April 29, 2025 • 39 mins
Have you ever felt completely lost in a hospital, frantically searching for your loved one while juggling bags, security badges, and your own mounting anxiety? In this raw and surprisingly humorous episode, I take you through my first chaotic days at Froedtert Hospital in Milwaukee, where what should have been a straightforward procedure for my husband Dennis turned into a maze-like adventure of miscommunication, construction detours, and badge readers that simply wouldn't cooperate.
The healthcare system does an admirable job caring for patients, but as caregivers, we're often left navigating the periphery with minimal guidance. From wandering parking garages in search of elusive elevators to sweating through my clothes from stress (yes, I literally could have wrung out my bra in the bathroom!), these experiences highlight a universal truth about caregiving: no matter how prepared you think you are, chaos finds a way.
What saves us in these moments? Small acts of self-care—taking deep breaths in elevators, feeling the grass under our hands when overwhelm strikes, finding humor in absurdity, and connecting with fellow blue-lanyard-wearing caregivers who get it without explanation. These tiny moments of grounding become lifelines when everything feels overwhelming.
Whether you're currently in the caregiving trenches or supporting someone who is, this episode offers both practical wisdom and emotional solidarity. Remember: caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. You don't have to have it all figured out, and it's okay when things get messy. The strength is in showing up anyway—for your loved one and for yourself.
Share your most chaotic caregiving story with me! Text the number in the show notes. Your experiences matter, and in sharing them, we remind each other that while this journey is challenging, we're never truly alone in navigating it.
💌 Want more inspiration, information, and a deeper connection? Join the Caregiver Cup Community Newsletter for my weekly email filled with support and encouragement.
Get my free resource: 17 Shifts To Reduce CAREGIVER STRESS & Say Good-bye To CAREGIVER BURNOUT
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, hello there and welcome to the Caregiver Cup
podcast.
It's Kathy here.
Well, I am recording this nowfrom my new home away from home.
It's the housing called Kathy'sHouse across from Frederick
Hospital in Milwaukee, wisconsin.
(00:20):
I've only been here I'mrecording this on Saturday,
before the Tuesday episode.
I've only been here for threedays four days, but it feels
like forever already and I amgoing to share some stories
that's happened in the first fewdays that I didn't plan for and
(00:43):
I didn't plan for and I didn'tthink about it and I really went
in thinking that I would beprepared.
I kind of knew the process andyou know what.
Things just never go as plannedand as a caregiver, we can do
as much as we need to do, but wecan't stop the unexpected.
(01:04):
We need to do, but we can'tstop the unexpected.
And when I was writing my notes, I wrote on here things like if
you don't laugh and let it go,you're going to be this big
kettle of steam on your stovethat's going to whistle and
whistle and whistle and keepgoing until you go ahead and
(01:27):
pull it off.
I know that's a bad analogy,but if I allowed myself to get
frustrated or angry or emotionalwith all this stress and let it
get the best of me.
I would be on the couch, notable to even move right now.
So I have had to learn that Ijust had to go ahead and go with
(01:51):
the flow and ride thiscraziness for the last few days,
knowing now Dennis is situated,he's getting the best possible
care and I think the healthcaresystem does a really good job.
Most of the time it's debatable, but most of the time with
(02:13):
treating the patients reallywell, but they don't think about
the caregiver and all of thehoops and stuff that we have to
jump through.
And it just was like a lightbulb moment for me, and I have
seen so many caregivers over thelast few days that are trying
(02:35):
to go ahead and navigateseriously navigate where the
patient is and trying to get tosee them, or figuring out how to
park or whatever it would be.
When we drove into FreighterHospital, they are doing
construction on the main roadsby the hospital, so we're
detoured around and they'redoing construction on the front
(03:01):
entrance to the hospital.
Now when I talked to Dennistoday he said well, you don't
have their app which is going towalk you through everything
where you need to go Well.
For me it's like it looksobvious and I'm on their website
, I get there the information,but he gets the app that shows
(03:23):
them all of it and I didn't knowthat, so I went in kind of
blind.
So I feel like this episode isgoing to be a few short little
story experiences, how I handledthem in good ways, how I
handled them for lessons learned, and some of them are kind of
(03:45):
funny to me.
Maybe they're not to you, butthey're funny to me based on how
I reacted or some of theactions that I've taken.
I mean, I'll just give you asneak peek because I wanted to
walk.
I mean, seriously, the road isa sidewalk away the road from
(04:08):
Kathy's house and it's acrossthe street.
I mean, it's a little bit of awalk, but it's across the street
.
Why should I take my car out ofthe parking lot, follow this
detour around the block and thenget on a different road and go
into a parking ramp, when Icould walk across the street?
But what I didn't know issometimes the door is not well
(04:34):
placed or it's not explained,and so I'm like walking around
in parking garages and gettinglost.
I'm getting ahead of myself,but I'll share some of these.
So on Thursday morning let me goback to Thursday morning we
moved into Kathy's house onWednesday and then on Thursday
(04:54):
morning he had a 930 lab wherethey did all of his lab work and
they actually put in his IVline right away for his surgery
procedure.
He was getting his port takenout and then he was getting a
PICC line in and apparently theysaid the PICC line is less,
(05:21):
there's less of a chance forinfection versus the port is
different and we've had PICClines in, we've had ports in and
different types, and he wanteda little mild sedation with
freezing so that they could goahead and do that.
So he went after the 930 labswhich he got out of there about
(05:46):
10 o'clock we went up to thesurgery area, we checked in and
he was scheduled to move inthere at 1030.
After all of the pre-surgerystuff that they do, like they
have to go ahead and explaineverything consent forms, talk
(06:07):
to multiple nurses and thesurgeons and the operating room
tech and all that kind of stuff.
He was then moved out at 1130.
I had to leave the room at 1130.
And then at that point, 1130.
(06:30):
And then at that point theyexplained that I would have it
and I gave them my cell phonenumber and they would go ahead
and keep me updated.
But they thought once he gotinto the operating room the port
removal was going to take about30 minutes because they had to
remove it and they had to goahead and stitch him back up
it's in his upper chest and thenthe PICC line takes 15 minutes.
(06:50):
And so she said, or they allsaid, probably an hour max.
So at 12.04, I got a text sayingpatient has entered the
procedure slash enteringoperating room.
That's what I got.
And then it said we arepreparing for the procedure.
(07:12):
So I thought, okay, they'reprobably getting him in there
shaving his chest and cleaningit all up.
And that at 1234, I got amessage saying procedure is
going as planned, okay.
So I'm thinking, okay, good.
And at that time I had my graband go big and I packed myself a
(07:34):
little bit of a healthy snacklike trail mix and a granola bar
and I had my water and I wasjust kind of sitting back and
doing some journaling water andI was just kind of sitting back
and doing some journaling andthen at one o'clock I just took
a peek up at the board becausethere was also a board and it
said he was still in theprocedure.
And then at 1.30, it said thesame Okay, now it's an hour, so
(07:58):
I'm thinking it should be doneby now.
1.45, the same Now.
In the past I would have wentinto panic mode already because
it's beyond an hour and Iprobably would have been calling
or crying for somebody to justlisten to me.
I was getting nervous but Ikept telling myself don't panic,
take some deep breaths, it'sgoing to be okay.
(08:21):
This is a big hospital.
I decided I was going to standup because I just felt like if I
stood up I would be able tobreathe and let you know, let.
And I just stood behind mychair.
It was by a window so I couldlook out the window.
2 pm check the board and nothing, nothing.
(08:42):
His name wasn't even on theboard anymore, versus his name
always showed in procedure.
He was in procedure, they werecolor coded, but it didn't show
that he was on the recovery room.
So nothing, he wasn't on theboard anymore.
He was removed.
And so I walked to theinformation desk and explained
to the girl that the last textthat I got was at 1234 and it's
(09:06):
two o'clock and his name's noton the board.
And she goes that's crazy,that's weird.
And she said you know, I'll gocheck on it.
And I said, well, I'm going togo back, I'll just keep my phone
with me too, in case somethinghappened.
I'll come and I'll come backand let you know if I got a text
.
You know, if I got a text.
(09:30):
And then I started pacingEventually.
Then, at 2.15, I got a callfrom Frater.
Talk about the weirdest thingever that your husband's name's
off the board, you don't get atext and you're getting a call.
That was crazy, and it was his.
That was crazy.
And it was his.
He had a male nurse and hisnurse came and said hey, somehow
(09:56):
we didn't tell you in the textthat we decided, since he was
already in a bed, we're movinghim right.
We moved him right up to hisadmission room and we forgot to
tell you admission room and weforgot to tell you.
And I'm like where do I go?
How do I get there?
I still have his bags in hiscar, because my husband sleeps
with the CPAP machine and theytold us to pack enough for him,
and so he had a big duffel bagthat was pretty heavy and his
(10:20):
CPAP machine.
I had my carry, grab and go bagand the room was like now I
have to think about it.
It was a number and then it wasfour letters and then his room
number and I was like, okay, thenurse told me it and I'm like
(10:41):
I'm confused.
And he said just wait a minute,I'll meet you.
Just wait there, I'll meet you.
I wrote down the room numberand I'm going to walk you
through this.
Okay, so he was trying to do it.
Okay, so I had to go to the carto get his stuff and then I had
to go back in and he told me Ihad to go to the first floor to
(11:03):
get a security badge that wouldopen the elevator up for me to
his ninth floor that he was in.
So I get there, you have to goahead and show your ID, you have
to get a picture taken.
You get this badge and the girlsays, yeah, just wave it over
where it says badge in theelevator.
(11:23):
I could not get it to work.
It would not work.
And then another gal came in andshe said, yeah, you have to
almost kneel down because thered light has to be far enough
away.
And I'm like, okay, thank you.
And she got me in and I got upto the ninth floor.
Okay, where do I go?
(11:43):
Okay, now it says there's abuzzer that you have to press.
So I pressed the buzzer andthen they allowed me in and they
had said there's sinks right inthe front, you have to wash
your hands, you have to put yourmask on as I'm fumbling with
all my pegs, and by then I waslike soaking wet with sweat
(12:08):
because I was just nervous andso, and she explained that this
is the port protocol.
And then I figured out his roomand then, when I got in the room
, he's like what took you solong?
And I'm like you so long?
(12:29):
And I'm like nobody told me youwere moved up here and so we
had two seconds to talk, andthen it was, instead of you know
, getting angry or frustrated orwhatever, I'm like, okay, take
a deep breath, okay, and thenall of a sudden walks in, you
know the RN, and then another RN, and then he has two assigned
(12:50):
CNAs.
They walk in and do their thing, and then a nurse practitioner
walks in and gives a bits ofinformation, and then a
physician's assistant walks inand gives bits of information,
and then a physician's assistantwalks in and then the doctor
walks in.
It was just like there was somuch going on and they were
asking him questions, they weredoing his vitals and he was like
(13:12):
I didn't eat lunch yet todayand I'm starving.
And they said, oh yeah, youjust have to call in and order
your lunch.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, youdon't explain anything.
And all of a sudden, boom, youknow, and they rattle it off
fast and he's trying to figureout the menu and I'm like, oh my
God, it was like a flippantnightmare.
(13:34):
But I laugh at it now becausehe's settled in.
But at that time it was sochaotic and I could have moved
into being this angry caregiver,mama bear, and saying you guys
have this all messed up.
You got to stop and slow down,or, you know, I want to fix the
(13:59):
process and I can't fix theprocess for myself, or because I
could have been doing some ofthis while I was waiting.
But we just had to move forwardand I made the decision at that
point while I was going throughit.
I was just going to keep goingand absorb as much as I can
(14:19):
because things were moving sofast.
And if I would have hadn'treflected on it and got angry, I
would have never absorbedanything else.
So, going back to the humorousside though, I went to the
bathroom because I had to find Ican't use his restroom in his
room and got to be masked up andeverything.
(14:40):
So I have to find one in thehall, which I asked.
And I found one in the hall,but my bra was so soaking wet.
It reminds me of when I used torun marathons.
I lifted up my shirt and Icould have rang it out.
It was so wet.
I know you can relate.
At some point you have to be,and I'm like I wish there was
(15:01):
like one of those blow dryers inthere, because I would have
just, you know, did that.
And for some reason, that floorwith all of the sick people
things are hotter up there, orat least I think it is.
So, in carrying Dennis's bagand walking all that way, all I
wanted to do was pull this damnbra off and walk into a cooler
(15:27):
or a freezer at that time, butwhat I did instead is I took
some paper toweling and put itaround my neck and tried to cool
myself off and just took a fewbreaths.
But as caregivers, so you and Ihave to hold it together for our
loved ones Because, you know,if I would have gotten upset, my
(15:50):
husband would have been upset.
You know that.
And so you have to kind of masksome of those or just saying,
yeah, it was a little difficult,but you know, I figured it out.
You know, and even knowing thewhole day, that first day was a
mess.
It was a mess of emotions forme.
(16:11):
I was so confused, the physicalexhaustion of trying to
maneuver through floors anddifferent wings and badges and
security.
So I had this expectation, likeI said, that everything was
going to run smooth and peoplewere going to be friendly and
(16:33):
service driven.
Well, they are for the patientand they try to do that for the
patient, but, like I said, it'snot for the caregiver.
We got about 50% of that, or atleast I did that day, and we
usually get about 50% of service.
(16:53):
The rest of it we usually haveto figure out.
I just wish and I can dwell onthis forever and it's never
going to fix itself but I wish Iwould have thought about things
are not going to go as planned.
Why did I go in thinking it wasjust going to be okay.
You know things are going to be.
(17:16):
If you think about thehealthcare system, first of all
it's complicated, especially inbigger hospitals.
They have emergencies, they'rebehind, they're, just to be
brutally honest, they're stackedone right after the other, and
so Dennis was just part of thatassembly line, you know, and
(17:38):
being able to move it, you knowthey didn't think about me
sitting out there, which theyshould have.
But eventually, as theafternoon went on, we settled in
.
The next day, though I was, youknow, I was able to kind of
figure out.
I knew exactly where I had togo in the wing that we were in,
(18:01):
it's called now I can't rememberwhat it's called the Center of
Advanced Care.
That's the building that it'sin, and so I knew that.
And so I still had issues withmy badge, but I leaned on others
to help me.
Others that were in there, andI'm like anybody ever use this
(18:21):
badge before.
I was talking to people andsomebody else said, yeah, just
pull it down even further.
And so they helped me.
But the check-in processeschanged.
Then over the weekend, like Isaid, I'm recording this on
Saturday.
Then over the weekend, like Isaid, I'm recording this on
Saturday, Well, this morning wasa whole different process,
(18:42):
because the Center for QualityCare, the main building, is
closed, the entrance, the firstfloor, and so is the parking
garage, and so you have to usethe hospital and the hospital is
under construction and sothere's no front door in the
hospital and apparently you haveto go ahead when you drive in,
(19:05):
you have to go in through theelevators from the parking
garage.
Well, I talked to somebody onFriday night that and I said,
because she's been here for afew weeks, I said how do you go
in?
And she goes, well, you canjust walk into the parking
garage, and if you walk instraight you'll see it.
But there's two entrances tothe parking garage that I didn't
(19:26):
know about.
I went to the wrong entranceand here I am, walking around,
circles up the parking garagetrying to find the elevator.
Okay, I finally find theelevator, and then I'm like okay
, what floor is the hospital on?
And I thought it was the firstfloor.
Well, that's the basement, it'son the second floor and there
was a sign there, but I was soflustered I didn't see it.
(19:50):
And then I got off the elevatorand I saw that the check in and
it looked for me and I saw thecheck-in and it looked for me,
Naya's, like an airport almost.
It was a makeshift check-inarea because they're under
construction.
So I go up to the counter, theyget me in.
I didn't know I had to gothrough a metal detector and a
(20:11):
security check.
So they checked my bags, theychecked everything and I told
the guy I'm like you can smellmy coffee but you can't drink my
coffee.
I was so nervous I joke whenI'm nervous he at least had a
smirk on his face.
And then he said now you haveto go through these glass doors
(20:34):
with your badge Okay, kathyagain has trouble with her badge
, but eventually it works.
And then you have to followwhere it says get to the N
elevator.
It's like a maze, it'sdefinitely at least a block to
get to the elevator.
(20:55):
And then eventually I get up.
Well, on the way out I couldn'tfind my way and so I asked
somebody and she goes yeah, ittook me two or three times
before I figured out this mazethat you have to go through so
well, I get to the elevator andI'm like there's got to be a
better way to get out of here.
Well, I walked and I walked andI walked to try to figure out
(21:20):
how to get out, and it was thethird floor to get out of the
garage.
So, oh my gosh, but eventuallyI figured it out.
Now I know my way, but when Igot out of the parking garage,
of the parking garage, all Icould see was there was a
sidewalk with grass, and I justI dropped all my stuff on the
(21:52):
grass and I knelt down and Ifelt the grass.
I was so flustered andoverwhelmed.
I probably look like a totalidiot, but I wanted to ground
myself because I was going tolose my mind because of it.
But oh my gosh, like I said, Isat down and took some deep
breaths.
It was crazy, but I made it.
(22:13):
I kept saying what I did.
All I wanted to do each day,though, especially with all this
chaos, all you want to do as acaregiver is you want to.
When your loved one isinpatient, all you want to do is
get in, figure out where to goand sit with your loved one.
You want to meet with thedoctors and nurses and get
(22:36):
updates, and this crazy chaosmade it so hard.
Trust me, eventually I willgive that feedback to somebody,
whether it be our social workeror our navigator, like his case
quarter.
I will give that because thatneeds to be explained, because
that is not you know.
(22:58):
Nobody told me make sure youhave the app loaded on your
phone because of the things thatare.
Nobody told me that Dennis knewit because they sent him that
information as a patient, andapparently Dennis didn't think I
needed to know that because hewas going to be part.
He was supposed to go in forthat surgery, come back out, get
(23:20):
dressed and then we were goingto walk up together and I think
that's what he thought was goingto happen.
So who knows?
Now let me shift.
One other thing that was quiteimpressive but overwhelming.
When he checked into his roomthey had this big white board on
(23:40):
the wall and that was kind oflike their.
What am I trying to think of?
Their central navigation board?
It's kind of like a board thathe goes through I can't think of
the word right now, but anyway,the board is about five feet
wide it's longer than probablythe length of my arm to arm, a
(24:04):
little bit longer than that andfour feet tall and it's at his
eye level.
So when he's laying on the bednext to his TV he can see this
big, big board and it has thedate and it has the nurses that
are taking care of them.
There's two RNs, two CNAs.
He has his dietician, hisoccupational physical therapy
(24:29):
person, his doctor, hisphysician's assistants, all of
the people that are servicingthem.
Their names are on the board,all of the people that are
servicing them.
Their names are on the board.
Each day they change it.
What's really cool is they havea calendar on it because he is
in this process, and so they'llexplain what each day is and
(24:53):
then they'll talk about whathe's getting on each of those
days, like he had chemo todayand they named the name of the
chemo on there.
They also have his goals.
He's got activity.
He's got to walk the halls,he's got to shower a specific
way, he's got to brush his teethfour times a day, he's got
(25:15):
nutrition goals and all that.
So they have his goals, so hecan see his goals that he has to
adhere to.
They also have his target fordischarge and then they have lab
goals, where they have to keephis labs at this level and if
they're not, then they adjusthis medication.
(25:35):
I thought it's really cool andfor me, being a very organized
person.
I can look at that board andknow who's on duty and how
they're taking care of them thatday, which I thought was really
impressive.
And then he has his app too,his MyChart, so I can see the
(25:58):
hospital notes that the nursesare taking and the doctors are
taking.
So if I take a break I cancatch up with those as well, and
then I can read them and askDennis about them too.
I thought that was really good,but it's so overwhelming to be
able.
You're going in there on thatfirst day and they're going
through all of this.
So you know, and so the nurse.
(26:21):
I said to the nurse I'm like,oh my gosh, this is so much to
take in.
She goes I know it's a lot totake in, but take it one day at
a time.
Don't look at all of that.
Dennis is focusing on his goals.
We're focusing on themedications that we need to take
.
You need to just look at it asan informational piece in small
(26:43):
chunks, and so I thought thatwas a really good reminder.
So I'm thinking about us.
When everything feels like it'shappening all at once and I know
you've experienced this or evenmay be experiencing it again
Don't forget to pause andbreathe, especially when things
(27:06):
are chaotic.
You don't have to know it all,you don't have to do it all.
You don't have to know it rightaway.
You don't have to do it rightaway.
This could be a personalreminder for us as caregiving
that we just need to do, youknow, take a pause, even
something as simple as when Iwas just I had to go to the
(27:31):
restroom.
When I got up there and afterthe series of medical teams came
in, I said I need to go to therestroom.
I paused in there, cool down.
I sat on the toilet going tothe bathroom and I took deep
breaths and I did box breathing,trying to go ahead and center
(27:53):
myself and relax a bit, becausechaos and overwhelm in these
types of caregiving seasons aregoing to happen no matter what,
and they can be planned, theycan be unplanned, they can be
seen or they can't be seen.
(28:14):
So your well-being plan that youthink, that you say, yep, I'm
going to walk, I'm going to eat,well, I'm going to drink.
But when something chaotic goeswrong, everything goes out the
window and what you're goinginto is survival mode in that
minute or in that day and you'rejust trying to sustain your
(28:43):
energy and keep your sanity.
For me, yeah, I could have saidwell, it's lunchtime, I got to
go down and eat, but Dennis wasin surgery.
He was supposed to start at10.30 or 11.30.
I can't even remember and itdidn't go as planned.
It didn't go as planned, so youalso want to think about
focusing on just small littlechunks of breaks in the chaos or
(29:07):
in the moment.
Okay, drink your water.
That's all you can controlright now.
Take deep breaths.
Even while you're sitting inthe bathroom, you have your grab
and go bag with a granola baror some trail mix, or I had a
banana in there.
You got to find humor in thesituation.
(29:29):
I thought I could use it.
I couldn't figure out asecurity card thing with a
barcode on it and I couldn't getit to work.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, andI've tried everything.
And then I was so worried thatI was stinky with that wet bra
on and you just have to findhumor in it and joke about it.
(29:53):
You know, or you know justsaying help me, I can't figure
this out and I'm like it's sosilly, but I don't know.
And then, most of the time thatI was in the elevators, because
I've been in the elevators alot, figuring out this card,
because I usually visit them inthe morning, go take a walk or
go for lunch on a typical dayand then come back, and every
(30:17):
time I talk to a caregiver theysaid oh yeah, we've been in this
boat the first time, the secondtime it's kind of like being a
newbie in there.
Another reminder is ride thechaos waves and try to ride
those with some level of justletting it go and granting
(30:38):
yourself grace.
This kind of reminded me of in2015 in my corporate job.
I traveled a lot.
I was home probably one week amonth and that was the whole
year for my corporate job and itreminded me of when flights
were delayed or when I missed myconnection.
(31:00):
Nothing would go as planned andit was very challenging.
It was very overwhelming.
This is what the last few daysreminded me of myself.
And then finding ways to releasethe chaos as soon as you can.
If it's just going ahead andtaking a quick walk down the
(31:24):
hall and grabbing some water, ifit's breathing, if it's getting
home at the end of the dayafter your loved one is all
settled in and you taking ashower, or whatever it would be.
You have to find that, like Isaid, I've met so many
caregivers in the last few dayswho are in the thick of it as
(31:47):
well, just like me.
And finally, when I'm atKathy's house, we have to wear
these lanyards and the bluelanyards.
I feel like we're in a sororityclub, because I'll see other
caregivers at Kathy's house andI'll say hi, neighbor, I don't
know where you're at, but I'm atKathy's house too.
(32:07):
I don't know where you're at,but I'm at Kathy's house too,
and so you see them as well.
I'll never forget one that I wasstanding in the hallway of the
hospital and I'm running into afellow caregiver and she asked
me how are you doing?
And I said how are you doing?
(32:29):
And we asked each other thatand we both looked at each other
and just totally laughed andI'm like this is only my first
day and I am so overwhelmed, notwith my husband's condition,
but navigating this hospital.
And she goes oh yeah, it isjust such a treat because you
(32:54):
never know what to expect.
And we both laughed and weshared, and our husbands are on
the same floor and so we kind ofshared room numbers and I waved
at her today.
She was in the room with herhusband and we can't go in there
because it's all masks andstuff.
But it reminded me of we needto check in with each other.
(33:17):
We need to go ahead and just bebold enough to just talk to
other caregivers who are in thesame situation, or smile, smile
at them or, you know, say hi tothem, because you may be facing
the hardest season of your life,but you know what Others are
too, and we're not alone in thisjourney.
(33:39):
Another caregiver I met todayshe's like I didn't realize how
much walking I was going to haveto take to get to my loved
one's floor and I didn't wearthe right shoes today.
And I'm like, yeah, I learnedthat real fast the last few days
, but I didn't know I would bewalking even further on the
(34:00):
weekends.
And yeah, she said, yeah, shegoes, I learned my lesson.
She said I'll be getting mytennies or my tennis shoes on
the next time.
And she's like, and I'm goingto carry less with me.
So to kind of round this up andwrap this up, tips for
caregivers in stressfulsituations.
I wanted to just kind of do alittle reminder.
(34:22):
Hey, pause and breathe in themiddle of chaos.
Just take 10 seconds.
It could be riding up theelevator, it could be going to
the bathroom, it could besitting in your car before you
go in.
You so deserve it and rememberthese pauses are scientifically
(34:43):
researched.
When you go ahead and do deepbreaths in and you breathe out,
you're allowing your body totake in that oxygen and going
ahead and trying to calm yourbody.
Also, accept help.
Ask for help.
When you're in a chaoticsituation, like navigating, ask
(35:03):
for help.
I can't figure this out.
There is strength when you askfor support.
I delegated my home stuff.
I checked in with people today.
How are you doing?
Thanks, and it just makes youfeel better.
Okay, I'm going to just sharefinding humor when things feel
(35:24):
overwhelming.
Sometimes a good laugh is thebest medicine.
What the hell?
I'm sorry I usually don't swear.
What the heck am I doing in aparking garage, walking up and
down, when cars usually drivethis, and why can't I find the
(35:44):
out?
I feel like I was in a cornmaze trying to figure out where
the entrance and the exit wasand I probably looked so weird
and it was such a weirdsituation and now it's like I'm
going to probably remember thisforever and then practice
grounding.
(36:05):
Find ways to ground yourselfwhen things feel out of your
control.
This could be a groundingtechnique like feeling the grass
, or taking a walk outside, orlistening to music, humming a
song, taking a deep breath,reading a Bible verse saying the
(36:26):
Hail Mary, our father.
Whatever it would be, you willneed to find that.
So let me end with anempowering message here
Caregiving isn't for the faintof heart, but in the midst of
chaos.
Remember there is strength invulnerability and there is
courage in showing up foryourself as much as you show up
(36:49):
for your loved one.
So next time you feel lost,stressed or emotionally drained,
know that you are not alone.
We're in this together.
We're stronger than we think.
And hey, by this way, I wouldlove to hear your most chaotic
story.
I would love to hear your mostchaotic story, the good, the bad
(37:10):
, the ugly because I think thereis power in us talking about
these Things that you knowshould have been changed, things
maybe that you made a mistake,things that made you feel
uncomfortable.
And let me leave you with a fewquotes.
I just feel like a quote kindof person today.
Now I don't have the author, soI'm going to do a little
(37:35):
disclaimer here because I justforgot to write them down.
But here's one.
It's okay to have not what Iwrote it down wrong.
It's okay to not have it alltogether.
What matters is showing up,even when it's messy.
So no matter what you'reshowing up, you're figuring it
(37:59):
out.
So I want you to go ahead anddo that.
And then remember, caregiving isa marathon, not a sprint, so
you have to take a lot ofbreaths along the way.
My husband's going to be heretill the middle of July, so if I
get stressed out now, I'm notgoing to be able to sustain my
(38:20):
health and energy.
So I have to figure out how totake deep breaths.
You have to do the same deepbreaths.
You have to do the same.
And then the famous one and thereason I call this the
caregiver cup is you cannot pourfrom an empty cup, so you need
to take care of yourself first,my friend.
So have a good rest of the weekand I look forward to going
(38:43):
ahead and reading some of yourtext about your chaos, your
techniques, your humorousmoments just fill the text line
up.
The text is in the show notesand so I don't know who you are.
I don't get your text number.
I just get a few digits to tellme where you're located and
(39:06):
that's just on a differenthosting system.
No-transcript.
Well, hello there and welcome to the Caregiver Cup
podcast.
It's Kathy here.
Well, I am recording this nowfrom my new home away from home.
It's the housing called Kathy'sHouse across from Frederick
Hospital in Milwaukee, wisconsin.
(00:20):
I've only been here I'mrecording this on Saturday,
before the Tuesday episode.
I've only been here for threedays four days, but it feels
like forever already and I amgoing to share some stories
that's happened in the first fewdays that I didn't plan for and
(00:43):
I didn't plan for and I didn'tthink about it and I really went
in thinking that I would beprepared.
I kind of knew the process andyou know what.
Things just never go as plannedand as a caregiver, we can do
as much as we need to do, but wecan't stop the unexpected.
(01:04):
We need to do, but we can'tstop the unexpected.
And when I was writing my notes, I wrote on here things like if
you don't laugh and let it go,you're going to be this big
kettle of steam on your stovethat's going to whistle and
whistle and whistle and keepgoing until you go ahead and
(01:27):
pull it off.
I know that's a bad analogy,but if I allowed myself to get
frustrated or angry or emotionalwith all this stress and let it
get the best of me.
I would be on the couch, notable to even move right now.
So I have had to learn that Ijust had to go ahead and go with
(01:51):
the flow and ride thiscraziness for the last few days,
knowing now Dennis is situated,he's getting the best possible
care and I think the healthcaresystem does a really good job.
Most of the time it's debatable, but most of the time with
(02:13):
treating the patients reallywell, but they don't think about
the caregiver and all of thehoops and stuff that we have to
jump through.
And it just was like a lightbulb moment for me, and I have
seen so many caregivers over thelast few days that are trying
(02:35):
to go ahead and navigateseriously navigate where the
patient is and trying to get tosee them, or figuring out how to
park or whatever it would be.
When we drove into FreighterHospital, they are doing
construction on the main roadsby the hospital, so we're
detoured around and they'redoing construction on the front
(03:01):
entrance to the hospital.
Now when I talked to Dennistoday he said well, you don't
have their app which is going towalk you through everything
where you need to go Well.
For me it's like it looksobvious and I'm on their website
, I get there the information,but he gets the app that shows
(03:23):
them all of it and I didn't knowthat, so I went in kind of
blind.
So I feel like this episode isgoing to be a few short little
story experiences, how I handledthem in good ways, how I
handled them for lessons learned, and some of them are kind of
(03:45):
funny to me.
Maybe they're not to you, butthey're funny to me based on how
I reacted or some of theactions that I've taken.
I mean, I'll just give you asneak peek because I wanted to
walk.
I mean, seriously, the road isa sidewalk away the road from
(04:08):
Kathy's house and it's acrossthe street.
I mean, it's a little bit of awalk, but it's across the street
.
Why should I take my car out ofthe parking lot, follow this
detour around the block and thenget on a different road and go
into a parking ramp, when Icould walk across the street?
But what I didn't know issometimes the door is not well
(04:34):
placed or it's not explained,and so I'm like walking around
in parking garages and gettinglost.
I'm getting ahead of myself,but I'll share some of these.
So on Thursday morning let me goback to Thursday morning we
moved into Kathy's house onWednesday and then on Thursday
(04:54):
morning he had a 930 lab wherethey did all of his lab work and
they actually put in his IVline right away for his surgery
procedure.
He was getting his port takenout and then he was getting a
PICC line in and apparently theysaid the PICC line is less,
(05:21):
there's less of a chance forinfection versus the port is
different and we've had PICClines in, we've had ports in and
different types, and he wanteda little mild sedation with
freezing so that they could goahead and do that.
So he went after the 930 labswhich he got out of there about
(05:46):
10 o'clock we went up to thesurgery area, we checked in and
he was scheduled to move inthere at 1030.
After all of the pre-surgerystuff that they do, like they
have to go ahead and explaineverything consent forms, talk
(06:07):
to multiple nurses and thesurgeons and the operating room
tech and all that kind of stuff.
He was then moved out at 1130.
I had to leave the room at 1130.
And then at that point, 1130.
(06:30):
And then at that point theyexplained that I would have it
and I gave them my cell phonenumber and they would go ahead
and keep me updated.
But they thought once he gotinto the operating room the port
removal was going to take about30 minutes because they had to
remove it and they had to goahead and stitch him back up
it's in his upper chest and thenthe PICC line takes 15 minutes.
(06:50):
And so she said, or they allsaid, probably an hour max.
So at 12.04, I got a text sayingpatient has entered the
procedure slash enteringoperating room.
That's what I got.
And then it said we arepreparing for the procedure.
(07:12):
So I thought, okay, they'reprobably getting him in there
shaving his chest and cleaningit all up.
And that at 1234, I got amessage saying procedure is
going as planned, okay.
So I'm thinking, okay, good.
And at that time I had my graband go big and I packed myself a
(07:34):
little bit of a healthy snacklike trail mix and a granola bar
and I had my water and I wasjust kind of sitting back and
doing some journaling water andI was just kind of sitting back
and doing some journaling andthen at one o'clock I just took
a peek up at the board becausethere was also a board and it
said he was still in theprocedure.
And then at 1.30, it said thesame Okay, now it's an hour, so
(07:58):
I'm thinking it should be doneby now.
1.45, the same Now.
In the past I would have wentinto panic mode already because
it's beyond an hour and Iprobably would have been calling
or crying for somebody to justlisten to me.
I was getting nervous but Ikept telling myself don't panic,
take some deep breaths, it'sgoing to be okay.
(08:21):
This is a big hospital.
I decided I was going to standup because I just felt like if I
stood up I would be able tobreathe and let you know, let.
And I just stood behind mychair.
It was by a window so I couldlook out the window.
2 pm check the board and nothing, nothing.
(08:42):
His name wasn't even on theboard anymore, versus his name
always showed in procedure.
He was in procedure, they werecolor coded, but it didn't show
that he was on the recovery room.
So nothing, he wasn't on theboard anymore.
He was removed.
And so I walked to theinformation desk and explained
to the girl that the last textthat I got was at 1234 and it's
(09:06):
two o'clock and his name's noton the board.
And she goes that's crazy,that's weird.
And she said you know, I'll gocheck on it.
And I said, well, I'm going togo back, I'll just keep my phone
with me too, in case somethinghappened.
I'll come and I'll come backand let you know if I got a text
.
You know, if I got a text.
(09:30):
And then I started pacingEventually.
Then, at 2.15, I got a callfrom Frater.
Talk about the weirdest thingever that your husband's name's
off the board, you don't get atext and you're getting a call.
That was crazy, and it was his.
That was crazy.
And it was his.
He had a male nurse and hisnurse came and said hey, somehow
(09:56):
we didn't tell you in the textthat we decided, since he was
already in a bed, we're movinghim right.
We moved him right up to hisadmission room and we forgot to
tell you admission room and weforgot to tell you.
And I'm like where do I go?
How do I get there?
I still have his bags in hiscar, because my husband sleeps
with the CPAP machine and theytold us to pack enough for him,
and so he had a big duffel bagthat was pretty heavy and his
(10:20):
CPAP machine.
I had my carry, grab and go bagand the room was like now I
have to think about it.
It was a number and then it wasfour letters and then his room
number and I was like, okay, thenurse told me it and I'm like
(10:41):
I'm confused.
And he said just wait a minute,I'll meet you.
Just wait there, I'll meet you.
I wrote down the room numberand I'm going to walk you
through this.
Okay, so he was trying to do it.
Okay, so I had to go to the carto get his stuff and then I had
to go back in and he told me Ihad to go to the first floor to
(11:03):
get a security badge that wouldopen the elevator up for me to
his ninth floor that he was in.
So I get there, you have to goahead and show your ID, you have
to get a picture taken.
You get this badge and the girlsays, yeah, just wave it over
where it says badge in theelevator.
(11:23):
I could not get it to work.
It would not work.
And then another gal came in andshe said, yeah, you have to
almost kneel down because thered light has to be far enough
away.
And I'm like, okay, thank you.
And she got me in and I got upto the ninth floor.
Okay, where do I go?
(11:43):
Okay, now it says there's abuzzer that you have to press.
So I pressed the buzzer andthen they allowed me in and they
had said there's sinks right inthe front, you have to wash
your hands, you have to put yourmask on as I'm fumbling with
all my pegs, and by then I waslike soaking wet with sweat
(12:08):
because I was just nervous andso, and she explained that this
is the port protocol.
And then I figured out his roomand then, when I got in the room
, he's like what took you solong?
And I'm like you so long?
(12:29):
And I'm like nobody told me youwere moved up here and so we
had two seconds to talk, andthen it was, instead of you know
, getting angry or frustrated orwhatever, I'm like, okay, take
a deep breath, okay, and thenall of a sudden walks in, you
know the RN, and then another RN, and then he has two assigned
(12:50):
CNAs.
They walk in and do their thing, and then a nurse practitioner
walks in and gives a bits ofinformation, and then a
physician's assistant walks inand gives bits of information,
and then a physician's assistantwalks in and then the doctor
walks in.
It was just like there was somuch going on and they were
asking him questions, they weredoing his vitals and he was like
(13:12):
I didn't eat lunch yet todayand I'm starving.
And they said, oh yeah, youjust have to call in and order
your lunch.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, youdon't explain anything.
And all of a sudden, boom, youknow, and they rattle it off
fast and he's trying to figureout the menu and I'm like, oh my
God, it was like a flippantnightmare.
(13:34):
But I laugh at it now becausehe's settled in.
But at that time it was sochaotic and I could have moved
into being this angry caregiver,mama bear, and saying you guys
have this all messed up.
You got to stop and slow down,or, you know, I want to fix the
(13:59):
process and I can't fix theprocess for myself, or because I
could have been doing some ofthis while I was waiting.
But we just had to move forwardand I made the decision at that
point while I was going throughit.
I was just going to keep goingand absorb as much as I can
(14:19):
because things were moving sofast.
And if I would have hadn'treflected on it and got angry, I
would have never absorbedanything else.
So, going back to the humorousside though, I went to the
bathroom because I had to find Ican't use his restroom in his
room and got to be masked up andeverything.
(14:40):
So I have to find one in thehall, which I asked.
And I found one in the hall,but my bra was so soaking wet.
It reminds me of when I used torun marathons.
I lifted up my shirt and Icould have rang it out.
It was so wet.
I know you can relate.
At some point you have to be,and I'm like I wish there was
(15:01):
like one of those blow dryers inthere, because I would have
just, you know, did that.
And for some reason, that floorwith all of the sick people
things are hotter up there, orat least I think it is.
So, in carrying Dennis's bagand walking all that way, all I
wanted to do was pull this damnbra off and walk into a cooler
(15:27):
or a freezer at that time, butwhat I did instead is I took
some paper toweling and put itaround my neck and tried to cool
myself off and just took a fewbreaths.
But as caregivers, so you and Ihave to hold it together for our
loved ones Because, you know,if I would have gotten upset, my
(15:50):
husband would have been upset.
You know that.
And so you have to kind of masksome of those or just saying,
yeah, it was a little difficult,but you know, I figured it out.
You know, and even knowing thewhole day, that first day was a
mess.
It was a mess of emotions forme.
(16:11):
I was so confused, the physicalexhaustion of trying to
maneuver through floors anddifferent wings and badges and
security.
So I had this expectation, likeI said, that everything was
going to run smooth and peoplewere going to be friendly and
(16:33):
service driven.
Well, they are for the patientand they try to do that for the
patient, but, like I said, it'snot for the caregiver.
We got about 50% of that, or atleast I did that day, and we
usually get about 50% of service.
(16:53):
The rest of it we usually haveto figure out.
I just wish and I can dwell onthis forever and it's never
going to fix itself but I wish Iwould have thought about things
are not going to go as planned.
Why did I go in thinking it wasjust going to be okay.
You know things are going to be.
(17:16):
If you think about thehealthcare system, first of all
it's complicated, especially inbigger hospitals.
They have emergencies, they'rebehind, they're, just to be
brutally honest, they're stackedone right after the other, and
so Dennis was just part of thatassembly line, you know, and
(17:38):
being able to move it, you knowthey didn't think about me
sitting out there, which theyshould have.
But eventually, as theafternoon went on, we settled in
.
The next day, though I was, youknow, I was able to kind of
figure out.
I knew exactly where I had togo in the wing that we were in,
(18:01):
it's called now I can't rememberwhat it's called the Center of
Advanced Care.
That's the building that it'sin, and so I knew that.
And so I still had issues withmy badge, but I leaned on others
to help me.
Others that were in there, andI'm like anybody ever use this
(18:21):
badge before.
I was talking to people andsomebody else said, yeah, just
pull it down even further.
And so they helped me.
But the check-in processeschanged.
Then over the weekend, like Isaid, I'm recording this on
Saturday.
Then over the weekend, like Isaid, I'm recording this on
Saturday, Well, this morning wasa whole different process,
(18:42):
because the Center for QualityCare, the main building, is
closed, the entrance, the firstfloor, and so is the parking
garage, and so you have to usethe hospital and the hospital is
under construction and sothere's no front door in the
hospital and apparently you haveto go ahead when you drive in,
(19:05):
you have to go in through theelevators from the parking
garage.
Well, I talked to somebody onFriday night that and I said,
because she's been here for afew weeks, I said how do you go
in?
And she goes, well, you canjust walk into the parking
garage, and if you walk instraight you'll see it.
But there's two entrances tothe parking garage that I didn't
(19:26):
know about.
I went to the wrong entranceand here I am, walking around,
circles up the parking garagetrying to find the elevator.
Okay, I finally find theelevator, and then I'm like okay
, what floor is the hospital on?
And I thought it was the firstfloor.
Well, that's the basement, it'son the second floor and there
was a sign there, but I was soflustered I didn't see it.
(19:50):
And then I got off the elevatorand I saw that the check in and
it looked for me and I saw thecheck-in and it looked for me,
Naya's, like an airport almost.
It was a makeshift check-inarea because they're under
construction.
So I go up to the counter, theyget me in.
I didn't know I had to gothrough a metal detector and a
(20:11):
security check.
So they checked my bags, theychecked everything and I told
the guy I'm like you can smellmy coffee but you can't drink my
coffee.
I was so nervous I joke whenI'm nervous he at least had a
smirk on his face.
And then he said now you haveto go through these glass doors
(20:34):
with your badge Okay, kathyagain has trouble with her badge
, but eventually it works.
And then you have to followwhere it says get to the N
elevator.
It's like a maze, it'sdefinitely at least a block to
get to the elevator.
(20:55):
And then eventually I get up.
Well, on the way out I couldn'tfind my way and so I asked
somebody and she goes yeah, ittook me two or three times
before I figured out this mazethat you have to go through so
well, I get to the elevator andI'm like there's got to be a
better way to get out of here.
Well, I walked and I walked andI walked to try to figure out
(21:20):
how to get out, and it was thethird floor to get out of the
garage.
So, oh my gosh, but eventuallyI figured it out.
Now I know my way, but when Igot out of the parking garage,
of the parking garage, all Icould see was there was a
sidewalk with grass, and I justI dropped all my stuff on the
(21:52):
grass and I knelt down and Ifelt the grass.
I was so flustered andoverwhelmed.
I probably look like a totalidiot, but I wanted to ground
myself because I was going tolose my mind because of it.
But oh my gosh, like I said, Isat down and took some deep
breaths.
It was crazy, but I made it.
(22:13):
I kept saying what I did.
All I wanted to do each day,though, especially with all this
chaos, all you want to do as acaregiver is you want to.
When your loved one isinpatient, all you want to do is
get in, figure out where to goand sit with your loved one.
You want to meet with thedoctors and nurses and get
(22:36):
updates, and this crazy chaosmade it so hard.
Trust me, eventually I willgive that feedback to somebody,
whether it be our social workeror our navigator, like his case
quarter.
I will give that because thatneeds to be explained, because
that is not you know.
(22:58):
Nobody told me make sure youhave the app loaded on your
phone because of the things thatare.
Nobody told me that Dennis knewit because they sent him that
information as a patient, andapparently Dennis didn't think I
needed to know that because hewas going to be part.
He was supposed to go in forthat surgery, come back out, get
(23:20):
dressed and then we were goingto walk up together and I think
that's what he thought was goingto happen.
So who knows?
Now let me shift.
One other thing that was quiteimpressive but overwhelming.
When he checked into his roomthey had this big white board on
(23:40):
the wall and that was kind oflike their.
What am I trying to think of?
Their central navigation board?
It's kind of like a board thathe goes through I can't think of
the word right now, but anyway,the board is about five feet
wide it's longer than probablythe length of my arm to arm, a
(24:04):
little bit longer than that andfour feet tall and it's at his
eye level.
So when he's laying on the bednext to his TV he can see this
big, big board and it has thedate and it has the nurses that
are taking care of them.
There's two RNs, two CNAs.
He has his dietician, hisoccupational physical therapy
(24:29):
person, his doctor, hisphysician's assistants, all of
the people that are servicingthem.
Their names are on the board,all of the people that are
servicing them.
Their names are on the board.
Each day they change it.
What's really cool is they havea calendar on it because he is
in this process, and so they'llexplain what each day is and
(24:53):
then they'll talk about whathe's getting on each of those
days, like he had chemo todayand they named the name of the
chemo on there.
They also have his goals.
He's got activity.
He's got to walk the halls,he's got to shower a specific
way, he's got to brush his teethfour times a day, he's got
(25:15):
nutrition goals and all that.
So they have his goals, so hecan see his goals that he has to
adhere to.
They also have his target fordischarge and then they have lab
goals, where they have to keephis labs at this level and if
they're not, then they adjusthis medication.
(25:35):
I thought it's really cool andfor me, being a very organized
person.
I can look at that board andknow who's on duty and how
they're taking care of them thatday, which I thought was really
impressive.
And then he has his app too,his MyChart, so I can see the
(25:58):
hospital notes that the nursesare taking and the doctors are
taking.
So if I take a break I cancatch up with those as well, and
then I can read them and askDennis about them too.
I thought that was really good,but it's so overwhelming to be
able.
You're going in there on thatfirst day and they're going
through all of this.
So you know, and so the nurse.
(26:21):
I said to the nurse I'm like,oh my gosh, this is so much to
take in.
She goes I know it's a lot totake in, but take it one day at
a time.
Don't look at all of that.
Dennis is focusing on his goals.
We're focusing on themedications that we need to take
.
You need to just look at it asan informational piece in small
(26:43):
chunks, and so I thought thatwas a really good reminder.
So I'm thinking about us.
When everything feels like it'shappening all at once and I know
you've experienced this or evenmay be experiencing it again
Don't forget to pause andbreathe, especially when things
(27:06):
are chaotic.
You don't have to know it all,you don't have to do it all.
You don't have to know it rightaway.
You don't have to do it rightaway.
This could be a personalreminder for us as caregiving
that we just need to do, youknow, take a pause, even
something as simple as when Iwas just I had to go to the
(27:31):
restroom.
When I got up there and afterthe series of medical teams came
in, I said I need to go to therestroom.
I paused in there, cool down.
I sat on the toilet going tothe bathroom and I took deep
breaths and I did box breathing,trying to go ahead and center
(27:53):
myself and relax a bit, becausechaos and overwhelm in these
types of caregiving seasons aregoing to happen no matter what,
and they can be planned, theycan be unplanned, they can be
seen or they can't be seen.
(28:14):
So your well-being plan that youthink, that you say, yep, I'm
going to walk, I'm going to eat,well, I'm going to drink.
But when something chaotic goeswrong, everything goes out the
window and what you're goinginto is survival mode in that
minute or in that day and you'rejust trying to sustain your
(28:43):
energy and keep your sanity.
For me, yeah, I could have saidwell, it's lunchtime, I got to
go down and eat, but Dennis wasin surgery.
He was supposed to start at10.30 or 11.30.
I can't even remember and itdidn't go as planned.
It didn't go as planned, so youalso want to think about
focusing on just small littlechunks of breaks in the chaos or
(29:07):
in the moment.
Okay, drink your water.
That's all you can controlright now.
Take deep breaths.
Even while you're sitting inthe bathroom, you have your grab
and go bag with a granola baror some trail mix, or I had a
banana in there.
You got to find humor in thesituation.
(29:29):
I thought I could use it.
I couldn't figure out asecurity card thing with a
barcode on it and I couldn't getit to work.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, andI've tried everything.
And then I was so worried thatI was stinky with that wet bra
on and you just have to findhumor in it and joke about it.
(29:53):
You know, or you know justsaying help me, I can't figure
this out and I'm like it's sosilly, but I don't know.
And then, most of the time thatI was in the elevators, because
I've been in the elevators alot, figuring out this card,
because I usually visit them inthe morning, go take a walk or
go for lunch on a typical dayand then come back, and every
(30:17):
time I talk to a caregiver theysaid oh yeah, we've been in this
boat the first time, the secondtime it's kind of like being a
newbie in there.
Another reminder is ride thechaos waves and try to ride
those with some level of justletting it go and granting
(30:38):
yourself grace.
This kind of reminded me of in2015 in my corporate job.
I traveled a lot.
I was home probably one week amonth and that was the whole
year for my corporate job and itreminded me of when flights
were delayed or when I missed myconnection.
(31:00):
Nothing would go as planned andit was very challenging.
It was very overwhelming.
This is what the last few daysreminded me of myself.
And then finding ways to releasethe chaos as soon as you can.
If it's just going ahead andtaking a quick walk down the
(31:24):
hall and grabbing some water, ifit's breathing, if it's getting
home at the end of the dayafter your loved one is all
settled in and you taking ashower, or whatever it would be.
You have to find that, like Isaid, I've met so many
caregivers in the last few dayswho are in the thick of it as
(31:47):
well, just like me.
And finally, when I'm atKathy's house, we have to wear
these lanyards and the bluelanyards.
I feel like we're in a sororityclub, because I'll see other
caregivers at Kathy's house andI'll say hi, neighbor, I don't
know where you're at, but I'm atKathy's house too.
(32:07):
I don't know where you're at,but I'm at Kathy's house too,
and so you see them as well.
I'll never forget one that I wasstanding in the hallway of the
hospital and I'm running into afellow caregiver and she asked
me how are you doing?
And I said how are you doing?
(32:29):
And we asked each other thatand we both looked at each other
and just totally laughed andI'm like this is only my first
day and I am so overwhelmed, notwith my husband's condition,
but navigating this hospital.
And she goes oh yeah, it isjust such a treat because you
(32:54):
never know what to expect.
And we both laughed and weshared, and our husbands are on
the same floor and so we kind ofshared room numbers and I waved
at her today.
She was in the room with herhusband and we can't go in there
because it's all masks andstuff.
But it reminded me of we needto check in with each other.
(33:17):
We need to go ahead and just bebold enough to just talk to
other caregivers who are in thesame situation, or smile, smile
at them or, you know, say hi tothem, because you may be facing
the hardest season of your life,but you know what Others are
too, and we're not alone in thisjourney.
(33:39):
Another caregiver I met todayshe's like I didn't realize how
much walking I was going to haveto take to get to my loved
one's floor and I didn't wearthe right shoes today.
And I'm like, yeah, I learnedthat real fast the last few days
, but I didn't know I would bewalking even further on the
(34:00):
weekends.
And yeah, she said, yeah, shegoes, I learned my lesson.
She said I'll be getting mytennies or my tennis shoes on
the next time.
And she's like, and I'm goingto carry less with me.
So to kind of round this up andwrap this up, tips for
caregivers in stressfulsituations.
I wanted to just kind of do alittle reminder.
(34:22):
Hey, pause and breathe in themiddle of chaos.
Just take 10 seconds.
It could be riding up theelevator, it could be going to
the bathroom, it could besitting in your car before you
go in.
You so deserve it and rememberthese pauses are scientifically
(34:43):
researched.
When you go ahead and do deepbreaths in and you breathe out,
you're allowing your body totake in that oxygen and going
ahead and trying to calm yourbody.
Also, accept help.
Ask for help.
When you're in a chaoticsituation, like navigating, ask
(35:03):
for help.
I can't figure this out.
There is strength when you askfor support.
I delegated my home stuff.
I checked in with people today.
How are you doing?
Thanks, and it just makes youfeel better.
Okay, I'm going to just sharefinding humor when things feel
(35:24):
overwhelming.
Sometimes a good laugh is thebest medicine.
What the hell?
I'm sorry I usually don't swear.
What the heck am I doing in aparking garage, walking up and
down, when cars usually drivethis, and why can't I find the
(35:44):
out?
I feel like I was in a cornmaze trying to figure out where
the entrance and the exit wasand I probably looked so weird
and it was such a weirdsituation and now it's like I'm
going to probably remember thisforever and then practice
grounding.
(36:05):
Find ways to ground yourselfwhen things feel out of your
control.
This could be a groundingtechnique like feeling the grass
, or taking a walk outside, orlistening to music, humming a
song, taking a deep breath,reading a Bible verse saying the
(36:26):
Hail Mary, our father.
Whatever it would be, you willneed to find that.
So let me end with anempowering message here
Caregiving isn't for the faintof heart, but in the midst of
chaos.
Remember there is strength invulnerability and there is
courage in showing up foryourself as much as you show up
(36:49):
for your loved one.
So next time you feel lost,stressed or emotionally drained,
know that you are not alone.
We're in this together.
We're stronger than we think.
And hey, by this way, I wouldlove to hear your most chaotic
story.
I would love to hear your mostchaotic story, the good, the bad
(37:10):
, the ugly because I think thereis power in us talking about
these Things that you knowshould have been changed, things
maybe that you made a mistake,things that made you feel
uncomfortable.
And let me leave you with a fewquotes.
I just feel like a quote kindof person today.
Now I don't have the author, soI'm going to do a little
(37:35):
disclaimer here because I justforgot to write them down.
But here's one.
It's okay to have not what Iwrote it down wrong.
It's okay to not have it alltogether.
What matters is showing up,even when it's messy.
So no matter what you'reshowing up, you're figuring it
(37:59):
out.
So I want you to go ahead anddo that.
And then remember, caregiving isa marathon, not a sprint, so
you have to take a lot ofbreaths along the way.
My husband's going to be heretill the middle of July, so if I
get stressed out now, I'm notgoing to be able to sustain my
(38:20):
health and energy.
So I have to figure out how totake deep breaths.
You have to do the same deepbreaths.
You have to do the same.
And then the famous one and thereason I call this the
caregiver cup is you cannot pourfrom an empty cup, so you need
to take care of yourself first,my friend.
So have a good rest of the weekand I look forward to going
(38:43):
ahead and reading some of yourtext about your chaos, your
techniques, your humorousmoments just fill the text line
up.
The text is in the show notesand so I don't know who you are.
I don't get your text number.
I just get a few digits to tellme where you're located and
(39:06):
that's just on a differenthosting system.
No-transcript.
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