The Clopen Effect

Cassandra, Bestie, and Meredith chat about one of the eeriest topics yet - the worst ways to die in retail. For mature audiences only, please!

It’s spooky season, and while this episode sounds dark, it’s handled with care, respect, and just enough Halloween edge to give you chills (without crossing the line).

From freezers to forklifts, compactors to parking lots, we explore the strange, tragic, and sometimes unbelievable accidents t...

Here's the rundown of this week's show:

Home Invasions / Residential Burglaries

• Thieves go for small, high-value, easy-to-carry stuff.
• Top items:
• Cash
• Laptops, tablets, phones
• Jewelry and watches
• Prescription meds
• Firearms
• They want things they can grab fast and resell easily.
• Average loss? A few thousand dollars per break-in.

Store Robberies / Retail Theft

• The “greatest hits” list of what wal...

Hey friends! Before we share this week's episode, a quick note:

Every week, The Clopen Effect is full of jokes, absurd retail stories, and general chaos. You know, our usual nonsense.

Today, since it’s spooky season, we’re taking a small detour. We’re covering two very serious events: the disappearances of Adam Walsh from a Sears in 1981 and Ann Gotlib from Bashford Manor Mall in 1983. Not all the details are provided here, so please...

We had a great time with the Rockstar of Retail - our friend Tim! We were listening to the Cubbies win, so the recording fades in and out a bit, but oh well (they won!). In this episode, we chat about Tim’s bands and run through the top scary movie quotes. Stick around until the end to hear a song titled Deviant!

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We kick things off with a hilarious story from our co-worker who carried 100 balloons for 1.5 miles from the store to an office party (yes, people stared). Then it’s all about GERMS — the gross, sneaky, everyday kind that hide where you least expect them. Fun, funny, and a little bit ewww - this episode has it all!

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From hot dogs at Coney Island to lamingtons in Australia, competitive eating contests are one of the strangest - and most fascinating - traditions around the world. Today, we’re talking about the wild history, the training secrets, and even the dangers of this stomach-stretching sport.

All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

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Wowee, we do love to laugh at ourselves! This episode is no different! We talk about road trips and rest stops, snacks and car ride games. Thanks for being here! We are really having a great time with all of you!

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This week, we talk about classic wives' tales, we read some great ones from our listeners, and get a little depressed about zoos. Oops. Anyway - enjoy this week's episode!

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Food festivals are so fun! We love them and talk about the most popular, iconic, largest, quirkiest, weirdest, and longest-running. We talk about our local ribfest and the Bristol Renaissance Faire (Kenosha, WI).

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ROY G. BIV

Colors don’t just look good in a store, they actually do something to our bodies.

When our eyes see a color, the signal travels to our brain, and that can change how we feel, even how fast our heart beats.

Red makes your heart beat faster. That’s why stores use it for clearance tags and sales—it screams buy me now!

Yellow is like sunshine. It makes your brain feel happy and alert. That’s wh...

In this episode, we chat the world of bread and the math behind it (sort of), with our special guest, Jason!

• Jason 'drives' us through his bread delivery route, explaining how the numbers, store stops, and fresh bread logistics all come together.
• Meredith tries her best to follow along, but admits… she still doesn’t really understand how it works. (Bread routes are complicated, okay?)
• We take a fun detour ...

Guests: Mama Brianna & Baby Daisy 🌼

This week, we welcome the sweetest guests, Mama Brianna and her 9-month-old daughter, Daisy! We explore the origin of the name Daisy, its meaning (“day’s eye”), and why it's the perfect fit for such a bright little soul.

We also give a shoutout to Dented Gate Flower Garden in Woodstock, IL, a local gem filled with natural charm.

Then, we slightly dive into the growing w...

We ket AI write this recap, Lol:

In this laugh-out-loud episode of The Clopen Effect: A Funny Retail Podcast, Cass shares a wild story about a customer who stood directly in her way — and refused to budge. We break down the awkwardness, the tension, and the hilarity that happens when retail workers are just trying to do their job… and shoppers are just trying to pretend they don’t see you.

Then, we dive into 20ish different...

She’s back! In Part 3 of our Secret Squirrel series, our favorite AP expert returns to talk about the people who take a chance at stealing and how often they get caught. We explore the quick decisions, bold moves, and bizarre attempts that happen every day in retail. We also play the '"Have You Ever?" game for some fast and fun AP confessions. Be sure to stick around until the end when Secret Squirrel shares one of her most unforge...

Cancer is not funny. Let’s be clear about that. But sometimes the situations we find ourselves in as retail workers leave us so stunned, all we can do is laugh or cry.

In this episode, Cassandra shares one of those moments. A customer casually dropped a very personal and medically graphic detail mid-conversation, leaving her wondering, “What do I even say to that?”

We unpack why this happens, why customers share so much with retail w...

Cassandra survives a sizzling Vegas heatwave and finally sees her first Elvis impersonator. Meanwhile, Meredith has a moment: she thought she saw a woman with no arms… but it was just a cold-shoulder shirt. Laugh with us this week! It's a good one!

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We chat about how much time we actually spend in our cars, from sitting at red lights and waiting to turn left, to crawling through construction traffic and waiting in drive-thru lines. We also talk about how those minutes add up to days each year. We discuss coffee creamers and how we plan to make millions real soon.

$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs! PLUS, you receive early episode releases and fun gifts!

...

One of us now knows the danger of Dry Ice in a closed vehicle. Dry ice is solid carbon dioxide (CO₂). When it “melts,” it doesn’t become a liquid; it sublimates directly into a gas. That means it turns into carbon dioxide gas, which displaces oxygen in the air.

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$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs!

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What the heck is a WigglyBush!? We dug into America’s $176B landscaping obsession, wild HOA rules (no red mulch?!), and Cass’s yard glow-up thanks to Johnny. From mulch math to HOA drama, we laughed, learned, and maybe judged a lawn or two. Cass even aced the landscaping quiz, and Meredith learned about helicopter seeds. 🌱🎙️

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https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the ...