May 6, 2025 • 29 mins
Caregiving seasons constantly shift, and finding your rhythm during these transitions can make all the difference between barely surviving and maintaining your wellbeing. This episode explores how creating meaningful routines becomes your anchor when everything else feels unpredictable.
Cathy opens up about her current reality as her husband Denis undergoes a stem cell transplant, sharing how she's had to completely reimagine her daily schedule. From juggling hospital visits to maintaining her own health, she walks through the practical challenges of adapting to a new caregiving landscape. Her vulnerability about feeling emotionally overwhelmed while trying to establish normalcy offers a relatable perspective for caregivers in similar situations.
The heart of this episode focuses on the five key benefits of establishing routines: creating structure amid uncertainty, reducing decision fatigue, carving out essential space for self-care, supporting physical health, and providing emotional comfort during unfamiliar circumstances. Rather than prescribing a rigid schedule, Cathy offers a framework for building personalized "anchor points" throughout your day—morning activities to start positively, midday resets, and evening wind-downs that honor your current capacity.
What makes this guidance particularly valuable is its adaptability. Whether you're in a manageable season with some breathing room or completely maxed out, there are practical suggestions for incorporating small moments of self-care without adding more to your plate. From listening to calming music while washing dishes to creating "pause cards" with encouraging mantras, these accessible practices can be woven into existing activities.
Ready to reclaim even five minutes of your day for yourself? This episode might just show you how those few minutes could become your most powerful tool for sustainable caregiving. Share what season you're in and what routine is helping you stay grounded—your experience might be exactly what another caregiver needs to hear.
💌 Want more inspiration, information, and a deeper connection? Join the Caregiver Cup Community Newsletter for my weekly email filled with support and encouragement.
Get my free resource: 17 Shifts To Reduce CAREGIVER STRESS & Say Good-bye To CAREGIVER BURNOUT
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, welcome, my friend, to another episode of
the Caregiver Cup podcast.
It's Kathy here.
I just spent the day with myhusband, dennis, who is
inpatient in the hospital.
He finished his transplantingof his new stem cells from my
son, matt, last week and now hisbody is doing what it needs to
(00:22):
do, which means that it's veryuncomfortable for him Fevers,
chills, the intestinal stuff andthat takes about two weeks to
get through all of that and he'sabsolutely miserable.
And he's absolutely miserable.
But I look at the positive sideand he's got a great medical
(00:46):
team that has every step readyand dealing with each one of
them along the way, and theyreassure me that this is a
normal process.
So I am back in the eveningsand I'm back here, and then I'm
going to walk back in theevening and just saying
goodnight to him after I havedinner and then come back again
(01:08):
and spend some time recharging.
So what's really nice aboutwhere I am staying is it's
probably equivalent to athree-block walk.
I can see the place rightacross the street, but by the
time I get to his room it'sabout a three-walk block and
it's not really too bad.
(01:29):
So let me get started today,though, with the episode by
saying no matter what caregivingseason you're in, calm or
chaotic, your routine can eithercarry you or it can completely
drain you, and I've lived onboth sides of it.
Have you?
I bet you have and I find thata routine is very helpful and
(01:56):
that's what I want to talk aboutwith you.
Prior to this challenging stemcell season, the start to my
daily routines were reallybeautiful because Dennis was
home and he was always gettingchemotherapy and recovering and
I no longer work full time.
So I had this beautiful twohour window in the morning that
(02:19):
I called my routine, where Iwalked my dogs, where I walked
my dogs, drank my green spinachsmoothie with all of the
vitamins and protein andnutrition to start my day, and
then I either did some quickjournaling or stretching or both
, and so that was really nice.
Now it looks a bit different.
(02:41):
I still get up and try to getin a shorter walk or a stretch,
I shower and then I'm off to thehospital.
So let's talk about why yourroutine needs to change with the
season and why a routine is soneeded to go ahead and really
maintain your overall sanity andhealth and really maintain your
(03:03):
overall sanity and health.
So every season of caregivingrequires different needs of you
and of your overall caregivingroutine and challenges.
I want you to recognize ifyou're in a new season or what
season you're in, and looking atthat, I feel seasons are hard
(03:24):
to diagnose or hard to labelbecause we're in so many
different new seasons.
But we also recognize it whenit's in a quieter season as well
, when my loved one Dennis isinpatient.
I needed to be there each dayand I knew that.
(03:47):
After the first couple days Ifound out the routine of when
the doctors the mornings where,when the shift changes happened
at seven and then.
So you would meet the RN andthe CNAs on his team for the
next 12 hours, the CNAs on histeam for the next 12 hours.
I would meet the physician'sassistant, I would meet the
(04:07):
doctor and sometimes a physicaltherapist or a psychologist.
So mornings always seem to bethe best time to go ahead and do
it, and I narrowed it down toabout 8.30 till about noon is
when you kind of see them allyou know, coming in one by one.
(04:38):
So really, for two months aftermy loved one is released, he'll
be in the hospital until the21st of May approximately.
So I'm getting that figured out.
But then what does it look likeafter that?
That's going to be a new seasonfor me as well, and I have to
be not only there for themorning, I have to be a
full-time caregiver for him,because what will happen and I'm
(04:59):
using my past experience is hewill need to go in daily to the
hospital for labs and checkupsand whatever treatment he needs,
whether it be platelets orvitamins or whatever, and so
that after he's released on May21st is going to be another new
season where I'm going to haveto administer medications, make
(05:22):
meals, laundry, help him withhis showers, if needed, and
taking him to daily appointments.
And then another new seasonwill happen when oh, I can't
wait for this date, but I don'twant to wish the months away but
in July, approximately mid-July, he'll get to go home and
(05:44):
that'll be another new season,and I'm hoping the rains will be
lighter, since you know he willhave figured out and he'll
start feeling better.
But that'll be a new season.
I know you've been through it.
So all of these three newseasons for me I'm going to have
to figure out.
I've not experienced these,although I have some experience
(06:08):
in some of the new territories.
So let's talk about new seasonswould be more like appointments
.
Your loved one's conditionchanges that might be another
example of a new one.
Or maybe your energy levelschange.
Maybe a new season is when yourloved one is diagnosed with a
(06:29):
different illness or disease.
Maybe it's a lifestyle changefor you, where I've met many
caregivers.
Maybe they've moved, maybethey've had work done in their
home and they're trying tojuggle that.
Maybe their career has changed.
I know for a while for me, Iwent from full-time to part-time
(06:53):
and so that was a new season totry to figure out.
Or maybe a new season is whenyour loved one is sick, like
Dennis is right now.
So, thinking about it, newseasons are things that you have
to go ahead and assess and thenadjust to a different daily
routine, and these routines mayhave served you in the past but
(07:17):
may not now.
Like I can't go ahead and takea two-mile walk, or I can't.
A routine that I had in thepast is I would meet up with a
girlfriend once a week and dothat.
Well, now I can't do thatunless I want to travel 200
miles and then 200 miles back,and I can't do that right now.
(07:39):
So a few simple, another fewexamples might be where I don't
have to make during this routinethat I have.
I don't have to make meals,still want to walk, but I'm
going to have to find a newroute and a new time and I miss
(08:15):
my dog so much but I'm stillgetting my movement in.
It's for you, this new routineis not about doing more.
It's about doing what mattersmost in the season you're in,
and that's the big thing.
So let's talk about the benefitsof a caregiver routine or
(08:36):
developing a routine foryourself.
It provides validation andmotivation, first of all for you
as a caregiver and, let's behonest, when everything around
you feels uncertain, a routinecan become your lifeline.
And no, I'm not talking about arigid hour-by-hour schedule.
(08:57):
I'm talking about simple,repeatable anchors in your day
that help you breathe andfunction and find some sense of
control, like in this seasonwith my husband Dennis being
impatient.
I find myself completely out ofrhythm and I did that for the
first few days because I justwas scattered, overwhelmed and
(09:22):
constantly reacting to what washappening next and I had to
figure out.
Okay, there's going to be somethings I can't control and
instead of feeling defeated andexhausted and emotionally
overwhelmed, I have to figureout what is kind of soothing or
(09:44):
routine that I feel a sense ofpurpose in.
And so once I stepped back andintentionally shaped a loose
routine around this newenvironment like planning my
meals and identifying my role inthe hospital setting and what
were the good times for me tocome, and just deciding when I
(10:07):
move my body each day it shiftedeverything.
I found a morning routine, andthis is really silly for me.
I found a morning routine, andthis is really silly for me, but
I found a morning routine, andif I get up at six I can make my
shake.
I can walk around this blocktwo miles which comes out to
about two miles if I walk aroundit twice.
(10:28):
And then I threw in a load ofwash while I was doing it,
because I take Dennis's clotheshome every night and then I
bring him back some new freshstuff every day, and so instead
of waiting for the laundrybecause there's a great laundry
in this housing place calledKathy's House that we're at it
(10:51):
gives me that time.
By the time I'm back from mywash, then it's ready to go in
for the dryer I go back to myroom and drink my shake and
journal, pull the clothes out ofthe dryer, then I'm ready to
jump in the shower and then offI go.
So it helps me identifying whatI need to do in the morning and
(11:13):
then what is my role in thehospital setting, even just
deciding when the doctors arecoming and how.
That is helping me understandwhat's going on.
My stress has not gone away,but I'm going to use the word
softened a little bit.
My energy returned in smallways, especially when I walked,
(11:36):
and, most importantly, I startedfeeling this grounding that I
needed to feel.
So here's why I'm going to gothrough a few I think it's five
things of why a routine can helpyou matter.
Help you with how it can helpyou.
I can't even speak today andwhy it matters.
(11:59):
First of all, it createsstructure in the middle of
uncertainty, when caregivingthrows you curveballs, and it's
going to.
Having a rhythm to your day,even a simple one, if it's
morning or the evening orwhatever, gives you that
starting point or that endingpoint, and it's the difference
between reacting all day versusresponding with purpose.
(12:22):
My routine gives me a sense ofnormalcy, even when I'm in a
completely new environment likethe hospital setting.
Number two a reason why itreduces your decision fatigue.
You already make so manydecisions as a caregiver, like
meds and meals and appointmentsand scheduling and symptom
(12:43):
tracking.
Without a routine, every momentfeels like another choice to
make and that can wear you down.
Having the basic framework toyour day, like I take a walk,
maybe before lunch or duringlunch, I eat the same breakfast
each morning For me, I don'thave to think about it.
(13:06):
It eliminates the mental loadand frees up your energy for
more important things.
Mental load and frees up yourenergy for more important things
.
I am, you know, mine too is.
I went to the grocery store andI figured out what I was going
to eat each and every day,versus coming back from the
hospital exhausted and insteadof pulling out a bag of chips to
(13:29):
eat.
I have my meals planned and Iwent ahead and got what I needed
to.
I used the deli at the localgrocery store.
I bought some chicken that wasalready cooked, so all I had to
do is heat it up and so I hadstuff.
So even choosing like smallwalking routes each morning
(13:51):
means one less decision I haveto make.
So think about it.
Number three it helps you carveout space for you.
This might be the mostimportant benefit of all.
A routine helps ensure youdon't disappear in your
caregiving role.
It gives you dedicated momentsto care for yourself, to check
(14:12):
in with your heart, your breaths.
It could allow you to cry orstretch or just sit in peace.
Even just knowing that I'll get15 minutes of quiet time at
night makes the 12-hourcaregiving day feel more
manageable.
Because I know, with the newroutine back at the housing at
(14:34):
Kathy's house that we're stayingat when Dennis is here with me
24-7, I'm going to have to findsome quiet time outside of the
room so that I have that Numberfour benefit.
It supports your physicalhealth.
When you're caregiving, yourphysical body takes a hit Poor
sleep, you skip meals, you'resitting too long.
(14:58):
A routine with small habits canhelp.
Maybe you buy yourself a waterbottle and you make sure you
drink all your water and youtake that with you and I take a
water bottle with me to thehospital and I drink all that
water.
At least I know I get 16 ounceswhile I was there Eating real
(15:19):
food instead of just snacks.
I just talked about that.
Stretching or walking or evenjust standing to breathe for two
minutes.
I love my Apple Watch becauseit tells me that I haven't stood
in the hour and it tells me at10 minutes to the next hour that
you need to stand up and move,and I might go say to Dennis I'm
(15:41):
going to just go walk aroundthe floor for a minute.
He might join me or I might doit myself.
So here's another one.
I'm sure to take the stairsinstead of the elevator.
In some instances it might be asmall reminder to care for
yourself.
Number five benefit it reducesyour emotional overwhelm by
(16:03):
adding familiarity.
Familiar routines bring comfort, especially during seasons when
everything else is unfamiliaror out of control.
So repeating some of theserituals may help you as well.
Maybe it's your favorite smells, maybe you put on lotion every
(16:23):
day that brings you lavenderlotion.
Or playing music while you eatyour dinner alone in Kathy's
house, like for me, or for metoo, it's like maybe I go find
it sit out in the hall areawhere everybody else is eating,
and I do that on occasion.
(16:44):
So I meet some other people andwe talk about something else.
Okay, so the next thing I wannatalk about is how do you build
your routine or, better yet, ifyou're in a season, how do you
rebuild it?
The framework for me is youhave to assess your season, that
you're in.
What season are you in?
(17:05):
Is it manageable right now, isit moderate or are you maxed out
?
So you have to play into thatand say what can I do?
Because if you're maxed out,well then maybe just bringing a
bottle of water with you orforcing yourself to go ahead and
drink your water is all you cando right now, or taking a walk
(17:30):
in the hallway is all you can doright now.
Or maybe you're in a manageableseason.
Take advantage of that andsaying you know what I'm going
to do something in the morning,that I love to do that, and
saying you know what I'm goingto do something in the morning
that I love to do.
Maybe I'm going to go sit outon the patio for 15 minutes and
drink my coffee this eachmorning now, and that gives me a
(17:58):
break.
You have to be honest, too,about your time, your energy and
your over emotional bandwidth.
The worst thing you want to doright now is give yourself more
to do, so you want this routineto be something that fills your
cup.
For me, walking in the morning,sure I may be like, oh, I would
love to stay in bed.
But you know, once I getoutside and the sunshine is up,
(18:20):
this morning this is kind ofcrazy.
Our radio station in Green Bay,this oldies radio station,
plays the 70s songs on Saturdaysand Sundays and there is I
don't remember who the DJ is,but they go back in time and
play some of the songs that wereback in the 70s and all of
(18:41):
songs that were back in the 70sand all of the top 100 hits of
the 70s from 6 am to 9 am.
So I did that because itbrought me some familiarity.
It brought me just some funmusic, and one of the songs this
morning was Disco Duck Of allthings.
(19:02):
You know it was a weird song,but I giggled and I laughed
while I was walking.
I think you have to find outwhat you can do during that time
and what's going to boost yourenergy and get your mind away
for just a little bit from thechallenging moments.
Maybe it's a call to your bestfriend, you know, or whatever it
(19:24):
would be.
So you want to assess yoursituation first of all and
figure out where are thereopportunities and what would
bring that, and then you want topick your anchors.
I call these your anchors,because it's almost like what
(19:46):
can start your morning first ofall.
What's something that couldstart your morning that's not
going to be heavy, that's notgoing to be another thing added
to your plate.
Maybe you shower in the morningand maybe you do a few
stretches or you listen to tosome music or you do some deep
breaths in the morning that youcan do, or maybe it is a walk,
(20:09):
or maybe it is sitting out andwatching the sunrise.
What could be a midday reset foryou.
That's an anchor.
Are you eating?
Eating?
There are so many women hereand men that are caregivers that
before they take their truckover to the hospital or before
they start their day ofappointments, they have their
(20:31):
little lunch boxes or lunch bags, and I was looking going.
I need one of these.
Mine is old and not fun lookingand they make their lunches and
they pack their fruit and someof them are making salads, some
of them are making sandwichesbecause they're going to spend
the day, and that might be theirmidday reset for themselves.
(20:53):
For you, it could be somethingdifferent.
Maybe you just get outside alittle bit and walk, or maybe
you go ahead and call and checkin with somebody little bit and
walk, or maybe you go ahead andcall and check in with somebody,
whatever it would be.
And then what is your eveningwind down?
What are you doing to treatyourself to 15 minutes, 20
minutes of a relaxing wind downAgain?
(21:16):
Maybe it's deep breaths, it'scoffee brews, it's gratitude
journaling, maybe it's a shortprayer while you're brushing
your teeth?
Kind of think of ideas.
Another step is layering in yourpriorities.
What's absolutely a must thatyou get done from a caregiving
(21:37):
task perspective, and what areall the things that you have to
do?
So spend some time thinkingabout that.
And then where can you sneak inyour moments?
Where can you do that?
Walking during a call,stretching at night, putting on
that lavender lotion?
Where can you sneak in thattime?
(21:57):
And then, what's one thing foreach day that is like a treat
for you, that is a special thingfor you.
Maybe it's listening to music,maybe it's listening to this
podcast, maybe it's hey, I'vebeen cooped up all day and I
haven't even been out in the sun.
It's amazing what a walkout inthe sunshine will do for you.
(22:23):
It's just amazing.
And then number four is giveyourself grace and permission.
If all I do today is breatheand keep going in a challenging
day.
That's enough.
If all that I did is packed mylunch and made sure I had enough
water, well, that's it.
(22:43):
As I'm thinking about that, I'mgonna drink a little bit of
water here once, and that's it.
So what can you do Now?
The next one, the next sectionI wanna talk about, is ideas to
reduce and release stress daily.
We go through this all the timein this podcast and there's
(23:03):
many episodes of it, but I'mgoing to give you just a few of
my quick tips to add to myroutines.
Like when I'm doing the dishes,I'm listening to a calming
playlist, especially now.
When I come back and I come backnow from sitting, sitting with
(23:24):
Dennis all day and I find myselfso emotional.
All I want to do is cry and Ifeel alone.
My mental brain is going in 10different directions and I find
myself nope.
Kathy, put some calming musicon and just do the dishes.
(23:46):
Another thing is maybe, whenyou're doing your, you're
brushing your teeth.
What can you do?
You have to brush your teethfor at least a minute and get
those pearly whites all clean.
Is there a way you can moveyour body?
Maybe you do squats.
Maybe you march in place.
Doing that Don't forget fiveminutes of meditation or prayer
(24:11):
is going to do wonders for you.
Maybe you do that before youjump underneath your covers.
Maybe you do that when you getup in the morning.
When you get up in the morning,don't forget too.
You can create what's calledpause cards.
I found these in the hospitalwhere they had some.
(24:35):
They had a stack of like indexcards and the first few were
written like powerful quoteswere written on it, and then
they left the extra ones blank.
And so I found myself writingpause cards.
And you can have those indifferent spots, like I put them
on my dresser, I put them on mymirror, I put some in my purse
(24:57):
and it's just a moment to say,okay, what's my mantra today and
what am I going to pause andthink about today?
Maybe there's a theme for theday or a theme for the month,
and you write a couple of cardsthroughout based on the season
that you're in.
So right now I can control myearly mornings and my evenings
(25:20):
while Dennis is in the hospital,but I know what's going to
change.
But I know for the nextprobably 20 days I'm going to
plan on my walks in the morningIf I need to do wash.
I'm multitasking there and itmakes me feel really good.
(25:41):
I'm multitasking there and itmakes me feel really good.
I'm going to control mybreakfast because I am the type
of person that my digestivesystem gets whacked out If I
don't go ahead and keep aroutine with that Evenings.
Now I just went to the grocerystore and have my healthy
suppers really mapped out forabout a week.
(26:04):
I'm going to do a bit ofsocializing and really trying to
go ahead and do that, and thenI'm going to try to relax and
not let my emotions get the bestof me.
So, as I wrap up this episodetoday, I want you to really
(26:26):
think about you know, what partof your day could you reclaim
for yourself right now, thisweek?
I really want you to thinkabout it.
Is there anything that youcould add?
That is a routine that's notgoing to stress you out, that's
not going to be one more thingadded to your plate, and it just
(26:46):
is five minutes that you couldfit in.
What could you do that couldmake the difference?
And it might be that you haveto experiment and try things.
Maybe it's a pause card, maybeit's finding a quote of the day.
Maybe it's, you know, takingsome time and looking at the
(27:08):
sunrise and and or the sunsetand really just focusing on
nature right now.
Maybe it's.
Maybe you fell off thebandwagon when it came to
gratitude and it's reallyimportant for you to focus on
gratitude.
I want to encourage you to goahead and share these with me.
I'd love to hear about yourroutines right now and what
(27:31):
season you're in.
I'm in a new season.
This is the routine that I'mgoing to try or I'm going to be.
I'm in a good season right nowand this is what I'm doing.
And I'm in a good season rightnow and this is what I'm doing.
And it's kind of like, ifyou're running a marathon and
you're in a good season, thisroutine is going to keep filling
(27:52):
your cup and building stamina,and then so, when you're in a
new season, you're going to havesome of that stamina built up
and you're going to have some ofthat knowledge of what's been
working for you and you justhave to tweak it during this new
season.
And so don't forget to hit thattext and tell me what season
(28:14):
you're in, what routine you'regoing to try or you're working
on right now, and what's helpingyou and how is it helping you.
I know I gave you a lot there,but just you know what I'm
talking about.
So I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and I hope that you
think about the importance ofthis routine, which really falls
(28:38):
into taking care of yourself inthe good seasons, the bad
seasons, the new seasons, themoderate seasons, the hectic
seasons, whatever it would be,because you deserve it, my
friend.
You have to show up as yourbest self and we have to
(28:58):
continue to find ways to goahead and do that.
So finding a routine gives youa purpose, builds your
resilience and, in the end,helps you become a better
caregiver.
So take care, my friend.
I will give you updates onDennis next week, as well as
another episode of the CaregiverCup podcast.
(29:19):
Happy May and happy caregiving,my friend.
Bye for now.
Well, welcome, my friend, to another episode of
the Caregiver Cup podcast.
It's Kathy here.
I just spent the day with myhusband, dennis, who is
inpatient in the hospital.
He finished his transplantingof his new stem cells from my
son, matt, last week and now hisbody is doing what it needs to
(00:22):
do, which means that it's veryuncomfortable for him Fevers,
chills, the intestinal stuff andthat takes about two weeks to
get through all of that and he'sabsolutely miserable.
And he's absolutely miserable.
But I look at the positive sideand he's got a great medical
(00:46):
team that has every step readyand dealing with each one of
them along the way, and theyreassure me that this is a
normal process.
So I am back in the eveningsand I'm back here, and then I'm
going to walk back in theevening and just saying
goodnight to him after I havedinner and then come back again
(01:08):
and spend some time recharging.
So what's really nice aboutwhere I am staying is it's
probably equivalent to athree-block walk.
I can see the place rightacross the street, but by the
time I get to his room it'sabout a three-walk block and
it's not really too bad.
(01:29):
So let me get started today,though, with the episode by
saying no matter what caregivingseason you're in, calm or
chaotic, your routine can eithercarry you or it can completely
drain you, and I've lived onboth sides of it.
Have you?
I bet you have and I find thata routine is very helpful and
(01:56):
that's what I want to talk aboutwith you.
Prior to this challenging stemcell season, the start to my
daily routines were reallybeautiful because Dennis was
home and he was always gettingchemotherapy and recovering and
I no longer work full time.
So I had this beautiful twohour window in the morning that
(02:19):
I called my routine, where Iwalked my dogs, where I walked
my dogs, drank my green spinachsmoothie with all of the
vitamins and protein andnutrition to start my day, and
then I either did some quickjournaling or stretching or both
, and so that was really nice.
Now it looks a bit different.
(02:41):
I still get up and try to getin a shorter walk or a stretch,
I shower and then I'm off to thehospital.
So let's talk about why yourroutine needs to change with the
season and why a routine is soneeded to go ahead and really
maintain your overall sanity andhealth and really maintain your
(03:03):
overall sanity and health.
So every season of caregivingrequires different needs of you
and of your overall caregivingroutine and challenges.
I want you to recognize ifyou're in a new season or what
season you're in, and looking atthat, I feel seasons are hard
(03:24):
to diagnose or hard to labelbecause we're in so many
different new seasons.
But we also recognize it whenit's in a quieter season as well
, when my loved one Dennis isinpatient.
I needed to be there each dayand I knew that.
(03:47):
After the first couple days Ifound out the routine of when
the doctors the mornings where,when the shift changes happened
at seven and then.
So you would meet the RN andthe CNAs on his team for the
next 12 hours, the CNAs on histeam for the next 12 hours.
I would meet the physician'sassistant, I would meet the
(04:07):
doctor and sometimes a physicaltherapist or a psychologist.
So mornings always seem to bethe best time to go ahead and do
it, and I narrowed it down toabout 8.30 till about noon is
when you kind of see them allyou know, coming in one by one.
(04:38):
So really, for two months aftermy loved one is released, he'll
be in the hospital until the21st of May approximately.
So I'm getting that figured out.
But then what does it look likeafter that?
That's going to be a new seasonfor me as well, and I have to
be not only there for themorning, I have to be a
full-time caregiver for him,because what will happen and I'm
(04:59):
using my past experience is hewill need to go in daily to the
hospital for labs and checkupsand whatever treatment he needs,
whether it be platelets orvitamins or whatever, and so
that after he's released on May21st is going to be another new
season where I'm going to haveto administer medications, make
(05:22):
meals, laundry, help him withhis showers, if needed, and
taking him to daily appointments.
And then another new seasonwill happen when oh, I can't
wait for this date, but I don'twant to wish the months away but
in July, approximately mid-July, he'll get to go home and
(05:44):
that'll be another new season,and I'm hoping the rains will be
lighter, since you know he willhave figured out and he'll
start feeling better.
But that'll be a new season.
I know you've been through it.
So all of these three newseasons for me I'm going to have
to figure out.
I've not experienced these,although I have some experience
(06:08):
in some of the new territories.
So let's talk about new seasonswould be more like appointments
.
Your loved one's conditionchanges that might be another
example of a new one.
Or maybe your energy levelschange.
Maybe a new season is when yourloved one is diagnosed with a
(06:29):
different illness or disease.
Maybe it's a lifestyle changefor you, where I've met many
caregivers.
Maybe they've moved, maybethey've had work done in their
home and they're trying tojuggle that.
Maybe their career has changed.
I know for a while for me, Iwent from full-time to part-time
(06:53):
and so that was a new season totry to figure out.
Or maybe a new season is whenyour loved one is sick, like
Dennis is right now.
So, thinking about it, newseasons are things that you have
to go ahead and assess and thenadjust to a different daily
routine, and these routines mayhave served you in the past but
(07:17):
may not now.
Like I can't go ahead and takea two-mile walk, or I can't.
A routine that I had in thepast is I would meet up with a
girlfriend once a week and dothat.
Well, now I can't do thatunless I want to travel 200
miles and then 200 miles back,and I can't do that right now.
(07:39):
So a few simple, another fewexamples might be where I don't
have to make during this routinethat I have.
I don't have to make meals,still want to walk, but I'm
going to have to find a newroute and a new time and I miss
(08:15):
my dog so much but I'm stillgetting my movement in.
It's for you, this new routineis not about doing more.
It's about doing what mattersmost in the season you're in,
and that's the big thing.
So let's talk about the benefitsof a caregiver routine or
(08:36):
developing a routine foryourself.
It provides validation andmotivation, first of all for you
as a caregiver and, let's behonest, when everything around
you feels uncertain, a routinecan become your lifeline.
And no, I'm not talking about arigid hour-by-hour schedule.
(08:57):
I'm talking about simple,repeatable anchors in your day
that help you breathe andfunction and find some sense of
control, like in this seasonwith my husband Dennis being
impatient.
I find myself completely out ofrhythm and I did that for the
first few days because I justwas scattered, overwhelmed and
(09:22):
constantly reacting to what washappening next and I had to
figure out.
Okay, there's going to be somethings I can't control and
instead of feeling defeated andexhausted and emotionally
overwhelmed, I have to figureout what is kind of soothing or
(09:44):
routine that I feel a sense ofpurpose in.
And so once I stepped back andintentionally shaped a loose
routine around this newenvironment like planning my
meals and identifying my role inthe hospital setting and what
were the good times for me tocome, and just deciding when I
(10:07):
move my body each day it shiftedeverything.
I found a morning routine, andthis is really silly for me.
I found a morning routine, andthis is really silly for me, but
I found a morning routine, andif I get up at six I can make my
shake.
I can walk around this blocktwo miles which comes out to
about two miles if I walk aroundit twice.
(10:28):
And then I threw in a load ofwash while I was doing it,
because I take Dennis's clotheshome every night and then I
bring him back some new freshstuff every day, and so instead
of waiting for the laundrybecause there's a great laundry
in this housing place calledKathy's House that we're at it
(10:51):
gives me that time.
By the time I'm back from mywash, then it's ready to go in
for the dryer I go back to myroom and drink my shake and
journal, pull the clothes out ofthe dryer, then I'm ready to
jump in the shower and then offI go.
So it helps me identifying whatI need to do in the morning and
(11:13):
then what is my role in thehospital setting, even just
deciding when the doctors arecoming and how.
That is helping me understandwhat's going on.
My stress has not gone away,but I'm going to use the word
softened a little bit.
My energy returned in smallways, especially when I walked,
(11:36):
and, most importantly, I startedfeeling this grounding that I
needed to feel.
So here's why I'm going to gothrough a few I think it's five
things of why a routine can helpyou matter.
Help you with how it can helpyou.
I can't even speak today andwhy it matters.
(11:59):
First of all, it createsstructure in the middle of
uncertainty, when caregivingthrows you curveballs, and it's
going to.
Having a rhythm to your day,even a simple one, if it's
morning or the evening orwhatever, gives you that
starting point or that endingpoint, and it's the difference
between reacting all day versusresponding with purpose.
(12:22):
My routine gives me a sense ofnormalcy, even when I'm in a
completely new environment likethe hospital setting.
Number two a reason why itreduces your decision fatigue.
You already make so manydecisions as a caregiver, like
meds and meals and appointmentsand scheduling and symptom
(12:43):
tracking.
Without a routine, every momentfeels like another choice to
make and that can wear you down.
Having the basic framework toyour day, like I take a walk,
maybe before lunch or duringlunch, I eat the same breakfast
each morning For me, I don'thave to think about it.
(13:06):
It eliminates the mental loadand frees up your energy for
more important things.
Mental load and frees up yourenergy for more important things
.
I am, you know, mine too is.
I went to the grocery store andI figured out what I was going
to eat each and every day,versus coming back from the
hospital exhausted and insteadof pulling out a bag of chips to
(13:29):
eat.
I have my meals planned and Iwent ahead and got what I needed
to.
I used the deli at the localgrocery store.
I bought some chicken that wasalready cooked, so all I had to
do is heat it up and so I hadstuff.
So even choosing like smallwalking routes each morning
(13:51):
means one less decision I haveto make.
So think about it.
Number three it helps you carveout space for you.
This might be the mostimportant benefit of all.
A routine helps ensure youdon't disappear in your
caregiving role.
It gives you dedicated momentsto care for yourself, to check
(14:12):
in with your heart, your breaths.
It could allow you to cry orstretch or just sit in peace.
Even just knowing that I'll get15 minutes of quiet time at
night makes the 12-hourcaregiving day feel more
manageable.
Because I know, with the newroutine back at the housing at
(14:34):
Kathy's house that we're stayingat when Dennis is here with me
24-7, I'm going to have to findsome quiet time outside of the
room so that I have that Numberfour benefit.
It supports your physicalhealth.
When you're caregiving, yourphysical body takes a hit Poor
sleep, you skip meals, you'resitting too long.
(14:58):
A routine with small habits canhelp.
Maybe you buy yourself a waterbottle and you make sure you
drink all your water and youtake that with you and I take a
water bottle with me to thehospital and I drink all that
water.
At least I know I get 16 ounceswhile I was there Eating real
(15:19):
food instead of just snacks.
I just talked about that.
Stretching or walking or evenjust standing to breathe for two
minutes.
I love my Apple Watch becauseit tells me that I haven't stood
in the hour and it tells me at10 minutes to the next hour that
you need to stand up and move,and I might go say to Dennis I'm
(15:41):
going to just go walk aroundthe floor for a minute.
He might join me or I might doit myself.
So here's another one.
I'm sure to take the stairsinstead of the elevator.
In some instances it might be asmall reminder to care for
yourself.
Number five benefit it reducesyour emotional overwhelm by
(16:03):
adding familiarity.
Familiar routines bring comfort, especially during seasons when
everything else is unfamiliaror out of control.
So repeating some of theserituals may help you as well.
Maybe it's your favorite smells, maybe you put on lotion every
(16:23):
day that brings you lavenderlotion.
Or playing music while you eatyour dinner alone in Kathy's
house, like for me, or for metoo, it's like maybe I go find
it sit out in the hall areawhere everybody else is eating,
and I do that on occasion.
(16:44):
So I meet some other people andwe talk about something else.
Okay, so the next thing I wannatalk about is how do you build
your routine or, better yet, ifyou're in a season, how do you
rebuild it?
The framework for me is youhave to assess your season, that
you're in.
What season are you in?
(17:05):
Is it manageable right now, isit moderate or are you maxed out
?
So you have to play into thatand say what can I do?
Because if you're maxed out,well then maybe just bringing a
bottle of water with you orforcing yourself to go ahead and
drink your water is all you cando right now, or taking a walk
(17:30):
in the hallway is all you can doright now.
Or maybe you're in a manageableseason.
Take advantage of that andsaying you know what I'm going
to do something in the morning,that I love to do that, and
saying you know what I'm goingto do something in the morning
that I love to do.
Maybe I'm going to go sit outon the patio for 15 minutes and
drink my coffee this eachmorning now, and that gives me a
(17:58):
break.
You have to be honest, too,about your time, your energy and
your over emotional bandwidth.
The worst thing you want to doright now is give yourself more
to do, so you want this routineto be something that fills your
cup.
For me, walking in the morning,sure I may be like, oh, I would
love to stay in bed.
But you know, once I getoutside and the sunshine is up,
(18:20):
this morning this is kind ofcrazy.
Our radio station in Green Bay,this oldies radio station,
plays the 70s songs on Saturdaysand Sundays and there is I
don't remember who the DJ is,but they go back in time and
play some of the songs that wereback in the 70s and all of
(18:41):
songs that were back in the 70sand all of the top 100 hits of
the 70s from 6 am to 9 am.
So I did that because itbrought me some familiarity.
It brought me just some funmusic, and one of the songs this
morning was Disco Duck Of allthings.
(19:02):
You know it was a weird song,but I giggled and I laughed
while I was walking.
I think you have to find outwhat you can do during that time
and what's going to boost yourenergy and get your mind away
for just a little bit from thechallenging moments.
Maybe it's a call to your bestfriend, you know, or whatever it
(19:24):
would be.
So you want to assess yoursituation first of all and
figure out where are thereopportunities and what would
bring that, and then you want topick your anchors.
I call these your anchors,because it's almost like what
(19:46):
can start your morning first ofall.
What's something that couldstart your morning that's not
going to be heavy, that's notgoing to be another thing added
to your plate.
Maybe you shower in the morningand maybe you do a few
stretches or you listen to tosome music or you do some deep
breaths in the morning that youcan do, or maybe it is a walk,
(20:09):
or maybe it is sitting out andwatching the sunrise.
What could be a midday reset foryou.
That's an anchor.
Are you eating?
Eating?
There are so many women hereand men that are caregivers that
before they take their truckover to the hospital or before
they start their day ofappointments, they have their
(20:31):
little lunch boxes or lunch bags, and I was looking going.
I need one of these.
Mine is old and not fun lookingand they make their lunches and
they pack their fruit and someof them are making salads, some
of them are making sandwichesbecause they're going to spend
the day, and that might be theirmidday reset for themselves.
(20:53):
For you, it could be somethingdifferent.
Maybe you just get outside alittle bit and walk, or maybe
you go ahead and call and checkin with somebody little bit and
walk, or maybe you go ahead andcall and check in with somebody,
whatever it would be.
And then what is your eveningwind down?
What are you doing to treatyourself to 15 minutes, 20
minutes of a relaxing wind downAgain?
(21:16):
Maybe it's deep breaths, it'scoffee brews, it's gratitude
journaling, maybe it's a shortprayer while you're brushing
your teeth?
Kind of think of ideas.
Another step is layering in yourpriorities.
What's absolutely a must thatyou get done from a caregiving
(21:37):
task perspective, and what areall the things that you have to
do?
So spend some time thinkingabout that.
And then where can you sneak inyour moments?
Where can you do that?
Walking during a call,stretching at night, putting on
that lavender lotion?
Where can you sneak in thattime?
(21:57):
And then, what's one thing foreach day that is like a treat
for you, that is a special thingfor you.
Maybe it's listening to music,maybe it's listening to this
podcast, maybe it's hey, I'vebeen cooped up all day and I
haven't even been out in the sun.
It's amazing what a walkout inthe sunshine will do for you.
(22:23):
It's just amazing.
And then number four is giveyourself grace and permission.
If all I do today is breatheand keep going in a challenging
day.
That's enough.
If all that I did is packed mylunch and made sure I had enough
water, well, that's it.
(22:43):
As I'm thinking about that, I'mgonna drink a little bit of
water here once, and that's it.
So what can you do Now?
The next one, the next sectionI wanna talk about, is ideas to
reduce and release stress daily.
We go through this all the timein this podcast and there's
(23:03):
many episodes of it, but I'mgoing to give you just a few of
my quick tips to add to myroutines.
Like when I'm doing the dishes,I'm listening to a calming
playlist, especially now.
When I come back and I come backnow from sitting, sitting with
(23:24):
Dennis all day and I find myselfso emotional.
All I want to do is cry and Ifeel alone.
My mental brain is going in 10different directions and I find
myself nope.
Kathy, put some calming musicon and just do the dishes.
(23:46):
Another thing is maybe, whenyou're doing your, you're
brushing your teeth.
What can you do?
You have to brush your teethfor at least a minute and get
those pearly whites all clean.
Is there a way you can moveyour body?
Maybe you do squats.
Maybe you march in place.
Doing that Don't forget fiveminutes of meditation or prayer
(24:11):
is going to do wonders for you.
Maybe you do that before youjump underneath your covers.
Maybe you do that when you getup in the morning.
When you get up in the morning,don't forget too.
You can create what's calledpause cards.
I found these in the hospitalwhere they had some.
(24:35):
They had a stack of like indexcards and the first few were
written like powerful quoteswere written on it, and then
they left the extra ones blank.
And so I found myself writingpause cards.
And you can have those indifferent spots, like I put them
on my dresser, I put them on mymirror, I put some in my purse
(24:57):
and it's just a moment to say,okay, what's my mantra today and
what am I going to pause andthink about today?
Maybe there's a theme for theday or a theme for the month,
and you write a couple of cardsthroughout based on the season
that you're in.
So right now I can control myearly mornings and my evenings
(25:20):
while Dennis is in the hospital,but I know what's going to
change.
But I know for the nextprobably 20 days I'm going to
plan on my walks in the morningIf I need to do wash.
I'm multitasking there and itmakes me feel really good.
(25:41):
I'm multitasking there and itmakes me feel really good.
I'm going to control mybreakfast because I am the type
of person that my digestivesystem gets whacked out If I
don't go ahead and keep aroutine with that Evenings.
Now I just went to the grocerystore and have my healthy
suppers really mapped out forabout a week.
(26:04):
I'm going to do a bit ofsocializing and really trying to
go ahead and do that, and thenI'm going to try to relax and
not let my emotions get the bestof me.
So, as I wrap up this episodetoday, I want you to really
(26:26):
think about you know, what partof your day could you reclaim
for yourself right now, thisweek?
I really want you to thinkabout it.
Is there anything that youcould add?
That is a routine that's notgoing to stress you out, that's
not going to be one more thingadded to your plate, and it just
(26:46):
is five minutes that you couldfit in.
What could you do that couldmake the difference?
And it might be that you haveto experiment and try things.
Maybe it's a pause card, maybeit's finding a quote of the day.
Maybe it's, you know, takingsome time and looking at the
(27:08):
sunrise and and or the sunsetand really just focusing on
nature right now.
Maybe it's.
Maybe you fell off thebandwagon when it came to
gratitude and it's reallyimportant for you to focus on
gratitude.
I want to encourage you to goahead and share these with me.
I'd love to hear about yourroutines right now and what
(27:31):
season you're in.
I'm in a new season.
This is the routine that I'mgoing to try or I'm going to be.
I'm in a good season right nowand this is what I'm doing.
And I'm in a good season rightnow and this is what I'm doing.
And it's kind of like, ifyou're running a marathon and
you're in a good season, thisroutine is going to keep filling
(27:52):
your cup and building stamina,and then so, when you're in a
new season, you're going to havesome of that stamina built up
and you're going to have some ofthat knowledge of what's been
working for you and you justhave to tweak it during this new
season.
And so don't forget to hit thattext and tell me what season
(28:14):
you're in, what routine you'regoing to try or you're working
on right now, and what's helpingyou and how is it helping you.
I know I gave you a lot there,but just you know what I'm
talking about.
So I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and I hope that you
think about the importance ofthis routine, which really falls
(28:38):
into taking care of yourself inthe good seasons, the bad
seasons, the new seasons, themoderate seasons, the hectic
seasons, whatever it would be,because you deserve it, my
friend.
You have to show up as yourbest self and we have to
(28:58):
continue to find ways to goahead and do that.
So finding a routine gives youa purpose, builds your
resilience and, in the end,helps you become a better
caregiver.
So take care, my friend.
I will give you updates onDennis next week, as well as
another episode of the CaregiverCup podcast.
(29:19):
Happy May and happy caregiving,my friend.
Bye for now.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.