Ep 127: Five Questions That Changed My Relationship with Alcohol (They can change yours too!)

Have you ever found yourself asking "Is my drinking really that bad?" You're not alone. That question haunted me for years before I finally found freedom from alcohol. But everything changed when I flipped the script and started asking different questions!

In this episode, I share the five transformative questions that helped me gain clarity about my relationship with alcohol. These aren't questions designed to label or judge you—they're invitations to honest self-reflection that can illuminate alcohol's true role in your life. 

What makes these questions so powerful is that they work regardless of where you are on your journey. Whether you're simply curious about drinking less, struggling with moderation, or considering sobriety, these reflections will help you understand what level of alcohol involvement brings you peace. I share my own experiences throughout, including how I discovered my path and how freedom from alcohol transformed my life in ways I never imagined possible.

Ready to gain clarity about your relationship with alcohol? Grab your journal, find a quiet space, and join me for this conversation that could change everything. Whatever you discover through these questions, know that you're not alone—there's a community of Catholic women walking this path together, finding joy and freedom one day at a time.

Drop us a Question or Comment

I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. You are NOT alone!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am

(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here.
Have you ever found yourselfthinking is my drinking really
that bad?
Or maybe you've wondered do Iactually have a drinking problem
?
If so, I want you to know thatthese are questions that I asked

(00:44):
myself before deciding to quitalcohol for good, and I can also
tell you that every single oneof my clients asks herself these
exact questions before shecomes and works with me.
Here's the truth.
On the surface, your life mightlook pretty good.
I mean honestly.
Most of the women that I workwith are high achieving.

(01:07):
They have got it all togetherin so many areas of their life.
You may be working hard, takingcare of your family, showing up
for your commitments and, quitehonestly, your drinking might
look perfectly normal comparedto people around you.
But here's the thing Deep down,you feel it.

(01:28):
Don't you that quiet voice, theone whispering that something
is not quite right.
If you've been around here fora while, you've heard me say you
don't have to have a drinkingproblem to realize that drinking
is becoming a problem for you.
For me, everything shifted whenI flipped that question, and

(01:53):
instead of asking myself overand over, is my drinking really
that bad that I need to take alook at it and reduce or
eliminate it altogether, to takea look at it and reduce or
eliminate it altogether, instead, I started asking myself how is
alcohol affecting my life?
And that's when I started tosee things much more clearly.

(02:14):
Today, I'm going to share fivepowerful questions that helped
me figure out how alcohol wasreally affecting my life.
These were the same questionsthat gave me the clarity I
needed to start making thechanges necessary to change my
relationship with alcohol, andby the end of this episode,

(02:37):
you'll have those same questionstoo.
They will help you figure outif alcohol is affecting your
life in ways that you may nothave realized yet and, more
importantly, they'll guide youtoward the freedom and peace
that you deserve.
So grab a cup of coffee or teaor sparkling water, maybe take a

(02:58):
walk while you listen and giveyourself permission to reflect
on these questions as we goalong.
All right, let's dig in.
So the first question that Ihad to ask myself is what does
alcohol give me and what does ittake away?
This is where we start.

(03:18):
I want you to ask yourselfthese two questions.
Sometimes it's helpful and Iusually talk about this in a lot
of the programs that I have andwith my one-on-one clients is
to either grab a piece of paper,fold it in half and on one side
, write all the things thatalcohol gives you and on the

(03:39):
other side, write all the thingsalcohol takes away, kind of
like a pros and cons list.
I really recommend getting ajournal or something that you
can use to collect evidence.
I like to think of goingthrough these questions as a

(04:00):
kind of experiment, as a way toget curious about your drinking
habits.
This helps to think about itfrom a place of learning, a
place of curiosity instead of aplace of judgment and shame,
which is probably how you'vebeen looking at it.
So we're just going to bescientists here.

(04:23):
You're going to get out a pieceof paper or your journal and
write down all the thingsalcohol gives you and all the
things that it takes away.
Alcohol obviously gives yousomething.
That's why you are turning toit over and over again, and more
than you would like, probably,which is why you're listening to
this podcast episode.

(04:43):
Which is why you're listeningto this podcast episode.
Maybe it's a stress reliever.
Maybe it helps you connect withothers.
Maybe it's a way just to helpdelineate the daytime busyness
and stress to nighttimerelaxation.
Get really clear on what it isgiving you, and then I want you
to think about what it's takingaway.

(05:04):
Alcohol always comes with atrade-off.
For me, while it did help mecope with certain things or feel
better about myself, because Iwas stuck in shame and guilt and
regret, that was justshort-term ease at that moment.
It took away so much more.

(05:24):
It drained my energy for thenext morning, it made me
unreliable, it robbed me of mymotivation, limited my
productivity and, most of all,it eroded my self-confidence
over time.
So how about you?
Is alcohol taking away yourability to wake up refreshed?
Is it taking time away fromthings and people that you care

(05:47):
about?
Maybe it's taking away yoursense of control and peace of
mind?
This question is simply aninvitation to really look at the
full picture, not just whatalcohol gives, but what it is
actually costing you.
Question number two is have youever felt guilty or ashamed

(06:09):
about your drinking habits?
This one can feel a littleheavy, but it's so important to
ask it.
Have you ever felt guilty orshame around how much or how
often you're drinking?
Maybe you found yourself hidinghow much you drink from your

(06:31):
husband, from your friends.
Maybe, deep down, you'reembarrassed about it.
You're thinking why can't I getthis?
Or maybe you've made promisesto yourself like I won't drink
tonight, only to pour a glassanyway.
I remember drinking before.

(06:51):
I would go out with friends sothat they didn't actually know
how much I was drinking.
Or sometimes I would go out andI would be able to drink
moderately.
But after I got home it was allbets are off and I would just
plow through alcohol like, likenobody's business.
That caused guilt.

(07:12):
It caused shame.
It lingered long after the buzzwore off.
So take a moment and reflect onthis.
Does your drinking align withthe person you want to be?
Does it reflect your values,your morals and your vision for
your life?
Remember, this isn't aboutjudgment.

(07:37):
These feelings of guilt andshame might be actually trying
to show you something veryimportant.
So listen to them, but don'tbeat yourself up.
Just use them to help guide youforward.
Question number three is haveyou tried to cut back but
struggled to do so?
Now, this one hits close tohome for so many people.

(08:02):
Have you ever found yourselfsaying I'm definitely going to
cut back this week and maybe youstart doing a really great job
this week?
And maybe you start doing areally great job.
You are going strong on Monday,Tuesday, wednesday, but then by

(08:26):
Thursday you're pouring anotherdrink.
This is such a commonexperience and I want you to
hear me when I say this.
It is not about having enoughwillpower.
Say this it is not about havingenough willpower.
When I struggled to cut back, itwasn't because I was a weak
person.
It was because I hadn't takenthe time to fully understand why
I was drinking in the firstplace.

(08:47):
Once I started to get curiousabout the reasons behind my
drinking and look to all thereasons why I needed to stop,
that's when things begin toshift for me.
If this question feels familiar, don't be too hard on yourself.
Instead, recognize it as anopportunity to get curious.

(09:11):
That awareness can open thedoor to change.
I have to tell you time and timeagain, in my sacred sobriety
lab, I hear women say I'm notreally where I want to be right
now.
I don't feel like I'm supersuccessful at eliminating or

(09:35):
reducing alcohol in the way thatI want to, but I have come so
far.
Since I started.
I have really changed the way Ithink about alcohol and my
habit, and I got to tell youthat is a huge win right there,
because it's all about progress.

(09:58):
It's just like when you go tothe gym.
You don't go to the gym, workout for a month and expect to be
completely ripped and exactlywhere you want to be physically.
No, no, no.
It takes a long time, it takesconsistency, it takes trying,
but every time you make theeffort, you are building those

(10:20):
muscles and you're buildingawareness, and that my friend is
just going to carry you forwardtoward finding out what the
level of sobriety is that isright for you.
Alcohol freedom doesn't meanthat you can never drink alcohol
again, unless that's what youdecide.
It simply means that you arefree to choose to drink or not

(10:46):
drink and you have peace aboutyour decisions, whatever.
That is Question number fourhow often do you have trouble
stopping once you've started?
This is also a hard questionand one that I struggled with
for a really long time.
I had to get super honest withmyself, because, for me, when I

(11:10):
asked myself how often do I havetrouble stopping once I started
, it was 100% of the time.
I know that that is not thecase for most of you listening,
but that was the case for me,and it was something that I had
to be really, really honest withmyself about.

(11:32):
Think about it Maybe you tellyourself you'll have one drink,
but before you know it, you'reon your third or fourth.
It's a pattern that can,honestly, just sneak up on us,
and it's so easy to normalize itor brush it off.
Think of it this way it's alittle like opening a bag of
chips.
It's more high stakes than that, but it's kind of similar.
You'll tell yourself More highstakes than that, but it's kind

(11:53):
of similar.
You'll tell yourself, I'll justhave a handful, but then,
suddenly, you're staring at anempty bag.
I am definitely speaking fromexperience here.
What I do, though, is maybeI'll decide I'm not going to
have potato chips, because Iknow the road that that is going
to lead me down, so I don'teven want to bother with the

(12:17):
chaos that's going to cause me.
Or I will make a plan and I'llget a small bowl, I'll put some
chips in it and I'll eat fromthe bowl, knowing that that is
enough, and I'll put the bag ofchips away so that I don't see
it, and I am usually verysatisfied.
You can do the same thing withalcohol.
When you make a plan and youare not going to negotiate with

(12:43):
yourself about whether or notyou can keep going, when you set
those limits and you practicekeeping those promises with
yourself again, you're buildingthose muscles that are going to
help you be successful.
Time and time again, make sureyou pay attention to the pattern
, but don't feel bad about it.

(13:05):
Just look at it and try tounderstand how much alcohol you
can have that feels peaceful.
Again, for some of us that'szero.
For others it could be a drinkbefore dinner and a drink with
dinner.
Sometimes it can be just forspecial occasions.
You have to find out the levelof sobriety that works for you,

(13:28):
but you won't be able to do thatunless you actually try.
So experiment, be a scientistand let me know how it goes.
Question number five our lastquestion is how would your life
be different if you were free totake alcohol or leave it with

(13:50):
peace?
One of the things that I askthe women in my Sacred Sobriety
Lab to do One of the things thatI ask the women in my Sacred
Sobriety Lab to do it's a prettyearly exercise is to write a
letter to their future self.
It incorporates their why.

(14:13):
It incorporates a lot ofdifferent things, maybe their
history with alcohol, theirhopes, their desires and their
goals for the future.
So I want you to imagine nomore mental back and forth about
whether you're going to have adrink tonight.
No guilt, no shame, just peace.
Imagine what it would feel like, what it would look like, what
it would be like to be able totake alcohol or leave it without

(14:34):
it, consuming your thoughts andyour time.
For me, this was the turningpoint, because I stopped
thinking about moderating.
I realized that that wascausing too much chaos for me
and it was just not going towork.
It just wasn't going to bepossible.
Then I started to see that inletting go, I was actually

(14:59):
gaining freedom.
I was starting to experience apeace and clarity that I hadn't
known in so many years, and Iwas having the ability to fully
show up in my life.
I was building trust withmyself and my loved ones.
So how would your life changeif you felt that sense of

(15:22):
freedom?
What would be different?
Give yourself permission toreally dream about this.
Invite the Lord in and justthink about what life could look
like if you could take alcoholor leave it with absolutely no
chaos.
These questions aren't here tomake you feel bad about where

(15:44):
you're at.
They're simply here to help yousee your drinking habits in a
new light and give you clarityabout what's next for you Before
you go.
I'd love it if you wouldsubscribe to this podcast, if
you aren't already, and alsoshare it with someone else.
I'll be sharing more tools,more stories and more insights

(16:05):
to help you redefine yourrelationship with alcohol.
Thank you so much for spendingtime with me today.
Take care, and I will talk toyou again soon.
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic Sobriety
Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend who might alsoget value from it as well, and

(16:28):
make sure you subscribe so youdon't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic sobriety coach.

(16:50):
I look forward to speaking toyou next time and remember I am
here for you.
I am praying for you.
You are not alone, thank you.