August 7, 2025 • 62 mins
In this episode of The Circle, Eric and Tim are joined by Tim Neal, a men’s transformation coach and embodiment facilitator, to explore the power of parts work. Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS) and shadow work, Tim explains how the voices inside us, like the inner critic or perfectionist, are not problems to fix, but parts to understand, honor, and integrate.
Through personal storytelling, emotional insights, and a live parts work practice, the conversation reveals how embracing these inner parts can lead to emotional intelligence, self-trust, and what Tim calls the “centered self.” Whether you’re new to IFS or deep in your healing work, this episode will shift how you relate to your inner world.
You’ll learn:
- What parts work is and how it relates to shadow work
- The difference between exile parts and protector parts
- Why trying to eliminate parts of yourself doesn’t work
- How emotional awareness is the foundation of growth
- How to meet your parts with compassion and curiosity
Chapter Markers / Time Stamps:
0:00 – Intro to the episode and Tim Neal
2:15 – What is parts work? Tim’s childhood story of emotional shutdown
6:50 – Origins of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and blending with shadow work
9:30 – Shadow work as a subset of parts work
12:00 – Tim’s inner critic origin story and the rise of the achiever part
15:20 – The Tony Robbins experience as a pattern interrupt
18:10 – Masculinity, vulnerability, and redefining strength
20:40 – The pressure to be one thing vs. embracing many parts
24:00 – Mono-mind vs. multi-mind: the freedom of “a part of me”
27:30 – Introducing the capital-S Self / Centered Self
29:50 – Pattern interrupts, neural pathways, and belief shifts
34:00 – Manager parts, exiles, and protectors explained
38:00 – The fruit salad metaphor: integration, not elimination
41:00 – What is the Centered Self? The goal of living from calm, clarity, and compassion
43:30 – Why we can’t “cut off” our inner parts (like a sprained ankle)
46:20 – The role of emotional intelligence in working with parts
48:00 – Live guided practice: meeting your inner part with compassion
52:15 – Eric meets his inner critic, Tim meets his inner director
54:30 – What our parts are really afraid of—and how they’re trying to help
56:00 – Closing reflections: parts work as a path toward self-compassion
Stay Connected with The Circle
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- Website & Community: www.MyEmbodiment.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Eric Bomyea (00:06):
Welcome back to The Circle, the podcast where we go
all in on men's work, embodimentpractice, and personal growth
from our queer perspective. Ifyou're enjoying the show, please
be sure to share your favoriteepisode, leave us a review, and
subscribe. And if you have anyquestions about anything you've
heard us talk about, please sendus a message. We'd love to hear
from you. And now onto the show.
Today, we're joined by Tim Neal,a men's transformation and
(00:27):
embodiment coach. Since 2012,Tim's been guiding men through
personal breakthroughs usingpsychology, neuroscience, and
good old fashioned presence.He's here to help us explore
parts work, how understandingand embracing the different
voices within us can lead todeeper self awareness,
compassion, and growth, and whythat loud inner critic might
(00:48):
just be asking for a hug afterall. Tim and Tim, are you ready
to go all in? I'm ready.
Ready. Alright. Let's do this.Tim, thank you so much. Well,
actually, Tim Neal, thank you somuch for being here with us
today.
Tim Neal (01:01):
It's a it's a joy. A real pleasure. Thanks for having
me.
Eric Bomyea (01:04):
So I just wanna start at the top. For folks who
may be hearing the phrase partswork for the first time, what is
it?
Tim Neal (01:10):
Well, I remember back to when I was 12. This is the
first time. Of course, I didn'thave the the language then, but
this was the first time that Ireally felt a part of me come
out. And I walked into my mylounge room at the time, and mom
was sitting there on the couch.And I wasn't well.
(01:32):
I was sick. I was ill. And all Iwanted was a a hug or just to
sit on the couch with mom andwatch TV. And I threw a tantrum,
and she just looked at me inwhat I perceived as, like,
disgust. And I stomped and ranout of the the lounge room and
went to my bedroom, and Iremember falling to my knees
(01:54):
with and with tears coming downmy face, I just felt so alone.
And this part of me came up,this rageful angry part. And as
I was crying, the voice withinme said, I will never fucking do
this again. This is weak. Andthen in that moment, this part
(02:17):
started leading my life. And Ididn't cry or express anger.
I have much emotionality at allfor the next fifteen to twenty
years. Now that was my firstinstance into parts work. Now
fast forward many years, there'slanguage and there's models and
(02:37):
and we can dig into that.However, as it's sort of written
parts work is there's many partsof us, and it comes from doctor
Richard Swartz. Actually, he wasa family therapist based out I
think Chicago, Illinois.
And back in the eighties, hestarted knowing and
(02:57):
understanding that a lot ofthese patients are coming in and
talking this language of parts.A part of me wants to do this, a
part of me wants to do that.Perhaps you guys can relate, I
know I could. And he startedusing this and created this
model known as IFS, InternalFamily Systems. And then over
the years, I blended IFS andalso shadow work, which I'm sure
(03:22):
you guys are well aware of, intothis model of parts work and
helping guys really createfreedom and peace within.
Timothy Bish (03:30):
I'm gonna jump in really quickly because I wanna
you brought it up, and I think alot of people listening are
gonna be familiar with shadowwork or they may have heard it.
And to me, I always felt likeshadow work was a slice of parts
work. It always felt like theparts of me that I was trying so
(03:52):
hard to not look at or to notlet anyone else look at. So I I
I wanna throw back at you andask, do you think the shadow
work, as we understand it, isone slice of parts work? Because
my understanding is that partswork can also be great parts.
The hardworking part, the lovingpart, the nurturing part, and
(04:14):
the lonely part, the scaredpart, the, you know, whatever
part. And so to me, it alwaysfelt like shadow work was a
slice. Do you also see it thatway? And if not, how do you see
it?
Tim Neal (04:25):
Yeah. Great insight, Tim. I do see it that way. And
as you or as I started lookinginto and experiencing path work
within myself, I realized, like,the shadow at my first
introduction to shadow work wasafter a really hard breakup back
in 2017. I started reading thebook, The Dark Side of the Light
(04:46):
Chasers by Debbie Ford.
Incredible book. Yeah. And shestarted talking of shadow. And
these these parts of us thatexactly what you're saying,
like, just feel perhaps lessthan the darker side, but
there's parts of us that we'vebeen too afraid of to actually
move into and express and thathelped liberate me. So I see it
(05:10):
as shadow is a part of partswork and more so in there's the
darkness of the shadow.
So I loved how you youmentioned, Tim, that there's
also the positive side or or thelight side of our parts, and
they've always got positiveintent, of course, our parts
trying to protect us, and andthere's different sort of
(05:31):
fragments of parts, and shadowis just one of those.
Eric Bomyea (05:34):
So I wanna get curious a little bit about that
moment as a boy when you're backin your bedroom and you hear
this part of yourself basicallybeing born, this part that is
saying never again and how thatpart stuck with you for so many
years and kind of held apresence in your life that was
(05:56):
prohibitive to your expressionof emotion. So that part of you,
how did that part evolve overtime? And did it serve a
purpose?
Tim Neal (06:09):
Absolutely. It did. So as I grew into a teenager and a
young man, that part and we'llcall that the part of just
feeling like vulnerabilitybecause that's what I felt was
at my most vulnerable. And thenmy primary caretaker would shut
it down, let's call it. Sovulnerability became this part
(06:32):
of me that was just in theshadows.
Just like I can't be vulnerable,can't express anger. So I was
close to anger. I can't expresssadness, and it was all wrapped
in shame. So I went on with mylife and this other part came in
known as the achievement part,The perfectionist let me do
(06:53):
everything right.
Eric Bomyea (06:53):
I know him. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Tim Neal (06:56):
Many men know him very well. And then I just achieved.
I just achieved my way throughhigh school, through young
adulthood, achieve, achieve,especially in the sporting
realm. That was my sort of goto. And it really had positive
intent and served me.
I achieved some great things.However, in my mid twenties
(07:17):
actually, I had been into, like,personal development on some
level, like and it started allwith, a gratitude journal. I
heard something somewhere in mymid teens and it was all
performance based. So that part,that achievement part, I wanted
to perform really well. I waslike, oh, this gratitude journal
thing, I've heard this can help.
Let me get grateful and writestuff down. And so I had quite
(07:39):
an early indoctrination intosort of personal development or
self improvement, but it waspredicated on not being enough.
It wasn't until my mid twenties.I remember me and two buddies
were in in Melbourne, Australia,and Tony Robbins was coming to
Australia. And he was gonna bein Sydney, which is about ten
hours away, you know, short hourand a half, two hour plane
(08:02):
flight until my buddies and Igot tickets.
And we went there and we sat inthe room and for four hours, he
just blew the ceiling off. Waslike, holy, holy shit. Then he
had his next program coming upand my two buddies bought
tickets to that. And at thetime, I was stuck in these
limiting beliefs. I was workingin fitness, full time in
(08:22):
fitness, and I couldn't justifythe time off work and the money
to go up to Sydney and, youknow, let alone the event
ticket.
So I was like, no, you guys go.And about a week before the
event, one of my buddies comesto me and says, I can't go. I've
got something on. I really can'tgo. Will you take my ticket?
(08:43):
And I was like, no. I can't youknow, it's too much and this and
that. He said, look. Take theticket. Just pay me whatever you
can later.
And I sat with her and somethingwithin me said, just need to go.
So I went with a group offriends and that event shifted
everything. And it shifted onething in particular. I'm sitting
(09:06):
there on the on the floor, butand Tony Robbins walks straight
past me, and he's this huge guy.Huge guy.
He's got this always, got thispresence. And love him or or
hate him, he's got presence andan energy about him. And he
stood about 10 feet away from meand I was looking at this giant
of a man and he was talkingabout his wife and his
(09:28):
relationship and tears were juststreaming down his face. No
different than that 12 year oldboy but he had a presence and he
wasn't afraid of hisvulnerability. And in that
moment, what happened wassomething within me woke up and
it said, that's real strength.
(09:49):
Mhmm. Not this closed off,balled off, emotionless, stoic
young man that had been showingup for the last fifteen years.
And I gave myself permission. Anew role model was formed for me
to step further into, and thenover the years, obviously, you
know, I've become my own man.I've done a lot of work in in
(10:09):
with Tony and and the teamsthere, and that's a beautiful
part of my journey.
But that was that was a pivotalmoment in my developmentation.
Timothy Bish (10:17):
I'd like to ask you thank you for sharing that
story. It does feel to me likeone of the biggest challenges
that people, but in this casemen, are facing is this want or
desire or expectation that weare one thing. So I am an
(10:39):
accomplished man who is x, y,and z, and I have this idea. And
so when we aren't able tomaintain that or achieve that at
all times, we start to crumble.And it feels like heart's work
is a recognition of a vastlandscape of possibility for
(11:02):
each person and that I can beboth strong.
Maybe I'm naturally strong atwork or I'm naturally strong at
whatever, you know, activity Ienjoy. And then in other places,
I am less so, and I I can havethis sort of nuanced personal
landscape of my life. Can youtalk a little bit about that?
(11:27):
The idea that maybe there's apressure to be one thing and the
value that we can get if werecognize all the things that we
might be simultaneously.
Tim Neal (11:38):
Yeah. I love that. I love what you're bringing in,
Tim, because I often say we areall things. Again, something I
learned from that book, DarkSide Light Chases. We are all
things.
And when I read that, I thought,what does that actually mean?
And then over time bringingparts, it makes so much sense. I
was in a coaching session theother day working with a man and
(12:01):
he kept on referring to himselfas I'm just so anxious. I'm just
so anxious. I'm just so anxious.
And I paused, held space to thatpause and said, how does it feel
when you say a part of me isanxious? All this lightness was,
oh, wow. Just a part of me. Andthis comes from what doctor
Schwartz realized that often werefer to ourselves in in what's
(12:23):
known as the mono mind, which isa one mind. To your point.
Yeah. I am just one thing.
Timothy Bish (12:31):
I never wait. But I just gotta stop and say, like,
I had I hadn't heard thatconcept. And for our listeners,
like, Tim and I have beenworking together and known each
other for, what, four years now?We haven't talked about this. So
I wasn't I wasn't queuing youup, but I love that there's this
thing.
Okay. So keep going, please. I'mex I'm feeling excited now.
Eric Bomyea (12:47):
Yeah. So
Tim Neal (12:49):
instead of referring to ourselves in the mono mind,
and I I I've done this and Istill do this. I'm on this path.
However, whenever we caninterrupt with a part of me,
that gives us space to know thatit's actually we're multiple
minded. We're not just onething. We're not just always
grateful.
We're not just always calm andpresent. However, we're not just
(13:13):
always angry or shameful orfearful. So that in itself
allows space and a healthy selfacceptance oh, we are all
things. Now let's not forget wehave free will. We can make
choice.
And that's where our realhumanness comes in. So I like to
(13:34):
look at it. One is more of ahuman conversation, what we're
experiencing and sensing in thisreality right now. But then as
we develop and as we grow, wehave start to have access for,
let's just call it more, thespiritual realm, and that's
where oneness comes back in. SoI gotta balance both because I
love being in this physicalworld, but I also there's
(13:57):
nothing quite like when you'rejust deeply connected to
something bigger than ourselvesor spirit energy, god, whatever
label we wanna put on it.
Timothy Bish (14:06):
So I I definitely want us to go deeper into the
spiritual aspect that you'retalking about. But before we do,
you mentioned something that Ireally like, which is the
pattern interrupt. So can youspeak a little bit for people
who don't know, what is apattern interrupt? Why is it
valuable? And how does it or howis it included in embodiment
(14:31):
work and men's work as as wehave engaged in it?
Tim Neal (14:35):
Great question. So briefly, a pattern interrupt is
this interrupting a pattern thatthe mind is so used to
performing familiar. So anexample may be, let's just say,
back when I was early no. Midmid twenties, young man, I had
this goal and dream to gooverseas and become a ski
(14:56):
instructor because I grew up onthe ski slopes here in
Australia. We do have a a fewhills here.
And I just wanted to go over toCanada and ski because I loved
it. Freedom. So I went overthere and did a year in
Vancouver. It was magic. Lovedit.
It was really challenging also.And as I taught skiing, as you
(15:18):
ski or snowboard, what happensto the snow? Right? Your skis
and snowboards make a groove inthe snow. And then if you keep
going down the hill in thosegrooves, it gets easier and
easier and easier.
Neural pathways in our brain areexactly the same thing.
Timothy Bish (15:33):
Just to you said neural pathways in the neural
pathways in the brain are thesame as the grooves in the snow.
Tim Neal (15:39):
Yeah. Yeah. What we fire so if we keep skiing in
those grooves, it wires togetherstronger and stronger and
stronger neuroscience. So thegood news is then we can also
pattern interrupt over time. Soif we have a belief, let's say,
which is nothing more than athought of certainty or a
(16:00):
thought that we believe to betrue and we've fired and wired
that usually for many years fromthose imprint years from two to
seven, then first is theawareness of heart.
Is this belief or is thisthought or is this part really
serving? And if so, how? Becausethere's always a positive
payoff. Otherwise, it wouldn'texist. So the interrupt is a
(16:23):
real self discovery and a selfawareness piece of growth, of
just understanding ideally withcompassion, ideally with
curiosity, not from a realstrong inner critic, which most
of us have, on there's a patternhere, and usually patterns come
out in behaviors that I canstart to interrupt or this part
(16:47):
that I can start to integratemore beautifully within me
through interrupting patterns ofthought and or being and belief.
Eric Bomyea (16:58):
Very interesting. So if I'm understanding
correctly, and if we use theexample of you as a young man
who is seeing Tony Robbins giveyou this new model of
masculinity of like there's astrong man in front of me with
presence who is alsodemonstrating vulnerability.
(17:20):
What it sounds like was apattern interrupt to the part of
you that was leading your lifepredominantly, which was this
stoic suppressed emotion versionof yourself. And so through that
pattern interrupt of seeing thisnew example, did a new part of
you start to come online? Orwere you able to work with that
(17:41):
stoic part of you in a differentway?
So that's where I'm a littlecurious about how does this
start to work so that as weshift and evolve and go through
our personal growth, how dothese parts work together and
how do we acknowledge them andhonor them at the same time?
Tim Neal (17:56):
So there was a pattern interrupt for sure because the
old belief was vulnerability isweakness, and I can't cry and I
can't emote. The externalthrough this role model
interrupted that pattern ofthought, but also that part,
(18:18):
they're much, much the sameness.And a new belief started to be
formed, like, this isvulnerability and strength all
in one. So then that part of methat was online started to
relax. An incredibly importantpart of parts work is
(18:41):
understanding that our parts arethere to serve us, usually to
protect.
There's two types of partsgenerally. One is more
protective and the other part ismore parts more vulnerable known
as protectors or managers andexiles. Now exiles are the ones
(19:48):
that the protectors areprotecting. The managers are
sort of managing all our lifeand our behaviors to protect
these young vulnerable partswithin us.
Timothy Bish (19:57):
I just wanna go back to the example then. The
part of you in the story youtold about when you were not
feeling well, looking for yourmom, there was a part of you
that wanted to be cared for,wanted to be nurtured, wanted to
be sheltered, whatever. Youknow? Would that that part of
you is in the exile slice. Am Iright?
(20:20):
And then the part of you thepart of you that changed, that
recognized what was what whatwas helping, what was serving,
what was protecting you, thatbecame the protector. So is that
am I hearing you right?
Tim Neal (20:33):
Spot on.
Timothy Bish (20:34):
Yes. Sorry to interrupt, but I wanna make
Nice. Clear because it becauseit felt like there were there
were many parts in that storythat were that were
collaborating in the experienceof your life.
Tim Neal (20:45):
Yeah. But you nailed it, Tim. The young part, the
vulnerable part that just wantedto be loved and held and
comforted, pain fought. Andoften we have this where trauma
comes in. Trauma's often whathas happened, what didn't happen
as well.
So I didn't get the love, thecomfort, what I needed. So that
(21:06):
exiled it gets exiled. That'swhy where the name comes. It
gets exiled. A protector isborn.
This isn't happening again. I'llprotect you.
Timothy Bish (21:14):
Okay. I'm gonna jump in because I'm you and I
have not talked about this, butI am curious now. Would you
argue that they often come inpairs?
Tim Neal (21:24):
Yeah. Well, now you're getting deeper in the parts.
Timothy Bish (21:25):
I mean, is why we this is why we have you here.
Like, because it seems to methen I can think of so many
experiences in my own life andin the story that you just so
beautifully illustrated whereone did not exist without the
other. Like, they oh, the thecreation of one was to serve the
other. So and you're smiling. SoI'm I'm assuming that maybe I'm
(21:49):
intuiting a thing that manypeople who are more familiar
with parts work already know.
Am I right?
Tim Neal (21:54):
There's always a polarity, of course. Light and
dark.
Timothy Bish (21:58):
Beautifully said.
Tim Neal (21:59):
And that both are beautiful and served. So two
things about parts work thathave really helped me in
understanding and and reallycrucial. One is that it's not
about getting rid of parts.Often I hear guys say, I just
need to get rid of this orthere's so much criticism
towards a part of them. Maybeit's a part that's not
(22:20):
productive.
Maybe it's a part that's morevulnerable. Maybe it's a part
that we don't like. It's causedus pain. So the first is it's
not about getting rid of parts.It's actually about healthily
integrating those parts.
And I love how Schwartz talksabout often you think of like
think of a smoothie, it's allblended together. We're not
(22:42):
going for that. We're going forthe fruit salad and really
honoring each part for the partof us that they have been, but
also coming into a healthyintegration and not allowing
those parts to lead. Those partsare with us. That's what's
called internal internal familysystems.
They're families. We're notgetting rid of family members.
(23:03):
We're just learning how tobeautifully dance with those
parts.
Eric Bomyea (23:08):
How to be all
Timothy Bish (23:08):
things. Yeah.
Tim Neal (23:10):
Exactly. And the second
Eric Bomyea (23:12):
We're not just the grapes. We're not just the
watermelon. We are all theparts. We are all things.
Tim Neal (23:18):
Absolutely. Now you may have preference. You might
like the grapes more, thewatermelon. I know I like
pineapple probably the most. Butcan we come into that healthy
integration?
Which brings me to knowing thiscould be a good sort of move
into the spiritual realm here isthere's this centered cell. I
call it the centered self. It'sknown as capital s self. That's
(23:41):
a place within you. It's not apart that was there when we're
born that can never be can neverdie.
Our beingness, another way, thespirit within. And what I've
witnessed within my own life,within many men's lives, is when
we touch in on that part, thecentered self, let's call it
(24:02):
that for clarity's sake, ourcentered self just knows. Our
centered self is characterizedby these beautiful qualities,
calmness and courage andcompassion, a few others. And
that is where and if there is agoal, goal is constant evolution
in my world. However, if therewas a goal is to live more from
(24:24):
that place, the centered self.
Timothy Bish (24:26):
I'm gonna go back because I believe that we live
in a world currently where thedesire is to identify a problem
and then eliminate it, solve it.So when you when you said it's
not the goal for us to get ridof a part, I think it's really
(24:48):
important, so I wanna come back.Because there, I think, is a
tendency for us to want to, oh,that part, that lonely part of
me. Well, you're the problem. Ijust need to get if I just get
rid of you, my problem is gone.
And the the analogy that'spopping up for me is the
sprained ankle and the swelling.And we've all seen this so many
(25:10):
times. Be like, I have to getthe swelling down. The swelling
the problem. Swelling.
Swelling is the problem. We haveto ice it. We have to, like,
ibuprofen. We do whatever thething is. But the swelling is
actually part of the healing.
The swelling is a a part of theprocess that we have culturally
come to think of as, like, notgood. When in reality, that's
(25:30):
what our body is doing to helpheal the problem that is
happening. And so it feels thesame way to be like this part of
me that is lonely or the part ofme that is scared or the part of
me and and by recognizing it asa part of our process and our
healing, we can approach it in avery different way. So I wanted
to reiterate that because itisn't you're the problem and I
(25:56):
get rid of you because then thatto me feels like it takes us
away from what you just spokeabout the centered self. And
rather if we think of it as anintegral part of our process,
then instead of getting rid ofthe lonely part, I can
recognize, oh, you're here for areason.
I can get curious about it.Well, why? Why are you here? Why
(26:18):
are you here? Why are you here?
I don't need you to leave. Ineed to know why you're here.
And then I I have to imagine,this is my question to you now,
is that exploration andcuriosity around these parts of
us that we may feel tempted towant to eliminate a manner in
which we can get closer to ourcentered self?
Tim Neal (26:38):
Absolutely. Short answer is yes. I love your I
love your analogy of the ankle.And to go that and take that a
step further, often, I know Ihave and many men treat the
ankle and go, the ankle's aproblem. Let's cut it off.
Let's eliminate. Let's just cutoff the ankle. What? Yeah. What
if we understand the ankle?
What's really happening there?Is there anything underlying
(27:00):
that's causing dysfunction inthe ankle? Yeah. Let's heal.
Let's heal with the ankle, withthat part of us.
Now that we've got a newawareness and I have this really
strong part and I've done a lotof work on it that's being a
critic really hard on myself,incredibly hard on myself.
Remember as a teenager, I lookin the mirror and I would
(27:22):
despise and hate what I saw. Thedark features, the acne, and
I'll just look with disdain.That was my inner critic. That
was that part that was born thatprotector.
Yeah. I've learned to love thatpart of me. Does he still pop up
at times? Absolutely. And that'swhere awareness and some
(27:43):
emotional mastery is needed tocome inwards.
What I call meet that part.Yeah.
Eric Bomyea (27:51):
So I just heard you say emotional mastery. And so
working with arts does require alittle bit of awareness where we
have to be aware that there isthis part of us and then also
the emotional intelligence andcapacity to be able to sit with
a part and bring in compassion,bring in curiosity, these things
(28:12):
that do require a heightenedemotional intelligence to to be
able to sit with them. So how doyou use that emotional
intelligence, that emotionalmastery to work with a part that
may not be the favorable part?Right? Again, we're not trying
to eliminate it.
We're not trying to eliminatethe critic. We're not trying to
(28:33):
eliminate the stoic. We aretrying to bring in curiosity.
How? And then through thatcuriosity, how do we then manage
that part?
If we're not getting rid of thepart, what do we do with the
part?
Tim Neal (28:47):
Great questions. So I invite both of you if you're
interested in practicing withthis. It won't be long, but we
wanna meet our parts. And youyou mentioned, Eric, it takes a
little bit of awareness. I wouldsay it takes a lot of awareness.
And in our busy modern worldwhere we're overstimulated and
there's so much out there, a lotof it incredible, I think it's
(29:10):
mastery as a man. And I use thatterm loosely because can we ever
master anything or do we just goto another level with it? I like
to think of progress overperfection because mastery in my
world can mean perfection. Idon't believe in that anymore.
Another pattern interrupt by theway.
So the awareness piece is to meMen's Work 101. How aware are we
(29:33):
in any given moment? How muchpresence and awareness can we
bring to this moment? Myinternal world, which we're
talking about parts, and also anintegration of the external.
That's a beautiful part of life.
So let's go to the how and meetour parts. So take a moment.
(29:54):
Just go inwards. Deepen yourbreath if that helps. And just
notice within you if there's apart that's a little bit more
alive or part you want to workwith.
Is it that inner critic? Is itthe stoic or a judgmental part?
(30:16):
Is it more of a afraid part?There's no right or wrong here.
You may feel it in your body.
You may feel it in your mind. Itmay come through as vision,
sensations. Just sense. And ifyou've got a part that you wanna
(30:39):
work with in this moment, justraise your hands so I can see
it.
Timothy Bish (30:42):
I mean, I have my my director part. It's pretty
loud right now.
Tim Neal (30:47):
Director?
Timothy Bish (30:48):
Thinking about, yeah, thinking about all the
things that are currentlyhappening in this moment. What
part is yours?
Eric Bomyea (30:53):
Mine's the inner critic. Anytime I'm sitting in
this chair, there is a part ofme that is so hyper aware of
messing up, saying the wrongthing, looking stupid.
Tim Neal (31:06):
So go ahead and just focus in on that inner critic
and that director. Just noticewhere that part may live within
you. Is it in mind or it is inbody? In the best that you can,
just notice how you feel towardsthat part, if there's a judgment
(31:28):
or not. If there's a judgment,like you want to get rid of it,
just go ahead and ask that partto step aside.
Reassure that part if it'sthere. You just want to get to
know this part, this director orinner critic. Now see if you can
(31:53):
just bring some curiosity, somecompassion to this part, this
part of you that may be criticalor directive. Then if you found
that curiosity and compassion,just go ahead and ask it like
you would another person,perhaps a small child. Go ahead
(32:14):
and ask it, Why does it love todo what it's doing within you?
Why is it doing that? Justlisten. Notice if that part is
(32:34):
willing to or give you anything.If it does, it's great. You've
got some trust.
And if it doesn't, that's Okaytoo. Go ahead and ask it, what
does it fear most? What's itreally afraid of? Saying as
(32:55):
curious and compassionate as youcan. What's it afraid of?
Timothy Bish (33:00):
My director part is actually a really positive
part of me. Mhmm. And it'safraid it's fear. What I just
intuited was afraid of wastingpeople's time. Mhmm.
So it wants to be really mindfulabout how we're doing the
(33:22):
podcast and the sound and thetechnology and your time and
Eric's time and, you know, ourlisteners' time. That's what
popped up for me. Came for you.
Eric Bomyea (33:35):
The first thing is that my inner critic is here to
protect. He's here to protect mefrom looking stupid. And there
is a fear of letting peopledown.
Welcome back to The Circle, the podcast where we go
all in on men's work, embodimentpractice, and personal growth
from our queer perspective. Ifyou're enjoying the show, please
be sure to share your favoriteepisode, leave us a review, and
subscribe. And if you have anyquestions about anything you've
heard us talk about, please sendus a message. We'd love to hear
from you. And now onto the show.
Today, we're joined by Tim Neal,a men's transformation and
(00:27):
embodiment coach. Since 2012,Tim's been guiding men through
personal breakthroughs usingpsychology, neuroscience, and
good old fashioned presence.He's here to help us explore
parts work, how understandingand embracing the different
voices within us can lead todeeper self awareness,
compassion, and growth, and whythat loud inner critic might
(00:48):
just be asking for a hug afterall. Tim and Tim, are you ready
to go all in? I'm ready.
Ready. Alright. Let's do this.Tim, thank you so much. Well,
actually, Tim Neal, thank you somuch for being here with us
today.
Tim Neal (01:01):
It's a it's a joy. A real pleasure. Thanks for having
me.
Eric Bomyea (01:04):
So I just wanna start at the top. For folks who
may be hearing the phrase partswork for the first time, what is
it?
Tim Neal (01:10):
Well, I remember back to when I was 12. This is the
first time. Of course, I didn'thave the the language then, but
this was the first time that Ireally felt a part of me come
out. And I walked into my mylounge room at the time, and mom
was sitting there on the couch.And I wasn't well.
(01:32):
I was sick. I was ill. And all Iwanted was a a hug or just to
sit on the couch with mom andwatch TV. And I threw a tantrum,
and she just looked at me inwhat I perceived as, like,
disgust. And I stomped and ranout of the the lounge room and
went to my bedroom, and Iremember falling to my knees
(01:54):
with and with tears coming downmy face, I just felt so alone.
And this part of me came up,this rageful angry part. And as
I was crying, the voice withinme said, I will never fucking do
this again. This is weak. Andthen in that moment, this part
(02:17):
started leading my life. And Ididn't cry or express anger.
I have much emotionality at allfor the next fifteen to twenty
years. Now that was my firstinstance into parts work. Now
fast forward many years, there'slanguage and there's models and
(02:37):
and we can dig into that.However, as it's sort of written
parts work is there's many partsof us, and it comes from doctor
Richard Swartz. Actually, he wasa family therapist based out I
think Chicago, Illinois.
And back in the eighties, hestarted knowing and
(02:57):
understanding that a lot ofthese patients are coming in and
talking this language of parts.A part of me wants to do this, a
part of me wants to do that.Perhaps you guys can relate, I
know I could. And he startedusing this and created this
model known as IFS, InternalFamily Systems. And then over
the years, I blended IFS andalso shadow work, which I'm sure
(03:22):
you guys are well aware of, intothis model of parts work and
helping guys really createfreedom and peace within.
Timothy Bish (03:30):
I'm gonna jump in really quickly because I wanna
you brought it up, and I think alot of people listening are
gonna be familiar with shadowwork or they may have heard it.
And to me, I always felt likeshadow work was a slice of parts
work. It always felt like theparts of me that I was trying so
(03:52):
hard to not look at or to notlet anyone else look at. So I I
I wanna throw back at you andask, do you think the shadow
work, as we understand it, isone slice of parts work? Because
my understanding is that partswork can also be great parts.
The hardworking part, the lovingpart, the nurturing part, and
(04:14):
the lonely part, the scaredpart, the, you know, whatever
part. And so to me, it alwaysfelt like shadow work was a
slice. Do you also see it thatway? And if not, how do you see
it?
Tim Neal (04:25):
Yeah. Great insight, Tim. I do see it that way. And
as you or as I started lookinginto and experiencing path work
within myself, I realized, like,the shadow at my first
introduction to shadow work wasafter a really hard breakup back
in 2017. I started reading thebook, The Dark Side of the Light
(04:46):
Chasers by Debbie Ford.
Incredible book. Yeah. And shestarted talking of shadow. And
these these parts of us thatexactly what you're saying,
like, just feel perhaps lessthan the darker side, but
there's parts of us that we'vebeen too afraid of to actually
move into and express and thathelped liberate me. So I see it
(05:10):
as shadow is a part of partswork and more so in there's the
darkness of the shadow.
So I loved how you youmentioned, Tim, that there's
also the positive side or or thelight side of our parts, and
they've always got positiveintent, of course, our parts
trying to protect us, and andthere's different sort of
(05:31):
fragments of parts, and shadowis just one of those.
Eric Bomyea (05:34):
So I wanna get curious a little bit about that
moment as a boy when you're backin your bedroom and you hear
this part of yourself basicallybeing born, this part that is
saying never again and how thatpart stuck with you for so many
years and kind of held apresence in your life that was
(05:56):
prohibitive to your expressionof emotion. So that part of you,
how did that part evolve overtime? And did it serve a
purpose?
Tim Neal (06:09):
Absolutely. It did. So as I grew into a teenager and a
young man, that part and we'llcall that the part of just
feeling like vulnerabilitybecause that's what I felt was
at my most vulnerable. And thenmy primary caretaker would shut
it down, let's call it. Sovulnerability became this part
(06:32):
of me that was just in theshadows.
Just like I can't be vulnerable,can't express anger. So I was
close to anger. I can't expresssadness, and it was all wrapped
in shame. So I went on with mylife and this other part came in
known as the achievement part,The perfectionist let me do
(06:53):
everything right.
Eric Bomyea (06:53):
I know him. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Tim Neal (06:56):
Many men know him very well. And then I just achieved.
I just achieved my way throughhigh school, through young
adulthood, achieve, achieve,especially in the sporting
realm. That was my sort of goto. And it really had positive
intent and served me.
I achieved some great things.However, in my mid twenties
(07:17):
actually, I had been into, like,personal development on some
level, like and it started allwith, a gratitude journal. I
heard something somewhere in mymid teens and it was all
performance based. So that part,that achievement part, I wanted
to perform really well. I waslike, oh, this gratitude journal
thing, I've heard this can help.
Let me get grateful and writestuff down. And so I had quite
(07:39):
an early indoctrination intosort of personal development or
self improvement, but it waspredicated on not being enough.
It wasn't until my mid twenties.I remember me and two buddies
were in in Melbourne, Australia,and Tony Robbins was coming to
Australia. And he was gonna bein Sydney, which is about ten
hours away, you know, short hourand a half, two hour plane
(08:02):
flight until my buddies and Igot tickets.
And we went there and we sat inthe room and for four hours, he
just blew the ceiling off. Waslike, holy, holy shit. Then he
had his next program coming upand my two buddies bought
tickets to that. And at thetime, I was stuck in these
limiting beliefs. I was workingin fitness, full time in
(08:22):
fitness, and I couldn't justifythe time off work and the money
to go up to Sydney and, youknow, let alone the event
ticket.
So I was like, no, you guys go.And about a week before the
event, one of my buddies comesto me and says, I can't go. I've
got something on. I really can'tgo. Will you take my ticket?
(08:43):
And I was like, no. I can't youknow, it's too much and this and
that. He said, look. Take theticket. Just pay me whatever you
can later.
And I sat with her and somethingwithin me said, just need to go.
So I went with a group offriends and that event shifted
everything. And it shifted onething in particular. I'm sitting
(09:06):
there on the on the floor, butand Tony Robbins walks straight
past me, and he's this huge guy.Huge guy.
He's got this always, got thispresence. And love him or or
hate him, he's got presence andan energy about him. And he
stood about 10 feet away from meand I was looking at this giant
of a man and he was talkingabout his wife and his
(09:28):
relationship and tears were juststreaming down his face. No
different than that 12 year oldboy but he had a presence and he
wasn't afraid of hisvulnerability. And in that
moment, what happened wassomething within me woke up and
it said, that's real strength.
(09:49):
Mhmm. Not this closed off,balled off, emotionless, stoic
young man that had been showingup for the last fifteen years.
And I gave myself permission. Anew role model was formed for me
to step further into, and thenover the years, obviously, you
know, I've become my own man.I've done a lot of work in in
(10:09):
with Tony and and the teamsthere, and that's a beautiful
part of my journey.
But that was that was a pivotalmoment in my developmentation.
Timothy Bish (10:17):
I'd like to ask you thank you for sharing that
story. It does feel to me likeone of the biggest challenges
that people, but in this casemen, are facing is this want or
desire or expectation that weare one thing. So I am an
(10:39):
accomplished man who is x, y,and z, and I have this idea. And
so when we aren't able tomaintain that or achieve that at
all times, we start to crumble.And it feels like heart's work
is a recognition of a vastlandscape of possibility for
(11:02):
each person and that I can beboth strong.
Maybe I'm naturally strong atwork or I'm naturally strong at
whatever, you know, activity Ienjoy. And then in other places,
I am less so, and I I can havethis sort of nuanced personal
landscape of my life. Can youtalk a little bit about that?
(11:27):
The idea that maybe there's apressure to be one thing and the
value that we can get if werecognize all the things that we
might be simultaneously.
Tim Neal (11:38):
Yeah. I love that. I love what you're bringing in,
Tim, because I often say we areall things. Again, something I
learned from that book, DarkSide Light Chases. We are all
things.
And when I read that, I thought,what does that actually mean?
And then over time bringingparts, it makes so much sense. I
was in a coaching session theother day working with a man and
(12:01):
he kept on referring to himselfas I'm just so anxious. I'm just
so anxious. I'm just so anxious.
And I paused, held space to thatpause and said, how does it feel
when you say a part of me isanxious? All this lightness was,
oh, wow. Just a part of me. Andthis comes from what doctor
Schwartz realized that often werefer to ourselves in in what's
(12:23):
known as the mono mind, which isa one mind. To your point.
Yeah. I am just one thing.
Timothy Bish (12:31):
I never wait. But I just gotta stop and say, like,
I had I hadn't heard thatconcept. And for our listeners,
like, Tim and I have beenworking together and known each
other for, what, four years now?We haven't talked about this. So
I wasn't I wasn't queuing youup, but I love that there's this
thing.
Okay. So keep going, please. I'mex I'm feeling excited now.
Eric Bomyea (12:47):
Yeah. So
Tim Neal (12:49):
instead of referring to ourselves in the mono mind,
and I I I've done this and Istill do this. I'm on this path.
However, whenever we caninterrupt with a part of me,
that gives us space to know thatit's actually we're multiple
minded. We're not just onething. We're not just always
grateful.
We're not just always calm andpresent. However, we're not just
(13:13):
always angry or shameful orfearful. So that in itself
allows space and a healthy selfacceptance oh, we are all
things. Now let's not forget wehave free will. We can make
choice.
And that's where our realhumanness comes in. So I like to
(13:34):
look at it. One is more of ahuman conversation, what we're
experiencing and sensing in thisreality right now. But then as
we develop and as we grow, wehave start to have access for,
let's just call it more, thespiritual realm, and that's
where oneness comes back in. SoI gotta balance both because I
love being in this physicalworld, but I also there's
(13:57):
nothing quite like when you'rejust deeply connected to
something bigger than ourselvesor spirit energy, god, whatever
label we wanna put on it.
Timothy Bish (14:06):
So I I definitely want us to go deeper into the
spiritual aspect that you'retalking about. But before we do,
you mentioned something that Ireally like, which is the
pattern interrupt. So can youspeak a little bit for people
who don't know, what is apattern interrupt? Why is it
valuable? And how does it or howis it included in embodiment
(14:31):
work and men's work as as wehave engaged in it?
Tim Neal (14:35):
Great question. So briefly, a pattern interrupt is
this interrupting a pattern thatthe mind is so used to
performing familiar. So anexample may be, let's just say,
back when I was early no. Midmid twenties, young man, I had
this goal and dream to gooverseas and become a ski
(14:56):
instructor because I grew up onthe ski slopes here in
Australia. We do have a a fewhills here.
And I just wanted to go over toCanada and ski because I loved
it. Freedom. So I went overthere and did a year in
Vancouver. It was magic. Lovedit.
It was really challenging also.And as I taught skiing, as you
(15:18):
ski or snowboard, what happensto the snow? Right? Your skis
and snowboards make a groove inthe snow. And then if you keep
going down the hill in thosegrooves, it gets easier and
easier and easier.
Neural pathways in our brain areexactly the same thing.
Timothy Bish (15:33):
Just to you said neural pathways in the neural
pathways in the brain are thesame as the grooves in the snow.
Tim Neal (15:39):
Yeah. Yeah. What we fire so if we keep skiing in
those grooves, it wires togetherstronger and stronger and
stronger neuroscience. So thegood news is then we can also
pattern interrupt over time. Soif we have a belief, let's say,
which is nothing more than athought of certainty or a
(16:00):
thought that we believe to betrue and we've fired and wired
that usually for many years fromthose imprint years from two to
seven, then first is theawareness of heart.
Is this belief or is thisthought or is this part really
serving? And if so, how? Becausethere's always a positive
payoff. Otherwise, it wouldn'texist. So the interrupt is a
(16:23):
real self discovery and a selfawareness piece of growth, of
just understanding ideally withcompassion, ideally with
curiosity, not from a realstrong inner critic, which most
of us have, on there's a patternhere, and usually patterns come
out in behaviors that I canstart to interrupt or this part
(16:47):
that I can start to integratemore beautifully within me
through interrupting patterns ofthought and or being and belief.
Eric Bomyea (16:58):
Very interesting. So if I'm understanding
correctly, and if we use theexample of you as a young man
who is seeing Tony Robbins giveyou this new model of
masculinity of like there's astrong man in front of me with
presence who is alsodemonstrating vulnerability.
(17:20):
What it sounds like was apattern interrupt to the part of
you that was leading your lifepredominantly, which was this
stoic suppressed emotion versionof yourself. And so through that
pattern interrupt of seeing thisnew example, did a new part of
you start to come online? Orwere you able to work with that
(17:41):
stoic part of you in a differentway?
So that's where I'm a littlecurious about how does this
start to work so that as weshift and evolve and go through
our personal growth, how dothese parts work together and
how do we acknowledge them andhonor them at the same time?
Tim Neal (17:56):
So there was a pattern interrupt for sure because the
old belief was vulnerability isweakness, and I can't cry and I
can't emote. The externalthrough this role model
interrupted that pattern ofthought, but also that part,
(18:18):
they're much, much the sameness.And a new belief started to be
formed, like, this isvulnerability and strength all
in one. So then that part of methat was online started to
relax. An incredibly importantpart of parts work is
(18:41):
understanding that our parts arethere to serve us, usually to
protect.
There's two types of partsgenerally. One is more
protective and the other part ismore parts more vulnerable known
as protectors or managers andexiles. Now exiles are the ones
(19:48):
that the protectors areprotecting. The managers are
sort of managing all our lifeand our behaviors to protect
these young vulnerable partswithin us.
Timothy Bish (19:57):
I just wanna go back to the example then. The
part of you in the story youtold about when you were not
feeling well, looking for yourmom, there was a part of you
that wanted to be cared for,wanted to be nurtured, wanted to
be sheltered, whatever. Youknow? Would that that part of
you is in the exile slice. Am Iright?
(20:20):
And then the part of you thepart of you that changed, that
recognized what was what whatwas helping, what was serving,
what was protecting you, thatbecame the protector. So is that
am I hearing you right?
Tim Neal (20:33):
Spot on.
Timothy Bish (20:34):
Yes. Sorry to interrupt, but I wanna make
Nice. Clear because it becauseit felt like there were there
were many parts in that storythat were that were
collaborating in the experienceof your life.
Tim Neal (20:45):
Yeah. But you nailed it, Tim. The young part, the
vulnerable part that just wantedto be loved and held and
comforted, pain fought. Andoften we have this where trauma
comes in. Trauma's often whathas happened, what didn't happen
as well.
So I didn't get the love, thecomfort, what I needed. So that
(21:06):
exiled it gets exiled. That'swhy where the name comes. It
gets exiled. A protector isborn.
This isn't happening again. I'llprotect you.
Timothy Bish (21:14):
Okay. I'm gonna jump in because I'm you and I
have not talked about this, butI am curious now. Would you
argue that they often come inpairs?
Tim Neal (21:24):
Yeah. Well, now you're getting deeper in the parts.
Timothy Bish (21:25):
I mean, is why we this is why we have you here.
Like, because it seems to methen I can think of so many
experiences in my own life andin the story that you just so
beautifully illustrated whereone did not exist without the
other. Like, they oh, the thecreation of one was to serve the
other. So and you're smiling. SoI'm I'm assuming that maybe I'm
(21:49):
intuiting a thing that manypeople who are more familiar
with parts work already know.
Am I right?
Tim Neal (21:54):
There's always a polarity, of course. Light and
dark.
Timothy Bish (21:58):
Beautifully said.
Tim Neal (21:59):
And that both are beautiful and served. So two
things about parts work thathave really helped me in
understanding and and reallycrucial. One is that it's not
about getting rid of parts.Often I hear guys say, I just
need to get rid of this orthere's so much criticism
towards a part of them. Maybeit's a part that's not
(22:20):
productive.
Maybe it's a part that's morevulnerable. Maybe it's a part
that we don't like. It's causedus pain. So the first is it's
not about getting rid of parts.It's actually about healthily
integrating those parts.
And I love how Schwartz talksabout often you think of like
think of a smoothie, it's allblended together. We're not
(22:42):
going for that. We're going forthe fruit salad and really
honoring each part for the partof us that they have been, but
also coming into a healthyintegration and not allowing
those parts to lead. Those partsare with us. That's what's
called internal internal familysystems.
They're families. We're notgetting rid of family members.
(23:03):
We're just learning how tobeautifully dance with those
parts.
Eric Bomyea (23:08):
How to be all
Timothy Bish (23:08):
things. Yeah.
Tim Neal (23:10):
Exactly. And the second
Eric Bomyea (23:12):
We're not just the grapes. We're not just the
watermelon. We are all theparts. We are all things.
Tim Neal (23:18):
Absolutely. Now you may have preference. You might
like the grapes more, thewatermelon. I know I like
pineapple probably the most. Butcan we come into that healthy
integration?
Which brings me to knowing thiscould be a good sort of move
into the spiritual realm here isthere's this centered cell. I
call it the centered self. It'sknown as capital s self. That's
(23:41):
a place within you. It's not apart that was there when we're
born that can never be can neverdie.
Our beingness, another way, thespirit within. And what I've
witnessed within my own life,within many men's lives, is when
we touch in on that part, thecentered self, let's call it
(24:02):
that for clarity's sake, ourcentered self just knows. Our
centered self is characterizedby these beautiful qualities,
calmness and courage andcompassion, a few others. And
that is where and if there is agoal, goal is constant evolution
in my world. However, if therewas a goal is to live more from
(24:24):
that place, the centered self.
Timothy Bish (24:26):
I'm gonna go back because I believe that we live
in a world currently where thedesire is to identify a problem
and then eliminate it, solve it.So when you when you said it's
not the goal for us to get ridof a part, I think it's really
(24:48):
important, so I wanna come back.Because there, I think, is a
tendency for us to want to, oh,that part, that lonely part of
me. Well, you're the problem. Ijust need to get if I just get
rid of you, my problem is gone.
And the the analogy that'spopping up for me is the
sprained ankle and the swelling.And we've all seen this so many
(25:10):
times. Be like, I have to getthe swelling down. The swelling
the problem. Swelling.
Swelling is the problem. We haveto ice it. We have to, like,
ibuprofen. We do whatever thething is. But the swelling is
actually part of the healing.
The swelling is a a part of theprocess that we have culturally
come to think of as, like, notgood. When in reality, that's
(25:30):
what our body is doing to helpheal the problem that is
happening. And so it feels thesame way to be like this part of
me that is lonely or the part ofme that is scared or the part of
me and and by recognizing it asa part of our process and our
healing, we can approach it in avery different way. So I wanted
to reiterate that because itisn't you're the problem and I
(25:56):
get rid of you because then thatto me feels like it takes us
away from what you just spokeabout the centered self. And
rather if we think of it as anintegral part of our process,
then instead of getting rid ofthe lonely part, I can
recognize, oh, you're here for areason.
I can get curious about it.Well, why? Why are you here? Why
(26:18):
are you here? Why are you here?
I don't need you to leave. Ineed to know why you're here.
And then I I have to imagine,this is my question to you now,
is that exploration andcuriosity around these parts of
us that we may feel tempted towant to eliminate a manner in
which we can get closer to ourcentered self?
Tim Neal (26:38):
Absolutely. Short answer is yes. I love your I
love your analogy of the ankle.And to go that and take that a
step further, often, I know Ihave and many men treat the
ankle and go, the ankle's aproblem. Let's cut it off.
Let's eliminate. Let's just cutoff the ankle. What? Yeah. What
if we understand the ankle?
What's really happening there?Is there anything underlying
(27:00):
that's causing dysfunction inthe ankle? Yeah. Let's heal.
Let's heal with the ankle, withthat part of us.
Now that we've got a newawareness and I have this really
strong part and I've done a lotof work on it that's being a
critic really hard on myself,incredibly hard on myself.
Remember as a teenager, I lookin the mirror and I would
(27:22):
despise and hate what I saw. Thedark features, the acne, and
I'll just look with disdain.That was my inner critic. That
was that part that was born thatprotector.
Yeah. I've learned to love thatpart of me. Does he still pop up
at times? Absolutely. And that'swhere awareness and some
(27:43):
emotional mastery is needed tocome inwards.
What I call meet that part.Yeah.
Eric Bomyea (27:51):
So I just heard you say emotional mastery. And so
working with arts does require alittle bit of awareness where we
have to be aware that there isthis part of us and then also
the emotional intelligence andcapacity to be able to sit with
a part and bring in compassion,bring in curiosity, these things
(28:12):
that do require a heightenedemotional intelligence to to be
able to sit with them. So how doyou use that emotional
intelligence, that emotionalmastery to work with a part that
may not be the favorable part?Right? Again, we're not trying
to eliminate it.
We're not trying to eliminatethe critic. We're not trying to
(28:33):
eliminate the stoic. We aretrying to bring in curiosity.
How? And then through thatcuriosity, how do we then manage
that part?
If we're not getting rid of thepart, what do we do with the
part?
Tim Neal (28:47):
Great questions. So I invite both of you if you're
interested in practicing withthis. It won't be long, but we
wanna meet our parts. And youyou mentioned, Eric, it takes a
little bit of awareness. I wouldsay it takes a lot of awareness.
And in our busy modern worldwhere we're overstimulated and
there's so much out there, a lotof it incredible, I think it's
(29:10):
mastery as a man. And I use thatterm loosely because can we ever
master anything or do we just goto another level with it? I like
to think of progress overperfection because mastery in my
world can mean perfection. Idon't believe in that anymore.
Another pattern interrupt by theway.
So the awareness piece is to meMen's Work 101. How aware are we
(29:33):
in any given moment? How muchpresence and awareness can we
bring to this moment? Myinternal world, which we're
talking about parts, and also anintegration of the external.
That's a beautiful part of life.
So let's go to the how and meetour parts. So take a moment.
(29:54):
Just go inwards. Deepen yourbreath if that helps. And just
notice within you if there's apart that's a little bit more
alive or part you want to workwith.
Is it that inner critic? Is itthe stoic or a judgmental part?
(30:16):
Is it more of a afraid part?There's no right or wrong here.
You may feel it in your body.
You may feel it in your mind. Itmay come through as vision,
sensations. Just sense. And ifyou've got a part that you wanna
(30:39):
work with in this moment, justraise your hands so I can see
it.
Timothy Bish (30:42):
I mean, I have my my director part. It's pretty
loud right now.
Tim Neal (30:47):
Director?
Timothy Bish (30:48):
Thinking about, yeah, thinking about all the
things that are currentlyhappening in this moment. What
part is yours?
Eric Bomyea (30:53):
Mine's the inner critic. Anytime I'm sitting in
this chair, there is a part ofme that is so hyper aware of
messing up, saying the wrongthing, looking stupid.
Tim Neal (31:06):
So go ahead and just focus in on that inner critic
and that director. Just noticewhere that part may live within
you. Is it in mind or it is inbody? In the best that you can,
just notice how you feel towardsthat part, if there's a judgment
(31:28):
or not. If there's a judgment,like you want to get rid of it,
just go ahead and ask that partto step aside.
Reassure that part if it'sthere. You just want to get to
know this part, this director orinner critic. Now see if you can
(31:53):
just bring some curiosity, somecompassion to this part, this
part of you that may be criticalor directive. Then if you found
that curiosity and compassion,just go ahead and ask it like
you would another person,perhaps a small child. Go ahead
(32:14):
and ask it, Why does it love todo what it's doing within you?
Why is it doing that? Justlisten. Notice if that part is
(32:34):
willing to or give you anything.If it does, it's great. You've
got some trust.
And if it doesn't, that's Okaytoo. Go ahead and ask it, what
does it fear most? What's itreally afraid of? Saying as
(32:55):
curious and compassionate as youcan. What's it afraid of?
Timothy Bish (33:00):
My director part is actually a really positive
part of me. Mhmm. And it'safraid it's fear. What I just
intuited was afraid of wastingpeople's time. Mhmm.
So it wants to be really mindfulabout how we're doing the
(33:22):
podcast and the sound and thetechnology and your time and
Eric's time and, you know, ourlisteners' time. That's what
popped up for me. Came for you.
Eric Bomyea (33:35):
The first thing is that my inner critic is here to
protect. He's here to protect mefrom looking stupid. And there
is a fear of letting peopledown.
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