The More You Notice Grace, The More It Appears (Even in Caregiver Chaos)

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Grace might seem like a lofty concept, but for caregivers, it's the lifeline we desperately need when drowning in overwhelming responsibilities, emotional turmoil, and crushing self-expectations.

Drawing wisdom from Jamie Kern Lima's book "Worthy," this episode explores how caregivers can transform their relationship with mistakes, imperfections, and regrets. That argument with your loved one where you said something hurtful? The stress-induced cookie binge? Those moments of isolation when depression takes hold? These aren't just failures to beat yourself up about – they're potential turning points in your caregiving journey.

"We are our mess or we can become our message," Robin Roberts wisely notes. This perspective shift allows us to see our struggles not as evidence of inadequacy but as the very experiences building our strength and resilience. The episode dives deep into how our setbacks often become setups for what we're meant to do next in life. The challenges that seem unfair or senseless today might be preparing us for something we cannot yet see.

The reality is stark: no caregiver can do it all perfectly. When we hold ourselves to impossible standards, we miss the grace already present in our lives. Through vulnerable personal reflections about body image struggles and weight gain during her caregiving journey, Kathy illustrates how self-compassion creates space for healing even amid ongoing challenges.

Want a practical way to invite more grace into your life? Place a sticky note with the word "grace" somewhere visible or set it as your phone's lock screen. This simple reminder can interrupt self-criticism when it arises. Consider journaling moments when you notice grace or practice forgiving yourself. Because the more you acknowledge grace, the more it appears – surrounding you, going before you, standing beside you, and lifting you when you fall.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, hello, my friend, and welcome back to
another episode of the CaregiverCup podcast and welcome to
anyone new that's listening here.
I welcome you to the CaregiverCup podcast and I hope you find
this episode and other episodesbeneficial.
Let me just jump right intotoday's episode.
It's Kathy here.
I'm going to start with a quote.

(00:21):
Tony Robbins said the more youacknowledge grace, the more
grace appears.
Grace, let's talk about ittoday.
It's something that I've beenworking on continuously probably
all of my caregiver timegranting myself grace, being

(00:43):
patient, cutting myself someslack, whatever you want to call
it.
And I'm also reading the bookWorthy from Jamie Kern Lima and
I highly recommend it.
And when I got to page 92, Ibecame uncomfortable and
actually closed the book for awhile, and then I opened it back
up days later and, yes, Ididn't want to read this because

(01:07):
grace triggers me.
It's something I don't practicewell, no matter how hard I try,
but I pulled out the book againthe next day, like I said, and
read it.
She had said in the book graceis real and it's all over our
lives, yours and mine and themore we notice it, the more it.

(01:30):
I can't read that.
The more we notice it, the moreof it there is to notice.
Grace surrounds you, it goesbefore you, it's behind you and
beside you, and beneath you andabove you.
I thought that was sointeresting because it is
something we can grasp and grab,but for me, I don't do enough

(01:55):
of it.
I don't know about you, but Idon't do enough about it.
Here's where the book talked tome even more.
She said it's in the whisperthat tells you to watch out and
in the moments you've feltunconditional love in your life.
It's the protection that didn'tlet you stray off course for

(02:15):
long and kept you safe when youdid.
It's the butterfly sharing itsbeauty with you and the warmth
of the sun rays on your skin.
It's in the closed doors youtried so hard to pry open, only
now to be so thankful it didn't.
Oh my gosh.

(02:35):
As a caregiver, grace.
We need to think of it as thegift we need to give ourselves.
It was eye-opening for me whenI read it.
So instead of being so hard onourselves, especially as
caregivers, we need to giveourselves grace and grant

(02:56):
ourselves grace.
We get thrown in as much as youknow.
We get thrown so much ascaregivers.
We get all these things thrownat us.
The challenges can beoverwhelming, the tasks every
day can be overwhelming, and weare human and we will make
mistakes.

(03:17):
We will get emotional, we willhave feelings and actions we are
not proud of.
That's just the way it is.
Have feelings and actions weare not proud of.
That's just the way it is.
Our stress levels and thethings that get thrown at us are
hard.
We all have a story and we'reall the author of it.
We can't always choose thecharacters or the narratives

(03:40):
that come into the handout ofthe story, but we can always
decide the meaning we attach toeach of them.
Let's think about it.
This could be an argument youhad with your loved one and said
something you regretted.
Yeah, I've been there with mymom.

(04:00):
This could be stress eating andthe whole box of cookies, and I
am so guilty of it.
Even in high school, I wouldeat a whole box of those
powdered sugar donuts, but whenthings are stressful, I notice
that I don't even realize I'meating and I love my sweets.

(04:20):
This could be avoiding familyand friends and isolating
yourself because you feel stuckand depressed and you don't want
to talk to anybody.
What is your story when itcomes to not granting yourself
grace.
I want you to think about it.
Robin Roberts says we are ourmess or we can become our

(04:46):
message.
I love it.
We are our own mess or we canbecome our message.
I love it.
It makes you stop and think,doesn't it?
We can decide.
If they were the and I'mreading from my notes again, I'm

(05:07):
like I'm stumbling today, sobear with me, because you can
tell that grace is somethingthat's hard for me we can decide
if they were the worst thingthat happened to us or the best
thing because of what we learned, because of what we learned and
the resilience that we built.
So it's kind of looking at itof what we learned, because of
what we learned and theresilience that we built.
So it's kind of looking at it.

(05:27):
We can look at that moment ofyou know, a blow up moment that
we had, or the fumbling that wehad.
We can just keep beatingourselves up, or we can look at
it as a lesson learned and builda resilience from it.
Lesson learned and build aresilience from it.

(05:48):
We can decide to be the victim,or we can turn into a victory
for ourselves because we'velearned and we've grown from it,
or we are making it through thepainful journey and become a
better person.
So, yeah, we have to figurethings out as we go.
Going back to what JamieLernkema said in her book Worthy
, she said our setbacks arealmost always set ups for what

(06:13):
we call to do next in our lives.
Even when the setbacks and thestruggles don't make sense right
now or they don't seem fair, weare going to go ahead and build
something and learn somethingout of this.
The mistakes, the outbursts,things we are ashamed of, things

(06:34):
we regret and are embarrassedby.
They truly help us to be abetter person, if you look at it
that way, and we can lean intograce and saying, yep, I screwed
this up, but you know what Ilearned so much from it.
Just think about anyone tryingto succeed.
They are going to make mistakes.

(06:56):
Somebody that's in thatuncomfortable space they're
going to have to figure it out.
I mean, I think of justsomething simple, as a baby, a
baby that's learning to walk forthe very first time.
Well, they're not going to beable to take those 10 to 15
steps without falling, andfalling on their butt or falling

(07:19):
down in front or wobbling alongthe way.
But you know what?
They don't have that built-inshame or regret or
uncomfortableness, becausethey're just going to go ahead
and explore it.
As a teenager, I made so manymistakes.
I rebelled with my mouth, Irebelled with my actions and I

(07:46):
made some terrible mistakes as ateenager.
But I wouldn't be the person Iam today if I didn't test my
parents, if I didn't have thatrebellious stage.
Think about some of themistakes you made, and if you
didn't make those mistakes, youprobably wouldn't be the person
you are today.

(08:07):
Maybe the things you've beenfeeling shame around aren't even
shameful at all, and you havethe power, my friend, to decide
if you want them to be shamefulmoments or learning moments.
Our past or our present eventhe parts we're embarrassed by

(08:28):
or ashamed of, truly helps usbecome the person we're destined
to become, with unique skillswe only develop because of what
we went through.
Think about it, yeah.
So I just think that I want youto think about those days where
you get so down on yourselfbecause you made a mistake, or

(08:53):
you couldn't get everything done, or you just couldn't take it
anymore and you had to saysomething.
And it wasn't pretty, but youhad the courage to say something
.
What are you learning from it?
Going forward, courage to saysomething.
What are you learning from it?
Going forward and learning togo ahead and saying I forgive

(09:14):
myself, I grant myself grace.
So, before wrapping up, let'stake a moment to talk about the
reality of being too hard onourselves.
As caregivers, we often setsky-high standards and these
unrealistic expectations,believing we must do it all
right or we must know everythingor be perfect in every single

(09:41):
day.
But here's the truth.
We need to embrace that yousimply can't do it all.
We can't simply do it all.
We can't show up as our bestself every single day.
We're going to try.
We're going to try to go hardand be there and do everything

(10:03):
that we possibly can, but we'rehuman.
When we hold ourselves to theseimpossible standards, we risk
missing the grace that alreadyis present in our lives.
Instead of lettingself-criticism weigh yourself
down, try cutting yourself someslack.
Be patient with yourself andcelebrate every victory, no

(10:28):
matter how small.
Each day, each step forward isa testament to your strength and
your resilience.
You know, I have to preach thisto myself because I look at
myself and there are so manythings that I've ever been in my
entire life, in 2017.
And now, here I am in 2025,30-ish pounds overweight, and I

(11:08):
look at myself and I just am sofrustrated.
But I have to just be proud ofthe fact that I'm staying active
, I'm eating healthy and I'mdoing the best I can.
A lot of it is because ofstress, and I can say it, and

(11:30):
I'm just.
I want you to be my friendright now.
I can say it.
But there's times I don'tbelieve myself.
There's times that I'm notproud of myself.
There were times that Iwouldn't even want to go out of
the house because everything wastoo tight and people could see
the rolls on my back and theroll in my belly and that kind

(11:52):
of stuff.
But I have to keep remindingmyself that we are going through
an unprecedented time in ourlife.
I sound like a news person,something that we've never
experienced before.
That's what I'm thinking about,this unbelievable journey that

(12:12):
we're going through.
So we have to hold ourselves.
We can't hold ourselves tothese impossible standards.
Remember you and I yourimperfections don't define you.
They enrich your story.
The moments when you stumble areopportunities for you and I to
grow.

(12:33):
By embracing self-compassion,you and I not only nurture our
spirit, but we also create morespace for grace to work its
magic.
So let's remind ourselves it'sperfectly okay to be human.
Honor our journeys together.

(12:53):
You honor your journey, I'llhonor my journey, and we're
going to be kind to ourselvesalong the way.
I think that's the big thing.
So, friends, I want to close bysaying grace isn't just a lofty
idea, a fluffy idea.
It's the lifeline we throwourselves when we're drowning in

(13:13):
daily demands of caregiving.
You don't have to be perfect,you don't have to have all of
the answers.
You simply have to notice thelittle moments, the whispered
warnings, the unexpectedkindness, the closed doors that
keep you safe, and say thank you.
Be saying thank you toyourselves, you know, to

(13:37):
yourself, because every time youacknowledge grace, you invite
more of it into your life.
So today, let's promiseourselves together here, when we
stumble, we won't beatourselves up.
Yeah, I'm going to have tocontinue reminding myself of
that.
We'll reach out for grace,reminding myself of that.

(13:59):
We'll reach out for grace whenwe feel overwhelmed.
We'll pause and notice thebeauty that's already here.
And when we look back on ourjourney, we're going to
celebrate every step, everygrowth that we went through,

(14:19):
every hardship that we did.
We did it with grace, no matterhow small, that brought us
closer to who we are becoming.
Grace is your gift.
Let's unwrap it together.
So I hope you enjoyed thisepisode of the Caregiver Cup
podcast.
It's a little bit shorter, butI think it's a little bit more
impactful.
Today for you to go ahead andreflect on today, and I want you

(14:45):
to do yourself a favor.
I want you to take a stickynote or put a screensaver on
your phone and put that wordgrace or put something that
reminds you to grant yourselfgrace.
And when you get hard onyourself, I want you to embrace

(15:08):
grace, embrace the gift of grace.
Maybe it's journaling yourgrace and saying I'm proud of
myself because of this, or Iforgive myself for burning the
soup today.
Whatever it is, I want you todo that.

(15:30):
Or saying I'm doing the best Ican and I'm proud of myself for
going ahead and taking care ofmy loved one.
So until we meet again, myfriend, next week, take care and
remember you're putting gracein your cup this week and
hopefully you'll continue to doit from this point on.

(15:51):
Bye for now.