her get her glasses and stuff.
Well, I kind of freaked out whenshe picked out these green
(08:56):
framed glasses that were too bigfor her face.
But she loved them because sheloved the color, but they didn't
look good because she had sucha small little face.
But she loved them because sheloved the color, but they didn't
look good because she had sucha small little face.
But I had to live with it and Ihad to learn to let it be
because she liked them andthat's what she wanted.
But if I was at her appointmentI would have discouraged her
(09:21):
from getting those because theywere too big, or I would have
asked if they had a smaller size.
But I just let it be.
But it drove me crazy becauseof that and my brother didn't
take notes and didn't askquestions and it drove me crazy.
But that's the control freak inme.
So as a caregiver, I had to getbeyond it and I know you do as
(09:46):
well.
So let's talk about thesethoughts and feelings that we
get when we have to ask for helpor build our inner circle,
Because that's such an importantpiece.
The first one is guilt.
You feel the guilt versusallowing yourself to grow and
(10:06):
adapt to it.
You might worry if you asksomeone for help and you feel
like, well, I'm not doing myfair share, or I'm letting my
loved one down, or you'reletting yourself down.
Instead, you have to flip itover and letting others in is a
gift and you're gifting them apurpose.
(10:27):
They want to help you and youhave to look at it as you're
able to refill your cup or dowhat you need to do.
And so when I feel guilty now,I think about it, saying no,
that's a gift that they'regiving me and what can I do in
(10:48):
this?
Or what are they helping me doso I can be there, For example,
people that are going to help meat home while I'm away.
They're allowing me to feelassured that the dogs are being
fed or the grass is being cut orthe mail is being taken in,
whatever it would be.
So that's one feeling andthought.
(11:08):
The other one that I talkedabout already is perfection
versus progress.
Right, Holding on to perfectionI have to do it perfectly keeps
you stuck, can even causestress and overwhelm.
Instead of aiming for that'sgood enough right now and
(11:29):
letting people fill in the gaps.
The grass is not going to beperfectly cut.
The trimming might not be done.
There may be weeds growing inmy mulch, that's okay this year
(11:49):
mulch, that's okay this year,that's okay when I'm such a
perfectionist and so you'relearning a lot about me.
I even go around like once aweek around the house and make
sure there's no spider webshanging on the house.
You know all that kind of stuff, but I am just that type of a
person I have to let it goPerfection versus progress.
Another one is fear of being aburden.
How many times have you said Ineed help and I'm so sorry.
(12:13):
I know you're busy, that kindof thing, Remember.
People want to help and ifthey're asking, tell me what you
need, if you need anything.
Most people truly want to helpyou, and giving them a clear way
to show up actually lightensboth of our hearts.
(12:34):
It makes them feel good and ithelps you and you have to stop
thinking about it as a burdenversus they're helping you in a
time of need, right?
The other thought and feelingthat I want to share is
self-compassion as a permission.
Every time you notice thattight, I should handle this
(12:59):
myself.
Anytime you notice that feelingand I notice it as being a
tight thought or a pause and Isay maybe I should just handle
it myself.
You need to say I deservekindness too, I deserve this, I
(13:20):
need the help and I need timefor myself.
That moment of self-compassionopens up the door to asking for
support, and we're going to talkabout this just in a few
seconds.
But you need to go ahead andyou need to preserve your energy
, kind of like you are a energyplant.
(13:44):
You need to conserve the energybecause, for me, I'm going for
90 days straight and I know thatmy emotions are going to go
haywire and things are going tobe very stressful emotionally
and if I add too muchphysicality there by trying to
(14:06):
do too much, I'm going to drainthat, or even the emotional
thoughts.
That's going to drain me when Ineed to be the best I can be
and show up as the best personfor Dennis, who needs me the
most, and show up for myself,who needs to stay healthy and
somewhat sane during thisprocess.
(14:27):
So let's talk about your innercircle.
You might be asking yourselfwhy do I need an inner circle,
Even in the good seasons as wellas the bad seasons, in all of
the middle?
You need to think about that.
You are not meant to go italone.
You are not meant to go italone and you might say, well, I
(14:50):
don't have anybody else and Iwant you to think about.
Just don't think about theinner circle as just your family
or your friends.
Think about it as all of theresources that you have as well
the financial resources that youneed to ask for the social
(15:11):
worker and the psychologist thatmay be available, community
services, your church.
You need to go ahead and thinkoutside of the box and look at
ways that people can help and,even if your family is really
not very helpful, maybe there'sa way, and I'm going to share
(15:32):
that in just a little bit too.
So why you need a circle?
First of all, you can't do thisalone.
When you are the sole point ofcontact for all medical
appointments, updates and 24-7needs, it's easy to feel like
you are an island.
First of all, right, and InnerCircle gives you people who get
(15:55):
it.
Who get it, so you don't haveto carry every worry solo.
It's just amazing now that I'vehad this experience with Dennis
preparing for the stem celltransplant, where the social
worker was a huge help, thepsychologist was a huge help,
(16:18):
Family and friends reaching outand even a church community and
people that we haven'tinteracted in a long time.
Reaching out, it's just, it'sbeen, it's been just.
My heart just is so warm rightnow from that.
Why you also need an innercircle and I just talked about
(16:38):
it is to protect your energy.
Think of your inner circle likethe elephants protecting the
babies in the center of the herd.
You close ranks so the mostvulnerable are supported.
Not only are you protectingyour energy, you're helping your
loved one because your lovedone.
(16:58):
Now they see you with moreself-love and maybe even happier
and healthier.
When life throws a curveball,your circle shields you from
somewhat of the overwhelm,Another reason why it keeps you
(17:19):
grounded in joy and perspective.
Think about maybe your innercircle is just there to go ahead
and provide you with laughteror a coffee break or a quick
text check-in.
You know that can just kind ofjust check in with you to see
(17:41):
how you're doing.
Those moments remind you thatyou're more than your caregiving
role and you may be just sayinghey, I just want to check in
with you.
Tell me something new that'sgoing on.
That's not stem cell related,that's not cancer related,
that's not all about my lovedone.
I just want to know what'sgoing on.
(18:02):
Or let's talk about the latestcontroversy over a show that
you're watching.
Maybe you share a show or youwant to talk about anything.
You can talk about the latestand greatest stories and just
get your mind off of somethingand you're talking about
something else.
So I want you to think aboutwho is in your circle,
(18:26):
especially when times areoverwhelming or tough for you.
An inner circle can be family,it can be friends, it can be a
community.
It can be your loved one'smedical team or your own medical
team.
It could be a support team.
(18:47):
I want you to think about whothat inner circle could be and
maybe even write it out.
Who are the people that I havein my circle and what are they
used for?
You know because, if you thinkabout it, you Because, if you
(19:07):
think about it, maybe if you'vehad a career in the past or
maybe you're even in a careernow you had a work group, a team
that you worked with at work,and there were certain people
you went for certain things.
Maybe you had a churchcommunity or you have a church
community and you know peoplefrom the church community.
Maybe you have your family thatyou reach out to.
(19:31):
My neighbors are in our innercircle.
So all of these things you wantto think about, that they have
your best interest in mind.
I'm going to just take a drinkof water here.
Once they do.
It can be two people, it can befive people, it can be 12
(19:52):
people, it can grow.
Maybe you just talked tosomebody in a waiting room and
it was another caregiver and youfinally said hey, do you want
to switch phone numbers or textmessages and just check in with
each other?
You could go ahead and buildthat relationship.
I love this quote from MistyCopeland and it was in Jamie
(20:17):
Kern Lima's book called Worthy,and she had this in the book and
she said anything is possiblewhen you have the right people
there to support you.
So think about that.
So I want to talk about how doyou build your inner circle.
This is going to be reallycustomizable to how you want to,
(20:40):
but I'm going to give you someideas so that you can start
thinking about your inner circleNow.
You may be in a good season.
That would be the perfect timeto do it.
Or you might be in a roughseason.
Maybe your loved one needs tohave knee surgery.
Well, that's going to be a newcircle that you're going to have
(21:02):
to build, because you may needphysical therapy and drivers and
people to do what your husbandused to do, or you may be
entering hospice and that mightbe another one.
So think about where you're at.
First of all, I want you to mapyour ideal circle out.
Take some time.
Here's a suggestion Draw asimple web, like a spider web
(21:28):
and with you at the center, andthen label the spokes for
different roles, like emotionalsupport, a confident person,
that one that you confide in,somebody that runs errands or is
a driver or a meal coordinator.
Maybe you're in a season whereyou are not able to cook meals
(21:54):
and there's a group that wantsto go ahead and drop off meals.
When Dennis had his first stemcell transplant and he donated
his own cells and they justpulled them out, took what they
needed and they put them back in.
And just very layman's termstook what they needed and they
put them back in, and just verylayman's terms.
(22:15):
My mom was able to come andstay at my house, but I also
needed a caregiver for my mom,so people that would check in
with her, bring her meals, andthen I also needed a round of
dog walkers that would walk mydogs and you know, a few times a
week, and so it was really niceto be able to go ahead and
coordinate that way, Identifyone person for each job and
(22:39):
being able to go ahead.
Now for me, now going forward,Dennis is getting admitted
You're listening to this on the22nd, he's getting admitted on
the 23rd, and so for me, Ineeded all the home help people
to stay overnight with the dogsand do the garbage and taking
(23:02):
the mail.
I also needed help with thelawn care, so all of these
things and so I spent some timeand listed them all out and then
started asking for support.
Now I also need support inMilwaukee, Wisconsin, where
that's where I'm going to be.
The housing was one, the nursesfor support in the pharmacy and
(23:29):
all that kind of stuff.
I signed up for a support group.
I also am thinking aboutfriends that would check in with
me.
I'm going to hope I find awalking partner so I can walk.
They have some sidewalks aroundthe hospital that we could walk
.
Spiritual support I know atKathy's house they have a
(23:52):
spiritual ceremony once a week,so I'm going to reach out and
look for that there.
Now, the next thing that youwant to think about in how to
build your inner circle is startsmall Rather than just jumping
all in, which may be hard for alot of us to do.
(24:14):
You might say I need help,Could you drop off a dinner?
Or maybe you have a siblingthat, like my brother, John,
that I can't let go of this.
Maybe you start bringing yoursibling along to appointments so
they see how you do it and theneventually you can kind of
(24:40):
release some of that and sharethat one.
Now another example for me formy stem cell transplant journey
these 90 days going forward, Icreated a private Facebook group
, and how I did it is I added myfamily and then I went ahead
(25:01):
and, on my personal group, saidI'm going to create a private
Facebook group for Dennis's stemcell transplant journey.
This group is going to be tohelp motivate Dennis and me.
It's going to be to shareupdates, which I pretty much do
every day, but in a privatesetting, and it's going to be
(25:24):
for anybody that wants to helpfrom a support and motivation
perspective.
And so people responded backand then I added them.
And then, as I talked to moreand more people, I told them
because some people would say,let me know if you need anything
, and I said, well, I created aprivate group and if you want to
(25:44):
be added to it, that's whereI'm going to do my asking and my
sharing and all that kind ofstuff.
And so I have.
I think there's with my kids.
In my family there's 32 people,so it's not a lot, and not
everyone can physically help.
I have people that do dailyquotes or daily prayers in there
(26:06):
, which is wonderful.
I have people that are willingto come and help periodically,
like leaving the dogs out atlunchtime if my sister watches
them, and stuff like that.
I have people that will sendtexts to Dennis personally and
(26:27):
after they read it they'llconnect with him.
So it's been just a really goodgroup and I feel it's small
enough and it's private enoughwhere these people I know and
trust and I can share my code tomy front door in it and
different things like that, andI lock it out so nobody else can
see it.
(26:47):
So that's really nice.
Now, another suggestion on howto build your inner circle is
mix personal and practicalsupport, and what I mean by that
is maybe you balance check-inslike how are you with concrete
offers, Like I'd love for you totake Lucy, my dog, for a walk
(27:09):
this afternoon or can handlemail or bills this week,
whatever it would be.
So for me I mix personal andpractical, because my personal
friends are always saying I wishI could do more to help.
And I'm like I ask friends andsaying, go out to my group and
(27:31):
just see what you can do.
If you can't physically help ona day, call me and just give me
a little hype talk or whatever.
And then I also, with friendsthat want to do more, I ask them
for their text number in case Ineed something.
(27:51):
They would say, like ourneighbors next door said to us,
if you ever don't have somebodyto help you and something falls
through, don't hesitate to reachout.
And I've only had theirFacebook messenger and so I
asked them for their text numberso if something would go
haywire I could call them andsay oh yeah, somebody couldn't
(28:15):
get over there tonight.
Can you drop over and feed thedogs and let them outside for
about 15 minutes?
Can you take in the mail?
Or I see there's a package onmy front porch, whatever.
I also with mixing personal andpractical support.
This is kind of an off-the-wallone, but it's an important one
(28:35):
for me.
I had a vet appointment with mydog, Lucy, this week and I
talked to the vet and said we'regoing to be out of town for 90
days and so there's going to bemultiple people coming in and
out of the house taking care ofmy dogs.
Multiple people coming in andout of the house taking care of
(28:57):
my dogs.
If something would happen, canI just let them bring the dog in
?
I'll call you, or they'll callyou and they're like, absolutely
Don't worry about a thing, Ididn't need to sign anything,
they're just going to get myphone authorization.
Knock on wood, nothing does.
But I mean, all these littlethings are important, Okay.
(29:18):
Another one to think about isschedule yourself regular
check-ins.
Maybe there are people in yourinner circle that you just need
to talk to.
You know, for me, I'm going tobe away for 90 days and the
first 30 days I'm by myself atnight in my little room.
(29:39):
Sure, I have the community andhopefully I'll get to meet a lot
of people, but I need somethingoutside the world of just the
place I'm in, and I want to just.
I'm going to ask my sisterConnie and my girlfriend Julie
hey, can we check in, even ifit's a 10-minute Facebook
(30:00):
FaceTime or it's a group threador whatever, and it just helps.
Also, another suggestion that Ihave is if you have a family and
everybody's kind of all overthe place and doing their own
thing, how great would it be tosay let's set up a 10-minute
(30:24):
weekly call to update you on momor update you on dad, and I can
share the update and you canask any questions or we can put
our heads together to try tofigure out something.
It takes you from doing it allto saying I'm managing this and
(30:48):
I can't go it alone and it works.
And obviously people may choosenot to be in that call.
But truly, if you start sayingI'm going to have a weekly call
once a week and it's going to beSaturday morning at nine
o'clock because that works bestfor our whole family, and we're
going to gather together andmaybe your loved one's on that
(31:11):
call with you and gives youupdates, and then you can talk
about what's coming up for theweek and they can all kind of
band together because you'rewelcoming in support and
questions and people are goingto band together.
Now my favorite one on how tobuild your inner circle is the
(31:35):
celebrations of the wins.
They could be your wins, theycould be celebrating your loved
one, it could be gratitude foranybody that's helped.
When someone steps up, evenwith a small task, I say send
them a thank you for being yourlifeline today.
(31:59):
It could be a text, it could bea quick call, it could be
private, it could be public.
It reinforces the habit ofhelping and keeping your circle
engaged With this Facebook group, your circle engaged With this
Facebook group.
(32:19):
I've been really making a pointof saying thank you and really
going ahead and doing this.
This is a big one for me and itreleases my guilt in those
feelings of guilt.
It makes me and my lovelanguage is appreciation and
giving, so that's probably whytoo, but it really does, and you
(32:40):
know what the person has.
I mean now, if somebody donatedmoney and they don't want
people to know, obviously you'renot going to go ahead and do
that a pickle and went ahead andbrought in a package or noticed
that something was rattling inyour house and they went ahead
(33:02):
and looked at it, whatever.
Those are the things, andhere's a couple that I'm
planning on doing too Now.
Dennis's transplant day is April30th, and so I already
scheduled a Facebook event.
Now they can't be there, butwhat I did is I scheduled this
event and I said help uscelebrate transplant day.
(33:26):
We had shirts made and so somepeople bought shirts and I'm
like for those of you who boughta shirt, wear your shirt and
take a picture or make a videoand cheer Dennis on.
And if you didn't buy a shirt,send him a video or send him a
text or give him a call.
I plan on buying.
(33:48):
He can't have latex, but I canbuy him a miler I think that is
what it's called a balloon.
And if he feels good, I'm goingto get him his favorite carrot
cake and bring him in a piece ofcarrot cake and we're going to
celebrate that.
So, whatever we're going to do.
So I know he'll be in thehospital for his birthday and so
(34:09):
I'm going to going ahead andgive everybody his address and
saying going to going ahead andgive everybody his address and
saying if you're a card sending,kind of person, send him a card
that day.
Or sing him a birthday text andgo all out on singing or
whatever, Because celebrating,they want to go ahead and see
(34:30):
him succeed.
That's why they're helping, andso just being able to do things
like that, and that fills yourcup a little bit as well.
And so I hope you found thishelpful, because, as I wrap up
today's episode, I want toremind you that opening up to
your people isn't a weakness andthis is where I have to drill
(34:54):
it in my head all the time,because it's an act of courage
and an act of your self-love.
When you let go of guilt andlean into gratitude, you'll
discover the pure joy ofwatching your family and your
friends and your community rallyaround you.
Caregiving wasn't meant to be asolo mission.
(35:17):
It's a team sport.
It takes a tribe, and everysingle person who steps up adds
strength to your journey.
They're taking a piece of itwith you.
So take a deep breath, myfriend, and let go of your
perfection and celebrate thebeautiful mess of support that
(35:38):
surrounds you.
Yeah, it's going to probably bea little bit of a mess, but
it's all going to work out,because when we share the load,
we all feel a little lighter anda lot more connected.
I do.
I feel this warm kind ofsensation that people are
helping and I'm letting go ofthe guilt.
(35:58):
So what I want to leave herewith today is a quick reflection
question, and I encourage youto journal about this.
You can even text me by clickingon Send Kathy a text.
But here's the question what'sone small thing you could ask
your inner circle to do for youthis week, and who will you
(36:21):
reach out to first?
I really want you to thinkabout it, because everyone at
least people know that you'recaregiving, People know your
loved one is fighting somethingand they want to help in some
way, big or small.
So going ahead and doing that.
(36:42):
It could be you, it could beyour loved one, it could be your
home, it could be a meal theywant to take, whatever they know
, and being able to give it toyou.
So thank you for listening todayto another episode of the
Caregiver Cup podcast.
Don't forget if you knowanother caregiver, share this
(37:03):
with them or, better yet, if youhaven't subscribed, hit that
subscribe button and if youhaven't in a while, gave me a
five-star rating.
I would so appreciate it.
The Caregiver Cup is a topcaregiver podcast and the more
(37:24):
it gets visibility, the more itcan help other caregivers.
So bye for now, my friend, andwe'll talk to you again next
week.
Well, hello, my friend, and welcome to another
episode of the Caregiver Cuppodcast.
It's Kathy here.
I want to welcome anybody newthat's listening.
I'm so glad you're here and,for those of you who are
listening, again, thank you forcoming back to the Caregiver Cup
podcast.
Well, I want to talk about lastweek.
(00:20):
The San Diego area had this 5.2magnitude earthquake.
I can't remember the specificday, but I do remember seeing
the video that the zoo hadcaught of the animals and how
they dealt with Mother Natureand the earthquakes.
I was so fascinated by watchingthese animals.
I was so fascinated by watchingthese animals, especially the
(00:45):
elephants.
I don't know if you saw thevideo, but it was just.
I mean, it's indescribable.
Once the rumbling started, theelephants went into what I call
protective mode.
The mother elephants calledtheir babies, the mother
(01:06):
elephants called their babies,and then it was really amazing
that the elephants startedforming this circle with anybody
like.
The young ones were in themiddle of the circle, they were
looking out, so their rear endswere back against the and
protecting the babies with theirtails kind of combining
together and they were facinginto the center with their rear
(01:32):
ends and then their tusks andtheir noses were swaying on the
outside, and I didn't understandthis at first, but then when I
looked it up, it says in thewild, when harm is near,
elephants gather togethertightly and close ranks so that
the mama elephants or the hurtones are in the middle and
(01:55):
they're protected, which isreally fascinating.
It may be from predators or anymore harm.
And then the elephants stompand kick up soil and dirt to
mask any scents or throw off anyattackers.
And so when you watch the video, they were moving their paws
and it was getting dusty anddirty.
(02:17):
They sent a clear signal toanyone that tries to attack
their loved ones, while showingtheir vulnerability in this
inner circle.
So they have to get through theinner circle first to get to
anybody.
And I just thought this is sucha symbol of the power of an
(02:39):
inner circle and you know me, Ican't but think of a lesson that
that message sends and howbeautiful Mother Nature is and
how these elephants reallyprotect each other, and I can't
but think about us as caregivers.
And this past week and you'relistening to it on Tuesday, the
(03:04):
22nd, so it would have been I'mrecording this on Saturday
before, but this past weekDennis and I have been preparing
for his stem cell transplantjourney, which will be three
months or approximately 90 days,and I am really leaning into
(03:25):
our inner circle.
I'll be truly honest with you.
I'm the type of person whodoesn't like to ask for help and
I'm definitely more of acontrol freak.
When I did, when I was incorporate America, we had to do
this.
I don't even remember what theprogram was that described our
(03:47):
behaviors.
I'm looking at it.
I can't even remember anymore,but I have the.
I think it was the StrengthsFinder.
Now that I think about it, whenI look at it, it says there's
five of them and I'm leaning andlooking back at my desk because
I haven't posted.
I was an achiever discipline,consistency, focus and
(04:10):
responsibility.
So you can tell that I lovestructure, I love to be
organized and I like to getthings done.
And I'll be honest with you,when I have to pass off things
to others to help me, my I don'tknow what it is called my
(04:37):
analytical control freak naturein me gets nervous because I
don't want to let go of controland perfection.
Do you feel this way at all?
You know and I could cycle,analyze, you know why, and maybe
I'll just share a few thingsthat I went through my head when
I was trying to fight off thesefeelings.
I was raised blue collar, mydad is military, my mom is very
(04:57):
much a blue collar upbringingand everything was hands on and
we did everything.
Really, if we could do it, wedid it as teenagers and my mom
and dad did it.
The only things that we reallyhired help with were the things
that we didn't know how to do,like electrical and some forms
(05:20):
of plumbing and stuff like that,and I'm very much an
overachiever or I want to goahead and continue to push
myself.
I have controlled behaviortraits, which I just talked
about, and I'm the oldest in thefamily and so I carry on that.
You know I have to be the onethat does it first and holds
(05:43):
everything together.
So I mean, I couldpsychoanalyze this to death and
really beat myself up for thesetraits.
But these weird traits, Iconvinced myself that no one can
do it all and no one can dowhat I can do, and I hate this
(06:03):
in me, but this is what I have.
These are some of the analtraits, and tell me if you have
some of these as well.
If someone doesn't fold thetowels the right way so that
they fit in my linen closet.
It drives me crazy.
I mean you just can't fold themanyway.
You have to try fold them sothat they fit in my linen closet
(06:24):
, so when they're not, it's likeI pull them all out and we'll
refold them and I have to let goof some of that.
Or maybe you organize thingsdifferent.
Do you put things in yourdishwasher in a specific spot,
in a specific way, and ifsomebody lays them in there
wrong, do you fix them.
And I used to.
I don't cut the lawn anymore,but for all of my 20s and my 30s
(06:48):
and my 40s and part of my 50s,I wouldn't let anybody cut the
lawn because it had to be cut aspecific way.
And I finally had to say Ican't do this anymore.
And so Dennis started cuttingthe lawn and now Jamie's going
to be cutting the lawn.
My youngest son, James, isgoing to be cutting the lawn.
(07:09):
I know this is crazy, so I haveto go ahead and let go.
Then there's this discomfortfor me when somebody has to go
ahead and come into my home andthen taking care of my pets.
There's all of these weirdthoughts that go through my head
(07:29):
.
I'll give you.
Another example is when I wascaring for my mom.
I took her to all of herappointments and wanted to be
there as an advocate because Iwanted to make sure everything
was covered and we knew, andasking all the questions and
being there for discussions withour doctors and nurses.
(07:51):
Well, it felt wrong at first,but I had to start asking my
brother to go to appointmentsthat I couldn't attend them all,
and there's a couple of themthat come to mind, and so I'm
going to share the one with theeye appointment.
I figured you know I've seenthis eye doctor before and she
needed to go back in for her eyeappointment.
(08:13):
And really my mom I don'tremember what it was called, but
my mom had an eye that keptcrossing on one side and she
couldn't see out of that sideand she was getting floaters and
stuff like that.
So she had to have specialglasses to train that eye to go
(08:34):
ahead and react right, and soshe was going up for follow-up
visits and this was her last oneand she could pick out her
glasses.
And so I said to John, I'm likeyou can go with her and help
her get her glasses and stuff.
Well, I kind of freaked out whenshe picked out these green
(08:56):
framed glasses that were too bigfor her face.
But she loved them because sheloved the color, but they didn't
look good because she had sucha small little face.
But she loved them because sheloved the color, but they didn't
look good because she had sucha small little face.
But I had to live with it and Ihad to learn to let it be
because she liked them andthat's what she wanted.
But if I was at her appointmentI would have discouraged her
(09:21):
from getting those because theywere too big, or I would have
asked if they had a smaller size.
But I just let it be.
But it drove me crazy becauseof that and my brother didn't
take notes and didn't askquestions and it drove me crazy.
But that's the control freak inme.
So as a caregiver, I had to getbeyond it and I know you do as
(09:46):
well.
So let's talk about thesethoughts and feelings that we
get when we have to ask for helpor build our inner circle,
Because that's such an importantpiece.
The first one is guilt.
You feel the guilt versusallowing yourself to grow and
(10:06):
adapt to it.
You might worry if you asksomeone for help and you feel
like, well, I'm not doing myfair share, or I'm letting my
loved one down, or you'reletting yourself down.
Instead, you have to flip itover and letting others in is a
gift and you're gifting them apurpose.
(10:27):
They want to help you and youhave to look at it as you're
able to refill your cup or dowhat you need to do.
And so when I feel guilty now,I think about it, saying no,
that's a gift that they'regiving me and what can I do in
(10:48):
this?
Or what are they helping me doso I can be there, For example,
people that are going to help meat home while I'm away.
They're allowing me to feelassured that the dogs are being
fed or the grass is being cut orthe mail is being taken in,
whatever it would be.
So that's one feeling andthought.
(11:08):
The other one that I talkedabout already is perfection
versus progress.
Right, Holding on to perfectionI have to do it perfectly keeps
you stuck, can even causestress and overwhelm.
Instead of aiming for that'sgood enough right now and
(11:29):
letting people fill in the gaps.
The grass is not going to beperfectly cut.
The trimming might not be done.
There may be weeds growing inmy mulch, that's okay this year
(11:49):
mulch, that's okay this year,that's okay when I'm such a
perfectionist and so you'relearning a lot about me.
I even go around like once aweek around the house and make
sure there's no spider webshanging on the house.
You know all that kind of stuff, but I am just that type of a
person I have to let it goPerfection versus progress.
Another one is fear of being aburden.
How many times have you said Ineed help and I'm so sorry.
(12:13):
I know you're busy, that kindof thing, Remember.
People want to help and ifthey're asking, tell me what you
need, if you need anything.
Most people truly want to helpyou, and giving them a clear way
to show up actually lightensboth of our hearts.
(12:34):
It makes them feel good and ithelps you and you have to stop
thinking about it as a burdenversus they're helping you in a
time of need, right?
The other thought and feelingthat I want to share is
self-compassion as a permission.
Every time you notice thattight, I should handle this
(12:59):
myself.
Anytime you notice that feelingand I notice it as being a
tight thought or a pause and Isay maybe I should just handle
it myself.
You need to say I deservekindness too, I deserve this, I
(13:20):
need the help and I need timefor myself.
That moment of self-compassionopens up the door to asking for
support, and we're going to talkabout this just in a few
seconds.
But you need to go ahead andyou need to preserve your energy
, kind of like you are a energyplant.
(13:44):
You need to conserve the energybecause, for me, I'm going for
90 days straight and I know thatmy emotions are going to go
haywire and things are going tobe very stressful emotionally
and if I add too muchphysicality there by trying to
(14:06):
do too much, I'm going to drainthat, or even the emotional
thoughts.
That's going to drain me when Ineed to be the best I can be
and show up as the best personfor Dennis, who needs me the
most, and show up for myself,who needs to stay healthy and
somewhat sane during thisprocess.
(14:27):
So let's talk about your innercircle.
You might be asking yourselfwhy do I need an inner circle,
Even in the good seasons as wellas the bad seasons, in all of
the middle?
You need to think about that.
You are not meant to go italone.
You are not meant to go italone and you might say, well, I
(14:50):
don't have anybody else and Iwant you to think about.
Just don't think about theinner circle as just your family
or your friends.
Think about it as all of theresources that you have as well
the financial resources that youneed to ask for the social
(15:11):
worker and the psychologist thatmay be available, community
services, your church.
You need to go ahead and thinkoutside of the box and look at
ways that people can help and,even if your family is really
not very helpful, maybe there'sa way, and I'm going to share
(15:32):
that in just a little bit too.
So why you need a circle?
First of all, you can't do thisalone.
When you are the sole point ofcontact for all medical
appointments, updates and 24-7needs, it's easy to feel like
you are an island.
First of all, right, and InnerCircle gives you people who get
(15:55):
it.
Who get it, so you don't haveto carry every worry solo.
It's just amazing now that I'vehad this experience with Dennis
preparing for the stem celltransplant, where the social
worker was a huge help, thepsychologist was a huge help,
(16:18):
Family and friends reaching outand even a church community and
people that we haven'tinteracted in a long time.
Reaching out, it's just, it'sbeen, it's been just.
My heart just is so warm rightnow from that.
Why you also need an innercircle and I just talked about
(16:38):
it is to protect your energy.
Think of your inner circle likethe elephants protecting the
babies in the center of the herd.
You close ranks so the mostvulnerable are supported.
Not only are you protectingyour energy, you're helping your
loved one because your lovedone.
(16:58):
Now they see you with moreself-love and maybe even happier
and healthier.
When life throws a curveball,your circle shields you from
somewhat of the overwhelm,Another reason why it keeps you
(17:19):
grounded in joy and perspective.
Think about maybe your innercircle is just there to go ahead
and provide you with laughteror a coffee break or a quick
text check-in.
You know that can just kind ofjust check in with you to see
(17:41):
how you're doing.
Those moments remind you thatyou're more than your caregiving
role and you may be just sayinghey, I just want to check in
with you.
Tell me something new that'sgoing on.
That's not stem cell related,that's not cancer related,
that's not all about my lovedone.
I just want to know what'sgoing on.
(18:02):
Or let's talk about the latestcontroversy over a show that
you're watching.
Maybe you share a show or youwant to talk about anything.
You can talk about the latestand greatest stories and just
get your mind off of somethingand you're talking about
something else.
So I want you to think aboutwho is in your circle,
(18:26):
especially when times areoverwhelming or tough for you.
An inner circle can be family,it can be friends, it can be a
community.
It can be your loved one'smedical team or your own medical
team.
It could be a support team.
(18:47):
I want you to think about whothat inner circle could be and
maybe even write it out.
Who are the people that I havein my circle and what are they
used for?
You know because, if you thinkabout it, you Because, if you
(19:07):
think about it, maybe if you'vehad a career in the past or
maybe you're even in a careernow you had a work group, a team
that you worked with at work,and there were certain people
you went for certain things.
Maybe you had a churchcommunity or you have a church
community and you know peoplefrom the church community.
Maybe you have your family thatyou reach out to.
(19:31):
My neighbors are in our innercircle.
So all of these things you wantto think about, that they have
your best interest in mind.
I'm going to just take a drinkof water here.
Once they do.
It can be two people, it can befive people, it can be 12
(19:52):
people, it can grow.
Maybe you just talked tosomebody in a waiting room and
it was another caregiver and youfinally said hey, do you want
to switch phone numbers or textmessages and just check in with
each other?
You could go ahead and buildthat relationship.
I love this quote from MistyCopeland and it was in Jamie
(20:17):
Kern Lima's book called Worthy,and she had this in the book and
she said anything is possiblewhen you have the right people
there to support you.
So think about that.
So I want to talk about how doyou build your inner circle.
This is going to be reallycustomizable to how you want to,
(20:40):
but I'm going to give you someideas so that you can start
thinking about your inner circleNow.
You may be in a good season.
That would be the perfect timeto do it.
Or you might be in a roughseason.
Maybe your loved one needs tohave knee surgery.
Well, that's going to be a newcircle that you're going to have
(21:02):
to build, because you may needphysical therapy and drivers and
people to do what your husbandused to do, or you may be
entering hospice and that mightbe another one.
So think about where you're at.
First of all, I want you to mapyour ideal circle out.
Take some time.
Here's a suggestion Draw asimple web, like a spider web
(21:28):
and with you at the center, andthen label the spokes for
different roles, like emotionalsupport, a confident person,
that one that you confide in,somebody that runs errands or is
a driver or a meal coordinator.
Maybe you're in a season whereyou are not able to cook meals
(21:54):
and there's a group that wantsto go ahead and drop off meals.
When Dennis had his first stemcell transplant and he donated
his own cells and they justpulled them out, took what they
needed and they put them back in.
And just very layman's termstook what they needed and they
put them back in, and just verylayman's terms.
(22:15):
My mom was able to come andstay at my house, but I also
needed a caregiver for my mom,so people that would check in
with her, bring her meals, andthen I also needed a round of
dog walkers that would walk mydogs and you know, a few times a
week, and so it was really niceto be able to go ahead and
coordinate that way, Identifyone person for each job and
(22:39):
being able to go ahead.
Now for me, now going forward,Dennis is getting admitted
You're listening to this on the22nd, he's getting admitted on
the 23rd, and so for me, Ineeded all the home help people
to stay overnight with the dogsand do the garbage and taking
(23:02):
the mail.
I also needed help with thelawn care, so all of these
things and so I spent some timeand listed them all out and then
started asking for support.
Now I also need support inMilwaukee, Wisconsin, where
that's where I'm going to be.
The housing was one, the nursesfor support in the pharmacy and
(23:29):
all that kind of stuff.
I signed up for a support group.
I also am thinking aboutfriends that would check in with
me.
I'm going to hope I find awalking partner so I can walk.
They have some sidewalks aroundthe hospital that we could walk
.
Spiritual support I know atKathy's house they have a
(23:52):
spiritual ceremony once a week,so I'm going to reach out and
look for that there.
Now, the next thing that youwant to think about in how to
build your inner circle is startsmall Rather than just jumping
all in, which may be hard for alot of us to do.
(24:14):
You might say I need help,Could you drop off a dinner?
Or maybe you have a siblingthat, like my brother, John,
that I can't let go of this.
Maybe you start bringing yoursibling along to appointments so
they see how you do it and theneventually you can kind of
(24:40):
release some of that and sharethat one.
Now another example for me formy stem cell transplant journey
these 90 days going forward, Icreated a private Facebook group
, and how I did it is I added myfamily and then I went ahead
(25:01):
and, on my personal group, saidI'm going to create a private
Facebook group for Dennis's stemcell transplant journey.
This group is going to be tohelp motivate Dennis and me.
It's going to be to shareupdates, which I pretty much do
every day, but in a privatesetting, and it's going to be
(25:24):
for anybody that wants to helpfrom a support and motivation
perspective.
And so people responded backand then I added them.
And then, as I talked to moreand more people, I told them
because some people would say,let me know if you need anything
, and I said, well, I created aprivate group and if you want to
(25:44):
be added to it, that's whereI'm going to do my asking and my
sharing and all that kind ofstuff.
And so I have.
I think there's with my kids.
In my family there's 32 people,so it's not a lot, and not
everyone can physically help.
I have people that do dailyquotes or daily prayers in there
(26:06):
, which is wonderful.
I have people that are willingto come and help periodically,
like leaving the dogs out atlunchtime if my sister watches
them, and stuff like that.
I have people that will sendtexts to Dennis personally and
(26:27):
after they read it they'llconnect with him.
So it's been just a really goodgroup and I feel it's small
enough and it's private enoughwhere these people I know and
trust and I can share my code tomy front door in it and
different things like that, andI lock it out so nobody else can
see it.
(26:47):
So that's really nice.
Now, another suggestion on howto build your inner circle is
mix personal and practicalsupport, and what I mean by that
is maybe you balance check-inslike how are you with concrete
offers, Like I'd love for you totake Lucy, my dog, for a walk
(27:09):
this afternoon or can handlemail or bills this week,
whatever it would be.
So for me I mix personal andpractical, because my personal
friends are always saying I wishI could do more to help.
And I'm like I ask friends andsaying, go out to my group and
(27:31):
just see what you can do.
If you can't physically help ona day, call me and just give me
a little hype talk or whatever.
And then I also, with friendsthat want to do more, I ask them
for their text number in case Ineed something.
(27:51):
They would say, like ourneighbors next door said to us,
if you ever don't have somebodyto help you and something falls
through, don't hesitate to reachout.
And I've only had theirFacebook messenger and so I
asked them for their text numberso if something would go
haywire I could call them andsay oh yeah, somebody couldn't
(28:15):
get over there tonight.
Can you drop over and feed thedogs and let them outside for
about 15 minutes?
Can you take in the mail?
Or I see there's a package onmy front porch, whatever.
I also with mixing personal andpractical support.
This is kind of an off-the-wallone, but it's an important one
(28:35):
for me.
I had a vet appointment with mydog, Lucy, this week and I
talked to the vet and said we'regoing to be out of town for 90
days and so there's going to bemultiple people coming in and
out of the house taking care ofmy dogs.
Multiple people coming in andout of the house taking care of
(28:57):
my dogs.
If something would happen, canI just let them bring the dog in
?
I'll call you, or they'll callyou and they're like, absolutely
Don't worry about a thing, Ididn't need to sign anything,
they're just going to get myphone authorization.
Knock on wood, nothing does.
But I mean, all these littlethings are important, Okay.
(29:18):
Another one to think about isschedule yourself regular
check-ins.
Maybe there are people in yourinner circle that you just need
to talk to.
You know, for me, I'm going tobe away for 90 days and the
first 30 days I'm by myself atnight in my little room.
(29:39):
Sure, I have the community andhopefully I'll get to meet a lot
of people, but I need somethingoutside the world of just the
place I'm in, and I want to just.
I'm going to ask my sisterConnie and my girlfriend Julie
hey, can we check in, even ifit's a 10-minute Facebook
(30:00):
FaceTime or it's a group threador whatever, and it just helps.
Also, another suggestion that Ihave is if you have a family and
everybody's kind of all overthe place and doing their own
thing, how great would it be tosay let's set up a 10-minute
(30:24):
weekly call to update you on momor update you on dad, and I can
share the update and you canask any questions or we can put
our heads together to try tofigure out something.
It takes you from doing it allto saying I'm managing this and
(30:48):
I can't go it alone and it works.
And obviously people may choosenot to be in that call.
But truly, if you start sayingI'm going to have a weekly call
once a week and it's going to beSaturday morning at nine
o'clock because that works bestfor our whole family, and we're
going to gather together andmaybe your loved one's on that
(31:11):
call with you and gives youupdates, and then you can talk
about what's coming up for theweek and they can all kind of
band together because you'rewelcoming in support and
questions and people are goingto band together.
Now my favorite one on how tobuild your inner circle is the
(31:35):
celebrations of the wins.
They could be your wins, theycould be celebrating your loved
one, it could be gratitude foranybody that's helped.
When someone steps up, evenwith a small task, I say send
them a thank you for being yourlifeline today.
(31:59):
It could be a text, it could bea quick call, it could be
private, it could be public.
It reinforces the habit ofhelping and keeping your circle
engaged With this Facebook group, your circle engaged With this
Facebook group.
(32:19):
I've been really making a pointof saying thank you and really
going ahead and doing this.
This is a big one for me and itreleases my guilt in those
feelings of guilt.
It makes me and my lovelanguage is appreciation and
giving, so that's probably whytoo, but it really does, and you
(32:40):
know what the person has.
I mean now, if somebody donatedmoney and they don't want
people to know, obviously you'renot going to go ahead and do
that a pickle and went ahead andbrought in a package or noticed
that something was rattling inyour house and they went ahead
(33:02):
and looked at it, whatever.
Those are the things, andhere's a couple that I'm
planning on doing too Now.
Dennis's transplant day is April30th, and so I already
scheduled a Facebook event.
Now they can't be there, butwhat I did is I scheduled this
event and I said help uscelebrate transplant day.
(33:26):
We had shirts made and so somepeople bought shirts and I'm
like for those of you who boughta shirt, wear your shirt and
take a picture or make a videoand cheer Dennis on.
And if you didn't buy a shirt,send him a video or send him a
text or give him a call.
I plan on buying.
(33:48):
He can't have latex, but I canbuy him a miler I think that is
what it's called a balloon.
And if he feels good, I'm goingto get him his favorite carrot
cake and bring him in a piece ofcarrot cake and we're going to
celebrate that.
So, whatever we're going to do.
So I know he'll be in thehospital for his birthday and so
(34:09):
I'm going to going ahead andgive everybody his address and
saying going to going ahead andgive everybody his address and
saying if you're a card sending,kind of person, send him a card
that day.
Or sing him a birthday text andgo all out on singing or
whatever, Because celebrating,they want to go ahead and see
(34:30):
him succeed.
That's why they're helping, andso just being able to do things
like that, and that fills yourcup a little bit as well.
And so I hope you found thishelpful, because, as I wrap up
today's episode, I want toremind you that opening up to
your people isn't a weakness andthis is where I have to drill
(34:54):
it in my head all the time,because it's an act of courage
and an act of your self-love.
When you let go of guilt andlean into gratitude, you'll
discover the pure joy ofwatching your family and your
friends and your community rallyaround you.
Caregiving wasn't meant to be asolo mission.
(35:17):
It's a team sport.
It takes a tribe, and everysingle person who steps up adds
strength to your journey.
They're taking a piece of itwith you.
So take a deep breath, myfriend, and let go of your
perfection and celebrate thebeautiful mess of support that
(35:38):
surrounds you.
Yeah, it's going to probably bea little bit of a mess, but
it's all going to work out,because when we share the load,
we all feel a little lighter anda lot more connected.
I do.
I feel this warm kind ofsensation that people are
helping and I'm letting go ofthe guilt.
(35:58):
So what I want to leave herewith today is a quick reflection
question, and I encourage youto journal about this.
You can even text me by clickingon Send Kathy a text.
But here's the question what'sone small thing you could ask
your inner circle to do for youthis week, and who will you
(36:21):
reach out to first?
I really want you to thinkabout it, because everyone at
least people know that you'recaregiving, People know your
loved one is fighting somethingand they want to help in some
way, big or small.
So going ahead and doing that.
(36:42):
It could be you, it could beyour loved one, it could be your
home, it could be a meal theywant to take, whatever they know
, and being able to give it toyou.
So thank you for listening todayto another episode of the
Caregiver Cup podcast.
Don't forget if you knowanother caregiver, share this
(37:03):
with them or, better yet, if youhaven't subscribed, hit that
subscribe button and if youhaven't in a while, gave me a
five-star rating.
I would so appreciate it.
The Caregiver Cup is a topcaregiver podcast and the more
(37:24):
it gets visibility, the more itcan help other caregivers.
So bye for now, my friend, andwe'll talk to you again next
week.
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