The Game Changer - Mental Performance Matters - The Coach U Podcast

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hey everybody.
This is the coach you podcast,and I'm your host coach.
You, this podcast is about beingcurious, learning from others
and using what we've learned toevolve every single day.

Coach U Audio - Coach K In (00:18):
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Welcome to the CoachU Podcast.
In today's episode, we're goingto be joined by Krystina
Bertolone, who is the owner andfounder of Game Changers Mental
Performance.
So, what is mental performance?
We're going to cover that andwe're going to cover a lot more.
But before we go into that, Iwant to talk about what life is
like and how mental performancecan help you.
Because it's not just abouthelping yourself on the field,

(00:40):
but it's actually more so abouthelping yourself feel great and
understanding how you can livethe best version of yourself in
your life.
Life isn't always easy, and Ican tell you that.
It's full of setbacks, it's fullof challenges, both mental and
physical.
And things, as you get older,seem to just keep getting thrown
at you.
And I had to build my own mentaltoughness and mental resilience

(01:01):
and mental performance, if youwill.
It's not easy, and it's not easyto do alone, and I didn't do it
alone.
In fact, I went to therapy.
I started meditating with theguidance.
I started writing in my journaland talking to friends who I
trust.
I wouldn't be here in thisposition now if I wasn't
surrounded by those who wererooting for me instead of
pulling me down.

(01:22):
One thing I want you to realizeis mental performance and mental
toughness and resiliency is notabout avoiding it.
It's actually about goingthrough the struggle and
understanding it, understandingyour path and how you process it
because that's so important.
We're all individual.
Just like I said in the open ofthis episode it's all about
being curious and learning fromothers because every single one

(01:43):
of us goes through our ownjourney.
We go through it in our own way.
And it's important that weunderstand how we function, how
our brains function, becausethat's going to help you get
through life.
Everybody else around you isn'tgoing to do it for you, no
matter how close they are to youor how much they love you.
It's up to you.
So let's dive into this episodeand see what we're going to
cover today.

(02:03):
First of all, it's not aboutsuppressing emotions.
Growth happens when we lean intoit and when we get support for
it.
So being able to go through theprocess, go through the
failures, go through theobstacles that give us, those
bad feelings or maybe give usfeelings of anxiety or
depression because those arereal.
And when you play sports,especially at a higher level.

(02:24):
You're going to have pressure onyourself.
So how do you deal with it?
How do you deal with it whenyou're not feeling great?
How do you deal with it whenyou're really feeling great?
Because the highs and lows willcome and go and it's up to you
to understand how you processand What goes on in your brain
so that way you can function atthe best highest capable
possibility for yourself I loveKrystina's take on teamwork,
understanding how to communicateto one another because I don't

(02:47):
think it's really taughtanymore.
We're not really aboutcommunication much anymore.
And that's tough.
It's really hard to see becauseI've worked with a lot of kids
and a lot of these kids don'thave the ability to communicate,
to have conversations, toprocess thoughts.
And it's up to us as coaches.
It's up to us as leaders to helpthose kids to understand how to
process because it can be sooverwhelming.

(03:09):
We're also going to talk aboutcreating a positive culture
around your team, because thatis such a key thing when we're
in the trenches, when we're inthat game, when we're in the
practice, and things aren'tgoing our way.
And especially if you're astudent athlete, you're going to
have to deal with school, you'regonna have to deal with friends,
you're gonna have to deal withsocial media, all of those
things, that doesn't even countyou having to practice, you

(03:30):
having to perform on the court,off the court, on the field, off
the field, whatever you play,whatever you do.
And this doesn't just go forathletes, if you're a performer
in any sort, if you're anartist, if you play the piano,
if you're an actor, these arehuge things that we go through
as well.
Like you're going to have thesethoughts, you're going to have
these moments of brainprocessing.
So how do you handle it in themoment?

(03:50):
One thing we cover also iscuriosity.
And I think that's one of myfavorite things.
And it's honestly how I'vegotten through life and I'm not
going to say just gotten throughlife, but it's how I've
prospered.
I've been curious instead of notknowing, or instead of feeling
stupid, like I used to, I usedto feel dumb for not knowing
something, but now it's aboutbeing curious, being open to not

(04:11):
knowing and being okay withthat.
Because first of all, there's noway we can know everything.
And.
And that's part of the process.
You learn, you're curious.
My slogan is fail, learn andevolve.
And if you're not curious,you're not going to be able to
do that.
You're just going to fail andthen you're going to stay stuck
and then you're going to playthe victim role.
We also talk about the victimrole and how you can stop doing

(04:32):
that to yourself because you'redoing yourself a disservice as a
human and then to others becauseyou're holding back on what
you're great at and you'reholding that away from the world
and the world does need to seethe best version of you because
that inspires other people to begreat as well.
And that's what we want.
We want to be surrounded bygreatness.
Krystina also touches onreactions and being able to
respond as opposed to just beingreactive.

(04:54):
Krystina also loves getting herathletes uncomfortable, and I
think that's so importantbecause the more uncomfortable
you get, the more you exposeyourself to uncomfortable
situations or conversations, theeasier it gets because you
realize that it just takespractice, just like you shooting
a hoop, just like you swinging abat, just like you learning how
to To snowboard, all of thesethings, they take practice, they

(05:16):
take time and they takefailures, but they also take
that ability for you to stepback and say, you know what?
That's part of the process.
I'm going to continue to getbetter.
And eventually it's not as scaryand you become much more
efficient and comfortable withit.
Okay, without further ado, we'regoing to hop right into this
episode with Krystina Byrd Aloneof Game Changers Mental
Performance, and I hope you guyslike this episode.

(05:36):
If you do, please remember tosubscribe.
I would love to see you guys inthere chatting.
Please ask questions, and I willsee you on the other side.
What's up, everyone?
Welcome to the coach you podcasttoday.
We're being joined by KrystinaBert alone.

(05:56):
She is a mental performancecoach.
She's the daughter of a footballand wrestling coach, a former
athlete.
She's a school collegescholarship pitcher.
ShE played softball.
You started out in the educationsystem.
You became a mental performancecoach.
And you're the owner of gamechangers, mental performance
coaching, where it's aboutmindset, team culture, and
leadership coaching.
So Krystina, thank you forjoining the show.

(06:18):
Welcome.

Kristyna Bertolone Audio (06:19):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Excited to be here.

Coach U Audio - Coach K I (06:21):
We're going to start with some really
quick, rapid questions.
What is your favorite TV show ofall time?

Kristyna Bertolone Audio a (06:27):
It's a toss up between the Big Bang
Theory and The Office.

Coach U Audio - Coach K In (06:30):
What about your favorite band or
musician?

It's an eclectic of music all time
favorite I'll go back to RascalFlatts country.
I could listen to them anytime,anywhere.

Coach U Audio - Coach K (06:40):
What's your favorite thing about
working with people in themental performance field?
I

Kristyna Bertolone Audio and (06:46):
I think it's definitely the
conversations and it'sconversations maybe with people
that I never thought I'd crosspaths with.
It's brought me to, to, intorooms that I never thought that
I'd walk into.
And yeah for ever I've been, ateacher and a high school coach
myself, and I never thought thatI'd be able to work with some.
Some sports like I do andwhether it's male or female, I

(07:09):
think those, that's been thebiggest kind of like awesome
moment for me is just getting inthese rooms and have, and being
a part of some of theseconversations have been really
just game changing for my ownlife.

Coach U Audio - Coach K Int (07:23):
I'm excited to dive into all of
those game changing moments withyou.
We are going to get to that realquick.
I want to do the impact deck.
And so if you haven't heard ofthe impact deck, it's this cool
little deck of cards and there'sdifferent things, the impact of
actions, reflections, and thenthe last one is affirmations.
So we're going to, we're goingto just draw a random one here
and we're going to see whatcomes up.

(07:44):
Can you commit to solving aproblem that's been bugging you
for a while?
Give yourself a timeline andwhat can you give us an example
of something that maybe you'vebeen trying to problem solve for
a while and how would you goabout committing yourself to
that timeline?

It's funny that the universe brings
you things when you know youneed it.
So I've been struggling for awhile with like my own sense of
routine.
Being on the road.
24 seven.
I literally live if I'm not inmy Nissan Rogue, I'm in Airbnb,
I'm in a hotel, I literally I'min a hotel right now.
Or I'm on someone's couch and Ifeel like a sense of.

(08:21):
Like ungrounding, if that makessense.
I just feel like I have apersonal foundation, like my
business foundation, like that'sfine.
I miss having a breakfast that'snot in a to go cup.
I just, I miss being able to belazy with a cup of coffee, and I
understand how long it takes tobuild a habit.
I understand, like I being inthe mental performance world, I

(08:42):
get all of that stuff.
I am so much better at teachingit than I am at doing it.
And yesterday was a big day ofKrystina, you gotta start
practicing what you preachbecause my, I feel like a bit
chaotic right now.
Yeah, committing to, setting upshop somewhere for the next two
to three months and just gettingback to the things that are

(09:03):
important to me which I didn'tthink were important until they
were taken away from me.
So now I know I'm not so much ahomebody, but I'm definitely
somebody who values a sense ofroutine and I need to get, I
need to get back to that.

Coach U Audio - Coach K Inter (09:18):
I think it's so important that you
brought that up too withroutine.
It's something, even mentalperformance coaches, strength
training coaches personaltrainers, Everyone goes through
the ruts and the difference ebbsand flows in their life and
having that structure of themain things you can always fall
back on, whatever those thingsare, it's so important because
that helps keep you, like yousaid, grounded, like you felt
ungrounded.

(09:38):
And I think that's just such aclutch thing to talk about.
So I'm glad you brought that up.
So let's move on to mentalperformance.
Just straight up mentalperformance first is a big topic
obviously in a nutshell.
What is it?
What do you describe it as?

So when I talk with People about
mental performance.
I talk about how you performmentally, right?
So literally just take the twowords.
Let's not make it, complicated.
It's.
The thoughts you think becomethe words you speak, the words
you speak the actions you do.
And it really does start in thehead.
I will say that in my studiesover the last three years, I

(10:18):
have realized that mentalperformance is so much more than
just mental.
Like it obviously also involvesyour physicality, socially and
emotionally that plays such abig role into mental
performance.
But the gist of mental is how doyou show up every single day?
And how do you get through notjust the hard times, but also
the good times and the easytimes, mental performance is not

(10:41):
just for when you're struggling.
Mental performance is all day,every day, 24, 7, 3 65.
So I, a lot of athletes, when Iwork with some athletes one on
one, I feel like sometimes Ionly get called when things are
going wrong.
And it's I want athletes torealize, because like me, I'm no
longer an athlete.
I was an athlete.

(11:01):
I did that.
I'm 39 and I will say mentalperformance.
For me, it's like my number onepriority in my own life as I
walk through, every single day Iwake up and it's I'm just very
aware of my thoughts.
I'm aware of my feelings.
And I feel like the stuff that Iget to do with athletes and,
coaching staffs and athleticdepartments.

(11:22):
It's stuff that I do in myeveryday life.
I'll probably refer this wordseveral times today, but it's
been a game changer.
And that's why game changers is,that's why I named my business
game changers, because I want tohelp athletes.
I just, I want to help humans,right?
Like you could be an athlete,you could be a coach and be a
parent.
I want some form of my contentto help you realize Oh, like I

(11:44):
could do that.
And then it's like that lightbulb moment.
So when I work with whoever itis I'm working with, I want
mental performance to be the,like the aha mental, like the
light bulb moment, the, this isgoing to change my game, or this
is a game changer.
And it could be the littlestthing.
It could be a routine of things.
It could be a series of things,but I definitely want, I want

(12:04):
mental performance to besomething that helps people
perform in their everyday lives,not just in the gym, on the
field, on the court.
It just for life,

Why is it in your opinion?
And what have you seen it be tobe effective?
Why is it so effective?

we're now giving people space to
realize that, like what they'rethinking it's what they're
thinking is plausible, right?
I don't know about you, but Igrew up in the time where it was
like a lot of like mentaltoughness was mental
performance, right?
Like you just sucked it up.
And although I feel like attimes that was great.

(12:44):
Now, looking back I really wishsomebody would have just,
Allowed me to feel that allowedme to think that allowed me to
be in it.
And then allow me to movethrough it because, being in, in
my late thirties now, it's like,there's a lot of repressed
emotions, and, or a lot ofthoughts where it's like, Oh, I
shouldn't be thinking that.
And a lot of like judgmentalthoughts I like of myself.
And I feel like I got into thespace because I no longer wanted

(13:06):
to be that judgmental version ofmyself where I was judging
myself.
Judging myself for having a hardday, judging myself for having a
rest day, judging myself formaking mistakes.
Instead, I want to be More likein, in that curiosity, accepting
space.
And then, once you're curiousabout, what you're thinking or

(13:26):
what you're feeling.
And once, once you accept it,it's then you can just move
through it because it's a, it'ssomething that you experienced.
It's not the be all end all.
So I feel like it's effectivebecause.
It allows people to, to feellike, Oh, like I'm normal.
This is normal.
And let me just work through it.
But I feel like the more we haveconversations about it, the more
people be like, Oh it's likethat connective piece.

(13:47):
It's Oh, you feel like that too?
Or some of my most favoriteconversations or witnessing of
conversations when I work withteens, it's like kids or
athletes look at each other andthey're like, Oh, I didn't know
you felt that way.
And it's boom, we've just openedup.
This whole world where it's likewe can connect with each other
and we can empathize andsympathize and see people for
who they are, which is like freethinking, free feeling human

(14:10):
beings.
And then it allows us to, tohelp each other like work
through those hard times andshare those experiences.
So I think it's, I think rightnow the mental performance world
is like booming.
Cause everyone's looking forthat next thing.
And I do feel like sometimes itgets that stigma of a quick fix.
And I'm here to say Oh, it isnot once you dive into mental

(14:32):
performance, it is.
Ever evolving every single day,you learn new things every
single day.
You're like, Oh my God, I didn'teven realize that.
And I think that it brings youon such a path of like
enlightenment and like the bestway possible.
But it's hard.
And I feel like in this spacethat we're in right now, a lot
of people are just looking forthe easy things.

(14:54):
And don't get me wrong.
I look for easy too.
That's what humans do, right?
The quick fix, the instantgratification.
Yeah.
But I feel like when mentalperformance training is truly
effective, it's something that'spracticed and preached daily.

You mentioned the old school
mentality of, that, suck it up,get it done.
Let's ignore the feelings, let'signore what's going on
internally.
Do you see any merit to anypiece of that being a part of
mental performance versus whatwe're doing?
What's more accepted now interms of we're, like you said,
we're open we're allowing space.

(15:29):
Do you see any benefit?
versus the other.

I feel like it's all about
perspective.
Like I'm never here to tellsomebody that they can or cannot
do something.
Either they can or they can't dosomething.
I never want to be the personthat says something's right or
wrong, because I feel likeunless you walked in someone's
shoes, like you don't reallyknow.
So for some people likesuppressing it in the moment and
being like, toughing, tougheningit out.

(15:56):
Maybe that works for them.
But for me, I will say growingup, I wish I could have
expressed my feelings a littlebit more and I wish I could have
explored that.
And I wish I could have justbeen okay with being sad or
being angry instead of being sojudgmental about it.
I always tell kids, I'm not abeliever that there's good
choices and bad choices outthere.

(16:16):
I think that there are choicesand paths.
So you're going to make achoice.
You're going to walk back.
If that path serves you, if youlike what is going down that
path, if that path is bringingyou joy, then stay on that path.
But if it's not, instead ofgetting judgmental and angry and
shut down, you have to make adifferent choice.
And that goes back to likewhere, when you pulled your, the

(16:37):
action card earlier, action isso difficult for people.
And I feel like mentalperformance gives you the
pathway to make those choices,or it gives you the guidance to
make those choices.
It makes choices more like itmakes choices appear more to
you.
The choices that you can make,whether you make them or not,
like that's free will.

(16:57):
Like you, you, may never, youmay know the choice that you
have to make, but you can neverphysically do it.
So I feel mental toughness, likepeople who are like, really want
to be tough about it.
If that works for you, then doit.
Like you're going to figure itout somewhere along the line,
whether or not it helped you orhurt you.
Whether it was, an asset foryour athletic career or a

(17:19):
liability for your athleticcareer.
And only each individual personcan make that call.
But I will say the one thingthat I love seeing nowadays is
all of these professional andlike these Olympian athletes
coming out with mindfulness andbreath work and meditation and
like going to therapy and it'slook at what it's doing for

(17:40):
them.
And now I'm not going to sayit's, that's, it's going to do
that for everybody.
But as somebody who goes totherapy, as somebody who does
breath work, as somebody whodoes engage in those activities,
I know that like when I have tomake really tough choices and
when I'm in the thick ofadversity and I feel like, the
world is crumbling around me.
If I could just tune into thosecoping mechanisms, I'm much more

(18:04):
likely to come out on the otherside.
Feeling calm or feeling likeempowered that I can make a
choice.
But before I knew all thesecoping skills, like I literally
would just feel like the worldis ending and I would be
paralyzed in making a So Ithink, people are going to do
what they want to do always atthe end of the day.
But if we could just put someinformation out there, you know,

(18:28):
information is the key, right?
So I think everybody gets tomake their own choice of what
they want to do.
But the more information outthere, the better it's going to
be for athletes trying to, movethrough some of these, this
discomfort and some of thethings that they experience.

You said about judgment of yourself.
So you no longer wanted to judgeyourself for having the feelings
and the thoughts.
When it comes to judgment ofyourself, when it comes to the
thoughts and the feelings thatgo on internally, I think it's,
I go through it too because it'swow, did I really just think
that?
Or do I think that of myself orwhere that thought come from?

(19:03):
How does it affect you?
And how have you seen it helpothers to talk about being self
judging in a, like a negativelight?

So I think this, I discovered this
like early on, like when Istarted therapy, years ago,
where I was very judgmental ofmyself.
And it was always a question formy therapist.
She's do you realize that you'reso judgmental?
And I'm just like, I'm notjudgmental.
This is just how I am.
And she's Oh, Sweetie, no, thisisn't how you are.
This is a learned behavior.

(19:33):
So it's like you, you then haveone of those out of body
experiences where you startgoing back and you're like, when
did I become this way?
And listen, I grew up in aloving home, a loving family,
but yeah, I grew up in thedaughter of a football and a
wrestling coach.
Feelings were not allowed to befelt.
And no shade to my father.
It just, that was, I think as anadult, I also look at like how,

(19:54):
like my parents were brought up,and like how their parents were
brought up.
So it's being curious and nolonger judgmental, you take the
blame off of other people.
And I think that we live in aworld where it's being a victim
is way easier than being a hero.
So when you're judgmental ofyourself or you're judgmental of

(20:16):
your thoughts, or you'rejudgmental of your feelings.
It's easy to blame what you'reexperiencing on external
circumstances.
So for me, it was like, I wasunhappy and I was unhappy with
my teaching career.
I just wasn't in a goodposition.
I was a teacher for 15 years.
I think I started therapy likearound the year of 13.
I was really unhappy.

(20:37):
In my space, I had likeadministrators that I didn't
agree with.
I had co like the normal stuff.
And you just start judgingyourself Krystina, you shouldn't
be feeling this way.
Or Oh, wow.
Like maybe what they do sayabout me is true.
And it's no, like when youbecome curious, you become aware
of what's going on.
And it's so for me, I will say,that helped me way in the
beginning was when I reallywanted to shift from judgment to

(20:58):
curiosity.
It was, there was threequestions I would ask myself.
And it was first it was likerecognizing, am I being
judgmental right now?
And sometimes that's all thequestion was like, Krystina, are
you being judgmental right now?
Or is like a serious situationthat we need to like deep dive
into.
And if it was a serious thingthat I need to deep dive into,
then I would challenge it.
So if it was a thought, it was,my, my go to's were like, is

(21:22):
this fact or fiction?
Am I making this up or didsomebody actually speak this to
me?
Is this helping me or is thishurting me?
And I feel like that one is areally big one I use with
athletes because just becausesomething has helped is.
Helpful or just something istrue doesn't mean it's helpful
in the moment, right?
So it's if you're struggling, ifyou're like a, I don't know

(21:44):
we'll take like a footballplayer, if you're a quarterback,
if you're struggling throwingthe ball right now, yeah, that's
like a fact, but is it helpfulright now, like in the moment to
dwell on it?
No.
So it's you have to be able toshift out of that.
So for me and like my ownfeelings, my own thoughts, it's
like, all right just becauseit's true, like the
circumstances might be true.
It doesn't mean that thinkingthis way is helping me.
It's actually hurting me.

(22:04):
So then the last was likereplacing it.
So replacing the thought withsomething that's going to be a
little bit more helpful.
And I am not a fan of going fromnegative to positive.
I'm, I cannot do it.
My brain is too smart.
It doesn't believe me.
So if I think like I suck.
It, I can't just fake it till Imake it and say, Oh, I'm
awesome.
Cause my brain's but you're notawesome right now.

(22:26):
I've adapted early on thisconcept of going from negative
to neutral something that I dowith all my athletes is
something that I do with myself,like personally, if I'm having a
negative thought or I'm having anegative experience in order to
shift out of that, I have to getcurious about what is actually
like a fact or like a neutralstatement that I could stay in
this moment that like my brainand body will get on board with.

(22:49):
So instead of I suck, I could belike, I'm having a difficult
time right now.
And that's a neutral statement.
And then from that neutralstatement, what's the next
neutral statement that I cansay?
Maybe I should seek out somebodywho has done this before, or
maybe I need to go journal.
You know what?
Maybe I'm frustrated.
Krystina, are you feelingoverwhelmed right now?
Maybe you need to shut down thecomputer and go for a walk.

(23:09):
And it's just, I will say threeyears ago, like those thoughts
weren't even in my brain.
I wasn't able to redirectmyself, but now doing what I do
and talking about these thingsthat I talk about on a daily
basis, I'm able to move throughthat.
So it's if I'm able to do thatat 39 years old, and I've got
all these years of pre,conditioned thoughts in my

(23:32):
brain, then a young athlete, oreven like an older coach, this
is possible, it's just about.
Trying to get curious about, isthis really like where I want to
live, right?
Something that today's world Idon't know if, today's like
world mental health day.

Coach U Audio - Coach K Inte (23:49):
Is it really today?

today.
Yep.

That's pretty amazing that we scheduled
it for today.
That's

I know I didn't even, honestly, I
opened up Instagram and likeeveryone's posting about it and
I was like, Oh, my sweet.
So it's,

I normally only know about
National Donut Day.

only the fun ones, right?
Yeah, I get you.
So with like mental health Ijust totally lost my thought
because now I'm thinking aboutdonuts.
I'm like, wait, national donutday.
I really do that day.
Sorry.

I can make a comment in while
you're.
You're thinking, becausecuriosity saved me

Yeah.

hundred percent saved me.
And that's what this wholepodcast is about being curious
and learning from others.
And, I even say it in the open,like it's about using your
experiences and learning fromothers and just realize we all
go through the same thing everysingle day.
You'll go through it in yourway.
I go through it in my way.
We all have the traumas that wewere, raised with and that were
passed down from generation togeneration.
And that generational trauma ismore prevalent than we know

(24:45):
until you really take a stepback.
And like you said, it's likethat curiosity really erases the
judgment and the negativityaround it.
And I can look at things moreobjectively For instance, a
really quick example is when Istarted training high school
kids again, I was in a highschool.
I hadn't been in a high schoolin that setting around other
kids since I was 18.

(25:05):
And I'm 35 and I'm like, why amI feeling like I'm in high
school again?
Why are all these insecurethoughts coming up?
Why are all these weird thoughtscoming up?
I had to go home and examinethose things because I was like,
that's weird.
But I didn't judge myself forit.
I didn't play that victim roleor, obviously, I don't know how
you would play a victim role inthat scenario, but, when you
play that victim role, when youcontinuously paint that
narrative, it's, You're thentaking the world and going the

(25:28):
world's against me.
Now I'm down.
Now I'm down here.
So you believe that self talkputs you in that position all
the time.
So you believe it.
If you constantly are livingthat and you're not just taking
a step back to take a breath andbe curious and nonjudgmental, I
think you're putting yourself ina huge disadvantage.
And like you said, there's, youhave the choice, you have the
actual choice to change thatyour actions.

(25:50):
There's not good choices and badchoices.
If you're curious and you startto follow a path and you don't
like it.
Get off of it.
Choose something else.
I love that the judgmental, thevictim role, like all those
things.
I think those are huge topicsthat we, our generation has, I
think, started uncovering overthe past couple years, over the
past decade, and it'scontinuously growing and I just

(26:12):
love hearing about that.

I will say, so something that
comes to my mind, once you getinto this space where you're
being more curious and you arejudgmental, you can ask more
questions than you can shutyourself down.
So questions that like Inaturally arise to, the helpful
versus hurtful, the fact versusfiction, but also like difficult

(26:34):
versus detrimental.
And I know that we've talkedabout this before, allowing
yourself to really look at asituation and say, is this a
difficult situation?
And like odds are, yeah, sportsare difficult, life is
difficult.
You're going to go through somereally uncomfortable times and
you have to take that step backand say, is this.

(26:56):
Difficult and uncomfortable oris this detrimental and I need
to get out and I need to getsome help But sometimes like our
difficult, those difficultmoments are the moments that are
shaping us, right?
They're the moments that aremaking us aware of either
something needs to change Weneed to push through we need to
power through and I think I'mreally big thing Nowadays is

(27:18):
that, I feel like less and lesswe are dreaming.
Or like seeing the futurewithout nowadays like you open
up Instagram or you open up TikTOK and you see everything.
I feel like there's less likedreaming about Oh, what could
be, because there's so much outthere that like, you have all
these pictures that are beingpainted in your head.

(27:39):
So it's for athletes, it's likereally just understanding that.
You're never gonna know what'son the other side of hard unless
you go through it.
And that's the mostuncomfortable feeling ever
because nobody wants to beuncomfortable.
Nobody wants to fail.
Nobody wants to mess up.
Nobody wants to be made fun of.
But on the other side of hard ishope.

(28:02):
And, but you have to have thathope.
You have to have the hope andsay, you know what, I'm gonna go
through this.
And whatever's on the other sideis either meant for me or meant
to teach me.
So a lot of athletes avoidfailure and we avoid the
uncomfortable, but it's in theDiscomfort that we find like

(28:22):
what we're made for and what'smeant for us.
And I often say how do you knowit's what you want unless you go
and get it, or how do you knowit's not what you want?
How do you know that on theother side of that hard, isn't
like the biggest life lessonthat's gonna, launch you into
something else.
I'm gonna tell you right now,everything that has led me to
this point right here has beenso difficult.

(28:43):
And, I often catch myselflooking back because three years
ago, like this wasn't my lifefive years ago.
This was not my life.
And it's, I went through somereally dark, hard times.
And it's it brought me here.
And it's I had to go throughthat to learn those lessons.
And those lessons sucked.
I'm not saying that they weregreat lessons, but it's if
you're open, if you're morecurious, I no longer judge my

(29:06):
past because of what happened.
I'm more of Oh, yep.
I can see that like that doorslammed shut because I wasn't
closing it.
Or that happened to me because Ikept on repeating the same
thing.
And, I tell athletes all thetime if you always do what
you've always done, you'realways going to get what you've
always got.
You can't wish to get somethingnew.
If you're not going to changeyour actions, Everything's going

(29:28):
to remain the same.

I often think about it like a
snake shedding skin every time Igo through a hard time because
like you said, it buildscharacter.
It just like with, buildingmuscle, like if you don't put
the inputs in, it's not going togrow.
It's the same thing with yourbrain, same thing with your
mindset.
You can take any script and flipit and make it something that's

(29:52):
understandable for you to take astep back and be like I said, be
objective about it.
It's, it takes the feelings outof it and not in a bad way where
you're ignoring your feelings.
Yeah.
I don't think you should ignorethe feelings, I love stoicism.
So it's very in that stoic wayof, Hey what's actually going on
here?
Let's just talk about it.
So now I'm not in a stressedheightened mindset about making
a decision or having to changeeverything.

(30:14):
My heart rate's going up likecrazy and then I'm worried.
And then it leads into the nextthing and I move faster and then
I knock this over and then itbreaks up.
You know what I mean?
Like that, that it's like adomino effect.
I love everything you've talkedabout so far.
I love this topic.
I could talk about this all day.
What is the biggestmisconception about mental
performance?
Yeah.

Kristyna Bertolone Audio an (30:35):
And I will say not to point out
anybody, but I get it a lot frommen.
And I get it a lot from oldercoaches that don't coddle them.
Don't baby them.
And I get it because theirgeneration, it, this was not
allowed.
And like it, you weren't allowedto have these conversations and
it makes people superuncomfortable.

(30:56):
And to this day, like I walkinto rooms and, I.
Do activities with athleteswhere it's like we set up for
the day.
And I asked them like what aretheir fears?
And a lot of them are liketalking about their emotions.
And I'm just like, Ooh, you'renot gonna like me today, but I'm
aware of that and I'm aware thatit's an uncomfortable thing for
other people.
But I also know that the morevulnerable and the more open

(31:18):
that I get with athletes, Themore the door opens for them to
either do it in that moment,because let's be real, sometimes
I'm with a team for two or fourhours, right?
So it's I got one shot to getin, make an impact and then I
leave.
So how do I do that withouttotally opening up and being
vulnerable?
So no stories are off the table.

(31:39):
I'm very much an open book.
What is what you get.
And I want.
To be the example that you canopen up, you could pour your
heart out if you want to, andthat's the way you connect, like
vulnerability is the way to, togain strength growing up.
Vulnerability was seen as aweakness, right?
Crying was seen as a weakness,expressing your emotions in a,

(32:04):
in a way that like, wasn't veryladylike or mature, right?
Like I see, like I'll be likeout shopping And I'll see like a
parent be like, Oh is that agood choice or a bad choice?
Or is that how you're supposedto behave?
And it's I wish that we wouldjust have more conversations
about like, why are we doing,like, why is that kid acting
that way?
Or why is this athlete shuttingdown?
Or why does this kid always getred carded, right?

(32:26):
It's the emotions.
We're just not allowing them to.
Understand that they're normaland that we just have to work
through them, but I wish peoplewould be a little bit more.
And I will say that I work with,I have worked with some amazing
coaches.
All over the United States,virtually and in person where
there's coaches that like wantthis, where it's this is like

(32:48):
the missing piece for them.
And I think it's like, those arethe coolest conversations.
And then there's some othercoaches who like, could care
less.
It's I'm a box that they couldjust check off.
It's oh yeah, we brought insomebody to talk about mental
performance, or like we broughtsomebody in to talk about mental
health.
And at the end of the day I'mnot Like I'm not a sports
psychologist.
I'm not a therapist.
I'm not a mental healthpractitioner.
Like I, I'm, I know that I amnot any of those.

(33:14):
So like when a coach is just Ohyeah, we need like a mental
health speaker.
I'm just like, there's a millionother people that you could
bring in.
But that's not just what I do.
Like I talk about, obviouslymental performance is like this
huge umbrella that so manythings fall, but like leadership
team culture, like they fallunderneath that mental
performance because again, howyou perform mentally leadership,

(33:34):
how you perform mentally teamculture, how you perform
mentally.
So I wish people would be moreopen into understanding that
it's not just like this box.
Like mental performance is just,it's literally how you show up
and how you live your day to daylife.
But yeah the coddling and thebabying I wish, and I do see it
less and less, and I do knowthat we're moving in a direction

(33:56):
where our athletes understand itright with every generation
coming up, they have newinformation, so hopefully one
day that misconception will beout of here.
But yeah, that's probably thebiggest one right now.

I think we're on our way.

For sure.

Coach U Audio - Coach K Inte (34:11):
So how does mental performance
affect physical performance?

There used to be a saying and I used
to use it a lot and it was like,your thoughts become your words
become your actions, right?
It all starts in your head.
I know now that the missingpiece to that is it starts in
your, like in your gut first, itstarts with your feelings.
So feelings affect thoughts,affect words, affect action.
So how you feel about yourself,how you feel, whether you feel,

(34:38):
and I chalk it up to, do youfeel safe or unsafe?
And not in the literal sense,right?
Like you're not being chased bya lion, but do you feel safe to
make mistakes?
Do you feel safe to take risks?
Do you feel safe that yourteammates have your back?
Do you feel safe that you'renot, after a hard loss, you're
not going to get like belittledand badgered, right?

(34:59):
That those are like, that's likeall people want to feel safe in
their spaces.
So I think, when we feel safeand when we feel valued and when
we feel accepted, we're going todo a little bit more because we
know that we've got the supportthat we need around us.
Same thing goes for, if I, if Ifeel it, I think it, I speak it

(35:22):
right.
So if I'm feeling safe, then I'mgoing to be speaking life, like
not just to myself, but likemaybe to my teammates, I'm going
to be lifting up other people.
I'm going to be prone to be moreoptimistic.
I'm going to have moregratitude.
And then my actions are going tofollow suit.
So think about like unhappypeople.
When you see unhappy people,it's written all over their body

(35:43):
and like body language, theirfacial expressions, right?
Like happy people, safe people,motivated people, like you could
just.
Go stand at a Walmart and justgo start looking at people.
Unfortunately that is a littlebit like judgy, but like you can
see on the outside what peopleare feeling on the inside.
So I think if somebody wantsthat, to be a top peak

(36:03):
performer, it's not that youhave to do all of this stuff,
it's just start assessing theenvironments that you're walking
into and assessing the peoplethat you're surrounding yourself
with.
And are they people that are inyour corner uplifting you?
And and never to, to sure.
I don't want peoplesugarcoating, right?
Like we don't want people to belike, Oh, you got it, sweetie.

(36:24):
Like you're great when you'rereally sucking.
But you have people that aregoing to be honest with you.
Do you have people that aregoing to say, Hey, you're not.
Pulling your weight or, Hey, weneed more from you.
Listen, I was I was a captain.
I was a pitcher and, in college,it's sometimes you get to turn
around to your teammates and belike, Hey, shake it off.
I need you.
And like the same thing would gofor me if I was having a bad

(36:45):
game and I was like, Oh, whatwas me and my teammates were
like suck it up.
Like in this moment, we need youright now.
And it's I this mentalperformance piece to be the
thing that helps people getthrough the hard now.
And it's something that I think,the more that we, the more that
we really pay attention to themental piece and then, go even a

(37:07):
step further to the emotionalpiece, like what you're thinking
and feeling on the inside,you're going to be able to push
through those hard times.
Or you're going to be able toacknowledge this is really hard
right now, but it doesn'tdeserve my attention.
So it's if I make a mistake, Iwant my men, like my mental
state.
I want it to be like, okay, it'snot about the mistake.

(37:28):
It's about what happens next.
But people that don't feel safein their space fear the mistake,
and they might not even make themistake, which means that I'm
going to take risk or take achance.
So it's identifying that, thismental piece is really helping
people push through.
Or, I work with a lot ofathletes who are, they don't
like being emotional on thefield, right?

(37:50):
Emotions happen.
We have to stop suppressingthem.
They come out.
Same thing with like ego.
A lot of young athletes I workwith are like, ah, I hate when
my ego comes out.
And I know.
That their ego is just a part ofthem that doesn't feel safe.
What is that ego thinking?
What is he feeling?
What is the ego making you do?
And it's if we weren't open tothose conversations, that kid
would consistently be frustratedby his or her ego and they would

(38:13):
never get to.
Be the athlete that like is ableto take chances and take risks
and not be defined by theirmistakes, but be defined about
their, by their bounce backs ornot be defined because, maybe
they're not starting or theycan't get a drill or a skill.
And it's like mentalperformance.
It's like that.

(38:34):
I think like your mindset islike that direct link to like
the amount of effort you put in.
So it's if you feel like you'rein a safe space and you truly
care about what you're doing.
At the end of the day you'regonna be able to push through
some hard times.
Is it gonna be difficult forsure, but you're gonna be able
to do it.

you have to try, like you said,
without trying, you're not goingto know what it's like.
And if you don't know what it'slike, you're going to be scared
because you don't know what it'slike.
And even if you quote unquotefail or whatever the heck that
means, you, like you said,everything that you've done in
your life has led you to thispoint right now.

(39:15):
And a good friend of mine, thissaying has always stuck with me,
but all of your life creditstransfer.
It doesn't matter what you do.
Your life credits will transfer.
I've worked in retail sales andYou know what?
That's helped me talk to people.
That's helped me understandcommunication and conversation.
And I was in retail sales wherecustomer service had to be a

(39:36):
thing.
So their stress levels and itwas AT& T for phones.
So you can imagine people comingin for phones and being like,
Hey, I need a new one.
Oh, what do you mean?
I have to pay X amount ofdollars.
So it's you have to understand,Hey let's calm down.
Let's have a conversation.
You have to learn those things.
And so all of the things thatyou do, if you don't try, if you
don't move, you're never goingto grow.
And in order to grow, you haveto go through some pains.

(39:57):
You have to.
But I'm curious about you toyour thoughts on this about
being able to sit with yourfeelings, like you said, and
still be present.
So if someone is benched becauseyou really want to play, you
feel like, no, you should bestarting, but someone else got
played over you.
All right, you can bedisappointed, you can be upset,

(40:17):
you can be pissed off, but don'tlet that take away from your
character.
Don't let that take away fromyour decisions.
So what do you, how do you helpyour not just athletes, but how
do you help your people withthat thought process?

So it, it comes down to like, how
are we gonna cope in the moment,right?
Having these coping skills it'skinda having a little toolbox
and you're gonna pull some toolsoutta your toolbox.
So a lot of the tools that Irecommend for those moments is,
I do controlling thecontrollables, I do identifying
your uncontrollables andcreating a response for them.
I do a lot about turning yourreactions into responses,

(40:53):
recognizing what are the momentsthat you react in that you don't
love.
So many athletes are like, but Ilike sometimes when I react like
that.
I never talked about I neverwant you to change the things
that are working for you, but ifyou, let's say that you're
notorious for talking back torefs, that's a reaction, right?
That is a reaction in themoment.
And you talking back to yourrefs is getting you carded.

(41:15):
And if you, if that is anundesired result, then you have
to recognize that this reactionis not serving me.
And I need to do somethingdifferent in order to a more
desired result.
So it's turning your reactionsinto responses.
So it's okay, in the moment whenI am disagreeing with a ref,

(41:35):
what do I want to do instead?
And I often ask athletes to dothis, Off of the field in their
journals, before you got to thefield, like it's like a pregame
ritual.
Start thinking about all thethings that essentially quote
unquote piss you off and startcreating responses.
It's not, you're not just goingto automatically do it, but

(41:55):
you're training your brain tosay, Hey, in this moment, This
is what we want to do instead.
The best story I have is toexplain this is I was working
with a coach once who was a veryreactive coach and he was very
emotional when it came to notgetting calls.
And he was a little bit of aclipboard thrower.
So what we did, Oh, and hebrought me in to work with his

(42:16):
team and his team was reactiveand he was like, I need them to
be less reactive.
So I went and I watched one gameand I was like, Bro, they're
reactive because you're reactiveand didn't want to hear it.
No, it's not me.
And I'm just like, 100 percentthey would not react that way.
If you weren't doing it first.
So in my head, I knew I had toencourage him to take the steps

(42:39):
in the direction of change.
So what we did was I put a postit on his clipboard.
And anytime a ref made a call,that was like one that he
disagreed with.
He had to put it on that postit.
So instead of yelling at theref, he had to put it on the
post it.
And then at halftime, he wouldlook at the post it and see the
calls that we were not getting.

(42:59):
Are there any, connections?
Are there repeated calls thatwe're not getting?
Is somebody getting a call toomuch?
And use that as your halftimetalks.
And it took a few games, but thekids started like reminding him
to write on his post it whenthey didn't get a call.
And then at halftime, peoplewere like, Hey coach, am I on

(43:19):
your post it?
So it took a life of its own,but like sometimes you have to
just try things, right?
So for him, it's I'm not, Idon't want you to stop being
reactive.
I don't want you to stop beingmad, but is that helping you?
No.
So what can we do in that momentinstead?
And that's what I do withathletes on a daily basis.
It's just becoming curious andaware of what are you doing?

(43:43):
Do you like it?
Is it helping you?
Is it serving you?
And to remember that at the endof the day, life comes down to
things we can and cannotcontrol.
And when we cannot controlsomething like another human,
like playing time, referees, theother team, you We can't control
other humans, but we caninfluence other humans based on

(44:04):
how we show up in the moment.
So is my reaction influencingsomething to go in, in my
direction or out of mydirection?
It, is it going to be somethingthat is going to help me or my
team, or is it going to besomething that ultimately is
going to hurt my team?
So a lot of just planning.
And I always, I'm a big fan ofbeing proactive when, you're

(44:27):
going to be reactive.
I'm a very emotional person.
I will say over the last fewyears, it has gotten to a point
where I'm very aware of thethings that I react to.
And though that's the spacewhere it's I journal about those
things.
I write those things down.
I've got like PDFs that I giveto the athletes.
I use them too.
And it's okay, I don't like theversion of me that shows up in

(44:48):
this moment.
How do I change that?
And that's all done through,obviously it's rewiring of your
brain.
It's, Developing new habits.
It's giving your brain and yourbody a chance to connect.
And that's what mindfulnessdoes.
That's what visualization does.
Like all of these tools that weare, all these mental
performance coaching tools thatwe're giving athletes, it's

(45:10):
really coping skills of how toget through really tough times
in the moment.
And, going back to what you saidabout playing time, when you're
benched and like being upset,100 percent be upset.
But I always ask athletes, isyou being upset in that moment,
helping you or hurting you?
And if it's hurting you, becauseif coaches looking down the line

(45:30):
and sees you pouting or seesthat you're not engaged and I'm
a coat, I was a coach, I lookeddown that line.
If someone's not payingattention, they're not even on
my radar anymore.
Sorry.
Not even going to give you thechance.
So it's like in that moment, youhave to make a choice and then
that's the path you're walking.
So there's a lot of athletesthat won't make the choice to
change in that moment.

(45:51):
There are different things youcould do to influence a
different result.
It might not change in themoment, but like it will over
time.
And I will say, back to themisconception of mental
performance as it's an easy fix.
We need to understand that like,when we are dealing with things
that are uncontrollable and weonly have influence over them,

(46:12):
it's going to take time andpatience to like work through
these things.

Earlier you mentioned where people can,
you can go stand at a Walmartand look around and just see,
yes, you're judging and to a, toan extent, but like energy is
real energy that people give offis real.
And so if you're an athlete,you're on the bench and you're
pouty or you're Mopi or you'renot showing that like true, that
true passion of, cheering on forwho you're surrounded by.

(46:40):
The coaches will notice that,And it's okay to have that and
use it as fire.
I think that's where I flippedthe switch.
And it was like, when I make amistake, when I, I'm not happy
with something, how am I goingto utilize that energy and turn
it into a positive instead ofallowing that to just
continuously beat me down.
And that's what I think makes abig switch.
And if athletes are able, anyoneis able to do that, any part of

(47:02):
their life, it's so empoweringbecause now you're self
empowering yourself.

Yeah.
I use the quote where yourattention goes, energy flows.
And it's something I use with alot of teams with individuals.
It's like what you payingattention to.
That's the energy that you'resitting in.
So if you're pissed off atsomeone and you are allowing
yourself to stay focused on theperson you're pissed off at,
whether it's a coach or ateammate, that's the energy that
you're giving off.
So if you're mad, if you justgot subbed and you're, Focusing

(47:29):
on, I was just subbed and that'sall what you're focusing on.
That's where you're gonna besitting in.
I was just, so I, obviously Iworked with teams for the last
three or four years.
I think I'm going on four yearsnow, but my very first team that
I had ever worked with was abasketball team in Connecticut.
My best friend is the coach andduring COVID she's can you take
my team and do some stuff withthem?

(47:50):
And I was like, yeah, sure.
And long story short, I was withthem for three years.
And then last year I I steppedaway.
I'm also a big fan of, I wantteams, coaches, kids to do this
and feel empowered and equippedthat they don't need coach K all
the time.
Because When I first started, Iwas like, yeah, I want to work

(48:10):
with teens and I want to be likethe team mental performance
coach.
And then shortly I realized Ilike, it's just like being a
teacher.
I don't, I want to hit, I wantto impact more.
So it's I want to come in, giveyou the tools, leave every now
and then for sure.
Let let's check in, but.
I want you to go out and do itright.
Like I, I love when athletes,message me and it's like, Hey,
like we were struggling and thenwe used your, the PDF you left

(48:33):
us.
And it's yes that's what I want.
So I was back with this team.
It was at my alma mater.
We were there for likehomecoming weekend.
So I popped in into one of theirbasketball sessions and a kid
that was a freshman.
When I first started workingthere, she's now a senior and
she's captain.
I overheard her sharing with herteammates.
Hey, it's not about what we do.

(48:54):
It's about what we do next.
It's not about failing.
It's about what we do after wefail.
And I just was like, and I justlooked at my best friend and I
was like, Dude your impact isit's still here.
And it's funny because the kidsthat I started working with on
that team are no longer there.
So like when it's like the bulkof the team that I worked with
for three years, they're allgraduating gone.

(49:16):
So these seniors who werefreshmen, who only got one or
two years, like one or twoseasons with me, they're now
upperclassmen.
And that's something that Ithink is really impactful and
powerful.
When you work with teams is howare we continuing the education?
How are we, what, like, how arewe leading the legacy?
And it's like creating thatmantra of this is what we do

(49:37):
here, right?
So we don't care like what whatyou used to do at your high
school teams or what you do inyour other teams here.
This is this is how we thinkabout, feel, About, act about
it's just, it's creating thatidentity.
And I, a big thing that I haveteams do in the beginning of the
season or what I recommend theydo is define and dissect the
words that you use on a regularbasis.

(49:59):
So what does failure mean toyou?
What does success mean to you?
So when we get into the grooveand games start happening and
playing time is, it comes and itgoes, if we know how we're going
to define success, And it hasnothing to do with wins and it
has more to do with like cultureand, cohesiveness and, again,
responding to adversity, notreacting to adversity.

(50:21):
Your kids are going to find moresuccess together and then
they're going to focus on thosethings.
And then what you focus on,that's the energy, that's being,
being put into it.
So I just thought it was likethe coolest thing to overhear,
them stressing that Hey, make amistake.
But then don't make the samemistake twice.
So it's not about the mistake.
It's about what you do after themistake.
And it's just yeah, that's life,right?

(50:43):
Learn from it so that you don'trepeat it so that you can grow.
But so many of us don't openourselves up to learning.
We just get so stuck and caughtup in the, I'm not there yet.
I'm not where I want to be.
I keep on messing up.
Nobody values me.
So it's if I'm focused on thatyeah.

(51:04):
Yeah.
You're going to hold yourselfback immensely.
But if I focus on, okay, I justfailed, but what did I learn?
Something I started using a fewyears ago was like, this isn't
happening to me.
This is happening for me.
And I think just those littlemindset shifts to I went through
a divorce before I really doveinto this, this mental
performance world.
And in the beginning it waslike, he left me, I was, I was

(51:26):
left, I'm going through adivorce.
And now through like therapy, Iwas able to be like no.
I experienced a divorce.
This happened for me to teach mesomething.
Am I learning from it?
Or am I just going to stay inthe victim mindset?
Of I'm, sad and lonely.
And so it's I feel like, mentalperformance has so much more to

(51:50):
do with like with life than itdoes just sport.
And I just want athletes andcoaches and teams and whoever to
realize that it's just thoselittle mental shifts.
Those mindset shifts that youcan make on a daily basis,
that's going to redirect yourattention, therefore going to
get different energy, and thenyou're going to be able to move
through things, maybe notquicker, but you're going to

(52:12):
move through things where itmakes a little bit more sense,

Yeah.
And you don't need to be in arush with this stuff.
I think practicing little bylittle is the way to go.
What are some tactics that youcan give to coaches or athletes?
Obviously you're not workingwith everybody right here, but
people listening, if there's acoach listening, if there's an
athlete or a parent listening,what are some things that they
can implement that you havefound very helpful for these

(52:36):
kinds of situations?

I think preparing for the what
ifs, right?
So a lot of people don't.
Take steps in the rightdirection.
Cause we're worried.
What if this happens?
What if this happens?
So addressing the what ifs, Ilike to encourage athletes to
turn your what ifs into when'sSo what ifs is a very
subconscious thought, right?
It's a very unsafe thought.

(53:00):
Like those are like the unsafeworries.
So instead of what, if I make amistake.
Or what if I fail it's when Imake a mistake, when I fail,
because that's inevitable you'regoing to experience it.
We have to stop pretending thatif I just avoid taking chances,
I'm not going to fail, likeyou're going to like life is a
series of like ups and downs, soit's rewording it to when I fail

(53:25):
and then filling in the blankafter that.
So when I fail, how do you wantto show up?
What's the phrase that you wantto say?
What's your go to phrase orwhat's your go to action?
Maybe you're going to take somedeep breaths or maybe, so it's
like just giving them a plan.
I encourage a lot of athletesand teams to create like
routines and rituals.
in place of the negativeexperiences that they know are

(53:47):
going to come up.
So if I know I'm going to befrustrated in this moment,
what's the ritual or the routinethat I'm going to do in that
moment?
So what ifs to when is a greatone.
And again, negative to neutralor what just happened?
What can I do next?
Just really differentiating.
And, I have a lot of likedifferent like visuals that I
use with athletes where it'sPDFs and it's always two

(54:09):
columns.
So it's like the, what ifcolumn, right?
All your, what ifs down and thenthe one column shifted over into
when, and then start writing,what are you going to do when
this actually happens?
And then recently I will sayI've been encouraging athletes
to think about the adding athird column to that.
What if, to when, and addingthe, it won't column.

(54:30):
So instead of or or I won'tcolumn.
So what if I fail when I fail orI won't fail, because if I don't
think that failure is like a, isfailing, then I'm not going to
fail.
So it's I won't fail because nomatter what I'm going to learn
there's the phrase that you needto embed into your brain.

(54:50):
So it's just, it's reallygetting proactive with, again,
going back to the responsesversus the reactions reaction is
very, subconscious, I don't feelsafe.
It's a split second.
It's very emotional.
If I want to change that, I haveto tap into the conscious part
of my brain, which is the brainthat helps me respond.
The brain that helps.
Filter what's happening.

(55:12):
Is this a fact or is thisfiction?
Is this, my emotions or is thislogic?
And it's just preparing yourselffor when you know that things
are going to get tough andthings are going to get hard.
I do this all the time.
What if I mess up when I'mgiving a speaking?
What if I stumble on my wordswhen I'm on a podcast?
And I know that some of thosethings are the worries that I

(55:33):
have, but I also know what I'mgoing to do when I go through
them because of the experiencethat I've had.
So on all the other podcaststhat I've been on that I've
stumbled on my words or all theother speakings that I've given
that I've had to be like, wait,I lost my train of thought.
And kids just people just lookat you and they laugh.
Yeah.
If that's the worst thing that'sgoing to happen, I'm going to
survive.

(55:53):
But like I've had to experienceit to know what I'm going to do
next time it happens.
And I think that we avoid thatso much and it's uncomfortable.
I understand not saying any ofthis shit is easy, but the more
you do it, Like the more youtake risks, the more you realize
that on the other side of thatrisk is The more you put
yourself out there, right?

(56:14):
The more you date more peoplelike, go on dates, the more you
apply for jobs, it gets easierover time, but it really doesn't
get easier.
You just adapt to it.
And that's the thing that wewant these athletes to learn is
that it's not one day all of asudden this shit gets easier.
It's, Oh, like we're teachingour brain that it's not scary.

(56:36):
And that we're actually safe.
And it's just, becomingproactive with, how we want to
show up in that moment.

Yeah, I have one of my favorite
slogans for my brand is fail,learn, evolve, because it is a
constant evolution of ourselves.
I'm not the same person I waslast year or yesterday.
I've learned something everysingle day.
I try to and examine and askmyself, am I proud of how I did
today?
And if I say, no, it's not a,you're terrible.

(57:05):
It's more like, all right whatdo you want to do better?
That's going to make you feelmore proud of how you're
carrying yourself.
There's going to be days whenI'm seeing a lot of clients and
there's a ton of traffic, so I'mlater than I needed, I wanted to
be.
So I don't feel good about that.
I'm like, all right, what can Ido?
I know I can't control thetraffic.
Can I maybe control schedulingthem?
15 minutes later and be like,Hey, this is just the reality
right now.
So there's, it's, whereas beforeit was like I'm late all the

(57:28):
time.
I'm going to, this, I'munprofessional.
I'm not good enough.
This isn't my cup of tea.
So which way are you going to gowith it?
And I think that's, it's such a,an important lesson for people
to learn.
Cause it's not just sports like,yeah next play.
That's, To me, that's easy whenit comes to the mental
performance.
But when it comes to life,you're, if you don't play beyond
college, or if you didn't playbeyond high school, you're going

(57:50):
to learn real fast that you needto be pliable mentally.
You need to be pliable.
You need to be, like you said,curious.
You need to be open and you needto be able to take a step back
and just understand what theworld's throwing at you.
Because on any given day, youcan get someone's worst.
You can get someone's best.
You don't know.

(58:11):
And so I think it's just it'sit's just really powerful stuff
that I think we overlook.
And you're right, like thecoddling, it's not coddling.
It's, I think it's, I yeah, I goback to the stoicism.
I think it's examine.
Look.
Take it in.
What does it mean?
How do you feel about it?
Alright back to the drawingboard.
Let's move on.
What'd you learn from it?
Evolve now.

(58:31):
Yeah, I love, I don't know whereI, what the point I was making,
but it was

No, I love that.

that's where I go with it.
Cause I've always enjoyed themental side of things.
And I've learned so much aboutmyself and what I'm capable of.
And you learn how to appreciatethe world.
I don't know if stress has justgone down significantly since
I've been able to do that.
Don't get me wrong.
I have stressful days, but likeyou said, the coping of it, the,
in the moment, Hey, I'mstressed.

(58:56):
I'm not going to rush.
I'm just gonna be like, take adeep breath.
What do I want to do right now?
Put on a podcast.
Maybe I need a, there's a songthat's going to help me feel
better.
Call your mom.
I don't know.
Whatever the, whatever it isthat helps you.
Clear up mentally and maybe justdecompress a little bit.

I think that's important too, is
allowing yourself to go throughthat.
I feel like it goes back to thatjudge, like being so judgmental
that like you need a rest day orthat you need a minute.
I feel like the world that welive in, it's go.
Or, everything for the gram,right?
Like we have to post things, wehave to always record what's
going on.
And that's something that has.
Works for me is just taking thatstep back and saying do I really

(59:35):
need to do this right now?
Or okay, yeah, this is due.
I really need to focus on this,but I am starting to get
stressed.
Like, how do I alleviate that?
And I think.
All humans need to have thetools in their toolbox of what
they're going to do When not iftake the word if out of your
brain So instead of you knowsaying if I get frustrated It's

(59:56):
these are the tools i'm going touse when I get frustrated and
instead of saying if i'moverwhelmed or if i'm anxious
When I'm overwhelmed and whenI'm anxious, I just shared the
other day with a team, thethings I do when I feel
overwhelmed and I feeloverwhelmed a lot lately because
there's just a lot more on myplate.
And again, I'm learning to sayno more.
I know that that's a tool in mytoolbox that I rarely use.

(01:00:18):
It's so hard to say no.
And it's just being.
Okay.
And comfortable in my skin tosay no, but when I feel
overwhelmed, I know the two orthree things that I have to do
to calm myself down.
And some, this athlete was justlike, but how do you know when
to do it?
And I just was like, Oh that'syou don't even know, like when

(01:00:39):
to start implementing thesethings.
And.
It's I don't have all theanswers.
This has been lots of trial anderror.
I've been overwhelmed a lot.
There have been days where it'sI've been consumed with the
overwhelm, but now it's likethrough every overwhelming
moment I have, I'm starting tothink, okay, let me do this.
Is this going to work?
This didn't work.
Okay.
What can I do next time?

(01:01:00):
And again, every single day youwake up, it's a it's a trial and
error.
Every single day it's trysomething.
If it works, stick with it.
If it doesn't work, then.
Pick something new, but it'sbeing okay with trying things
and not getting it on the firsttry.

Coach U Audio - Coach K Inter (01:01:17):
I always think about Einstein when
it comes to this, people wereprobably telling him he's crazy
left and right.
If you let the perceptions andthoughts of other people let you
stop you, you will never findyourself.
How many times did he probablyfail and what he was doing and
trying to figure out somethingso complex and you, we wouldn't
have half of the world andtechnology that we do today

(01:01:40):
without it.
And without the people that camebefore him.
Don't let those.
Those failures, those momentsstop you just continuously take
in.
And it's you're going back tothe drawing board.
If you're an experimenter,that's life is an experiment.
And if you take it on like that,I think it just helps where you
can, I'm an experiment today.
All right, that doesn't work.
I'm going to go back to thedrawing board and see what does

(01:02:01):
work.
Oh, that worked better.
Okay, let's go down that path.
Make the choice to go down thatpath.
And if it doesn't work, get offthe path, do something else.
I

Kristyna Bertolone Audio (01:02:08):
think.
I think too, like we live in aworld where we don't see that,
where, growing up, I feel likewe, we just, we tried things
because we didn't know whatother people were doing.
Cause like we didn't have socialmedia, right?
So it's I feel like we don't seethe trial.
We just see the perfection.
And I think that is like a big.
Just, it's like a big to behonest.

(01:02:30):
It's these athletes, they, it'slike, Oh they got it right away.
Why can't I get that?
Meanwhile, like they're probablyon try 50, but we don't see
that.
I had a mentor early on.
And he's a pretty famous guy.
And I remember he looked at me,we were in person.
I went to go see him speak.
And he looked at me and he goes,do not judge your chapter one on

(01:02:52):
my chapter 31.
And I just was like, yeah.
Because I do, right?
You're on social media, you'reconsuming content, and you don't
know what chapter they're on.
You also don't know anythingreally about their background
unless they pour everything ontosocial media and they're their
most authentic, vulnerableselves.
They're, people keep things tothemselves, and I will say it's

(01:03:14):
something that I personallystruggle with because I a year
ago, I got rid of all socialmedia and I had a pretty good
presence like on my gamechangers one, but my personal
one, I just got rid ofeverything because it was so
overwhelming and it wasconsuming my life.
And to this day, I still don'thave a personal one.
I only have a business onebecause I don't want to add.

(01:03:35):
To the chaos that's on socialmedia, right?
Like I always tell myself whenthe time is right and I'm going
to know when it's right to getback on.
I want to be authentic and Iwant to be vulnerable.
And I already if you look atthrough my content's not
curated.
A lot of my videos are likefirst try videos, or it's I
just, but I get so caught up inlike that.

(01:03:57):
You have to look a certain way.
And I think for me, it was.
Just pulling the plug and justgetting out.
And now it's okay, I only focuson game changers because I want
to put, I want to put contentout daily for athletes and
coaches to go to my page andgrab something, right?
That's literally what I want.
I want game changers, the placethat's what I want it to be.
But like for my own personal,it's I get so caught up in what

(01:04:19):
I should be.
That I knew I did to, until Ifigured that out, I need to take
the pressure off myself ofposting because I don't want to
post just the post and I don'twant to create just to create.
And I will say last year, when Igot off social media, somebody
told me you're frustrated withsocial media because you're
consuming more than you'recreating, and that could not

(01:04:39):
have been more true.
And to this day, I find myselfconsuming more than I create.
And like on those days or weeksor months creating is really
difficult because I'm consumingtoo much.
And I'm like thinking about Ooh,I like this.
Or, Ooh, I want to do that.
And it's sometimes you just haveto like, shut it all down.
And I feel like I can onlyimagine this generation who this

(01:05:03):
is all they know.
At least I can shut it downbecause I know what it's like,
life is like without it.
I can't imagine what it's likebeing on 24 seven.

I go through it too with trying to
post and trying to keep up withit.
And it's you don't, I used tohave so much fun with what I was
doing and I stopped having fun.
And that's when I was stoppedposting as much.
And cause you, like you said, Istarted, became, I started
becoming a little more consumerrather than creator.
And, Consuming is notfulfilling.

(01:05:32):
Creating to me is veryfulfilling and it's a piece of
ourselves.
And I do think you you're right.
You get so overwhelmed with allthe stimulus that you're seeing
from different people and you'relike they're popular.
So I should be doing somethinglike that.
Or, Hey, they've got a ton offollowing.
I should be doing more contentlike this.

Yeah.

Coach U Audio - Coach K (01:05:50):
that's not to say you can't learn from
others or see what they're doingand gather information.
But ultimately you got to comeback to yourself.

Kristyna Bertolone Audio an (01:05:59):
And I feel like that's what like
really honing in on like thismental performance, like for me
as an adult, like being on thisside of it, like I find myself
using my teachings in like myown life.
And it's just, it's yeah, thisgoes so far beyond sport and it
goes so far beyond just, gettinga kid out of a rut or helping a

(01:06:20):
kid make a choice or, getting ateam to be more cohesive.
It's.
It's really like life skills.
Like you're going to constantlyfor the rest of your life,
question things and havefrustrate, like that doesn't go
away.
Everybody experiences it.
And I think with the big thing,there's like a big movement now
is like human over athlete.
And it's yeah, we're using thatbecause we want to humanize

(01:06:43):
people.
We don't humanize people.
Like we look at people, like ifsomebody fumbles, we make fun of
them.
If somebody posts something likewe call them cringe, or if an
athlete doesn't perform well,we're like, Oh they suck.
They're terrible.
But it's they're a human beinglike going through things.
So this big movement right nowof like human over athlete, you
can use that phrase human over,over teacher, human over doctor,

(01:07:07):
right?
We've all got these roles, we'vegot these hats we wear, but at
the end of the day, like we alltake off our hats and we are all
experiencing life the way thatwe're experiencing it, whether
it's similar or it's different,we're all in, different boats,
but the same storm.
Some people have rowboats, somepeople have cruise ships, you
ever hear that saying?
I

Coach U Audio - Coach K In (01:07:26):
not, but I like the

Kristyna Bertolone Audio a (01:07:27):
It's because I think about everyone's
experiencing life, but we allexperience it differently.
So it's like I might beexperiencing my life in a
rowboat.
You might be in a canoe.
Somebody might be in a cruiseship.
Somebody might be in a megayacht.
So it's yeah same water,different boat.
And it's, that for me likealways brought me back down to
like earth.
So whenever I start to idolizesomebody on social media or

(01:07:48):
whenever I start to thinksomebody has it more like
together than I do, I justremind myself that like people
make assumptions based on whatthey see, not what they know.
And honestly there are dayswhere it's I feel like I am not
doing enough or like I'mfailing.
And then I'll get like a DM orI'll see somebody in person.
They're like, Oh my God, you'rekilling it.
And it's I have to remember thatI'm living it and I'm consumed

(01:08:13):
by it.
But from like the outside in,like people are going to have.
Their assumptions and theirjudgments and they're gonna, see
it differently.
So it's like just reallyUnderstanding that we're all
like looking through lifethrough like our different like
lenses.
I like to use the Concept ofeverybody has like different
prescriptions in their eyes,right?

(01:08:33):
So like what I see differentthan what you see So it's like
remembering that and like takinga step back and remembering that
we're all human And we all havedifferent tools in our
toolboxes.
So it's like, what could I pullout to deal with or to use in
this moment that I'm trying todeal with?

Coach U Audio - Coach K Inte (01:08:50):
We talked about team leadership.
We talked about leadership,especially with the coaches and
like seeing how that trickleddown.
We didn't actually, we didn'ttalk about pain stress and
anxiety when it comes to mentalperformance.
Let's talk about that.
So when it comes to pain, orpain, feeling pain, stress, and
anxiety.
How does the mental performance,how does checking in with

(01:09:11):
yourself help with those things?

Kristyna Bertolone Audio and (01:09:14):
I think it goes, it like connects
to that whole difficult versusdetrimental thing, right?
It puts things into a betterperspective.
So if I'm feeling hurt, if I'mfeeling sad, if I've got stress,
if I got anxiety, it's allowingme to, first of all, feel it and
acknowledge that something isbrewing.

(01:09:34):
And I feel like it's when youbecome curious and you've got
this awareness starting to askyourself questions like, where
is this coming from?
What is causing this?
Do I need to take a step away?
Do I need to come back to this?
Can I push through this?
Am I really, maybe am I on thewrong thing right now, and my

(01:09:55):
attention is better usedelsewhere?
I think when you start to getthese coping skills, and you
start to get tools in yourtoolbox, It's, you're going to
start to be able to pull thingsout, but in order to pull things
out, you have to do it.
So a lot of athletes, I'll givethem something to do.
And then the next week they'llbe like, it didn't work.

(01:10:16):
And it's okay.
Like how may.
Days.
Did you focus on it?
Or like, how long did you use itfor?
And listen, sometimes thingsdon't work and that's great.
Let's move on to plan B, right?
We've got a lot of differentplans, but if you want to truly
create a toolbox of tools, youhave to.
Utilize something for aconsistent period of time.
And I like to teach athletesthat it takes the human brain

(01:10:40):
about 28 days to rewire, tostart to rewire a thought, which
is also to create a habit,right?
So when you're creating a habitor you're learning a new tool or
learning a new tip or, a newtrick, you have to let your
brain take its time with it andto recognize that this is
something that we want to do tohelp us.

(01:11:01):
So I link.
The amount of time that it takesfor an athlete to re or a human
to rewire their brain to acollege semester at school.
So 28 days is about your firstmonth at college, right?
So the first month, think aboutwhat you're doing.
You've got a syllabus, you're,starting to listen in on
lectures, you're taking quizzes,you're writing papers, you're

(01:11:23):
reading.
So the 28 day mark is like whenthe brain's Oh, she or he, we've
been seeing this a lot lately.
They want to keep it.
And what happens is from 28 daysto 90 days, Your conscious part
of your brain that's taking inall this new information is
going to throw this informationinto the back of your brain,

(01:11:44):
which is your subconscious partof your brain, where the
subconscious is going to, it'sgoing to start to become like
habitual, right?
That's where our habits, ourrituals and our routines are, is
our, in our subconscious part ofour brain.
Cause we don't have to thinkabout it.
So I think about like, when youbrush your teeth every morning,
like, When you're a little kid,you got to be reminded, but now
as an adult, like it's somethingthat you just do.
Same thing with driving a car.
I don't have to think about itanymore because I've been doing

(01:12:05):
it for so long.
So 28, 28 to 90 days, and thenthink about college semester at
the end of 90 days.
College expects you to takefinal and they expect you not to
cheat on that final because theyexpect all that information to
be in your sub notches, like inthe back part of your brain.
So when it comes to learning acoping skill, a habit, a tool, a

(01:12:25):
trick, I like to link it toadopting a dog to kids.
So are you going to adopt 12dogs day one?
Because that shit is chaos,right?
You adopt 12 dogs.
They don't know their names.
They don't know you.
You don't know them.
Nobody's on a peace schedule.
Everyone's eating differently,right?
Like we're all, it's like rogueout here and you feel super

(01:12:47):
defeated and you will probablywind up giving all of those dogs
back.
But if you go out and you adoptone dog and you get to know that
dog and then that dog gets toknow you and you get on a
routine and it's like you builda relationship.
Same thing with like habit.
Same thing with a coping skill.
You have to give yourself sometime to get to know it.
And to see if it really is goingto work for you or am I giving

(01:13:09):
up because it's too difficult?
Am I giving up because it'suncomfortable?
Am I giving up because I'm notgetting instant gratification?
And it's if the answer to thosequestions are yes.
Then stick it out a little bitlonger.
But if it's truly not vibingwith you, just like if you adopt
a dog and the dog and you arejust not vibing together, you

(01:13:29):
might have to give the dog back.
You might have to say this isn'tfor me.
I made a wrong choice or Hey,this, I thought this was going
to be it, but this isn't it.
And it's start becoming aware.
Are you doing that too often?
Every time you start a newskill, do you have an excuse?
Do you have, are you selfsabotaging?
Are you allowing your owninsecurities or obstacles to get

(01:13:52):
in the way of you actuallyimplementing this habit?
And for me right now, like beingon the road, I could have habits
on the road.
And I feel like I make a lot ofexcuses.
Cause it's Oh, I'm in a hotel orI'm an Airbnb, or, Oh, I don't
know.
I'm in a new town.
I don't really want to look intoa workout class.
So sometimes we have toacknowledge that we are being
our own victims.

(01:14:14):
And we are making excuses andit's am I giving my brain the
amount of time it needs to wrapits head, literally wrap your
head around a new thing that youwant to do.
So the same thing goes for ifyou listen, if you experience
pain, stress, anxiety, you gotto give mental performance, like
the coping skill that you'regoing to do.
You got to give it some time.

(01:14:34):
And I'm not saying give it 28days.
You will know in the first weekor so, whether or not it's.
It's working for you, but if youdon't even give it the time,
like, how do you know that itreally isn't for you?

I still play the victim in some
ways too with that.
And obviously I don't know thatwe ever get away from it.
I think you just understand howto navigate it better.
And so I, like you said, like I,I moved a couple of years ago.
I was, It like completely put ahalt into my podcast recording
and like editing.
And I wasn't in the same likemindset.
And I just was unhappy about it,but I was like, Oh, it's just,

(01:15:09):
it's where I live now.
It's the space.
It's this, I don't have, andit's dude, just do it.
And you're going to start to seewhat happens when you start to
do it.
And you may not love it atfirst.
You may, in fact, you may belike, that was awful.
It's fine.
Move on.
Do the next, do it again.
Do it again.
It'll get better.
It's just like with practice inany sport.
It's just like with school.

(01:15:31):
You take a test.
You failed, go back, learn thethings that you didn't know.
You have to have that ability tomove forward and to not stop
yourself.
And I also think it's okay tohave moments like that.
And when I say moments, it canbe three months of that.
It can be a year of that, butdon't let it defeat you.

yeah.

Coach U Audio - Coach K I (01:15:52):
Don't let it take you out of what you
want to do.

Kristyna Bertolone Audio a (01:15:55):
will say, something that I think has
really helped me in my ownpersonal life, I was an educator
for 15 years, and throughoutthose 15 years, obviously you do
a lot.
And I am what you would call ahoarder, where I keep
everything.
I no longer do, because now I'mon the road.
But like, when I was a teacher,I kept everything.

(01:16:15):
So like year one lesson plansand it was like a ritual that I
would do in the beginning ofevery year is I would go through
all of it.
And like I was mortified thethings that I did in my first
year, like when I would go backand look at like when I was like
year five, year six, but then Istarted taking on student
teachers.
And I started taking on likepeople underneath me and helping

(01:16:36):
them go through and I go throughtheir education process.
And it was like, so good forthem to see where I started and
like where I was.
Cause like they looked at me andthey're like, Oh my God, I want
to be just like you.
And I'm like, Oh, but it took awhile to get here.
So now that I'm out of educationand I'm in this mental
performance world, like I'm onlythree, four years in.
So I'm still in my, my, myrookie years.

(01:16:58):
And I have to remember that likeI was in a whole other career,
like 15 years, tenured.
I was a state level presenter.
I was teacher of the year.
My life before this was sodifferent, but like I trialed
and errored.
I failed a lot.
I was okay with it.
I always saw it as leveling upwhen I would fail because I was

(01:17:19):
like, Oh, I'm not going to dothat again.
So Now, like if I look back atsome of the things that I
created year one and two, I'mjust like, Oh, that is terrible.
And it's but if I didn't gothrough that, I wouldn't have
the workbooks that I have now.
So it's being just aware thatyou're going to grow and you're
going to evolve.
And it's okay that you didn'tget it right.

(01:17:40):
All the time.
But I look back at some ofthose, like work, like those
PDFs and I'm just like, wow lookat how I've evolved since that
little, PDF where I rolled upand did like my very first team
and now it's I can just talkabout this stuff all day long,
but it's, you have to rememberthat you don't know what you
don't know.
And until you go through it, youdon't gain that knowledge.
And it's, now I get to sit onpodcasts and talk about this all

(01:18:02):
day long, but like when I firststarted, no, super scared, super
worried about what I was goingto say, like super unsure of
myself, but knew that this wassomething that I wanted to do.
But just because I knew.
This is what I wanted to do.
It doesn't mean it wasn't scary.
It doesn't mean that I didn'thave second.
And to this day, I still havedoubts and I still second guess.
And it's I always have to remindmyself Nope, you're still a

(01:18:23):
rookie at this.
You're still learning this.
And you have to give yourselfgrace.
Which I feel like a lot of usdon't do is we don't just give
ourselves a grace period of Hey,you're learning like good for
you.

Your first lessons plan, like the
first lesson plans that you had,are you familiar with Eric
Cressy?
He's a strength conditioningperformance coach.
He's very, he's been around,he's with the Yankees now, like
he's done a ton in the baseballworld and he's just, he's very
smart.
So he created like, DVDs, back,it was back in or a thing.
And he was like his first DVD,his first program that he made,

(01:18:55):
he's if you look back on yourfirst program and think that
there's nothing wrong with it,You need to look again.
He's like my first one.
And he's it's not that it waswrong.
It's just what I knew at thetime and I was giving the best
that I could in the moment.
But it doesn't mean you can'thave room for learning.
And it's same thing.
Like I created a mobilityAcademy thing and it was cool.
I loved it.
The process of it, it was barelysold any of them.

(01:19:19):
I lost money, but I didn'treally care because I proved to
myself that I could do that.
And I did it and I got the teamtogether and I created
something.
And it was like, Oh, I wouldchange.
Now I look back and I'm like, Iwould change that.
I would change this.
I would change this, but it'sokay.
Cause that's part of that melearning to know that I can then

(01:19:39):
get better.
So it's a cool, that same thingwith the lessons plan, lesson
plans and just being able tostack all the things that you've
taken and just keep molding andchipping away and keep molding.

I do feel like a lot of this
generation doesn't givethemselves, like the ability to
allow themselves to do that.
Like the reflection piece andsomething that I do with a lot
of teams I do with individuals.
And then I turned it.
Again, it's like a PDF that Icreated early on.
And now it's I use it for adifferent thing.
It's evolved with me, but I usedto do past, present and future

(01:20:13):
you.
So it's who you were, who youare, and then who do you want to
be?
And really just taking threeyears.
So if I'm a freshman in college,it's who was I?
So like senior year high school.
Who am I?
Freshman at college.
And then who do I want to be?
And it's just look to sophomoreyou, and it's always piecing

(01:20:34):
together, first of all,identifying like all of those
different traits.
What is it about them?
Put it down on paper, but it'spresent.
You is the only thing that youhave full control over

Yep.

past.
You has already happened andfuture you, you only have
influence over that version ofyou.
Based on what you do right now.
So would past you be proud ofyou right now?
Looking at where you are andwill future you be proud of you
for the work that you're doingright now.
So for my own life, I always dothis where it's okay, one year

(01:21:09):
ago, where was I?
And then am I happy with whereI'm at right now?
Or am I frustrated because sheplayed the pity party too much?
Am I frustrated that she didn't,wasn't a go getter.
And then in one year, where do Iwant to be?
And then take the perspectivefrom one year from now.
Do I want one year from now meto be angry that I did not get

(01:21:32):
off my ass and do things?
Or do I want her to be like,thank you for doing what you did
because look where we are now.
And then I took this to theteam, two teams.
Now, like when I work withteams, like for team culture,
it's.
In order to grow and gosomewhere, we have to reflect on
what we did in the past, likewho we were and then who are we

(01:21:55):
like, what do we want to beknown for?
What?
Maybe what are we known for?
Are we proud of that?
And just have these kind ofdiscussions and then think about
where do we want to be in thefuture?
So whether it's next year, us orend of the season, us, right?
Want to be national champions ordo we want to, host the
conference tournament?
Like, wherever we want to be, weonly have influence over that

(01:22:15):
based on what we do right now.
So through that activity, a newactivity has manifested itself.
And this is like why I love whatI do.
And like that, I documenteverything in these PDF
workbooks is the secondactivity.
I call it the sister activity tothat is I call it like pre
season prep work.
So after you do past, present,and future you, or past,

(01:22:39):
present, future us, it's nowgoing to, the next activity is
what deserves our attention,what needs our attention, and
what no longer gets ourattention.
And the same thing for you as anindividual.
It's identifying what are thethings that deserve my
attention, right?
Like where my attention goes,energy flows.
So what are the things that likedeserve it?

(01:23:00):
Like I just have to continuepouring my attention into this
and then what needs myattention?
What have been the things I'vebeen neglecting?
What are my what are myfrustrations?
And then once you identify yourfrustrations, now you know what
you need to do.
And then the, what no longergets our attention is that's the
game changer.
Because sometimes we just.

(01:23:21):
Asked us or we harped on what weused to do, or we harp on, how I
used to be, or it's even likesomething happened in your life,
like you just harp on it.
But unless you're willing to sayno, like no longer, I'm going to
close the door, I'm going toclose this chapter.
You have to say it out loud.
And then when you say it outloud, especially on teams, now
we get to hold each otheraccountable.

(01:23:43):
So if we no longer want to talkabout that and somebody brings
it up, we have the verbiage,like we have common verbiage
where it's that no longer needsour attention or that no longer
deserves our attention.
Shut it down.
And a lot of teams when I workwith them with like team
culture, we talk about okay, iflast year's team was terrible,
let's learn from that.

(01:24:03):
Let's close the door.
We don't need to talk about itanymore, but what we need to
talk about and what needs ourattention is how are we going to
move forwards?
So it's like, whether you're anindividual or a group, it's
being brave enough to have thoseconversations together and then
navigating those conversationswith each other and saying okay.
This is how we're going to moveforwards here.

Coach U Audio - Coach K Inte (01:24:22):
So everything we've talked about
has been Amazing.
Mind blowing to just think aboutthe things that we have control
over and how we can, bringourselves back to grounding.
One thing I think that happens alot is I think conversation and
arguments have been we don'thave conversations a lot
anymore.
We typically, like you said, wejust, we go, we react instead of

(01:24:44):
actually take a step back andhave questions and have an
actual conversation, whether itbe a difficult conversation,
cause those are the hardest tohave.
So how can people, how can weempower people to bypass
negative reactive arguments andbeing more productive in
communication?

So there's a few different avenues
I go down, especially when itcomes to communication.
It's something that I strugglewith my entire life.
I don't, I will say that likecommunicating in adverse.
situations, like I would rather,eat snakes.
Like I'm out.
I don't love confrontation.
And I knew that like thatweakness in me, I was going to

(01:25:26):
have to address it if like Iwanted to help other people do
it.
So first, I don't want people tobypass because I think we have
to do the hard things, right?
You have to have The hardconversations and if they are
reactive and they're emotional,it's, we have to identify like,
how are we going to get tocommon ground or how are we
going to agree to disagree orcompromise.

(01:25:49):
But if we don't have theconversation and we don't get to
a place where we're arguing,like we're never going to know
that that's like the hot spotfor us.
So some things that I will say Ilike to do is I like to provide
teams with prompts.
So conversation starters,conversation prompts, and
usually it's like a list ofquestions and it could be, I

(01:26:10):
have ones that go from likeathlete to athlete conversation
starters for athletes, coaches,and then coaches to athletes, I
have parents athletes, theparents, I actually have a bunch
of free ones if you scroll downmy Instagram feed they're like
on there, they're also probablylike.
Underneath like the journalprompt highlight on my, like on
Instagram, but I want to providethe, how how to get started.

(01:26:34):
And I think the way to getstarted is to read a prompt and
answer the prompt in a socialsetting.
So when I do team culture andteam, like foundation, I do a
lot of like foundationalprompts.
How do we want to feel in thisspace?
What is a core value of ours?
Just.
Conversations that will startgetting people to understand

(01:26:55):
that like we're buildingsomething together like here
together and it's not like whatI want.
It's a little bit of whateverybody wants.
But like a big one is my athleteto athlete conversation
starters, which I do a lot in myteam workshops where it's having
athletes expose themselves on.

(01:27:16):
You know how they want to besupported and so I do my best
when, or I feel the mostsupported when, or, Hey, if I'm
not doing what I should be done,if I'm not doing what I should
be doing, I like to beredirected by.
So it's like giving kids, firstof all, an opportunity to even
answer those questions forthemselves.

(01:27:38):
Cause I don't think any kid everhas ever thought Hey, like when
I'm slacking, this is how I wantsomebody to redirect me, right?
Like we think we know what wewant, but like we really don't
until we start talking about it.
So I engage athletes in a lot ofthese prompts.
And then I encourage coaches toutilize these conversations that
are as these prompts throughoutthe season.
So whether it's a, how we startpractice, maybe it's how we end

(01:28:01):
practice.
Maybe it's for, meetings.
Like a lot of coaches do likemid season meetings or they do
check ins and it's have aquestion ready to go that you
can ask your athletes, but thenalso Reciprocate have each give
the lit it's 10 questions on aPDF and have every athlete come
into your office and ask you oneof these questions.

(01:28:23):
And you have to be willing toanswer all of these questions.
So I always tell coaches, ifthere's a question you don't
like on there, on that paper,block, like black it out and
then make photocopies, right?
So it's, or, Is there somethingthat you want your athletes to
either ask you put it in aquestion form for them to ask?
Or if there's something that youwant to know, you have to be

(01:28:43):
willing to have thatconversation.
This generation, whether it'sGen Z or, the next generation,
gen alpha coming up, it's Theylive in this very inauthentic
world, right?
Like it's a very filtered world,AI chatty TV.
We like, don't know what's realor not anymore.
And the way we can combat thatis by sitting down and having
these uncomfortableconversations with each other,

(01:29:04):
because that's as authentic asit gets, you can't hide behind
it.
It's you're not typing, you'renot texting.
There's not a screen in betweenyou.
And I will say a lot of athletesare very uncomfortable when we
do these questions, so I usuallysave them for like the end of my
workshop.
Because the whole workshop islike building up to get them to
open up, but sometimes we haveto, if we want our athletes to

(01:29:28):
have organic conversations, likewe want them to start talking to
each other, we have toinorganically plant the seeds
and the seeds are us puttingthem in that situation.
So a lot of times it's creatingthe conversations that you want
to be had and then being okaywith the direction that the
conversations go in.

(01:29:49):
But a lot of coaches, I willsay, are uncomfortable with
where the conversations can go.
And that's like a whole otherlayer, right?
You have to be uncomfortablebeing you have to be comfortable
being uncomfortable.
And sometimes for me, if aquestion comes up or something
comes up and I don't have aresponse or I don't have an
answer, There is nothing morebeautiful than saying that to a

(01:30:09):
kid being like, I have no idea,but let's figure this out
together.
And I will say that's somethingthat I did.
I was an elementary PE teacherfor 15 years and your fifth
graders come to you with aquestion and I had no problem
saying, Ooh, I don't know theanswers to that.
Let's go figure that outtogether.
Or I don't know, what would youdo?
And it's validating the questioninstead of me saying, Oh, this
is how I would answer it becauseI'm an adult, of course, I'm

(01:30:32):
gonna, my perspective of asituation is going to be
different than like a 10 and 11year old.
Same thing goes for College orhigh school teams and their
coaching staffs.
Sometimes it's throw thequestion right back and be like,
I don't know how I would solvethat.
Or I don't know what we coulddo.
What do you think we could doabout that situation and create
conversations because throughconversation, you're going to
get the answer.
It might not be the answer thateverybody wants, but it's going

(01:30:54):
to lead us in a direction ofwhere we can go.
The second thing that I do is Ialso leave kids with Or leave
whoever I work with, I alwayscall them kids because like in
my eyes, they're still kids, butlike I leave athletes with,
sometimes we feel like we needto solve people's problems, but
at the end of the day, mostpeople just want to be heard.

(01:31:15):
And they just want to know thatlike it's okay to feel or to
think what they're thinking.
So instead of solving problemsIt's just creating space to
engage in the conversation or tohave the conversation So I use
something called sympathysupport and solution I will say
it goes over great with femaleteams.
My male teams hate the wordsympathy again It's just
whatever society put on thatword.

(01:31:36):
So it's funny because they'relike, oh, I hate that word But
it's okay.
Then just don't use that wordUse a different word.
What is my response is usuallywhat word would you rather use
instead of sympathy?
And it's like getting them tothink, right?
Because if they think they comeup with it, they have ownership.
But basically sympathy issympathy.
Support solution was createdbecause I was frustrated with a

(01:31:56):
lot of the conversations I washaving in my own personal life
where people would come to me.
And I would give them my adviceand then it would piss them off.
And I'm like why are you comingto me if you don't want my
advice?
And I had realized that likewhen I'm mad or angry and I go
to somebody, do I really wanttheir advice?
No, I just want them to listento me.

(01:32:17):
I just want to be validated.
So I started doing this withlike my own friends and my own
family.
Didn't go over great with myfamily, but it went over great
with my friends.
And it's important.
Whether I'm entering aconversation or someone's coming
to me in the conversation, it'sstating what you need from the
conversation.
Let's stop being passiveaggressive and assuming people
know what we need and just sayit.

(01:32:38):
So if I'm entering aconversation and I just want to
vent, I'm going to say, Hey,this is a sympathy conversation.
It's something that I do withall my one on one athletes.
So whenever they come, on tozoom and they look like they're
about to vent, I'm always likeWhoa.
What conversation is this?
And 100 percent of the timethey're like sympathy.
I'm like, okay, great.
So I usually just mute myself.
I sit back and sympathy is justyou're creating space for them

(01:33:01):
to like basically word vomit.
And you're just going to letthem word vomit, let them get it
out.
And when they're done, you'regoing to ask questions either
tell me more or, Ooh, I'm sosorry.
You're feeling that way.
What do you, what's next?
What do you need from me?
Or you're going to say, Hey,like, how do you feel now?
And if they say, feel safe, feelgood.
It's okay.
And then you pivot, like youjust move on because at the end

(01:33:22):
of a sympathy conversation, likeif sympathy is the goal, then
that's it.
But then I will say fromsympathy, if you give somebody
space to vent, they're morelikely to come back to you for
either support or a solution.
So then a support is, how can Isupport you?
How can I do this with you?
What do you need from me?

(01:33:42):
And I leave kids with the, thesequestions, these prompts to ask,
or it's like, Hey, Oh it reallysucks that you're having a
problem with so and do you wantme to come with you to talk to
them?
Or, yeah, I would go to coachwith that.
Do you want me to go to coachwith you?
And it's like, when you'resupporting, it's literally
you're holding someone's hand.
You're giving them a hug, right?
You're guiding them with them.
You're not doing it for them,but you're there with them.

(01:34:04):
And then solution that's greenlight go.
That's, they want your advice.
And I will say a lot of theathletes that I work with, once
I give them sympathy and then Ichanged the conversation,
they're always like wait no.
I, what would you do?
And I'm like, oh, do you wantmy, do you want a solution right
now?
And it's yeah, I want thesolution.
So it's creating theseconversation prompts and these

(01:34:25):
conversation starters that Ihave, it's all about creating
common verbiage, right?
Everything that I do, everythingin, in, in game changers is
about creating language betweenkid and kid or coach and kid, or
even parent and kid that we cantalk about things.
And it makes sense to us.
So whether it's the what if towhen, whether it's reacting to

(01:34:47):
responding, whether it's,controlling the controllables,
it's like knowing that whatthese words mean to us and what
these words mean here.
So a lot of times like this, theconversation starters are about
support or about how to holdsomebody accountable.
Or, Hey, this is how I want tobe held accountable or even
sympathy support solution.
It's giving people like that towalk together so that

(01:35:11):
conversation isn't scary becauseat the end of the day.
We confuse conversation withsome being like really
difficult.
And then some people assume thatjust because it's difficult,
it's detrimental and they avoidit.
Like I do, I will say I avoid.
And it's remembering that it'snot detrimental to your health
to have this conversation.

(01:35:32):
It's difficult.
It's going to be uncomfortable,but what's on the other side, if
that's more important than yourdiscomfort, you're going to want
to get there.
But if you don't want to get tothe other side and you're
constantly going to stay in thestate of like fear, I'd rather
avoid it.
I'd rather be passiveaggressive.
But the thing is, if we're notcommunicating it, we're holding
onto it.

(01:35:52):
And I teach athletes about theconcept of rumination.
So if I'm thinking it, but I'mnot speaking it, it's constantly
ruminating in my brain and it'sjust staying in there.
So like my brain's going tostart to make up stories that
align with whatever I'mruminating on.
And the way that you can justbypass that is by literally just
speaking it.
So if it starts with anargument, it starts with an

(01:36:15):
argument, but if it starts witha prompt, it starts with a
prompt, but we have to get itout of our head and out of our
mouths and figure out if what'son the other side of that is
something that we know is goingto help us and we know is like
something that we want becauseif it's not something that's
going to help you or somethingthat you want, you're going to
continue to avoid it.

Lots and lots of great information.
So many things to think about.
Lots of great points.
This has been a greatconversation.
I want to make sure that peoplecan get.
In touch with you.
Maybe they can, they want towork with you.
How where can the fine folksfind your information?
I'll put all your show I'm inthe show notes.
I'm going to put your email downand make sure your links are on

(01:36:54):
there, but let the people knowwhat you do, what you offer.

So I do team workshops.
I do presentations.
I tell people the differencebetween a workshop and a
presentation is workshops arehands on presentation is just me
presenting information.
I do a lot of keynotes.
I go around to a lot ofuniversities.
I am very fortunate to workalongside of some great non
profit, non for profits like TheHidden Opponent, Morgan's
Message where I get to like popinto universities and talk on a

(01:37:22):
massive scale, but my bread andbutter is working with teams or
departments.
Yeah.
I work with a lot of coachingstaffs at universities, coaching
the coach to bring this stuff totheir athletes or hands on with
the actual team and working withathletes.
You can find me on Instagram.
I will say that's probably likewhere I'm 100 percent at right
now.

(01:37:43):
And through like the links in mybio, you can book all console,
consultations for coaches andfor team workshops are free.
Athlete consultations, you dohave to pay a fee.
But that's just to hold thoseathletes accountable because I
can tell you how many peoplesign up for a consultation when
it was free and then they justbail on it.
So you have to put a littleprice tag on it to make it

(01:38:03):
something that you're going toshow up for.
I post two to three times a dayand it's just free information,
free little nuggets for peopleto take with them.
And I do take my content veryseriously because I do, I want
it to be a place where peoplecome to and they're like, Oh my
God, I can use this immediately.
And that's the space that I'mhoping to create.

I love it.
Mental performance is soimportant.
I'm glad that you're fine.
You found your mission and whatyou want to do with it.
And all the roads have led youto this point now.
And I really appreciate youtaking the amount of time that
you did to give us thisinformation and to spread the
word because I do think it's soimportant.
And I want my audience to hearit.
I want people to understand itand, break the mold.

(01:38:44):
Of just being shut down, playingthat victim role, take ownership
of your life.
And that's exactly what youhelped us do today.
So thank you very much for yourtime.

Thank you for having me.
I really enjoyed it.
It was a great conversation andI look forward to, seeing what
you do with all thisinformation.

I promise you, I won't shy from it
though, that I will not do.
Thanks, Krystina.
I appreciate it.

Thank you.

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The Game Changer - Mental Performance Matters

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