October 23, 2025 • 31 mins
If you're scared to quit drinking because you’re not sure who you’d be without alcohol, this episode is for you.
I’m taking you back to my first day of sobriety—not the polished version, but the shaky, uncertain moment when I wasn’t sure I could do it, or if I even wanted to, because alcohol still felt like comfort, connection, and relief.
In this episode, I share:
• What I believed alcohol was doing for me
• Why quitting felt terrifying and the moment staying the same became even scarier
• How understanding the brain changed how I viewed cravings and shame
• Why AA helped me get sober but didn’t fully restore my identity
• The shift that happened when faith became the source of healing, not just part of my life
• How removing alcohol often uncovers deeper wounds that need care, not condemnation
• Why freedom isn’t just “not drinking”—it’s no longer needing alcohol to feel okay
I also share why I now coach Catholic women through this process—not by pushing willpower, but by helping them build awareness, rewire their identity, and heal through faith and neuroscience.
If you are sober-curious, newly alcohol-free, or simply wondering whether your relationship with alcohol is costing you peace, you are not alone.
Ready for support? You can:
• Join the Sacred Sobriety Lab community
• Apply for 1:1 Catholic life and sobriety coaching
• Book a free clarity call to explore what path fits you best
Healing isn’t instant—but it is possible. And it doesn’t require perfection. It just requires a beginning.
If you have ever...
- Struggled with the social pressures associated with alcohol use.
- Felt isolated, alone, and unsure of how to break the cycle.
- Experienced shame and frustration after drinking.
- Told yourself, “I’ll never get this. It’s no use.”
Then this 5-Day Sacred Sobriety Kick Start is for you!
Each day, you’ll receive a short video with simple tasks to help you analyze your drinking habits with clarity.
I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. You are NOT alone!
Please subscribe to this podcast so you won't miss a thing!
👉🏻 JOIN THE FREE 5-DAY KICK START
https://the-catholic-sobriety-coach.myflodesk.com/5-day-sobriety-kick-start
👉🏻 JOIN THE Sacred Sobriety Lab
https://sacredsobrietylab.com
👉🏻 Book a Clarity Call
https://app.paperbell.com/checkout/packages/38683
Visit my Website: https://thecatholicsobrietycoach.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives.
Women who are looking to drinkless or not at all for any
reason.
I am your host, Christy Walker.
I'm a wife, mom, and ajoy-filled Catholic.
(00:21):
And I am the Catholic sobrietycoach.
And I'm so glad you're here.
If I'm being completely honest,my day one wasn't brave and it
wasn't inspirational.
It was shaky.
It was unsure.
And it was full of bargaining.
(00:43):
I didn't just wake up magicallyready to change, but I was
determined.
I just got so tired ofpretending the alcohol wasn't
affecting me, that it wasn't thecause of so many poor choices
and bad things that were goingon in my life.
(01:07):
But I was equally afraid of whatlife might look like without it.
So if you're there right now,somewhere between, I think I
probably need to stop and, butwhat does that even mean for my
life?
I get it.
I've lived that tension.
(01:28):
And I want to take you back withme because there are things that
I know now that I really wishsomeone could have whispered
into my fear back then.
So today, I'm not giving yousteps or statistics.
I'm talking to you, the womanwho's scared she might lose
(01:53):
something if she lets go ofdrinking, and even more scared
of what might happen if shedoesn't.
Now day one felt like standingin the middle of a room with two
doors.
One was labeled stay the same,and one was labeled walk into
(02:13):
the unknown.
And neither of them looked safe.
Because staying the same meantadmitting the alcohol actually
had more control over me than Iwanted to admit.
It meant that things wouldprobably get worse for me.
That maybe I hadn't hit a quoteunquote rough bottom like other
(02:38):
people that I had seen or heardabout or read about.
But it was coming for me.
On the other hand, quittingmeant facing life without the
thing that I had been leaning onto cope, to try to heal things,
to numb out, to have relief, togive me a community.
(03:05):
And when I started, even thoughI was determined, I wasn't
confident.
I wasn't even sure I could doit.
I remember thinking, what if Itry and fail again?
Because I had tried many timesbefore.
And then I was thinking, what ifI lose my friends?
(03:28):
Which I did, but that was okaybecause they were just a bunch
of drinkers anyway.
And that was not who I couldsurround myself with at that
time.
And I thought, what is going tohappen when I'm telling people
no thanks or I don't drink, orhow are they gonna look at me?
(03:49):
Am I gonna have to explainmyself every single time I
interact with people who aredrinking or where alcohol is
present?
It felt like I was cutting offmy only escape route, cutting
off my connection to otherpeople.
(04:10):
And I didn't know if there wasanother way out.
There wasn't a heroic moment.
It was more like exhaustion.
I just couldn't do it anymore.
I didn't feel strong.
I just felt done.
I was done pretending that itwas no big deal.
(04:30):
I was done waking up wonderingwhat I had done the night
before, who I had talked to,what I had said, who did I need
to apologize to?
And I was done waking upwondering why I kept repeating
the same pattern over and overagain.
(04:52):
I was also done waking upfeeling terrible with anxiety,
with headaches, with fatigue,with mental fog.
And I couldn't do it anymore.
(05:14):
I was asked once, were you moreafraid of living without alcohol
or afraid of staying the same?
And honestly, I was afraid ofboth because staying the same
felt like slowly sinking intosomething I couldn't fully
control.
And that scared me.
(05:35):
You know, I've heard of storiesof these trainers.
Actually, there was a recentstory of like a tiger trainer,
and he had done it for probablydecades, and it was just
reported that one of his tigerskilled him.
(05:56):
And that's kind of the way thatI think about my relationship
with alcohol.
Like I was just playing withfire, or I was just cuddling up
to this tiger for comfort, butit could have devoured me.
At the same time, living withoutalcohol felt like losing my
(06:19):
safety net.
That one thing that helped me totake this edge of stress off, to
fit in, to have confidence, to,you know, let go of social
pressure, release emotionalheaviness, to forget all the
things that I had done just fora minute, just to quiet my mind.
(06:45):
So again, even though I wasdetermined, it wasn't a clean or
confident decision.
It was more like choosing thefear that felt slightly more
hopeful.
For me, the fear of staying thesame just felt like slowly dying
(07:10):
inside.
Like my world kept gettingsmaller and smaller.
The fear of quitting, though,that at least felt like there
might be a chance at somethingbetter.
It was like that light in thedarkness.
(07:30):
And even though I had no ideawhat that would look like, I do
remember thinking, if I keepgoing like this, if I keep keep
drinking, I already know howthat story ends.
(07:51):
But if I stop, maybe maybethere's another kind of life on
the other side.
Maybe the life that I havealways dreamed of, a husband and
children, and just thatbeautiful life that I had always
(08:12):
hoped for and wished for, evenas a young girl, could be
possible.
I think that's really whathelped me take the steps
necessary to break free anduntangle myself from alcohol.
In the beginning, cravings feltlike proof that I was weak.
I would say things like, I haveno willpower, I don't have an
(08:36):
off switch.
And every time I wanted a drink,I would just, it would just
reinforce in my mind like, Ican't do this.
You need it.
You're not going to be able todo this.
You've tried before and failed.
And what I didn't understand atthe time, that I understand now,
(08:56):
is that my brain wasn't workingagainst me.
It was just running the sameprogram that I had taught it
through repetition.
I didn't know that alcohol hadtrained my brain to expect
relief in a certain way.
And that the craving was simplymy nervous system asking for
(09:17):
regulation, the only way that itknew how, because that's how I
had taught it.
Back then, I thought cravingmeant failure.
I wish someone had told me, no,no.
This is your brain trying tofind the safest, quickest way it
(09:38):
remembers.
But you can teach it a new way.
And if I had understood thatdopamine, stress hormones, and
habit loops were a normal partof the healing process, I
wouldn't have carried so muchshame.
I wouldn't have panicked everytime the urge appeared.
(10:00):
Instead, I could have said, Thisis just my brain asking for
help.
And how am I going to answerthat in a healthier way?
Now, understanding the braindoesn't make the process easy,
but it definitely makes it lesspersonal.
(10:20):
And when that shame drops, thenyour confidence rises.
This is something thatAlcoholics Anonymous helped me
do.
I actually have a podcastepisode called AA Helped Me Get
Sober, but the Lord Healed Me.
So if you want to know more indepth about my experiences in
(10:41):
AA, then please go and listen tothat podcast episode.
But briefly speaking, I will saythat Alcoholics Anonymous helped
me change my thinking.
And even though we didn't talkabout things like dopamine,
stress hormones, habit loops,and all of those things and the
(11:03):
why behind what keeps peopledrinking and all those types of
things, it did help me with itsslogans.
It helped me continuallyre-reinforce in my mind that I
am powerless once I take a drinkof alcohol.
(11:25):
When I went to AA, my life wasunmanageable.
But as soon as I made thatdecision to stop drinking and
start attending meetings, I wasslowly taking my power back with
the Lord's help, of course,because believe me, I did not
(11:46):
want to be there in those rooms.
It was only by God's grace andthe power of the Holy Spirit
that I ended up there and keptgoing back to those meetings.
I know it's not for everyone.
It was really the only otheroption besides rehab at that
time that I could have, youknow, gone to or sought help
(12:08):
from.
But that renewal of the mindthat Alcoholics Anonymous gave
me and praying and asking theLord to remove my desire to
drink, which thanks be to God,He did.
Those two things are whatstarted my journey and gave me a
(12:33):
really good foundation to moveforward.
I do feel like I carried so muchshame forever, like until very
recently, when I really starteddiving into the neuroscience
behind what alcohol does to ourbrains and our bodies, how it
(12:54):
impacts our brains and ourbodies.
Just knowing the alcohol startsshutting down our prefrontal
cortex, which is the part of ourbrain that tells us to stop.
Hello?
Yes, I didn't have an off switchbecause I was dimming the light.
I wasn't, I was, it was likedimming the light switch.
(13:15):
The more I drank, the more thatlight got turned down, down,
down until pretty much I blackedout or passed out.
But I wish I had known thatbefore because I just think that
it would have relieved a lot ofshame.
(13:35):
So as I stated in the beginning,one of the things I was afraid
of if I quit drinking was a lossof community or loss of
friendships.
And AA was one of the firstplaces where I didn't feel alone
in what I was going through.
It gave me a structure at thetime when my emotions and
everything felt really chaotic.
(13:58):
And it helped me see patterns inmy behavior.
It taught me accountability andit helped me face the truth
that, yeah, alcohol had a gripon my life.
And I want to be really, reallyclear.
AA helped me get sober.
It gave me a start.
And for that, I'll always begrateful.
But over time, something startedto feel incomplete.
(14:21):
I kept doing the steps, but Ididn't feel fully healed.
I was learning how to stopdrinking, yes.
But I wasn't learning who I waswithout it.
I was trying to manage mybehavior without restoring my
identity.
And eventually saying, hi, I'man alcoholic over and over again
(14:43):
started to wear on me.
It kept me tethered to the verything I was trying to move
beyond.
And at first, I did need to namethat struggle.
I did.
I needed to own it.
But after a while, I didn't wantthat struggle to be my whole
identity.
Even though I couldn'tarticulate it at the time, I
(15:07):
just knew that that wasn't who Iwas.
I knew that Jesus didn't call meto live defined by my sin or my
greatest mistakes.
I wasn't trying to deny my past,but I also didn't want to live
(15:29):
as though I was forever chainedby it.
Now faith was there.
It was in the background.
It was just kind of part of mylife, but it slowly and subtly
became the source of my healing.
I needed restoration.
(15:50):
I needed someone stronger thanme to hold what I couldn't fix
even after I quit drinking.
I started to see that alcoholhad actually not been the root
issue that I thought it was.
It was how I was trying tosoothe the pain and the fear and
(16:12):
the pressure and old wounds thatI never fully brought into the
light.
And that's when my faithshifted.
Slowly, it was a slog, y'all.
It was a slog.
It did not happen all at once.
It was like running through mud.
But Jesus was there with me.
(16:36):
And pretty soon he didn't justbecome someone I believed in.
He became the one that I trustedto reshape who I was becoming.
And that's where God met me.
Not in the action of quitting,but in the rebuilding phase.
He didn't just remove something.
(16:58):
You can't just take somethingaway without filling it with
something else.
And I could feel him rebuildingme mentally, emotionally, and
spiritually, putting people inmy path that I needed to speak
life into me, to speak truth.
(17:21):
And that's when my identitystarted to change.
And slowly I wasn't an alcoholicjust white knuckling it, trying
to cling to control.
I was actually a beloveddaughter of God, equipped,
equipped, and learning how towalk in freedom.
(17:41):
Even when my emotions still feltraw.
Even when I couldn't turn toalcohol to numb.
But that shift from managingsobriety to actually stepping
into identity was when thehealing process truly began for
me.
(18:02):
One of the biggest surprises inearly sobriety was realizing
that quitting didn't makeeverything better right away.
Sometimes it actually, I saidsometimes, but often it made
things feel a lot harder atfirst because when alcohol was
gone, all the reasons that Iused it, stress, pressure to
(18:24):
hold things together, emotionalfatigue, unresolved wounds or
memories were still there.
Only now I had to face themwithout my best buddy alcohol.
And that's when I understoodthat alcohol had just been this
band-aid that I kept slappingover deeper pain and exhaustion.
(18:47):
And this is where a lot of womenget discouraged or think that
something's wrong with thembecause they're still
overwhelmed or emotional afterquitting.
But nothing is wrong.
That's actually the point whenhealing work begins.
You think about when you go tothe gym and you start a new
workout routine and you'rereally sore, you go back to the
(19:09):
gym and you're sore again thenext day.
It's kind of painful at first.
That transformation is painful.
But if you keep at it with yourconsistency, taking pauses,
figuring out what's working,what's not, pretty soon, it
doesn't hurt so much.
(19:31):
And things get a lot easier.
Now, when I first stoppeddrinking, I didn't have someone
walking with me in that spacereally.
I had structure and I had steps.
I did have a sponsor for alittle bit, but she went MIA.
And even when I did have asponsor, I didn't really have
(19:52):
someone who would help me unpackthe why behind my drinking or
guiding me into emotionalawareness through the lens of
grace rather than shame.
I didn't really know how toreplace alcohol, not just as a
habit, but as a coping identity.
(20:13):
And that is a big part of why Ido the work that I do.
They say that often our desireto help or serve comes from a
place of wishing that we had hadthat when we were where that
person is.
(20:35):
And that's so true about what Ido now.
Because I don't help women justwhite knuckle their way through
sobriety.
I know from experience andworking with many, many women
that willpower alone eventuallyburns out.
(20:56):
So instead, my work is to helpthem get curious about their
patterns.
I help them understand whattheir brain is doing and how
their nervous system responds tostress.
And most importantly, for thework that I do as a Catholic
coach is how God invites theminto healing instead of
(21:17):
self-condemnation.
Together, we build awarenessinstead of fear.
We build new rhythms instead ofjust removing an old one.
And most of all, we startshifting identity from I'm
barely holding it together, Idon't know if this is going to
work, to I am a woman rooted inChrist, learning to walk in
(21:41):
freedom.
That is the freedom I deserve.
That, my friends, is the kind ofsupport I wish that I had had.
And that's exactly why I knowwithout a shadow of a doubt that
the Lord called me to this work.
Now, one of the questions I getoften as women start their own
(22:04):
journey toward untanglingthemselves from alcohol is does
it get easier?
And I'm here to tell you, yes,it does get easier.
But not because life suddenlybecomes perfect.
It gets easier because over timeyour brain begins to heal.
(22:24):
Your nervous system starts tostabilize and your identity
shifts from craving escape tocraving peace.
In the beginning, everythingwill feel raw, but little by
little, you will startexperiencing real moments of
calm that aren't followed byshame or regret.
(22:48):
You will start feeling so goodinstead of panicking.
It does take time, butphysically your body will start
to regulate itself again.
Your sleep improves, your energyreturns.
Your brain isn't constantlyfighting to recover from the
chemical roller coaster thatalcohol created.
(23:11):
And that alone brings a sense ofrelief.
And spiritually speaking,there's something deeply
powerful about waking upclear-headed, not feeling like
you need to hide from God.
When you stop numbing, you starthearing your own soul again, and
(23:33):
eventually you start hearing Godmore clearly, too.
For me, that became one of themost unexpected gifts being
emotionally present enough tosense God's presence in real
time.
Socially, yes, it's completelyawkward at first.
(23:54):
You feel like everyone iswatching you or judging your
choice, but the further youwalk, the more confident you
become.
Eventually you show up not asthe woman trying to keep up, but
as the woman fully present,grounded, joyful, and confident
in a way that doesn't depend ona glass in your hand.
(24:19):
There's a moment that many womentell me about, and I experienced
this too.
The first time you laugh, likereally laugh with full presence
and no alcohol in your system,and afterward, you don't have to
replay anything in your head.
You don't panic that you saidtoo much or acted out of
(24:43):
character.
You just go to bed peacefullyand wake up so proud of your
choices.
That's when you realize that joywithout alcohol isn't dull.
You're not boring.
(25:11):
So yes, absolutely yes, it getsbetter.
Not instantly, but it grows likestrength, like healing, like a
new identity, being lived intoone day at a time.
What I know now that my day oneself couldn't see is this
(25:32):
quitting alcohol doesn't makeyou less fun or less free.
It actually makes space for thetruest version of yourself to
breathe again.
Back then I thought thatsobriety meant losing part of
me.
I didn't realize it would returnme to my authentic self.
(25:55):
Healed, steady, and grounded inwho God says that I am.
Freedom isn't just about notdrinking.
It's about no longer needingalcohol to feel okay.
It's about waking up clear,knowing you didn't betray
yourself the night before.
It's walking into a room and notneeding to drink to prove you
(26:19):
belong there.
It's about giving yourself real,holy self-care and true rewards
that are actually going tobenefit you.
And it's trusting that peace ispossible.
And the most important thing, uhyour identity is not the woman
(26:45):
who used to drink too much.
Your identity is not tied toyour struggle.
You are a beloved daughter ofGod, learning to live as someone
who is safe, valued, and capableof transformation.
The journey is not about shameor perfection.
It's about becoming more whole,more awake, and more rooted in
(27:09):
truth and grace.
If this conversation stirredsomething in you, whether you're
sober curious, just gettingstarted, or already walking this
path and wanting deeper peace,you don't have to do it alone.
Inside my sacred sobriety lab, Iguide Catholic women through
this journey with a blend ofneuroscience, faith, and
(27:32):
emotional awareness.
We focus not just on stoppingdrinking, but on healing the
reasons we turn to it in thefirst place.
It's a space for women who areready to get curious about their
drinking and let go of shame andperfection, focusing on
(27:55):
progress.
If you're looking foraccelerated results, I also
offer one-on-one life andsobriety coaching.
It's more personal, moretailored, and especially
powerful if you're navigatingdeeper patterns, transitions, or
identity work.
You also get access to theSacred Sobriety Lab for 12
(28:16):
months.
And maybe you're not sure whatyou need yet.
You just know that somethingneeds to change.
And if that's you, I invite youto book a clarity call with me.
It's free.
We'll talk through where youare, what you're struggling
with, and which path may serveyou best.
No pressure, just clarity.
(28:37):
Sister, you do not have to haveit all figured out today.
You just need to take the nextright, faithful step.
And if you're ready, I'd behonored to walk alongside you.
Until next time.
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic Sobriety
Podcast.
(28:57):
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend who might alsoget value from it as well.
And make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coach that
(29:18):
I offer, visit my website, theCatholic Sobriety Coach.
unknown (30:00):
Yeah, yeah.
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives.
Women who are looking to drinkless or not at all for any
reason.
I am your host, Christy Walker.
I'm a wife, mom, and ajoy-filled Catholic.
(00:21):
And I am the Catholic sobrietycoach.
And I'm so glad you're here.
If I'm being completely honest,my day one wasn't brave and it
wasn't inspirational.
It was shaky.
It was unsure.
And it was full of bargaining.
(00:43):
I didn't just wake up magicallyready to change, but I was
determined.
I just got so tired ofpretending the alcohol wasn't
affecting me, that it wasn't thecause of so many poor choices
and bad things that were goingon in my life.
(01:07):
But I was equally afraid of whatlife might look like without it.
So if you're there right now,somewhere between, I think I
probably need to stop and, butwhat does that even mean for my
life?
I get it.
I've lived that tension.
(01:28):
And I want to take you back withme because there are things that
I know now that I really wishsomeone could have whispered
into my fear back then.
So today, I'm not giving yousteps or statistics.
I'm talking to you, the womanwho's scared she might lose
(01:53):
something if she lets go ofdrinking, and even more scared
of what might happen if shedoesn't.
Now day one felt like standingin the middle of a room with two
doors.
One was labeled stay the same,and one was labeled walk into
(02:13):
the unknown.
And neither of them looked safe.
Because staying the same meantadmitting the alcohol actually
had more control over me than Iwanted to admit.
It meant that things wouldprobably get worse for me.
That maybe I hadn't hit a quoteunquote rough bottom like other
(02:38):
people that I had seen or heardabout or read about.
But it was coming for me.
On the other hand, quittingmeant facing life without the
thing that I had been leaning onto cope, to try to heal things,
to numb out, to have relief, togive me a community.
(03:05):
And when I started, even thoughI was determined, I wasn't
confident.
I wasn't even sure I could doit.
I remember thinking, what if Itry and fail again?
Because I had tried many timesbefore.
And then I was thinking, what ifI lose my friends?
(03:28):
Which I did, but that was okaybecause they were just a bunch
of drinkers anyway.
And that was not who I couldsurround myself with at that
time.
And I thought, what is going tohappen when I'm telling people
no thanks or I don't drink, orhow are they gonna look at me?
(03:49):
Am I gonna have to explainmyself every single time I
interact with people who aredrinking or where alcohol is
present?
It felt like I was cutting offmy only escape route, cutting
off my connection to otherpeople.
(04:10):
And I didn't know if there wasanother way out.
There wasn't a heroic moment.
It was more like exhaustion.
I just couldn't do it anymore.
I didn't feel strong.
I just felt done.
I was done pretending that itwas no big deal.
(04:30):
I was done waking up wonderingwhat I had done the night
before, who I had talked to,what I had said, who did I need
to apologize to?
And I was done waking upwondering why I kept repeating
the same pattern over and overagain.
(04:52):
I was also done waking upfeeling terrible with anxiety,
with headaches, with fatigue,with mental fog.
And I couldn't do it anymore.
(05:14):
I was asked once, were you moreafraid of living without alcohol
or afraid of staying the same?
And honestly, I was afraid ofboth because staying the same
felt like slowly sinking intosomething I couldn't fully
control.
And that scared me.
(05:35):
You know, I've heard of storiesof these trainers.
Actually, there was a recentstory of like a tiger trainer,
and he had done it for probablydecades, and it was just
reported that one of his tigerskilled him.
(05:56):
And that's kind of the way thatI think about my relationship
with alcohol.
Like I was just playing withfire, or I was just cuddling up
to this tiger for comfort, butit could have devoured me.
At the same time, living withoutalcohol felt like losing my
(06:19):
safety net.
That one thing that helped me totake this edge of stress off, to
fit in, to have confidence, to,you know, let go of social
pressure, release emotionalheaviness, to forget all the
things that I had done just fora minute, just to quiet my mind.
(06:45):
So again, even though I wasdetermined, it wasn't a clean or
confident decision.
It was more like choosing thefear that felt slightly more
hopeful.
For me, the fear of staying thesame just felt like slowly dying
(07:10):
inside.
Like my world kept gettingsmaller and smaller.
The fear of quitting, though,that at least felt like there
might be a chance at somethingbetter.
It was like that light in thedarkness.
(07:30):
And even though I had no ideawhat that would look like, I do
remember thinking, if I keepgoing like this, if I keep keep
drinking, I already know howthat story ends.
(07:51):
But if I stop, maybe maybethere's another kind of life on
the other side.
Maybe the life that I havealways dreamed of, a husband and
children, and just thatbeautiful life that I had always
(08:12):
hoped for and wished for, evenas a young girl, could be
possible.
I think that's really whathelped me take the steps
necessary to break free anduntangle myself from alcohol.
In the beginning, cravings feltlike proof that I was weak.
I would say things like, I haveno willpower, I don't have an
(08:36):
off switch.
And every time I wanted a drink,I would just, it would just
reinforce in my mind like, Ican't do this.
You need it.
You're not going to be able todo this.
You've tried before and failed.
And what I didn't understand atthe time, that I understand now,
(08:56):
is that my brain wasn't workingagainst me.
It was just running the sameprogram that I had taught it
through repetition.
I didn't know that alcohol hadtrained my brain to expect
relief in a certain way.
And that the craving was simplymy nervous system asking for
(09:17):
regulation, the only way that itknew how, because that's how I
had taught it.
Back then, I thought cravingmeant failure.
I wish someone had told me, no,no.
This is your brain trying tofind the safest, quickest way it
(09:38):
remembers.
But you can teach it a new way.
And if I had understood thatdopamine, stress hormones, and
habit loops were a normal partof the healing process, I
wouldn't have carried so muchshame.
I wouldn't have panicked everytime the urge appeared.
(10:00):
Instead, I could have said, Thisis just my brain asking for
help.
And how am I going to answerthat in a healthier way?
Now, understanding the braindoesn't make the process easy,
but it definitely makes it lesspersonal.
(10:20):
And when that shame drops, thenyour confidence rises.
This is something thatAlcoholics Anonymous helped me
do.
I actually have a podcastepisode called AA Helped Me Get
Sober, but the Lord Healed Me.
So if you want to know more indepth about my experiences in
(10:41):
AA, then please go and listen tothat podcast episode.
But briefly speaking, I will saythat Alcoholics Anonymous helped
me change my thinking.
And even though we didn't talkabout things like dopamine,
stress hormones, habit loops,and all of those things and the
(11:03):
why behind what keeps peopledrinking and all those types of
things, it did help me with itsslogans.
It helped me continuallyre-reinforce in my mind that I
am powerless once I take a drinkof alcohol.
(11:25):
When I went to AA, my life wasunmanageable.
But as soon as I made thatdecision to stop drinking and
start attending meetings, I wasslowly taking my power back with
the Lord's help, of course,because believe me, I did not
(11:46):
want to be there in those rooms.
It was only by God's grace andthe power of the Holy Spirit
that I ended up there and keptgoing back to those meetings.
I know it's not for everyone.
It was really the only otheroption besides rehab at that
time that I could have, youknow, gone to or sought help
(12:08):
from.
But that renewal of the mindthat Alcoholics Anonymous gave
me and praying and asking theLord to remove my desire to
drink, which thanks be to God,He did.
Those two things are whatstarted my journey and gave me a
(12:33):
really good foundation to moveforward.
I do feel like I carried so muchshame forever, like until very
recently, when I really starteddiving into the neuroscience
behind what alcohol does to ourbrains and our bodies, how it
(12:54):
impacts our brains and ourbodies.
Just knowing the alcohol startsshutting down our prefrontal
cortex, which is the part of ourbrain that tells us to stop.
Hello?
Yes, I didn't have an off switchbecause I was dimming the light.
I wasn't, I was, it was likedimming the light switch.
(13:15):
The more I drank, the more thatlight got turned down, down,
down until pretty much I blackedout or passed out.
But I wish I had known thatbefore because I just think that
it would have relieved a lot ofshame.
(13:35):
So as I stated in the beginning,one of the things I was afraid
of if I quit drinking was a lossof community or loss of
friendships.
And AA was one of the firstplaces where I didn't feel alone
in what I was going through.
It gave me a structure at thetime when my emotions and
everything felt really chaotic.
(13:58):
And it helped me see patterns inmy behavior.
It taught me accountability andit helped me face the truth
that, yeah, alcohol had a gripon my life.
And I want to be really, reallyclear.
AA helped me get sober.
It gave me a start.
And for that, I'll always begrateful.
But over time, something startedto feel incomplete.
(14:21):
I kept doing the steps, but Ididn't feel fully healed.
I was learning how to stopdrinking, yes.
But I wasn't learning who I waswithout it.
I was trying to manage mybehavior without restoring my
identity.
And eventually saying, hi, I'man alcoholic over and over again
(14:43):
started to wear on me.
It kept me tethered to the verything I was trying to move
beyond.
And at first, I did need to namethat struggle.
I did.
I needed to own it.
But after a while, I didn't wantthat struggle to be my whole
identity.
Even though I couldn'tarticulate it at the time, I
(15:07):
just knew that that wasn't who Iwas.
I knew that Jesus didn't call meto live defined by my sin or my
greatest mistakes.
I wasn't trying to deny my past,but I also didn't want to live
(15:29):
as though I was forever chainedby it.
Now faith was there.
It was in the background.
It was just kind of part of mylife, but it slowly and subtly
became the source of my healing.
I needed restoration.
(15:50):
I needed someone stronger thanme to hold what I couldn't fix
even after I quit drinking.
I started to see that alcoholhad actually not been the root
issue that I thought it was.
It was how I was trying tosoothe the pain and the fear and
(16:12):
the pressure and old wounds thatI never fully brought into the
light.
And that's when my faithshifted.
Slowly, it was a slog, y'all.
It was a slog.
It did not happen all at once.
It was like running through mud.
But Jesus was there with me.
(16:36):
And pretty soon he didn't justbecome someone I believed in.
He became the one that I trustedto reshape who I was becoming.
And that's where God met me.
Not in the action of quitting,but in the rebuilding phase.
He didn't just remove something.
(16:58):
You can't just take somethingaway without filling it with
something else.
And I could feel him rebuildingme mentally, emotionally, and
spiritually, putting people inmy path that I needed to speak
life into me, to speak truth.
(17:21):
And that's when my identitystarted to change.
And slowly I wasn't an alcoholicjust white knuckling it, trying
to cling to control.
I was actually a beloveddaughter of God, equipped,
equipped, and learning how towalk in freedom.
(17:41):
Even when my emotions still feltraw.
Even when I couldn't turn toalcohol to numb.
But that shift from managingsobriety to actually stepping
into identity was when thehealing process truly began for
me.
(18:02):
One of the biggest surprises inearly sobriety was realizing
that quitting didn't makeeverything better right away.
Sometimes it actually, I saidsometimes, but often it made
things feel a lot harder atfirst because when alcohol was
gone, all the reasons that Iused it, stress, pressure to
(18:24):
hold things together, emotionalfatigue, unresolved wounds or
memories were still there.
Only now I had to face themwithout my best buddy alcohol.
And that's when I understoodthat alcohol had just been this
band-aid that I kept slappingover deeper pain and exhaustion.
(18:47):
And this is where a lot of womenget discouraged or think that
something's wrong with thembecause they're still
overwhelmed or emotional afterquitting.
But nothing is wrong.
That's actually the point whenhealing work begins.
You think about when you go tothe gym and you start a new
workout routine and you'rereally sore, you go back to the
(19:09):
gym and you're sore again thenext day.
It's kind of painful at first.
That transformation is painful.
But if you keep at it with yourconsistency, taking pauses,
figuring out what's working,what's not, pretty soon, it
doesn't hurt so much.
(19:31):
And things get a lot easier.
Now, when I first stoppeddrinking, I didn't have someone
walking with me in that spacereally.
I had structure and I had steps.
I did have a sponsor for alittle bit, but she went MIA.
And even when I did have asponsor, I didn't really have
(19:52):
someone who would help me unpackthe why behind my drinking or
guiding me into emotionalawareness through the lens of
grace rather than shame.
I didn't really know how toreplace alcohol, not just as a
habit, but as a coping identity.
(20:13):
And that is a big part of why Ido the work that I do.
They say that often our desireto help or serve comes from a
place of wishing that we had hadthat when we were where that
person is.
(20:35):
And that's so true about what Ido now.
Because I don't help women justwhite knuckle their way through
sobriety.
I know from experience andworking with many, many women
that willpower alone eventuallyburns out.
(20:56):
So instead, my work is to helpthem get curious about their
patterns.
I help them understand whattheir brain is doing and how
their nervous system responds tostress.
And most importantly, for thework that I do as a Catholic
coach is how God invites theminto healing instead of
(21:17):
self-condemnation.
Together, we build awarenessinstead of fear.
We build new rhythms instead ofjust removing an old one.
And most of all, we startshifting identity from I'm
barely holding it together, Idon't know if this is going to
work, to I am a woman rooted inChrist, learning to walk in
(21:41):
freedom.
That is the freedom I deserve.
That, my friends, is the kind ofsupport I wish that I had had.
And that's exactly why I knowwithout a shadow of a doubt that
the Lord called me to this work.
Now, one of the questions I getoften as women start their own
(22:04):
journey toward untanglingthemselves from alcohol is does
it get easier?
And I'm here to tell you, yes,it does get easier.
But not because life suddenlybecomes perfect.
It gets easier because over timeyour brain begins to heal.
(22:24):
Your nervous system starts tostabilize and your identity
shifts from craving escape tocraving peace.
In the beginning, everythingwill feel raw, but little by
little, you will startexperiencing real moments of
calm that aren't followed byshame or regret.
(22:48):
You will start feeling so goodinstead of panicking.
It does take time, butphysically your body will start
to regulate itself again.
Your sleep improves, your energyreturns.
Your brain isn't constantlyfighting to recover from the
chemical roller coaster thatalcohol created.
(23:11):
And that alone brings a sense ofrelief.
And spiritually speaking,there's something deeply
powerful about waking upclear-headed, not feeling like
you need to hide from God.
When you stop numbing, you starthearing your own soul again, and
(23:33):
eventually you start hearing Godmore clearly, too.
For me, that became one of themost unexpected gifts being
emotionally present enough tosense God's presence in real
time.
Socially, yes, it's completelyawkward at first.
(23:54):
You feel like everyone iswatching you or judging your
choice, but the further youwalk, the more confident you
become.
Eventually you show up not asthe woman trying to keep up, but
as the woman fully present,grounded, joyful, and confident
in a way that doesn't depend ona glass in your hand.
(24:19):
There's a moment that many womentell me about, and I experienced
this too.
The first time you laugh, likereally laugh with full presence
and no alcohol in your system,and afterward, you don't have to
replay anything in your head.
You don't panic that you saidtoo much or acted out of
(24:43):
character.
You just go to bed peacefullyand wake up so proud of your
choices.
That's when you realize that joywithout alcohol isn't dull.
You're not boring.
(25:11):
So yes, absolutely yes, it getsbetter.
Not instantly, but it grows likestrength, like healing, like a
new identity, being lived intoone day at a time.
What I know now that my day oneself couldn't see is this
(25:32):
quitting alcohol doesn't makeyou less fun or less free.
It actually makes space for thetruest version of yourself to
breathe again.
Back then I thought thatsobriety meant losing part of
me.
I didn't realize it would returnme to my authentic self.
(25:55):
Healed, steady, and grounded inwho God says that I am.
Freedom isn't just about notdrinking.
It's about no longer needingalcohol to feel okay.
It's about waking up clear,knowing you didn't betray
yourself the night before.
It's walking into a room and notneeding to drink to prove you
(26:19):
belong there.
It's about giving yourself real,holy self-care and true rewards
that are actually going tobenefit you.
And it's trusting that peace ispossible.
And the most important thing, uhyour identity is not the woman
(26:45):
who used to drink too much.
Your identity is not tied toyour struggle.
You are a beloved daughter ofGod, learning to live as someone
who is safe, valued, and capableof transformation.
The journey is not about shameor perfection.
It's about becoming more whole,more awake, and more rooted in
(27:09):
truth and grace.
If this conversation stirredsomething in you, whether you're
sober curious, just gettingstarted, or already walking this
path and wanting deeper peace,you don't have to do it alone.
Inside my sacred sobriety lab, Iguide Catholic women through
this journey with a blend ofneuroscience, faith, and
(27:32):
emotional awareness.
We focus not just on stoppingdrinking, but on healing the
reasons we turn to it in thefirst place.
It's a space for women who areready to get curious about their
drinking and let go of shame andperfection, focusing on
(27:55):
progress.
If you're looking foraccelerated results, I also
offer one-on-one life andsobriety coaching.
It's more personal, moretailored, and especially
powerful if you're navigatingdeeper patterns, transitions, or
identity work.
You also get access to theSacred Sobriety Lab for 12
(28:16):
months.
And maybe you're not sure whatyou need yet.
You just know that somethingneeds to change.
And if that's you, I invite youto book a clarity call with me.
It's free.
We'll talk through where youare, what you're struggling
with, and which path may serveyou best.
No pressure, just clarity.
(28:37):
Sister, you do not have to haveit all figured out today.
You just need to take the nextright, faithful step.
And if you're ready, I'd behonored to walk alongside you.
Until next time.
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic Sobriety
Podcast.
(28:57):
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend who might alsoget value from it as well.
And make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coach that
(29:18):
I offer, visit my website, theCatholic Sobriety Coach.
unknown (30:00):
Yeah, yeah.
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