Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Welcome to the
Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives.
Women who are looking to drinkless or not at all for any
reason.
I am your host, Christy Walker.
I'm a wife, mom, and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic sobriety coach.
And I'm so glad you're here.
Today's episode is one I've beenespecially looking forward to
because it's a story that speaksright to the heart of what we do
here on the Catholic SobrietyPodcast.
Honest conversations aboutstruggle, healing, and most of
(00:45):
all, the mercy of God.
So many of us appear puttogether.
On the outside, we look likethings are going pretty well,
but quietly we're carryingbattles that no one sees.
My guest today understands thattension deeply.
(01:07):
His journey takes us through thepain of addiction, the breaking
point of rehab, and ultimatelythe profound encounter with
Christ that changed everything.
What I love about his story isthat it doesn't stop with
sobriety.
It's about the restoration offaith, family, and purpose, and
(01:28):
how God's grace can reach intoeven the darkest places and
bring new life.
With that, let me introduce himproperly.
Stephen M.
Bell is a Catholic convert,musician, husband, and father of
two.
After years of struggling withalcoholism, even while serving
(01:51):
as a church music leader, hefound freedom through Christ and
the sacraments.
Now, over three years sober, heshares his journey in his
memoir, Uncomfortable Truth, Fa,Failure, Redemption, to
encourage others that healingand hope are absolutely,
(02:13):
positively possible.
Welcome, Stephen.
I'm so happy to have you here.
SPEAKER_02 (02:18):
Well, thank you,
Christy.
Thank you for having me and letletting me share my story.
I think what you're doing hereis a beautiful thing, and it's
uh what we're called to do.
I believe here on this earth andyou're expressing your charity
here, and it's just a greatthing.
So I I'm blessed to be here atthis moment.
SPEAKER_01 (02:37):
Well, thank you so
much for it and for sharing your
story.
It's so important that we sharethese stories, especially within
our Catholic community, becauseI know that so many times we
suffer silently thinking thatmaybe we're just too broken or
too sinful to be able to receiveGod's mercy.
(02:58):
And that is just not true.
You and I are both examples ofthat.
So, with that, why don't we justgo ahead and dive into your
story?
If you could maybe tell us whatdrinking looked like over the
years, how it evolved, and thenwhen you first sensed that
something needed to change.
SPEAKER_02 (03:17):
Yeah, believe it or
not, drinking was introduced
into my life at a very earlyage.
I could I remember one timesitting in my bell bottom pants
holding a Budweiser when I wasfour years old while my parents
were having a party.
Because, you know, yeah.
But really, I didn't drink awhole lot.
I mean, through my teenageyears, like a lot of teenagers
(03:39):
do, I grew up in a small town.
We'd meet out in the countrywith keg parties and you know,
till the deputies would bust usand we'd all run off.
But when I got married, which Igot married at the age of 20,
and uh I really started drinkingjust beer there, you know, and
but it became daily, nightly.
There wasn't a day I didn't gowithout it, you know, and a lot
(04:02):
of the reasons were I needed itto sleep, you know, you hear
hear these excuses, buteventually I'd uh I was raised
church of Christ, and I brokefrom that.
I mean the family did, and webecame Lutheran.
In fact, I got my uh sonbaptized in the Lutheran church.
And at the time I was in aChristian rock band, and which
(04:26):
is kind of funny in itselfbecause we lived in this
Christian this Christian rockband was trying to live like an
actual rock band with thedrinking.
Yeah, we'd we'd drink everywherewe went.
One time we did a charity, anduh out of the all the bands,
which was secular from rock tocountry and stuff, this
Christian band that I was in wasprobably the most partying band
(04:49):
of us all.
So it's kind of I guess you cancall that ironic.
Um anyway, so I joined thisLutheran church and I become the
uh full-time music leader, and Idid this role for over a decade.
And the culture of this churchis drinking, it's uh like even
(05:11):
confirmation.
We'd have keg parties after thekids would get confirmed and
have cookouts.
I mean, we hung out all thetime, and it was a tight-knit
family, but it consisted ofdrinking constantly.
And my journey through all thisbeing a music leader, especially
for so long, is that you gethigh praise for one because the
(05:36):
church at the time, that theLutheran church here in Lubbock
became the fastest growing uhchurch in the district, and that
was due to the music.
And of course, we had a greatdynamic pastor who I still love
today and talk to.
He's a he's great.
But it becomes a stress toconstantly perform weekend after
(05:57):
weekend, trying to live up toexpectations.
And of course, at the time too,I'm making a music CD uh called
Refugee.
But during this time as well, Ikinda gotten deep into
alcoholism after my mother died.
She died suddenly.
(06:18):
And two weeks later, my sisterdied.
And that was just all of asudden, I mean, just out of the
blue.
Both of them were pretty muchout of the blue, but anyway,
that took a really uh a turningpoint on me to where I was
hitting hard liquor, I washitting wine.
(06:39):
Um, and then it got to the pointwhere I couldn't even perform on
a Sunday without having Bot G upthere with me on the altar.
I had in a water bottle.
On the outside, I looked puttogether.
I looked like, you know, I wasfunctioning just fine, but no, I
was crumbling.
Uh in fact, I do two services, amorning service and a or the
(07:02):
early morning service, and thento go back at 11.
But during that little breakwhere everybody's at Sunday
school, me and uh one of my bandmembers would go into my garage
and we'd drink beers, and ofcourse I'd hit the hard liquor
before we'd go and do the 11o'clock service.
And I'd just carry that up therewith me, like everything was
(07:22):
normal.
But then it also got so heavythat I couldn't go without it.
My anxiety was so high that Iwould drink to cure my anxiety,
which now hindsight, we knowthat alcohol contributes to that
anxiety.
Um but there were times I I justgot desperate.
(07:45):
I'd call into work and I wouldhave to start drinking at eight,
nine in the morning.
One time I woke up at fouro'clock in the morning because
something was happening, and Ididn't understand it.
So at four o'clock in themorning I was over there
drinking, and my wife and mykids are watching this.
And my wife, you know, in mymemoir, she's really the hero
(08:09):
that shows up.
Uh of course I almost lost her,almost lost everything, but she
was a hero.
She helped me go through allthis, but I went through detox
four times.
I never did stay the 30 days.
I thought I don't need the 30days, I just need to get it out
of my system and I'll be good.
And these detoxes were I shouldhave stayed the 30 days, but I I
(08:38):
never thought I needed thatbecause I just go right back to
the drinking.
But anyway, I ended upconverting to Catholicism
because of my 16-year-old son.
My 16-year-old son, when we wereLutherans, he loved to study
theology.
(08:58):
So he went through he just wasjust he was just curious about
other denominations, Methodist,uh, Church of Christ, which our
whole family is besides us now.
Um he even looked at Islam, thenhe looked at Catholicism.
One day I come home and he says,Dad, I think we're supposed to
be Catholic.
(09:18):
Me being brought up the way Iwas is like, you realize that
the Pope is the Antichrist,don't you?
And that the Cat the Catholic islike the uh Satan's little cult
here on earth.
And he's like, No, you dad, youneed to look at church history.
You need and he showed me thescripture of Matthew 16 for the
(09:39):
keys of the kingdom and or Peterbecame the Pope.
And that did get me to thinking.
I was like, you know, beingbrought up this whole time and
studying Bible studies and all,like I say, being a music
leader, we always did Biblestudies.
But that was never anything thatwe honed in on.
So I thought, let me hone in onthat a little bit.
Well, long story short, I did ayear of looking at apologetics,
(10:03):
watching YouTube videos of TrentHorn, Jimmy Aitken, uh the
Cathol Uh Catholic Truth was oneof my first ones, which I'm I'll
be going on his podcast uh Ithink next week or so to talk
about my conversion story.
But he played a pivotal role inme uh converting.
So after all this, then now I'mdebating my son who decides, no,
(10:28):
maybe we're better Lutheran.
And then he and I are debating,I'm over here taking a Catholic
stance all of a sudden, and he'staking a leader instead.
I'm like, wait, what's going onhere?
But then he got Trent Horn'sbook, uh I can't remember the
why we're Catholic or whatever.
He he read that book and thenboom, he was sold.
And so we went through OCIA backthen as RCIA.
(10:53):
And anyway, but I was stillgoing through the motions.
Uh I was still drinking.
I, you know, I'd quit thechurch, which was a big deal
because my wife's like, no, youhave to quit that because it's
just taking its toll on you andit's eating you up.
And she was right.
So I did.
I gave it up.
In fact, I gave up music,period.
(11:14):
I was like, I'm done.
SPEAKER_00 (11:15):
Oh wow.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (11:16):
So I didn't I didn't
touch my guitar, didn't write a
song, didn't sing.
I was just going through themotions, RCIA, going to mass,
but it's still something wasstill off.
And this cause I'd already I'dalready hit that point of no
(11:36):
return.
You can't do it on your own.
And so again, um my wife decidedthat enough was enough.
It was time.
The kids couldn't see me likethis anymore.
She couldn't see me like thisanymore.
And it got to the breaking pointto where she was done.
(11:57):
She wanted to leave and get outof it because she'd been through
enough.
And I didn't blame her.
I went on a what they call awalkabout.
I just kind of took off,listened to some music, prayed
to uh one of the saints, Talbot,Saint Talbot, who was uh
alcoholic who turned his lifeover to God and overcame.
(12:21):
And so I decided, well, let mego to rehab just to get out of
her hair.
Pretty much that's what I wasgonna do.
I just wanted to let her haveher space.
So I thought I'm gonna go torehab and do this.
Well I go to rehab and I'm goingthrough all the withdrawals.
(12:43):
The you know, they they gave methe medicine, what they call
Librium.
You always know people in theirown Librium because they have
this little funny walk.
But uh anyways, on that, butthey pulled me out of rehab or
out of detox a little too soon,and so I was still withdrawing.
And uh for those of you who havewent through withdrawal, it is
(13:08):
not a great experience.
I mean, your heart rate is up,your blood pressure is up, uh,
you just you need to drink, youneed to take that edge off.
So I was about to leave rehabagain.
I said, I'm out of here.
I went to the counselor, I said,I'm done with this place, it's
like a prison to me.
(13:30):
I can't handle it.
Well, she ended up calling mywife, and my wife gets on the
phone and she talks me down.
So I go to my room and Iliterally I lost all hope.
I never felt loneliness likethis in my life.
I just never felt the anguish,the isolation, and I literally
(13:53):
literally cried out to God.
I was like, God, is this mypurgatory?
Are you real?
Can you stop this?
And Christy, I tell you, it waslike a peace and calm came over
me like I had never felt.
It literally, I was I it's evenhard to explain, just an
(14:17):
overwhelming sense of peace.
And I was like, oh, I'm gonna dothis.
So I walked back to thecounselor and I told her, hey,
I'm staying.
I'm gonna do this whole 30 daysand we're gonna knock it out.
And uh and I did.
I went uh oh, in fact, it was arebirth because I was actually
(14:39):
done.
My last day of rehab was mybirthday.
And so yeah, so I don't know,maybe designed by God, but
either way, it was a new rebirthfor me in a way.
But at the uh rehab talking tomy counselor, she wanted me to
do music again because she knewthat was part of my identity.
So I got my wife to bring up myguitar, and I wrote a song and I
(15:07):
played it for the counselor, andshe loved it so much, she wanted
me to play it for groups.
So I go to group and play it,and it was a it was one of those
moments that were special to me.
I mean, looking back on it, it'snot one of the best songs I've
written, but again, it'd been acouple of years before I even
grabbed a guitar, and but it hithome for everybody because of of
the lyrics, and so that broughtme back into who I am and what
(15:33):
God called me to do.
And that journey is music, andnow it's to get my story out so
others know that God does meetyou in those dark places, and
he, if he can pull me out of it,and as long as you're breathing,
he will pull you out of it.
You just have to accept it andreach out to him.
They're there, the saints arethere, uh, Mother Mary, God,
(15:58):
they're all there pulling foryou.
And so now that's my that's mynew goal, is to ful help people
get out of those dark spots inlife because they can grab you.
And everybody's story isdifferent, but like I wrote my
memoir, not because my story'sunique, but I wrote it because
it's not unique.
(16:19):
I know there's others just likeme out there who are just afraid
to come out and say it.
Like my my other sister diedprobably two years after my uh
older sister died, and hers wasaddiction.
But she was one of those whonever accepted that she was
(16:40):
addicted, and so she ended upwith uh cirrhosis of the liver.
And she and she like I say shedied two years later.
I don't want other people tohave that ending to their story
because that does not have thatdidn't have to be her ending.
And then after rehab, one of mybest friends, Jason, who I talk
(17:00):
about in my memoir, he haddrinking issues and he had been
to rehab a few times, but westopped communicating after my
rehab.
But I wish I would have reachedout to him because he ended up
passing away uh about a yearafter my rehab from an overdose.
(17:21):
And I wish I have the regretthat I didn't reach him sooner
because I feel like he wouldstill be with us.
And he he never got that momentof of sobriety.
And I know he loved the Lord, heloved Christ.
I mean, he was a great guy, hejust got caught up in some stuff
that I didn't ever think hewould, but temptation to be
(17:46):
strong, and it and it took him.
It took him from a great family,and so I wish I would have had
that opportunity to talk to himagain.
So now I'm not wasting a moment.
I want others to hear the storyjust so they know.
Because life's fast, we gottalive this life to do what God
has called us to do, and that'sto be a servant, just like
(18:06):
Christ was.
We're called for charity, andthat's what and that's what we
need to do.
And so what I'm blessed with wasmy curse.
And my curse was my curse wasdrinking and uh temptations like
that.
But now this curse that's turnedinto a blessing is to reach out
to others, and so that's mygoal.
(18:27):
And that's my story in it in asmall nutshell.
SPEAKER_01 (18:32):
Wow, and what a
story it is.
Thank you so much for sharing sodeeply and so honestly.
And um, first and foremost, justmy condolences on all those
significant losses that yousuffered.
Um, and those can it it does, itcan just take a moment that
(18:52):
really just pushes us over theedge, right?
Like things might be going alongwhere it's like, you know, maybe
you notice a an uptick in amountand frequency, and maybe you're
drinking more than you like, butyou're still kind of in that
realm of like, I could, I coulddo something.
Like if I could get a hold of itif I just like reach out or or
(19:17):
figure it out.
But then there's like a pivotalchange in our life, whether
that's loss or abandonment, oryou know, it's a trauma of some
kind, or it can even just be alife stage change, and that can
push some some of us over theline into this this really dark
(19:39):
place.
And I just appreciate yourhonesty of your story because
you're right, like our storiesare different, but there's a
like this common thread thatflows throughout those of us who
have suffered addiction or justhad a very strong disordered
(20:03):
attachment, even if it hasn'tgone over into that realm of
quote-unquote addiction, right?
Yeah, there's just thesetendencies that are so common
within that.
So when you share your story,people maybe they didn't
experience it exactly the sameway, but they can see themselves
(20:23):
in your journey toward sobriety,in your journey toward, you
know, God, in your journeytoward the Catholic faith.
And I just think also I I'm amom of boys, and I just think
it's so beautiful that your sonjust dove into wanting to learn
as much as he could about allthe different faiths and really
(20:49):
read himself into the CatholicChurch and brought you guys
along with him.
Um, I think that is just a giftand a grace for sure.
Wow.
That's that just really got mebecause I'm like, I don't know.
My I mean, my kids are they'vealways been raised Catholic and
(21:09):
were pretty faithful, but I'mlike, I don't know if they ask
themselves those questions oryou know, dive into those things
outside of their religionclasses and things like that.
So I think that that's sobeautiful as well.
And then your mission, you saidthat you wanted people to know
that God will pull you out ofthose dark places.
(21:31):
And I think sometimes we justget so overcome thinking this is
never gonna get better.
I am not gonna be able to dothis.
And maybe you can't do it onyour own, but God is with you.
And all of us as Christians, byvirtue of our baptism, are given
these spiritual gifts and wejust have to turn our face to
(21:53):
him, right?
We just have to ask for thatincrease.
I just need you, Lord.
And sometimes it takes being inthat pit of despair to get us to
cry out to him.
I've been there before.
I have my own story about thatthat I've told um on the podcast
before.
(22:13):
But crying out like that is justus turning to him, even when we
have no other words to say.
Maybe we don't have all thethings, all the beautiful, you
know, poetic prayer type things.
It's just this guttural likeask.
(22:34):
And the fact that I mean, as youwere telling that story, as I
was like on edge of like beingin that despair, being in that
um, you know, having thatanxiety, wanting to just be done
with it because it was so hard.
But then you crying out, andthen that peace that just washed
(22:55):
over you.
And I hope everyone who'slistening has experienced that
at least once in their life.
Um, I have, and it's just sopowerful.
That's supernatural peace,that's peace beyond all
understanding.
And so that is available to toall of us, and the Lord uh wants
(23:20):
to give that to us.
So even in that desolation, evenwhen we're in those moments or
seasons even of desolation,consolations will come.
Sometimes they're small,sometimes they're big, but
they're they're there, andthat's God's way of just showing
us how much he loves us andpours into us.
(23:43):
And lastly, I mean, obviously,your wife, wow, just being
there, supporting you, lovingyou, being able to love you and
yet set a boundary, you know,set that boundary, like, I'm
done.
Like, I love you, but we can'twatch this anymore.
(24:06):
Did her saying that, was thatthe thing that just kind of like
like that light bulb moment orthat um that thing that kind of
got you to be like, okay, thisis serious.
I real this time, it has to bethis time.
SPEAKER_02 (24:24):
Yes, because she had
never spoken like that before.
And when she said those words tome, that it hit like a rock.
I mean, it actually shocked mein a way, which I don't know why
it shocked me looking back now.
I was like, Of course that wascoming.
I mean, look at me, but no, itit hit hard.
And that's I was like, wow.
Because I've I started dating mywife when she was 13 and I was
(24:47):
14.
And we got married when she wastwo weeks out of high school.
So she's all I know.
All the women in my life haveplayed a huge role from from my
mother to my sisters and to mywife.
They have really been my rocks.
And then when she told me that,uh, and then I also see my boys
(25:08):
like going home, even thatnight, because we met at a
restaurant, we talked aboutthat, and going home to just
look at my boy saying, Thiscould be gone.
What am I doing?
Like it, it's a wake-up call forsure.
And she set her she set hermark.
In fact, it's the new song I'mwriting, you know.
She set her mark and I crossedthat line.
And so now I gotta find my wayback over to that line to meet
(25:32):
her where I'm supposed to be andwhere and where she set it.
I mean, bless her heart.
I mean, she a lot of women wouldhave already they would have
given up a long time ago.
Uh a lot of them, you know.
But no, she stayed there.
And yes, you're correct.
That is that was the wake-upcall for sure.
SPEAKER_00 (25:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:53):
What a gift.
That's I mean, that's so sobeautiful and such a testament
to the sacrament of marriage, Ithink.
Um just that supernatural gracethat we get from the sacrament
probably helped empower her totake that step, even if she was
(26:14):
afraid too, of losing you or youknow, losing everything, but
knowing that she she needed todo that.
I know that I have a lot oflisteners who don't necessarily
struggle themselves withaddiction, but they have people
that they love so much thatthey're watching and to hear
(26:37):
that it's okay to setboundaries, it's good to take a
stand because it protects youand protects your peace, but it
could be the very thing thathelps the your loved one do what
they need to do to get to getbetter.
SPEAKER_02 (26:57):
Oh, yeah, yeah, no
doubt.
Yeah, everybody has to have thathave a boundary set.
SPEAKER_01 (27:02):
Yeah, yes, for sure.
The other thing when you weretalking about, so talking about
your mission, I think thatthat's something that we both,
you know, it took me, it took me25 years to start talking about
my story.
I just like went along like Idid, I went to AA for a couple
(27:24):
of years, and then after that,it was just me and the Lord and
me just kind of living life andtrying to like clean up the mess
I made and build up build alife.
My faith journey is completelyum intertwined with my sobriety
journey.
I don't see how people can getand stay sober without God, but
(27:46):
you know, they there are peoplethat do that.
But I think that you know, iffaith is so, so important.
You said you told me somethingand it totally resonated with
me.
I don't know if I wrote it down.
Oh, you said sobriety gave youclarity, but faith gave you
purpose.
And I so relate to that becauseI'll say that about Alcoholics
(28:09):
Anonymous.
Like that gave me my that helpedme with my sobriety, change my
mindset, like figure it out.
And maybe I don't know if youwent to AA, but rehab, I'm sure,
was like that for you.
And then it was actually myfaith that kept me sober because
people will say, How can you howhave you held on to it for that
(28:30):
long?
How how did you keep saying no?
And I tell them it's simply God,it's simply by God's grace.
SPEAKER_02 (28:40):
Yes, and that and
that's one of the aspects I do
like about AA is that it talksabout that higher higher power.
I mean, realistically, you doyou have to have faith in that
higher power.
And, you know, which of coursethe you and I and a lot of your
listeners, so that's the God ofthe Catholic Church, Christ.
Um, you know, the Christian God.
(29:03):
That's us.
Now, others have their own, andand that, and that's fine
because it helps them.
In fact, one of my uh friends isa big advocate of AA, but he
he's not a Christian, but he hasa higher power in what he
believes.
And you know, I've I've neverreally nailed down what he
believes, but he he has a highhigher power, and and it works
for him, and that and that'sfine.
(29:25):
But you are you're correct, ithas to have that, you have to
have that faith, something tobelieve in, something to live
for, something that's a guidingforce in your life.
Uh, in my opinion, it'd be verydifficult to do it without it.
But sure, others, others do.
Um not in their lives, but Ithink for people like me and
(29:47):
you, that's just who that's ourDNA, that's who we are.
And that's and that's what welive and and we strive for
daily.
Like I say, it's black air, yougotta have it to uh to live.
live.
And so that's the beautifulthing.
And and and people also need torealize that it's none of this
(30:08):
is just easy.
It's not just about being aboutit being easy.
It's about the struggle.
It's about the uh overcomingthat desire that leads you on
that bad path to uh sin.
When you overcome this, that'sthat's part of our role of this
(30:29):
human experience is to get thesechallenges and overcome them.
Overcome t temptations, whetherit's a uh pornography to drugs
to uh worshiping money.
All these things are here onthis earth and then Christ is I
(30:50):
can't remember who who saidthis, but it's like your job is
to conquer that in your life toget to the next level.
And once you do that, thenyou're you're meeting Christ
also where you need to be.
And I mean it's true.
Struggling is a good thing.
(31:10):
It's not a bad thing.
And so when people feel likethey or it when people feel like
they failed because they wentback to drinking, yeah you did.
But they don't mean give up.
That means uh try it again.
It took me uh four times andreact I was in rehab with one
guy who went fourteen times.
Oh wow yeah so but he's stilltrying and that that's that's
(31:31):
what you gotta do.
You gotta keep trying andhopefully it sticks.
Like I say I'm three and a halfyears sober now and I won't say
oh I'm never gonna drink againbecause I don't want to set
myself up for failure like thatbut I mean honestly believe I
won't.
Uh truthfully I don't reallyhave a desire anymore.
(31:52):
You know that I d I just don'tthe desire is gone.
But I never thought I'd get tothis part in my life.
I thought there would be no waythat I could quit drinking.
And actually I didn't want to Ienjoyed it because it I thought
it helped me.
But then once you see what truesobriety is then you're like I
(32:13):
never want to go back to that.
I never want to touch that stuffagain.
And uh but yeah I guess thepoint of that is saying it's not
easy and it's a struggle but itis totally worth it because it
uh you said you understand whatit is.
I'm sure a lot of your listenersdo uh do as well and so it's a
(32:34):
journey like everything else.
SPEAKER_01 (32:36):
Yeah it is for sure.
And I appreciate that youmentioned how difficult the
alcohol withdrawals were for youlike I didn't I was blessed in
that I didn't experience thatbut I do know a lot of people
that have had to go through thatand I've heard that it's one of
(32:58):
the worst withdrawals you can gothrough.
And if it's not done properly,you know, for very heavy
drinkers if it's not doneproperly like it could be very
very dangerous.
And that's why they give youthat medication that you were
talking about to help youthrough it.
SPEAKER_02 (33:17):
Yeah I was I mean a
buddy still gives me a hard time
that I met in rehab because henever went through a withdrawal
one but you know he still had togo through it because he was a
daily drinker.
But some people they just don'thave that makeup in their DNA
where they withdraw.
But a lot of us do so yes you'reright if somebody's out there
struggling don't do it on yourown because it can it can be
(33:38):
very dangerous.
In fact they still make fun ofme today other friends like when
I saw you over there shakingwith your bottle you gotta laugh
now.
I mean yeah you know but ofcourse at the time it wasn't
that funny but it was there.
SPEAKER_01 (33:56):
It's but yeah you're
right don't don't do that on
your own it it can be a struggleyou know some people hallucinate
right yeah I've heard that I'veheard that as well so but I
think that what that illustratesis for like many of the women
that I work with or clients thatI have they're not to that
point.
(34:16):
They're just noticing likealcohol is becoming a problem
for them.
They may be over drinking theymay be drinking every night and
maybe drinking more than mostevery night but at the same time
they still have it kind of alltogether.
And so when you stop drinking orgreat start to reduce it at
(34:38):
least you know greatly reduce itand then maybe come to the point
where you decide that you wantto stop drinking altogether
because it's not serving you anylonger I think that just knowing
it's gonna be hard no matterwhere you're at if you have that
attachment to it.
(34:58):
Like if it's a stronghold inyour life, it's not going to be
easy wherever you're at on thatspectrum.
There's always going to bepeople that it's even harder for
or have a more difficult longerwalk to go through and there's
people who can just decide on aTuesday I'm not gonna drink
(35:19):
anymore and they never have thedesire to drink again and
they're you know and it's good.
So there's always going to bethat spectrum but it's about
just continuing in thatdiscomfort because that's where
the growth is going to come andI in AA one time this guy was
talking he was telling his storyand how he had gone in and out
(35:43):
in and out in and out and thething that helped him was he
realized he just looked at itlike walking over a bed of coals
and he'd walk over that bed ofcoals be like halfway there and
then have to go back and thenhave to do it again.
So if you just if you're goingthrough it just keep going
(36:04):
because you'll get to the endeventually pretty soon those
cravings that are so intense inthe beginning that you really
have to manage your mind aroundthat you have to tell yourself
like I gotta just talk back tomy excuses.
I just have to remind myself whyI'm doing this what is my why
(36:26):
and just keep going forwardbecause pretty soon you're on
the other side and everythingmight not be perfect but it's a
heck of a lot easier and it justwill keep getting easier and you
know many people that I talk toeven it's interesting because
I'll have women that come to meand they're like you know I'm
(36:49):
drinking every night I only wantto drink you know on the
weekends or or maybe I want toreduce it so I'm just having
like one like one big night outa month or whatever.
So they're trying this and a lotof what I do even though I am a
person that I had to like stopcompletely because it it was an
addiction for me a lot of thewomen that I work with are
(37:12):
trying to decide can I moderateand will it work for me and is
it worth it?
And can I have peace about it?
And it's interesting becauseoften as they're going through
the process of like can I dothis?
How does this feel we ask a lotof questions a lot of them are
(37:33):
like you know what it's reallyso hard.
Like it's not worth it.
And I feel like crap the nextday excuse my language but you
know I just feel like trash andit's not worth it.
And so I think that those of uswho are unattached from it can
(37:53):
look at it and say like it's soglorious out here on the other
side this freedom is justamazing and it's so worth the
struggle to get there.
Um whatever that looks like foryou it's kind of like what you
said about your friend like youwish that you could have told
him sooner because you wentthrough it you got healed and
(38:17):
you're like I just want that foryou too and I feel like that's
at the heart of what yourmission is that's at the heart
of what my mission is it's likewe broke free from this.
Now that's not to say thatChristy is perfect.
I have my things and I amcontinually working right we are
we have the flesh we battle withthe world and and the enemy so
(38:41):
there's always things but I cantell you that life on the other
side of alcohol or any kind ofsubstance addiction is so much
better than anything you thinkthat it's giving you.
SPEAKER_02 (38:58):
Yes.
Yeah you know and my my wifewould still drink every now and
then go out with her friends andstuff but now she's got to the
point to where oh it's poison.
You know she can't even and shewasn't a heavy drinker at all by
any means.
But she'd just do that but nowshe got to where even one drink
makes her feel so bad in themornings.
SPEAKER_00 (39:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (39:17):
It's like it's like
and in fact that's a good
motivator to stay sober.
I remember my hangovers and I'mlike oh my god I can wake up
every morning and I'm like I Ifeel fine.
You know and that and that'ssomething that's just a glorious
feeling in itself becausehangovers are the worst my
goodness they are and you know Imean you think about it it's
(39:40):
it's a poison.
The science is showing it it's apoison.
No uh amount of it is healthyfor you.
But it's such a normal in oursociety.
We all know this.
I mean it's just to me it's oneof the most dangerous drugs out
there in the world but you knowit's it's everywhere you look
it's everywhere.
So but from what I understandfrom my son is that their
(40:03):
generation are the ones gettingoff of the alcohol it it's
almost becoming the new smokingthat's what they're telling me
which which that's that's agreat thing and I and I hope
this I hope that trendcontinues.
SPEAKER_00 (40:16):
Yeah.
unknown (40:17):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:18):
Well and I think it
it like my sons just went my
twins just went or they justgraduated and all of that and so
we've had talks about actually Ijust did a podcast episode about
like how to talk to your kidsabout alcohol but um it's it is
one of those things wherethey're not they're not like us
(40:38):
like having keg parties likeevery weekend or like doing all
the things the bonfires and thatlike they realize whoa this is
not no this is not and I lovethat I love seeing that Gen Z
and the other generation comingup after them are taking a look
at it and being like maybe notthat might not be for us and the
(41:02):
non-alcoholic beverage you knowwhatever people they're making
so many more things.
So there's so many more optionslike my husband I guess younger
probably I don't know what ifthey're millennials and Gen Z
probably in his office and wedid a Christmas party and it was
interesting to see how many ofthose young younger people
(41:25):
younger than us were having thenon-alcoholic beers and and
things at this we were at likethis pub place for their party
and I was just like oh my goshthat's so cool because when 20
years ago when I would go to hisChristmas parties everyone was
just having a lot or having atleast having some and I was kind
(41:46):
of the person that was didn'twhich was fine I was fine about
it but it's interesting to seeit evolve and it is so
encouraging.
And I agree it's great that thescience is starting to really
come out instead of those sillymagazine articles about how red
(42:07):
wine is so good for you.
Blah blah blah and I did anepisode about that how that's a
lie but instead of that nowwe're seeing more and more
people speaking out the sobercommunity is rising up in all
different areas whether that'scoaching or counseling or
influencers just kind of comingout and saying look this isn't
(42:29):
good for you.
It's not healthy and thenthere's also which I love and
nerd out over all the time isthe neuroscience behind it.
And that just to me takes somuch of the shame away like I
wish I had known that when I gotsober how alcohol was affecting
my brain and why it was so hardfor me to quit why it was so
(42:52):
hard for you to quit you knowit's like it's not because
you're a weak person.
You're like very accomplishedand driven in so many areas of
your life but the way alcoholaffects your genetic makeup your
DNA your neurotransmitters isdifferent than how it affects
(43:12):
your wife or my husband willhave a beer you know every once
in a while it affects himdifferently I look at him like
how can you just have one andyou're like fine that's so
weird.
I'm like what that's weird butyeah I love the way the tide is
turning and I agree with you.
(43:33):
I hope that it is I hope in thefuture we will look at it like
we do cigarettes and cigarettesmoking.
It's just so interwoven into somany aspects and you know I'll
just be watching a TV show andI'll hear somebody say oh I'm
gonna have a glass of wine totake the edge off like it's just
(43:56):
like so a very small likesentence but it's like that's
going into our brains and thenwe're like oh I need that to
take the edge off or you know orhow am I going to take the edge
off if I don't have it and soit's all about just kind of
reframing that figuring out whatfuels you what feeds you and you
(44:19):
don't have to num out of life.
It's it's can be very difficultand raw but it's also very
beautiful to be able to fullyexperience not just the joys of
life but also the difficultparts of life.
SPEAKER_02 (44:36):
Well yeah and it
comes down to I I guess they
quote I guess it's an I Einsteinquotes where they think about uh
the definition of insanitybecause you know doing the same
thing over and over but gettingthe same results but still doing
it.
Y'all know that saying but to meit's crazy how we'll take say
one night of drinking um youhave fun for maybe a couple
(44:59):
hours and then the next day youhave a whole day of torment.
I mean it's kind of insane tothink about you know two hours
of joy for a whole day ofsuffering the next day.
It's uh it's just kind of whenyou look at it that way it's
like Yeah and I did that foryears.
That's insane.
SPEAKER_01 (45:18):
Yeah I a hundred
percent agree.
I mean sometimes I get like I'llget headaches like from
allergies or from the barometricpressure or whatever and I wake
up and when I wake up like thatI'm like oh my gosh it kind of
gives me that reminder of likewhat it was like to wake up with
a hangover only it was so muchworse because then you had like
(45:39):
dry mouth and the other stuffthat goes along plus anxiety
plus what the heck did I do lastnight like who yeah who did I
make mad this time I don't knowwho did not text no yeah exactly
so it's so much more so muchbetter um for sure but yeah so
(46:02):
it's been so great having youhere Steven I'm so thankful that
you reached out to me that youhave this mission um I feel
honored to be able to help youget the word out and um share
your message with others whichis really the Lord's message
right I always say the Lordhealed me and now I as a thank
(46:24):
you to him I just need to allowhim to help and reach as many
people as he wants good like yousaid our cross it's our cross
but it's so beautiful because wecan take that cross and help
others carry theirs as well.
Yeah yeah you said that waybetter than I did I called it a
(46:45):
curse but cross is the correctcorrect way to look at that yes
for sure and so yeah yeah sothank you so much why don't we
why don't you go ahead and shareI have to say Steven shared a
couple of his music you he hassome YouTube videos and it's
beautiful and then of courseyour book so anything you want
(47:06):
to share with my listeners goahead and then I will also put
links to this these the videosand what anything else you
mention in my show notes.
SPEAKER_02 (47:18):
Okay yeah if you can
link uh really my Facebook
account right now can get youthere the give me a follow on
that and I have like clips thatI make uh it always lets you
know when I have my new musicout and then has linked to my
memoir Uncomfortable Truth herelet me faith failure redemption
(47:38):
it's on Amaz it's actually onBarnes Noble Amazon book
Goodreads but Amazon's thecheaper place if you want to go
there um and just look for myname Stephen M.
Bell and then some of my songsyou can type that into Spotify
or Apple Music whateverstreaming service you have but
really uh my website will is uhStephen M Bellmusic dot com
(48:05):
which hopefully I'll have backup next week and that'll have
like that'll have some of myblogs to where I discuss this or
post articles.
I got a few articles coming outin uh Catholic exchange and uh
then also next week I'll be onthe Catholic truth talk about my
conversion journey so follow thehymn but really just connect
(48:28):
with me on Facebook and ifyou're interested in my full
story just go to Amazon and lookup look that up and uh have it
have a read get it on Kindle orwhatever and stuff like I say
it's uh it's it's just been ajourney and uh like I say I'm be
sharing this journey mostly onFacebook.
SPEAKER_01 (48:46):
But I appreciate you
having me on Christy I
appreciate you letting me havethis opportunity to share the
story and and and I'm glad Ifound you on uh YouTube Yeah we
I know my YouTube I'm still kindof building that the Lord just
says like share your voice shareyour voice share your voice and
it sounds like that's what he'stold you to yeah and I'm glad we
(49:08):
can do this thing together.
Yeah me too well I will lookforward to talking to you again
sometime hopefully and I justthank you so much for sharing
your story and your hope andyour experience with my
listeners and I know it's gonnabless so many people.
SPEAKER_02 (49:28):
Well good I hope so
that is my goal.
SPEAKER_01 (49:31):
Well that does it
for this episode of the Catholic
Sobriety podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend who might alsoget value from it as well.
And make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic sobriety coachand if you would like to learn
(49:52):
how to work with me or learnmore about the cooking that I
offer visit my website theCatholicSobrietycoach.com follow
me on Instagram atCatholicSobriety