March 4, 2025 • 30 mins
Caregiving is an endlessly demanding role, often leading to burnout and stress. Yet, amidst these challenges, there's a transformative practice that can change everything—the 10-10 method. This episode introduces caregivers to the concept of dedicating just 10% of their mornings and evenings to self-care. By carving out these small blocks of time, caregivers can recharge, reflect, and prepare for the day ahead.
As we explore personal stories and community feedback, we highlight how incorporating simple self-care strategies can positively affect not only your well-being, but also the quality of care you provide. The 10-10 method is customizable—emphasizing the importance of adapting the practice to fit individual needs and lifestyles. We encourage caregivers to engage with one another, share their experiences, and ultimately reclaim their energy and joy in caregiving.
Join us as we unpack the powerful takeaways of the 10-10 method, offering insights and practical tips to empower caregivers to thrive rather than merely survive. Don't forget to subscribe and share your thoughts with us—how will you make your 10 minutes count?
💌 Want more inspiration, information, and a deeper connection? Join the Caregiver Cup Community Newsletter for my weekly email filled with support and encouragement.
Get my free resource: 17 Shifts To Reduce CAREGIVER STRESS & Say Good-bye To CAREGIVER BURNOUT
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What if you had a simple, realistic way to reduce
stress, boost your energy andcreate space for yourself
without sacrificing the care yougive your loved one?
Imagine starting and endingyour day with more calm, clarity
and even joy, without addinghours to your already full plate
(00:20):
.
That's exactly what the 10-10method is all about.
This is a practice you canpersonalize a small but powerful
shift that can help you takeback control of your mindset,
manage your stress moreeffectively and navigate the
challenges of your caregivingwith a little more ease.
(00:41):
And the best part, it doesn'trequire a huge time commitment,
just a small slice of yourmorning and your evening.
In today's episode, we'rediving into what the 10-10
method is, why it works and howyou can make your own.
But before we dive into thedetails of this episode today, I
(01:03):
want to take a moment to give ashout out to a few caregivers
who reached out to me this week.
I got one from my friend Kathyin Massachusetts.
It was so good to hear yourvoice and how things are going.
You and your family are alwaysin my thoughts and my prayers.
You know what, when I get thesefan mail texts, that's what I
(01:24):
call them.
They're texts, but they're in aprogram called Fan Mail.
It just gives me theinspiration to go on, and you
know my theme you are not alone,and so when you send those to
me, I'm sending my vibes rightback to you.
So thank you for Kathy, fortaking the time.
I also got an email, and it wasjust a beautiful email from
(01:47):
Barb.
She said Kathy, you are in myprayers, you are such an
encourager.
And she went on to go ahead andgive me a virtual hug and she
said I feel the love in yourpodcast and the concern in every
podcast episode.
So that's enough about me, butI wanted to talk about something
(02:09):
she wrote after this.
She said I've gained so muchfrom so many of them from a
podcast perspective.
And then she said I am part ofa VA caregiver support group as
my spouse is a veteran.
And she said they have so manydifferent groups and trainings
and wellness blips and are nowstarting a podcast discussion
(02:33):
group.
I was doing a happy dance, barb,if you're listening, or the
rest of you.
She said your podcast when weBelong was the first one we
discussed.
There was so much good thateveryone got from that.
I just wanted to thank you andknow that I encourage you in
(02:53):
your journey.
The reason I read this was ohmy gosh, podcasts now can have
discussion groups.
What I want to encourage you todo is, if you know other
caregivers, share the episode.
But if there's something reallygood and you're in a caregiving
group or a support group, whynot have a discussion?
(03:16):
I love it because we have bookclubs.
Why not podcast discussiongroups?
Kudos to you, barb, and your VAgroup for finding resources
like mine and others out thereto go ahead and have discussions
on.
And then, lastly I don't knowthe person's name, but she's
from Georgia.
She said I do appreciate yourpodcast.
(03:38):
She says I listen to it atnight as I ready myself for
sleep.
I listen to it at night as Iready myself for sleep.
It keeps me encouraged because,as a caregiver for my spouse
since his cancer diagnosis in2023, nighttime is the most
difficult to keep my mind fromruminating, and I find myself
empowered by your stories andexperience.
(04:00):
Thank you.
Well, thank you for sendingthis in, because we all find
time to go ahead and findinspiration and listening.
I'm just curious when you listento my podcast, do you listen to
them on a walk?
I listened to a lot of them inthe shower.
Too much information, I knowthat.
But doing dishes, vacuuming thefloor, I do a lot of that as
(04:24):
well.
So huge shout out.
Remember, the text is there forus to stay connected.
It doesn't have to be a praisefor me.
I want to hear what you areexperiencing, what your
challenges are, what you'redoing to go ahead and keep your
caregiver life inspiring andkeeping you empowered and
(04:47):
keeping you going.
I'd love to hear.
So never, never, in a doubt, doI want to go ahead and tell you
to stop sending me the textmessages.
I want them, so feel free toclick on that link below.
Well, let's get started, myfriend, with today's episode,
and I want to start it out witha question for you how many days
(05:08):
do you feel exhausted,frustrated and completely
drained?
I bet it's more than yourealize, right?
Caregiving isn't just aresponsibility, it's a 24-7 job
and you, my friend, are the CEOof it, of it all.
You manage medications,appointments, meals, hygiene,
(05:29):
emotional support, householdduties, financing.
The list is never ending andkeeps going on and on.
No wonder nearly 40% ofcaregivers report high levels of
stress and 20% say caregivinghas impacted their health.
According to the NationalAlliance for Caregiving.
These numbers are huge and theyjust touch the tip of the
(05:54):
iceberg.
Well, the biggest mistake I seecaregivers make is that they
focus solely on the 80% of this10-10 method.
The tasks, the appointments,the never-ending to-do list is
the 80%.
Whether you carry the loadyourself or you have help, the
(06:14):
weight of it can feeloverwhelming.
But here's the thing that 80%starts to explode when it
affects your physical health,mental health, mood,
relationships and more.
I know this from my experience.
I went through a season and thisseason was just December and
(06:36):
January of this year I feltcompletely overwhelmed, isolated
and, honestly, I wanted to giveup on everything I loved.
I fell into a depression, Ithink after the official restart
of Dennis's cancer and theaggressiveness of it.
I started getting depressed,doubted myself and let my
(06:59):
passion slip away.
I could no longer just sweep itunderneath the rug.
It felt like I was doingeverything for everyone else but
not enough for me.
But everything changed when Istarted practicing this 10-10
method and I'm calling it thisbecause I knew what it was, but
(07:19):
I had to formally create thisdaily habit and it became the
thing that helped me shift mymindset, really in late January
into early February, and takecontrol and reclaim my sense of
what we call balance.
In my life, which I know,balance is kind of an overused
(07:43):
dream kind of a thing.
There's no such thing to me asbalance, but as close to balance
as I could.
So what exactly is the 10-10method that I call?
Well, it's a habit, first ofall, a daily commitment to
yourself or myself.
It's a promise that, no matterhow chaotic or unpredictable
(08:04):
caregiving gets, that youintentionally carve out time
just for you 10% of your day inthe morning and 10% in the
evening.
I consider it like a whole dayis 100%, from when you wake up
to when you go to bed.
But how can you take care ofthese?
(08:26):
I almost call them likebookends of your day, the parts
that you actually have controlover, and it could be 10 minutes
in the morning, it could be anhour in the morning.
What is that?
10 percent in the morning andevening that you could give
yourself your day beyond that is100% full, no doubt about it.
(08:48):
But it gives you just 10% inthe morning and 10% in the
evening, and if you do that,you're setting yourself up for a
healthier, happy and moreresilient you, and that means
you're better equipped to handlewhatever comes in between,
because there's nothing worsethan getting up and just diving
(09:10):
into all the things that youneed to do, and it's easy to do
that but is it healthy to dothat?
You know the best part.
This isn't about adding more toyour plate.
I don't want you to think aboutit as another task.
It's about being intentionaland taking small little things
(09:31):
and doing it for yourself.
If you know you're alreadygoing to get dressed, or you
know you're going to alreadyhave to shower in the morning,
or even when you're making yourbed, take and think of that as
okay.
How can I make that my time?
I haven't opened the door up tothe world of caregiving.
(09:52):
I'm still in control of my life, and you want to do that
without sacrificing the care ofyour loved one, and so think
about it as you're preparingyourself to go into work or
you're preparing yourself to goon stage.
It's kind of the same thing.
How do you take care ofyourself and get this sense of
(10:13):
control and reclaim it?
Like I said earlier, I wasstuck.
December and most of January Ifelt like I was in a fog.
I was drowning in caregiving Inmy business.
My emotional weight was soheavy.
I was in my head about, youknow, oh my gosh, what if this
(10:34):
happens?
What if that happens?
The administration stuff wasexhausting.
I was trying to cram everythinginto each day all the tasks,
all the responsibilities, allthe emotions.
I was pushing myself beyond mylimits because I'm a high
achiever and I wanted to juststay busy.
(10:56):
And I created most of thisbusyness for me.
And do you know what I left outMe?
I know you can relate to this.
I wasn't allowing any time formyself.
I would wake up and immediatelygo.
I would wake up and immediatelygo and be on the go.
I was in green light.
I was in go mode, with no pause, no breath, just go, go, go
(11:24):
until bedtime.
I felt numb, detached fromreality and, if I'm being honest
, I was exhausted in a way thatsleep couldn't fix.
So I started small.
I took baby steps.
At first, I added just 10% tomy morning, a tiny sliver of
time that was just for me and,trust me, it was hard.
(11:46):
But I said I have to figurethis out.
Some days that meant simplysitting down on the floor and
taking a few deep breaths beforejumping into my day.
On other days it was quietmeditation and just quiet.
And, to trust me, it was quietmeditation.
(12:07):
I ran the shower and I sat onthe stoop on the shower and just
meditated and let the water run, and sometimes it was reading a
few uplifting quotes to shiftmy mindset.
Then I started giving myself10% at night before bed.
I love 80s music.
I love it.
(12:29):
I'm starting to even like 70smusic and I sang at the end of
my night to release the tensionfrom my day, just sang my songs
and played my music.
Other nights I stretch to relaxmy muscles and some evenings I
would journal my thoughts tokind of shift my mindset, of
(12:50):
shift my mindset.
Even each small act I meanthrough simple began, let me say
it again, each small act,though simple, began to make a
huge difference.
That's what I get for writingit out and not just speaking it
off my cuff here.
But it was just small acts thathelped me move a little bit
(13:13):
further and a little bit further.
It was almost like I was givingmyself permission to take 10
minutes, to take 15 minutes, totake 30 minutes, whatever it
would be, before I got started.
I know I remember my mom doingthis, even when I would stay
over with her.
Even when I would stay overwith her, my mom was not a
morning person and so she wouldwake up, but she wouldn't come
(13:43):
out to the kitchen or the diningarea where my dad and I were
having coffee and talking up astorm for about 30 minutes and I
know it was her just kind ofwaking up and she'd wash her
face and brush her teeth andchange her clothes into her
clothes, put on her makeup and Icould hear the music in the
bathroom playing and so on.
(14:03):
I think it was her way of kindof giving herself space to wake
up, and so I kind of feel likethat's kind of an analogy that I
can relate to as thinking aboutmy parents.
Like I said earlier, though,this has to be your personal
approach.
Customize it for you.
(14:24):
I heard Rachel Hollis in one ofher podcast episodes I don't
even know which one it was, butshe was talking about working
out and starting a healthyjourney and stuff, and she said
if it's not fun, you're going toquit, and the same applies to
this.
That means it should besomething you look forward to,
(14:45):
something that feels fun,rewarding, or exactly what you
need in that moment.
It doesn't have to becomplicated.
In fact, the simpler the better.
The key is consistently.
Maybe you have an audio bookthat you don't have time to read
anymore, so you play an audiobook when you get ready in the
(15:08):
morning and it's your way tokind of escape, or at the end of
the night.
Making that 10% of the morningand 10% of the evening should be
a non-negotiable part of yourday.
So I want you to start thinkingabout what you can do.
So let me give you someexamples, or at least one of my
(15:30):
examples, and then I'llbrainstorm some with you and
that'll hopefully get your mindflowing and spark some
inspiration for you, becauseeach and every one of us is
different.
Let me walk you through, like Isaid, my real-life example.
Last Monday and this happensevery three weeks for me right
(15:50):
now Dennis has his appointmentfor his chemotherapy.
Last Monday I had a full day,the kind of day that leaves you
feeling like you're running fromone thing to the next.
His lab appointments are at8.15.
So it takes a half hour to getthere.
So we have to leave early inthe morning.
His doctor's appointment's at8.55, and then he gets his
(16:15):
chemotherapy, which takesanywhere between two and three
hours.
We usually get home about 12.30, one o'clock after that and
then I do all my catch-up work.
So my 10% morning on that Mondayhad to be simple but impactful,
and it shifts for me every daydepending on what the calendar
(16:39):
holds.
I know I needed energy for thelong day ahead because I was
going to be Dennis's support.
I also needed to stay alert andfocus on advocacy and asking my
questions.
And it's Monday morning and Idon't remember.
I think it was gloomy out inthe morning.
So I got up at 6am and thefirst thing that I did was turn
(17:04):
on some of my favorite music.
I already told you that I lovemy music and that lifted my
spirit.
So I decided to stretch, sing,do a little dance while I was
getting ready and just kind ofmade my bed and took my shower
and got ready and stuff.
(17:24):
I even had a cup of coffeewhile I was journaling and I
worked on my gratitude and Ialso worked on what I needed to
think about when I was going inthere.
I also worked on my mindset,because you tend to go in the
(17:44):
chemotherapy wing or theoncology floor and you kind of
feel down and people are niceand people are positive, but you
see a lot of sick people.
And then I said a quick prayer.
So next I made my protein shakethat I was going to take along
(18:05):
the road, packed my extra cup ofcoffee and then put some snacks
in my grab and go bag and I wasall set.
Well, when I got home, the restof the day was busy, filled with
home tasks and dinner prep,walking the dogs and working,
and so that's why that 10% wasreally important in the morning,
(18:27):
although it was shorter thanusual, but I didn't lose sight
that my evening I had 10% aswell.
I knew I'd be tired by the endof the day, so I knew that
thinking ahead to my end of myday and when I'm exhausted I
start being this my negativemindset kicks in the glasses
(18:49):
half empty approach.
So I made a conscious effort toset aside time to process my
day with gratitude, and I dothis when, especially on hard
days, I'm grateful for Dennis'steam, I'm grateful for the nurse
that and I put the nurse's namedown.
You know I look for thingsthroughout the day so I can
(19:12):
journal those at the end.
I also recorded my thoughts andmy feelings and gave my mind a
distraction at the end of it,before I went to bed, because I
didn't want that to be my lastthoughts.
So I gave myself a distractionbefore the end of the day, which
that day I decided I wasfinishing up this book called
(19:38):
when we Belong Journeys thatShow Us the Way.
They're short little storieswritten from Jane Lorenzi that
were given to her from Hoda Kotband you know Hoda Kotb is like
my all time favorite person ifyou've listened to any of my
podcast episodes.
So if I could ever have lunchwith anybody, that's who I'd
(20:03):
want to have lunch with.
So I read a short story andthey were all inspiring stories,
and so I read a short storyabout where we belong and their
lessons learned, and that justkind of gave me a pump up before
the end of the night and thattime to unwind and reflect on
this comforting story.
(20:24):
So you need to think about whatthat looks like for you.
So that gets me to what Iwanted to talk about.
I want you to think about whatwould work for you.
That gets me to what I wantedto talk about.
I want you to think about whatwould work for you.
Every season of caregiving,every day, every situation is
different.
So your 10% can and should beadapted to fit where you are in
(20:44):
the moment.
It might look differentdepending on how you're feeling,
what you're juggling or evenwhat your day looks like, but I
don't want you to give up on itby saying, oh, I'm not going to
do anything.
Maybe for you, if you're havinga really rough morning, maybe
it's a smile in the mirror anddigging in your closet and
(21:07):
finding your favorite shirt.
That's all you can do.
Or maybe it's I'm going to puton some lip gloss, or maybe, you
know, whatever it would be.
So I want you to think about forme and I'm going to ask you now
and I'm going to ask you at theend too what's your 10%?
I want to hear from you whatwould help you feel more
(21:31):
energized, focused or peacefulin the morning and at night.
What are some thoughts?
Maybe for you it's saying aprayer.
Maybe for you it's watching afunny cat video, I don't know.
I want to hear from you what isgoing to prepare you for the
day and get your mindset readyfor the day, and what do you do
(21:54):
at the end of the night.
So I want to brainstorm someideas here once that I thought
about for let's start about withthe 10% morning ideas are think
about you're setting this stagefor the day, and you're setting
the day with clarity, energyand the right mindset.
Well, I talked about music andmovement, so maybe you have some
(22:17):
songs on your phone that you goto, your go-to songs.
Maybe it's gratitude journalingwith your favorite cup of
coffee or tea Remember, we'vealways talked about three things
you're grateful for.
It's going to set the stage.
Maybe it's an affirmation sayinga simple mantra like I am
(22:39):
strong, I am capable, I canhandle today.
Maybe it's deep breathing,maybe taking deep five breaths.
Maybe you sit and do this,maybe you raise your arms up and
down and you breathe that way.
If you have a little bit ofextra time, maybe it's a quick
walk or a stretch and you stepoutside in fresh air and wakes
(23:04):
you up.
Maybe you feel you need to takea prayer, meditation or
reflection time and sit instillness to set your intentions
for the day, especially if it'sa harder season, especially if
you're feeling anxious ortroubled.
(23:24):
Another one would be journalyour focus.
Write one word or phrase forhow you want to feel today.
I want to feel calm, I want tofeel enough.
I want to feel strong, I wantto feel present.
Write it on your hand, write iton the mirror.
(23:46):
Another thing maybe you're justwanting to go ahead and focus
on your body today.
Well, what about a full glassof water before you grab that
cup of coffee?
Maybe you have a motivationalquote or a devotional that's
going to get you in the rightmindset.
(24:06):
Maybe your time, this crazymorning, is just to prepare for
the day.
Maybe you sit in quiet andsaying, okay, I have a hundred
things to do today.
What are my top priorities?
Or, for me, what am I going?
Do I have my grab and go bag?
What am I going to do?
(24:28):
So, thinking about all of theseI mean, I'm just skimming the
surface.
So you want to think about itNow, in the evening.
Maybe it's an evening reflectionone positive moment from the
day.
The day was I'm going to swearhe wants a shit show but I'm
going to focus on one positivething that happened today.
(24:49):
Maybe it's stretching or agentle yoga to calm your body.
Maybe it's your journalingpractice and you take five
minutes to journal all thepositivity.
Maybe it's breathing exerciseagain.
Maybe it's soothing music orcalming music.
Maybe it's lighting a candle.
Maybe it's evening journaling.
(25:11):
Maybe it's reading for 10minutes.
Maybe you read something that'sinspirational or very much flip
it over.
Maybe you read your rom-comnovel, whatever it would be.
Maybe it's sitting down andsaying how can I make tomorrow a
little bit clearer or give itmore clarity?
(25:32):
And I'm going to write it downand in the morning I'm going to
read it again.
Maybe it's positivevisualization.
Maybe you imagine or you'relooking at something that's
positive, a picture.
Maybe it's just pamperingyourself with some gentle skin
care and doing that Now, I'monly skim the surface.
(25:55):
Maybe you want to just wind downand watch your favorite movie.
What are you going to do togive yourself time before the
end of the day?
So don't forget to hit thattext button and tell me your 10%
ideas.
I want to share those next weekon the podcast episode.
I love to hear how you'remaking this practice your own
(26:17):
and how it's helping you torecharge and thrive.
The 10-10 method can truly belife-changing.
It's not just about addinganother task to your already
packed day.
It's about making conscious,positive shifts that support
your well-being and help yourecharge and ultimately give you
(26:39):
a break and prepare you.
It's your time.
It's no different than a momtaking care of a toddler.
When she puts her toddler downto bed, hopefully she takes that
rest of that day for her.
You might have to play with itand find what works best for you
, but that's the beauty of itit's a personalized practice.
(27:03):
It's not a one-size-fits-all,but a method you can customize
and enjoy and really lookforward to.
Remember, the 10-10 method isabout prioritizing you.
It's about your health, yourenergy, your peace of mind.
If you make it something thatyou need and enjoy, it becomes a
(27:26):
natural part of your day, notjust another item on your to-do
list.
When the weather gets warmer,it's like, okay, I want to get
up and watch the sunrise with mycup of coffee and sit on the
patio.
You know so doing that.
I'm excited to try it out andsee how it.
(27:47):
I'm excited for you to try itout and see how it can transform
your caregiving journey.
And remember, take it in onestep at a time and give yourself
grace.
And I was listening to anotherpodcast and this lady is all
about no sugar and she said ifyou fall off the bandwagon,
(28:10):
don't do it more than two days,but if you fall off the
bandwagon and you have to allowyourself one more day to kind of
pull your bootstraps up, orpull your back up by your
bootstraps, but don't quit, justget right back on and try
something else and working onthat.
So I want to thank you todayfor listening to the Caregiver
(28:34):
Cup podcast.
I hope you enjoyed my 10-10method, especially since it's
really brand new to me.
It's so brand new to me becauseI was just weeks ago.
I was just in this deep, dark,yucky state and I needed
something to go ahead andkickstart.
(28:54):
And I needed something to goahead and kickstart and so I
just started trying and testingthings and then I realized it's
like okay, 10% for me in themorning, 10% for me in the
evening.
I mean I might be able to getmore in the middle of the day,
but there's nothing that saysI'm going to, but I can control
(29:15):
the morning and evening.
So remember, my friend, I'm here, this community is here from a
podcast perspective and we wantto go ahead and band together
because you know we're not alone, we're in this together, and so
I want you to go ahead and justremember that.
(29:36):
And so I want you to go aheadand just remember that.
And if you're not on my emaillist.
This is another avenue where wecommunicate with each other.
I want you to click the link inthe show notes and find more
(29:58):
inspiration, not only audioinspiration, but written
inspiration, and there's anotheropportunity for you to go ahead
and reply back and talk aboutthis journey, and if there's
things that you want to hear onthis podcast, tell me and we can
go ahead and add these as well.
So you take care, my friend,remember you're not alone and
(30:20):
also remember it's important tokeep your cup full, and when you
do the 10-10 method, you'reworking on that each and every
day.
Bye for now.
What if you had a simple, realistic way to reduce
stress, boost your energy andcreate space for yourself
without sacrificing the care yougive your loved one?
Imagine starting and endingyour day with more calm, clarity
and even joy, without addinghours to your already full plate
(00:20):
.
That's exactly what the 10-10method is all about.
This is a practice you canpersonalize a small but powerful
shift that can help you takeback control of your mindset,
manage your stress moreeffectively and navigate the
challenges of your caregivingwith a little more ease.
(00:41):
And the best part, it doesn'trequire a huge time commitment,
just a small slice of yourmorning and your evening.
In today's episode, we'rediving into what the 10-10
method is, why it works and howyou can make your own.
But before we dive into thedetails of this episode today, I
(01:03):
want to take a moment to give ashout out to a few caregivers
who reached out to me this week.
I got one from my friend Kathyin Massachusetts.
It was so good to hear yourvoice and how things are going.
You and your family are alwaysin my thoughts and my prayers.
You know what, when I get thesefan mail texts, that's what I
(01:24):
call them.
They're texts, but they're in aprogram called Fan Mail.
It just gives me theinspiration to go on, and you
know my theme you are not alone,and so when you send those to
me, I'm sending my vibes rightback to you.
So thank you for Kathy, fortaking the time.
I also got an email, and it wasjust a beautiful email from
(01:47):
Barb.
She said Kathy, you are in myprayers, you are such an
encourager.
And she went on to go ahead andgive me a virtual hug and she
said I feel the love in yourpodcast and the concern in every
podcast episode.
So that's enough about me, butI wanted to talk about something
(02:09):
she wrote after this.
She said I've gained so muchfrom so many of them from a
podcast perspective.
And then she said I am part ofa VA caregiver support group as
my spouse is a veteran.
And she said they have so manydifferent groups and trainings
and wellness blips and are nowstarting a podcast discussion
(02:33):
group.
I was doing a happy dance, barb,if you're listening, or the
rest of you.
She said your podcast when weBelong was the first one we
discussed.
There was so much good thateveryone got from that.
I just wanted to thank you andknow that I encourage you in
(02:53):
your journey.
The reason I read this was ohmy gosh, podcasts now can have
discussion groups.
What I want to encourage you todo is, if you know other
caregivers, share the episode.
But if there's something reallygood and you're in a caregiving
group or a support group, whynot have a discussion?
(03:16):
I love it because we have bookclubs.
Why not podcast discussiongroups?
Kudos to you, barb, and your VAgroup for finding resources
like mine and others out thereto go ahead and have discussions
on.
And then, lastly I don't knowthe person's name, but she's
from Georgia.
She said I do appreciate yourpodcast.
(03:38):
She says I listen to it atnight as I ready myself for
sleep.
I listen to it at night as Iready myself for sleep.
It keeps me encouraged because,as a caregiver for my spouse
since his cancer diagnosis in2023, nighttime is the most
difficult to keep my mind fromruminating, and I find myself
empowered by your stories andexperience.
(04:00):
Thank you.
Well, thank you for sendingthis in, because we all find
time to go ahead and findinspiration and listening.
I'm just curious when you listento my podcast, do you listen to
them on a walk?
I listened to a lot of them inthe shower.
Too much information, I knowthat.
But doing dishes, vacuuming thefloor, I do a lot of that as
(04:24):
well.
So huge shout out.
Remember, the text is there forus to stay connected.
It doesn't have to be a praisefor me.
I want to hear what you areexperiencing, what your
challenges are, what you'redoing to go ahead and keep your
caregiver life inspiring andkeeping you empowered and
(04:47):
keeping you going.
I'd love to hear.
So never, never, in a doubt, doI want to go ahead and tell you
to stop sending me the textmessages.
I want them, so feel free toclick on that link below.
Well, let's get started, myfriend, with today's episode,
and I want to start it out witha question for you how many days
(05:08):
do you feel exhausted,frustrated and completely
drained?
I bet it's more than yourealize, right?
Caregiving isn't just aresponsibility, it's a 24-7 job
and you, my friend, are the CEOof it, of it all.
You manage medications,appointments, meals, hygiene,
(05:29):
emotional support, householdduties, financing.
The list is never ending andkeeps going on and on.
No wonder nearly 40% ofcaregivers report high levels of
stress and 20% say caregivinghas impacted their health.
According to the NationalAlliance for Caregiving.
These numbers are huge and theyjust touch the tip of the
(05:54):
iceberg.
Well, the biggest mistake I seecaregivers make is that they
focus solely on the 80% of this10-10 method.
The tasks, the appointments,the never-ending to-do list is
the 80%.
Whether you carry the loadyourself or you have help, the
(06:14):
weight of it can feeloverwhelming.
But here's the thing that 80%starts to explode when it
affects your physical health,mental health, mood,
relationships and more.
I know this from my experience.
I went through a season and thisseason was just December and
(06:36):
January of this year I feltcompletely overwhelmed, isolated
and, honestly, I wanted to giveup on everything I loved.
I fell into a depression, Ithink after the official restart
of Dennis's cancer and theaggressiveness of it.
I started getting depressed,doubted myself and let my
(06:59):
passion slip away.
I could no longer just sweep itunderneath the rug.
It felt like I was doingeverything for everyone else but
not enough for me.
But everything changed when Istarted practicing this 10-10
method and I'm calling it thisbecause I knew what it was, but
(07:19):
I had to formally create thisdaily habit and it became the
thing that helped me shift mymindset, really in late January
into early February, and takecontrol and reclaim my sense of
what we call balance.
In my life, which I know,balance is kind of an overused
(07:43):
dream kind of a thing.
There's no such thing to me asbalance, but as close to balance
as I could.
So what exactly is the 10-10method that I call?
Well, it's a habit, first ofall, a daily commitment to
yourself or myself.
It's a promise that, no matterhow chaotic or unpredictable
(08:04):
caregiving gets, that youintentionally carve out time
just for you 10% of your day inthe morning and 10% in the
evening.
I consider it like a whole dayis 100%, from when you wake up
to when you go to bed.
But how can you take care ofthese?
(08:26):
I almost call them likebookends of your day, the parts
that you actually have controlover, and it could be 10 minutes
in the morning, it could be anhour in the morning.
What is that?
10 percent in the morning andevening that you could give
yourself your day beyond that is100% full, no doubt about it.
(08:48):
But it gives you just 10% inthe morning and 10% in the
evening, and if you do that,you're setting yourself up for a
healthier, happy and moreresilient you, and that means
you're better equipped to handlewhatever comes in between,
because there's nothing worsethan getting up and just diving
(09:10):
into all the things that youneed to do, and it's easy to do
that but is it healthy to dothat?
You know the best part.
This isn't about adding more toyour plate.
I don't want you to think aboutit as another task.
It's about being intentionaland taking small little things
(09:31):
and doing it for yourself.
If you know you're alreadygoing to get dressed, or you
know you're going to alreadyhave to shower in the morning,
or even when you're making yourbed, take and think of that as
okay.
How can I make that my time?
I haven't opened the door up tothe world of caregiving.
(09:52):
I'm still in control of my life, and you want to do that
without sacrificing the care ofyour loved one, and so think
about it as you're preparingyourself to go into work or
you're preparing yourself to goon stage.
It's kind of the same thing.
How do you take care ofyourself and get this sense of
(10:13):
control and reclaim it?
Like I said earlier, I wasstuck.
December and most of January Ifelt like I was in a fog.
I was drowning in caregiving Inmy business.
My emotional weight was soheavy.
I was in my head about, youknow, oh my gosh, what if this
(10:34):
happens?
What if that happens?
The administration stuff wasexhausting.
I was trying to cram everythinginto each day all the tasks,
all the responsibilities, allthe emotions.
I was pushing myself beyond mylimits because I'm a high
achiever and I wanted to juststay busy.
(10:56):
And I created most of thisbusyness for me.
And do you know what I left outMe?
I know you can relate to this.
I wasn't allowing any time formyself.
I would wake up and immediatelygo.
I would wake up and immediatelygo and be on the go.
I was in green light.
I was in go mode, with no pause, no breath, just go, go, go
(11:24):
until bedtime.
I felt numb, detached fromreality and, if I'm being honest
, I was exhausted in a way thatsleep couldn't fix.
So I started small.
I took baby steps.
At first, I added just 10% tomy morning, a tiny sliver of
time that was just for me and,trust me, it was hard.
(11:46):
But I said I have to figurethis out.
Some days that meant simplysitting down on the floor and
taking a few deep breaths beforejumping into my day.
On other days it was quietmeditation and just quiet.
And, to trust me, it was quietmeditation.
(12:07):
I ran the shower and I sat onthe stoop on the shower and just
meditated and let the water run, and sometimes it was reading a
few uplifting quotes to shiftmy mindset.
Then I started giving myself10% at night before bed.
I love 80s music.
I love it.
(12:29):
I'm starting to even like 70smusic and I sang at the end of
my night to release the tensionfrom my day, just sang my songs
and played my music.
Other nights I stretch to relaxmy muscles and some evenings I
would journal my thoughts tokind of shift my mindset, of
(12:50):
shift my mindset.
Even each small act I meanthrough simple began, let me say
it again, each small act,though simple, began to make a
huge difference.
That's what I get for writingit out and not just speaking it
off my cuff here.
But it was just small acts thathelped me move a little bit
(13:13):
further and a little bit further.
It was almost like I was givingmyself permission to take 10
minutes, to take 15 minutes, totake 30 minutes, whatever it
would be, before I got started.
I know I remember my mom doingthis, even when I would stay
over with her.
Even when I would stay overwith her, my mom was not a
morning person and so she wouldwake up, but she wouldn't come
(13:43):
out to the kitchen or the diningarea where my dad and I were
having coffee and talking up astorm for about 30 minutes and I
know it was her just kind ofwaking up and she'd wash her
face and brush her teeth andchange her clothes into her
clothes, put on her makeup and Icould hear the music in the
bathroom playing and so on.
(14:03):
I think it was her way of kindof giving herself space to wake
up, and so I kind of feel likethat's kind of an analogy that I
can relate to as thinking aboutmy parents.
Like I said earlier, though,this has to be your personal
approach.
Customize it for you.
(14:24):
I heard Rachel Hollis in one ofher podcast episodes I don't
even know which one it was, butshe was talking about working
out and starting a healthyjourney and stuff, and she said
if it's not fun, you're going toquit, and the same applies to
this.
That means it should besomething you look forward to,
(14:45):
something that feels fun,rewarding, or exactly what you
need in that moment.
It doesn't have to becomplicated.
In fact, the simpler the better.
The key is consistently.
Maybe you have an audio bookthat you don't have time to read
anymore, so you play an audiobook when you get ready in the
(15:08):
morning and it's your way tokind of escape, or at the end of
the night.
Making that 10% of the morningand 10% of the evening should be
a non-negotiable part of yourday.
So I want you to start thinkingabout what you can do.
So let me give you someexamples, or at least one of my
(15:30):
examples, and then I'llbrainstorm some with you and
that'll hopefully get your mindflowing and spark some
inspiration for you, becauseeach and every one of us is
different.
Let me walk you through, like Isaid, my real-life example.
Last Monday and this happensevery three weeks for me right
(15:50):
now Dennis has his appointmentfor his chemotherapy.
Last Monday I had a full day,the kind of day that leaves you
feeling like you're running fromone thing to the next.
His lab appointments are at8.15.
So it takes a half hour to getthere.
So we have to leave early inthe morning.
His doctor's appointment's at8.55, and then he gets his
(16:15):
chemotherapy, which takesanywhere between two and three
hours.
We usually get home about 12.30, one o'clock after that and
then I do all my catch-up work.
So my 10% morning on that Mondayhad to be simple but impactful,
and it shifts for me every daydepending on what the calendar
(16:39):
holds.
I know I needed energy for thelong day ahead because I was
going to be Dennis's support.
I also needed to stay alert andfocus on advocacy and asking my
questions.
And it's Monday morning and Idon't remember.
I think it was gloomy out inthe morning.
So I got up at 6am and thefirst thing that I did was turn
(17:04):
on some of my favorite music.
I already told you that I lovemy music and that lifted my
spirit.
So I decided to stretch, sing,do a little dance while I was
getting ready and just kind ofmade my bed and took my shower
and got ready and stuff.
(17:24):
I even had a cup of coffeewhile I was journaling and I
worked on my gratitude and Ialso worked on what I needed to
think about when I was going inthere.
I also worked on my mindset,because you tend to go in the
(17:44):
chemotherapy wing or theoncology floor and you kind of
feel down and people are niceand people are positive, but you
see a lot of sick people.
And then I said a quick prayer.
So next I made my protein shakethat I was going to take along
(18:05):
the road, packed my extra cup ofcoffee and then put some snacks
in my grab and go bag and I wasall set.
Well, when I got home, the restof the day was busy, filled with
home tasks and dinner prep,walking the dogs and working,
and so that's why that 10% wasreally important in the morning,
(18:27):
although it was shorter thanusual, but I didn't lose sight
that my evening I had 10% aswell.
I knew I'd be tired by the endof the day, so I knew that
thinking ahead to my end of myday and when I'm exhausted I
start being this my negativemindset kicks in the glasses
(18:49):
half empty approach.
So I made a conscious effort toset aside time to process my
day with gratitude, and I dothis when, especially on hard
days, I'm grateful for Dennis'steam, I'm grateful for the nurse
that and I put the nurse's namedown.
You know I look for thingsthroughout the day so I can
(19:12):
journal those at the end.
I also recorded my thoughts andmy feelings and gave my mind a
distraction at the end of it,before I went to bed, because I
didn't want that to be my lastthoughts.
So I gave myself a distractionbefore the end of the day, which
that day I decided I wasfinishing up this book called
(19:38):
when we Belong Journeys thatShow Us the Way.
They're short little storieswritten from Jane Lorenzi that
were given to her from Hoda Kotband you know Hoda Kotb is like
my all time favorite person ifyou've listened to any of my
podcast episodes.
So if I could ever have lunchwith anybody, that's who I'd
(20:03):
want to have lunch with.
So I read a short story andthey were all inspiring stories,
and so I read a short storyabout where we belong and their
lessons learned, and that justkind of gave me a pump up before
the end of the night and thattime to unwind and reflect on
this comforting story.
(20:24):
So you need to think about whatthat looks like for you.
So that gets me to what Iwanted to talk about.
I want you to think about whatwould work for you.
That gets me to what I wantedto talk about.
I want you to think about whatwould work for you.
Every season of caregiving,every day, every situation is
different.
So your 10% can and should beadapted to fit where you are in
(20:44):
the moment.
It might look differentdepending on how you're feeling,
what you're juggling or evenwhat your day looks like, but I
don't want you to give up on itby saying, oh, I'm not going to
do anything.
Maybe for you, if you're havinga really rough morning, maybe
it's a smile in the mirror anddigging in your closet and
(21:07):
finding your favorite shirt.
That's all you can do.
Or maybe it's I'm going to puton some lip gloss, or maybe, you
know, whatever it would be.
So I want you to think about forme and I'm going to ask you now
and I'm going to ask you at theend too what's your 10%?
I want to hear from you whatwould help you feel more
(21:31):
energized, focused or peacefulin the morning and at night.
What are some thoughts?
Maybe for you it's saying aprayer.
Maybe for you it's watching afunny cat video, I don't know.
I want to hear from you what isgoing to prepare you for the
day and get your mindset readyfor the day, and what do you do
(21:54):
at the end of the night.
So I want to brainstorm someideas here once that I thought
about for let's start about withthe 10% morning ideas are think
about you're setting this stagefor the day, and you're setting
the day with clarity, energyand the right mindset.
Well, I talked about music andmovement, so maybe you have some
(22:17):
songs on your phone that you goto, your go-to songs.
Maybe it's gratitude journalingwith your favorite cup of
coffee or tea Remember, we'vealways talked about three things
you're grateful for.
It's going to set the stage.
Maybe it's an affirmation sayinga simple mantra like I am
(22:39):
strong, I am capable, I canhandle today.
Maybe it's deep breathing,maybe taking deep five breaths.
Maybe you sit and do this,maybe you raise your arms up and
down and you breathe that way.
If you have a little bit ofextra time, maybe it's a quick
walk or a stretch and you stepoutside in fresh air and wakes
(23:04):
you up.
Maybe you feel you need to takea prayer, meditation or
reflection time and sit instillness to set your intentions
for the day, especially if it'sa harder season, especially if
you're feeling anxious ortroubled.
(23:24):
Another one would be journalyour focus.
Write one word or phrase forhow you want to feel today.
I want to feel calm, I want tofeel enough.
I want to feel strong, I wantto feel present.
Write it on your hand, write iton the mirror.
(23:46):
Another thing maybe you're justwanting to go ahead and focus
on your body today.
Well, what about a full glassof water before you grab that
cup of coffee?
Maybe you have a motivationalquote or a devotional that's
going to get you in the rightmindset.
(24:06):
Maybe your time, this crazymorning, is just to prepare for
the day.
Maybe you sit in quiet andsaying, okay, I have a hundred
things to do today.
What are my top priorities?
Or, for me, what am I going?
Do I have my grab and go bag?
What am I going to do?
(24:28):
So, thinking about all of theseI mean, I'm just skimming the
surface.
So you want to think about itNow, in the evening.
Maybe it's an evening reflectionone positive moment from the
day.
The day was I'm going to swearhe wants a shit show but I'm
going to focus on one positivething that happened today.
(24:49):
Maybe it's stretching or agentle yoga to calm your body.
Maybe it's your journalingpractice and you take five
minutes to journal all thepositivity.
Maybe it's breathing exerciseagain.
Maybe it's soothing music orcalming music.
Maybe it's lighting a candle.
Maybe it's evening journaling.
(25:11):
Maybe it's reading for 10minutes.
Maybe you read something that'sinspirational or very much flip
it over.
Maybe you read your rom-comnovel, whatever it would be.
Maybe it's sitting down andsaying how can I make tomorrow a
little bit clearer or give itmore clarity?
(25:32):
And I'm going to write it downand in the morning I'm going to
read it again.
Maybe it's positivevisualization.
Maybe you imagine or you'relooking at something that's
positive, a picture.
Maybe it's just pamperingyourself with some gentle skin
care and doing that Now, I'monly skim the surface.
(25:55):
Maybe you want to just wind downand watch your favorite movie.
What are you going to do togive yourself time before the
end of the day?
So don't forget to hit thattext button and tell me your 10%
ideas.
I want to share those next weekon the podcast episode.
I love to hear how you'remaking this practice your own
(26:17):
and how it's helping you torecharge and thrive.
The 10-10 method can truly belife-changing.
It's not just about addinganother task to your already
packed day.
It's about making conscious,positive shifts that support
your well-being and help yourecharge and ultimately give you
(26:39):
a break and prepare you.
It's your time.
It's no different than a momtaking care of a toddler.
When she puts her toddler downto bed, hopefully she takes that
rest of that day for her.
You might have to play with itand find what works best for you
, but that's the beauty of itit's a personalized practice.
(27:03):
It's not a one-size-fits-all,but a method you can customize
and enjoy and really lookforward to.
Remember, the 10-10 method isabout prioritizing you.
It's about your health, yourenergy, your peace of mind.
If you make it something thatyou need and enjoy, it becomes a
(27:26):
natural part of your day, notjust another item on your to-do
list.
When the weather gets warmer,it's like, okay, I want to get
up and watch the sunrise with mycup of coffee and sit on the
patio.
You know so doing that.
I'm excited to try it out andsee how it.
(27:47):
I'm excited for you to try itout and see how it can transform
your caregiving journey.
And remember, take it in onestep at a time and give yourself
grace.
And I was listening to anotherpodcast and this lady is all
about no sugar and she said ifyou fall off the bandwagon,
(28:10):
don't do it more than two days,but if you fall off the
bandwagon and you have to allowyourself one more day to kind of
pull your bootstraps up, orpull your back up by your
bootstraps, but don't quit, justget right back on and try
something else and working onthat.
So I want to thank you todayfor listening to the Caregiver
(28:34):
Cup podcast.
I hope you enjoyed my 10-10method, especially since it's
really brand new to me.
It's so brand new to me becauseI was just weeks ago.
I was just in this deep, dark,yucky state and I needed
something to go ahead andkickstart.
(28:54):
And I needed something to goahead and kickstart and so I
just started trying and testingthings and then I realized it's
like okay, 10% for me in themorning, 10% for me in the
evening.
I mean I might be able to getmore in the middle of the day,
but there's nothing that saysI'm going to, but I can control
(29:15):
the morning and evening.
So remember, my friend, I'm here, this community is here from a
podcast perspective and we wantto go ahead and band together
because you know we're not alone, we're in this together, and so
I want you to go ahead and justremember that.
(29:36):
And so I want you to go aheadand just remember that.
And if you're not on my emaillist.
This is another avenue where wecommunicate with each other.
I want you to click the link inthe show notes and find more
(29:58):
inspiration, not only audioinspiration, but written
inspiration, and there's anotheropportunity for you to go ahead
and reply back and talk aboutthis journey, and if there's
things that you want to hear onthis podcast, tell me and we can
go ahead and add these as well.
So you take care, my friend,remember you're not alone and
(30:20):
also remember it's important tokeep your cup full, and when you
do the 10-10 method, you'reworking on that each and every
day.
Bye for now.
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