May 29, 2025 • 43 mins
Why is it so hard to simply take it in—a compliment, a gift, a moment of care, or even a deep breath? In this episode of The Circle Podcast, Eric and Tim unpack the cultural, emotional, and personal blocks that make receiving feel vulnerable, awkward, or even shameful. Whether it’s feeling unworthy of love, fearing hidden strings, or being conditioned to always give and never rest, many men—especially queer men—struggle to let themselves receive without guilt or defensiveness.
Drawing from men’s work, embodiment practice, and real-life stories, they explore how receiving is not just a passive act—it’s a courageous, embodied practice. From reframing sexual dynamics and compliments to learning how to accept rest, nourishment, and reflection, this episode is a call to stop over-giving and start letting yourself be filled.
Topics in this episode:
- Why many men equate giving with value and receiving with weakness
- How cultural scripts and shame block us from receiving love and support
- What it means to receive without obligation, guilt, or needing to “even the score”
- The link between control, resistance, and the fear of vulnerability
- Embodied practices to expand your capacity to receive
- Why rest, intimacy, and stillness matter just as much as action
Perfect for givers feeling depleted, men exploring new dynamics in queer intimacy, or anyone learning to drop the armor and take in the goodness being offered.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Eric Bomyea (00:06):
Welcome back to The Circle, the podcast where we go
all in on men's work, embodimentpractices, and personal growth
from our queer perspective. Ifyou're enjoying the show, please
be sure to share your favoriteepisode, leave a review, and
subscribe. And if you have aquestion about anything you've
heard us talk about, send us amessage. We'd love to hear from
you. And now onto the show.
In today's episode, we'reexploring something that seems
simple on the surface but isdeeply layered underneath. The
(00:29):
act of receiving, whether that'sa compliment, a gift, or a
moment of intimacy, many of usstruggle to take it all in. Why
is that? And what comes alivewhen we simply allow ourselves
to fully receive? Tim, are youready to go all in?
Timothy Bish (00:44):
I am. Let's do this then.
Eric Bomyea (00:47):
So I'm curious. When you think about the act of
receiving, whether that isreceiving love, support, a gift,
a compliment, what comes aliveinside of you? Is it is it ease?
Is it resistance? Is itsomething else?
Timothy Bish (01:00):
Well, the first thing that pops into my mind is
this, adage that I heard a lotwhen I was a kid, which is it's
better to give than to receive.And I think there's some beauty
in that idea, and I have 100%experienced the joy of giving.
Oh, I I thought of you. This is,you know, is meaningful to me,
(01:21):
and I want to share this withyou or I want you to have this
or, you know, whether it's timeor a gift or a compliment, you
know. But in that, there wasnever really any education
around the value of receiving,how to do it skillfully, how to
do it gracefully, why why itmight be important.
(01:42):
You know, so the idea that it'sbetter to give than to receive
from my Irish Catholicupbringing was all about being
polite and appropriate and sortof a, you know, adhering to, non
optional social constructs andyou know? And it didn't at all
(02:02):
talk about self care. So when Ithink about when I think about
receiving, I think, oh, weprobably have a really hard time
doing it because we have thisidea that it's that it's better
to give them to receiveinherent, and it is like, oh,
well, one of these things isbetter than the other. Right?
And so we haven't valuedreceiving, especially and we
haven't created a context arounddoing it skillfully.
(02:23):
And so I think we have a lot ofconfusion around it, and
therefore, we have trouble doingit. And now men's work has
started a conversation within meabout, the value of receiving
and what it can what it can do.And just really interestingly,
you know, in in the Kabbalistictradition, as I understand it,
(02:46):
they have a really importantthere's a lot of importance on
the on sharing. Sharing is,like, a really big practice,
and, of course, sharing can beobjects and things. It can be
time.
It can be effort. It can betalent, you know, any number of
things. And one of the teachingsis, oh, well, sometimes
receiving is the gift becauseyou're allowing someone, you're
(03:08):
giving the opportunity for themto give. And it was it started
this reframing of what it meansto receive and how it can be a
powerful
Eric Bomyea (03:20):
active act. Absolutely. I love that because
as a person that does tend to bemore comfortable with giving,
there is something inside of methat is fulfilled when I am
fully able to give to somebodyand they are fully able to
receive. I think about Tuesdaynight soups after embodiment
(03:42):
circle. It fills me up so muchto be able to give that as an
offering to the men that comeover after the embodiment
circle.
And I want nothing from themexcept for them to receive. I
just want them to receive myoffering, and that fills me up
so much. But what I notice inmany of the men that come over
is this kind of what you weretalking about, this almost like
(04:05):
shame or worthlessness that ifthey can't show up with
something, if they can't bringbread or soda or cookies, then
they really doubt that they canbe there. They're like, oh, I
didn't bring anything. I can'tshow up.
And it's like, no,
Timothy Bish (04:22):
no, no. Like, your presence is a gift. Well, that's
the radical thing that you'rethat you're referring to. You
know, we the idea that yourbeingness can be enough. And,
you know, the the culturalcontext is that, well, we sort
of have to earn our place atevery at every table.
(04:43):
And and so I think this work isstarting to dismantle that
because there are there areother ways of evening things
out. Right? So it doesn't haveto be, oh, you're giving me
soup. I have to give yousomething right now. Right?
There there are, like, broaderways that sort of, I would
think, honor the humanity of ourconnections. You know? Maybe one
(05:06):
day, you pay for the wholedinner, and I don't have to give
you anything in that momentbecause it's enough. But chances
are, you know, a week from now,a month from now, you know, I'm
doing a similar thing. But butit's it's not because I feel
like I have to, but because, oh,well, we each have a mutual,
mutually beneficial relationshipwhere we want to both give and
(05:30):
receive because there's value inboth.
Mhmm.
Eric Bomyea (05:32):
You said something about like kind of this
obligation, when it comes tojust receiving, right? Like, you
know, sometimes when somebody isgiven something, it's like, oh,
are there strings attached? Oh,are you expecting something for
me in return? Like, is thistruly freely given? So in my
case with soup, I I am.
(05:52):
I am freely giving it. I do notexpect somebody to pay the bill
for dinner in a month. If theydo, great. Cool. Like, I love
that.
That is not my expectation.That's not what I'm signing up
to do. But, like, there there isa lot of that that comes with
receiving. That it's like, oh,is this does this have an
obligation
Timothy Bish (06:12):
connected with it?
Eric Bomyea (06:13):
Yeah. Is there an expectation? Like, if I don't
say thank you appropriately, areyou gonna hold that against me?
Yeah. And all these things thatcan come with that that part of
receiving.
So what do you think about that?
Timothy Bish (06:23):
Well, I definitely think that I've had the personal
experience of having a hard timereceiving because I wasn't sure
if there were strings attached.Now when I was younger, there
there would often be stringsattached, and there would also
be the sort of understanding ofeven if I told you it was freely
(06:44):
given, some part of you shouldhave known that you can't you
can't receive without having topay it back at some point, which
is like a power dynamic. But, Ithink we need to create a
culture in which, am I really amI actually giving this freely
because I want you to have it orbecause I want to give it to
you? Is very different than, oh,we're doing like a tally of
(07:09):
whose turn is it to give becausewe need to keep it sort of
roughly even the whole time. Ijust don't think that's how that
that doesn't feel likeauthentically human to me.
Eric Bomyea (07:18):
But in receipts culture, when everyone is is is
holding receipts against eachother, right, that that does
happen. Right? It's like, well,I did this for you, why aren't
you doing this for me in return?And it's like, well, was that
clearly communicated? Was thatan agreement that we made?
Oh, no, that was a silentexpectation, and now I'm on the
receiving end of that? Like,shit.
Timothy Bish (07:40):
Right. And when and when we're able to give
without agenda, it really Ithink it allows us a diff like,
a different kind of experienceas opposed to I'm giving, but
I'm but I'm what I'm trying toI'm trying to create something,
(08:01):
whether it's you being indebtedto me, some sort of obligation
of some sort. And when you'rewhen you're able to give without
that, I think it's a morepleasant, more powerful
experience. But but, again, wehave to we have to create and it
doesn't it doesn't surprise meeither that, like, there are
moments when, oh, I'm I wouldlove for this person to to
(08:25):
reciprocate. I don't thinkthere's anything wrong with
that, but I think there needs tobe awareness around it.
Eric Bomyea (08:30):
Right. And and clear communication around it.
One of the practices that I'vebeen doing to help myself with
the alleviation of puttingexpectations on others is when I
give something and I truly donot want anything in return, I
kiss it and I say goodbye to it.So if it's a physical item, I
will kiss it, say goodbye to it,and just send it off, Right? And
(08:52):
that way it's like, I'm notattached to this thing anymore.
I truly just want this person tohave it. There are moments,
though, that in my life that Icatch myself of like, Oh, I gave
this person a compliment, oh,and my ego wants a compliment in
return. And I catch myself allthe time with that hidden, quiet
(09:14):
expectation. And so the workbecomes, can I communicate that?
So if I'm in a giving mode and Ialso want something returned,
can I actually articulate thatto that person and put in the
request?
Timothy Bish (09:28):
Yeah, you've been modeling that, and I think it's
really admirable. This, oh, I'mgonna ask for what I want or
tell you what I'm wanting. Ithink it's a really courageous
practice. You know, there wasthis Instagram meme, but, you
know, when someone tells youthat they like something, oh, I
(09:51):
really like that TV show. Ireally like you know?
It's a real act of couragebecause I'm oh, I'm gonna I'm
gonna share with you a part ofme. Right? And I think part of
the reason why we maybe don'task people for what we want or
tell them, you know, what wewant is is that fear. The
(10:12):
ability to ask for what we wantis courageous because it's also
really vulnerable. There's,like, a recognition of I'm gonna
let you know that I have thisdesire or this need or this you
know?
And you may or may not be ableto meet me there. It's a real
it's a really, like, vulnerable,courageous act. And so I think
(10:35):
it's scary. Oh, I want you toknow that I want more time with
you. I want you to know that I'dlike to make out with you.
I want you to know that I wannago to this thing with you. And
you're like, oh, I'm puttingmyself out there, and then you
may or may not meet me in that.
Eric Bomyea (10:48):
Exactly. And I think there's there's the
monitoring of expectation aswell on that side. So both on
the the giving and the receivingside. So I'm giving information,
and I'm hoping to receive inreturn, right? I'm telling you,
I like this thing.
Would you be willing to do thiswith me or give me this? And so
(11:09):
in that case, I'm going to thenbe the receptive person. And in
that, I have to monitor myselfthat I don't set an expectation
on that person that if theydon't choose option A, which is
to give me what I want, that Idon't hold it against them.
Yeah. Right?
There's an analogy that thisactually happened, at my last
corporate job, and the HR,person helping me through the
(11:32):
situation was very helpful increating this analogy for me. So
in that case, I had a managerthat presented me, two options.
And little did I know, shewanted me to go with option A
and option B had consequences.And I did not realize that
option B had consequences. Ithought that she was giving me
(11:54):
like, full liberty to chooseeither.
And what ended up happeningafterwards was that I chose
option b and she held it againstme. And then it did have
consequences. And the HR personthat I was working with gave me
the analogy of, yeah, shepresented you with two platters
essentially, that had whitesheets over them. You didn't
(12:18):
realize that option b had aknife under it, and you chose
option b. Right?
My my boss was carrying a knife,so that's the expectation.
Right? It was a it's a hiddenexpectation. Oh, I'm gonna on
the surface, I'm gonna give youthe the, the dignity to choose.
(12:38):
You better choose the right onethough.
Yeah. So on either side, I thinkgiving or receiving, I think
there's a lot of woven in workto be done around expectations
and monitoring that as we workthrough the practices of giving
and receiving.
Timothy Bish (12:56):
Yeah, I think expectation is a big part of it.
And I think we need to practiceallowing ourselves to to
receive. So, that's part of thethe men sharing circle when we
get reflection back. The idea isthat you get to receive this
reflection from a man, who justheard you sharing. And I know
(13:20):
that there's this we have thisdesire to, like, fill the space
with words.
And it becomes a really powerfulpractice to be like, can I just
let you appreciate my share? Orcan I just hear your experience
of what I what I just saidwithout, you know, without being
attached to you needing tounderstand it exactly the way I
(13:43):
meant it or you know? And that'sthe beginning, I think, of this
practice of
Eric Bomyea (13:50):
that awareness. I brought that into sharing circle
this week. I think I worked withone man who kept trying to rebut
back to a reflection that theywere receiving. And I was like,
Can you just sit there andreceive? And just bringing that
little bit of awareness to them.
They didn't realise what theywere doing. And then they were
(14:12):
like, Oh, yeah. Like, I it wasit was uncomfortable to just
receive the reflection. So now,like, let me be aware of that
and kinda just, like, rest backand and receive.
Timothy Bish (14:23):
It's interesting. I think it's built into the life
or process of an artist where,you know, you in my case, when I
would choreograph, you know,create a piece of dance, I can
have all these ideas about,like, what I think it means and
and why I'm doing it, and Imight have a whole story. But
then, ultimately, when it comestime and you put it up and
(14:45):
you're either dancing it or, youknow, your dancers are dancing
it, then you kinda have to letit all go. And if the person
next to me has a totallydifferent story in their head
about what this dance was about,then that's what the dance was
about for them. And there isthere there was some sort of
practice of, like, I can't getupset if you don't realize that
(15:08):
this that this, piece was aboutsomething specific because it's
whatever it was for you.
Eric Bomyea (15:15):
Right. And in this case, you're the giver. Like,
your gift in this case is thispiece of art. You're giving art
to the world. And then thereceiver then gets to interpret
it as they will.
Yeah. And I think we can do thatin many ways. It can be a piece
of art. It can be a gift. Itcould be a compliment.
Like, we are not in control ofhow that person receives it, but
(15:39):
we can do our best to, like yousaid, kind of, like, detach from
the expectation of, like, oh, Iwanna tell you so badly about,
like, what that what that highkick actually means.
Timothy Bish (15:47):
Totally. You just said high kick. I gotta I gotta
tell the story. I want I wentback so I I did my undergrad at
NYU for dance, and I went backto watch a concert, a few years
later. I can't remember exactlywhen.
And I saw this one piece. Itwas, you know, it was a it was a
student concert. So I think theyprobably had somewhere between
eight to 12 pieces. And therewas this one duet with these two
(16:11):
girls, and I I loved it. And Iwas laughing and laughing.
I'm like because it looked like,to me, as I'm watching this and
the way that it was lit and whatthey were doing, I'm like, oh,
it feels like they're, like,kids at a slumber party.
Eric Bomyea (16:25):
Mhmm.
Timothy Bish (16:25):
You know, like, a a slightly more adult version of
that. And I'm like, oh my god,just thought this was so great.
Laughing, laughing, laughing.And so later, I know I was
getting odd looks in theaudience, you know. And so
later, this other student cameup and started asking us
questions and she was reallyfascinated by our reaction.
I'm like, yeah, thought that wasso great. It was like these two
girls at a slumber party, like,watching TV, scary movies and
whatever. And she was like, oh,that's fascinating. And I was
(16:48):
like, well, how was it, youknow, supposed to like, what
what what was the thechoreographer hoping? And
apparently, they were like itwas a very deep a very deep,
like, thing, and they did notlove that we were laughing.
And I was like, oh. And so whenthey when they explained it, I'm
like, oh, to be honest with you,I I kinda like the funny version
better than what you justdescribed.
Eric Bomyea (17:09):
Yeah.
Timothy Bish (17:10):
But it was, you know, but there was an
expectation of, like, oh, we'resupposed to take this really
seriously, and so they did notlike my reaction. Whereas I was,
I actually really love this.Yeah. But I'm not loving it the
way you want me to love it. Youwant me to be, like, oh, that
was really deep about like the,you know, the juxtaposition of
the blah blah blah, you know,like Yeah.
And it's like, no, I justthought it was really fun.
Right.
Eric Bomyea (17:30):
I just thought it good. They had high expectations
on their gift. They wanted to bereceived in a certain way.
Timothy Bish (17:34):
Yeah. They wanted it to be like heady, like
downtown modern dance. Mhmm.
Eric Bomyea (17:40):
And I was like, this is really fun. That's so
funny because that happened tome on retreat over the weekend
Oh, yeah? During Sacred Theatre.
Timothy Bish (17:47):
Okay.
Eric Bomyea (17:47):
Like, you you were there, like, you saw I was
there. Like, you you saw, like,I was in a moment of, like, I
thought was doing somethingserious and there was laughter,
like, coming out from theaudience because they were
seeing it in a different way.Yeah. Right? And then, like, we
had a conversation afterwardsabout it and I was like, oh,
like, there were some peoplethat, like, got my message and
(18:08):
then there were some people thatdid not.
Right? And they they got toexperience it their way. And,
like, you know, I had a momentthat I had to, like, sit with
that and, like, work throughsome stuff. And I was like, you
know what? I gave a gift.
Yeah. At that point, I kissed myperformance, and I said, this is
free for the world to takehowever they want.
Timothy Bish (18:25):
I mean, that's the thing about sacred theater that
I really love is, you know, ourteacher, Amir, will really talk
about thinking about it as anoffering, not as a performance.
And it is it is very much that.If I think of it like I'm I'm
here, like, a an expression, andthen you are free to receive it
(18:47):
in whatever way you do, so it'san elevated practice because
then, as we just said, you maynot receive it the way I'm
hoping you do.
Eric Bomyea (18:54):
Yeah, there were some really beautiful moments.
I'm just gonna stay on retreatfor a second because, that was
actually the inspiration for thecircles that I led this week and
also the theme of this podcastaround receptivity and
receiving. It came from myexperience on retreat and the
theme that kept popping up forme was receiving. Because I'm
(19:16):
such a giver and you can alsocall it control freak in a lot
of ways. So that, like, as aparticipant at this retreat, I
had a really hard time justreceiving.
I had a really hard time justsitting back and allowing
leadership, facilitators to havethe reins and to allow them to
(19:41):
give me their gifts. Their giftsof, hey, we've got the schedule.
We've got the container. We'vegot the practices. Right?
Sit back and receive. Practice.It's a big practice for me
because I want to be so involvedand I wanna, like, I call it
help out, but really the shadowypart is I wanna control.
Timothy Bish (20:04):
Yeah. And we have, you know, we have a I still
believe we have a perspectivethat it is better to be giving.
Almost as if some someexpressions of receptivity, I
think I think we sometimes thinkof as laziness. Mhmm. Like, oh,
you're just you're just sittingthere.
You're like, you're not doinganything. And aren't we supposed
(20:26):
to be constantly doingsomething? What are you making?
What are you doing? What are youlike, you know, what value are
you adding?
And, you know, in a lot ofspiritual personal growth
places, they talk about, oh,there is a lot of value in rest,
recuperation, stillness. Youknow? But we don't we don't give
(20:47):
it that same importance, and wedon't talk about it in that same
way. So you're like, oh, am Ijust am I just lazy? Oh, yeah.
It's interesting. We're talkingabout retreat. You know, two
days after so you and I bothhave just done two retreats in a
row. And on Tuesday, I wasexhausted. And I had these plans
of, like, all this stuff I wasgonna do.
And then I just found myself,like, laying on the couch. And I
(21:08):
had the inner narrative of, oh,I'm I'm not being productive
right now. I'm lazy. I'm, youknow, whatever. And then I had
to switch that narrative andsay, no.
I actually need rest right now.I've been working really hard,
and I I need to be allowingmyself this. I need to be I need
(21:29):
to receive some downtime. Needto receive some some
Nourishment. Nourishment.
But I also had to
Eric Bomyea (21:37):
practice not having a judgment about that. Oh, I
should be doing more. When yougive and give and give and give,
like, at what moment do youreceive? And there is, at some
point, there is, like, areception from, oh, I'm giving
and this person is receiving, sonow I'm receiving in return
because that feels good. Is thatenough though if it's also
(21:58):
tapping into now the physical aswell?
So you emotionally might bereceiving in return, but the
physical, so that moment of justallowing yourself to rest, to
receive, to receive nourishmentfrom, like, the couch, from the
television Yeah. From whateverit might be to say, okay. My cup
(22:21):
is is empty. And, like, I needto fill it up with a little bit
of something right now.
Timothy Bish (22:27):
You didn't fill up my cup.
Eric Bomyea (22:28):
Yeah. You had to fill up your cup.
Timothy Bish (22:29):
I mean, it's interesting because they talk a
lot about that in men'sworkspaces. We people will set
their intention. What's yourintention for someone's
practice? Oh, it's to fill mycup, to fill my cup. And I think
there's something reallybeautiful about that because it
it goes against this idea of,well, I'm supposed to constantly
be giving all the time and more.
Like, more, more, more, more,more. So the practice of
(22:52):
receptivity, I think, is apowerful one because I think it
really, pushes against thecultural expectation. You know,
we talk about this in yoga. Isay, you know, the yoga
practices, but the the practiceof yoga asana, the postures,
that every every posture is acombination of effort and grace.
(23:12):
Just like everything is yin andyang.
Right? So the same idea. Right?Of, like, it it isn't all effort
or it isn't all grace. It has tobe, like, a combination of that.
And remembering to give posturesthat are more receptive, more
grace, more, you know,recuperative, the same
(23:33):
importance that we give the onesthat are more effortful. But in
our culture, you're like, well,it's the the full wheel. It's
the handstand. It's the splitpose. It's the, you know, the
the dancer's pose, you know, bigfancy things.
And it's like, that that's ourculture. Be like, look at look
at me. I'm impressive. I'mworking hard. Like, this took a
(23:54):
long time, blah blah blah.
And we rarely do that same thingfor
Eric Bomyea (23:57):
I am giving this pose the most.
Timothy Bish (23:59):
Yeah. Doing the pose the most is right. And,
like, and and we and it's it's,I think, a deep, very deep, deep
practice to say, can I give mySupta Baddha Konasana? And for
those of you who don't know,laying on your back, feet
together, knees apart, it's avery receptive, relaxing
posture. Can I give it the sameimportance I'm gonna give, you
know, my full wheel?
Eric Bomyea (24:18):
Also super vulnerable. Like, now we can
bring in a little bit of thevulnerability about receiving as
well. Yeah. Like, that is asuper vulnerable position. My
belly's open.
My genitals are open. Like,physically, my throat is open.
Right? Like, I'm vulnerable inmy receptivity. Yeah.
And so there's also a part of methat has to work through that as
(24:39):
well. Like, do I feel safeenough to receive?
Timothy Bish (24:42):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think safety is a big thing.
And I, you know, I think thevulnerability, you know, I think
it's connected to this sort ofmisogyny, like, the devaluing
of, like, a receptive partner,like, specifically, like, in
relationships and in sex.
Mhmm. Right? And I think it'sbecause, like, oh, well, we have
(25:04):
we have a value judgment onvulnerability, which is,
vulnerability is weakness.
Eric Bomyea (25:08):
Right.
Timothy Bish (25:08):
Right? And, we have to kind of rewire that. You
know, I I said, okay. I don'tknow why I'm talking a lot about
NYU, but there was this friendof mine. I really loved her
named Kirsten.
Have I ever mentioned Kirsten? Imight have actually. And I
remember one time she wastalking I was just over
overhearing this conversation.They were talking about sex. And
she was like she's like, well,why is it always that, like, the
(25:33):
idea is, like, the guy is, like,fucking my vagina?
She's like, why is it, like, whylike, and then my vagina's being
penetrated. Like, why are wealways looking at it like that?
She's like, what if what if myvagina is, like, encompassing
your penis?
Eric Bomyea (25:46):
Mhmm.
Timothy Bish (25:47):
And I was like, oh, yeah. She and she was like
Take your
Eric Bomyea (25:49):
power, girl.
Timothy Bish (25:49):
Yeah. Well, totally. And like I was like,
right. And at at the veryminimum, like, that's an
interesting reframe. Right?
To be like, right. Why is italways like that vagina is
getting fucked? It's like, well,what if that vagina is Is
feeding. Is to, like, owningyou? Yes.
Yeah. What if what if it is,like, devouring you? Mhmm.
Right? I loved it.
(26:10):
I just love this idea of, like,oh, there was a reclamation of
of power there to be, like, I'mnot I'm not a thing you, like,
pound at. Yeah. I'm a I'm likean equal I'm an equal member or,
like, participant in this inthis shared experience. Yeah.
And I love that.
I was like, good for you.
Eric Bomyea (26:28):
I love that. And if we talk about gay sex, right,
like anal sex, it's verysimilar. So many times we see
the stereotype of this dom topwho's like, I'm gonna wreck that
hole, I'm gonna take that hole.Right? It's
Timothy Bish (26:48):
like, it's a little cringey.
Eric Bomyea (26:49):
Well, you just
Timothy Bish (26:49):
made a face when you
Eric Bomyea (26:52):
gonna wreck that hole. Trying to get into
character. Yeah.
Timothy Bish (26:58):
Yeah. Yeah. Keep going. I'm sorry.
Eric Bomyea (27:00):
So, like, it's very similar. Like, it is. It's kind
of like, Oh, I'm giving, so I'min the power seat. Right? And
you're receiving, so you're inthe submissive seat.
Yeah. Right? And it's like, canwe reframe that so that it's
actually really powerful to,like, receive the other way? I
(27:22):
don't really know. Like, I feellike there's so many little
nuances here that we
Timothy Bish (27:26):
Yeah. You know, it's funny because when I first,
like, was starting to wrecklike, wrap my head around my own
sexual engagement, you know,when I was young and, like,
recognizing that I'm gay and,like, what that means, there was
all this prejudice against, youknow, bottoming. I remember my
friend one time, she was like,well, if you are gonna be gay,
(27:47):
like, be the be the pitcher, notthe catcher because of this
inherent you know? And so Ifeared that for a long time to
be like, if I bottom, are yougonna have this, like, feeling
about me? Are you gonna havethis idea?
You know? But then I never feelthat way with partners I'm with.
I'm never like, oh, you aresomehow, like, weaker or less of
(28:10):
less of anything when I'm doingthat. But I had a fear that
people might think that aboutme. Isn't that wild?
Yeah. And this is all from thisidea of, like, well, this this
vulnerable or receptive thing,we have an idea about it. And
it's so out of balance.
Eric Bomyea (28:25):
It truly is. I mean, I I still struggle with
that. I struggle with it, like,if I am going to a bottom, it
takes me a lot to get into thatheadset of like, oh, I'm
receiving and it doesn't make meweak. Yeah. I'm receiving and it
doesn't make me any less of aman.
Right? Like, narrative stillexists. And I think it comes
(28:48):
along with, like, what does itmean to give and to receive in
so many aspects of our lives? Itcould manifest itself in the
form of gift giving and giftreceiving. It can also be
physical, like in the thephysical acts of giving and
receiving.
Yeah. And doesn't even have tobe penetrative sex. It could be,
(29:09):
like, intimate touch. What doesit mean to be the person giving
the touch versus receiving thetouch? I got a massage
yesterday, and it's really hardfor me to relax in a massage to
just receive touch.
Because part of me is like, I Idon't feel worthy enough to just
receive. Yeah. I think we needto
Timothy Bish (29:31):
practice it. I think I think there's this idea
that there's always there'sgotta be some equalizing, and
and I don't I don't think thathonors our experience. You know,
the the interesting thing is wehave a judgment about what it
means to receive or bereceptive, and simultaneously,
(29:51):
we we can't ever give if no oneif we are all just like, well,
I'm never gonna receive becauseit feels weak, well, then no one
has no one will ever have achance to give because you need
someone to receive in order togive, whatever the thing is. I
could I could be offering givingthe gift of yoga all I wanted.
(30:12):
If no one comes to my class,it's hard for me to give it.
I need people to come to it.Right? And and, you know, and
this is why, when I was on theretreat, because I'm so often in
leadership where I am structureand and and leading and giving
(30:32):
and whatever, it is it was sopowerful to be like, that isn't
my job this time. I get to justreceive. I get to go where they
tell me and engage in thepractices as they as they've
created, and I get to have thatexperience.
I get to receive the experience,and I get to open myself up to
the possibility of thatexperience. And
Eric Bomyea (30:57):
there was such value in it. Did anything come
alive inside of you throughoutthat? Like, throughout that that
experience not being afacilitator, of just being a
participant. You got to receivesome nourishment, but along that
way, like, what came alive?
Timothy Bish (31:14):
What do you mean? Like, I I got a lot of value.
Eric Bomyea (31:17):
You got a lot of value? Was it did you
immediately drop into justreceiving? Or were there any
moments that there was, like, astruggle to, like, step back,
to, like, not be in thatleadership mode? Like I How easy
was it to just receive?
Timothy Bish (31:33):
I think it was pretty easy for me, but I don't
know that that would have alwaysbeen true. I think it might have
I think it might have been easyfor me now because I have been
practicing that. And and I thinkI've had a lot of different
things in my life that have thathave reaffirmed the the equal
(31:54):
importance of both things. Sothe example I wanna use when
I've learned, like, partnerdancing, whether it's, like, the
West Coast Swing or, you know,the cha cha or, you know,
whatever. There is when you'redoing that dance, there's a lead
and there's a follow.
Right? So someone is someone isgiving the signals and someone
(32:14):
is receiving those signals and,like and then, you know,
following along. And in order tobe a good lead, they often
practice following. In order tobe a good follow, you often
practice leading. So you startyou know?
And then you're like, oh, theythey they both exist
simultaneously. And so throughdance, through men's work,
through yoga, I think that I'vehad these opportunities. So I
(32:36):
was and I trusted the container.So I feel like I was able to
relax into just be aparticipant. But I I would argue
that that's, the culmination ofyears of practice where
previously it might have been,oh, I need to be I need to be
making decisions here or busierthan I am or, you know.
Eric Bomyea (32:57):
It was my experience on the second retreat
was like, oh, this is my workthis weekend. Yeah. And like,
because we were at the sameretreat centre as we had been
when I first facilitated andwhen I was helping to run the
show. And going back to thatplace and not being in that, I
was like, Oh, dear. There weremoments that I had to fully step
(33:21):
away where I was like, I don'tknow.
I can't just sit. I've hit myedge. I've hit And I need to
just back away and, like,actually go sit with this for a
moment. You know? I felt like
Timothy Bish (33:34):
I saw you relaxing into just being a participant,
though.
Eric Bomyea (33:39):
Did you? Most of the time. Yeah. Sometimes. And
then there were other times,like fire alarm, where I was
like, having a really hard time.
Sure. Sure. Sure. I hear that.Yeah.
So we talked about gift giving,gesture giving, about, intimate
(33:59):
touch. One of the things that Inoticed that was also an
inspiration for the circles inthis podcast was compliments. I
mean, we kind of approached it alittle bit. But one of the
stories that really kicked offthis whole thing for me was I
was sitting with, a brother onretreat, and we were hanging out
during downtime. I was justgoing over to him, And I just,
(34:23):
like, I just wanted to offer hima compliment about, like, how he
was showing up.
And it was almost instantly thathe turned it around back to me.
Didn't even take a moment to,like, acknowledge that I had
complimented him. He just, like,turned it back. He said, and
you're also showing up greattoo. And I had to pause him.
I was like, woah, woah, woah.Like, I just gave you a
(34:45):
compliment. Like, can you justreceive it? Can you just, like,
rest in it for a moment? And hehad never realized that that
would that's what he was doing.
And he's like, I've been doingthis most of my life. Like, I
just can't receive. And then acouple days later, I said
another compliment to him, andhe said, thank you. And he had a
moment where he's like, did you
Timothy Bish (35:04):
see what I just did there?
Eric Bomyea (35:06):
And I was like, yes. You just, like, received.
And then he returned acompliment to me. But it was,
like, a really beautifulpractice to, like, to see
somebody actually be able toshift from this, like, this
almost, like, icky or unworthyfeeling of, like, oh, I can't
have the attention on me. Ican't receive a compliment.
I can't, like, anything. It's,I'm not worthy of it or I don't
(35:28):
deserve it or I can't have thespotlight on me, so I instantly
have to, like, push it back. Ihave to push it back the other
way.
Timothy Bish (35:34):
Or or it in your own mind or in your heart
changes the power dynamic, whichis what we're trying to chip
away at. But this idea of, like,well, if you're the if you just
received a compliment, like,does that does that feel like a
power dynamic for you? And,like, oh, am I gonna am I gonna
jump in to even the score? Like,well, we each received a a
compliment. We each gave one Sonow
Eric Bomyea (35:54):
I don't owe anything.
Timothy Bish (35:55):
So no. I don't owe anything, and and we're even.
We're even in, like, our ourunderstanding of our own power
and place.
Eric Bomyea (36:01):
Oh, interesting.
Timothy Bish (36:02):
Do know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So rather
than, oh, you just gave me acompliment, and I'm just
receiving it. It's, a kind of avulnerable thing.
Eric Bomyea (36:12):
Right.
Timothy Bish (36:12):
And so, oh, I that if I'm that feels vulnerable, I
equate vulnerability withweakness. I need to, like,
course correct. You look goodtoo. Yeah. Yeah.
That was a close one.
Eric Bomyea (36:24):
Uh-huh. I took my armor off for a millisecond.
That's a really great pointthat, like, does it open us up
to vulnerability to just receivein any capacity? Like, being
receptive is vulnerable. Yeah.
And it could be in receiving acompliment, it could be in
(36:45):
receiving a gift, it could be inreceiving touch, it could be in
receiving an act of service. Itis a super vulnerable position.
Respond to that, I think, doeshave a lot to do with this
inherent societalmisunderstanding of the weakness
(37:06):
of vulnerability. And if we canallow ourselves to simply
receive, to take it all in, howwe might really be able to fill
our cups and really nourishourselves.
Timothy Bish (37:20):
How we might be able to show up more fully if we
gave it the same importance. Igive it the same importance. I
give resting the same importanceas I give going to the gym. You
know? I give I give moments ofquiet the same importance as
moments of communication.
(37:41):
How we might how much better wemight be.
Eric Bomyea (37:43):
How can we reframe? You started this episode off
with the the adage of it isbetter to give than receive.
And, like, how can we begin toreframe that? How can we come up
with a new adage that, like, itis just as great to give as it
is to receive?
Timothy Bish (38:01):
Yeah. I mean, are we gonna brainstorm it right
now?
Eric Bomyea (38:04):
It's a it's a challenge for anyone listening.
Right?
Timothy Bish (38:06):
I mean, I think I think the recognition of in
order for in order for one,there must be both. You know? In
order for one, there must beboth. So they they are they are
equally they are equallyimportant. And then I would
argue that it really becomesabout balance.
If you are a person who, a largepart of your life, you're just a
(38:31):
taker. Well, that's probably notsuper imbalanced and won't won't
have a lot of longevity if thesame is true, like, oh, I just
give and give and give. Theseare people we we've seen this
personality type. I give and Igive and I give until I get
resentful and burnt out and thenI and then I completely
collapse. Well, that's nothelping anybody.
Or it might be helpingindividual people that, like,
(38:53):
are fortunate enough to get theone thing or the other thing.
But in the long run, it's like,no. That's you know? And so this
honoring of the whole idea andbalance, you know, with the the
tai chi, the yin yang symbol.Right?
It's white and black with thedots. Right? And we could have a
(39:14):
judgment about, like, oh, well,the the dark one is darkness.
It's bad. Like, you know, we wewanna be all light and no you're
like, no.
No. No. You absolutely needboth. You absolutely need both.
Everything has both.
And we so, like, that value of,like, if if in order to give,
you must receive.
Eric Bomyea (39:32):
Yeah. And I think honoring as well of, like, how
do you receive? Love languages,right? Like not everyone has the
same love language and noteveryone receives in the same
way. One person might be wordsof affirmation, one person might
be gifts, somebody might be actsof service, and somebody might
be quality time, right, orphysical touch.
(39:53):
And I think it's in recognizingand honoring how it is that we
most receive, right, because Ithink we can receive in all the
ways we can probably practice inreceiving, you know, in all the
ways we can experience love.Honoring though, like, what is
it that fills me up the most?Like, how do I receive love the
(40:14):
most? And then being able tohave that conversation with our
intimate circles to be able toto recognize that, like, oh, I
may default to being a giftgiver, but if that's not how
this person receives love, thenI'm just I'm just giving for my
own selfish reasons. I'm notgiving freely to support that
(40:35):
person.
Timothy Bish (40:35):
Well, I think it's a process. Right? Because, you
know, in the beginning, Isuspect, like, well intended
people, and I've done this too,I'm gonna give you the the thing
that I would want. Mhmm. Itmakes a lot of sense.
Especially if you don't reallyknow
Eric Bomyea (40:49):
someone That's what you're familiar with.
Timothy Bish (40:50):
Oh, like, I would really in this moment, I would
really want words ofaffirmation, so I'm gonna offer
you words of affirmation. Butthe more we get to know each
other, it becomes this elevatedpractice of, now now how is it
that they want it or tend totend to receive most fully? And
then practicing that shift. Belike, oh, well, I wouldn't want
a gift here, but that's whatthey want. Mhmm.
(41:12):
That's the way that they'regonna appreciate this or value
this. Right? And so, you know,that's a it's an elevated
practice.
Eric Bomyea (41:17):
It's what's gonna in their receiving, that's what
will fill them up the most.Mhmm. I think we've covered a
lot of ground around topic ofreceptivity. It's pretty
complicated. Like, I startedthis off by saying, like, on the
surface, like, just to receiveseems simple enough, but there's
a lot of nuance layers to it.
And especially different typesof people, different types of
(41:40):
receiving, not everyone receivesthe same way. Are there
expectations involved? Is thereobligation? Are things ever
truly freely given? Mhmm.
So, yeah, there's a there's alot to unpack there. I think
we've covered quite a bit ofground.
Timothy Bish (41:57):
Yeah. I think I think we did too. Yeah.
Eric Bomyea (41:58):
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Timothy Bish (42:01):
I I believe it should be a practice. And I
think this first step in thatpractice is becoming aware of
moments in your life where youdo or could receive, whether
that's can I receive acompliment from a family member
or friend? Can I receive somerest and downtime? Can I can I
(42:22):
receive that from myself maybe?Right?
But just before before we canstart to really practice it, we
have to become aware of it inour life and how little or or
much there is. Actually, it
Eric Bomyea (42:34):
just made me think of one last thing, like another
practice, right, is like justreceiving the breath. The gift
of breath that's in this worldand the ability of this body to
be able to receive it, like justbreathing. Mhmm. I can receive
so much by just breathing. Mhmm.
(42:55):
It's also a practice. Yeah.Mhmm. Absolutely. Alright.
Well, I feel complete. As do I.Can you take us out, please?
Timothy Bish (43:01):
I will. Closing down our eyes, just paying
attention to the breath. It iswith deep appreciation and
gratitude for any insights,awarenesses that we may have
gained in this sacred space thatwe now release the archetypes
and the spirits that we calledin. And with these words, our
containers open but not broken.Uh-huh.
(43:23):
Uh-huh.
Welcome back to The Circle, the podcast where we go
all in on men's work, embodimentpractices, and personal growth
from our queer perspective. Ifyou're enjoying the show, please
be sure to share your favoriteepisode, leave a review, and
subscribe. And if you have aquestion about anything you've
heard us talk about, send us amessage. We'd love to hear from
you. And now onto the show.
In today's episode, we'reexploring something that seems
simple on the surface but isdeeply layered underneath. The
(00:29):
act of receiving, whether that'sa compliment, a gift, or a
moment of intimacy, many of usstruggle to take it all in. Why
is that? And what comes alivewhen we simply allow ourselves
to fully receive? Tim, are youready to go all in?
Timothy Bish (00:44):
I am. Let's do this then.
Eric Bomyea (00:47):
So I'm curious. When you think about the act of
receiving, whether that isreceiving love, support, a gift,
a compliment, what comes aliveinside of you? Is it is it ease?
Is it resistance? Is itsomething else?
Timothy Bish (01:00):
Well, the first thing that pops into my mind is
this, adage that I heard a lotwhen I was a kid, which is it's
better to give than to receive.And I think there's some beauty
in that idea, and I have 100%experienced the joy of giving.
Oh, I I thought of you. This is,you know, is meaningful to me,
(01:21):
and I want to share this withyou or I want you to have this
or, you know, whether it's timeor a gift or a compliment, you
know. But in that, there wasnever really any education
around the value of receiving,how to do it skillfully, how to
do it gracefully, why why itmight be important.
(01:42):
You know, so the idea that it'sbetter to give than to receive
from my Irish Catholicupbringing was all about being
polite and appropriate and sortof a, you know, adhering to, non
optional social constructs andyou know? And it didn't at all
(02:02):
talk about self care. So when Ithink about when I think about
receiving, I think, oh, weprobably have a really hard time
doing it because we have thisidea that it's that it's better
to give them to receiveinherent, and it is like, oh,
well, one of these things isbetter than the other. Right?
And so we haven't valuedreceiving, especially and we
haven't created a context arounddoing it skillfully.
(02:23):
And so I think we have a lot ofconfusion around it, and
therefore, we have trouble doingit. And now men's work has
started a conversation within meabout, the value of receiving
and what it can what it can do.And just really interestingly,
you know, in in the Kabbalistictradition, as I understand it,
(02:46):
they have a really importantthere's a lot of importance on
the on sharing. Sharing is,like, a really big practice,
and, of course, sharing can beobjects and things. It can be
time.
It can be effort. It can betalent, you know, any number of
things. And one of the teachingsis, oh, well, sometimes
receiving is the gift becauseyou're allowing someone, you're
(03:08):
giving the opportunity for themto give. And it was it started
this reframing of what it meansto receive and how it can be a
powerful
Eric Bomyea (03:20):
active act. Absolutely. I love that because
as a person that does tend to bemore comfortable with giving,
there is something inside of methat is fulfilled when I am
fully able to give to somebodyand they are fully able to
receive. I think about Tuesdaynight soups after embodiment
(03:42):
circle. It fills me up so muchto be able to give that as an
offering to the men that comeover after the embodiment
circle.
And I want nothing from themexcept for them to receive. I
just want them to receive myoffering, and that fills me up
so much. But what I notice inmany of the men that come over
is this kind of what you weretalking about, this almost like
(04:05):
shame or worthlessness that ifthey can't show up with
something, if they can't bringbread or soda or cookies, then
they really doubt that they canbe there. They're like, oh, I
didn't bring anything. I can'tshow up.
And it's like, no,
Timothy Bish (04:22):
no, no. Like, your presence is a gift. Well, that's
the radical thing that you'rethat you're referring to. You
know, we the idea that yourbeingness can be enough. And,
you know, the the culturalcontext is that, well, we sort
of have to earn our place atevery at every table.
(04:43):
And and so I think this work isstarting to dismantle that
because there are there areother ways of evening things
out. Right? So it doesn't haveto be, oh, you're giving me
soup. I have to give yousomething right now. Right?
There there are, like, broaderways that sort of, I would
think, honor the humanity of ourconnections. You know? Maybe one
(05:06):
day, you pay for the wholedinner, and I don't have to give
you anything in that momentbecause it's enough. But chances
are, you know, a week from now,a month from now, you know, I'm
doing a similar thing. But butit's it's not because I feel
like I have to, but because, oh,well, we each have a mutual,
mutually beneficial relationshipwhere we want to both give and
(05:30):
receive because there's value inboth.
Mhmm.
Eric Bomyea (05:32):
You said something about like kind of this
obligation, when it comes tojust receiving, right? Like, you
know, sometimes when somebody isgiven something, it's like, oh,
are there strings attached? Oh,are you expecting something for
me in return? Like, is thistruly freely given? So in my
case with soup, I I am.
(05:52):
I am freely giving it. I do notexpect somebody to pay the bill
for dinner in a month. If theydo, great. Cool. Like, I love
that.
That is not my expectation.That's not what I'm signing up
to do. But, like, there there isa lot of that that comes with
receiving. That it's like, oh,is this does this have an
obligation
Timothy Bish (06:12):
connected with it?
Eric Bomyea (06:13):
Yeah. Is there an expectation? Like, if I don't
say thank you appropriately, areyou gonna hold that against me?
Yeah. And all these things thatcan come with that that part of
receiving.
So what do you think about that?
Timothy Bish (06:23):
Well, I definitely think that I've had the personal
experience of having a hard timereceiving because I wasn't sure
if there were strings attached.Now when I was younger, there
there would often be stringsattached, and there would also
be the sort of understanding ofeven if I told you it was freely
(06:44):
given, some part of you shouldhave known that you can't you
can't receive without having topay it back at some point, which
is like a power dynamic. But, Ithink we need to create a
culture in which, am I really amI actually giving this freely
because I want you to have it orbecause I want to give it to
you? Is very different than, oh,we're doing like a tally of
(07:09):
whose turn is it to give becausewe need to keep it sort of
roughly even the whole time. Ijust don't think that's how that
that doesn't feel likeauthentically human to me.
Eric Bomyea (07:18):
But in receipts culture, when everyone is is is
holding receipts against eachother, right, that that does
happen. Right? It's like, well,I did this for you, why aren't
you doing this for me in return?And it's like, well, was that
clearly communicated? Was thatan agreement that we made?
Oh, no, that was a silentexpectation, and now I'm on the
receiving end of that? Like,shit.
Timothy Bish (07:40):
Right. And when and when we're able to give
without agenda, it really Ithink it allows us a diff like,
a different kind of experienceas opposed to I'm giving, but
I'm but I'm what I'm trying toI'm trying to create something,
(08:01):
whether it's you being indebtedto me, some sort of obligation
of some sort. And when you'rewhen you're able to give without
that, I think it's a morepleasant, more powerful
experience. But but, again, wehave to we have to create and it
doesn't it doesn't surprise meeither that, like, there are
moments when, oh, I'm I wouldlove for this person to to
(08:25):
reciprocate. I don't thinkthere's anything wrong with
that, but I think there needs tobe awareness around it.
Eric Bomyea (08:30):
Right. And and clear communication around it.
One of the practices that I'vebeen doing to help myself with
the alleviation of puttingexpectations on others is when I
give something and I truly donot want anything in return, I
kiss it and I say goodbye to it.So if it's a physical item, I
will kiss it, say goodbye to it,and just send it off, Right? And
(08:52):
that way it's like, I'm notattached to this thing anymore.
I truly just want this person tohave it. There are moments,
though, that in my life that Icatch myself of like, Oh, I gave
this person a compliment, oh,and my ego wants a compliment in
return. And I catch myself allthe time with that hidden, quiet
(09:14):
expectation. And so the workbecomes, can I communicate that?
So if I'm in a giving mode and Ialso want something returned,
can I actually articulate thatto that person and put in the
request?
Timothy Bish (09:28):
Yeah, you've been modeling that, and I think it's
really admirable. This, oh, I'mgonna ask for what I want or
tell you what I'm wanting. Ithink it's a really courageous
practice. You know, there wasthis Instagram meme, but, you
know, when someone tells youthat they like something, oh, I
(09:51):
really like that TV show. Ireally like you know?
It's a real act of couragebecause I'm oh, I'm gonna I'm
gonna share with you a part ofme. Right? And I think part of
the reason why we maybe don'task people for what we want or
tell them, you know, what wewant is is that fear. The
(10:12):
ability to ask for what we wantis courageous because it's also
really vulnerable. There's,like, a recognition of I'm gonna
let you know that I have thisdesire or this need or this you
know?
And you may or may not be ableto meet me there. It's a real
it's a really, like, vulnerable,courageous act. And so I think
(10:35):
it's scary. Oh, I want you toknow that I want more time with
you. I want you to know that I'dlike to make out with you.
I want you to know that I wannago to this thing with you. And
you're like, oh, I'm puttingmyself out there, and then you
may or may not meet me in that.
Eric Bomyea (10:48):
Exactly. And I think there's there's the
monitoring of expectation aswell on that side. So both on
the the giving and the receivingside. So I'm giving information,
and I'm hoping to receive inreturn, right? I'm telling you,
I like this thing.
Would you be willing to do thiswith me or give me this? And so
(11:09):
in that case, I'm going to thenbe the receptive person. And in
that, I have to monitor myselfthat I don't set an expectation
on that person that if theydon't choose option A, which is
to give me what I want, that Idon't hold it against them.
Yeah. Right?
There's an analogy that thisactually happened, at my last
corporate job, and the HR,person helping me through the
(11:32):
situation was very helpful increating this analogy for me. So
in that case, I had a managerthat presented me, two options.
And little did I know, shewanted me to go with option A
and option B had consequences.And I did not realize that
option B had consequences. Ithought that she was giving me
(11:54):
like, full liberty to chooseeither.
And what ended up happeningafterwards was that I chose
option b and she held it againstme. And then it did have
consequences. And the HR personthat I was working with gave me
the analogy of, yeah, shepresented you with two platters
essentially, that had whitesheets over them. You didn't
(12:18):
realize that option b had aknife under it, and you chose
option b. Right?
My my boss was carrying a knife,so that's the expectation.
Right? It was a it's a hiddenexpectation. Oh, I'm gonna on
the surface, I'm gonna give youthe the, the dignity to choose.
(12:38):
You better choose the right onethough.
Yeah. So on either side, I thinkgiving or receiving, I think
there's a lot of woven in workto be done around expectations
and monitoring that as we workthrough the practices of giving
and receiving.
Timothy Bish (12:56):
Yeah, I think expectation is a big part of it.
And I think we need to practiceallowing ourselves to to
receive. So, that's part of thethe men sharing circle when we
get reflection back. The idea isthat you get to receive this
reflection from a man, who justheard you sharing. And I know
(13:20):
that there's this we have thisdesire to, like, fill the space
with words.
And it becomes a really powerfulpractice to be like, can I just
let you appreciate my share? Orcan I just hear your experience
of what I what I just saidwithout, you know, without being
attached to you needing tounderstand it exactly the way I
(13:43):
meant it or you know? And that'sthe beginning, I think, of this
practice of
Eric Bomyea (13:50):
that awareness. I brought that into sharing circle
this week. I think I worked withone man who kept trying to rebut
back to a reflection that theywere receiving. And I was like,
Can you just sit there andreceive? And just bringing that
little bit of awareness to them.
They didn't realise what theywere doing. And then they were
(14:12):
like, Oh, yeah. Like, I it wasit was uncomfortable to just
receive the reflection. So now,like, let me be aware of that
and kinda just, like, rest backand and receive.
Timothy Bish (14:23):
It's interesting. I think it's built into the life
or process of an artist where,you know, you in my case, when I
would choreograph, you know,create a piece of dance, I can
have all these ideas about,like, what I think it means and
and why I'm doing it, and Imight have a whole story. But
then, ultimately, when it comestime and you put it up and
(14:45):
you're either dancing it or, youknow, your dancers are dancing
it, then you kinda have to letit all go. And if the person
next to me has a totallydifferent story in their head
about what this dance was about,then that's what the dance was
about for them. And there isthere there was some sort of
practice of, like, I can't getupset if you don't realize that
(15:08):
this that this, piece was aboutsomething specific because it's
whatever it was for you.
Eric Bomyea (15:15):
Right. And in this case, you're the giver. Like,
your gift in this case is thispiece of art. You're giving art
to the world. And then thereceiver then gets to interpret
it as they will.
Yeah. And I think we can do thatin many ways. It can be a piece
of art. It can be a gift. Itcould be a compliment.
Like, we are not in control ofhow that person receives it, but
(15:39):
we can do our best to, like yousaid, kind of, like, detach from
the expectation of, like, oh, Iwanna tell you so badly about,
like, what that what that highkick actually means.
Timothy Bish (15:47):
Totally. You just said high kick. I gotta I gotta
tell the story. I want I wentback so I I did my undergrad at
NYU for dance, and I went backto watch a concert, a few years
later. I can't remember exactlywhen.
And I saw this one piece. Itwas, you know, it was a it was a
student concert. So I think theyprobably had somewhere between
eight to 12 pieces. And therewas this one duet with these two
(16:11):
girls, and I I loved it. And Iwas laughing and laughing.
I'm like because it looked like,to me, as I'm watching this and
the way that it was lit and whatthey were doing, I'm like, oh,
it feels like they're, like,kids at a slumber party.
Eric Bomyea (16:25):
Mhmm.
Timothy Bish (16:25):
You know, like, a a slightly more adult version of
that. And I'm like, oh my god,just thought this was so great.
Laughing, laughing, laughing.And so later, I know I was
getting odd looks in theaudience, you know. And so
later, this other student cameup and started asking us
questions and she was reallyfascinated by our reaction.
I'm like, yeah, thought that wasso great. It was like these two
girls at a slumber party, like,watching TV, scary movies and
whatever. And she was like, oh,that's fascinating. And I was
(16:48):
like, well, how was it, youknow, supposed to like, what
what what was the thechoreographer hoping? And
apparently, they were like itwas a very deep a very deep,
like, thing, and they did notlove that we were laughing.
And I was like, oh. And so whenthey when they explained it, I'm
like, oh, to be honest with you,I I kinda like the funny version
better than what you justdescribed.
Eric Bomyea (17:09):
Yeah.
Timothy Bish (17:10):
But it was, you know, but there was an
expectation of, like, oh, we'resupposed to take this really
seriously, and so they did notlike my reaction. Whereas I was,
I actually really love this.Yeah. But I'm not loving it the
way you want me to love it. Youwant me to be, like, oh, that
was really deep about like the,you know, the juxtaposition of
the blah blah blah, you know,like Yeah.
And it's like, no, I justthought it was really fun.
Right.
Eric Bomyea (17:30):
I just thought it good. They had high expectations
on their gift. They wanted to bereceived in a certain way.
Timothy Bish (17:34):
Yeah. They wanted it to be like heady, like
downtown modern dance. Mhmm.
Eric Bomyea (17:40):
And I was like, this is really fun. That's so
funny because that happened tome on retreat over the weekend
Oh, yeah? During Sacred Theatre.
Timothy Bish (17:47):
Okay.
Eric Bomyea (17:47):
Like, you you were there, like, you saw I was
there. Like, you you saw, like,I was in a moment of, like, I
thought was doing somethingserious and there was laughter,
like, coming out from theaudience because they were
seeing it in a different way.Yeah. Right? And then, like, we
had a conversation afterwardsabout it and I was like, oh,
like, there were some peoplethat, like, got my message and
(18:08):
then there were some people thatdid not.
Right? And they they got toexperience it their way. And,
like, you know, I had a momentthat I had to, like, sit with
that and, like, work throughsome stuff. And I was like, you
know what? I gave a gift.
Yeah. At that point, I kissed myperformance, and I said, this is
free for the world to takehowever they want.
Timothy Bish (18:25):
I mean, that's the thing about sacred theater that
I really love is, you know, ourteacher, Amir, will really talk
about thinking about it as anoffering, not as a performance.
And it is it is very much that.If I think of it like I'm I'm
here, like, a an expression, andthen you are free to receive it
(18:47):
in whatever way you do, so it'san elevated practice because
then, as we just said, you maynot receive it the way I'm
hoping you do.
Eric Bomyea (18:54):
Yeah, there were some really beautiful moments.
I'm just gonna stay on retreatfor a second because, that was
actually the inspiration for thecircles that I led this week and
also the theme of this podcastaround receptivity and
receiving. It came from myexperience on retreat and the
theme that kept popping up forme was receiving. Because I'm
(19:16):
such a giver and you can alsocall it control freak in a lot
of ways. So that, like, as aparticipant at this retreat, I
had a really hard time justreceiving.
I had a really hard time justsitting back and allowing
leadership, facilitators to havethe reins and to allow them to
(19:41):
give me their gifts. Their giftsof, hey, we've got the schedule.
We've got the container. We'vegot the practices. Right?
Sit back and receive. Practice.It's a big practice for me
because I want to be so involvedand I wanna, like, I call it
help out, but really the shadowypart is I wanna control.
Timothy Bish (20:04):
Yeah. And we have, you know, we have a I still
believe we have a perspectivethat it is better to be giving.
Almost as if some someexpressions of receptivity, I
think I think we sometimes thinkof as laziness. Mhmm. Like, oh,
you're just you're just sittingthere.
You're like, you're not doinganything. And aren't we supposed
(20:26):
to be constantly doingsomething? What are you making?
What are you doing? What are youlike, you know, what value are
you adding?
And, you know, in a lot ofspiritual personal growth
places, they talk about, oh,there is a lot of value in rest,
recuperation, stillness. Youknow? But we don't we don't give
(20:47):
it that same importance, and wedon't talk about it in that same
way. So you're like, oh, am Ijust am I just lazy? Oh, yeah.
It's interesting. We're talkingabout retreat. You know, two
days after so you and I bothhave just done two retreats in a
row. And on Tuesday, I wasexhausted. And I had these plans
of, like, all this stuff I wasgonna do.
And then I just found myself,like, laying on the couch. And I
(21:08):
had the inner narrative of, oh,I'm I'm not being productive
right now. I'm lazy. I'm, youknow, whatever. And then I had
to switch that narrative andsay, no.
I actually need rest right now.I've been working really hard,
and I I need to be allowingmyself this. I need to be I need
(21:29):
to receive some downtime. Needto receive some some
Nourishment. Nourishment.
But I also had to
Eric Bomyea (21:37):
practice not having a judgment about that. Oh, I
should be doing more. When yougive and give and give and give,
like, at what moment do youreceive? And there is, at some
point, there is, like, areception from, oh, I'm giving
and this person is receiving, sonow I'm receiving in return
because that feels good. Is thatenough though if it's also
(21:58):
tapping into now the physical aswell?
So you emotionally might bereceiving in return, but the
physical, so that moment of justallowing yourself to rest, to
receive, to receive nourishmentfrom, like, the couch, from the
television Yeah. From whateverit might be to say, okay. My cup
(22:21):
is is empty. And, like, I needto fill it up with a little bit
of something right now.
Timothy Bish (22:27):
You didn't fill up my cup.
Eric Bomyea (22:28):
Yeah. You had to fill up your cup.
Timothy Bish (22:29):
I mean, it's interesting because they talk a
lot about that in men'sworkspaces. We people will set
their intention. What's yourintention for someone's
practice? Oh, it's to fill mycup, to fill my cup. And I think
there's something reallybeautiful about that because it
it goes against this idea of,well, I'm supposed to constantly
be giving all the time and more.
Like, more, more, more, more,more. So the practice of
(22:52):
receptivity, I think, is apowerful one because I think it
really, pushes against thecultural expectation. You know,
we talk about this in yoga. Isay, you know, the yoga
practices, but the the practiceof yoga asana, the postures,
that every every posture is acombination of effort and grace.
(23:12):
Just like everything is yin andyang.
Right? So the same idea. Right?Of, like, it it isn't all effort
or it isn't all grace. It has tobe, like, a combination of that.
And remembering to give posturesthat are more receptive, more
grace, more, you know,recuperative, the same
(23:33):
importance that we give the onesthat are more effortful. But in
our culture, you're like, well,it's the the full wheel. It's
the handstand. It's the splitpose. It's the, you know, the
the dancer's pose, you know, bigfancy things.
And it's like, that that's ourculture. Be like, look at look
at me. I'm impressive. I'mworking hard. Like, this took a
(23:54):
long time, blah blah blah.
And we rarely do that same thingfor
Eric Bomyea (23:57):
I am giving this pose the most.
Timothy Bish (23:59):
Yeah. Doing the pose the most is right. And,
like, and and we and it's it's,I think, a deep, very deep, deep
practice to say, can I give mySupta Baddha Konasana? And for
those of you who don't know,laying on your back, feet
together, knees apart, it's avery receptive, relaxing
posture. Can I give it the sameimportance I'm gonna give, you
know, my full wheel?
Eric Bomyea (24:18):
Also super vulnerable. Like, now we can
bring in a little bit of thevulnerability about receiving as
well. Yeah. Like, that is asuper vulnerable position. My
belly's open.
My genitals are open. Like,physically, my throat is open.
Right? Like, I'm vulnerable inmy receptivity. Yeah.
And so there's also a part of methat has to work through that as
(24:39):
well. Like, do I feel safeenough to receive?
Timothy Bish (24:42):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think safety is a big thing.
And I, you know, I think thevulnerability, you know, I think
it's connected to this sort ofmisogyny, like, the devaluing
of, like, a receptive partner,like, specifically, like, in
relationships and in sex.
Mhmm. Right? And I think it'sbecause, like, oh, well, we have
(25:04):
we have a value judgment onvulnerability, which is,
vulnerability is weakness.
Eric Bomyea (25:08):
Right.
Timothy Bish (25:08):
Right? And, we have to kind of rewire that. You
know, I I said, okay. I don'tknow why I'm talking a lot about
NYU, but there was this friendof mine. I really loved her
named Kirsten.
Have I ever mentioned Kirsten? Imight have actually. And I
remember one time she wastalking I was just over
overhearing this conversation.They were talking about sex. And
she was like she's like, well,why is it always that, like, the
(25:33):
idea is, like, the guy is, like,fucking my vagina?
She's like, why is it, like, whylike, and then my vagina's being
penetrated. Like, why are wealways looking at it like that?
She's like, what if what if myvagina is, like, encompassing
your penis?
Eric Bomyea (25:46):
Mhmm.
Timothy Bish (25:47):
And I was like, oh, yeah. She and she was like
Take your
Eric Bomyea (25:49):
power, girl.
Timothy Bish (25:49):
Yeah. Well, totally. And like I was like,
right. And at at the veryminimum, like, that's an
interesting reframe. Right?
To be like, right. Why is italways like that vagina is
getting fucked? It's like, well,what if that vagina is Is
feeding. Is to, like, owningyou? Yes.
Yeah. What if what if it is,like, devouring you? Mhmm.
Right? I loved it.
(26:10):
I just love this idea of, like,oh, there was a reclamation of
of power there to be, like, I'mnot I'm not a thing you, like,
pound at. Yeah. I'm a I'm likean equal I'm an equal member or,
like, participant in this inthis shared experience. Yeah.
And I love that.
I was like, good for you.
Eric Bomyea (26:28):
I love that. And if we talk about gay sex, right,
like anal sex, it's verysimilar. So many times we see
the stereotype of this dom topwho's like, I'm gonna wreck that
hole, I'm gonna take that hole.Right? It's
Timothy Bish (26:48):
like, it's a little cringey.
Eric Bomyea (26:49):
Well, you just
Timothy Bish (26:49):
made a face when you
Eric Bomyea (26:52):
gonna wreck that hole. Trying to get into
character. Yeah.
Timothy Bish (26:58):
Yeah. Yeah. Keep going. I'm sorry.
Eric Bomyea (27:00):
So, like, it's very similar. Like, it is. It's kind
of like, Oh, I'm giving, so I'min the power seat. Right? And
you're receiving, so you're inthe submissive seat.
Yeah. Right? And it's like, canwe reframe that so that it's
actually really powerful to,like, receive the other way? I
(27:22):
don't really know. Like, I feellike there's so many little
nuances here that we
Timothy Bish (27:26):
Yeah. You know, it's funny because when I first,
like, was starting to wrecklike, wrap my head around my own
sexual engagement, you know,when I was young and, like,
recognizing that I'm gay and,like, what that means, there was
all this prejudice against, youknow, bottoming. I remember my
friend one time, she was like,well, if you are gonna be gay,
(27:47):
like, be the be the pitcher, notthe catcher because of this
inherent you know? And so Ifeared that for a long time to
be like, if I bottom, are yougonna have this, like, feeling
about me? Are you gonna havethis idea?
You know? But then I never feelthat way with partners I'm with.
I'm never like, oh, you aresomehow, like, weaker or less of
(28:10):
less of anything when I'm doingthat. But I had a fear that
people might think that aboutme. Isn't that wild?
Yeah. And this is all from thisidea of, like, well, this this
vulnerable or receptive thing,we have an idea about it. And
it's so out of balance.
Eric Bomyea (28:25):
It truly is. I mean, I I still struggle with
that. I struggle with it, like,if I am going to a bottom, it
takes me a lot to get into thatheadset of like, oh, I'm
receiving and it doesn't make meweak. Yeah. I'm receiving and it
doesn't make me any less of aman.
Right? Like, narrative stillexists. And I think it comes
(28:48):
along with, like, what does itmean to give and to receive in
so many aspects of our lives? Itcould manifest itself in the
form of gift giving and giftreceiving. It can also be
physical, like in the thephysical acts of giving and
receiving.
Yeah. And doesn't even have tobe penetrative sex. It could be,
(29:09):
like, intimate touch. What doesit mean to be the person giving
the touch versus receiving thetouch? I got a massage
yesterday, and it's really hardfor me to relax in a massage to
just receive touch.
Because part of me is like, I Idon't feel worthy enough to just
receive. Yeah. I think we needto
Timothy Bish (29:31):
practice it. I think I think there's this idea
that there's always there'sgotta be some equalizing, and
and I don't I don't think thathonors our experience. You know,
the the interesting thing is wehave a judgment about what it
means to receive or bereceptive, and simultaneously,
(29:51):
we we can't ever give if no oneif we are all just like, well,
I'm never gonna receive becauseit feels weak, well, then no one
has no one will ever have achance to give because you need
someone to receive in order togive, whatever the thing is. I
could I could be offering givingthe gift of yoga all I wanted.
(30:12):
If no one comes to my class,it's hard for me to give it.
I need people to come to it.Right? And and, you know, and
this is why, when I was on theretreat, because I'm so often in
leadership where I am structureand and and leading and giving
(30:32):
and whatever, it is it was sopowerful to be like, that isn't
my job this time. I get to justreceive. I get to go where they
tell me and engage in thepractices as they as they've
created, and I get to have thatexperience.
I get to receive the experience,and I get to open myself up to
the possibility of thatexperience. And
Eric Bomyea (30:57):
there was such value in it. Did anything come
alive inside of you throughoutthat? Like, throughout that that
experience not being afacilitator, of just being a
participant. You got to receivesome nourishment, but along that
way, like, what came alive?
Timothy Bish (31:14):
What do you mean? Like, I I got a lot of value.
Eric Bomyea (31:17):
You got a lot of value? Was it did you
immediately drop into justreceiving? Or were there any
moments that there was, like, astruggle to, like, step back,
to, like, not be in thatleadership mode? Like I How easy
was it to just receive?
Timothy Bish (31:33):
I think it was pretty easy for me, but I don't
know that that would have alwaysbeen true. I think it might have
I think it might have been easyfor me now because I have been
practicing that. And and I thinkI've had a lot of different
things in my life that have thathave reaffirmed the the equal
(31:54):
importance of both things. Sothe example I wanna use when
I've learned, like, partnerdancing, whether it's, like, the
West Coast Swing or, you know,the cha cha or, you know,
whatever. There is when you'redoing that dance, there's a lead
and there's a follow.
Right? So someone is someone isgiving the signals and someone
(32:14):
is receiving those signals and,like and then, you know,
following along. And in order tobe a good lead, they often
practice following. In order tobe a good follow, you often
practice leading. So you startyou know?
And then you're like, oh, theythey they both exist
simultaneously. And so throughdance, through men's work,
through yoga, I think that I'vehad these opportunities. So I
(32:36):
was and I trusted the container.So I feel like I was able to
relax into just be aparticipant. But I I would argue
that that's, the culmination ofyears of practice where
previously it might have been,oh, I need to be I need to be
making decisions here or busierthan I am or, you know.
Eric Bomyea (32:57):
It was my experience on the second retreat
was like, oh, this is my workthis weekend. Yeah. And like,
because we were at the sameretreat centre as we had been
when I first facilitated andwhen I was helping to run the
show. And going back to thatplace and not being in that, I
was like, Oh, dear. There weremoments that I had to fully step
(33:21):
away where I was like, I don'tknow.
I can't just sit. I've hit myedge. I've hit And I need to
just back away and, like,actually go sit with this for a
moment. You know? I felt like
Timothy Bish (33:34):
I saw you relaxing into just being a participant,
though.
Eric Bomyea (33:39):
Did you? Most of the time. Yeah. Sometimes. And
then there were other times,like fire alarm, where I was
like, having a really hard time.
Sure. Sure. Sure. I hear that.Yeah.
So we talked about gift giving,gesture giving, about, intimate
(33:59):
touch. One of the things that Inoticed that was also an
inspiration for the circles inthis podcast was compliments. I
mean, we kind of approached it alittle bit. But one of the
stories that really kicked offthis whole thing for me was I
was sitting with, a brother onretreat, and we were hanging out
during downtime. I was justgoing over to him, And I just,
(34:23):
like, I just wanted to offer hima compliment about, like, how he
was showing up.
And it was almost instantly thathe turned it around back to me.
Didn't even take a moment to,like, acknowledge that I had
complimented him. He just, like,turned it back. He said, and
you're also showing up greattoo. And I had to pause him.
I was like, woah, woah, woah.Like, I just gave you a
(34:45):
compliment. Like, can you justreceive it? Can you just, like,
rest in it for a moment? And hehad never realized that that
would that's what he was doing.
And he's like, I've been doingthis most of my life. Like, I
just can't receive. And then acouple days later, I said
another compliment to him, andhe said, thank you. And he had a
moment where he's like, did you
Timothy Bish (35:04):
see what I just did there?
Eric Bomyea (35:06):
And I was like, yes. You just, like, received.
And then he returned acompliment to me. But it was,
like, a really beautifulpractice to, like, to see
somebody actually be able toshift from this, like, this
almost, like, icky or unworthyfeeling of, like, oh, I can't
have the attention on me. Ican't receive a compliment.
I can't, like, anything. It's,I'm not worthy of it or I don't
(35:28):
deserve it or I can't have thespotlight on me, so I instantly
have to, like, push it back. Ihave to push it back the other
way.
Timothy Bish (35:34):
Or or it in your own mind or in your heart
changes the power dynamic, whichis what we're trying to chip
away at. But this idea of, like,well, if you're the if you just
received a compliment, like,does that does that feel like a
power dynamic for you? And,like, oh, am I gonna am I gonna
jump in to even the score? Like,well, we each received a a
compliment. We each gave one Sonow
Eric Bomyea (35:54):
I don't owe anything.
Timothy Bish (35:55):
So no. I don't owe anything, and and we're even.
We're even in, like, our ourunderstanding of our own power
and place.
Eric Bomyea (36:01):
Oh, interesting.
Timothy Bish (36:02):
Do know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So rather
than, oh, you just gave me acompliment, and I'm just
receiving it. It's, a kind of avulnerable thing.
Eric Bomyea (36:12):
Right.
Timothy Bish (36:12):
And so, oh, I that if I'm that feels vulnerable, I
equate vulnerability withweakness. I need to, like,
course correct. You look goodtoo. Yeah. Yeah.
That was a close one.
Eric Bomyea (36:24):
Uh-huh. I took my armor off for a millisecond.
That's a really great pointthat, like, does it open us up
to vulnerability to just receivein any capacity? Like, being
receptive is vulnerable. Yeah.
And it could be in receiving acompliment, it could be in
(36:45):
receiving a gift, it could be inreceiving touch, it could be in
receiving an act of service. Itis a super vulnerable position.
Respond to that, I think, doeshave a lot to do with this
inherent societalmisunderstanding of the weakness
(37:06):
of vulnerability. And if we canallow ourselves to simply
receive, to take it all in, howwe might really be able to fill
our cups and really nourishourselves.
Timothy Bish (37:20):
How we might be able to show up more fully if we
gave it the same importance. Igive it the same importance. I
give resting the same importanceas I give going to the gym. You
know? I give I give moments ofquiet the same importance as
moments of communication.
(37:41):
How we might how much better wemight be.
Eric Bomyea (37:43):
How can we reframe? You started this episode off
with the the adage of it isbetter to give than receive.
And, like, how can we begin toreframe that? How can we come up
with a new adage that, like, itis just as great to give as it
is to receive?
Timothy Bish (38:01):
Yeah. I mean, are we gonna brainstorm it right
now?
Eric Bomyea (38:04):
It's a it's a challenge for anyone listening.
Right?
Timothy Bish (38:06):
I mean, I think I think the recognition of in
order for in order for one,there must be both. You know? In
order for one, there must beboth. So they they are they are
equally they are equallyimportant. And then I would
argue that it really becomesabout balance.
If you are a person who, a largepart of your life, you're just a
(38:31):
taker. Well, that's probably notsuper imbalanced and won't won't
have a lot of longevity if thesame is true, like, oh, I just
give and give and give. Theseare people we we've seen this
personality type. I give and Igive and I give until I get
resentful and burnt out and thenI and then I completely
collapse. Well, that's nothelping anybody.
Or it might be helpingindividual people that, like,
(38:53):
are fortunate enough to get theone thing or the other thing.
But in the long run, it's like,no. That's you know? And so this
honoring of the whole idea andbalance, you know, with the the
tai chi, the yin yang symbol.Right?
It's white and black with thedots. Right? And we could have a
(39:14):
judgment about, like, oh, well,the the dark one is darkness.
It's bad. Like, you know, we wewanna be all light and no you're
like, no.
No. No. You absolutely needboth. You absolutely need both.
Everything has both.
And we so, like, that value of,like, if if in order to give,
you must receive.
Eric Bomyea (39:32):
Yeah. And I think honoring as well of, like, how
do you receive? Love languages,right? Like not everyone has the
same love language and noteveryone receives in the same
way. One person might be wordsof affirmation, one person might
be gifts, somebody might be actsof service, and somebody might
be quality time, right, orphysical touch.
(39:53):
And I think it's in recognizingand honoring how it is that we
most receive, right, because Ithink we can receive in all the
ways we can probably practice inreceiving, you know, in all the
ways we can experience love.Honoring though, like, what is
it that fills me up the most?Like, how do I receive love the
(40:14):
most? And then being able tohave that conversation with our
intimate circles to be able toto recognize that, like, oh, I
may default to being a giftgiver, but if that's not how
this person receives love, thenI'm just I'm just giving for my
own selfish reasons. I'm notgiving freely to support that
(40:35):
person.
Timothy Bish (40:35):
Well, I think it's a process. Right? Because, you
know, in the beginning, Isuspect, like, well intended
people, and I've done this too,I'm gonna give you the the thing
that I would want. Mhmm. Itmakes a lot of sense.
Especially if you don't reallyknow
Eric Bomyea (40:49):
someone That's what you're familiar with.
Timothy Bish (40:50):
Oh, like, I would really in this moment, I would
really want words ofaffirmation, so I'm gonna offer
you words of affirmation. Butthe more we get to know each
other, it becomes this elevatedpractice of, now now how is it
that they want it or tend totend to receive most fully? And
then practicing that shift. Belike, oh, well, I wouldn't want
a gift here, but that's whatthey want. Mhmm.
(41:12):
That's the way that they'regonna appreciate this or value
this. Right? And so, you know,that's a it's an elevated
practice.
Eric Bomyea (41:17):
It's what's gonna in their receiving, that's what
will fill them up the most.Mhmm. I think we've covered a
lot of ground around topic ofreceptivity. It's pretty
complicated. Like, I startedthis off by saying, like, on the
surface, like, just to receiveseems simple enough, but there's
a lot of nuance layers to it.
And especially different typesof people, different types of
(41:40):
receiving, not everyone receivesthe same way. Are there
expectations involved? Is thereobligation? Are things ever
truly freely given? Mhmm.
So, yeah, there's a there's alot to unpack there. I think
we've covered quite a bit ofground.
Timothy Bish (41:57):
Yeah. I think I think we did too. Yeah.
Eric Bomyea (41:58):
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Timothy Bish (42:01):
I I believe it should be a practice. And I
think this first step in thatpractice is becoming aware of
moments in your life where youdo or could receive, whether
that's can I receive acompliment from a family member
or friend? Can I receive somerest and downtime? Can I can I
(42:22):
receive that from myself maybe?Right?
But just before before we canstart to really practice it, we
have to become aware of it inour life and how little or or
much there is. Actually, it
Eric Bomyea (42:34):
just made me think of one last thing, like another
practice, right, is like justreceiving the breath. The gift
of breath that's in this worldand the ability of this body to
be able to receive it, like justbreathing. Mhmm. I can receive
so much by just breathing. Mhmm.
(42:55):
It's also a practice. Yeah.Mhmm. Absolutely. Alright.
Well, I feel complete. As do I.Can you take us out, please?
Timothy Bish (43:01):
I will. Closing down our eyes, just paying
attention to the breath. It iswith deep appreciation and
gratitude for any insights,awarenesses that we may have
gained in this sacred space thatwe now release the archetypes
and the spirits that we calledin. And with these words, our
containers open but not broken.Uh-huh.
(43:23):
Uh-huh.
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