Marital Relationship – Dr. Mufti Ismail Menk (English)

The Clear Evidence

As-salāmu alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Today we will be speaking about a very interesting topic, and that is the husband-wife relation.

I think a lot of people have a lot to learn. Because what happens is, life is full of learning. If we don't learn, we will not be able to lead a life that is fruitful.

All of us, as we grow, and whilst we are young and still growing, we have a dream. And the dream is, one day I will get married, and one day I will do this. You know, if it's a female, she would say, one day I will marry such and such a prince of mine.

And the male will say, well, one day I will have the princess, and this is what will happen, and this is the type of person. We need to know that this entire thought needs to be harnessed. And we need to think very carefully what type of a person we want to marry.

The reason is, that decision will determine the rest of our lives, whether we will lead a life of happiness or a life of doom. The decisions of marriage are by far the most important decisions that one could make within one's social circle and even for the rest of life. So it is important for us to know what the Prophet Muhammad, may peace be upon him, teaches us regarding making this choice.

Firstly, he says that a woman can be married for some reasons. Some of these reasons are, لِمَالِهَا وَلِجَمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا She can either be married for her wealth. Some people look at wealth, wow, wealthy family, let me get married.

And sometimes they look at the status in society, wow, you know, good lineage, or should I say, high status in society, prestigious people, let me get married. Sometimes they look at the looks. This person is very good looking, very pretty girl, you know, very handsome man, let me get married.

And there is something that people look at which is religion, character and conduct. So the Prophet says, فَظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ Become successful by selecting the one who has religion, character and conduct. And this is why the Prophet, may peace be upon him, says, إِذَا جَاءَكُمْ مَن تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُوقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ إِلَّا تَفْعَلُوهُ تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَفَسَادٌ عَرِيضٌ When someone comes to you with a proposal, and you are happy with their level of character and conduct, as well as religion, then do not disagree or deny them.

Let them get married to your daughter. If you don't allow them, there may be lots of fitna and fasad. What is fitna and fasad on earth? Fitna meaning corruption, problems, disruptions, difficulties, calamities.

So many things can happen. So this is the teaching of Muhammad, may peace be upon him. We need not reject proposals without a reason.

Some people will reject it solely because they've had a problem with someone. Solely because they had one raw deal where they were wrong sometimes. And their daughter has to suffer.

The son has to suffer. They lose out on good proposals. As we all know today, to get a good person to marry is like hunting for a needle in a haystack.

Perhaps not as difficult as that, but for a lot of people it may be just that. And it is very, very risky because sometimes we've picked up part of the hay, and we think it's a needle. And in the same way, we think we have a good man or a good wife, and it only turns out later on that they're not as good as we thought they were.

So it's important for us, once we've made the decision, each one of us should be, the main aim in our lives should be to please our Maker, to please our Creator. We need to be constantly conscious of that. If that is the case, we will be able to lead a happy life.

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