July 17, 2025 • 48 mins
Urgency doesn’t have to mean rushing. In this episode of The Circle, Eric Bomyea and Timothy Bish explore urgency and embodiment, unpacking how to move quickly with purposeful action instead of reactive rushing.
Drawing from personal stories—airport chaos, bartending mishaps, and even Tim’s professional dance training—they discuss how urgency impacts the nervous system, why it often feeds perfectionism, and how to regulate it through embodiment practices.
You’ll learn:
- The difference between rushing vs. moving with purpose
- How to recognize physical signs of urgency in the body
- Simple mindfulness and nervous system tools to stay grounded under pressure
- How to turn urgency into an embodied spark for action rather than a source of stress
Perfect for anyone navigating busy days, high-pressure moments, or exploring men’s work and embodiment practices to stay present and steady.
Chapter Markers
0:00 – Welcome & Introduction
2:10 – Urgency as a Learned Survival Tool
7:35 – The Difference Between Moving Quickly and Rushing
11:50 – Physical Signs of Rushing vs. Purposeful Movement
17:05 – Ayurvedic & Yogic Perspectives on Natural Pace
22:40 – Airport Stories: Regulating in High-Pressure Moments
30:55 – Internal vs. External Urgency: Creating It from Care & Purpose
38:20 – Fitness, Perfectionism, and Rushing the Body
44:10 – Urgency as a Spiritual Spark (Kirtan & Longing)
50:25 – Embodiment Tools to Work with Urgency
55:40 – Closing Reflections & Takeaways
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Eric Bomyea (00:05):
Welcome back to The Circle, the podcast where we go
all in on men's work, embodimentpractices, and personal growth
from our queer perspective. Ifyou're enjoying the show, please
be sure to share your favoriteepisode, leave a review, and
subscribe. And if you have aquestion about anything you
heard us talk about, please sendus a message. We'd love to hear
from you. And now on to today'sshow.
Today, we're exploring urgency,how it can be the spark that
(00:26):
calls us to action or the gustthat blows us over. Where is
that line between moving withpurpose and rushing? And how do
we stay steady when the pressureto move arises? Tim, are you
ready to go all in?
Timothy Bish (00:39):
I'm ready. Alright.
Eric Bomyea (00:40):
So something I've heard you say to me multiple
times in the course of usworking together is that you
really dislike feeling rushed.Mhmm. And I can totally relate
because summer is right aroundthe corner and I'm in the middle
of a move, so I totally get it.But what I've also seen is you
move very quickly. Thank
you. So I'm curious.
Timothy Bish (00:59):
Thank you very much. So I'm curious,
Eric Bomyea (01:02):
what's the difference between the two for
you?
Timothy Bish (01:04):
Thank you for that question because I was thinking
about this earlier and Irecognized that urgency was a
tool that I would use as acloseted queer person for safety
and protection. I could useurgency, and this is, I think, I
(01:28):
was the perfectionist, the goodguy, the person trying to be
excellent, and then I could useurgency to avoid some really
intense conversations.Especially if I was giving
(01:49):
urgency to the things that thepeople around me thought I
should value. This is not a realexample, but, oh, I have to I I
can't I can't talk about thatright now. I have to go to
football practice.
Would be, oh, well, an easy out,a way to go. So I do wanna start
(02:13):
by saying I think that urgencycan be a thing that we learn, a
tool that we use to keep ussafe, to keep us hidden, but not
hidden in in the moment it makessense. We're doing it so that we
don't get called out ordiscovered or you know? And then
(02:37):
we have to reimagine ourrelationship with it when we
start to recognize, okay. I usedit used to be this for me.
Now what is it? Because urgencycan also be a tool for
perfectionism, a tool forneeding to be excellent in every
(03:00):
way and and a way of getting outof things that we can all sort
of agree on. And then as anadult, that may not, that may no
longer serve us. We have toreconceptualize our relationship
with it.
Eric Bomyea (03:20):
Heard in your earlier story was leveraging,
creating a sense of urgency andcreating a stimulus that can tip
somebody else into a behaviour.So, by saying, Oh, I can't talk
to you right now. I have to goover here. We're creating a
sense of urgency, manufacturinga sense of urgency, bringing in
(03:42):
that breeze of an urgentstimulus that then somebody can
react to. And so that reaction,in that case, could be, oh, I'm
creating this sense of urgencyboth for myself and that other
person, and now I get to escapeout of here.
Right? But urgency being theexternal stimulus.
Timothy Bish (04:05):
Right. Yes. So you heard me correctly. And I
believe that urgency can also bea thing that we employ in the
pursuit of our purpose andpassion. So now I feel
personally like I'm hiding less,that I'm using urgency less to
(04:25):
avoid a tough conversation orrevelation about me.
And now my life because as yousaid, I do move quickly. I also,
full disclosure, lived in NewYork City for twenty five years.
Like, I move quickly. It justfeels comfortable to me to move
quickly, and I I sometimes feelannoyed when people don't move
quickly. But but the reason I'mmoving quickly now is because
(04:49):
I'm running often running fromone thing to another thing that
I really love, that I careabout, or that I think is adding
value.
And, yeah, there is part of itthat's like, have to pay my
bills. I have to, do the thingsto make it all work. But there's
another part of like, I'mrunning to these things and I'm
(05:11):
doing these things because Ithink they make the world a
better place.
Eric Bomyea (05:14):
Right. So you can move quickly and are moving
quickly with a sense of purposethat has been created through
urgency versus it being I amrushing to something, I'm
hurrying to the next thing whereI've maybe lost presence, I'm
not in the moment, and I'm justtrying to get to the outcome and
(05:35):
trying to get to the desiredthing, right? There's a
difference between movingquickly with purpose, passion,
and pursuit of something, whichurgency can be that catalyst for
that movement. It can be thatspark that calls us to action.
Urgency can also tip us intorushing, hurrying, missing out.
Timothy Bish (05:57):
Well, guess so.
Eric Bomyea (05:58):
And both can be quick. Right? You can move
quickly.
Timothy Bish (06:01):
Sure. So there was a moment a few weeks ago where I
was feeling very rushed, andsomething had popped up. Like, I
think I was leaving the house orleaving the gym. Something had
popped up. Suddenly, had to Ihad to be somewhere with less
time than I thought.
And I started moving reallyquickly, and then my actions got
(06:22):
unskillful. And I'm like, oh,I'm actually taking longer now
because I'm trying to move sofast that I'm not tying my shoes
correctly or putting things inmy backpack correctly. And I had
to say I'm like, Tim, you haveto slow down to be able to move
efficiently because there isprobably a cap. There's no
(06:45):
science around this that I know.Probably a cap around how
quickly I can move and have itstill be skillful versus
haphazard.
And I was definitely out ofskillful. That's one thing. But
the other thing I wanna mentionis, you know, in the yogic
(07:05):
tradition, in Ayurvedictradition, in Chinese medicine
tradition, I think in a lot oftraditions, there are also
constitutions. So I'll talkabout in yoga, there's tamasic,
rajasic, sattvic. And mirroredin in Ayurveda, this sort of
(07:26):
like, are you sort of likeearthy and wet?
Are you like fiery? Are youairy? You know? I'm a very fiery
person. Kind of universal overall these systems.
I'm like totally fiery. And soit is in my nature to move more
quickly. So when we talk abouturgency, we also have to
(07:49):
recognize, well, urgency for meand how it presents in me is
probably really different thanif you are a more Thomassic
person from one perspective orif you're a cold, damp person in
the Chinese medical perspective.I am not cold and damp. So and
(08:09):
by the way, it's funny becausewe use these terms and they can
sound like a judgment.
They're not. They'reobservations of the world and
different qualities. But a coldand damp person will typically
move slower, and I'm dry andfiery. I move quickly. I also
(08:32):
can then burn out more quickly,and my teacher told me I would
die earlier, which was like areally sweet, shocking moment,
but I appreciated it.
So there it's not like none ofthese are good or bad. They just
recognize what is and then howyou wanna work with it. So when
we talk about urgency, urgencycomes easy to me. And it probab
(08:55):
I suspect there are other peoplefor whom it is more
uncomfortable, more challenging,feels farther away. And I'm
actually interested now to hearwhat is your relationship to
urgency?
How does it feel for you whenyou feel like you have to move
quickly?
Eric Bomyea (09:13):
Yeah, I think urgency, again, my personal take
on this is urgency is a neutralcatalyst, an external catalyst.
It can also be internal, Iguess. We can create a sense of
urgency within ourselves. It'show then we respond or react
that can be skilful orunskilful. And so, what I like
(09:34):
to say is that urgency can tipus into rushing, hurrying, being
sloppy, being unskilful, Or wecan take it and we can move with
purpose.
So, I actually love the fireexample because urgency can be a
spark. It can be a spark thatlights you up and says, Oh, I
need to take action. And thataction can be quick. The
(09:57):
difference between quick,purposeful action and sloppy,
haphazard rushing is theintention of which we're doing
the thing. Are we rushing to afinish line and we're so out of
the present moment that we can'tsee that we're fumbling with our
shoelaces because we're like,Oh, my brain is not here on my
(10:17):
shoelaces.
My brain is at the thing thatI'm trying to get to. Versus,
Oh, I know that I need to movequickly, and so I'm going to
ground myself in the presentmoment, and I'm going to move
with purpose and intention andpassion, and I'm going to do
things that way.
Timothy Bish (10:34):
And you've had both experiences.
Eric Bomyea (10:35):
Yeah, totally.
Timothy Bish (10:36):
Are you open to talking about the physical
embodied experience of each andhow they differ?
Eric Bomyea (10:43):
Absolutely. When I'm in a rushed experience, I
can actually There was a timethat I was training as a
bartender that I was trying tokeep pace with the other
bartenders. And so theenvironment around me was
creating this sense of urgencyin me, and I didn't have the
skills to bartend at thatvelocity. And so instead of
(11:08):
grounding myself and movingthrough the process at my speed,
I was rushing and I was spillingdrinks everywhere. And so the
feeling that I was experiencingwas there was such a
constriction in my body.
Was like my hands were shaking,everything was like fumbly and
stumbly. Like my motor skillswere lacking because I think I
(11:30):
was just so in my head and heartwas anxious and tight that I was
unskillful in my movements.Right? And then there are other
times that, like even cominghere to the podcast, right, I
was running a couple minutesbehind because I realized that,
Oh, my Jeep wasn't in mydriveway. I had parked it a
(11:51):
couple streets down because Ihad a friend staying with me who
was using the driveway.
I didn't account for that, andso that I needed to move quickly
in order to pick you up on time,in order to be here on time. And
so I didn't rush. I wasn't inthis mindset of, Oh my gosh,
hurry, hurry, hurry, where I'mlike fumbling when grabbing my
keys and all this stuff. Movedquickly. I grabbed my cell
(12:14):
phone.
I grabbed my bag. I grabbed mykeys. I grabbed my water and I
moved. And I just took it onestep at a time. And I recognized
that, like, oh, I can move fastand still be here in this
moment.
I understand my destination, Iunderstand where I'm trying to
get to, but I'm not letting itcompletely cloud my vision of
where I'm at.
Timothy Bish (12:35):
I went one time to an Al Anon meeting. I've only
gone to one. But it's a greatexample because I was younger at
the time and running late, Andso I was biking really quickly.
Oh, I was on a city bike, and Icouldn't find a dock. Actually,
because I'm really good withtime, had given myself plenty of
(12:58):
time, but then all the dockswere full.
And it ended up making me late,and and so then I ended up
running to this meeting andgetting there right on time,
which mattered to me because Iwas told you're supposed to be
on time, and time integritymatters to me. But then it was
like a rainy, like, cold springday, I think. And I get to this
(13:23):
meeting, and then I cough, like,loudly through the whole
meeting. And in my share, whichI had never done before, I said
I kind of explained. I'm like,I'm so sorry.
You know? And I talked aboutwith my therapist later and
realized, oh, right. I had thisidea of what was important,
which was I show up on time.Would it have been better for me
(13:46):
to arrive two minutes late andnot cough? Because I coughed
through the whole thing.
And I'm I have a loud cough. Youknow, like, I I can't
demonstrate it right now. Thatwould be real. But and I I
reflected later and thought, oh,I might it might have been of
greater service for me to make adifferent choice. But in the
(14:12):
moment, I was I'm the good boywho shows up on time.
That's that's who and what I am.And so I showed up on time and
then coughed through everybody'sshare, including my own. Yeah.
What was of greatest service.
Eric Bomyea (14:29):
Yeah. In that case, would you have classified that
as rushing? You were rushing toget there.
Timothy Bish (14:34):
Oh, absolutely. And you know, I designed my life
in a way to prevent rushing, asyou mentioned earlier. I really,
really don't like it. And so Iremember with my ex husband
First husband. My first husband.
Yeah. Thank you. I said to him,because he and I have very
different travel approaches tohow we travel, and I basically
(14:58):
said something along the linesof, you can do whatever you want
when you're doing it byyourself, but when you're
traveling with me, this is how Ineed to do it. And so for anyone
listening, if you wanna travelwith me, and by the way, invite
me on trips and I'm availablefor that, I will want to arrive
at the airport early. I wouldrather be at the airport bar for
(15:22):
an hour having a chardonnay, andyes this is chardonnay, I love
it, than for me to be trying torush through security to get to
the gate on time.
That feeling of rushing is souncomfortable, uncertain, that I
(15:43):
I go to lengths to avoid it.Yeah. I've got
Eric Bomyea (15:48):
a story on that in the airport security line. When
we were coming back from retreatin Puerto Rico.
Timothy Bish (15:58):
So we went on the seven day, six night retreat in
Puerto Rico earlier this year.
Eric Bomyea (16:04):
And we took a flight from Vieques, an island
of Puerto Rico, to the mainisland of San Juan. And we did
not account that the airportsecurity in Vieques would not
secure us to go through SanJuan.
Timothy Bish (16:24):
And so Oh, we didn't Yeah, you're right. We
didn't know that. And what'sinteresting, just a quick side
note, because we live inProvincetown where they do have
security, from Provincetown toBoston, you're You're cleared.
You're behind the security line,and you just move from one gate
to the next. And so I think weassumed it would be that same
(16:47):
idea.
Eric Bomyea (16:47):
When I booked It was not that idea. I booked the
flights, I thought that, oh,there's plenty of time in
between us leaving Vieques andgetting to San Juan and having
enough time to do whatever wewanted in the airport.
Timothy Bish (17:00):
Well, were to sit down and go to a restaurant.
Eric Bomyea (17:03):
Yeah. Did not do that. That was not the case. We
arrived after a delayed flightfrom Vieques to San Juan to a
security line that wasincredible. I had never seen a
security line that large andalso chaotic.
It was very disorganized.
Timothy Bish (17:20):
I mean, had pre check and you didn't. Yes. And I
wasn't sure you would getthrough.
Eric Bomyea (17:24):
Right. So I looked at that and there was a moment,
the urgency was real. Thatexternal stimulus created such a
sense of urgency and I was like,Oh my goodness. And there was a
moment that I started running,rushing. Like, I in my body.
I was in my head trying to getto the destination and going
through every doomsday scenariothat was present in my
(17:46):
imagination. And then I took amoment and I said, hold on,
Let's ground ourselves. I justcame off of seven days of being
on retreat. I have a bunch oftools right now. And so I
steadied myself and I thoughtstrategically.
And I moved with purpose and Imoved quickly and I made quick
(18:07):
decisions that ultimatelyresulted in me getting escorted
through the security line,through the back way, and to an
open line.
Timothy Bish (18:17):
So urgency was the catalyst, and then from that
place, we can go into skillfulor unskillful. And I your story
demonstrates beautifully howthat can be a thin line, and we
(18:39):
oh, I'm on the verge of either.Right? So urgency isn't bad. In
the same way that stress isn'tbad.
Eric Bomyea (18:48):
Correct. Right? Judgment's not bad, right? These
are just like
Timothy Bish (18:51):
Yeah, yeah, right. And so then how do we work with
them? How do we experience them?How do we metabolize them? How
do we?
Become aware of them?
Eric Bomyea (19:00):
Yeah. Right? This is a stimulus that has started
to create something inside ofme. And now I get to either
react if I'm unaware of what'shappening or I can respond
because I've brought inattention to it.
Timothy Bish (19:15):
Yeah. So what did you do? You talked to a security
Eric Bomyea (19:18):
I talked to a security agent who I could see
was at her wits end as well. AndI wasn't pleading, I wasn't
begging, I just was calm withher. And I just told her the
situation and I asked if therewas anything we could do. And in
(19:38):
stark contrast, I will say, wasa couple right next to me who
had their two little chihuahuasthat were Chihuahuas?
Chihuahuas.
Chihuahuas. Chihuahuas.Chihuahua? Chihuahuas. I don't
know.
I'm I'm from Upstate New Yorkwith a very small population, so
I don't say all the words.
Timothy Bish (19:58):
Well, last name is Baumye.
Eric Bomyea (19:59):
Baumye. Chihuahua. Yeah. Chihuahua. Chewbahua.
Timothy Bish (20:05):
Chewow wow. I've always called them chihuahuas,
but now they're chihuow wow. Sothey a couple two chihuow wows
Yes. Wowing two
Eric Bomyea (20:15):
service animal chihuahuas, mind you. Wow. Wait.
Do you remember it is? Wow.
Who the couple did not realizethat they had to go through some
extra security for, and theywere about to miss their flight.
And they were rushing. They werein such a reactive state. I
could feel it. You can just youcan feel when somebody's
(20:35):
rushing.
You can feel when somebody's ina hurry and not mindfully
moving. Right? They're not withyou, they are somewhere else.
They are trying to get somewhereelse. And it was really
interesting to see how theyinteracted with the security
agent and how I was reacting.
You could almost feel the energybetween them. This security
agent was pushing back. She waslike, woah, this is a lot coming
(21:00):
at me right now. Versus mine waslike, I was still moving at the
same velocity as them. My speedwas still up.
My energy was down though.
Timothy Bish (21:08):
Yeah. Yeah, it's different. And by the way, if
you're listening, I think it'sreally tricky. Think it Razors
are thin. I think it requireshaving tools.
So for an embodiment podcast,embodiment practice, shamanic
yogic practice, can provide youwith tools when you're in that
(21:29):
moment. And I can't tell you, bythe way, how many times I've
been in line doing breath workbecause airports are a really
fascinating part of humanculture. It feels a little
competitive. It often feelsrushed or then very delayed. You
(21:51):
know, all kinds of feelings thataren't great.
And it's one of the places inreal life when I'm, like,
meandering through my day whereI'm practicing the most because,
oh, at any moment, I could startto feel overwhelmed with urgency
(22:11):
or delay or powerlessness orwhatever. And so having tools
and trying to meet the momentand also being gentle. Oh,
something might happen and youmight get a surge of anxiety. So
the goal in that moment wouldn'tnecessarily be to not look like
(22:35):
you are impacted by it at all,but rather make a choice so that
while it's impacting you, you'restill choosing from a place of
awareness. So for those of you,I'm sure if you've watched, I
sometimes get really red.
I I often get really red. I getred for a lot of reasons. I'm a
(22:55):
person who blushes. It gives meaway a lot, And I might get
anxious and then get really red,but what ultimately matters
would then be can I use my toolsand still make choices, or do I
start to kind of crumble underit? And the practices help me to
(23:21):
crumble slower or to notcrumble.
And I think the more wepractice, the more we get there.
So a thing I've done now is wrapmy head around, I might miss my
flight. And I I let that be, I'mgonna do what I can and go as I
can go. And then if I miss myflight, I'm gonna make new
(23:44):
choices at that point.
Eric Bomyea (23:45):
I love that. There's urgency, but the choice
has been made that it's lessabout the destination now. It's
more about being in the moment.Rushing to me is like I'm
rushing to something. I'mrushing to an expected outcome
to a destination, and that'swhere my head's at.
My head is laser focused onthat, that I've missed out on
(24:08):
where I'm actually at. And so bysaying, oh, I could miss my
flight, now the destination isstill important. I'm not saying
the destination doesn't matter.I'm saying the destination
matters maybe a little less.
Timothy Bish (24:23):
Well, it sounds like what you're talking about
is attachment because when I'mrushing, I'm attached to one
particular outcome. I get onthis flight to arrive at this
time because I have this thingto do at that place with these
people. And I have definitelyfelt that. And so the practice I
(24:44):
brought up about I might missthis flight is a practice of non
attachment. And it's helpful ifyou can do it because the truth
is some of these things aregonna be outside of your
control.
And you can be as prepared asyou want and still like the bike
(25:06):
example at Al Anon. I went withplenty of time. I didn't factor
that it would take me such along time to find an open
docking station. So that wasoutside of my control. We have
to try to use our tools andrecognize what we can do and
(25:29):
then what we can't do.
And what I can't do is changehow quickly the security line is
moving.
Eric Bomyea (25:36):
Exactly. There is so much that can create a sense
of urgency inside of us that isoutside of our control. I
actually really love the bikeexample because cities, you
painted this picture of being inthe environment and you also
spoke of developing a quicknessby living in a city. And our
(25:56):
environments have such an impacton us because all of that is
stimulus that could be creatinga sense of urgency. And then
it's how do you move with thatthat I think is really, really
interesting and powerful.
Timothy Bish (26:10):
Yes. I think New York City, as an example, does
lend itself to a quicker pace.And for any number of reasons, I
feel comfortable in that pace. Irecognize that there are other
places that have a differentpace, and I have enjoyed other
(26:30):
paces. But it all comes down topurpose, mission.
In New York City, I was movingquickly because I was running
from one thing to the next thatI loved or had to do, but mostly
that I loved, because it's avery ambitious place. If we go
(26:52):
back to the yogic, Ayurvedic, Ihave to imagine that New York
City is probably a very Rajasicplace to be. A lot of people go
there with ambition, goal,purpose, desire. And so, yeah.
Then I moved to a small town,and I'm like, why is this taking
(27:14):
so long?
Or like, why are you walking soslowly? And I've actually had to
check myself. Like, well,they're in Provincetown right
now. And and they might just beon a walk. A walk like play,
like an activity you do with nopurpose other than Yeah, to
enjoy the And here I am beinglike, well, we should get where
(27:35):
we're going.
Eric Bomyea (27:36):
Last night at the Embodiment Circle, I brought
walking meditation to helppeople study that, where I
demonstrated I set up twocandles 10 paces apart, and I
also set up a set of candles atthe midway point. And the
instruction was walk from candleone to candle two, turn around,
(28:00):
and walk back to candle one. Andnotice as you're walking how
your pace changes and whathappens as you approach your
destination. Notice you have adesire to get to the end. What
are you rushing to?
What is your sense of urgencyhere? Or are you mindfully
(28:23):
moving? And so in the example ofnow taking that out into the
real world where somebody mightbe mindfully moving through
their walk, right, regardless ofthe pace, right? It could be
really fast. It could be a fastpaced walk.
And they're still mindfullymoving from it because they're
moving with purpose and passionfrom one thing to the next,
(28:44):
they're still present in themoment. They are just moving
quickly. And then there's otherways of doing that where it's
like, Oh, I'm moving at a slowerpace, but I'm still here, still
present. The interestingcomparison of what did that
bring up in you to see somebodymoving slowly while you were
(29:05):
trying to move quickly. Did youget a sense of I'm rushing
someplace and they're notrushing someplace?
Or what was the
Timothy Bish (29:13):
I will share an example. I was flying back to
Boston, and there was aconnection in Atlanta. And
Atlanta is I don't know if thisis regular, but you land if if
from an international flight youland, you have to go back
through security. Is thattypical? I don't I it's wild to
(29:37):
me.
I don't understand why that'strue, I guess, unless you don't
trust the internationalsecurity. Anyway, so it just so
happened that on this flight, Ihad already started feeling the
symptoms of the flu. I feltreally bad. And it was all the
(30:00):
strength I could muster to geton this first flight. Well,
turns out our flight wasdelayed, and then so we had,
like, a a very short amount oftime in Atlanta to run to
security, go through it, andthen find our gate.
And I remember getting off theplane, and there was this
couple, this older couple, andthe woman was sort of it felt
(30:25):
entitled to me, but I didn'tfeel well, and I wanna be
generous. He's like, well, likelike, aren't we all going to the
same place? And I remember meand my travel companion, my ex
husband. First husband. Yeah.
My first husband. No. We're not.Like, do you do you think I
would be moving like this? Nowshe didn't know I didn't feel
(30:48):
well, but, like, do you do youthink that I'm moving like this
for no reason?
Now it is possible I could havebeen. But no. I'm like, if I
could if I could do this slowlyor casually, I would absolutely
have done it. I had to be movingthat fast. And I can promise you
in this particular moment, I wasnot loving it.
(31:12):
And one of my it's actually oneof my favorite stories about my
marriage was that almost alwaysI was the faster walker. I'd be
like, can we hurry up? Can wego? You know, whatever. And I
remember in this particularmoment, because there was
urgency, we were gonna miss ourflight.
Brian turned around and waslike, Tim. He was like he's
(31:36):
like, can we go any faster? AndI remember I looked up at him,
and I was like, this is all I'vegot. Like, I am I am giving you
100% of what I've got to give.Mhmm.
And it was really diminished. Iwas, like, in the throes of the
flu. Fun fact, I got on theflight and immediately threw up
into one of those bags. The guynext to me moved his seat. We
(31:59):
flew home.
Thank god. And then I found outlater from a friend who works in
the airlines, they're like, Ican't believe they let you fly.
Because apparently, if you getsick like like that, they can
take you off the plane. Oh, wow.I didn't know that.
I didn't know that either. And Ifeel really grateful because I
would have either because then Igot home and I laid in bed for,
(32:21):
I think, three days of just inbed. And then, like, another two
and a half weeks of I'm fineenough but don't feel well, I
would've done that in an Atlantahotel. Anyway, urgency.
Eric Bomyea (32:36):
Yeah. Okay.
Timothy Bish (32:38):
Was a long story.
Eric Bomyea (32:39):
Yeah. Urgency in that case, there was two things
creating urgency from what Iheard. One, the external of
destination, of, oh, trying toget home, and there's a bunch of
things creating this urgency. Imight miss my flight. People are
(33:00):
moving slowly.
We're a long ways away. We haveto go back through security,
etcetera, etcetera. There's alsothe internal urgency of
sickness. Like, what is my bodyabout to do? And I think this
goes back and less about thebiological part of it.
I just want to go back to thefirst story that you shared
about being able to createurgency in self. We've talked a
(33:21):
lot about external factors, theenvironment having that impact.
How can our internal dialogueand our internal systems create
urgency? How can we use that inour favor?
Timothy Bish (33:34):
I think through care, through investment,
through some kind of connection.I the example I'll give is when
I have a really busy day and mydog has been home, I bike
quickly back home to her. Notbecause she's texting me, why
(33:57):
aren't you home? Or, you know,what have you been up to? But I
love you.
And I I just want to I want toget to you as quickly as I can
so that you can have the thingsthat you need because I love
you. So I think care, passion,purpose, mission, discipline,
(34:20):
commitment. So here,responsibility. Responsibility
can create
Eric Bomyea (34:24):
a a big urgency in us.
Timothy Bish (34:26):
Yeah. It can. It can. Right. And but I think the
difference is if we're gonnacreate it from the inside out,
it'll be responsibility we'vegiven to ourselves.
We can get responsibility fromother things. Oh, I have to go
to work or my boss is gonna bemad or I'm gonna get a written
up or they're gonna fire me or Iwon't have a paycheck. You know?
But and that is also totallyvalid, by the way. Like, if you
(34:49):
have a job, go to work and don'tget fired and you know?
But if we wanna create it in ahealthy way from within, well,
what do you really care about?What matters to you so much that
you are willing to and in thiscase with, like, the dog, I'm
willing to bike home quicklyeven if I've been teaching
(35:12):
fitness and yoga all day longand I'm tired. I'm willing to
ask my legs and core to do morebecause that love, that care. So
if you haven't if we haven'tconsidered what it is we care
(35:33):
about, what it is we arepassionate about. And, you know,
we talk a lot on this podcastabout mission and purpose.
Like, what is your mission? Whatis your purpose? Like, what are
you doing? We can create healthyurgency when we connect to,
well, what is it you're tryingto create? Lots of people are
(35:58):
disconnected from that for anynumber of reasons.
If you want to create momentumand urgency in your life in the
direction of your purpose, like,you have to know your purpose.
You have to know what what youwanna create. And that process
can be a bumpy one, but startsimple. I love my family, so I'm
(36:22):
willing to be urgent for them. Ilove, you know, fill in the
blank.
My dog. Love my dog. Care for mydog. I care for my dog.
Eric Bomyea (36:32):
And I'm going to use care in connection with a
responsibility to create urgencythat is a spark, that is a call
to action for my body to movequickly. Yeah. To then be able
to get to the destination andaccomplish the thing that we're
(36:56):
responsible for.
Timothy Bish (36:57):
I also wanna tell a story. I'm gonna tell a story.
Please do. It's a podcast. We'regonna tell stories.
I remember being in a danceclass in Pittsburgh.
Eric Bomyea (37:09):
For all of you that didn't know, Tim was a
professional dancer.
Timothy Bish (37:11):
Thank you. There's a now there's like the circle
drinking game where apparentlyyou have to drink. I mentioned
that I was a dancer. Was a Orlittle tea
Eric Bomyea (37:20):
or any other beverage of your choice.
Timothy Bish (37:21):
Yeah. Well, any drink you want, but you
Eric Bomyea (37:25):
have to do a shot of it.
Timothy Bish (37:26):
Mhmm. I was in an academy, the Civic Light Opera
Academy of Musical Theater inPittsburgh. They're an
incredible school. And there wasthis teacher that there were,
like, two or three teachers thatwere, like, the big deal
teachers, and these were theteachers that were gonna get you
where you needed to be to getinto college or into a dance
(37:49):
company or whatever. So deep,deep, deep appreciation for the
the staff at at the CLL,Pittsburgh CLL.
And I remember this teacher saidhe's like, okay. So all of you
tall, leggy dancers, like,congratulations. You look so
good, and people are gonna lovethat. He's like, now you have to
(38:13):
move faster. He's like, themovements don't change.
The counts don't change, but youare longer and you have farther
to go. You have to move faster.And I remember that being a
really interesting teachingbecause you have to be able to
fit into that. You can't both beleggy and long and then also
(38:33):
move slow. You're gonna be offthe count.
And so it gave me a perspectiveon urgency, which was by your
nature, all of this is gonnafeel a little faster. It's not
good or bad, but if you wanna doit
Eric Bomyea (38:49):
If you have a lot of care for it, you've got that
passion. Yeah. If I've gotlonger legs than somebody else
and I still have to hit themovement at the same time, I
gotta move a little quicker. I'mnot gonna rush that movement.
I'm gonna move very purposelyfor that movement.
Timothy Bish (39:12):
Right. So I can consciously move fast without
rushing. And then I think anydancer at that level then is if
you rush a movement, that's whenyou're likely to get hurt.
Right? So I have to bemodulating my movement to fit
the music and the choreographywithout yanking myself around.
Eric Bomyea (39:37):
Actually, brings up something for me, which is my
the sense of urgency that'screated inside of me at fitness
classes and how I rush infitness classes. I don't
mindfully move most of the timebecause I think that I have to
keep up and don't have the I'mgoing to
Timothy Bish (39:57):
pause you. You've talked about fitness classes as
a challenge for you, but this isthe first time you've talked
about it from an urgency paceperspective.
Eric Bomyea (40:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because exactly what you just
said, I'm rushing through themovements and I'm doing so
unskillfully, and I've hurtmyself so many times because I
think that I have to do it likethem, which is fine to aspire
to.
Timothy Bish (40:23):
And it's tricky because I'm in the front of the
room and I'm doing it quicklyand excellently. Right.
Eric Bomyea (40:28):
And like, I'm light years away from that. Okay. That
was Right? Like, I'm light yearsaway from mimicking that
movement. That's, for me, it'slike, oh, that's created an
urgency.
And now instead of me mindfullymoving and saying, oh, I know
where I'm trying to get to, sonow let me be in my body and
work to getting to that place.Yeah. I'm rushing into that
(40:51):
movement.
Timothy Bish (40:52):
I love that you brought this up because I think
fitness is a great example. Youknow, we do imams every minute
on the minute or AMRAPs, as manyreps or rounds as possible. And
in our culture, I believe and Ihave observed that people think
faster is better. So if youfinish first, then that means
(41:14):
something. And when, as a personwho designs workouts, I never
care.
There's never you know, in anEMOM, for example, you get to
it's really about your rest.Well, how much rest do you get?
If you wanna take 55 to do this,then you only get five seconds
(41:37):
rest. Is that enough rest foryou? And then you know, so they
oh, probably not.
Then we need to change yourreps. But I think culturally, we
have an idea of more is betterand faster is better. And so
we're kind of striving for that.And I think embodiment practice
and yogic practice andmindfulness practice and all
(41:59):
this is letting us know that itisn't faster isn't necessarily
better, which is why I say inVinyasa all the time, this
practice isn't actually fast. Itis continuous and linked.
And then, yes, when you get tomore advanced asana practice, it
(42:19):
can feel fast if you're movinginto warrior one and then into
chaturanga. Right? That's a lotto do and a lot to know. But the
intention isn't because I needyou to go quickly. The intention
is any combination is continuousand linked with breath, and then
as we progress it, it can getthere.
(42:40):
But so when people thinkVinyasa, they're like, oh, it's
a fast no. It isn't. That wasnever its intention. I've never
read any yogic text that talkedabout the benefit of doing it
quickly.
Eric Bomyea (42:52):
Studying yoga and being in my teacher training,
what I've noticed is as myembodied skill in poses
improves, as I understand moreabout how the poses and postures
feel in my body, I am able tomove quickly through them. I
(43:15):
don't rush through them anymorebecause I understand because
I've sat the postures, I've sit,I've studied them, I'm being in
them, and I'm understanding moreabout my anatomy. And as it's
moving through space or holdinga pose, I'm understanding more
of it so I can be embodied in mymovement because I understand it
(43:36):
as an experience rather thanlooking at it just as a visual
or an image and creating that asa destination that I'm rushing
to.
Timothy Bish (43:44):
I don't know why this is coming up for me, but
when I was learning about kirtansinging, the sort of sacred
practice of singing mantras andsongs, I was always told that
there was supposed to be, I'vementioned this before, a sense
of longing in your voice. Butthere's also a sense of urgency.
(44:08):
Right? A a deep desire to beconnected to the source in
whatever way you conceptualizeit and the importance of that.
So I think what we're talkingabout now, which is really
exciting, is urgency can be abeautiful motivating factor.
I deeply want to feel moreconnected. I deeply want to, you
(44:33):
know, reach out to my community.I deeply want to move away from
my limiting beliefs and into myfullness. And then what do we
do? And so urgency as a spark,beautiful.
If it pushes us into rushing,unskillful. If it pushes us into
(44:58):
paralysis and, like, inabilityto do anything, also unskillful.
And so the the the work thenbecomes, how do I take urgency,
hold it, recognize it,understand it, and then make
choices, conscious choices aboutwhat I'm gonna do. And that's
really tricky, when the urgencyso if we talk about urgency to,
(45:22):
like, connect to the greatersource. You're like, okay, well,
I probably have my whole life totry to do that.
Right? But sometimes urgency issomething an emergency is
happening, and you have to moveright now. And so that's what we
have to practice. So in thatmoment, can I be conscious or
can I be Or will I be areaction? That's a boom right
(45:46):
there.
It's a boom. If I was holdingthis mic
Eric Bomyea (45:49):
Yeah, you
Timothy Bish (45:49):
would I would drop it. Should I hit
Eric Bomyea (45:51):
the mic? No, please don't. Oh. I hit it. Braddy
daddy over there.
Timothy Bish (46:00):
Thank you. That's a high compliment, by
Eric Bomyea (46:02):
the way. I think that sums it up really, really
beautifully about the nature ofurgency and how we can react or
we can respond to it. And it canbe a really beautiful driving
force. Can also be adestructive, reactive, stumbly,
(46:24):
tumbly all over the place, justtaking everything down in its
wake. And we can bounce betweenthe two of them very quickly.
Like my example at the airport,right? I was rushing and then I
was able to come down and workthrough it. The line is razor
thin. It really is.
Timothy Bish (46:42):
Well, some takeaway tools, if we're open to
them. One thing is if you aremet with a person who is in the
throes of rushing, and lots ofreally well intentioned people
are in that place, one thing youcan do is start to deepen your
breath and slow the pace of yourwords to help them regulate
(47:07):
their own nervous system. Willit always work? No. But it has
worked a lot, enough.
Oh, okay. And what's interestingis that I've been on the
receiving end of that and havebeen grateful for it after the
fact. Oh, they they I did I waswhipping myself up into a thing,
(47:28):
and they helped me, like,regulate that thing. A little
harder to do the opposite whensomeone's being really lethargic
and trying to but it's stillpossible to bring an uplifted
quality to your voice and anexcitement that can spur people.
We can definitely encouragepeople in that opposite
(47:49):
direction.
But my whole point in sayingthat is we aren't without tools.
We aren't just meanderingthrough with, like, letting the
world happen. We can make somechoices.
Eric Bomyea (48:01):
Beautifully said. And thank you for offering those
those tools out to the world.With that, I'm feeling very
complete.
Timothy Bish (48:07):
How about you? I also feel complete. Will you
Eric Bomyea (48:09):
take us out, please?
Timothy Bish (48:10):
I will do. Let's take a deep inhale and a full
exhale. And it is with deepappreciation and gratitude that
we release the archetypes andthe spirits that we called in to
the sacred space of sharingawareness, understanding,
insight. As we all leave thecircle, I wish you all safety.
(48:33):
And with these words, ourcontainer is open, but not
broken.
Welcome back to The Circle, the podcast where we go
all in on men's work, embodimentpractices, and personal growth
from our queer perspective. Ifyou're enjoying the show, please
be sure to share your favoriteepisode, leave a review, and
subscribe. And if you have aquestion about anything you
heard us talk about, please sendus a message. We'd love to hear
from you. And now on to today'sshow.
Today, we're exploring urgency,how it can be the spark that
(00:26):
calls us to action or the gustthat blows us over. Where is
that line between moving withpurpose and rushing? And how do
we stay steady when the pressureto move arises? Tim, are you
ready to go all in?
Timothy Bish (00:39):
I'm ready. Alright.
Eric Bomyea (00:40):
So something I've heard you say to me multiple
times in the course of usworking together is that you
really dislike feeling rushed.Mhmm. And I can totally relate
because summer is right aroundthe corner and I'm in the middle
of a move, so I totally get it.But what I've also seen is you
move very quickly. Thank
you. So I'm curious.
Timothy Bish (00:59):
Thank you very much. So I'm curious,
Eric Bomyea (01:02):
what's the difference between the two for
you?
Timothy Bish (01:04):
Thank you for that question because I was thinking
about this earlier and Irecognized that urgency was a
tool that I would use as acloseted queer person for safety
and protection. I could useurgency, and this is, I think, I
(01:28):
was the perfectionist, the goodguy, the person trying to be
excellent, and then I could useurgency to avoid some really
intense conversations.Especially if I was giving
(01:49):
urgency to the things that thepeople around me thought I
should value. This is not a realexample, but, oh, I have to I I
can't I can't talk about thatright now. I have to go to
football practice.
Would be, oh, well, an easy out,a way to go. So I do wanna start
(02:13):
by saying I think that urgencycan be a thing that we learn, a
tool that we use to keep ussafe, to keep us hidden, but not
hidden in in the moment it makessense. We're doing it so that we
don't get called out ordiscovered or you know? And then
(02:37):
we have to reimagine ourrelationship with it when we
start to recognize, okay. I usedit used to be this for me.
Now what is it? Because urgencycan also be a tool for
perfectionism, a tool forneeding to be excellent in every
(03:00):
way and and a way of getting outof things that we can all sort
of agree on. And then as anadult, that may not, that may no
longer serve us. We have toreconceptualize our relationship
with it.
Eric Bomyea (03:20):
Heard in your earlier story was leveraging,
creating a sense of urgency andcreating a stimulus that can tip
somebody else into a behaviour.So, by saying, Oh, I can't talk
to you right now. I have to goover here. We're creating a
sense of urgency, manufacturinga sense of urgency, bringing in
(03:42):
that breeze of an urgentstimulus that then somebody can
react to. And so that reaction,in that case, could be, oh, I'm
creating this sense of urgencyboth for myself and that other
person, and now I get to escapeout of here.
Right? But urgency being theexternal stimulus.
Timothy Bish (04:05):
Right. Yes. So you heard me correctly. And I
believe that urgency can also bea thing that we employ in the
pursuit of our purpose andpassion. So now I feel
personally like I'm hiding less,that I'm using urgency less to
(04:25):
avoid a tough conversation orrevelation about me.
And now my life because as yousaid, I do move quickly. I also,
full disclosure, lived in NewYork City for twenty five years.
Like, I move quickly. It justfeels comfortable to me to move
quickly, and I I sometimes feelannoyed when people don't move
quickly. But but the reason I'mmoving quickly now is because
(04:49):
I'm running often running fromone thing to another thing that
I really love, that I careabout, or that I think is adding
value.
And, yeah, there is part of itthat's like, have to pay my
bills. I have to, do the thingsto make it all work. But there's
another part of like, I'mrunning to these things and I'm
(05:11):
doing these things because Ithink they make the world a
better place.
Eric Bomyea (05:14):
Right. So you can move quickly and are moving
quickly with a sense of purposethat has been created through
urgency versus it being I amrushing to something, I'm
hurrying to the next thing whereI've maybe lost presence, I'm
not in the moment, and I'm justtrying to get to the outcome and
(05:35):
trying to get to the desiredthing, right? There's a
difference between movingquickly with purpose, passion,
and pursuit of something, whichurgency can be that catalyst for
that movement. It can be thatspark that calls us to action.
Urgency can also tip us intorushing, hurrying, missing out.
Timothy Bish (05:57):
Well, guess so.
Eric Bomyea (05:58):
And both can be quick. Right? You can move
quickly.
Timothy Bish (06:01):
Sure. So there was a moment a few weeks ago where I
was feeling very rushed, andsomething had popped up. Like, I
think I was leaving the house orleaving the gym. Something had
popped up. Suddenly, had to Ihad to be somewhere with less
time than I thought.
And I started moving reallyquickly, and then my actions got
(06:22):
unskillful. And I'm like, oh,I'm actually taking longer now
because I'm trying to move sofast that I'm not tying my shoes
correctly or putting things inmy backpack correctly. And I had
to say I'm like, Tim, you haveto slow down to be able to move
efficiently because there isprobably a cap. There's no
(06:45):
science around this that I know.Probably a cap around how
quickly I can move and have itstill be skillful versus
haphazard.
And I was definitely out ofskillful. That's one thing. But
the other thing I wanna mentionis, you know, in the yogic
(07:05):
tradition, in Ayurvedictradition, in Chinese medicine
tradition, I think in a lot oftraditions, there are also
constitutions. So I'll talkabout in yoga, there's tamasic,
rajasic, sattvic. And mirroredin in Ayurveda, this sort of
(07:26):
like, are you sort of likeearthy and wet?
Are you like fiery? Are youairy? You know? I'm a very fiery
person. Kind of universal overall these systems.
I'm like totally fiery. And soit is in my nature to move more
quickly. So when we talk abouturgency, we also have to
(07:49):
recognize, well, urgency for meand how it presents in me is
probably really different thanif you are a more Thomassic
person from one perspective orif you're a cold, damp person in
the Chinese medical perspective.I am not cold and damp. So and
(08:09):
by the way, it's funny becausewe use these terms and they can
sound like a judgment.
They're not. They'reobservations of the world and
different qualities. But a coldand damp person will typically
move slower, and I'm dry andfiery. I move quickly. I also
(08:32):
can then burn out more quickly,and my teacher told me I would
die earlier, which was like areally sweet, shocking moment,
but I appreciated it.
So there it's not like none ofthese are good or bad. They just
recognize what is and then howyou wanna work with it. So when
we talk about urgency, urgencycomes easy to me. And it probab
(08:55):
I suspect there are other peoplefor whom it is more
uncomfortable, more challenging,feels farther away. And I'm
actually interested now to hearwhat is your relationship to
urgency?
How does it feel for you whenyou feel like you have to move
quickly?
Eric Bomyea (09:13):
Yeah, I think urgency, again, my personal take
on this is urgency is a neutralcatalyst, an external catalyst.
It can also be internal, Iguess. We can create a sense of
urgency within ourselves. It'show then we respond or react
that can be skilful orunskilful. And so, what I like
(09:34):
to say is that urgency can tipus into rushing, hurrying, being
sloppy, being unskilful, Or wecan take it and we can move with
purpose.
So, I actually love the fireexample because urgency can be a
spark. It can be a spark thatlights you up and says, Oh, I
need to take action. And thataction can be quick. The
(09:57):
difference between quick,purposeful action and sloppy,
haphazard rushing is theintention of which we're doing
the thing. Are we rushing to afinish line and we're so out of
the present moment that we can'tsee that we're fumbling with our
shoelaces because we're like,Oh, my brain is not here on my
(10:17):
shoelaces.
My brain is at the thing thatI'm trying to get to. Versus,
Oh, I know that I need to movequickly, and so I'm going to
ground myself in the presentmoment, and I'm going to move
with purpose and intention andpassion, and I'm going to do
things that way.
Timothy Bish (10:34):
And you've had both experiences.
Eric Bomyea (10:35):
Yeah, totally.
Timothy Bish (10:36):
Are you open to talking about the physical
embodied experience of each andhow they differ?
Eric Bomyea (10:43):
Absolutely. When I'm in a rushed experience, I
can actually There was a timethat I was training as a
bartender that I was trying tokeep pace with the other
bartenders. And so theenvironment around me was
creating this sense of urgencyin me, and I didn't have the
skills to bartend at thatvelocity. And so instead of
(11:08):
grounding myself and movingthrough the process at my speed,
I was rushing and I was spillingdrinks everywhere. And so the
feeling that I was experiencingwas there was such a
constriction in my body.
Was like my hands were shaking,everything was like fumbly and
stumbly. Like my motor skillswere lacking because I think I
(11:30):
was just so in my head and heartwas anxious and tight that I was
unskillful in my movements.Right? And then there are other
times that, like even cominghere to the podcast, right, I
was running a couple minutesbehind because I realized that,
Oh, my Jeep wasn't in mydriveway. I had parked it a
(11:51):
couple streets down because Ihad a friend staying with me who
was using the driveway.
I didn't account for that, andso that I needed to move quickly
in order to pick you up on time,in order to be here on time. And
so I didn't rush. I wasn't inthis mindset of, Oh my gosh,
hurry, hurry, hurry, where I'mlike fumbling when grabbing my
keys and all this stuff. Movedquickly. I grabbed my cell
(12:14):
phone.
I grabbed my bag. I grabbed mykeys. I grabbed my water and I
moved. And I just took it onestep at a time. And I recognized
that, like, oh, I can move fastand still be here in this
moment.
I understand my destination, Iunderstand where I'm trying to
get to, but I'm not letting itcompletely cloud my vision of
where I'm at.
Timothy Bish (12:35):
I went one time to an Al Anon meeting. I've only
gone to one. But it's a greatexample because I was younger at
the time and running late, Andso I was biking really quickly.
Oh, I was on a city bike, and Icouldn't find a dock. Actually,
because I'm really good withtime, had given myself plenty of
(12:58):
time, but then all the dockswere full.
And it ended up making me late,and and so then I ended up
running to this meeting andgetting there right on time,
which mattered to me because Iwas told you're supposed to be
on time, and time integritymatters to me. But then it was
like a rainy, like, cold springday, I think. And I get to this
(13:23):
meeting, and then I cough, like,loudly through the whole
meeting. And in my share, whichI had never done before, I said
I kind of explained. I'm like,I'm so sorry.
You know? And I talked aboutwith my therapist later and
realized, oh, right. I had thisidea of what was important,
which was I show up on time.Would it have been better for me
(13:46):
to arrive two minutes late andnot cough? Because I coughed
through the whole thing.
And I'm I have a loud cough. Youknow, like, I I can't
demonstrate it right now. Thatwould be real. But and I I
reflected later and thought, oh,I might it might have been of
greater service for me to make adifferent choice. But in the
(14:12):
moment, I was I'm the good boywho shows up on time.
That's that's who and what I am.And so I showed up on time and
then coughed through everybody'sshare, including my own. Yeah.
What was of greatest service.
Eric Bomyea (14:29):
Yeah. In that case, would you have classified that
as rushing? You were rushing toget there.
Timothy Bish (14:34):
Oh, absolutely. And you know, I designed my life
in a way to prevent rushing, asyou mentioned earlier. I really,
really don't like it. And so Iremember with my ex husband
First husband. My first husband.
Yeah. Thank you. I said to him,because he and I have very
different travel approaches tohow we travel, and I basically
(14:58):
said something along the linesof, you can do whatever you want
when you're doing it byyourself, but when you're
traveling with me, this is how Ineed to do it. And so for anyone
listening, if you wanna travelwith me, and by the way, invite
me on trips and I'm availablefor that, I will want to arrive
at the airport early. I wouldrather be at the airport bar for
(15:22):
an hour having a chardonnay, andyes this is chardonnay, I love
it, than for me to be trying torush through security to get to
the gate on time.
That feeling of rushing is souncomfortable, uncertain, that I
(15:43):
I go to lengths to avoid it.Yeah. I've got
Eric Bomyea (15:48):
a story on that in the airport security line. When
we were coming back from retreatin Puerto Rico.
Timothy Bish (15:58):
So we went on the seven day, six night retreat in
Puerto Rico earlier this year.
Eric Bomyea (16:04):
And we took a flight from Vieques, an island
of Puerto Rico, to the mainisland of San Juan. And we did
not account that the airportsecurity in Vieques would not
secure us to go through SanJuan.
Timothy Bish (16:24):
And so Oh, we didn't Yeah, you're right. We
didn't know that. And what'sinteresting, just a quick side
note, because we live inProvincetown where they do have
security, from Provincetown toBoston, you're You're cleared.
You're behind the security line,and you just move from one gate
to the next. And so I think weassumed it would be that same
(16:47):
idea.
Eric Bomyea (16:47):
When I booked It was not that idea. I booked the
flights, I thought that, oh,there's plenty of time in
between us leaving Vieques andgetting to San Juan and having
enough time to do whatever wewanted in the airport.
Timothy Bish (17:00):
Well, were to sit down and go to a restaurant.
Eric Bomyea (17:03):
Yeah. Did not do that. That was not the case. We
arrived after a delayed flightfrom Vieques to San Juan to a
security line that wasincredible. I had never seen a
security line that large andalso chaotic.
It was very disorganized.
Timothy Bish (17:20):
I mean, had pre check and you didn't. Yes. And I
wasn't sure you would getthrough.
Eric Bomyea (17:24):
Right. So I looked at that and there was a moment,
the urgency was real. Thatexternal stimulus created such a
sense of urgency and I was like,Oh my goodness. And there was a
moment that I started running,rushing. Like, I in my body.
I was in my head trying to getto the destination and going
through every doomsday scenariothat was present in my
(17:46):
imagination. And then I took amoment and I said, hold on,
Let's ground ourselves. I justcame off of seven days of being
on retreat. I have a bunch oftools right now. And so I
steadied myself and I thoughtstrategically.
And I moved with purpose and Imoved quickly and I made quick
(18:07):
decisions that ultimatelyresulted in me getting escorted
through the security line,through the back way, and to an
open line.
Timothy Bish (18:17):
So urgency was the catalyst, and then from that
place, we can go into skillfulor unskillful. And I your story
demonstrates beautifully howthat can be a thin line, and we
(18:39):
oh, I'm on the verge of either.Right? So urgency isn't bad. In
the same way that stress isn'tbad.
Eric Bomyea (18:48):
Correct. Right? Judgment's not bad, right? These
are just like
Timothy Bish (18:51):
Yeah, yeah, right. And so then how do we work with
them? How do we experience them?How do we metabolize them? How
do we?
Become aware of them?
Eric Bomyea (19:00):
Yeah. Right? This is a stimulus that has started
to create something inside ofme. And now I get to either
react if I'm unaware of what'shappening or I can respond
because I've brought inattention to it.
Timothy Bish (19:15):
Yeah. So what did you do? You talked to a security
Eric Bomyea (19:18):
I talked to a security agent who I could see
was at her wits end as well. AndI wasn't pleading, I wasn't
begging, I just was calm withher. And I just told her the
situation and I asked if therewas anything we could do. And in
(19:38):
stark contrast, I will say, wasa couple right next to me who
had their two little chihuahuasthat were Chihuahuas?
Chihuahuas.
Chihuahuas. Chihuahuas.Chihuahua? Chihuahuas. I don't
know.
I'm I'm from Upstate New Yorkwith a very small population, so
I don't say all the words.
Timothy Bish (19:58):
Well, last name is Baumye.
Eric Bomyea (19:59):
Baumye. Chihuahua. Yeah. Chihuahua. Chewbahua.
Timothy Bish (20:05):
Chewow wow. I've always called them chihuahuas,
but now they're chihuow wow. Sothey a couple two chihuow wows
Yes. Wowing two
Eric Bomyea (20:15):
service animal chihuahuas, mind you. Wow. Wait.
Do you remember it is? Wow.
Who the couple did not realizethat they had to go through some
extra security for, and theywere about to miss their flight.
And they were rushing. They werein such a reactive state. I
could feel it. You can just youcan feel when somebody's
(20:35):
rushing.
You can feel when somebody's ina hurry and not mindfully
moving. Right? They're not withyou, they are somewhere else.
They are trying to get somewhereelse. And it was really
interesting to see how theyinteracted with the security
agent and how I was reacting.
You could almost feel the energybetween them. This security
agent was pushing back. She waslike, woah, this is a lot coming
(21:00):
at me right now. Versus mine waslike, I was still moving at the
same velocity as them. My speedwas still up.
My energy was down though.
Timothy Bish (21:08):
Yeah. Yeah, it's different. And by the way, if
you're listening, I think it'sreally tricky. Think it Razors
are thin. I think it requireshaving tools.
So for an embodiment podcast,embodiment practice, shamanic
yogic practice, can provide youwith tools when you're in that
(21:29):
moment. And I can't tell you, bythe way, how many times I've
been in line doing breath workbecause airports are a really
fascinating part of humanculture. It feels a little
competitive. It often feelsrushed or then very delayed. You
(21:51):
know, all kinds of feelings thataren't great.
And it's one of the places inreal life when I'm, like,
meandering through my day whereI'm practicing the most because,
oh, at any moment, I could startto feel overwhelmed with urgency
(22:11):
or delay or powerlessness orwhatever. And so having tools
and trying to meet the momentand also being gentle. Oh,
something might happen and youmight get a surge of anxiety. So
the goal in that moment wouldn'tnecessarily be to not look like
(22:35):
you are impacted by it at all,but rather make a choice so that
while it's impacting you, you'restill choosing from a place of
awareness. So for those of you,I'm sure if you've watched, I
sometimes get really red.
I I often get really red. I getred for a lot of reasons. I'm a
(22:55):
person who blushes. It gives meaway a lot, And I might get
anxious and then get really red,but what ultimately matters
would then be can I use my toolsand still make choices, or do I
start to kind of crumble underit? And the practices help me to
(23:21):
crumble slower or to notcrumble.
And I think the more wepractice, the more we get there.
So a thing I've done now is wrapmy head around, I might miss my
flight. And I I let that be, I'mgonna do what I can and go as I
can go. And then if I miss myflight, I'm gonna make new
(23:44):
choices at that point.
Eric Bomyea (23:45):
I love that. There's urgency, but the choice
has been made that it's lessabout the destination now. It's
more about being in the moment.Rushing to me is like I'm
rushing to something. I'mrushing to an expected outcome
to a destination, and that'swhere my head's at.
My head is laser focused onthat, that I've missed out on
(24:08):
where I'm actually at. And so bysaying, oh, I could miss my
flight, now the destination isstill important. I'm not saying
the destination doesn't matter.I'm saying the destination
matters maybe a little less.
Timothy Bish (24:23):
Well, it sounds like what you're talking about
is attachment because when I'mrushing, I'm attached to one
particular outcome. I get onthis flight to arrive at this
time because I have this thingto do at that place with these
people. And I have definitelyfelt that. And so the practice I
(24:44):
brought up about I might missthis flight is a practice of non
attachment. And it's helpful ifyou can do it because the truth
is some of these things aregonna be outside of your
control.
And you can be as prepared asyou want and still like the bike
(25:06):
example at Al Anon. I went withplenty of time. I didn't factor
that it would take me such along time to find an open
docking station. So that wasoutside of my control. We have
to try to use our tools andrecognize what we can do and
(25:29):
then what we can't do.
And what I can't do is changehow quickly the security line is
moving.
Eric Bomyea (25:36):
Exactly. There is so much that can create a sense
of urgency inside of us that isoutside of our control. I
actually really love the bikeexample because cities, you
painted this picture of being inthe environment and you also
spoke of developing a quicknessby living in a city. And our
(25:56):
environments have such an impacton us because all of that is
stimulus that could be creatinga sense of urgency. And then
it's how do you move with thatthat I think is really, really
interesting and powerful.
Timothy Bish (26:10):
Yes. I think New York City, as an example, does
lend itself to a quicker pace.And for any number of reasons, I
feel comfortable in that pace. Irecognize that there are other
places that have a differentpace, and I have enjoyed other
(26:30):
paces. But it all comes down topurpose, mission.
In New York City, I was movingquickly because I was running
from one thing to the next thatI loved or had to do, but mostly
that I loved, because it's avery ambitious place. If we go
(26:52):
back to the yogic, Ayurvedic, Ihave to imagine that New York
City is probably a very Rajasicplace to be. A lot of people go
there with ambition, goal,purpose, desire. And so, yeah.
Then I moved to a small town,and I'm like, why is this taking
(27:14):
so long?
Or like, why are you walking soslowly? And I've actually had to
check myself. Like, well,they're in Provincetown right
now. And and they might just beon a walk. A walk like play,
like an activity you do with nopurpose other than Yeah, to
enjoy the And here I am beinglike, well, we should get where
(27:35):
we're going.
Eric Bomyea (27:36):
Last night at the Embodiment Circle, I brought
walking meditation to helppeople study that, where I
demonstrated I set up twocandles 10 paces apart, and I
also set up a set of candles atthe midway point. And the
instruction was walk from candleone to candle two, turn around,
(28:00):
and walk back to candle one. Andnotice as you're walking how
your pace changes and whathappens as you approach your
destination. Notice you have adesire to get to the end. What
are you rushing to?
What is your sense of urgencyhere? Or are you mindfully
(28:23):
moving? And so in the example ofnow taking that out into the
real world where somebody mightbe mindfully moving through
their walk, right, regardless ofthe pace, right? It could be
really fast. It could be a fastpaced walk.
And they're still mindfullymoving from it because they're
moving with purpose and passionfrom one thing to the next,
(28:44):
they're still present in themoment. They are just moving
quickly. And then there's otherways of doing that where it's
like, Oh, I'm moving at a slowerpace, but I'm still here, still
present. The interestingcomparison of what did that
bring up in you to see somebodymoving slowly while you were
(29:05):
trying to move quickly. Did youget a sense of I'm rushing
someplace and they're notrushing someplace?
Or what was the
Timothy Bish (29:13):
I will share an example. I was flying back to
Boston, and there was aconnection in Atlanta. And
Atlanta is I don't know if thisis regular, but you land if if
from an international flight youland, you have to go back
through security. Is thattypical? I don't I it's wild to
(29:37):
me.
I don't understand why that'strue, I guess, unless you don't
trust the internationalsecurity. Anyway, so it just so
happened that on this flight, Ihad already started feeling the
symptoms of the flu. I feltreally bad. And it was all the
(30:00):
strength I could muster to geton this first flight. Well,
turns out our flight wasdelayed, and then so we had,
like, a a very short amount oftime in Atlanta to run to
security, go through it, andthen find our gate.
And I remember getting off theplane, and there was this
couple, this older couple, andthe woman was sort of it felt
(30:25):
entitled to me, but I didn'tfeel well, and I wanna be
generous. He's like, well, likelike, aren't we all going to the
same place? And I remember meand my travel companion, my ex
husband. First husband. Yeah.
My first husband. No. We're not.Like, do you do you think I
would be moving like this? Nowshe didn't know I didn't feel
(30:48):
well, but, like, do you do youthink that I'm moving like this
for no reason?
Now it is possible I could havebeen. But no. I'm like, if I
could if I could do this slowlyor casually, I would absolutely
have done it. I had to be movingthat fast. And I can promise you
in this particular moment, I wasnot loving it.
(31:12):
And one of my it's actually oneof my favorite stories about my
marriage was that almost alwaysI was the faster walker. I'd be
like, can we hurry up? Can wego? You know, whatever. And I
remember in this particularmoment, because there was
urgency, we were gonna miss ourflight.
Brian turned around and waslike, Tim. He was like he's
(31:36):
like, can we go any faster? AndI remember I looked up at him,
and I was like, this is all I'vegot. Like, I am I am giving you
100% of what I've got to give.Mhmm.
And it was really diminished. Iwas, like, in the throes of the
flu. Fun fact, I got on theflight and immediately threw up
into one of those bags. The guynext to me moved his seat. We
(31:59):
flew home.
Thank god. And then I found outlater from a friend who works in
the airlines, they're like, Ican't believe they let you fly.
Because apparently, if you getsick like like that, they can
take you off the plane. Oh, wow.I didn't know that.
I didn't know that either. And Ifeel really grateful because I
would have either because then Igot home and I laid in bed for,
(32:21):
I think, three days of just inbed. And then, like, another two
and a half weeks of I'm fineenough but don't feel well, I
would've done that in an Atlantahotel. Anyway, urgency.
Eric Bomyea (32:36):
Yeah. Okay.
Timothy Bish (32:38):
Was a long story.
Eric Bomyea (32:39):
Yeah. Urgency in that case, there was two things
creating urgency from what Iheard. One, the external of
destination, of, oh, trying toget home, and there's a bunch of
things creating this urgency. Imight miss my flight. People are
(33:00):
moving slowly.
We're a long ways away. We haveto go back through security,
etcetera, etcetera. There's alsothe internal urgency of
sickness. Like, what is my bodyabout to do? And I think this
goes back and less about thebiological part of it.
I just want to go back to thefirst story that you shared
about being able to createurgency in self. We've talked a
(33:21):
lot about external factors, theenvironment having that impact.
How can our internal dialogueand our internal systems create
urgency? How can we use that inour favor?
Timothy Bish (33:34):
I think through care, through investment,
through some kind of connection.I the example I'll give is when
I have a really busy day and mydog has been home, I bike
quickly back home to her. Notbecause she's texting me, why
(33:57):
aren't you home? Or, you know,what have you been up to? But I
love you.
And I I just want to I want toget to you as quickly as I can
so that you can have the thingsthat you need because I love
you. So I think care, passion,purpose, mission, discipline,
(34:20):
commitment. So here,responsibility. Responsibility
can create
Eric Bomyea (34:24):
a a big urgency in us.
Timothy Bish (34:26):
Yeah. It can. It can. Right. And but I think the
difference is if we're gonnacreate it from the inside out,
it'll be responsibility we'vegiven to ourselves.
We can get responsibility fromother things. Oh, I have to go
to work or my boss is gonna bemad or I'm gonna get a written
up or they're gonna fire me or Iwon't have a paycheck. You know?
But and that is also totallyvalid, by the way. Like, if you
(34:49):
have a job, go to work and don'tget fired and you know?
But if we wanna create it in ahealthy way from within, well,
what do you really care about?What matters to you so much that
you are willing to and in thiscase with, like, the dog, I'm
willing to bike home quicklyeven if I've been teaching
(35:12):
fitness and yoga all day longand I'm tired. I'm willing to
ask my legs and core to do morebecause that love, that care. So
if you haven't if we haven'tconsidered what it is we care
(35:33):
about, what it is we arepassionate about. And, you know,
we talk a lot on this podcastabout mission and purpose.
Like, what is your mission? Whatis your purpose? Like, what are
you doing? We can create healthyurgency when we connect to,
well, what is it you're tryingto create? Lots of people are
(35:58):
disconnected from that for anynumber of reasons.
If you want to create momentumand urgency in your life in the
direction of your purpose, like,you have to know your purpose.
You have to know what what youwanna create. And that process
can be a bumpy one, but startsimple. I love my family, so I'm
(36:22):
willing to be urgent for them. Ilove, you know, fill in the
blank.
My dog. Love my dog. Care for mydog. I care for my dog.
Eric Bomyea (36:32):
And I'm going to use care in connection with a
responsibility to create urgencythat is a spark, that is a call
to action for my body to movequickly. Yeah. To then be able
to get to the destination andaccomplish the thing that we're
(36:56):
responsible for.
Timothy Bish (36:57):
I also wanna tell a story. I'm gonna tell a story.
Please do. It's a podcast. We'regonna tell stories.
I remember being in a danceclass in Pittsburgh.
Eric Bomyea (37:09):
For all of you that didn't know, Tim was a
professional dancer.
Timothy Bish (37:11):
Thank you. There's a now there's like the circle
drinking game where apparentlyyou have to drink. I mentioned
that I was a dancer. Was a Orlittle tea
Eric Bomyea (37:20):
or any other beverage of your choice.
Timothy Bish (37:21):
Yeah. Well, any drink you want, but you
Eric Bomyea (37:25):
have to do a shot of it.
Timothy Bish (37:26):
Mhmm. I was in an academy, the Civic Light Opera
Academy of Musical Theater inPittsburgh. They're an
incredible school. And there wasthis teacher that there were,
like, two or three teachers thatwere, like, the big deal
teachers, and these were theteachers that were gonna get you
where you needed to be to getinto college or into a dance
(37:49):
company or whatever. So deep,deep, deep appreciation for the
the staff at at the CLL,Pittsburgh CLL.
And I remember this teacher saidhe's like, okay. So all of you
tall, leggy dancers, like,congratulations. You look so
good, and people are gonna lovethat. He's like, now you have to
(38:13):
move faster. He's like, themovements don't change.
The counts don't change, but youare longer and you have farther
to go. You have to move faster.And I remember that being a
really interesting teachingbecause you have to be able to
fit into that. You can't both beleggy and long and then also
(38:33):
move slow. You're gonna be offthe count.
And so it gave me a perspectiveon urgency, which was by your
nature, all of this is gonnafeel a little faster. It's not
good or bad, but if you wanna doit
Eric Bomyea (38:49):
If you have a lot of care for it, you've got that
passion. Yeah. If I've gotlonger legs than somebody else
and I still have to hit themovement at the same time, I
gotta move a little quicker. I'mnot gonna rush that movement.
I'm gonna move very purposelyfor that movement.
Timothy Bish (39:12):
Right. So I can consciously move fast without
rushing. And then I think anydancer at that level then is if
you rush a movement, that's whenyou're likely to get hurt.
Right? So I have to bemodulating my movement to fit
the music and the choreographywithout yanking myself around.
Eric Bomyea (39:37):
Actually, brings up something for me, which is my
the sense of urgency that'screated inside of me at fitness
classes and how I rush infitness classes. I don't
mindfully move most of the timebecause I think that I have to
keep up and don't have the I'mgoing to
Timothy Bish (39:57):
pause you. You've talked about fitness classes as
a challenge for you, but this isthe first time you've talked
about it from an urgency paceperspective.
Eric Bomyea (40:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because exactly what you just
said, I'm rushing through themovements and I'm doing so
unskillfully, and I've hurtmyself so many times because I
think that I have to do it likethem, which is fine to aspire
to.
Timothy Bish (40:23):
And it's tricky because I'm in the front of the
room and I'm doing it quicklyand excellently. Right.
Eric Bomyea (40:28):
And like, I'm light years away from that. Okay. That
was Right? Like, I'm light yearsaway from mimicking that
movement. That's, for me, it'slike, oh, that's created an
urgency.
And now instead of me mindfullymoving and saying, oh, I know
where I'm trying to get to, sonow let me be in my body and
work to getting to that place.Yeah. I'm rushing into that
(40:51):
movement.
Timothy Bish (40:52):
I love that you brought this up because I think
fitness is a great example. Youknow, we do imams every minute
on the minute or AMRAPs, as manyreps or rounds as possible. And
in our culture, I believe and Ihave observed that people think
faster is better. So if youfinish first, then that means
(41:14):
something. And when, as a personwho designs workouts, I never
care.
There's never you know, in anEMOM, for example, you get to
it's really about your rest.Well, how much rest do you get?
If you wanna take 55 to do this,then you only get five seconds
(41:37):
rest. Is that enough rest foryou? And then you know, so they
oh, probably not.
Then we need to change yourreps. But I think culturally, we
have an idea of more is betterand faster is better. And so
we're kind of striving for that.And I think embodiment practice
and yogic practice andmindfulness practice and all
(41:59):
this is letting us know that itisn't faster isn't necessarily
better, which is why I say inVinyasa all the time, this
practice isn't actually fast. Itis continuous and linked.
And then, yes, when you get tomore advanced asana practice, it
(42:19):
can feel fast if you're movinginto warrior one and then into
chaturanga. Right? That's a lotto do and a lot to know. But the
intention isn't because I needyou to go quickly. The intention
is any combination is continuousand linked with breath, and then
as we progress it, it can getthere.
(42:40):
But so when people thinkVinyasa, they're like, oh, it's
a fast no. It isn't. That wasnever its intention. I've never
read any yogic text that talkedabout the benefit of doing it
quickly.
Eric Bomyea (42:52):
Studying yoga and being in my teacher training,
what I've noticed is as myembodied skill in poses
improves, as I understand moreabout how the poses and postures
feel in my body, I am able tomove quickly through them. I
(43:15):
don't rush through them anymorebecause I understand because
I've sat the postures, I've sit,I've studied them, I'm being in
them, and I'm understanding moreabout my anatomy. And as it's
moving through space or holdinga pose, I'm understanding more
of it so I can be embodied in mymovement because I understand it
(43:36):
as an experience rather thanlooking at it just as a visual
or an image and creating that asa destination that I'm rushing
to.
Timothy Bish (43:44):
I don't know why this is coming up for me, but
when I was learning about kirtansinging, the sort of sacred
practice of singing mantras andsongs, I was always told that
there was supposed to be, I'vementioned this before, a sense
of longing in your voice. Butthere's also a sense of urgency.
(44:08):
Right? A a deep desire to beconnected to the source in
whatever way you conceptualizeit and the importance of that.
So I think what we're talkingabout now, which is really
exciting, is urgency can be abeautiful motivating factor.
I deeply want to feel moreconnected. I deeply want to, you
(44:33):
know, reach out to my community.I deeply want to move away from
my limiting beliefs and into myfullness. And then what do we
do? And so urgency as a spark,beautiful.
If it pushes us into rushing,unskillful. If it pushes us into
(44:58):
paralysis and, like, inabilityto do anything, also unskillful.
And so the the the work thenbecomes, how do I take urgency,
hold it, recognize it,understand it, and then make
choices, conscious choices aboutwhat I'm gonna do. And that's
really tricky, when the urgencyso if we talk about urgency to,
(45:22):
like, connect to the greatersource. You're like, okay, well,
I probably have my whole life totry to do that.
Right? But sometimes urgency issomething an emergency is
happening, and you have to moveright now. And so that's what we
have to practice. So in thatmoment, can I be conscious or
can I be Or will I be areaction? That's a boom right
(45:46):
there.
It's a boom. If I was holdingthis mic
Eric Bomyea (45:49):
Yeah, you
Timothy Bish (45:49):
would I would drop it. Should I hit
Eric Bomyea (45:51):
the mic? No, please don't. Oh. I hit it. Braddy
daddy over there.
Timothy Bish (46:00):
Thank you. That's a high compliment, by
Eric Bomyea (46:02):
the way. I think that sums it up really, really
beautifully about the nature ofurgency and how we can react or
we can respond to it. And it canbe a really beautiful driving
force. Can also be adestructive, reactive, stumbly,
(46:24):
tumbly all over the place, justtaking everything down in its
wake. And we can bounce betweenthe two of them very quickly.
Like my example at the airport,right? I was rushing and then I
was able to come down and workthrough it. The line is razor
thin. It really is.
Timothy Bish (46:42):
Well, some takeaway tools, if we're open to
them. One thing is if you aremet with a person who is in the
throes of rushing, and lots ofreally well intentioned people
are in that place, one thing youcan do is start to deepen your
breath and slow the pace of yourwords to help them regulate
(47:07):
their own nervous system. Willit always work? No. But it has
worked a lot, enough.
Oh, okay. And what's interestingis that I've been on the
receiving end of that and havebeen grateful for it after the
fact. Oh, they they I did I waswhipping myself up into a thing,
(47:28):
and they helped me, like,regulate that thing. A little
harder to do the opposite whensomeone's being really lethargic
and trying to but it's stillpossible to bring an uplifted
quality to your voice and anexcitement that can spur people.
We can definitely encouragepeople in that opposite
(47:49):
direction.
But my whole point in sayingthat is we aren't without tools.
We aren't just meanderingthrough with, like, letting the
world happen. We can make somechoices.
Eric Bomyea (48:01):
Beautifully said. And thank you for offering those
those tools out to the world.With that, I'm feeling very
complete.
Timothy Bish (48:07):
How about you? I also feel complete. Will you
Eric Bomyea (48:09):
take us out, please?
Timothy Bish (48:10):
I will do. Let's take a deep inhale and a full
exhale. And it is with deepappreciation and gratitude that
we release the archetypes andthe spirits that we called in to
the sacred space of sharingawareness, understanding,
insight. As we all leave thecircle, I wish you all safety.
(48:33):
And with these words, ourcontainer is open, but not
broken.
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