The Clopen Effect
Welcome to The Clopen Effect, a Funny Retail Podcast! Join us every week as we share our lives working in retail. Our lineup features fantastic guests, including local business owners, seasoned retail professionals, and the occasional surprise musician and artist. We're Basically Famous®! “By far the most relatable, humbling, and funniest podcast I’ve ever listened to! It keeps me busy at work, laughing, shaking my head in agreement, and remembering my own wild work stories. And it’s not always just about those crazy shifts—these hilarious women bring so much more. Give them a listen; you won’t be wasting your time!”
Episodes
What a fantastic interview with Chris from @belliesfoodtruck 🐷
Owner Chris, along with his wife, his daughter, his business partner, his dad, and his brother, serves up pork belly bites, Cuban sandwiches, and Meredith’s favorite grilled cheese!
We talk about Chris’s past jobs and how Bellies came to be. And of course, there is a short quiz at the end where we realize that Chris is surprisingly good at guessing years in history. Like...
In this week’s episode of The Clopen Effect, we chat about 40 wild food additives - what they are, how to actually pronounce them, and the sneaky places they like to hide. Spoiler: your snacks might contain wood chips, your bread might include duck feathers, and yes… there’s a beaver gland situation.
We attempt to deliver accurate info, but let’s be honest: we’re a comedy podcast, not a science lab...
Mature audiences only, please! 🎃
Meredith and Cassandra dive into 20 of the rarest medical conditions people can suffer from — it’s a tough one, but perfect for Spooky Season!
We also chat about Meredith’s “diet,” the manager with an attitude, the chores we let our husbands handle, and—drumroll please—we’re celebrating being listened to in all 50 states! Huge thank you to Nina for helping us get there!
Oh, and one more...
Cassandra, Bestie, and Meredith chat about one of the eeriest topics yet - the worst ways to die in retail. For mature audiences only, please!
It’s spooky season, and while this episode sounds dark, it’s handled with care, respect, and just enough Halloween edge to give you chills (without crossing the line).
From freezers to forklifts, compactors to parking lots, we explore the strange, tragic, and sometimes unbelievable accidents t...
Here's the rundown of this week's show:
Home Invasions / Residential Burglaries
- Thieves go for small, high-value, easy-to-carry stuff.
- Top items:
- Cash
- Laptops, tablets, phones
- Jewelry and watches
- Prescription meds
- Firearms
- They want things they can grab fast and resell easily.
- Average loss? A few thousand dollars per break-in.
Store Robberies / Retail Theft
- The “greatest hits” list of what wal...
Hey friends! Before we share this week's episode, a quick note:
Every week, The Clopen Effect is full of jokes, absurd retail stories, and general chaos. You know, our usual nonsense.
Today, since it’s spooky season, we’re taking a small detour. We’re covering two very serious events: the disappearances of Adam Walsh from a Sears in 1981 and Ann Gotlib from Bashford Manor Mall in 1983. Not all the details are provided here, so please...
We had a great time with the Rockstar of Retail - our friend Tim! We were listening to the Cubbies win, so the recording fades in and out a bit, but oh well (they won!). In this episode, we chat about Tim’s bands and run through the top scary movie quotes. Stick around until the end to hear a song titled Deviant!
All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect
$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs! ...
We kick things off with a hilarious story from our co-worker who carried 100 balloons for 1.5 miles from the store to an office party (yes, people stared). Then it’s all about GERMS — the gross, sneaky, everyday kind that hide where you least expect them. Fun, funny, and a little bit ewww - this episode has it all!
All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect
$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all ...
From hot dogs at Coney Island to lamingtons in Australia, competitive eating contests are one of the strangest - and most fascinating - traditions around the world. Today, we’re talking about the wild history, the training secrets, and even the dangers of this stomach-stretching sport.
All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect
$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs! https://the-c...
Wowee, we do love to laugh at ourselves! This episode is no different! We talk about road trips and rest stops, snacks and car ride games. Thanks for being here! We are really having a great time with all of you!
All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect
$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs! https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support
Buy Our Cool Merch:
https://www.zazzle.com/the_clopen_effect_t...
This week, we talk about classic wives' tales, we read some great ones from our listeners, and get a little depressed about zoos. Oops. Anyway - enjoy this week's episode!
All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect
$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs! https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support
Buy Our Cool Merch:
https://www.zazzle.com/the_clopen_effect_t_shirt-256038010043042814
💩 Check O...
Food festivals are so fun! We love them and talk about the most popular, iconic, largest, quirkiest, weirdest, and longest-running. We talk about our local ribfest and the Bristol Renaissance Faire (Kenosha, WI).
All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect
$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs! https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support
Buy Our Cool Merch:
https://www.zazzle.com/the_clopen_effect_t...
ROY G. BIV
Colors don’t just look good in a store, they actually do something to our bodies.
When our eyes see a color, the signal travels to our brain, and that can change how we feel, even how fast our heart beats.
Red makes your heart beat faster. That’s why stores use it for clearance tags and sales—it screams buy me now!
Yellow is like sunshine. It makes your brain feel happy and alert. That’s wh...
In this episode, we chat the world of bread and the math behind it (sort of), with our special guest, Jason!
- Jason 'drives' us through his bread delivery route, explaining how the numbers, store stops, and fresh bread logistics all come together.
- Meredith tries her best to follow along, but admits… she still doesn’t really understand how it works. (Bread routes are complicated, okay?)
- We take a fun detour ...
Guests: Mama Brianna & Baby Daisy 🌼
This week, we welcome the sweetest guests, Mama Brianna and her 9-month-old daughter, Daisy! We explore the origin of the name Daisy, its meaning (“day’s eye”), and why it's the perfect fit for such a bright little soul.
We also give a shoutout to Dented Gate Flower Garden in Woodstock, IL, a local gem filled with natural charm.
Then, we slightly dive into the growing w...
We ket AI write this recap, Lol:
In this laugh-out-loud episode of The Clopen Effect: A Funny Retail Podcast, Cass shares a wild story about a customer who stood directly in her way — and refused to budge. We break down the awkwardness, the tension, and the hilarity that happens when retail workers are just trying to do their job… and shoppers are just trying to pretend they don’t see you.
Then, we dive into 20ish different...
She’s back! In Part 3 of our Secret Squirrel series, our favorite AP expert returns to talk about the people who take a chance at stealing and how often they get caught. We explore the quick decisions, bold moves, and bizarre attempts that happen every day in retail. We also play the '"Have You Ever?" game for some fast and fun AP confessions. Be sure to stick around until the end when Secret Squirrel shares one of her most unforge...
Cancer is not funny. Let’s be clear about that. But sometimes the situations we find ourselves in as retail workers leave us so stunned, all we can do is laugh or cry.
In this episode, Cassandra shares one of those moments. A customer casually dropped a very personal and medically graphic detail mid-conversation, leaving her wondering, “What do I even say to that?”
We unpack why this happens, why customers share so much with retail w...
Cassandra survives a sizzling Vegas heatwave and finally sees her first Elvis impersonator. Meanwhile, Meredith has a moment: she thought she saw a woman with no arms… but it was just a cold-shoulder shirt. Laugh with us this week! It's a good one!
All The Clopen Links:
https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect
$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs!
https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support
👕 Buy Our Cool Merch:
We chat about how much time we actually spend in our cars, from sitting at red lights and waiting to turn left, to crawling through construction traffic and waiting in drive-thru lines. We also talk about how those minutes add up to days each year. We discuss coffee creamers and how we plan to make millions real soon.
$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs! PLUS, you receive early episode releases and fun gifts!
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