April 1, 2025 • 27 mins
Have you ever felt your body physically react to stress before your mind could even process what was happening? That moment when your skin flushes hot, your heart races, and your shoulders tighten into knots—all while your thoughts spin "like a blender on high"?
When an unexpected hospital notification arrived detailing fifteen pre-transplant appointments for my husband Denis across multiple locations—followed by a massive binder of medical instructions—my body's stress response kicked into overdrive. Despite years of teaching stress management techniques, I found myself overwhelmed by the physical and emotional weight of what lay ahead.
The striking contrast between my immediate planning mode and Denis's calm "one-step-at-a-time" approach highlighted something crucial about caregiving stress: we all process it differently. Neither approach is wrong, but understanding your personal stress response is the first step toward managing it effectively. When traditional techniques failed me—the walks, the breathing exercises, even meditation—I returned to what works best for me: journaling my fears and speaking honestly with my support network.
This episode unpacks five evidence-based strategies for managing caregiver stress, from understanding the science behind your body's stress signals to finding your unique outlet for processing emotions. With research showing that nearly 60% of caregivers experience high levels of stress and burnout, recognizing when your body is sending warning signals becomes essential to your wellbeing. Whether you're facing a major medical event like we are or navigating the daily challenges of caregiving, these practical tools can help you transform overwhelming moments into manageable steps.
Text me your thoughts or join my email community through the show notes. Together, we can navigate even the most difficult caregiving seasons with greater resilience and self-compassion.
💌 Want more inspiration, information, and a deeper connection? Join the Caregiver Cup Community Newsletter for my weekly email filled with support and encouragement.
Get my free resource: 17 Shifts To Reduce CAREGIVER STRESS & Say Good-bye To CAREGIVER BURNOUT
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, hello there, my beautiful friend, and welcome
back to another episode of theCaregiver Cup podcast.
It's Kathy here.
I'm so glad you're here with me.
Today I want to share somethingpersonal and heavy, I think,
which I always do, but this oneis again a little bit heavier
today, something that many of usexperience when stress hits us
(00:22):
hard.
Today we're diving in deep intoa day that started with an
unexpected delivery and amountain of emotions that I
experienced.
But before we get started today,I want to give a shout out to
those who answered lastepisode's question, and if you
remember back to last episode orif you didn't, you want to
(00:45):
listen to it, you can listen toit after this episode or pause
it now and listen to that onefirst.
But I asked where do you fallon the loneliness scale?
One being you know you're okayto five, which is a higher being
, that you are lonely and so Iwanted to share a couple of text
(01:07):
messages that I got after theepisode, and I encourage you to
go ahead and hit that text andtell me about yourself, tell me
about the episode, what stuckout with you, or answer the
question that I always give inthe episode.
This one I got and it says Istarted feeling very isolated
(01:28):
from the beginning of mycaregiving journey 12 years ago.
My isolation level is aboutfour.
You reminded me today all thatI have and how to keep reaching
out to my friends, thank you.
They always respond and I needto reach out.
And if you remember last week'sepisode I said, most people are
(01:49):
kind of leery to reach outbecause they know that you're
busy or they sometimes don'tknow what to say and sometimes
if you just reach out to them tosay hey, I miss you, how are
things going, that can start theconversation going.
Okay.
I got another text message andthe same answer four for me.
(02:09):
She says I miss my friends andmy me time but after listening
to the episode, I'm going toschedule weekly coffee time with
my friends, either in person or, if it doesn't work out, we can
go ahead and do it virtually.
Another one I got.
It says right now I would say3.5, since I'm in a better
(02:32):
season right now, but just a fewmonths ago it was a big
whopping five.
I was isolated, depressed andlost.
I'm working hard right nowestablishing relationships and
self-care.
Good for you.
I've been looking at an artclass and after listening to you
, I'm signing up.
That's awesome, becausesometimes we just need a little
(02:59):
incentive and sometimes justgetting away and who knows, you
might be meeting somebody newwhich is going to be added to
your circle and help you withyour inspiration and motivation
and your loneliness.
So thank you for reaching out.
And let's go back into theepisode today, and I'm going to
share why I said the unexpecteddelivery in a mountain of
emotions.
It started with me last Monday.
(03:22):
Imagine this you wake up readyto face the day, only to be met
with a surprise in your hospitalapp.
Not a bouquet of flowers, not asweet note, but for Dennis it
was 15 pre-transplantappointments, all of them neatly
(03:42):
scheduled on dates.
They were April 1st, april 2nd,april 11th and April 21st.
And not just one appointment aday, it was three on one day,
four on the next and five on oneday.
And to top it off, they weren'tall in one location, they were
(04:02):
in multiple cities around theFriedert Hospital where he was
at as well.
And as that wasn't enough, ourson, matt, then shared with us
his appointments that he has forthe donation of his stem cells
to my husband, dennis, and hisappointments were April 4th,
(04:24):
25th, 26th, 27th, and then thebig day on April 29th where he
donates.
Well, I remember feeling myheart was racing.
My mind was spinning like ablender on high that's the only
way I can explain it and then Ifelt a flush of adrenaline and
(04:45):
anxiety.
It hit me hard this time.
And then on Tuesday of allthings.
Then the binder arrived, whichI appreciate having a paper copy
of everything.
But the binder included thecalendar, the inpatient or I
said, patient care timelines andguidelines, maps of the
(05:08):
buildings and the entrances,detailed instructions of what to
pack, what to expect, where tostay, from Dennis's, where he is
staying, to where I am staying,and even a whole big folder
with multiple packets forcaregiving.
I remember opening it andfeeling the weight of
(05:30):
responsibility pressing down onme.
I felt my shoulders feelingreally tight.
In that moment I could feelevery ounce of tension
whispering.
This is just too much to figureout.
This is just too much.
My mind was like, I said, ablender on high.
Now let's pause for a moment.
(05:50):
What does your stress look likewhen it comes to crash, when it
comes crashing in on you?
How do you respond?
And what I did is I just didsome research a little bit.
The hypothalamus, pituitaryadrenal glands they're called
HPA kicks into gear duringstressful situation.
(06:15):
It releases cortisol and that'sthe stress hormone which
affects your body in many ways.
For me, the physical signalswere flushed skin.
I could feel like I was havinghot flashes, racing heartbeat,
my shoulders were really tightand the nagging mental noise
(06:37):
that insists on planning forevery possible scenario.
I could feel like I was likealmost.
The anxiety was almost like anexcited, stressful, like
internal feeling, and it's hardto explain.
But in the midst of it all, Icouldn't help but reflect on how
(06:57):
different Dennis and I werehandling everything.
Because even when the appkicked in with all the
appointments and the packetarrived and the big box arrived
in the mail, I jumped right intoplanning mode, trying to
control every detail and tryingto, in my head, trying to figure
(07:19):
out all the things that neededto be done, whereas Dennis he's
got such a calm demeanor abouthim.
He said just show me theschedule for now and I'll catch
up with the rest little bylittle.
We are totally, too completelydifferent when it comes to
responses, when it comes to that, and honestly, neither one of
(07:40):
them are wrong, and that's whatI want you to think about.
You could be different than me.
We all are different when itcomes to handling that.
We all carry our stress inunique ways and sometimes even
within ourselves.
We may switch approachesdepending on the day and the
challenges we face and, like Isaid, there's no one size that
(08:04):
fits all when it comes tomanaging these heavy moments.
Well, continuing on with thestory, during the day I noticed
my body was sending me clearsignals of stress.
My back and my neck were reallytight, my heart continued to
race faster than it normallydoes and I was in high drive,
(08:29):
almost like a panic mode oftrying to get everything ready.
You know how it feels whenyou're like rushing to, you
notice that, oh, I got to besomewhere in 30 minutes and I've
been lagging and doing my ownthing and just kind of relaxing
for the moment and all of asudden you look at the clock and
(08:50):
you're like, oh my God, I gotto be here in 30 minutes and now
you're scrambling.
That's how I felt from thatpanic mode and I was so hot and
just overheating so I decidedthat I need to pause.
I told my body, my body told mesomething is wrong.
I took a deep, slow, chest,opening breath.
And I did a few more of themand, allowing myself to
(09:14):
acknowledge that this was awarning, I leaned into some of
the tools that I've beenteaching and been using myself
for years.
A simple walk I walked outsideand just kind of walked around
the yard, a gentle stretch in amovement to try to get my body
(09:35):
to just relax.
And by stretching and pausing Idid box breathing instead of
just deep, slow breaths, becausebox breathing you breathe
according to a box.
You breathe in on one side, youbreathe out on another side.
You breathe in on one side andyou breathe out on another side,
(09:55):
and I imagine myself goingaround that box.
Yet even with these tools, itwasn't working.
So I tried to meditate and so Isat down and I have this beanie
little bag that I sit on and Itried to meditate and I could
(10:17):
not stop the mental noise.
The relentless puzzle of whatifs and what I should do and how
am I going to get it all done,were swirling in my head.
So that wasn't working.
So I went back to what I knowthat truly works for me and it's
(10:38):
time to journal.
It's time to sit down andjournal, since slow walk, gentle
movement box, breathing andmeditation were getting me to
where I needed to go, which wasjournaling.
So I wrote down and I had to goahead and just talk away in a
(11:00):
room and just shut my door and Iwrote down on the top of the
paper and it was really hard.
I wrote it down really hard soI noticed that the pressure I
was putting on the pen.
It says control what you cancontrol, kathy.
I wrote that down and thenunderneath it I said prioritize
what needs to be done today.
Stop worrying about all thethings that need to be done,
(11:24):
just worry about what ispriority.
And then, once I got those twostatements out, then I started
embracing my body and mindBecause I realized I was going
into action mode instead ofrecognizing what was happening
and I needed to take a step back.
(11:44):
I had to understand what iscausing the stress.
What is causing the stress?
It was a lot of info, but italso was, for me, the reality of
the situation.
It was becoming real for me andI always thought it was a far
away and I could just kind ofplan for it.
(12:06):
But now it was less than amonth away and things were
starting to go get into my head,including the coordination of
everything at home, but it alsowas the fear for Dennis.
So I started writing it down.
And then I went even further andwent ahead and leaned into my
(12:30):
listening team and I reached outto my listening team, which is
my sister Connie, my girlfriendJulie, and then Dennis, and said
why am I reacting this way?
I need you to listen to me.
And as I was talking to eachand every one and they were
asking me questions, yeah, it'sa lot to me.
And as I was talking to eachand every one and they were
(12:50):
asking me questions, yeah, it'sa lot to handle.
I don't like to be away fromhome.
I'm worried about the dog, I'mworried about Dennis.
I'm not sure I can handle itall.
You know, all of these thingscame out and they were listening
to me.
But then I started acknowledgingit's going to work out.
(13:11):
Kathy, I am strong, I'll figureit out.
I don't have to figure out allof the pieces yet.
I just need to take it one stepat a time.
And then I was able toacknowledge and accept the chaos
right now.
I even forced myself to laughabout it, and in doing that,
(13:35):
dennis forced me to laugh aboutit as well.
He says you're such aperfectionist and a planner and
you want all of your ducks in arow.
It's never going to work outperfectly, kathy.
It's like somebody planning forthis perfect wedding or this
perfect birth of their baby.
Something's going to godifferent and something's going
(13:57):
to not work completely the wayyou think it's going to.
You just have to accept andembrace the journey.
And it's true, I was laughingabout how anal I am.
So then I wrote all the thingsdown that I had to do so I could
get them out of my head,because I was starting to have
insomnia as well, and so I justbrainstormed everything as I was
(14:20):
looking at the packets that Ihad to do, and then I started
highlighting which ones arepriority and working on them one
at a time, and it really wasn'tthat bad.
So my key takeaways for you andwhy I'm telling you all of this
is what can you take away fromthis?
(14:41):
Today in my story?
Here are a few thoughts that Ithink might help when your
stress feels like it's takingover your body.
First of all, our body and ourmind are amazing.
When we listen to it, your bodyis communicating with you
(15:01):
through physical signals.
It's keeping you safe, it'salerting you to the stress.
When you notice these signals,take a moment to breathe and
reconnect with yourself.
You know, understanding yourresponses can empower you to
take action, and take positiveaction like okay, I'm getting a
(15:25):
little nervous and panicky here,I need to take a breath, or I
need to grab my journal, and youcan reset those stress levels
when you have those momentswhere you can take a break.
It's no different than rightnow.
I'm thinking about it because Ijust went out for lunch with my
youngest son and his toddlerand when you're raising a
(15:49):
toddler and they're having atemper tantrum or they're
pressing the button for the 15thtime, sometimes you just need
to take a step away because it'sstressful that way.
So kind of listening to yourbody is the first one.
Another key takeaway isembracing your unique response.
Whether you're someone whodives into planning, like I do,
(16:13):
or you prefer to take one stepat a time, like Dennis does,
know that there is no right wayto handle stress.
Each of us has a unique rhythm.
Now I'm not saying that youcan't work towards a better
stress response, but you have tounderstand your first reaction
(16:34):
is always going to be this andso you need to work through that
path to slow down your response.
I love this quote from MariaShriver.
She says take off your armor,dare to be vulnerable, dare to
unwrap yourself and dareyourself to be yourself, which
(16:58):
means don't mask how you handlestress.
I was also listening to apodcast for Rachel Hollis and
she was talking about howsometimes we say we're fine,
everything's okay, when it's notokay, because we don't want to
look like we're the fallingapart caregiver, when we deserve
(17:21):
those stressful moments and wedeserve to say, yeah, it's
stressful and I'm working on thestress right now and this is
how I'm working on it, but thescheduling and the worry are
very high right now for me andbe vulnerable.
It's okay to bury your soul andshow that you are in a
(17:45):
stressful season.
Another one is break it downwhen overwhelmed.
Break your challenges intosmaller, manageable chunks or
steps.
Focus on what you can control,like the priorities or I can't
control this how Dennis is goingto respond to his stem cell
(18:07):
transplant, but I can control,you know making sure that you
know he has what he needs,making sure that I'm going to
get enough sleep when I'm thereso that I can go ahead and be
his advocate and his emotionalsupport.
You want to focus on what youcan control rather than trying
(18:29):
to solve everything two at once.
You sometimes look at thejourney ahead as this big, heavy
, heavy, heavy backpack.
When you don't have to fill thewhole backpack, you can take
care of one thing at a time.
And then number four, like Idid, is find your outlet.
(18:50):
For me, journaling is my firstoutlet because by slowly writing
things down I'm able to thinkthrough the things as well and
then find what helps you processyour emotions, whether it's
writing, whether it's talkingwith a friend, whether it's
going on a quiet walk what worksbest for you.
(19:13):
Let me throw out a couple ofthese things.
Deep chest breathing or deepbreathing stimulates your
parasympathetic nervous system,which can help reduce your heart
rate and lowering your cortisol.
So when you're feeling yourheart racing or you're feeling
like nausea in the stomach andbutterflies or that panic, deep
(19:38):
breathing can help your nervoussystem.
Versus box breathing hasscientifically shown to improve
your heart rate and gives you amarker of stress resilience.
So you might go from deepbreathing because your heart is
racing to okay, now that I'vegot it slowing down, I'm going
(20:02):
to do some box breathing tobuild up my resilience and
really really improve my heartrate.
Now another thing aboutjournaling studies published in
the Journal of ClinicalPsychology has found that
journaling can help reducestress and anxiety by promoting
emotional processing, which Ithought is really good.
(20:26):
It gives you a chance toprocess, and what I like about
it, too, is you can go back andlook at your journal and saying
okay, is there a pattern when Iget stressed, are these my
triggers?
And you can identify thesymptoms and triggers.
Now, a light physical activitylike walking or stretching
(20:48):
increases endorphin levels,which can counteract your stress
hormones.
Because if you're the type ofperson that when you're stressed
, you just want to roll up in aball and go to bed, well then
you need to think about okay, Ineed to work on increasing my
endorphin levels, and by takinga light activity or a walk in
(21:12):
the summer times it's likemanaging my flower gardens that
helps me build my endorphinlevels to the point where I can
start managing stress better.
And then the last one ismindfulness.
Meditation has been shown instudies to decrease anxiety and
improve emotional regulation,and this is making a powerful
(21:36):
tool for caregivers.
And so if you want to decreaseyour anxiety or improve your
emotional regulation and reallyhelp you improve your emotions,
then mindfulness meditation mayhelp.
Let's say you have a reallystressful day, for example, like
Dennis, on the 24th he has tobe at labs at 930.
(22:03):
And then at the advanced carecenter he also has to at 1030,
have his port taken out and putin a central line pick into his
arm.
After he's done with that, hemoves right over to get admitted
and then from there he goesinto chemotherapy.
(22:25):
Now for me, that's a lot.
For me, that's a lot For me,that's a lot of movement, a lot
of things going on at one time.
And so for me, by going aheadand mindfully meditating to help
me decrease my stress, by goingahead and just, you know,
(22:49):
thinking about waking up to abeautiful day at Kathy's house,
having my breakfast with myspouse, probably doing some hugs
and holding his hand before hisbig day, and then, you know,
going ahead and really doingmaybe a light walk and just
(23:12):
meditating what I'm going to dothroughout the day helps me with
the anxiety ahead.
It's just a mindfulness.
Meditation is a really strongtool.
Okay, number five key takeawayis remember, my friend, you're
not alone.
In every season, chaotic orcalm, we're in this together.
(23:35):
I know, talking to you, you'vehad calm days, you've had
chaotic days, you've had easyseasons, you had hard seasons,
you had hard seasons.
By sharing your experiences,lean on others and remember that
(23:55):
every heavy moment is also anopportunity to learn and grow.
And it's okay to feel likeyou're falling apart If you go
ahead and identify yeah, andgrant yourself some grace and
really understand it.
And then getting out of it iseven more fulfilling when you
(24:16):
are able to say this is how Igrew from this situation.
According to the NationalAlliance for Caregiving, nearly
60% of caregivers report highlevels of stress and burnout.
And the big thing is, if youlet that stress stew and stew
and stew in you and you don'tfind these releases, burnout
(24:39):
comes faster.
It may be inevitable sometimesin a hard season, but it becomes
even harder to tolerate theburnout.
But it becomes even harder totolerate the burnout.
Research has also shown thatpersistent feelings of
loneliness can increase the riskof depression by up to 40%,
(24:59):
highlighting the importance ofsocial connection in our
well-being, which I talked aboutin a lot of detail last week,
but I thought I'd tie that inagain talked about in a lot of
detail last week, but I thoughtI'd tie that in again because
sometimes some of our stress wereact by going ahead and
isolating ourself and feelingdepressed and lonely.
So that's why that socialconnection is important.
(25:22):
So, to close here, I want you toknow that you are never broken
when stress takes over.
I want to tell you that first,remember, I almost think about
as your body's giving you giftsand letting you know when you're
stressed.
You're simply human, navigatingthrough these life's unexpected
(25:42):
, hard challenges.
Each day we have theopportunity to choose how we
respond and some days we're notgoing to respond best.
But if you can figure out themajority of the days, then it is
.
We can choose to slow down, wecan choose to breathe, we can
(26:02):
choose to take one tiny step ata time.
Yes, we can step at a time.
Yes, we can.
So I want to really first ofall say thank you for listening
to me in another episode and forbeing part of my journey and
listening to me share my story.
If you ever feel overwhelmed,remember that together we can
(26:24):
find a way through this.
I'm right here with you everystep of the way.
And remember, text me, tell mewhat's going through you.
You could also connect with meon email.
If you're not on my email list,go to the show notes and click
on the email list and hit thatreply to that email list.
I can't tell you how manypeople I go.
(26:47):
How many of you.
I go back and forth from acaregiving perspective on email.
We go back and forth talking toeach other and it's so
important to do that.
So until next time, my friend,I want you to take care of
yourself, be gentle with yourheart, and I want to just say
(27:07):
this is Kathy, your caregiver,friend, sending you love and
strength for your following week, and we'll talk to you again
next week, my friend.
Bye for now.
Well, hello there, my beautiful friend, and welcome
back to another episode of theCaregiver Cup podcast.
It's Kathy here.
I'm so glad you're here with me.
Today I want to share somethingpersonal and heavy, I think,
which I always do, but this oneis again a little bit heavier
today, something that many of usexperience when stress hits us
(00:22):
hard.
Today we're diving in deep intoa day that started with an
unexpected delivery and amountain of emotions that I
experienced.
But before we get started today,I want to give a shout out to
those who answered lastepisode's question, and if you
remember back to last episode orif you didn't, you want to
(00:45):
listen to it, you can listen toit after this episode or pause
it now and listen to that onefirst.
But I asked where do you fallon the loneliness scale?
One being you know you're okayto five, which is a higher being
, that you are lonely and so Iwanted to share a couple of text
(01:07):
messages that I got after theepisode, and I encourage you to
go ahead and hit that text andtell me about yourself, tell me
about the episode, what stuckout with you, or answer the
question that I always give inthe episode.
This one I got and it says Istarted feeling very isolated
(01:28):
from the beginning of mycaregiving journey 12 years ago.
My isolation level is aboutfour.
You reminded me today all thatI have and how to keep reaching
out to my friends, thank you.
They always respond and I needto reach out.
And if you remember last week'sepisode I said, most people are
(01:49):
kind of leery to reach outbecause they know that you're
busy or they sometimes don'tknow what to say and sometimes
if you just reach out to them tosay hey, I miss you, how are
things going, that can start theconversation going.
Okay.
I got another text message andthe same answer four for me.
(02:09):
She says I miss my friends andmy me time but after listening
to the episode, I'm going toschedule weekly coffee time with
my friends, either in person or, if it doesn't work out, we can
go ahead and do it virtually.
Another one I got.
It says right now I would say3.5, since I'm in a better
(02:32):
season right now, but just a fewmonths ago it was a big
whopping five.
I was isolated, depressed andlost.
I'm working hard right nowestablishing relationships and
self-care.
Good for you.
I've been looking at an artclass and after listening to you
, I'm signing up.
That's awesome, becausesometimes we just need a little
(02:59):
incentive and sometimes justgetting away and who knows, you
might be meeting somebody newwhich is going to be added to
your circle and help you withyour inspiration and motivation
and your loneliness.
So thank you for reaching out.
And let's go back into theepisode today, and I'm going to
share why I said the unexpecteddelivery in a mountain of
emotions.
It started with me last Monday.
(03:22):
Imagine this you wake up readyto face the day, only to be met
with a surprise in your hospitalapp.
Not a bouquet of flowers, not asweet note, but for Dennis it
was 15 pre-transplantappointments, all of them neatly
(03:42):
scheduled on dates.
They were April 1st, april 2nd,april 11th and April 21st.
And not just one appointment aday, it was three on one day,
four on the next and five on oneday.
And to top it off, they weren'tall in one location, they were
(04:02):
in multiple cities around theFriedert Hospital where he was
at as well.
And as that wasn't enough, ourson, matt, then shared with us
his appointments that he has forthe donation of his stem cells
to my husband, dennis, and hisappointments were April 4th,
(04:24):
25th, 26th, 27th, and then thebig day on April 29th where he
donates.
Well, I remember feeling myheart was racing.
My mind was spinning like ablender on high that's the only
way I can explain it and then Ifelt a flush of adrenaline and
(04:45):
anxiety.
It hit me hard this time.
And then on Tuesday of allthings.
Then the binder arrived, whichI appreciate having a paper copy
of everything.
But the binder included thecalendar, the inpatient or I
said, patient care timelines andguidelines, maps of the
(05:08):
buildings and the entrances,detailed instructions of what to
pack, what to expect, where tostay, from Dennis's, where he is
staying, to where I am staying,and even a whole big folder
with multiple packets forcaregiving.
I remember opening it andfeeling the weight of
(05:30):
responsibility pressing down onme.
I felt my shoulders feelingreally tight.
In that moment I could feelevery ounce of tension
whispering.
This is just too much to figureout.
This is just too much.
My mind was like, I said, ablender on high.
Now let's pause for a moment.
(05:50):
What does your stress look likewhen it comes to crash, when it
comes crashing in on you?
How do you respond?
And what I did is I just didsome research a little bit.
The hypothalamus, pituitaryadrenal glands they're called
HPA kicks into gear duringstressful situation.
(06:15):
It releases cortisol and that'sthe stress hormone which
affects your body in many ways.
For me, the physical signalswere flushed skin.
I could feel like I was havinghot flashes, racing heartbeat,
my shoulders were really tightand the nagging mental noise
(06:37):
that insists on planning forevery possible scenario.
I could feel like I was likealmost.
The anxiety was almost like anexcited, stressful, like
internal feeling, and it's hardto explain.
But in the midst of it all, Icouldn't help but reflect on how
(06:57):
different Dennis and I werehandling everything.
Because even when the appkicked in with all the
appointments and the packetarrived and the big box arrived
in the mail, I jumped right intoplanning mode, trying to
control every detail and tryingto, in my head, trying to figure
(07:19):
out all the things that neededto be done, whereas Dennis he's
got such a calm demeanor abouthim.
He said just show me theschedule for now and I'll catch
up with the rest little bylittle.
We are totally, too completelydifferent when it comes to
responses, when it comes to that, and honestly, neither one of
(07:40):
them are wrong, and that's whatI want you to think about.
You could be different than me.
We all are different when itcomes to handling that.
We all carry our stress inunique ways and sometimes even
within ourselves.
We may switch approachesdepending on the day and the
challenges we face and, like Isaid, there's no one size that
(08:04):
fits all when it comes tomanaging these heavy moments.
Well, continuing on with thestory, during the day I noticed
my body was sending me clearsignals of stress.
My back and my neck were reallytight, my heart continued to
race faster than it normallydoes and I was in high drive,
(08:29):
almost like a panic mode oftrying to get everything ready.
You know how it feels whenyou're like rushing to, you
notice that, oh, I got to besomewhere in 30 minutes and I've
been lagging and doing my ownthing and just kind of relaxing
for the moment and all of asudden you look at the clock and
(08:50):
you're like, oh my God, I gotto be here in 30 minutes and now
you're scrambling.
That's how I felt from thatpanic mode and I was so hot and
just overheating so I decidedthat I need to pause.
I told my body, my body told mesomething is wrong.
I took a deep, slow, chest,opening breath.
And I did a few more of themand, allowing myself to
(09:14):
acknowledge that this was awarning, I leaned into some of
the tools that I've beenteaching and been using myself
for years.
A simple walk I walked outsideand just kind of walked around
the yard, a gentle stretch in amovement to try to get my body
(09:35):
to just relax.
And by stretching and pausing Idid box breathing instead of
just deep, slow breaths, becausebox breathing you breathe
according to a box.
You breathe in on one side, youbreathe out on another side.
You breathe in on one side andyou breathe out on another side,
(09:55):
and I imagine myself goingaround that box.
Yet even with these tools, itwasn't working.
So I tried to meditate and so Isat down and I have this beanie
little bag that I sit on and Itried to meditate and I could
(10:17):
not stop the mental noise.
The relentless puzzle of whatifs and what I should do and how
am I going to get it all done,were swirling in my head.
So that wasn't working.
So I went back to what I knowthat truly works for me and it's
(10:38):
time to journal.
It's time to sit down andjournal, since slow walk, gentle
movement box, breathing andmeditation were getting me to
where I needed to go, which wasjournaling.
So I wrote down and I had to goahead and just talk away in a
(11:00):
room and just shut my door and Iwrote down on the top of the
paper and it was really hard.
I wrote it down really hard soI noticed that the pressure I
was putting on the pen.
It says control what you cancontrol, kathy.
I wrote that down and thenunderneath it I said prioritize
what needs to be done today.
Stop worrying about all thethings that need to be done,
(11:24):
just worry about what ispriority.
And then, once I got those twostatements out, then I started
embracing my body and mindBecause I realized I was going
into action mode instead ofrecognizing what was happening
and I needed to take a step back.
(11:44):
I had to understand what iscausing the stress.
What is causing the stress?
It was a lot of info, but italso was, for me, the reality of
the situation.
It was becoming real for me andI always thought it was a far
away and I could just kind ofplan for it.
(12:06):
But now it was less than amonth away and things were
starting to go get into my head,including the coordination of
everything at home, but it alsowas the fear for Dennis.
So I started writing it down.
And then I went even further andwent ahead and leaned into my
(12:30):
listening team and I reached outto my listening team, which is
my sister Connie, my girlfriendJulie, and then Dennis, and said
why am I reacting this way?
I need you to listen to me.
And as I was talking to eachand every one and they were
asking me questions, yeah, it'sa lot to me.
And as I was talking to eachand every one and they were
(12:50):
asking me questions, yeah, it'sa lot to handle.
I don't like to be away fromhome.
I'm worried about the dog, I'mworried about Dennis.
I'm not sure I can handle itall.
You know, all of these thingscame out and they were listening
to me.
But then I started acknowledgingit's going to work out.
(13:11):
Kathy, I am strong, I'll figureit out.
I don't have to figure out allof the pieces yet.
I just need to take it one stepat a time.
And then I was able toacknowledge and accept the chaos
right now.
I even forced myself to laughabout it, and in doing that,
(13:35):
dennis forced me to laugh aboutit as well.
He says you're such aperfectionist and a planner and
you want all of your ducks in arow.
It's never going to work outperfectly, kathy.
It's like somebody planning forthis perfect wedding or this
perfect birth of their baby.
Something's going to godifferent and something's going
(13:57):
to not work completely the wayyou think it's going to.
You just have to accept andembrace the journey.
And it's true, I was laughingabout how anal I am.
So then I wrote all the thingsdown that I had to do so I could
get them out of my head,because I was starting to have
insomnia as well, and so I justbrainstormed everything as I was
(14:20):
looking at the packets that Ihad to do, and then I started
highlighting which ones arepriority and working on them one
at a time, and it really wasn'tthat bad.
So my key takeaways for you andwhy I'm telling you all of this
is what can you take away fromthis?
(14:41):
Today in my story?
Here are a few thoughts that Ithink might help when your
stress feels like it's takingover your body.
First of all, our body and ourmind are amazing.
When we listen to it, your bodyis communicating with you
(15:01):
through physical signals.
It's keeping you safe, it'salerting you to the stress.
When you notice these signals,take a moment to breathe and
reconnect with yourself.
You know, understanding yourresponses can empower you to
take action, and take positiveaction like okay, I'm getting a
(15:25):
little nervous and panicky here,I need to take a breath, or I
need to grab my journal, and youcan reset those stress levels
when you have those momentswhere you can take a break.
It's no different than rightnow.
I'm thinking about it because Ijust went out for lunch with my
youngest son and his toddlerand when you're raising a
(15:49):
toddler and they're having atemper tantrum or they're
pressing the button for the 15thtime, sometimes you just need
to take a step away because it'sstressful that way.
So kind of listening to yourbody is the first one.
Another key takeaway isembracing your unique response.
Whether you're someone whodives into planning, like I do,
(16:13):
or you prefer to take one stepat a time, like Dennis does,
know that there is no right wayto handle stress.
Each of us has a unique rhythm.
Now I'm not saying that youcan't work towards a better
stress response, but you have tounderstand your first reaction
(16:34):
is always going to be this andso you need to work through that
path to slow down your response.
I love this quote from MariaShriver.
She says take off your armor,dare to be vulnerable, dare to
unwrap yourself and dareyourself to be yourself, which
(16:58):
means don't mask how you handlestress.
I was also listening to apodcast for Rachel Hollis and
she was talking about howsometimes we say we're fine,
everything's okay, when it's notokay, because we don't want to
look like we're the fallingapart caregiver, when we deserve
(17:21):
those stressful moments and wedeserve to say, yeah, it's
stressful and I'm working on thestress right now and this is
how I'm working on it, but thescheduling and the worry are
very high right now for me andbe vulnerable.
It's okay to bury your soul andshow that you are in a
(17:45):
stressful season.
Another one is break it downwhen overwhelmed.
Break your challenges intosmaller, manageable chunks or
steps.
Focus on what you can control,like the priorities or I can't
control this how Dennis is goingto respond to his stem cell
(18:07):
transplant, but I can control,you know making sure that you
know he has what he needs,making sure that I'm going to
get enough sleep when I'm thereso that I can go ahead and be
his advocate and his emotionalsupport.
You want to focus on what youcan control rather than trying
(18:29):
to solve everything two at once.
You sometimes look at thejourney ahead as this big, heavy
, heavy, heavy backpack.
When you don't have to fill thewhole backpack, you can take
care of one thing at a time.
And then number four, like Idid, is find your outlet.
(18:50):
For me, journaling is my firstoutlet because by slowly writing
things down I'm able to thinkthrough the things as well and
then find what helps you processyour emotions, whether it's
writing, whether it's talkingwith a friend, whether it's
going on a quiet walk what worksbest for you.
(19:13):
Let me throw out a couple ofthese things.
Deep chest breathing or deepbreathing stimulates your
parasympathetic nervous system,which can help reduce your heart
rate and lowering your cortisol.
So when you're feeling yourheart racing or you're feeling
like nausea in the stomach andbutterflies or that panic, deep
(19:38):
breathing can help your nervoussystem.
Versus box breathing hasscientifically shown to improve
your heart rate and gives you amarker of stress resilience.
So you might go from deepbreathing because your heart is
racing to okay, now that I'vegot it slowing down, I'm going
(20:02):
to do some box breathing tobuild up my resilience and
really really improve my heartrate.
Now another thing aboutjournaling studies published in
the Journal of ClinicalPsychology has found that
journaling can help reducestress and anxiety by promoting
emotional processing, which Ithought is really good.
(20:26):
It gives you a chance toprocess, and what I like about
it, too, is you can go back andlook at your journal and saying
okay, is there a pattern when Iget stressed, are these my
triggers?
And you can identify thesymptoms and triggers.
Now, a light physical activitylike walking or stretching
(20:48):
increases endorphin levels,which can counteract your stress
hormones.
Because if you're the type ofperson that when you're stressed
, you just want to roll up in aball and go to bed, well then
you need to think about okay, Ineed to work on increasing my
endorphin levels, and by takinga light activity or a walk in
(21:12):
the summer times it's likemanaging my flower gardens that
helps me build my endorphinlevels to the point where I can
start managing stress better.
And then the last one ismindfulness.
Meditation has been shown instudies to decrease anxiety and
improve emotional regulation,and this is making a powerful
(21:36):
tool for caregivers.
And so if you want to decreaseyour anxiety or improve your
emotional regulation and reallyhelp you improve your emotions,
then mindfulness meditation mayhelp.
Let's say you have a reallystressful day, for example, like
Dennis, on the 24th he has tobe at labs at 930.
(22:03):
And then at the advanced carecenter he also has to at 1030,
have his port taken out and putin a central line pick into his
arm.
After he's done with that, hemoves right over to get admitted
and then from there he goesinto chemotherapy.
(22:25):
Now for me, that's a lot.
For me, that's a lot For me,that's a lot of movement, a lot
of things going on at one time.
And so for me, by going aheadand mindfully meditating to help
me decrease my stress, by goingahead and just, you know,
(22:49):
thinking about waking up to abeautiful day at Kathy's house,
having my breakfast with myspouse, probably doing some hugs
and holding his hand before hisbig day, and then, you know,
going ahead and really doingmaybe a light walk and just
(23:12):
meditating what I'm going to dothroughout the day helps me with
the anxiety ahead.
It's just a mindfulness.
Meditation is a really strongtool.
Okay, number five key takeawayis remember, my friend, you're
not alone.
In every season, chaotic orcalm, we're in this together.
(23:35):
I know, talking to you, you'vehad calm days, you've had
chaotic days, you've had easyseasons, you had hard seasons,
you had hard seasons.
By sharing your experiences,lean on others and remember that
(23:55):
every heavy moment is also anopportunity to learn and grow.
And it's okay to feel likeyou're falling apart If you go
ahead and identify yeah, andgrant yourself some grace and
really understand it.
And then getting out of it iseven more fulfilling when you
(24:16):
are able to say this is how Igrew from this situation.
According to the NationalAlliance for Caregiving, nearly
60% of caregivers report highlevels of stress and burnout.
And the big thing is, if youlet that stress stew and stew
and stew in you and you don'tfind these releases, burnout
(24:39):
comes faster.
It may be inevitable sometimesin a hard season, but it becomes
even harder to tolerate theburnout.
But it becomes even harder totolerate the burnout.
Research has also shown thatpersistent feelings of
loneliness can increase the riskof depression by up to 40%,
(24:59):
highlighting the importance ofsocial connection in our
well-being, which I talked aboutin a lot of detail last week,
but I thought I'd tie that inagain talked about in a lot of
detail last week, but I thoughtI'd tie that in again because
sometimes some of our stress wereact by going ahead and
isolating ourself and feelingdepressed and lonely.
So that's why that socialconnection is important.
(25:22):
So, to close here, I want you toknow that you are never broken
when stress takes over.
I want to tell you that first,remember, I almost think about
as your body's giving you giftsand letting you know when you're
stressed.
You're simply human, navigatingthrough these life's unexpected
(25:42):
, hard challenges.
Each day we have theopportunity to choose how we
respond and some days we're notgoing to respond best.
But if you can figure out themajority of the days, then it is
.
We can choose to slow down, wecan choose to breathe, we can
(26:02):
choose to take one tiny step ata time.
Yes, we can step at a time.
Yes, we can.
So I want to really first ofall say thank you for listening
to me in another episode and forbeing part of my journey and
listening to me share my story.
If you ever feel overwhelmed,remember that together we can
(26:24):
find a way through this.
I'm right here with you everystep of the way.
And remember, text me, tell mewhat's going through you.
You could also connect with meon email.
If you're not on my email list,go to the show notes and click
on the email list and hit thatreply to that email list.
I can't tell you how manypeople I go.
(26:47):
How many of you.
I go back and forth from acaregiving perspective on email.
We go back and forth talking toeach other and it's so
important to do that.
So until next time, my friend,I want you to take care of
yourself, be gentle with yourheart, and I want to just say
(27:07):
this is Kathy, your caregiver,friend, sending you love and
strength for your following week, and we'll talk to you again
next week, my friend.
Bye for now.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.