The Joanne Coleman Interview

In this episode of the Colors of Sound podcast, Timothy Stone Dancer Coleman interviews his aunt, Joanne Coleman, a published author, mom, mentor, educator, and community activist. They discuss Joanne's upbringing in Philadelphia, her Italian Catholic background, and her marriage to Uncle Ron. They also delve into Joanne's journey with lung cancer and the raw and honest journal she wrote during that time, which eventually became a published book.

Joanne shares the gifts that cancer gave her, including a closer relationship with God and a deeper appreciation for the love and support of her family. In this conversation, Joanne Coleman shares her experience of losing her husband to cancer and the challenges she faced during her own cancer diagnosis and recovery. She emphasizes the importance of living in the present moment and appreciating the people in our lives. Joanne also discusses the grieving process and the support she found in a grief share therapy group. She highlights the power of writing and expressing her emotions through poetry. Despite the hardships, Joanne remains hopeful and seeks to honor her husband's legacy by helping others.

Keywords

Colors of Sound podcast, Joanne Coleman, Timothy Stone Dancer Coleman, Philadelphia, Italian Catholic, lung cancer, journal, published book, gifts of cancer, closer relationship with God, love and support of family, cancer, grief, loss, faith, support, legacy

Takeaways

Joanne Coleman is a published author, mom, mentor, educator, and community activist.
She grew up in Philadelphia in a close-knit Italian Catholic family.
Joanne's journey with lung cancer inspired her to write a raw and honest journal, which eventually became a published book.
She discovered the gifts that cancer gave her, including a closer relationship with God and a deeper appreciation for the love and support of her family. Living in the present moment and appreciating the people in our lives is important, especially when facing challenges and uncertainty.
The grieving process is unique to each individual, and it is important to find support and outlets for expressing emotions.
Joining a grief share therapy group can provide a sense of community and understanding for those who have lost a loved one.
Writing and creative expression can be therapeutic and help in the healing process.
Having faith and finding hope can provide strength and comfort during difficult times.
Honoring the legacy of loved ones by helping others can bring purpose and meaning to one's own life.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Reunion
01:02 Joanne's Background and Upbringing in Philadelphia
07:45 Meeting Uncle Ron and Building a Blended Family
13:38 Challenges and Acceptance as an Interracial Couple
14:40 Love and Acceptance from Timothy's Family
16:02 The Impact of Joanne's Parenting on Her Children's Success
16:15 Finding Hope and Support in the Face of Cancer
32:58 Navigating the Waves of Grief
43:07 Discovering a New Identity in the Midst of Loss
51:49 The Power of Connection and Support
52:48 Continuing a Legacy of Helping Others
55:21 The Reality of Faith and Struggles
56:44 The Impact of Honesty and Rawness in Writing
58:14 Exploring Collaboration and Marketing Opportunities
59:40 WDON1204 Commercial.mp4

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Episode Transcript

Timothy (00:00):
WDON1204.com. Community focused, globally connected.
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(00:25):
discover how much we have incommon.
Welcome ladies and gentlemen toanother episode of the colors of
sound podcast. I'm TimothyStonedancer Coleman. I have, the
honor of introducing you toJoanne Coleman. She is my
auntie. She is more than just myauntie.
She is a published author. Sheis a mom. She is a mentor. She

(00:48):
is an educator. She is acommunity activist.
And she is here with us today totalk with us life, love, and all
things art. Auntie, welcome tothe show.

Joanne Coleman (01:02):
Thank you, Tim. It's a pleasure to be here. I
love you. I'm so glad youinvited me.

Timothy (01:06):
Thank you. I love you as well. And so, you know, this
is gonna be a wonderfulconversation where we're gonna
introduce folks a little bit toyour past and where you're from
and how you grew up. We're goingto then talk to folks a little
bit about what's happening foryou right now in your life. And
then, you know, because Ibelieve in teachable moments, I

(01:27):
believe that sometimes peopleneed to know about vision and
what we plan or hope or havefaith for that is coming in the
future for our life.
And so I want to jump right inand say, where were you born?
Where where are you fromoriginally?

Joanne Coleman (01:45):
I'm from Philadelphia originally. Yep.
Lived there for, well, prettymuch until I was about, 30 years
old.

Timothy (01:55):
Yeah. Okay. Now it just so happens. Philly is one of my
most favorite places to visit.Uh-huh.
I didn't know until we startedtalking about you being on the
show. I didn't know that youwere from Philly, And I used to
go to Philadelphia for probablyabout, like, a five or six year
span. I was there twice a year.And, what at one point when I

(02:18):
very first went there, I wasperforming, and, I just felt
like, you know, sometimes citieshave these cliches, like, you
know, Philadelphia is the cityof brotherly love. Right?
Mhmm. And, you know, sometimesyou go to a place and it's not
what the tagline is, but Ireally felt comfortable there.
Right? Like, I really felt likeit is it was clean. It was,

(02:41):
like, a real comfortable, like,kind of environment.
How did growing up inPhiladelphia impact how you saw
the world?

Joanne Coleman (02:50):
Well, you know, I think growing up in the city
is is so much different thangrowing up in the suburbs. My
experience in the city was, youknow, we were kids playing on
the sidewalk, you know,hopscotch and, you know,
throwing balls in the air anddoing all the sorts of things,
riding our bikes, just, youknow, we were outside all the

(03:11):
time and it was just a greatchildhood. It was a great
childhood. I have an olderbrother and a younger sister
and, you know, we we did thingstogether and we had had amazing
parents, just amazing parentswho were exemplars for us in a
very, very good way. So, yeah.

(03:33):
So, you know, I enjoyed it.Well, you know, while I was
growing up. It was fun. It wasfun.

Timothy (03:40):
That's cool. And so with your you know, let's talk
about your parents for a moment.They both from that area? Like,
what was a little bit abouttheir background? And, you know,
also include what was your orwhat is your faith?

Joanne Coleman (03:55):
Okay. So my parents are, were, excuse me,
they're they've passed, but theywere staunch, very strict
Catholic, Italian Catholicfamily. Their parents were born
in Italy, in Albuzzi, Italy inCalabrese. When two families, my

(04:17):
father's and my mother'straveled and came to Ellis
Island and landed inPhiladelphia. They lived a mile
from each other.
And so they became friends. Theybecame family. Then my mom and
dad got married. And so myupbringing is strictly Italian
Catholic. So, you know, and ifyou know anything about Italian

(04:40):
parents, they're very strict.
They're very strict. My mom moreso than my dad. Yeah. He's a
little bit lenient.

Timothy (04:49):
K. Okay. So when mom laid the law, you could go
around and say, what did youhave him wrapped around your
finger? Were were you were youdad

Joanne Coleman (04:55):
as well? I wouldn't say that. I would not
say that. Maybe as an adult, Idid, but you know the thing with
me and my siblings is we werenever punished, we were never
hit because we never wanted todisappoint our parents. My dad

(05:16):
had this thing where ifsomething was not going the way
he wanted it to go his eyebrowwill lift up and we'd be like
okay, okay, I'm done.
We just didn't want todisappoint. We didn't want to
disappoint.

Timothy (05:30):
Right. And it's so different today. Right? Because
I share that same type of thing,you know. You know my parents
and and and my father before hepassed, and and we're a church
family as well.
And Right. You know, I rememberin church, anytime, you know,
you get the giggles or you wannachat with your friend or
whatever, mom would just kindof, like, lean forward, you
know, and it was just thatlittle bit of head tilt. Right?

(05:53):
And then she would look aroundand make sure that that she
pierced her energy right throughyou so you knew better, you
know, and you knew to straightenup. So I definitely get that.

Joanne Coleman (06:03):
My mom did the pitch. So we were pinched on the
leg or the arm, and it hurt. Sowe knew. This is not that you
know, we would if we were toreach for the last bit of food,
we'd get a pinch on the arm likecrazy. Like, you'd know

Timothy (06:17):
you are

Joanne Coleman (06:17):
not that. You are not. So yeah.

Timothy (06:20):
I love it. I love it. You know, and every family has
its dynamic. Right? Yes.
And one of the things that Ilove is that there are so many
things that sometimes when I'mtalking to people now, there are
so many things that, you know,that I repeat that were quotes
that dad used to say that maybegrowing up, I didn't necessarily

(06:43):
understand the fullness of ofwhat he was talking about.

Joanne Coleman (06:47):
Right.

Timothy (06:48):
And, you know, one of those favorite phrases, he used
to say, a man with no focus isconfused, but a man with no
vision is lost. And it takes meback to, what I was saying in
the beginning about, like, as welook to the future and as we
have faith about, you know, whatGod is going to bring into
fruition in in our lives, Ithink now I'm able to more fully

(07:12):
understand vision. And havinggrown up around two parents that
had vision and that kinda spokevision onto our lives, now I'm
really grateful for thatupbringing. But when we're
teenagers, we're just growingup, and it's like you say, we're
just siblings playing on thestreet and playing jacks and
hopscotch and all the things andenjoying ourselves. Right?

Joanne Coleman (07:33):
Right.

Timothy (07:34):
Right. And I know that a lot of that was like my father
and and, you know, uncle Ron,their parents, like, what they
instilled in them as they weregrowing up. So I wanna talk a
little bit about when you metuncle Ron. Right? Were you
already living were you alreadyliving in Ohio?

(07:55):
Like, how did you guys meet?

Joanne Coleman (07:56):
Yes. Yes. I was living in Ohio. I moved to Ohio
in 1989 and with my ex husbandand my three children and three
years later we were divorced forreasons I'd rather not talk
about. But it was a verychallenging divorce.
It was a long divorce and Andthen for three years I was it

(08:19):
was just me and my youngest son,Andrew. And I said, you know, I
don't need anybody. I'm justgoing to be with Andrew and
we're going to do our thing. AndI had blessedly gotten a full
time management position atMiami Valley Hospital in the
cardiology department. I was themanager there and everybody kept

(08:40):
talking about this guy calledCoach.
Coach, everybody loved Coach. Hewas great. Everybody loved him.
And but I knew one thing he wasdating. He was dating one of the
lab techs at the time.
I never really met him, but wewere at a barbecue one time for
the hospital staff, like thedepartment staff. And I saw him

(09:02):
and I was like, oh my god, thisguy is like crazy handsome,
crazy. You know, your uncle washandsome. He was Yes,

Timothy (09:11):
he was. He carried it.

Joanne Coleman (09:13):
He did. And I thought, man, I wish I could
meet somebody like that. Well,we wound up going to another
house party and he was there andhe started circling around me,
you know, and he was with thegirl that he was dating or
supposedly dating and I said,you know, I don't understand

(09:36):
what you're doing here. You'rewith you're with Lori and he
said, no. He said, we're justfriends.
I I like to get to know you andI'm like, well, I don't know. I
don't think that's such a goodidea since I work with her. And
so on my way out of that party,he slipped me his phone number.
And he said, call me and we canmeet for coffee or a drink or

(09:57):
something. So I I hesitated.
I waited and my daughter,Kristen, I told her and she
said, mom, go and listen to astory. You know, maybe they are
just friends. You never know.So, I called him and I said, do
you remember me? And he said,well, how can I not remember
you?
And I thought, okay, that'sslick. That's that's really

(10:20):
slick. So, we met for a drink atthe Peerless Mill where we
eventually got married and wefell in love from that evening
on. It was like it truly waslike love at first sight and he
had all the qualities that inthat short amount of time I

(10:40):
realized that he had all thequalities that I had wanted in
my life for me.

Timothy (10:47):
That's so sweet. That's a great story.

Joanne Coleman (10:49):
Well you know Tim and this is the funny one of
the one of the little thingsthat he did that made me realize
that after we had a drink at thePeerless Mill, we went to the
Oregon District where he livedand we went to another
restaurant and we were sittingat the bar and this guy came up
beside me and Ron was talking tosomeone else. But he knew that

(11:10):
there was a guy next to metrying to get in to talk to me.
And he gently placed his hand onmy knee and squeezed it as if to
say, I'm here.

Timothy (11:22):
That's right.

Joanne Coleman (11:22):
That spoke volumes to me. I felt so safe.
And that's the way he's made mefeel all of our life together,
safe and secure and loved. Yeah.

Timothy (11:35):
That's powerful.

Joanne Coleman (11:37):
I'm never forget that. Never.

Timothy (11:40):
I think a lot of people long to be with someone where
you know if you're in a roomwith someone, whether they're
looking at you or not, no matterwhat's going on, they got you.
How how many children do youhave?

Joanne Coleman (11:51):
So I have three, and your uncle Ron has three, of
course, and you know them. Myoldest son, Matthew, right now
he's 51, and then, Kristen is,48. She'll be 49 in June. She
lives in Columbus and Matthewlives in Centerville Two miles
from me, three miles from me. Soit's great.

(12:12):
And Andrew lives in Arizona. Hehas three successful restaurants
out there. If you're ever in AZPhoenix area you need to And
he's my baby. I love him dearly.I love all my children.
They've been so supportive forme. I don't know what I would do
without them. And then of courseUncle Ron had Susan, Kyle and

(12:35):
Kurt and they're amazing kids,amazing kids and we you know
when we got married it became ablended family with challenges
of course it always is whenthere's an ex involved And but
we managed to get get past thosein a very in a very unified way

(12:57):
because our ultimate goal was tohave this family who would be
Christ oriented, Christcentered, and love each other.
And we truly were blessed thatthat's exactly what happened.
That's exactly what happened.

Timothy (13:13):
Yeah. So if you if you don't mind, if if if if if there
is a story in this nextquestion, because this isn't
something that I that I thoughtabout until you just gave that
response is, did you and uncleRon have any challenges during
the time period when you met ofa black man and an Italian woman

(13:34):
being together? Did you guysface any challenges from that
type of union?

Joanne Coleman (13:38):
You know, Tam, your your uncle was always very
aware of people around him andpeople looking at us and he
would not very often, butsometimes he would say, you
know, that lady over there isnot very done, doesn't think
this is a good idea, you know.And I would say, what are you

(13:59):
talking about? I didn't noticeanything. So for the most part,
it was not difficult for us. Itwasn't.
My family was so open andloving. They adored him from the
moment they met him, just adoredhim and he adored them. And my
siblings fell in love with him.My friends fell in love with

(14:21):
him. Was everything to love andnothing to gripe about, you
know?
So I feel very blessed andfortunate that we did not have
that. Every once in a whilepeople would stare but I think
we made a beautiful couple andthat was how we felt about
ourselves.

Timothy (14:40):
Do you feel like when you were raising your children,
did you have some of the thesame types of rules, or did you
raise them with the same kind ofvalues that you feel like you
were you were raised with?

Joanne Coleman (14:55):
Yeah. On on the funny side of it, I do remember
saying to my kids, you know,well, you'll know when you're a
parent, that kind of thingbecause I always heard that from
my mom. Well, you'll find outwhat it's like when you're a
parent. But oddly enough mychildren give me so much credit
for allowing them to beindependent of me. I always

(15:22):
taught them to take care ofthemselves and I always gave
them a wide range of choiceswithin a structure and they
always acknowledge that being sogood for them because they were
able to make choices within theboundaries that I gave them.

(15:44):
And I think it's important forkids to make choices, but they
have to be within boundaries.And that's where they they learn
best.

Timothy (15:52):
That's a huge teachable moment in that, you know,
ensuring that the boundaries areclear. All of those things make
you more well rounded.

Joanne Coleman (16:02):
You know, I look at my kids' success and, you
know, I I don't wanna takecredit for it, but what I take
credit for is that they wereable to go and be successful
because of how I raised them. SoI think that that's an important
aspect. Oh, thank

Timothy (16:16):
I do think parents should take more credit when all
of the the labor and the silenttears and the silent prayers and
the nudging and the small seedsthat you try and plant, you
know, in your children's lives,when all those things kind of do
work out, I do believe youshould take more credit for it
because nobody I say this tofolks all the time, you know,

(16:39):
when when to young people whenI'm doing, workshops and they
talk about, you know, the peoplethey idolize, and and they're
talking about so and so just wona Grammy, and so and so is this
famous actress. And so and Isaid, but, you know, nobody gets
to the microphone by themselves.

Joanne Coleman (16:54):
Right. Right.

Timothy (16:56):
There are mentors, managers, teachers, community
members. Like, gets to thatlevel of quote unquote success
alone. And so I think we have topay more homage to those who
played that powerful of a role,especially our parents in our

(17:16):
lives.

Joanne Coleman (17:17):
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Timothy (17:19):
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memory. Share your story on theColors of Sound podcast.
Our mission is to create a safespace for community members from
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from a challenge that you faced?Do you want the world to know

(18:05):
about your talent? Visit ourwebsite and complete our guest
intake form at wdon1204.com. TheColors of Sound podcast,
discover how much we have incommon.
Welcome back, everybody. It'sTimothy Stonedancer Coleman here
with the Colors of Soundpodcast. This is our interview

(18:26):
with my auntie, miss JoanneColeman, published author, mom,
community activist, educator,and so much more. I wanna take a
moment, Joanne, and and talk toyou a little bit about your
book. So for anyone that thatdoesn't know, let's give them
just a general overview beforewe go into a lot of detail.

(18:47):
Let's give them a generaloverview of of what happened to
cause you to write this book.

Joanne Coleman (18:53):
Okay, sure. So in May of twenty fourteen, I was
diagnosed with lung cancer andwas a nonsmoker, so nobody
expected to find lung cancer onme. But they found it
inadvertently through a CAT scanon my abdomen because I was
having some abdominal problems.And so they called and said, you

(19:15):
know, there's everything's goodwith your abdomen, but there's a
spot on the back of your rightlung. I'm like, Okay.
And then the nurse said, Well,you know, were you sick? Did you
have a virus? Did you havepneumonia? And I said, No. And
so the radiologist never saidthis is suspicious.
Nothing. They just keptsuggesting another scan and

(19:37):
another scan. The scans actuallystarted in March and then in
May, they finally my familydoctor said, look, we're not
going to play around with this.You know, it's probably rare
that you have lung cancer, butwe're not going to play around
with it. He set me up with apulmonologist.
I had a biopsy and I was, youknow, and I say in my book, I

(20:02):
was in the worst possible placeto hear the worst possible news.
I was at Walmart shopping, foodshopping because I had to get
out of the house because I waswaiting for that phone call. And
he called me right in the middleof the freezer section and he
said, I'm really sorry to saythis on the phone, but it's
cancer. And it's the non smokingtype of cancer that that women

(20:23):
your age kind of are starting toget. And I said, Well, is it
curable?
And he said, Well, it depends onwhether it's in your the rest of
your body or not. We'll do a PETscan. Long story short, they did
the PET scan. Wasn't anywhereelse. Thank God.
And they set me up for surgery.I had a six hour robotic surgery

(20:47):
to remove this bottom part of myright lung. And I recuperated
actually that whole year it tookme. However, when before my
surgery, I was still teachingand one of my students came in
with a gift and it was a leatherbound journal. She said, you

(21:08):
know, Miss Coleman, my mom saidthat she thought you might like
to write about your journey.
And I said, well, what abeautiful gift, you know? So she
gave that to me and I actuallydedicated not dedicated, but I
mentioned her in my book, sweet,sweet student. And I started
writing every day And it's veryraw. It's very honest. It's

(21:33):
pitiful.
It's sometimes joyful. It'ssometimes hopeful, but it's
every feeling that I had everyday. And so I would show it to
Uncle Ron and he would read itand he'd say, you have to make
this a book. You have to I'mlike, I am not an author. I'm
not gonna make this a book.
This is personal. This is mystory. This is me. But the more

(21:54):
I wrote Tim, the more I realizedthe gifts that cancer gave me.
And that sounds reallyridiculous to say.
But, you know, you're closest toGod when you're suffering. And
in that time period, althoughI've always been a Christ
follower, it hit me like a tonof bricks that this is it. I'm

(22:17):
going to die and I'm going toknow God and I am going to
listen to his word. I'm going toread his word. I'm going to pray
every day and I'm going to behopeful.
And so every day I made an entryand I attached a verse to it
that was appropriate for me thatday. And and I sent the

(22:39):
manuscript to an an old mentorof mine, a professor from my
undergrad, who's a dear, dearfriend and he has a small
publishing company. And I sentit to him thinking, oh, he's
going to say this is ridiculous.Come on. But he texted me back
to God.
This is amazing. You have got wehave got to publish this book,

(23:02):
he said, which really hit mehard. He said, my wife died of
ovarian cancer, and the onlything I have left of her is a
list of doctor's appointments.She would never share anything
about how she felt. He said, youhave we have got to publish this
book.
And so the book was published.Yeah. First time through him on

(23:24):
Amazon. And then most recentlyit was picked up by Higher
Ground Books and Media. Lovethat company.
It's a very Christian basedcompany because my, mentor, he
retired

Timothy (23:35):
You dropped a few million dollar nuggets in that
explanation. Right? So I I don'twanna I don't wanna push past a
couple of these things. Like, Ithink we need to, like, lean
into a couple of those things.The gifts that cancer gave me,
everybody on the planet has beenprogrammed that that particular
word is the beginning of an anendless autumn.

(24:00):
Right? Like, an endless here arethe clouds, here's the rain,
we're moving into the darknessof winter, and you need to wrap
things up as best you canbecause you don't know, no
matter what the doctor says, howlong you've got left. Right?
Like, that's the very ominousway that that that word cancer
hits everyone. You aredifferent.

(24:23):
I wanna start with that. You'reyou're a different type of
person in that you acknowledgethat there were gifts inside of
this diagnosis. I want tosupport that by saying, you
know, when I read the book, I'ma very visual person. Mhmm. And
I was visualizing each of thesescenes that you're talking about

(24:46):
as you are going into surgery,as you are waking up coming out
of surgery, as you are realizingall the different things that
are plugged into your body, asyou are trying to Breathe.
Put your just breathe. Like, Imean, like, at the very basic
basic level. Literally. Justbreathe and the newfound pain

(25:09):
that came with each inhale. Yes.
But what you do is you aregiving scripture. You are giving
positivity. Like, each thing israw. Some of it made me, like,
extremely nervous. Like, if Ididn't know you and know that we
would be having thisconversation or know that I
could reach out and send you atext message or call, I'd be

(25:30):
like, oh my god.
Did she make it? Oh my god. Didshe like, every page, I was
like, oh my god. Yeah. Becausewe don't usually read something
that is how you have said italready, something that is so
raw.
Yeah. Something that is sohonest and and unfiltered.
However, it's simultaneously sofaithful and so hopeful. Yes.

(25:56):
Right?
And it doesn't mean that thereweren't moments of despair. It
doesn't mean that there weren'tmoments of question. It doesn't
mean that there weren't timeswhen you're like, I don't even
know. Like, I'm just here rightnow and and today is just gonna
be today.

Joanne Coleman (26:08):
Yeah. Mhmm. That's right.

Timothy (26:10):
But that's all wrapped around your faith. What would be
something that you would say tofolks on that first day of
diagnosis?

Joanne Coleman (26:19):
So the first day is the worst day, of course. I
remember coming home from thatstore and just getting out of
the car and dropping to my kneesin my garage. And uncle Ron came
out to meet me and he and Icried and I said I've got
cancer, I've got cancer and hetook me into the house and he
sat me down and I cried andcried and cried. I said I'm

(26:42):
going to die. We've got to tellthe kids I'm going to die and he
let me cry for a little bit andhe said, Okay, that's it.
That's it. You are blessedbecause you have people around
you. You have me. You have yourfamily. I know people who have
nobody and have cancer.

(27:04):
Nobody. So let's move on withgetting you, you know, getting
your surgery, doing what youneed to do to heal. And from
that moment on, although I stillhad bad days as evident in the
book that, you know, that Ijournaled every day. But from
that moment on, I realized theselfishness of me thinking that,

(27:28):
you know, I have all thesepeople around me that love me
and are going to give me supportand are going to take care of me
and are going to be with me.Most of all, I had Uncle Ron.
And he literally, literallydressed my wounds, gave me a
shower. He did everything forme, everything. He would not let
me miss a nap. He was he wasjust perpetually looking after

(27:54):
me. So I realized that that's agift.
That's a gift I didn't realize Ihad. That's one of the gifts.
You know, the other gift is itbrought me closer to Christ even
more so. And that's definitely agift that, you know, allow me to
approach a throne of grace, likeI say in the book, with

(28:16):
confidence and with hope that Iwas going to be okay.

Timothy (28:23):
So one of the one of the other points I wanted to
make about the book is that it'snot just like this is a book
that's also good for people whoare related to someone who has a
cancer diagnosis.

Joanne Coleman (28:35):
Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

Timothy (28:37):
What do you feel about that? How do you feel about
that?

Joanne Coleman (28:39):
You know, I think that when Uncle Ron read
it, when it was finallypublished and he read it
through, I think he realized thevalue that I had in him in my
life at that point. And I thinkthat family needs to realize

(29:00):
that they are valuable to thatperson and that that person is
going to rely on you to mentallyhelp them, emotionally help
them, physically help them andspiritually help them. It's it's
you're right. The book is very,very raw and it might even be

(29:20):
uncomfortable for some people toread. I know I've had friends
that have had cancer and theysaid they couldn't get through
it, you know, not anythingagainst my writing, but they
couldn't get through it.
And I understand that becauseit's very, very raw. Yes.

Timothy (29:36):
Well, because you know what? And I guarantee you it's
not because of your writing. Idon't have cancer. You know,
none of those things. And evenfor me at one point, I put the
book down for a second because Isaid, wow, with all of the
things that are happening in theworld, with all of the things
that are always trying to stealour focus, with all of the

(29:59):
things that we think areimportant and we're trying to
get the next thing and the nextthing and the next thing.
We've got a tremendous amount ofour fellow global citizens who
are going through things thatare forcing them to think minute
by minute, day by It is not soeasy to go to just any person on

(30:24):
the planet and say, okay, wheredo you see yourself in five
years? In some cases, it islike, I don't know, where do I
see myself in thirty minutes?

Joanne Coleman (30:32):
Yeah.

Timothy (30:34):
Right. Right? I would say once I picked the book back
up, I had to come to terms withhonesty. I feel like there are
other stories that we've seen ontelevision. Like, everything
rushes the actual experience.
Usually in a movie. Think aboutit. The last time, like, name
any movie that you've seensomebody and they've been

(30:56):
diagnosed with cancer, and it'salways the same thing. The
family shows up. Everybody'scrying.
There's a lot of sadness. Theyou know, everybody's trying to
rally around so and so. And thenthe next scene, they're at the
funeral. Yes. Right?
We're not even we're not eventrained to think that there's
something on the other side.

Joanne Coleman (31:17):
That there's a hope. Exactly. Yes. And I you
know yes. That there's a hope.
I think that one of the greatestgifts it gave me was a laser
sharp focus, a laser sharp focuson who I was, what what was
happening to me and and mysurroundings and my family.

(31:39):
Because we go through lifesometimes and you're like, oh
yeah, yeah, that's my that's mycousin. That's my nephew. That's
my father. That's my husband.
But we don't really, really havea sharp focus on that person and
what that person means to us.And I think that that's one of
the greatest gifts it gave me anappreciation for that.

Timothy (31:58):
Alright. Well, we're gonna take a quick break. And
when we come back, we're gonnatalk about some other really
good stuff. I'm not even gonnalet folks know what it's gonna
be. I want them to hang withbated breath until we come right
back.
Folks, thank you so much forlistening today. We'll be right
back with more with JoanneColeman right after this.

(32:19):
Check your pulse and turn offyour phone. Get ready to be
entertained. The BronxEdgeolution is back, and we've
got more youth voices,educational partnerships,
exciting global discoveries withAlexei Gingertopolis, dollar
store science experiments withdoctor Whitey Black, and tons of
ways for you to engage with usas we bring laughter and

(32:40):
knowledge right to yourdoorstep. Me and the crew
welcome you to season three ofthe Bronx Edgeolution. The new
season of the Bronx Edgeolutionis here every Monday at 04:30PM
on channel sixty seven Optimumtwenty one thirty three Files.
Welcome back everybody. It'sTimothy Stonedancer Coleman.

(33:00):
We're here with the colors ofsound. We are talking to my
auntie, Joanne Coleman. We justhad an amazing segment about her
book, One Day in May and hercancer diagnosis and the path
that she was on with really herfaith walk and her coming out on

(33:21):
the other side of thatdiagnosis.
We appreciate that you were sohonest and willing to share, you
know, how supportive uncle Ronwas for you during that period
of time. But now I wanna shiftgears just a little bit. Right?
Because life is life ishappening simultaneously. Right?

(33:42):
It it there's always somethinggoing on. And you you, you know,
accomplish one thing or you getover one thing or you move past
one thing, and then here'ssomething else to greet you, you
know, at the next doorbell ring.So talk to me a little bit
about, uncle Ron and and hisdiagnosis, and and kind of how

(34:04):
the things that were happeningto his health, how that all
played into not only the span oftime that was really honestly
still during the edge of yourrecovery time. Right? When that
first kind of settled in.
So what was going on? Whathappened like soon after that?

Joanne Coleman (34:24):
So, well, back in 02/2006, he was diagnosed
with breast cancer and he wenton a mission to spread awareness
for men's breast cancer. Andthen he had a mastectomy and he
had four rounds of chemo, whichhe tolerated very, very well. I
felt like he didn't even need myhelp with anything because there

(34:46):
was nothing I could do for him.He was totally independent. He
recovered from that and thenafter my lung cancer, well, let
me go back to 1998 because hewas diagnosed with
cardiomyopathy, which is thirtythree percent deadly, thirty
three percent paralyzing andthirty three percent maybe

(35:09):
you're going to recover.
He was the thirty three percentthat recovered. So he got over
that and then he had the cancerand so now after my diagnosis he
had DVTs blood clots in hislegs. He had knee surgery. He
had he was diagnosed in March oftwenty, I think 2021 with

(35:36):
Addison's disease, which is ahormonal and metabolic disease
that messes you up. And so youhave to be on prednisone every
day.
And then he had thyroid, athyroid problem. They had to
have thyroid surgery and then hegot breast cancer again on the
other side. So he yeah,

Timothy (35:57):
so

Joanne Coleman (35:57):
he had a biopsy. He had a lumpectomy. He had had
three or four surgeries thesummer before he passed. And so
the last one was a right sidemastectomy. They took off his
breast and he was fine.
Always, he comes out on theother side of everything like a
Superman. And so he he went backto school after Labor Day and on

(36:24):
September 6, he came home fromschool. He said, I'm really,
really tired. And I said, well,I understand that you're tired
every day. Go take your nap.
It's first day with kids. And hesaid, no. It's different. It's
my head is tired. It's a tiredhead.
And I said, well, you know, justgo take your nap and I'm going
to exercise class when I comeback. You know, we'll see what's
going on. So usually when I comeback from my exercise class

(36:49):
every afternoon, he's sitting upin the sofa and watching TV and
waiting for me to come home toask me how my workout was. So I
came home that day and he wasnot on the sofa. And I thought,
that's really weird.
He must really be tired. Thosekids must really have done
something to him. Yeah. So Iwent back to the bedroom and he
was kinda semi sleeping and hestarted to mumble a little. I

(37:10):
thought, well, you know, I justlet him sleep a little bit
longer.
He deserves it. And I went andtook a shower and I came out and
he was mouthing something to meand I thought, what what and I
started to get annoyed. I go,what are you saying? You know?
What's wrong with And he wastrying to say, how was your
workout?
But he couldn't get it out. AndI realized at that moment, okay,

(37:32):
something is wrong. You know,drop the towel, get on the
phone, I did all the signs for astroke and they were all
positive. Call 911 even while hewas motioning to me, no squad as
is just like him.

Timothy (37:47):
That would be just like him, yes.

Joanne Coleman (37:49):
The squad came. They assessed him as an active
stroke, took him to Miami ValleySouth. I called my son Matt
right away, and he and Leslieand my grandson met me at the
hospital. And they said, well,we found a blood clot in his
right carotid arteries huge andwe're going to care flight him

(38:11):
to downtown. And I thought,okay, I worked in a hospital
long enough to know that careflight is not a good word to use
when it's your family.
So we all hightailed it downtownto Miami Valley Hospital, Maine,
and he was in surgery for abouta good two and a half, three
hours. They did an intricatesurgery, which probably based on

(38:32):
what my doctor says should havekilled him. So the stroke was a
massive stroke. He had thestroke. It was a massive stroke.
And then he spent some time inneuro ICU. He spent a few days
in the step down unit. Then theysent him to the rehab center.
But his whole left side wasparalyzed. He couldn't use it.

(38:55):
He couldn't raise his arm. Hecouldn't do anything. And he had
a very flat affect. So it

Timothy (38:59):
was

Joanne Coleman (38:59):
very, sad and very heavy. And he was good for
a little bit and he went he didsome therapy, but he just
couldn't do it. He just couldn'tdo it. And the conundrum is when
you have brain damage, if yousleep, your brain is healing.
But if you sleep, you're notdoing physical therapy, so

(39:21):
you're not healing.
That was yeah. So so then, likefour days later after he was
admitted to rehab, he wanted togo back to bed and sleep, sleep,
sleep. That's all he wanted todo. And I sat by his side. He
took a nap.
When he woke up, he said, I havea really bad headache. And I

(39:43):
thought, my gosh, what's thatabout? I scrambled out to get a
nurse, a doctor, anybody. Bythat time he was writhing in
pain just holding a pillowwrithing back and forth his eye
he kept saying his eye his eyeand I went I said we have to get
a doctor in here right now andright before that doctor came in

(40:07):
he had mouthed to me I love youand he was gone. He went
unconscious.
They couldn't revive him. Sothey ambulanced him to Kettering
Hospital where he was pronouncedbrain dead from a massive bleed
that went down to his brainstem, all across his brain to
his brain stem. They showed usthe CAT scan. Was was really

(40:30):
bad. And so he was on aventilator, you know, and the
doctor said we there was nothingwe could do.
Any any intervention would havemade him worse. He said, So what
do you want to do? And I said,I'm his durable power of
attorney. What do I want to do?I know what he wouldn't want to

(40:51):
do.
He would not want to live like avegetable on a ventilator. So I
said, you know, he said, well,we can we can let him go
organically. We can't take theventilator out for forty eight
hours based on Ohio State law. Iguess that gives time for family
to come in. So they sent him tothe ICU and they said, you know,

(41:13):
he's not he's not going to makeit even a day.
Everybody came in. The familycame in. The kids flew in. We
were all there and he passedaway organically at 05:30 the
next evening. We watched hisheart rate go down.
We watched his blood pressure godown, and, you know, it was very

(41:34):
it was tough, Tim. It was very,very tough. Very tough.

Timothy (41:37):
Yeah. Mean, that's very heavy. Right? And and one of the
things that it was interestingto me about this the experience
that he went through is that hewas actually cured from cancer.
Correct?
Like, once he had that secmastectomy, like, didn't die

(41:58):
from cancer. He didn't die frombreast cancer. No. It was from
the blood clot and from the Yes.Brain bleed.
Like, it was a whole other thingthat happened.

Joanne Coleman (42:06):
Yes. Yes. They think that during the surgery
his for his mastectomy a bloodclot through and went into his
carotid artery and they couldn'tthey couldn't use a a what do
you call it? Thrombolyticbecause he was on Xarelto, which
is a thrombolytic, and that isprobably the reason why the

(42:30):
brain bleed was so massive.

Timothy (42:32):
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Wow. So that's heavy.
Right? And and yeah. No. I mean,like, and this is what this is
real life. Right?
This is this is what Yes. Thisis what happened. And so, you
know, in the aftermath and uncleRon passed away. When when was

(42:53):
this?

Joanne Coleman (42:53):
September 21, he was declared dead, but I really
feel like he passed away thetwentieth in that rehab center
when he went unconscious. Therewas no response. Not at all. Not
to pain stimuli. Nothing.
Yeah.

Timothy (43:07):
And so how does one because there's a grieving
process. Right? And and I knowthat there's there's a lady in
my building who lost her husbandnot too long ago. And, you know,
there was a period of about, Idon't know, two or three months
where I didn't see her at all.Right?
And and they're they're a littlebit older. And one day, I saw

(43:31):
her while I was walking my dogs,and, you know, she was kind of,
like, looking down at theground, and and she happened to
look up and see me. And I said,hey. It's so great to see you
outside. I'm so grateful to justsee you.
Like, how are you? How are youdoing? And she said, you know,
everybody's telling me I have tojust get over it. And I said,
well, wait a minute. Wait aminute.

(43:52):
Wait a minute. Don't need to getover it. You need to get through
it. Yes. Right?
Because Yes. You can't forgethow much your husband loved you.
You can't forget how much youguys meant to each other. And
then as a little bit of Colemanhumor, which thank god it worked
out, I said, you also can'tbelieve you can't forget how
much he used to get on yournerves. I said, so, you know,

(44:14):
and then she starts laughing andshe, you know, it brings a smile
to her face, and she was like,you know, nobody said anything
like that to me.
You know, I said, it's okay tolove and to grieve and to let
your time be your own.

Joanne Coleman (44:29):
Yeah. Because, you know, these old sayings, you
know, time heals all wounds.You'll get over it. You know,
you'll meet somebody else,whatever. First of all, half of
me was ripped apart.
So I'm not whole. I'm half rightnow. I don't know who I am. I

(44:49):
don't know who I'm going to be.I don't know what my purpose is,
and I don't know what to dowithout him.
So when half of you is rippedapart, it's like it's like you
fall into a million pieces andnone of them can fit back like a
puzzle. There's there's a piecemissing, and it's going to
disrupt the whole puzzle. Andthat's the way it is for me now.

(45:11):
So grieving is going to be mylifelong process. I, you know, I
read something where it saidgrief comes like waves of an
ocean.
You can't stop that. You have tolearn how to swim. And that's
what you have to learn to do. Ihave to learn how to swim
through these waves because if Idon't, you know, I might be like

(45:36):
your neighbor who stays in thehouse for months. I did not do
that.
I was in a numb state, a few.The first couple months, I got
things done. Lickety split,everything had to be done, had
to be done, had to be done veryyou know, logistically,
everything had to be done. Thefuneral, the bills, the
finances, the life insurance,all that. It's horrible.

(45:58):
But then after that few believesyou, the acute awareness of what
just happened to you is like thestark reality. It's like a
nightmare. You keep waking up toinstead of from.

Timothy (46:12):
And Right.

Joanne Coleman (46:13):
That's when it hits you. That's when the tears
keep flowing. That's when thememories won't stop. That's when
you look around look around thishouse and every inch of this
house is him. Everything he'sdone, everything he's, you know,
fixed, everything is him.
You know, the flowers out back,the flowers out front, the work

(46:35):
that he did in the house. Andit's hard to get away from that.
But yet I don't want to get awayfrom it.

Timothy (46:42):
Right. Right.

Joanne Coleman (46:43):
And believe it or not, and, you know, I was
talking to another widow aboutthis at my grief share group. I
feel close to him when I'mgrieving and crying. I don't
know if that makes sense to you,but it brings him alive for that
moment that I'm crying andweeping for him and missing him.

(47:04):
And I never want that to end. Sowill I get over it?
No, I will not get over it. Imight get better as my days
progress and I begin to havehope that things are going to be
okay and I get over the fear ofnow I have to do that myself.
Now there were so many secondarylosses, a million little things

(47:28):
that that pop up now that Inever even realized he did that
all. So those are the thingsthat that hold you in grief.
They kind of lock you in thatstate.
So you can't get out even if youtry. But the best you can do is
swim. That's the best you cando.

Timothy (47:48):
You don't realize. You know, in a real partnership,
there are some things that theother person naturally takes
care of that never crosses yourmind. You don't think about it.
It's like

Joanne Coleman (48:00):
Right.

Timothy (48:00):
This just happens. Right? Like, it's like magic.
Right? Like, I'm not gonna thinkabout the garbage because it's
never gonna be there anyway likeit's done.
Right? Because that's what theother person always took care
of. Right? And then all of asudden, you you come into the
kitchen, and it's like, why isthere a full thing of garbage?
Like, oh, wait a minute.
Yeah. Now I gotta do it.

Joanne Coleman (48:18):
Yes.

Timothy (48:18):
And I know that that's reducing what you're saying to,
like, something really, reallysmall, but I understand. Right.
But I understand what you'resaying in that, you know, you
stumble upon new discoveriesevery day of Yes. The things
that that were just happeningaround you and you weren't even

(48:41):
taking them for granted. This isdifferent.
Right? There are some thingsthat people just take for
granted. This is these arethings that are just a function
of a couple of a life.

Joanne Coleman (48:50):
Yes.

Timothy (48:50):
Right? This is just life function, and now all of a
sudden, it's like, okay. Wait aminute. Dude, I better go do
this. Like, wait a minute.
I gotta build this into my daynow. And what I appreciate is
that you haven't stopped. You'restill going. You're still
pushing. You're still movingforward, and you're not seeking
to get over anything.
You're seeking to go through it,and you also are with your faith

(49:15):
in that walk. You are also withgod Yes. In that walk. Yes.
Right?

Joanne Coleman (49:20):
Definitely. Are

Timothy (49:21):
people who will blame god for these types of things.
Mhmm. And that's another form ofisolation. That's your spiritual
isolation.

Joanne Coleman (49:32):
Mhmm.

Timothy (49:32):
Right? So what would you say to someone? And and even
if you wanna talk about, like,how did you get to the point
where you were okay going andjoining a group about you know,
and sit like, what is that evenabout? Like, what does that look
like?

Joanne Coleman (49:47):
So right after the his service, about a week
later, I met up with our pastorand he said, I want to sign you
up for grief share here atchurch. And I said, okay. You
know, and that was very raw atthe time. You know, he had just
passed. But I was willing to dothat because I knew I needed

(50:07):
help.
I needed I needed to be withsome other people who were going
through what I was goingthrough. My family was
fantastic. They were one theywere so supportive. But nobody
can understand what losing yourthe love of your life can mean

(50:29):
less they've lost it. And so Istarted going to grief share and
I'm actually going to bestarting my third session.
They're thirteen weeks each. I'mgoing to be starting my third
session the end of this month.It has helped me tremendously,
tremendously. It saved my life.I mean, when I tell you the
highlight of my week was goingto my grief share therapy group.

(50:53):
That's, you know, not manypeople want to say that, but
it's true. It's exactly true.And I would tell them that. I
said, look, today's thehighlight of my week. But you
get to share things that youjust can't really share with
anybody who isn't going throughit.

Timothy (51:12):
Mhmm. Mhmm.

Joanne Coleman (51:13):
So I mean I would I would recommend that to
anyone who's lost a spouse, losta child, lost a parent, whoever
you lose, you you need that. Andit's a very spiritual program.
It's Bible based, so itencourages you even more.
There's so much hopefulness init that you experience when

(51:37):
you're talking to other people.You're hearing even if you don't
want to share, you're hearingthings that you're feeling and
you're like, oh my god, yes,that's exactly the way I feel.
It's been it's been lifesavingfor me.

Timothy (51:52):
That's that's amazing. I there's a power in in removal
of the feeling of isolation.

Joanne Coleman (52:00):
Yes. Yes.

Timothy (52:01):
And I think when we lean into isolating ourselves
off from the world and frompeople that we love or people
who care about us or, you know,positivity in general, And when
we isolate ourselves from that,experience

Joanne Coleman (52:19):
Yeah.

Timothy (52:20):
It allows darkness to multiply. Yes. Absolutely. In
the absence of light, thatdarkness is growing and growing
and growing, and you're runningyour mind in a million
decathalons, you know Yeah. Allspinning and spiraling.
Yes. But the minute you piercethrough that with just a little

(52:40):
bit of light, a little bit ofopening yourself up just enough
to even be in the room.

Joanne Coleman (52:46):
Yeah. Yeah.

Timothy (52:48):
Right? Like like you're saying, like, even if you don't
wanna talk, you're hearing otherpeople Yes. That you don't even
know. Yeah.

Joanne Coleman (52:55):
Yeah. Exactly. Right. You're you're you're
gleaning some knowledge andwisdom from another person who's
going through the same thingthat you might have not even
thought about. You know?
You know, I'll tell you whatreally is helping me, writing.
I'm writing every day. I'mwriting poetry because I know I

(53:15):
I sent you my poetry of thepoetry of grief manuscript, and
I'm working still working onthat. That has given me such
feeling of release, I guess, isthe word for it because all
those things I'm thinking in myhead I'm putting down on paper.

(53:37):
And you know I write to himevery day about you know things
that are happening, how I feel,you know how I miss him and
believe me Tim, I will besobbing writing these things.
There will be tears on my paperbecause and when I reread them,
I'm sobbing because I can'tbelieve that I'm in this

(53:58):
situation. I can't believe thatgod put me here, but he put me
here for a reason that I dobelieve. And I'm I'm struggling
to know what that reason is,but, you know, this is what they
say. You know, like the song, Iwill serve you while I wait. And
so while I'm waiting for him totell me, I wanna help other

(54:19):
people.
I want to further Ron's legacyof helping other people because
that's what he did best. That'swhat he did best.

Timothy (54:28):
Listen. There's it's so there's a double whammy. Right?
Because there is uncle Ron'slegacy and and there is, you
know, that Coleman thing ofbeing a servant of the community
and and of, you know, wantingthe best for other people and
being there to mentor otherfolks and, you know, sharing the
things that you've learned in away that is impactful to each

(54:50):
individual and the whole kind ofsimultaneously. But then there's
also your own legacy, and andthat is one of the things that I
wanted to make sure that we thatwe speak about before we end
this interview Yeah.
Is that your own legacy of whatyou went through is so extremely

(55:14):
the depth of it. Right? Thatfaith walk and that moment by
moment, you know, there'sthere's a misconception in my
this is completely my ownopinion, but I believe that
there's a misconception thatwhen you believe in god, when
you have faith, that no matterwhat happens, you're just like,

(55:37):
okay. Well, everything's gonnawork out. Mhmm.
There are so many things betweenI love you, lord, and it's gonna
work out.

Joanne Coleman (55:45):
If there's a question why why?

Timothy (55:49):
Yes. Yes. Yes. All of humanity is between Yes. The the
ends of that spectrum.

Joanne Coleman (55:55):
The puzzles puzzles of your life are between
those those two things. Yes.Out, you know, walking through
it is very, very hard andchallenging. And, you know, at
church this morning, they weretalking about first Peter four
and suffering. How suffering iswhat we were meant to do because

(56:17):
Christ suffered for us.
Know, here's my testimony, buthe was with me every step of the
way. You know, here's the thing.Somebody said in grief share,
well, you know, why doesn't Godanswer our prayers? And I got to
thinking about that and I camehome and I thought, let me write
down how many times he answeredmy prayers that I didn't even

(56:38):
know were answered at the time.And I had a list of things, a
list of things.
So, you know, some people getangry at god. I've never been
angry at god. I remember youruncle Ron on his deathbed
saying, I never asked god why. Ithank god I'm still alive.
That's the way he was.

(56:59):
Wow. That's the way he was.Yeah. Wow.

Timothy (57:02):
It's such a easy fallback to to get angry Yes. To
lean into your anger, to giveyourself more reasons to be
angry. Right. Permission to beangry. Yes.
Mhmm. Right. Permission to beangry. But I think it's
revolutionary to give yourselfpermission to grieve

Joanne Coleman (57:26):
Mhmm.

Timothy (57:26):
To still love Mhmm. To still appreciate, to still keep
going. Like, every day takingthat one step. If all you can
accomplish is one thing todayYes. It's the one thing you
needed to accomplish today.

Joanne Coleman (57:43):
Right. Right. That's what was meant to happen.
Yeah. I do that every day.
I said, okay. I did that. Youknow? I took the car to get
washed. I never did that before,but, hey.
That's great. You know?

Timothy (57:54):
You celebrate those small moments because from and
and what I'm receiving from youis because in the celebration of
those small moments, you areslowly rebuilding and rebuilding
and rebuilding and rebuilding,and you are still becoming the
person you were meant to bewithout knowing all of these
other things were gonna happenin your life. Yes. Because your

(58:15):
journey is millions and millionsand millions of people who don't
have a voice or feel like theydon't have a voice. It's their
journey too.

Joanne Coleman (58:25):
Saying that. Thank you. Thank you for saying
that. I

Timothy (58:28):
appreciate it. I appreciate you so much. Thank
you for what you're pushing outinto the world, and I know that,
you know, maybe if you had yourchoice, you'd you'd be writing
different things and take adifferent set of experiences.
Right?

Joanne Coleman (58:43):
Well, he's given me a lot of material for sure.

Timothy (58:46):
Amen. You know,

Joanne Coleman (58:49):
they say that when your loved one dies, you
embellish their characteristics.Like, oh, yeah. He wasn't really
like that. But I could tell youhonestly and I'm sure you know,
he was just like that.

Timothy (59:03):
What I what I hope people latch onto, what I hope
that they hold onto are all ofthe the yummy nuggets that you
are sharing that are seeds thatif people will just give a
little bit of sunshine to theseed, they're gonna grow and
they're gonna manifest, and andthey're gonna create a pathway

(59:26):
for people to get out ofwherever they are.

Joanne Coleman (59:29):
Mhmm. Yes. I hope so.

Timothy (59:32):
Thank you. And thank you so much for being here with
us on this episode.

Joanne Coleman (59:38):
Thank you. God bless you, Tim.

Timothy (59:40):
WDON twelve o four dot com. Community focused, globally
connected. Find us online atColeman
Global.